"Lola". My name is Lola.

Dicks

Alfons Dödel

rolled 13 = 13

Mohn Jadden of the AEIOU.

23:41:01

23:41:02

23:41:03

The SPEILEHALT MITGLIEDSCHAFT TATOO reads LOLA, and just above on your wrist your SUBTLY STYLISH WATCH ticks away the seconds in an agonizingly slow circuit.

You have two events of note occurring within the next twenty minutes: the aforementioned SPEILEHALT OPENING for the GASLIGHT midnight release, and the DISHEVELED, BEARDED MAN in front of you in line asking you for spare change.

He has asked you for spare change every thirty minutes since you got in line. Two days ago.

What do you do?

rolled 42 = 42

>>14065655
HE HAS INSULTED OUR HONOR AND FOR THIS HE MUST BE PUNISHED

Finally snap a vein
Make the most fuck-scary demon face you can
Roar like a mad beserker
"FOR THE LAST TIME. I. DO. NOT. HAVE. SPARE. CHANGE!"

>>14065655

Give spare change and propose to switch places in the line

Come to think of it, do we have any money at all? Are we sure?

23:41:17

23:41:19

23:41:20


>>14065686 HE HAS INSULTED OUR HONOR AND FOR THIS HE MUST BE PUNISHED

Indeed. You have been sitting next to him for the past two days, and he has not once commented on your SUBTLY STYLISH WATCH.

What is the point of wearing such a thing if nobody notices?

What if he had noticed? What if he noticed when you first got behind him in line? Maybe he has been ignoring your chronometric accessory for some UNFATHOMABLY SINISTER PURPOSE.

With what will you punish him with?

>>14065793
A life-size model of gary coleman

>>14065755 Come to think of it, do we have any money at all? Are we sure?

23:41:18

Of course you have the money. You pre-ordered the game off of the SPEILEHALT website and made sure to bring EXACT CHANGE, which came to $53.π.

>>14065815
We will give it to him as a gift, and like some kind of sinister garden gnome, no matter how hard he tries to get rid it of it, it will always haunt him. A perfect punishment.

. . . How exactly did we get a transcendental number as change? Especially a transcendental number with a positive integer part?

23:44:57

23:44:58

23:44:59

>>14065815 A life-size model of gary coleman
>>14065832 We will give it to him as a gift, and like some kind of sinister garden gnome, no matter how hard he tries to get rid it of it, it will always haunt him. A perfect punishment.

The DISHEVELED, BEARDED MAN asks gruffly, "do you have any spare change?" after producing and extruding a SMALL STEEL CUP.

You retrieve your GARY COLEMAN STATUE from your HAMMERRAUM and 'gift' it to him.

His expression freezes in shock, and his eyes affix themselves on the statue's own. Sweat starts to bead on his forhead, and his arms whip forward as if holding a rifle, and he twitches his index finger with abandon.

You have seen such reactions to your GARY COLEMAN STATUE before. The DISHEVELED, BEARDED MAN is obviously an EASTER ISLAND WAR VETERAN.

It was an obscure but long and bloody campaign.

"GARY'S GOT RON! GARY'S GOT RON! GOD DAMN LITTLE BASTARDS!" he shouts frantically.

rolled 77 = 77

>>14065885
Probably equivalent to one cent in their currency system. We must belong to a nation of engineers.

23:41:20

>>14065885 . . . How exactly did we get a transcendental number as change? Especially a transcendental number with a positive integer part?

You have an account at EMERSON-THOREAU MUTUAL, a respectable TRANSCENDENTALIST CREDIT UNION.

23:45:05

23:45:06

23:45:07

>>14065950

The EASTER ISLAND WAR VETERAN is occupied with his traumatizing flashback.

What do you do next?

Comfort the poor veteran: tell him he's home now, a hero.

I don't know if you're doing it on purpose or not, but for God's sake it's Spiel, not Speil.

23:45:24

23:45:25

23:45:26

>>14066043 Comfort the poor veteran: tell him he's home now, a hero.

You withdraw your GARY COLEMAN STATUE back into your HAMMERRAUM and wrap an arm around his shoulder. He shudders, tears streaking down his cheeks as you attempt to sooth him.

"You're home now. You're a hero."

His arms slump to his side and he seems to calm down.

"Right. A hero. Fuck, man."

He sniffles some snot back into his nasal cavity as he pulls out a pair of CHEAP WIRE-FRAME SUNGLASSES and puts them on.

"A hero," he says once more, turning his head towards you.

His face adopts a slightly resolute countenance, and you can see yourself in the glasses' reflective lenses.

