Why does this just sound like the whole campaign was set up for you guys to go "lolelvfsisdumb" and have some bullshit excuse to kill a bunch of them?

>>8597172
because you missed the awesome that was the original thread.

The innkeeper, a gruff retired Fighter named Gornal, had set up the catapult for flaming boulders covered in pitch. That pussy Wizard (who will piss me off a lot more later) who tried to run got put right in the center of the wall, and the Rogue had just returned from dumping almost a metric ton of oil into the River separating the North wall from the Northern Forest Fringe.

The bowmen readied their arrows (and we with them), while a few of the smarter guards readied Wands, and we fired a volley of "Night" arrows (non-flaming arrows) that slide quietly into the ranks, thinning them silently. However, soon we began to hear horns sounding from the South as well, and I (Cleric) and the Paladin went to the South Wall to investigate. We brought the Wizard along for good measure.

>>8597172
Because that's how the dorfaboos roll. Taking out their childish anger at a fantasy trope (which half of them don't even understand) in-game.

Hide the thread, pretend it doesn't exist. That's my advice.

The Northern Elf charge was only a distraction it seemed, and we found our Southern Wall sentries dead with arrows in their throats. The Paladin grabbed me and 2 guards and we dove off the wall (on the inside), narrowly missing a barrage of arrows from the cadre of bowmen assembled in the towns backyard.

That was the secondary. Suddenly we all heard a huge explosion from the North, and we saw a Wall of Fire rise up from the where the River should be. The screams of torched Elves echoed throughout the area. Gornal and some guards were wheeling the catapult to the Southside when we heard another horn from the West. There is no river on the West side, and we prepped the West approach by digging small holes of magically conjured UNIVERSAL SOLVENT.

The Wizard was useful for that at least. We suspected that that surprise would slow them down while we dealt with the Southern attack. We had men reinforce the South Gate (There's a North and South Gate) while we magically determined the calibration for the target.

1 Flaming Boulder later, a sentry shouted out that a trio of robed Elves were approaching. Figuring them to be Druids we assigned some archers to take them down with the Wands of Fire Bolt. The archers were on their way when the Druids started all channel-casting a single spell.

The Paladin, Rogue and I stood in just beyond the score of guards bracing the door. We had archers picking off the rest of the Northern charge with some Wanders and that Wizard overseeing the Western approach. The ground trembled, and the DM played that sound effect from Lord of the Rings when Gandalf and the Fellowship hears the Balrog for the first time.

The first impact sent half the guard flying. The second impact turned one door to splinters. The third took out part of the wall with the door.

It looked down at us, a hulking monstrosity of stone and earth and plant life. The Paladin readied his Bastard Sword and Tower Shield. The Rogue took a step back. I prepared to heal whomever needed it.

>>8597448
No one cares
Go post your gay story elsewhere, /tg/ is only interested in fapfics.

Life is tuff when you're a cutebold.

Please continue OP. Ignore the idiots.

The Sorcerer of our group was also on the Wall with the Wizard. And where the Sorcerer went, so too went the (now obviously DMPC) Frbilris, Cutebold Sorcerer. He liked making fire.

Back to the Earth Elemental. It roared at us, and swiped at me first. It hit me squarely in the chest, and I ended up sprawled on the ground 15ft away. It went for the Paladin next, but the Tower Shield +2 took the brunt of the punch. The Rogue decided he would sneak around the Elemental and go for the Druids, who all had their eyes closed and were meditating.

The Elemental didn't notice him, but it did notice the calls of Elves to the West. Slowly yet powerfully it began walking towards the West Wall, for the most part unnoticed by the Wall Guards.

In a sort of "hey I'm down here you fool" way, the Paladin hacks into its hamstring area with his sword. The thing stops and turns on him in a fury. DM tells us the Druids have begun to sweat, and one is trembling as the Rogue nears them. However, he also calls for a Spot Check from the Rogue, who gets somewhere around a 17 if I remember. He makes out the shapes of 2 Elf Archers hidden behind a nearby rock, their eyes on the Druids. Rogue weighs his chances, notices how badly the one Druid is trembling. He is about to ready his Light Xbow but notices the brown tint to their skin and decides up close and personal would do better. The guy who plays the Rogue is a vidya gamer at heart. He charges Assassins Creed style, towards the Druids from behind. DM calls for a Reflex Save. Rolls a 14.

He failed to notice a wire encircling the trio, and trips on his face, alerting the Archers, who draw their strings.

I remember the original thread. Keep up the good work.

