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  • File : 1272192852.jpg-(53 KB, 430x300, 1272190944333.jpg)
    53 KB Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)06:54 No.9417027  
    Odd rewards
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)06:55 No.9417041
    Slave has a treasure chest for a chest.

    Has jewels inside corresponding to organs.
    >> Green Gecko !y4SZ54EQRk 04/25/10(Sun)06:56 No.9417055
         File1272192981.jpg-(99 KB, 586x638, 355702 - Dungeons_and_Dragons (...).jpg)
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    >Better than random rolled treasure.
    Oh, yes.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)06:58 No.9417089
    a platinum, jewel encrusted rod about a meter in length.

    all along its length are very intricate carvings of kobolds. they are not doing anything in particular, but there are well over several hundred.

    it is not magical in nature
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:00 No.9417106
    Prediction stick tube tube-
    1"Prediction- God angering spite"- -4 to all rolls. rolls of 5 or less- nat 1's
    2"Prediction- Monsterous apoch" next fight-monsters get +4 str, con, int
    3"Prediction- oratory epoch" +4 to all speechcraft checks
    4"Prediction- brilliant future" automatic success of int based checks
    5"Prediction- frustrating day" -3 to will,ref,fort
    6"Prediction- walking on sunshine" + 8 to jump, cannot roll lower than 10
    7"Prediction- unlikey luck" effect from rod of wonder
    8"Prediction- sickness, take care" gain random disease
    9"Prediction- windfall" +20% money made on transactions. gain 8000$ exactly
    10"Prediction- niggers-jews-BN" -20% money made on transactions. Pickpocketable
    11"Prediction- win a vacation" teleport 500 feet at will
    12"Prediction- lucky number _" critical hit on random number
    13"Prediction- avoid the number _" critical fail on random number
    14"Prediction- excellent health" fast healing 1 +2 fort
    15"Prediction- Struggle on" - +10 on grapple checks
    16"Prediction- Seek peace and find tranquility" - cannot strike or be struck
    17"Prediction- Life will become more interesting" - draw luck on situation
    18"Prediction- A man follows many paths in life"- day long alignment change
    19"Prediction- Hidden talents will be found" Unarmed attack as monk, full dmg
    20- "Prediction- Godlike luck" cannot critically fail. +2 luck bonus to all rolls. next attack is considered a nat 20.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:01 No.9417110
    An Ion stone that glows a soft blue.

    It was commissioned for Hrothgar the Terrible as his nightlight.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:01 No.9417120
    A British accent.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:03 No.9417130

    All effects last for one day,
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:03 No.9417134
    A twig with a single, tiny rune on it.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:03 No.9417135
    Skin care products for the flaking Illthid
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:06 No.9417159
    A china-mans Fu manchu flees from his body at death. Attaches to nearest PC.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:06 No.9417161
    A night alone with a very attractive member of the opposite sex of a species of your choice who finds you irrresistable.

    Catch: You will be turned into a girl for this night.

    You only find out about the catch after you have accepted.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:07 No.9417168
    A conch carved out of a solid piece of onyx, carved intricately with rats holding hands and whirling around in dance.

    When held to the ear one can hear the moans and whispers of spirits in the vicinity.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:08 No.9417187
    Broh's Iron fist- +2 cold iron gauntlet.

    Cast charm person as a touch attack.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:08 No.9417188
    A dusty crystal ball found in the vault of a lich.

    It seems to only give visions of nuns sleeping quarters.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:10 No.9417206
    A torch that only burns under water.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:10 No.9417207
    A bottle of Lawyer Repellent.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:12 No.9417217
    Paladins porn collection.

    It is terrible eldritch things being smitten.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:12 No.9417222

    by nubile lasses?
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:12 No.9417224
    A croquet mallet with a flamingo's head at the end. When swung an ethereal croquet ball sails in the proper direction.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:14 No.9417242
    An Infernalist's cookbook. Guide to 30 minute meals to make between summonings with leftovers from sacrifices.

    A quote is engraved on the cover in vermilion script: "Its a good thing."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:15 No.9417246
    A bag marked "Irish Confetti". Contained within are several bricks. They are utterly worthless as building material, as mortar will not adhere to them and even the strongest adhesives and restraints won't stop them from inevitably falling out of walls. When thrown, however, the thrower automatically treats the brick as though he were proficient with it, and it confers a +1 bonus to attack and damage.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:15 No.9417249
    Betty's shirt - changes color at wearers whim.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:15 No.9417255

    Wearing plate
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:16 No.9417265
    A large single cork with the words "Irish Condom" on it.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:18 No.9417281
    A book on crossbreeding spiders and the care and feeding of Driders in Drow
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:18 No.9417287
    Old, cranky talking sword. Not very special as a weapon, but its life experience rubs off as it is used.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:19 No.9417290
    A box of trail rations that replenishes itself daily, but all the food therein, ranging from dried fruit to granola to beef jerky, is slathered with rich, savory gravy.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:20 No.9417296
    Bagpipes that cast animate dead when played by a tone deaf user.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:20 No.9417298
    Fortune cookies alter set fate.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:20 No.9417301

    The dead then run away from he source of the sound
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:21 No.9417308
    An alien raygun.

