Posting mode: Reply
Password(Password used for file deletion)
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG
  • Maximum file size allowed is 3072 KB.
  • Images greater than 250x250 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • Read the rules and FAQ before posting.
  • ????????? - ??

  • File : 1295276116.png-(118 KB, 877x1700, Veil.png)
    118 KB Humanity Fuck Yeah: OC Edition Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)09:55 No.13553131  
    Excerpts from: A Study of the Species of the Western Galactic Protectorate (Chapter 35: The Sun's Gone Dim) (English Edition) by Vunam Tar (367-present)

    Throughout the past few chapters of this account I’ve mostly focused on objectivity over an emotional examination of each species, going for the facts and figures rather than just speaking about the subjects. But, of course, the facts and figures about humanity have been repeated time and time again, for good reason. They are a fascinating people, unique but also alone. One of the most researched and least understood of all Western Protectorate species, I have no new theories about them to present here. Instead, I will simply settle for my personal opinion on them for those interested. If not, feel free to skip to the next chapter; you won’t miss much.
    Humanity is a unique species, in that they are the only species to completely decimate their home world. With a few exceptions caused by uncontrollable environmental factors, every other Western protectorate species still has an intact home world to call their own. Wars have never reached the point where home world destruction was necessary and pollution was always stopped before it could take a heavy toll.
    However studies into humans have shown that the Opirricatus Area, a section of the brain responsible for empathy – present in some form in all other Western Protectorate species – is severely underdeveloped in humans. Unlike me and almost everyone else, humans have a very hard time imagining how others will feel. It is believed that this explains the ruthless wars that were not rare parts of history – as with other races – but rather almost the entirety of human history.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)09:57 No.13553141
    This is also believed to explain the state of the human home world. Hundreds of years of pollution have rendered their home world, Earth, uninhabitable in its ‘natural’ state. The atmosphere is poisonous to every Western protectorate species in some form. It is corrosive to flesh and cloth products. Almost every other species has had this as a possible future at some point after their Industrial Revolution but their Opirricatus Area “kicked in” to halt the pollution out of concern for future generations. For a species without the Opirricatus Area though, the pollution and environmental degradation never stopped – to this day it still continues.
    But the humans haven’t left their planet. Even now Earth is a lively planet with a population rivalling the Western Protectorate Core World itself. Granted, the cities resemble a space-station more than a home, but to humans it is home. Ask any human and he’ll tell you the same thing:
    It might not be the best, but it’s ours and it’s all we’ve got. Right or wrong, good or bad, it’s home.
    In fact, I would go so far as to say there is some kind of unsettling pride about what they’ve done. Having visited the planet itself with a group of human friends I could almost see their faces light up as we came into sight of the planet. I could definitely feel their pride. As if they were all thinking such is the power of humanity. Look upon my works, ye Gods! For we are humanity and we shall do as we please with your creations.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)09:58 No.13553152
    But I think the saddest part of this is that the fate of Earth is being repeated over and over again on almost every human world. Mars, the planet they spent so much time and effort terraforming to become liveable, is already at Red-level air quality worldwide. The last level before black: uninhabitable. Hundreds of other pristine worlds are set to follow suit.
    A human scientist once said, after inventing a weapons of then-unbefore seen power, “Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds.”
    Well humanity has, but not in the way they expected.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)10:01 No.13553172
    I thought the Veil of madness gets continued. you brought my hopes up to ruthlessly crush them again
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)10:02 No.13553179
    Sorry. There is a continuation but I don't have it.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)10:07 No.13553216
    I know. I thought someone is writing part 3....

    alas this will have to do....
    >> Not a proffesional Writefag, but I got inspired Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)11:58 No.13553944
    "This district is downright infested with humans, kid. Watch your back."

    It was a typical ride-along. Officer Tsee-Tsee was working his regular beat with a new cadet. He had the reputation of being the guy who had seen it all. By some twist of fate or chance or perhaps an act of god, Tsee-Tsee had been on the scene when every major calamity had struck Station Seven. He had been here for the Pod Riots, the bombing of the Bourn Counting House, the blood feud between the Woolic Hive-Clans and so on and so on. The brass had thought that Cadet Drixus would learn quickly if he was around Tsee-Tsee.

    "Humans? Aren't those the tall bipeds that are everywhere on the leisure channels of the Hub? They just prance about in shiny garments and talk a lot. You've witnessed Chk'tar breeding frenzies and Gerdiscatonian blood rituals and I haven't heard a peep about me being careful around them."

    "Don't listen to that rusty, old relic Cadet," chimed in the third occupant of the security craft. Station security always worked in threes. Two biological officers and one digital intelligence in the craft's computer systems. Lots of species had converted themselves into artificial forms or had created sentient AIs before meeting up with the galactic community. All forms of intelligence were welcome and put to use. Nines was one of True AIs. "His synapses are crusting up. He's loosing the ability to make accurate threat assessments."

    "You think I'd still be working this shift if I wasn't up to standard? I've been part of this outfit for one hundred and thirty seven years and I haven't failed evaluation yet! Shut off your speakers before I flip that switch myself. Try to chart us a faster course on the NavSys. Keep yourself distracted. I'm trying to teach the cadet something."
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)11:58 No.13553950

    The hovercraft took a sudden sharp turn into a narrow tunnel. Station Seven was an old mining rig. It was honeycombed with unused channels cut through the rock just like this one. They only utilities these tunnels had were the barest of emergency lighting. Tsee-Tsee rattled his scalp frond in displeasure at the AI's stunt.

    "Humans," the senior officer began to explain, not letting himself be distracted,” are an odd bunch. I've never met one that wasn't some combination of greedy, violent and vain. You wouldn't think it to look at them but they were one of the species that nearly annihilated themselves back on their homeworld. Nuclear weapons in their case. Anyway, when they discovered the intergalactic community they thought they could just stride in boldly and would just be given an important position somewhere. A seat on the Wartime Management Council or League of Judges or something. It’s a big galaxy and the humans were only interested in taking what they wanted. They didn't realize they weren't making any friends and you need friends or you'll get chewed up and spit back out. Earth is the current vice capital in the galaxy and yet their government is still blustering about how they deserve some responsibility in how the galaxy is run."

