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    98 KB Dark Overlord Quest Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/12/11(Thu)00:31 No.14897507  
    Long ago, in a land of ancient secrets and powerful magic, there was a mortal man. This man, this singular will, would become the Dark One, the greatest evil of all time. Legend tells of his rise to power, and his glorious victories over the pathetic forces of GOOD. His name is whispered in hushed voices, by people huddled in dark corners, out of fear their own reflections. Those who were alive during his reign of terror fear his return above all else, for he alone do they consider "A huge douche, really."

    Well at least that's better than "A bit of a dick, I suppose". Gods, what does it take to impress these people?

    Anyways, oh Dark One, you, having just succeeded in binding the witch Lliara Mooncraft to a contract through Shadow Magic (using the mayor's soul to pay for the service, of course), stand triumphant over all in this pitiful town. The guards, who I shall call Guard Fat and Guard Ugly for the sake of simplicity, have just dared to ask of you a simple question: Now that the mayor has been taken by the Shadows, who shall rule this pathetic excuse for a town?

    Indeed, oh Dark Overlord. Who shall rule over these dirty, unhygienic, smelly, shit-covered, maggot-infested, mentally retarded, uncultured, overweight, underfed, and extremely ugly peasants?

    >Previous Thread: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14893882/
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:32 No.14897519
    Us? It's us right? The answer is us? Right?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:33 No.14897526
    Lliara is the mayor de jure, while we rule behind the scenes.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:33 No.14897530
    Not me, I'm too busy making spiders and studying shit. Let's have the dude who came in be mayor.

    Also, Witch needs to bring in her books to the tower as soon as possible.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:34 No.14897534
    I propose we start an arena and make the strongest fight it out to decide who is the new mayor! LET THE BLOODBATH BEGIN!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:34 No.14897535
    We will hold an election, with apple pie for everyone at the ballot box.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:37 No.14897557
    We will make the townsfolk vote for Lliara, both for practical purposes and being a secret ruler is cool.
    >> Alpharius 05/12/11(Thu)00:37 No.14897560
         File1305175062.png-(14 KB, 289x294, explosion pokemon.png)
    14 KB
    FREE apple pie.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:38 No.14897568
    rolled 7 = 7

    I say wehave Llaira be mayor, give her SOME power and listen to her (somtimes).

    Then walkup to her and extend our hand to help her up
    "Come now Llaira, ot won't be that bad, in time you will come to enjoy your servitude, now what day is your birthday?"
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:39 No.14897578
    What are we, the socialist party?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:39 No.14897585
    Our platform needs to be this:

    "A bushel of corn in every basket, and a SpiderGolem in every home!"
    >> Servant of the Emperor 05/12/11(Thu)00:45 No.14897629
    Doesnt Lliara have her other land to deal with? She used this dirt town as slave labor.

    For What?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:47 No.14897658
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/12/11(Thu)00:50 No.14897681
    Rig the election with mind control? An inspired idea, Dark One! The apple pie is a nice touch as well.

    You respond to Ugly and Fat quickly, and concisely. Explaining your plans for the next several days, you order that an election be held, while you will serve as the interim mayor, until a replacement has been voted into office. The Fat and Ugly, obviously not used to actually having a choice in who is mayor, are a it confused at first. Elections it seems, have not been held for a hundred years. The mayors are put into office by outsiders such as conquering armies, evil wizards, or other such people, whom you might consider peers were it not for the fact that you're so much better than them. Indeed, it seems that the concept of election is extremely foreign to the villagers who live within the city's borders. But the idea appears to lift Ugly's and Fat's spirits, for the moment.

    Excusing themselves, you take a seat, the bonespiders automatically folding themselves into a chair. The next hour is spent issuing orders to the mayor's former assistant, as Lliara sleeps off the pain she felt when attempting to break the terms of the contract. You have some of the food that was laid out for the lunch you and the mayor were to have before the witch attacked you. It is significantly better than the rotten ham, moldy bread, and bad cheese you had to deal with before you took over the town.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:52 No.14897695
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:56 No.14897721
    Order her to start falling in love with us. Based upon our observations so far, that will result in her being caused pain whenever she isn't attempting to do so.