    In a prehistoric campaign.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:23 No.9417321
    Ivory battle horn, encircled in silver. When blown, it causes your foe to be covered in geckos. You do not control said geckos. They just... turn up.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:24 No.9417325
    Ancient and pitted Tuba inlaid with dwarven pictogram of a smartly dressed man in a hat handing a popsicle to dwarven children. When blown the Tuba conjures a rock-solid projectile of vanilla, chocolate or lime ice cream.

    Can be used as an artillery piece.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:25 No.9417333
    Large plank of wood summons snow beneath it while set on an incline.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:28 No.9417379

    I had that one once. The sword's name was Grandpa.

    A gallon-sized bottle, the opening fashioned as a dropper of some sort. The water contained therein is slightly salty. Written on the bottle, in beholder, are usage instructions.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:28 No.9417382
    Crampons when worn periodically leave a mark on the ground in the form of a local map with a 'you are here X'. Otherwise the crampon tracks appear in the form of grimacing smiley faces.

    All tracks disappear after five feet
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:29 No.9417384
    "tastes like chicken!"
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:29 No.9417394
    Pot of cannibals - large stemmed pot produces intoxication when inhaled from while containing body parts.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:30 No.9417404
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:31 No.9417410

    Slaves over 60
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:32 No.9417417


    "But I'm ooooold."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:33 No.9417422

    Breeding Stock Slaves over 60.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:33 No.9417425
    A slide rule with minute mystic symbols in gold. The symbols warp and change at the corner of your vision

    When used in construction, the runes change to letters, allowing the slide rule to predict the future of the building or the people living in it.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:34 No.9417432
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    i c wat u did thar
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:35 No.9417437


    "But I'm ooooold."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:38 No.9417461
    A weatherbeaten coin purse. Once per day, when the owner reaches inside, he will find one random monetary instrument. If someone, somewhere uses it as currency, it can be found within. This can range from jade set in electrum, to a small gold bar, a bank note, a gargantuan stone disk with a hole in the middle, or even livestock. The interior of the bag will size to accommodate currency for which its apparent volume is inadequate, but can only store its normal volume in inserted materials.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:39 No.9417466
    A sex change operation.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:40 No.9417479
    Slaves with diabeetus.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:42 No.9417488
    A jester's cap and zany. The jester's cap is made of elegant plaid with sparkling silver balls at the tips that tinkle like faerie bells. The set conveys the ability to tumble, juggle, eat fire and do impressions.

    At a command word the tentacles of the jester's hat writhe and strangle the fool while the cap sprouts teeth and bites down on his scalp. The zany laughs hysterically while the wearer is eaten body and soul.

    The pair of items are actually a soulforged Winter Archfae who ran afoul of Queen Mab.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:42 No.9417489
    "Carry this."
    "But I have diabeeeeteeees."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:43 No.9417498

    "Eat this ice Cream"

    "But my iiiiinsuulin leeevels."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:44 No.9417506
    Breeding slaves with diabeetus.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:45 No.9417515
    Only works if the wearer's big toe has been recently severed?
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:45 No.9417520
    "Have sex."
    "But our bloooood suuugaaaar."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:47 No.9417537
    Ring that makes nails and hair stop growing while it is being worn.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:48 No.9417546

    Recent severing allows others to choose for you.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:48 No.9417548
    But if you die while wearing it it will continue to grow.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:48 No.9417555

    "Lick this chocolate off her tits."

    "But... Awwwwww."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:50 No.9417572
    A steel crate. Contained therein are a completely expended Necklace of Fireballs and a few pounds of fine, powdery ash.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:52 No.9417594
    "Your clothes are blue!"
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:52 No.9417597
    A tube marked "tooth paste". When applied to any surface for thirty seconds, will cause teeth of random type to grow.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:53 No.9417601

    Slaves with metal prosthetic's.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:54 No.9417607
    Magical Powerarmor in the shape of a giant plush teddybear. The wearer must fit inside the stuffing.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:55 No.9417611
    "But I have no aaaaaaaarms."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:55 No.9417613
    Rockmeltingly hot slaves of varying races selected specifically to appeal to the players' fetishes. With vagina and anus dentata.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:56 No.9417618
    Breeding slaves with metal prosthetics.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:56 No.9417620

    "Swim that channel!"

    "But I'll Ruuuuust"
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:56 No.9417622
    Vagina? Anus? Meet my friend, a pair of pliers.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)07:56 No.9417623
    A human head sculpted from brass. When a dish of fresh blood is placed beneath the neck the head animates and begins talking about the news and rumors of the day about the nobility of the land you are currently in. Speaks in a pleasing voice. Occasionally shouts "WE'LL DO IT LIVE"
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:57 No.9417631

    "fuck that iron golem."

