nope.

>spacehulk
>three blips in a room
>blast the door
>it's the patriarch

>Multiple Chaos space marines in rogue trader

tarasque

>>14755344
>Open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>playing MtG
>want to cast my ultimate game winning spell
>opponent has 2 blue mana untapped
>nope

>Dawn of Worlds game
"Alright, I want to make a race of amazons."
"Okay..."
"Since Immortality and immunity to stuff aren't covered by the rules, I want all of them, and also nice tits."
"That's kind of-"
"Also, here is an 18.3 GB folder of reference material for how they look."

>player in my D&D game wants to make a custom furry race
>nope.jpg
>see her update her facebook saying she finally bought a fur suit
>AW HELL NAW.avi

>>14755344
The great thing about Space Hulk is it had moments were you just though "fuck this shit." Some games are made impossibly hard. Some games try to be scary. Some games try and make enemies seem big, bad and scary. In Space Hulk, you just know you're fucked, even with a certificate signed by the Emperor himself.

CoC. Investigating a house in the woods where some children may have disappeared. We broke into the basement through one of those small windows, and activated the generator- from the look of it, there was enough fuel to give the building power until dawn.

We started investigating the house itself, and were alarmed to find that it seemed larger than it seemed possible when looking from the outside. The walls were adorned with paintings of people in chairs- a variety of different people, with no obvious link. A policeman, a woman in an apron, a farmer, some children, a man in a suit etc. The only thing they had in common was they all shared a similar pose in the chair, and they all looked very sad.

In addition, all the rooms were lit with dozens of candles places on mantels, furniture, chairs and tables. They all seemed as though they hadn't been burning for very long, but no light had been evident from outside the house. At any rate, we were glad we had got the lights working anyway.

Then the lightbulbs started to flicker. We stood still in terror for a moment, and then the entire power went. Luckily, the candles were still burning, so we started looking through the rooms. After a while, we realised that we could no longer see through the windows- the outside was just blackness. One of our less stable party members took a candle and walked up to a window, and tried to peer through. He went permanantly insane, with no confirmation about what he saw- except in a note passed to him by the GM.

(Continued)

>Assassin
>Other player and I are former military allies
>Find out I went insane before the world-shattering cataclysm
>Find out other player stopped me
>Bros
>Find out other PC made bargain with Bane before the world-shattering cataclysm
>Stopped me from ending the war by assassinating my way through the enemy leadership
>Okay, still bros
>Bane possesses other player
>NOPE

>>14755440
Hell ONE untapped island is enough to worry about these days.

>playing Grimm
>characters get lost in Wonderland, find Mad Hatter's house
>my character sneaks off during the tea party and breaks into locked room
>Full of rusty weapons and rotting corpses - including March Hare and Dormouse
>Went back, got the group to politely excuse ourselves, and left without incident
>GM later confessed that he honestly thought we would stay and fight

>>14755443
The player just nodded at the DM before sitting back in his chair to watch the rest of us. The GM informed us that the now insane character had dropped the candle and stepped back from the window with his hands over his eyes, sobbing quietly. We sat him down in a chair, and started to debate on what to do next.

That's when the candles started to go out.

Just one at first- on the mantel. It took a spot-hidden check just to notice it extinguish. Then another one, on the table. And another. And another.
The candles started going out with increasing frequency, so we ran into the next room where the candles were still lit. In our haste, we left our fallen comrade in the living room- after a short shouting session, I ran back to grab him, but the door between us and the now almost pitch black room slammed shut. The last thing I saw was his tear-stained face as he lowered his hands to look up at me with remorseful eyes.

We were now in a dining room, with yet more paintings and yet more candles surrounding us. After testing the lock, we resolved to look for something to break it open with. We would grab our friend and quickly head the way we came, hopefully finding the exit again. None of us addressed the possibility that our friend was no longer alive (though I could tell we were all thinking it), or that we should smash a window to escape. We proceeded through more doors, passing through some rooms on the way which seemed impossibly abstract for our current location; a kitchen of what was apparently a stone castle, a hallway where every surface was marble, and at one point a train station platform with a tiled floor- where the tracks should have been, there was just blackness, which some of the floortiles seemed to float in. Most of the rooms were typical of an ordinary, if dated, New England farmhouse.

(Continued)

>>14755616

F5 F5 F5 F5

MOAR

>>14755616
Over time, more candles became extinguished. As our DM did not believe it necessary to provide a map of our surroundings this mission- and simply to describe our surroundings- he gradually darkened the room with a dimmer switch. By the time we had found a large crowbar (in a bathroom cabinet filled with medicines our Doctor had ever encountered), we were making our way back through utter darkness- feeling our way along the walls.

Our party at this point was composed of three characters: myself, an amatuer author. The brains of the group, the doctor. The brawn, an American Football player (his son was one of the abducted). Our young college student (studying the occult, naturally) was the one presumably sitting alone in a cold, dark room with only his fevered thoughts to accompany him.

Being a group of avid roleplayers, and a bracing campaign of brotherhood and trust having been enjoyed up to this point, our characters had a bond thicker than blood. We were going to save the poor kid who had followed us into this hell, and we were ready to die doing so if necessary.

We had been talking between ourselves as we crossed rooms in blackness, feeling for familiar doors and searching rooms for clues. We were mostly exchanging theories of which of our previously encountered enemies could be behind this place, as well as sharing ideas on what we should do once we escape.

Then I realised that one of our number, the doctor, had been oddly quiet for a long time. In character, I whispered for him. His player smiled at me and gently shook his head, a note from the GM visible in his grasp.

(Continued)

>>14755366
-Captain Fancypants, sir! Multiple Traitor Astartes are on that vessel!
-Terrifying. If only we had a macrocannon. Armsmaster Goldenhat, do we have a macrocannon?
-Yes Captain, several batteries.
-Splendid. Please eliminate the source of our distress.

>>14755739
Panic descended over me and the sportsman- we stumbled about the room, checking cupboards and squinting in the blackness. The sportsman made the poor decision of shouting out for our missing friend.

We became aware of a rumbling 'outside'.

His call was answered by the sound of a smashing window, several rooms back.

We were running at this point, sprinting desperately in the direction we thought we would find the exit in, barely stopping to check we were right- all we could think about was getting away from where we were. More windows were smashing in the rooms we had passed; we encountered an entirely new phenomena- flashes of light from the pitch black windows illuminated our path for brief instants, accompanied by the cacophony of thunder. I tumbled over a table of a shape I could not describe, and the sportsman stopped in his tracks to help me to my feet- we kept running. Then we smashed into a surface of wood; a locked door. The same locked door we would find our disturbed friend behind, and the straight path to the exit.

(Continued)

>Level 15
>DM brings out a 'starsteel golem', something beyond Adamantine
>It ends up with the weapon meant to destroy it, also startsteel, also epic level enhancements
>Still expects us to fight it
>nope.jpg
>Sandshaper Sorcerer, bury everything in sand, , turn the floor to sand, have it sink due to it's own massiveness, turn the ceiling to sand, bury it more, turn the sand to stone, blow every spell slot on sealing the thing far beneath the floor
>Nope, nope, nope nope NO!

>>14755797

Playing D&D 3.5.
Our humble group has recently slain a group of shapeshifters pretending to be undead in an abandoned temple of Lolth. Spiderwebs everywhere and the entire place radiated unholy energy. We fought our way to the bottom, nearly getting skewered by some mysterious shadowy object. Every once and a while the dm rolls a few dice, but never tells us what they're for. Eventually he rolls one, looks up and informs the binder that the area seems to be darker than it should be for how much light we were putting out, and the sorcerer can finally hear the sound of liquid trickling to our right about a few dozen feet.

We've been traveling through what we thought was a cave when it was in fact a ritual room with a litteral river of blood shrouded in magical troll darkness.

So after deciding that we should advance we come across a door that has more of the same troll darkness (it being troll darkness because the binder had tenebrous bound, which allows him to see through darkness even if it's deeper darkness). We can hear the sound of something heavy being dragged just beyond the door, accompanied by the a rhythmic clicking sound...almost like footsteps.

Nope.