    Who says you can't force love?

    Have the village searched and all magical knowledge brought before us. This includes the mayor's old possessions. Also, everything that Lliara owned is now ours, so have her give us a full and complete listing of our assets in a way that will give us all relevant information and not annoy us.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:58 No.14897733
    rolled 11 = 11

    wasn't that in the contract?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:58 No.14897737

    Let's interrogate Lliara when she is wakes back up. "I order you to list all your assets, physical wealth, and training, and to tell me what your plan for using them and this village was."
    >> Taffer 05/12/11(Thu)00:58 No.14897738
    Well the townspeople will be happy that you're holding elections, so you'll get a +1 to rep in the town.

    But anyway, timeskip to after the elections it looks like.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:01 No.14897761
    Obviously not, or she wouldn't have been trying to kill us for the last hour.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:04 No.14897793
    rolled 10 = 10

    meh. love takes a while, she'll probably wake up and love us.

    or shes just being tsun-tsun.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:14 No.14897890
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/12/11(Thu)01:16 No.14897917
    The next few days pass like a blur. Having set up the elections, to be held two days after your coup, you proceeded to interrogate the witch on her plans for the town, as well as her holdings elsewhere. While she resisted at first, the contract slowly overcame her will, and forced her to obey your commands. It seems, Dark One, that she had intended to use the villagers to construct a far larger tower, one through which she could project her might across the rest of the nation, by seizing control over the zombie hordes nearby. The tower was to be built where Frank the Dead's tower stands, for in her research she discovered the tower's location to be optimal for channeling magical forces. Far be it from me to advise you on anything, Dark One, but perhaps it would be a good idea to take her plan for your own?

    Apart from the village, she had under her control a small mine, from which she got the gold she traded for the various magical items she had stored in her tower. As well as a foreign assassin. How quaint, that she had to use others to kill for her. The assassin has been rebellious of late, however, disliking her enslavement to the witch, and has been locked in the dungeon ever since making an attempt on her life.

    The elections go as planned, just as you designed. Most of the peasants partake of the many pies you had put out, and during that time you use a small spell of sending you discovered in what books the witch had to make them vote for her. Not being of magical origin, they are not aware of the mind control, and therefore think it their own choice to vote for her.

    It is morning. You are in the bedchambers of your tower, now refurbished, and far better decorated than previously. You have bought many of the objects sold by Frank the Dead in exchange for drugs, but there are still many more to be found.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:21 No.14897956

    Let's ask Lliara how she enslaved the assassin, and then go visit the assassin and see if she would want to work for us.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:22 No.14897968
    >Far be it from me to advise you on anything, Dark One, but perhaps it would be a good idea to take her plan for your own?
    Eh, sure, why not.

    >The assassin has been rebellious of late, however, disliking her enslavement to the witch, and has been locked in the dungeon ever since making an attempt on her life.
    Man, this witch does not know how to maintain decent servants. Pie+soul contract the assassin into our loyal servant forever, using some random villager no one likes anyway to pay for it. Since it's been two days and the assassin has been locked in the dungeon without the witch there, they should be starving and eat pretty much any food they're given.

    Make sure that the rest of her assets are working in our favor, as well.

    Attempt to gather information about any other people of power or significance in the area. We'll want to systematically get as many of them as possible under our control; there is no way to power up quite like standing on the shoulders of the powerful. Once we're fairly secure, we can take a few months off and learn enough magic to improve our personal powers to match our rightful stature.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:23 No.14897976
    SInce the contract is slowly overcoming her will does this mean shes starting to love us?

    Also more relevant, have her go through with her original plan, reporting to us of course.
    >> Servant of the Emperor 05/12/11(Thu)01:31 No.14898060
    Hi There! We're the witches new cook, we snuck you some pie! Arnt we great?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:33 No.14898084
    We may not even need the apple pie to use on the assassin. We should be diplomatic bros with the assassin; obviously, the last attempt at enslavement did NOT make the assassin a happy camper. Besides, it wouldn't hurt to make good friends with a skilled killer.
    >> Perverted (and Paranoid) White Knight 05/12/11(Thu)01:33 No.14898091
    Already ate a pie, alone. And waited till its effects are gone before attempting to corner the Witch.