    "Can do"
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:57 No.9417634
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)07:58 No.9417644
    Parapalegic slaves.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:00 No.9417657
    "Go fuuuuuuck yoursellllllllllf"
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:01 No.9417668
    Well, the idea is the players don't find out about it until it's too late. If you've conditioned your players to the level of paranoia where they are performing cavity searches on disposable nookie, you don't need odd rewards or creepy traps. At this point, just give them generic, straightforward adventures, dungeons, enemies, and rewards. The players will provide all the convoluted and amusing plots and pratfalls themselves.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:03 No.9417684
    Nothing a Heal spell and a pair of pliers can't fix.
    Fucking wizards.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:04 No.9417692
    A bowl of dicks.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:04 No.9417700
    The player feels an irresistible compulsion to eat it.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:04 No.9417704
    Wire mesh tower shield.
    >> 40Kfag from /m/ !!t8iiyj3DIqR 04/25/10(Sun)08:06 No.9417715
         File1272197203.gif-(1.6 MB, 312x176, 1261957295201.gif)
    1.6 MB
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:07 No.9417721
    A spellbook. Every single page contains a copy of the spell, "Bigby's Masturbating Hand".
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:07 No.9417724
    Problem, /m/echafag?
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:08 No.9417728
    Paraplegic breeding slaves over 60 with diabeetus and metal limbs.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:08 No.9417740
    "Build that wall."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:10 No.9417751

    "Just... Jesus, just shit there."

    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:10 No.9417757
    Icarian Wings. When worn, allow the user to fly as per the spell. At the beginning of every use, the DM secretly rolls 5d100. If this altitude is exceeded, the wings instantly vanish.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:11 No.9417761
    why would breeding slaves build a wall?
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:12 No.9417773
    Scroll of Ication flight.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:12 No.9417774
    Yeah, but they never will live down having to get their cocks regrown. Remember, good-aligned clerics won't heal an injury you earned by committing what is, depending on the local laws, either rape or bestiality, neutral clerics love to gossip, and blackmail is a sacrament to the evil gods. Yeah, you saved the world, but the people don't call you Tyrimar the Dauntless. They call you Tyrimar the Dickless. Remember, kiddies, the players aren't in this game for the make-believe prizes. They're in it for their egos. Hit 'em where it hurts.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)08:12 No.9417778
    Horrid fleshmask from a flayed priest.

    When worn all observers are charmed to give you candy if they have any.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:12 No.9417780
    Quadriplegic breeding slaves over 80 with DOUBLE diabeetus and SPIKY METAL limbs.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:13 No.9417788
    Helpful dolphin, thinks it's a shark.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:14 No.9417799
    ...From now on I'm checking anywhere I stick my dick with a fucking stave.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:14 No.9417807
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    pic related?
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:15 No.9417808

    "Fuck, wow."

    "I'm fucking meeeetal, bitches."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:15 No.9417818
    Awww, how sweet. He just told me I'm a good DM. Thanks. Now for the acid farting slaves...
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:16 No.9417824
    I fucking squirted chocolate milk out my nose. Thanks a fucking lot.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:17 No.9417836
    You assume the party can't regenerate of their own power.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:17 No.9417840
    "So... How are you alive?"
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:19 No.9417862
    You are welcome!
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:20 No.9417872
    Mirror that shows you characters greatest wish for his future, but it's constantly giving the finger and looking smug.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:21 No.9417883
    You assume I'd let them. What, you think DM stands for Dungeon Bitch? Naw, son, I the Dungeon MASTER. I make them feel that shit. Alternatively, I might make the Genital Dentata contagious. Instead of growing dicks back, they get teeth. Some players might like that, you say? Well, yeah, I'm not totally cruel. Wait, yes I am. Tooth decay. Shit hurts, son.
    >> Shouldbeasleep 04/25/10(Sun)08:21 No.9417893
    In b4 gingivitis
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:22 No.9417898
    A sentient sword that is in love with it's current owners nemesis.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:22 No.9417899
    Quadriplegic breeding turtles who are over 150 with ebola and rotting wooden limbs.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:23 No.9417906
    No, no, no. You gotta do the waggly hands and the scary voice. "...The gum disease known as GINGIVITIS!"
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:23 No.9417907
    Then they'd start screaming at you as there would be no reason why one cleric could fix it but another could not.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:24 No.9417914
    A ring of invisibility. When the wearer uses it the ring turns invisible.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:24 No.9417917