    "There a point to this? Just sounds like more boring politics to me. I could log into the Hub and get twice my fill of that if I wanted to."
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)11:59 No.13553954

    "I'm getting to it you little grub. The point is that humans only have their own interests in mind. They don't even care that their homeworld has become such a dump. All they are interested in is carving out a little place for themselves. Not as a species. Individually. As soon as their world got linked up to the gate network, tens of millions of their kind downright fled their world. I've never seen a bigger exodus that wasn't caused by a looming extinction threat. They spread out to the far corners of the galaxy. They either embedded themselves into the societies of the core worlds or went off to carve themselves their own little empires out in the rim. The types of humans on the Leisure channels aren't the ones you have to worry about. They took their species natural strengths and put them towards useful channels. They took to the entertainment industry like a fish to water. The humans you do have to worry about are the ones in places like here. We're going to investigate a reported weapon discharge. They aren't going to see us as protectors of the peace. They are going to take a look at our uniforms and think that we are a threat to whatever they've managed to acquire. When investigating in a human community, you will be told fifteen different stories as to what happened. All to protect themselves and their things and not give a damn about the victims of the crime. By the time you get down all the stories they'll spin you'll be so befuddled that you won't know which way is up. Then some human thug will take advantage of it to try to club you to death and take your stuff."

    Tsee-Tsee let that sink in for a moment. Given his species, the cadet most likely never considered the possibility. Where he was from, the community would willingly give up any and all information they had to root out criminals so that those criminals would not later victimize them. As a species, his kind were incredibly simple.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)12:00 No.13553958

    Tsee-Tsee continued, "The humans have a saying. 'Hell is other people.' Its true. At least when those other people are human. Each and every one of them perpetrates small evils on each other every day. Its woven right into their genetic code. Their experiences on their homeworld taught them that everybody else is trying to take advantage of them some way. They think of it as a universal truth. They've got all the proof they need too, seeing as when given half the chance they'll perpetrate the same things on others that they are so afraid of having done to them. So keep a tight hold on your kit and be prepared to hear everything but the truth. We're here."
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)12:21 No.13554107
    I had the displeasure of reading a story written in the voice of an alien observer who was horrified by the use of carbon in human biology.

    Carbon is one of the most common elements in the universe. It's very reactive, can be put into stable forms, and can very easily and efficiently be used to store and release energy. If I was an intelligent creator of life, the first thing I would decide is that the fuckers are going to be made of carbon.

    I've recently started watching Star Trek, and that show has changed my mind. I now see that there is a way to accomplish HFY in a way that isn't childish or completely insipid. In that universe, humans are excelling not because they are mary sues, but because they never stopped trying to reach new heights. Humans aren't superior, there are a lot of races that wish for a brighter future. Humans might not be special, but we don't have to be special.

    All of the good that comes from HFY is really just optimistic fiction, so why not just expand the word humanity to mean a being that is hopeful? It would be a lot less self-righteous that way, and probably much more inspiring. Anything would be an improvement over "OMG THEY BREATH ROCKET FUEL HOLY SHIT HUMANS WIN."
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)12:36 No.13554213

    I see that there are two camps in the HFY threads. You have your pseudo-racist camp who create weak aliens to make human beings seem strong by comparison and then just have humans do what they do normally in the story. It just looks like humanity kicks SO MUCH ASS because all the other aliens are so pathetic by comparison.

    Then there's the camp that is almost the opposite that sees humans as almost the bad guys. They have us ruling the galaxy by the virtue that we are willing to commit atrocities on other species that the other species aren't willing to commit on us. We are strong because we are ruthless and horrible creatures like something out of 40k.

    You are never going to get Star Trek like HFY fiction because to the majority of people around here, us being the guys in charge because we are the fairest and the nicest and the most open minded is boring. We are the people who are so enamored by 40k, DnD and various other rpgs. The core of those games is to win by killing the other guy or to kill stuff, take its stuff and move on to the next thing to kill, kill it with the new stuff than take newer stuff to kill the guys with even better stuff. Its just not in the average fa/tg/uy's nature to like hopeful, enlightened or profound science fiction.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)12:42 No.13554258

    someone should post the 2nd part
    >> Harmless 01/17/11(Mon)12:50 No.13554296
    I disagree. I enjoyed the story, but I think there are areas where he could improve on, but can't we all?

    Keep writing writefags.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)12:57 No.13554324
    But I fucking love Star Trek.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)13:15 No.13554450
    >You are never going to get Star Trek like HFY fiction because to the majority of people around here, us being the guys in charge because we are the fairest and the nicest and the most open minded is boring.

    Do you know how hard it is to be principled in the face of the unknown? Star trek, at least from what I have seen, is not a depiction of how eager people are to hold hands and sing songs.

    If you have ever been a GM for a player that had a character with the alignment of chaotic-apathetic-stupid, you know how incredibly boring it is when the characters do not care about anything. Warhammer is somewhat silly because each faction treats the universe like a video game where they get points from frags. In my opinion, the threats of not surviving to carry on a hope for a better life, being consumed, or becoming just as bad as the enemy are not only far more menacing, but leads to the necessity of decisions that are profoundly difficult.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)13:41 No.13554684
    nice one.

    please develop, perhaps from different POV's xeno, of course and some incidents... all in a nice non-infodump way
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)13:57 No.13554814
    I wrote a story about how humanity integrated into the galactic community peacefully. They were wary of deception at first but slowly filled nieches where humans are good at. There's also surprisingly little violence and a sublte humor. The only time when a gun is drawn is when a salesman is confronted with ruin due to theft and almost makes a mistake he would have regretted later.

    I still have it saved in word and could post it, if you guys want me to.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)13:58 No.13554822
    yes do it
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:05 No.13554892
    Ok here goes.
    In the year of our lord 2018 the worldwide oil reserves began to run dry completely. The world slid downhill towards a great change. Many feared that a great war between the European Union, the people’s Republic of China, India, , Russia, Brazil and the United States would break out. The race to Mankinds last oil reserves began.

    In 2019 the last remaining oil was found and contested beneath the North Pole. The world was on the edge of its seat. Peaceful negotiations were slow and the worldwide community was shocked at the US landgrab of at least two thirds of the area. China and Russia reacted seperatedly, while India and the EU tried a more peaceful approach.

    In 2020 the human race was closer to its destruction than ever. Tensions between the various power blocks rose. Many countries had partially changed their traffic systems and private transportation methods to newer methods that no longer needed oil. But that was not yet enough. Oil was still an incredibly important resource for medicine production and various plastic items of high importance.

    At the end of 2020 the world held a razor at its throat and had one leg standing above the abyss. Tensions almost broke out to a world war when the worldwide economy struggled to change when the last drop of oil was spent. Food riots became more and more common, many smaller countries could no longer supply their populations with the needed amounds of food and other items necessary for life.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:06 No.13554900
    Shortly after new years eve of 2021 the world wide economy was at its knees. Many businesses relied on a complex network of other services to be able to function. It was a net of ropes tied together by thousands of knots. A few cut strands were no problem, but once the large tankers could no longer sail and the airplanes, cars and trains were unable to move due to a lack of fuel the entire network collapsed.

    Fortunately for humanity, the politicians of the various nations had a few safety measures to use. Some people had forseen this future and managed to make their voice known. The huge lobbies in the leading countries of the world, which had downplayed the facts for so long and spent billions on campaigns of misinformation were finally de-throned.