    The MC pie only works once, for a period of 3 hours or so, for each person.

    The one that suggested this to be done is properly paranoid...
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:37 No.14898128
    Why would we risk relying upon "friendship" when we can instead rely upon unbreakable magical soul-contracts?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:38 No.14898150
    rolled 11 = 11

    because contracts work BOTH WAYS, and should this assassin be part of a group, they're going to wonder why they started working for free.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:39 No.14898155

    Oooh we're gonna need another soul if we're going to bind the assassin.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:40 No.14898168
         File1305178838.png-(41 KB, 891x1139, lord_of_spiders.png)
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    What's the population of the town?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:40 No.14898169
    rolled 18 = 18

    The Servant is merely adding +1 to the idea of CaekBinding that assassin bitch. However, I am against this plan since it involves a repeat. Maybe just this once, and add a clause of "must earnestly love the Witch named Liara"
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:42 No.14898189
    rolled 5 = 5

    We just need to establish good pr with the assassin, and keep the contract terms as some sort of Trump card.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:45 No.14898222
    Indeed. One can never have too many underlings.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:50 No.14898267
    I like the way you think.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:51 No.14898287

    Speaking of which, we should hire a baker.

    Or teach our spider things to bake.

    On that note, we should dominate the land via baked goods!

    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:52 No.14898292
         File1305179550.jpg-(69 KB, 355x600, 1303315656797.jpg)
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    rolled 14 = 14

    Also, when do get to cast "Expressus Americanus"?

    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)01:58 No.14898346
    So. How long until we start a space program?
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/12/11(Thu)01:58 No.14898348
    Of course, Dark One. Assassins are always useful.

    Performing your ordinary morning ritual, you slowly review the report on the witch's project's progress. It will be many a month before it is complete, and several weeks before construction even begins. But it will be done, as the townpeople, empowered by 'their' decision, are more than happy to follow the witch's commands. Your commands. Leaving the tower, and riding your spiders to the village, you move through the town and on to the witch's tower. Approaching from the west, you move through winding passages and cold caverns to the tower. You feel the cold air as you approach, and it comes into view. Like a a spire made of coral, it stretches into the sky, with flames burning all around it in a spiraling pattern. Dismounting your wave of spiders, you stride into the tower and walk past the guards. They move to stop you, uncertain of your identity, but a quick movement of his hand across the captain's neck tells them otherwise. You slowly make your way down, down, into the pits of the dungeons. Past the empty and full cells, towards the one at the end. Fat and Ugly stand outside it, and at your word leave you to your devices. You open the door and step inside.

    Looking around the dark cell, you walks silently towards the pit in the center. Inside, your assassin sits in chains, thinking thoughts unknown, though some are undoubtedly of escape. Not seeing your face, she addressees you in a hateful, spite filled tone, with a decidedly foreign accent.
    "Come to gloat over the prisoner? Tell that bitch she'll get no such pleasures as pleas for mercy from me."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:03 No.14898404
    rolled 3 = 3

    "Milady, I don't gloat. It's been quite a while since you've been out of this dungeon, haven't you? You might not have heard about the changes in the town. Your previous liege is no longer in any position to be throwing her authority around, and life has been improving for everyone. You are a woman of considerable talents, and I offer you friendship and employment, but more importantly your freedom. What do you say?"
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:04 No.14898410
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:04 No.14898418
    rolled 11 = 11

    "Friend, I didn't come here to wish you any harm, and in fact" look around, as if telling her something that should not be heard by the guards "And, in fact, may prove beneficial to you, as much as you would to me. for, after all, we have a certain...acquaintance in common. A nasty thorn whom I'd see removed as fast as possible"

    Then try to make her spil why she hates the witch, try to appear as a possible ally and a friend. And then it's CAEKTIME!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:07 No.14898441

    Something like this.

    "Sure, sure. Note to self: berate the bitch-witch. Anyway, how are you? Uncomfortable, I presume? Tell, me do you like... pie?"

