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  • File : 1301009074.png-(1.09 MB, 1080x819, Competitors.png)
    1.09 MB Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:24 No.14354130  
    So we're playing Rogue Trader, our GM is running one of the modules (The Frozen Reaches). We've reached a decision point.

    We're in a colonized system way out in the Koronus Expanse. There's a huge fuckoff Ork fleet preparing to invade the planet and massacre the three billion inhabitants. The Imperial Navy's hardly lifted a finger to save them since it's so far out of their reach so it's up to us to stop the Orks. We've been making deals, scouting, fighting delaying actions, all sorts of shit.

    Thing is there's two big factions, one of them being the Imperial Navy as represented by the Lord-Captain Sylvia Locke, pictured left, the other being the more independance-minded free captains lead by Lady Elizabeth Orleans, pictured right. They butt heads a lot over who's in charge and what the future of the system should bee, Locke wants the colony to stay with the Imperium, Orleans wants it to be a free port outside of the Imperium's reach. The governor's a useless dilettent who's basically handed the decision over to us, and the two ladies won't back down from a confrontation any more - we have to choose where to take the system.

    My crew's all kinds of divided, but as the Rogue Trader I have the final say. They've brought up all sorts of arguments - my Missionary has pointed out it's heresy to cast out the Imperium while my Seneschal keeps showing me how much profit is to be made from a free port we basically own. There's just one thing I need your help with before I come to my decision.

    Look at that picture. Which would you bone?
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:27 No.14354148
    >Came expecting roleplaying story
    >Got boner question.

    Oh /tg/
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:28 No.14354151
    I laugh at your trick question, sir! The correct answer is both at once - and I'm sure you can concoct a plan devious enough to accomplish both their differing objectives so you can fulfil your unrestrainable carnal desires.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:28 No.14354157
    The chick on the right looks rancid. Look at all those rags.

    The chick on the left is called Sylvia Locke, there's a 95% of a sexy British accent.

    Use your head.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:30 No.14354176
    Do they look like Women Of A Certain Age to anyone else? I mean I know it's a shitty blurry scan but at a glance you might end up ferrying their kids to soccer games.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:31 No.14354182

    Oh wow, I was going to say he should have sex with the one he's going to fuck *first*, then once he fucks her have sex with the one he didn't fuck. Both at once though? That's ambitious.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:32 No.14354189

    Rogue Traders are ambition personified! Any man can bed a lady for siding with her in an argument, it takes a Rogue Trader to bed both sides of the argument at the same time!
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:33 No.14354190
    You are a rogue trader, sir. What are you if not ambitious? And if you are not ambitious, get off my bridge - I men of calibre!
    >> warnsbargTheRetailFag !!zklBGYZv989 03/24/11(Thu)19:33 No.14354195
         File1301009620.png-(4 KB, 236x176, 1281261454169.png)
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    Have them both come aboard your ship at the same time, have one meet you in your quarters just after the other has entered.
    Pop the champagne.

    After ravishing each other for hours, one of them will ask, "But what about the Ork invasion? What are we going to do?" and you'll respond, "The what?"
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:34 No.14354204


    /tg/ is in agreement, fuck them both.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:35 No.14354218
    Lady Orleans of course.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:36 No.14354226


    Your statement needed a little decoding. I think you mean to backstab the first one he has sex with?

    ...Either that or you're advising he has a LOT of sex.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:40 No.14354257
    You side with Lady Orleans, then you capture Captain Locke in the coup and keep her as your captive. Not in the crass modern McMansion Eastern European blonde sex slave wearing a gaudy bikini and chained down hard on your junk kind of captive, I'm talking classy victorian style locked in her room with a window out on to space and dressed in elaborate bodices until she succumbs to your lusty charms style.

    And then obviously you bang the french chick on the side.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:41 No.14354259

    >Use your head.

    He already is.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:47 No.14354303

    Be fair, no Rogue Trader's going to be babyfaced either. Basically everyone in Rogue Trader can expect to be in that thirty-to-sixty bracket, with the Rogue Trader themself probably no younger than thirty five.

    Besides Locke's probably a career woman for whom office romance is the only sort of romance, and Orleans has the look about her of a lady who mixes business and pleasure. They'd both probably know what they're really doing if they sleep with the Rogue Trader who's taking their side.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:49 No.14354324
    Ugh, I'm so sick of Rogue Traders hogging all of the flirts and romantic tension. The class can have a bit of a "Main protagonist" vibe around it which means every game I've ever played, no matter who's playing the Rogue Trader they always seem to get the best characterisation, development, attention, and love interests.

    Nobody loves an Explorator... *sniff*...
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:52 No.14354347

    You just need better attachments. Mechandrites have some interesting substitutions!
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:56 No.14354374
    OP read my mind.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:56 No.14354377
    The Frozen Reaches? Jeremiah Blitz is in that, isn't he? The Rogue Trader from Lure of the Expanse? I really enjoyed little tidbits of continuity like that, Fantasy Flight's writers did an incredible job creating their own mini-setting within Warhammer 40k.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:57 No.14354387
    Captain Locke.

    Dat bionic arm. Goddamn. Imagine the grip on that thing.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:59 No.14354417

    I, too, masturbate to the Terminator.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:01 No.14354433
    They obviously have a great deal of pent up sexual frustration.

    What is the difficulty on my Charm test to get Locke and Orleans into a Lesbian orgy?
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:03 No.14354457
    She also has a multi-dildo attachment and a bionic cock she uses to keep discipline among her seamen
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:04 No.14354458
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:07 No.14354486

    No, no, you don't get it.

    The lesbian orgy is why they're so pissed at each other right now. Forget the Imperial Colony, mistakes were made.
    >> Chispe primary AnonymousNow AKA the Raging Moon, Chaos 5, Type B 05 Hierophant, Builders' League United Sniper 03/24/11(Thu)20:07 No.14354487
    As somebody who knows next to nothing about anything to do with Warhammer or anything at all, and comes here to read up on snippets of WHRP logs which became relevant to me as of last week, I propose the following in my limited knowledge.

    You propose a compromise - a free port, unpoliced by the Imperium, but with an isolated Imperium presence of some sort, perhaps a resouce management base or recruitment centre or whateverthehell 40K has in that regard. Imperium doesn't get locked out, and can keep contact with the free port without having specific influence of sort.

    How viable is this?

    (Also, both of them.)
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:13 No.14354546

    Ehhhhh, maybe. Technically the Imperium's stance is that they're the only legitimate authority in the galaxy and that all human beings belong either in it or dead. That said the reality is far, far from that extreme stance, especially on the far frontier (and the Koronus expanse isn't likely to stop being frontier any time soon, or perhaps ever).

    My guess is though that the independance movement would prefer the Imperial presence be driven out entirely to avoid the risk of them trying to reassert themselves or meddle. The Imperium would have a lot harder time mounting an effort to annex a free world beyond the reach of their logistics than expanding a foothold. Honestly the expanse is far more rife with independant colonies and pirates than Imperial ones, the planet in this module is a relative exception.

