Arthur. Arthur Dent.

Lance Chevalier

CAPTAIN GORDON

First one to get seconded will be chosen, I suppose.

Stanley Tweedle.

Dick Lazerbutt

Roger Wilco

BOLT VANDERHUGE!!!

>>8878810
Second.

>>8878851
Seconding

Marneus Calgar

>>8878810
third

>>8878851
This!

Rule #1
No SF Characters from Literature.
FUCK Arthur Dent.

>>8878851
55:ed

>>8878854
Arthur Dent it is, then!

You hear a familiar voice ringing in your ear.
"Captain Dent, we're picking up an unidentified energy reading on our short range sensors. It doesn't match any signatures in the CUH database."
It is Valerie Jennings, one of your bridge crew and the best flashing-button-presser in the entire Coalition Fleet.

Well, what shall you do, Captain?

>>8878897
Tell her to press some buttons! We can't look like we're slacking off. "Put it on screen!"

>>8878897
Shoot her. Bitch always pushes the buttons just right, huh? Let's see her push those puttons without any hands.

>>8878897
Ask her if her dick is hard.

>>8878897

Steal a kiss, and SCAN THAT FUCKER.

>>8878909
She brings up the display after turning some dials and pressing various odds and ends. The screen shows the verdant green of Galabarr V, and you can barely discern a strange, dark figure looming on the dark side of the planet.

>>8878910
Roll a d20 for actions

rolled 4 = 4

>>8878940
KAPOW! I blow those sexy wrists into smoking stumps!

rolled 11 = 11

>>8878940

stealing a kiss.

also, not blowing off her hands.

>>8878953
You draw your phazer pistol with a heroic flourish and shoot in Valerie's general direction. Unfortunately for both you and Ensign McGruff, who is wearing his favorite red shirt, the bolt misses its mark by a wide margin and hits the unwilling target squarely in the genitals.

The bridge crew looks at you shocked. You feel a bit embarrassed.

/roll 1d20

Telling her that her dick is hard.

rolled 15 = 15

>>8878984

Quick, remove his pants!

rolled 12 = 12

>>8878984
HE WAS A SPY.

>>8878975
After your show of violence, she eyes you with a mixture of fear and respect, but ultimately turns you down as you do your best "sexy face."

rolled 9 = 9

>>8878984
I'm a renegade space psycho! I thought I had surgery to remove that part of my brain! Well, if I'm still feeling embarassed then clearly the surgery wasn't good enough. I'm going to precision blast out that particular emotive centre of my brain - call me... Doctor Gun.

>>8878996
>>8878998
Quickly recovering, and using your legendary "quick thinking," you rip McGruff's pants off, pointing to the burn mark on his crotch.

"See! He bears a tattoo of the Space Cobras! This man was a spy all along!"
The bridge crew, satisfied with this explanation, go back to their flashy controls as two security troopers escort the crying ensign off the bridge.

what now, cap'n?

rolled 6 = 6

>>8879046
I told you already! I shoot myself in the head to remove the part of my brain that feels shame!

No petty emotion will get the better of Captain Dent. The 'Dent' stands for sexalicious.

I'll wait for you guys to come to a consensus from now on, instead of answering to the quickest posters.

No shame in bumping my thread, I guess.

Fire all space torpedos at the other ship

>>8879078

Head for the planet, while keeping the Space-Radar scanning for possible threats.

Quick question, is this a rocket-ship?

>>8879065
>>8879121
Both of these

>>8879121
Unfortunately, since you were sent on a mission of peace, your ship is pitifully armed with only two light main guns. At this range, they would merely annoy the other ship.

But there's nothing a little bravado and machismo can't fix!

>>8879143
You are Captain Dent of the SS Ironhearte (the extra "e" is to make it cooler). The Ironhearte is a rocket ship indeed, but it is also much more! It will act as a base of operation during any planet-side missions, and it comes with two crappy guns!

>>8879148
>>8879065
Well, this option got seconded.
>>8879121
As did this.

If either of these are thirded, roll a d20 and we'll see what happens.

rolled 12 = 12

>>8879201
SPACE TORPEDOES AND SHIT!

