Sister Daphne.

Her song fills us with courage. Her tits fill us with other thoughts.

The rest of our motley crew.

Is anyone on /tg/? Do we not have the fortitude to continue?

Bumping? For continuing this adventure?

Or is this not the time?

rolled 8 = 8

Let's get this show rockin'. Lets keep going!

>>14320537
Gaze upon this man, ye mortals of /tg/.

Gaze upon his works, and know that his deeds are noble.

We continue. Ever onward. Ever vigilant. Ever fighting.

CHOOSE YOUR DESTINY

>>14320433
Daphne's tits aren't that great.

NOW WE MARCH!

ONWARDS, BROTHERS! TO VICTORY!

>>14320556
To the fort!

>>14320556
Shortcut

rolled 7 = 7

>>14320556
Take the shortcut!

>>14320560
They're nicer in the past. The timeline alters them a bit.

But her ass. Oh my, that ass.

>>14320556

Short cut!

What could possibly go wrong? :V

rolled 3 = 3

TO THE FORT! Biff may be running out of Alcohol!

>>14320586
>>14320589
>>14320567

Just so you know, dice+1d10 in email field for dice. Otherwise, your holy deeds will fall short of the gaze of our God, the RNG.

THE SHORTCUT IT IS.

What fortune! We have found fruit and things to make alcohol with! THE SHORTCUT WAS A GREAT IDEA! BIFF! TO THE STILLS!

>>14320560

Okay but I can give size for firmness...

Shit where's all the quarters?


CONTINUE THE HOLY WAR AGAINST THE SQUIRRELS!!!!!

rolled 6 = 6

>>14320634
Make some brews and carry on!

rolled 10 = 10

>>14320644
This anon agrees. THOSE SQUIRRELS MUST DIE.

>free urower

CAPTCHA HAS TOLD US THOSE SQUIRRELLY BASTARDS HAVE UROWER. WE MUST FREE HIM!

/tg/....I don't know how to say this. But....we lost something.

He hid it from us. He would not let us see his sickness, he would not let us think he was anything less than a salty dwarf worth his weight in diamonds. Sickness came for him, and for this, we shall have our vengeance upon Nurgle.

Ted shed manly tears. Daphne sang a song of returning to home.

Only our leader, Dr. Orange, stood on. The squirrels of Nurgle. They would pay.

Nurgle would know the name Biff Stonefist. He would know it because we would write it on his face in the bones of dead squirrels.

rolled 4 = 4

>>14320718
RETRIBUTIOOOOOOOOOOON

AVENGE BIFF! HIS GHOST CRIES OUT FOR THE BLOOD OF THE FOUL SQUIRRELS TO BE SPILT IN RECOMPENSE.

rolled 1 = 1

>>14320718
Those Squirrels will die by our bullets... FOR BIFF!

We went on a squirrel killing rampage. We shot seven squirrels and a few deer and a buffalo for food.

Daphne did not see the snake. We were betrayed.

And we have made it to the Green River crossing. Daphne's status is unknown. Ted's mental status is unknown. We have a pile of food for possible trading

COMMAND?

>>14320793

The slippery and random Snakes of Tzeentch are in collusion with the Squirrels of Nurgle.

PURGE THEM ALL! VENGEANCE SHALL BE OURS!

>I imagine us riding a caravan of destruction much like the Libyan rebels, firing wildly as we move about screaming about the evils of Squirrels and their allies.

rolled 6 = 6

>>14320793
Clearly Nurgle hates us for what we have done to his chosen people. I propose we start worshipping him, in hopes that we at least survive to Oregon, bloated and misshapen with pox as we may be.

>>14320822
Forgot my pic in my grief for Biff.


Side note, /tg/. I was legitimately upset.

>>14320822
We shall rest for a few days and plan our campaign of squirrel purging.

rolled 3 = 3

>>14320841
grrrr

rolled 3 = 3

THE SNAKES ARE OBVIOUSLY ALLIED WITH THE ACCURSED. SQUIRRELS. THEY SHALL BE WIPED OUT AS WELL.

