Sounds more like Dorfs.

Whatever.

post moar

(as requested)
Well, except for chocolate and alcohol. How they stomach the stuff, I don't know. Heh, yeah, you're right, maybe that's what it takes to get them buzzed. I mean, if your body produces designer drugs and you breathe rocket fuel, what the hell do you do for fun? Anyway, I've been hooked on this stuff called "cinnamon"- tastes like a damn orgasm the way the humans prepare it. At least, in what they call a "cinnamon bun." Holy crap in a hat, that will knock you on your ass. First time I tried it I spazzed. Really, it's that good. Hoooweee... did I tell you about Jeff? My new partner on the force. Yes, a human. No, we're not doing it. I'm not even sure if our parts match up. Perverted sonofabitch... anyway, this guy is loads of fun. Young guy, right out of the academy, lots of energy. We play poker or apskila every weekend, and he introduced me to donuts. You've never heard of these? Cakey, sweet, moist... just... wow. He dips'em in coffee. Coffee? Oh, uh, boiled water with essence of a bean in it. Bitter, but good. What? No, I didn't get hooked! The stuff is packed with caffeine! Do you know what that would do to me?

gas mask nun says keep going

I like the idea of humans being pop-culture darlings.

Hm. Sounds like .. gawd, what was that story?

.. Musicians .. murder story .. galactic war ..

>"cinnamon bun." Holy crap in a hat, that will knock you on your ass.

Buhn-zuh. Cinnamon bun-zuh. I agree, they are delicious. Del. Ishussss.

>>8695671
"You humans spent years developing WHAT? A MACHINE...for the express purpose of PROVIDING ENTERTAINMENT? That's...That's AMAZING!"

AHA!

Now I remember.

Hey OP! Take a look at this: http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/s/l-neil-smith/wardove.htm

"The Wardove" by L Neil Smith.

You might like it.

Yes, that's right, sikak-for-brains. I could die. If it didn't kill me I'd have damage to both my hearts. Hai-sa... What about Jeff? Oh, don't tell me you got your biology archive out. Yes, I know he's male. Xenobiology is taught at the academy from day one. I can tell a male from a female Zipk if I have to, it comes with the job. Wait, what? What do you mean, hours? ...What?!

...I'll call you back.

[break]

...pickupickupickup- ah! You were right! Holy Hanamba were you right! B- eep! Jeff, not now, I'm on the comm... oooh! Ah... ah.. ah... aaaaiiieeEEEE! (click)

[break]

Ow... just... ow. You didn't tell me about the soreness. Yes, I know what the archive said about averages, but he wasn't! I think I hurt my ovotract... I'm going to call a doctor today. Feels like my ssiskas is jammed all the way up in my erlac... ooog.

[break]

>>8695769

Hehe, i see what you did there.

I never finished those as a child, so I recently downloaded all the pdfs and am filling in the gaps.

>>8695769
>>8695569
Have you guys heard of this human thing called "Mee-yoo-zik"? They utilize sound waves produced from devices in order to stimulate sections of the brain into producing chemicals! It's insane!

>>8695865
Humans. I spit on their pitiful attempts at entertainment. They spend all day watching holovids of other people doing the things they WISH they could do. Pathetic. Now, the Arena! THAT is a glorious form of entertainment!

>>8695949
Good for you. We humans did that too, a few millenia ago, before we learned to control our urges.

The whole Berating rocket fuel and manufacturing drugs is a bit much IMO. Any intelligent carbon based life form will probably do that.

HOWEVER, Compared to say, a life from that evolved on Europa, we swim in lava and move at 9000 miles per hour.

>>8695819
Oooh. I like this, I like this alot. Thank you, anon!
>>8695858
If I hadn't lost all of those books in a flood, I would scan the crap out of them. Loved'em as a kid.

[narrator://shift]
Diary: Entry 354834.
Dear Diary, thinks are different with Pititika lately. I mean, she's always had the pheromones for authority, and being a police officer really makes her happy. Since she started mating with her partner, though, she's been... well, she's really into human stuff. I hadn't realized how prolific they were in music, and I've been trying new things, but she's really delved into the stuff. Downloading archives on human history and culture, just eating it up like fresh iskad. Whenever we get together now, she's almost always exhausted from being with Jeff- she just can't keep up with his sex drive. Maybe I should talk to her. (sigh.)
At least she was right about the music. I picked up an MDMA album and I liked it. It's what they call "techno"- lots of hisses and pops and thumps and tones. I can almost feel the mathematical progression, sometimes. It's even better when I'm high. Last night I put on my aural projectors and went diving. I could've stayed down there all night, too, but my nitrogen tanks were low. (sigh.) This morning I went out and checked into something called "heavy metal"- ow. That hurt my timpanic membranes something fierce. Even so, I like it. It's fierce, angry. Powerful. Maybe I should call up Jeff and ask if I could borrow his Metallica datatab... Fen'shuryeh. I'll just ask Pititika to do it for me. That human scares me, y'know?
End log.

>>8695855
I had to read that twice to get it.

Capital. Quite amusing. Props to you, good Sir.

>>8696103
Hmm. Well, the idea is, humans breathe oxygen; nitrogen fixation or ammonia-based biochemistry I would assume is the norm. Adrenaline, on the other hand, I just like the idea that humans are the only species beyond Earth that make such a substance. If you think about it, it really is an odd adaptation- rather than being prepared at all times, our bodies jack us up to 11 when shit goes down.

>>8696225
Not much of a defense against a bullet from nowhere, is it? What a pity we can't mail evolution some specifications.

Humans. Interesting creatures. A partially furred outer epidermis which can vary between perpetually furred and naked. They come in a most fascinating realm of colors, from a pink to a deep ebony, and some variations flow from there.

But while their colors might be dull, their expression of language is anything but. While we may rasp and click in a multitude of sounds and voices, and share around sixteen different dialects between our species - they possess too many to be properly counted - some ranging from less than a few hundred years, to some that are almost six thousand years old. This proves to provide them with a commendably wide vocal range.

They also have access to many, many different instruments and ways of creating music - and are more than willing to mix with the ancient instruments of the Elder Species, to the newest ones from the First Contacts.

One can surmise that a human is deaf, blind, and has no sense of smell. This is undersood by many species - they lack the higher ranges of the Squeepen, or the ocular capabilities of the Felnari (who can see in the dark, as we know). Their sense of smell ranges from 'legally handicapped' to 'dead'. But one thing they are very good at... is taste.

Now, all living things have the ability to taste things. We can pick rot from fresh, for example. But while most use it only as a secondary sense, humans have evolved the use of their tongue (or evolved around the use of their tongue) to use it in most everything. Specificly, the wide variety and ranges of tastebuds that exist on the small, almost useless muscle.

Now, certainly, everyone can taste sweet and bitter - but they can do so, to a fine point that most could not dream. Their harvesting (a significant majority, even) exists around the collecting of small plants that are, by themselves, mostly useless, and are laced amongst foods to add a heightening of flavors, intricacies, and subtleties that are unmatched by any other.

The 'Sweet Cakes' that are served with 'Bitter Tea', served with a dashing of 'Processed Mammary Secretions', and a spoonful of 'processed sugarcane' are common on many colonial worlds, and have become, in their own right, trade goods.

Indeed, humans even use food as a means of ritual coupulation. To invite a partner out to a meal is not uncommon (for how better to say: "I support our young?"), but for a human, the very act of food can be, in itself, as sexual as preening the feathers of the Avnari with your mouth.

For this reason...

>>8696225
Huh. I didn't know humans were the only organisms that produce adrenaline. Good to know.

I find it hilarious that the main reason we started to dominate the planet is by being stubborn.
"Aw, the mammoth got away."
"Like fucking hell it did. WE are going to follow it and kill it."
"What if it goes really far"
"WE ARE GOING TO FOLLOW IT AND KILL IT."

Sage for Mary Sue garbage.

>>8696509
ah but sager, we ARE the mary sues.

>>8696476
i love this stuff

>>8696540
And then Sager was a Mary-Sue.

>>8696476
Actually that isn't far from the truth. The one thing humans excel at, far beyond any animal on the planet, is our endurance.

We are pursuit hunters. We can go further, longer than any other animal on the planet. You always see a caveman with a spear, but that is a finishing move.

It is very likely our ancestors obtained meat by just jogging after prey until they dropped dead from exhaustion.

... for this reason, it is often common convention amongst human groups, both corporate, millitary, personal, religious, tourist, or whatnot, to advertise a 'new flavor', that can be tried out.

