You are a young man who has suddenly come into an unexpected inheritance: a rather large mansion and a sizeable amount of money. However, your rather eccentric uncle has put a secret rider in his will: in order to inherit the money, you must:

1. Repair the rather old and decaying house.
2. Hire a full staff of maids to upkeep it.
3. Have sex with at least three of them. (1.5/3)

At least, that's the basic idea. Things have gotten confused since then.

Loot
Alien Repair Bots
Mysterious Alien Sphere (0% analysed)
Demonic Ace of Spades - Alicia's Phylactery

Costumes
Magician (Magic Missile, Shield, Ritual Magic)

Mansion Status:
Facilities: Beachfront property, Huge Yacht ("Kat")
Kitchen: Average (3 of 5)
Decor: Good (4 of 5)
Gardens: Average (3 of 5)
Repair: PERFECT (6 of 5)
Beach: Good (4 of 5)

On the BOAT
Reginald, Your Butler (Devoted)
Samantha, Your Head Maid (Devoted) - LOVE
Kristopher, formerly Katherine, the redheaded trap-kun (Distant)
Felicia, the cute catgirl (Warm) - SEXED
Jehanne, the paladin of Bahamut (Trust) - LOVE
Alicia, the former Demon Queen of Lust, now in possession of Katherine's Love (Warm)
SISTER FUCKING CARMINE, THE FUCKING FEMALE FUCKING ANGRY MARINE! (Angry)

Not on the BOAT
Koyomi, your Japanese gamer science nerd. (Neutral)

25 XP

It is Noon of Day 9 of 30. You're on your awesome motor yacht, motherfuckers, and a giant squid is attacking!

WHAT DO?

>>9325628
>Glare and growl back "And so did your man, so we are at an impasse. Leave us."
From last thread.

Masturbate.

>>9325636

"You know," you say. "You really should show me sometime how to. . ."

. . .

Suddenly, there is a CRASH, and the entire boat rocks to one side! "What the fuck. . . !?"

"YOUNG MASTER!" Reginald roars from the back of the boat. "WE HAVE A SPOT OF BOTHER HERE!"

As you poke your head back out the window, you see Reginald being lifted into the air. He is punching a massive, suckered tentacle that is wrapped around his waist. Wrapped up in two other tentacles are Felicia and Jehanne, who are screaming in terror at the monster that is groping them. . .

. . . at least, they scream until the massive monster's huge, dinner-plate sized eye sees your face in the ship's window. With a roar, it hurls the girls and Reginald into the ocean, and points a massive tentacle at you.

"YOU!!!!!!!!!" it roars, in passably good English. "YOU KILLED THE ONLY MAN I EVER LOVED!!!!"

""And so did your man," you growl, "so we are at an impasse. Leave us."

"NO!" roars the giant squid. "BLOOD CRIES OUT FOR BLOOOOOOOD!"

>>9325659

Feed it tuna and become best fucking friends.

>>9325659
THIS SQUID IS MY KIND OF... INVERTIBRATE!

...WAIT, THAT MEANS NO SKULLS.

FUCK THIS.

We should probably get someone to try to help those that were chucked into the ocean. At the least, Reginald could provide fire support.

Also, is this squid bigger than the one from last time or about the same size?

>>9325679

"Wait!" you say. "I have tuna! We can work this out!"

The squid fixes you with a huge, baleful eye, glowering at you angrily. "BRING ME YOUR OFFERINGS, MORTALS, OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!"

>>9325712
It's bigger. At least, it seems bigger. Maybe it's just that you can see this one in good light.

>>9325723

Give the fucking immortal squid some fucking tuna. We can have Reginald fish more up later.

>quest thread

>>9325731

I doubt a grand total of two tunas is enough to appease heartbroken angry giant squid.

Set Carmine loose on her.

>>9325723

Offer him the Tuna!

>>9325731

You pick up one of the bluefin tuna from the pantry and bring it over to the giant squid. As you walk over, you can see Reginald gathering up the other two girls from the ocean and carrying them back onto the ship: yes, carrying. He has Felicia's collar in his teeth and one beefy arm around Jehanne's waist, and he's swimming back onto the ship's fishing deck.

A giant tentacle reaches down and grabs the tuna fish from you, the scent of salt water redolent in the air. It grabs it and crunches down, with a huge horny beak about the size of your head. "THIS OFFERING PLEASES ME!" roars the squid, "BUT IT IS NOT SUFFICIENT! I REQUIRE MORE SACRIFICE!"

Give it the tuna. With something poisonous in it. We're cunning enough for that I'm sure... Maybe... I don't remember our stats.

>>9325768
ask politely for a few moments more time to look for a sufficient offering since it didnt please it

>>9325768

Offer the damn thing some beer while we fish more up, lest we get fucking shipwrecked or eaten by the damn thing.

>>9325768

Offer to order some cod for him.

Not the small fry, but the big 8 foot ones.

Also, if at all possible, find more information about him. Possibly why he's here.

Offer poisoned tuna. Stuffed full of explosives.

Curses. For future reference, we need to ask Koyomi to get us trained dolphins to fight giant squids at sea. It worked for the Allies in Command and Conquer Red Alert 2, I'm sure it'd work for us.

>>9325768
Alright, maid quest.

And ask what else it would want.

>>9325794
>>9325795
>>9325800

"Oh, great one," you say, timidly, "We are short on fish. Perhaps you would enjoy a brewski while we fish up some more for you?"

"THE MIGHTY RULER OF THE OCEANS PREFERS HEFEWEISEN!" the squid roars. "IF YOU OFFER ANY BUD LIGHT, MY WRATH WILL BE GREAT AND HORRIBLE!"

You nudge Samantha in the ribs. She runs back into the house and gets ready to start rolling out the keg of Pyramid you brought onto the boat with you. "Oh, great one," you ask, "Why are you here?"

