DM gave a dorf monk a hookshot. Dorf tried to hookshot himself to a tower in a goblin camp. Dorf rolled a one, and then another one, and then another one.

Dorf collides with tower, brings down tower, is impaled on wood.

I had a Malkavian in a VtM, and his derangement needed to be something 'different' as the Storyteller was sick and tired of the same old insanity. My Vampire was embraced in the 1930s and was a detective at the time. so he continued to think he was a detective. A pulp detective who constantly monologues his actions with a smoky narration. The DM's Girlfriend walked out of his office because of the Misogynistic narration of "She walked into my office with a pair of 38's and a gun". Every time the storyteller clarified a point, my character added"Said the voice"

This story comes from a simpler time in my life. Long before I left the shelter of my parents house to join the military. I had been playing D&D since 7th grade, slipping it past my ultra conservative parents by saying it was a weekly bible study session.

Our DM was a very tallented neckbeard who ran a game in which we were in a kingdom oppressed by a Blackguard of Hextor who had managed to sever the connection of the gods to the material realm. Instead of just flat out killing everyone who was good, or still worshiped anyone but Hextor, he conscripted them into massive armies and marched them out to conquer neighboring countries in the name of the god of Tyrrany.

The entire party were members of these huge armies that managed to slip away in the massive battles. We then formed a sort of resistance against the Hextorian government. We went about killing powerful clerics and dodging Hextorian death squads. Over the course of five years, I played the same character: A fighter/Weapon Master/Legendary Dreadnought, and managed to get him to 42nd level before this happened.

My D&D buddies decide to get together to play one, huge session of D&D one week while my parents and siblings were at bible camp.. Over the course of a marathon 72 hour session with little sleep, and lots of caffeine, My character gets sent to the Nine hells. My party and I were fighting a Githyanki cleric who was trying to harvest our souls to wake Gyth. I was targeted with a prismatic spray, and all of my party gets sent to the out lands. Except me. Who goes to hell. I'm surrounded by devils, blades slick with blood from fighting through 6 layers. Having to fight each demon lord in turn as I climbed from layer to layer. When I finally managed to get to the first layer of hell, I remembered that I didn't have any sort of spells to get me out... so I told the DM, that I was going to punch my way out. Sixteen str checks later, I crawled out of the ground on the material plane.

There's a bad DM my group knows, we hardly even talk to him after he discovered the great and mighty mediocrity of savage worlds which he used to to create a series of incredibly simple and predictable adventures. He wanted to create a strike team game where we were an elite taskforce in a modern setting sent in to deal with things that go bump in the night. I made a guy whose sole proficiency was driving. When asked what he wore, I said "White gloves, driving jumpsuit, helmet with reflective visor." He also never spoke. He asked me to make something 'better' next time.

I had a freind, who is generaly not a rules lawyer, tell me a story of epic rules lawyering.

They were fighting werewolfs when the freind anounced after being bitten, that it was okay, he was immune to lycanthropy (or at least the wolf version) He was a human ranger, and not particularly high level. Everyone of course went "How do you figure"

Its simple, I am lawfull good, and werewolves are my favored enemy. It is against the rules for a lawfull good ranger's favored enemy to be of the rangers own race. Thus being a werewolf is against the rules for me.

The Dm shrugged and said "I'll give it to him" while our resident rules lawyer aplauded and bowed.

>>8200880
FUCK.

YES.

>>8200880
someone draw this

>>8200880
Bricks of awe were shat.

>>8200880

I was playing a low-level dark Jedi in Star Wars Saga Edition with munchkined force powers and whatnot, but the most badass thing I ever did (campaign only kept up for a few sessions) required no use of the force at all.

We were bounty hunter-esque go-fers for the CIS prior to the beginning of the Clone Wars. At this specific point in time, our group was chasing after some corporate asshat. After my two fellows crapped their respective rolls, I was able to make my way all the way to see him escape into his star ship and take off before my eyes.

I felt railroaded.

Just then, my friends catch up to me. I take my buddy's grappling hook, determined how far his ship could have gone and the range penalty for using the hook, AND FUCKING MADE THE ROLL.

I zipped up onto the ship, lightsaber'd my way through the hatch, and took the ship DOWN.

GM told me he had another adventure planned where we catch him.

Hahhhhh.

>>8200880
Truely epic sir

>>8200880

I tried to Roleplay with an NPC my ST provided, he kept on going on about this "He's too scared to talk to you."
The ST sort of quit after I tried to roleplay like a Solar Exalt and told the man that while I understood he needed to eat, it won't make things much better just beating up and stealing from people. I did this while patching up the 3 other chucklefucks who had been trying to mug me.

ST actually sort of..rage quitted after that. Didn't do anything for the rest of the night. Gonna have to derail one of his campaigns in retaliation or something.

>>8201092
>>8201060
>>8201040
>>8201011
>>8200971
>>8200930

Heh ^^ thanks. I'm glad you all enjoyed that story. Its my crowning achievement when it comes to D&D.

And now, Worst game EVER


The worst game Ive ever played in was a Final Fantasy/LOTR inspired homebrew. I managed to talk the DM into letting me play a Warlock in his setting, made an awesome build and then Our DM had us start in this massive city. Then suddenly! Drow! lots of them. The entire party is surrounded and the drow are starting to beat us. I levitate into the air, Cast a Vitriolic Elderitch chain, and pop all of the heads of the drow in one turn. Then, my character lowers himself to the ground, turns and walks away. Right into some guards.

They tell me to stop what I'm doing, and go see the king. I refuse, and feeling ballsy, I decide to attack the guard with a Vitriolic blast. The DM then informs me that the blast fizzles.
"But it Ignores SR!" I insightfuly point out.
"It still fails, Just go with it."

