>Barbarian/Clown
Feels strangely familiar.

>Prostitute/Hunter
Hahaha, oh wow.

>Stripper Prophetess
Oh, that's just too easy.

>Cavalier/Hairdresser

His family brought him up to be a noble knight, but all he really wanted was to cut hair.

>mfw I'm Zohan.

Warlock Panhandler
Bum-Cavalier
Hunter/Banker

Mime/Barbarian
Oh dear god awesome.

Battle cry would be awesome, "!"

Soldier-Stripper

Boob plate everywhere~~

>Samurai Schoolteacher

...I've seen this before..

>>14891005
wave your arms frantically while scowling deeply?

Podiatrist/Adventurer

With all the walking adventurers do, they're going to need a foot doctor at one point. Dr. Efezel knew this, that's why he got in the business in the first place. Just staying in one place didn't really net him a whole lot of cash, however. So he follows around adventurers from town to town, waiting for one of them to injure themselves the equivalent of a medieval ambulance chaser.

>Windowwasher/Rogue
Sounds pretty logical, reroll
>Soceress(sic) Gardener
Old crazy catlady who uses her magic talents to grow beautful [spoiler]carnivorous[/spoiler] plants?

Barbarian Beekeeper
I win

>Lancer-Beekeeper
MY LANCE IS COVERED IN BEES!

>Halberdier-Cook

A supplyman in the employ of the local counts Army, training with the Counts signature weapon, the Halberd is mandatory.

>Archer Cobbler

An old heavy set shoe smith, he was run out of his home village after accidently killing a youngster who broke into his workshop. He carries a makeshift nail gun/cross bow that fires shoe studs.
A coward by nature he has grown obsessed with sneaking, improving his aim and scrounging parts and ammo for his gun
I shall call him Doc martin.

>Laundryman/Magic-User

I'll have your clothes clean and with that fresh magic scent in under a hour!

>>14891030

His glorious manly beard is made of bees. and possibly his axe.

"I'm not illiterate, I know the letter BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES"

>Duelist-Clown
I don't know....

>Babysitter-Thief

In other words, a normal babysitter.

>Paladin-Cook

Giant soup ladle for a sword, pot lid for a shield, chef hat helmet...

>>14891072
Challenges everyone who laughs at him to a duel, of course. Even clowns have honour!

>Conjurer-Coach
Blood bowl - style championship with summoned creatures from other planes?

>>14891071
"Are you attacking this village? Damn orcs, BEEEEHAVE YOURSELVES!"

>>14891091
"WHO DA YA THINK YOU'RE DEALIN' WITH?! YA THINK I'M FUNNY? I'M FUNNY?! YEAH? WELL, WHAT NOW?! YA WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?! GATS OR SHANK, BITCH; YOUR CHOICE!

I ACCEPT THINE CHALLENGE!

>Groundskeeper Martial Artist
Groundskeeper Gary loves the outdoors and loves to keep it neat and tidy. He spends all day shaping the shrubbery and fawning over flowers, but when those damn kids lumber around on his lawn he gets angry and kicks the kids into submission.

>Plumber/Samurai
No more needs to be said.

>Waitress Duelist

You will be served.

>>14891146
Now I have the mental image of Super Mario in Samurai gear with Katana drawn standing over a pile of dead Goombas.

Roofer/Martial Artist

One fateful day, Jim forgot his ladder when on a roofing job and was stuck for ideas on how to get to the roof when all of a sudden, he felt an intense physical rush and ran up the wall of the house and onto the roof. This was the day when Jim, a humble roofer raised in a small town, had natural physical abilities far beyond that of a normal persons. That night he set out for adventurer, taking full advantage of his new skills to acquire riches beyond the grasp of a humble roofer.

Bodyguard/Gigolo.

After spending his days guarding old wealthy women, he got bored and decided to fuck them for money instead.

>>14891116
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaLaCNKMtB8

>Inquisitor Headdresser
I shall comb out your Hairesy
>Berserker Haberdasher
RIP AND TEAR, RIP AND TEAR,(puts on monocle) old chap, pass the tea?

>Mercenary Hairdresser

He will make the highest bidder look FABULOUS!

>Cube of the Fortuitous Screamer

>Mercenary-Stripper
This can't end well.

>Healer Babysitter

Couldn't be more self explanatory.

If you think about it, all healers are babysitters really.

Mercenary-Sales Associate

"Good day and welcome to War-Mart!"

>Proctologist-Adventurer

Um.

Anyone have the link to that thread talking about the Escape Artist DC to climb up someone's ass? I get the feeling I'm going to need it...

>Adventurer Prostitute
....
so either a mercenary or...a prostitute that adventures.

>nth ffiless

>Garbageman Ninja
It's time to..

take out the trash

>Marine/Prettyboy
PRETTY MARINES, UNLEASH THE FURY OF THE EMPRAHS HAIRBRUSHES
GAY SEX LATER

>Paladin Chimneysweep
"FIRE HAZARDS AND UNCLEANINESS ARE NEXT TO HERESY! Your structures and stoves BEST be up to CODE, in the NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY!
Take THAT, you SMOG!"

Adventurer Clerk

Only one man dares to brave the sealed records in the basement...

Class bonus to wild stunts and filing forms.

>Matchmaker-Mystic
I run a medieval version of OKCupid.com
It's called OKSorcerer.com
We have a house in every town where you can describe your character (via chart) and through our patented mystical system, we can find your perfect battle couple. You will receive a crowmail with his/her contact so you can have adventures together.