A new flavor can become a frenzy, and a 'good taste' can become a planets sole economy. Witness evidence of the Junktel plant, which causes physical pain when touched by bare skin - yet when processed, it has been put on human foods that produce an experience of supreme agony which can be used to prove ones manhood (or womanhood). This plant, in and of itself a weapon, is eddible, and can create an increased metabolism, body temperature, pain (as noted), and even a mild form of arousal. This new taste, which, believe me, is terrible and left me in pain for days, powered a small back-water colony into a very lucrative power-house in the food realms. Of course, humanity already had a form of this plant on their own world, but nothing of this consistency which has required some to sign contracts agreeing not to press charges for permanent damage...

>>8696540
And then humanity was a zombie.

>>8696476
So, because of our stubbornness, we decided we were good at that. Injure something that can kill us, let it run like a bitch. Follow the trail it leaves - which we got really good at -, find it, and kill it. What if it's super big? We throw sharp sticks at it! What if it's too big for that? We tie SHARP ROCKS to the sticks and throw those!

Still, it just makes me grin thinking of two pre-humans having a discussion like that, ending with the one phrase that shaped human dominance of the planet.

"Fuck that. I want mammoth, I'm getting mammoth. We are going to FOLLOW IT, and KILL IT."

...as a personal ancedote, my own wife, a human for those of you not aware, and I met at a resteraunt. I was young, just out of the Diplomacy Schools, and she was working as a waitress at this small diner down a good six blocks from the spaceport.

While there, I sat to get myself something to push away the nausea of planetery landing, when she came up and began to make suggestions about what I should try. What I ordered was bland, more to settle an ache than to stimulate the tongue - but I allowed myself the chance to try something 'mild', but with more flavor.

The ranges she introduced me to continued to compelled me to return. I ate sweet foods, which did little to agree with me, and I ate salty soups, I devoured through the spicy meals that were considered plain. I ate, all at her suggestion, and I even took her to other places, when we began to make arangements.

I'm happily married to her for sixteen cycles now. What was first only a relationship of service, is now a loving and close relationship of male and female. It has inspired me to be open to new ideas, and to think outside of the every-day and what I'm used to, to be brave and experiment.

This is to say nothing, of course, about their alcohals and 'fizzy drinks'. How their tongues survive, I don't clearly know, but my wifes did. It lead to closeness, and I'm thankful for her gift. I know, it might seem strange that a naked, pink, hairless creature could go for a featherball-Avnari like me is strange, but, love takes all shape.

As note, further uses of the tongue in relationships can be refereed to at your own discretion.

>>8696624
And we first evolved in Africa, known for wide open plains (planes? hehe.) and savanna. Not a goddamn forest where you lose site of anything that gets ten meters away from you.

>>8696222
Thank you, anon, glad to see someone got it.
>>8696311
It took us 50,000 years to develop our advanced brains, and bullets came about when? Maybe 400 years ago? It's not that we're not evolving, our technology is just exponentially faster.
>>8696604
I lol'd.
>>8696646
>>8696630
>>8696470
This... is darn good. Also, humorous ending.

BORFIST NOW MANDATORY.

>>8696635

IF not taken to an extreme then yes. There's something to that.

There is a documented form of hunting once practiced in which you mosey the prey to death.

Humans are freaking scary.

>>8696719
Brofist granted.

>>8696719
One could state:

"Technology IS human evolution"

>>8696655
Okay, now I'm laughing at THAT.

"Where's that antelope we're tracking? Oh, right. It's right there. The only thing higher than the grass for a good.... everywhere. Oh, and it's also bleeding and hardly alive, yeah, I think that's ours."

Imagine two or three guys just calmly walking behind an animal that's trying as hard as it can to get away. And there's these upright apes, just taking a stroll behind it, few hundred yards back, content to keep up this 'hunt' all day. Shit, they're telling JOKES while that antelope is lumbering away in a last-ditch effort to not die.

Staring out through the viewport I could see the Terran armada in its full view. Everything about their species was alien and strange, even to their starship design, very bulky and rough unlike the sleek and elegant designs of my race. The sight of the fleet was also of course a deliberate display of military might.

This was surprisingly to Luva Kut Ata: The humans were actually capable of some element of subtlety.

His attention was caught by the arrival of the human naval commander whom he was to deal with. The weathered and aging specimen of a man bared his teeth and asked him if he wished a drink, to which Luva declined and spoke.

“I’m only here for formalities commander and to tell you that we have relinquished control of all the requested colonies and submitted the asked upon research data. As per our agreement the human armada will withdraw from the orbit of all our planets.”

The human nods his head and utters a sound of agreement

“If that is all Commander, I believe I will take my leave.”

Before I could leave the human tells me to sit and relax. He makes it sound as though I have the choice to disobey his commands.

>>8696794

He stares at me and the first thing I notice is the intensity of his eyes, despite his outward appearance this is not a man who is used to not getting his way. Something a bit poetic about the nature of humanity I think in that.

He asks me if I’m a bit on edge, and actually asks how I’m doing.

In my mistake I told him:

“My apologies commander, all of this is still a bit of a shock to me if I may say.”

The human asks how so.

“We’ve been colonizing space much earlier than your species. Our population, galactic spread and technology is-well it was greater than yours. Your species still has HOMEWORLD NATION STATES and STILL you have won. Despite everything my people did to yours, all the early victories and devastation we wrought you still pulled a victory. No other species in the galaxy would have continued the fight against such odds. How did your people know you would end the victors?”

The human chuckles and sarcastically quips that his race didn’t know.

The surrealism of the moment had me speechless.

After a long pause, the human stands up and walks towards the viewport and stares out into space. He asks me if I had by any knowledge of the ancient human empires of Rome and Carthage.

“I do not, what significance do they have?”

>>8696804

He then regaled to me a tale, an ancient one that is quite possibly a Terran parable. He explained to me how Carthage despite its dominant regional position of power was threatened by the growing city of Rome. He explains how they went to war and how Rome suffered many great and humiliating defeats.

He went on to explain how even though the people of Rome wept and languished there was never any talk of surrender or capitulation. Every step of the way they resisted, they learned from their defeats, learned from their enemies and raised new armies and new fleets and eventually overwhelmed Carthage through sheer tenacity.

The moral of this parable he lectures to me as though I were a hatchling was that a stubborn and uncompromising vision was humanity’s greatest strength and that they simply wanted to win more than my species, nothing more.

“And if one day my species decides they want it more than yours?” I shot back

This time the human bursts out with a deep and loud laugh and wishes me luck.

As I was led back to my shuttle I turned and asked him whatever happened to the City of Carthage.

The human stared with those same intense eyes

“It was burned to the ground and its lands salted”

>>8695322
>MDMA

Oh you.

i would like to request moar

>>8696778
You know why Humans have legs shaped like they are and pretty much every other creature on earth that is a predator has digitgrade legs?

The springy muscles in your lower legs are good at sprinting, the big solid muscles in your thighs are good at endurance. Human legs are minmaxed for walking. We can do that shit all day. Almost every other animal went for sprinting.

So yeah most of our prey can outrun us but they hit muscle fatigue before they are 500 yards away and we can just keep walking until they die of exhaustion.

It works okay in a forest where we can't see them, but once humans developed tracking prey species were fucked.

Fuck Yeah Humanity.

This sort of thing is why I like Saberhagen's Berserker series. Big badass spaceships powered by an AI run amok. Makes Skynet look like a kindergarden teacher. Wants nothing more than to annhilate everything it can classify as life, or evidence of life. Various extraterrestrial species turn to humanity for help, simply because we are the only thing violent and badass enough to present a credible threat to the Berserkers.

Humm. You know what all this sounds like? Drow Tales.

>>8696879
elves/=people
you should know this.

>>8696748
Brofist engaged.
>>8696813
>>8696804
>>8696794
That is the best application of the history of Rome/Carthage I have seen yet in any vignette. Sweet.
>>8696842
And more you shall receive!

Humanityfuckyeah thread?

Good, picture related.

Humanity is a fucking waste.

>>8696886

It's the exact same thing you shits rage at. Only it's humanity instead, so, rampant mary sueism is excused then?

>Tqorl & Seamus, the biggest medical tech firm in the sector,started on Mars- now they supply medicine to every hospital between here and Sirius.

Fuck yeah we do, Mars is full of people who have nothing to do but get high and worship drug-trip dragons who are the essence of all technology. Of course we'd figure out the best drugs and shit.

OP and >>8695769 ; what is it you two are referencing?
[Sound effect for 'going over my head']

>>8696311
If you feel like speculating about time travel, and such, it seems worth keeping in mind that [we] already did, and this is on the way to a result that was 'ordered'.

>>8696918
here you go

(it's Animorphs)

Yes Child? Trouble at the academy? Human?! No. No you give that one a wide birth child. They may be rather uncommon and an affront to all seven senses, but there's a reason they aren't allowed in this sector without proper documentation. Report it, if you're lucky it might be deported, but they are gaining a foothold in that academy lately I hear. Better yet, keep your neck down and avoid it. It's not worth the risk.