>>14320828
You wouldn't be wrong. But, we had a dwarf in suspenders and nothing else waving his penis wildly at local wildlife, pissing off indians and generally not giving a fuck.

Also, partying hard at landmarks.

rolled 10 = 10

>>14320840

Is that a river? ARE WE FORDING YET!?!?

NO?

FORD THAT MOTHERFUCKER.

>>14320871
I'm not the one to argue with a natural ten. Here are the conditions of the river.

ARE YOU SURE?

rolled 8 = 8

>>14320840

DO YOU HEAR THAT?

THE SOUND OF RUSHING WATER COMPELS US TO FORD! ONWARDS!

>>14320871

In before everyone dies.

rolled 2 = 2

>>14320886

>40.2 feet in middle

Whoooaaaaa, never mind, caulk and float it across.

rolled 10 = 10

Damnit If only Biff were alive I would say he could stop waving his cock and caulk the wagon with it and float us across but alas. I can only go with a natural 10...

FORD IT!

rolled 5 = 5

>>14320908
truly amazing. Who are we to argue with two 10s saying the same thing?

rolled 5 = 5

Yeah, as much fun as fording is, I really don't want to see this end here.

Float that bitch.

rolled 5 = 5

>>14320886

We will FORD, TO DO LESS WOULD DISHONOR THE MEMORIES OF OUR FALLEN FRIENDS!

rolled 7 = 7

>>14320902

Caulk it with Daphne's swollen snake-bitten breasts then!

rolled 10 = 10

>inb4 TPK

rolled 6 = 6

>>14320936

We're doomed...

>>14320936
We have an unsanctioned psyker in our midst.

BUT WAIT

The timestream has reached an anomaly. Shall we reload to before the moment we decided to cross thre river Styx? Shall we reverse time to make it across?

(I need to go for a few moments, ten minutes at worst. Shall we continue? I'd hate for this story to end here.

rolled 9 = 9

>>14320993

BAD END.

Also, that's less me being psychic, and more considering the logical conclusion of trying to drive a wagon through 40 FUCKING FEET OF RIVER WATER.

rolled 1 = 1

>>14321022

Mucking about in the timestream? Surely nothing bad will result from this! GO FOR IT.

>>14321022

Of COURSE we continue! Biff will not die in vein, DAMNIT!

When you going to write more KS stuff man?

Maybe a quest her on /tg/?

Then allow me to restart the timestream, and gather some supplies from the store.

FOR WE SHALL RESTART THIS TALE FROM THE RIVER.

Be back soon, friends. Apologies for this.

>>14321022

Reload, fun as it is, we'll get nowhere after losing FOUR crewmembers.

We'll wait til you get back.

>>14321091
When I stop being lazy. I have it all set up, but right now, I'm working on a few things.

I am considering a KS adventure thread on /tg/. Been wanting to for a while.

Now, friends and children of the wasteland. Allow me to return in a few moments. Call it intermission.

Our faith has been rewarded! So what if the timestream gets buggered up. The only thing that may have happened is that we killed a bunch of squirrels with some of the wavelengths or some shit. There's a lot of science involved, and Biff's Skullfucker brew is still making me a little woozy.

ONWARD WE CONTINUE.

However, further altering of the timeline may lead to mutations and such.

>>14321661
PRESS ON!

WE HAVE RETURNED BROTHERS.

I can be online for a while longer. Come hell or highwater, we shall continue this tale.

However, let it be known that we shall continue highlander rule. First roll above 7 is what I shall do.

For the dice speak, and they are infallible.

It's what Biff would have wanted. Live and die by the dice.

The rot of Nurgle follows us. Food spoils. Water is filled with disease. Daphne's snake bite is swollen.

WHAT IS OUR COURSE OF ACTION?

>>14321734
KEEP LOOKING TOWARDS TOMORROW
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?!

Apologies for lateness, brothers in battle. Hopefully we can continue this grand undertaking.