>nWoD combined campaign
>two ex-marines turned werewolf, one muscled-merc of a nosferatu, me as a promethean vagrant who does the talking
>in a bar fight with a hunter, one wolf runs away "to get help."
>I hide under the table with a makeshift knife, my only weapon.
>Peak out to see hunter summon fire and torch the other wolf to death and the nosferatu into torpor in a single shot (lucky rolls for the DM)
>nope.swf
>hunter starts lighting the bar on fire to find me
>I cause hunter's buddies to go insane and start attacking him.
>he burns them too, keeps looking for me.
>nope.tiff
>stay under burning table until he leaves.
>dry hump an electrical socket to regain all the agg I took from hiding under burning furniture till he left.
>first werewolf two bars down getting drunk

>>14755797
I made my attempt to wrench the lock off the door with the crowbar- I fumbled the first roll, and dropped it at my feet. The windows about us shattered and a freezing wind swept about us, carrying with it the deafening roar of wind and that terrifying rumbling call.

My hands shaking, I made a second attempt to remove the lock- my sanity was dwindling rabidly. I half fancied I could see shapes; figures pacing beyond the windows in the abyssal nothing beyond. The lock finally shattered at my feet. I looked over my shoulder, just as a flash of lightning illuminated the entirely empty room around me. I was completely alone.

I threw open the door and dived through it, slamming it shut behind me. Throwing a bookcase at it's foot lest it should open again, I collapse to the floor.

Then it goes quiet. The student is not here, which was what I had come to expect. There is no light. No rumble. Only the sound of my breathing.

Then a final explosive roar of thunder causes the room to shake around me- a blinding light emits from the windows, casting terrible shadows of dead, alien faces stood outside as they stare in at me with their cold gazes- the door behind me begins to splinter as it is broken by a terrific force from the other side. Then I notice the final detail, which causes me to flee screaming from that house- I run through the streets of Arkham in mad delirium, laughing and crying and shouting of the windows which show the spaces between. I return with a sack of gascans, which I use to set the house ablaze. It burns to the ground, and my character runs off into the night. The campaign is over.

The final thing I had seen which shattered my steel will had been three previously unoccupied paintings on the wall- which, once illuminated, I saw to portray my companions- each one sat in a chair, in the same pose, with a hauntingly sad expression on their faces.

>nope

>>14755909
words fail me.

>>14755909

>>14755909
Archive. Now.

>>14755909

I don't get it.

>>14755909

lovecraft incarnate

>>14755945
The house was eating people and putting them in paintings.

Kinda predictable though from the first person's descent into madness

>>14755909
That was beautiful

>>14755955

Ah. So it's essentially Stephen King's Rose Red.

>>14755933
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14755334/
Jesus christ...
>>14755909
Are you a Lovecraft?

>>14755968
Couldn't tell you, not a King-fan

>>14755909
I don't understand how this is interesting at all.
>go in house
>NOW YOU ARE ZOMBIE GOAST
>NO I DON'T WANT TO BE ZOMBIE GOAST
>burn down house

>>14755981
It's all in the execution, mister nofunallowed.

>>14755981
Fact: anyone can summarize anything in a shoddy way to make it look bad.

>>14755978

Same thing. The house ate people. There was a few other things, with ghosts and psychic shit, too.

I suppose you could also say it was similar to Stephen King's The Shining, where the dead people appeared in pictures in the house.

>>14755981
Yeah... I'm not really getting it either.

> Playing Fiasco
> Players get plastered
> Last player uses their last turn privaleges to set up a h-game ending where two characters rape the other two
> Various attempts to change the scene in game by all players
> Responds with 'It's not like you can stop me'
> nope.swf
> I check my watch. 'Time of death: 0200 hours.'
> 'What does that mean?'
> 'It means we're done'
> Game over

Mammas, don't let your babies play fiasco drunk

>>14755993
I only saw the movie, was disappointed by that too: thought the twins would get more story time

Warhammer Fantasy battle.

DM wants grim and gritty, but the players ask me to build up a meatshield as they're all farmers. First time with the game and all I've been told is armour is best and not getting stuck in combat means you live.

Write up an epic backstory of a Norscan that has systematically lost everything and moved south each time. Tribe is killed so he moves to the empire, people who helped him die so he moves further in to the cities, stops and becomes a butcher and has family, they die so he goes berserk and decides to make the world a safer place and kill all evil, or die trying.

Massive toughness and tons of scars, dark angst story but with the touch of redemption and trust as he grows fond of the party like his new family story arcs.

Told I have to be an empire farmer.

Talk him into going with my idea, but tone back the awesome angry widower aspects and end up a depressed butcher whose family died.

Six months of fighting bads and being constantly beaten up but spared by vampires, tomb kings, chaos wizards and cultists.

Bro dwarf slayer gets killed from what we suspect was missing 2 sessions in a row. Swing it so we honour him by taking out that damn troll and getting his axe and that things skull to his family. Get some purpose and beeline for dwarf lands.

Whole party backing me, we all get gifts of armour and friendship from dwarves, and tons of allies promising to help us in our fight against the big bads.

Next session we're all poisoned by a 'friend' NPC that's helped us consistently in the past, lose all of our wealth and possessions and wake up on the other side of the empire in a dungeon.

End of story, the DM was lying to his girlfriend about everybody hating her, and lying to everybody about her hating us so she dumped his ass and ended up dating me. He won't speak to either of us or half the mutual friends as a result.

MFW

CoC Guy here. I'm glad some of you enjoyed that.

I can't say if it's much like those Steven King novels you've mentioned, as I haven't read much King. Neither had my GM.

I just asked him on Skype, and he says that he came up with the ideas himself. He also says the figures were not our companions, or other people who were missing- they all went into the paintings. He apparently planned that the windows were some kind of partially-functional portal into a particularly haunting corner of the general area the Court of Azathoth is in, but now that the campaign ended there, he is glad he can leave it open without over analyzing it with facts.

I still would have liked to know more, personally.

>>14756075
You did write it in a captivating manner, kudos, even if I personally disliked the end.

>>14756031
not really a nope but

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Player asked me if they could play a Shocker Lizard. Nope.jpeg

>>14756102
It probably helped to be there. I'm certainly glad you liked my writing, at any rate.

>>14756110
I should have mentioned that my storm-off moment was when we finally started to get somewhere and be heroes, and he put us 'back in our places' as he would later say, where upon my storm-off from the table had his girlfriend coming over to see me non-stop within some 2 weeks of it happening.

He was a bit of a tard, and turned me off roleplaying for a good 6 months. I'm still cautious inviting new people to the table until I really know them, and haven't let anybody DM for me since unless I've known them for a couple of years at least. Strangely, I know that game is still going once a month, and the players are still letting him get away with a ton of crappy stuff without putting their collective feet down.

>>14756142
I screencapped your story for my folder of grand /tg/ storys. It's here, if anyone wants it.

>>14756156
I'm flattered. I'll hold onto a copy.

>>14756156
Oh wonderful, another long ass story that epically circumvents everything else in the thread.

>>14756156
> alot of other things

>>14756174
Where would we be without them, huh?

>>14756153
iknowthatfeel.jpg

seriously i dont mind getting pushed around by a DM a little bit in fact it can be fun because you get to test exactly how far you can bend the rules
but shit like that?"heres have some awesome stuff LOL NOW I TAKE IT AWAY FOR NO REASON/UNSPOKEN GRUDGE/I FUCKING FELT LIKE IT"
thats made me quit what were otherwise good games and groups if youre gonna do shit like that you need to have a REAL reason for it

>>14756188
a fellow alot fan
this makes me happy

>Level 2 characters
>Someone makes scores over 30 on their spot check
>"You see a goblin"
NOooooooooooooooooooooooope!
You need some pissaz to make things interesting

>Go to Inn in city
>Innkeeper invites party down to cellar
>Wants us to sabotage a rival
>Party declines; we want to investigate a suspicious Captain of the Guard we saw earlier
>Innkeeper refuses to let us leave
>We try to leave anyway
>Adult Blue Dragon underneath the inn's basement
Nope.jpg

>>14756239
Did... Did your DM give a good reason why it was there?

>>14756256
Sadly, Nope.jpg also answers this question.

Playing nWoD.
Human campaign, not werewolves, vampires, mages or anything supernatural. We where playing as a group of slacker friends who had found a dead end job at a fast food restaurant.
First weekend on that job, lots of working class families, lots of noisy annoying kids. The manager has told us don't use the special sauce on the burgers today before leave at mid evening, one of us decides to the cold room for see if there is a bottle which can be still profitable and finds none of the sauce bottles are in bad conditions or out of date for consumption.
We find that strange and decide to obey the manager until a six years old girl who is celebrating her birthday ask for the sauce on her burger.
(cont.)