>>8879178
Order the wheelman to close with the energy reading.

>>8879219
"I'll be damned if this space-jockey is going to get the better of... CAPTAIN DENT!" you shout triumphantly, "Fire everything we've got at that ship!"

Your crew collectively roll their eyes, but do as told. The Ironhearte's guns blaze with white-hot fury before unleashing twin beams of blue energy. The lances of plasma shoot forth, and strike the unidentified ship! It seems your guns are more effective than you thought.

"Captain, although scanners show no significant damage, it appears the ship is retreating." Says some nameless crewman.

what do, cap?

>>8879273
Follow in hot pursuit!
We can't let these barbaric aliens get away!

>>8879273
Assemble the Jetpack Marines! We're going to board!

"Those pussies. Take us down to the planet. We won't be having any more trouble from those cowards."

>>8879291
this, see what they were doing. there might be loot.

>>8879282
>>8879288
"Gentleman, guard your loins, we're chasing them down! Full speed ahead!"

You stomp down to the launch room where five of your trusted marines await you. They all carry deadly, if not highly impractical looking, short-range blasters that will help in the close quarters of the bridge.

Do you still wish to pursue the ship?

>>8879291
Second.

>>8879320
>>8879305
>>8879291
Oh dear it appears I was too hasty with my post.

>>8879291
This is very pulp sci fi. Go with it.

>>8879338
The consensus is to land!

You eye your marines warily.
"Men, I don't recall requesting boarding actions! Pull another stunt like this and I'll have you Space-Court-marshaled back at CUHNT HQ!"
"Uh... sorry Cap'n.." They manage before sulking away.

Back on the bridge, you call off the pursuit.
"Take us down to wherever the unidentified ship was hovering, I want to see what's up."

What now?

>>8879377
I'll fast forward to the landing site.

You land effortlessly on the spot that the strange ship was flying over. The landscape of Galabarr V is lush and verdant, if not odd. Large, Fungi-like growths form a dense jungle around the clearing where your ship has touched down. In the distance you can make out the vague forms of oddly shaped wildlife.

You clamp on your space helmet and set foot on the bizarre planet.

>>8879409
Meet up with the local alien hotties of course!

>>8879429
"Man, I hope I get to... check out the local talent... sometime." You whisper to yourself as you survey the area. Somewhere in the universe, a lonely drumset goes "ba-dum-tish"

>>8879409
send a few redshirts to poke about, yourself and your heavily armed marines will wait to see if something kills them

Awaiting consensus, intrepid explorer of the stars!

>>8879451
Sounds reasonable.

>>8879451
this. also attach locators to them incase they get lost

Yeah, send them out. Also, sit under a nice umbrella.

"Privates Smitty, Chuck, Danube, and Carter, report to the hangar immediately!" You shout over the radio as you head back into the ship!

The four privates are wearing their spiffiest red shirts today, you make a note of their impeccable choice of garments.

"I have a great mission for you four, you're going to be the expeditionary team!" You chuckle to yourself, knowing their fate is most likely sealed.
The young soldiers beam with eagerness to prove themselves to a grizzled hero such as yourself, and grab their helmets and blaster rifles before heading out.

You hear Chuck say "Oh boy, I can't wait to write home to my maw 'bout how I helped out the great Captain Dent!"

What now.

>>8879536
make sure the marines are prepared, have someone watch the unknown ship with our sencors, and keep an eye on the redshirts

>>8879500
Heading back to the bridge, Jennings informs you that locators have been placed in the young mens' helmets to keep track of them.
"I have taken the liberty of preparing the consolation letters for the boys' families, sir." She says.

On the radar, you see four distinct white blips moving north into the fungal trees.

>>8879536
Sit under a big umbrella and sip daqueries.

Your five marines are waiting in the hangar. You can see them on securitron 5000 feed number 3. They prime their blasters in anticipation of action.

Grabbing a daiquiri out of the fridgidizer, you watch the radar carefully. Nothing has happened thus far.

On a separate screen, the strange ship has completely fallen off the radar.

