Posting mode: Reply
Password(Password used for file deletion)
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG
  • Maximum file size allowed is 3072 KB.
  • Images greater than 250x250 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • Read the rules and FAQ before posting.
  • ????????? - ??

  • File : 1299479373.jpg-(47 KB, 720x480, joker-1.jpg)
    47 KB Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:29 No.14156868  
    ITT: We evil

    A player didn't show up to our campaign tonight so I decided to roleplay his character a bit. Proceeded to buy up 20 orphans between the ages of 8 and 12. Purchased a leash that could fit all 20 of them. Removed their arms and their tongues. Convinced some higher personal of the local militia that they could use the children as "running bombs" to loosen up enemy formations; I call them 'rookies.' Make a net profit of 1,900 gold for all my trouble.

    Your stories?
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)01:30 No.14156874
    You're a terrible GM.

    Unless, of course, the player was already evil.

    In which case, you are a great GM.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:31 No.14156883
    I sincerely hope that would be his character's normal actions. Otherwise, you deserve to be punched in the face.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:33 No.14156903

    I wonder what the player does when he doesn't wan't to play like that.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:36 No.14156946
    I hope he kicks the GM in the balls.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:37 No.14156955

    It's an evil campaign where just about anything goes, so... yeah.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:38 No.14156959
    I can think of nothing wrong with this.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)01:39 No.14156980
    Ok, so the PC was EVIL.

    Then that's ok.

    You're a good GM, letting your players make money even when they aren't there.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:40 No.14156985
    If it's a evil campaign, it's not a half bad atrocity.

    Of course, considering the lack of training, these things will probably work just about as well as those Soviet anti-tank dogs.

    Which is also evil... Damn that's good
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:47 No.14157043

    Yes, the player is evil.

    The last time the player was present, he stopped by the local orphanage. Wouldn't say why he was there, just that he was "window shopping" which sounds a lot worse during the game session than in my retelling of events.

    I decided to bypass any campaign unpleasantness in his absence with orphan bombs. Now there are no more orphans in the campaign.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:48 No.14157055
    Best I can think of is running around the forests in Dwarf Fortress and ripping out eyeballs from rabbits and foxes.

    Also, killing an elf child by beating her to death wiith her own arm.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)01:48 No.14157060
    One can always make more orphans.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:49 No.14157068
         File1299480595.jpg-(12 KB, 320x180, AwesomeJimProfit33.jpg)
    12 KB
    Playing in a supposedly evil game right now. Feels bad man...

    >Healer doesn't know the first thing about evil. She was a former slave, and has the power to heal, so that's why she's in relatively good condition. (Physically anyway) Just does whatever others tell her to do. (Except for sex... ofcourse...) We saved her, so she's devoted to us. Even though we only saved her so we could have sex with her. This was the warblade's stupid idea. As why didn't we just buy her? Or better yet... take her and rape her?

    >Homebrew Warblade who's like E rated cartoon evil. Like stealing all the soap from a shop so everyone smells until new soap is made and everyone is massively uncomfortable from the odor. I give him props for creativity, but it's hardly evil and moreso just "pain in the ass". Is a homebrew warblade that learns double the maneuvers, can learn from any school, but can only use each maneuver or stance 1/day.

    >Druid is a radical primitivst who wants to burn down civilizations that do not appreciate nature enough. This tends to have him mostly pissed off at urban dwellings and people who carry around too much metal. Again, not really evil, just "radical".

    >Myself, the warlock. I lie, I cheat, I kill, I hold hostages, for money, glory, and revenge. Though I end up sounding like a cheesy villain anyway when my party deplores my actions and I have to justify what I do with "CAUSE I'M FUCKING EVIL!!!"
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:53 No.14157103
    Unrelated question, but relevant to evil:
    I was thinking of running a character who was a slave and killed the family that owned him to escape. Would that be NE or CE?
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:54 No.14157107


    Reminds me of...
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:58 No.14157147
    lol, sort of. Ever seen DBZ abridged? Good npcs we were fighting pulled something like that when their kid turned into a werewolf.

    >Remember Ickerus Gohan?

    *See a baby dragon frolicking, playing with gentle baby music, laughing... then all of a sudden scream and blow up*

    >HE did it!
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)01:58 No.14157148
    I chuckled.
    And it was an evil chuckle.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)02:05 No.14157225
    I find it a little ironic that the cha based warlock is the smartest one of the group and butt monkey, the warblade is creative, but hardly intelligent, and the druid is a crazed s.o.b, the healer doesn't sound like she should be wisdom or charisma based either.

    This is the problem with D&D. It should be a statless system so your abilities are relevant to how you play. Your warlock should be int based, the warblade should be cha based, the druid MAYBE remain wis based or cha based, depending on how you define zealotry.

    The healer... I don't know... she isn't particularly anything besides an excuse to keep your party alive. Maybe wis based sense she endured slavery.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)02:07 No.14157250
    The problem with being evil, is that all your friends are evil too.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)02:10 No.14157274

    Here's my story:
    Playing a Human Neutral Evil Factotum/Chameleon, optimized AS FUCK. Used a bunch of sourcebooks. I can cast 6th level spells from the Wizard and Cleric list and I'm level 15. I worship Zarus, Lawful Evil god of human superiority. My party is a group of mercenaries, working for a human empire. Early on, the GM told us that said empire was evil, which I supported. The rest of the party mas mostly neutral, with one chaotic neutral lol so random guy. But that was in character. Beside him, there was a Half-orc Monk, a halfling Ranger, a tiefling Archivist, and a elf lawful neutral Paladin variant. Yes, lawful neutral. She was the sort of "Whatever it takes" kind of paladin.