I smell greatness here. Please, don't leave us on the cusp of this gran tale.

>>14321772
fuck, forgot my dice

>>14321734
We should rest, without Sister Daphne all we have is Ted. How can we make it to Oregon with just Ted?

>>14321781
Dice were forgotten

As penance, allow me to dump a comic while we await our battle brothers to rejoin the fray.

rolled 4 = 4

>>14321787
Failure is mine, and mine alone.

rolled 8 = 8

>>14321778
FFFFF
THIRD TIME'S A CHARM

>>14321772
>>14321811

this was me by the way

is there a way to noko and roll dice at the same time?

dice+1d10

no caps or nothing. We agreed that if you feel noko is still necessary, as this thread may hit autosage,

noko dice+1d10

Copy paste, bretheren. I could use last post number, but that seems too..../b/ for this tale.

2/7

>>14321811
ONWARDS TO TOMORROW. ONWARDS TO VICTORY!

3/7

Technical difficulties.

4/7

Rejoice! Our faith is true! And our bloomers are clean!

Drawfags! Where are you?

5/7

I hate leaving comics unfinished.

6/7

DENIZENS OF /TG/! COME TO THIS TALE!

IT UNFOLDS AS WE TRAVERSE ACROSS A BARREN WASTELAND!

Also, if you want write ins, like hunt, trade, talk, or whatever, roll for it. OH GOD PLEASE /TG/ TELL ME YOU LIKE MY QUEST THREAD.

Hah. Of course this is awesome.

And so, we ride.

We always ride.

What goes through his head? Doctor Orange? Some say he is a madman. He must be. The stench of death hangs in the air around them all.

Sister Daphne, in sexy bloomers, sets a hand on our leader's shoulder and quotes Imperial divination:

"Only the insane shall prosper. Only those who prosper shall judge what is sane."

Onward he drives.

However, to prove this quote, Sister Daphne went crazy on her own. She, holding holy fire, with the fervor of the Emperor, began chanting Imperial mantras, burning our hated squirrel foes, firing shots wildly, and burning the rotten food away.

A small smile cracked across our hero's lips.

Onward, they drive.

rolled 2 = 2

Sell all of the oxen

rolled 3 = 3

We need more bullets for purging, sell the rest of the clothes.

The fires of purging have given Ted renewed vigor and hope.

And DAT ASS helps, too. Daphne's ass.

rolled 6 = 6

I didn't even know Ted was sick, what was his problem?

>>14321993
TRAITOR TO THE EMPEROR IN OUR MIDST.

Seriously, Ted. You dropped the ball on this one.

rolled 9 = 9

FORGE AHEAD
BUY MORE BULLETS

>>14322022
Fatigue. He is well now, though.

We have made it to Soda Springs. What is our course of action?

>>14322041
We traded 221 pounds of moose meat for 300 bullets.

rolled 2 = 2

>>14322087
FULL SPEED AHEAD
PURGE THE RODENT MENACE

COME MEN! FOR SISTER DAPHNE!

She has promised tits at the end of this journey.

I don't know what else to bump with other than tits.

rolled 9 = 9

>>14322075
How many oxen do we have left?

If less than two, buy some more. Sell remaining clothing is necessary.

If more than two, march onward to victory.

>>14322146
FORWARD
FOR TITS

>>14322158
A compromise. We have traded two sets of clothing for one ox, bringing our oxen to a total of five.

Do not worry, they were Ted Duckles' clothes.

Forever onward, we march.

ONWARD TO GLORY!!! GLORY OR DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!

We did not stop for Ted.

We did not stop for Daphne.

We did not stop for Biff, even when he hid his disease from us.

What makes you think we will stop for an ox? You will either overcome Nurgle or you will fall.

We killed another buffalo.

We also killed a bunch of animals.

I'm not fully sure why.

