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  • File : 1305155377.jpg-(98 KB, 500x375, 2599969114_84c1b92acb.jpg)
    98 KB Evil Quest Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)19:09 No.14893882  
    Long ago, in a land of ancient secrets and powerful magic, there was a mortal man. This man, this singular will, would become the Dark One, the greatest evil of all time. Legend tells of his rise to power, and his glorious victories over the pathetic forces of GOOD. His name is whispered in hushed voices, and to hear it is considered the worst possible fate. Those who were alive during his reign of terror fear his return above all, for he alone do they consider "A bit of a dick, I suppose."

    Wait, what? 'A bit of a dick'? Is that it? REALLY? Well, we've certainly got our work cut out for us, Dark One. Is that even your real name?
    >Enter Name
    >Enter Age
    >Roll 1d20
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:10 No.14893896
    rolled 7 = 7

    Name: Dark One
    Age: 19
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:11 No.14893902
    rolled 13 = 13

    Mr. Lister the Sister Fister
    54
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:12 No.14893911
    rolled 1 = 1

    James McBadguy
    18
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:12 No.14893912
    rolled 16 = 16

    Name: Phil
    Age:34
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:12 No.14893919
    rolled 2 = 2

    Dark One
    21
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:14 No.14893929
    rolled 6 = 6

    Yes, our name is Dark One. Our parents were dicks.

    We're 16 years old.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:14 No.14893931
    rolled 5 = 5

    Johnny McEvilson
    24
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:15 No.14893941
    >>14893912

    WIN
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:15 No.14893945
    This isn't Evil Quest.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:16 No.14893953
    For a second I thought the really old Evil Quest was returning. Nope, it's some other guy. That's fine too, I just kind of got my hopes up for a minute there.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:16 No.14893956
    rolled 9 = 9

    Aron A. Aronson
    12, we have megolamina
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:17 No.14893976
    rolled 8 = 8

    Name: Manny (from accounting)
    Age: 27
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:18 No.14893981
    rolled 4 = 4

    Luke Reynolds, age 22.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:18 No.14893984
    rolled 16 = 16

    Name: Cain
    Age: 21
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:19 No.14893990
    >>14893984
    Make it Kane
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)19:19 No.14893994
    Well Mr. McBadguy, let's get started, shall we?

    Up until a few months ago you were just an ordinary student of the mystical arts. You were studying under Frank the Red, who...

    Oh, right, you killed him. Nice going. You've got his whole entire wizard tower to yourself, along with his small collection of magic items. He'd have had more, but he had a bit of a drug problem, you see.

    Anyways, you've surpassed him in magical skill, but not in material wealth. That you don't have any of. And as we all know, shooting lightning out of your eyes isn't as good as lots and lots of gold. So, maybe you ought to get some more? Not exactly sure how you'll do that, but there is a village nearby. They've got some nice stuff you could take.

    Or you could just sit around and forever be known as "A bit of a dick, I suppose". Your choice.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:20 No.14894002
    rolled 14 = 14

    >Derek Juan
    >22
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:20 No.14894007
    rolled 4 = 4

    Name: Opesa Phaget
    Age: Who cares
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:21 No.14894017
    >>14893994
    Step 1: Make a sandwich.
    Step 2: Eat it.
    Step 3: Wander into town and don't draw attention to yourself...yet.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:21 No.14894018
    rolled 1 = 1

    Shepard
    2349
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:21 No.14894021
    rolled 16 = 16

    >>14893994
    what kind of magic do we have? are we capable of taking over a village with no effort?

    are the drugs magical in some nature? do they boost magical power? and most importantly, can we sell them?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:21 No.14894023
    rolled 15 = 15

    Fredrick Gobbleque
    24
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:22 No.14894033
    >>14893994
    Or we could just MAKE some wealth ourselves.

    What can we do? Necromancy? Alchemy? Summoning?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:22 No.14894038
    rolled 9 = 9

    Susie Q. Smith

    Yes, we should be a boy named Sue. Great for backstory.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:23 No.14894046
    rolled 17 = 17

    >>14893994
    What kind of skills we got?Necromancy? Lightning eyes? bad breath?
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)19:28 No.14894114
    >>14894021
    You could take over THAT village with SOME effort. The main problem being that someone else took over that village about two years ago, and she'd probably come after you or something. She's been using the villagers as slave labor, which, as admirable as that is, cannot stand if you are to rule them.

    >>14894046
    >>14894033
    Well, let's see here. You've got a pretty strong hold on the basic magics of all three schools, Divine, Arcane, Shadow... but most of your more potent skills lie in the Arcane. Arcane magic, as you know, is used mostly for altering the laws of the world, to create blasts of energy or to enchant little trinkets, or a bunch of other stuff you're no good at. Higher levels of Arcane magic can also control minds, but you've only got a bit of experience in that department.

    Oh, also it appears you have some military training. So that's nice. Probably from your parents. Who are also dead. Fun.

    >>14894017
    What, make it yourself? That's what servants are for, sire.

    Which it appears you have none of. Gods, Frank the Dead must have been a huge loser.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:30 No.14894135
    >>14894114
    Golems: Can we make them? Even if we just used our Arcane skills to enchant a little metal spider to move and do our bidding, that would be a start.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:31 No.14894145
    rolled 3 = 3

    >>14894114
    what can divine and shadow do?

    and if that village is already ruled by someone stronger than us, we don't want to piss her off, in fact, we should get in contact with her, and make nice.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:34 No.14894185
    >>14894145
    Or we could try to remain out of sight. Evil does not like potential threats.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)19:38 No.14894217
    >>14894135
    You could make an artificial spider, yes. It wouldn't be very good with what skills you have now, but it would be passable. And sneaky.

    If only Frank the Dead hadn't sold all his books, you could do so much more.

    You might be able to find some of them at that village, actually. Before that witch visits and takes them for herself.

    >>14894145
    Well, Divine magic is used for altering living things. Healing them, or making them ill, or making them grow tentacles from their eyes and explode. It can also summon creatures, or create undead minions. So that's very nice. Higher levels of magic can do more stuff, again, but those abilities are out of your reach for the moment. Apparently you can see the future or something like that if you get good enough at Divine magic.

    Shadow magic is a bit trickier. It deals with a lot of creepy and weird stuff, but mostly just weird. It's hard to describe how it works completely, but you can use it to enhance or alter Divine and Arcane magic. Or bind people into contracts. That last one is fun at parties.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:40 No.14894235
    rolled 9 = 9

    >>14894217
    we need to study shadow magic.

    all of it.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:41 No.14894256
    >>14894217
    Craft a metal spider. Outfit it with wireless transmission capability, and plenty of eyes. Animate it, and send it out to find the books. We will see through it, making it a good scout.

    Make sure it has a potent self-destruct device.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:45 No.14894323
    rolled 20 = 20

    >>14894217
    Maybe try making a big spider, so that way you don't have to worry about accidentally stepping on the damn thing. Give it human arms in addition to its feet, give it the ability to talk so you won't be alone, and animate it.

    And have it make you a sandwich.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:47 No.14894348
    >>14894323
    Once done with that, I suggest we sack the cadaver's tower, maybe he has some potions or trinkets hidden away.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)19:55 No.14894465
    >>14894256
    You, the Dark One, spend the next three hours crafting a metallic spider from random bits of scrap metal you had lying around, taking apart your stove to craft the construct. It looks like shit, but that doesn't matter, for it is expertly made despite its appearance. Its scratched up eyes and rusty legs hide its amazing inner construction, one of bits of wire, half a clock, and a handful of old straw. Enchanting a small piece of paper with a highly destructive spell, you send it outside just in case it accidentally explodes for no reason. Connecting to it through a bowl of dirty water, you instruct it to go scout out the village, and it stumbles in the village's general direction for the next hour.

    You make a smaller servant spider to make you a sandwich while you wait. The sandwich is stale and lacks much meat, but it keeps you from starving to death. You sack the tower, looking for more magic items, but all you have is all there seems to be.

    From a hilltop overlooking the village, the spy spider sends you murky and blurred images of a small merchant caravan. Zooming in with its eyes of broken glass, it spies three of Frank the Dead's books being sold to what looks like the mayor of the town, the witch's loyal lapdog. Not literally, but figuratively.

    My apologies for the deleted post, Dark One. I despise bad grammar.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)19:58 No.14894510
    We gotta get the books. Tell the spider to follow the mayor home and steal them.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:01 No.14894543
    >>14894465
    What do we know of this witch?