    Anyways, we're getting payed lots of money to sabotage the enemy army, and have been for quite a while. The Monk had donated most of his money, that which he didn't use on magic items anyways. The randumb rogue had built up a smuggling operation, along with the ranger. Most of the Archivist's money went to new spells. The paladin had financed some aid for her old homeland, which had fallen on hard times.

    I had, unknown to any of them, been skimming their money, silently taking over the ranger's and rogue's operation, setting up fake charities for the monk to donate to, and intercepting the charity missions to the elf Paladin's homeland. The Archivist I had no hold on, save for overcharging a bit on spells. All the while, I made a nice and big fortress in the mountains, where we based our operation.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)02:11 No.14157279

    They aren't really my friends.
    >> Inconspicuous Steve !!Yxt3tGtGN/W 03/07/11(Mon)02:19 No.14157369
         File1299482362.jpg-(34 KB, 350x310, 1250074491372.jpg)
    34 KB
    Oh, lord, I lol'd
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)02:25 No.14157431
    I was an evil Summoner in one of my friend's Pathfinder games. Ended up being the final boss

    The DM was letting me cast Corrupt Spells from The Book of Vile darkness, but he said if I cast too many I'd go insane (Code for: Don't abuse your god damn power)

    Anyways, in this game we're in charge of a small kingdom because we're all "retired adventurers" Anyways, I have a grand plan to become a Lich and turn all the inhabitants into undead. The DM let's me cast a plot powerful Evil Weather on the neighboring Elf Nation and then I forge a letter of help and have it "delivered" to the other PCs, they go and help fight the shambling mound swarm that is tearing the area apart.

    They get back to the city to find that I've turned everyone into sentient undead and myself into a Lich. One other PC that got on board was an Alchemist working for immortality.

    The PC's storm the castle, fight me, but I held back so they managed to win. Luckily, they couldn't find my phylactery and I hide out, waiting for the main characters to die of old age and reclaim the city (along with the alchemist), ready to spread undeath across the entire world.

    I might use him as a villain if I ever run a campaign, although he was mostly spreading undeath because it was more convenient for a country if they workers never needed to sleep and could have 100% food export.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)02:26 No.14157443
    So we get another contract. We're to raid a large city where refuges have been fleeing from the Empire. If possible, we are to take prisoners and deliver them to the Empire capital city. I hire some lower level mercenaries, about four hundred, and we march to the city. Along the way, the GM describes our surroundings changing, the land turning to desert, all life killed by the Empire. Occasionally, we pass a broken convoy, mummified bodies telling the tale of refuges dying in the desert, with no way of making it to safety, and nowhere else to go. I raid some supplies from the decaying wagons. As we get closer to the city, we start encountering groups of people, some human, some elven, some other things, all fleeing. The rest of the party ignores them, but my unit, moving slightly behind the party to pick up the rear, kills every group we pass, without the other party members noticing. Finally, we come to the city. Everyone is conflicted about this mission, most of the previous targets were only military. Civilians were something they never wanted to encounter. Well, I did, but the others didn't.

    So from a vantage point on a cliff, we can see ships leaving by the dozens, and more people coming in by the hundreds. I tell the party that my unit will attack from the west, to distract them, while they attack from the east. They agree, and we set off. I cast a few spells, buff up my unit, and with a bunch of great move silently checks I get close to the city without anyone noticing. My mercenaries, disguised as refuges, go right through the gates, and I scale the walls. Up top, I stealthily kill all the guards, and then close the gates. Then I move onto the next set of gates, and do the same. And again.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)02:30 No.14157470

    As long as they aren't Chaotic Evil it isn't much of a problem, and smart evil person should know that constant backstabbing will just end with you getting backstabbed too.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)02:33 No.14157502

    It could be either. Hell, you could probably run it as lawful too. Nothing unlawful about killing to escape slavery... imho anyways.

    In the end its whatever you want your character to be.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)02:35 No.14157525
    >>14157103 I was thinking of running a character who was a slave and killed the family that owned him to escape. Would that be NE or CE?

    Shit man, that could be any alignment.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)02:37 No.14157547
         File1299483471.jpg-(92 KB, 630x707, inigo.jpg)
    92 KB
    For everyone that enjoys evil, may I direct you towards the two "Blackguard's Daughter" threads on sup/tg/. In the first thread, a DM complains about a blackguard in his group that burned down a building with a bunch of elvin children in it (the group had been fighting their parents, a group of "evil" rebel elves). After berating the guy for complaining about an evil character doing evil things, they start a story about a REALLY evil blackguard and what he would do in that situation. Doesn't start getting good until about 1/6th of the way down.


    thread 2, apparently the same anons derail another thead about Blackguards (female ones this time) with the continuing story of the Blackguard's Daughter. Starts about 1/8th of the way through.