'Are you a Fighter without a Cleric? A Wizard without a Meatshield? We at OKSorcerer.com can find your perfect ally in these dangerous lands.
Don't adventure alone anymore, OKSorcerer.com is there for you.'

Assassin mason.

Every building he works on contains a hidden deathtrap that can be triggered later.

Monk-Streetsweeper

i'mokaywiththis.jpeg

Schoolteacher-Prophetess

"Now here are your assignments for tomorrow. Don't bother turning them in. I already know what your scores are."

Housekeeper/Barbarian

Whatever you do, don't insult his abilities at housekeeping.

>Priest/Waitress
Ohohoohohhohohohoho.
She serves her god with excellent service and revealing outfits.
Tip her well, or face her Deity's wrath.

>Burglar-Plumber
Alissia Clogfinder, Queen of Thieves, Princess of Piping. A rebellious convent girl who scorned the hypocritical piety of her station and escaped into the blue-collar underworld. She cares only for the thrill of loosening a hairball from a sink without its owner knowing. She lives as outlaw royalty, having grown rich from her connections to the illicit plunger trade.

>Pornographer-Archer
He shafts Evil!!!

Mentalist-hobo.

He's the psychic who didn't quite get around to adventuring. Or developing a career. Or bathing.

>Typist/Inquisitor
Hahahahhaha, oh wow.
"THIS VILE PRINTER IS TAINTED! IT'S CARTRIDGE IS OUT!"

>Clerk-Assasin
"Oh! Welcome, Come over here to this room and have some tea" *SHANK* ^_^

>Crusader-Potter
All his childhood, Arthur was raised a potter- though he dreamed only of escaping his dreary town, spreading the faith and capturing images of distant land and great battles in pottery.

>Bard/Bum
Wow, I don't even need to work for this one.

>Burglar-Manicurist

in the morning after the breaking the only thing the owners of a house have left is pretty nails.

>Maid-Psionicist
Oh man, so awesome.

>Proctologist/Priestess
Nice.
>Valkyrie Bartender
Oh god.

Fop/Wizard

.....Well, guess I'll go home then.

>Barberr/Ninja

"Hey, did you get a haircut?"

"What? No, I haven't seen a barber in w-- FUCK!"

Inquisitor Editor
"You thought you could hide from me, behind a pen name of all things. None can hide from me, especially not those who preform such vile indignities upon the written language. God may forgive you for this pile of literary offal but I shall not! I consign you and your manuscript to the flames!"

>Schoolteacher Adventurer
So... Indiana Jones? I would totally play that. The perfect Factotum.

>Shaman Gardener
He communes with his plants' spirits and fights with VENUS FLY TRAPS. Awesome.

>Soldier Beekeeper
BEEEEEEEEEEEEES. He throws them at you.

>Winetaster Alchemist
Classy as fuck.

>Berserker-Sales Associate

SALES FOR THE SALESGOD!

>Monk Manicurist

Despite the intense hand-to-hand training at his monastery, Master Po and his students always seemed to have impeccable nails...

>>14891633
YOU WANT BUY CAMEL?

>Landscaper-Mercenary
Always willing to fight Grass for a price, there is no Grass too tall for the right sum of coin. Notable exemplars of this trade include Whitman, Childers, Deere, and MacCullum.

>Glassblower Monk

The half-goblin/gnomic republic of Terabliss was renown across the lands for it's fine craftsmanship. The combined merits of Goblinoid industrial spirit and Gnomic most obsessive dedication to Perfection has produced a myriad of artifacts regarded in all the Grimwalk as masterworks of the utmost quality. One such crafts is Glassblowing. You may ask, how could such a menial task as glassblowing be considered an art? For most human and elf nations work is naught but a nuisance that's better left to the servant's strata, not a worthy occupation for the race That Walks With Gods. But for the Terablians it's different. Very different.

Their social network is a meritocracy of sorts; a person's worth(and, by extension, the kind of place he is assigned by the scrying fascist-representative Council of the Four to live, the kind of people he can surround himself with, etc.) os dependant upon the best work he has done in the last three months. Many artisans rise and fall from grace in a matter of years, months even, when their political standing depends on their performance. Even more, some distasteful fellows rose to glory by eliminating their competitor's competence, not by your run-of-the-mill assassination but with foils from the subtlety of stealing a single brush to the rudeness of stabbing one's peer in the eye. How distasteful.

>Nanny/Hunter
Have your children run away from home? Are you afraid they may do so in the future? Just call~!

>Prophet/Hobo
Jesus...

or Hobo with a Shotgun

>Inquisitor-Garbageman

Brother Mephiodius waits. He watches. He, like no other man alive, has seen the filthy heart of humanity. He knows the people on this road better than they know themselves; he has seen the darkest parts of them, what they cast into the dustbin. Do they believe the simple act of putting out a can somehow absolves them? Fools.

They don't think about who looks in that dustbin, do they?

But he thinks of them.

And they will know his judgement.

>>14891711
But the worst of all dangers in the Terabliss republic, far worse than a hound of hyppogriffs or the NecroMaster Alberion Happyfeet, is love. For when the gaze of two persons, so different and so distant, meets, really meets, for the first time, it's like complete oblivio. They lose in the acuitous lake of each other's souls, act as two Basilisk fated to a bittersweet death. Their workshops abandoned, their friends unattended. Contacts lost, work not done! Their talents... wasted, squandered. Lost. In embrace, they forget all! their standing... usurpe- no, reclaimed by those who are worthy! and these fools, left to rot lie the beggars they are by their erstwhile friends. And, if they have a son! Shame on him, product of wastefulness! Illegitimate bastard! Unapproved project! Pilfer of the Public Domain! Symbol of his fathers failure! Un-goblinoid, ungnomic luxury! And if said son is the product of a Gnome-Goblin relation...oh boy! Doubly dammed he is! Unnatural Marriage! Aberrant behavior! Crime against progress! Sexuality where it's taboo! Interracial naughties! Who would take such a white elephant, such a symbol of Waste and Death?