"I AM HERE TO AVENGE THE LOSS OF MY LOVE!" it screams. "A SHIP LIKE THIS ONE FOULLY IMPRISONED IT IN A CAVE FOR MANY YEARS, AND THEN, A FEW DAYS AGO, I FOUND HIM BUTCHERED AND DEAD! I WILL NOT REST UNTIL HIS KILLERS ARE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE!"

Also: When Reginald gets on Board. have him dual wield his Barret Light Fifties, or get a minigun or something...or an RPG or JAVELIN. and have him light this bitch up while we stall

How about we don't attack the huge sea monster in her native territory where she has a huge advantage and could easily drown us? I like that idea, I like it a lot.

Did we basically waltz the boat out after finding it or did we spruce it up in any way? If we did some changes, in theory we could try bluffing our way out of this.

Alrighty... Toss the keg over at the giant squid. OH
WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING?!

Goshujin.... I shoot it with the death ray gun.

>>9325852

Didn't the giant squid try raping one of our maids?

>>9325852
Um, well then. Time to act completely innocent. At least until we can come up with some giant honking spearguns. Maybe we better fine carmine too, before she calls it a cockburgler and punches it for fun

Tell squid that killer was last seen headed for the Philippines.

All right, quick question. . . go violent, or are you gonna try for cunning? Those seem to be the two choices people are suggesting.

>>9325917

Cunning, and set up for possible violence in case cunning doesn't work.

>>9325917
we have 2 death-ray guns. I suggest using them.

>>9325917

Query: What are our military resources on this ship? Do we have a hidden BOFORS on board? AT missiles? Twin .50s?

>>9325917
cunning as a main plan,violence as back up

We have no clue if they'll always work or if they're aces in the hole. If we can get by this without using up resources, all the better. I say cunning and then blasting if that fails.

>>9325943
You've got a portion of Reginald's arsenal on board. You're not sure how much if it he brought, but he's certainly got, at least, some heavy rifles, pistols, shotguns, and possibly some automatics.

>>9325974
Aka we have enough weapons and firepower to arm a small militia with 50 cals and anti armor weapons. its Reginald.

Cunning while getting some sort of plan for violence in place. If we can at least prepare we will be in a better postion.

>>9325974

Insufficient. For a creature of shit size we need either HOT BLOOD or a large quantity of man-portable ordnance. I vote Cunning.

All right, then. . . what's your basic plan? Keep him talking while the rest of your guys get set up?

Cunning while Reginald gets shit and we get ready to roll out the DPS

>>9326001

Get the thing drunk as possible. Then attempt to con it, and if all else fails, blow the fuck out of it.

Well it's obviously unsure about if this is the ship responsible or not though it suspects us. We could try bluffing it's not us. During that time, Reginald and whoever else wants can prepare for potential violence.

cunning

>>9326001

Talk, share beer, offer suggestions as to where killer may be, what have you.

Meanwhile, have Reginald prepare the biggest dakka he can manage, and hold Carmine back till the signal is given.

>>9326001
Get it drunk and try to talk it down. Have Reginald work up an asskicking plan for back up

"I'm afraid that I don't know what you're talking about," you say to the squid, glancing over your shoulder as Samantha rolls out the keg. "I have no idea what you're talking about. . ."

"IT WAS THIS DAMN YACHT," the squid roars. "YOU PAINTED OVER THE NAME AND CHANGED IT TO 'KAT' TO TRY AND FOOL ME, BUT IT'S THE SAME DAMN YACHT!"

> Cunning result: 6 vs 9. Strike 1

The squid's powerful tentacles wrap tighter around your yacht, but then he sees Samantha rolling the keg towards him and gets distracted. It picks up the keg of beer in a single powerful tentacle, cracks it open like a can, and chugs it down.

>>9326045
guess we're not getting the deposit back

MORE ALCOHOL. send it more alcohol. Reginald! Prep Plan B (aka welcome to dicktown)

>>9326045
Well, please tell me the story of how your mate was "trapped" by this yacht.

>>9326045

"This yacht? We bought it cheap from this one dude, said he was headed for Brunei. Kept offering us calamari for some reason."

>>9326045
Fuck it, lets just explain to the squid that we attempted to set his lover free but it attacked us in the process.

DISTRACT THE FUCKER, GET HIM TO TELL STORIES.

>>9326074
This sounds good

>>9326074
I do like this one... I agree!

>>9326074
this

>>9326082
>>9326079
>>9326074
>>9326067
>>9326064

You gesture to Samantha to bring more beer, and you take a step towards the squid, clearing your throat. "I'm afraid, I have no idea what you're talking about," you lie. "I picked up this boat from some guy who was heading to Brunei. He kept offering us calamari for some reason. . ."

> Cunning: 18 vs 6

The squid sighs, and its eyes droop as it leans against your yacht, making it lower in the water. "DAMN IT. JUST MY LUCK. I SPEND YEARS AND YEARS WAITING FOR MY CHANCE FOR REVENGE, AND HERE I THINK I'M ABOUT TO GET IT, AND IT TURNS OUT I GOT THE WRONG DAMN BOAT. . . OR DID I? YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO LIE TO ME, ARE YOU, PUNY MORTAL!?"

It glowers at you. . . then gets distracted as Samantha brings the keg of Heinekin up onto the deck. She rolls it towards the squid, who once again downs it in one go.

Someone give me a 1d6 roll. 5+ saving throw vs. Carmine losing her shit :3

>>9326136

rolled 6 = 6

>>9326136

rolled 1 = 1

Here ya go

>>9326125
I have no reason to lie to you, I can only apologize for your loss and wish you a good life. Care to join us in drinking? Being depressed and drunk while alone is never good...

>>9326156
Thank god you beat me.

>>9326156
Thank god
>>9326157
No more rolling from you

>>9326158
No. Make the statement more vague. Take out the first part, because in theory there's no lie at that point.

>>9326136
We really need to set up Carmine with a remote controlled morphine drip or something, so we can at least try to keep her out of these situations

>>9326156
. . . you had a 2 in three chance of Carmine losing her shit and ruining it all, and you saved. Fuck you.

All right, what do you do now?