    Some of the writefaggotry isn't half bad.

    pic unrelated
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)02:46 No.14157634
    Now the whole west side of the city is blocked off, and I give the signal to my party. They storm the gates on the east side, and my unit down below starts breaking into houses, killing the people inside. The guards are all moving towards the east side, my party members making a lot more noise than I. I get off the walls, and go help my mercenaries, gathering hostages and dragging them out into the streets. Most of them are in chains soon enough, and we take them out of the single gate I left unlocked, half my mercenaries standing guard over them. Then we go back in, and gather more hostages, and bring them outside again. This continues while my party, with their own mercenaries, are fighting the guards, very well I might add. They're halfway to the center of the city, when I give the signal to retreat. Most of them have fallen anyways, the PCs only being kept alive through the efforts of the Archivist.

    Now, the plan was for them to go ahead of me, and fight anyone who tries to stop them. Clear a path. But so many of them are dead, that I and my mercenaries are forced to go ahead instead, along with the almost 1000 prisoners. This upsets me, but I realize I have no choice, and so we set off, communicating with multiple Sendings each day. When some of the prisoners pass out, we make their fellows carry them until they wake up, never slowing our pace. A few of the prisoners die, so we leave them in the desert, hiding them so the rest of the party doesn't see them.

    Eventually, we reach the capital city. Messaging the city guards, they open the gates for us, and we bring the prisoners to the slave market, as ordered. My fellow party members don't arrive until much later, after I gave away all 990-ish into a life of pain and degradation. I got my money, and the money of my party, and as per the norm, took all of the bonus for the captives for myself, in secret. Then I and my mercenaries march back into the desert to meet the party.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)02:48 No.14157653
    >Homebrew Warblade who's like E rated cartoon evil. Like stealing all the soap from a shop so everyone smells until new soap is made and everyone is massively uncomfortable from the odor. I give him props for creativity, but it's hardly evil and moreso just "pain in the ass". Is a homebrew warblade that learns double the maneuvers, can learn from any school, but can only use each maneuver or stance 1/day.

    That's like the coolest character ever.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)03:02 No.14157770
    As we approach, I scout out the area around the party. Only 100 mercenaries remain. Using disguise to make sure we went unrecognized, I used a few spells to render my party unconscious, and my unit attacked the now leaderless mercs. The fight was short and brutal, but by the end, I had fifty new slaves, and some loot I took from my party members. Then I left them in the desert with enough food and water to get back to the city.

    It's a week before I see my party again. They don't know who or what attacked them, but from the (fake) markings on the corpses, it must have been some kind of giant desert serpent. They have no magic items of any power now, they inform me sadly, and since they spent so much of their money, they can't get any more. I pause, acting like I'm thinking, and ask for a list of what was taken. I am provided with such a list, with a few items missing, of course, and tell them that while I can get all of the items for them, I can't just do so for free. They'll owe me the money, plus something extra, and they'll have to sign a contract of the most binding nature. If they violate said contract by not paying me back in the allotted time, then they legally become my property. This is not abnormal in the human empire, it being founded on such stupid laws, so they agree. A contract and a few days later, and I give them the gear they requested, carefully having gotten rid of any unique markings that might give me away. They are extremely grateful, and promise to repay me, in time. And they would. But not in the way they hoped.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:10 No.14157843

    The only rule I have when it comes to agreeing to contracts in game is to never sign anything that could turn me into a slave.

    I can't believe they signed it.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)03:12 No.14157862
    We go through a few more contracts, selected to be less evil to help the others feel more comfortable around me, and we make a bit of cash, half of which I take in secret, and another quarter which they pay to me to pay off their debt. The fortress in the mountains is expanded, and the ranger and rogue bring me into the fold on their smuggling operation, which I have in secret taken from them, only allowing them to control it at my pleasure. The underground passages that make it up are attached to the fortress. The operation smugglea materials out of the empire into other neighboring countries, where they are illegal. Then it smuggles their profits back into the country. My fortress therefore becomes a sort of bank for them, a place to hold their money. I charge them rent for the space they take up, and take my cut of the profits as normal, but they still have enough to make their payments on the magic items to me. Well, I can't have that, can I?

    Two hundred pounds of explosives later, and their operation is in shambles. Without a way to smuggle goods into other countries easily, they are forced to do it for lower profits and higher risks over land. For the next five weeks they slowly run out of saving, still making their payments to me. Then one of them comes to me with a request. They will turn over control of the operation to me, in exchange for their debt being payed in full. I tell them that their operation isn't worth half that much, and at most I'll cut their current debt by 3 7ths. They agree.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)03:13 No.14157868
    Well, they lost a ton of effectiveness without their items.

    But I thought it was unbelievable as well.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:26 No.14157968

    fucking tactical genius. I don't understand how other people fall for this kind of treachery.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:26 No.14157969
    So how'd it turn out?
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)03:28 No.14157983
    The Monk, Archivist, and Paladin have all been making their payments, taking riskier and more evil contracts to make ends meet. The Paladin is in danger of falling, but as she continues to send supplies to her homeland, she manages to stay in the light, at least partially. I call the group together, and tell them about a new contract I've found for all of us. We are going to meet up with a unit from the empire army, and assist them in conquering a fortress that has thus far resisted them. In confidence, I tell the rogue that we're actually supposed to kill the unit and conquer the fortress ourselves, and he'll be free of his debt to me if he helps me do it without the party finding out. The rogue agrees.