>Hobo Oracle
IT SHALL BE GLORIOUS.

>Duelist Prettyboy
every bard and half the rogues
>Swordsman Jockey
Many cavaliers
>Priest/Cobbler
He'll save your soles
>florist oracle
The flowers speak.
>Boytoy/Witch
fuck it I'm done

>>14891711
>>14891729
This is the story of Leify Oathbroken the Glassmaker apprentice, born to a long-foregone line of glassmakers, took by their once close friend Master Alpherius Squinquargesimus Gaspingas for both sexual service(when she comes into age you pedos!) and less-than-slavery-paid work. But since having such a faux bauble; an imitation of a real state-sanctioned child, symbol of ruination, in his house would be simply outrageous, he sent her(anonymously, of course) to a Convent of the Rose&Thorn Vanguard Valkyries of Strife, so she could receive a classical education if Squinquargesimus chooses to sell her later.

>Ninja/Chef
Cooks like a boss and chops stuff like nobody's business... And the ingredients NEVER SEE IT COMING!

Also does surprise deliveries.

Paladin/Garbageman
IT'S TIME TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH.

>Ranger Sales Associate
pic related

>>14891711
>>14891729
>>14891752
With the only person who had truly cared for her(actually, he was just projecting his own desire for redemption and/or resurrection in her but whatever) dead; she found no reason to remain in the Convent. Neither had she any desire to be FATALly raped by her dear uncle Squinqy, nor any tieswith the republic. She set out to prove her Art, to achieve Perfection. And then come back and destroy the republic that shunned her and annihilate all those conservative face-saving doubly-crossing sons of werebitches who ever slighted her. But, you know, that's more of a long-term goal.

Suggestions on how to improve my suckage of writing skillz? Please note that I'm not a native speaker of this language and am likely to fail hard somewhere. So, any criticism welcome!

>>14891780
I'm just a cook!

>Prophet Receptionist
"some one will be calling for you in five minutes"
also, here are some documents you are going to need to shred. if you don't mind I'm going to take next Wednesday off"
"why what happens next Wednesday?"

>Washerwoman/Barbarian
Tilda the Red is a simple woman, really. She loves her grandchildren, sunny days, and good soap.

When the Dark Lord Arlos invaded her homeland, Tilda didn't change. She just expanded her interests. Now she loves sunny days, good soap, and the sound of the piteous death rattle of a fallen opponent, while his now legless comrades scream for mercy.

Arlos will pay for what he did to her grandchildren.

>Samurai/Prettyboy
great. I roll every animu Samurai hero EVER.

>Bard/Prettyboy
...... wow.

Clown/Bodyguard
HONK HONK MOTHERFUCKER.

>Ninja-Chef

This thing even fucking trying?

awesome priest is awesome

Mime Samurai

Oh god.

Injuring his throat in the raid that destroyed his village, Horai Wakazashi grew up a mute, wandering from city to city in search of the ultimate swordstyle. Little did his advesaries know, that the tools to avenge his family had been delivered when Horai had his ability to speak taken from him. A long life of using his body to communicate, had give him a perfect physique.

Bes tI could come up with.

Handyman-Paladin

"Alright, so I've patched up the holes in your roof, fixed your door, and rigged up a system that should keep those pesky zombies from coming in through your basement anymore."
"All that, with only those strips of grey material?"
"Gift from the gods, friend."

>Hobo/Thief

...boring.

>Adventurer/Handyman
Useful.

>Barbarian-Banker
"So, Mr. Crom, I'm afraid I may be late with the next payment, I've got some interests on the verge of paying off shortly, but... they..." [banker is foaming at mouth, gripping desk hard enough it's breaking.]

>Bum/Monk
Homeless man in rags is either a level one commoner or a level forty monk. Are you feeling lucky?

>Clerk/Berserker
"You DIDN'T FILE THIS IN TRIPLICATE!!"

>Fishmongerer Duelist
I'm not even going to touch the swordfish puns...

>Landscaper-Archer
Works for cheap so that everywhere he's work he not only knows the landscape, but has set up vantage points ahead of time.

>Prophetess/Haberdasher
Prophetic fitting. "Didn't you say this came with a hat?" "Don't worry. You won't need one."

>Receptionist-Barbarian
I... My word. I'm not going to say it, you should be thinking it.

>Thief Bartender
They'll pay up one way or another...

>Warlock Podiatrist
A... what? Oh. Uh... Wow.


>Windowwasher Soldier
Fights with a squeegee on a pole. Fuck yeah.

>Manager Crusader
first read it as Manger Crusader
obviously just a captain, pretty boring

>Housekeeper/Mage
He's probably the sorcerer's apprentice...

>Bard Editor
So... he edits bards or he is a bardic editor?

>Bodyguard-Secretary
makes sense

This is getting boring

>Magic-User-Bartender
Not all adventurers-turned-tavern-keepers are fighters

>Stripper/Hunter
that's just bizarre

>Mercenary Cobbler
He'll wield his hammer for you, for a price

>Proctologist Prophet
>Proctologist-Inquisitor
Ilikewherethisisgoing.jpg

>Laundryman/Warlock
After graduating the Nova Scotia Arcane Academy, Paul was hard-pressed to find a job. He applied everywhere, but couldn't find an opening for months, despite receiving his BA in Modern Tomes.