    And we must retrieve the books.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:02 No.14894564
    >>14894465
    Have the large spider search for more books. Meanwhile, have the small spider search the tower for small spaces and hiding places we may have overlooked. Let's build yet another spider, one capable of digging.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:03 No.14894583
    >>14894510
    He's probably buying them for the witch. Do we really want to risk alerting her to our presence, AND to the fact that we have no qualms about stealing from her?

    If you haven't noticed, we're kind of hurting for resources.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:05 No.14894595
    >>14894583
    Good point.

    Poison?
    Make the witch roll for ANAL CIRCUMFERENCE?
    >> Servant of the Emperor 05/11/11(Wed)20:06 No.14894615
    I dare say the town likely doesnt like the mayor or witch much.
    Perhaps we could gain some oafs, goons, thugs, or otherwise heavyset gentlemen to work for us
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:07 No.14894632
    >>14894615
    After.
    When we learn necromancy.
    And animate dead their corpses.

    Working twice as hard! for eternity!
    Mwhahahaha
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:09 No.14894655
    Fuck the books. They are probably filled with Frank the Dead's old furry porn stash anyway. Lets just learn via experimentation.

    I suggest we start learning by mixing acid and putting various things in it.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:09 No.14894661
    >>14894615
    The Spider Count has no need for thugs.

    We need to do several things. First, find or summon some living spiders. If this tower is as run-down as I think it is, finding spiders should not be hard. With our (limited) command of Divine magic, we can turn them into hulking beasts, speedy scouts, or tiny assassins armed with neurotoxins so potent that once you're bitten, you're dead before you hit the ground.

    Sound good?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:11 No.14894685
    rolled 18 = 18

    >>14894661
    fuck no, spiders are scary.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:12 No.14894693
    >>14894661
    Lets rock it.

    But no shrine to lloth
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:13 No.14894705
    >>14894685
    We're evil.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)20:14 No.14894713
    >>14894510
    The spider silently obeys, signaling its acknowledgment with a flash of green. Tumbling down the hill, it sneaks through the run down village, trailing the mayor. Slowly, the houses become nicer, obviously those of they who chose to serve the witch. As the mayor enters what appears to be his house, the spider scales the wall and enters through the window, a piece of straw falling from it as it enters the home. Inside, it sneaks by a pair of servants and latches onto the ceiling, watching the mayor bring the books upstairs. It goes after him.

    >>14894543
    Llaira Mooncraft, well, she's a piece of work. She seems nice enough if you've never even met her, but she's a arrogant bitch. She's in her mid 20s, and she wants to rule the world. A normal goal for young folk such as her. She's far more skilled than Frank the Dead ever was, and probably as skilled as you are. It doesn't help that she actually has resources at her disposal, including about half of Frank's books. She is thankfully unaware of Franks demise, however, or your existence. As is the rest of the world.

    While watching your spider spy do its thing, you take a moment to modify your servant spider to dig, for some reason. I don't pretend to understand why you think that's a good idea, but you're the Dark One, so eh.

    Sadly, you don't have anything else to make more spiders with.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:15 No.14894732
    rolled 10 = 10

    >>14894713
    we must make her our dark queen.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:16 No.14894743
    >>14894713
    summon, or just, control.

    Or maybe we should go and kill some peeps, for spiders.

    BOne spiders, living spider golems (of bone and flesh)
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:17 No.14894759
    Use science! Draw up schematics for a tiny crossbow that we can mount on our spiders.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:17 No.14894764
    rolled 20 = 20

    >>14894759
    fuck no, spiders with crossbows are even scarier!
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:18 No.14894777
    >>14894713
    We need to keep Mooncraft unaware of our existence for as long as possible. I'd suggest we recall the spider, but it's already there anyway, so eh.

    Have the small spider go outside (or to the tower's bottom level, if it has a dirt floor) and start digging for ore. If we can, equip it with a metal sensor.

    What are our surroundings like? Have there been any battles nearby, in the past? If equipment and weaponry has just been left laying around and sank into the dirt, it could provide a ready source of metal.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:20 No.14894792
    >>14894777
    Good idea.

    And maybe we can, i don't know, imbue some of our spiders with our shadow abilities? active camouflage or some such?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:20 No.14894801
    >>14894764
    WE'RE EVIL
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:22 No.14894824
    >>14894792
    That would be great. I think we've got a plan here.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:22 No.14894836
    rolled 12 = 12

    >>14894801
    WE CAN BE EVIL WITHOUT SURROUNDING OURSELVES WITH WRETCHED ABOMINATIONS FROM THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL.

    can't we just, like, summon demons or something, like a NORMAL evil overlord to be? Or make ourselves some dire wolves, with spikes and shit.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:24 No.14894861
    >>14894836
    >spiders
    >OH GOD FUCK ABOMINATIONS EVERYWHERE

    >demons
    >dire wolves
    >spikes and shit
    >Yeah, fine, whatever

    I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with you.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:25 No.14894870
    >>14894836
    Good idea! Dire spiders! With spikes! And crossbows! And blackjack! And hookers!

    ...hell, could we mind control people with magical spider venom?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:25 No.14894875
    >>14894836
    Eh. Spiders are more versatile.

    And how do you expect us to conquer the owrld, and be generally evil without creativity? anything thats been tried before we cannot do.

    Cause it would fail,.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:27 No.14894890
    rolled 10 = 10

    >>14894861
    dude, spiders are fucking SCARY.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:28 No.14894904
    >>14894890
    That only works to our advantage.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:30 No.14894934
    >>14894890
    Stop being a pansy
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:30 No.14894935
    rolled 4 = 4

    >>14894904
    nobody is gonna want to deal with the crazy bastard with the spiders, theyre gonna assassinate our asses the second one of those fucking abominations exits our tower.

    plus, every time it rains, our invasion force dies, so there's that.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:30 No.14894936
    Can we make spiders that bite people and make them into spider hybrids?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:31 No.14894948
    >>14894935
    You sir, are seriously misinformed about spiders.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:34 No.14894983
    >>14894935
    >nobody is gonna want to deal with the crazy bastard with the spiders

    I disagree. Also, we're evil. The people we want to deal with, we FORCE into dealing with us. The people we don't, we kill or enslave. Simple.

    >theyre gonna assassinate our asses the second one of those fucking abominations exits our tower

    Several things. They have to notice the spiders. They have the connect them to us. They have to want to assassinate us for having spiders (?), and they have to actually succeed at assassinating us. Seems a little far-fetched.

    >plus, every time it rains, our invasion force dies, so there's that.

    As if it's hard to magically waterproof a spider.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)20:34 No.14894985
    >>14894777
    There was a war that went on in this country for about six years. There was a major battle nearby, in fact. Most of the metal was taken by scavengers, but there's sure to be some stuff they missed. It's about a day away for your spiders, but you think the big one could bring back a couple suits of armor.

    The big one is currently preoccupied with digging a hole in the tower dungeon, however. Just digging and digging until it finds something. You wait on your decaying wooden throne as it digs, until you hear a noise. Going to investigate, you are almost clipped by the foolish device as it runs into the room with a small chest. It slams it against its own head in an attempt to open it, and strangely enough, succeeds. A small collection of gems falls from the chest, along with a tiny book. Flipping through it, you discover it is an instruction manual for making apple pie. What.

    The spy spider's bowl glows intensely and you rush to investigate. The spider has the books! And it's tripping over stuff running from the mayor. Who is also tripping over stuff. Watching the spider run, you see the mayor begin to fall back, as the spider escapes with the books, moving back to your tower. Fantastic.

    You take another look at the apple pie recipe. Some of the ingredients are pretty strange. Dryad blood? Really?

    It dawns on you that this is a recipe for a mind control potion. Temporary, but complete mind control. It apparently only works on the same person once.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:34 No.14894992
    rolled 5 = 5

    >>14894948
    okay, so they dont DIE, but they become virtually worthless..
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:38 No.14895033
    >>14894992
    A Metal Abomination spider golem wont become worthless in the rain.

    Wtf are you smoking.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:39 No.14895052
    >>14894985
    Make sure the book-spider does NOT take a direct path to the tower. Have it zigzag, circle through the wilderness, and do its best to approach stealthily.

    Send the other spider to collect metal.

    See if the gems have any magical properties or can be used for some magical purpose. If not, we should disguise ourselves and sell them, somewhere that is not here.

