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  • File : 1297805284.jpg-(109 KB, 600x402, road.jpg)
    109 KB Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:28 No.13913650  
    The year is 2027. Society has collapsed, food is rare, clean water rarer. Violent gangs of survivors roam the wasteland looting and pillaging... Cannibalism is common amongst these lowly scavengers. All you have to survive this harsh, ash-covered wasteland are the tattered clothes on your back, a single can of spam and this:


    A single piece of pre-fall technology, still working. What is it, and is it of any actual use?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:28 No.13913660
    >It's a skateboard that can only be operated by a trained professional! It is not suitable for children.
    Well shit
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:30 No.13913677
    >It's a samurai sword that keeps drinks cold, plays light music and displays a slideshow of pictures.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:30 No.13913682
    >It's a business card that produces hot tea or coffee and fits in your pocket.
    I am set. Fresh hot Tea and coffee, from a business card. I am set
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:31 No.13913687
    >It's a samurai sword that vibrates and is rustproof.
    Come at me bro.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:32 No.13913698
    It's a chocolate bar that can emulate a ZX Spectrum, doesn't need oiling and purifies water.

    well alrighty then
    >> Naggarothian !!0S4L3hs2lkr 02/15/11(Tue)16:32 No.13913700
         File1297805537.jpg-(154 KB, 526x336, WUT_for_the_WUT_god_by_WickedS(...).jpg)
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    >It's a samurai sword that's great for hammering in nails! It exists in five dimensions and detects evil.
    >> Tannu !t7WooWOOWo 02/15/11(Tue)16:32 No.13913704
    >It's a teddybear that provides an RSS feed! It feeds your pets and has a leopardskin print.
    Best fucking teddybear ever? I fucking want one.

    >It's a samurai sword that vibrates and is rustproof.
    So its handle has a stainless steel vibrator you can eject with a hidden switch, or something?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:32 No.13913706
    Oh fuck you
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:32 No.13913708
    long time ago in a galaxy far away
    >> DorfLord 02/15/11(Tue)16:33 No.13913714
    >It's a rubber fish that has a retro 70s design! It is monogrammed (up to three letters).

    Heirloom? Also, fuck that movie. Most depressing post-apocalyptica ever. And that's saying something.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:33 No.13913717
    >It's an ornately-engraved sphere that lasts forever! It can help you lose weight and squirts clouds of black ink.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:34 No.13913720
    >It's a stick of chewing gum that inflates balloons and keeps track of your personal calendar.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:34 No.13913722
    >It's a first-aid kit that's voice-activated and is made of rubber.

    I can work with this...
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:34 No.13913731
    >It's an alcoholic drink that improves blood clotting! It dissolves dirt and uses the Amazon API.

    ill be drunk atleast

    >flymence drough
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:34 No.13913733
    >It's a toaster that's programmed against harming humans, is smaller than a matchbox and can pick locks.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:34 No.13913734
    thats not a bad porno idea.... the quest of the vibrating katana
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:35 No.13913743
    It's a suppository! It makes money fast!
    >it better
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:35 No.13913745
    >It's a key-ring that's audible only to dogs, looks like a pot-plant and operates on a quantum level.

    ...What? I mean. What?
    >> Tannu !t7WooWOOWo 02/15/11(Tue)16:36 No.13913757
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    >it's like a normal telephone, but it can be used by the whole family!

    >industry ficlizu
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:36 No.13913759
    >It's a wrapping paper! It looks bigger than it really is!
    Well shit.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:38 No.13913780
    >It's an electric drill that operates on a quantum level and can move faster than the speed of light
    Do I need electricity?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:39 No.13913794
    >It's a breakfast cereal that's ideal for the kitchen!
    well shit
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:39 No.13913800
    >It's a fishpond that follows you around!
    Free water? Which I don't even have to carry!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:40 No.13913808
    >It's a marker pen that wears a waistcoat and tie, swears and produces hot tea or coffee.
    Awwww yeah
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:41 No.13913817
    >It's a waffle iron that gets +2 to kill undead, keeps your teeth clean and chirps and whistles.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:42 No.13913825
    >It's a handheld shoe-shiner that makes virtually no noise whatsoever! It can speak twelve languages.

    Well...At least my shoes are shiny.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:43 No.13913832
    >It's a rubber fish that detects background radiation! It loves you as a person and connects to the web.
    Awesome in a Post-Apocalyptic scenario
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:43 No.13913833
    Design #1518707041

    It's like a normal personal organiser, but it's perfectly safe to use.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:43 No.13913836
    >It's a suppository that spins about its axis, vibrates and is not suitable for children.

    Wha- really? What the hell man? What the hell?

    >Little hicuppr
    Just stop captcha. You do not need to name it.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:43 No.13913839
    >It's a piece of string that operates on a quantum level!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:43 No.13913840
    It's an artificial limb that hums incessantly! It can go from 0 to 60mph in three seconds and induces lucid dreaming.
    >mixed feelings
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:44 No.13913846
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    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:45 No.13913853
    >It's a unicycle that speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones and counts your loose change.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:45 No.13913856
    >It's like a normal contraceptive device, but it shoots laser beams.

    Why would you do such a thing?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:45 No.13913860
    You sir have just won post apocalypse.

    >It's a small plastic pyramid that can be controlled remotely and is transparent.
    Uh... I think I lost.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:45 No.13913861
    >It's a rocket launcher that dispenses tea or coffee, is twenty feet tall and explodes when dropped.
    Um. It's an exploding giant tea/coffee launcher?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:45 No.13913862
    >It's a T-shirt that doesn't take no for an answer, has velcro pads on the side and emits dangerous radiation.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:46 No.13913864
    >A toilet seat that folds out into a tent

    Actually, that's surprisingly practical, assuming it's a decent tent.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:46 No.13913867
    Design #2278136535

    >It's an answering machine that can heat a small house! It detects evil.

    Looks like I win. During the day I wander around, using it to avoid cannibals and those who would steal it, and when I find shelter for the night I have a heat source.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:47 No.13913875
    It's a bicycle that increases my sex appeal!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:47 No.13913877
    >It's a business card that purifies water, is built and maintained by tiny nano-robots and believes itself to be self-aware.
    Well, at least it's convenient.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:47 No.13913879
    >It's a razor that can be controlled remotely, freezes anything it touches and fetches help in the event of an emergency.
    The only weapon I'll ever need.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:47 No.13913883
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    >It's an armband that kills all known germs dead, kills ants and folds out into a tent.

