Posting mode: Reply
Password(Password used for file deletion)
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG
  • Maximum file size allowed is 3072 KB.
  • Images greater than 250x250 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • Read the rules and FAQ before posting.
  • ????????? - ??

  • File : 1300419479.jpg-(89 KB, 700x525, alcohol.jpg)
    89 KB Drunken Mage Quest BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/17/11(Thu)23:37 No.14280812  
    You're an extremely powerful mage... thing. Whatever. You don't care, you're fucking wasted. Your party is nearby, about ten feet ahead of your conjured horse made of fire. You and the others are going to stop the Dark Lord Blackmoor from destroying the city of Zeroc and eating everyone's souls.

    You're drunkeness is sadly permanent, the aftereffect of a miscast spell. If you were less drunk, you could undo it. But you're not. And you don't know anyone else who is good enough to undo the spell.

    You're riding the horse at a breakneck speed to Zeroc. What do?
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:39 No.14280822
    Teleport all the underwear within a hundred miles onto the road.
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:39 No.14280823
         File1300419549.jpg-(12 KB, 320x240, What.jpg)
    12 KB
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:39 No.14280832
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:41 No.14280851
    >You're drunkenness
    I cast correct grammar on the OP
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:41 No.14280857
    Issue a huge beer belch, blowing out the fire on your horse and sending a fireball of truly massive proportions hurtling towards Zeroc.
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/17/11(Thu)23:46 No.14280917
    I'm slightly drunk as well, that's why I think this quest will be fun.

    Chuckling drunkenly, you summon the vast energies available to you, and through your mind locate every pair of undergarments in a hundred mile radius. Giggling to yourself, you evoke the magic of teleportation, and suddenly hundreds of thousands of pairs of undergarments appear on the road. You laugh like a madman as the party stares daggers at you, the tiefling 'thief' having much less taped down breasts. You continue to laugh, and the party turns and sighs collectively. Letting out a belch, a massive pillar of fire issues forth from your mouth, heading for Zeroc at an angle.

    You are about ten minutes from Zeroc.
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:47 No.14280928
    Pick up some pairs of underwear with your mind, and start firing them at the tiefling.
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:48 No.14280943
    Pour vodka in your fire horse's mouth.
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:48 No.14280949
    lol, me too

    happy irish stereotype day
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:49 No.14280959
         File1300420178.jpg-(25 KB, 357x440, cool.jpg)
    25 KB
    Why does the tiefling still have clothes?
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:50 No.14280973
    I cast remove clothes on the tiefling
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:52 No.14280985
         File1300420321.png-(399 KB, 534x765, gunfinger.png)
    399 KB

    Ata boy, anon.
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:52 No.14280993
         File1300420358.jpg-(20 KB, 600x378, 350662-big_boss_salute_super.jpg)
    20 KB
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:54 No.14281013
    stop and take a good long piss. the city can wait.
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:57 No.14281043
         File1300420655.jpg-(22 KB, 300x300, 51OCMwaUGWL._SL500_AA300_.jpg)
    22 KB
    I summon someone to do the work for me.
    >> Anonymous 03/17/11(Thu)23:57 No.14281045
         File1300420665.jpg-(43 KB, 341x401, bueno.jpg)
    43 KB
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/17/11(Thu)23:59 No.14281073
         File1300420793.jpg-(434 KB, 1024x768, Blog Post Booze.jpg)
    434 KB
    Summoning your decanter of endless vodka from within your robes, you open the horse mouth and uncork the bottle in front of it. A massive stream of alcohol comes forth, and lights on fire as it touches your horse's mouth. The fire spreads up to the open neck of the bottle, but does not spread in, the vodka being far too pressurized to allow it. The horse turns blue-ish from the vast amounts of alcohol now inside it, and the eerie blue glow gives the road a Rave-like look. A rave held by sentient underwear.

    You chuckle, and think of an idea. A brilliant idea. Watching the tiefling carefully, you wait for the opportune moment, and as she turns to ask a question to Fredrick the Spearman, you teleport off all her clothes. She looks down, then at you.

