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  • File : 1266753677.jpg-(12 KB, 218x231, snake20oil20salesman_1[1].jpg)
    12 KB Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:01 No.8203254  
    Step right up, folks, and witness the wonder of Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom's mirrrrrracccculous Snake oil and cocaine ointments! This revolution in medicine is Absolutely prrrrrroven to cure dizziness! depression! erectile problems! Gunshot wounds! You name it, we got it! Buy now, folks, we've only got a limited supply!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:02 No.8203261
    Will it make the Monstergirls NOT rape me?
    >> Albert Notashill 02/21/10(Sun)07:02 No.8203267
    This guy is clearly legit. Gimme one, doc!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:03 No.8203269
    If it has an X on the bottle it must be good for oyu!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:03 No.8203271
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:08 No.8203302
    Well, my good man, I've got this bottle of Dihydrogen monoxide right here! You can either drink it to gain temporary resistance to monstergirl rape OR you can take fifty of my bottles at the low, low price of 69.95 a piece and gain guaran-darn-teed LIFETIME RESISTANCE!

    Indeed, my good man. But don't get fooled by the phonies, Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom's got the Real Stuff!

    Hah! Son, lemme tell you a story: the guy who made Cola got the idea from me!
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:14 No.8203348
    Right away, my good man!
    Let me tell you about my RRRRRevolutionary new medicine: Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom Industries All-In-One Cure-All: your medicine for all your ailments!
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)07:16 No.8203369
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    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:18 No.8203384
    What do you have in the ways of nostrums?
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:20 No.8203394
    I have the mare nostrum.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:23 No.8203429
    Will it relieve me of my ague?
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:26 No.8203450
    Relieve? Why, my medicine is so good it goes back in time and makes you never have had the fever in the first place!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:27 No.8203463
    Good sir, my wife has the hysteria, what do you have for it?
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 02/21/10(Sun)07:28 No.8203483
    Does this protect me from Radiation?
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:28 No.8203485
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    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:30 No.8203504
    Leave me alone with your wife for an hour and I Guarantee that she won't ever be hysterical again!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:30 No.8203507

    Very well good doctor, here she is!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:31 No.8203511
    I don't know, I usually go to this guy....
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:31 No.8203517
    Hah! With this, you will LAUGH in the face of radiation! You will SPIT in the face of cancer!
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 02/21/10(Sun)07:32 No.8203534
    Amazing! How much is it?
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:33 No.8203544
    How much is it? Five hundred? Six hundred? No! With my INSAAAAAANE prices, it's only ninety nine ninety five!
    >> Archon Sarubel !!RYG5VHGJBfT 02/21/10(Sun)07:34 No.8203556
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    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 02/21/10(Sun)07:37 No.8203574
    Worth it!
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:37 No.8203575
    C'm on son! That's a phony! A quack! A mooch!
    >> Professor Stein !!f4R/6xhXtMZ 02/21/10(Sun)07:38 No.8203585
    This doctor knows the fucking score.

    Can you sell me a tonic that makes monstergirls rape me MORE?
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:39 No.8203600

    You are reporting this thread to narcotics division. Thank you citizen!

    This window will close in 5 .. 4 .. 3 ..
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:40 No.8203610

    Curse you, animated Rockso ass! Can't. Stop. Staring....
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 02/21/10(Sun)07:42 No.8203622
    get back 2 /medic/
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)07:43 No.8203626
    Doctor can you do something about my Dark Eldar codex?
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:43 No.8203629
    Why, I've got some bottles of dioxygen right here!

    You wanna cure for that? Try my special moonshine!

    Oh snap! Scram, Jimmy!
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:44 No.8203637
    Whoa, whoa son! I'm a doctor, not a miracleworker!
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)07:47 No.8203657

    But you said you Snake Oil was mirrrrrracccculous.
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:47 No.8203664
    I'm not a miracleworcer, I am an Mirrrrrrrrracleworker!
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)07:50 No.8203680

    Fine I will go to a Christian miracleworker then.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:51 No.8203694

    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:52 No.8203700
    Why, my cousin just happens to be a Christian miracleworker! His stand's over there.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)07:52 No.8203701

    Good luck, buddy. I heard their patron stopped paying out in miracles about 2,000 years ago.
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)07:54 No.8203714

    Ah, bless you kind sir!
    >> Dr. Alexander Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:55 No.8203722
    Excuse me, I have to go inside for a minute.
    >> Rev. Christopher Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)07:58 No.8203737
         File1266757086.jpg-(10 KB, 218x231, snake20oil20salesman_1[1].jpg)
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    Good morning, my child. What ails you?
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)07:59 No.8203753

    Well my Dark Eldar codex sucks and...is your beard made out of bacon?
    >> Apocathery Turner 02/21/10(Sun)07:59 No.8203754
    What!? How dare you insult the town's intelligence by swindling them with lies! I'm the apocathery here, and I can assure you this man is a cheat, liar, swindler, and con man! This isn't even real medicine! And besides, "dihydrogen monoxide" is just the fancy chemical name for water!