    Awesome, this is insanely handy.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:48 No.13913890
    >It's a wireless network device that loves you as a person! It weighs anything you put on top of it.

    At least I won't be alone.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:48 No.13913891

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:48 No.13913894
    >It's a bicycle! It feeds your pets!

    Good for travel and I will befriend the lowly and diseased creatures of the land by way of my feeding bike. Soon the land will know my name for I am the beastmaster.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:49 No.13913902
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    >It's a business card that's only visible under ultraviolet light, fetches help in the event of an emergency and doesn't always work.
    It's 50/50, I pretty much can't see it but it fetches help but doesn't always work.

    Also captcha, what?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:49 No.13913905


    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:49 No.13913906
    >It's a blow-up doll that can bring down an elephant and catalogues its contents.

    Well, that sounds like it should come in handy
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:50 No.13913908
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    >Design #3963879027
    >It's a bar of soap! It will drive you insane!

    At least I'll be clean. For a while.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:50 No.13913916

    >Design #3352278362

    >It's a gas-mask that holds up to twenty cigarettes!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:50 No.13913917
    >It's a pair of trousers that runs on a single AA battery and tells you when people are lying

    Probably by bursting into flames, I suppose.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:50 No.13913918
    >It's a skateboard that can move faster than the speed of light!
    So, I'm just going to time travel. Later bitches!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:51 No.13913925
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    >It's a unicycle that sticks to the skin and cures all known illnesses.

    >mon visage quand
    >> SHAAAAARK !3ZN0/MaQ6c 02/15/11(Tue)16:51 No.13913926
    >It's like a normal breakfast cereal, but it's laced with vodka.

    Someone has to fund this.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:52 No.13913932
    >It's like a normal T-shirt, but it's better than the last one

    Well, that's nice
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:53 No.13913938
    >It's a jetpack that sings comical songs! It folds out into a tent.
    Holy shit! I've just won the wasteland.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:54 No.13913942
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    >It's a hole-punch that doubles as a chainsaw and detects police sonar.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:54 No.13913950
    >>It's a cardboard box that expands at the touch of a button! It induces lucid dreaming and doubles as a pager
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:54 No.13913957
    It's a robotic dog! It cuts through stone as if it were butter!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:55 No.13913967
    >It's a rubber fish that never gets tired, can move faster than the speed of light and is powered by clockwork.

    I shall fly into SPACE
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:55 No.13913968
    It's a sock that destroys household pests and walks on three mechanical legs.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:55 No.13913972
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    >mfw mon visage quand
    Also, it's a security camera that secretes a sticky glue and is slightly hallucinogenic!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:56 No.13913976
    >It's a TV remote control that sings comical songs and detects harmful gases.

    Well this kinda blo-
    >detects harmful gases.

    I'm good.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:56 No.13913978
    >It's a car that's made of solid gold! It can move faster than the speed of light and looks like a pot-plant.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:56 No.13913979
    Design #1962603724

    It's a shoe-shiner that flies like a rocket!

    What? I don't know of any object known as a shoe-shiner so I really don't know what this is. Can anyone explain? Whether it's useful or not is really something I can't determine right now.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:56 No.13913983
    >It's like a normal armband, but it can be used as a metal detector.
    A metal detector armband?

    That's... actually pretty handy. Assuming I'll be doing some scavenging myself.
    >> failchan 02/15/11(Tue)16:56 No.13913984
    rolled 1 = 1

    Design #2450021919

    It's a wristwatch that's bigger on the inside than the outside! It purifies water and kills ants.

    Well, I, um... guess I'll never run out of drinking water. And dead ants.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:57 No.13913990
    >It's a sandwich-toaster that defies gravity, has adverts on the side and is bigger on the inside than the outside.

    is a deluxe model toaster capable of toasting even the tallest sandwhiches should come in handy hauling some of my stuff instead of a shopping cart and should make a hefty bludgeon should i need it
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:57 No.13913992
    >It's a fridge magnet that irons your shirts! It irons your shirts.
    Well, duh.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:57 No.13913993
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    >It's a contact lens that shoots laser beams and is also available in white.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:57 No.13913999
    >It's a football! It works in the rain!

    Wow. Great.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:58 No.13914003
    >It's a gas-mask that unblocks drains and is great for hammering in nails.


    >It's a pillow that loves you as a person! It is made of rubber.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:58 No.13914004
    >It's a normal postage stamp but it pings when ready.

    Erm. Ok.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:58 No.13914010
    It's obviously a brush with built in shoeshine dispenser. Useful for shining shoes.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:59 No.13914011
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    >It's a WAP device that blocks UV light, displays pornography and can be programmed to perform simple tasks.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:59 No.13914019
    >It's a penknife! It affixes to any flat surface!

    That's... er... real useful.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:59 No.13914022
    >It's a wristwatch that bounces up and down! It is slightly hallucinogenic and does away with household drudgery.

    So, I have a trippy watch that bounces around and I don't have to do boring housework?
    Can I have one now?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)16:59 No.13914023
    >It's a computer monitor that emits a constant high-frequency whine!

    I have one of these already. I'm using it now.
    >> Magic Fridge 02/15/11(Tue)17:00 No.13914029

    >It's a wafer-thin plastic sheet that moulds to fit its user, repels bees and connects to a microwave.

    Sounds like the perfect underwear to me. And repels bees! That´s always useful! Not sure about the microwave connectabillity though. Are there even microwaves still available for use?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:00 No.13914031
    >It's a deck of cards! It speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones!

    Hell yes
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:00 No.13914035
    Don't underestimate the importance of being able to get pure water. TONS of diseases are waterborne. Do you want to die of cholera?

    >It's a kettle! It is completely waterproof!

    I should think that would be an inherent trait of all kettles, really, but thanks for trying, I suppose?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:01 No.13914036
    >It's a window pane! It can play the trumpet!

    Those pre-fallers were pretty crazy.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:01 No.13914040
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    Design #2259029562

    It's a towel that tells you when people are lying!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:01 No.13914041
    >It's a robotic dog!
    >It moulds vegetables!

    but...we NEED what food we can get!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:01 No.13914042
    > It's a hairpiece that probably won't work
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:01 No.13914045
    >It's a mousemat that can play Mornington Crescent! It traps small animals and has an alarm setting.
    Nice. Free food, and depending on the ruleset, either hilarious fun or a reason for homicidal urges.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:01 No.13914049
    >It's a computer monitor that doesn't need batteries!

    Perfect! Now I can...

    >It runs on tapwater.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:02 No.13914055
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    >It's a first-aid kit that can cook small meals! It uses the Amazon API.