    She turns and stops her horse, and goes to jump at you, while Fredrick tries to restrain her. "Dammit girl, the lad has no idea what he's doing, that spell messed up his brain. Besides, we need him for stopping Blackmoor, remember? Think of the loot." She ignores him for a moment, then turns and begins riding ahead of the group. You laugh, and fire a pair of underpants at her with your mind, missing by a few feet. Your aim is off.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:01 No.14281092
    This is the best quest ever.

    Use Scrying to look at her breasts, and start shooting fireworks off at random.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:03 No.14281113
    I use mind speaking to ask her..

    "u mad?"
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:03 No.14281117
    What did we see OP? WHAT DID WE SEE?
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:04 No.14281121
    Make the spearman female and teleport all of his clothes off too
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:06 No.14281147

    "Relax, you naked slatern of poor breeding!"

    "No doubt, Blackmoor will be arriving soon for his underwear."

    "In the meantime, let's make out."
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:08 No.14281165
    Best Quest Ever.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:10 No.14281184

    Clearly, this calls for mind-affecting magic. Also, tell us moar of this loot.
    >> The Harlequin Rose 03/18/11(Fri)00:13 No.14281217
         File1300421595.png-(118 KB, 640x400, tief.png)
    118 KB
    Shitty I know but had to draw this.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:14 No.14281235

    Being drunk is no problem in this case. Bucket of KFC, a watermelon, 2 liter bottle of grape soda, and a white woman as bait, this black moor will fall right into our trap. Naturally, he will command his henchmen to stay behind, so he may enjoy the feast/wench for himself. (Note: the food is poisoned, and the wench is our rogue in disguise.)
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:15 No.14281243

    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)00:15 No.14281244
         File1300421725.jpg-(269 KB, 1600x1200, booze.jpg)
    269 KB
    Vaguely, you remember a pair of the most beautiful, bouncing breasts in the history of the world. They glistened in the moonlight, or something. It's all a bit fuzzy. So you decide to use Scrying to look at them again. Conjuring up the forces of magic, you peer through time and space, past worlds unknown, and dial your mind to her breasts.

    They truly are a sight to behold. Perfectly proportioned, and evenly colored, there isn't a mark on them. They bounce and jiggle as her horse rides as fast as it can, heading to help your party save the day.

    You think it might be funny to ask her what she thinks, while staring at her breasts with magic. You again bend magic to your awesome will, using only your thoughts. Connecting your brain and hers, you ask a simple question.
    >U MAD?
    She turns and yells at you. Her breasts move into the vision of your real eyes. "YES I'M FUCKING MAD. WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES, DO YOU SEE THEM? NO. BECAUSE YOU MADE THEM DISAPPEAR WITH YOUR MAGIC SHIT."

    You laugh, as she turns back to the front. You slap her left boob, and she turns and throws a dagger at you, as you mentally ask if she wants to make out. It passes through your fire horse's head.
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)00:18 No.14281283
    Blackmoor has piles and piles of gold and rare artifacts. Enough to pay everyone in the kingdom their normal wages for the next month.

    And some magic tomes, and rare wines, and other stuff, like land deeds and a giant doom tower.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:19 No.14281288
    Demand she ride on the fire horse with you. Infact, teleport her there.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:20 No.14281313

    Magic up a new set of decidedly sexy clothing on her body.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:21 No.14281328

    Dammit, enough of the perv shit, it's time to be racist now!

    Create the KFC illusion, disguise tiefling as a white woman with a huge ass.
    >> The Harlequin Rose 03/18/11(Fri)00:22 No.14281330
    Transform her saddle into a dildo.

    Also, how far are we from the tower?
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:23 No.14281339
         File1300422181.jpg-(8 KB, 184x184, cereal.jpg)
    8 KB

    Tell her about your cool fire shirt collection.
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)00:32 No.14281464
         File1300422776.jpg-(130 KB, 800x534, The+10+Weirdest+Vodka+Flavors.jpg)
    130 KB
    Fredrick barely manages to restrain her, as you drunkenly laugh more, and shoot fireworks off in random directions. She calms down, and returns to riding, just as you turn Fredrick into a woman. A very hot woman. No, seriously, you accidentally set her on fire. The fire spreads up her back and around her neck, parts of her hair beginning to smoke.

    Teleporting off her clothes in panic, you laugh as she glances at you and curses under her breath. She speaks at you in a very womanly voice. "God dammit, turn me back and give me back my clothes, this chainmail is freezing onto my breasts."