    I don't think the OP's going to be able to squeeze a compromise out of this. What goes beyond even the reasonable legal considerations at play here are the personalities of the leaders and their followers. The governor is apparently too weak to negotiate a compromise on behalf of the planet and both the independance faction and the Imperium faction want things their way. They'll accept help getting their outcome, but I doubt they'll see the Rogue Trader as strong enough to force them to work together.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:16 No.14354568

    Think long-term, here. Rogue Traders want a free port because ultimately they will be doing something very, very illegal. The Navy want a full-fledged Imperial colony so as to have an outpost for their ships when they are chasing people who are doing very, very illegal things.

    The two just can't mix.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:17 No.14354582

    Well, there *is* a giant fuckoff Ork fleet preparing to invade, right? If Orleans is in a stronger position than Locke right now (sounds like the fleet's not riding to their rescue) then if she can be persuaded to let matters stand until after the immediate threat is passed they could be made to work together. Locke would have to accept that she'd be fighting the Orks with the possibility of being evicted even if she wins, which might be a bitter pill, but there's honestly room here to make them work together.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:21 No.14354608
    Why not have the planet under the Imperium control but give the planetary governorship to you. That way you can set up a mook that would stay with the Imperium, but since it's the frontier or Imperium rule you can pretty much turn it into whatever you want. Look at Footfall technically it's under Imperium rule but it's one the biggest free trade posts.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:22 No.14354613

    The problem is Orleans probably wants to strike now while the iron is hot. If she waits until after the attack (assuming they survive and assuming her own allies are still in good enough shape to take over) a lot of people will probably have lost their stomache for fighting, not to mention the Imperial fleet would probably make an effort to preserve the port now that it looks like Orks won't flatten it.

    If she throws the Imperium out before the invasion and then beats the Orks, her forces will be able to rest easy for a while, she'll be the hero of the newly independant system (which she can milk to run her criminal enterprises), and the Imperium won't have any sort of foothold to use to retake the system. Hell, ports are scarce in the Expanse, they're not going to risk a reclaimation fleet without some guarantee that it could make it out there in one piece.

    Nah, it's got to be now. It's not about beating the Orks. Remember, there are PCs about, they can always beat the Orks with or without one of the optional allies. This is about what becomes of the port in the future.
    >> Aethelred Metatron 03/24/11(Thu)20:23 No.14354618
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    Fuck the shit out of Lord-Captain Sylvia Locke to the point she can be persuaded to walk straight into the warp if need be and go make an alliance with Lady Elizabeth Orleans(as said, she's in fucking rags, Emperor knows what sorta diseases she carrys). That is the only true way.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:25 No.14354637

    You are a Rogue Trader.

    You want to take over the Colony and claim it in the name of your dynasty while Sylvia and Eliza suck each other off at your feet purring at you to join in.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:26 No.14354644
    LACE =/= RAGS
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:27 No.14354651

    Port Wander's under Imperial jurisdiction (Fleet presence, arbites, priests, navy), I was pretty sure Footfall was just a big old independent station overgrown with haphazard construction and society from the comings and goings of Rogue Traders. They certainly don't have any representatives of Imperial law or Ecclesiarchy reps outside of some preachers and pilgrims.

    If Footfall's owned by the Imperium at all, it's on a map in some sector lord's office. This planet could become that sort of free, true, but the problem is they'd have to get rid of their existing Imperial presence and the act of getting rid of them is much too openly defiant.

    At best they'll be quietly forgotten or misfiled to avoid the trouble of admitting their betrayal and they'll get Footfall style free-port status, that sounds like what Orleans wants, but it's a gamble. Footfall's never actually collectively cast out any Imperial effort to take control because the Imperium's not dumb enough to try and take control of it, it'd waste what's a perfectly useable resource for their expansion. This world, though, they *might* try it.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:30 No.14354667

    >french chick




    Time for a jolly roger, boys, a pirate's life for me!
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:31 No.14354679
    Why pick one? Plainly they are the same person, be it Navy captain masquerading as a pirate, or the other way 'round. Have they ever actually been seen together?

    Let her know you're on to her game, OP, and it's time to give "it" up.

    "It" being her ass, obviously.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:34 No.14354703
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    Both women look like flat chested steampunk dykes, disregard them both and acquire profit factor.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:44 No.14354810
    >Harem anime mode

    Both of them want to bone your virgin Rogue Trader?

    Wat do?
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:48 No.14354851
    Locke: Stern and aggressive disciplinarian. High risk of her on top. Rumors of Bionic strap-on.

    Orleans: Tricksy rogue. Nice but naughty. She would literally screw you so hard, you wake up next day minus your ship, crew and clothes.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:54 No.14354906

    >Rogue Trader

    I don't think so, Timothicus.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:58 No.14354933

    I read that module. Locke is described as class conscious and duty-bound. She has friction with the local fleet commander because he's not a man of rank and rose up the ranks as a "common voidsman". Fucking the snobbery right out of her would be a real turn on, kind of too bad the Rogue Trader's basically as good as a noble so you can't do a "common blood to the rescue" thing.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:58 No.14354935
         File1301014696.jpg-(145 KB, 757x1055, lady_e__orleands_by_trejoeeee-(...).jpg)
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    Here's a higher-quality version of OP's pic.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)20:59 No.14354956
    In the grim darkness of the far future, marriage comes before sex.
    To do otherwise is grave heresy and risks the attentions of the Ordos Spinstus.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:00 No.14354964
         File1301014848.jpg-(166 KB, 590x800, silvian_locke_by_blackvolta-d3(...).jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:02 No.14354980

    Okay, that higher quality image was exactly what I needed. My head's curving toward the french broad pretty sharply now, best post the high quality of the other chick quick to balance it out.
    >> Deathleaper's Fangirl !!YD/t8+iuFvd 03/24/11(Thu)21:02 No.14354982
    Ooh, now that is a lovely bit of artwork. Thanks for posting it.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:02 No.14354991
    Ironically she is also places "serve the people" above follow orders. She is a snob but of the decent sort. Also her snobbishness isn't entirely unjustified. Imperial Navy crews are better than most RT crews and she is a pretty badass captain.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:03 No.14354998
    What OP doesn't realize is that they're both Chaos; they both carry the eight-pointed star on them, openly.

    >reammith time"
    yes indeed captchan, it's definitely reaming time for OP.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:04 No.14355012

    Whup speak of the devil.

    Okay, I've had a chance to review the bodies of evidence, and my findings are that the officer lady has the most compelling case. Side with her. At least you'll know she'll still be there when you wake up. More importantly, so will your ship.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:05 No.14355018
    I just noticed that as well. Dark Heresy has trained me well!
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:06 No.14355031

    Classy, class-conscious broads who need to be taught a lesson about equality and will eventually come to accept that there are good people everywhere are basically my fetish, so go with the Imperium.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:06 No.14355037

    Sorry, I'm turned on by right eyeballs. These chicks do nothing for me.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:08 No.14355049
         File1301015285.gif-(1.77 MB, 300x174, laugh_blessed.gif)
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    This thread makes me glad I bothered scanning the Frozen Reaches. Well played, OP.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:09 No.14355060

    I saw both, but the first is clearly a steering wheel and the second is... well okay it's an eight pointed star but at least it's the *wrong* kind.