    >> Soleam 02/15/11(Tue)17:02 No.13914059
    >It's an ironing board that obeys simple instructions, can be controlled remotely and emits harmful gases.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:02 No.13914060
    >It's a fusebox that can be used to deter muggers!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:02 No.13914062
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    >It's a retinal implant that squirts clouds of black ink! It makes you invisible and runs on compressed air.

    I just won the apocalypse with my godlike pneumatic ink spraying eye.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:03 No.13914067
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    My face.

    >It's a necklace that's made of rubber!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:03 No.13914069
    It's a TV remote control that glows in the dark! It inflates balloons.
    There will be a market for something like this?!

    screw this Imma gonna go and eat children for as long as I can
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:04 No.13914072
    Design #3599955883

    It's a speaker system! It purifies water!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:04 No.13914075
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    >It's a human clone that helps around the home, costs less than a penny a day to run and increases your sex appeal.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:04 No.13914076
    >It's a shoe-shiner! It blocks UV light!

    Fuck you guys, you just left the scrap.
    Enjoy your skin cancer.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:04 No.13914080
    It's a greetings card that will drive you insane! It looks like a pot-plant.

    i wonder if it has one of those jiggles then it can also lure in victims.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:04 No.13914083
    >It's a sheet of paper! It contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica!

    Big paper or small font?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:05 No.13914086
    >It's an electronic implant that does the washing up and plays Nethack.
    Better than expected.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:05 No.13914087
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    >It's a towel! It keeps drinks cold!

    Fuck your shit, I'm prepared for ANYTHING.
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/15/11(Tue)17:05 No.13914090
    It's a robotic dog! It runs on six little wheels!

    squall whatever.jpg
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:05 No.13914091
    >It's a shoe-shiner that boosts self-confidence!

    It seems useless, but somehow I'm still feeling pretty positive about this. Plus, look at these shiny-ass shoes!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:06 No.13914102
    >It's a lunchbox that catches fire very easily, is invisible to the naked eye and can be controlled by willpower alone.
    What is this... I don't even...
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:06 No.13914103
    >>It's a featureless cube that knows your name! It destroys household pests and can be controlled by willpower alone.

    Not sure if win
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:06 No.13914106
    >It's like a normal chainsaw, but it self-replicates.

    Oh shit.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:06 No.13914107
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    >It's a rocket launcher! It recharges itself at night!
    >It's like a normal shoelace, but it can bring down an elephant.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:06 No.13914108
    It's a handgun that's not suitable for children, cannot be removed from your house and uses human blood for fuel.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:06 No.13914118

    >It's an electric drill that flashes at intervals! It makes popcorn and cannot be moved.
    >cannot be moved


    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:07 No.13914126
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    >It's a TV remote control that glows in the dark!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:07 No.13914127
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    >It's a pair of sunglasses that can only be operated by a trained professional!
    >> Daft Cog !!4vRgFSUBi6R 02/15/11(Tue)17:07 No.13914131
    >It's an airbag! It inflates into a dinghy!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:08 No.13914137
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    Design #1524427835

    It's a hat! It jumps like a frog!

    >> BROTOMAN !XdV5o13EfA 02/15/11(Tue)17:08 No.13914139
    It's a tricycle that squeaks, shoots laser beams and can go from 0 to 60mph in three seconds.

    Where's my bitches?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:09 No.13914149
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    >It's a hammer that can speak twelve languages, dissolves dirt and keeps food fresh for up to eight weeks.

    the fuck, I mean, its nice...

    but what the fuck
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:09 No.13914150
    >It's a robot that runs on a single AA battery! It wears a waistcoat and tie and can be controlled by willpower alone.

    Screw you guys. Jeeves and I will crush this world.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:09 No.13914151
    A laser printer that picks up litter and has room for a christmas tree inside

    With this I shall clean up the wastes! In a festive fashion!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:09 No.13914154
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    >Its a chainsaw. It plays a mean game of GO and can help you lose weight!

    All sugars have been removed. MANUALLY! WITH THIS!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:09 No.13914157
    >It's a recently discovered species of fish, but it's water resistant!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:10 No.13914161
    >It's a T-shirt that wears a waistcoat and tie and is water-resistant.

    I am set.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:10 No.13914170
    It's a blender that communicates with other copies of itself! It can be used as a metal detector and traps mice in a humane fashion.
    >trap mice in a humane fashion
    I.... what?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:10 No.13914175
    >>It's a strain of bacteria that dissolves in water, mimics its user and purifies water.

    Gent's I've just won the fucking wasteland
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:11 No.13914178
    I've frequently not been on boats.

    >It's like a normal riot shield, but it's two inches tall.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:12 No.13914201
    >It's a genetically-modified sheep! It is made of rubber!

    I shall buy my way into still intact New Zealand and live out the rest of my days in relative safety!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:13 No.13914204
    >Design #3143515008
    >It's a robotic dog that can pick up digital radio! It can move faster than the speed of light and detects background radiation.

    All of you are fucked when I come at you.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:13 No.13914207
    Design #4039180441

    It's a false moustache that rotates at high speed! It works at any altitude.

    everyone go home, i just won the universe.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:14 No.13914218
    It's a robot that's solar-powered! It never gets tired and kills all known germs dead.

    Sounds pretty good to me.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:15 No.13914231
    It's a rocket launcher that costs less than a penny a day to run and does the washing up.

    I am now awesome
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:17 No.13914242
    >It's a digital camera that won't make a hole in your wallet and displays pornography.

    I am set for LIFE!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:17 No.13914244
    Damn, I wish I had a helicopter mustache.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:17 No.13914245
    >It's a genetically-modified sheep! It loves you as a person!

    But I'm not Welsh...
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:17 No.13914246
    > It's a rubber fish that fetches sticks, chirps and whistles and automatically avoids obstacles.
    Welp. See you in the afterlife, boys.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:18 No.13914250
    >It's a knife that can be used by children!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:19 No.13914261
    >It's a chocolate bar that records everything you say and kills cockroaches.

    It's a bugged twinkie? Hm... maybe if the private investigator gets more clientele, it'll be useful.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:21 No.13914289
    >Design #1279221100

    >It's a bicycle that cuts through stone as if it were butter! It cures all known illnesses.

    Shit yeah! I bike to the nearest mountain, carve a fortress out of it, and make a living from the offerings people bring me for healing!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:22 No.13914292
    >It's a crematorium that crushes ice and believes itself to be self-aware.