What do you look like?

A ball of fiery red hair and glinting orange eyes confront the word before us.

>>14066166

Like this, to make the connection a little less direct.

>>14066220 Like this, to make the connection a little less direct.
>>14066201 A ball of fiery red hair and glinting orange eyes confront the word before us.

23:45:32

23:45:33

23:45:34

You behold your visage for a time.

What do you do next?

Resolve to stop taking drugs. Seriously, we need help.

23:59:57

23:59:58

23:59:59

You proceed to do nothing, waiting in your penultimate place as the seconds tick away. Your excitement, which had fueled you for the past 47:59 hours, has reached such an intensity that you completely ignore the creeping chill of this increasingly chilly February evening.

You look to the door, through the metal blinds and see a shadow block the light escaping from within, obviously a SPEILEHALT employee. There is a loud, buzzing klaxon and the SPEILEHALT MERCURY SIGN erupts if alphabetical blue-white light.

You hear minute but sturdy machinery click and grind in the door frame as it unlocks. The door slides open.

GASLIGHT awaits.

23:53:02

>>14066432 Resolve to stop taking drugs. Seriously, we need help.

You don't take drugs. Drugs are bad.

Mmmkay?

>>14066524
Enter.

00:00:01

00:00:02

00:00:03

>>14066562 Enter.

You enter the brightly-lit store following the EASTER ISLAND WAR VETERAN, who follows a SPEILEHALT EMPLOYEE to the counter.

The walls are adorned with an ample selection of VIDEO GAME DISPLAY CASES, large shelves with CONTEMPORARY GAME CONSOLES, and racks of VARIOUS ACCESSORIES.

The EASTER ISLAND WAR VETERAN shuffles up to the counter and lays down $53 and a π coin, and asks for his copy of GASLIGHT. The man at the counter retrieves a copy and hands it to the glasses-wearing hero, who thanks him and walks out.

As you step up to the counter, the SPEILEHALT EMPLOYEE looks over at your SUBTLY STYLISH WATCH and your bushy, flaming red hair.

"Damn girl, I really dig your style," he says in a manner that does not suggest irony.

You offer the arm with the SPEILEHALT MITGLIEDSCHAFT TATOO to the man at the counter. He scans with a barcode scanner while whistling and taking his sweet time admiring your chronometer.

"One copy of GASLIGHT coming right up. I figured there would have been more of a turnout considering the hype, but hey, fucking small towns, right?"

He hands you the the coveted case after you give him exact change.

You could almost scream. It is finally in your hands.

With this program, your wildest dreams could come true. Your darkest nightmares can become manifest. It feels as if electricity was coursing out of the simply designed plastic case and through your whole body.

What do you do?

Obviously we return home to our decadent and sinful nest, and play our vidya, optionally touching ourselves.

00:37:26

00:37:27

00:37:28

>>14067076 Obviously we return home to our decadent and sinful nest, and play our vidya, optionally touching ourselves.

You return to your DECADENT AND SINFUL NEST with all due haste by some means of conveyance, the nature of which is not elaborated upon because it is boring.

You jerk out your keys, fumble with the lock, and jump inside before slamming the door closed.

SIN CITY GRAPHIC NOVELS litter the floor of your DECADENT AND SINFUL NEST, broken by large islands of VELOUR-UPHOLSTERED FURNITURE. The walls are decorated in SIN CITY MOVIE POSTERS.

You go to your COMPUTER and begin installing the game, which while relatively quick, is still an intolerable amount of time.

You touch yourself in the meantime. Your chin is exceptionally tangible tonight. It is reassuringly palpable, as opposed to when you tried to touch your chin last VALENTINE'S DAY.

You shudder just thinking about it.

How embarrassing.

The program finishes installing, and you run the game.

00:55:05

00:55:06

00:55:07

>>14067236 cont.

The screen goes black after you doubleclick the GASLIGHT.EXE Shortcut.

____________________

GASLIGHT

(C) Sinneslöschen

>SET ANCHOR Y/N
>_
____________________

FUCK ANCHORS.
HELL NAH.

2.

00:55:09

00:55:08

00:55:07

>>14067484 FUCK ANCHORS.
HELL NAH.

____________________

>n

>ARE YOU SURE?

>fuck anchors, hell n

>HAHAHA THIS WILL BE AWESOME

>SELECT PANSPACE INTERFACE
>1. COMPUTER
>2. SUBTLY STYLISH WATCH
>3. GARY COLEMAN STATUE
>4. OTHER/SPECIFY

>_
____________________

4
MY TITS!

Uh, use the computer, brah. Don't want it getting out. Even if we do evidently want its babby.