    Honestly I see a lot of eight pointed stars on characters in the Warhammer roleplaying games that aren't meant to be chaos-tainted. I think it's just the simplest button to push in order to make players jumpy.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:22 No.14355219
    >Implying Chaos stars aren't the wrong ones
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:24 No.14355242

    I have a weird thing for characters in modules. Maybe it's the way how they could potentially pop up in future adventures, or the character artwork, or maybe it's how other people playing the same adventure also will get to encounter them, or maybe it's something to do with 'canon'. Either way, that pirate queen looking chick is turning my crank and you need to get on that because I'm never going to get a chance to play this module so you've got to hand out vicarious dickings on my behalf.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:30 No.14355314
         File1301016619.jpg-(179 KB, 900x652, meeting_with_governor_by_trejo(...).jpg)
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    More art from the Frozen Reaches has been cropping up recently.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:31 No.14355336

    OP here, thanks for uploading it, I'm pretty sure that's the copy my GM is using and we're having a good time running it.

    After giving the thread a read I've decided to go for the incredibly risky and dangerous double-bone - specifically, both at the same time. Which probably means finding some impossible way for them to get along for at least a half hour. Any ideas?

    >Captcha: Scroo 200

    Jesus, even the Captcha's got high expectations of me now.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:31 No.14355339

    Don't forget about the Rogue Trader in LotE who is related to the protagonists of Andy Hoare's own RT novels.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:34 No.14355375
    I can forgive most of 40k's stupidity mostly on the fact that almost all female human higher ups have cast iron hooker heels.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:36 No.14355402
    The solution is obvious, have the orks pin you down, just the three of you and you have to wait for a rescue that is conveniently 12 hours away.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:38 No.14355420

    Both of them into bed *willingly*? Because the rogue trader lady is probably up for shock mauling the lord captain and tying her to your bed, and that's just about the only way I can see all three of you having sex together.

    Which is fine if you're into that. Might honestly be pretty hot. Just disconnect her bionic hand, there's a risk of built-in weapons.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:38 No.14355424
    To Locke: Keeping it as a mostly free port means the area will flourish with trade. Cracking down means it'll drive people away; even if it survives the war nobody will want to go there and it'll die.

    To Orleans: The orks are just one of the many terrible things in the Expanse. Having a proper Battlefleet presence there will ensure the planet survives and can flourish as a mostly free port. Otherwise it's down to individual traders to protect it and they're the sort to cut their losses and run rather than stand defiantly against adversity. Herself being an exception, of course.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:39 No.14355435
    Speaking of House Arcadius. Is it true that Brielle is a xeno-loving slut?
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:40 No.14355451
    They're clones, playing both sides against each other. Get them alone, explain you know their secret.

    Hot clone sex ensues and everyone's happy.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:40 No.14355452
    Give the way the thread's going, I'm surprised that people aren't flocking to the drawthread asking for some rule34 of these two.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:44 No.14355496
    Only read the first book, but she does seem inclined to deal with xenos.
    >> JEREMIAH BLITZ 03/24/11(Thu)21:52 No.14355607
    I had nothing to do with those scandalous rumours about Madam Charlabelle Armelan engaging in debauched deviant sexual orgies with her entire crew of Kroot mercenaries.

    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:53 No.14355626

    I get the impression Orleans is the cut her losses type herself, she just sees big profit in a free port and is willing to gamble against the Orks and the Lord Captain to get it. Many a Rogue Trader has established or appropriated colonies for their own glory rather than that of the Imperium, even if it was a risky proposition on their part to protect their investment.

    Besides, as this incident has proven, when the chips are down the navy's not willing to protect the port despite the taxes and restrictions put in place. Keeping the Imperium on board has more to do with avoiding reprisals (against the planet and the Rogue Traders) and maintaining the stability of Imperial law than it does protecting the people from military threats, and Imperial law is exactly the sort of straightjacket Lady Orleans wants to be rid of.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:56 No.14355670

    When my group ran Lure of the Expanse the Rogue Trader emerged as best bros with Blitz and banging Armelan on the side, so this sort of rumour-mongering is funny to imagine.

    Honestly the Rogue Traders they made up for this setting are all great, I'd love to see more of their interactions. Give them a novel or a comic series or something.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)21:59 No.14355718
    Well, don't let reality get in the way of striking a deal. Appeal to her sense of profit. Appeal to Locke's sense of duty (to protect mankind that is, not follow orders). Once everything's in writing you're mostly home free.

    Unless either of them decides that the document isn't worth the parchment it's written on, anyway.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)22:01 No.14355748
    I've been tempted to writefag about such characters before but, frankly, I'm not sure it would turn out as anything besides shit.

    As for Armelan, I certainly hope you didn't pressure her into anything. There's plenty of room to strong arm her in that adventure, given the state of her dynasty, but what sort of disreputable coward would force a woman into his bed?
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)22:08 No.14355840

    What? Use force against a lady? Perish the thought.

    Actually she was portrayed as a woman in dire financial straits who put on a tough and cold outer appearance to keep spirits up and try to not let her poor strategic position come across as a sign of weakness. The Rogue Trader went out of his way to help her and be tactful about the whole weakness thing while trying to convince her to be less cold and take a greater interest in her subordinates and dependents.

    Yeah, it was a cheesy "Teach the cold businesswoman how to looooove" plot but when you're all face to face at the game table it's hard to actually act out anything too indepth. Still went over pretty well though I think, considering.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)22:18 No.14355960
    Ah, a much finer treatment than what my players gave her. After having a history of doing business with her (ship components on the cheap, they needed some) they left her picking through the remnants of an exploded Eldar void station looking for the nexus despite her pleas for some sort of partnership in which her transport could haul whatever plunder they find for them. In true gentlemanly fashion the Rogue Trader said "I'm sorry my dear, but we'll call you if we need you. Until then, shove off. Toodles!" Then they warped out and left her with a dead end, likely dooming her dynasty to poverty and ruin after they more or less funded it in the first place.
    >> Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)23:39 No.14356883
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    Bumping as an excuse to post this hard-ass motherfucker. OP, how could you leave this man out of your prospective options? Okay so you can't bone him (uh, probably) but look at that fucking swagger. The guy's got the making of a prime military dictator for life and you're busy picking which overdressed hooker-boot wearing whore you want to take to the governor's gala?

    Son, I am disappoint.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:27 No.14359714
         File1301041655.jpg-(1.13 MB, 1200x869, damaris_by_phoenix_06-d38mxif.jpg)
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    More Frozen Reaches art.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:28 No.14359723
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    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:35 No.14359792
    Clearly you bone the broad with the cock dagger
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:37 No.14359811
    Look at the one on the left's belt.
    Eight-pointed star.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:40 No.14359835
    Chaos tainted sex (Read: Herpes)
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:42 No.14359849
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    It's a symbol of the Imperial Navy. It's also a ship's steering wheel.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:47 No.14359891
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:48 No.14359897
    The one with the big hat

    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:50 No.14359914
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:51 No.14359923
    My Rogue Trader is a literal psychopath.
    Forcing her into his bed was just another way for him to profit. After which I methodically plundered her dynasty and left her penniless.
    But that's just when I played that module.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)04:54 No.14359951
    One on the left. Bend her over her wheel and ride that uniformed ass raw.
    >> Salamanders Fanbro !!C+aj9Hmz1qe 03/25/11(Fri)05:07 No.14360037
    Help/bang Locke, and take that Orleans bitch to the cleaners.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)05:12 No.14360080
    i demand writefag/drawfagery
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)05:19 No.14360123
    I just want the guy who writes the rogue trader/tyranid stories back.