Dangerous? Yes quite so! My word do they teach nothing of the outer rim races anymore? I'll tell you first hand they are quite dangerous indeed. Their body alone is a power plant. They breath rocket fuel, and evacuate poison. Their skin secretes a diluted chemical that is used for food preservation. Thirty to forty percent of their body is pure muscle. Brutes... And when threatened, they release into their circulatory system a pain numbing drug that is illegal for all but medical or military purposes.

...

>>8696945

Have you ever seen a human-fight? I have. They used to show us the data-logs of them when I first entered the academy. Around first contact it was, the paranoia was still fresh. They've since removed them from the curriculum. Too unnerving for the average citizen they say. It can last for cycles, or a mere tick. They lower themselves to the ground, those disgusting blue veins bulge from every visible surface on their body. It's like they enter a trance and they can't escape it. And their eyes. Those primitive white orbs. If you thought they looked apathetic before...They lunge at each other, and if not provided a weapon, they beat their opponents cerebral casing with their own manipulators. They can crack their own endoskeleton this way! Do they feel it? If they do they certainly don't show any sign of it. And that howl... The noises they make while fighting. Stars wrath child, that is something I hope everyone hears only once within their span and never again. I can only say it was somewhat invigorating, yet wholly terrifying.

What exactly did it do to warrant your alarm? You bested it in sport when it grabbed your manipulator? it Shook you? Child, perhaps this academy is not safe for you anymore...

I've always envisioned a humanity reaching the stars and meeting aliens to have the unique feature of being goddamn SPACE GYPSIES! There is an "official" Terran representative from the Inner Sphere planets but they can't decide on anything for the inner sphere must less represent the outer sphere.

Human craving for adventure and freedom will see a spread of liveships, backwater outposts, asteroid mines, etc... and they'll filter into alien worlds too, earning a bad rep for taking jobs and spreading dangerous ideals of equality and liberty.

You'd see great empires collapse because human lobbyist groups on Earth funded socialist aligned lower caste workers in armed revolt. Or religious wars sparked when Islam spreads across backward colony worlds.

Humanity, scum of the universe FUCK YEAH!

>>8696943
Add a "WeeeeEEEEOOOoooowwww" Sound effect.

>>8696899
Humanity is what you make it. The fact that you have given up says more about yourself.

>>8696995

Given up? Bull. Shit. I detest this idiocy that you put forth, however. There is no struggle, no anything. Simply winning.

It's utterly sicking.

>>8696978
You've never met gypsies in real life, have you?

>>8696978
Humanity: the caulk between the races' various...tiles.

Or something.

Humans are the diplomats not because they're noble or wonderful (token 'but of course we are filthy xenos etc etc) but because we're the only ones that can stand to talk with both those bloated gas bastards on Cassowary and the stickmen in Custodes.

We're the go-betweeners because we've got such low standards/open minds that we'll talk to ANYONE.

...Now, onto other matters beyond food and it's use as a diplomatic tool. Food is good - it shows comfort and care for humanity. To give someone a meal shows a degree of friendship.

Where food fails, they might offer other means, some diplomatic, some cultural, to improve and express their friendship. Humans are almost obsessed with popularity - they have an ingrained need for being liked.

This can be traced back to the early tribal nature of their ancestors - certainly, but even now, a large amount of friends is proven to be a benefit to those of diplomatic natures. Compare, for example, the Dragaya and the Felnari. The Felnari, while intelligent and capable individually, are singular and individualistic. While evolved, they are solitary, territorial, and dangerous alone. The Dragaya are socialable, and while perhaps not individually noticeable, they are widespread, and more powerful as a whole.

Human desire to be popular also translates to a nature of being noticed. Notice the 'bands' that extend between planets, touring groups of musicians who have become entirely too wealthy.

The market for entertainment is primarily human produced. While there are many great actors of a non-human variety, they are, as a majority, less seen. Entertainment is their business, and their business is booming...

Based on >>8696867

Well, the first mistake we make in picking a fight with the local veterans was that they were humans. Of course, with our gang's reputation, we thought they would lay down and let us do as we pleased. Give us the food and ganja we wanted, bow down, and/or cower. I mean, that's how these things go. Hit and run, hit and run. When we landed, we went straight to the center of the little desert town and beat up the first person we came across. Avnari fella, smart, brave, but outnumbered. He went crunch, somebody dragged him off to the hospital, and we let'em go. We wanted to send a message. We were there overnight, intimidated the innkeeper into a few good rooms for Scratch amd the other high-ups, while we camped in an empty lot. We took what we needed from the supply post, ate, and went to sleep for the night.

It's about four in the AM when we hear this BANG BANG BANG, coming from our skiffs, and when we get there, they are trashed. I mean, total scrap. Some humans, young ones too. Almost adults, but not quite. We were about to put the hurt on when we hear a gunshot, and its this human- older, too. We could tell because he was a bit taller and had these silvery streaks in his hair. Anyway, he had these eyes like a devil and he was carrying a machine gun (who does that?) pointed right at us. Not being stupid, we got the hell out. That's what we do- hit and run. We made full gallop into the ravine, and left him in the dust. We thought we had gotten away, and the boys and I decided to rest. About three minutes later, we see him. Walking. Just... walking. We made tracks- again- further into the desert, and stopped to rest. He was still there. Walking. It was fuckin' disturbing.

(cont'd)

>>8696867
Along with a multitude of other unique adaptations, most of them due to the physics of an unnatural stance.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2004/11/041123163757.htm

It is kind of odd. Outside of wolves (and maybe ants, for their size) most Earth animals consider calories so precious that they will give up a hunt after a short sprint. We seem to be unique in our going the distance. Going for SPEED! She's all alone (All alone!) in her time of need.

>>8697072
F5

>>8697091
Wolves and Humans are the only creatures on Earth that went for Endurance over Speed. Maybe that is why we get along with Dogs so well.

>>8697122
They're the only critters than can walk with us for miles and miles.

>>8697072
We're slumped against this scrub tree, and he just fires the gun right over our heads. Derki damn near emptied his bowels, and well we got up and runnin' again. It was about this time, we were gettin' really worried, because shit. We're Delgran. We're the best sprinters in the sector, better than the Avnari, fucktons better than them hulkin' Khulfrin, and hell we can outrun a human too. But who can run more than what, four times a day? This old fucker was walking. Fuckin' walking. We'd made it easily three or four miles into the desert and he's just strollin' along whistlin' fuckin' Dixie. We made one last pass out into fuckin' NOTHING, and just collapse in the dirt. We're fuckin' spent. It takes him a good five or ten minutes to finally get face-to-muzzle with us, but he just stands over us and says,

"You ain't gonna make trouble again, one way or another."

Seevus shat himself.

He called somebody and a hovertruck came out to... wherever the fuck we were. Hauled us back into town.

(cont'd)

...Now...

For the wonders that humanity has brought - I suppose the last wonder is not the great things they have done for food, for entertainment, for the diplomatic nature of people. It is not anything to them, except for the one, singular nature to live great, and demand nothing but a legacy that will outlast the stars.

I have seen it. I was upon Terra, with my beloved wife, when the news came of the launching of a planet-eater upon what is now the asteroid-belt of Po-napa. The witnessed reports, when the small colonial world, holding a majority of the once-nearly-extinct Tarraj species, and a few hundred human colonists.

A small species, it was a home world, their singular home world, but for the rare few thousand that were out on other missions, colonies, or miscellaneous. I was there, at Second-York, when the images showed the ruins of a world as it buckled and cracked, and I felt the air go from placid and excited, to a calm that made me nearly void myself.

It was an instinct amongst a species that owed no fealty, nor loyalty, to another. It was a blow that was taken personally, and the outpouring of concern and emotion was immense. Great in their meloncholy, they fell to bitter weeping, a weeping that was brief and powerful, a flood in the desert. It struck everything as wet, and made the sun that came out bitterly hot.

For they wax meloncholy to shame the gods, and wax wrathful enough to make me suddenly afraid...

Because of how calm they can become in their rage.

...Go on...

>>8697231
(...I ran out of steam, sorry. Not much to do without more of an idea.)
Three months later, when the ground war came to Nikkid, I was still there. I saw the dropships, and soldiers marched out. They marched out into the desert and the sound of boots... I will remember that for the rest of my fuckin' life.

rolled 5, 4, 3, 2, 6, 4, 5, 2 = 31

I wonder how the human custom of storytelling would look to aliens who have a different method or dont have one at all.

would an alien call all of fiction just a huge lie?

and how would they react to round a table RPGs?
a shared consciousness gathering?