>>9326203
Give the squid thing more booze and keep bullshitting like a used car salesman

>>9326203
see
>>9326158

Wait. This things been waiting years for revenge? Didn't we just kill the thing like... a day ago?

>>9325611
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>>9326189
I agree with this, could help when we need her mellowed out.

>>9326214
Presumably it's been years since it was imprisoned. although I do wonder how uncle used his boat with letting the squid out of the cave

>>9326214

Its love has been imprisoned for years, apparently. It just found its body recently.

>>9326239
if you read im pretty sure it said that they stopped using the boat cause the squid, then caved it in.

I'm starting to wonder if dead squid got itself imprisoned on purpose to avoid angry squid...

Offer angry squid condolences and more beer.

Samantha brings out a third keg of beer. . .

> Affection vs Cunning: 18 vs 9

. . . long story short, within a few minutes, you've got your arm around a giant squid, and you're sitting there watching the sun set over the ocean, singing, "Anacraeon in Heaven" loudly, like a pair of bros.

More beer is good and keep assuring the beast it's not us and that we express our apologies. Then more beer to drown its sorrows. Carmine didn't go berserk yet so we can still get through this peacefully. We just need to do that soon.

>>9326275
awesome. Wish it a long and healthy life, and perhaps you two can hang out again sometime, then carry on vacation?

>>9326246
Ask exactly how its love got trapped.

>>9326275

Please god no squidmaid.

Also, I forgot this the first time.

OONST OONST OONST

>>9326275
Whew. We could have chosen a drinking song that's easier to sing though. Still any victory you can stagger away from and vomit, right?

>>9326300
Squidmaid. That's a wonderful idea. We must do this

I believe we're all capped out in terms of maids.

>>9326300
Squidmaid?
FUND IT
Get Alicia up in this bitch with a polymorph.

>>9326321
>>9326300
>>9326295

Long story short, you convince the squid that you're not the one who killed its mate. Lord knows how long that deception will last.

The last you see of it, it is swimming drunkenly off into the sunset, waving a tentacle at you.

"Well," you say. "That ended well."

"Not really," Samantha points out. "He ate all the tuna, and drank all the beer. And we're not getting the deposit on those kegs back."

"Any victory you can stagger drunkenly away from," you grin.

You hear an ahem from behind you, and see Reginald walking out onto the deck, wearing a pair of bright hula-print swim trunks and a pair of sunglasses. "Well done, young master," he says, "very clever of you. Very clever. Your uncle would be proud."

You're not sure how to take that.

>last several threads saw us meet every impossibly powerful enemy with violence

>long story short, within a few minutes, you've got your arm around a giant squid, and you're sitting there watching the sun set over the ocean, singing, "Anacraeon in Heaven" loudly, like a pair of bros.

HOW DID THIS FUCKING THREAD REACH 70 REPLIES BEFORE I NOTICED IT, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

BRB SETTING TWITTER TO AUTOTEXT ME

>>9326364

First we need our trap back.

>>9326372
Honestly Reginald. I'd prefer to have you proud than my Deceptive and Scheming Uncle.

look, the trap thing is done. We fucked up badly with that, and the story has changed as a result of our actions. We should make the best of the situation rather then run around with our heads cut off trying to reverse what we caused.

It is now night of Day 9 of 30.

WHAT DO?

Among other things, you have a Magician outfit to assign. Metagame: you can assign it to yourself, and you'll gain magic powers later on. Or you can assign it to one of your maids (except Alicia, Jehanne, Felicia, or Koyomi) and they will get magic powers instead.

>>9326375
True enough, we fucked up pretty badly there. The squid should come first though, if we get Kat's love back to her, Alicia aint gonna do shit for us again.

I think we've all had enough run-ins with tentacles over the past few days Reginald

>>9326410
Magic suit should go to us. It will either be of great use, or help us fuck up greater than ever before. And let's follow up on our earlier conversation with Jehanne

>>9326405

Goshujin said it was possible to get her back. And we will. She deserves it.

>>9326410
Ourselves.

>>9326410

answer me this first- that bit about the maid "studying the dark arts" won't corrupt anybody, will it?

Because Jehanne doesn't need any more corrupting and Samantha is just too cute to corrupt :<

>>9326410
assign to self! WE NEED MAGIC... we have to fight fucking reginald... Bull's Strength kthx

>>9326410
Will it still look like a maid's outfit or does it magic itself into a robe and wizard hat?

Well now that we have free time it seems, it may be time to consider our long-term goals. As far as I can see, that's beat Reginald and beat Alicia at her current plan to screw us hard. I assume for Reginald, that's just going to be us learning new skills and increasing our stats.

Alicia is a bigger problem in some ways. To conquer her, we're definitely going to need to get her to at least the love level. We're also likely going to need to improve relations with Felicia, since I believe she does have mixed loyalties if I remember the thread from hell well enough. We don't want her stabbing us in the back by helping Alicia and she may even be able to warn us about Alicia related things. I'm unsure if we're going to need to work on Kris or not though in his current state. Any other thoughts on these matters guys?

Lets acquire some magic for ourselves. We are always garaunteed to do what we want afterall, so the magic won't suddenly be turned against us or something.

>>9326375
Honestly, I'm happy with Alicia instead of Kat.

>>9326443
It's not a maid outfit, it's a Magician's outfit. It will become something appropriate. For you, a robe and wizard hat. For your maids, a short skirt and a phallic looking magic rod.

>>9326410

Well, if we give the outfit to Kat, she can just change herself, and we wouldn't have to rely on Alicia. We'd have to ger her love back first though.

If the suit ends up on us, it must be a TOTALLY SNAZZY BITCHING suit.

I.e. NOT THIS ANYTHING BUT THIS

>>9326410
so that means we can assign it to samantha, kris, or ...carmine?! That would definitely be a recipe for disaster. Although it would make her even more heretical that she already is

Let's get that thing for ourselves. You all know we've been waiting ages to pull the rob and wizard hat joke.

What is Alicia's diabolical plan anyway? She seems completely screwed over right now, and despite her ability to transfer love it's really up to us not to fuck up so she can weasel into using it.

