Posting mode: Reply
Password(Password used for file deletion)
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG
  • Maximum file size allowed is 3072 KB.
  • Images greater than 250x250 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • Read the rules and FAQ before posting.
  • ????????? - ??

  • File : 1305737451.jpg-(125 KB, 500x418, happy.jpg)
    125 KB IRL Adeptus Mechanicus Thread. Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)12:50 No.14969510  
    Greentext IRL Admech situations, go.

    > Be in dollar store.
    > Someone decides to pay with a paper check instead of cash or card.
    > Checking machine does not wish to function for her for some reason. She inserts check, it does not accept check (but the check is valid).
    > Spend 5 minutes watching clerk struggle with it, repeatedly trying to jam the paper into it.
    > Line is getting long.
    > "May I? I'm sure I know what the problem is here."
    > She let's me handle the machine for a moment. I spend a full minute murmuring the 'Canticle of Appeasement' as I carefully open it up.
    > Whip out some WD-40, apply to the moving parts.
    >End with Catechism of the Machine.
    > Carefully shut it.
    >She slides in the check. Success!
    > She looks at me: Areyouapagan.jpg (Conservative Christian town, lol)
    > MFW I say "Nope. I just believe in the Machine-God."
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:07 No.14969633
         File1305738430.png-(1.08 MB, 1000x1093, anaxetogrind.png)
    1.08 MB
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:08 No.14969637
         File1305738484.jpg-(142 KB, 752x1063, Ecanus_by_BrotherOstavia.jpg)
    142 KB
    >Fork-lift won't start
    >Everyone tries everything they can think of.
    >'Lord of the Machine, we beg of you, look favorably upon your wayward child. Whisper into it's machine-spirit and breath you holy half-life into it's metal form. Forgive it for the twin sins of deviation from it's true purpose and unwanted idleness and allow it once more to exist in blessed functionality'.
    >They look at me like WTF?
    >I start the machine
    >No one needs to know I cleaned the diesel filter.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:08 No.14969645
    I fixed a broken laptop with about 1.5 metres of duct tape, but I think that's more likely to be tech-heresy.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:09 No.14969649
    Why did you not purge the hereteks, OP? Shame on you!
    >> Engineer Guy 05/18/11(Wed)13:12 No.14969679
    >Go to work in AdMech costume, leaving for LARP afterward
    >Office servers are fucked up
    >Can't access my files, ARGH
    >Go to server room, and call a bunch of interns
    >Have them all chant while I fix the servers
    >Boss walks in
    >"Are you starting a cult?"
    >Yes, Praise the Machine God
    >"Ok, just checking."
    >> Snapper Carr 05/18/11(Wed)13:14 No.14969700
    I think I'm a heretek, /tg/. I believe that computers fall in love with me. My last computer had a completely burned out motherboard but would still turn on for me (and ONLY me) and still sort of work. Sometimes my computer gets bitchy when I turn it on and then leave to do something else that it doesn't load up so I have to restart it and sit with it while it starts up.
    >> Ted, the Patient Hunter 05/18/11(Wed)13:15 No.14969708
    rolled 56 = 56

    Every day I get into my truck, turn the key, and after a few chugs, I give a good WAAAUGH, and it finally turns over.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:16 No.14969720
    pfthahahahaha. interns really will do anything, huh?
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:17 No.14969724
         File1305739020.jpg-(180 KB, 900x546, Firebase_Issue_8_Cover_by_warp(...).jpg)
    180 KB
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:17 No.14969725
    Well, kind of related, my car got a red paint job two weeks ago.
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 05/18/11(Wed)13:18 No.14969742
    So it will go faster, now, right?
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:19 No.14969751
    Is there such a thing as an anti-techpriest? I swear, machine spirits hate me and take any opportunity they can to stop functioning around mee.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:21 No.14969777
    Looks like you've got the Gremlins.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:22 No.14969784
    The Omnisiah has forsaken this one! Purge his soul, that the Machine Spirits might be pleased!
    >> Engineer Guy 05/18/11(Wed)13:23 No.14969801
    Depends on how long they've been at the company. When they start out, they're all happy and go-lucky, and will kill each other for a chance to do anything. Then they slowly lose their enthusiasm, and stop doing what you tell them, and bringing you coffee to try and make you not have them steal all the sandwiches from accounting. And then they go back to being desperate towards the end, and wash your car or whatever. I mostly just ignore them, unless the guys under me start abusing their power. Then I have to file reports and crap.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:24 No.14969811
    Yes sir!