2.
WHY HAVE A SUBTLY STYLISH WATCH IF ONLY TO TELL TIME?
WE CAN USE THE SUN FOR THAT.

00:55:07

00:55:08

00:55:09

>>14067586 2.

____________________

>2

>PANSPACE INTERFACE SET: SUBTLY STYLISH WATCH

>DAMN, NICE WATCH

>SET DISPLAY MODE
>1. HOLOGRAPHIC/TACTILE
>2. MAN-MACHINE INTERFACE
>3. OTHER/SPECIFY

>_

____________________

A blue, glowing wireframe rectangular box appears around your SUBTLY STYLISH WATCH, dismantling it right off of your wrist and suspending the components in the air.

Well there goes our watch. Aren't we glad we didn't tell it to use our tits? Let's go with holographic interface. Right after we make sure we're wearing good running shoes.

00:55:23

00:55:24

00:55:25


>>14067966 Well there goes our watch. Aren't we glad we didn't tell it to use our tits? Let's go with holographic interface. Right after we make sure we're wearing good running shoes.

You are indeed wearing your RUNNING SHOES. They are incredibly comfortable.

____________________

>1. holographic/tactile

>THIS WATCH IS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME


____________________

Lines of light appear to be cutting circuitry into the gears, supports, and panels of your SUBTLY STYLISH WATCH. The miniature laser show takes a about a minute to complete, and while you wait you suddenly remember that one day in fifth grade when you put an ABC GUM HAT on your hair, thinking that it was actually just a regular hat. All of your hair had to be cut off, prompting other children to call you very unflattering names throughout a good portion of middle school. To compensate, you now grow your blazing red hair out into a giant afro.

Your SUBTLY STYLISH PANSPACE INTERFACE, of SSPI is finished being modified, and reconstructs around your wrist. It looks just like it did before, except for having a small glowing button on the case.

>>14068131
PRESS THE BUTTON

>>14068166
PRESS THE BUTTON AND FINGER OUR CHIN.
YESSSSSS.

>>14068131 cont.

____________________

>NOW YOU'RE READY TO PLAY GASLIGHT.
>SELECT A REALM
>1.PATHOSPACE
>2.LOGOSPACE
>3.ETHOSPACE

>_
____________________

>>14068166
>>14068200

00:55:41

00:55:42

00:55:42

You PRESS THE BUTTON!!!!! A blue holographic screen appears above the watchface, with a matching holographic keyboard in front of it.

It has the same output as >>14068204

Ethospace. Please. Don't need no pain right now, and we don't need our cognitive faculties melting down our ears.

>>14068204
>>14068246
ETHOSPACE MOTHERFUCKER.

>>14068256
>>14068285

____________________

>NOW YOU'RE READY TO PLAY GASLIGHT.
>SELECT A REALM
>1.PATHOSPACE
>2.LOGOSPACE
>3.ETHOSPACE

>2.ethospace motherfucker

>YEAAAAAHHH BOYYYYY

>ETHOSPACE INFORMATION
>V.1.0
> (C) WHAT YOU CALL GOD
> PATHOSPACE>ETHOSPACE PERMEABILITY: 0.01%
> LOGOSPACE>ETHOSPACE PERMEABILITY: 0.01%
> ETHOSPACE>PATHOSPACE PERMEABILITY: VARIABLE ACCORDING TO DOMAIN
> ETHOSPACE>LOGOSPACE PERMEABILITY: VARIABLE ACCORDING TO DOMAIN

>_
____________________

>>14068411 cont.

What do you do>

Fondle chin and consider options carefully.

>>14068456
What... can we do...

>Masturbate

>>14068456

> /help DOMAIN

00:56:01

00:56:02

00:56:03

>>14068507 Fondle chin and consider options carefully.

Your chin is fondled as you consider your options carefully.

Yes, it is there, in all of its wonderful corporeality. You hope that it will never leave you again.

How could you ever live without your trusty chin?

>>14068613
>again

Our chin has left us before?