Whilst doing laundry one day in the laundromat adjacent to his home, he noticed they were hiring. Reluctantly, he asked the manager what kind of opening they had, and after a bit of conversing, he was offered the job.

Being a laundryman didn't really suit Paul. He found it difficult to focus on the monotonous tasks required. The folding, the soaking, the pre-treating of stains. He'd much rather be reading his new copy of A Brief History of Magic, and taking notes on the marvels that it held.

But, what if...

What if he didn't have to do all of this work by hand...

He pulled his foldable wand from his pocket, and uttered a few words under his breath. The steamer began to shake. The freshly folded towels flew from the table they were resting on. The fabric softener began to run across the floor, and rising from the center. The steam, towels, and softener all met in the center. A cyclone of laundry swept through the back room of the laundromat.

Paul tried to regain his footing, slipping on the wet, soapy floors, when he heard a low, yet somehow... bubbly, voice.
"WAT DU YE NED, SAR?"

Paul shifted, and stared at the voice. He couldn't believe it. "L...Laundry?" glancing at the enomrous[sic] form, which began going to work, folding, steaming, and washing.

He ran out of the room and hid behind the counter, soaking with warm fabric softener. Paul couldn't believe what he had just created. It was unheard of. He just couldn't believe he was the father of the first...

Duvet Elemental.

>Boytoy Bodyguard
Hoboy.

Mercenary-Fop

Third son of a Baron is forced into mercenary life, but has a hard time dealing with life on campaign.

>>14892004
Incidentally, second try?
>Witch/Prostitute
Generator hates me.

>Maid/Barbarian
Fed up with the constant sexual harassment, Patricia Windgassen took upon herself to dole out appropriate retribution for all the wrongs she had faced. And she liked it.
>Duelist Banker
GOMEZ ADDAMS IS THAT YOU!?
>Shaman/Editor
EDITS FOR THE EDIT GOD![citation needed]
>Gigolo Witch
Magical Girl meets Malaysian tranny! hilarity ensues at frequent over the top panty shots!
>Sorceror-Beekeeper
Master of the Transmute flesh to BEES spell.
>Burglar Typist
He'll steal BOTH your monies AND your punchline! Typical DMPC
>Prophetess-Waitress
Morally justified in giving you a poor service. SHE HAS SEEN YOUR TIPS, AND THEY ARE NOT WORTHY!

>Panhandler-Sorceress

>Turned into a woman
Hmm... upon reflection, I'm okay with this. It'll be a learning experience.

>Granted awesome arcane power
Yes! YES! With magic, I can travel to other worlds and speak with beings beyond mortal ken! I can crush the wicked and seize their secrets for my own! I can live forever, eternally youthful and beautiful, and-

>Reduced to begging for change by the roadside to pay for spell components
FUUUUUUUUUUUU

rolled 43 = 43

Concierge/Mentalist

>>14892248
Second try:

>Clown-Barbarian

I am become Death, destroyer of frowns. Woe betide those who stand against the Clownbarian after he enters his legendary slapstick rage.

>>Conjurer Tailor
Need a new outfit in a hurry? She can summon one from the very air! Any color, any cut!

>>Gardener-Enchanter
Makes the best hedge-mazes.

>>Halberdier-Podiatrist
eh, studies feet and doesn't afraid of anything.

>>Hobo-Healer
Clearly a priest of Ilmater who wanders the land.

>>Priestess Beekeeper
THE queen bee.

Samurai/Babysitter

That baby is fucking safe.

>Assasin/Bum
A poor illegal immigrant is picked up by a corrupt politician's aide and hired cheap to kill a senator.

>waitress-barbarian
You better fucking tip you sonofabitch

>Inquisitor/Nanny

Wuh-oh, it looks like through a wacky series of events, an Ordo Malleus inquisitor has to run a daycare for several days, watch the hijinks as the inquisitor realizes that even if he can handle the enemies of the emperor, he can't handle normal children! Laugh as the inquisitor misses that one of the child happens to be an Eldar. Starring Dwayne Johnson as the Inquisitor

Rated G.

>Maid/Burglar

Well, this one is easy.

Sonya is a self-taught thief who ran away from her rich parents in her early adolescence when she witnessed them performing a demonic ritual mentioning her by name. She still craves that life of luxury, and helps fulfill that part of her by hiring herself as a maid to unsuspecting wealthy patrons, after which she steals all of their valuables. She is a master of disguise, and several wanted-posters bearing different names and pictures hanging next to each other may very well be of the same person.

>Salesman/Oracle

Psychic hotline. Nuff said.

Clown-Inquisitor

mfw

Weaver/Martial artist

A sort of kung fu in which you slowly entangle the enemy in a giant, unfinished tubesock

Hobo/Enchanter

Wait a second...

>Bard Clown
Well fuck.

Samurai/Roofer

Sometimes, buildings are simply too tall for ashigaru roofers to deal with. A single look over the edge and the malnourished peasant's feeble will crumbles before the MIGHT and GRANDEUR of his glorious emperor's castle.

In this case, a SAMURAI ROOFER is required. Like any other samurai, they carry their Wazikashi and Katana at all times, ready to deal with the slightest hint of intrusion agaisnt their sacred duty towards the empire. Who put the roof on the Kaiu Wall?

PEASANTS?!

I think not.

>Shepherd Witch
In the boglands one must always be wary to stay far from Lothleary's Loche,
For to pass o'er the heathers and through the bracken one may find a devilsome flock.
And thence a curse be laid upon you--marrow rots, eyes boil, lungs itch,
all for daring to intrude upon the lands of the Shepherd Witch.