>>14756239
pretty much railroading at its finest...i can think of 10 different ways out of that situation however

>>14756282
We already told her parents we run out of sauce but the girl heard us talking about our find in the refrigerator.
Angry father demands the sauce for her girl, starting an argument which ends with one of us finally deciding to grant her demand.
The girl ates the burger like if it was the most delicious thing in the world, everything seem okay until a hour later. The girl starts to scream in pain, taking her little hands to her stomach, the scream turns into a guttural shriek which sounds like the one done by a pig being slaughtered.
Her belly suddenly bloats and it explodes, splattering the parents and the rest of the kids in the party with blood and viscera. The contents of her stomach shift into vaguely baby looking monsters which proceed to attack the person more close to them.
(cont.)

>>14756335
Shocked by the grotesque scene, I try to use the restaurant's kitchen phone for call the cops. I see a group of werewolves who had break trough the back door. One of them speak with the managers voice.
>Nope

>>14756335
what

>>14756153
post pics of fat gf plz

>>14756335
>> Her belly suddenly bloats and it explodes, splattering the parents and the rest of the kids in the party with blood and viscera. The contents of her stomach shift into vaguely baby looking monsters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sh1exCwGiY0

>Playing nWoD Humans
>Investigating exploded apartement of FBI guy who was a servant to a vampire
>Find secret room that hasn't burned down
>Let's go Investigate!
>A single chair with a single small table with a single cabinet that has a rubber band, 5 syringes with a red fluid and a small book
>Read book, FBI guy apparently used the stuff to jack himself up with incredible resilience, enhanced senses and whatnot
>Rolling exceptional on spotting
>Hear something sneaking around the place
>At this point I know that either fucked up Vampires or Mexican Death Metal Werewolves are on my ass
>nope.jpg
>Decide that I'm probably going to die anyway and jack myself one of the syringes
>WEIRDEST TWENTY SECONDS TRIP EVER
>Eat 3 Bashing, gain super senses for three seconds and then be exhausted
>Oh shit
>Sneak out
>Guy downstairs notices me
>Grows fangs and fuck ass huge talons
>nope.jpg
>Be lucky with initiative, shoot him exceptional in the face with my Colt SAA
>Stumbles back and is only slightly irritated
>NOPE NOPE NOPE
>Manage barely to escape to the elevator

Come to think of it. the whole fucking campaign is a single big NOPE.
Currently we are up against a whole swarm of tornados, mutant super soldiers, mutant vampires and a meteorite that wants to drop on our heads.

>>14756432
A classic. Stills make me lol.

GM running freight train custom Pathfinder / D&D campaign. We are lvl 6.

>>He's a good friend, and not the regular GM, we'll humor him and play for the lulz.

Camping on night 2 of ridiculously implausible "gigantic flying island arena fight": my watch.

Perception check: nat 20.

Houserules: reroll and add.

Nat 20.

repeat. End perception check, 57.

"You think you might see something, maybe, in the corner of your eye".

I go looking, find nothing.

Rage. Gain scent special ability. Search for trail.

Smell nothing.

Sniff around for several more turns. GM not giving me a damn thing.

"Fine. I drop my rage and go back to camp."

LOL ASSASSIN FROM TREE DOES 78 DMG dropping on you!

(Later)

Yeah, she was actually a messenger, with no tongue, wearing epic-forged armor, it's special, that dosn't work for you, and prevents you from ressurecting her. She's mute and both her companions are blind. Messengers.

>Nope.gif

>>14756335
>the scream turns into a guttural shriek which sounds like the one done by a pig being slaughtered.

>>14756497
>>14756421
By the way, the monsters coming from the poor cute girl where pretty much behave like this one on the poor kids and other clients in the restaurant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CW6maJgzk7E&feature=related

>nWoD mixed campaign
So we're stuck in an underground vault, with no way out except the way we came (1000 or so foot climb back to a barely repairable helicopter) or doing a quest for some shady guy we've never heard of to fuck over some relatively ok people.
We had no preperation, never wanted to be in the place, and have no attachment to the area other than wanting out.

We spend a whole session building the most tenuous climbing ladder back up the shaft to the helicopter, blowing most of our ability pools and such. Bit by bit we climb, reaching the poorly described helipad right as we become overcome with exhaustion.
Our vampire goes into torpor from lack of food and damage taken from running away from guard earlier. Our Promethean and a werewolf put all their effort into forcing the helicopter hatch open. He then explains that the cockpit was made entirely separate from the passenger compartment.
We rest.
With no food or water, we are barely holding on to our strength. We force our way into the front of the helicopter, only to be explained that it's made from super high tech not real stuff that we can't operate.
Say fuck that shit, and re-wire it. Get checks of 7 or more hits to do this. DM sounds annoyed, starts scratching in his notebook a bunch, says we get shocked and the controls fuse.

>>14756580
Promethean smiles. Let's himself get shocked, continues to rewire. Again, high hits on his rolls.
DM annoyed says it works, but the battery died.
Promethean converts left over character points to switch to Copper element and gives the battery a jolt, effectively ruining his character to get this thing working. Critical success. DM is pissed off. It's 2 in the fucking morning, we aren't leaving till we get out.

We get it running. It flies. It lifts off. We get to the top of the silo, in the DMs words "We clear the walls, and can see freedom below us"

Then the engines die, and despite 5 hits to pilot or drive or whatever it's called, we descend back into the pit, our character's starved and dying, and our only way out completely ruined by our escape attempt.

We all stand up, and silently pack out stuff, flip off the DM, and go home.

>>14756559
>Open link
>'The Blob -1988- sink scene'
>'sink scene'
>nope
>close link

You've made your point.

>>14756559
Well, this another scene illustrates better it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ2QHhSKuaA&feature=related

>>14756595
>open link
>'The Blob - Bye Paul'
>doesn't ring a bell
>watch it
>AW SHIT NOPE
Thanks. It's not like I have to sleep tonight.

>>14756636
Now picture The Blob with the body of a grotesque overgrown six month baby and you will have an idea of the horror I felt in that moment.

>>14756593
As a GM, I fucking hate it when this happens.
YOU decided to give the players those abilities. If YOU can't think of a way why they would be interested in following that plot thread and youse the abilities that were given to them by YOU, then fucking deal with it and come up with something else.
It can come around later and bite them in the ass, but fucking shit, if they take a clever approach and use their powers for something else than hitting stuff, then you better sit down on your fucking ass and play along.
Fucking shit.

Playing Shard, a game starring a host of anthromorphic beasts as pcs.
Playing it because friend clamored for it, bought the book and all.
Hope to god it doesn't go badly.
Roll up a crazy ex pirate, in it for da bitches.
Start off in prison, lol.
Get some money, buy a hooker, natch.
Friend graphically describes sex scene, makes me roll for stamina.
>NOPE.BMP

>>14756659

>>14756659
Wait, I'm not sure about what you're saying here. Are you saying the the player's were in the right and the DM should have played along, implying the DM designed their characters for them?
Or are you saying the player's fucked up and should have played along with the DM, but in that case.... I'm not sure what you mean.

>>14756676
oh my god i hate this
to be fair though if you suspect its gonna go that way you should say something...then again the GM should ask first its mostly on the GM though

>>14756692
I was talking to the imaginary incarnation of shitty DMs.
He gave them their abilities. At least, he allowed them to gain them. If he can't put up with the stuff he gives out, he shouldn't give it out in the first place.

He's saying the players were right - and that although he occasionally hates having to roll with it for story purposes, the railroad is slightly less important.

Granted, I disagree with him - players "won" that scenario. Now they have to deal with the further consequences, but they certainly deserve a hell of a fucking reward for that level of problem-solving.

>>14756692
I think he means that it's not a nice thing if the players piss all over your plans, but that's no reason to mess up the stuff they actually want to do, especially if it's cool.

40k.

He 12' rapid fires, does nothing. Next turn I go to assault, he says I'm out of range.

NOPE.

>>14756717
theres a difference between going with it and saying "ok but it fails and you crash land in X spot"and "ok but you crash land right where i just left you"
example A requires a minor adaption to continue the story
example B is railroading

>>14756751
Landing outside the silo? Fine, cool, we'd deal with it.
Landing inside the silo? We didn't let him DM for a year. (there's more as to why we took it that far, but still)

>>14756729
I have the opposite happen to me all the time...

>>14756766
any other examples this bad?everyone needs to see "what not to do" examples

>>14756676
Every time I hear about sex scenes in Dnd I think "thank fucking god my friends aren't that nerdy"

Then we get some dude trying to detail what he does with bar wenches, and our DM tells him to fuck off.