    We march across the desert, and meet up with the unit. They are camping nearby the fortress, and are to charge it in the morning. I and the unit Captain go to plan in private. Away from the 'undesirables'. In his tent, we sit among his bodyguards and discuss tactics, while the rogue assassinates all the guards outside. Then, I get the signal, a whistle outside the tent, and go into action. Enchanting all the bodyguards and the captain, I stab all of them to death with the rogue's stolen knife, and run outside. The rogue approaches me. Nobody can see us. Nobody will know.

    So I erase him memory of the past four days, and call for the guards, yelling about assassins killing the Captain. The rogue, not knowing where he is, or what's going on, sheaths the bloody knife I killed the Captain with, and goes to investigate just as the entire unit shows up. I stand back, as one of the soldiers sees the knife, and the rogue feigns innocence.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)03:35 No.14158038
    By now, the rest of the party is here, as are our mercenaries. Accusations are tossed around, and someone throws a punch. It swiftly devolves into an outright battle, my mercenaries protecting me and the rogue, and the rest of the party supporting the mercenaries while the rogue and I flee. The rogue breaks down as we exit the camp, not understanding what's going on. I tell him he called me to see something at the Captain's tent, and then blacked out for a moment. He realizes what 'he' did, and decides to turn himself in. But it is too late. All the soldiers are dead. I take the rogue aside, and tell him that he is going to die for what he did. The Captain was a noble, of high birth, and a friend of mine. But I can keep quiet. If he agrees to enact a certain clause in the contract, and serve me forevermore. After several hours of panicking and crying, he finally decides he has no option.

    I leave him, and silently mutter "One down, four to go."

    I tell the party that we are to continue the assault on the fort in the morning, despite this incident. We have made a grave mistake, and need to cover it up. The Paladin is on the brink of losing it, and falling into depression, but agrees, along with all the others. So the attack goes as planned. The rogue protects me as I stride across the plain, and we find ourselves on a cliffside path, with the fortress ahead and below, bending across the valley like a reversed arch. I cast fly, the Archivist casts something else, and we go down from the cliff and over the fortress wall. The guards inside, not seeing us, rush to the gate along the cliff as the rest of the party attacks.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:37 No.14158048
    >several hours of panicking and crying

    Wow. That's pathetic.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:39 No.14158056
    when you say in your party

    are you referring to other actual RL humans?
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:39 No.14158060

    Dude... This is the most brilliant thing I have read in a long time...
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:40 No.14158064
    He was either going to be a slave forever or die.

    What would you do if you had to chose?
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)03:40 No.14158068
    The PCs.

    I'm just trying to write this In Character.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:41 No.14158074
    Probably death, unless I trusted the guy enslaving me and was emotionally fucked up.

    Like, you know, the rogue.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:41 No.14158078

    Thats what makes this so brilliant... If this was my group one of them would have said "Kick him in the balls and run" then they would have all laughed about it for an hour and a half then gone to play computer... God I hate my friends sometimes...
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:43 No.14158092
    I know but you

    managing to roleplay all of this without the other roleplayers noticing? FFFFF tactical genius yo
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)03:44 No.14158094
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:46 No.14158106
    oh and massive props to what must be a dedicated and awesome rp'ing group of yours.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)03:52 No.14158153

    True, I guess some people just have a different mindset. I mean, in my mind someone even mentioning a contract is sketchy. It's common knowledge all Bureaucrats are Lawful Evil
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)03:54 No.14158160
    I was Neutral Evil, actually.

    Will continue now, was doing something.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)04:06 No.14158238
    We fly over the wall of the fortress, and land on the rooftop of the armory. There are no guards in sight, most of them running to the cliffside gate which by now has been broken through. My party and the mercenaries are making their way down a steep incline into the valley, fighting the guards along the way. So I climb into the armory through a hatch in the roof, and, floating upside down, wrap a length of wire around the neck of a person below. I float upwards, lifting her off the ground, and she gasps for air, before finally falling unconscious. The Archivist heals her after I explain that I intend to take prisoners, and we lock the elf soldier in the closet. I laugh a bit, rolling barrels of gunpowder into the street.

    The tiefling asks me what I'm doing, and I respond that I was just kidding about taking prisoners. She pauses, and helps me move more barrels into the street. Ahead, up the hill, the soldiers are being pushed back. Towards us. I grab the elf and leave the armory, and pour some extra powder on one of the gunpowder barrels.

    The soldiers get close just as I get out of range. A small and large fireball later, and not many are left. The others finish the survivors off. By now, it is midday. The rest of the day is spent hunting down anyone who did not fight with the soldiers. Also, we capture some cooks, who prepare dinner for the men as night falls.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:10 No.14158259

    I would have actually tried that, not as a joke response either. I'd rather be on the run for a month or two and hightail it out of the area than become a slave, even if it did risk death.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:13 No.14158280
    does the elf get intimate with the gunpowder?
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)04:27 No.14158395
    After a bit of private fun with the captured elf, I meet with the rest of the party to discuss our next step. We decide we need to move the bodies from the other camp, and place them here. Most of them will go by the buildings destroyed by the fireball, tragic victims of a suicide bombing by their defeated enemies. Into the night we work, myself using detect thoughts to scan the mercenaries for doubts. I find none, thankfully. Finally, by midnight, we finish. The soldiers, the captain, and the tents are all in one place, which we prompt set on fire. We leave the fortress, I again picking up the rear, along with some mercenaries, my new elf and the rogue. The tiefling gives me dirty looks, and a knowing frown. That wouldn't last for much longer.