    You consider doing this, and decide to leave help her out, for now. You teleport her repaired clothes back onto her body, and turn her back into a man. "Thank you, now stop fucking around." You shrug, and he goes back to riding. You're about six minutes from Zeroc now. Creating an illusion of a giant glowing bucket full of fried breaded chicken, it hovers alongside you as your fire horse continues on. You have no idea why you just did that, but you snicker as you take a drink from your bottle of endless vodka. Then you glance at the tiefling's ass. Her soft, supply ass.

    You turn her saddle into a dildo, but in the wrong position. You're too drunk to notice though. You teleport some clothes onto the tiefling, and she goes to yell at you again, when you teleport her onto your saddle in between your legs. Her ass grows to greater proportions as she turns into a human before your very eyes. You're doing it the transforming, of course. She turns and slaps you across the face, but you don't feel it, as you are far too drunk.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:33 No.14281473
    Projectile vomit
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:33 No.14281480
    Drunk Wizards: No sense of right or wrong
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:36 No.14281516
    Guys, seriously? We're the most drunk and most powerful person in the world, and you're wasting it trying to see boobs and get laid? There's so many things we could do, like teleport the party instead of riding horses, or... actually, let's go for getting some ass.
    >> Rillius 03/18/11(Fri)00:36 No.14281518
    Conjure up some waffles now that our stomach is empty.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:40 No.14281577
    I don't even know, OP. This may be the best quest ever.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:40 No.14281580
    Magic the rogue back into a tiefling, then magic up some clothes only she can see.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:40 No.14281584
    "Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance."

    Case in point.

    Also, summon chickens. We want to see live chickens flapping around.

    Say, that spearman looks a bit like a chicken if you squint...
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:41 No.14281593
    Apologize to the tiefling and tell her that we totally just want to bone her, and she should seriously take a swig from this flask.

    You know what, make her drunk as well. Not perma-drunk, but everyone should share in this blissful state.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:41 No.14281594
    Slap her back!

    Then teleport the party to Zeroc so we can get a room. Or we could just make a sub-plane and use that.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:42 No.14281612
    Turn tiefling chick back to a tiefling, What was her name again? And were the names of the rest of you party?
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:44 No.14281646
    Tieflings are sexy, turn her back and teleport everyone to an inn in Zeroc so we can totally get laid.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:45 No.14281658
    Summon an angel and make it have sex with the tiefling.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:47 No.14281679
    Enchant a +3 beer bong of chugging
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:47 No.14281683
    instead of teleporting the party to an inn, teleport an inn to the party so we can make sexy times with the former tiefling.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:47 No.14281690
    Better yet, summon an Angel and make it have sex with the tiefling. Details like different settings and systems mean nothing to a drunken wizards.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:51 No.14281751
    What's the difference between these two posts?
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:52 No.14281758
    It's huge, but you can only tell the difference when drunk.
    >> [K2]Quixote !OppEAx69HY 03/18/11(Fri)00:54 No.14281774
    One's an evangelion angel and one's a Gabriel angel.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:54 No.14281775
         File1300424096.jpg-(86 KB, 720x400, 1299672781806.jpg)
    86 KB
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)00:58 No.14281803
         File1300424289.jpg-(208 KB, 1100x518, booze-1.jpg)
    208 KB
    >Yeah, I'ma... I'm a bit... uh... and I'm sorry, but I jsut really wanna bone you. If you know what I
    You take another swig of your vodka.
    >mean. Here, have some of this!
    You push the Vodka at her, as she stands up on your horse. Grabbing the bottle angrily, she drinks for a few seconds, and backflips back to her horse. You return her to tiefling form mid air, with clothing only she can see, exactly the same as her previous set.

    She lands on the dildo-saddle, which is still in the wrong position. As you summon up the magic around you, she takes another drink. Your surrounds shift and warp, and the party draw's their weapons, as they find themselves in front of an inn in Zeroc. Hundreds of chickens appear in mid air and drop to the ground, then scatter about and start fighting. Blood and feathers get everywhere.

    In the sky above, the Dark Lord's spiraling castle hovers, lightning and thunder and darkness surrounding it. It is preparing for the ritual.