>>14756775
Long story short:
Shadow run campaign.
Every wall is "indestructible wall."
Every wall also covered in auto-turrets.
Autoturrets have power and bullets teleported in from outside.
We painstakingly make out way through the labyrinth of the facility to find the object we need. Magic ball. Big deal. Oh noes now are heads are feeling funny!

We had been playing all day working through the impossible dungeon. Suddenly we start back in home base, only one character remember's what happened. Ball was time-travel device. We are now set to repeat the same quest. We think about flipping off the DM and slump home.

>>14756788
"The bard and bar wench go up the stairs to her room and fade to black"
dealwithit.jpeg

>>14756830
that's the way to do it, definitely.

It's time for another good idea bad idea
The players are supposed to rescue a princess from being married to the evil king of a neighbour kingdom.
But instead of rescuing her, the bard charms the quest giver to pay them beforehand and they make off with heaps of cash, leaving the princess to the evil king.

>>14756825
did he at least try to change it up somehow?i had a GM do a similiar thing once...halfway through the third run we said fuck it and started screwing with the GM as much as we could just so we could start having fun

The players adventure through the lands, settle down or not.
Some time later a huge army approaches, wearing the coat of arms of the evil king of earlier.
Turns out that he wasn't bad at kinging and being a guy with vision, he used the doubled ressources he now had to build a force to conquer himself through the continent.

>>14756867
I get it! The bulbs are boobs!

The players leave the house with the cash, a meteorite hits the cart with the treasure, the depths of hell open and a demon rapes and soulbinds the PCs, forcing them for no reason whatsoever to rescue the princess.
Also, he takes all their weapons, gear and spell slots.
And tears the bard's balls of.

Pathfinder, playing a fighter with a shotgun

Fighting our way through ogre-kin household and find some woman in a basement. Instant I enter the room will save. Roll a 15 and make it. She starts talking like nothing is the problem with her being in the basement of an ogre-kin house and I make a second will save. Screw this fire my shot gun at her, roll a 18.... and miss.
NOPE

>>14756862
yeah, he changed it up alright.
All of our expendable items that we used were already used. I was a rigger and all my mutts were gone.
Also the guy who was telling us to do the quest had the object in his hands but we didn't know what it was in game, so we had to go along with it.

Dark Heresy. Running madly through a Chaos ship planting bombs. Not sure how we're getting off the ship, right? Probably a suicide mission anyway, so fuck it. Nearing the end of the mission we open a door. Ask to describe what's in room.

>It's a dark room with a single shaft of light that falls upon a little green creature that is mostly tentacles, chained in the middle of the room. It looks at you and begins to speak. It says, "help me out of this prison and I-"

NOPE.

Shut the door and keep going.

Never trust anything with tentacles.

(pic unrelated) (Or IS it???)

>>14756825
>Shadowrun
>Teleportation
>Time Travel

There are only two rules in Shadowrun Magic.
But what the fuck am I expecting if not even the game designers adher to the rules any more...?

>>14756788
Only time sex has ever come up in one of my D&D games, the heavily intoxicated Dwarf was nailing a dwarven tavern wench with a healthy facefull of stubble he found.

When he woke up the next morning, he found that he and the lady dwarf had forged several heavy weapons. There was no indication if they had done this before, after, or during the dwarf sex.

[spoilersdontworkontg]It was totally during.[/derp]

>Playing D&D with a group of people I've never met before
>Two of them are elves, and one is a shardmind.
>I roll up a dwarven avenger
>DM looks at me and says "Oh, dwarves aren't in this setting

nope.jpg

>>14756925

>Implying this was an 'offical' adventure.

But yeah, that made me rage a bit too.

>>14756967
Well, it sure looks like...

>>14757019

>>14756031
>Everyone hated dm's GF
>I Stole GM's GF
>Gm's a fag for fagging me out of the game
>They all still play once a month
>They perhaps enjoy it without you and the girl they all hated/you hated before you saw her naked
>You were, or became, That Guy
>Talking like you're the victim here

Nope.

>>14757023
...they did a hard night's work.

>>14757030

Nooooo!.

>>14757030

>Someone posted a shitty thread on /tg/ with something called "nope" moments
Nope

>>14757030
NOOOOOOOOOOOPE!

>>14757030

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

>>14757048
It's an /x/ thing.

>Floorboards creak.
>I shit myself.
>Noooope.

Testing early pathfinder with old premade game "Kill Bargle"

You may be familiar with this adventure.

Playing a human ranger. Plenty of traps and nonsense getting up to this point (does EVERY chimney in this place have a monster shoved up it? WHO KEEPS A ZOMBIE IN A BOX?!). Walked around a rug covering an obvious pit trap, only to get teleported into it later. An ally gets covered with ooze. Open the correct door at last...theres Bargle, all setting up to monologue. "Welcome to my inner sanctum Intru/

>Nope.

Slam door shut, cram allies into tiny 5 ft room, all ready actions to drop ranged attacks on the first thing we see. Open door, move in strike team style, nuke "bargle" when he jumps out of the shadows at us. As expected, doppleganger. 1 round later hes dead, we move on.

More shit, sneak past some ogres, guess the correct password to a barrier. Find the REAL bargle. "At least we meet my f/

>NOOOOPPPEEEE

The resulting alpha strike nails him down to 1 hp through his readied defenses, and we chase him through his secret passageway to find him trying to escape with bags of gold loaded on to a red dragon. "Dont think you've seen the last of BARG/

>OH HELL NOPE

Mage's magic missle, my thrown axe, and cleric's spiritual weapon all intersect at roughly Bargle's face. He dies a grizzly death and falls off the dragon, who shrugs and flys away with most of the treasure. We didn't even care. By the end of that adventure, we did indeed have only one mission.

Kill Bargle.

>>14756988
I've been the DM in that situation, telling my PC who rolled up a half-orc that he needed to be full orc or full human, cause half-orcs don't exist in my setting.

This proceeded to turn into a rage-fest for a full semester, starting notably with me just telling him not to play if he was going to make such a deal out of it.

>>14756988
>Didn't bother to ask about the setting before making a character
Nope.

>Playing a low fantasy game, in a kind of Mesoamerican setting.
>Players (who are explorers from a frozen kingdom across the sea), climb off their ships and set up a camp
>Our food was lost on the voyage, so we attempt to find something to eat.
>The party's skald catches a large lizard-thing, and we roast it over the campfire set up on the beach.
>As the man who caught the food, the skald eats first
>Then, he tells us a story as we begin to eat.
>Halfway through the first line, his neck baloons, and his eyes, nose and mouth weep blood. He dies.
>nope.jpeg

We all had to roll to induce vomiting, then we threw the lizard into the sea. Wasn't the worst thing to happen that session.

>>14757072
/x/ is also a fucking blight on 4chan after /b/ invaded it years back

just fuck off with this summer bullshit

>>14757123
Which would be my point, sir.

>used to play DnD and Alternity
>DM was a friend of a friend
>guy was alright at first, but got weirder and sketchier the more I hung around him
>made my friend's character a plot device in every campaign
>called him out on it, denies the claim
>we only had major plot sessions when friend was home from the marines at the time
>campaigns where poorly written, mostly just based on "GUESS WHAT MOVIE/TV/GAME SERIES THIS IS RIPPED FROM!" story telling that was most of the time holding your hand to movei it along
>would go off on lame stories of previous sessions he's had, keeps doing it despite the fact we told him we didn't care
>went into great detail once how he downloaded child porn to be a "troll"
>doesn't see whats wrong about it
>NOPE.EXE

needless to say, I'm never playing another game with him ever again.

Fuck you Liam. I know you're reading this.

>>14757123
>summer
it's not even 60 degrees out, this is not fucking summer

>>14757141
>downloaded child porn to be a "troll"
D:
Pedobear.jpg

>>14757151
>60 degrees out

Well, of course not. Even the hottest place in the world hardly ever reaches 40. 60 is almost cooking temperature.

>>14757151
At /x/ it's summer all year round.
As in /b/tards, tripfags everywhere and newfags wanting to be /b/triptards.

>>14757173
We know you're being intentionally dense to point out how superior Celsius is, but cut that shit out.

>>14757182
>Even the hottest place in the world hardly ever reaches 40.
>60 is almost cooking temperature.

I have no idea what scale that guy's using but it sure as hell ain't Celsius.

>>14757201

He might just not know that El Azizia, Libya reaches 66 degrees quite often.

>>14757173
Amerifag making guesstimates detected.

>>14757169

I think whats worse is that he looks like this guy.

>>14757219
Hottest temp recorded was 57.8 Celsius.

>>14757173

>>OMG im so much smart then u cuz i no metrics!!!11!
>>Doesn't know metric system.