    "Fetch me a bucket of water!"
    "Sir... they're turtles."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:25 No.9417931
    Bag of Holding. Actually just a regular bag with an ergonomic handle.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:27 No.9417942
    Go hump that mermaid
    Sir I think their Ebola caught up with them.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:27 No.9417945
    A slave named Abbadon with no arms.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:28 No.9417952
    half a cat
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:28 No.9417961
    A ring of teleortation. Only it can only teleport the wearer straight UP
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:29 No.9417965
    You're right. No reason at all. Other than, you know, cleric level, personal morality, divine law, the god's portfolio, alignment incompatibility, cleric's whim, god's whim, and, oh, yeah, DM's whim. That's the problem with you 40k faggots and you 3e vs. 4e faggots who somehow think one of these shitfests isn't absolute faggots. You have no balls. 2e, 1e, and any, any, any fucking game system worth making a character makes Rule Zero abundantly clear first thing. THE DUNGEON MASTER IS IN CHARGE. Don't like it? Run a game yourself, see how far it gets when the guy with the power is a Muslim apologist feminazi hippie carebear douchebag. Your players whining about the things you don't let them do? That's your fault, assrammer. Shouldn't have let them do anything in the first place. You've spoiled them.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:30 No.9417978

    "Sir we're starting to question your taste in slaves."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:31 No.9417989
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:31 No.9417997

    Front, back, top or bottom? Or is it the left or right side? Or is it exactly half of a cat's organs and skeleton?
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:32 No.9418001

    Get out of the thread.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:34 No.9418034
    Sir, we are running out of funds. Please focus on the matter at hand. We need our slaves to turn a profit.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:36 No.9418057
    Then sell them to the blind. They'll never know the difference.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:37 No.9418061

    "Sir, at least stop modifying the Decent slaves."
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:39 No.9418092
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:41 No.9418107
    Sir I've just been informed that you have been stripped of all authority and your replacement will be here within the hour.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:44 No.9418139
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:47 No.9418173
    See, faggot? Can't do much, can you? That's exactly what I'm talking about. You cats think that by playing niceynice and getting your players to the point that they are thoroughly bored with your milquetoast style somehow makes you good people, and that being good people means people will listen when you start to play Internet Tough Guy. Fuck off, Topher Grace. The meek will inherit a charred dustball, and only if the strong let them. Players gotta have limits, or nothing they accomplish will mean anything to them. My players get more sense of achievement and more personal growth out of surviving long enough to hit second level than any of your players will ever get out of yet another 21st level Paladin King ascending to godhood. Suck it.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:50 No.9418218
    >D&D is srs bzns
    >every player ever wants to play a grinding game that punishes their every move
    Cool story bro.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:50 No.9418219

    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:54 No.9418259
    Hardly. But what's the point of playing if there's no challenge?
    Player: I win.
    DM: You win! Here's a blowjob!
    Do you really enjoy that?
    Ah, you forgot to call me a Mary Sue. And a Nazi. And don't forget furfag, I didn't say anything to indicate I'm a furry, either, you might lose fagcred if you fail to accuse me of everything I didn't say I do. Oh, and Chinaman. Get some of the racism out of your system, too. You know you wanna.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)08:57 No.9418294
    How is he a railroader? In my experience, it's always the DMs handing out the shinies with no reason that don't let their players make their own decisions. The tyrants might be merciless, but they at least let you choose your own death.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:00 No.9418327
    would you kindly get back on topic and stop your shit-tier trolling?
    The sword of healing:
    Anything struck by the sword has its health restored, however any bystanders will be unable to tell and will immediately assume your on a killing spree.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:00 No.9418334
    Ham grenades.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:02 No.9418353
    Shit-tier trolling accusation from a guy ripping off a shit-tier Sabehagen novel? 0/10. Try moar, noob.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:02 No.9418356
    Ring of Magnetskin (a variation of stoneskin - makes the caster's skin magnetic, giving all metallic weapons a +10 bonus to hit)
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:02 No.9418362
    >> Agent 039 AZ 04/25/10(Sun)09:03 No.9418370
    god damn it roger, quit raging, you will have a fucking heart attack
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:04 No.9418378
    Good show, coddled players are garbage, and easy games are no fun, but don't get too vengeful, th-
    You're kind of a bitch, huh...
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:04 No.9418380
    dude, calm down. The rest of us are having fun in here :-/
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:06 No.9418403
    A claw hammer with the words "Ordo Castum Carnifex" inscribed into it. Rumored to have once belonged to a great wizard.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:06 No.9418405
    Dude, forget them. They're either trolls, or too far into their New Age crystal spa B.S. to be reached. Some people were just never meant to run. Sure, they might run all the same, but, eventually, they'll run out of players desperate enough to follow their Drizzt-clone GMPC around all day. Haters gonna hate, just enjoy it. Its a badge of honor to be loathed by the kind of guy who thinks rules apply to the guy in charge. Ask yourself, in twenty years, who's going to be happier, Michael Moore, or George Bush?
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:09 No.9418441
    >Good thread
    >Slaves gets overdone
    >GM Rage
    >Thread dies.