    Oh and i should totally buy that book with the 7 pages of litanies, maybe drop a few copies of the pages with maintenace litanies and prayers in our IT department, what's the name again? Guardsmen's something.. infantry.... Gah.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:25 No.14969817

    Had about the same, just with some of the new guys at the store I work at.

    >Cargo lift refuses to work
    >Two guys think it's stuck, try to move it with CRAWBAWR
    >I take a look
    >Notice that the brake is on
    >Bump the other new guy that just joined this now four man group who I know is another 40k player
    >"Oh holy machine spirit! Please hear us and accept our prayers! We humble ones wish to heal this stricken apperatus, please grant us your blessing!"
    >While preforming loosen brake
    >Lift comes loose
    >Both CRAWBAWR guys look at us
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:25 No.14969823
         File1305739544.jpg-(6 KB, 200x119, 200px-TDS_hammergod.jpg)
    6 KB
    Not really AdMech, but Hammerite from the Thief series.

    >Pissed out of my circuits at a houseparty.

    >The recumbent spirits in a *table-upon-top-of* computational device refuse to recombine.

    >Every taffer and ludd try and fail to appease holy spirits.

    >Naturally I begin the Sacrid Mechanical Rites of Exorcism
    >"Builder guide me from the dark to the light. Fire of the forge, water of the Chalice. Hammer of the God".

    >"Yeah I don't think that's going to wor. . ."


    >Ancient computer suddenly and expectantly spins into life.


    Therefore the iron God is the one true god (or my shenanigans caused a large dustbunny to become dislodged from the cpu fan).
    >> Engineer Guy 05/18/11(Wed)13:26 No.14969828

    I wonder if I could get them to all dress up like techpriests...

    I could take pictures!
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:27 No.14969836
    I was reading the Rogue trader core rulebook, and it gives your spaceship a machine spirit quirk.

    So wait...the machine spirit actually exists? I thought it was just the Imperium being morons...
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:29 No.14969850
         File1305739773.png-(842 KB, 975x749, 1304898339028.png)
    842 KB

    I hate the Summer.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:29 No.14969852
    rolled 40 = 40


    You're in the wrong thread, boy.

    All seriousness though, yes, it does, somehow. Given the state of 40k as a setting, it's not much of a stretch.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:30 No.14969856
    You'd think that, but the problem is that what the Mechanicus does actually works sometimes. So it makes you think.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:30 No.14969867
    >Journalism class
    >Printing layout proofs; clunky 90's-era printer takes several minutes to warm up
    >Frustration from everyone as it erratically spits out the wrong size of paper, misformats things,
    >My layout comes up in queue
    >Mutter "grant me your graces, o spirit" or something to that effect
    >Pat casing fondly
    >perfect format, perfect paper size
    >"Good machine spirit. Good boy."
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:30 No.14969868
         File1305739845.jpg-(153 KB, 480x546, Admech consider.jpg)
    153 KB
    The machine spirit is actually low leve AI or something like that.

    Also,bump for more IRL AdMech stories.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:31 No.14969872
    > Work in a retirement home
    > TV breaks every other day
    > The mechanic usually has to open the tv and fix the circuits
    > I normally just put my hand onto it, whisper the Rite of Awakening
    > TV turns on and doesn't break for a week
    > I'm on vacation, boss calls me to come back in to fix the TV
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:31 No.14969878

    A little bit of column A, a little bit of column B.