Suddenly, one of the white blips has disappeared! Over the radio, agonized screams are heard, clearly those of Private Chuck. Mixed with the sounds of lazer fire and terror are high-pitched, bestial squeals.

"Shall we mobilize the marines sir?"

Another one of the blips goes dark, this time it is Private Smitty.

"Oh god, I can't tell if he's bleeding or if it's just his shirt! Oh the humanity! The humanity!" Carter cries out.

>>8879645
no, tell one of the other redshirts to look into it. once we have info from our disposeable scout then send in the marines

Suddenly, a claw grabs you from behind. It is too late for you.

Sorry guys I have to go :/

>>8879678
order the ship to fire on the location, then send the marines

Roll a d20 to determine the fates of Danube and Carter, please.

>>8879713
Obvious imposter. Try harder, sir.

>>8879713
Ohyou.jpg

rolled 13 = 13

roll

>>8879731
Over the radio, you hear Carter shout triumphantly as he, apparently, blasts one of the creatures.

"Take THAT you bastard!"

Danube is apparently not as lucky, and a sickening wet rip signifies his horrible death as his blip goes dark.

Carter seems to be doing well for a sacrificial lamb though, and he kills one more beasts before the radio goes quiet.

All you can hear are Carter's grunts of pain.

What do.

"Holy shit, we're getting the fuck off this rock."

>>8879781
Rescue Carter, that badass motherfucker needs a promotion right now.

Awaiting consensus, brave spacemen of /tg/

A bump to attract other explorers of space.

>>8879835
"Send in the marines, we need to get that man!" You shout over the ship's intercom. Your faithful marines burst forth from the hangar, eager to greet the exotic fauna with a hail of lazers.

After twenty minutes, Carter is safely on the bridge. His right forearm is missing, and he is bleeding heavily from a gash on his head from when he fell.
"Captain, we encountered some... things... out there! They were huge! At least twelve feet tall!"

One of your marines, Major Dobson, shakes his head.
"He's delusional sir, we found no bodies save for those of our own men."

what now, Captain?

>>8880008
Promotions for carter.
Now we do this 'Nam style.
RAZE THAT JUNGLE WITH NAPALM.
Or whatever we have.

>>8880055
You have two pitiful front-mounted lazers, a gaggle of blaster rifles and pistols, and a single heavy weapon dubbed "The Equalizer." It's a glorified blaster cannon, to be honest.

You cargo hold contains a shipment of mangoes, as it was said the sentient inhabitants of this backwater like mangoes. You were originally sent on a mission of peace, this is not what you expected.

"Before this man bleeds out, I'd like to promote him to corporal!" You smile, "Now get him to the med bay, damnit!"

>>8880055
Agreed. "I read a few pulp novels as a kid. Stuff like this always leads to a bad end. I ain't taking no chances."

>>8880106
You devise a most ingenious plan.

"We're gonna raze this jungle to the ground!"
You receive nods of assent from your gung-ho marines. But the crew is not impressed. They seem disturbed by the thought.

Roll a d20 for persuasion!

rolled 11 = 11

BOOYAH!

>>8880190
You passionately argue your case, even pulling rank on your bridge crew. Two of your seven crewmen agree, but the rest will have none of it.

"We can't just go burning down the entire planet, sir!" Says Jennings, "It would seriously harm the relationship between the locals and the CUH."

She raises a good point. However, a good captain always has an ace up his sleeve.

What's the plan, man?

>>8880214
"I need to see you in my quarters."

Proceed to hot dickings to convert her to our cause.

>>8880231
Roll a d20 for manly seduction.

I guess I should just make it clear that d20s shall be rolled for performing actions.

rolled 5 = 5

Hot dickings

>>8880312
You look over to Jennings, and catch her eye. You then schmooze over to her work station, and turn down some of the flashier lights and buttons.

"Hey Jennings," you says in your sexiest baritone voice while flashing a flawless smile, "I think my phazer needs uh... recalibrating. Mind coming to my quarters and checking it out?"

She nearly chokes to death on the space-coffee she was sipping before laughing hysterically at you. You have been thoroughly rejected.