>>14892950

Put your cock/strapon inside me.

>Prettyboy/Martial Artist

The best.

>Pornographer-Halberdier
Oh, I've got this down.
This is mainly a class for fantasy/modern fusion games. They specialize in halberds as weapons, as the name implies. Any Pornographer-Halberdier has a magic boom mic attached to any halberd they wield for the duration that they wield it.

Most commonly employed in fantasy modern Russia by Filmers of Child Porn. When adventurers or NPCs come in to bust the filming of the CP, the sound man is instantly ready to fight, as he was using his halberd as the boom mic.

>>14892966
I bow to your flattery; you have made me smile this day.

Let's go again.
>Manicurist Lancer
"Just sixpence a sit," said old Harper McFlit,
"And I'll treat your hands with such care..."
Along came a girl, not a care in the world,
And to the widow's offer she did dare.
Led away to a room by the ancient crone whom
Then sat the young thing in a chair.
"I thank you, old miss, for this wonderful bliss,"
Spoke the one so lovely and fair,
"For your delicate work--" then all sudden a jerk
as the matron took hold of her hair.
"I live now alone, an ugly old crone,
while for you any man you could snare!
Once my heart raced by lover's embrace...
Well I call it all wrong! Unfair!"
At once in a flash McFlit's hand did slash
and into the girl's heart, did tear.
So to you with a whim and some change for a trim,
I say just one word: beware.

>>14893276
I don't want your stapon cock, but I love you, all the same.

>>14892950
>>14893276
Awesome.

>Groundskeeper-Barbarian

Know this, men of the cities. I am Kromgarl, Son of the Mountains. I have crushed the jeweled thrones of the Vermin Kings beneath my sandalled feet. I have tended the thousand grasses of the high steppe and the low forest for generations. Of the flowers of moor and mountain that you so carelessly tread upon I know much, for I have planted and tended every one. I know the lineage of every tree, from spout and sapling to mighty oaken tower.

Get. Off. My. Lawn.

>Winetaster Ninja
"All lords and ladies invited!
Event of the year! Soiree!"
The poster at Whittle's Bar cited
a gathering on this very day.
Of course all the nobles agreed
barman Whittle had notable skill.
The rich maidens offered, indeed,
the man ever was dressed to kill.
So one by one they arrived that eve,
in hopes to merrily drink,
not knowing their server wished to deceive
them each moment their glasses would clink.
Such a night! What a thrill! And time passed on,
as they downed the white and red,
not a one heard the voice of the host who had gone,
"Bottoms up. You're already dead."
My fellows, I offer a toast,
in hopes you will take it in haste,
I pray you never go trusting your host,
and be discerning the wine that you taste.


...Shall I continue?

>>14893634
Please do!

>>14891090
I take offense to that my good sir! I would never pilfer from my charges or employers.

>Shaman Watchmaker
HIS WATCHES USE PRIMITIVE MAGIC TO TELL THE TIME. SIMPLE SHIT.

>Proctologist-Bard
"OH COME YE OF DIRTY MIND HEAR A TALE
OF THIS MANS POLYP-RIDDEN ARSE!
HE SHOVED A FEW TOO MANY UP THERE
ALL OF THEM COVERED IN HAIR
AND WORST OF ALL HE CAME TO ME
FOR SOME RECTAL SINGING THERAPY!"

Proctologist Lancer. Need I say more?

>Windowwasher Cavalier
"It is I, Sir Canceliot of Nordshire the Fifth! Show me the dirty windows so I may cleanse them!"

>Mage Pornographer
This is how you pay the rent on that epic tower.

>Mage-Waitress
Treat her well or your bill might just have explosive runes on it.
>Dietician/Bard
Go, an even more irritating bard, got it.
>Banker-Footpad
"Your money, valuables, bonds, shares, and/or PIN or your life!"
>Inquisitor Haberdasher
"You will repent of your heresy or I shall provide you with a hat so sub-par, it will be sung of by bards for years to come. You will find this humiliating!"
>Marine Clerk
X-TREEM UNDERWATER CLERKING
>Fighter Boytoy
No comment.

>Mime-Cavalier

Elf-lookin? Black armor with white robes and scarves all flowing about? And a mask painted up like a skull? Son, you don't want none of that. He's one of the Pale Mummers, is what he is.

Now, elves ain't usually right in the head to begin with, as you or I would reckon it. But these fellas...somethin' else entirely. Knights errant, of a sort. They go where they will, an' don't say a word to no one about what or why. More than a vow of silence, it's a whole religious thing. They got this whole thing about the world being a great big play, about taking on the role of some kind of angel or spirit or something. And once they put the mask on, they don't never go back.

I seen one, once. Was this whole roomful of rough-looking fellers, all drinking and jumped-up from doing gods-know-what. Then the Mummer comes in the door. Doesn't say nothing, just looks around, points to the biggest one, and then draws his hand across his neck while his head flops to one side. Then just goes stock-still. The big guy looks at him, looks back at his pals, says something and they all laugh. He's just starting to turn around and look again when the Mummer's sword opens his throat.

It was like a dance. Skinny little bugger went from the door to the top of a table, jumping from one to the next. Didn't take more than ten heardbeats before he gone from one end of the room to the other, white cloth furled out behind him, and there wasn't a single step he took that some fella wasn't left dying.

And then he just stops. Hops off a table, cleans his sword, and gives the room this actor's bow before strolling out. Never found out what those fellers did, whether it was revenge or hired killing or what. That's the Mummers for you.