    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:10 No.9418445
    Its your, dude. Way to not contribute anything to the conversation, and demonstrate your illiteracy in one fell swoop.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:11 No.9418456

    Good while it lasted.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:12 No.9418470
    Thread didn't die from the slave ideas. Nor did it die from people discussing the relative merits of various styles of Moderation. Rather, it died from a combination of inherent suck, and jackasses like you, posting only to complain, never to contribute. That, and the idiots who think throwing in artifacts ripped off of hasbeen authors constitutes an original idea.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:13 No.9418477

    it's kinda funny to claim he isn't contributing to the conversation when you basically killed the thread with your wishful bitching.

    I bet you vent here because you can't tell your players 'no' in a controlled way without sticking your head up your ass and not allowing them anything at all.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:13 No.9418478
    >I'm a hypocrite! Hurray!

    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:14 No.9418488
    I see you trollin', I hatin'.


    Figure I'll contribute one last bit to it before I wander off then:
    A keyring that holds the key for every door in a dungeon/castle/whatever. None of the doors are locked.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:15 No.9418499
    How best to respond/troll... hmm...


    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:15 No.9418503
    A bag of random holding. As a original bag of holding only when you put your hand in it to pull something out there is a 50% chance that you get a random item from one of the other thousands of bags of random holding out there instead of the item you put in.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:15 No.9418510
    How did I vent? All I did was point out that the guy wasted a perfectly usable post complaining that other people were contributing to the conversation, instead of, you know, thinking of an odd reward, then telling us about it?
    Also, Figurine of Wondrous Power: Adamantine Llama.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:17 No.9418519
    Good for you, hypocrite. Nice to see someone using the green text for something other than to imply someone else makes too many implications.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:18 No.9418529
    Bag of holding, casts hold on whoever puts something into it.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:19 No.9418548
    Despite being a dick, he's right. I have made at least two posts without items in them. Guess I should remedy that.

    A pen that will write out the true answer to any question you ask it, but the handwriting is completely unreadable.

    A saddle that will instantly break any horse or appropriately sized creature you put it on. The saddle is hot pink, and has streamers.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:19 No.9418553
    Nice... Good to see someone's thinking. The pun is, after all, the root of all humor.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:20 No.9418564
    Gentleman's hate, acts to store a monocle and cane in an extradimensional space.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:21 No.9418569
    Keyboard of hypocrisy. Prevents the user from contributing to a thread in a positive manner.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:21 No.9418571
    people shouldn't vent online it just sucks up the whole thread.

    Globe of karma:
    you receive a glass ball with a small plant suspended inside. if care is taken the plant will blossom and good things will seem to happen.
    if the plant gets stuffed into a backpack and bumped around a lot the plant will wilt and misfortune will stalk you.
    should the glass shatter the plant will burst into flames and whoever broke the glass will spend the next 24 hours trying to survive against impeccable odds (there sword breaks, they become ill, there food turns rotten, forest animals attack on sight, ect, ect)
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:22 No.9418584
    Now, you're getting it, son. You're the man now dog.

    Belt of Gender Reversal. No, it doesn't change your dangly bits around. It forces you to use the opposite gender in every language you speak, prompting endless corrections from pedants who took a year of Orcish in high school.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:23 No.9418595
    I like this, a lot.

    Flask of Many: any liquid placed in this flask will become either the favored alcohol of the owner, or water. Will not change its contents until emptied completely and refilled.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:23 No.9418599
    A strange, shiny disc object labelled 'Midnight Riders'

    Further inspection reveals the object is dedicated to a 'William Overbeck'
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:24 No.9418615
    Sorry bro, but "Their".

    Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:25 No.9418624
    Getting a lot of use out of that one, aren't you?
    Troll disguise. It's one of those Glasses/funny nose/mustache dealios, only it's enchanted that when you're wearing it, no two people see you as the same person, and every time a given person looks at you, they see something different. Only catch is, everybody still sees a troll, wearing a novelty disguise, every time.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:26 No.9418635
    Belt of passive aggression - not taking an attack of opportunity causes the avoided target to -2 luck penalty to his next hit
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:27 No.9418652

    God damn.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:28 No.9418663
    BILLL ;..;
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:29 No.9418670
    From the loot table in Mutant: Undergångens Arvtagare (Mutant: Heir to the Apocalypse in english):

    (roll 1D100 and get the corresponding stuff. only these two are funny though)

    45. Grenade
    46. Pin to previously mentioned grenade (found separately)
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:29 No.9418676

    You're enjoying yourself far too much.

    Dust of sleeplessness: When placed on a bedroll it causes the bedroll to become lumpy, preventing sleep.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:29 No.9418683
    Have you seen the fan-made d1000 table for the game?
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:30 No.9418684
    Shit, I did it again.

    The Shiny Tuppence: a normal looking coin that will cause beggars to stalk the person that holds it. Easily lost in a coin purse.

    and one for this post:

    The Razor of *: This razor will cause the facial hair of the man using it to be groomed into the most pleasing form possible to members of the opposite sex in relation to his facial features.