    How many of the ingredients for the Control Pie do we have on hand already?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:42 No.14895093
    rolled 2 = 2

    mind control hm?

    if we can use shadow magic to make the witch sign a contract promising us her loyalty, we got ourselves a queen.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:43 No.14895107
    >>14894985
    Oh boy questions

    What was the war over? What is this country called, how big is it, what resources does it have, and how does it compare to its neighbors? What's the political situation? What is near us, besides the village? Farmland? Mines?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:44 No.14895114
    >>14894985
    Oh we should totally become a dread baker.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:46 No.14895141
    >>14894985
    How long does this "temporary" mind control last?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:48 No.14895179
    >>14895107
    Mines and farms could be beneficial. With enough scrap ore, we can build more and more metal spiders, using them to mine and dig for precious metals and gems or till and sow the fields.

    We need to establish ourselves as a necessary evil, a force of magical industry. We have to make ourselves seem WAY more appealing to Little Miss Mass Slave Labor over yonder if we want to win the trust of the town.

    First, we make the goods. Then, we build the economy and bring prosperity to the town. THEN we get the power.

    Then the WORLD.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:51 No.14895225
    >>14895179
    Considering the golems we really wouldn't need the villagers, but we could try to attract smiths to create higher quality components.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:54 No.14895257
    >>14895225
    It's easier to take over if the people think they need you. I mean, sure, we could just set up a constantly-improving magical industry that builds itself, but that would only make the inevitable conflict with the actual people all the more bothersome. If we can make ourselves so essential to their lives that they basically let us in everywhere, it will be much easier to use, abuse, and destroy them as we please.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:56 No.14895269
    >>14895225
    We need the townspeople to do everything else the SpiderGolems can't, like build houses or teach children. SpiderGolems can do the manual labor jobs and work as our eyes and ears (and occasional fists), while the townspeople just do what they normally do.

    Lawful Evil is best evil.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:57 No.14895284
    No matter what we do, sooner or later we'll have to deal with adventurers. Plans?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)20:59 No.14895310
    >>14895284
    Depending on our fame we could send them to deal wit the competition. This will work well only as long as we remain an unknown player (maybe a false leader for us to act as a unwilling lackey). to
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:02 No.14895332
    >>14895284
    No doors. Accesible only through climbing. Spiders everywhere. Walls greased up constantly.

    And lit on fire every tuesday.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)21:06 No.14895370
    >>14895141
    Three hours, oh Dark One. It only takes a bite, and they're completely under the control of whoever made the pie.

    >>14895093
    But of course, sire! Brilliant! Now you need only find someone else willing to sacrifice their soul, that you might create the contract.

    >>14895107
    This country is Ferdnia, as you are aware. The country it went to war with was Picardwall.

    As for its size, well, it's very small. Picardwall was actually just a city, even though most people are loath to admit it. It's ruled by a monarchy, with Dukes and Lords and whatnot. You are in an isolated are of Ferdnia, away from all that, but you still get the occasional Sir Jackass or Lady Annoyingbitch visiting, expecting to be treated like some kind of god. It has some small mineral wealth, but most of it is buried in mountains. The farmland is pretty fertile, though most of the common folk are completely retarded when it comes to farming. Also unhygienic.

    The population figures, as you know them, are roughly 80% commoner, 5% nobility, 5$ foreigner, and 10% mindless ravenous zombie. The zombies are a gift from Picardwall, let loose during the war.

    The spider slowly approaches the tower, your orders to zigzag slowing it down, but preventing proper tracking. It eventually finds its way to your hidden tower, moving through the caverns to the small opening in the mountain's center. As it enters the tower, you meet it downstairs, and take the books from its cold, rusty limbs. They are books on Shadow magic, dealing with proper contract formatting and corporate charters, Arcane magic, dealing with freeze rays and fire beams, and a book on Divine magic, regarding healing yourself. With magic, of course.

    You have all the ingredients for the Control Pie, oh evil one. Though it won't taste very good, I can assure you.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:08 No.14895392
    >>14895370
    COntrol pie+mayor=one willing soul.
    Control pie+dark woman+contract=our dark lady.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:09 No.14895416
    We should use the mayor's soul for the contract. Have him and whatsherface eat the pie at the same time, then use his soul to make the contract for the witch.

    Also, don't forget we are apparently a 18 year old. So sex is a big deal for us.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:11 No.14895433
    >>14895370
    We're going to need to perfect the art of farming with the use of SpiderGolems if we want to help rack up some cash, then. And zombies would be WICKED beneficial to us if we could round them up and keep them as a weapon. "Oh hey, I took care of the zombie problem for you! No you cannot ask what I did with them."
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:13 No.14895458
    >>14895370
    Read the books. Modify the book-spider to dig, and send it down to the lower level to replace the other one.

    Since we don't have any more metal, any further minions we create will have to be biological, or stone or something. Let's see if we can harness the tower's spider population for our own purposes. We need watchers to make sure the area around our tower (and in it) is under proper surveillance, not to mention the town.

    I'd suggest we hold off making the Control Pie for now.

    As soon as possible, we should send another scout (but not a large metal one) back to the town to see if it can locate more books.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:16 No.14895489
    >>14895370
    >>14895416
    Hold an evil masquerade of some sorts? That'll require us to gain territory in the town, at an alarmingly fast pace for them to warrant it proper to hold a meeting with us.

    Gain the trust of the townspeople by renting out SpiderGolems for farming purposes and taking care of that zombie problem.

    When the time is right, little Susan's pet spider will flip the fuck out and enslave her. Suddenly the Zombie problem was not solved at all! Then, overnight the town is ours.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:17 No.14895501
    >>14895370
    How far away are some of the larger zombie hosts. If one is close we could use it to cover up and dispose of our own necromantic experiments
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:18 No.14895514
    We could probably gain spiders by creating a pest control business. Maybe make some meager cash too, if these people are really that unhygienic.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:18 No.14895525
    >>14895489
    ALl for that, as long as when susie's spider flips the fuck out, SUsie becomes a spider-human hybrid under our complete control, and loyal to us.

    With optionality for immortality.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:20 No.14895544
    >>14895489
    You have to think bigger. Since nobility travels around create artistic spiders and sell them as exotic contraptions, Eventually we will gain access to some high position targets that we can eliminate as necessary.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)21:21 No.14895552
    Well sire, you seem to have many wonderful ideas. Perhaps we might put them into action? I could skip ahead in your story if you wish, to bypass the dull and uninteresting work of setting your evil plans in motion. If you wish me to do so.
    >> Alpharius 05/11/11(Wed)21:21 No.14895554
    >>14895501
    Lets make a GIANT SPIDER. out of ZOMBIES! one LARGE ENOUGH to cause TERROR in the GENERAL POPULACE!
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:22 No.14895565
    >>14895416
    This could be beneficial, by building her up as the bad guy but keeping us in the dark, manipulating everything as we slowly grow in power.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:23 No.14895581
    >>14895544
    >>14895525
    >>14895514
    >>14895489
    >>14895501
    My vote is to enact these in our timeskip.

    ANd timeskip.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:25 No.14895603
    >>14895552
    Just don't go too far ahead. And make sure that every moment we are not actively involved in the slow death of the world's order is spent in magical study.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:25 No.14895609
    rolled 11 = 11

    >>14895552
    first, we find out if hteres an antidote we can take for the MC potion..we can eat whatever we spike as to not raises suspicion that way, then we solve the zombie problem, and invite mayor and our bride-to-be to a victory discussion for rewards. we bring the mind control pie and our contracts.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:26 No.14895618
    >>14895565
    For that we don't even need the pie we could just feign inability beyond golems and offer our services to her while also being prepared to eliminate her
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:28 No.14895640
    >>14895618
    pie+ contract ensures total loyalty and no backstabby.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:30 No.14895676
    rolled 16 = 16

    >>14895640
    plus we get a dark queen to rule at our sides.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:32 No.14895696
    >>14895676
    Or one we can rule from behind, as a 'servant'
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:37 No.14895746
    >>14895696
    no
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:37 No.14895748
    >>14895696
    We can rule her from behind at night, no need to do so any other time.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:37 No.14895757
    rolled 3 = 3

    >>14895748
    oh snap.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:38 No.14895761
    >>14895748
    ...figurehead.
    The power behind the throne?

    Puppet master?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:39 No.14895774
    rolled 10 = 10

    >>14895761
    evil.
    overlord.

    our name will be spoken with fear and respect. And our dark queen/if possible harem will rule at our side.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:40 No.14895784
    >>14895774
    ...Fine. I can see when I am outnumbered.

    We will rule. THough we ought to look into establishing ourselves with immortality too.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:45 No.14895831
    >>14895784
    Lets keep with the theme for that and install ourselves in the body of a golem or in a artifct of some kind. Also we'd be better off as a puppet master to a few other evil overlord's at first (groom some brutes for evil), just at first to cause kingdom's to alter their defenses for specific types of evil.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)21:45 No.14895833
    Very well, Dark One, I shall skip ahead.