FINAL KILL COUNT:
SQUIRRELS: 7
DEER: 3
MOOSE: 5
BEARS: 3

NURGLE WILL BE VANQUISHED AT THE END OF THIS ROAD.

rolled 4 = 4

>>14322231
It was the one you just bought wasn't it?

Oh boy. Decision time.

rolled 6 = 6

>>14322286
FORWARD
TED WOULD WANT IT THAT WAY IF HE WEREN'T UNCONSCIOUS FROM THE TYPHOID

Was this the version of Oregon Trail where you could bring a grandfather clock and a piano with you?

rolled 10 = 10

>>14322301
fix it.

>>14322311
NO. BUT OH GOOD GOD YES I WANT THAT VERSION AND AM CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR IT.

I still remember the tale of Lord Hatclock from /b/.

May his immortal words guide us.

EAT BACON
FORD RIVERS

I didn't actually answer this in the last thread. I got this version off of /rs/.

rolled 10 = 10

>>14322330
Ha! I've got his picture!

>>14322322
We attempted. But, rather than fuckcunt with it, we decided to replace it with something from the spare.

We have made it to the fort.

>COMMAND?

>eeinvi Yamasaki

It's a Yamasaki brand wheel.

rolled 8 = 8

>>14322358

Rest for two days

rolled 5 = 5

>>14322358
Get our trade on

Increase speed full throttle

And so we rested and partied HARD in the fort. Ted thought it would be a good idea to try and imitate the famous Flying Fat Fuck Flip made famous by Biff when he got to drinking cactus water (read: tequila)

Yeah, didn't go too well, did it, Ted? I can't stay mad at you. It was homage to Biff. We miss him still.

Bump? Have we lost steam?

rolled 10 = 10

>>14322420
MORE BULLETS
MORE CACTUS WATER
FULL SPEED AHEAD
PURGE THE FURRY MENACE

>>14322473
AND WHEN I THINK I HAVE LOST AWESOME PEOPLE IN THIS THREAD

YOU COME OUT AND RENEW MY FAITH

BULLETS BEING BOUGHT
BOOZE BEING MADE
SQUIRRELS BEING KILLED
DAPHNE'S ASS BEING STARED AT.

rolled 8 = 8

>>14322489
OH YES
MORE OF DAT ASS AS WELL

>>14322502
DRAWFAGS! TO DAPHNE'S ASS!

Have her wreslting a bear to DEATH.

We killed a bunch of bears and a moose.

I really hope this isn't dying... I love this thread so much

rolled 3 = 3

>>14322536
EAT THE BEARS
ASSIMILATE THEIR BEARNESS

We took the wrong trail. Lost a day.

Ted is well again. Gained faith. Our faith is now unshakeable.

As an added gift, we found fruit. Daphne ate wild berries seductively, letting blackberry juices dribble off her chin onto her white bloomers.

She then shot three moose.

rolled 6 = 6

ONWARDS TO BLOOD AND GLORY!!!

rolled 1 = 1

>>14322567
BLOOD AND THUNDER! VICTORY AT SEA!

>>14322544
Join in, fellow warrior!

dice+1d10 in email field. Roll your dice along with us, and carve your name into legend!

rolled 5 = 5

>>14322567
BEGIN. MOVE. CRUSH. THERE WILL BE TIME TO STOP WHEN WE ARE ALL DEAD FROM THE POX. THAT DAY HAS NOT YET COME TO PASS.

rolled 3 = 3

>>14322587
I have been

ONWARD TO THE TRAIL
TO GLORY
TO SISTER DAPHNE
TO OREGON

FULL SPEED AHEAD

rolled 2 = 2

>>14322567
Why have there been no more squirrels killed?!?!?!?!??? They are a pox on the good planets of the Emperor and it is HIS WILL that they be DESTROYED!!!!

Rejoice again! We have scavenged! And found something new for Daphne to wear!

Our health, however, is poor.

rolled 3 = 3

>>14322627
THE WATERS THEMSELVES HAVE BECOME POLLUTED BY NURGLES TAINT!!!!! CLEANSE THEM!!!!!