>>9326460
Why can't we have the short skirt and phallic rod?

>>9326460

>For you, a robe and wizard hat.

... you're not really giving us an option here, you realize that, right?

>>9326488
You could if you wanted. . .

I guess putting it on ourselves would solve our problems as well as anything. Let's go for it.

I vote for skirt and phallic rod

>>9326499
we wear the outfit!

>>9326511

I VOTE AGAINST, STRONGLY, OH GOD WHY

>>9326511

Lets MANLY it up.

KILT and phallic rod.

>>9326450
Seconded.

>>9326501
Seconded too. We may be skilled with a gun, but there is often a time where we have no guns nearby...

Or, at least none any bigger than our .22 Ass Blaster.

yes, we shall commandeer the suit. why? Because you fucking know the GM is going to weave gold out of an opening like that.

>>9326487
She's a demon. One always assumes she's up to something. Even if we're wrong, it won't hurt us since a lot of what was suggested fulfills our goals anyways. It's just things we'll likely need to counter anything she might have up her sleeve. We didn't do any BS checks when she started acting all lovey towards us so that could all be an act as far as we know.

>>9326516
Seems to be where it's going. I'll handle that when the time comes.

In any case, we rejoin our hero after dinner. It is now night of Day 9 of thirty. Although not quite what you would have liked, the tuna steaks and pasta you had for dinner is delicious.

You now have a choice of a few different actions.

1. Speak to one of your maids.
2. Go to bed.
3. I dunno, think of something else to do. I've had a couple beers.

No skirt, but the phallic rod opens up some interesting options in the bedroom.

KILT

AND

BULLY BAT WAND

WE GET A WAND THAT DOUBLES AS A CLUB, AND A KILT

ADD A WIZARD HAT AND CAPE TO THE MIX

NOTHING ELSE BOO YEAH

I put on my robe and wizard hat...

Could we trade the magic outfit for Carmine's power armor? We'll get power armor, and she'll become ANGRY MAGE!

>>9326551
Talk to Alicia about occurances today

>>9326511
Please, dear lord, no. Robe and wizards hat. MAYBE a robe and staff, call it our "Rod of Wonder" or something, but lets not be gay when we gotta sex up the maids.

Listen, getting Samantha assraped by aliens is one thing.

Throwing Katherine to a giant squid to be raped and drowned was one thing.

But becoming a fucking broken-as-hell caster? EDISHUN WAAAAARZ

>>9326551
Talk to Alicia maybe have a couple beers if she's not opposed to the idea.

>>9326564
Sadly, the power armor isn't fitted to you, and you don't seem to have any techmarines around who could. . .

Oh shit. O.O

>>9326551
Follow up with Jehanne about our earlier conversation

>>9326558
So... a kilt and a shillelagh? An Oirish wizard?

>>9326551
So, our XP went down since last thread so I assume we upgraded, and I didn't get to see, what are our current stats right now?

Beyond that, I think we should see if reginald could give us that late night training session, as that earlier one got blown due to shot nerves? Good way to cool off, I figure.

>>9326551
Talk to the Female Paladin more. We needed to reach a priest for her, right?

>>9326551

I'm conflicted. On the one hand, I want to go see Kris to see just how demonbitches magic affected him, but on the other, Jehanne needs some attention.

>>9326551

>Speak to one of your maids

Let's see what's up with... with... KAT, THAT DUDE OR CHICK OR WHATEVER. KAT.

No magic. Only deft cunning, brute strength, ridiculous luck, and brain-mashing alcohol.

WE MUST DO THIS AS A MAN!

>>9326577

>>9326577
Well damn. I was against this,but now it must be done. And as long as carmine the angry mage doesn't fuck over the world the power armor should help our duel with reginald

>>9326577

Trade for power armor, have science maid modify the fuck out of it. DO IT NOW.

>>9326589
Athletics: 3
Affection: 2
Skill: 3
Cunning: 2
Luck: 2
Will: 2


You need Skill 3 to use the Magician costume, so I moved it from cunning based on the last thread's request.

>>9326551
Speak to Jehanne. She loves us, and we need to help her sort her issues out

>>9326558

This is an intriguing idea. Like Merlin, get a staff up in that bitch.

<_<

In theory, we need to find out more about the current Kris. We could tell he was hiding something when we were talking to him in the morning but we don't know what. Does he have any memory of his deal with Alicia or is it something else?

>>9326585
Yes, but with more barbarian flair, for (I assume) self-infusing magic leading to a very forceful personality, etc.

Yeah, gonna have to vote for robe and hat, maybe somthing like a sacrifical dagger or staff for use in melee. None of this skirt bullshit.

DM Spoiler: Not enough relationship to convince an ANGRY space Marine out of her Power Armor. nice try Goshu

>>9326609

Just cast bulls strength and have it done with, lalala

>>9326577
... This sounds like a good plan...

>>9326589
If we do anything with Reginald, we should start having heart to heart talks with the man. Preferably while taking combat training. We will eventually become his Son-in-law anyway, so we need to connect on -some- level.

Maybe we should talk about our messing up with Kathrine - making sure to express our regret and sorrow. Either that or turning into a drunken lush again.

>>9326634
Aww, but with Kat being Kris now someone has to be the household trap

>>9326636
We can fix that.. I'm sure...

>>9326636
Fuck you for ruining my fun >:)

Anyway, seems the two major votes are for Alicia or Kristopher?

>>9326665
Eh, I count the most votes as being for Jehanne

>>9326665

kris. see extent of mindfuckery.

>>9326665
Alicia.

>>9326665
JEHANNE!

>>9326665
Alicia.

Also: Your welcome Goshu. can i has xp for derailing DM by being a DM and seeing it coming?

Alicia. It's useless talking to Kris right now. Besides, maybe any relationship gains will carry over when we get her love back.

>>9326677
Huh. Imagine that.

Okay, Alicia, Kristopher, or Jehanne?