    Solar ships could provide transportation to a minimum of food harvested by raw manpower, animal workforce and other means, like steampowered tractors. Huge columns of workers stretched from one horizon to another to move sacks of grain. Many people left the cities and build small farmsteads, or started using parks and other free spaces to grow the food they needed.

    The available food was rationed very strictly. Many people of the first and second world were unused to such strict measures and such a lowered standard of living. But a world wide starvation was very narrowly avoided.

    One year later, in 2022, the world had managed to survive the end of the oil age, albeit narrowly. Other means of energy production and locomotion were finally brought to the masses.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:06 No.13554901
    Humanity managed to rebuild. The oil and all the things attached to it could not be replaced. But they could be bypassed. Their functions could be replaced. And that is what was done.

    The last remaining reserves of oil, which many countries had secretly built up, were used to fuel the machines that created their own replacements. Of course, these countries only grudgingly gave up their hidden treasures. Factories for synthetic fuels and oils were powered. They were only very few, and their production was small. But after a while these factories proved to be humanities way back to the sun.

    It was a snowball effect. A few factories produced enough synthetic fuel to keep themselves running when the oil ran out. These factories then produced enough to fuel the construction of more factories, and then again more, and so on.

    In 2024 the first permanent transportation line since the oil was built. Trucks and other vehicles that carried food and took the weight of transport off of humanities shoulders. Life was getting good again. There was, once again, enough food for all and the worldwide technological level began to rise back to former levels.

    But then the people asked: Since we can produce our fuel now instead of mining it, what should we do now? The answer was the following: Everything was made autarc. Every vehicle received a waterfusion cell, a lightpowered engine or similar means of easily refuelable locomotion. New ways of creating redundant energy sources were researched.

    At around 2029, the world was back to its former level of life. Worldwide communication worked again, and with it, worldwide diplomacy. Travelling from one continent to another was, once again, possible in less than a few days thanks to the first permanent flight line.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:07 No.13554910
    Humanity was back on track. In fact, it had improved. There was so much energy that required less effort to create than before. And with it, the people found more and better ways to use that energy to improve their lives. Humanity suddenly found itself with a lot of free time and a lot of momentum to use it for. The human race started working together more than ever, and that with better tools than ever. Man looked around themselves and thought: “What now? Whereto now? What do I have to do NOW to make sure my children will have a permanent place to live? With almost equal standards of life everywhere in the world and a much lower risk of war, what is left to achieve, to improve our lives?”

    And man looked upwards.

    In 2035 the first theoretically sound space elevator was developed. The materials that were necessary to build it, however, were discovered later, roughly around 2037.

    At 2038 the construction of that elevator began. It was completed 2041. The construction of the first permanent space station was completed a few years later. In 2053 the first spaceship, named “Union” was christened. The materials, technology and crew came from everywhere in the world. Russia, China, USA, Germany, Brazil, everyone had something to offer.

    In 2044, the Union established a small outpost on the moon and started looking for everything valuable. Materials that weren’t yet discovered or considered useless the last time man flew into space, were found. They were mined and sent back to earth on a big plate of plassteel with a solar engine attached to it. The second spaceship, christened “Arlesh”, started acting as a freighter between earth and moon. It was, essentially, a big plate of plassteel with a solar engine and a cockpit.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:08 No.13554914
    In the following ten years humanity created its first permanent colony on the moon and build a small automated mining settlement on mars. The huge distance could be travelled in a mere 19 days thanks to new engine technologies.

    Humanity had made it to the stars. And Man knew that he was no longer bound to Terra alone. The risk of the sudden death of the entire species because of a big asteroid or comet was no longer given. And so man thought: “Whereto now?”

    And man looked around himself.

    In 2059 the first permanent colony was established on mars. There was a permanent ferry to earth and back that flew every three months. Humanity was no longer bound to countries or even planets. Humanity was, finally, safe. If one planet died or was struck humanity as a whole would survive. It was beautiful.

    And humanity was finally, at least somewhat, safe from itself. Man learned how to live with his common brethren in a slightly more peaceful way and to work together. It was no longer as important where you were from as it was before the oil. Africa and other less developed countries were at the same levels of living quality and peace as the former first world countries. There were still occasional smaller skirmishes and wars, for water and other natural resources, but there were no more big clashes. And the various ideologies managed to exist more peacefully beside one another.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:08 No.13554919
    The Chinese Republic became more tolerant of individuality and became less oppressive and Israel and the near East managed to become to a slightly less violent area to live in. Extremist religions and views of the world became less rare and more controlled by law enforcement. The EU managed to connect all of its countries under one banner while still giving each country enough freedom to remain true to its history. Russia became more democratic and defended that reign of the people successfully from all people who tried to topple it again. The USA Managed to change its economic views to a more socially stable form of Capitalism and, while every citizen still had the right to own and bear arms, social problems and school shootings became less rare, as did the huge crime cartels in some cities.

    All in all, humanity had grown together more than before. It was still a bunch of people who would occasionally fight, murder or even wage wars, but it did so with more caution than before.

    And all of that because we managed to overcome a crisis together and learnt that we aren’t THAT different from each other. The world wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, crime still happened, wars still happened, bullshit still happened and moronic politicians still came to power, albeit less often. But it was better than before.

    So man asked himself: “Now that I conquered this planet, and settled on others, what now?”

    The answer took a whole 23 years, three more colonies and several established spacelines to arrive.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:11 No.13554940
         File1295291505.jpg-(282 KB, 465x743, faxe_breweryl.jpg)
    282 KB
    Due to technological progress humanity managed to make spaceflight a lot less harsh on the body and a lot more comfortable. The common man could finally fly in a spaceship just as an incredibly fit, very smart and highly trained individual could.

    And so, on the third march of 2082, Johannes Müller, crewman of third rank, said the first the thing an alien ever heard: “Hallo? Ist da jemand? Ist das scheiß-display wieder im Arsch oder was?“ Which roughly translates to: „Hello? Is someone there? Is the shit-display in the ass again or what?”

    Or course, the fourlegged and vaguely lobsterlike creatures perceived these words more as weird vibrations and less as coherent words. And to the man, who suddenly found himself in front of three strange creatures, which totally looked like the lobster he had for lunch this morning, their weird clicking of their sharp arms sounded rather frightening.

    This is why the first picture of a human in every piece of media created by aliens is always a shortgrown and rather frightened man in a flightsuit with a spanner in one hand a beercan in the other.

    Word of first contact was send back to the loading dock and then back to earth. It was later found out that a small group of Daal merchants flew along the planet on their travel to the capitol world of the X. They found a rather odd shape of metallic materials that moved towards the planet and another strange shape of metallic items. This was most odd for the Daal, who use organic spaceships and can live in the vacuum of space without problems, so they used a transportation system to, well, teleport themselves into that strange hunk of metal.