>>8697316
Also, seconded. I'm hooked.

>>8697369
I would imagine that looking at roleplaying from the perspective of someone with no concept of fiction would be pretty unsettling.

>>8697234
Quite poetic brethren. And well spoken but to be honest the trepidation and fear I have seen in this thread is unwarranted.

While I am sure our, shall I say metabolically-differed brethern might find the idea of inhaling oxygen terrifying, it is quite common amongst the D-clades. The humans physical and mental weaknesses are well known. Two examples, they can't even detect the polarity of light and their innate math skills are so poor they have a barbaric custom called a lottery. It is difficult to describe, but a human sage once called it "A tax on people who are bad at math." and that seems an appropriate summary.

Not to diminish the moment, but the hush you felt was a foe to be found. Humans are good at that, but in the absence of one they will turn on each other, or even on themselves.

That innate hostility has improved them via evolution, but it remains ridiculous and can be easily exploited by subtler races.

rolled 3, 2, 1, 5, 3, 6, 1, 4 = 25

>>8697397
if I wasn't so tired and afraid of making mistakes id write something.

but right now I only have the coordination for typing a response...

...It is tradition, amongst humanity, to let the prey exhaust itself, and never give it a breather. To hound it, until it drives itself to death in fear, or fury.

The once popular Matedors, whom slew great beasts with sword and laughter. The hunters of the great and now-fertile plains of their birth, who went after beasts twice, thrice, quadruple their weight with naught but sharpened stick and a will to keep following.

And now, a species of hunters who followed and dogged relentlessly. I watched, my wife and I raising our (adopted) daughter, and saw the hunting and war, as those who dared attack a world that had humans on it were hunted. Certainly, the numbers were vastly against my wifes species, but she was not worried about defeat or death. She was not worried what could happen to her daughter - or at least, was not worried enough to show it.

When our world was invaded, she even instructed me to protect our daughter against all invaders, and went out to meet them. I do not ask her what she did - but there is a reason why only one human world was invaded. The costs were high for both sides, but worse for those who thought a simple civilian colony would be an easy conquest.

They fought, and they hunted - ambushing from behind moons and ghosting past planets on impulses and gravity wells - they hunted each ship, and offered ultimatum - surrender or death.

Those who died were unmissed. Those that surrendered were prisoners of war, but... treated well, I hear. More so than any prisoner of the Hives.

>>8697399
Ah, but my friend, you are forgetting the danger therein. Don't forget the error of the Dulmavs. They thought the same thing, and used the humans to fight several of their enemies.

Then the humans learned of the deception.

Tell me, have you heard if the Dulmavs have regained enough resources to leave their homeworld? It's been a good 50 cycles.

>>8697369
Go more basic.

I mean, shit, we keep lesser animals and literally breed them to be more cute and stupid.

That's pretty fucking barbaric.

>>8697399
Ah yes, Lottery.

I am not exceedingly one gifted with mathematical superiority, myself. Perhaps, too long with my wife and her people have made me feather-brained (pun intended), but I've found the joys of this simple game to be addictive, though best if in small moderation.

For the most part, I've only lost money on it. But, once per pay-cycle, I end up back there, buying a single ticket for an infinitely small chance of winning something.

It's exhilarating, and knowing I've relatively no chance of winning, I do it for the amusement value.

>>8697490
I've got a slightly different take on the idea of pets.


Humans, huh? Been on our world 16 rounds, they think they're a part of the culture. Not that I'd say this to any of their faces, Krwa no. The things terrify me. No, I know, they're only marginally more aggressive than us unless provoked. But, I can never forget this experience I had.
You know I had that consulator job, right? I spent two rounds on their homeworld, Sol-3. Earth, they call it. Anyway, I'm working on a synopsis of 'Earth' cultures, so our diplomats can get an understanding of the beings they're dealing with. I'm in the South-Eastern part of their United States, and I come upon an aged human's house.
He was a male, and sitting on his front...oh, what's the word...proch? Anyway, he's in a chair, and his feet are resting on one of the biggest reptiloids I've ever seen. Like a quadrapedal Wrem, but easily 3 times longer than I am tall.
(cont)

>>8697443
>>Those that surrendered were prisoners of war, but... treated well, I hear. More so than any prisoner of the Hives.

Talk about setting the bar low. The Hives? Really? How did their POW camps compare to the Chitari? Or the late Menaleus?

>>8697444
>>Don't forget the error of the Dulmavs.

Still mass-drived back to a solar/agriculture energy level last I heard. There were colony worlds spared, but they have little love for their capitol.

>>8697609
I access the database, and I learn it's a 'crocodile'. A quick search reveals these things to be one of the most feared predators on the planet. And he's using the thing as a footstool. I realize it must be a trophy of some kind, and approach, only to have it turn it's head.
"Don't worry." The human said.
"Sir! That thing can kill you in an instant!" I sought to warn him.
The human looked at me, and looked at it.
"Well, maybe. But Gus and me have an understanding. Neither of us wants to go to the trouble of getting rid of the other, so we mainly just try and get along."
So saying, he took a chunk of meat out of a bucket, and tossed it in front of the beast, which snatched it from the air faster than I could watch.
The crazy human had a creature that could destroy him at any time, but didn't, out of sheer indifference.
Sometimes I wonder if we aren't in the same boat.

Why are humans so crazy? That's an easy one, kid. Think about it. All you aliens are scared of us out here in the stix where we're few and far between. Back on Earth it was different. We were the dominant species, and there were a lot of us. The only real competition we had was OTHER HUMANS. Millions of them.

You think seeing one of us every couple cycles is bad? Think about seeing hundreds or thousands of us every single day.

Yeah, scary, huh? Now imagine that every single one of us could kill you and take all your belongings at any time. Hell, they could gather together and gang up on you. No hive mind, no communal thoughts, no guarantee of safety.

And you wonder why we're so crazy.

My F5 button is breaking. FINISH IT.

Foreword: shit have just written itself. I have a bunch of short stories that died somewhere in the middle, but this one just felt real. I hope you'll enjoy it:

I possibly have a tiny fraction of Gypsy blood in me. I'm not even sure - my surname might suggest that, and that's all. And yet, while traveling through Europe often i just wonder what's out there. Well, it's just a forest on a sandy cliff-like thing on the side of the highway you say, nothing out of ordinary. You're probably right. And I'll still check it out, because I've never been there before.

I'm not alone with it either. The Romans used to say 'per aspera ad astra' - 'through difficulties to the stars'. Not to riches, glory or fame. Stars. To the unknown, to the sublime, to adventure. That's why our Exploratory Fleets are the shit.

You see, there were some darker times in my life, some mistakes have been made. I was serving on a mixed-crew corporate vessel, half of the crew had criminal past, the other half had criminal present. Come to think of it, it was like the French Foreign Legion, only shittier.

>>8697817
Anyway, we had a human commander, we simply called him Sarge. He was a theoretical physicist, and how he ended up where he did i'll never know. Hard as nails, he seemed to be motherfucker- rather than carbon-based - and don't even think i'm joking, the man punched a Fai to the ground for insubordination. And yeah, he needed surgery and skin grafts after that - punching thickened exoskeleton is in fact the same as punching a wall, only in case of the Fai the wall fights back.

We were exploring a nebula, business as usual - search for anything of value and report back. And we hit jackpot - we've found an entire star system enveloped by it, hidden from the rest of the galaxy since, well, forever. Though our timing was a bit off - 5 years earlier and we'd have introduced a brand new species to the galaxy. Instead we just had more evidence that weapons of mass destruction do just that, and MAD is mad.

>>8697824
We've landed the craft [and by 'we' i mean the Sarge, with me holding the rest of the crew at gun point to stop them from stopping him], dressed up and went for a walk. Just me and him - the rest of the crew declared us clinically fucking insane, and would rather eat a bullet each.

The surface was made of glass. Imagine that - an entire world of glass, with a dark red sky full of big, fat clouds. Nuclear winds so strong and fast that if one would hit our craft we'd be gone. Not damaged or destroyed - gone. The entire world was dead, it was just death, dust and glass upon the horizon. We stood there in utter silence, transmissions from the craft cut. After what seemed like an eternity i realized that that motherfucker was crying. And fuck me, so was I.

>>8697831
Much, much later I've talked to him about it, and after ingesting nearly lethal doses of alcohol we've worked out why we've reacted the way we did.

It was grief and happiness. And don't tell me you're too manly for that - it'd grip you by the balls and put you down, son. If your eyes have seen what mine did, you'd sit there crying so much that you'd risk flooding your vacsuit. You would cry tears of joy, because you have the honor of witnessing such beauty. And you would cry tears of grief, because no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do - you'll be long dead before you can see it all.

Edn.