    Really, it's up to you. There's enough evidence in the fluff to support pretty much any theory about Machine Spirits. Techpriests aren't really stupid though. Weird, yes, but not really stupid.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:31 No.14969881
         File1305739908.jpg-(19 KB, 348x355, do_it_faggot_2.jpg)
    19 KB
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:33 No.14969892
    No, they actually exist in most machinery, especially things as big as spaceships. They are various forms of AI, and much of it is leftover from the Golden Age of Technology where they just mimic the building processes in the STCs without knowing that they are constructing AI in the programming.

    It can be something that really has a mind, like the Machine Spirit of a Titan, or a simple program that moderates the air conditioning in a Hab block, but they are there, in one form or another. We wouldn't call them machine spirits today, but you can't blame the Imperium for doing it.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:35 No.14969910
    >>The machine spirit is actually low level AI or something like that.
    Or maybe it's actual spirits of the machine, like Shinto gods. Or maybe it's complete bull shite like people say. It's a big grey area in the canon.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:36 No.14969922
    The same could be said for anything that isn't explicitly said.

    And a lot that is, truth be told.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:37 No.14969926
    Pretty much everything in WH40k can be summed up as such. Especially the orks. Everyone is an idiot and their idiocy is right.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:39 No.14969953
    40k runs on Belief. and there are trillions of superstitious humans who are convinced that their devices are both alive, and probably angry with them. They might have started as low level AI but I think all the belief has made them act more like Machine Spirits as well. That's why it takes maintenance as well as chanting and incense to appease them.

    I mean if you play Dark Heresy an Admech can unjam a gun from across the room by praying at it.
    >> CommanderBolgrum !!0stpCG36aVN 05/18/11(Wed)13:39 No.14969954
    From what I understand the Machine Spirits are almost like very basic AI that are pretty much just basic animal like desires. Depending on what kind of ship varies the kind of Machine Spirit.
    A Titan might be blood thirsty, and have a strong desire for power. A cargo vessel may be protective and solemn. Who knows?
    >At party where I don't know anyone.
    >Computer being used to play music suddenly shuts off
    >Put my hands on it attempt to appease the machine spirit.
    >Really just use my foot to push the loose plug back in that some drunken guy tripped on.
    >Drunken people look at me like I'm magic.
    >Shitty boring party turned pretty cool.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)13:45 No.14970002
    The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)14:25 No.14970359
    There isn't much admech-y prayers in the Damocles gulf edition, and I cant seem to find the original. Any other books or references I can grab admech prayers/rites/litanies?
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)14:33 No.14970425
         File1305743595.jpg-(619 KB, 1441x1077, 1305248664335.jpg)
    619 KB
    >Computer Locks up
    >I caress her lovingly
    >whisper to her gently "you must endure"
    >she starts humming
    >everything continues as normal
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)14:34 No.14970430
         File1305743641.jpg-(24 KB, 500x333, ohmagawd.jpg)
    24 KB
    >Classmate's laptop isn't switching on
    >I place my hand on it
    >Switches on
    >her face when
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)14:51 No.14970576
    bump in the name of Mars!
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)14:55 No.14970610
    does anyone els here feel empathy for inanimate objects? my lamps neck broke and I ended up gently petting it for and hour. It gave me so many hours of service I couldn't throw it out
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)14:56 No.14970621
    on that note, how do the admech feel about electricity? what is their under standing of it?
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)14:57 No.14970636

    They feel about electricity the same way most modern phyisicsts feel about electricity. It is a natural phenomena that can be harnessed for Man's end and merits investigation.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)14:58 No.14970646
    It is the blood that flows through the copper and gold veins of the machines, God's true children.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)14:59 No.14970651
    I don't go that far, but I do try to fix stuff rather than throwing it away when it breaks.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:00 No.14970660
    I've only ever owned one lamp.
    When I bought it for 5 bucks at a yard sale, it's base was un-set (wood glue had . . .well . . . stopped being glue-y) and it's wide brimmed shade had paches missing from the underside, so that at a glance it still looked whole but if you looked carefully you could see patches missing.