    I am a deviant twit, I know it.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)05:46 No.14360266

    What guy are we talking about?
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)05:53 No.14360321

    Is it a requirement for a navy officer to have a bionic eye?
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)05:53 No.14360323
    And what stories?
    Is it one of stories of awesome stabbage, and badassery?
    Or... porn?
    >> τιτυs !titusGG64g 03/25/11(Fri)05:54 No.14360328
    40k version of the eye patch, I'm assuming.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)05:55 No.14360335

    Good point. Clearly I have something else to add to my Rogue Trader character. Can't be navy without a bionic eye.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)05:55 No.14360340
    Rogue trader has quite a few naval officers without bionic eyes.
    But they're basically like eyepatches, except sci-fi and even more cool, so naturally they get used a lot.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)05:56 No.14360344
    the one who isn't swarming with buckles.

    >> τιτυs !titusGG64g 03/25/11(Fri)05:58 No.14360349
    Yes... like an eye patch. With working laser cannon.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)06:41 No.14360592
    Sadly the Baleful Eye is a Near Unique piece of kit and as such is subject to a -50 Acquisition check. With the +30 bonus for trying to obtain a single item that's still a -20 modifier and likely beyond the pay grade of anyone below the rank of Admiral. Unless some clerk was convinced to classify such devices under "suitable bionic replacements for acting captains."
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)08:35 No.14361103

    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)08:36 No.14361107
         File1301056599.jpg-(60 KB, 812x737, 1283549613573.jpg)
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    forgot ma pic
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)08:39 No.14361123
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)08:39 No.14361125

    Still, you can get one built with preysence, dark sight and a scope of your choice.

    Always fun.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)08:41 No.14361134
         File1301056867.png-(8 KB, 493x402, wot.png)
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    >tyranids with penises
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)08:48 No.14361188
    You know /tg/ how /tg/ works. Never let the facts get in the way of fapfiction.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)08:49 No.14361197
    DLFG: "I wonder what the acquisition difficulty is?"
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)08:50 No.14361203
    here's part2 if you want more
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)08:52 No.14361214
    Nonexistent (-∞)
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)08:59 No.14361256
    I think RT would be great for a ERP campaign.
    Has anyone tried it yet?
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)09:02 No.14361277
    iimperial lady. fo sho'
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)09:07 No.14361307
    And get out.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)12:28 No.14362870
    If Tenchi Masaki inherited his Grandfather's Warrant and a ship full of bitches

    Washu: Rank16+ Ascended Magos
    Ryoko: Dark Eldar pirate
    Mihoshi and Kiyone: Arbitrators
    Ayeka: Missionary
    Sasami: Door stop
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)12:32 No.14362897
    I have a friend who says he's in one run by Wasteland Warrior. (He claims that he's staying out of the 'E' bit, and I'm willing to believe him.) Supposed to be adequate and not TOO porny.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:04 No.14363154

    Aaaaaah, those were the days of ye olde /tg/, before the janitors reign of terror.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:08 No.14363180
    I thought the janitor didn't care about the, ah, written word? Surely they could be continued?
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:16 No.14363238
    Best way to do it is to write it off board and link it. Use pastebin or something.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:19 No.14363252

    It was deleted like everything else that he didn`t like. Also there were a dedicated group of people at the time of his appointment that decried everything with remotely erotic elements as "shitposting" and "shitting up the board with fetish stuff".
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:21 No.14363272
    There was whole lot of shitposted smut at the time, though. Chubby gorgan and all that. Fic just got caught in the crossfire.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:25 No.14363313
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    So I take it no one else would try to go the Ork route, and romance the Warboss?

    I know I would. I guess I'm the only one with a secret need to fall into his strong green arms, and make wild whoopie or something.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:28 No.14363336
    It's... so sad. Such great work, lost to the ravages of chance and time...

    Chapter three sounded like it would have been good, too...
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:31 No.14363365
    Talk with the Seneschal what the loss in profit would be if siding with the Lord-Captain rather then Lady Orleans, and if an 'underground' trading network could be agreed on with Orleans with Locke's eyes conveniently looking away

    Roll a few good agility, toughness, and willpower rolls and the Captain blushes as she agrees to turn her head from some of the free trades
    Oh what? It's alright, the Explorator likes to watch...
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:32 No.14363380

    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:36 No.14363429
         File1301074578.jpg-(19 KB, 390x250, bueno.jpg)
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    Pic related.

    Ah, it's no great loss. Concept was done being explored and it's only fapfiction.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)13:50 No.14363567
         File1301075429.jpg-(260 KB, 1714x1313, Annex - Flynn, Errol (Capt(...).jpg)
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    Wow. I felt a bit guilty about it after the session. But when you put it that way I feel REALLY BAD. I'm supposed to be the Adventurous, Dashing Explorer-Captain, Gentleman and Man of Honour and Fatih... everything a Rogue Trader isn't but should've been.

    Not sure what I can do to fix things at this point though, especially given how frank I was. Feels bad man.


    >Be fair, no Rogue Trader's going to be babyfaced either. Basically everyone in Rogue Trader can expect to be in that thirty-to-sixty bracket, with the Rogue Trader themself probably no younger than thirty five.

    Speak for yourself, my Rogue Trader is loosely modeled after Errol Flynn, so I can be Thirty-Something AND somewhat Baby-faced (and the paragon of 1930s Manliness).

    Also, are those ages experienced time, real time and with/without rejuvs? My Character was born roughly 150 years ago, has lived/experienced 60-something years and thanks to rejuv treatments looks to be in his 30s. Then again, he was a Navy Officer, so he spent quite a bit of time in the warp undergoing time dilation.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:05 No.14363733
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    I'm sure your subordinates appreciated the ruthlessness of the move. It's too bad you didn't blow Feckward up. That might have given her something else to pick through the wreckage of, but I guess that's what happens when you let a navigator run the gun crews.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:34 No.14363976
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    Hey, given it was a relatively ordinary Dauntless chasing down what must be one of the fastest Destroyers in the Expanse, I think we did pretty well in that running battle. Lashed his hull with our lance a few times, so he's certainly got some repairs to deal with. But yeah, if only those broadsides had connected better. Feckward's got some stones making a close-range pass on a Light Cruiser in a Raider like that. Reminds me of some other crazy fool who tried such a thing... (but came off somewhat worse).

    I'm surprised neither ship managed to blow out it's engines the way we were pushing them.

    Maybe I'll give Armelan a call, tell her what we've found out so far. If this is what The Lady Navigator thinks it is, two Rogue Traders might be able to exploit it better than one.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:40 No.14364000
    In my game, Charlabelle was one stroppy bitch. I even rescued her and kept her as a "guest" after she lost her ship in a shoot out over an Eldar planet. She somehow managed to seduce all 12 armsmen guarding her and escaped with my prize Eldar nightwing plus my armsmen. House Armoland also seems to have powerful allies in the Inquisition protecting them even though they are dirt poor with zero ships.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:40 No.14364006
    Dude, FC is still around and actually (after much prodding) posted a new chapter recently.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:42 No.14364013
    In fact, here it is:

    Pastebin [dot] com/ntiVY0Lt

    Scroll to the bottom for easy, numberless copy-and-pasteable version. Enjoy.
    >> Shas'o R'myr !!J5+vjygjQuK 03/25/11(Fri)14:43 No.14364023

    Do recall that with items of near unique and unique rarity, you do NOT get the bonus from scale.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:44 No.14364026
    Where is chapter 3?
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:45 No.14364031
    Didn't want to post it because she 'can't write lesbians worth a damn', apparently.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:49 No.14364059
    "she"? It was written by a female author?
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:50 No.14364070

    Whoa, really? Can I get a page reference?
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:51 No.14364078
    Yup. Search me why so many women seem to love nids, though.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:52 No.14364082
    OP here, what the hell? I posted this yesterday and it's still here?