Have you heard about what I stumbled across during one of my 'paid vacations', a concept that only humans could have, who else would get paid not to work, I was strolling along down the city streets, which were much to straight for my tastes. Any species with any sort of taste would seek to emulate the wonders of nature and allow a city to grow in its surrounds, not just blast through nature and impose their own order, but that is saved for another day. As I passed by a park, I noticed that some of the larvae-humans were pushing about other larvae-humans. I moved over to attempt to stop them, when I noticed the adult-humans standing and watching all across the park. Naturally, I was confused. As I approached I noticed that the humans were even dressed in battle gear.
Amazed and wondering if I was seeing military training, I approached an adult-human and questioned him to what was going on.

(continued.)

>>8697960

He looked at me for a moment before responding only with two words. 'Foot ball.' To further my confusion, I noticed that the larvae-humans had pulled themselves apart and reset into battle lines, before, after just a few moments, they once again exploded into action, beating each other into submission.
This went on for hours! If we had tried this on our own larvae they would be dead!
I know! I can't understand it either, but I'm not yet finished. After hours of this, the larvae-humans broke apart, and returned to adult-humans, who began congratulating the larvae-humans for their efforts. However, others seemed to saddened, so, perplexed, I approached a saddened larva-human and asked why it did not look pleased, as all had survived the furious assault.
He looked at me and told me that he had not won. That his 'team' had lost the 'game'. I questioned him what he meant, and he explained that this is a sport.
A sport!
Yes! Exactly! That is what I said to him, that a game of thought or strategy upon a board was a sport, not this blood-battle.
These humans astound me. They cloak teaching their larvae war, as a sport. As soon as I returned to work I requested a transfer back to safety on the homeworld. I will be there next week, my love.

>>8697490
If there's anything we HAVEN'T bred pets for, it's only because no one has ever thought of it. Not "no one thought it was a good idea," but "no one has ever thought it even possible." We breed animals purely for the sake of making something that hasn't been seen before.

>>8697978
Think that's bad?

Try Boxing.

Or 'Martial-Arts'. An art of combat and battle.

>>8698036
see: cockapoos

Seriously, it's creepy as hell when you think about it. At least working breeds have a job, you know?

>>8698065

I know! I was so disturbed that I felt that it was necessary to see what the adult-humans call a 'shrink' to quell my nightmares. He merely laughed at me and refrenced those things. I am worried about my long term sanity.

I need more rum.
>>8698036
Are you kidding? That's the raison d'etre of half of human endeavors. Not because it's productive or a good idea, but just to do it.

Why climb Mount Everest?
Because it's there.

Why explore space?
It's there. We're curious.

Why use genetic manipulation to make glow-in-the-dark fish?
...uh, because we can. (And they look cool.)

Also, the fish thing: true story. Check it out, it's in Japan.

Only in humanity is there such a concept as the "martial arts." Humans have spent their entire existence as a species fighting. Almost all of their important technological advances have come in the form of weaponry that was later adapted to other uses. They are a species obsessed with violence.

So obsessed, in fact, that some of their greatest minds have spent thousands of years over numerous generations developing and perfecting methods to perpetuate violence effectively without any weapons at all. They call these "martial arts." Martial because they are based in warfare between individuals. Arts because... well, because the humans see violence against one another as something beautiful.

Their species is so obsessed with violence that those of exceptional skill in the "martial arts" can perform them against other professionals for crowds of thousands or even millions over the holo-vids, for entertainment.

Naturally, this concept has been swept under the rug by the coalition leaders so as not to breed even more fear of the humans.

>>8698108
"How did you climb that mountain to get to this position, private?"
"Well, sir, it was in my way..."

Moral:

Don't be in the way of a human determined to keep going. It ends badly. Avoid them, or better yet, offer them help. They may refuse, but hey, they won't fault you if they fail.

>>8698102
You haven't seen humans in actual war, have you? Trust me, this stuff is nothing compared to when humans are actually serious about something.

>>8698108
Better yet, look up glowing monkeys.

Monkeys that glow in the dark.
Not even kidding.

>>8698134
Actively, in my studies, it is refered to as an art, the same as we confer dancing as being an 'art'. It is, in its own way, a dance, where the defeated proves he is not as skilled as the one he was defeated by. This, while having numerous health benefits, ensures that a human is never without defense.

When asking my beloved wife about it, she said, basicly: "It helps relieve tension". She has also ingrained in me a very basic form of it. It's strange, but soothing, it lets me get into a calmer mental state. She calls it: "Tai-Chi".

I may get looks, but I've found the simple dances to be exceedingly relaxing.

>>8698172

The monkeys don't actually glow in the dark, since their skin didn't work right for it. They produce the glowy chemical, but it isn't visible through the skin.

Oh hi guys whats going on in...
>hurrmanity fuck year
Oh.

F5F5F5F5F5F5

>>8698142

Hold on, I have access to some files around here somewhere...

datalog entry 188564:6623:88:2.45
/access Galnarai 663
//password prompt
/password: *******

/datalog start

It had seemed to be an easy sort of mission. Move in on the base, assault it from multiple
sides, and take it. I moved my squad forward, inching through the forest slowly and
steadily. We finally came to appointed spot outside the camp, and waited for the signal from
the leuitenant to start the assault.
As the milicycles clicked forward, a sudden burst of fire errupted from one of the sides of
the base, followed by a dull thump. Suddenly, the entire base lit up and we heard the sounds
of humans scrambling around. Of course, we didn't break out of our position until the word
came down, at which point we left the forest and advanced towards our objective. As we
neared the point, we noticed two humans attempting to protect our target. They both seem
jittery and appeared to vibrate.
I motioned for three of my men to disengage, flank right, and remove the far target, while
the two others and I removed the near target. Upon recieving the signal from the detacted
members of the squad, I ordred the attack to commence. Our target dropped quickly to the
ground, however the far target merely had his arm and both legs removed. Despite what must
have been crippling pain, the human continued firing until the detacted members had
dispatched him with another burst of fire. I quickly flagged them for post-battle reprimands
and sent that along with the confirmation of target acquisition to the leuitenant. As we
regrouped at our position, I heard a gurgling sound coming from my feet.

I looked down, to see the human that we had 'removed' laughing, or at minimum attempting to as blood gurgled out of his mouth. I then noticed that he was holding something, sensing
some sort of menace coming from this object, I quickly ordered the squad to take cover,
however, just as I placed myself behind a crate, an explosion ripped through the air.
I was knocked unconscious. As I regained my senses I found myself to be in the captivity of
the humans. I questioned him to what he would do to me. He looked at me and said, 'trade
prisoners'. I then questioned him what had happened during the assault to reveal our
position.
He told me that one of the humans, needing to relieve himself, rather than return to the
proper facility, he attempted to relieve himself on a tree, and spotted one of the squads.
He began to shoot at them, but failing that, he dropped a grenade on them and sprinted back,
all of this without orders from a commander. And according to my recorders analysis, the
human that I had thought killed had merely been 'mostly killed' as in a few more seconds he would have bled out due to the fact that no internal organ was left functioning, but rather
than slip into oblivion calmly he blew himself and my squad up with a grenade. Again,
without orders.
Evaluation: Humans are too choatic to wage war on. Despite these specimens being supposedly
more strict and processed, they appear to be closer to a truly random process than order.

/end datalog


Maker above. You are right. I want to be home now.

I do admit, these threads are always a guilty pleasure.

>>8698314
No human can properly speak for the entirety of his people or the entirety of eventualities, but I believe I speak for most when I say we're not out to get you.
Come to a family meal, share a beer (or whatever is easiest on your digestive tract) and share with us. Tell stories to the kids, make jokes.
You'll think of something.

>>8698410
When a local familly died out but for the youngest two from a local plague, my wife and I discussed adoption and raising of the surviving children - one still in egg that was viable, the other a fledgeling coming into their primaries. It was difficult, but brought happiness ultimately. My familly is wide and far, and I am enriched by knowing my wife.

Though, I think she might just laugh, call me a feather-brain, and find ways of humbling me with her words. She really is good with words. I might be the diplolmat, but...

>>8698403
Yeah, like reading Eragon or Drowtales.

>>8698403
We all have our vices.

Mine is gabling, 'southern' cooking (which does hell on my digestive track, but is so very much worth it), and dancing.

>>8698314
>>8698410
Careful, friend, I've heard stories about human dining rituals. In some parts of their home planet, they've been known to capture and eat their prisoners of war--small tribes on islands in the middle of storm-swept seas who get along well enough to spare each other for food.

Not to mention that in their desert regions they comonly use poisonous insects as a staple of their diet. No telling what they might do to a Kraghusnk!

i love these threads, its just a pity that they dont get archived anymore

>>8698500
I would make a joke about humans eating people, but my wife has black-iron pans that she cooks on, and they would likely end up 'accidentally' dropping on my skull.