    The next month passes like a blur of study and pocket change. Finding your way to the town in disguise, you sell your services as a pest catcher, and with your spider doing all the work, all you must do is keep track of your contracts. Slowly, you gain a reputation as a man to be relied upon, assuming the problem that needs solving is pest related. Your cunning disguise makes you seem like one of the common folk, and with it you begin to sow the seeds of rebellion against the witch. When not in the town... mingling, you find yourself in your tower, making more spiders from the bones of rats and other vermin. By the time the month is up, you have a sizable army of 25 spiders, all taking care of whatever pest problems that the town may have.

    Outside your new business, you begin researching the zombie problem. At first it seems hopeless, but you stumble across an injured zombie one day while looking for one of your missing spiders. It appears that the spider, displaying cunning unheard of among the others, pelted the zombie with fruit, and quite on accident, threw a rock, which happened to push the zombie into a small pool of enchanted water. This water, coming from your mountain, has been determined by you to be the result of magical fallout, caused by your enchanting of the bonespiders. This magewater, as you take to calling it, seems to cause an allergic reaction in zombies that renders them catatonic. It's quite fascinating.

    Using the water in the pool, you have managed to round up all the zombies in your tower dungeon. Actually, in a pit, in your tower dungeon. The spiders dug it for you while looking for gold.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:46 No.14895843
    rolled 10 = 10

    >>14895831
    >artificial body
    because that always works so well.
    >> Alpharius 05/11/11(Wed)21:46 No.14895849
    >>14895833
    nice, we should study what other effects this water may have.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)21:47 No.14895857
    >>14895833
    Two days ago, you revealed your identity as Frank the Red's apprentice. Spinning a sob story to melt the hearts of the people, you describe how your master fell while you attempted to destroy the zombie threat. You continued his work, and now they can see the results for themselves. There are NO zombies near the village.

    The thanks you received was very nice, at first. They sent you flowers and food, and helped to fix up your tower. Then, as if you expected anything different, the witch came to town. You met in the town square, yourself flanked by your spider minions, armored with steel from the battlefield you looted, and her, surrounded by the town guard.

    You're meeting at the mayor's house in ten hours. The pie is ready, and you've already eating it yourself, to make yourself immune. Your time has come, oh glorious Dark One. Time to begin conquering the world.

    Smiling at the thought of your inevitable victory over the forces of good, the very word bringing a bad taste to your mouth, you step out of the tower, and mount your horse.

    Nothing could possibly go wrong.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:48 No.14895859
    >>14895843
    or we take our soul and stick it into one of our future spider constructs.

    Nothing too big, nor too small.


    After we lose the use of our pecker.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)21:49 No.14895878
    >>14895857
    My apologies for the typos, oh evil one.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:50 No.14895882
    >>14895857
    ...Shit.
    Wait, we have a horse?
    And not a spider?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:51 No.14895896
    >>14895833
    Test the magewater on other things such as your own spiders, maybe a few townsfolk willing to make a quick buck. We should start breeding some smaller spiders, meant for pets. Begin selling them, but don't mention their highly poisonous neurotoxins and ability to reproduce so quickly that everyone's attic will be a veritable hive.

    This will help in our eventual take-over, and even provide us with some revenue when people come to OUR pest service to get rid of any extra spiders they find.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:52 No.14895912
    >>14895843
    Artificial bodies are only problems for stupid mages though. All you have to do is set up a system where you can move from destroyed bodies to a new vessel, this also has the added effect of creating a vast network magically capable trinkets present in multiple kingdoms making our inevitable downfall just another challenge.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:53 No.14895924
    >>14895882
    Fix this.

    Have a bunch of little spiders crawling all over you. Gotta look the part of a future world power.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:55 No.14895940
    SPIIIIIIIDEEEEERRRS
    >> Taffer 05/11/11(Wed)21:55 No.14895953
    >>14895924
    Why walk? Travel on a wave of little spiders carrying you anywhere you want.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:56 No.14895961
    hey, wait a minute, we already had an Evil Quest, and I don't know if it's finished. You need to rename your quest, OP.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:57 No.14895972
    >>14895961
    I propose "Spider-Overlord Quest"
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)21:57 No.14895974
    >>14895961
    Perhaps Dark Lord Quest?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)21:58 No.14895978
    >>14895953
    And then have them all spirit away into the little spaces around you when you want to stop. A little reminder that spiders, are fucking EVERYWHERE.

    We're terrifying.
    >> k !05p9wg6rks 05/11/11(Wed)22:00 No.14895999
    use arcane to make image of self,do not go in person,lurk outside
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:05 No.14896058
    >>14895857
    So? Do something happens?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:07 No.14896073
    rolled 2 = 2

    for all the people wondering why we arent riding a giant spider..think for a second, we don't want to look evil..YET.

    once the witch is our dark lady, then we can start with the tyranny.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:08 No.14896095
    rolled 4 = 4

    >>14895912
    being "oh so clever" also never goes well.

    besides, we arent fucking Voldemort.
    >> Dark Overlord Quest Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)22:08 No.14896096
    There. Now, to continue the story...

    A horse is not a noble enough creature for one such as yourself. Nay, you require a wave of artificial spiders to ride upon. Gathering your forces, you instruct the spiders, and they obey. Carrying you upon their backs, you stand perfectly still as you float along the rode to the village. You pass many a commoner, and do not give them a thought. You are an Overlord, destined to rule over them, not to rule alongside them.

    Eventually you reach the village, and near the mayor's mansion. As you step off the spider wave, they scatter this way and that, ready to come and fight for you at a single command. The people around you stare nervously. They have suffered under the witch for too long. It's time they suffered under you instead.

    A spider, carrying the pie, manages to smuggle it in through the window. Its mission: To replace the real pie.

    Smiling as best you can at the dirty servants (who also smell, by the way), you enter the mansion. Lead by the butler, who smells less bad, you enter the dining hall and take your seat. Across the table from you sits the mayor. The witch, it seems, is late.

    Glancing around, you hear a sharp pop, and find yourself thrown across the room by a sudden blast of heat and force. Pulling yourself to your feet, you spy the witch approaching you, out for blood.

    Roll 1d20, and select your action.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:11 No.14896126
    rolled 7 = 7

    >>14896096
    SPIDER SWARM
    STUFF THEM DOWN HER THROAT
    TEAR HER TO PIECES
    MAIM KILL BURN
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:12 No.14896135
    rolled 17 = 17

    It's time to cover a bitch in spiders
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:12 No.14896136
    rolled 10 = 10

    >>14896096
    have the spiders subdue her, webs, not paralysis, then she can't eat the pie.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:12 No.14896144
    >>14896096
    look at >>14895999
    we are currently safe but need quick thinking,try to stuff pie down throat
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:12 No.14896145
    rolled 8 = 8

    >>14896096
    Talk our way down offering to talk things out peacefully until she eats the pie
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:14 No.14896157
    rolled 4 = 4

    >>14896145
    >>14896135
    combine the two.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:14 No.14896164
    rolled 4 = 4

    >>14896096
    Throw the pie at her face while dodging her attacks!
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:15 No.14896172
    there is someone else in the room? because 20 guards can be a problem.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)22:25 No.14896269
    >>14896157
    >>14896164
    Thinking quickly, you call out for your spiders and grab the pie off the table. As you roll over the table, it erupts in flames behind you, and the wall ahead explodes in a mountain of rock and lightning. Hearing your spiders, you look upwards, and point at your target, the witch.

    Two dozen steel and bone spiders drop from above, their combined weight knocking the witch to the ground. They swarm over the whole of her body, as you try to talk things out. Seemingly in vain, as a pulse of force emanates from her form and sends your spiders flying. They redouble their efforts to restrain her, and she again sends them flying. Then, you think of a brilliant scheme. As the mayor flees the room, you let fly the pie, and with a squish, it hits the witch on the face. She falls backwards in shock, and wipes it off.
    "God, who made this thing!? Tastes fucking AWFUL."
    She laughs, and comes at you, the spiders continuing to slow her down.
    "Did you really think you could take me?"
    She lets fly a bolt of energy, her aim pushed at the wall by another spider. She hits it against the wall, and more spiders continue to swarm her. Struggling to get up, as they pull against the floor, and each other, she screams in anger as she is forced to the ground.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)22:26 No.14896280
    >>14896164
    >>14896157
    Yeah, consecutive ties are critical hits. It's a weird system, but it's mine.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:26 No.14896290
    >>14896269
    Tell her to stop struggling, and quiet the hell down.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:28 No.14896307
    >>14896290
    Then tell her to dance for our amusement.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:33 No.14896352
    rolled 7 = 7

    >>14896269
    was that the mind control pie? if so..
    "you may be correct, but why should two people as powerful as us work alone? join me, and we could rule this pitiful world together!"
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:35 No.14896373
    >>14896352
    temporary.