>>9326665
Alicia

Not totally useless. Kris was hiding SOMETHING when we were talking to him earlier. It might be nothing but it also might be important. If he's a guy and thinks he's always been normal, what would he have to hide from us?

>>9326665
Head toward Jehanne and see if we can't get Bahamut on the phone. Still think that would work somehow.

>>9326665
i'm still voting for sorting out Jehanne's god thingy

>>9326694
Alicia.

>>9326694
Alicia

>>9326694
Jehanne

>>9326694
Can we compromise and do both Alicia and Jehanne?

...Vote change, Jehanne

rolled 1 = 1

>>9326694

Rolling 1d3 to fucking settle this.

>>9326731
That works too

>>9326694
Talking to Alicia again now that we have had a chance to think is a good idea.

>>9326665
Jehanne or Alicia. I don't see talking to Kris being immediately helpful.

>>9326737
Alicia.

If we can get three girls to love us, this'll turn out to be very interesting.

In sympathy for our good GM, I've aqquired some peppermint schnapps.

mmmmm, schnapps.

... seems like it's working already.

We'll compromise. . . Alicia and Jehanne, one then the other.

-----

After dinner, you come down to the guest rooms and knock on the door of the room reserved for Alicia. "What is it?" you hear a muffled voice ask.

"It's me," you say.

"Come in."

You come into the room and find Alicia laying on the bed. She looks a bit green, and from the pallor of her face, she's apparently been a bit seasick. Someone, probably Samantha, left her a tray of soda crackers and some water on her desk.

She glowers at you as you walk into the room, from where she lays on the bed with the covers tucked up to her chin. "What the hell do you want now?" she growls, then urps a bit and swallows, hard, fighting down the nausea as the ship rocks a bit more violently.

>>9326373

... am I correct in assuming that none of your actual friend's twitters are set to send mobile updates?

>>9326778

How can we fix Kat?

>>9326778
"Do you want me to get you a bowl?

...And I've been thinking about what you said last night."

rolled 1 = 1

>>9326778
hmm, take pity on the poor seasick evil soul sucking demon, or laugh at her misery.
Eh even pity, odd evil mocking

>>9326778
Ask her if you can do anything to make her feel any better

>>9326778

"Just wanted to impart an old anti-nausea trick I know. Video games. Staring at a screen seems to take ones mind and attention off the nausea, for some reason."

Loan her laptop + joystick + Freespace, which any self-respecting nerd has with them at all times.

(This actually works, I don't know why.)

>>9326778
"You don't seem to be enjoying yourself much. Can we help?"

>>9326778
We should avoid the Kat subject for the moment and start this politely.

Ask her how she is feeling at the moment, and if there is anything that we can get her at the moment that could help... Within reason.

>>9326778
Time to be affectionate and go find her some seasickness cures. There should be some pills somewhere on the boat.

>>9326796
I think we might be able to teach the demon what she's been screwing with this whole time.

>>9326786

.... uh.... fuck you! They totally are.

Totally.

Good lord. So we'll offer sympathy and help to the demon that killed us and wanted our soul, but we'll throw a person that loves us to a giant squid. Man we're fucked up

>>9326821
On one hand this is stupid. On the other haFUCKYEARFREESPACE

>>9326821
Agreed. also include a laptop with World of Warcraft

>>9326814
Outvoted, sadly. Most of the players seem to want to be nice to her.

-----
"Need me to get you a bowl or something?" you ask, sitting next to Alicia and putting your hand on her forehead.

She pulls away as if it were a hot poker jabbing her skin. "I'm fine," she snarls. "Get away from me."

"You don't look fine. Look, I'll bring you a video game. If you stare at a screen, maybe it will help you to. . ."

"Just go away, please?" Alicia pouts. She pulls the sheets up to her nose now. "Quit making fun of me. I know it's totally against the image of a Demon Queen to be seasick. Don't mock me."

>>9326778
Lets ask for some backstory on Felicia - how did she become her familiar?

My vote is to be mean. Bitch did try to fucking kill us, after all, and she got her adorable catgirl fragged before deigning to take the risk herself.

>>9326778
"Could have told me you didn't have sea legs."

>>9326868
TRUTH: We're not mocking you. We actually Care. you're one of the family now.

>>9326868
"I'm not making fun of you. You're not some demon queen anymore, you're something much better - you're more human now."

look, she's going to be suspicious of our kindness. Rather then becoming super affectionate, we should be snarky and treat her as more of a friendly enemy then someone we need to dote on. She was a queen for gods sak, we just appear patonizing by being kind all the time. Pull th niceness out in moments of actual emotion.

>>9326868
"If I was mocking you, I'd be alot less subtle about it. 'Oh miss demon queen, you're looking quite green. Are you going to turn into a wart-covered hag?' That's mockery. What I'm trying to do is to honestly be nice to you. So, do you want my help, honestly, or not?"

>>9326868

>Don't mock me

"Oooh goody, straight insults are more my forte anyway! How is it that a chronic weak-armed wanking nerd was able to pwn the shit out of a Queen of Hell? Where'd you get that title, in an e-mail from a Nigerian Prince, or a solicitation letter from Infernal Veterans of the Fourth Circle? Did it come with a tasteful sheet of return-address labels?"

>>9326868
"Jeez, we're not making fun of you. For the demon queen of lust, you really don't have a clue what you got yourself into, do you?"

Man, you people let your emotions get in the way of the long term. By being mean to her, we're just going to keep her plotting against us or looking for ways to screw us. Be nice to her now and we pave the path for a potential ally that can help solve the Kris problem and others that come up. Sure she tried to kill us but she failed and now look at her. I think that's punishment enough, at least in her eyes and that's enough really. We have bigger things to think about now.

>>9326868
... Not making fun of you hun, just trying to be helpful.

>>9326928
This. 1000 times this!
I know /tg/ is full of neckbeards that don't understand how emtions work outside of rage and hate but come on faggots. Man up and lets be nice to her as she is part of our household now.

>>9326908
This seems most our style.

>>9326868
"L-look, we're not helping you because we like you or anything... right?

S-stupid demon girl..."