Water doesn't boil until 100 C, 60 won't cook shit.

Necromunda....facing delaque gang with 2 heavy bolters, 6 gangers with shotguns, vents, and tunnels, rating of over 2k.

1250 new gang. nope.

>Never played BFG before.
>Bro and I agree to try Chaos and Imperial Navy, three hundred point game to learn the rules. (Ignoring Fleetlists.)
>Pick fleet of Lunar cruiser, and three firestorms.
>Decide the fluff for game is that I'm an Imperial Navy patrol flotilla defending an outpost/planet. Bro refuses to tell me what he chose.
>Put my ships on the board.
>He puts a Desolater class battleship on the table. (300 points.)
>"Craven Imperial dogs! Surrender this system to the glory of chaos, or be annihilated."
>nope.jpg
>[Fastfoward]
>dead escorts, dead battleship, crippled cruiser.

>>14757249
>celsius
>metrics
Uhh, no

>>14757026


...What?
Thats some awful reading comprehension you've got there, friend.

>>14757297
Eh, it's close enough. Noone uses Kelvin in real life.
Also the first guy might have used the Rømer or Réaumur scale.

>>14757342

>Eh, it's close enough

No it isn't, why can't you just say, "sorry, my bad" then the rest?

>>14757331
I don't think you understand what he was doing.

>>14757353
Because I#m not the guy you were replying to and because I think it's close enough.

ITT: one idiot is enough for a derail

>>14756142

/tg/: arguments from lovecraft to celsius...

>don't even need other boards

>>14757342
What the fuck are those?

Not kelvin, obviously.

>>14757446
Old temperature scales from back when no one gave a fuck.
Water freezes at 0°Re/7.5°Rø and boils at 80°Re/60°Rø .

These Blob clips remind me of the REALLY OLD Megami Tensei anime.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bts7KGyE0xY

Skip to 9:10 and enjoy your High Octane Nightmare Fuel.

>>14757698
Also, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSBtE8ogDIM&feature=related

6:00

Sweet Dreams, bros.

> Playing Deathwatch

> Travelling in the Warp
> One of those rare occasions where I'm not wearing my armor.
> Suddenly the Warp infects all the servitor's on board.
> One of them charges me

> I try to be a badass and shoot him with my bolt pistol.
> I miss
> He critically wounds me
> I'm a Devastator.

>Be a Tremere
>final nights
> in a sewer
> tzmicie elder just crafted him self to a gangrel
> "stop hitting your self"
> they (It?) disappear down a grate
> put on poker face
> GM "you hear a little girl singing"
>"I FUCKING SULFUR WALK OUT TO MY HAVEN"
>NOPE.jpg

>>14757393
>its close enough
>MEASUREMENT OF LENGTH
>CLOSE ENOUGH TO MEASUREMENT OF TEMPERATURE
jesus fucking christ these threads really are the worst.

>>14757898
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metric_system

>GMing Dark Heresy
>Not one, but several players asked if they can play a secular/atheist role

>>14755440

Not tabletop, but sort of related

>remember ex-boyfriend I dated about five years ago
>"huh, it's been years, wonder what he's up to"
>best lay I've ever had, maybe see if he wants to get back together
>check his facebook
>"HAY GUISE WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS FURSUIT IM MAKIN"
>nope.jpg
>welp back to ice cream, loneliness and a dildo then

>Changeling
>Some Werewolves are fucking up my motley's shit
>we go after them.
>have contracts of Shade and Spirit
>ghost of a kid that got killed for being in the woods with his girlfriend
>TO THE WOODS
>pack of pure werewolves fucking about
>girl is still alive, guarded in a tent
>Our beast used bedlam and entitlements to massacre them
>interrogate last guy
>"We're keeping her until she changes!"
>hear roar behind us
>Beast's wtfhax wears off
>NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

>>14757698
Kinda ruined by the fact that no one notices what happens for about five seconds. Gotta love that old anime soundtrack though, hilariously inappropriate.

Anyways,
>DM'ing Dark Heresy
>Roll up character with Player 1
>Asks for about 3000 thrones worth of gear and guns for a rank 1 character
>Nope
>Roll up character with Player 2
>"Can I be a space marine?"
>Nope
>Roll up character with Player 3
>"I don't know what I want just pick my career based on what you think the party needs."
>"How about you be an assassin?" Nope
>"How about you be a techpriest?" Nope
>"How about you be a guardsman?" Nope
>My players keep asking me when am I going to start the game
>Nope

>>14758040
a single beast can take on a pack of werewolves?

>>14758070

Changelings are really powerful. They get stronger by making pledges and keeping to the terms of that agreement. Add on to that Contracts with things like Death, Dreams or Nature which give them superpowers, a combat-oriented Changeling is actually probably slightly less dangerous than a social one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvdf5n-zI14

>>14758099
>>Changelings are really powerful
As long as they can dictate the terms of the fight. They have the Batman thing in spades, to where most of their WTFHAX shit needs planning and caution to pull off.

Playing oWoD Vampire. New kid wants to GM. He's very enthusiastic and devouring all the books we have so figure he probably knows his shit. One friend is running a Sabbat campaign every other weekend and I run a Camarilla one here and there. Kid wants to do a true Black Hand from campaign from The Dirty Secrets of the Black Hand book. Should have been Nope right here.

However the book never fit any of our subdued campaigns so we decide to give it a shot. Tells us we will be elders. Challenge accepted. Spend all week researching pre-muslim arabic cultures. Role up awesome Assamite with pages of backstory. Not Min/maxed but full flavor. Most dots in Obfuscate. Friends role up a Tzimiche old clan with thaumaturgical surgery and piles of auspex, mental beast, a true Brujah from the weeabo in the group, full temporis and a katana, and a Gangrel who is all Fortitude.

>14758215
We are assigned to rescue a young kid. Kid is a vampire. Clanless. I am anachronistic so refuse to speak any tongue younger than Latin. Kid doesn't understand. Gets mouthy with us. Kid "turns off" Brujah's Temporis. He says he always has been able to do that. I decide he is a threat and as a clanless he is an abomination we shouldn't tolerate. Communicate this with Tzim in Babylonian. Kid understands. Tzim talks to me telepathically. Kid appears in our telepathic link. Fuck it. Burn half my elder blood pool and attack with the violence of a thousand year old assassin. He dodges. We call bullshit. Brujah hits with Katana. Kid soaks ALL damage. He can duplicate our powers we are informed AND turn them off. He earth melds and can run underground so we can't dig him out. He can modify our disciplines too and combine them. He telepathically begs us not to kill him, he's scared.
We agree.

He pops back up. Fuck this I don't need disciplines to kill. Burn more shit ton more blood, and enhance attributes. Called shot with RPG at close range. 15 successes for head shot. He soaks it all we all are injured by blast radius. Kid gets us to safety.

NOPE.

>reading this thread in bed, just about to fall asleep.
>turn off lights
>hear strange.noices

NOPENOPENOPE

>>14758139
out of curiosity, can you elaborate?

>>14758327
Most of their really HAX shit is expensive as hell, or requires a condition that needs to be fulfilled in order to use it for free, like being able to use great strength free, as long as you are fighting multiple enemies bare-handed, or to heal someone who has recently professed love to him (From romance to just 'I love you, bro'). A lot of this allows them to drop their best shit for free, but needs planning to pull off.

Then there is using their Pledges for fun and profit. Use it to bind someone to a promise they have no intention to keep, or to a slip of the tongue swear, and curse their asses when they inevitably break it. Pledges are a really good way to fuck with people.

There's more, but I don't want to write a book here.

>>14758377
That's more or less what we did. Our autumn court scared the piss out of them and got our beast pretty much infinite glamour for about fifteen minutes. pretty much everything except the Alpha and the guy we interrogated died.

>>14758404
Well, it was more that the Beast functioned as the tank, so to speak, scaring and crushing one or two, and the the cyborg elemental/wizened and electromagnetic elemental lesbian gunslinger latina (don't ask) mopped up, shooting them in the back with silver bullets as they ran and double tapping anything the beast incapacitated.

The woofs basically got attacked by a fairy themed armored column with infantry support.

>>14758616
>>electromagnetic elemental lesbian gunslinger latina
I must ask...I must. What is the story here.