Now the Earth Elemental, I will refer to him as Bally, due to an inside joke in our group regarding a previous adventure with a Derro illusionist. Bally was all mad, and I was still getting back on my feet when he turned on the Paladin.

Now, out of all our gear, the Paladin was the most well geared. His sword had a bane versus Evil Outsiders, he had these boots that exerted no weight on the floor, deceiving pressure plates, and this sick necklace that you could detach orbs to throw fireballs with. He had an AC of 24 with a suit of +1 Full Plate and some belt. He was hardcore.

He went down in one turn.

You should have joined the elves in the genocide of the cutebolds.

Situation had suddenly gone from "this seems easy" to "oh shit what do we do nao?!". Paladin was at -4, down from a max of 73. I jumped over to him and applied a Cure Critical Wounds Scroll as Bally turned away and began walking towards the wall again. Some guards had taken notice. The Wizard was fumbling in his robes.

This is the part that has made me always want to ascertain the Wisdom stat of Casters from now on. This guy fucking pulls out his Fire Elemental Gem and throws it at the Earth Elemental as the Sorcerer (who holds a PhD. in Geology or something) shouts NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Earth Elemental + Fire = Transforms into Magma Elemental. I swear I wanted to gut that Wizard, but now we had more important problems.

Like our Rogue.

About that Rogue. He now had 2 arrows in one leg. It's kind of hard to walk with 1 leg.

Nonetheless, he gets up in excrutiating pain and tries to disrupt the Druids in the only way he can now. He pushes one of them over.

Bally stops in his tracks, gripping the West Wall in his molten hands as the Guards scramble away with burns. He just stands there. DM tells Rogue that one of the Druids is hyperventilating. The one he just pushed is steaming on the ground. The Archers are readying 2 more arrows.

The Paladin stands up, and I buff him with a Scroll of Fire Resistance. Sorcerer and Cutebold stare up at Bally in wonder. Paladin strides over to Bally purposefully, hefting his sword. DM makes some rolls.

When the Paladin is 20 ft away from Bally's leg, Bally goes boom.

Please continue, ignore the treefuckers.

>>8597725

So the guy with a PhD in geology thinks that setting rocks on fire creates magma...

Fortunately, the Druids could not control the Huge Elementals Mind with only 2, and Bally explodes in a shower of lava. Paladin shields himself with his shield, I hide behind a nearby tree with the 2 Sorcerers. Some Elves suffer nth degree burns. Many fatalities are had. The Wizard is incinerated on the spot, and few wands he hid in his robe go off spectacularly.

Sadly, with the removal of one threat, another got larger, and like the blowing up of the Deeping Wall in Helms Deep, a horde of Elves poured in. The Rogue passed out from the pain, but the Archers fled into the forest.

This part was for me the most fun, as we essentially played for about a half hour of just street to street combat. Remember the scene in Kingdom of Heaven where they fight in the area of the wall Saladin blows up? Like that, only the Elves pushed us all the way into the city with insane numbers. I guess the spy wasn't exaggerating. Or was he...

DM starts playing some epic Orchestral music as the sky darkens with the screams of the dying. For all their numbers, the Elves are stupidly frail, and easily fall to our blades. Then comes the Bladewarden.

This macho elf (I know, they don't exist) with SIDEBURNS no less comes up to us and taunts us with some double bladed sword. Thinking he's some weenie, I walk up and take a swing with my flail. Some opposed checks later and I'm disarmed and on my knees before him.

But the Paladin arrives then, and shield bashes this guy. DM tells Paladin he recognizes the weapon the elf is using as Double bladed Scimitar. Like two Greek Hero's in the Trojan War, the Elves and Humans clear a space for them as they fight. DM breaks out some insanely complicated homebrew combat system, and after about 10 minutes of dice rolling the Paladin has lost his helmet and shield arm and the Elf lost some hair and his left ear. He backs off, and flees. At least we think he's fleeing, until we notice how badly we are losing the overall fight. Of our impromptu militia of 75 trained guards and 250 hastily suited and trained civilians, barely 3 dozen remain. The Elves gradually pull out of the town to the green on the West approach.

Here comes the obligatory Cutebold content.
If you will recall, we though Fribilris was the only survivor of the Elven genocide of the Cutebold settlement. We were wrong.