    Then proceed to order spiders into the room. Just chillin' and waiting to flood her hole if we need to intimidate her just a weee bit.
    >> dice 1d20 Taffer 05/12/11(Thu)02:08 No.14898454
    "No. no, dear miss. I have come to free you. You see, the witch Lliara has had a cursed pie in the face and is now my thrall. And when I was reviewing her assets, I noticed you. Seeing this as a waste of resources, I right now want to free you and perhaps impress upon you to join my service for a price , of course. Or if you wish you may leave."

    I think we can get the assassin to join us willingly if we treat her as a merc and don't push her slavery buttans.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:08 No.14898455

    "I'll have you know that while gloating does have a time and a place, I find it to usually just be childish and churlish. I am Dark One. Laugh if you feel like it, my parents were a bit touched I'm afraid. May I have the pleasure of your name?"
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:08 No.14898462
         File1305180501.png-(42 KB, 463x331, 998114766.png)
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    >waiting to flood her hole if we need to intimidate her just a weee bit

    Multiple connotations...
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:10 No.14898488
    rolled 19 = 19

    Dude, if we are understanding the same by "flood her hole"... that's sick man. at least save it for the "fade to black" later Harem h-scenes. Actually, I'm no better than you(and probably far more /d/epraved if you didn't mean that, which is rather likely) for having thought of that.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:11 No.14898494

    Literally, figuratively, and sexually.

    Take your pick.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:13 No.14898520
    rolled 9 = 9

    Dude, also Soulbonding a rival NPC by throwing a cake to her face.....HILARIOUS!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:14 No.14898538
    It comes to mind that we can use people, animals, and zombies as spider delivery units by filling their internal cavities with them (or eggs). It could make for an interesting sneak attack.

    Just think. A smiling, finely-clothed ambassador being escorted to the king of that neighboring city, bowing politely, and grinning widely as his torso suddenly bursts open, filling the throne room with hordes of deadly, poison-packed exploding spiders.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:16 No.14898558
    rolled 4 = 4


    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:18 No.14898583
    There are very few places that a spider cannot go while remaining unnoticed. We could literally have eyes and ears in every settlement on the continent. And if those eyes and ears just happen to be capable of killing everyone in a fair-sized building...

    Well that's just a bonus, isn't it?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:19 No.14898595
    Im going to have nightmares now, Fuck.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:19 No.14898601

    Man, and I had simply meant for the little guys to just swarm her in her prison hole as she's chained down if she gets too bitchy and needs to be reminded who is in power.

    But we need to do this. SPIDER BOMBS!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:27 No.14898692
    We can use tiny, unobtrusive spiders to keep track of enormous multitudes of people. It would be particularly hard for the average filthy peasant to keep themselves entirely clear of spiders, even discounting the ability of a very small, enchanted spider to blend in with surfaces and avoid triggering nerves. Those who pay a little more attention to cleanliness would be harder to deal with, as would other mages or people who are protected from magical influences. Still, we could "bug" a great many of our and others' citizens, keeping track of their movements, conversations, and most potent secrets through scrying links.

    Ideally, each of these little spiders should be able to create more of itself, jump a fair distance, cling to anything, and carry a load of neurotoxin sufficient to kill at least one person instantly.

    The sooner we begin mass-production, the sooner we control the world.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:28 No.14898706

    The peasantry smells offensive, we should work on getting their hygiene standards up later, after we deal with this assassin.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:30 No.14898722
         File1305181832.png-(64 KB, 1152x514, fukkencute.png)
    64 KB
    rolled 4 = 4

    >mfw it struck me we're esentially the Spiderman from 3 Dev Adam
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:31 No.14898735
    We could create a species of spider that eats grime, operates in swarms, and excretes soap.