    We need the contract. And a soul.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:36 No.14896381
    rolled 2 = 2

    >>14896373
    well, obviously, this is just so that her conscious mind thinks she actually has a choice
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:37 No.14896387
    >>14896381
    works for me.

    Lets go grab a random guard or commener.
    The mayor can die later.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:38 No.14896393
    Have the spiders that arent restraining her bring back the mayor.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:39 No.14896410
    rolled 10 = 10

    >>14896393
    he doesn't need to see this..if he thinks this was a misunderstanding, this town will be all the easier to control.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:42 No.14896437
    >>14896410
    LIsten to this guy. We need to be all the sneaky that we can be.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:43 No.14896451
    >>14896437
    wasnt the plan to use the mayor as the soul though?
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)22:44 No.14896463
    An excellent suggestion, Dark One. You grin and walk around the table, as she continues trying to get away from your spiders. Crouching on the floor in front of her, you tell her to shut up and stop moving. She grits her teeth, as she suddenly finds herself unable to speak or talk. Perfect. Your spiders remove themselves from her body, and form a chair underneath you, as she continues to try and fight the control. You tell her to get up and dance, and she slowly stands, and begins to dance a ballroom dance with and imaginary partner. You can see the anger in her eyes at this humiliation, but you ignore it. You've got work to do. Grabbing a piece of pie off the floor, you have three of your spiders go to find the mayor. As the witch continues to dance, you hear the mayor yell and call for help as he's pulled into the room. The guards outside look at each other and ignore him. They apparently bear him ill will. As he finds himself on the floor before you, your ego swells for a moment. Grabbing the short, balding man by the ear, you shove a piece of pie into his mouth as he shouts in pain. You instruct him to dance with the witch, and she winces with anger as he begins to do so.

    Speaking to the witch, you ask her why it is that she must fight you? Together, you claim, you could do great things. You could rule the world! Why not join forces, that you might be doubly effective? She can't respond, of course, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're just distracting her conscious mind, so you may activate the contract you created. Quietly reciting the incantation, the room goes completely dark as you finish. All light seems to fade, save that from the contract. A shadow peels itself off the wall, and straightens its bright red tie. Approaching you, it grins most unnaturally.
    "WELL HOWDY. WHAT CAN I DO YA FOR?"
    You hold out the contract.
    "AND THE SOUL?"
    You point to the mayor.
    "GOTCHA. ALRIGHT, GIVE'R HERE."
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:45 No.14896465
    rolled 17 = 17

    >>14896451
    I was thinking some servant.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:45 No.14896468
    >>14896451
    But if we have someone else who is in the room and has seen us fighting, better get him to the contract.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/11/11(Wed)22:47 No.14896483
    >Select seven (7) terms of the contract for the witch, and three (3) for yourself. I of course advise you make them as airtight as possible.
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)22:48 No.14896493
    >>14896463
    This works out in our favor.

    Now we just need to subjugate the town.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:51 No.14896513
    rolled 8 = 8

    >>14896483
    One for the Witch: She cannot, in anyway, preform an action that is intended to harm us in anyway.

    I know, the word "intended" might be a point of contention among us, but can we honestly outlaw any action that would "possibly" bring about our downfall? Because that would be a crapton of usefull actions we would be outlawing.
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)22:51 No.14896520
    >>14896483
    Can we have time to deliberate?

    You will forever be loyal to me.
    Never able to betray me.
    Love me eternally.
    Never be jealous of me.
    You will use your powers in manners that will benifit me.
    You will never betray me.

    I will command and you will follow.
    I will speak and you will listen.
    I will share and you will hold my secrets closer than your own.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:52 No.14896529
    >>14896483
    I'll put some out
    1) The witch will keep all intelligence and ability although it may not be used without our consent
    2) The witch may only speak truth to us
    remember everyone if we leave wiggle room and her mind intact she will still grow as a spellcaster and a real relationship can develop
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:52 No.14896531
    >>14896520
    You said "never betray" twice.
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)22:53 No.14896535
    >>14896520
    replace second betray with "Attempt to harm directly or indirectly.

    And I will work out the wording in a moment.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:53 No.14896540
    rolled 16 = 16

    >>14896520
    I like these. Though I would like to have at least 3 or 4 people besides myself to look at these.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:53 No.14896541
    >>14896530
    we should change this one to "without our intended consent" just in case we want to fake our death later
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:53 No.14896542
    rolled 15 = 15

    >>14896520
    oh shit, we need to refine this with a rules lawyer and we got a bingo.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:54 No.14896544
    A momentary pop-in, then I go to bed: read the Three Laws of Robotics.

    Apply to her sorry ass.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:54 No.14896549
    >>14896541
    got deleted so I refer to harming our person
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:54 No.14896550
    >>14896535
    >>14896513
    How about, she will in no way, be it by thought, action, or agreement to another, conspire against us and seek to harm us, be it directly or indirectly, or remove us from power in any way.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:54 No.14896552
    >>14896483
    For the witch:
    Rule 1: She has to be loyal to you. That means that she will obey anything that you demand.

    Rule 2: She wont do you harm. That means that she cant try to do anything to you that she willing know that can do you harm, phisical, moral nor political

    Rule 3: She cannot talk to anyone else, unless we let her. We can choose whenever we want the person she can talk to with the word "I allow you, my lady, to interact with X"

    Thats what i think we could use. For us, we could set something that give her some benefits. We are evil, but not fools. If we are not to extrict with her, and in fact we are usefull for her, she will be less willing to fuck us. Even if the contrat dont let her. better safe than sorry.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:55 No.14896553
    >>14896520
    It's good, but replace the first betray with "never cause me any harm" and replace jealousy with "never doubt my commands"
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:55 No.14896555
    i deleted it because I fucked up the spelling.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:56 No.14896562
    rolled 8 = 8

    One for us: We reserve the right to amend all conditions of this contract at a later date.


    Kinda like the EULA.
    >> Diarca 05/11/11(Wed)22:56 No.14896567
    We should also lay down a law preventing her from actively hurting herself, unless specifically commanded by us to do so.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:56 No.14896570
    What is with you people and destroying her will if we want her to develop as her own spellcaster and a separate agent when necessary we should leave wiggle room.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:57 No.14896579
    >>14896562
    i think that the 3 rules are something we must do. Like a mutual contract, she has to do 7 things, we have to do 3, not that we have 3 special powers. That will not make any sense.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:58 No.14896593
    >>14896570
    We'll leave some wiggle room alright: IN BED!

    I'm a horrible person.
    >> Taffer 05/11/11(Wed)22:58 No.14896595
    >>14896552
    Maybe a "When you please me, you will be filled will the most greatest joy"? So she'll want to please us, so she will always be joyful, like a happy addict. Sorry, guys I'm chaotic. Not too good with rules.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:58 No.14896596
    >>14896579
    The seven rules are things that apply to her. The three rules apply to us.

    It doesn't have to be FAIR in any way.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:59 No.14896600
    this could work.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)22:59 No.14896601
    >>14896579
    Still, wouldn't you like to be able to alter the terms of the deal if they don't work out as you intended?
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)23:00 No.14896612
    1)Your loyalty will be to me and greater than any other servants loyalty to their master.
    2)You will never take action or thought that would cause me to be harmed, incapacitated, or rendered invalid.
    3)You will Love me unconditionally with no thoughts of Jealousy.
    4)You will Speak only the truth to me.
    5) YOu will defend me with your body, mind, magic, and soul to the best of your abilities even if it would cost you your life.
    6) You will not take action that would cause you harm, nor allow actions in that nature unless it is by my specific command.
    7) You will never betray me for any cause or reason.

    1) When I speak, You will listen.
    2) When I command, you will follow my intent.
    3) When I share secrets, they will be treated by you as closer to you than your own.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:01 No.14896623
    >>14896579
    If that is the case then i suggest
    1. I cannot destroy her as long as I deem her totally beneficial to my cause.
    2. I will give her something to help her with every task that I give to her.
    3. I will accept her as my second in command in my rise to power.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:01 No.14896632
    >>14896612
    We have a winner it seems.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:02 No.14896637
    >>14896601
    Ok, so she
    1. Cannot conspire against us.
    2. Allow us to come to harm, through her own actions, or through inaction
    3. Can preserve herself if the other terms are met.