    Okay so we just found this setting's villain
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:22 No.13914297
         File1297808550.jpg-(10 KB, 171x251, 1271563558944.jpg)
    10 KB
    >It's a chocolate bar that works in the opposite way to that which you'd expect and hovers.

    I have no idea what this means, but I'm a little scared of it.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:22 No.13914298
    >It's a tricycle that doesn't take no for an answer! It makes amusing belching noises.

    Oh god! Help me! I'm being raped by a belching tricycle! IT'S RAPING ME!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:22 No.13914302
    >It's a piece of string that will make your rubber fish obsolete and can heat a small house.

    HAHA, in your FACE!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:22 No.13914304
    >It's a knife that emits a constant high-frequency whine, is audible only to dogs and uses human blood for fuel.

    I... what...
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:23 No.13914320
    It's a towel that will drive you insane! It makes hilariously rude noises and is inflammable.

    Well, at least I've got my towel.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:23 No.13914323
    >It's an artificial limb! It can bring down an elephant!

    Punching raiders to death here I come.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:24 No.13914325
    >It's a breakfast cereal that disinfects work surfaces and sticks to the skin.
    well, at least i'll taste good when they eat me.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:24 No.13914328
    >It's a feather duster that shoots laser beams!
    hahaha Fuck all of you! I have a goddamn LASER DUSTER!!
    and it goes perfectly with my
    >featureless cube that detects evil and shoots laser beams.

    I am the laser king.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:24 No.13914331

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:24 No.13914334
    IN SOVIET RUSSIA, CHOCOLATE BAR EAT YOU! And it also hovers. You're pretty much fucked.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:25 No.13914336
    >It's a rocket launcher that plays the theme from Steptoe and Son and anticipates your every move.

    ... Dun dun, ta! Dun, dun ta! I got this, guys.
    >> Helix !3I4SJbCh8M 02/15/11(Tue)17:26 No.13914347
    >It's a screwdriver! It pushes things down staircases!

    ...Right on...
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:27 No.13914364
    Chocolate is known to produce certain neurochemicals that emulate feelings of love when consumed. I guess you have a hovering chocolate bar that makes you feel generally disgusted with things.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:28 No.13914371
    >It's a bicycle that cannot be removed from your house, doesn't always work and may have harmful side effects.

    This is fucking useless... and I don't even have a house!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:30 No.13914384
    >It's a unicycle! It works at any altitude!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:30 No.13914385
    >It's a contraceptive device! It contains alcohol!

    Fetal Alcohol syndrome, much?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:30 No.13914391
    >It's a pair of underpants that cuts through stone as if it were butter!
    Good lord.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:31 No.13914406
    >It's a deck of cards that looks like a fish, detects explosives and detects evil.

    ...Well, I'll be forewarned I guess. thanks to my fishdeck.

    >It's a briefcase that explodes when dropped! It stays exactly where you leave it and hums incessantly.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:31 No.13914409
    Nope, it just works at any height, that doesn't mean it flies.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:31 No.13914410
    It's a blow-up doll that anticipates your every move and makes popcorn.

    Bye women!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:32 No.13914425
    <Design #1182759659
    >It's an eraser that disinfects work surfaces and weighs anything you put on top of it.

    sounds vaugly usefull as firstaid supplies

    >Design #1429181157
    >It's a football! It fetches help in the event of an emergency!

    possibly useful bit it all depends on who it gets to help and how far away they are

    >Design #546581698
    >It's like a normal banner advert, but it hangs upside-down from the ceiling

    Well fuck. At least the water wont kill me.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:33 No.13914429

    Setting down and dropping are different actions.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:34 No.13914447
    >It's a bedside table that runs on a single AA battery! It sings comical songs and plays Nethack.

    How will I ever sleep again... *sob*
    Oh yeah, I could just toss it out the window.
    >> Naggarothian !!0S4L3hs2lkr 02/15/11(Tue)17:34 No.13914449
    Well, here I go again....
    >It's a unicycle that has sleek curves, fits in your pocket and jumps like a frog.
    This would be awesome, except that as far as I know, I cannot ride a unicycle for my life.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:35 No.13914453
    >It's a letter-opener that fits into the boot of a car and can be implanted into the arm.

    Hey guise, I'll be like captain hook except I'm captain letter-opener. No-one can beat me in this acopalyptic world where I will open every mail sent!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:35 No.13914454
    or take out the battery
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:36 No.13914466
    >It's a belt buckle! It blocks spam email!
    I can only assume I am destined to die
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:37 No.13914483
    Design #4029543920

    It's like a normal pogo stick, but it cuts through stone as if it were butter.

    That's right, me and my fellow pogo dwarves will delve deep, and create a new utopia under this wretched earth.

    >Nuclear uscas
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:39 No.13914498
    >It's a breathalyser! It catches fire very easily!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:41 No.13914515
    >It's a handgun that can speak French!
    Oh well thats fine and dandy. I have an annoying handgun.

    >It's a handgun that's better than the last one!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:41 No.13914516
    >It's a toaster that kills all known germs dead! It emits a constant high-frequency whine.

    HA! Hygiene is very important considering basic services are gone.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:41 No.13914526
         File1297809711.jpg-(48 KB, 632x467, 1290351654058.jpg)
    48 KB
    >It's a personal organiser that displays pornography!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:42 No.13914536
         File1297809740.jpg-(181 KB, 549x563, 1290460656967.jpg)
    181 KB
    >Design #32829859
    >It's a Christmas tree! It is made entirely of wood!
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)17:44 No.13914546
         File1297809896.jpg-(22 KB, 222x192, 1288474824149.jpg)
    22 KB
    So it's Hugh Heffner's PDA?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:45 No.13914552
    >It's a belt buckle that talks, plugs into the mains and fetches sticks.

    ... I'm going to be dragged crotch first after any sticks, aren't I?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:45 No.13914553
         File1297809930.jpg-(30 KB, 623x351, reaction.jpg)
    30 KB
    >It's a jetpack that speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones! It blocks spam email.
    shit just got awesome
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:47 No.13914573
    Design #3016758410

    It's a letter-opener! It cuts through stone as if it were butter!

    We letter opener dwarves will destroy your inferior stone cutting technology and create the true utopia.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:50 No.13914600
    meant to reply to >>13914483
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)17:50 No.13914604
         File1297810215.jpg-(69 KB, 563x587, 1297395801614.jpg)
    69 KB
    >The man-que-lator is a contact lens that probably won't work! It makes you invisible and emits a powerful searchlight beam.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:51 No.13914618
    It's a postage stamp! It squirts clouds of black ink!