What now?

rolled 13 = 13

"Get moving, you double-niggers!"

>>8880361
In the name of moving things right along-

As you contemplate having Jennings die of mysterious circumstances during an away mission, a loud, barking voice breaks the relative silence of the bridge.

"Flesh-things of... Euuuruth? You are on sacred ground! A pod of Zeldessi warriors has you surrounded, and we will not hesitate to reduce your ship to slag if you do not respond with haste!"

Egads, aliens!

rolled 14 = 14

>>8880361
SHOOT HER OUT THE AIR LOCK

"Well looks like we need to vote again."

rolled 9 = 9

>>8880409
Growl and pound on the viewscreen to intimidate them!

>>8880411
You've landed on the planet, jettisoning her out of the air lock will only cause her to flop down two feet outside of the ship.

>>8880431
You do what you can to intimidate the beastly organism, but it seems to only amuse him.

"Pathetic little thing aren't you? Well, you had the decency to respond, I suppose we can hold off on annihilating you for a minute or two."

Do you wish to negotiate?

rolled 11 = 11

>>8880459
"NEGOTIATE THIS!" Grab dick.

rolled 10 = 10

>>8880459

Hell yeah, we're gonna negotiate the fuck out of them.
What do they want, anyway?

>>8880470
>>8880476
You ask them what their intentions are.

"You have landed in a grove sacred to the Zeldessi. My scouts informed me that your men killed two beasts that reside in this grove. We would have you come to our city and discuss reparations for this transgression, if you are the captain of this vessel."

>>8880459
What's it look like?

>>8880523
The "Zeldessi" as it calls itself, is a being humanoid in shape. Its skin is a dull red, and this one has four eyes situated in the center of its forehead, and a large square jaw that breaks into two mandibles lines with sharp teeth. Two long antennae jut out from the sides of its head, and you can make out a long scar running down the left side of its face.

rolled 19 = 19

Carter us captain. Send him.

>>8880582
High roll on the bluff check.

You ask the beast for a minute while you find the "Captain." Hurrying down to the med-bay, you rouse Carter from a drug-induced sleep. It appears his forearm has already been replaced with a bitchin' robot arm ending in a hook!

"Son, I'm sending you on what can only be described as THE MOST IMPORTANT MISSION OF YOUR LIFE!"
"Whu- what's that s-s-s-sir?" He barely manages.

You give him the briefing, and through a mixture of your own ingenuity and his drugged state, he agrees. You dress him up in a fancy costume using some arts and crafts supplies from your quarters, and present him to the Zeldessi.

>>8880659

"Here's the Captain!" You put on your best fake smile and discreetly elbow Carter in the side.

"Uh.. uh huh, yeah... Yeah I'm uh, the Captain. Whatcha want?" He stammers.

"We would have you come to our capital city to discuss the two sacred beats you have slain!" Barks the alien.

what do

rolled 2 = 2

>>8880564
Booooooring. Challenge one to a fistfight!

rolled 19 = 19

>>8880682
>>8880659

Well, off he goes!
Also, can we make preparations for something like a surprise/emergency liftoff?

>>8880729
You watch Carter stumble off into the jungle surrounded by the massive aliens. They appear to have taken the bait like chumps.

Meanwhile, you order the crew to prepare for an emergency takeoff, for what purpose, only you know.

Over a hidden radio, Carter appraises you off the situation:
"We're coming up on the city fast, Cap. Alright I'm through the gates... God these things smell awful. Oh wow Captain, you gotta see this!"

He activates his helmet-cam 2000 to show you the sprawling metropolis of the Zeldessi. Titanic spires jut out of the ground, topped by bulbous structures. You see vendors and transports vehicles of all styles flying through the air around the buildings, creating flying highways and thoroughfares. A nexus of bridges connects each spire, like a gigantic spider's web.

After an hour, Carter is within the "inner sanctum" and is before what you assume is their leader.

Your ship is also ready for takeoff.

>>8880926
Hold on standby.