The Emperor protects. Press on.

rolled 5 = 5

>>14322627
FAITH IS ALL THAT MATTERS. ONWARD!

rolled 1 = 1

>>14322627
WE MUST STRIVE THROUGH THE HARD TIMES AND CONTINUE ON TO THE GOOD
THAT'S THE TRAIL CARAVAN WAY
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?

rolled 9 = 9

Stop for three days, rape Daphne the entire time

>>14322619
Simple. Because we have killed most of them.

Daphne is exhausted.

rolled 10 = 10

>>14322661
It appears that the dice gods are giving us a warning...

FUCK THAT
NO GODS
NO MASTERS
ONWARD TO THE TRAIL

rolled 3 = 3

>>14322676
WAGON HASN'T ANY BRAKES.

We didn't rape Daphne.

SHE RAPED US.

Just the Doctor. Ted watched. Ted's kind of weird like that. We approach a river bend.

rolled 8 = 8

>>14322715
FORD IT.

ALL RIVERS MUST BE FORDED.

ALL OF THEM.

rolled 9 = 9

>>14322728
Hold up, lets wait for the statistics this time please.

>>14322744
you rolled higher, so I guess we wait.

Biff would be pissed though

We are lost.

Ted has typhoid fever.

Daphne has cholera.

Things look grim. But it is in the worst of fortunes the best chance for a happy ending.

rolled 5 = 5

>>14322744
NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!! TO DO ANYTHING ELSE BUT FORD THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF THAT RIVER IS THE ULTIMATE HERSEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>14322766
Forgot my pic.

>COMMAND?

Ted is well. We have reached the snake river crossing.

The river is 1000 feet wide and twelve feet deep.

rolled 10 = 10

>>14322779
DESPISE THE MACHINATIONS OF THE PLAGUE GOD. He wishes for us to stop, to give in to SLOTH and INDOLENCE. But that is HERESY.

ONWARD!

rolled 1 = 1

Wild group orgy for the next week.

rolled 8 = 8

>>14322807

CAULK AND CONQUER

rolled 9 = 9

Give in to heresy, float the river

Daphne is well. Ted suffers from exhastion.

We traded some food for more oxen.

And now, we put our fate in the hands of the Emperor.

CAULKING THE RIVER

rolled 5 = 5

EVER ONWARDS WE WILL STOP WHEN NURGLE LIES DEAD AT OUR FEET WITH DAPHNE DANCING ON HIM

rolled 5 = 5

>>14322807
FORDISM IS UNSTOPPABLE.

Due to our dalliance with time dilation heresy, WE MUST REPENT FOR OUR EARLIER SINS and ford HARDER.

Did you think anything else would happen?

ONWARD WE MARCH.

rolled 10 = 10

SISTER DAPHNE GIVE TED SOME "HEALING"

rolled 2 = 2

>>14322807

FORD FOR THE FORD GOD!

rolled 1 = 1

>>14322860

WE SHALL FORD ALL DAY ERRY DAY

AND HERE IS WHERE OUR TALE MUST STOP FOR THE EVENING, FELLOW WARRIORS.

After crossing the deadly Snake River, our three heroes continue onward. The landscape is barren. The water is filled with disease. The oxen have no grass. Will they make it? Will they succeed? Will Daphne show tits again?

TUNE IN NEXT TIME.

It's been a blast, but I have things to take care of. As always, it has been a blast entertaining you fuckers.

Until next time, be excellent to each other.

AND PARTY ON DUDES!

rolled 10 = 10

..................GLORIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I humbly ask drawfags to illustrate these grand moments, and that the rest of you fine warriors rest easy.

Here, heroes blazed a trail.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14320386/
ARCHIVED FOR GLORY

Dr. Orange

>>14322889
>listening to Cartoon Cartoon Fridays
>it cresdendos on this post
>mfw

Damn, I missed the thread.
Does anyone have an archive of the Lord Hatclock threads?

Superb, sad to have missed it.