    >> Shas'o R'myr !!J5+vjygjQuK 03/25/11(Fri)14:53 No.14364087
         File1301079196.png-(542 KB, 645x391, unique.png)
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    P. 276
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)14:56 No.14364101

    Ah, no wonder I never noticed it. It is past the acquisition rules and stuck in the upkeep test area.

    Glad I got my Omni-Scope through other means.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:04 No.14364152
    "huurm, don't mind Scruffy. Scruffy just likes ta watch."
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:05 No.14364154

    Make it an open colony, divide it into independent fiefdoms and then keep it classified as undeveloped. With no large "official" colonial settlements, there won't be any reason to end the fief ownership- and it won't become an imperial world. It'll be stuck in this grey middle area between developing colony and full fledged member of the imperium- entitling it to protection from the Imperial Navy, but exempting it from paying a tithe or coming under closer jurisdiction from the Ministorium
    >> Shas'o R'myr !!J5+vjygjQuK 03/25/11(Fri)15:06 No.14364160
         File1301079977.jpg-(320 KB, 794x798, Techpriest merchant.jpg)
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    Indeed. I managed to cockblock the Rogue Trader once from an Acquisition with that rule once.

    "I want a best quality Baleful Eye!"
    >Okay, Seneschal, lock it in with a Commerce test.
    >Excellent. The Merchant has one in stock.
    "I want it."
    >Okay, -30 for best quality, -50 for Near Unique, you're at a -80 and your profit factor is 70.
    >"NOT ENOUGH CASH, stranger."
    "Nuh uh! You forgot scale. +30, so we have a chance HAAAAAAAAAAAAA-."
    >You don't get scale on Near Unique and up.
    "What? That's not true. We have a cha-"
    >No, you don't. P. 276.
    "...wow. Then I wouldn't have done that. Instead I'll get a-"
    >You locked it in. It's too late to go back.
    "But we autofail."
    >You didn't complain when you autosucceed. Autofail is in the rules as well."

    The Rogue Trader then proceeded to sulk for an hour.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:08 No.14364175
    Too bad it's already got a population of 3billion.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:10 No.14364186
    Um, sorry I meant Tattered Fate.
    for reference, Tattered Fate is the first part of the Haarlock Trilogy adventures for dark heresy.
    You can find it and the Gazeeter on Quaddis on /rs/
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:10 No.14364193

    Kinda dickish man.
    >> Shas'o R'myr !!J5+vjygjQuK 03/25/11(Fri)15:12 No.14364201

    He laughs at me whenever he autosucceeds. I did not laugh at him when he autofailed, I simply reminded him of a pair of rules that he "forgot," which made him upset.

    Though I will not lie, his tears were delicious.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:12 No.14364207

    Why did he care about auto-failing? Isn't that the same as not going looking for it in the first place?
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:13 No.14364211

    Read Shas's stories. The Rogue Trader deserves everything he gets.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:14 No.14364221
    Classify 2.5 Billion of them as "Migrant workers" Expressly for the development of the world in question.
    Come on- it's out in the Kronus expanse, yes? I honestly doubt the munistorium has accurate records of it's population- quite possibly you could bluff your way into keeping the old initial founding records of the population. It might take greasing a few wheels, but hell, these kind of mistakes develops naturally all the time.
    >> Shas'o R'myr !!J5+vjygjQuK 03/25/11(Fri)15:16 No.14364238

    Into The Storm introduces a rule that says "One acquisition per player." I implemented that rule, but also gave them a free acquisition on top of that.

    Essentially, he wasted his acquisition because he did not read the rules.

    I am not a jerk about acquisitions. If my players can find ways to get around it, I'm usually open to the idea.

    Case in point: They failed in acquiring 100,000 hellpistols for their crew. So they wouldn't be able to find Hellpistols again that session. However, when the Explorator brought up searching for 100,000 HellGUNS...
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:18 No.14364248
    If you get Locke on board to help 'verify' it might be very possible indeed. At the very least, it's a compromise both parties can live with.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:18 No.14364251

    High fucking five.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:39 No.14364368
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    Unwanted boner achieved. Must replace with coffee machine asap.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:43 No.14364411
         File1301082233.jpg-(26 KB, 308x437, Aoife_Armengarde.jpg)
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    Inquisitorial contacts? Isn't that the domain of Aoife Armengarde? You know, with the whole "her daughter -might- be the offspring of an Inquisitor" deal.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:45 No.14364421
    People like Rogue Trader, sexy captains and fluff.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:46 No.14364433
    Call them both to a meeting. Fake an Ork attack and kill them both. Unite both fleets under a banner of revenge. Win.

    Later, 'discover' evidence of the governor's heresy. He's corrupt as fuck anyway, so plant evidence of his Slaanesh worship, then kill him too and take control of the world as the interim governor.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)15:50 No.14364464
    Same poster, followup:

    Strip mine the planet. Raise an Imperial Guard Regiment or 10. Build as much materiel as possible, sell the minerals, equip your troops then auction the planet (and the rest of the population) off to slavers.

    Walk away with a substantially larger profit factor, two full fleets, a private army and a shit load of gear.
    >> Glutton 03/25/11(Fri)16:02 No.14364565

    >6k Likes on Facebook

    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)16:09 No.14364606
    Ahahaahah oh my god, I just noticed that
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)16:11 No.14364628
    Facebook is obviously a den of heresy and xenophilia.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)16:17 No.14364662
    Because it's quite well written. I bet about 5k of those likes are from women readers.
    >> FC !!43nX2ZA1IKb 03/25/11(Fri)16:32 No.14364772
         File1301085166.jpg-(254 KB, 530x335, Wat_by_IronShrineMaiden.jpg)
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    >meaning at least 6000 views
    Oh my. I REALLY didn't see that coming...
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)16:33 No.14364781
    ahem... CHAPTER 3!!
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)16:36 No.14364791
    Do you wonder how many gallons of sperm you are responsible for spilling?
    >> FC !!43nX2ZA1IKb 03/25/11(Fri)16:41 No.14364816
         File1301085660.jpg-(49 KB, 1024x768, psyduck2.jpg)
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    I DO NOW
    Picture very related.