    And we
    4. Can change the terms of the contract at any time.
    5. Can change the terms of the contract without prior notification.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:02 No.14896639
    >>14896483

    The Bound Party (known also as the Bound, or Witch) shall adhere to the following terms for the Binding Party (known also as the Binder, or Dark One)

    1) The Bound Witch shall carry out the orders the Binding Dark One issues to the best of her total ability, both mental and physical, as a minion of the Dark One. The Bound shall follow the intentions of the orders to the best of her ability, and will ask clarification on orders when possible.

    2) The Bound Witch shall never tell a lie to the Binding Dark One when speaking in a secure and private manner, and must volunteer information she believes to be useful. She must volunteer said information at the first opportunity for secure and private conversation between the Bound and the Binder. The Bound Witch may tell lies to other people, and may lie to the Binding Dark One when third parties to the conversation are present if telling the lie would advance the Dark One's interests in her opinion. If there is no gain for the Dark One from her lie, she may not tell it.

    3) The Bound Witch may never take action against the Binding Dark One unless given an explicit order to do so by the Binding Dark One, provided that at the time the explicit order is issued the Dark One is not under duress nor in a state of mind that is not legally competent (i.e. not mind controlled or brain damaged).

    (continued)
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:04 No.14896654
    >>14896570
    We should keep our ass safe. The "not willing harm us or do anything that she know that can harm us" is a must. "Obey all ours orders" is another must. "No lie to us" i think is another good one. "Dont talk any information that we have said to be a secret to anyone else unless we order you" is another one which could be good. We should say "everything that i will say untill i leave the room is a secret", or something like that. That would make her in fact free, but cannot do harm to us, by spell, nor by weapon, nor by liying to us, nor by telling our enemies our secrets.

    And again, we should be "good" to hers. She is our pet now, but if she is happy with the pact, she wont try anything dangeorus.

    Oh, the other saying "you cannot try to do harm to yourself nor do anything that you know that can do harm to yourself unless we command it" is another good one.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:04 No.14896655
    Alright, here's a working contract I'd like your opinions on(mostly copy-pasted).

    You will forever be loyal to me.
    Never able to betray me.
    Love me eternally.
    Never be jealous of me.
    You will use your powers in manners that will benifit me.
    You will in no way, be it by thought, action, or agreement to another, conspire against us and seek to harm us, be it directly or indirectly, or remove us from power in any way.
    I will command and you will follow.
    I will speak and you will listen.
    I reserve the right. to alter the terms of this contract at a later date
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:05 No.14896670
    >>14896595
    That, that is a great idea.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:07 No.14896682
    >>14896612
    One thing we absolutly need is the ability to change the terms. Things happen in unforseen ways. The last thing we want to do is get our balls, either literally or figuratively, caught in a vice because of some ironclad contract.

    Also, we need to reserve the right to terminate her position at any time. With extreme prejudice.
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)23:07 No.14896693
    >>14896670
    That is why I included the command line.
    We tell her that when she pleases us we will reward her.

    ANd then we do.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:09 No.14896699
    >>14896612
    This is cool, but need to be rewrite to not be misunderstood. Not betray me is a good phrase, but very dangeorus. I think is better "You cannot do anything that you know that could do any harm to me, nor phisical, nor political, nor moral". And here cannot be any misunderstood. You cannot comand anyone to kill me, because what you are doing is harm me by saying someone to kill me. Nor you can say any information to my enemy, because that would be doing harm to me political, and probably, phisical.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:11 No.14896717
    >>14896693
    Then, lets do this official.
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)23:13 No.14896732
    still want to hear:
    >>14896639
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:13 No.14896736
    Alright, so I think we've decided on the terms.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:17 No.14896780
    >>14896732
    Oh, didnt notice it.

    That is the kind of things that i was talking about.
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)23:18 No.14896785
    1)Your loyalty will be to me and greater than any other servants loyalty to their master.
    2) You will adhere to my word first, and this contract second.
    3)You will Love me unconditionally with no thoughts of Jealousy.
    4)You will Speak only the truth to me.
    5) YOu will defend me with your body, mind, magic, and soul to the best of your abilities even if it would cost you your life.
    6) You will not take action that would cause you harm, nor allow actions in that nature unless it is by my specific command.
    7) You will not do anything that could cause harm to me in any maner, be it physical, political, mental, or other such action, such that to any degree would cause me physical pain, mental pain, social trouble, political trouble, economic trouble, or otherwise render me an invalid.

    1) When I speak, You will listen.
    2) When I command, you will follow my intent.
    3) When I share secrets, they will be treated by you as closer to you than your own.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:19 No.14896793
    >>14896785
    Still think we need to be able to change the terms if they work out in an unforseen manner.

    But, if everyone's happy with this...
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:19 No.14896795
    >>14896785
    im ok with this.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:20 No.14896803
    >>14896793
    Dont think that could be done. And dont need neither.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:22 No.14896822
    >>14896785
    >5) YOu will defend me with your body, mind, magic, and soul to the best of your abilities even if it would cost you your life.
    >6) You will not take action that would cause you harm, nor allow actions in that nature unless it is by my specific command.

    These two are at odds.

    We also need to be able to modify the contract at will.
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)23:22 No.14896823
    >>14896793
    >>2) You will adhere to my word first, and this contract second.
    that is taken into account.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:22 No.14896824
    >>14896785
    for 7 add "without our direct intended consent" just in case we want her to do something that may cause us harm bt will also benefit us
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)23:23 No.14896833
    >>14896822
    by my specific command.
    >5) YOu will defend me with your body, mind, magic, and soul to the best of your abilities even if it would cost you your life.
    That counts a s a specific command by us, especially if we re-enforce it after the contract is made.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:24 No.14896839
    >>14896822
    The former rule is his specific command, so they are not at odds. Also, as long as our command is taken above the contract, we don't need to change the contract, we can just tell her to disregard a rule.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:24 No.14896842
    >>14896833
    Accepted.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:24 No.14896843
    >>14896822
    Yeah, this can be a bit tricky. Since defend us is before defend yourself, she should defend us even when she could die, but could use this to in fact, die. But well, better her than us.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:25 No.14896851
    Well, guise, any decision?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:26 No.14896858
    Are we able to kill her?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:28 No.14896881
    >>14896858
    >6) You will not take action that would cause you harm, nor allow actions in that nature unless it is by my specific command.
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)23:28 No.14896884
    >>14896858
    nothing in the contract states otherwise.

    ANd we could always order her to kill herself.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:30 No.14896895
    >>14896884
    Just making sure.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:30 No.14896899
    >>14896785
    >2) You will adhere to my word first, and this contract second.
    This clause means that if we say something carelessly which would give her an out, she can take the out. Makes me nervous.

    >7) You will not do anything that could cause harm to me in any maner, be it physical, political, mental, or other such action, such that to any degree would cause me physical pain, mental pain, social trouble, political trouble, economic trouble, or otherwise render me an invalid.
    There are some situations where she could be required to harm us in a smaller way in order to benefit us in a larger way; we should reword this to account for those.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:35 No.14896932
    >>14896899
    Thats why I prefer the ability to amend the contract, not just verbal override
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)23:36 No.14896946
    1)Your loyalty will be to me and greater than any other servants loyalty to their master.
    2) You will adhere to my command first, and this contract second, while doing your best to fulfill both.
    3)You will Love me unconditionally with no thoughts of Jealousy.
    4)You will Speak only the truth to me.
    5) YOu will defend me with your body, mind, magic, and soul to the best of your abilities even if it would cost you your life.
    6) You will not take action that would cause you harm, nor allow actions in that nature unless it is by my specific command.
    7) You will not do anything that could cause harm to me in any maner, be it physical, political, mental, or other such action, such that to any degree would cause me physical pain, mental pain, social trouble, political trouble, economic trouble, or otherwise render me an invalid unless it is by my command and would be a superficial wound.

    1) When I speak, You will listen.
    2) When I command, you will follow my intent.
    3) When I share secrets, they will be treated by you as closer to you than your own.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:36 No.14896947
    >>14896899
    We can always add a command to make something efective. For instance, we could say "You will adhere at this rules and my word, and only when i command you by saying "You, My bounded witch...", you would adhere to my word, even when it is against the contract.