    This was the first contact with the race of humanity. And this is also the reason why every movie in alien medias that shows humans starts with a rather frightened man extending his shaky arm and offering three big spacelobsters a can of beer.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:14 No.13554968
         File1295291690.jpg-(46 KB, 400x400, frog clicker.jpg)
    46 KB
    None of the two groups knew what to do and thusly just looked at one another in silence. Johannes took a sip of his beer to calm his nerves and the Daal communicated with their captain by using clicking noises.

    One moment after this the Captain of the “DHM Rheingold” send an order over the ships intercom. This order was prepared for first contact and consisted of a nearby monitor screen showing various sorts of pictures from planet earth. It also played different sorts of noises, music and speech. The Daal recognised little and acted confused at first. But one thing caught their interest: A series of clicking noises that formed the speech of an African person and a short movie sequence of a big lobster opening and closing its claw.

    Upon realizing that the three creatures reacted to clicking noises Johannes drew a small item from one of his pouches. It was a small piece of synthplas in the shape of a small frog. It had two small straight pieces that were held shut by a spring. It was a gift from his brothers five year old son and was supposed to hold pieces of paper and a clipboard together. Opening the thing and letting it shut back together quickly created a clicking noise.

    The Daal realized that this weird short thing (Daal are typically up to 4 meters tall) infront of them was trying to speak to them. And Johannes Captain and assorted Crew realized that these things could understand something as long as it consisted of clicking.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:15 No.13554972
    It took the Daal and the human crewmen roughly two hours to teach one another a mixture of the morse alphabet (in clicking noises) and the Daal scissor language. The rough translation of the Daal’s first recorded message goes as following:

    “What is item in hand? Answer: A can of beer. What is can? Answer: A round metal. What is beer? Answer: Water in can. Can holds water? Answer: Yes.”

    And that is the reason why humanities first contact was a peaceful affair. This is also the reason why NagDaal, the Captain of the ship that made first contact, later became filthy rich by selling “Kaahns uof Bia” which were metallic items that held various fluids. To the Daal this was a strange and new way of transporting water since they used metal very rarely and relied on their shells.

    These “Kaahn”s revolutionized fluid transportation in the Daal Community.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:16 No.13554977
    The message of first contact was received with great delight. Humanity was not alone out there! The Daal started diplomatic relations with humanity. They used the Müller-Xhinyou-Stanley clicking language which was later patented. It turned out there was a quite big galaxy out there, waiting for humanity to come out and play.

    This the reason why all human children learn to speak to aliens by using a small plastic paperclip with a frog smily on it.

    There were various other races of the most diverse kinds, the very well known and mercantile X, the lobsterlike, organic and also mercantile Daal community, the Zuiergkn (there is no real translation into human words for their name but this is the closest we get) and many others.

    The Daal suggested to keep humanities existence a secret for at least a few years, to allow humanity to build up a warfleet just in case. There were several alien races with bad reputations of being rather aggressive. And the Daal, who smelled a very big business opportunity in humanity, didn’t want their newest discovery to be robbed and genocided by the more warlike species out there.

    In 2085 humanity had created a huge fleet of ships for transport, colonization and discovery. All of them were armed with the most modern weaponry humanity could build, buy from the Daal, or combine and reverse engineer. The Daal also supplied humanity with ships and hulls from some of the more warlike races. Of course, man did its best to disassemble, study, and then destroy them in test firings. The result was that humanity had fewer ships and planets than these warmongers but their quality was roughly even.

    Of course, humanity was careful. Never look a gifted horse in the mouth, and so on. Except for that humanity DID look into its mouth and looked for traps, hidden meanings, dangers, spying equipment and the like.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:17 No.13554987
         File1295291838.jpg-(90 KB, 744x481, xzibit-happy.jpg)
    90 KB
    The strangest thing to humanity was that the Daal didn’t want any resources, manpower or services for their merchandise. They wanted ideas. It later turned out that the Daal were not very good at innovating and creating new things that didn’t revolve around shells, clicks or shells that click.

    Humanity didn’t fully trust their new “friends” and was suspicious. They didn’t openly spy on their new trading partners since they had no idea of their capabilities and didn’t want to provoke anyone. It later turned out that their mistrust was unfounded as the Daal had no real concept of espionage or deceit. They were good merchants, sure, but that was basically it.

    They had the connections, the technology, the maps and the currency. Humanity had the ideas for new inventions. It was an odd partnership. A few humans were invited to go to the home planet of the Daal and see if they could find any new ideas for merchandise.

    Humanity found plenty.

    While the first few days were rather unproductive, the following months would prove to be quite lucrative. At first the Daal would dump a few shells on the island the humans had their camp on and say “What now?” and a human would say: “Yo dawg we heard you like shells, so we put some shells in your water so you can swim while you sit!.

    Of course, the flood of new inventions which brought the Daal a much higher trade revenue did not go unnoticed. The first things were rather Daal-like and thusly inconspicuous: Shells that hold water, Shells that hold this, Shells that hold that, Shells that, holy shit, hold other SHELLS inside them, such things.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:18 No.13555002
    The Manguls had a sinking suspicion that the newest wave of Daal products (Shells that hold metal, shells that act as a chair, twinlinked shells) were too strange for the Daal to think up. They were right, but they had no idea how far reaching the answer for their question would be.

    They put a few spying probes and drones onto a passing Daal ship that was about to go back to the Daal homeworld. They believed that the ship would buy wares from smugglers. The ship flew to humanities home system to take a few more specialists (basically telemarketers and product designers) to their home system.

    The Manguls send one of their scout ships to follow the Daal, stealthily of course. The ship arrived in the system, which was considered to be one of the most remote and hard to reach border systems ever, and snooped around.

    It was a weird system. At least weird for Daal standards. The ships were made of metal, the planets had huge spanning metal constructs (cities) and so on.

    But Humanity was prepared for just this occasion! They had a brilliant and cunning plan to coax any would be smuggler, thief or explorer into thinking this was just another Daal system: A message reached the Mangul vessel.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:20 No.13555018
         File1295292020.jpg-(35 KB, 453x364, Shelldealer.jpg)
    35 KB
    “On Screen.” The Captain saw a greedy looking Daal in some kind of cheap clothing. He had the most disgusting sneer and smirk ever.

    “Welcome to Shellton where we offer the newest Shells for your ship! Need a shell made of traditional shells? Seek no further! Need a shell made of several smaller shells? We’re here for you!”

    The Mangul captain sighed. Several dozen Daal ships made a beeline to his ship.

    “And I even got a special offer today, just for you! If you buy three shells today I’ll give you one of the Q3 series for FREE to sweeten the deal!”

    Several ships were flying in circles around him.

    “And on top of that you’re in luck today! Right now I got clearance to offer you the newest shmooziest high tech ever! Behold! The METAL Shell!”