    You shoot a stream of vomit at it, at mach 2, and summon a plate of waffles to eat, just as the vomit impacts the south tower, cutting through the stone like it was nothing and continuing on.

    The tieflling is now drunk, and stumbles off her dildo. Looking at it carefully, Jaina laughs and throws the bottle at your head as she realizes what it is. "Oh gods I *hic* hate you."

    Fredrick, Thomas, Samantha, and Veronica get off their horses. The chickens by now, have left the area. Jaina stomps around a bit, and rips the dildo off the horse.

    "Now what the fuck do we *hic* do?"
    Fredrick looks around. "We need to get up there."
    Samantha is quick on the draw. "Oh, really? I thought we'd all stay here and get our souls sucked out."
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)00:58 No.14281809

    Climbing's for plebes!

    Bring the tower down to us.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:00 No.14281821
         File1300424401.jpg-(101 KB, 854x480, dawn-of-war-2-retribution-trai(...).jpg)
    101 KB
    > Gabriel angel
    ... I fear one more than the other. Guess who.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:00 No.14281822
    I'd like something ELSE sucked out, if you know what I mean...
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:01 No.14281837
    Draw the dark lord out by chucking bottles at his window, calling him a pussy and shouting "COME AT ME BRO"
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:02 No.14281849
    Turn the tower into jello shots, lower the neckline of every shirt for 5 miles, throw copper pieces at Jania, Samantha, and Veronica's cleavage, and set the jello towers on fire.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:02 No.14281850
    Our new plan is to get everyone drunk, also If we didnt catch it when it was thrown at us grab our vodka.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:03 No.14281856
    seconding this
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:03 No.14281861
    We're totally going to bone the tiefling, but invisible clothes on the other girls would be awesome too.

    Hell, the guys too. Including us. Why not?

    And yeah, time to bring the tower to us. We don't have time for this shit, walking is for chumps. Magically grope Jaina and suggest we celebrate by having sex after killing this guy, whoever he is.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:14 No.14281949
    Bumping this thread, I haven't laughed like this in ages.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:19 No.14282000
    Someone archive this shit.
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)01:22 No.14282025
         File1300425733.jpg-(65 KB, 401x540, Giant_Fridge_Booze.jpg)
    65 KB
    While the party is discussing the plan, you're busy drinking more out of your bottle, after fighting over it with a chicken the size of a horse. Said chicken is now splattered all over the inn. Then you think of another brilliant idea. Stopping time for a few seconds, you teleport all the clothes of the party off their bodies, and teleport on clothes only they can see. Approaching Jaina, you unfreeze time, and point to the castle.
    >I am going to kill Black...whatever, and then I'm going to pull down the castle, and then you and I will have sex.
    "What. You're going to *hic* pull down that castle? You're fucking insane, you couldn't even *hic* teleport us inside before!
    "Wait, why is everyone naked?"