>Assassin/Manager
This is easy, actually. He manages a store in which you hire assassins.
>Berserker-Schoolteacher
"WRONG, JIMMY. WRONG A-FUCKING-GAIN. HXFNJDHCJNMXCZJHYDSVEHYJBFCHJYXVNJSHBNVX." (foams at mouth)
>Berserker/Beekeeper
He's berserk because he's covered in fucking bees.
>Haberdasher-Martial Artist
"I only do headbands or weaponized hats, sorry."
>Stenographer Warlock
Records spells using magic stenography.

>Gigolo Lancer
He's got a long, hard weapon to stick inside you.

>>14892904

Dude. A fucking harlequin that goes into dungeons and shit, killing monsters for gold?

Instead of songs, he makes up rhymes and jokes that are CREEPY AS SHIT.

Hardcore.

>Enchanter-Schoolmarm
Teaches enchanting. Given the typical attire of enchantresses, I daresay her male students will be paying close attention.

>Psionicist/Washerwoman
"I ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU WANT WASHED."

>Manicurist-Bodyguard

He cleans and prims the nails of the Queen, and by god he'd rather die than see them tarnished.

Chimensweep-footpad- Chim chimeny chim chimeny chim chim charoo I robbed your house and you thought I was there for the flue.

>Healer Pornographer

A: a medic who tapes his operations and treatments of patients, then dubs over sensual moans and funky beats, selling them as comfort/healing porn.

B: a medic who heals people with porn. His kit contains thousands of magazines and a dozen bottles of lotions.

"HE TORE OUT MY SPINE! I'M PARALYZED FROM THE NECK DOWN!"
"...lemme get the rubber gloves, I'm gonna have to do this for you."

>>14893666
Suppose I can't turn down the prince of darkness.

>Panhandler Sorceress
I once met a woman, or perhaps a few,
the memory sits odd in the mind,
I recall at least that she was blind,
so into her hat, a coin I threw...

Was there a laugh, an audible smile?
This next part I cannot explain,
When I looked on ahead I no longer felt sane;
The alley I walked became a mile!

"It must just be the sauce," I thought
and pressed on into the night.
"Just cannot trust one's sight,"
I said, not yet knowing I'd been caught.

The hours crept.
Each passing step
felt lost on an unending path.

Through my frustration,
sudden revelation:
I was victim to charity's wrath.

I turned in place and she was there
sitting, sightless, still.
"Isn't the swill,
but this beldam with me in her snare!"

I fell to my knees and watched as she rose,
more stunning than you would believe.
My heart did race, my chest did heave,
then I noticed her ravishing clothes.

And now I am here telling tales
from the hum-drum to the arcane,
with my constant companion: a cane.

Friends, when next you give to a begger...
pay attention to their details.

>Assasin-Typist
i take to the shadows to do my typing

>Assassin beekeeper.

Family trade, parents killed by werebears, swore revenge. It writes itself.

>Ninja Clerk
You'll take your eyes off of the books one second and will find them fully filled out.

Clearly I have been trained in the harsh hell of ninja accounting school. Even that is somehow boring.

Salesman-Mercenary

"Ok, did you see that? I was able to take that shot to the shoulder, and keep on trucking thanks to the ArmorTec 34A Personal Protection Vest. Lightweight, full-articulation, with-" BLAMBLAM "with removable and customizable plates, starting at the low low price of 349.99! This rifle, see how accurate?" BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM *Scream* " The G3A3 is based on the world famous FN FAL, and this one is equipped with an underbarrel shotgon attachment, I like to call it the Master Key- great for close range room clearing, or my favourite..." *cocks shotgun, aims at door handle* KRACKBOOM "Getting into those hard to reach places! Whole package, starting at 450! now if you'd follow me, we'll have you back in the good US of A in a matter of hours, Madame Speaker... now if you'll notice, that incoming fire is being deflected by the custom bulletproofing of the Gurka LAPV." *rocket exploding, car doors slamming, engine gunning* "Mounted on the Ford F550 chassis, repair and spare parts are available throughout the worldwide Ford Motor Company.

The GURKHA may be armored to the NATO STANAG 4569 level 3 which exceeds the CEN European B7 armor level.

With its hollow cavity walls filled with blast protective materials, the side armor provides excellent protection against side load IEDs. In addition to its frontal armor, the firewall is a second armored wall that further protects the driver and front passenger from a frontal attack!"

Estimated retail price, $450,000, how many can I put you down for?

>Berserker-Potter
You should see what happens when there's an air bubble.

>>14894284

Aw c'mon, that's a great one! Think DeathNote. He doesn't use his assassin skills to highlight his typing ability; he uses his dark talent of the keys to complete his contracts.

Damn, after all this stuff I might make my next character a blind and wandering bard who keeps tales of these strange people. Coincidentally the next result I generated was:
>Hobo Adventurer

>Halberdier-Groundskeeper
Ain't easy raking these leaves with a halberd.

Also I did it again and got Plumber-Adventurer!
I'm Mario!

rolled 2 = 2

>>14894364
>spend nine hours designing five-foot-tall vase from scratch.
>carefully adorn with blood of enemies as paint, draw on scenes of war and honor
>notice slight scratch on base
>flip potter's wheel, smash kiln, run screaming through storefront window on rampage
>wake up the next morning covered in blood and the organs of farm animals, realize you could have just painted over the scratch
>regain rational thought and previous idea halfway through beating farmer with his own scarecrow

>Prostitute-Inquisitor
Someone else handle this, I have not the skills.
All I know is the idea fascinates me.