    One of the ships broke formation and almost rammed his ship. It was the shittiest piece of shit he ever saw. It was a hunk of metal. It had the rough shape of a Daal mini-merchant class vessel. It was nearly useless in battle, slow, had a big cargo space and was thusly a prime target for pirates AND it was made of stinking metal.

    “METAL Shells! Just for you! This is the very first one that left our production lines! We actually wanted to keep this place secret until we’ve got more in stock but hey! The early bird catches the worm right?”

    The slower ships reached him as well. All of them flew in circles around him and opened up gunports and started blazing various kinds of visual commercials.
    “Get us out of here. Now.” He said slowly.

    “But Captain, our task is not complete!” The officer replied. Not fulfilling orders was bad in their navy. Letting a superior not fulfill his orders was even worse.


    The ship turned and started charging its engines.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:21 No.13555034
         File1295292093.jpg-(57 KB, 600x750, Captian's face when Shmallukke(...).jpg)
    57 KB
    “And on top of that, here’s a little secret! If you buy this beauty today I’ll even tell you the number of a friend’s friend who can make your head Shmallukken a full inch longer! Guaranteed! Fully natural! That’ll impress the navy personal at your court won’t it? Wink wink!”

    The ship fled the system. Somewhere another commanding officer and his XO sat in a bunker.

    “Canceling red alert. Reordering drones to drone bay five. They left. I had my doubts if it would work.” The XO spoke.

    “Oh come on! It worked just fine! Trust me, if you make your enemy think that you’re just another greedy asshole trying to scam him outta his money he won’t even bother shooting you.“

    “Oh.” The Xo replied with a surprised face.

    “By the way, what is a Shmallukken? The Daal reports on that race don’t mention anything like that.” The captian asked with a furred brow.

    “The fuck do I know? I just used a word for penis my three year old son used once.”

    “Oh.” It was the Captians turn to be surprised.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:22 No.13555036
         File1295292139.gif-(4 KB, 213x259, vertreter.gif)
    4 KB
    “In 2100 a human female stood infront of a Daal shell roughly the size of a football and said: “Why don’t we just put a bomb in it and send it somewhere?”

    The Daal appeared shocked. Why destroy such a beautiful shell. The woman just handed the shell to her coworker who put a hand grenade into it. Then he put it on a wooden desk in a nice living room. Then all three of them moved behind a wall of steeloglass and the woman pressed a big shiny red button. The shell blew up real nice, together with most of the puppets they set up.”

    “Click click?” The Daal asked. He whore a black suit around its body, with the neck where its head was peeking out of the shell (Daal heads are within the body and not away from it like with humans) and its scissors poking out of the suits arms.

    He basically looked like a walking fourlegged lobster in a nice suit with a tie. His human colleague wore the same outfit and held a small suitcase in his arms. They stood infront of a door.

    “Yeah they did that to see how IED’s would work against aliens. Bombs who look like harmless shells. You get a present out of your mailbox and open it. You say: “Oh how nice! A shell!” and then BOOM your head is gone!” The man exclaimed smiling while spreading his arms. Sometimes the humans scared AnakDaal.

    “And you know what? It totally worked against the Arkananians when they thought it was a cool idea to try and swallow our homeworld from the x-93 cluster. Direct jump, just a few hundred thousands kiloms out of our system. Well, there’s a reason we waited a couple more years until we revealed ourselves to the galaxy. We fucked up them so hard even their mothers orgasmed when they heard their kids got grounded hard.

    “Click click?” (What is “fucked”?)
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:24 No.13555049
         File1295292250.png-(178 KB, 330x497, I can make it bigger, all (...).png)
    178 KB
    “Oh yeah I keep forgetting that you don’t have that kind of reproduction. It’s a figure of speech. We didn’t kill ‘em or attack them. We didn’t have to. We send a quick message to the Galactic council and told them: “Hey, is it normal there’s so many angry ships coming at our homeplanet?” And they said: “No, not really. We handle this.” So they piss off an hour later and their whole system gets sanctioned like shit. Their leaders get sued for attempted genocide and their whole fleet disarmed. I mean, we’re just peaceful merchants and they got a nasty rep for swallowing young races. And the council just needed an excuse to finally get rid of them. Nowadays they can’t even leave their homeworld without a diplomatic escort watching over them. That’s what happens when you try to murder the new kid on the block who sells all kinds of shit to EVERYONE.”

    It was raining. AnakDaal liked the rain. It reminded him of home, of swimming in the ocean. He clicked the buzzer on the door again.

    “So they get forced to go back into their home system. And then the Wercheg think they can just annex the other guys territory. Cause its basically no longer owned by anyone right? No way! The council says “Fuck you” and sends their best people to stop that shit before it starts. You know what is the only thing that gets a Wercheg clan warrior to piss his pants? That’s right! LAWYERS! I mean, we had an overabundance of them earth so they just went into alien places, learned the laws and started kicking ass in court. It’s scary really.

    “Click? Click click zirp!” AnakDaal asked.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:25 No.13555062
         File1295292350.png-(308 KB, 453x484, Lawyers gonna law.png)
    308 KB
    “Lawyers are… guys who make sure the law doesn’t get fucked when you go to court. Someone breaks the law, you sue ‘em. And then that lawyer twists the law until you win. Simple, really. I mean, no, its not simple, it’s really complicated, but that’s what we’re good at. Not all of us, but some. And those few become Lawyers. But not just regular lawyers. Oh no, they become lawyers… IN SPACE!” His colleague extended his arms again and made that funny face once more. He liked doing that.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:26 No.13555067
    The door opened. They were finally let. It was a group of Akuntu, a race that had three legs and lived in houses. They build huge families (they literally build themselves, that’s how they reproduce) and live in huge houses. Everything was prepared. The human extended his hand and shook the Akuntu’s appendage.

    “Hello there! Maximilian Groß is my name, this here is my charming Daal partner AnakDaal. We heard you were interested in our newest line of shells with gems?”

    The Akuntu replied in its strange tongue. At least it was strange to AnakDaal. He had trouble understanding this vibrating speech the humans and Akuntu used. But he was learning quickly. He was nervous. It was his first actual selling visit. They were invited to enter. Max and the Akuntus exchanged gestures of greeting and sat down.

    “I’m terribly sorry. My friend Anak here is somewhat new to this whole thing. He hasn’t met any Al-Akuntu until now and doesn’t know the customs so well. Anak please be so kind and toss me my briefcase. You see, Anak has had a most unfortunate run-in with an X a few przks ago. One of his legs was hurt.”