>>8698410
Well if you say so-
>>8698500

What kind of trickery is this! Am I some sort of delicacy to be bantered about? I am contacting the Kraghusnk embassy to report this flagrant violation of intelligent rights!

sage

>>8698520
Don't they also raise a small, avian creature from their homeworld called a chicken for food? Does that not bother you?

>>8698554
My wife once introduced me to 'southern omlet'. She pulled out small eggs, cracked them into a pan, and fried them up, throwing in garlic, tomatoes, a very mild set of peppers, salt, black-pepper, 'salsa', and grated processed cow-teat-extract (cheese, she says to call it). It was horrifying.

And then I tried a bite, and don't see what the fuss is. I mean, I've seen humans eat monkey brains. What's the problem with the eggs of non-sentient avians?

It'd be terrible to judge another species for eating non-sentient life.

>>8698582
And yet, the human sect called "Veg-tern-nans" campaigns diligently to stop the consumption of non-plant/non-synthetic foods entirely. They claim the moral high-ground, and paint all carnivors as savages (doublely so in the case of non-humans).

Perhaps the strangest story was from my tenure as ship's doctor on the /Cloud 9/. Among the crew was a combat drone who had originally been a human. His personality matrix was yanked from a human brain at the moment of its death, back when the technology was still being developed. As a result, there were no personality alterations- he was a purely human soul. On top of that, he had just died and then awakened over a hundred years from his last moment of consciousness. That being said, he had access to a vocoder and memory banks full of fighting techniques. More than often I would walk in on him making ritual movements so he would not "get rusty." I offered him servo lubricant many times before the idiom took hold, I will admit. The sad irony of it was, those skills would never diminish. They were stored in precision within their conductive matrices, and at his core was a fusion reactor that would keep him going for years. Without the need to sleep, he would often find me in the ships medical bay late at night- or at least the shipboard equivalent. My reduced need and his lack of it ensured we would spend many hours talking. He often spoke of things years past, and I would plumb the depths of his memory for a taste of what humans were. Were they always the barbarians we pictured them to be?

>>8698670
Each night he would prove me wrong with stories of art and literature, but he spoke most fondly of love. Within that armored, humanoid shell there was a great loneliness that I helped fill. I was his friend and took great pride in that. Nonetheless, one of the things he lamented to me was food. He missed the process of cooking an animal and eating it; he possessed som strange notion of honor to thank the hunted for its gift of food, but that is another story entirely. My point being, in his past life he had taken up cooking as a pastime, and presented to me a great many recipes which I have yet to employ. Some are actually toxic, I am sad to say- he spoke fondly of them. I have looked into what sausage is, bacon and even something called a "Reuben." One I am afraid to try includes legumes, a substantial amount of fat, acidic plants called peppers... I believe it is called "juevos rancheros"- what in the name of Mktachfa is it?

Fuck yeah people.

The Urim were little more than savage animals when the Giants first appeared from the sky. An expedition of about thirty or so of them arrived to research the Urim homeworld, known as Gorim. Naturally, the Urim were afraid of them at first. Even the mightiest Urim warrior was like a child before the Giants, and it took five Urim to match even one of them in terms of physical strength. However, the Giants seemed to be peaceful, as they did not harm the Urim in any way. Quite the opposite, as a matter of fact. The Giants would dispose of any predator threatening Urim in his vicinity with "fire and thunder". Naturally, it didn't take long for the Urim to start flocking around the Giants. At first the Giants treated the Urim like pets, but eventually they recognized their intelligence and started to think of them as part of their own race. Over the years, they slowly taught the Urim how to speak and read their language, as well as how to use tools and domesticate animals.

This outside assistance meant Urim culture and technology advanced by centuries in a few decades, as the Giants proved to be incredibly efficient tutors and the Urim excellent students. As the years passed, the relationship between the two races strengthened, with the Giants coming to refer to the Urim as their little brothers and sisters. The Urim reciprocated this by referring to the Giants as their big brothers, though in a more literal way, as their interpretation of the phrase was more in line with "giant kinsmen".

>>8698709
This happy co-existence was not to last forever, though. The Giant researchers, who decided to stay behind on Gorim with the Urim instead of returning to their own world were not numerous enough to establish a permanent colony. Their numbers slowly dwindled over the decades, until there was just a single aged Giant left. Obviously, the Urim were upset about the inevitable loss of their big brothers, but the Giant reassured them that they would meet again in a place he referred to as "the Other Side". The Gorim had never truly adopted the Giants' religious beliefs, instead developing a cult centered around the Giants, who seemed divine to them. This meant the concept of an afterlife was lost on them, and the meaning of the Giant's words were lost on the Urim.

As this outcome was inevitable, the Giants had prepared for it by recording what knowledge they had for the Urim. Along with the staggering amount of data they left behind, the Giants also left a message. This message became an obsession of the Urim, and would be the driving force behind their culture for the centuries to come.

>>8698725
Nearly three centuries later, a ship of unknown origin entered the territory of the race known as humans. It was of unmistakably human design, yet there was something off about it. Emblazoned on the side of the vessel were the words "Other Side". Several attempts at communication with the vessel were made, all seemingly ineffectual. When it seemed all means of contact had been attempted, the unknown vessel sent out a signal in morse code. The message the surprised humans received was in plain English and read:

HELLO BIG BROTHERS. IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

>>8698730
Cool story, bro.

>>8698730
That made me shed a tear for some reason.

>>8698678
[pmatrices.interlock:active]
...
[log.break://reactiv.memcore]
I do mean that. What sort of name is that? What in the world does it mean?
[memcore://break.break.break.!deactiv]
[log.break://playback]
He would even spend some of his time building addons to his metallic shell. The retractable heat sinks were the first, and under his pectoral casing he began to keep a number of interesting little gadgets. The first of which was a limited neural interface, which acted through electromagnetic stimulation of neurons. It worked wonderfully. There was also a stashed RJ808 cable and universal trans-serial bus, to supplement his built-in transmitter. They were a little more buggy, as they say. On top of these, he had decorated the already-unique shell with a small emblem on the back, and touches of starship gray paint trimmed with black. Each of these he used extensively. He amassed a collection of music, and was not shy about playing it over his upgraded vocal output system; I told him a more human voice would suit him, but by and large he stuck to his hollow, metallic vocoder. He said it just didn't feel right otherwise.
It didn't stop him from being a devious bastard, I cannot deny. One night I caught him linked with the first mate- an Avnari female by the name of Laei, lovely girl- and she was spasming, chirping odd phrases, making noises I had yet to hear from her. From their embarassment as I walked in on them, among other things, I quickly determined the nature of the link. Quite frankly I was thunderstruck. I didn't even know it was possible.

>>8698730
>>8698725
>>8698709
This deserves a brofist.
Very cool story, bro.

Maybe I shouldn't believe everything that I hear. The humans aren't the only ones who have done horrid things, after all they got rid of the Jh'ronvr Slave Ring.

datalog entry 188564:6623:88:2.45
/access Jh'ronvr 001
//password prompt
/password **************

/encryption code (******)
/datalog start
So if I confess, I get off with only four decades in prison?
(Sounds are heard, ut it is too indistinct.)
A Kraghusnk prison?
(More sounds are heard.)
Alright, I was running a slave ship through Kraghusnk Space-
(Sounds are heard again.)
Yes, we have either killed or enslaved thousands of Kraghusnk. Yes I understand that it won't e fun in your prison.
(Sounds are heard.)
Listen to me; we were trying to raid any ship that looked like we could take it and frame the loss of it as some sort of natural disaster or freak accident, or really anything that didn't point to us.
I had hoped to avoid contact with any sort of military ship, and at first when I spotted the 'Gilded Lady' I thought that our num er had een pulled. ut I quickly realized that it wasn't as when we started to disengage, there was no flurry of missiles or laser fire. So I ordered the ship to turn around and attach to the target.
As we urned through the first hull, I had my slavers line up and prepare to destroy any automated defenses. However, to our great surprise, we punched through to the main compartments of the ship. It wasn't even dou le-hulled.

(continued.)

As the slavers moved in, one of them let out a scream as a shape flew out from around the corner. Moments later, the particular slaver had his exoskeleton eat in and his internal organs crushed.
The rest of the slavers opened fire with stun darts, and I was angry. They had put enough adrenaline in the target to render the creature uzzed and twitchy for over a week.
To our great horror however, the creature whirled on us and egan to charge us, somehow even angrier than efore. I ordered another arrage of fire at the approaching creature. As more darts hit the mark, somehow the power of the creature increased even more, and it gra ed a Nmarii and tore it in two. It then used the two halves to eat another slaver to death. As even more darts impacted, I fled in horror.
After much time had passed, I returned to my ship, and passed through the lood soaked area, where one human female lay slumped on the ground, unconscious, with over forty darts stuck in her. That's enough adrenaline to overload hundreds of us and kill us.
So I fled here and turned myself in. You promise there are no humans here, right?