>Sales Associate-Hunter
I reached for my coffee as my last customer of the day dug through her purse for something, but didn't drink. Her head came up with a scrap of paper, and I shot her in the eye.

>>14894416
"Is that a prayer book and rosary in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"Oh, don't worry baby. The only men I'm rough with are blasphemers."

>>14894416
>>14894450

Those who seek infernal powers, with heretical tastes or perversions most commonly indulge their vile tastes behind closed doors, on the weak and impoverished underbelly of society. The Order of Magdalena goes among all, sees all, finds evil in its most private sanctuaries.

What many do with sword and armor, with soldiers and retainers and huntsmen, the women of the Order do with a whispered prayer and a concealed dagger. In the very time and place where another woman might become another nameless victim, they carry out the judgment of heaven.

>Chef Marine

BY THE GOD-EMPEROR, THESE FRIES ARE AS GOLDEN AS HIS THRONE.

THE SPATULA IS THE SERVANT OF THE RIGHTEOUS. MAY HE ON EARTH GUIDE MY PATTY.

>Healer Comedian
I heal people with jokes pretty simple reroll.
>Berserker-Barber
HAIR FOR THE HAIR GOD!

>Priestess-Landscaper
OH LORD, BLESSETH THIS THY HOLY SWARD THAT IT MIGHT GROW GREEN IN THY SIGHT

>Mason Valkyrie
The Sisters of Stone? Sure, there's a convent not too far from here. You can't miss it, it's the big seamless marble building.

What? No, I don't think they'll want to be talking to you, and you should thank whatever god you follow for that. You're not from around here, are you?

See, the Sisters are... well hospitalers is the wrong word. The order started out that way, true, but after the Last War... well, you don't look old enough to remember, but you've heard stories, right? They're all true. The cannibals, the Red Rot... yes, even the Deadwalkers. Your Granpa wasn't just telling stories.

The Sisters had stayed neutral. Best use of Stone was to keep people safe, they said, and it didn't matter who.

So they had their convents raised, and they'd go out after the battles to bring in the wounded. No, of course no-one stopped them! You ever try to stop a witch from doing what she wants? Uh, notthattheSistersarewitchesnosir. People talk, though. It's harmless. (cont.)


How about you?

>>14895432
Good to hear you don't believe it, yes sir.

Anyway, where was I? Right, well, once was war was done with, people thought things were gonna get better, the Sisters and their Mother Superior included. As the years past, and the Rot spread, and the sun never quite rose, Mother Superior started to crack up. Nobody would admit it, of course, because during all the... badness... the Sisters were the only real good thing we had. They kept on taking care of people.

Pretty soon it was obvious that they couldn't take care of all the sick and dying, and that hurt them as much as it hurt us. They started getting choosey about who they'd treat, just the strongest ones. People who had the most chance of rebuilding, I guess. The girls didn't like it, but it was the Superior's orders, and they'd taken the Oath of Stone, hadn't they?

Thing is, at the time all of us were dead certain the war was gonna start up again, and soon. We didn't know the other side was hurting like we were. It made sense that the Superior would want to help people who had a fighting chance. (cont.)

>>14895462
And we didn't know she'd gone insane.

She saw soldiers, strong ones, good men, overtaken by the Rot. She felt the fog rising over piles of the dead, and knew that there were little children on the old battlefields, too. She heard the Deadwalkers whispering that the world was falling apart, that Stone was crumbling, and I guess... some things a mind can't take. Especially not one responsible for so many people. (cont.)

>>14895483
So she started sending out girls with the Stonetouch. You know how that works? They take another vow, and they never feel anything again. And they can lay hands on you, and you’ll never feel anything, either, because the Stone’s taken you. Oh, they can undo it, sure. It started out as a way to keep people, well, alive is the wrong word… not dead, let’s say. They’re safe. Preserved.

Aware.

And they don’t undo it any more.

The Superior thinks that the world is still ending. She has her girls go out to and find the strongest dying warriors she can, and she tells them to give them to Stone. She’s saving them for something. I don’t know what. But I know I’d face all of hell before I let them put me in their vaults with the other Stone men.

And you?

> Mage-Beekeeper

The apiamancer uses a blend of traditional and bee-based magic, making him a formidable foe.

>Alchemist Chimneysweep
Turns soot into gold dust.

>rogue groundskeeper

Either he's a groundskeeper not at his station, or he's the groundskeeper for someone and is actually their best bodyguard....

> Conjurer/Banker

The fantasy equivalent of Ben Shalom Bernake.

>Duelist-Tailor

Because being a successful Duelist requires the right image, and there's no guarantee of convenient seamstresses when on the road. A jagged slash ruin your favorite doublet? Got a nasty run in your trunkhose from that barbed arrow? With a rapier in one hand and a measuring-tape in the other, a Duelist-Tailor is ready for the squared circle OR an emergency patch-job just before the ball!

>Chef Samurai
The mastery of the katana also entails the ability to perfectly sashimi a fresh tuna and julienne the finest of salads and fries.

Also he's the archnemesis of >>14891780.

>Sorceror-Clerk
Because someone's gotta organize those spells, scrolls, and codexes.

>Ninja Boytoy
I'm pretty sure that somewhere in this wide world there is a manga with this exact plot. Probably more than one.

>Mage Butler
Actually, this one might not be so bad, depending on who you work for. It just sounds like a mage paying off a debt with some indentured servitude.

>Footpad/Fop
"You know, while I'm stealing from you, I MUST ask who did your clothes."