    He got the hint. He’d forgotten to sit down. Breach of etiquette. Oh yes, insult the X. It was a most classical way to get an Akuntus sympathy. The two races didn’t like one another. They overlooked his little mistake.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:27 No.13555083
    Max started reaching around various shells with gemstones of every kind. Some of the shells were connected by strings and formed a so-called “necklace”. Appearantly the whole galaxy was crazy for this whole “jewellery” thing. Time went by quickly. They sold a good amount of various items to the people. AnakDaal was a bit confused that his partner wouldn’t offer the items right away but rather tell a bit about them, present them and then allow the people to pick them up, try them on and look at them at their pleasure. Another thing he found odd was that they talked so much. They talked about all sorts of things that weren’t related to the wares. And he just sat there and listened and smiled. Very odd.

    They were done and left. The human exhaled a great amount of air.

    “Click click sharpppp click?”

    “Oh… It’s called taking a breath. Us humans sometimes do that when we did a lot of work. You did good in there. Let’s get a drink, I know a good bar around the spaceport.”

    They walked to the spaceport which wasn’t far away. Max kept explaining all sorts of things to AnakDaal. He didn’t feel like the human was belittling him or making fun of him. He always talked like he wanted to tell him something he didn’t yet know without making him feel that knew nothing. He got the feeling that they were equal even though they were different.

    Maybe that was why Humans were among the best Salesmen in the Galaxy.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:29 No.13555103
         File1295292590.jpg-(133 KB, 500x282, gem and diamant suitcase.jpg)
    133 KB
    They were in this place called a “bar”. Apparently that was a location where persons took in beverages of various kinds. It was the first time he saw one. Why would someone want to make this whole drinking water thing into something so big? He kept thinking about things when something made odd vibrations. It was a device in Max hands. He held it to his head and started speaking.

    “Ja? Oh hallo. Nee...“ He talked into the device. The suitcase lay on the table infront of them. The waiter brought their waters and set them down. They were within in Kaaahns. He envied the Daal who thought up the idea of putting water into metal pieces. That man was rich as shells.

    “No I tell you. There are no…” He extended the device to him. Anak leant forward and listened to the noises.

    “You got BIG ALIEN TITTIES? I heard they got THREE TITS on your planet!”

    He then took the device back to his own ear and started talking to him again. After a while he put it away again.

    “A friend of mine named Joremo. From Brazil. He’s drunk. And when he’s drunk he talks about the only two things in his life he is successful at: Aliens, and women. Man I wish I had half as much luck with the girls as he has and… wait!”

    Suddenly something changed. Anak knew not what it was. Oh. The briefcase was gone. And someone was walking towards the exit. Max face changed and he stood up. But before he did that Anak saw something that scared him.

    He saw the eyes of a predator.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:32 No.13555128
    Everything happened rather quickly. He heard the two of them exchange words. Then the one man ran, and his colleague followed. Anak got up and went to the door. It was difficult since he had to four legs and was both taller and wider than the Akuntus in the room. It took him a small while to reach the door. He saw the both of them run down the road. He had a bad feeling and moved towards them. They disappeared behind a corner.

    When he managed to reach the corner he could only look down. There was a small downhill slide towards one of the many long roads the Akuntu used. They had strange vehicles that used anti-grav technology. The Akuntu kept running as fast as his three legs would carry him and Max was far off behind him. He knew that his colleague was one head shorter than regular male humans. He also knew that he had shorter legs and arms than other humans. He wasn’t going to catch him…

    The Akuntu ran straight over the road. Max was about to reach the other side of the street when the Akuntu was already climbing the fence. Several vehicles kept driving back and forth. He saw his human fellow look at the running alien and the vehicles.

    Then he threw himself on the ground and started… moving forward. With all the vehicles racing away only two hands high above his head. And he kept going. Anak noticed a small bridge that was a bit far off. But safe. He moved over the bridge.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:33 No.13555136
         File1295292821.jpg-(15 KB, 300x225, chase on foot.jpg)
    15 KB
    Many minutes passed when he saw the Akuntu run towards a building and turn a corner. Max was climbing the fence and following him. He reached the front of the building when his partner was at the corner. He was looking at the wall.

    “Click chirp!” He exclaimed loudly.

    “No chance? Fuck that!” He received as answer. He noticed the humans eyes move intently over the ground and the corner of the building. What was he looking at? Then he started running off again. Anak had no idea where his friend was when he reached the corner. Why did his friend look at the ground? There was nothing there!

    He failed to see the holes in the ground and the scratch at the wall. A scratch their briefcase had made.

    He moved forward and saw a lush forest in front of him. He knew that it was roughly the same sort of plant growing area that the humans had on their planet. He saw his friend before a few trees, just standing there with closed eyes. And then he ran onwards. Anak followed but soon found himself lost in the big green. Green and brown everywhere, and the sun wasn’t there to help because it was night. He had no idea how long he erred through the woods until he found the edge of the forest by pure luck.

    He saw the Akuntu, at least 400 meters away, and Max, roughly 100. The akuntu had slowed down considerably and Max had done as well. The distance between them was growing smaller. The Akuntu kept looking behind himself again and again.

    Max simply followed with a fast walk.

    The distance was getting smaller.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:34 No.13555141
         File1295292862.jpg-(48 KB, 359x500, Dey see me chasin'.jpg)
    48 KB
    Akuntu were good sprinters, as the galactic Olympics proved. Their three legs were made for fast movement. Anak had heard his colleague talk about animals from earth. Tigers, lions, gepards, all very fast and deadly hunters.

    His friend looked very much like a hunter himself. He kept calmly walking after the Akuntu. Anak knew he had to there when they met. Disaster would happen without his interference. He kept walking straight towards his colleague. But the human didn’t walk in a straight line. One time he made slight curve to the right, another time he moved a bit the left and continued then. And another time he made a little jump. Strange.

    Anak kept moving forward and found himself getting farther away from his mate. For some reason that short human was faster. The Akuntu moved onwards but it looked like he was about to stop. He climbed a soft hill and then lay still.

    The human followed him unerringly, never stopping, always staring at its target. It was scary. Anak found himself gasping for air. His body was made for a mixture of swimming and short trips on land but not for this. His vision faded and some times he thought he would fall over like the Akuntu.

    Then, suddenly, he was only about 20 meters away from the two. The akuntu lay on the ground, its very fast metabolism sucking in air at a rapid rate. And he saw his friend standing above the alien. Had disaster struck already?

    “click…” he meekly managed to scrape his scissor.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:36 No.13555161
         File1295292962.png-(304 KB, 650x520, does he look like a bitch.png)
    304 KB
    His friend already had the briefcase. That meant the akuntu had dropped it to drop weight. Or to get his chaser off his trail. Max slowly knelt down beside the Alien. He was breathing intensively but showed no other signs of exhaustion.

    “You think you can get away from me? After you stole that from me? HUH?” There was unmistakable anger in his voice. No, not just anger. There was something else. There was hatred. And a tinge of… fear?

    “You think you can take away my JOB, my MONEY, and MY FUCKING LIFE AWAY FROM ME?” The Alien tried to move its head away.