Use our communicators to relay the conversation through Carter. We'll tell him what to say.

rolled 4 = 4

>>8880838
Watch and see how well he does. Prepare yourself to take the credit.

>>8880934
D20 for speechcraft, my good man.

rolled 8 = 8

>>8880940

>>8880953
>>8880938

Already having your heroic acceptance speech ready, you tell Carter exactly what to say in order to impress the aliens. However, you are less than persuasive:

"Great and scary space beings! I am Captain Dent of the Ironhearte! I work for the Coalition of United Humans, and I come in peace! Be warned, though! Should you anger me, my martial skills are without parallel, and I will not hesitate to cut you down with my... very scary hook!"

The chieftain scoffs at Carter.
"Don't make me laugh, huuumohn. I could break you in two with no effort. If you insist on threatening me, I will break you and destroy your precious ship."

He seems angry, this is off to a bad start.

Do you wish to keep trying your hand at the negotiations, or leave Carter to be brutally beaten to death by the Zeldessi?

Alternatively, a daring rescue mission would be just the thing to up your manliness.

Bump

>>8881177

Daring mission FTW!

>>8881343
Ah! I was worried my first (and apparently poor) attempt at a quest thread would die on an anticlimax!

"Carter, stall him, we're coming in to get you!" You growl into the mic. Carter seemed to be forming a response, but you cut him off before he could finish the though.

Gathering up your gear, you take inventory:
Five marines
Twenty non-critical crew members
Enough Blasters for everyone
"The Equalizer"
A Whole bunch of mangoes.

What's your plan, Captain?

rolled 11 = 11

>>8881384
Sneak in and bribe guards with mangos

>>8881406
This will be the plan if it is seconded.

>>8881384
Pass blasters to everyone. Shoot everything.

We have one vote for balls-out and one vote for sneaky gits.

Balls-out.

>>8881436
Roll a d20, if it's higher than eleven, I will proceed with your daring assault.

>>8881505
Oh dear we have a seconding.

Balls out it is!

You pass blasters to the twenty non-critical crew members, they will be the bulk of your force. Your five marines are better trained, have better suits, and better guns. The major brandishes "Darla," his prized beam-cannon.

You take your trusty phazer and The Equalizer.

Will you give a rousing speech to your crew?

rolled 20 = 20

Rollan

>>8881545
Critical success, a good portent!

Well, if you gents are at a loss for words for a good heroic speech, I'll get us moving again.

You take off in the Ironhearte and head straight for the city. Everyone aboard the ship is tense, but confident. With a brave hero like you at the helm, who wouldn't be?

The city is within sight now. What will you do?

>>8881564

rousing speech is go?

>>8881641
Feel free to come up with one, and I will retcon it into existence before advancing on the city.

Well, the speech can remain in limbo for now. You've got a city to attack! What's the battleplan, captain?

Should I confront, subdue, and pummel the suspected perpetrator?
Sick 'em up little buddy.

What say you, spaceman?

>>8881868
Stupidity 101:
Bullrush. :3

>>8881922
In the name of adventure and action, it will be done!

You fly your ship towards the central structure, which you know to be the leader's palace. However, a stray shot from a defense turret clips one of your tailfins, causing you to spin out and crash into a spire nearby!

You shake yourself awake and take inventory: Four crewman did not survive, everyone else is fine. Scanners show you are two spires away from the main building, and can get there quickly using the bridges connecting each one.

You stumble out of your ship, soldiers in tow, only to be greeted by three panicked Zeldessi security troopers!

What will you do?

Go to sleep.

>>8882064
This is no time for sleep! This is a time for action!

bump

Well I will be back in a while, I hope the thread doesn't slip off the board by the time I get back.

rolled 8 = 8

>>8881968

I unzip my pants and pull out Dent jr.
"Okay you ugly bastards, one false move and I will spray my poisonous acid all over you. Because humans can do that. Yeah."

>>8882483
Damn, too slow.

I like this quest, let's hope it stays alive long enough for OP to come back.

>>8882592
As soon as I saw that I got the theme stuck in my head, thanks.

>>8882609

No problem, /co/mrade.
By the way, Rocket Robin Hood is exactly what I imagine Captain Dent looks like.