    Spiders: Is there anything they can't do?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:34 No.14898765
    Make honey. For that you need Bees, or better yet, Beebears. Much better than Owlbears, what retarded wizard made those? Beebears can make their own honey! Nothing can stop them. Nothing.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:36 No.14898779
    The spider-bees will inherit the Earth.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/12/11(Thu)02:36 No.14898780
    You call forth your spiders as you speak to the assassin. They enter the room unseen and unheard, their bodies finding their way into every corner of the cell. The assassin is silent for a few moments, as she takes in the information. The spiders slowly move towards the pit, expecting something to be ordered of them.
    "Fine. Better than dying in some piece of shit dungeon anyways."
    The spiders, moving quickly, go to unlock the grate over the pit. Pulling it free, they climb into the hole and lift the prisoner out of it. One of them picks the lock with its claw, a skill you can't quite remember teaching it. The assassin pulls herself to her feet, and kicks the chains back into the pit.The spiders scurry to your side, careful to keep you out of harm's way. Moving her hair out of her face, she looks around the room and sets her gaze on you.
    "Oh! I didn't expect you to be so... nevermind. Where's that whore, so I can kill her?"

    My apologies for the lateness of my past few replies. I've been taking care of some things.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:37 No.14898794
    Guys, there's seriously a spider on the wall right near me RIGHT NOW
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:39 No.14898814
    rolled 15 = 15

    And by those things, I fully expect them to be my enemies right? HAHAHAHAHA

    Ask her if she's hungry. Have a nice, civil dinner with her, inquiring about her personality, conflict points with the Witch, prospect, etc. Almost like a job interview. then, at dessert, it's CAEKTIME!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:41 No.14898833
    >One of them picks the lock with its claw, a skill you can't quite remember teaching it.

    Mental note: Make sure we have complete control over our spiders. If they become too intelligent and strong-willed, we might lose control of them. Frankly, I do not ever wish to see a Spider Civil War. I also don't want to be slowly torn apart by thousands of tiny mandibles.

    >"Oh! I didn't expect you to be so... nevermind. Where's that whore, so I can kill her?"

    "First things first. I'm fairly certain you haven't had a good meal in a while. Dine with me. We can discuss... things, such as the recent change in leadership."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:41 No.14898837

    Guys we should think about building a kill switch in the spiders. We don't want a spider uprising on our hands.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:42 No.14898843
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:43 No.14898849
    If you're Australian, I would recommend grasping one of your grenades firmly, and making sure the spider sees it. If you're not, accept its presence and see if it would like to be your friend.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:44 No.14898850
    rolled 14 = 14

    Assure her, of course, that the Witch is three days away, and ask her if she's seriously going to fight with a half-empty stomach. Tell her that if we wished her harm, we would have simply killed her in the dungeon, right? Tell her, she's justified in having apprehensions, but to please do not hurt the esteem of this poor wizard who just wants to extend some hospitality towards a possible new freelancer?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:44 No.14898851

    "As much as you may want to kill her, she is actually useful as a minion. I've been letting her do paperwork and other boring things.

    "I can sympathize with your desire for revenge though, so I'll gladly let you humiliate her, to your heart's content in fact, as long as you don't do any permanent injury."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:44 No.14898852
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:44 No.14898854
    Check your lungs.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:46 No.14898873
    rolled 11 = 11

    Seconding dinner, and polite discussion, but not really seconding mind control. I mean, as handy as it is for irrational people with tons of power, we really should have someone on our side in it for the money, glory and loyalty. She really didn't like being controlled like that the last time, and she seems cunning or strong enough to buck anything we'd try to put on her.

    Besides, how much of a blow to our ego would it be that our Most Trusted Lieutenants are only trusted because we forced them to be with mind control? And that we can't have a Trusted Lieutenant by being a charismatic, cunning bastard? We're eighteen. Ego is -everything-.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:47 No.14898882

    Seconding all of these.

    We are a gentleman; we must ensure that our guest's needs are taken care of.

    We also should stress that. The gentleman part.

    Because for a person who has made it their profession to make others die, she seems to be a very nice lady.

    >Who may or may not look ravishing wearing a spider-themed leotard.

    Also, we need to get on having our spiders spin spools of spider silk. The stuff apparently can out perform kevlar; the only reason we don't have spider-silk armor is because the spiders have a nasty tendency to eat each other.