    *: The name of the character from a thread some time back, he fenced vampires on top of a moving train, there was a veritable orgasm over how suave he was, I cant remember for the life of me what his name was. We ended up naming weapons after him, and creating powers based on his suave womanizingness.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:30 No.9418686


    Let's play him off.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:30 No.9418692
    Oh, god, this is great. BTW, are we going to archive this thread? It's loaded with great ideas, and even the trolls and dickwavers have been pretty epic. I know I've added a good bit to my copy pasta file, and I can't wait to call this guy at work Topher Grace. That's just vicious.
    Oh, right, idea. Cloak of Resistance. Every time the wearer takes electrical damage, he and all his belongings take an equal amount of fire damage.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:31 No.9418704
    Yes, yes I am.
    That would be the joke.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:32 No.9418717
    No i haven't. Link plz?
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:34 No.9418737
    FUCK! I remember that thread! I don't remember his name either, and I hate myself for it.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:34 No.9418740
    spell check + dyslexia = bad grammar

    Binding box of the cannon.
    This box is made of burn and chipped oak, it looks very worn and has a lock and hinges made of worn steel.
    anything inside will vanish when the lit is fully closed. the only way to retrieve stored items is to open the box whilst it is on fire (work that bit out yourself) all items will then eject forcefully from the box with force equivalent to the total mass of the stored items. all items will be returned in the same state they were put in the box, but also on fire.

    for maximum fun will with explosives and sharp heavy objects, point at foe and take cover.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:35 No.9418749
    Save me some sugar!
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:38 No.9418777
    Don Jorge Antonio Martin Velasquez-Cabrales?
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:38 No.9418778
    And this whole bit has accomplished at least this much, it has inspired the following item.
    Ring of Awesome Anonymity. Automatically receive the adulation of anyone observing you. Reaction checks are always the best possible result, everything you do is seen as awesome, even your mistakes are seen in a ridiculously favorable light. Nobody who meets you will ever forget how awesome you were, or any of the great things they see you do. However, nobody will ever remember your name or what you look like, or, in fact, anything about you. Only what you did, and how awesome it and you were.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:39 No.9418793

    The Bag of Bunny Holding.

    It's a bag that contains an infinite amount of bunnies. Live bunnies no less.

    One of my pc's in the long long ago came up with the marionette of cheese-grating.

    Well, to be fair, we were running a campaign where every pc had a retarded magic item...
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:39 No.9418796
    That may very well be it.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:39 No.9418804
    Very nice.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:40 No.9418815

    Original link for the GM-only forum: http://forum.jarnringen.se/viewtopic.php?t=3111&sid=91f6b189d39900d772bb731c88ac9acc

    And for ease a PDF version:
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:41 No.9418838
    Five pounds of flax.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:42 No.9418843
    spellbook of procrastination-

    Casts slow on the reader. Wizards fail to prepare a spell slot from at their two highest levels with it in their possession.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:42 No.9418852
    Six pounds of flan.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:43 No.9418865
         File1272203022.jpg-(99 KB, 928x834, 1264721655086.jpg)
    99 KB

    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:43 No.9418868
    YOU FOOL! Have you any idea what my players can do with five pounds of flax? I sure as hell don't, and it's going to keep me up all night, shivering in fear!

    A Fa/tg/uy slave. "Do something useful." "Have you seen meeeeeee?"
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:44 No.9418875
    The google docs version doesn't work :(
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:45 No.9418890
    we were playing D&D and some one in the party drank an unknown potion that made beer suds come out of all his orifices.

    it was funny because he could also make fruit dance on command. (he was known as "the special" one)
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:46 No.9418907
    Shhh, he's been quiet for a while now.

    Lucky Smoke: a cigarette that will regrow after smoked, so long as it is placed back in the back filter down.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:46 No.9418914
    This isn't a camwhore thread, jackass. Post an item or face the music. We've run demon DMs and professional trolls out of this thread already, don't think we can't do the same to you.
    A tub of lard. The lard is delicious. The tub is everfull.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:48 No.9418931
    Course, we've chased everyone else out too. I'm fairly certain that there are only the two of us since the trolls wandered off.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:50 No.9418950
    Here, samefagging my ass off.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:51 No.9418975
    only discovered on a high spot check;
    this bundle of otherwise mundane looking papers is a stack of i.o.u's from the worlds deities and elements.
    the exact conditions and effects of the i.o.u's depend on the DM's tastes but here is some examples.