Archer Barber

The Archers of the Primordial Forest shun the metal weapons of Man and Dwarf, choosing to use only those materials that can be obtained without fire and pickaxe. To string their bows, the Archers hunt down the strongest creatures, and kill them. Once the monster is downed, they use their hunting knife to cut away the mane, to braid into the strongest bowstrings in the world.

Alternatively, an archer that fires scissors out of a crossbow, and loves to sing with the other three members of his yeoman group.

druid/herder

lol easy mode.

>Dietician-Healer

The key to a long life is a balanced diet.
I could imagine this person making all sorts of healthy salads and fat free dishes that are enchanted to heal whoever eats them.

> Fighter-Manicurist
Thith thort thword is thoooo cute! *squeeee*

>>14891815
I like you.

rolled 7 = 7

This shit still up? Archive I wonder? got some good lulz out of it, and falls under the Cosmic Stuff for Cosmic playas and Critical Success in Hiding: you hide so well you disappear form this reality. Roll a new char?

>Enchanter/Comedian
"So a familiar and a living sword walk into a bar..."

Bumpan.

>Enchanter/Typist
10000 words a minute, bitches!

>Valkyrie Receptionist
"Hail, wanderer! I'm sorry, but Eivind Skalasplitter is currently in the nightly feast with the other einherjar and cannot be reached at this time. Do you want me to take a message?"

>Monk/Schoolteacher
"When you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave."
"Um, Master Kan? What does this have to do with calculus?"

>Hobo Mentalist
Generic Unknown Armies PC.

Hobo/Warrior
Oh hi there, Kung Fu.
Priestess-Banker
What, Olidamarran clerics all have to rob temples? The best thieves don't take your riches, they convince you to give of them freely.
Waiter/Prophet
"Whatever you do, don't forget to read your fortune before you leave."
Winetaster-Oracle
The older the vintage, the farther he sees. He's been keeping this red for 50 years, and in a sip, he will know your span.
Prostitute-Sorceress
Specializes in the Collegia Gigolia school of magic.

>Lancer Comedian
"And I said, that's not a Halberd, that's a Hatchet! He got the point."
>Priestess-Barber
Your hair will look simply divine.
>Priestess-Comedian
"So a heathen walks out of my church..."
>Prophet-Banker
He gets the best investments, every time.
>Roofer-Mercenary
...Yeah, that's just a roofer, really.

>Lancer Manager
GUYS. I GOT A NEW IDEA FOR A SPORTS MANAGEMENT GAME.

>Berserker Manager
That's not a manager who rages, that'd be normal. No, Marcus was destined for different things. Greater things. You think keeping a team of barbarians happy is easy?
>Windowwasher/Mage
What, you thought he was going to go UP there?
>Babysitter/Bard
Like the Pied Piper, but he takes all the kids out of town for a few hours.
>Bard/Comedian
Stephen Lynch.
>Paladin/Clown
He goes to children's parties and admonishes them for their sins and indulgence. Then, he makes a balloon demon and smites it.

>>14900263
That one was called Final Fantasy Tactics.
Or Valthirian Arc.
Actually, I'd play a more in-depth hero management game. Keep 'em fed and out of trouble until trouble comes knocking. Make sure they don't get soft by swapping them out from guilds in different cities to keep them on the road and fighting bandits. Chat it out with the uppity ones to convince them to be reasonable, or alternatively, cut them loose and confront them as bandits and villains. Manage equipment and jobs, under time constraints for travel....
Traveling Lancer Problem algorithm solutions game! :D

>mage-butler

i am simply one hell of a butler

>paladin/bum
fights for law and justice whenever he isn't defecating in public
>Crusader Waitress
glopping along the lances with refreshing drinks to cool them down in the warm clmate

>Mason Priestess
worshiping the builder god in the purest way, building

>Prophet-Laundryman
Repent before they soiled undies giveth thine a rash!
Baptize they undies in the holy soapwater and be purified

>Prostitute/Fighter
shafting on and off the battlefield

>Samurai-Washerwoman
the only samurai able to restore honor by washing clothes, everyone else must preform harakiri

>Soceress Fishmongerer
summoning waves of trout and carp to slpash around the decks of her enemies

>Monk/bum

ALMS FOR THE POOR!

>Butler-Berserker
Battle butler much?
>Editor/Inquisitor
Editor of truth!
>Marine Plumber
... Not going with that.
>Washerwoman-prophet
I see the future in the suds!

> Warrior-Potter
Crafts her own ceramic armour and weapons. Also pots for bombs etc, but that's edging away from Warrior a bit too much. Maybe she supplies the explosives character?

> Crusader/Garbageman
Cleaning up the holy land, one block at a time.

> Prostitute-Marine
This one writes itself.

>Alchemist-Banker

He's the Alchemist who manages all the other Alchemists ingredients. He keeps them all in a big vault so they don't accidently mix and blow up the town.

Very satisfactory thread, this.

>Milkmaid-Thief

No one ever saw the lass work, but she still got the milk out of the cows somehow.

>>14900966
>monk/bum
so Jackie Chan?

>Manager/Burglar
I steal instruments from other adventure parties to maintain my party of bards. But only in order to defeat the party of Lich bards called Spinal Tap.

>Mercenary-Stripper
Hmm...don't we have those now? xD
>Barbarian Bartender
Oh god...

>Samurai Windowwasher
When he fails, he jumps off.

Archer/Cook
>he does kabobs, very very well - at range

Assasin/Stripper
>looks can be disarming... and disemboweling

Roofer-Bodyguard
>He'll patch holes in your ceiling, and holes in your security


Windowwasher Lancer
>uhm.... fuck I dunno

Archive this.