    Either way: economic domination via spider-silk clothing and delicious magically-infused pies!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:48 No.14898895
    >Also, we need to get on having our spiders spin spools of spider silk.

    I agree with this.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:49 No.14898900

    >The stuff apparently can out perform kevlar; the only reason we don't have spider-silk armor is because the spiders have a nasty tendency to eat each other.

    It depends entirely on the type of spider, some spin incredibly strong silk, others not so much.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:52 No.14898923
    rolled 2 = 2

    What if we try mixing the liquid spider silk with trace amounts of that magical run-off water?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:54 No.14898939
    rolled 16 = 16


    I have no idea what that would do, but then again, we're a WIZARD.

    An EVIL one at that.

    Consequences be damned, let's add that to our to-do list.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:56 No.14898966
    hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they arent real spiders, we created them from metal and bone..... Im pretty sure they cant spin silk since they are just constructs and not themselves magical.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:57 No.14898973
    rolled 4 = 4

    We REALLY need to investigate that. Also, we should find a way of ensuring the Assassin does not kill our Witch-Waifu. Assure her that being bonded to another willful villian is a fate worse than Death; for the Dominator to know the pain of Servitude is a mockery of their previous status. And that having to recognize one's previous slaves as their equals brings greater pain than a swift knife to the back; for the pain is in living and in serving. FOR YOU ARE EVIL, YOU SHALL RESPECT MY EDICT; THAT NO HARM SHALL COME TO THIS WITCH LLIARA FOR AS LONG AS I DRAW BREATH
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:58 No.14898978

    Well then we need to go summon some REAL spiders then.

    We have magic; let's fucking DO it.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:58 No.14898983
    Fortunately, Divine magic allows us to create and control biological spiders.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)02:58 No.14898989
    rolled 20 = 20

    Better yet, Shadow Eugenics GOGOGO!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:04 No.14899030
         File1305183882.jpg-(250 KB, 1116x786, 1272302124258.jpg)
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    On to the glorious future.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/12/11(Thu)03:09 No.14899077
    You continue talking as you and the assassin exit the room, you riding your spiderwave, and her walking barefoot with old dirty prisoner clothes. It of course occurs to you exactly how this scene must seem from her angle, but you of course don't care. Other people are to be used, not the other way around. Gliding past Fat and Ugly, you slowly make your way back to ground level, and finally the assassin speaks.
    "Food sounds nice. I haven't eaten in a week. Lead on."
    She looks at you, but blushes and looks away. People are so strange, are they not, oh evil one?

    She and you find your way to the dining hall soon enough. Spotting the witch out of the corner of your eye, you wave her away stealthily as you enter the hall. You and the assassin sit across from each other, as your food is brought to you. Your spiderchair clicks a bit as it sees a servant place a knife near your plate, but otherwise does nothing. The assassin, apparently starving, tears into her food with very little thought for manners. You eat slowly, as she finishes. Eventually, you finish as well, and over the course of an hour you slowly come to an agreement. She will live in a house in your village, and when called upon do her duty as an assassin in your employ. In exchange, she will be provided with the basic necessities, and a small allowance. The terms can be adjusted later as needed, something which you remember to add so as to give yourself the advantage.

    You watch silently as she leaves. Excellent diplomacy, oh Dark One.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:11 No.14899096

    Can we troll our witch now?

    Or start experimenting with that magic runoff water?

    Maybe have a peasant bathe in it, just to see what happens?

    We ARE a wizard, you know. No sense in right or wrong.
    >> Taffer 05/12/11(Thu)03:13 No.14899110
    I'm kinda hoping for the half-spider elite guard thing, but that can wait till we're better at divine magic.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:15 No.14899131
    rolled 2 = 2

    Looks like it's time for us to improve on our SpiderGolems. Hmm. Maybe work on giving them the ability to produce webbing. Barring that, we should do something with all the shambling corpses in the pit in the basement. A zombie armed to the gills with internal spiders keeping it alive and repairing it would be handy, and in case of emergency they can abandon ship and work as a swarm.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:19 No.14899159
    rolled 10 = 10