    Now, good sir, I'd suggest you pack up your stuff and skedaddle on out of this town, FAR away from here, or else I'll get the sheriff on your behind!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:01 No.8203763

    Dammit Turner stop being butthurt everytime a new merchant comes in to town!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:02 No.8203773
    Give me ten! Nay twenty! And two bottles of acid!
    >> Rev. Christopher Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)08:02 No.8203776
    Of course not. That'd be silly!

    I don't know. He seems like a highly intelligent and honest man to me. You must be hallucinating things. You might be possessed. Do you want me to perform some exorcisms? You buy three, you pay for two!
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)08:06 No.8203799

    Good point. Well could you preform some kinda miracle to make my Dark Eldar suck less?
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:06 No.8203801
         File1266757576.jpg-(112 KB, 694x1500, 1261890036875.jpg)
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    Fumblebottom! You stole those from me! I demand my honour restored!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:08 No.8203815
    Alexander Fumblebottom? Strange, you look almost like one Prof. Guilleme de Fumble-Arse, a conman who was selling his shady ointments in Ippswick not a fortnight ago. The only difference is we shot him in the ass as he was fleeing our fair town. That's a one curious coincidence, don't you think? Say, weren't you limping just a bit?
    >> Apocathery Turner 02/21/10(Sun)08:09 No.8203821

    It's not my fault these con artists drive away business! And the son of a gun is parked right outside my store! You -know- this is a deliberate attempt.

    Sir, I am an honest and practicing Christian man myself, and I know a cheat when I see one. The people don't deserve to be cheated out of thier money for simple pain relievers that do little else!
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)08:11 No.8203829

    Hey Turner, I didn't see you do anything for my Dark Eldar codex!
    >> Rev. Christopher Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)08:14 No.8203848
    As a child of God I can not allow it. Please leave, or I shall curse you! A curse that may only be undone by Rev.Christopher Fumblebottom's custom made psalms of uncursing for the low, low price of 99.95!

    Sure I can!

    Oh what a cruel fate it is that such liars and crooks take advantage of the common people's good nature for their own gain! You people sure are lucky to be part of such an intelligent township that this could never happen here!

    If you are such an honest Christian, then why are you possessed by a lying devil?
    >> Apocathery Turner 02/21/10(Sun)08:14 No.8203851

    Because not even real medicine can fix that mess. And believe me I tried.
    >> Rev. Christopher Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)08:16 No.8203865
         File1266758196.jpg-(46 KB, 403x554, SM%20codex[1].jpg)
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    Oh, right. the codex. Here you go.
    >> Apocathery Turner 02/21/10(Sun)08:20 No.8203888

    Fine, then let him take his own concoctions if they're that good. If they work, I'll humbly apologize for my behavior and leave him well enough alone.

    And before you ask, I do happen to concoct my own, so I know my stuff actually works. I'm nearing fifty, and I'm still as energetic as I was when I was twenty! Of course, a proper diet and exercise goes a long way too.
    >> Soleam 02/21/10(Sun)08:22 No.8203902
    Will it make mah dick bigger so I can wrap it around my waste like a belt?
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:22 No.8203905

    pfffft listen to Dr. Graham here.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:23 No.8203912
    Ole reverend now, eh? Well, clergyman, for the interest of the good people of Ippswick, this nice town and, of course, science, I have a proposition for you. See that road going south out of town? *cocks revolver* Let me see you jog up on it for a stretch or two, just to ascertain that you are not the same fool we shot, huh? And don't worry, I'll tell ya when to stop. How about it?
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)08:23 No.8203916

    Wow this is much better rules. But what is this crap about Ultramarines? Also where are the jetbikes?
    >> Rev. Christopher Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)08:23 No.8203917
    I have a special sermon for that.
    >> Rev. Christopher Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)08:27 No.8203939
    >*Cocks revolver*
    My child, it's precisely this foul speech that will send you straight to hell. Can you, the intelligent people of Ippswitch, trust a man who is going to hell as their sherrif?

    Well, the codex needed to get on with the times.
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)08:30 No.8203957

    Well that is a valid argument. How much do I owe you?
    >> Rev. Christopher Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)08:31 No.8203963
    For you? only nine ninety five.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:33 No.8203976
    I ain't the sheriff and this *ain't* Ippswick, it's Middlesborough, thief! Your lies caught up with you finally. Two of our men got gutrot and died 'cause of you! This here gun is the proper medicine for your ken!
    >> Rev. Christopher Fumblebottom 02/21/10(Sun)08:35 No.8203985
    Look! Over there! An aeroplane!
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)08:36 No.8203987