    Well, I'm fucked.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)17:52 No.13914628
    It's a mobile phone that can run MAME roms and plays light music.

    Fucking hell yeah, I will conquer /v/!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:53 No.13914637
    >It's a car that comes with its own storage kennel! It is designed by Terence Conran and fetches sticks.

    So it's a dog... but it's a car? Awesome
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:53 No.13914644
    >Design #862781334
    >It's like a normal breathalyser, but it makes you invisible.

    So do I have to be drunk to turn invisible, or what.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:54 No.13914655
         File1297810466.png-(1.35 MB, 2137x1637, 1296084408876.png)
    1.35 MB
    >>It's a strain of bacteria! It never needs repairing!

    So some sort of a virus than can never be killed. It could be beneficial, maybe it boosts the immune system or it purifies water or makes gasoline out of shit but no matter what it's going to be festering around my body forever.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:54 No.13914659
    >It's a toilet seat that can be taken apart and reassembled in thirty seconds!
    So, a regular toilet seat?
    I'm gonna die.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:55 No.13914666
    >It's a vacuum cleaner that cleans itself! It has a mind of its own.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:55 No.13914670
    rolled 12 = 12

    >It's a key-ring that can cook small meals, is solar-powered and kills cockroaches.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:56 No.13914683
         File1297810579.png-(1.56 MB, 983x1073, 1287115239379.png)
    1.56 MB
    >It's like a normal golf club, but it never gets tired.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:56 No.13914693
         File1297810614.jpg-(36 KB, 576x389, Morelazer.jpg)
    36 KB
    >It is a piece of chewing gum! It shoots lasers!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:57 No.13914700
    >It's a suppository that encrypts all of its data! It lasts for up to a week and sticks to the skin.
    They want to find my encoder? Joke is on them, it fits well in my ass.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:59 No.13914719
    Wouldnt it be nice if a setting had a race with that kind of technology?

    Impressive but seemingly useless, superior yet weird as hell.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)17:59 No.13914723
    >It's a pudding that follows a target of your choice and communicates via Instant Messenger.

    Maybe I can sell it to the Inquisition.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:59 No.13914726
    >It's like a normal towel, but it's water-absorbent.
    ...Well, guess I've got nothing to worry about now.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)17:59 No.13914728
    It's a wastepaper basket that connects to a belt buckle, is built and maintained by tiny nano-robots and squirts water.

    If the water is fresh, then I am now the king of everything!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:00 No.13914738
    >It's an ornately-engraved sphere that picks up Radio Four, has a human brain inside and walks on three mechanical legs.
    Fuck yeah. Me and my cyborg buddy are gonna patrol the wasteland.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:01 No.13914749
         File1297810868.jpg-(33 KB, 781x572, 1293031569785.jpg)
    33 KB
    >It's an answering machine that emits dangerous radiation! It repels bees and has been featured in Star Trek.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:01 No.13914755
    this topic

    laughing so hard
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:01 No.13914756
    >>It's a bicycle that plays light music! It increases your sex appeal and dispenses pills.

    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:02 No.13914766
    >It's a games console that's rustproof, can move faster than the speed of light and pushes things down staircases.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:03 No.13914775
         File1297811010.png-(54 KB, 581x307, 1291219489549.png)
    54 KB
    >It's a pillow! It repels bees!
    I can finally sleep without fear.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:04 No.13914781
    >It's a pair of sunglasses that doubles as a laser-printer! It pings when it's ready.

    Wow, fuck, I hope it has a warning on it or something.

    Unless it shoots out the front, then I'll be all like BAHAHA I AM CYCLOPS
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:07 No.13914806
    >It's a security camera that receives data from any nearby suppository, sweeps away dust and will not work outside of the UK.

    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:08 No.13914822
         File1297811296.jpg-(6 KB, 251x168, 1261092952662.jpg)
    6 KB
    Oh...oh GOD, NO!
    >It's like a normal suppository, but it's actually just a solid block of plastic.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:08 No.13914831
    >It's a necklace that pings when it's ready and loves children.
    It's on load from Pedobear.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:09 No.13914840
    >It's a car that hovers three feet from the ground, loves children and can disable electrical hardware.
    Oh fuck yes.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:10 No.13914850
    Oh man, this is crazier than the 'terrible corssover fanfiction idea generator.'
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:10 No.13914857
    >It's an airbag that's biodegradable! It hovers three feet from the ground and hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:10 No.13914858
         File1297811455.jpg-(175 KB, 535x798, 1277012333283.jpg)
    175 KB
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:11 No.13914872
         File1297811491.jpg-(39 KB, 450x337, borat_great_success-450x337.jpg)
    39 KB
    It's a credit card! It makes you invisible!

    ..... I think I won.
    >> αlpharius 02/15/11(Tue)18:11 No.13914874
    rolled 18 = 18

    >It's a carpet that costs less than £20! It repels bees and shreds documents.
    Repels bees and shreds documents? For under £20?
    >> CA 02/15/11(Tue)18:11 No.13914879
         File1297811518.jpg-(28 KB, 320x240, 1240582754547.jpg)
    28 KB
    >It's like a pillow except it shoots laser beams.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:12 No.13914889
         File1297811578.jpg-(8 KB, 300x316, Tire.jpg)
    8 KB
    >It's a pillow that's made of rubber!
    >> Naggarothian !!0S4L3hs2lkr 02/15/11(Tue)18:13 No.13914897
    Alright, third time's the charm.....
    >It's a personal organiser! It is inflammable!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:13 No.13914900
    >It's like a normal credit card, but it has a built-in calculator.

    Well, at least the calculator will be useful in this post apocalyptic world.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:15 No.13914917
         File1297811710.png-(18 KB, 379x214, 1258722105217.png)
    18 KB
    >It's a shoe-shiner that makes virtually no noise whatsoever! It affixes to any flat surface and can pick locks.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:16 No.13914924
    >It's a blender that's made of rubber! It is made entirely of wood.

    ummm... what?
    >> I apologised on 4chan !!857o4GkKJgy 02/15/11(Tue)18:16 No.13914925
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:16 No.13914927
    >It's a T-shirt that destroys household pests! It works in the rain and speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones.

    I think I love it
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:16 No.13914929
    It's a cigarette lighter that counts your loose change! It wears a waistcoat and tie and can move faster than the speed of light.