    We just have to try to not say "You, my Bounded Wich" so much...
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:36 No.14896948
    >>14896639

    4) The Bound Witch is obligated to continue to pursue methods of expanding her power which do not run counter to the Binder's interests, during periods of time when she is neither recuperating, carrying out the Binder's orders, nor furthering the Binder's agenda. The Bound may take breaks from pursuing expanding her power (rest and relaxation) when the Binder grants permission. The Bound may request such breaks when normal recuperation (sleep and healing) does not fully repair her injured mind and/or body and/or soul.

    5) The Bound Witch will keep up a course of maintenance of her person, eating healthy meals, exercising regularly, maintaining a healthy sleep cycle, and engaging in period diversions so that her mind does not wither, such that she is rested and healthy when not on missions assigned by the Binder. She may deviate from her normal maintenance in emergencies, for as long as she can physically stand, or for the duration of the emergency.

    (continued)
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:37 No.14896959
    rolled 16 = 16

    >>14896947
    would you kindly..
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:38 No.14896960
    >>14896948
    Its taking you a very long time, as i can see.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:38 No.14896962
    1)Your loyalty will be to me and greater than any other servants loyalty to their master.
    2) You will adhere to my word first, and this contract second.
    3)You will Love me unconditionally with no thoughts of Jealousy.
    4)You will Speak only the truth to me.
    5) YOu will defend me with your body, mind, magic, and soul to the best of your abilities even if it would cost you your life.
    6) You will not take action that would cause you harm, nor allow actions in that nature unless it is by my specific command.
    7) You will not do anything that could cause harm to me in any maner, be it physical, political, mental, or other such action, such that to any degree would cause me physical pain, mental pain, social trouble, political trouble, economic trouble, or otherwise render me an invalid.

    1) When I speak, You will listen. If it is meant to be secret you will keep it and not share it with anyone unless explicitly commanded by me to do so.
    2) When I command, you will follow my intent.
    3) I reserve the right the alter and/or modify this contract at any time, place, and for any reason.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:39 No.14896973
         File1305171559.jpg-(87 KB, 469x428, trollface.jpg)
    87 KB
    >>14896959
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:40 No.14896982
    >>14896962
    Well, has anyone anything else to say, or do we proceed with this?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:40 No.14896989
    rolled 12 = 12

    >>14896948
    >>14896639
    dude, are you a fucking lawyer?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:41 No.14896996
    >>14896962
    prefer this to >>14896946
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:41 No.14896997
    rolled 16 = 16

    >>14896982
    we stick with the guy whos writing this up very clearly in legal terms, not this list.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:44 No.14897018
    >>14896996
    At the very least, a law student.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:44 No.14897022
    >>14896948

    Typo in 5 there, it should read:
    5) The Bound Witch shall keep up a course of maintenance of her person, eating healthy meals, exercising regularly, maintaining a healthy sleep cycle, and engaging in periodic diversions so that her mind does not wither, such that she is rested and healthy when not on missions assigned by the Binder. She may deviate from her normal maintenance in emergencies, for as long as she can physically stand, or for the duration of the emergency.

    6) The Bound Witch will seek permission from the Binding Dark One before engaging in any activity which requires the use of a soul or multiple souls to power it, and shall seek permission before engaging in any activity which could release energies sufficient to completely destroy a thorpe, village, or larger community.

    7) The Bound Witch will give the Binding Dark One presents on his birthday, and on two major holidays to be named by the Binding Dark One. These gifts will be in good taste, and will be whatever the Bound Witch thinks the Binding Dark One would genuinely enjoy.
    >> Lord HIghlander !8n3euea.jA 05/11/11(Wed)23:45 No.14897026
    >>14896997
    thats fine. I was still just trying to cess out our goals and whatnot.

    If someone else can write it in Legalize, then works for me.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:45 No.14897029
    >>14897018
    meant to respond to this guy.
    >>14896989
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:47 No.14897042
    >>14897022
    I suppose that the point 5 also means not suicide, isnt it?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:47 No.14897051
    >>14896962
    I think this airtight enough for a /tg/ quest.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:48 No.14897060
    >>14897022
    Requiring her to give us presents suggests that she has property of her own.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:49 No.14897066
    rolled 10 = 10

    >>14897051
    that;s what /t/ always thinks. and then we get fucked in the ass with a flaming, spiked dildo covered in acid, as some demon makes us call him momma
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:50 No.14897077
    >>14897066
    But that's usually our goal.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:50 No.14897087
    >>14897066
    Unless we'd enjoy that, the contract list would call for the witch to defend us from that.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:51 No.14897096
    rolled 9 = 9

    >>14897060
    she has a vagina, we're 18.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:52 No.14897102
    >>14897096
    Requiring her to give us vagina on special occasions suggests that she's not required at any other time.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:53 No.14897109
    >>14897022

    In return, the Binding Dark One agrees to these conditions

    1) The Binder shall see to the well being of the Bound by providing an allowance of at least equal value to one head of cattle a year (to be allotted on the Binder's birthday), medical care when required (up to the value of one percent of the Binder's net value, or beyond that at his discretion), and conversation when practical (at the sole discretion of the Binder).

    2) The Binder shall not order the Bound to a certain death unless said death would result in a net doubling of the material wealth and assets the Binder has at his disposal.

    3) The Binder shall provide the Bound with a present on the Bound's birthday, and one two holidays of her choice. The present will be chosen by the Binder and shall be useful in some way. Potential gifts include, but are not limited to: Property, land, slaves, cultural treasures, objects d'art, clothing, jewels, and fine wines.
    >> Anon 05/11/11(Wed)23:53 No.14897110
    So... kids?
    or conjured objects?

    hmm...
    What the hell would we use kids for, except in dark rituals?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:53 No.14897114
    rolled 15 = 15

    >>14897102
    >1) The Bound Witch shall carry out the orders the Binding Dark One issues to the best of her total ability, both mental and physical, as a minion of the Dark One. The Bound shall follow the intentions of the orders to the best of her ability, and will ask clarification on orders when possible.

    we can tell her to have sex with us, and dammit, it'll be awesome.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:54 No.14897120
    I love you /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:55 No.14897132
    >>14897060

    If she's going to be useful in the long run, she will need property of her own and enough agency to use it to pursue goals complementary to ours.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:55 No.14897135
    >>14897109
    What is it with you and presents? No presents for her. She will be happy and go without. To do otherwise implies that she is special not just a tool for us to use in our quest for domination.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:55 No.14897139
    >>14896639
    >>14896948
    >>14897022
    >>14897109
    Ready to go then?
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:56 No.14897153
    >>14897132

    Though as >>14897114 says, we can order her to give us whatever she has that we want anyway. But she will need some stuff that's actually hers to do things.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:56 No.14897154
    >>14897135
    She's a special tool.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:57 No.14897161
    >>14897135
    That means that she THINKS that she is specials, therefore she will be less willing to fuck us(in the wrong way(i dont mean in the ass, i mean killing us)).
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:58 No.14897169
    >>14897135

    It's a contract, there needs to be some parity for both sides of the contract for it to be an actually valid contract. Otherwise it's just a writ of slavery, and could feasibly be contested if she ever got a hotline to the infernal forces that are enforcing the contract. There's a reason why there are 3 terms we have to adhere to.
    >> Anonymous 05/11/11(Wed)23:59 No.14897178
    >>14897161
    The contract forbids her from harming us. She deserves no better treatment than a sword or armor.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:00 No.14897191
    rolled 7 = 7

    >>14897178
    what if by some bizzarre stroke of misfortune, she breaks free? at least we'll be able to say "BUT I GAVE YOU THAT NICE DRESS YOU LIKED!"
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:00 No.14897192
    >>14897169
    Fine, we give her dental, medical, and 30 minute lunch breaks everyday. Note that the contract still applies while she is on her lunch break.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:01 No.14897207
    >>14897191
    As she guts us. It's a moot point. Continue Evil questgiver; we have our contract.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/12/11(Thu)00:01 No.14897209
    An excellent contract, Dark Overlord. With the addition of your ability to amend the terms at any time, it seems to be very airtight. You would have made an excellent lawyer, were you not already a mage. Now, back to our tale.

    "WELL, THAT SEEMS AMAZINGLY UNFAIR. I MEAN, DAMN. ANY OBJECTIONS ON THE PART OF THE OTHER PARTY?"
    You tell her to say no, and she obeys. She sounds like she'll try to kill you at any moment. The contract floats out of the shadow's hand, shifting colors and pulsing with energy, before bursting into flames and evaporating.
    "WELL ALRIGHTY THEN, THE CONTRACT HAS BEEN ACCEPTED BY THE POWERS THAT BE. NICE WORK WITH THE PIE, BY THE WAY. A LOT OF PEOPLE HIGH UP ON THE FOOD CHAIN ARE ROOTING FOR YOU, KEEP IT UP."
    With a bang, and a blinding flash, the shadow disappears, and the room returns to normalcy, without the mayor. You brush yourself off and get up off your spiderrobotchair. The spiders climb up the walls and wait patiently. Victory tastes so sweet, does it not sire?