    "One final addenda, and we shall be done, my young Knight" Say as we hold a fine glass o'wine as if posing for an alpha-as-fuck. "You are not to harm this Witch you see here, for she is no longer the person you knew. No longer does she bear the onus of Domannce, and no longer is she the Master of her own Destiny. Know this; that She -and say this as you look straight into her eyes, not the assassin's but Witch-Bitch eyes- IS my Property now, and woe befall unto you should you try to damage my assets in any way. For a Lord ALWAYS defends his Own. Are We Clear?"
    >Cares for his mentally-bound waifu.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:19 No.14899160
    Make sure she is watched at all times, unobtrusively.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:19 No.14899163

    Wait, hold on.

    We combine that idea with the spider-swarm-bomb from earlier.

    Armored zombies controlled internally by little mechanical/bone spiders that reproduce using the own zombies' bones and stuff.

    And when the time comes, they can use the shambling corpse (now a leathery-sack of skin filled with hundreds of mini-spiders) as a spider-delivery system!

    In the meantime, we need some real spiders.

    And maybe order the witch to speak in rhymes for a day or two.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:20 No.14899167

    With spiders, who keep her home nice and tidy, but only follow our orders?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:21 No.14899172
    >She looks at you, but blushes and looks away. People are so strange, are they not, oh evil one?

    Sounds like she's got a crush. Well that's to be expected, Dark One is a powerful man now.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:22 No.14899179
         File1305184936.jpg-(6 KB, 256x192, Banjo-Kazooie.jpg)
    6 KB
    I agree with everything but the last part.

    I will only agree with the last part if we make her dress like the hot version of Gruntilda.

    Pic TOTALLY related.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:27 No.14899211


    Can we also order her to go panti-less for the whole day, just to troll her? You know, drop a fuckton of hints (subtle and not-so subtle) that we're going to fuck her later tonight, only to never actually do anything?

    With her imagining the stuff that we're "going" to do to her (in no small part thanks to some suggestive acts we can do), it would make it that much easier to break her.

    >Oh god this sounds so wrong, but trolling her like that sounds so god damn fun.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:30 No.14899237
    "Look, just take solace in the fact that I wouldn't touch you with my dick. Even with you mind controlled and unable to resist.

    Also, happy birthday."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:33 No.14899261
    This could very easily backfire on us. Do we want a loyal servant or an angry, frustrated murderer?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:35 No.14899276
    The witch, not the assassin.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:36 No.14899285

    We could get the assassin in on helping us troll the witch. She'd probably enjoy it.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:37 No.14899291
    rolled 19 = 19

    >Implying the witch is an innocent lady who wouldn't kill a fly.
    >Implying the Witch wa snot a murdered, and later became buttragefrustrated at our soul binding contract.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:37 No.14899292
    Oh. Well, the witch is already angry and frustrated. I don't doubt that she's a murderer as well. Good thing we have the contract.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/12/11(Thu)03:39 No.14899305
    Well, Dark One, I'm gonna have to end this here. I'll continue tomorrow, but it's really quite late where I'm at. If you wouldn't mind archiving this, that would be wonderful.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:44 No.14899331
    What, have the assassin take a strapon to the witch?

    Because that would actually be hot.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:45 No.14899340
    Fair enough. By the way, what's the assassin's name?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:45 No.14899345

    Well, that's less like trolling and more like raping.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/12/11(Thu)03:46 No.14899353
    Shaiara. Fuck I'm tired. It's a good thing I planned this thing out, or else I'd have ended this a while ago.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:47 No.14899359
    Still hot.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:52 No.14899389

    When do you plan to run again?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:54 No.14899414
         File1305186849.jpg-(28 KB, 853x480, aot14230.jpg)
    28 KB
    >I'll continue tomorrow

    Also, am I the only one who sees the spiders as replicators? Seriously, they're learning without our input. We need to be careful.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)03:57 No.14899447
    They're magically animated. We should just be able to dispel the effects that they rely on, if necessary. I do agree that we need a kill switch, though.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)04:02 No.14899485

    Tomorrow is 24 hours long. That's enough time that having a more precise starting hour would be nice.

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