    Its still terrible! ;v
    I'll work on it tonight and see if I can bash it together into something that doesn't make me cringe to read, but no promises I'll get around to posting it. To be honest, it probably isn't that bad..
    I think the problem is it's kind of a departure from the stuff that makes up the rest of the series, so it feels really out of place and strange to write.
    >> Deathleaper's Fangirl !!YD/t8+iuFvd 03/25/11(Fri)16:44 No.14364843
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)16:48 No.14364874
    /r/equestan: FC+DLFG lesbian sexxing pls
    >> FC !!43nX2ZA1IKb 03/25/11(Fri)17:47 No.14365347
    Ah, to hell with it. I am a glutton for punishment! Xeno-Lover 3, in all its tldr glory:

    http://pastebin [dot] com/qQ0TTGLm

    As I believe has been covered.. I am pretty sure I am terrible at writing lesbians. No Tyranids whatsoever in this one either - you could consider it something of a side-story, I guess, something to round out the character a little and give people a break from the bugs.

    Either way, I hope you people enjoy it! Or at least, don't hate it too much. Oh, and yes, I am aware of how silly it is to try and add depth to a character in a fapfic. ;v
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)17:54 No.14365410
    Wheres my fappingsock?
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)18:00 No.14365461
    Ceiling Tau was around earlier, maybe he stole it?
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)18:00 No.14365462
    I Love Lesbians
    >> Snapper Carr 03/25/11(Fri)18:00 No.14365463
    If you got girl problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

    Because I'm a tech priest

    Forever alone ;_;
    I feel your pain, bro. I feel your pain.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)18:35 No.14365755
    Holy shit, that was a long one.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)18:51 No.14365846
    The solution is simple: have the planet officially ceded to your rogue trader dynasty.

    The Imperium faction is happy because the planet's still under Imperial rule, still available as a fleet base, and still (theoretically) tithing.

    The Independent faction is happy because a planet run by a Rogue Trader is basically a free port anyway, except that there's slightly less chance of your ship being blown up in dock by pirates when there's an Imperial Navy presence in-system.

    Offer to marry both of the faction heads as a way to seal the agreement.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)19:05 No.14365970
    The only kind of threesome a Rogue Trader should be getting into is the kind that ends up with the bed on fire or with you sprinting naked through the woods while being shot at by an angry governor and his men or everyone involved suddenly pointing concealed pistols at each other. Or all three.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)19:25 No.14366135
    The closest you'll get is a threesome between the two of them and a Tyrannid Warrior that dual-wields its penises. Come to think of it, I would wholeheartedly support such a story.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)19:28 No.14366153
    I read the fapfic and I came.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)19:28 No.14366154

    Something like every story on 1d4chan that involves tyranids is pretty much this.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)20:28 No.14366580
         File1301099319.jpg-(204 KB, 370x957, seldonsfolly.jpg)
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    Unfortunate truth.
    >> Anonymous 03/25/11(Fri)23:00 No.14367972
    What about Aspyce Chorda?
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)04:32 No.14370416
         File1301128339.jpg-(37 KB, 286x385, Aspyce_Chorda.jpg)
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    What about her?
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)05:44 No.14370852
    Nice, but quite a nutcase.I'd rather do Armengarde. both mother and girl if possible !
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)09:13 No.14371779
    Wait til Armengarde's boyfriend-Inquisitor turns up.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)09:29 No.14371841
    him too ? If we must....
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)09:34 No.14371858
    This thread is going to grow into an orgy involving every named character in the Koronus Expanse, isn't it?
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)09:43 No.14371889
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    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)09:44 No.14371897
    >turn into
    >implying that wasn't already the point
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)09:47 No.14371909
    No, not Winterscale again. Foll me once, they say...
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)10:09 No.14371998
    Carefull there, Ella Ashbel. C.S. Goto might be lurking around ready to turn you into a loli again so he can eyefuck you.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)10:36 No.14372155
    Is there an archive of these?
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)13:02 No.14373040
    >I'd rather do Armengarde. both mother and girl if possible !

    Do we know how old the girl is?
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)13:13 No.14373116
    In Into the storm first letter from Aoife to her daughter Igraine, dated 046.816M41, she is at the eve of her majority at that date. So, any date after => completly legale.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)18:24 No.14375876
    She's old enough to understand letters about the perils of being a Rogue Trader, at least. Given the business, however, that might be as young as 10. Assassins don't tend to be too picky about that sort of thing.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)18:42 No.14376001
    let me quote the letter : "I wrote this to you with the hopes that you will receive it on the eve of your majority, when you shall take your first steps into your inheritance." p6 of Into the Storm.
    Let's consider that the letter needs 6 months to arrive to her daughter, and that really generous : in the 46th day of 40 816, she is at worst 6 months from her majority.
    that's enough for any Rogue trader worthy of his title to dispose of the mother's inquisitorial boyfriend and manage to seduce both mother & daughter at the same time.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)18:51 No.14376069

    Not necessarily, if the Inquisitor in question is not in the Expanse or in Calixis sector.

    He could be in the Segmentum Tempestus, Eastern Fringe or Ghoul Stars, and in that case even finding him could take decades.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)18:52 No.14376073
    What's the difficulty roll on that one?
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:04 No.14376181
    I don't think it would be resolved in ONE roll, good sir. You need to plan, to meet the two, seduce them propelly, and slowly convince them/ craft a plan allowing you to get BOTH at the same time.
    Hell, that's a Meta Endeavour in the making : " Seduc the hottest Rogue Traders in the Expanse, and create the most dangerous non heretical Harem ever".

    >Office, consumen
    Captcha suggests to bang them on your own office at the hand. A robot with a fetish ? that's really creepy...
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:09 No.14376230
    >>he most dangerous non heretical Harem ever"

    Bullshit. None of the planned harem sluts is even an Eversor. Not even a death cultist.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:17 No.14376293
    That was just an idea. If you want a dangerous harem, you'll need :
    - Lord Sector Hax's most charming daughter, or his wife.
    - the Highest ranking fair Sororitas available.
    - at least one Temple Assassin, bonus points if you manage to have the 4 main temples.
    - a Death Cultist, obviously.
    - the Rogue Trader contingent : Madame Charlabelle, Lady Sun Lee ( one of the hardest, she has already five husbands !), Aspyce Chorda, Aoife Armengarde and her daughter Igraine, Elizabeth Orleans & Sylvia Locke.
    - one Inquisitor. bonus points if we manage to get one Puritan & one Radical.
    - one High marshall/ Judge.
    - at least one female Imperial Governor
    - at least one Navis Nobilite.
    - at least one Sanctionned Psyker.
    - at least one Imperial Guard general or higher.
    - at least one Imperial Navy or Higher.

    that's complete enough for you ?
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:20 No.14376316
    Needs a murder servitor stuck on the Beserk setting.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:21 No.14376319
    "Gotta catch 'em all" and I don't mean the STDs
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:21 No.14376328
    crap, I forgot :
    - the highest ranking hottest Mago available
    - the highest Ecclesiarchy hot priest
    - last but not least : an High Lady of Terra.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:26 No.14376366
    >High Lady of Terra
    Now we are getting silly here. You already mentioned highest ranking fair Sororitas available. The only way to one up this is to shag a female primarch.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:30 No.14376414
    "ambition knows NO bound", good sir.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:32 No.14376440
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    Well, you know, ten thousand years in the Eye of Terror has caused some interesting transformations.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:38 No.14376486
    non-heretical harem, we said. Xeno and mutant bitches : gross, and so passé !
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:40 No.14376502
    That's the Primarch of the SW you are talking too! He.. er... she was always a little wolfish...
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:41 No.14376510

    Are you calling Leman Russ, one of the favoured sons of the Emperor himself, a xeno?