>>9326908
> "If I was mocking you, I'd be alot less subtle about it. 'Oh miss demon queen, you're looking quite green. Are you going to turn into a wart-covered hag?' That's mockery. What I'm trying to do is to honestly be nice to you. So, do you want my help, honestly, or not?"

". . . fine, get me that glass of water," Alicia sighs. "And bring me that damn video game. Or whatever."

You head up to your owner's cabin and bring down your laptop computer and a controller. When you come back down to Alicia's room, you find her sitting up in bed nibbling on a cracker. She's wearing, of all things, flannel pajamas with unicorns on them.

"Unicorns?"

"Don't give me that look," Alicia pouts. "Samantha picked these for me."

"Well, in any case, try this," you say, turning on the laptop and firing up a video game for her. "I don't know why, but it seems to help."

"All right," Alicia sneers. "But if this makes me more sick, I'll kill you painfully."

She begins to play. . . and a few minutes into Freespace, she begins to get into the game a bit. "HA! DIE, FOOLISH MORTALS!" she screams. "FACE THE FURY OF MY LASERS OF JUSTICE!"

>>9326928

As one who is probably Maid Quests biggest, most pathetic fan, I strongly disagree. The fact that the initial surge of misanthropic /tg/ers has abandoned the quest has cheapened it a bit, in my opinion. This carebear shit has got to go. Our character has some goddamn spine, doesn't he? The bitch tried to kill us and blackmail us, didn't she? Rance the fuck up.

>>9327006

In an hour or so, when she first meets the Shivans, we're going to hear a scream of... I'm not sure exactly what emotion, but it will be POTENT.

>>9327006
>LASERS OF JUSTICE

...that's freakin' adorable.

>>9327006
Smile and ask if she needs anything else.

>>9327006
smile a bit and ask "SO, working better than you thought?"

>>9327011
Then you should obviously recognize that we only manage to do totally douchey things to the people we ACTUALLY care about.

>>9327006
Wouldn't have pegged you as the lasers of JUSTICE, type, personally.

If we built up the relationship with Kristopher, when she switches emotions with her, wouldn't that mean that her new emotion would be more kinder with Kris being kinder when he/she gets hers back?

>>9327006
"So... where exactly did Felicia come from anyway? And how are you holding up with that Kat business?"

>>9327006
Sit beside her and smile, watch her for a bit then move to Jehanne after a hug.
>>9327011
Wouldn't rance beat her then just fuck her raw?

>>9327006
While she's distracted, masturbate!

>>9327011
Rance doesn't always go hardcore rape. He's rather cunning when he wants to be. This is clearly just us being cunning to get what we want. Yes. That's all.

>>9327011
Hey, when she first showed up again, I was part of the committee to just shoot her. BUT NO YOU HAD TO GIVE HER A CHANCE TO SHOW HER HUMAN SIDE.

1.NO FUCKING HUGGING HOSTLE MAIDS

2. Tell her were taking up magic, and we could use her help. She'll jump on it to try and screw us over, but we'll have a reason to spend time with her and change that attidude. No reward without risk, afterall.

tsundere towards Alicia sounds hilarious, and I;m bored, let's do it.

>>9327042
>>9327043
>>9327045
>>9327047

"Lasers of Justice?" you laugh.

Alicia glowers at you. "Justice can be evil too!" she insists. "Especially if it's blind!"

"I think Jehanne might be rubbing off on you."

"Shut up before I throw this controller at you!" Alicia glowers.

"All right, all right, I'm sorry." You put your hands up disarmingly. "Anyway. . . how are you holding up?"

"Holding up?"

"With the whole. . . Kristopher. . . or Kat thing."

Alicia flinches. On the screen, her starfighter explodes into a shower of debris. She lowers her face, hiding her eyes from you with the bangs of her long, blonde hair.

"It's hard," she whispers. "Sometimes I want to kill you. Other times. . . I want to love you more than anything else. I don't know which is me any more." She looks up at you, and her eyes are dark and shadowed. "Maybe I should kill you," she says wistfully. "Then maybe I could stop hurting."

>>9327116
>Alicia, the former Demon Queen of Lust, now in possession of Katherine's Love (Warm)

>>9327116
>Alicia, the former Demon Queen of Lust, now in possession of Katherine's Love (Warm)

>>9327095
Killing her just proves that we're a brutish thug. Redemption through love and dickings is a far greater defeat than simply killing her will ever be.

>>9327006
Now get a second laptop, start a network game. Apollos, Avengers and ML-16s only, final destination. Assert our dominance.

>>9327151

There is a solution, isn't there?

Give the love back. Or is that... not an option?

>>9327151
I'm sorry, but since you are a demon of lust and probably love... you know what losing the one you love is like. killing me would put you in more pain than you could imagine. And you're you, its not a matter of emotion but of mentality! (Roll Bullshit)

>>9327169
Hey, let's have her give the love to us. We'll just end up as a narcissist

>>9327151
"Actually, that will probably just lead to a murder-suicide. Sort of bad for both of us."

isn't that the same thing for...half the maids on this boat?

>>9327151
"You don't need to hurt any longer. I don't want to be your enemy."

Place a hand on her shoulder.

>>9327161
Or do this and let her "kill" us.

>>9327181
>>9327169
>>9327201
> I'm sorry, but since you are a demon of lust and probably love... you know what losing the one you love is like. killing me would put you in more pain than you could imagine. And you're you, its not a matter of emotion but of mentality! (Roll Bullshit)

> Bullshit vs. Cunning: 8 vs 8

". . . I suppose you're right. Besides. . . I can't. It's in the contract." Alicia puts down the controller and curls up in a ball, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Can't you just. . . give the love back?" you ask. "Maybe. . ."

"I wish I could. But like I said, the contract. . . not until I know it's safe for Kristopher to go back to being Katherine. And I can't be sure of that right now."

"Maybe you could put it in me instead? I certainly seem to love myself just fine. . . "

Alicia glares at you. "It doesn't work that way, idiot," she sighs. "The answer is no. It's either I keep it or I give it back to her. That's the only choice I have. Kinda sucks, doesn't it?"