    Styling on every single one of you.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:16 No.13914932
         File1297811794.jpg-(17 KB, 191x234, 1277014011731.jpg)
    17 KB
    >Warhammer 40K is like a normal briefcase, but it glows with an eerie green light.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:16 No.13914934
    It's a shoe-shiner that traps small animals, uses human blood for fuel and displays pornography.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:16 No.13914937
    >It's a fork that exists in five dimensions, soothes babies and removes stubborn stains.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:17 No.13914940
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:17 No.13914942
    >It's a bubble-car that emits a powerful searchlight beam! It is designed by Terence Conran and speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones.

    Oh hell yes, I have the post-apocalyptic Darth-car
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:18 No.13914955
         File1297811909.gif-(63 KB, 400x400, 1283623729086.gif)
    63 KB
    Oh my God.

    >The Drilldo is a chainsaw that speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones! It affixes to any flat surface and is used by the US military.

    Oh my GOD.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:18 No.13914956
         File1297811910.gif-(1.27 MB, 300x225, Data Rolls Them Bones.gif)
    1.27 MB
    Another lame thread with a randomized doodad to give you a silly item?
    >Reads replies
    Fine, I'll bite. Probably get something asinine.

    >It's a teddybear that cuts through stone as if it were butter, is powered by a single hamster and believes itself to be self-aware.

    A hamster-powered teddy golem with super cutting powers?

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:18 No.13914960
    >It's a beermat that can move faster than the speed of light! It is water-absorbent and rotates at high speed.

    Step 1: Place beermat into water until it can no longer absorb fluids.

    Step 2: Begin rotating beermat allowing it to reach >C velocities.

    Step 3: Water droplets begin being flung out at relativistic speeds, causing more damage than my puny mind can calculate.

    Step 4: ...I am become death destroyer of worlds...

    That or I have the most deadly coaster/ninja star ever beheld by man.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:20 No.13914984
    It's a beermat that connects to the Internet and produces pure oxygen.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:21 No.13914986
         File1297812071.jpg-(48 KB, 600x450, norm-475761d5ce3fc-James+Bond-(...).jpg)
    48 KB
    It's like a normal hat, but it cuts through stone as if it were butter.

    Seems that someone looted that 007 museum after the fall...
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:21 No.13914988
    >It's a car that's laced with vodka! It can be programmed to perform simple tasks and detects background radiation.

    So a normal ukranian car?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:21 No.13914990

    Paged drawfag to the above post, paging drawfag.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:21 No.13914991
    >It's a barcode reader that catalogues its contents!
    So basically I have a barcode reader.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:21 No.13914992
         File1297812086.jpg-(125 KB, 500x418, tech_priest_by_leofanta-d34ca0(...).jpg)
    125 KB
    Design #3370314474

    It's an artificial limb that can be programmed to perform simple tasks!

    01000111 01110010 01100101 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110011 01110101 01100011 01100011 01100101 01110011 01110011
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:22 No.13915002
    >It's like a normal hammer, but it shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger.
    Fuck yes, i'm set.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:22 No.13915004
         File1297812152.jpg-(48 KB, 448x473, 1291929954889.jpg)
    48 KB
    I'm stylin' on you ALL
    >It's a pair of sunglasses that soothes babies, flashes at intervals and can run MAME roms.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:22 No.13915010
    >It's a golf club that speaks randomly-generated sentences! It gets +2 to kill undead and moulds vegetables.
    I hope to god this is a zombie apocalypse
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:24 No.13915025
    >It's a blow-up doll that loves children, contains alcohol and detects evil.
    This...could be bad...
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:24 No.13915029
    >Design #1431859609
    >It's a blow-up doll that runs on tapwater! It automatically updates your weblog when used.

    Why would you do that?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:24 No.13915033
    >It's a riot shield that speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones and makes hilariously rude noises.

    I'm in love
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:24 No.13915038
    >It's a shoelace! It can bring down an elephant!
    I hope I'm in africa when shit goes down.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:25 No.13915040
    It's a golf club that wears a waistcoat and tie, speaks randomly-generated sentences and is made of solid gold.

    It's one hell of a stylish motherfucker, useless but with style.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:25 No.13915043
    >It's a stereo system! It has a million household uses!
    Awww yeah.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:25 No.13915051
    Blow-up doll-mind

    >It's like a normal rocket launcher, but it catches spiders.
    So, uh
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:25 No.13915054
    >It's a contact lens! It emits harmful gases!
    Maybe I can trick people into wearing it?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:26 No.13915069
    >It's a robot that's made of rubber and is made entirely of wood.

    I have paradox in my hands.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:26 No.13915075
    >It's a robotic dog that repairs itself! It catches fire very easily and is made of solid gold.
    Go, flaming golden robot dog! Destroy my enemies!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:28 No.13915093
    >It's like a normal towel, but it's transparent.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:28 No.13915099
    >It's a handgun! It displays pornography!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:29 No.13915109
    >It's a crematorium that traps small animals, displays a slideshow of pictures and runs on compressed air.

    Well at least I can use it to catch and cook my meals
    >> sage 02/15/11(Tue)18:29 No.13915112
    It's a hole-punch that uses human blood for fuel! It can play chess and is made of rubber.

    >> CA 02/15/11(Tue)18:29 No.13915115
         File1297812571.gif-(932 KB, 175x131, 1276989625874.gif)
    932 KB
    Okay trying this again
    >Its a pogo stick but it emits heat!
    ...now I have two.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:29 No.13915116
    >It's like a normal T-shirt, but it's invisible to the naked eye.
    I feel like harry potter
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:29 No.13915117
    >It's a bathtub that increases your sex appeal!

    Awww yeah
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:31 No.13915138
    >It's a postage stamp that's solar-powered, craves attention and purifies water.

    You jelly dehydratedfags?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:31 No.13915140
         File1297812678.png-(51 KB, 550x400, 1279070144998.png)
    51 KB
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:31 No.13915142
    >It's like a normal retinal implant, but it dispenses tea or coffee.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:32 No.13915156
    >It's a refrigerator that cannot be moved! It remembers all of its past actions.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:32 No.13915157
         File1297812762.jpg-(31 KB, 500x405, 1263437697810.jpg)
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    >This suggests otherwise, Boromir.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:33 No.13915169
    >It's a pair of underpants that squirts clouds of black ink!
    Now it'll constantly look like I shit myself
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:34 No.13915177
    >It's a CD-rom! It is actually just a solid block of plastic!
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:34 No.13915180
    >It's a suppository that has an alarm setting! It can speak twelve languages.
    Why do I keep getting suppositories
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:35 No.13915189
    >It's a bar of soap! It speaks randomly-generated sentences!
    Well this website is now obsolete...
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:35 No.13915192
    >It's like a normal artificial limb, but it defies gravity.
    You are all small time
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:36 No.13915207
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    >It's a newly-discovered breed of fish that feeds your pets! It is completely waterproof.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:37 No.13915212
    >It's a fizzy drink that crushes ice! It swears.
    That's awesome. Not so useful after the apocalypse though.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:38 No.13915226
    > It's a mobile phone that cures all known illnesses! It cuts through stone as if it were butter.