DnD, Forgotten Realms-ish setting
New DM

>First session, we our guild (which has become rather famous and is now receiving mundane mercenary requests) is asked to deal with a town's goblin infestation.
>DM states we can't use our airship as to not frighten the populace of pirates
>The town is a day away by caravan
>Go there
>The town guard are all missing
>The army is missing
>The goblin infestation consists of 7 goblins dicking around in a town of over 100 people
>Nope
>Kill goblins
>On way back through town, notice an odd altar has been set up
>Spewing some black aura
>We examine, roll high Arcana, and get "You can tell that touching this will immediately kill you"
>Nope
>Collect our gold and leave

>>14758760
>Next session
>Next day, back at our guild's "castle" (we stole the hideaway from a slaving ring, currently renovating), same two people from the other day come looking for our help
>Aura has expanded to outside town
>The town guard had been called back, but once they re-entered the whole of the town went pitch-black and they dissapeared.
>Same with the army.
>Same with some hired mercenaries.
>They want us to go into the town to investigate.
>They will pay us after the fact.
>NOPE
>We counter offer, stating they pay us to escort them back safely and defend their town as best we can from OUTSIDE of the aura while they figure it out
>They don't take the counter offer
>They insist on their way
>We point out there is literally no reason to want our help, and if they know of any specialists
>They state that a town near theirs has specilists in necrotic magic
>They haven't checked it out yet
>We offer to escort them there (for a fee) and check out the situation before re-evaluating our position
>"NO YOU MUSt AGREE TO GO IN AGAINST UNKNOWN DANGER THAT ONLY SEEMS TO TARGET ARMED MERCENARIES AND GUARDS AND SOLDIERS BEFORE YOU FIND OUT INFORMATION ON THE PROBLEM!!!!1211!"
>Inform them we won't, and they can take their time to comtemplate it
>They state they won't budge
>I add the finishing touch, telling them that they have the chance to decide anyways, however, if they take more than a day, there will be an additional "contemplation fee" to compensate for jobs we could have taken during this time
>DM ragequits

Our DM ragequit because these people would not shell out gold and/or listen to a reasonable counter offer, and due to the idiocy of these DM controlled characters, he could not railroad us.
>NOPE

>>14758634
No clue. All I know is that the cyborg struck out with her, and every other female he's encountered.

Naming him Ace after the alpha centauri reference has proved to be prescient. He just doesn't have good luck with women.

Pic related, it's his keeper.

>Giant, ill-proportioned goldfinch appears
>It roars and makes an earthquake
>Elf Wizard and Half-Orc Monk nope the fuck out of there, while the palladin, druid and bard STAY AND FIGHT
>My face when I was the Elf.

>>14758837
It roars earthquakes.
No one should blame you for that one.

Allow me to get the transcipt I saved from my online DH game
Ahem
"What greets your eyes is a sanity blasting experience. Women lie around a huge room, pregnant and moaning. The room is made of plaster, and lit by two huge fires, which come from two people standing stil, chanting and burning alive. They're not even moving, just burning. One man is standing in the center of the room, stripped to the waist, wearing dirty blue pants. He holds somthing bloody and dripping in his hands. You can faintly hear a crying sound coming from it. - Tentacles extend from the floor, and glow with a faint liminescance. This is going to sound funny, but the tops of the tentacles are dicks. Some of them caress the girls, and some waive in the air."
Quickly followed by ""Born of pleasure and birthed in pain, I take my child and make him a part of me! Long live the dark prince, and let his gifts live through me!"
Our GM then told us "Ray's eating, the girls are crawling, and I'm wet"
>my fucking face when

First Nope
Running a Deadlands game and set up a story about a haunted mine in the Rocky Mountains. Players make mad scientists and spend most of their time reanimating dead horses and selling cocaine.
Second Nope
Players receive share in the mine, hopefully motivating them to do something about the mine demon. They decide they want to go to Denver so they can catch a train to steampunk Mecca in Utah and then they'll come bad to the town to save the mine.
Third Nope
They get to Utah and read in the newspaper that the town they were in was destroyed in a earthquake and the mine collapsed.

>party walks in to a small room labeled the holding chamber
>we think its for some slave ring
>wiz casts light
>empty room
>nope.jpg
>walls are strange red color
>Nope.jpg
>start to leave and theres no door
>NOPE.gif
>wiz light spell 'stops working'
>FUCKTHISSHIT.avi

>>14757965
Eh, I took care of this for one of my players by letting him find a "heretical work" that was basically a book of philosophy from before M30k when the Emprah was all atheist all the way.

He got a nice amount of corruption and insanity, but a small increase to Willpower as a tradeoff. I also made it so he had to roll against throwing a fit when engaging in conversation with relgious figures.

The best part? He's the cleric.

>>14758957
I know that feel, I played a corrupt priest. I ended up bros (or as close as one can get) with an Eldar psycher (I forget what they're called). Ironically I was killed by a swarm of demons, of which I didn't believe. s'all good I had a fate point. still don't know what happend to our eldar buddy

Nope Moment: playing BT, 3051 Era. Our unit is assigned to escort a FedCom General on a tour of the front. Mission map is a road 100 meters (3 hexes wide), surronded by heavy woods 2 maps thick on either side and 4 maps long. We are not allowed to leave the road. We get halfway across it and THIRTY Ryoken omnimechs emerge from the woods (15 per side) all the same configuration, the one with the Ultra AC/20. Capping the end of the road appear a mix of Daishi and Masakari (10 mechs), while a mix of Mad Cats and Vultures appear from behind (also 10 mechs). Every omnimech deploys Elementals.

Our total force? 40 battlemechs (including the General's lance), 24 tanks.

>Cave
>Only light is by a torch and 6 arcane rings given to us that illuminate a 3 foot long area with true sight and illumination, but only work for 30 feet effectively, and only last 2 minutes with a 5 minute recharge time
>The ground is damp dirt, very white with mold
>We walk, I tell Players to make a spot check, none make it
>Tell a caster to roll a reflex, he fails.
>Level 2s'.
>"You feel something grab your leg and you are drug into the ground unless you make a strength check."
>He makes it and yells, players turn around to see a murky white spider leg around him.
>They wrestly it out to see a moldy, very venemous trap spider. In the open room, more trap doors begin to open as they hear hissing.
>"Roll initiative"
>The arachnophobic of the group leaves the room for 10 minutes.

I did good, /tg/. Everyone was pissing their pants the rest of the dungeon.

>play blood angels
>use librarian's blood lance
>pass psychic test
>opponent played vanilla space marines
>his librarian had psychic hood
>rolled to use
>he rolled a 6, I rolled a 4
>fire 4 bolters at his librarian
>all miss
>fire melta
>all miss
horyshet.gif
>baal predator takes shot
>fire twin-linked assault cannon
>missed both
nope.avi

>>14758760
>>14758768
sounds like the DM was playing too much demon's souls to me.

>Sometime ago, in California
>Trying to find D&D game to play.
>Last group pretty cool but working professionals so never meet.
>Hear about new "FLGS" in nice area.
>Go there. Turns out is M:TG store with some comics and snacks on the shelf.
>Nope.
>On way out notice sign saying D&D night.
>Show up on Tuesday night. Everyone else shows up late.
>Like ten people.
>Introductions all around. Start noticing weird stuff (Like one asian kid's fingernails are six inches long)
>Start rolling up character.
>DM stops me and hands me a note book. Tells me I have to use a race out it.
>All anthro races.
>Shrug. Roll up least homosexual ranger I can think of.
>DM takes me aside and starts heaping tons of weird shit on me, like extra feats and crazy abilities, and "sentient pets"
>DM starts sometimes referring to "mitzy" at odd moments in conversation. Turns out DM pretends to be Multiple Personality Disorder.
>Get back to game, DM starts referring to shadow creatures "Nobodies from Kingdom Hearts"
>Character gets introduced. Intros all around. Turns out group is full on FURRY-GAY.
>Only female in group attempts to LITERALLY glomp me, in reality. I run for the fucking door.
>NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

bout two years back but what the hell.

> playing my slaanesh marines list in a tourney for the first time.
> people asking me what I brought.
> many of them laugh, tell me I should go home before spending money on entrance fees
nope.avi
> first round dude I face is the back up organizer for the event, mid-battle he concedes since he needs to help run the tourney.
> second round, an all tzeench CSM army that I wipe off the board in two turns. only kills a few of my noise marines.
> third round. orks (their codex had just come out), footslogging shoota boyz. I lash 'em up and blow each unit to kingdom come each turn.
> fourth round, tau player.
>offers for me to surrender before the match starts.
Nope
>longest game of the tourney, wiped his only two scoring units, killed all 32 of his kroot in one combat phase, dude almost ragequits,
>starts THROWING his models into the bag each time I kill another.
>organizer announces the winners: I come in second, because I had less total kill points than the wyche kult dark eldar player I am friends with.
>we hi-five and shout: "victory for slaanesh!"

requesting roque trader NOPE where the rogue trader betrays the tau for foi gras

>>14762458

>too much Demon's Souls

As if there is such a thing.