    No, good sir, you are the heretic.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:45 No.14376551
    >leman, medieval term for Mistress (lover) (used as "Lemman" by Chaucer in The Reeve's Tale)

    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:46 No.14376562
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    Are you trying to pass a female mutant as Leman Russ, the manliest primarch ?
    who is calling who as an heretic, again ?

    let's stop the name calling for the moment. even though I don't think I'll ever see something like this from my RT players, that kind of ambition can be really fun for a lovable Rogue trader rival. Casanundo dynasty ?
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:48 No.14376580
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    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:51 No.14376617
    you mean Lord Captain Casanova Austin Powers of the Flashheart dynasty?
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:56 No.14376658
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    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)19:57 No.14376659
    Lord Hughe-Austin Danger Nigel Casanova Auffner Von Power the Seventh, of the Power Dynasty, Spatial Man of Mystery, Lovable Rogue Trader.
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)22:50 No.14377971
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    So. How does this work in such a scenario?
    >> Anonymous 03/26/11(Sat)23:04 No.14378106
    Not on the face!
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)04:24 No.14380235
    What would she even have anyone chained to a pillar?

    RAW You can do automatic hit unlimited range line-of-sight ejaculation with the "Divine Shot" power from DH as long as you can count your schlong as a missile weapon
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)05:31 No.14380599
    don't forget, you have minions too. get a few chem-gelded ones to protect your harem !
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)05:41 No.14380673
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    I always liked Roboute better
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)05:51 No.14380773
    My Rogue Trader, Faquarlius Jifferton Felonion LaRattlebane von Carstein House the Sixteenth, is determined to shag Taldeer herself.
    Oh, yes, she will be mine.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)07:36 No.14381370
    godspeed, my good sir.
    anyway, what kind of vessel such a Rogue Trader will use ?
    Ostentious Display of Wealth obviously, Gilded Hull too, I'd add too a Melodium (got your own ship ocherstra) and an Arboretum ( a parc/hunting lodge in your own ship ? growing your own Champagne ? DO WANT!). What else ?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:23 No.14382031
         File1301232210.jpg-(86 KB, 572x323, stargalleon.jpg)
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    Could there be any other choice?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:30 No.14382064
         File1301232656.jpg-(128 KB, 600x900, soulkalibur..jpg)
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    Her vest is almost the same as Nightmare's from SC2.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:32 No.14382072
    You mean mine?
    He is very rich indeed, even by the standards of Rogue Traders. Goes around in a ship with a Ghost Field AND Runecaster.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:37 No.14382100
    yours, or that kind of Rogue Traders. I will definitively add Lord Captain Power the Seventh as an NPC, trying to seduce some of my player's crew.
    A Galleon ? nice ship. I'd rather see them in a dashing Raider or frigate, though, but both are fine. A power ram seems indicated for these seducers.
    any ideas on how to name the ship ?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:40 No.14382108
    The Indomitable Machismo.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:45 No.14382124
    Mine is Lord House XVI, actually.
    I named mine The Love Rocket, so I can ask women if they want to take a ride on it.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:47 No.14382132
         File1301233668.jpg-(324 KB, 650x963, punchline_machismo_2011-02-14.jpg)
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    Punchline Machismo ? Goldmember ?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:49 No.14382136
    >This is why comics written by women suck
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:53 No.14382164
    the Catch them All ? the Holly Ride ? HIS Love ?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:56 No.14382178
    She's One Of Ours, Sir
    Consider This A Mutiny
    Those Imperials Are Right, After All
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)09:58 No.14382189
         File1301234331.jpg-(281 KB, 700x980, dragonmetal.jpg)
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    It helps if you look beyond the only semi-serious strip in the archive.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:02 No.14382210
    Still ruins it.
    There is never a reason for a comedic comic to have the SOOPER SERIOUS STRIP or in this comic's case more than one.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:05 No.14382230
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    Is it honestly super serious?

    I mean, they make some jokes about an 80s cartoon, then kiss.


    But you're right, only comics done by men are any good, like Ctrl+Alt+Del.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:06 No.14382235
    A Frank Exchange of Views, in that case.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:12 No.14382274
    To be fair, he JUST finished A; getting beaten up by a future version of himself who stole his coffee and B; went back in time to give himself a lesson. And steal his coffee
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:12 No.14382276
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    There is never a reason to have a strip entirely about relationships.
    If you bring up Ctrl-Alt-Delete, I bring up Girls "N' Games.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:13 No.14382280
    Which requires a relationship strip?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:19 No.14382316
    I'm sorry girls don't want to touch your penis, bro.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:23 No.14382335
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    I started tasting bile in my mouth at about the first panel.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:27 No.14382357
    Nice straw man, bro.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:41 No.14382432
         File1301236915.jpg-(166 KB, 1136x837, smug-dog-birthday-hat-cake-126(...).jpg)
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    You know how the Rogue Trader always get all the bitches? Well, our Rogue Trader is especially armorous. He flirts shamelessly with every half-attractive female he meets. It`s hillarious out of game because his player is an awesome roleplayer and the character is only 1,35 metres tall.

    Well, there is our Astropath (NPC), an attractive lady of undefined age, maybe a bit pale, and without eyes of course, who is acting only with icy curtesy on the Rogue Traders overbearing advances. So, my character, a former pirate voidmaster, acting as first officer and the Rogue Traders second in command always stands next to the two of them when the Rogue Trader trys his stuff, his expression one of helpless anguish. Think Zapp Brannigan and Kif from Futurama. So, he and the astropath get along well on basis of mutual respect. I respect her for her professionalism, her unique skills and the fact that she is a true example of a lady of high class. She likes me for being straight to the point, curteous and probably being the only person onboard the ship who sees anything else in her than a trophy of sexual conquest or a vile abomination (non-imperial upbringing and all that).

    So the next time our Rogue Trader presses the matter a bit too far and insists that she joins him for dinner in his quarters, she tells him much to my own suprise that she already has an appointment with me. The Rogue Trader storms out furiously while she invites me into her personal quarters, a nice dinner and hot if a bit scary sexings ensued.

    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:46 No.14382462
    So when does the unfortunate accident involving a faulty airlock happen?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)10:53 No.14382506
    Death to America, Death to Humanity
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:01 No.14382545
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    (Author is a fat weeaboo whale)
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:05 No.14382570
    >hot if a bit scary sexings ensued.

    That's the best kind.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:06 No.14382577
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    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:19 No.14382637

    The Rogue Trader can`t afford to kill me. I`m the only PC who is loyal to him without the need for blackmail material. Also I saved his live twice and catched a bolt shell for him when the Seneshall tried to shoot him on the bridge. We are bros.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:45 No.14382773
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    Can I post comics too?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:47 No.14382782
    Why are webcomics so terrible?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:49 No.14382794
         File1301240962.png-(455 KB, 615x433, MEIN GESICHT WENN.png)
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    >you're hand
    >mfw I am a hand
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:50 No.14382803

    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:51 No.14382810
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    Dem flippers.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:52 No.14382819

    The one on the right looks more interesting and skilled in pleasure.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:54 No.14382829
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    This guy here again. I regret ever mentioning the word "machismo" in this thread. Can we go back to pratting about?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)11:58 No.14382862
    Indeed, my good sir.
    let's build the perfect love vessel for a lovable Rogue trader instead !
    so, a Galleon we said ? that means no prow weapons... => armoured prow and Power ram then ?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)12:14 No.14382977
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    Naturally. As for the guns, double broadsides on both flanks. The next question is whether we want this man as our master gunner or a more feminine candidate.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)12:21 No.14383035
    Gaston : our Master of Ordnance.
    Saxton Hall : our Arc-Militant.