    You ignore the others, all shouting about each other being naked and denying it, while you pull as much energy from your surrounds as you can. Focusing as only someone completely, utterly drunk can, you grasp every nook and cranny of the castle with millions of tiny telekinetic hands, and PULL. The castle strains under the combined force of a billion arms, and as you strain, vomiting in your mouth a bit, the massive stone fortress descends, its lowest point coming to rest on a chimney top on a house not too far away. You hold it in place, and feel it struggle to move, as you wrap it with dozens of floating walls of force. Your bottle in hand, you fly up to the lowest window of the highest tower, the party finally understanding why their clothes are gone, and gasping in awe as they see the castle before them. You take a swig of vodka, and summon hundreds of similar bottles.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:26 No.14282066
    This thread. I love it.
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 03/18/11(Fri)01:26 No.14282073
         File1300426001.jpg-(44 KB, 450x600, 1299821439636.jpg)
    44 KB
    This thread...I don't hate this thread. I need to remember this idea for future writefaggotry.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:27 No.14282079
    Throw all the bottles through his window. Then light them all on fire while laughing and proclaiming we nailed his daughter, or wife, or whatever and she was a dead lay. Goose our female party members, for good measure.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:27 No.14282081
    Piss through the window
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:28 No.14282086
    And then we drink 'im under the table.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:28 No.14282091
    This is the best quest thread concept ever.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:29 No.14282097
    >Goose our female party members, for good measure.
    Suggest an orgy after we nail Jaina too. Proclaim the size of our manhood to surpass all other men.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:30 No.14282115
    YES. We'll settle it with a drinking game.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:32 No.14282128
    Start crushing tower horizontally, piss self, magic urine into Blackasses pants.
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 03/18/11(Fri)01:39 No.14282189
    Halfway across the bridge: Begin reciting the lyrics to Rocky Raccoon by the Beatles AS LOUD AND MONOTONOUSLY AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)01:39 No.14282192
         File1300426771.jpg-(2.31 MB, 3264x2448, 1401483366_a873b7a4cd_o.jpg)
    2.31 MB
    Forgot my trip.
    Throwing flaming bottles of Vodka at the window, you continue to yell, as you telekinetically pinch the firm buttocks of your female party members down below. You hear some little squeaks, but you're too high up to hear more as they yell in your direction.
    You continue throwing bottles at the window. It is now on fire. A head pops out the window, and is about to say something, as a bottle of booze hits it in the face.
    Hmm. You had intended to hit the window with the bottle, but that works too. More bottles fly forth and impact the side of the amazing head attached to something inside, and you fly towards the window, firing more and more bottles as the head goes back inside, just as you begin to piss at the opening. The bottles crack the window with their sheer numbers, and the window falls into pieces. Flying into the tower, your robes fluttering in the wind, white light coming from behind you, you step on the floor of the tower. All around you, dozens of armed soldiers point sharp objects at you, but they are no match for your onslaught of alcohol containers. Soon, the soldiers lie bludgeoned into a coma by bottles of Vodka.

    Now, where's that Blackmoor person? Looking around, you see him fleeing the tower into the central spire, from where the castle is controlled. Drinking more and stumbling about, you knock some portraits off the wall as you pursue your hated nemesis. You throw up on a picture of Blackmoor's wife as you exit the tower, and begin to cross the bridge.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:39 No.14282194
    You mean fly over the bridge. I'm not taking any chances on a bridge while I'm drunk.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:40 No.14282197
    "Hey now, why don't I get to be naked too? I should fix that!"
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 03/18/11(Fri)01:40 No.14282205
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:41 No.14282217
    use magic to increase penis size to ridiculous degree
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:42 No.14282218
    Man, like, FUCK these walls and shit man. All "you can't see through me" and crap. TURN THEM TO GLASS. That will teach them to block our vision when we are chasing someone.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:42 No.14282223
    Teleport party to current location, magic them each a party hat that everyone can see, except the wearer.

    Enchant all party weapons to exude Adios Motherfucker 151s (a flaming drink) when held.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:43 No.14282226
         File1300426987.png-(309 KB, 500x400, drunkwizard.png)
    309 KB
    An adventure this great deserves a proper banner, so I whipped up a dumb little thing. Keep making us laugh op.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:44 No.14282240
    Not ridiculous, just large. And proclaim we satisfied his wife in ways he never could have.

    Man, why is this bridge swaying? Fuckin' bridges. Fly to the top of the central tower, ignore bridge.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:47 No.14282275
    Start singing Roxanne
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:49 No.14282294
    We're a goddamn wizard. We don't need to magically enlarge our penis. The slightly above average one we we built with works just fine. It's the magic we channel THROUGH our penis that makes us worth 50 mortal men when it comes to satisfying a woman, or 25 women, simultaneously.

    I like turning the stone to glass, and I like flying over the bridge.