    In our own camp, we sleep until dawn the next day. Then again, the party sets out, back to the fortress to receive our reward. Another two days pass under the blistering sun, going from mountain range to desert and back to mountain range again, trees giving way to sand giving way to trees. The mercenaries leave for the capital city, and I message the news of our success to the contractor. I arrange for my normal 50% fee to be delivered to the fortress through the now abandoned smuggling tunnels, and the rest by land. Then, I hear a screech. The tiefling has discovered my little gift to her. An extremely large loss of savings. All of it, in fact. While we were gone, my smugglers did a bit of work, breaking into her bank in the city and taking her money. It was sitting peacefully in my vault at the fortress by the time we got back. The others are all busy buying things in the city, so they don't see or hear me enter her room, and ask her what the matter is. They don't hear when she and I argue over the money she owes me, and they aren't there to hear her accuse me of raping the elf. Now. That was just unacceptable. Even if it was true.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:30 No.14158423
    Your character really was a bastard. I am impressed.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:31 No.14158431
    how does the GM let you do this?

    or rather where did you find such an awesome GM?
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)04:33 No.14158444
    I was the only Good PC in a previous game with the same players. Everyone else was a complete jackass in character, killing and murdering like nobody's business, while I was a Lawful Good Monk. So now it was my turn.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:39 No.14158480
    So they tried to be evil, and the GM had you teach them how to really do it?

    I think I love your GM.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:45 No.14158518
    I had a character dig a massive hole and kill ten thousand elves in horrible ways right in it. He used the now desecrated area to commit even more depraved acts (a common one involved drowning in rotting shit and blood) to the degree that it became known as the Ocean of Blood and eventually through sheer horror tore open a rift to a plane where there is only death and pain, sucking a world into torment and despair.
    It was a bet, see, from an akalich who was convinced it was impossible. It's not like it was HIS world, so it didn't count, see?
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)04:49 No.14158549
    I win initiative. So I cast Hold Person. She shouldn't have only put an 11 into wisdom. I carried her down the hall into my office, where we can talk in private. My office which was enchanted with a permanent anti-magic field. I bared the door to my office, tied her up, and changed my focus out of magic. Then I sat down in my nice leather chair, and we had a friendly chat. Well, not exactly friendly. She spat in my face a few times, and I punched her once or twice. But besides that, it was ok.

    Oh, yeah, and there was the whole finger breaking thing.

    But BESIDES that, it was a nice little chat. After a few hours, she just sort of sat there, not talking. She was breathing, of course, so I knew she wasn't dead. She just stopped responding to my questions. So I gave her an ultimatum. Since she couldn't pay up, she had to choose. She could willingly be my slave, and continue to do what she did best, without my interference. Or she could make me do some things I'd rather not do. She could continue to study and discover, or be worked halfway to death every day for the rest of her life.

    She chose the former. And so I sent her off with anti-magic shackles. To be branded. Like a cow. Bitch shouldn't have insulted me like that. The other party members returned. Two down, three to go.

    We spent the next two weeks at the fortress, the rogue managing the smuggling business, along with the ranger. The Archivist was a bit more humble around me. I even taught her a few tricks. Fun. The Monk and Paladin meditated most of the brief lull in the storm, trying to find solace in what they had done. The Paladin, of course, prayed day and night for forgiveness. And then I got another contract, and we were off again.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:50 No.14158555

    Well now I want to know how the story ends. I mean, I can guess, but I want the details.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)04:51 No.14158564
    Should be
    >solace from what they had done

    My bad.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:54 No.14158580
    >two down, three to go

    This is really Epic Level Evil you're doing.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:56 No.14158592
    God damn.

    Good show.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:56 No.14158596
    This... This isnt even Chaotic evil anymore...
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)04:57 No.14158601
    Nope, it's neutral evil.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:03 No.14158638
    If this is an elaborate Bel air, I'm going to be very upset.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:08 No.14158670

    I'm hoping your character gets some sort of comeuppance in the end. But I doubt it. I'm surprised none of the PCs attempted to flat-out kill you/poison you/stab you in the back, etc.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:11 No.14158685
    a dragon notices the gold
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:11 No.14158692
    Engineer Guy. You are my hero.

