A toothpick +5. People trying to remove flecks of food from their teeth tend to stab themselves and bleed, but for negligible damage.
A sentient sword, inhabited by a complete and total pacifistic coward. The blade will not and cannot be used to attack anything. However, the cultured and sophisticated courtier whose soul is trapped in the blade has an extensive knowledge of fine wines and cheeses.
A bag of dehydrated water.
A crystal ball of scrying. It's fixed on a peasant's house, and cannot spy anywhere else. If you're interested in watching a rat-catcher and his wife, children, and pigs, this is the item for you.
Scissors of mending. They cannot cut anything, but can return cut cloth and paper to its original, whole state.