    But we need to get the party up here if they are going to see how awesome we are.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:55 No.14282359
    Just teleport them up here? Nah, that's...*hic*... Thas' borin'. Wer' gonna magic 'em up a chariot made of fire an'... *hic*... the melted down and ultra condenshed glass of 'ery liquor bottle 'er drained in anger or in sadness. And it'll be hauled by... *hic* two -- no, four great winged centauresses... WITH HUGE KNOCKERS!
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)01:56 No.14282368
         File1300427773.jpg-(76 KB, 550x367, booze-as-fuel_w2LSO_23302.jpg)
    76 KB
    You begin to levitate again, as you cross the bridge. Fuck walking, walking is for chumps. And people that can walk without falling down every ten steps. You realize the need for people to watch you drunkenly defeat the Dark Lord of evil, so you reach out with your mind. Your party members are no longer wearing their invisible clothing, they are instead wearing their spare clothing. And undergarments. You fix that, as you pull them through time and space, mind and soul, and teleport them into the room behind you. The one with vomit all over the walls and the unconscious soldiers covered in Vodka. You feel a swelling in your pants as you increase you penis to 15" long, and 8" in circumference. Perfect. As you near the halfway point, you begin to feel the need for some music. Singing a song you once heard at mage training, and turning all stone in the castle to glass, you fly across the bridge with increased speed. Flying towards the spire, you think to stop, but too late, and you hit the not clear glass doors to the spire. Up higher, far above, you can see Blackmoor running up the staircase, to the ritual room. You teleport your clothing onto Jaina's face as you pull off the doors with magic, and begin flying up the stairs, smashing your head a few times on a railing you fail to see. As you reach the summit of the spire, the ritual room, you finish singing, and teleport your bladed staff into your waiting hand. Blackmoor has his back against the wall, but is in full plate armor. A massive sword is in his hand, blue flames coming from its base to its point. He speaks with a much deeper, more evil voice.
    You throw a bottle of booze at him, and he swings his sword at it, slicing the bottle cleanly in half.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:56 No.14282369
    Agreed, get our party up here, especially Jainia. We want impress her (and the others) with how awesome we are.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:58 No.14282382
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:58 No.14282392
    cast Cock slap of death
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:59 No.14282395
    Haha! He hit the bottle of 151 with a flaming sword, now he is covered in fire!

    Intensify the heat from the burning booze to make him sink into the melty floor.

    When he's good and mired, piss on the molten glass to harden it around him, then turn it back to stone.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)01:59 No.14282396
    Revert to large but not ridiculous penis. Don't want to scare the ladies.

    Teleport our party up here to witness our glorious victory.

    Replace his greatsword with the dildo saddle and giggle at him, and ask him "Why're you such a fag? Huh? Huh? Playing with all those gay-boy toys."
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 03/18/11(Fri)01:59 No.14282397
    Your drunken stupor causes you to turn the booze from the broken bottle into Fluoroantimonic acid and it melts a hole straight through the sword.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:02 No.14282423
         File1300428136.jpg-(48 KB, 1218x877, Drunkenmage.jpg)
    48 KB
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 03/18/11(Fri)02:02 No.14282425
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:04 No.14282434
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:11 No.14282513
    We turn our 15" dick into adamantium and fence him with it.
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)02:17 No.14282564
         File1300429038.gif-(106 KB, 350x396, booze-shelf.gif)
    106 KB
    The booze from the bottle splatters all over his armor, and ignites as the flames touch it. Dark Lord Blackmoor, now covered it fire, lets out a scout and struggles to put it out, to no avail. You laugh your ass off as he screams fuck over and over, the heavy armor restricting his ability to move enough to pat the flames. Using a bit of magic, you increase the heat of the flames greatly, and his armor begins to glow with heat. You vomit some more on the floor, and accidentally alter the chemical composition of the booze. Transforming it to an extremely corrosive acid, his armor begins to dissolve as the fire goes out, as does his sword.
    >And now, Lord Blackadder...blackheart...black... wait...
    You try to remember his name as the acid gets through his now boiling hot armor, and begins melting his skin. He screams in agony, his flesh turning to goo, and after a few moments you hear no more sound from...
    >BLACKMOOR! That's what it was. Right. Oh, you're dead.
    Summoning forth a massive cock from the Netherworld, you slap his across the face with it, and dispel it. YOur party members are standing behind you, and as you turn, you transform the acid back into booze.
    >And that's how you
    You pause to belch
    >Kill an evildoer.
    They are still wearing their party hats, and their invisible clothes. You teleport a party hat onto you head as you dispel the magic on the castle, and have another drink from your Vodka. The glass becomes stone and obsidian again, and the skulls that line the walls turn back to skulls.

    You hear a noise behind you, and turn to see the armor glowing, infused with magic. It rises from the floor.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:19 No.14282582
    Turn ethereal and rape his soul.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:20 No.14282595
    Oh fuck it's Nightmare. Quickly! Splash booze/acid all over whatever the ritual thing is! If there isn't one, then just drop a giant mug upside down on his head.