The assembled Elves stand in formation silently as we slowly gather at the breach in the West Wall. The innkeeper Gornal and his catapult is no where to be seen, Rogue is still unconscious in the Southern field, and Sorcerer and Fribilris are nearby.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTENT CONTAINS GRAITUITOUS CUTEBOLD ABUSE AND TORTURE

Then the Elf ranks start dividing, and they bring forth some type of rolly wooden thing. Tied to it are a multitude (around 6 or 7) of small grey bodies who squirm weakly in their restraints of rope. Blood cakes their naked forms, and various stages of decay marr some other forms tied to the lower part of the mobile platform. One opens its' mouth weakly, and the DM calls for a Spot check. I get a 22. He says "this is the kind of check you want to fail". He tells me the Cutebold's mouth is a bloody wreck, his gums are mutilated and every one of his teeth and tongue are missing. He goes on in detail about the others in horrific detail. One is covered in it's own vomit, and it's head lolls weakly as if it's neck is broken or sprained. They all look to be emaciated and dehydrated, and unspeakable things have been done to the females in their number.

>>8598157
Your DM is a sick genius.

I love the smell of dead cutebolds in the morning.

They're freaking hippies.

You took out their big gun and chased off their champion.

12 or so -vs- 250 is still odds on in your favor.

Now charge!

>>8598157
;_;
I can't go on any longer. Bye guys, committing suicide

Nazi Elves? In my /tg/?

>>8598284
It's more likely than you think.

"Let free the condition of the enemy!" Shouts this Elf in white robes off to the side.

"And bow to the Lord!", he adds. We look then a little closer, and the DM tells us that the rolling platform is a Throne, and the bodies are tied to the steps. No. The bodies ARE the steps.

This Elf with a horned helmet and glowing hide armor steps down from the mobile throne, gleefully grinding his feet into the faces and backs of the Cutebolds he walks on. Fribilris is very quiet. Everyone is.

He begins speaking in Elvish, and that sissy elf in white begins shouting a translation that the King will spare our lives with slavery in the grand forests of the land if we wish to surrender to his Legions.

One of the Cutebold females on the Throne begins to cry loudly then, and a nearby Elf in leather takes a whip to the thing, yet it only screams all the louder. The King starts talking over the screams, ignoring the poor things plight. The sissy Elf says that those who oppose him shall bow to him in life or death, yet some deserve less respect than others. He motions an Elf to untie the female, and remarks that it is a truly despicable race that "men of your power should see as but cattle in the grand scheme of things". They string this female Cutebold up to this wheel thing on the side of the platform, and the shrieks grow louder and louder as I look up my longest range healing spell and the Sorcerer looks up his biggest AoE.

Then her spine snaps.

>>8598315
WHAT THE?!?!?!?!

pic related... what my Barb would do before cleaving that fucker in two.

The DM describes with agonizing detail her limp body slithering to the muddy ground. Fribilriss squeals loudly. The Paladin gives this battlecry that makes heads turn at the LGS, "YOU WANT MY ANSWER, TYRANT KING? BY MY ETERNAL SOUL I WILL SUBJECT YOU TO THE FIRES OF HEAVEN INFINITE FOR ALL YOUR TRANSGRESSIONS!" then he charges. We all follow. 250 vs. about a half a thousand.

But the King expects this, he orders his Druids to work their spells with a motion of his hand, and more than a dozen begin forming trios and casting Summoning Spells. It was all according to the King's plan.

But then, plans never survive the test of the battlefield, and Sorcerer powers manifest in interesting ways. For Fribilriss, it seems to be Fire. Take Meteor Swarm for example. Fire and Elves of the Wood do not mix.

>>8598315

>>8598315
Shit just hit the fan time?

>>8598399 as seen in >>8598380 excrement hath, with most certainty, hit yon fan.

Op's DM is a mad genius.

>>8597154
Dont fuck with Elves.

BITCH.

>>8598409
I believe the phrase you were looking for was;

The fecal matter has, indeed, impacted the air recirculatory unit...

As the Druids begin exploding, I expend my most expensive scroll. A Mass Heal goes out as we near the throne, and the Paladin Smites Evil. His first attack misses as the King draws his own sword, and the two begin to duel just as before.

Then I see this macho sideburned Elf stab our Sorcerer. I run over and knock him to the ground and starts bashing his head over and over into a rock. DM tells me a guard has to pull me off of him as his head is already a pile of brains.

Then the Rogue returns, dual wielding wands no less. He's limping and essentially dual gunning any Elves he sees.

But back to the fight on the throne. DM breaks out the Homebrew combat kit again.

GODDAMMIT TYPE FASTER

>>8598448
GO GO ELF KING FIGHT

>>8598435

ah my mistake, however this is quite the riveting tale, for I too would feel the rage of Vulcan's forges at what was done to the helpless lady kobold of cuteness.

>>8598529
I enjoy the idea of kobolds being burned and tortured.