    Also someone should archive this shit
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:15 No.14158706

    That would be the DM doing it though.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)05:24 No.14158777
    This time, we were protecting a merchant convoy. Well, the party was. I was going to be busy with something else. Again, we hired mercenaries, and again we set off. Out of the forested mountains and into the desert. We used Sand Skimmers this time, literally boats that sailed over sand. That was a bit fun. Sailing on the ground. My Sand Skimmer, crewed by twenty mercenaries, and some cooks we took from the fortress we had destroyed only three weeks prior, broke off from the rest of the group as we neared the convoy. The party was to escort them to another point, about a week by Sand Skimmer. I had other plans. I sailed off into the desert, claiming that I would meet them at their destination. I wandered the desert for two days, until I reached the point I had chosen. You see, I actually owned the merchant convoy. And I had put out the contract. And I had intended for us to fail from the beginning. The merchant convoy had gone down into a canyon, and was just coming up as I reached it. The shanty I had made a week before was just nearby. As the party's boats cleared the canyon, and passed behind the sand dune, I lit the fuse, and the canyon exploded. Barrels of gunpowder in the walls collapsed them on top of the merchant convoy, killing dozens of people. As I leaped back onto my Sand Skimmer, and sailed back into the desert, I spotted the Rogue looking at me through a spyglass. I smiled and waved.

    We met at the rendezvous point. I did my best to look surprised when the Sand Skimmers sailed up without the merchant wagons. Heated words were exchanged. I blamed them for the loss of the convoy, and they claimed it was a trap. I told them to get bent, because they just lost the weight of their ships in gold. They told me to go fuck myself, and I told them they still owed me money. Punches were thrown. The Rogue stood in the background. I kicked them off my ship(s), and told them they could fucking walk if they felt that way.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:29 No.14158809
         File1299493763.jpg-(47 KB, 300x300, everyone.jpg)
    47 KB

    Nice trips
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:34 No.14158834
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)05:39 No.14158852
    The Paladin, ever the voice of reason, told us we could all talk this out, and asked to speak privately. In my office, aboard the ship, she sat in my chair, and told me she knew how horrible a person I was. She had long ago detected the evil within me, more powerful than any she had faced. She, who had fought demons and devils, and yet none of them had a heart as black as mine. I thanked her for the compliment. But flattery wouldn't get her anywhere. The Paladin said she knew I needed repayment, no matter how it came about. I wouldn't rest until I got my money's worth, which was, by the way, about 50%. Yes, she had known all along that I was taking the lion's share of the money. She hadn't said anything because 50% of something two hundred times the norm was something she was willing to give. And now she had come to me, to thank me. For showing her the way to true power. Cheating was the only way to get ahead, and selfishness was only way to stay ahead. She grinned.

    I cast detect evil. She shined as red as hell itself. She was a Blackguard. And a damned evil one too.

    Oh, how the mighty had fallen. And turned Lawful Evil. And started working for Asmodeus. And started dressing in black, and started threatening people more, and laughing as she killed people.

    How did I not see it before? I quietly cursed my inattentiveness to detail. Then she started talking again. She served a devil, and they were so gay for laws. She knew she had no way in hell of paying me back, especially not now that she had fucked up on the contract. Nobody would hire us for months. And even then only for low paying jobs. So she would stop trying, and do what the rogue had done. Yes, she knew about that too. Nice work, by the way. Oh, thank you, one does one's best.

    I laughed a bit. Then I walked out the door, laughing. She followed. I told the others that I was sorry for yelling, and they returned to the ships. We sailed back to the fortress.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/07/11(Mon)05:40 No.14158858

    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:41 No.14158860

    Totally submissive blackguard there, weaksauce on her part.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:41 No.14158861
    >she was a blackguard


    I bet she kills him later.

    Or they have violent hate sex.

    Maybe both.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:42 No.14158868
    It's totally a plot though.

    Maybe not.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:45 No.14158883
    I'm rather surprised at that too.
    I mean, if I had an evil PC who got tricked into a deal like that.. At the point where my PC realizes that it was all a set-up and he never really had much of chance to pay off the debt anyway he would find a way to either worm out of the contract by a loophole, or just murder you.
    If I can't do anything on my own, I would find someone who could and hire them to kill you.
    If I can't pay them right now, I'd rather be indebted to them. Chances are good that they aren't as good at plotting and twisting contracts as you, so either way I'm better off than before.
    I could possibly even hire them with promises of giving them YOUR money once you're gone.
    To any Evil person "death or slavery" only means "I'll work for you until you let your guard down, then you're dead and I'm free".

    A. Just because you legally own me does not mean I have to like you.
    B. Any "legal" contract is automatically trumped by illegal actions, such as a knife in the ribs.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:47 No.14158892

    It's gotta be a plot. Someone serving Asmodeus wouldn't let a contract get in their way. The contract just said he had to be paid back iirc, if she's clever she'd probably do something like kill him and then continue offering monetary sacrifices to his grave until she's paid it all back.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:53 No.14158929
         File1299495202.gif-(107 KB, 676x906, oots0011.gif)
    107 KB
    Belkar is the model of evil badassesness.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:55 No.14158939

    My guess is even as a lawful evil blackguard she's still lawful stupid about being completely lawful.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)05:56 No.14158941
    We sailed for three days, and returned to base. I was extremely happy, though I tried to act like I was still upset about the contract. Which didn't actually exist. But they didn't need to know that. The rogue was almost completely silent on the way back, only responding briefly when I spoke to him. Quite apart from his normal self.

    We pulling into the newly constructed sand skimmer dock, and walked down the heavily reinforced stone wall to the fortress. It is worth mentioning that by this time, we were level 17. I had just finished leveling up, taking all the right feats, and buying enough magic items to crush an elephant. I had optimized elegantly, as best I could, and now had gained what I always wanted more than anything. 9th level spell slots.