    Anyway, that lamp served 3 years in one apartment, 2 years in one house, 1 year in a diff house, and another 6 months in a diff apartment before I had to retire it.
    During it's service I reglued it's base twice and painted the under side of the shade to cover up the patchiness. I also had to buy new electrical cord for the inside as I discovered someone had tampered with the lamp long ago and left a sharp piece of metal in the tube that slowly cut through the wire.

    But then I had to move across the country and fit my entire life into the back of one car. The beat up, dirty, thrice overhauled lamp was left on the curb with a busted up desk and funky ass old pillow.
    >I still feel guilty about this 8 months later
    >> Hank Pym !!A0/lWspso1i 05/18/11(Wed)15:01 No.14970668
    Is it made of metal?! No?! IT IS WEAK!

    Or that electricity is the result of the machine spirits performing their duties. Or they are aware that it is something that happens, and when it happens to other stuff, that stuff works.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:03 No.14970688
    The Admech often operates on BlackBox tech; they have no idea how it works, they just assemble it. Plus, they use bio-computing, so there are little chunks of animal brain tissue in a lot of computers.

    I always sort of figured that they were like Apeture, sticking simple AIs into things that don't really need them, like the Turret's Empathy Generator (and attatched to it, a small Empathy Supressor).

    Basically, Machine Spirits don't "calculate" the way a normal program does; it's a hard-wired bundle of instincts that thinks the way an animal does. They "feel." They're very good at their particular task, but have to be babied and placated sometimes, and can also be persuaded. They're also incapable of...self-adding, or whatever it is that happens when super-AI start making themselves smarter.

    Plus, people make machines. And the arrangement of physical objects can invoke/influence the warp. If all those little molecular machines in a living cell can make a ripple in the Warp, then nothing stops a gun from doing so as well. Plus, people project beleifs onto their creations, so you get lots of effects like Jaheed's old rifle Judy. or Dust, from His Dark Materials.

    So, this combo of animalistic psudo-AI, ignorance about tech, inefficient manufacturing, and the wonkyness of The Warp and human belief means that the common "machine spirit" belief is pretty consistent with how imperial tech functions.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:04 No.14970693

    Could it maybe be that the prayers and chants the mechanicus sing to machines really IS some old command for reset, and the AIs just pick out the words in there that make sense and piece together what their user wants?

    I mean, the candles and insence probably confuse them a bit, but the words are there.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:05 No.14970702
    its the machine gods wrath when they put a finger where it does not belong

    Your a monster, if i did that the lamp would haunt my dreams
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:07 No.14970715
    The AdMech understand a lot more about their technology and science than you give them credit for. Their knowledge is intertwined with ritual and dogma because the 40K universe is insane and has daemons that corrupt technology and all sortsa shit, and also probably actual machine spirits to greater or lesser extents. The point is, chanting at things and slapping their dicks on computers isn't all they do, it's just the only thing that most of the Imperium understands about what they do.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:10 No.14970743
         File1305745822.jpg-(431 KB, 800x600, 1294165134608.jpg)
    431 KB

    Pic very related.

    According to fluffykins: The Imperium seem to have their shit together when it comes to generators, (ie the Imperial Guard's standard issue ammunition is a power-pack, thousands of infantry units supplied by a few massive mobile generators who charge scores of battery trailers, the trailers are towed to the front where the grunts can plug in their power packs. . .actually some of the least fantastical bullshit GW has come up with).

    Would reference the fluff but then I'd have to get up and that would wake my cat.

    >Imperial Guard codex, and 'Fifteen Hours' I think.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:11 No.14970747

    The prayers for appeasing the machine spirits most likely involve turning the thing off and on again, re-filling the oil, blowing some air through the fans, giving them a good hard smack for luck and anything else that might fix the most common technical problems. That way, the junior adepts don't need to know how things work, they can just go through the prayers, and by the end, they'll probably have done whatever was needed to fix the problem, along with a bunch of other stuff that wasn't necessary this time. If it still doesn't work, you can call for the senior adepts, who actually know about electricity and such arcane matters.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:12 No.14970756
    A lot of their higher end tech is black-box stuff, but people often act like they don't even have any understanding of modern high-school physics. Which is fucking ridiculous. Even their black box stuff is along the lines of "we don't know HOW this thing works but we know what it does, and we use it in combination with other things to achieve our intended effect", and you better believe they have an extremely good grounding in basic physical principles.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:12 No.14970760
    Look up that experiment with the pidgeons and the random food dispenser. they started rain dancing.