Dnd's niggers need to die

I will describe every aspect of the duel in detail.
Paladin swing a downward chop at the King, it hits the platform as the King sidesteps and draws his own sword. King uppercuts and Paladin gets a cut on his chin (remember he has no helmet). Paladin steps back and then thrusts forward but King dodges and holds both swords to his side in a lock. He snarls,
"This is what makes us different, I can seize the moment AND the opportunity, but you, you fools are hampered by your own blind faith."

Paladin gets MEGAMAD and kicks King's sword out to the side, twirls around and does a roundhouse slash, slicing off the King's sword-hand while yelling "SEIZE THIS!". King cries out and then Paladin sweeps his sword in an arc and beheads him on the spot.

>>8598540
>Hey look! I'm being cool on the internet!!!

>>8598552
>>8598552
Army routs happy ending you live?

>>8598552

it's like Jesus and the money changers... only this time around it's a kick ass paladin, and an elven army.

The day was won. The Elves went into a rout as the Paladin held up the Kings helmeted head in his hand and proclaimed victory. No quarter was given. We pursued them for many miles, and I dare say less than a few dozen survived. We burned the dead and began to repair both physically and mentally as the tortured Cutebolds were tended to. We had almost lost the city, but we pulled through with faith and steel.

However, not all came alright.
The innkeeper was found dead in an alley later, and our Sorcerer died of blood loss on the field of battle. Our Rogue has a permanent limp now, even with healing, and with most of the town dead, we have decided to assimilate both ourselves and the Cutebolds into the town. The only problem is they don't understand the concept of reproduction. No matter. All will come alright soon.

- From the Journals of Derivian Jeranier, Cleric of Janus, and
Crono Nallon the Paladin of Torm
Shikiru Bu-ztu the Rogue
the Late Asterion the Sorcerer
Fribilriss the Sorcerer

I hope you enjoyed our adventures thus far /tg/. Perhaps soon we shall leave and head for the road once more.

Posting in epic thread.

Good show, I liked the bad-ass Paladin.

>>8598633
That was awesome. I await thee further adventures cleric of Janus.

Cutebolds are /tg/ authorised kendar, a Mary Sue race of 'lovable' little creatures that are annoying to everyone except their creators.

>>8598552
>"SEIZE THIS!"
Oh fuck, I lol'd.

>>8598712
>I don't know what Mary Sue is.

Cutebolds are flawed to hell and back as well as being prone to failure. They're underdogs.

>>8598633
Great tale, chap!

Will Fribilriss join you in your next adventure? I suggest you spend a while in the town to train Fribilriss up to the current party level. Then your Sorc can have a character to play!

First of all, protecting shitbolds warrants any penalty, even capital punishment. You deserve to die.

Second off, you don't even NEED to defend Ulthar, if it's the same Ulthar beyond the river Skai where it's forbidden to kill a cat.

It's not the SAME Ulthar. It's a homebrew setting. I'll describe it at a later date.

>>8597154
Too long, did not read...

...did you say the town was called Ulthar?

>>8598886
>>8598828
Oh and then these posts happen. No san checks needed, ok.

>>8598712

WotC fag detected.

nah I kid, actually Cutebolds are flawed as hell, and damn if the thread didn't make you want to kill some elves, just for being all high and mighty (see the King's BS speech.)

>The only problem is they don't understand the concept of reproduction.

Oh god I lol'ed.

>>8599905
Can you say, "Sex Farm"?

I demand Rule 34 on Cutebolds.

Sadly, it exists.

Have fun you sick fuck.

Before it gets derailed any farther, let me just say that the Sorcerer player is not going to be playing with us any longer, but the Fighter who left early on is returning and he knows of the Cutebold condition so Fribilriss will most likely find a home with him.

Also, allow me to describe my DM's world in more detail. He designs it as needed. Right now the only parts of it that exist on a "World Map" are the continent we are on with markings for Ulthar, the Coastal Port mentioned in Thread No. 1, the Mountains to the West, the Forest and and the River.
Our characters are are all from far off cities that the DM hasn't actually created yet, and we started off in a ruined temple of a dead goddess that we had all been hired to explore by the same employer (who later turned out to be a Lich). The World has no name other than the World.

Also, our DM has a blog is anyone cares enough to peruse it, although he usually posts D&D Stand-Alone ideas and short stories and poetry. He's a pretty cool guy.

www.sinstrike.blogspot.com

And with that I'm off.

>>8600058
I lol'd heartily. That is among the best Rule 34 I've ever seen. Thank you whoever requested it and he who drew it.

>>8600190
>>8600243
Sounds interesting. Thanks for the story Janus.