    The Archivist, Rogue, and Pala- I mean, BLACKGUARD, spoke frequently during this next few weeks, which disturbed me greatly. I acted like I was having difficulty finding contracts, and as a result the Ranger and Monk were having difficulty paying me. But they managed to keep their heads above water. Then, the Monk found his money missing. It wasn't my doing. How strange. The Ranger had less difficulty paying me back after that, and the Monk had to sell his magic items. But, oh no, they went missing too.

    Ok, that was me. But the money wasn't, I swear.

    So again I called someone to my office. The Monk. The other slaves were there too. I wanted to keep and eye on them. That turned out to be unwise.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:56 No.14158942

    If this is true she deserves everything that happens to her.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)05:57 No.14158946
    >turned out to be unwise

    You're gonna get raped
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:02 No.14158971
    > That turned out to be unwise.


    The plot thickens!
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:03 No.14158978
    A Slaneesh cultist that turned an entire Hive world level into Chaos-worshipping madmen with no breaks whatsoever, just so he could use him empathetic abilities to soak in all that anger, lust, pain, agony and fear.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:08 No.14159014
    I have to know what happens next with Engineer Guy's story. I HAVE TO KNOW.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)06:09 No.14159020
    I had the same little chat as I had with all the others. It was going well, at first. He tried to explain his inability to pay, and I countered that with not giving a shit. He owed me fucking money. And I would get my money's worth, one way or the other. Then, the Blackguard moved from behind me. She approached my desk. I turned around in time to see a plate mail fist come straight at me and knock me out of my chair. I managed to shit out 'What the fuck' before getting pulled off the ground and thrown out the door. She dumped the contents of a bag on the floor. It was the magic items I had stolen, the ones she had forgotten to include in the original list. She had found them the night before, in my bedroom, after I fell asleep. I should never have let her in there. Stupid mistake on my part. The other elf had shown her where it was, after some persuading. Fuck.

    According to the law, any person who enslaves another through unlawful means, and is proved as such, becomes that person's property. And I had done so to her. And the others, although there was no proof of that. The Ranger had heard the noise, and come running, just in time to hear me admit to my actions. He looked around, and as I got to my feet against the wall, the Blackguard explained it to him. The whole thing. What I had done, and how. Asmodeus had told her, after he saw what I was doing. Apparently he didn't like me very much. Dick.

    She drew her sword, and walked towards me, just as I began to cast one last spell. Hold Person, Mass.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)06:10 No.14159030
    >Managed to shit out

    Oh god.

    Should be shout out.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:11 No.14159039
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:12 No.14159043
    >Hold Person, Mass

    And then?
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:12 No.14159044

    Shoulda sold that shit off bro. Or you could claim you bought it from a fence. It still doesn't constitute solid proof, after all, and you were under no obligation to give them their shit if you bought it from someone else.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:12 No.14159045

    Dude you scare me so i'm not gunna risk pissing you off with a correction, shit out is perfectly fine...in fact its more than fine. Its now world canon. AND SOMEBODY ARCHIVE THIS
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:13 No.14159053
         File1299496404.jpg-(75 KB, 522x399, 008.jpg)
    75 KB
    >Hold Person... MASS!
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:13 No.14159056
    I'm going to bed. I can't stay up any later reading this stuff.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:13 No.14159057
    It's just something my buddy used to say.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)06:14 No.14159058
    I got cocky. Arrogant. I hadn't had my recommended intake of humble pie.

    I fucked up. A bunch of times.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:15 No.14159072
         File1299496557.jpg-(38 KB, 600x290, advice-from-dad_www-txt2pic-co(...).jpg)
    38 KB
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:16 No.14159074
    Hurry up Engineer Guy, I need to be up for work in 4 hours!
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:16 No.14159075
    And then? And then?
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:18 No.14159083
         File1299496692.jpg-(176 KB, 800x600, 1297464560515.jpg)
    176 KB
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:24 No.14159111
    I was liking this story until I realized he's the GM.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:25 No.14159117
    Eh, it's still a good story.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)06:25 No.14159121
    All of them stopped moving. I rushed towards the Paladin, grabbed her sword, and ran my ass off. I had, in fact, planned for this sort of thing, even though I didn't expect it to happen. I ran into the atrium, and pulled my head off my statue. A small gemstone was inside. I grabbed it, and put it in the fountain. The energies of the atrium began to flow forth, just as my former party ran into the room. They ran at me, realizing what I had done, and I ran out of the room. They reached the middle, as I turned the corner out the other side. Then, they disappeared, along with my dog, that had run to attack them. I slowly peeked my head around the corner into the atrium. The trap had worked perfectly. Portable Hole into a Bag of Holding, so simple yet so effective. I kicked a rock on the ground. Dammit. I had fucked up. Badly. But at least I was safe.

    A crash and a bang said differently. A tall devil stood before me. He addressed me by name, as my former party members appeared. He told me that I had shown great promise. I was, in fact, one of the greatest tacticians to ever exist. But now my actions had caught up with me. He was better. So he claimed. The others approached me, weapons drawn.


    I had one last trick up my sleeve.

    I spoke the word.

    And a Sphere of Annihilation appeared in the center of Asmodeus' torso.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:25 No.14159122
    Oh shit son, you just put the finger on it.