    or just look at any old person trying to use their buggy old computer. they have all sorts of absurd little rituals and never bother to look for better solutions. like right-clicking, the search bar. highlighting. tabbed browsing. They have no concept of "minimizing,"
    and think that installing a single program to a computer (like VLC media player) somehow magically slows it down or gives it viruses.

    My parents complained when I used their computer, saying i made the screen smaller. I had no idea what they were talking about, until I realized that I had been browsing in a not-fullscreened window. they had no idea how to put a browser back to fullscreen, assumed that I had somehow altered their settings.

    So yes, that's what Admech rites are. They recite the chant of activation, a 3-hour ritual involving anointing with oil, candles, prayers, and culminates with pressing three buttons on the machine in a precise pattern and order.

    One of those buttons is the "On" switch. the other two are volume controls.

    No one is willing to try just pressing the button, because they have no concept that the button press was all that was necessary. And even if they did, they'd be terrified of displeasing the machine spirit and never getting the damn thing to work again, ever.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:15 No.14970772
    But Imperium tech is absurdly advanced to such a degree that high-school physics is inadequate to understand it. micro-flex crystals and nano-fibers and whatnot.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:15 No.14970778
         File1305746133.jpg-(3 KB, 108x126, 1305734373724.jpg)
    3 KB

    . . .see.

    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:17 No.14970791
    . . . see

    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:18 No.14970802
    archived on sup/tg/

    I sadly do not have any stories of admech prayers - but if I get that job at microsoft... I'll at least put up a poster in my cubicle :3
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:19 No.14970804
    On top of that, the Adeptus Mechanicus also grew out of people trying to keep vital life support machinery going long after the society that made it had collapsed, and all warranty documents had turned into dust. Under such circumstances any form of experimentation, such as not pressing all three buttons, becomes potentially lethal for the entire community, and as such not terribly popular.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:20 No.14970814

    No no, I know all of that stuff.

    I just meant, if some of them are AIs, could it be that the chanting is what actually does the work sometimes.

    The answer is, of course its possible. I'm just being a bit derpy today.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:23 No.14970840
    Why do people have such a hard time accepting the notion that machine spirits are real?

    I mean, 40k has star gods up the whazzoo, it's a universe where hitting each other with swords is still a viable military tactic, and it has a cavalier relationship to the laws of physics at the best of times. We accept all of that with nary a blink, so why is ensoul machinery such a stretch?
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:24 No.14970843
    Oh god I cannot stop giggling like a retard whenever I read this. I can just imagine your boss as an balding aging 50-something old blood who cannot into technology and knows you are his only pray for a productive work day. Then he walks into you in full tech priest get up and violating several religious workplace laws by making the interns provide backup vocals all the while you are balls deep in system windows.

    He knows the entire situation is out of his hands and only asks to appease his depressed sadden curiouscity. He is fed up with life, you, the whole damn company and this was just another example of how far along he has slipped out of the progressive scene.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:46 No.14971019
    >making the interns provide backup vocals all the while you are balls deep in system windows

    Make them chant in Latin and you've got the AdMech version of a final boss. Or the creepiest tech-related scene to wander in on.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)15:54 No.14971084
    >Recently replaced my old laptop after its motherboard finally crapped out on me
    >Newly christened "Secundus" works well for the first week
    >Then start freezing up for no reason
    >"Oh fuck no, don't you dare die on me too I CAN'T TAKE LOSING ANOTHER ONE!"
    >Restart computer
    >works fine from then on

    It just needed to know I cared, apparently.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)16:02 No.14971154
    /tg/, I've only dabbled in reading your threads. However, I too recognize this patron and speak to all of my machines. My car works superb, even turns off the check engine light, my microwave is way past warranty, and I have managed to get computers that think 700mb is a large hard drive working again. I love when someone tells me that a computer doesn't work and they can't get it to do something, but as soon as I look at the computer, the error no longer appears.