/end datalog

Cultural Humanity Fuck Yeah?!

Why... why /tg/ I didn't believe you could make me like HFY again... and you did!

>>8698866
Ah, the perils of faulty xenobiology.

>>8698866

wtf, is your b key on your keyboard not working?

Apart from that, nice.

>>8698942
Encryption error. Fairly common.

Hmmm.
1. Do you think we should archive this?
2. If we made a setting out of this, would you play in it? What system might befit it?

>>8698949
Yes. I would play the fuck out of this setting.

>>8695769
THANK YOU I LOVE YOU. I thought of the same thing.

>>8698949
I'd play it.

Whatever system works; maybe adapt the Dark Heresy system for it.

I don't know if this quite counts as "humanity, fuck yeah" but it is one of my favorite bits of writefaggotry.

>>8698949
D20 or GURPS would be easiest.

>>8698965
That's VERY HFY. Love that story. . .

>>8698949

How would that be different from a Drowtales RPG, except that the things we have to fap over aren't niggers?

http://baetzler.de/humor/meat_beings.html

>>8695322
if you guys want some HUMANITY FUCK YEAR listen to some pro human propoganda like Visaris speeches from the killzone games

WE WILL STRIKE AS ONE HAND, ONE HEART, ONE SOUL, DRENCHING OUR ANCESTORS GRAVES WITH THEIR BLOOD!

AND AS OUR LAST BREATH TEARS AT THEIR LUNGS, AS WE RISE AGAIN FROM THE RUINS OF OUR CITIES

They will know, Terra belongs to the terrans

there we go, some humanity fuck year

>>8698985
looks like scaredofshadows forgot his trip.

Where'd all the writefags go?

Alright, requesting archive for fluff's sake.
Going to look into d20, GURPS, and DH.
Logging off as I need sleep.

WE ARE /TG/.
WE GET SHIT DONE.

>>8699137
/TG/ FUCK YEAH!

er. wait.

>>8699044
>Anyone posting something I don't like is SoS
Cool story, Zhaakuvan.

How does one request a thread be archived?

>>8699137
I can help you with this.

>>8699156
Done.

Archiving thread 8695322
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>>8699176
Be me.

The War. The humans, I think, knew they were doomed. Where another race would surrender to despair, the humans fought back with greater strength. They made the Minbari fight for every inch of space. In my life, I have never seen anything like it; They would weep, they would pray, they would say goodbye to their loved ones, and then throw themselves without fear or hesitation at the very face of death itself, never surrendering. No one who saw them fighting against the inevitable could help but be moved to tears by their courage. Their stubborn nobility. When they ran out of ships, they used guns, when they ran out guns they used knives and sticks and bare hands. They were magnificent. I only hope that when it is my time, I may die with half as much dignity as I saw in their eyes in the end. They did this for two years they never ran out of courage but in the end, they ran out of time.

>>8699186
Fuck yeah, Londo Mollari.
Damn you /tg/, I have to sleep!
I force myself to leave computer!

>>8699136
i was writing a story about how the asari created humanity, then got 2 pages into it and gave up

>>8699156
Go to sup/tg/.

Already requested it though, so.

Where's that one that's basically Avatar from the point of view of the planets?

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH

>>8699186
That was such a retarded reason to go to war.
"Hey look a species we've never seen before, Lets open our gunports as a sign of respect, no way they can mis-interpret that"

is there a sci-fi version of d&d? or something similar?

>>8701917

Star Frontiers, fuck yeah.

>>8695769
Dat reference.
Fuck yes.

>>8701028
It's their ship-to-ship equivalent of a salute, and even that first misunderstanding wouldn't have lead to war if Delenn hadn't lost her shit.

>giving a nod to astral projection

I'm ok with this thread.

>>8698848

I still dawww every time I see this.

HUMANITY DAWWW YEAH!

Human...In SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

The myriad religions, and moral philosophies of the universe have always facinated me, and I am thankful that my beloved wife shares and encourages this interest, that she and I can learn new things, together.

Nominally, I was raised in the method of the Unbroken Egg, the philosophy native to my people with the points of treating yourself and others like an egg about to emerge - and treating others with respect and tenderness. The point was to do nothing to shatter the egg, and to keep to peace and care.

During my youth, I experimented with many other ideas. Some were rejected out of hand - the animisms, the Unconnected Hive philosophy, even the Pterone "Night Eye" way. I dabbled in the minor occults, but when my secondary education came to an end and my colors began to grow, I found I was better off without any religion, even if my heart knew the beauty of the universe was created through no accident.

Humanity has a great many religions - and I've found that many of them drive for peace, even as they prepare for war - to walk gently and humbly, but keep ones-self prepared for a fight if one must be. A curiosity that troubled me, given their behavior towards so many as an almost antagonistic creature.

Amongst the 'eastern' half of their people, which I still fail to get given the intermarrying and spreading out has rendered such terms moot, the religions taught: "There is no god, the universe created iself, seek to become one with it." I didn't have a clue, but their ritual smokes, and meditation focus always did give me a peaceful sense of self afterwards. I even have used some of the teachings in my every-day life, and this has helped.

The 'western' religions were more monotheistic, the belief of one god, or one main god and several little gods. Their teachings were peaceful, that man should walk gentle, and be strong, honorable, and seek to overcome weakness - yet to extend a hand to the weak, that they may become strong as well. These were ever present, and many of the terran governments held small portions of their funds to help the needy.

My wife has a religion of her own - she was born and raised in it, left when she was young, but returned to it when her mind was more clear, and her heart ready. A theism of a great teacher many millenium ago, who taught the world might be evil, but man could overcome it, and make it good.

I have a blended view of faith and the universe, and have come to hear the universe is an existance beautiful, powerful, and with meaning to it. I see the stars and nebulae with awe, to this day - and can spend days in orbit, just looking at the stars, and letting myself become filled with it.

It's a charm my wife finds cute. She likes it, because it means she gets to curl against me under the stars. Even as my color turns to a silver-grey, and her hair becomes marked the same, I and she still fall inlove under the stars - and can sleep under them, knowing the universe has reason and purpose and beauty.

My wife may get a different connection than I do. But when her head rests upon my chest, her arjms curl my belly and hips - and my beak tucuks against the top of her head, the difference in connection don't matter, when we become one where the universe can watch.

And that, my friend, can be a religion of its own.

Such glowing words for such a savage race. The humans destroyed our homeworld, destroyed our civilization, all through their blind stupidity and greed, and their ignorance of the metaphysical.

As you all know, the Ointolans are a unique and ancient race. We have been a respected part of the galactic community for 50 millenia since we were discovered by the first exploratory commission. True, we may be introverts by the standards of most races, but open up a book on philosophy in any civilized educational facility and you will find our teachings to be the most educated in the galaxy.

I remember the landing as if it were yesterday... though it has been sixty-two cycles since that fateful moment. A colonization ship landed on the surface of Bachtun VI on the most fruitful part of its surface, ringing the equator. This is the area of greatest Ointolan population in the galaxy. As you well know, we are not concerned with technology. Our evolution has not provided us with opposable manipulators. We also lack the capacity for vocal speech, having most logically developed telepathic communication. Upon their landing, we immediately met with the Humans. Our delegation of most enlightened elders traveled with haste to the landing site. I was an escort for this occasion, a shadowing pupil sent to document and record this meeting, with the hopes of establishing peace and intellectual exchange with this new race. [CONT'D]

We were greeted with the squeals of delight of one of the female humans, and a utterance which can only be moronic sounding coming from a pair of the males:"D'awww..." Immediately our chief elder, Sprachtin, who was leading the procession to greet the humans, was scooped up into one of the male's hands and off of the ground. It is important to note that we are a very small race in relation to the humans, our height only reaching up to the knees of one of these creatures, and we are quadropeds. We could not understand their vocal patterns, but we could very clearly understand the thoughts they were unwittingly projecting. Two things came to their minds when they saw us. Most of the humans viewed us as "pets," that is, non-sentient slaves for amusement. The remainder considered us potential food.