People like my shitty quest? Cool.

Well I'm back, let's rock and roll.
Have we agreed on an action?

>>8881662

WE FIGHT FOR OUR HONOR AS BLOOD RAVENS, AS SPACE MARINES.speech

>>8878867
Dent Mc Arthur

>>8882799
Captain Dent suddenly has Captain Boreale's retarded accent?

>>8882773
Not sure, but I like my acid gland bluff plan.

>>8882838
Well feel free to re-roll after that 8. If it gets seconded then go ahead.

rolled 1 = 1

>>8882860
okay, here goes

>>8882877

...Ooops.

>>8882826

Only when he does a low roll for speechs.

>>8882877
Whoop de doo, here we go. Critical failure for maximum hilarity.

You whip your member out of your glorious silver jumpsuit and wave it menacingly around. The aliens are stunned by the sheer audacity of your maneuver, and your own crew are equally disturbed by the act.

In the midst of all this excitement, you ejaculate onto the floor.

The aliens break from their stupor, and one charges you. However, he slips on your ejaculate and his beam rifle becomes lodged into his eye.

There are still two enemies to deal with. What will you do?

>>8882968
*one of his eyes

Come on fa/tg/uys, get on with it.

>>8882995
You are welcome to participate also. Thanks for the bump.

rolled 10 = 10

>>8882968

...uh... that was EXACTLY what we meant to happen.
"Well space-fuckers, do you surrender or do you wish to meet the same fate as your girlfriend here?"

rolled 18 = 18

>>8882968

sheath your hyper weapon and blast with an actual weapon

>>8883019

Thanks, but I already am. I suggested the "acid spray" and the following taunt.

>>8883037
The aliens appear unfazed by the events that have just unfolded.

"Shoot it in the weak point!" Screams one as he gestures at your (proud and rather large) cock, letting loose a salvo of lazer rounds.

Your own crew snaps into action, taking cover behind bits of debris and firing back, albeit pathetically.

You have searing hot lazers flying towards your dick, what do you do now, captain?

Roll a d20 for actions.

>>8883049

This. Fire the first shot while screaming at our men to open fire, then dive into cover as quick as possible and let them sort it out themselves. They're brave men, they can handle it.

rolled 17 = 17

>>8883101

DODGING FOR THE LOVE OF ALL OUR FUTURE DECENDANTS!

>>8883129

Alright!

>>8883129
Good roll when you need it, player!

Using all of your heroic might, you dive forward, TOWARDS your assailant, whilst tucking your dick back into your pants. The white hot beams sail harmlessly over your head, connecting with the side of your ship.

Meanwhile, your men continue to fire at the two aliens. It seems as if neither side is very good at fighting.

You are now within three feet of the nearest Zeldessi warrior, with the other a few feet behind him.

The beast snarls and clicks its mandibles at you.

>>8883180
A blast from The Equalizer at this range would liquify both of the creatures.

rolled 4 = 4

>>8883180

Let's get down and dropkick that sucker.
"FOR THE GLORY OF CAPTAIN DENT!"

Also we need more players in here, with my crappy luck we will all die pretty soon.

>>8883234

And of course I had to write my suggested action before this post.

>>8883238

"Eat boot you filthy monster!" You shout as you heft your bulk through the air, both your feet pointed at the alien's chest.

It seems to predict this move, though, and grabs you by your legs, swinging you around and flinging you back towards your ship.

You're a little frazzled, and your mens' morale has dipped from seeing their glorious leader go down like a pansy. One of them takes a bolt to the face and goes down screaming.

You're down to twenty soldiers!

Get in here, spacemen.

>>8883316

I have a feeling I'll get us all slaughtered if I keep rolling like this. Need some help here.

>>8883336
Rest assured, Adventurer, you will eventually be victorious.

How good you look while succeeding is debatable, though.

>>8883318
420 SHOOT RAINBOWS ERRY DAY

Sup Amarrbro, is my carrier kawaii? :3

Awaiting orders, Captain.

rolled 1 = 1

>>8883357

This situation calls for some good old-fashioned heroism. I try to grab the dead alien's gun and fire it at the enemy.
And let's throw in a witty one-liner for morale.