    So, yes, this patron exists, and I'm thankful for it every day.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)16:06 No.14971192
    This is my laptop. I've replaced the hardware twice and the OS 3 times, but it's still the same laptop.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)16:10 No.14971216

    I was originally just going to replace the motherboard, but between the service cost and the cost of ordering the replacement parts in the first place, I just went "FUCK IT" and got a whole new laptop.

    My old one was about three years out of date anyways. I felt bad about replacing something that I'd had around through good and bad times for about five years, but alas, time moves on and Primus had more than earned his rest.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)16:44 No.14971524
    II know what you mean. I can often get tech to work without really knowing what it is I am doing and can fix things when the break without really knowing what i am doing. But not printers, fuck those devil machines.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)16:49 No.14971575
         File1305751790.jpg-(21 KB, 491x482, 1305232292723.jpg)
    21 KB
    Just a moment ago
    >dishwasher acts strange, desn't want to start washing cycle
    >reset, restart
    >reset, restart
    >sit in front of it, meditate for a moment
    >restart while resetting
    >starts like nothing happend
    I've calmed down the machine-spirit!
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)16:51 No.14971589
    >Sometimes my computer gets bitchy when I turn it on and then leave to do something else that it doesn't load up so I have to restart it and sit with it while it starts up.

    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:04 No.14971694
    >Got New Laptop
    >Doesn't start
    >Turn off and back on
    >Doesn't start
    >Turn off and on again
    >Still won't start
    >Chant Litany of Awakening while striking on-button
    >Starts and works fine to this day
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:13 No.14971759
    Sounds like autism, no joke. One of the symptoms is heavily imprinting yourself on inanimate objects and regarding them as living things.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:18 No.14971804
         File1305753510.gif-(460 KB, 360x240, justanotherdayonss13.gif)
    460 KB
    Let me tell you the tale of Primo Maximus

    In 2006 I bought a computer from Circuit city, I wasn't that knowledable of computers at the time other then knowing I wanted a video card and loadsa ram and harddrive space.

    That computer lasted until last Christmas, it was beaten, the power would constantly go out and overwhelm the old power protector, the files would be corrupted, the hardware would die, virus's would nest and trogans would come.

    Yet she endured. time and time again, when my friend spilled purple drink all over the side into the vents

    she endured

    when the fan broke and she actually caught fire because she had not be cleaned inside for 5 years

    she endured

    I came to love her, love her so much. She was always there for me, she never left me, I would often pet her and whisper praise to her when she would have trouble starting.

    She was finally laid to rest when a giant thunderstorm rolled in. It hit the transformed outside my house. It killed her, her insides were fried.

    I held her in my arms and cried. Saddest day of my life.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:18 No.14971810
    If I had autism I would know by now, besides I don't think they are alive in any sense I just feel bad for them after all the time they served me.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:19 No.14971820
    >I can often get tech to work without really knowing what it is I am doing and can fix things when the break without really knowing what i am doing.

    same, people are always surprised when I can get things to work by just taking them apart and putting them back together.

    for example the other day someone on my art course managed to mess up a sewing machine they were using, and no-one else has any idea how to fix the problem and leaves it in the corner still broken. Now I needed to use it so all I did was open the panel that seemed appropriate (using my limited knowledge of how they work, and took bits out until I found the huge knot of thread that was preventing it from working, then just slotted it all back together.

    some people are just too afraid to pull things apart to find the problem.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:22 No.14971845
    It's probably a good dose of that, but you're missing an important piece of fluff:

    On Mars, the AdMech spend every single nanosecond of every single day of every single century fighting a supernatural demonic influence that has corrupted the artificial intelligences of the core of the planet and bends reality itself around. And to prevent this from happening in other places, they do what must be done by every sentient race in the entire galaxy: they appease the Warp and keep from being noticed as much as possible by outside influences. When they appease a machine spirit, it's one part maintenance, one part animal handling, and one part exorcism. Every time. The incense isn't just tacked on, it's wholly necessary to keep the Machine God's dark aspect from invading and slaughtering all the humans everywhere.
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 05/18/11(Wed)17:24 No.14971866
    [citation needed]
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:25 No.14971873
    I'm calling bullshit, there's no fucking way Mars has a c'tan AND a warp-borne possessing agent both simultaneously corruptin' everything.
    >> Snapper Carr 05/18/11(Wed)17:27 No.14971886
    Shit is so fucking weird, man. So fucking weird.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:28 No.14971896
    I think it was in a game book, looking through collection to find a page. In the mean time, try googling up some WH40K fluff on Mars.
    >> Deathleaper's Fangirl !!YD/t8+iuFvd 05/18/11(Wed)17:30 No.14971913
    The post you're linking to is an exaggeration, but there is a hell of a lot of tainted technology and corrupted data lurking in Mars' bowels. During the Great Crusade, the Mechanicus stored a lot of stuff they deemed too dangerous to handle below the surface of Mars. Horus' agents within the Mechanicus unlocked several vaults and threw in some chaos nastiness for good measure, and not all of it was destroyed or imprisoned during the civil war on Mars. It's covered in the Horus Heresy book 'Mechanicum'.
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 05/18/11(Wed)17:31 No.14971916
    Lexicanum says nothing about an AI fucking Mars' shit up. It says quite the opposite: every century the Archmagi push a little farther into the great libraries and underground labs that they used to use before the Strife Age.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:34 No.14971936
    Very true. Mars is not a paradise in 40k. Considering that Mars is the head of the Adeptus Mechanicus, and all techpriests are trained by the Martian priests, is it really so hard to see how those rites are passed around across the whole galaxy, even to places where they are not needed like they are on Mars?

    But ask yourself this. If there was even a small chance of some sort of Warp influence on your planet, which might corrupt machines (its fucking 40k, there is more than a small chance) wouldn't you want your Techpriest to take the time and effort to go through the whole ritual to make sure that the daemons don't rape you? Waste some extra time now to save my life later - I'm all ok with that idea. Better safe than sorry in the grimdark universe of 40k.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:36 No.14971954
    Right, exactly. If you're just pressing those on buttons willy nilly, you're going to eventually come across a time when, oops, it's a chaos-corrupted sound card! If only you'd sprayed some holy smoke into the speaker vents and pressed the volume buttons in the correct order like the Rite of Activation told you to do, we wouldn't all be deaf and bleeding from the eyes right now.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:37 No.14971956
    >implying that they don't take many casualties on their expeditions into the unknown bowels of Mars where they meat all kinds of hostile AI, deadly machines, and chaos tainted leftovers from the Horus Heresy.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:39 No.14971975
    Dark Heresy rule book, Creatures Anathema, page 29, Schismaticals of the Deep Infotombs. It has all you'll need on this subject, and some damn good fluff too.
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 05/18/11(Wed)17:39 No.14971976
    Oh, they do take casualties, all the time, but they are making progress. They've found a bunch of STC patterns down there, AFTER the Great Crusade.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:40 No.14971982
    consider also that organic entities are a topical example of nano-machinery in practice, all things have a reflection in the warp, it is not unreasonable at all to ken the machine spirit.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:50 No.14972049
    have you guys never seen a chaos land raider?
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:52 No.14972057
    Yet nothing organic can match the nano-plague of the Blood-tide.

    It takes one functional unit. it multiplies. It infects the bloodstream of everyone on a planet. The command word is sent.

    Everyone on the planet is now bleeding from every orifice.

    More than one planet was infected. The body count was into the trillions.

    And it had a suicidal A.I. as a governing program.

    So much heresy.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:54 No.14972079
    >Work IT for college
    >Imaging computer lab with co-workers
    >Errors, errors everywhere.
    >Check Altiris, settings fine, adjust distribution.
    >Hover mouse over the "ok" button.
    >Whisper Rite of Awakening. Click Ok.
    >Hold hands up, simultaneous imaging of all computers at once.