We shrieked out to their minds that we were sentient, and that we greeted them in peace. It was a futile act, easily equatable to throwing ones self against a sheer, smooth rock face in hopes to climb up it. Their brains were too underdeveloped, and they could not understand our transmission of thoughts. Within milicycles of our greeting of these new creatures, they at siezed us and thrown us into cages of metal inside their colonization pods. When we realized what was going on, we tried to run, tried to struggle and get away from the grasp of their powerful hands, but it was no use. Never had the Ointolans been so humiliated. A sentient race had never, in our history of millions of standard cycles, been unable, or perhaps unwilling to understand our telepathic link. [CONT'D]

There were, of course, a few thousand of our kind left scattered nearby. But through the bars of my metal cage I watched, and understood the human plot unfolding. I was kept as a pet of the "Governor and Administrator" of what had become the "New-Haven Economic Colony Inc.," no longer Bachtun VI. These humans were sent to colonize this planet, to exploit the economic resources of our homeworld. Students of recent history will note this was the first colonization humans have made outside of their solar system. They were ignorant of the fact that we were among the wisest creatures in the galaxy. I suppose we were just as ignorant. Many years later I found reports from the Galacitc Commission on Sentient Study detailing early probes on Human cultures, detailing how they were ignorant and unfit for inclusion within the galactic community, or even enlightened contact. We should have heeded these warnings before greeting these savages.

Through my new home in the cage, I was fed rancid human food, devoid of real nutrition. They fed me "meat" as well, the dead flesh of other animals. Not only was this humiliating and abhorrent, but it has caused me to start to age far more rapidly. My fur, once thick and orange, was slowly turning a lifeless silver. The processed foods and the dead flesh of those animals we once counted as our brothers on our planet were killing me. [CONT'D]

The humans, meanwhile, set their plans in motion. More and more of the Ointolans were captured and coralled into cages. They were now livestock or pets. Our females were hooked up to machines and milked; this food would be considered a delicacy to humans. Our kind were forced to breed with one another, regardless of our compatibility or attraction. The planet itself was ravaged. Our equatorial region was exploited heavily. Not only were the lands stripped our valuable fruit and restructured into what the humans considered organized and managable farms, but the ground was torn up in search of mineral wealth, the precious cave systems we once called home strip-mined and ravaged by explosives to extract mineral wealth in the most expedient fashion.

Here I withered in my cage for three cycles. The same cage, the same colonization pod. More humans were arriving regularly, to exploit the resources of our planet on a continually wider scale. They even saw fit to ravaged the barren lands to the north and south, and all of our bodies of water. And the Governor was becoming a man very wealthy in material goods. He eventually used his wealth to move into a newly constructed, luxurious tower, and occupied the top floor. My cage was sadly perched next to a window, where I could watch the destruction of my planet for miles and miles, helpless to effect a change. [CONT'D]

sage

>>8704517
Die in fire.

>>8704581
The Avnari have come to see those who act in such a behavior as being mentally disturbed, and should, therefor, be pitied and left to their own devices.

I was losing my sanity. The humans had turned me from a noble being of learning to a scrounging vermin, only living on the scraps they offered me. One day, the governor was brought a lavish dish on a platter of silver for dinner. It was a meat that smelled unlike any I had ever known my slaver to eat. The platter was uncovered. And I saw it...

It was the corpse of our highest elder, Sprachtin. It was skinned completely and covered in a human sauce called "barbecue," but his features were still there. I cowered to the corner of the cage, whimpering pitifully. I was as much an animal as they told me I was. How could I match these savages? They were ignorant, yes, but powerful.

The Governor was intoxicated from overindulgence in alcohol. More so than normally. He rubbed his hands together and grinned widely as he prepared to eat what was not too long ago the wisest sentient being in the galaxy. I watched him rip our leader apart, tearing ribs and legs out with his bare hands and sucking them clean. As he celebrated this meal and his own "great achievements" with his wife and child, who all defiled my teacher's corpse similarly, he drunkenly stumbled towards my cage, with a laugh, and amusement. [CONT'D]

>>8704449
Or rather, they are of dubious value.

He pushed through the bars of my cage, one of Sprachtin's ribs. He told me it was my dinner tonight and let out a snicker. He knew what he was doing, even if he didn't know I was a sentient. It was to humiliate me. I was his pet. I had to do what he said. The meat dripped from the bone and onto the base of my cage. I curled up closer to the corner and let out another whimper.

He smacked the cage and let loose a rattle through it, snarling at me. He wanted me to eat it. He was enraged that I wasn't grateful. I cried in fear, vocally, to the best my undeveloped throat would allow me. He took no pity, just drunkenly stumbled off. The bone sat in the center of the cage that night, and I remained as far away as I could from it in fear, humiliation, and the closest thing I have ever experienced to rage.

The next day, none of the humans fed me. I remained glued to the corner, unable to sleep, unable to do anything but alternate between staring at the meat and bone before me, and trying to look away from what was left of the wisest being in the galaxy, shamed. By that night they still hadn't fed me. The governor came and rattled the cage again. He screamed at me, a feral scream you would expect out of an animal. Only in this equation, I was now the animal. He made it clear he wouldn't feed me again until I ate my fellow Ointolan. In my misery, I wept. If I valued my survival, I had no choice, but I still didn't give in.

At least not until that night. When they had all left, full of shame I dipped my head down to the only thing that remained of my mentor and teacher and ate it. I sobbed and whimpered, but I ate it all. I was now a cannibal. It's impossible to say for sure, but I may have enjoyed it. [CONT'D]

The cycles rolled on. I lost track of how many. I ceased my meditations and existed in this life of humiliation. My experiences made all of the philosophy I had learned before seem insignificant. How could any of our views have been true when this sort of all-consuming greed and ignorance could exist, and indeed, thrive? As a people, we had never considered this. I wondered if the others had tried to work on this problem. In my slaver's lofty tower, I had not seen another of my kind in many cycles. Did they even exist? I wasn't sure.

Then something of a miracle happened. The Governor was visited in his home by a member of the Galactic Commission. I screamed out to him as soon as I saw a face that wasn't human enter the room. I must have sounded like a shreiking animal in his mind. And I was. With no dignity, I blurted out telepathically that I was enslaved, that my race was enslaved, that our planet was decimated. He calmly responded. He knew. And there was also little he could do. He and the human spoke, as I shrunk back into the corner of the cage. By now I was stark white, with clumps of fur falling out. I sobbed through my mind at my would-be savior, the only sentient I had spoken with for cycles and cycles. He just quietly reassured me, saying he'd do everything he could. After he was done speaking with the human, the diplomat offered to buy me. The human agreed, cautionarily stating that I was a "lousy pet."

The diplomat carried my cage away. He told me I would be free. I wasn't sure if I believed him. But as soon as we returned to his ship and prepared to leave, I was freed from my cage. I didn't feel free, though. I wasn't sure what I felt. Exhausted, unsure what to do. He told me we were leaving the planet. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. [CONT'D, one more!]

saged for being shitty meme thread, gb2/b/

I eventually re-integrated into Galactic society, and started a career and Acaedmia, trying to teach philosophy. I was surprised to see the apathy about my planet in regards to the actions of the Humans. In the years of their entry into Galactic society, they had all come to accept this about the humans, to accept their stupidity. They were "useful" and "clever," if not wise. An important part of Galactic Society they said. The fools are just addicted to their mind numbing forms of entertainment. The Humans will come to dominate through their economic prowess, and their quest to satisfy all of the meaningless phsyical desires. They will teach the other Sentients of the galaxy what it means to be greedy, and then capitalize on the new markets this new greed provides.

Of my people? Most stayed enslaved. There are still farms for production of milk and meat. And the humans know we are sentient, they simply don't care. Even if we ARE sentient, they rationalize, what does it matter? We provide nothing they want. We consume nothing they want to sell. We are worthless to them. A few dozen of us live in exile, all together. None of the Ointolans on our home planet are free. Where we once lived in a beautiful natural paradise full of natural fruit and grasses which we comfortably lived upon, we free Ointolans now exist enclosed by four walls, eating corporately produced, genetically modified food, made by humans. It's all we can afford.

My brothers and sisters who remain disagree, but I have given up hope. This is my new philosophy. Because of the humans, we are no longer relevant. We have become the animals they have turned us into.

[END.]

>>8705326
Thus is the price of hubris. Content to no longer improve, you languished, until a greater predator found you. Unable to drive it off, you became enslaved, and for you would not fight, chose to become what you are, exist as you are.

>>8705422

Kinda harsh, but, yeah, he has a point.

>>8705636
I understand we may have not been as wise as once thought. The society we lived in, human literature would refer to as being "Utopian" in nature. We were truly happy and at peace. If things are perfect, why would we have any reason to change them?

>>8706051

>If things are perfect, why would we have any reason to change them?

You weren't prepared for something that couldn't understand your form of communication, which was something that should have been prepared for. After all, not every race is going to evolve along similar parameters. You guys weren't prepared for change, and suffered for it.

>>8706051

PUSSIES GET FUCKED, HOW ABOUT THAT