    Dude, that's fukken awesome!11
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:39 No.13915234
    >It's a shower head that waters your plants, hangs upside-down from the ceiling and produces hot tea or coffee.

    Mm, tea. On the other hand, pretty fucking useless for actually showering.

    >It's a cricket bat that cures all known illnesses!

    So I'm a TV evangelist. THWACK, "YOU ARE HEALED", move along.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:39 No.13915240
    Design #1101118069

    It's a suppository that has room for a riot shield inside and emits harmful gases.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:39 No.13915244
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    >It's a letterbox that plugs into your pudding!

    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:40 No.13915246
    >It's an explosive device! It has a million household uses!

    Cool beans
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:40 No.13915257
    > It's like a normal bathtub, but it can speak French.

    OH GOD NOOOO!!!!!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:42 No.13915280
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:42 No.13915284
    >It's a gas-mask! It has been blessed by a priest!


    >It's a shower head that produces pure oxygen! It costs less than £20 and unblocks drains.

    A bit of tinkering and no vile (or unholy) atmosphere is scary any more!
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:42 No.13915285
    >It's a handgun! It has velcro pads on the side!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:42 No.13915286
    >It's like a normal pair of trousers, but it doesn't need batteries.
    Thank god
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:42 No.13915289
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    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:43 No.13915293
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:43 No.13915294
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    >It's an electric drill that doesn't always work!

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:43 No.13915299
    >It's a pot plant. It kills cockroaches.

    Nice to have.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:43 No.13915302
    >It's a robotic dog that scares dogs and plays Nethack.

    Truly mans best friend.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:44 No.13915314
    >It's a CD-rom that has an on-board dictionary and keeps drinks cold.

    Great! If I had something that could read CDs, that is.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:45 No.13915325
    >It's a computer monitor that's slightly hallucinogenic! It floats in water and exists in five dimensions.
    >> Naggarothian !!0S4L3hs2lkr 02/15/11(Tue)18:45 No.13915326
    Butthurt weeaboo detected.

    Anyways, here's try #4....
    >It's a hair gel that exists in five dimensions! It can be used by several people at once.

    My sanity, I have lost it.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:45 No.13915328
    >It's a parachute that keeps you warm at night, is two inches tall and induces lucid dreaming.

    It might actually keep me sane!
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:46 No.13915335
    >It's a samurai sword that helps around the home!

    I AM Samurai Jack.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:46 No.13915344
    >It's a newspaper that makes virtually no noise whatsoever, catches fire very easily and folds out into a tent.
    I'll take 20
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:47 No.13915352
    Unfunny faggot detected.

    >It's like a normal human clone, but it rotates at high speed.
    How amusing!
    >> Cattra Kell !!QSvwrQMMkoH 02/15/11(Tue)18:47 No.13915355
    >It's a button-badge that bleeps when you whistle for it! It follows you around and traps mice in a humane fashion.

    Fuuuuuuuuck yes
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:49 No.13915368
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    >It's like a normal rocket launcher, but it improves upper-body muscle.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:50 No.13915380
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    >>It's a suppository that freezes anything it touches and doesn't take no for an answer.

    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:50 No.13915384
    >It's a business card that can disable electrical hardware, uses captured Martian technology and keeps drinks hot.
    I guess I'm part of the Brotherhood of Steel?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:50 No.13915392
    >It's a hammer that fetches sticks!

    I throw a stick at an enemy. Hilarity ensues.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:50 No.13915394
    >It's a hairpiece that looks like a pot-plant! It records everything you say and sounds better than it looks.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:51 No.13915404
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    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:52 No.13915406
    Fucking lol
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)18:54 No.13915437
    >It's a headband that's laced with vodka! It has sleek curves.

    Sexxxxy boy, come here~
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:55 No.13915450
    Design #2025531481

    It's a parachute that helps the medicine go down!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:57 No.13915474
    >>It's a contact lens! It destroys household pests!
    Hopefully by shooting bullets or rockets or lasers or something.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:58 No.13915501
    >It's a samurai sword that tells the time, detects harmful gases and catches small fish.

    I'll never run out of food, and I'll never be late! Great!
    Oh, and I'll warned that I'm dying. Even better.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)18:59 No.13915516
    >It's a retinal implant that plays the theme from Steptoe and Son and can bring down an elephant.
    So I get a massively powerful weapon built into my face at the cost of being annoyed? Im ok with this.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:01 No.13915536
    >It's a baseball cap that's smaller than a matchbox!

    Another time, baby.
    It was my destiny to die from the very start...
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:01 No.13915537
    >It's like a normal digital camera, but it's great for hammering nails!

    Great. I got a digital camera from 2001.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:02 No.13915561
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    >It's an artificial limb that's powered by clockwork! It obeys simple instructions and can be used in zero-gravity.

    pic related
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:02 No.13915565
    >It's a burger carton that stays sharp forever! It dehumidifies the air and can light cigarettes.

    lol wut
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:05 No.13915590
    >It's an alcoholic drink that's powered by clockwork! It contains alcohol and obeys simple instructions.

    Obviously I'm in the DF world after the end. The dorfs have made booze-mechanisms that can follow commands.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)19:05 No.13915600
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    >It's a burger carton that sweeps away dust, is twenty feet tall and shoots laser beams.

    Imagine. This thing...versus the A-Team.
    This is playing in the background.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:06 No.13915606
    It's a towel that dispenses tea or coffee, dissolves dirt and self-replicates.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:06 No.13915607
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    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:06 No.13915608
    fuck Holy Water... you can make HOLY AIR
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:07 No.13915624
    >It's a refrigerator that lasts forever, plays light music and is solar-powered.

    Wow, something that's actually useful. Now, how to move it...
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:09 No.13915645
    >It's a first-aid kit that's water-resistant! It loves you as a person.
    So, a fairly helpful Companion Cube. I could live with this.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:10 No.13915663
    How would a laser-printer be anything like Cyclops? Do you even know what a laser-printer is, bro?
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:11 No.13915668
    >It's a handheld feather duster that tastes delicious and keeps your teeth clean.
    Gonna have the shiniest teeth in the post apocalyptic world.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:12 No.13915671
    Reading this thread is a good abdominal workout.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)19:14 No.13915688

    I know, my cheeks hurt too.