    “Who do you think gets sued when 56 thousand credits worth of jewels disappear? Who gets the blame? Who gets the FUCKING BILL IN THE FACE? Whose FUCKING insurance won’t pay? HUH? You can’t just steal from other you stupid little-“

    “So pretty-“ The young alien mumbled

    Max had a metallic device in his hand and pointed it at the creatures head. His breathing was agitated.

    “SILENCE! You don’t steal from others because its WRONG! Because it is BAD and because it can RUIN other people’s lives! You don’t want to see other people steal from YOU either!” His friend shouted so loud that Anak’s whole body vibrated.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:37 No.13555174
         File1295293069.jpg-(102 KB, 800x600, It flows like water but is red.jpg)
    102 KB
    “You don’t even know what stealing means, do you? They didn’t build that part of you yet, huh? Well here’s a tip: No one would miss me if I disappeared because you STOLE FROM ME!”

    A loud clicking noise came when Max moved his left hand over the item and pulled something back. It snapped back forward. It was pointing at the aliens head.

    The alien tried to shake its head.

    And then Max started talking. He talked all the time. He explained what stealing meant and why it was bad. Anak wouldn’t have been able to hinder his friend from activating his device, whatever that thing was. And then Max put the thing back in his jacket and turned around, the suitcase in one hand.

    “Click…” He managed to make.

    His friend turned around. “Need a break? Fine.”

    Anak couldn’t exactly remember when he woke up again. It was slowly dawning. The night was short on Akutu prime. A hole in the ground held something he had never seen before. It made odd noises and moved over the wood like… water.

    “That’s fire.” The human commented. Anak was surprised. “You slept for five hours. I made the fire to keep you warm. The Akutu’s gone.”

    Anak looked at his friend. The human seemed agitated all over a sudden.

    “WHAT? You think I shot him? He’s just a goddamn child! Told him to run for it and never forget that stealing is wrong, no matter how. And that all actions you take have consequences. If you hurt someone he hurts you back. But I don’t kill goddamn kids.”


    “This is a pistol, Anak. It fires bullets. But I only use it when there’s no other way to save my life.”
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:39 No.13555184
         File1295293153.gif-(20 KB, 230x247, 9_mm-luger.gif)
    20 KB
    He had no idea what Bullets were. Or what a pistol was, or fire. Their civilizations were so different from ground up and yet so similar in some ways. It was strange. Max turned his hand around so that the metallic part showed downwards. Then he pulled the metal back again, like earlier. Then he let it snap back, pulled something thin out of his hand and put the “pistol” at somewhere else. A dull click noise came.

    “When I was 20 I did my nine months of military service. Learned all sorts of things. How to make fire, survive a bit in the wilderness, shoot a gun and such. I already knew a lot from my dad, who was a career soldier and even was a drill instructor once. Hell, I even shot better than one of the fucking drill sergeants. Hahaha! He still owes me a beer, though.”

    Anak had no idea what most of these things meant. Max held something thinner than his finger and shorter than the longest digit of his thumb in his fingers. It shimmered in the fire.

    “This here is a bullet. The tip is metal. The orange stuff is the casing. At the end is the primer. You hit the primer hard and fast, and the powder in the casing gets set on fire. That is so much energy, and it can only move away to the front, that it pushes the metal bit forward. Right through the barrel and into whatever you wanna kill.”

    “But ten thousand years ago we didn’t have nor need those bullets and guns. We had sticks and sharp rocks. We walked behind them animals and we walked them dead.

    “Clicka? Click clack chirpz?”
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:40 No.13555198
         File1295293256.jpg-(56 KB, 244x300, dat mammut hunting.jpg)
    56 KB
    “Well… it’s like this: Many animals wanted to kill us and eat us. So we killed them right back. Nature wanted to kill us, we killed it back. Fuck, some other guy tried to kill you, you killed him harder, and faster. The animals could run faster than us, but not for long. We can walk and march very long, but most can’t run for long times. So we took turns. Jens runs after the deer first, then Jochen, then James, and when James gets exhausted Alice takes over. Heh. Or we just run after the thing, and make it run into one of our guys who sits in a ditch with a spear and IMPALES that fucker right through the heart! And then we skin that animal and war its fur and eat its meat. We used its muscles to make strings for bows. That way we shot tiny spears farther and faster than we could throw big spears. And this bullet here, this is the natural conclusion of our development.

    That is a smaller spear, that can fly farther and kill harder. And what we couldn’t kill, we walked dead or avoided it like the plague. Or made it our friend and servant like the wolves and dogs. We had to do that. Nature was a disgusting bitch who kept killing us for the fun of it. And the animals? All the same. We had to get smarter to survive. And we had to tame the fire, we had to tame the animals, and we had to tame nature, that cruel bitch. Wanna see how a bullet works? I tell you, its just fire.”

    With that Max threw the thing into the fire. An incredibly loud bang happened and then one of the pieces of wood had a huge hole in it.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:42 No.13555214
    “Anyways, lets get back to the bar. I wonder if they got some Jack Daniels there. Goddamn I almost took a childs life because he might have taken mine… Lets get drunk. And tomorrow I'm gonna write his parents an angry letter.

    Let’s talk about earth and humans some other time okay? And trust me, you haven’t seen a FOURTH of the horror. There’s tons of people worse than me. People who would rob, steal and murder without a second thought.”

    He saw his friend in a way he’d never seem him before. He seemed… sad. A bit frightened. Remorseful. He moved his hand through his hair and exhaled deeply.

    And with that they wandered back to the bar. It took them a while because Anak needed several breaks, but Max was never impatient or annoyed. He knew that everyone had strengths and weaknesses. Anak kept thinking about this strange and dangerous place called earth, where everything tried to kill and eat you and you had to kill it harder to not be killed yourself. He fell asleep with wild dreams and an intense hangover.

    Max was right, they did sell Jack Daniels. And since they had no idea that is was not the same thing as beer it was cheap as hell.
    >> Unconventional HFY writer 01/17/11(Mon)14:44 No.13555229
    There, that was it. I'm going to write a second chaper called "Visit on Earth" tomorrow. I hope my writing is good enough to enrich this thread.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)14:45 No.13555244

    Keep writing. This is genius.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)14:47 No.13555256
         File1295293652.png-(13 KB, 679x427, 1290278526742.png)
    13 KB
    Loved it.
    Can't wait for the sequel.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)14:50 No.13555282
    Wheres the rest of this?
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)14:51 No.13555293

    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)15:04 No.13555408

    Not written yet. I got a bit of positive feedback so I'll continue it. The point was just to set up some aliens, have them do some alien things and paint how they see humans in the science fiction setting of my own devising. Warning in advance, I'm no professional or anything. I reserve the right for this story to turn out to be terrible.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)15:11 No.13555479
    That was...actually pretty good
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)15:35 No.13555701

    Loved it, keep up the good work
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)15:42 No.13555757
    Quite a good show there, Landsmann. Keep it up!
    >> Harmless 01/17/11(Mon)17:28 No.13556768
    Some times you start putting out too much info (like the whole, >"“Well… it’s like this: Many animals wanted to kill us and eat us." ... "and we had to tame nature, that cruel bitch.")