    Hmm I better get two in case I misplace this one.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:36 No.8203994

    sure it is Reverend, everyone knows those things don't exist.
    >> Fi-Bu-Ting 02/21/10(Sun)08:38 No.8204002
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    Ni hao! I am Fi-Bu-Ting. Emperor of China. I was walking around thinking about the obvious diplomatic immunity I enjoy when I saw two suspicious looking types running away from the back of the cart. If you hurry, you might catch them!
    >> Apocathery Turner 02/21/10(Sun)08:38 No.8204004

    *rushes in, grabs the man by the arm and pins him to the ground*

    You're not going anywhere, save for the fine cold embrace of justice!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:39 No.8204011
    rolled 3 = 3

    What? Wh...?
    Oh you bastard.
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)08:40 No.8204020

    Gah! Get of the Emperor of China you fool! Are you trying to start a war or something Turner?
    >> Apocathery Turner 02/21/10(Sun)08:42 No.8204029

    That's no Emperor of China!

    *rips off false beard on the man*

    That's a con artist!
    >> Fi-Bu-Ting 02/21/10(Sun)08:44 No.8204040
    Wait, are you ripping off your false bears and putting it on me? Does that mean you're an "a con artist?
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:44 No.8204043
    Bring some tar and feathers, people, we'll run that whoreson outta town!
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)08:46 No.8204052

    Hey...the beard is made out of bacon!
    >> Fi-Bu-Ting 02/21/10(Sun)08:46 No.8204053
    >> Fo-But 02/21/10(Sun)08:48 No.8204064
         File1266760101.jpg-(11 KB, 218x231, snake20oil20salesman_1[1].jpg)
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    Hi. I's Fo-But. I's simple slave. I's black so I's too stupid to be a conman. I's totally above suspicion. Dat sherrif sure do look mighty suspicious though.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:48 No.8204066
    >> Apocathery Turner 02/21/10(Sun)08:51 No.8204082

    ...Nice try, but slavery was abolished 35 years ago! Besides, that minstrel make-up is too gaudy.
    >> Ebenezer McLarge, plantator Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:52 No.8204087
    *takes out a whip*
    What are you ding out of the plantation, nigger!? You're coming with me! I'll whip that black hide outta your back!
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)08:54 No.8204097
    I'm sorry I ever doubted you Turner.

    It's just that my Dark Eldar codex sucked so much...
    >> ONInonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:55 No.8204108
    This thread is so full of win it hurts! Quickly, the tonic!
    >> Fo-But 02/21/10(Sun)08:56 No.8204112
    Oh rasberries!
    Looks like I'm gonna be tarred and feathered before you can say "Supercalifragilisticespialadocious Antidisestablishmentarenisim"
    >> Apocathery Turner 02/21/10(Sun)08:57 No.8204119

    It's fine, mistakes happen. You can blame Games Workshop for neglecting that army for so long. Sad to see those players go so long without an update.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:58 No.8204126
    And so the con man got himself into a dead end. Whipped half to the grave he worked picking cotton until he died of exhaustion. No one ever noticed that he was covered in black makeup. The moral of this story is: justice is always served, even if in strange ways.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)08:58 No.8204130
    >> Apocathery Turner 02/21/10(Sun)09:01 No.8204159


    Half off for sasparillas and iced cream at my store for the entire week in celebration!
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)09:01 No.8204160
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    Join us next week in another episode of the Twilight Zone.
    >> Doktor Fumbelhinde 02/21/10(Sun)09:01 No.8204161
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    Wise words, son. I think he'll never even dare set foot in here again. Nor will any other snake oil salesman.
    By the way, does anyone want my ointments?
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 02/21/10(Sun)09:03 No.8204171
    >> Apocathery Turner 02/21/10(Sun)09:05 No.8204185

    ...Ooh, not this madness again.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)09:07 No.8204199
    Oh come on! You've ruined the perfect ending, you prick!
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)09:10 No.8204219

    Sir could you take a look at my Dark Eldar codex?

    >And so Konrad moved on being non the wiser to playing Space Wolves always thinking it was Dark Eldars.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)09:11 No.8204224
    And whatever happened to my wife?
    >> Konrad Von Chocula 02/21/10(Sun)09:14 No.8204240

    >9 months later she gave birth to twins and was to exhausted to be hysterical.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)09:18 No.8204272

    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)09:19 No.8204282
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    Cocaine Ointments, you say?

    How many do you have left? I'LL TAKE THEM ALL
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)09:21 No.8204297
    Gentlemen, you're so out of the twilight zone you're reaching the outer limits.
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)09:25 No.8204329

    Now what be considerd the Twilight Zone of the Twiligth Zone?
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)09:32 No.8204390

    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)09:43 No.8204473
    Are there any more shows like the Twilight Zone, the Outer Limits, Tales from the Crypt and so on? I've seen some Masters of Horror and Urban Gothic but that was years ago. Anything new?
    >> Anonymous 02/21/10(Sun)09:50 No.8204510
    Think it has fallen out of style.

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