    I did a lot of that shit. When assembling my buddy's computer, I would whisper the Rite and then turn it on, shit worked every time. It's become something of a ritual for me whenever I do anything with computers.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)17:57 No.14972113
         File1305755879.png-(246 KB, 507x822, 515410 - SkeeNLangly Techpries(...).png)
    246 KB

    Ans so the Mechanicus is born.

    If any of your decendants feel like emigrating to mars in the next couple of centuries please encourage them.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)18:02 No.14972145
         File1305756165.png-(186 KB, 1000x1000, Grey Knights.png)
    186 KB
    And all it took to finally beat it was some lady-scented body wash.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)18:06 No.14972189
    >have you guys never seen a chaos land raider?

    I know they run on cocaine
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)18:40 No.14972472
    Can someone type up a few prayers for me?
    >> TraditionalDraconian !!oOBd7ADelbg 05/18/11(Wed)18:55 No.14972607
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)18:56 No.14972620
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)18:58 No.14972642
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 05/18/11(Wed)18:58 No.14972643
    omnissiah bless the gears of the humble machine
    deliver unto its cogs your divine light
    never let the machine spirit's sight fade and dim
    permit me, your servant, this mercy
    ave mechanicus"

    i just whipped it up, i don't know of any official prayers
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)19:01 No.14972661
    Rite of Activation:

    [For activating a machine, and therefore contacting it’s machine spirit]

    Initiating activation sequence, aktiva cons sequentia. Librius machina auroris dei. Contact established with machine spirit of “[type]” [object], designate [designation]. Praise to the Machine God.

    Invocation of surveyors:

    [For surveying an area]

    Ignis optika carta mond. Invoking surveyor sweep over target area. Calculating... [repeat until calculated]. Targets present/absent [If present: single/multiple, designation “[type]”[object]/unknown]

    Rite of Awakening:

    Deus Mechanicus. [Prescribed hand movement] Anima Mechanica, exsuscitare. [Turn on power]

    Rite of Apologetic Obeisance:

    Blessed machine, a thousand pardons for my unworthy hands. Deus in Machina.

    Rite of Entry to control centre:

    Blessed machine, I abjure thee to grant your unworthy servant entry to your holy sanctum, to your beating heart.
    These are some i use...
    >> An Experienced DM 05/18/11(Wed)19:10 No.14972740
         File1305760255.png-(185 KB, 480x502, admech.png)
    185 KB
    Building a buddie's PC, now called Durh Bison ('cause it's hueg and took two days to get working properly)
    After two days of it spewing out new errors every time I get a correct set up I mutter the Rite of Installation and press the on switch. Git starts working with imediate effect. OS installation goes fine. Works to this day.
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)19:22 No.14972850
    >Ding some soldering
    >last 5 joints are horrible and need to be reworked
    >fuck this iron, time to get another
    >accidentally touch the tip of my iron with my finger
    >hurts like hell
    >shout "PRAISE THE OMNISSIAH" on top of my lungs
    >"Thank you machine spirit for helping me purge weakness of my flesh!"
    >Unplug the iron
    >let it cool down
    >kiss it
    >turn it back on
    >haven't had a bad joint in last 8 months
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)19:48 No.14973059
    you iron your weed?
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)20:57 No.14973654
    thread must live!
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)21:53 No.14974255
         File1305770016.jpg-(38 KB, 252x252, heresy_faceuptoit.jpg)
    38 KB
    > Be in church
    > Fart so loudly the Devil probably heard it
    > Start screaming Catechism of the Machine
    > Burned for heresy
    > mfw
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 05/18/11(Wed)22:08 No.14974409
    Is that one of those centrifuge machines they use to toughen up pilots?
    >> Anonymous 05/18/11(Wed)23:22 No.14975161
         File1305775378.jpg-(48 KB, 251x251, AdviceTech2.jpg)
    48 KB

    Delete Post [File Only]
    Style [Yotsuba | Yotsuba B | Futaba | Burichan]