    +1 on broadsides : Sunsears instead of Mars if possible. Murder-servitors, Barracks for manly boardings ?
    We also need Ostentatious displays of wealth (obvious), a Melodium, A Temple-Shrine for five minute weddings...
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)12:23 No.14383054
    Hecutor-pattern plasma broadsides are a must. How else are we going to fling burning wads at people over 200,000km away?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)12:28 No.14383095
    Where's your Teleportarium?
    You simply must get one for the express purpose of getting an Explorator named Scotty.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)12:30 No.14383118
    turbo sunsear broadsides ?
    besides, other wanted component before i try to create the ship properly ?
    I'll keep her name " Catch them all" for the moment.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)12:31 No.14383132
    I love also the Energistic Conversion Matrix, or the " Fuck this, I'm outa here" big button.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)12:41 No.14383229
    is it bad that i can't stop laughing as i read those stories?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)12:44 No.14383254
    That's your natural response to the patheticness of those ronery hambeast schlickfics.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)12:59 No.14383377
    I cracked up when she started chanting Mon'Keigh Fucker in the 'third' one.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)13:01 No.14383401
    What makes it even funnier is if you see how many people have liked it on facebook.
    6k means at least 6 thousand people have both read it, and felt the need to advertise their love for Tyranid sexings to the world
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)13:12 No.14383467
    here we go for the ship !
    Essential Components :
    Modified Jovian class 4 Plasma Drive, best Strelov II Warp Drive, Warpsbane Hull, Geller Field, best Ship master's Bridge, Best Pressed ganged Crew quarters, Best Double Repulsor Shield Array, good M201-b Auger Array.

    Weapons :
    Port best turbo best Hecutor pattern Broadside.
    Starboard best turbo best Hecutor pattern Broadside
    Port best turbo best Hecutor pattern Battery
    Starboard best turbo best Hecutor pattern Broadside

    additionnal components :
    2 free Main Cargo Holds, best Arboretum, good Armored Prow, best Barracks, energistic conversion matrix, Melodium, Murder Servitors, Teleportarium, Temple Shrine, Trophy Room.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)13:20 No.14383514
    and I forgot the good Power Ram, and the Antic Life Sustainer, damnit !

    Speed : 5
    Man : +5
    Detection : +15
    Armor : 16
    Turret : 1
    Space : 56/56. Power : 83/85.
    I can't really got full plasma broadside on each side, or we need to sacrifice too many useful components.
    >> I apologised on 4chan !!857o4GkKJgy 03/27/11(Sun)14:03 No.14383798
    Quick question, could you house a Xenos Habitat, hidden behind some shadowblind bays? It seems to me that it would probably the best place for it when the inspectors pop round for a quick chat and a once-over.

    Not least because I'm pretty sure the guy who knows nothing about the 40k setting is going to be an Ork Freeboota since they're pretty unaware of how the imperium works as well.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)14:07 No.14383817

    A Rogue Trader can legally trade, work with, interact with, and even hire xenos whenever they want. They do not have to hide such activities. The Warrant of Trade is enough.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)14:08 No.14383829
    just send the Ork cleans some forgotten black holds in your ship while it is inspected.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)14:14 No.14383877
    If they get chummy with them, however, they're Inquisition fodder. Likewise for bringing xenos and most xeno artefacts into the Imperium. "Fuck you, I'm taking my orks for a cruise" doesn't hold up well to an cruiser's broadside and, really, who is going to gainsay the Imperium for disposing of someone whose judgement has been impaired? You get cases of individual sanctioned xenos and or tolerated mercenary bands but any Rogue Trader who frequently associates with xenos will end up in trouble. Assuming he flaunts it or gets caught, anyway.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)14:35 No.14384080

    While you are partly correct, you are taking it a bit too far. Regularly interacting with xenos is not enough for a Rogue Trader to be excommunicated by the Inquisiton. Individual captains and Inquisitors might get into fights with them over it, but the mandate of the Rogue Traders allows such things outright so if the Inquisitor happens to get killed the Rogue Trader can shrug and say "self defence".

    Rogue Traders have something that most of the Imperium's people don't have: rights. An Inquisitor who accuses a Rogue Trader of heresy is required to prove it in a trail, rather than just offing the trader. If someone attacks the Rogue Trader for interacting with xenos, then the attacker is the one who is breaking the law and, if the trader has the right connections, the attacker will have a bounty on his head and the navy on his ass. The Warrant of Trade is signed by the High Lords of Terra, and thus in executing their mandate a Rogue Trader bears the authority of the Emperor himself (at least in theory).
    >> I apologised on 4chan !!857o4GkKJgy 03/27/11(Sun)14:45 No.14384177

    Whilst all of this is technically true, sometimes it's just less hassle all around if the Ork is hidden away behind the concealed bulk-heads when the Inquisition arrive and demand to be let on board.

    Just because I *could* get away with something doesn't mean I should poke at it like a bad tooth.

    Hm, what's a better way to make your starting ship, blow all of your SP on taking the biggest ship and then leaving myself room to expand into the ship's power and space surplus left over.
    Buying a smaller ship and filling up all of the power and space available, even if it means having SP left over?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)14:47 No.14384197

    Any SP left over gets added to your starting Profit Factor.
    >> I apologised on 4chan !!857o4GkKJgy 03/27/11(Sun)14:49 No.14384208

    Does it? I thought any left over SP was lost.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)14:49 No.14384214

    I'd go for as big of a ship as possible, but that's just me.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)14:52 No.14384246
    The one on the right, the one on the left is a chaos cultist.
    Eight pointed star disguised as a steering wheel.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)14:57 No.14384290
    but that's a steering wheel, just like on any navy officer, dumbkopf !
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)14:57 No.14384294
         File1301252271.jpg-(29 KB, 326x239, Read the Goddamn Rulebook.jpg)
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    See my pic.


    See >>14359849
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)15:02 No.14384334
    Real steering wheels aren't tiny, made of gold and stuck to coats.
    Clearly there is chaos about.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)15:04 No.14384350
    it is only lost if some of your players is from a "Child Of Dynasty" homeworld, as with this one, you get +3 ship points, but can no more transfer excess ship points to your Profit.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)16:06 No.14384843

    And what about Hark, a Vagrant?

    Or Oglaf?
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)18:19 No.14385998
    Well I enjoyed it and wanked over it each one more than once.

    But then again I'm a fan of Girl and her Dog sex vids
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)19:12 No.14386521
    another potential addition to our imperial harem, Commander Jessica Horne, from Battlefleet Koronus.
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)21:07 No.14387717
    Thread started:
    >Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)19:24 No.14354130
    3days and 278 posts later

    mfw this thread still up
    >> Anonymous 03/27/11(Sun)23:03 No.14389007
    Any tips on searching pastebin? I never seem to find delicious fap fodder like this when I enter search terms like xeno-lover or the like.

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