>>9327193
Fantastic.... let's hang onto that for later.

>>9327151
"I'd rather you didn't. Fighting my way outta hell once per week is enough for me. Besides, just getting rid of me isn't going to make you feel any better. You'll miss me."

>>9327193
Masturbating will be even *better*.

>>9327256

How can we make sure it is safe to give it back to her?

What do we need to do?

>>9327151

"This entire situation is a result of the first time you tried to kill me, sweetheart. Gee, that turned out real fucking swell for you, didn't it? Getting eaten alive, inside out, by that corrosive slime us humans call 'love.'

Why don't you ponder that for a bit."

>>9327256
It does suck. you know what else sucks? The fact that you're gonna get stomped in vidja games!
Bust out laptop and challenge her to many games.

>>9327256
Doesn't suck THAT bad; at least I know it's somewhere safe.

>"I wish I could. But like I said, the contract. . . not until I know it's safe for Kristopher to go back to being Katherine. And I can't be sure of that right now."
I'm going to take this as that we kind of have to improve Kristopher's status pretty far beyond Distant to start the wheels rolling on this whole deal. Would that be a safe assumption?

It does suck, and I'm going to try and find a solution for the problem.

>>9327256
Well, on the Kat front, maybe ask her if she knows anything about gender swapping magic, considering she IS a demon of lust.

>>9327256
"Maybe this is a good thing, Alicia. You can learn how to love on your own, now. Lust, pleasure, and sex are all well and good, but love is something else entirely."

"Besides, at least you're only THINKING about killing me, now, instead of actively trying to kill me."

>>9327299
Actually, I think managing to gender swap would fix it too, as she said it was because his love for us is incompatible with the fact that he's a guy.

>>9327283

"Yeah, I know," Alicia mutters. "If I'd known that trying to kill you back then would lead to this, I would have skipped the whole deal thing and waited for your descendant to try this out. You're an asshole."

"I'm also damn good at this game," you grin. Pulling out a second laptop and a network cable, you plug it in and fire up your second copy of Freespace. "Prepare to die, demon bitch!"

"Bring it, asshole!" Alicia growls. "I'll show you all the fury of ten thousand years of bloodshed and war in hell!"

"That was then, sweetheart. This is the future, and in the future, we fight with lasers and missiles!"

The banter flows back and forth for a while, as freely and easily as between old friends. You don't remember who wins more games. . .probably you, given that Alicia's a total newb at this. . . but you do remember laughing out loud towards the end.

And for the first time ever, you think you see a true, genuine smile on Alicia's face. Not a self-satisfied smirk or a conniving grin, but an expression of pure, plain happiness.

> Alicia gained Relationship. Relationship level remains at Warm for now.

>>9327357
So you're saying that the trap who dresses up like a maid and loved us up until recently isn't gay?

Tell her instead of trying to get rid of the love, maybe she could try and ditch the hate? It won't be easy, sure, but at least it's not contract-bound.

>>9327055
Rance would have raped all the maids and been killed by Reginald by now.

>>9327151
Go find another computer and challenge her so she can work out some of the aggression towards us.

>>9327377
D'awww...

Give her a quick hug, then let's go speak to our beloved Paladin.

>>9327314
>>9327357

I believe Alicia has pointed out that she could, possibly, if she were at full power, but her power level is WAY down since you wiped out her entire power base. She's barely capable of handling a single person's love right now, much less the kinds of massive feats she used to pull off. Something to keep in mind.

>>9327377
DAAAAWWWWW

>>9327377
Bid her goodnight, pat her on the head, and lets check on Jehanne.

"You know, Alicia? I like you a whole lot more this way. Maybe you should consider giving up the demon queen angle, eh? Anyway, have a good night. Hopefully you won't be so sick tomorrow."

>>9327383
I'm pretty sure he dressed up like a maid because he wanted to be a woman.

>>9327377
D'awww, etc.

Still kind of curious to know what the deal with
Felicia is, as was asked by >>9326869 and >>9327047

Ask those questions, then I suppose leave her to her justice-lasering.

>>9327412
>>9327405
>>9327399

You leave Alicia curled up in her bed sleeping, and close the door behind you. Sleeping like that, she looks small and vulnerable, a far cry from the demon princess you know she is. Funny that.

You take a moment to knock on Jehanne's door, but she's not there. Maybe she went out for a moment, or something.

What do? Where look?

>>9327401
>Implying that she would become a threat to us if we somehow made her more powerful? And making her powerful might clash with our relationship with Jehanne and Felicia. Maybe even our always Angry maid.

Bid her goodnight, hug her, and tell her you await her challenge at freespace when she's practiced more.

Go to jehanne

>>9327434
Take a quick look around, the boat isn't that big

>>9327401
Then we shall give her THE POWER OF LOVE.
(synthesizer solo)

>>9327425
>>9327047
>>9326869

Keep this in mind for the next time you guys talk to Alicia.

>>9327434

Look on the deck of the ship. I'd be willing to bet our paladin is up there.

>>9327434
Above deck; marvel at some goddamn miracles and such.

Be wary of potential pelican attacks.

>>9327434
Check the ship's deck outside. Or the hot tub.

>>9327401

>psychotic hateful demon queen is mostly powered-down now

>imokaywiththis.jpg

>>9327434
CHECK ON DECK

>>9327434
Go out onto the deck, search for something to drink.

Put on some Haddaway.

Start bobbing head.

>>9327464
HIT THE DECK!

>>9327434

Let's roll a move silent check while we scout around. I'd love to know what Jehanne is up to this time.

And by "love to know," I mean "drink in the sight of her latest naughty escapade."

>>9327448
Don't we have a hot tub? Hot tub, at night, under the stars out at sea. Could be pretty swell.

>>9327483
HEY! CUT IT OUT! We are going to go all noble with Jehanne, GET IT? Treat her like the sexy sexy knight she is and woo her!

>>9327456
>>9327455
>>9327449

You head up to the ship's deck. This late at night, it's eerily quiet and empty.