I love the difference in this thread between nope.jpg stories and F_U_C_K NO stories.

>>14760665
Shit son. I don't even mind spiders that much, but thanks to that I had to pull my feet up off floor and I keep glancing under my desk.

DnD 3.5
Party delves into the ruins on an uninhabited island, reach the center of a temple, see a statue.
Will saves all around, Bard fails and is compelled to touch the statue.
Artificer tries to shake Bard out of it, is compelled to touch statue (no save).
Imp shoots crossbow at statue, hits, is compelled to touch statue with no save.
It's just me and an NPC wizard left.
Nope.jpg

The NPC then touches the statue (since I won't), which releases an evil omni-elemental god that the four gods of the classical elements tell our level 1 asses to go kill, since they aren't powerful enough.
Wish you could say nope to gods.

>D20 Future (yes, yes, I know. but we were young and foolish. we didn't know any better)
>Party is a bunch of space jockeys, like Firefly/Serenity
>Current job is to deliver cargo to a small border world with only one major city
>They arrive and the system is dead quiet
>Only automated beacons echo in the dark
>No response from the planet surface, only a lone automatic becon
>Its not a becon, its got a hidden distress signal
>They land at the spaceport, its deserted
>The streets are empty
>Nobody anywhere
>Pilot stays with the ship
>Track the becon to a small office building in the middle of the city
>Constant feeling of being watched/hearing things moving in the shadows
>sun is starting to set as they enter the building
>Inside is evidence of violence, dried blood and broken furnature, markshift barricades and evidence of a desperate last stand
>Upstairs, find the becon broadcasting automatically, turn it off
>Noise in the storeroom
>Its a near catatonic woman, the lone survivor of the whole city
>Suddenly noises outside
>The woman begins to freak out
>Out the windows, human figures moving in the streets towards the building
>The first of them breaks through downstairs
>They are a human/machine hybrid, a nanite virus has done a poor job of trying to turn them into robots
>They are dubbed 'Rombies'
>Any touch might infect you
>Players fight desperately to the roof and call for evac
>Bundle the survivor in
>They make it by the skin of their teeth, throwing rombies off the boarding ramp as they rocket into the sky
>Return to the satelite base orbiting a vastly inhabited planet in a major system that sent them to get the woman proper medical attention and to report their findings
>2 hours after arrival alarms go off
>Woman has broken out of medical facility, killed several guards and doctors
>Their wounds are turning to metal
>She was patient 0

>>14763660
brah....how did you not see that one coming?

>>14763709
I did. I was the GM.

They always did say I was the better GM in the group. But 3 of them were hardcore weeaboos whose adventures were [JRPG of the week], one was a flaky scatter brain and the other was a complete noob to just about anything horribly nerdy. I'm not at all surprised I could out think them; but its rather like being the only one who can write their name in the 'special' class.

>>14763726
ah ok....well....uh....yeah

>>14763660

i liked it

but i have a hardon for robot apocalypces and "men of iron" stories

>as a werewolf
>sneaking around human village
>DM goes ''lol you stepped on a branch''
>Entire fucking village of genocidal racists wake up

>D&D 3.5 Eberron campaign
>Enter a room in a dungeon filled with spinning blade traps
>Attempt to disable one, fail, get blade
>Attempt to disable again, fail, get nicked by a blade
>Suddenly, two Small constructs pop out of an alcove
>Constructs start flipping around the traps wuxia-style
>Constructs are synced up to the traps so they can move around the room with ease
>Warmage says NOPE.AVI
>Casts Gust of Wind
>One construct is pushed through several blade traps (hitting them along the way) and slams into the wall
>Dead
>Second one gets wrecked in a similar manner
>Disable traps, move on
>NOPEITY NOPE NOPE.RTF

>>14755993

Stephen King borrows themes and flair from Lovecraft's stuff all the time. So not an unsurprising conclusion to come to although, that game sum up is pure Lovecraftian all the way. Many props and kudos to your game master for that one.

>Vampire
>Waiting in the street, being invisible
>Partners upstairs looking for stuff in the house of the guy we thought was a traitor
>Partners calling me on my cellphone while policemen were at like 2 meters of me, checking the neighbourhood for robbers.

one of my favorites:

>fighting lich
>paladin, fighter and rogue got it to pretty shit HP, it dimension doors the fuck out.
>wizard gathers paladin and rogue, follows (he correctly identified the mark in a room earlier in the dungeon).
>fighter and cavalier bolt for the room to help if things get out of hand
>my cleric is fatigued, cannot run, remains in the lich's throne room
>after some comedy of not being able to kill the dang lich elsewhere, lich ports back to his throne room.
>my cleric - NOPE.jpg "Searing Light"

Cleric confirmed for just about each of the campaigns most disappointing, yet thematically appropriate kill steals.

I wasn't there, so someone played my character, so

>DnD 3.5
>mid-level party (~10)
>A lich on dragon skeletons is seen heading for the part
>Guy playing my Druid says "Nope" .jpg
>Control Winds
>Force Ride check
>lolLichsWhoInvestsInRide.exe
>Lich falls a long, long way, DM didn't think to prepare featherfall, or fly, or anything other than blasty spells

Gratuitous bump.

Playing 40k at 1k points.

I take fun battlewagon list. 3 pieplates at 1k points, but not much else. Come up against a dark eldar player, who deploys his two transports next to eachother. Wipe out one unit, decimate the other. His HQ leaves the other, and throws down a webway portal. Next turn, wytches come out of it, archon joins them, and charges a tank, all but killing it. My other tank tank shocks them. Ld 10, can he pass?
nope.jpg
Game goes on, I realise I could escort the unit of the table, but say what the hell and decide to shoot them. Shoot the leader out of coherency, play this as we think it should be as opposed to RAW and let him leave. Since he's no longer in 6" of my tank, he regroups, and moves to shoot my tank with his weird lancepistol thing. Can he hit anything with it this game at all?
Nooooope.png
Since I've won the game anyway, I decide to tankshock him. Ld10 again, does he pass?
Yes, just.
Death or Glory, can he finally kill the tank?
Noooooooooooooooooooope.wav

>>14755909
>portraits of random people looking sad
Awesome but predictable.

Then again, I've read quite a few creepypastas in my time.

>Shadowrun
>Troll professional wrestler just fought through an army of robots in a building with panels like aperture labs
>Head outside onto a cliff
>Giant wrestling ring appears
>Gets inside it
>Get thrown off, back onto the cliff
>Wrestling ring gets up and becomes a GIANT WRESTLING ROBOT
>Rush in under it to take out the leg joints
>Nope. Metal skirt opens out and blocks the legs, robot punches me back
>Robot charges at me
>Roll out of the way, causing the robot to run off the cliff
>Robot stops from falling off the cliff
>NOPE.
>Jump in the air and initiate a FLYING METEOR KICK into the robots ass, knocking it off the cliff.

>Players show up for game
>Already utterly wasted and useless again
NOPE!

Oh, Shadowrun - what have you become?

>Play Deadlands, Hell On Earth.
>My friend rolls a mad scientist, I'm a gunslinger.
>I shoot things, and use a med-kit.
>We go down the road in a Winnebago powered by the souls of the damned (Ghostrock).
>Bro sees a wrecked Army truck on the side of the road.
>Slams on brakes.
>I'm trying to sleep.
>Passenger seat has no seat-belts.
>Break nose on dash.
>DAMMIT.
>He points out the army truck. After fixing my nose, i walk up with my shotgun.
>GM asks me to roll Cognition.
>See SOMETHING behind the wheel.
>NOPE.
>Get the other guy to walk up to it.
>He walks up, shoots the window out at the dead dude in the seat, thinking it's a zombie.
>IT'S A ZOMBIE THAT SHOOTS GUNS.
>Decide order: I get one card, and go last.
>My buddy gets 3 wounds to the arm: Shock sets in.
>NOPE. Makes save.
>Zombie shoots at me.
>NOPE.
>Take no damage. Buddy gets Shot AGAIN. Decides to fall down.
>Zombie crawls out of open window to EAT BRAINS.
>NOPE.
>Jump onto hood, shoot zombie off Hombre.
>Walk around to back of truck.
>Hear Moan.
>NOPE.
>Open door, put shotgun about head level, wait off to one side.
>Insta-gib Zombie.
>Guy's wearing a fairly nice suit.
>Take tie.
>Tie's a clip-on.
>Clip on. Armani suit. What.