>>8883318
is dat sum EVE?

>>8883459
>>8883368
I guess. Now let's kill these aliens.

>>8883432

Picking yourself up, you run forward and grab the rifle lodged in the dead alien's eye.

"I see your friend enjoyed that lazer eye surgery!" You say, smirking at your comedic genius.

You fire the beam weapon at the Zeldessi that tossed you earlier, but the brain matter and eye juice covering the barrel causes it to overheat and misfire! The weapon blows up in your face, scorching off your HEROIC EYEBROWS!

All the combatants on the field laugh at you, and in the confusion two more men are shot down, one of them is a marine!

18 men left!

>>8883432

See, I have the worst luck.

>>8883511
At least you're playing! Besides, critical failures are just... better.

rolled 11 = 11

>>8883501

Screw this, let's just clonk the nearest alien on the head with the chared remains of the laser gun.
It's not as if we have any dignity left to lose.

>>8883564
That's the heroic spirit!

Grabbing the blasted pieces of the rifle, you charge at the closest alien, a twisted, charred bit in each hand.

Flailing with the might of a million angry children, you manage to clonk him on the head repeatedly. This appears to bother him, but aside from that he doesn't seem very injured.

Your men are emboldened by your valor, however!

bump

rolled 8 = 8

>>8883605

"If you mess with Captain Dent, you better have the BALLS to back it up!"
I swiftly drive my knee into his crotch area, hoping that's where he has his testicles or similar organ.

>>8883686

MOTHERFUCKER
This is not a good day for Captain Dent.

>>8883686

>>8883686

The alien, puzzled by this maneuver, seems to feel nothing: "Foolish huuuumonh! We Zeldessi hide our reproductive organs within armored shells on our chests, unlike your weakpoints, which are squishy and vulnerable!"

He headbutts you, and you are sent reeling back. Your men manage to kill the one in the background, but the one before you still stands.

"Sir! I can see more of them headed this way along the western bridge!" Cries out one of your men.

Looks like trouble, Cap'n.

>>8883741
>John Carter of Mars
FUCK YEARS

>>8883761

I'll post more Carter if you help me out. Cause I honestly have no idea what to do now.

We need us a rabbit.

>>8883792
In the name of heroism! Do something brave and awesome! Perhaps I will reward crazy-cool antics despite bad rolls?

rolled 20 = 20

>>8883815

Hm... okay, here goes nothing. "So you're a hard nut to crack, eh? Well then..."
I throw a fierce punch into his laughing mouth, hoping to hit some vital part.
"...let's try to get inside your head!"

>>8883879
FUCK YEAH, HUMANITY!

>>8883879
Splendid! Nice one liner, too.

Your fist sails right through the alien's chuckling mandibles, causing bits of skull and brain to fly straight out the back of his head. The particles are fired with such velocity that they rip apart the front line of advancing reinforcements like a shotgun blast, causing one to flip over the railing next to him.

The aliens pause for a moment, and your men shout your name in triumph! This might have given you the chance you need! The main building, and what might be left of Carter, is to the north.

What do?

rolled 10 = 10

>>8883935

"Better part of valor time, boys! Let's... eh... regroup to the north." Legs, don't fail me now.

I need to go to bed in about ten to twenty minutes, though.

rolled 8 = 8

>>8884025

You know, screw that. I charge into the aliens, laser rifle ablazing while screaming in a manly barryton.

>>8884025
You huff towards the northern bridge, but the fight has sapped much of your stamina. One of your men is shot in the back as your troops advance towards the throne room.

Luckily, however, you manage to get in and close the large bulkhead behind you. Jennings and your critical bridge crew are still on the ship, but they'll have to wait for now.

You are currently in a large dome. The bridge to the throne room is to the northwest, while another bridge stretches to the northeast. Bizarre fungi adorn what looks like the aliens' form of a botanical garden. A second floor stretches around the perimeter above you, you can see the staircase leading up to it thirty feet away.