    >It's a pair of sunglasses that emits thick black smoke! It can be used in zero-gravity.
    Awww hell
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:14 No.13915689
    It's a newly-discovered breed of fish that repairs itself! It runs on tapwater.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)19:15 No.13915698
    >It's a football that can pick up digital radio! It inflates into a dinghy.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:16 No.13915705
    >It's a sock that uses human blood for fuel!
    Blood for the blood god! Socks for the sock throne!
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)19:16 No.13915714
         File1297815406.gif-(268 KB, 300x315, 4YKSGBCLKDJWX4KZBBTNMHM5L3EKQD(...).gif)
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    >It's a hammer that's only visible under ultraviolet light and comes with its own storage kennel.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:19 No.13915743
    It's a blow up doll that can light cigarettes and encrypts all it's data.

    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)19:19 No.13915748
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    You know, I almost think this should be archived, but the point of archival is to preserve things that will never happen again, and this is being done my a random generator that anyone can use whenever they want. Also,
    >It's a blow-up doll! It tastes delicious!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:21 No.13915772
    >It's a fork that connects to the web!

    Well, if I can find a fork-monitor cable, then I can access all the information I'll ever need.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:21 No.13915778
    >It's a false moustache that hangs upside-down from the ceiling, keeps your teeth clean and is powered by clockwork.

    I am ready for the end. But is the end ready for me?
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)19:21 No.13915785
    Oh dear
    >It's a pair of trousers that cuts through stone as if it were butter, tells you when it's ready and uses human blood for fuel.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:25 No.13915824
    Damnit, I'm laughing too hard. I grant you an hour or two.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:25 No.13915827
    >It's a deck of cards that can be controlled by willpower alone, scans its user's fingerprints and folds away when not in use.
    I may not have won the post-apocalypse but I win every card game ever.
    >> Morrowindfag 02/15/11(Tue)19:27 No.13915841
    >It's a cardboard box that emits harmful gases, costs less than £20 and is made from recycled cardboard.

    YAY! A regular cardboard box full of shit.
    >> Morrowindfag 02/15/11(Tue)19:29 No.13915871
    second try:
    >It's an answering machine that flashes at intervals!

    ..oh joy
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:29 No.13915873
    >It's a DVD player that tastes delicious! It shoots laser beams and can be bolted onto an electronic implant.

    I just won the game
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:33 No.13915908
    >a belt buckle. It is two inches long/
    ..Well fuck!
    I demand a reroll!
    >It's a coffee cup! It keeps food warm!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:33 No.13915912
    >It's a glass bead that does exactly what it says on the tin and contains a tinier version of itself.

    oh joy I get the novelty item
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:35 No.13915930
    >It's like a normal shower head, but it hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet.

    so we know how the apocalypse happened

    rise of the shower heads
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:36 No.13915936
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    >It's a button-badge that quacks like a duck! It uses human blood for fuel and never gets tired.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:36 No.13915942
    >It's a briefcase that shoots laser beams, jams mobile phone frequencies and can be bolted onto a wrapping paper.

    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:40 No.13915973
    >It's an iMac! It costs less than £20!

    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)19:41 No.13915987
    >It's a blow-up doll! It increases your sex appeal!
    I thought it usually worked the other way.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:42 No.13916001
    >It's a lunchbox that turns your lights on and off and has a built-in motion sensor.

    Still screwed.
    Although it can make me a breakfast when I get up from my bed.

    >can entaxise
    nope, captcha, I can't entaxise it.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:43 No.13916012
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    >It's a pair of sunglasses that fits in your pocket! It has sleek curves.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:51 No.13916086
    >It's a sock that blocks UV light, can be used as a metal detector and can bring down an elephant.
    So apparently I can search for buried treasure, kick with unbelievable force and never have to worry about being sunburnt? I'm all set then.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)19:51 No.13916088
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    >It's a chainsaw that's voice-activated! It plays a selection of current chart hits and uses human blood for fuel.

    Sweet, I can listen to music and sing along while I gruesomely slaughter people!
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)20:01 No.13916186
    >It's a blow-up doll that helps around the home, sends and receives faxes and cures all known illnesses.

    Guess that could work.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)20:03 No.13916197
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    >It's a bracelet that expands at the touch of a button! It is perfectly safe to use.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)20:53 No.13916750
    >It's a suitcase! It knows what you want before you do!

    Welp, I win. I have the Luggage.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)21:01 No.13916861
    Bump. :3
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)21:04 No.13916899
    >It's a fridge magnet that can extinguish fires! It makes you invisible and makes popcorn.

    this.........could actually come in REALLY handy.
    >> Shas'o R'myr !!J5+vjygjQuK 02/15/11(Tue)21:10 No.13916954
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    >It's a rocket launcher that responds to temperature changes and defies gravity.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)21:11 No.13916970
    >It's a genetically-modified sheep that contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica, is used by the US military and plugs into your bracelet.

    This is insanely useful.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)21:13 No.13916997
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    >It's a blow-up doll that glows at night! It talks and has no sharp edges.

    At least when I'm lamenting my loneliness in the woods at night, all sorts of predators will be able to see exactly where I am.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)21:16 No.13917034
    >It's a gas-mask that has a human brain inside and can be assembled from common household parts.

    Quite useful.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)21:24 No.13917138
    Design #3733183013

    It's an alcoholic drink that shoots laser beams! It feeds your pets and detects evil.

    So...what happens if I drink it?

    >Hint: suiroce
    I don't know if I want to know what that might imply, captcha.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)21:32 No.13917231
    >It's a pair of shoes that detects background radiation! It inflates into a dinghy.
    Useful enough, I'd say.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)21:33 No.13917251
    >It's a glass bead that can run MAME roms, stays exactly where you leave it and obeys simple instructions.
    I can see the use in this.
    >> Someone else. 02/15/11(Tue)21:35 No.13917271
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    >It's like a normal penknife, but it keeps children amused.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)22:49 No.13918109
    >So much shit in this thread with lasers

    Simmons: How do we pay her, we don't even have any money. We don't even know what money is in the future.
    Grif: Yeah, they could have shells, or laser beams for currency.
    Simmons: Laser beams?
    Grif: Hyeah. That would be the coolest wallet ever.
    >> Anonymous 02/15/11(Tue)23:04 No.13918260
    >It's a games console! It kills all known germs dead!

    Well this should be quite helpful

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