    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:22 No.14282603
    Teleport Blackmoor's corpse and armor to the bottom of an infinite tequila bottle. Send the infinite tequila bottle into space. In another dimension.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:22 No.14282605
    Damn it, blackdick! I was about to get a piece of hot tiefling ass!

    Shoot out, like, a billion magic missiles since they hit stuff that's incorporeal. Make them form pictures on the way there, like Booze Dragons and hot tieflings.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:23 No.14282614
    Trap the spirit. In a jar. A magic jar, of some sort.
    Then -- fill the jar with booze, magically seal the jar so we don't end up trying to drink the contents, and proudly display it on a shelf somewhere.
    A pickled soul of evildoer should be a fine conversation piece, no?
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:24 No.14282623
    Oh god! Trap his soul in a bottle of booze, and make it so that he's constantly drunk. FOREVER.

    New best bro. Drunk all day, err' day.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:24 No.14282625
    Well that line just screams for a comeback. "Guess not... cause no body gets away with messing with me!
    Then transmute him into spirit-booze or something.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:26 No.14282638
    > infused with magic

    "And so" said the drunken wizard "I put on my wizard hat and robe on", and cast sphere of anihilation.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:26 No.14282640

    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:31 No.14282672
    Yes, this!
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:37 No.14282700
    Make him into a genie, and trap his ass into a vodka bottle Free drunken genie wishes!
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)02:41 No.14282717
         File1300430492.jpg-(115 KB, 800x448, booze-2.jpg)
    115 KB
    >Guess not, cause no body gets away with messing with we!
    Your party sighs, as does the suit of armor.
    >Shut up, that was really funny
    You say drunkenly. The suit of armor approaches, and the sword flies into it's hand from the ground. It spins the sword in an arc. "I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS." It gets closer, and closer, as your alcohol addled mind tries to think of what to do. Hmm. Your fellow party members take fighting stances, ready to fight to the death, as you stand there, thinking. Then you think of something. Throwing up from across the room onto the armor, you pull the remaining magic from the ritual room and turn ethereal, while firing off a salvo of millions of micro-magic-missiles. You mind aches from the strain, but it is quickly numbed by the booze, and the micro-magic-missiles hit the armor square in the chest, each one shaped into a naked tiefling being rammed in the ass. The armor flies across the room, and you run towards it, stumbling and half falling as you go. Your arms enter its torso, and with a good solid tug and a large amount of magic, you rip the soul from the metal. Pulling out your Vodka and holding it high in the air, you open in, and cast a spell. The soul, screaming, struggles to get away, but in vain. It is pulled in through the opening, and trapped in the bottle. Pounding against the enchanted glass, it consumes the magically created Vodka, and begins to calm down. It finally sinks to the bottom of the bottle, sedated, wasted, and trapped, for all time. The armor, no longer controlled, falls to the floor, dropping the melted sword. It impales the ground, and the obsidian ritual floor cracks. The ritual floor broken, the sword and armor dissolve into nothing, though the spirit remains trapped in the booze.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:44 No.14282733

    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:46 No.14282742
    Shake the bottle and say "I like my spirits shaken, not stirred"
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:46 No.14282746
    And now we make out with the tiefling.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:46 No.14282753
    Celebrate victory with tiefling chick. With sex
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:49 No.14282772
         File1300430978.jpg-(41 KB, 400x398, FUCK YEAH.jpg)
    41 KB
    I demand a part two.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:54 No.14282808
    And use the bottle as a dildo. Not that we need it to please a woman, no, this is for the sake of degrading Blackmoor.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)02:54 No.14282811
    Aw yeah, baby. Teleport Jaina and the next best looking female in the room to an inn for celebration. The others can loot the tower or whatever, we don't give a fuck.
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)03:09 No.14282948
         File1300432140.jpg-(198 KB, 1672x999, drugs1.jpg)
    198 KB
    Quipping a single one liner, you brush yourself off and dispel the etherealness. Jaina is standing idly nearby, somehow less drunk, and less angry. You approach her, drunkenly using magic to clean yourself further, and grab her by the waist, planting a single passionate kiss. She returns in kind, and as you make out the others look around awkwardly and leave. Opening a portal to the tower from before, you stumble through, still passionately holding Jaina. You both ascend the stairs to the former Dark Lord's chambers, and you toss her onto the bed. She sits up, and sees your cock. "This is going to hurt in the morning..."