    I feel like those two paragraphs could easily be cut down to a sentence or two, and the next two lines.

    Also, when you move from one chapter to another, you could try breaking it up with a line of -------s or something.

    But aside from that it all looks good.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)19:43 No.13558055
    This was glorious. Thank you for contributing.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)19:52 No.13558144
         File1295311930.jpg-(611 KB, 1260x1034, taivale_names.jpg)
    611 KB
    Not quite HFY but still some OK writefaggin'.
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)21:04 No.13558908
    >mfw a humanity FUCK YEAH thread with OC.
    >mfw I have no face because this has never happened before
    >> Anonymous 01/17/11(Mon)21:36 No.13559217
    bump for second part
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)00:52 No.13561839
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)01:15 No.13562200
         File1295331339.jpg-(798 KB, 1222x2535, Veil of Madness 2.jpg)
    798 KB
    I thought people were asking for a sequel to Unconventional HFY

    (No, captcha, I'm not going to type the American flag)
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)02:12 No.13563021
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)02:17 No.13563077
         File1295335044.png-(774 KB, 734x610, Horror out of time.png)
    774 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)02:18 No.13563084
         File1295335086.jpg-(254 KB, 734x610, horror out of time 1.jpg)
    254 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)02:19 No.13563103
         File1295335143.jpg-(275 KB, 734x610, horror out of time 2.jpg)
    275 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)02:20 No.13563110
         File1295335207.jpg-(277 KB, 734x610, horror out of time 3.jpg)
    277 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)02:21 No.13563123
         File1295335263.jpg-(284 KB, 734x610, horror out of time 4.jpg)
    284 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)02:21 No.13563134
         File1295335300.jpg-(276 KB, 734x610, horror out of time 5.jpg)
    276 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)02:22 No.13563141
         File1295335336.jpg-(278 KB, 734x610, horror out of time 6.jpg)
    278 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)02:23 No.13563162
         File1295335404.jpg-(231 KB, 720x534, horror out of time 7.jpg)
    231 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)03:55 No.13563941
    Really good story, and it's nice to see some fresh content around here. I kind of had a bit of hangup with the time line though. It seemed like things were happening way too fast. We can be efficient, but a recovering world world economy would take at least two decades to reach a semblance of what it used to be (if we regressed into mostly farmers). But overall, I enjoyed this story, and I am excited to see more of it.
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)05:41 No.13564666
    bump for awesome thread
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)07:43 No.13565379
    Archive this?
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)09:38 No.13566093
         File1295361522.jpg-(35 KB, 500x500, EnemyMine.jpg)
    35 KB
    It has already been archived.
    Until OP finishes his story I don't think it will be worth it.

    Also Veil of Madness.
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)13:30 No.13567926
    >As was inevitable, Sol was discovered and siege was laid. The Humans fought like no race the Galaxy had yet seen. Cunning, tactically brilliant, and suicidally brave, from the oldest female to the youngest child. Such unity is rare and near unseen among races without telepathic abilities. Every meter of space was contested with explosives and blood and screaming metal. The Jupiter Maneuver is still taught at military academies across the Milky Way, while Martian Gambits have become the bane of planetary bombardments throughout the cosmos.

    >Despite their bravery, Humanity fell to the unavoidable might of a dozen races, their flame snuffed out of the Universe. None thought it a great loss. For who could love a beast?



    now tg, what would a Martian Gambit and a Jupiter manoeuvre entail?

    I prupose for the Jupiter manouvre having your ships submergin in gas giant atmo - vertical, engiens pointing down, then launching full till and shooting with lasers , massers and other non gravity influenced weapons, then a pseudo crossing the T where your fleet is in a higher orbit than the enemies, and a 180 turn continuing to bomb them with slugs, missiles and other momentum weapons ( energy being depleted by shield, beam weapons and engien overuse)
    >> -|- Reichsguard -|- !!Q3opPDaKzPo 01/18/11(Tue)16:00 No.13569486
    Jupiter Manouver could be 2 things imo.

    1. Luring the enemy fleet inside the jupiters atmosphere or as close as possible and igniting it while the fleet hides behing one of the moons. Pretty stupid, but yeah.

    2. fighting inside the atmosphere of the giant using mainly heat based weaponry (lasers for example). Heated atmosphere has a tendency of going up, so if the fleet is positioned inside or above the heat bubble it will be launched high in the sky.
    Combined with
    >vertical, engiens pointing down, then launching full till and shooting with lasers , massers and other non gravity influenced weapons, then a pseudo crossing the T where your fleet is in a higher orbit than the enemies, and a 180 turn continuing to bomb them with slugs, missiles and other momentum weapons ( energy being depleted by shield, beam weapons and engien overuse)
    we have interesting effects. For example by detonating nuclear warheads or heating up the atmosphere below the fleet with lasers we get a heat bubble that should drastically inrease the vertical climb of the fleet compared to using only engines.

    It aslo can be used to disrupt enemy fleet cohesion, for example heating up atmosphere below the middle point of enemy fleet will result in their centre being thrown out of line from the flanks. Or heating up the flank and exposing the deliciously vurnelable center of the enemy fleet with a juicy flagship to take down.
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)16:01 No.13569498
    Oh, the original Broke Back Planet!
    >> Cerebrate Anon 01/18/11(Tue)16:25 No.13569708
    Can I /r/ the "Our Brutal Mother" pic? I've been looking for it forever.
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)18:37 No.13571311
    It would be better if someone remade it with a GOOD font that doesn't make people's eyes bleed.
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)19:30 No.13572091
    Maybe a 'Martian Gambit' could simply be having a backup base, in case the first gets destroyed? Like how we should colonise Mars in case of asteroids and such. The reserve troops could then turn the aliens Pyrrhic Victory into an outright defeat, or launch an insurgency campaign.

    The gambit part could be because in the process you're splitting your forces up and making them weaker.
    >> Anonymous 01/18/11(Tue)20:33 No.13572996
    Is there an official "veil of madness" sequel? Please post if you have it
    >> -|- Reichsguard -|- !!Q3opPDaKzPo 01/18/11(Tue)21:01 No.13573397
    that's "bane of planetary assaults" not "planetary bombardments".

    I can't imagine it as anything else as saturating the planetary orbit with high-speed debris, releasing shitloads of sensor-obscuring chemicals in the atmosphere, and then igniting it from good measure while on the surface you have stealthy mobile fortresses firing on the ships in orbit.

    Delete Post [File Only]
    Style [Yotsuba | Yotsuba B | Futaba | Burichan]