    I.O.U five human souls- Hades
    I.O.U one thunderbolt- Thor
    I.O.U one 'refund'- Death
    U.O.ME a virgin sacrifice, by the next solstice, or else - Satan
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:52 No.9418985

    Fife of stampeding.

    draws nearby animals when played, attracted by the sound, but who grow to detest the sound within 5 feet, running away in the opposite direction at top speed.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:52 No.9418999
    Actually, I've been much more vocal. I just got off my soapbox and started actually enjoying the thread. Shame about >>9418865. Maybe soon, someone'll post a 40k thread he can fap to, and he'll stop fagging up this one.
    Armor of the Cosplayer. By any method of identification, this seems to be a suit of +5 Adamantine Plate, Heavy Fortification, of Invulnerability, etc. whatever OP enchantments get your players wet. However, it is actually an ABS replica, yields no armor class bonus, though it gives all the penalties and restrictions, and the first time the wearer takes a hit, it shatters and lacerates the wearer horribly, inflicting vile damage.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:55 No.9419044
    And I think I'm pretty much everyone else. Man, I should go grab another drink and get back to watching Avatar. I mean, I know I've watched a shitty movie's worth of it already, but apparently there's another shitty movie left. Even the Rifftrax isn't saving it. Why couldn't Cameron have stuck to making Terminator movies?
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:57 No.9419064
    After running through that, I noticed I have a few more to own up to:

    A necklace that looks to be inset with a large, nearly perfect diamond. It is effectively worth about ten bucks, for reasons unknown.

    Hails Plague Suppressant: helps to relive all symptoms of the deadliest and most contagious diseases known to man. Does nothing to treat or prevent spread of illness.

    Franks RedHot. A great big bottle of it.

    A table that seems to be made of fine black marble, it is inset with silvery runes. If detect magic is cast on the table it will burst into light as if a thousand suns suddenly exploded in the room, blinding anyone who looks at it permanently. The table has no magical properties.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:57 No.9419068
    Oops, forgot my item. Easymode: A Terminator. Completely loyal and obedient, but he is only programmed for killing, and also is programmed never to kill.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)09:59 No.9419098
    Op here.

    Wow guys, I fall asleep for 2 hours and shit exploded.

    Helm of shitstorming - 30 foot radius centered on caster is nauseated and afflicted by grease.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:00 No.9419112
    randomly slamming 40k makes family proud!

    "Element O"
    this unusual paint turns whatever it touches into a gel like substance for a full five minutes, after five minutes expires the affected area will return to its normal material but its shape will remain warped.
    you could use it to bend iron bars, make liquid congeal, set traps, melt stone, ect.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:01 No.9419125
    That movie was pretty bleh. The internet-trees was entertaining, but hippy propaganda and that fucking reject becoming a blue freak at the end made me want to tear my face off. My friends, being the type that they are, talked about fucking a ...n...na.... one of those things all the way home too. Ugh.

    The Hammer of Justice: Will cause betrayers and deal breakers to explode violently into a shower of gore at the slightest touch.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:03 No.9419146
    It should be a rule in these kinds of threads that irregardless of what you post you need to post an item, even if you post troll bait or high and mighty opinion.

    blackface - +2 to intimidation checks.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:03 No.9419164
    >>>A table that seems to be made of fine black marble, it is inset with silvery runes. If detect magic is cast on the table it will burst into light as if a thousand suns suddenly exploded in the room, blinding anyone who looks at it permanently. The table has no magical properties.

    I'ma steal that one, kthx.
    Waffle iron. Ordinary waffle iron. Make sure to simply describe it, don't tell the players what it is. Slap 'em down if they call it a waffle iron IC, too. When they get confused, explain that the campaign world has no such thing as waffles. Party commits suicide. Win at DMing forever. You know, if you see DMing as the same as being the Judeo-Christian god, which I do, as you can probably tell from some of my earlier posts. In my defense, I was quite drunk. But I stand by every word.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:04 No.9419168
    I laughed a bit.

    A live trout that can breathe out of water. There is nothing else special about this trout.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:06 No.9419200

    I'm a humanity fuck yeah kinda guy who was on mushrooms during the movie. Pretty impressive visual effects.

    I was loling when the tree went down.

    Judgement hammer- deals differing effects based on the opponents alignment.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:12 No.9419266
    Hey, yeah, I hate 40k, sure, but, it's cool, this is the board where it belongs, unlike the computer game threads that seem to make up half the content on this board because NWN fans are apparently intimidated by the fairies at /v/. The problem is, every other 40k thread has nothing to do with the game, and everything to do with what chapter of space marines the OP wants to fuck his ass. Boring. Also, I know a guy who constantly posts those threads, despite never having played a game of 40k in his life, so I see half the people who talk about it as the same pathetic posers, even if they aren't actually posing. This inspires me.
    A chess set. It is missing half the pieces, and the remaining pieces will only make half the moves the rules should permit them. Despite this, anyone playing it, seeing it played, or hearing anyone discuss a game played on this particular set becomes incoherently enamored of it, compelled to write wishfulfillment fantasy stories about their romance with a randomly determined piece, and generally bring up the game and their fanfic in every single conversation they ever have ever.
    Yeah, hate and rage. Say what you will, but they keep me warm at night.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:15 No.9419310
    Hatred: A red wool blanket that is incredibly warm. It makes everyone who touches it itchy, save the person for whom it belongs to.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:17 No.9419351
    >Enjoy a thread
    >Someone uses something you contributed
    >Feel a little better about life
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:19 No.9419373
    Wait, shit, I did it again.... Ok, two more, you can do this...