    The Witch grunts as she falls to the ground. Running at you with a fist obviously intended for your face, she freezes in mid air for just a moment. Her face goes white, and then the witch is thrown backwards against the wall, writhing in pain. Trying again, with the same results, she continues trying to attack you for the next half hour, before finally falling against the wall, exhausted.
    "You... fucker..."
    She winces again as she speaks. Can't have her hurting your emotions, can we Dark One?

    The guards slowly enter the room, looking at you, and the witch, back and forth behind their armored helmets.
    "Wait, so are you the mayor now, um... sir?"
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:01 No.14897210
    >>14897178
    A good tyrant is always nice with those who are lower than him, just because is safer. A loyal servant is always better, even if she cant do anything to us.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:02 No.14897213
    >This thread was awesome
    >Till niggers started talking about how to make a sex slave out of the witch.
    Asshats ruining a good thread with creeper fetishes, fuckin' fa/tg/uys.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:03 No.14897228
    >>14897209
    "Make me a sandwich."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:03 No.14897229
    >>14897209

    "The Mayor is an elected position, isn't it? For the moment I am the Interim Administrator. We will organize elections shortly."

    Of course we're going to fix the elections, but doing this as cleanly as possible means we'll have more support, and more genuine support at that.
    >> Beginner's Guide to Evil !y15cQl1vv6 05/12/11(Thu)00:04 No.14897230
    >>14897213
    It's not my fault, I just run the quest.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:04 No.14897232
    Well the first thing we need to do is.

    TALK TO CORPORATE
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:05 No.14897236
    >>14897232
    Like a BOSS

    But wait, aren't we corprate? We're the head.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:05 No.14897237
    >>14897213
    You can't have a female being bound to servitude without at least a little sex.
    >> Anon 05/12/11(Thu)00:05 No.14897239
    >>14897209
    I hate paperwork. But yes, it would seem so.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:05 No.14897240
    rolled 1 = 1

    >>14897213
    how the fuck else are we gonna get an heir, hm?

    babies come from sex, not the stork.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:06 No.14897251
    >>14897213
    >Hurd durd mind control a woman hur sex slave

    What would you say if the witch would have being instead a very powerfull wizard?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:06 No.14897256
    >>14897240
    >babies come from sex, not the stork.
    WHAT?! MY ENTIRE WORLD HAS BEEN TURNED UPSIDE DOWN!
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:07 No.14897259
    >>14897251
    2/10

    Obvious troll is obvious.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:07 No.14897261
    >>14897213

    Asspie forever alone guys will do that, you know. Just try to ignore their creepiness.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:07 No.14897262
    >>14897240
    We build the heir out of SPIIIIDERS
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:07 No.14897267
    make her mayor to gain her loyalty
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:08 No.14897272
    >>14897240
    Don't forget that we have magic. If we want an heir, we can build one.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:08 No.14897276
         File1305173296.jpg-(19 KB, 633x321, SpiderSmith[1].jpg)
    19 KB
    In keeping with the spider theme, I move we make this the character portrait.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:08 No.14897278
    >>14897267
    You mean give her the title and make her do all the paperwork.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:08 No.14897279
    >>14897256
    Nah, babies are useless. We just have like a living weapon at our service. We should make her look for divine magic and begin to learn necromancy or something like that.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:08 No.14897287
    >>14897240
    I plan to never die, why do we need an heir?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:09 No.14897289
    >>14897276
    Fine by me
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:09 No.14897293
    >>14897267
    Her loyalty is part of the contract.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:09 No.14897296
    >>14897278
    she has to work,but gets to keep most of her former power.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:09 No.14897300
    rolled 9 = 9

    >>14897209
    "mayor? no, you are my serfs, and I am your liege. The mayor will retain his title, and will take care of administrative duties, reporting to me periodically, bringing me news of this town, along with taxes and other such things."
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:10 No.14897302
    >>14897209

    We should ask her what day her birthday is.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:10 No.14897308
    >>14897300

    We just killed the old mayor by selling his soul to shadow demons.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:10 No.14897309
    >>14897300
    Mayor's gone, bro.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:11 No.14897314
    >>14897278
    We should in fact be noone, just like the wizard who talk to the lider and give her advice. She should make a election, to take a major, and then keep ruling as she did, but changing some things. And we keep making ourselves more powerfull, and begins to create a kingdom.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:11 No.14897315
    >>14897300
    We killed off the mayor to use his soul in the contract, remember?

    And we should probably keep up the pretense of being not-that-bad a guy for now.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:11 No.14897317
    >>14897302
    No, then she'll just be mad when we forget.

    Women. Am I right, men?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:11 No.14897323
    Autosage in 20.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:12 No.14897329
    >>14897317
    >Forever Alone
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:12 No.14897330
    Can we get back to world domination, please?
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:12 No.14897334
    >>14897315
    That's not as much fine. Instead, we should publicly kick a crippled puppy in the face. That we crippled.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:13 No.14897340
    >>14897317
    Contrat will force us to remember the day, in fact i think we already know which day is it.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:13 No.14897343
    rolled 5 = 5

    >>14897308
    fffuuuck. well why didn't we use a servant!? NOW whos gonna deal with the paperwork? you think villages just run themselves?

    is there a..vice mayor then? or a council??
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:13 No.14897349
    >>14897334
    That wouldn't be evil; that would be dickery. We don't want dickery, we want true evil.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:14 No.14897353
    Love this so far, reminds me of overlord the vidya game. Especially OP's writing style, the dark humor is funny as hell.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:14 No.14897355
    >>14897334
    Excuse me, "not as much fun"
    >> Taffer 05/12/11(Thu)00:14 No.14897357
    I wonder, can we get some volunteers, or at least those voluntold, to come to the tower for some experiments into half-spider mutations? 5 guys, 5 gals at the very least. We can brainwash them into being fully loyal to us and hopefully remove the female eating the male during sex thingy so we can get a elite guard who can reproduce themselves. Of course the families of those may visit or be visited their newly changed family members at random days off. We may be evil but we are still nice, unless the situation calls for us being not nice,then look out, world
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:14 No.14897359
    rolled 12 = 12

    >>14897330
    Autosage in 15, so, another thread, or what?

    I propose to do the election things, and keep us behind the Witch while we get more powerfull.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:16 No.14897368
    >>14897343
    Magic. We can just enchant some spiders to do the work for us.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:16 No.14897370
    >>14897359
    Yeah, we need another thread. I propose we appoint the witch as nominal mayor, and make her do all the paper work while we work on spiders and magic stuff.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:16 No.14897375
    >>14897357
    We should wait till the village is loyal to us to do that kind of thing. If not, a lot of adventurer will come to kill us. Even the king would.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:17 No.14897377
    >>14897343
    The witch can be the mayor. She'll be the face for the public, while we'll be the true Big Bad. That way, when the heroes rise up against us and kill the witch, we'll be able to appear and reveal that I WAS THE MASTERMIND ALL ALONG

    Also, I'm getting bored of calling her "the witch". Let's name her Hecate.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:17 No.14897384
    >>14897375
    Lets archive this so we can remember it later.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:18 No.14897386
    >>14897377
    Or Honey Buns.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:18 No.14897389
    rolled 4 = 4

    >>14897368
    ....what.

    the spider who can't communicate with people, and is barely more intelligent than a spider is going to manage a village?

    better make it a..spider-taur so it at least looks..something like a human, if you ABSOLUTELY have to have your stupid minion secretary
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:19 No.14897397
    >>14897386
    That was my first idea. GET OUT OF MY HEAD, CHARLES
    >> Taffer 05/12/11(Thu)00:19 No.14897400
    >>14897377
    C is for cookie, and this is good enough for me
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:20 No.14897406
    rolled 16 = 16

    >>14897386
    >>14897377
    how about her actual name...no need to degrade her further, we want her to respect us SOMEWHAT.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:22 No.14897418
    >>14897406
    I forgot what it was. Scrolling up, I can see it's Llaira Mooncraft.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:22 No.14897422
    Thread archived, lets go to another thread if OP want to keep today with the quest.
    >> Anonymous 05/12/11(Thu)00:22 No.14897424
    >>14897397
    HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME



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