    I was wondering how the other PCs, at the table, were ignorant of this.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:26 No.14159126
    So... You think the Neutral Evil Human guy who's been handling everyone like small change is a DMPC?

    > ntlitinf believe.
    Well, yes, captcha, I believe it's a regular PC with a decent DM, that's all...
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)06:27 No.14159133
    I resent those accusations. I was not the GM. I just planned for shit really well.

    Also, the other players did known after the first three sessions, they just didn't metagame.

    I wasn't allowed to play evil characters after this, sadly.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:29 No.14159148
    >didn't metagame

    That's like saying you found a unicorn.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:29 No.14159151
    Someone should novelise this shit, the story is so full of turnovers and mindfucks
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:30 No.14159157
    I have a unicorn that goes into my backyard occasoinally, they aren't hard to find.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:30 No.14159161
    >Sphere of Annihilation: A sphere of annihilation is a globe of absolute blackness, a ball of nothingness 2 feet in diameter. The object is actually a hole in the continuity of the multiverse. Any matter that comes in contact with a sphere is instantly sucked into the void, gone, and utterly destroyed. Only the direct intervention of a deity can restore an annihilated character.

    So I can safely assume that you're playing in a setting where Asmodeus is just the Lord of the Ninth and not the Greater God of Sin, otherwise it would have no effect.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:30 No.14159165
    Still, the illusion of 'Real people, I was toying with REAL PEOPLE.' is gone now. I've manhandled my parties too, but it always cripples the game's fun-faction (I guess because I'm not sadistic/inefficient enough to draw out the lifesucking).

    Captcha: sseditiv maxfle

    I'm not THAT tired...
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:31 No.14159166
    >Sphere of Annihilation
    >Center of Asmodeus' torso

    So you were such an evil mastermind you beat the god of evil masterminds?

    That's pretty evil.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)06:33 No.14159183

    And Spheres of Annihilation have been made even more overpowered after some previous campaigns gone wrong. It involved me and some aqueducts.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:33 No.14159185

    No you are just bullshitting
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:33 No.14159188
    Shit's getting archived
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:35 No.14159202
    But how did you deal with the rest of your party?
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)06:36 No.14159212
    Everyone stopped in shock, as the Lord of the Nine was consumed by the Sphere. I looked at each of my party members. I started to grin. They frowned, and backed away. I walked forward, and suddenly.

    I felt something on my back.

    Pushing me.

    Into the Sphere.

    And that's how I died. That fucking elf soldier. God dammit.

    THE END.

    And no, I am not bullshitting you guys. That is how the campaign went down.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:37 No.14159215
    Well fuck.

    You got screwed.

    But it was a good end.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:37 No.14159219

    Okay...that was the DM being a dick I can tell...
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:38 No.14159222
    The elf soldier was Asmodeus, the other thing was an illusion.
    Either that or your DM could not into tactical genius.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:40 No.14159233

    I could believe anything you write. Really. Except the "no metagaming" part.
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)06:42 No.14159249
    In another campaign, an epic level one, both my former character and Asmodeus got resurrected by a beast from beyond time. Neutronium Golems were thrown around like M&Ms. Shit was pretty awesome.

    Shame I had to kill my former character though. Last I heard he was fighting Asmodeus for control of the Nine Hells.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:43 No.14159255
    >fighting for control of the Nine Hells


    Epic tale, bro.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:45 No.14159260
    That ending was both horrible and perfectly fitting.

    May he rest in peace in hell.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:46 No.14159266
    'No metagaming', that's the knife in my ribs right now.

    >feeding fungsam

    Captcha's talkin' to me bros.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:49 No.14159281
    I am going to use this in my next campaign.

    He will be an Overdeity of Planning and Evil

    What's his name?
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)06:50 No.14159285
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:54 No.14159306
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:54 No.14159312
    I've played in a few games where the group did a really, really good job of not meta-gaming.

    Also; If I were playing with Engineer Guy's character and was dumb enough to have signed such a contract, there would have been a conversation that started with some variant of "What's your net worth at the moment?"
    >> Engineer Guy 03/07/11(Mon)06:56 No.14159317
    Just so you guys know, I've only played Lawful Good characters since then.

    I happen to like Paladins.
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)06:57 No.14159323
    we're robbing a house when we suddenly find ourself in the bedroom of the merchant living there. he tries to crossbow me so I axe him to death and his wife runs out. the mage/thief, who was neutral something, runs after her and I go "QUICK STOP HER!" and generally stress him out so he uses burning hands, kills her and the children that were on their way into the room.
    I never let him hear the end of it
    >> Anonymous 03/07/11(Mon)07:02 No.14159345
    I'll stop ripping on your non/metagaming to post something thread-relevant;

    Me and another PC just put a whole family to 'sleep' with a spell, but since it was very, very short-lived we moved them to a closet and barricaded it, so they couldn't interrupt our looting (they ran the only caravan/transport business in a huge, arid desert, and we very rich.)

    Then, because we've got what we've come for and we can't leave them in a position to come a-lookin' for us, we set fire to the bedroom and leave.

    -five minutes later-

    '...We left those people in the closet!'
    '...Eh, no witnesses.'
    ''Atta boy.'

    Delete Post [File Only]
    Style [Yotsuba | Yotsuba B | Futaba | Burichan]