    Rather than describe the scene, I have prepared a few quotes from Jaina:
    >Ow, shit, wrong hole!
    >What are you doing with that bottle?! Oh, shit!
    >Ah! Ah! Ah!
    >Oh gods.

    You awaken in bed, still drunk and drowsy as fuck. Light shines through the open window. Jaina struggles to stand nearby, trying to get dressed without falling down. The bottle sits a few feet away from you, on the bedside table. You try to get up, and fall out of bed, your face knocking the bottle onto the floor. It rolls towards the bed and into your hand.

    END PART 1

    Now, let's think of a cool name...

    What's your name, first post gets it. Joke posts will be disregarded.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:09 No.14282957
    Our name is Garth. Garth Gray.
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)03:11 No.14282972
    Sounds gay.

    Alright then.

    If you guys wanna archive, that's fine. Or not, whatever. I'll probably run another one, depends on if I still remember this in the morning.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:12 No.14282979
    Yakov Smirnoff
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:12 No.14282981
    I approve of this name.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:13 No.14282985
         File1300432392.jpg-(40 KB, 562x437, HA_HA_HA_OH_WOW.jpg)
    40 KB
    >Ow, shit, wrong hole
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:13 No.14282987
    Smeer Nof
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:16 No.14283008
    >What are you doing with that bottle

    That was the best part.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:20 No.14283037
         File1300432836.jpg-(29 KB, 360x286, Fuck-Yeah.jpg)
    29 KB
    >this thread
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)03:22 No.14283045
    Right, well, I'm not sure when I'll run this again. Maybe tomorrow night if I'm up to it.

    Anything you guys want to see in the next one? No guarantees, but I'm open to advice. Any at all.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:25 No.14283064
    Wild drunkness is awesome for boss fights, but hopefully we will be slightly less drunk when our life is not on the line.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:26 No.14283067

    More funny.

    More sex.

    More drunk.

    More magic.

    Laser lights.

    Fog machines.


    Final Destination.
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)03:29 No.14283077
    Right, tone it down a bit.

    What else?
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:31 No.14283085
    turn it up to 11 for something climactic
    >> BoozeHound !TB7zDnr.js 03/18/11(Fri)03:31 No.14283090
    Right, anything else?
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:32 No.14283091
    Unlimited Booze Works speech.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:33 No.14283098
    The weeaboo in me demands this.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:34 No.14283112
    Well, I assume we'll be getting information on our companions in due time. Other than that? Meh. You seem to be doing pretty well so far.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:37 No.14283126
    I am the booze of my staff
    Scotch is my body and vodka is my blood
    I have consumed over a thousand flasks
    Unknown to soberness
    Nor known to AA
    Have withstood hangovers to create many spells
    Yet these hands will never cast anything
    So as I drink, Unlimited Booze Works
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:38 No.14283131
    Fuck yeah.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:39 No.14283135
    This should summon a golem.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:40 No.14283142


    What if.

    We made a booze golem.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:41 No.14283148

    Or a tidal wave of booze. On fire.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:42 No.14283154
    We need to make a booze golem that is also on fire.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:44 No.14283169
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:47 No.14283184
    He hates him because the wizard drinks him a lot.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:49 No.14283196

    Jeffrey von Boozenheimer
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:51 No.14283218
    This...is the final boss of my Pathfinder learning campaign. I love you, /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:52 No.14283225
    Wouldn't a booze elemental be better? Just have to permanently enchant a tap with the gate spell, so we can have a walking barrel to the elemental plane of booze. We can set it on fire for good measure.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:53 No.14283236
    But then it would burn forever.


    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)03:55 No.14283249
    If only we could harness this energy for the greater WHY THE FUCK IS MY GLASS EMPTY
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)04:27 No.14283424
    Bumping for great justice.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)05:06 No.14283678
    This quest is awesome.

    Can't wait for the next one.
    >> Anonymous 03/18/11(Fri)06:03 No.14283915
    What if.

    We replaced our blood.

    With alcohol.

    Delete Post [File Only]
    Style [Yotsuba | Yotsuba B | Futaba | Burichan]