You hear a soft splashing noise, and turn to investigate. Walking to the back of the boat, you see something you didn't quite expect.

It's Jehanne. She's swimming back and forth behind the ship, her eyes looking up at the starry night sky, her soaking wet blonde hair streaming behind her in the water. As she backstrokes slowly, but surely, you can see her expression: it's a bit troubled, but also contemplative.

You can also see that she's naked.

>>9327500
"Mind if I join you?"

>>9327500
Do I really need to state what we do now....Really? Ok, summon our staff of lordly might and start whacking it

>>9327500
Ask to join her

>>9327500

Get naked, slip in as quietly as possible.

>>9327500
don't interrupt her.
just watch.

>>9327514
This.

A thousand times THIS.

>>9327500
Strip off your clothes and dive in.

If we're going to woo her, then we're going to be as forward as possible about it.

>>9327500
Watch from the shadows.
Hand her clothes when she gets out.

>>9327514
>>9327525
>>9327536
Be all polite about it too. No "Mind if I join with you?" puns either!

"Mind if I join you?" you ask.

Suddenly startled, Jehanne gives out a small squeak of alarm and disappears under the water. She comes up treading water with her hands over her bare breasts, looking up at you sheepishly. "I'm sorry!" she says. "I thought everyone was asleep!"

"I was just getting some air," you say. "This looks like fun, though. . ."

And before Jehanne can react, you've already taken off your clothes and dived in.

If we must take to the water, be sure to do it in a graceless manner, followed by swearing and bitching about slippery decks.

But honestly, we should leave her be.

>>9327572
Swim around her, ask if she's enjoying the boat trip.

Ask if she's done any more thinking about her patron deity.

>>9327572

Draw Fairbain-Skyes. Patrol around boat for giant squids.

Make a bib.... PING! ... bip... PING! sound as we do so.

>>9327572
WINNING SMILE
Don't be ashamed of your body!

>>9327572
No prying questions for now, just a bit of playful splashing.

Being playful is underrated.

>>9327572
"Have you thought of becoming a water nymph? Or at least taking Aphrodite as a patron god? You know she came out of the sea too."

> Athletics check: 3

It occurs to you, as you hit the surface of the water, that it must be goddamn cold in the ocean in the middle of night.

This is very quickly confirmed to you, and you let out a squawk and a high pitched cry of dismay, as the icy water closes in over your head.

"GODDAMN!" you shout, coming back up for air, teeth chattering. "It's freezing!"

"I tried to tell you!" Jehanne says, "I cast Endure Elements before I dove in!" She laughs at your discomfort, her bright, strong voice sounding like bells in the cold, clear night.

>>9327619
Yeah, probably a better idea.

>>9327589
>slippery decks

>>9327640

OWNED

NOW, let us go on giant squid patrol!

>>9327640
Jump out. Ensue awkwardness.

>>9327640
Man up, tolerate the cold. We won't notice in a couple minutes anyways

>>9327640
You know, I was actually wondering about that, but wrote it off as DM handwaving.

>>9327652

.... shiiiiiiiiiiit

>>9327640
"C-c-can y-y-you do me a favor and cast it on me as well?"

>>9327677
Because we'll have frozen to death.

But I suppose stay in the water a bit longer.

>>9327640
Man up and keep swimming. Enjoy pleasant conversation while penis becomes concave.

prying questions are boring, let's just dick around. We took this cruise to have FUN, and FUN we shall have!

>>9327640
Attempt to Swim to her, being a man about it. Join her for a swim and give her a chattering smile

Oh god. Is Endure Elements a touch only spell?

>>9327714

>FUN

>>9327714
This guy has a brain in his jar.

>>9327663
>>9327603
You amuse yourself by swimming around the boat making sonar noises and checking for giant squid. None here. It also helps to warm you up a bit, as the exercise helps you to ignore the worst of the cold.

By the time you come back around. Jehanne is sitting on the fishing deck, her feet in the water. Although she hands you a towel as you come up out of the water, she's sitting nude under the stars, seemingly unconcerned by her nakedness, staring up at the night sky.

>>9327604
"I'm glad," you say.

"Hmmm?" Jehanne replies.

"You seem to be. . . less embarassed about your body."

"I've been giving some thought to what you said," Jehanne admits. "And maybe I have been too hard on myself. Bahamut, I am sure, would not want one of his best warriors to deface her own body. It would make it harder to fight evil."

"So. . . have you given a thought to a new god?" you ask.

"I think. . . I think maybe I may have," Jehanne says.

>>9327723
>Casting Time: 1 standard action
>Range: Touch
AWWWWW YEAH.

This makes it doublely a good idea.

>>9327768
"Well? Who have you chosen?"

>>9327768
"...do you want me to guess?"

I think we're in autosage by the way.

>>9327768
Listen attentively while enjoying the view. Try to keep erection from being too visible

>>9327769
>>9327723
Jehanne responds by reaching out and touching your face. Immediately, you feel the cold start to leave you, as her spell takes effect. It also seems to help your "best friend" come out of hiding, as the warm relaxes you. . .

-----
Are we autosaging?

>>9327768
Touch her hand.

"You shouldn't feel guilt and shame, especially not when you're helping people. You're probably one of- no, THE kindest, noblest person I've ever met.

You're a good person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Jehanne... I love you."

>>9327768
climb out, dry off and sit nude next to her with the towel over BOTH shoulders (yours and hers).

"Oh? what god or goddess?"

Inb4 MORE BLOOD FOR BLOOD GOD, and WH40k.

>>9327824
Yes we are.

>>9327768

In whose name shall you be smiting bitches?

>>9327869

New thread

Yea, last check of 305 posts. The ship is sinking.

>>9327824
"Jehanne... I can't devote myself fully to you. You've... seen me with Felicia - and there will be others. Can you still love me in spite of that?"

>>9327824
Thanks, and I'm really glad to see how you've taken to this personal challenge and truly overcome it. It really seems you've taken your greatest weakness and made it into another strength.