00:57:58

00:57:59

00:58:00

>>14068578
>>14068523

You type with one hand. Your curiosity and.. something else entirely are piqued.
____________________

>ETHOSPACE INFORMATION
>V.1.0
> (C) WHAT YOU CALL GOD
> PATHOSPACE>ETHOSPACE PERMEABILITY: 0.01%
> LOGOSPACE>ETHOSPACE PERMEABILITY: 0.01%
> ETHOSPACE>PATHOSPACE PERMEABILITY: VARIABLE ACCORDING TO DOMAIN
> ETHOSPACE>LOGOSPACE PERMEABILITY: VARIABLE ACCORDING TO DOMAIN

> /help domain

> THIS SCREEN ONLY ALLOWS YOU TO ADJUST INTERPSACE PERMEABILITY. YOU CAN NOT DIRECTLY MODIFY ETHOSPACE PARAMETERS, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS. THEN AGAIN< EVERYTHING YOU'RE GOING TO BE DOING WITH THIS GAME IS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS. HAVE FUN!

> MODIFY PERMEABILITY: mod <space> <+/- #%>
> EX: mod P>E +10%
____________________

>>14068729
mod P>E +9.09%
mod L>E +9.09%

I'm really digging your style, OP. No irony suggested. It's like playing the original Funcom HHGTTG text adventure.

>>14068729
type "have fun"
or "I want to have fun" until this I have any idea what's going on in this quest thread.

Loving this thread, OP. The semi-randomness of the setting and action kind of reminds me of Mark Leyner's books.

00:58:01

00:58:02

00:58:03

____________________

>mod P>E +9.09%
> P>E=9.10%
>mod L>E +9.09%
> L>E=9.10%

>ARE YOU SURE? YOU DIDN'T SPECIFY AN ANCHOR.

____________________

>>14068928
FUCK. ANCHORS.

START.

If we're gonna get shunted into etherspace we might want to set our GARY COLEMAN STATUE as an ANCHOR.
>set anchor gary_coleman_statue

>>14068953
SECONDED.

>>14068953 >set anchor gary_coleman_statue
>>14068948 FUCK. ANCHORS.

1d100 roll off.

>>14068953
I don't think you quite understand what's going on here. This is going to BE AWESOME. Does having a Gary Coleman statue as some sort of anchor the only purpose of which, I presume, is to make it easier to get out of the game sound awesome to you? Do you want to get scared of shit and go groping for your Gary Coleman statue so you can run away from the awesome game? FUCK YOU.

>setanchor Sandwich
>eat Sandwich
oops

>>14069025
FUCK ANCHOORS

>>14069025

Suitable music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tzer8ZCW-Ys

rolled 3 = 3

>>14069025
>>14069077
THIS TIME WITH DIIIIICE

rolled 52 = 52

>>14069025
Let's try this again, shall we?
FOR COLEMAN!

>>14069091
>>14069126
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFINE we can have a shitty Gary Coleman statue anchor, but if you use it to pussy out later I'm gonna come to your house and teleport your crotch into a volcano.

I assume the game lets us do that

rolled 3 = 3

gary coleman dice

rolled 87 = 87

>>14069091 FUCK ANCHOR: 3, odd
>>14069126 GARY COLEMAN ANCHOR: 52 even

Whatever I roll, I go with. Even/odd.

Shit just got ultra random. Prepare to affect the entire rest of the game.

rolled 97 = 97

00:58:04

00:58:05

00:58:06

____________________

>mod P>E +9.09%
> P>E=9.10%
>mod L>E +9.09%
> L>E=9.10%

>ARE YOU SURE? YOU DIDN'T SPECIFY AN ANCHOR.

>fuck anchors. start.

>OK. WHATEVER YOU SAY.

> P>E=9.10%
> L>E=9.10%
____________________

Nothing happens, so your thoughts drift to strapping, strong men massaging your intimate parts.

You fondle your chin with one hand while the other rests on the keyboard.

Wait.

Why is there still a hand in your pants?

You look at the hand that was on your chin. It is in front of you, and looks normal. You then look at the hand on your keyboard. Ditto.

You then look at the hand in your pants. You follow a monochromatic coat sleeve up and out, and next to you.

You find 9.1% of Marv, in all his rugged, brutish, virile black and white glory.

With 9.1% of his hand in 100% of your pants.

____________________
> P>E=9.10%
> L>E=9.10%

>YOU HAVE 314 NEW GASLIGHT PLAYER INSTANT MESSAGES

>THEY ARE ALL VERY ANGRY
____________________

>>14069344
THIS IS AWESOME

REPLY TO ALL MESSAGES WITH "FUCK YOU TOO" AND ASK MARV HOW HE'S DOING

And that's it for the immediate future folks. I have homeworks I HAVE to get done in T-5:49.

When I'm done with that, I'll get back on over here to keep playing.

Has anyone bothered to archive this?

>>14070732
I'm going to, once I can figure out how suptg's request interface works. Fucking tags, how do they work?

Bump.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

VOOOTE!

>Science dherm

Indeed, capcha!