    A notepad that will automatically take any notes you would intend to put in it without you even having to be near it.

    A pot that will boil water without requiring any source of heat. The exterior of the pot is always room temperature.
    >> Agent 039 AZ 04/25/10(Sun)10:21 No.9419391
    i love the pot idea. that is damn nifty, and will have to use it as a random treasure soon
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:21 No.9419399
    Gross. Those things are hideous. Like, horrifying. I mean, I'll admit, I'd fuck the shit out of a catgirl. I don't consider myself a furry, but catgirls is hot. Hell, I'd fuck a cougar, if I thought I'd survive it. Cats are sexy. But the Heylistens? Gross. And the internet trees? Yeah, that was a great idea. Way to go, Cameron, you've plagiarised NATURE ITSELF! And what a load of shit. Unobtainium? Really? So, it's meant to be a farce? I'm only laughing at the riffers. James's jokes suck. Also, combination animals are cool in a Pokemon game or a boozefueled DnD adventure. Not in a movie trying to be taken as serious scifi. AND WHERE THE FUCK DID THE WATER COME FROM! WATERFALLS OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE! GRARAAAARR! I don't think I demand to much hard in my scifi. I enjoyed Star Wars, for Christ's sake. The bar is so low you can't even trip on it. How the hell could you drop it any lower?
    Fork of Eating. An ordinary, if ostentatious, seeming fork. Any creature, living, dead, or undead, who takes damage from it is instantly cooked and seasoned to the wielder's taste. The fork is the property of a voracious ghastly awakened gorilla epic level barbarian who once ruled half a dozen worlds, and he's looking for it.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:22 No.9419407
    Meant to be: save for the person. I am a classy fellow.

    A machete that will cuts so well that it would glide through the trunk of a large tree with ease, but will not make it through a branch less than a half inch in diameter.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:25 No.9419451
    WAAAAAANT! You do love me.
    Plate armor. A suit of armor made entirely out of tableware. It has excellent protective properties, low encumbrance and restriction, and no spell failure chance.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:26 No.9419470
    I have no face for how I feel about this.

    I am so running out of ideas....

    A crossbow that when loaded backwards (the bolt facing the wrong direction) will fire normally. If a living creature is hit by it, the bolt will seem to have been fired from the other side.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:31 No.9419540
    Fancy jade statues...

    ...that happen to be idols for the kobolds that you are working with.

    Needless to say I ditched them asap with captured kobolds saying I found them on the goblins they were at war with.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:35 No.9419587
    Frying pan, has an extra-dimensional space that holds any amount of meat.

    You could fry up an elephant if necessary.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:36 No.9419596
    An Edible wooden fish, made with Acacia bark and other spices. It is hard to swallow.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:37 No.9419599
    Yeah, you totally didn't spoil the movie for me, there. I honestly saw that ending coming from the fucking previews. I need to start making movies. I don't necessarily think they'll be good, but any movie I make will at least be watchable. I'll keep it real, yo. Endings that don't reek of trying to give the LCD something that makes them feel like they might one day be a winner. The whiny "hero" kid will not save the day, with love or otherwise. He will die. He will be killed like an ant.
    Helm of Heroism. The wearer is filled with a disproportionate sense of self-importance and competence. He is compelled to find complicated situations involving forces far beyond his power, and impose a simplistic, mutually unworkable and harmful solution, by force. Watch your players have absolutely no difficulty roleplaying the effects, without changing playstyles at all.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:38 No.9419616
    Thanks for your request.
    It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
    This thread has been requested 1 times now.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:40 No.9419648
    ah, it would seem that someone has their very own can of infinite spam
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:42 No.9419669
    Thanks, now I'm hungry.
    Figurine of Wondrous Power: Iron Boozehound.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:44 No.9419697
    No requesting on /tg/? fine I won't even try.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:46 No.9419736
    the invisible ring of visibility

    it's invisible unless the wearer is invisible, in which case it becomes visible and emits light out to 30ft
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:52 No.9419826
    I am with you on that one, in wish and style. The way you think, it appeases me.

    The Black Tee Shirt: Though this shirt is completely acceptable everday wear, he wearer is slightly more attractive to members of the opposite sex. Nobody is quite sure why.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:53 No.9419846
    meant "the". Just to top it off by the way, let me say wear one more time.

    A Severed Finger: makes the wielder more endearing to children that can see it. It is actually a giants toe.
    >> Anonymous 04/25/10(Sun)10:55 No.9419867


    Seems like some at the end fell off if you're still watching.

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