Plenty of chest-high walls, cap.

rolled 13 = 13

>>8884102

"Oh well, Jennings was probably a dyke anyway."
How many men do we have left with us, and are there any redshirts?

>>8884157

Seventeen loyal men remain, four of which are grizzled marines.

rolled 3 = 3

>>8884176

Hm... we need to do some recon. Let's head up the strairs with a few of the men, while the other keep watch.

>>8884239

You head for the stairs, but slip and break your heroic nose on them.

Picking yourself up, and plugging your bleeding nostril with a handy napkinizer 3000, you survey the area. Shops and other doorways line the walls, and you see a large circular elevator-apparatus in the very center of the spire. Out the window, you see the advancing reinforcements trying to cut through the sealed bulkhead you came through.

And what is that? Jennings and your bridge crew are being held captive!

rolled 9 = 9

>>8884283

Oh crap, this isn't good. Can I see the gate to the throne room from here, and is it guarded? Time to get some bargaining chips.

>>8884324

You can see the throne room, down the long bridge to the northwest. For some odd reason, it is unguarded.

rolled 17 = 17

>>8884335

On one hand, it's an obvious ambush. On the other hand, we don't have time to think of a *good* plan. Head down the stairs. "Okay boys, follow me. Time to get regicidal."

>>8884394
You charge gloriously down the bridge, and all of your men follow suit. You all manage to leap into the throne room just as the bridge inexplicably explodes and collapses behind you.

You survey the area, and find only the Chieftain sitting atop a golden throne located on top of a large staircase on the far wall. Carter is nowhere to be found.

Take the chieftan hostage for safe passage back to your ship. Then, don't release him and fly back to Earth.

They wouldn't dare shoot down a ship with their leader in it.

The Chieftain bellows a challenge to you:

"Little huuumohn thing! Are you the real Captain Dent, come to face me with honor?" He leaps down, showing the full scale of his bulk. He is easily fifteen feet tall, with grizzly looking mandibles plated with silver, and four eyes that burn like coals.

"Your double did not stand long in combat against me!" He roars and gestures to Carter, who lays unconscious and bloodied in the corner, a laser-scimitar across his chest.

"Come, face me." Shouts the king as he throws you a vibrating, crackling lazer-sword. He steps back from you, issuing a challenge.

What now, Captain?

>>8884633
You inform him of your conditions. If you best him in combat, he will consent to your wishes.

rolled 18 = 18

>>8884679

"It will be an honor to fight such a worthy oppo- HOLY WHORES OF NEPTUNE, WHAT IS THIS THAT THING BEHIND YOU!?!"

I then fire my blaster at his head as he turns around.

>>8884728

Okay, that's it. I need to go tho bed now, see ya. Hopefully there will be a sequel eventually.

>>8884728

"Excuse me?" He grumbles as he turns around.

Then, aiming true, you empty the battery cell of your phazer into the back of his head. The massive alien isn't dead, no phazer could kill that thing, but he will be out cold for quite a while.

Good job hero, what now?

>>8884760
Well if people don't hate this quest and would enjoy a sequel, I would be happy to provide one! Thank you very much for participating in this quest, good night to you.

>>8884773

Hate? It's the only Quest thread I've actually enjoyed the latest months. Sadly, I have work in a few hours and I need to squeeze in some sleep before that.

Well it seems the quest has just about wound down.

This quest received a lukewarm response. Perhaps I will post a sequel one of these days. Thanks to all that participated.

>>8884859
Apparently you haven't been tuned in to Lego Quest and Ork Quest, I have been greatly enjoying both of them.

>>8884864
I also would like a sequel.

>>8884898
Cool, thank you very much.

>>8884880
>>Lego Quest, FUCK YEAR
Don't forget Settler Quest, Lord Quest (running again, yeah!) and Terminator Quest for good recent ones. Then again, maybe it's just because I love me some empire management.

This was good though.

>>8884940
Well, what would you, or any other people who participated, like from a follow-up? Was this not action-centric enough? Need more comic relief? More intrigue?

Final bump before I let the thread die.

I say continue.

this is to awesome to die