Continued....

>>14773252

>Whatever. Loot amounts to about ten bullets for a gun we don't have, and a fucking clip-on.
>We're out.
Later...
>Buddy gets tired.
>Take over driving.
>GM hand-waves away my ability to look at the road because I defaulted on driving.
>Pterodactyl OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!
>NOPE.
>Windshield shattered
>Buddy wakes up, panics, shoots at bird monster.
>Hits it in the leg.
>It goes for my neck.
>NOPE.
>Called shot to head, five wounds on a single bullet.
>Dead bird.
>Buddy informs me that it's just a baby.
>What?
>HUGE BEAK TAKES OUT THE BATTERIES IN THE BACK.
>No forward power, no ray-gun.
>Buddy jumps in the turret.
>Tries to shoot, no power.
>NOPE.
>Drop an ace, interrupt, run to the back and default on fixing. Get a 32 on a 2d8
>Bird Monster tries to eat Buddy.
>NOPE.
>Use my second action to step outside and shoot it in the wing.
>Buddy shoots it, gives it two head-wounds.
>Bird tries to eat him.
>NOPE.
>Gets the leg.
>Buddy just had his leg ripped off.
>Shoot it in head again, three wounds, GM buys off the kill with a red chip.
>Bird goes for buddy, gets three wounds on his other leg.
>He gives it one more wound in the head, then hides under the 'bageo.
>Bird comes through wall.
>NOPE.
>Grenade in the mouth, bird ex0plosively decapitated.
>Heal up, move on.

Continued.

>>14773313

Forgot to say it, but:
>Reattach buddy's leg.
>GM says it's impossible.
>NOPE.
>Medicine roll of 40.
>Buddy now has a limp, otherwise TOTALLY FINE.

Moving on.
>Get to next town,
>Nobody around.
>Buddy tries to fix the Winnebago.
>Go look around.
>Find bar.
>Knock on door.
>Guy laughs at me and says I'm going to die.
>Fuckthisgm.jpeg
>See dude come running into town.
>Ask bar-dude who the fuck the big dude is.
>He goes NOPE.avi and locks his shit down tighter.
>Well, shit.
>Inform buddy that shit's going down.
>Roll initiative.
>Get one card, 10.
>GM gets one card, 8.
>Buddy gets three cards, lays them down.
>Hear glass break.
>See woman get murdered when I go to investigate.
>Shoot at dude who did it.
>He gets out.
>Run around corner.
>Bad-Guy comes out of window.
>HEY LOOK, IT'S A TIN-MAN WITH A CHAIN-GUN.
>Shoot him in the face with a shot-gun.
>Only one wound.
>He shoots my leg, four wounds.
>Fail to cope, scream in pain.
>Neither of us has actions left.
>Buddy runs up, over the course of two actions, and hits the tin-man with his Chainsaw.
>Cuts off the arm, no more chain-gun.
>OH LOOK, HE HAS A CHAIN-SWORD.
>Buddy dies over three turns.
>Make my recovery rolls.
>Shoot the tin-man where it hurts.
>EVERYWHERE.
>Tin-man fails his resistance.
>Use his own chainsword to finish him Mortal Kombat style.
>Grab buddy's body.
>Frankenstein the two of them together.
>Buddy comes back, with some sort of greater-Spirt of fucking techno party.
>He makes some explosive rounds for my revolver.
>Go shoot the fucker in the bar, take the officers hat and put it on.
>fucker was sitting on, military hardware.
>Thought hits me: Explosive pistol rounds? Armored Duster? Officer's hat? Chain-sword? Shooting people who are COWARDS?

So, I'm running Dark Heresy next week. Since clearly, that was a sign.

Several nopes from a friend I was running a freeform game for. I based it off of a place I was familiar with, my college campus, and filled in the parts I have no idea about with as close as I could come to absolute horror.

>Wakes up in a room
>'Welcome to Hell' painted on the ceiling
>Tell him it looks like spraypaint
>Examines floor for drips
>Yep, drips
>Examines rest of room
>Dead dog inside of closet, which is bigger than it should be, with a spiral staircase going down
>Closet is chained
>From the inside
>Folding doors
>"O-kay..."
>Breaks one of the slats out of the door
>Fashions shiv out of slat
>Undoes chain from his side
>Wet with blood
>"Greeaat..."
>Flips mattress he woke up on, props it up over the doorway
>Obvious seam in the floor
>Safe in the floor, needs key and passcode
>Explores hallway outside room with bloody chain and shiv at ready
>No obvious threat
>Very obvious barricade of upturned and welded together desks with sharpened legs facing in the other direction
>Explores entirety of hallway, including other side of barricade
>Goes back to room, down stairs
>Offhandedly mention that the dog is gone
>N-n- Okay. Fine.
>Explores room at the bottom of stairs
>Red light bulb like in a dark room; vats lining walls, filled with thick, dark liquid
>Coppery tinge in the air
>"Blood..."
>Only other thing in the room is a desk

>So your son says he is gonna shoot himself from the snow in the tv
>I dont give a shit, if I drink more scotch it will go away. I'm only seeing this because I haven't had enough anyways.
>A bullet flys out of the tv at you.
>I just keep drinking my scotch.

And not a shit was given that day.

>>14773437
>Examines desk, notices closet tucked into corner next to desk
>Finds passcode, no key
>Examines closet
>"You find boxes and boxes of black uniball pens."
>Unnerves him for some reason
>Takes a couple of pens
>"You hear splashing from one of the vats as you turn back around."
>nope
>"I'm gonna gtfo, and stay as far away from the one that's making noise as possible."
>Goes back up stairs
>"You hear a splash and a thud from down the stairs, followed by the skittering of claws on concrete."
>Backs out of the closet, readies weapons
>Dog, now hairless, eyes and mouth fused shut, with a gaping-barbershop-smile-neck-wound mouth filled with hagfish teeth, eyes on the side of its neck and bone-blades for feet charges up staircase
>Chain to the mouth, gets scratched, pins it to the floor, and stabs it to death in the head.
>His shiv is ruined, but has a thin, gold chain stuck to it as he removes it from the wound
>Chain has a key and a weird locket on the end of it
>Locket is weird in that it has no pictures in it, but a mirror, and makes ticking sounds like a watch
>Opens safe with newfound key and code

>>14773471
What.

I think I require further data.

>GM throws froghemoth at party as punishment for earlier bitching about game being too easy.
>3 nat 20's in a row
>insta-dead
>nope.swf

>>14773524
Playing janga dread. It was a ghost story and the character was convinced he was hallucinating because he was drunk, just not passed out drunk. His answer was just keep drinking, this is all just normal.

>>14773560
Yeah, I gathered most of that, it just felt possible there was more to the story.

>>14773039
Evening, Jack bro

playing homebrew fallout rpg

>me and two friends kill gmpc for giving secrets to a Master wannabe
>GM gets butthurt
>GM has us stumble into into a deathclaw matriarch
>nope.jpg
>combat lasts five rounds as deathclaw slowly gets annilated by three gauss autoguns
>roll a nat 1 (d100 crit) and roll 75 damage on a mob that has 3 health left
>the matriarchs spine decides that it now wants to explore the world starting with this friendly looking projectile
>barely have enough hide to create deathclaw boots for everyone

>>14773574
His son had muscular dystrophy and didn't want him because of it, the ghost picked up it and pulled a poltergeist, not a lot more to say about the seen aside from its major 'nope don't give a shit'-ness of awesome.

>DH
>Stuck in some sorta warp-temple of Tzeench or something I don't know.
>doors
>open door
>DEMONS
NOPE.TIFF
>close the door

That game had up opening doors, going NOPE and then closing doors.`

>>14773597

Relatedly

>Playing Arkham Horror.
>Join Silver Lodge.
>Get mission to enter R'lyeh (oh great).
>Given a magic sword
>First Encoutner in R'lyeh: Open door
>See super-huge tentacled being lying there motionless with lots of smaller tentacled beings swarming over it
Nope.jpg
>Use book in my possession to avoid the event in its entirety.

Thanks for the magic sword, guys.

>>14773633

id of nope.jpg so hard that itd wake cthulu

Man, I was hoping for great Horror related stories, not HURR DURR I DISREGARD LIEK A BOSS.

Colour me dissapointed /tg/

>>14773657

I was more like: fighting the Great Cthulhu? With a simple magic sword? Cool story, bros.