So, I was captured. Along with my party, and brought before the king of this little shithole. Who tells me he needs powerful adventures to go and assassinate the leader of this rogue band of drow. I ask him what the deal was with the armor. I get the response.

"Oh, Thats Doom Plate"

I then get to listen to a 30 minute explanation of how "Doom Plate" Is indestructible, and basically makes the wearer immortal.

So, the king had an army of Immortal, Nacron-like super solders. and he wants to send us adventures...

Later on in the game. We get captured. Once again, by dudes in doom plate. This time, they worked for the drow. One fifth level fighter took our entire party thanks to that BS.

>>8201158

I forgot to mention we were 15th level.

>>8200913

The bad news? What should've happened is loss of werewolf as a favored enemy, or loss of Ranger class altogether.

I played a mage back when I was first trying out Shadowrun with friends. Skinny, drunken, russian combat mage whose belligerence usually got the entire party into fights (which we enjoyed, because we got to crump street gangs and such). So we're in a junkyard, trying to get information out of some so-and-so, my mage gets fed up, starts shaking him down for the information, and he calls up his enforcers. To make a long-story short, my mage with a Body of 2 survives being shot by orks with submachines gun, and when he's hit by a troll swinging around an engine block, I manage to roll well enough to simply shrug off the damage. I later took on an ork and troll team by frying the ork with a Force 20 manaball and by going hand-to-hand with the troll, who was kitted out with plate armor and bioware claws. I ended up beating the troll to death with my pistol, although it took about 30 rounds.

>>8200880
>so I told the DM, that I was going to punch my way out.
>[of hell]
You're either completely retarded or insane. Either way, you have my respect.

Once ran a game where there was a generally annoying 12th level fighter who dual wielded large mauls. Bragged constantly about how much damage a hit he dealt with each hit and how many attacks he got while doing so.

So, while he was busy with one of his monologues on how awesome his character was, I announced that the mooks that they were fighting set their longspears for a charge.

Dude charges, leap attacks, uses shocktrooper to put his ac into the dirt.

and promptly gets impaled by a half dozen long spears, killing him instantly.

The things that killed him were CR3. Dude throws his bag of dice through a window and leaves.

>>8201222
Holy fuck.

>>8201222
fucking awesome

>>8201218
Or some legitimately good roleplaying, coming to terms with/trying obsessively to cure his affliction, potentially with alignment shift.

>>8201158
I thought mithril was the best, right? Or adamantine, I forget. But if mithril comes from meteorites and adamantine from wherever dorf fortress digs it up, what is doom plate? Gods hammered into form? Divine spark plus wood?

>>8201265

"No no. Doom plate came from the Stars. It feel from the heavens and was forged into armor."

So you mean Adamantine?

"No, its different. Its better"

Word for fucking word from my conversation with the DM

>>8201265
doomplate is obviously just this DMs version of plot armor

I just had a good epic fail story today, so this should be fresh.

My group decided to try out DH today. Most of them don't know much about the background, but we figured they'd learn fine as we played. The group ended up being a tech-priest, an assassin, three Guardsmen (none of them really knowing what WH40k is like), and two psykers (one of which was me).

Generic pre-fabbed mission, we have to go into a cave to route out the mysterious danger inside. So far, nothing major has happened, the tech-priest messed up a request for more supplies because EVERYONE ELSE tried to help him and failed. The other psyker tries using his powers to better gather info, he fails but nothing happened.

Go into the cave, and three people, myself included, hurt themselves by falling 3m down a hole due to failed climb checks. Two of us hurt ourselves trying to jump over a hole because the two Guardsmen who have like, 50 strength decide to chuck the small people across. It's here that the other psyker had to leave due to outside problems.

>>8201261

Yeah, or a whole lot o' that. He got off easy by virtue of stupid DM.

>>8201308
Now the fun begins: We reach the big foreboding door that marks where we expect to encounter problems. I get everyone into a firing line, just in case. To be extra sure, I join with them, and use my powers to open the door. I begin charging up and roll.

I roll 1, 8, and 9. fuck.

The dm rolls on the chart of potential bad things, and gets a 81. So he rolls on the chart of really bad things, and gets a 91. Daemonhost. He retcons this so we don't all die 3 hours into the game, and re-rolls. The new result simply makes everyone make a wp test or get corruption. Me and the tech-priest succeed. Everyone gets 9 corruption points.

>>8201322

About 20 minutes later, the tech-preist has drawn the attention of some monster to us, and we're fighting. I decide to use my powers to cause the thing to lose muscle control. I begin charging up and roll.

I roll 4, and 9. Fuck.

The gm again rolls to see what happens, he gets the bad chart. Then he rolls for the worse effect. Everyone has to roll will power, me and the tech-priest succeed, and everyone else gains 7 corruption points. The monster resisted my attempt to disable it.

Combat continues, and I, not having learned my lesson, decide to use another power. This time I decide to amplify my aim. I roll.

9. FUCK.

So the GM rolls again. and again it's the very bad chart. This time he rolls Mass-possession. He doesn't even bother re-rolling, and just lies, saying I poof out of the area, coming back 30-seconds later. The fight ended with the tech-priest effectively solo-ing the monster, as no one else could hit it. We end the session here.

I suppose that's one way to show the 3 IG what DH is like.

>>8201224
ha! was his con also 12? What a wimp.
wait, was the window closed when he chucked the dice bag?

>>8201338
window was most definitely closed at the time.

I think he had like a 14 con.

However, not only did I get my readied actions, but attacks of opportunity. Few crits added in as well and we have ourselves one dead fighter.

>>8200905

Oh my god, fuck your DM, the Stig is EPIC!

>>8200913
Wow...What a little fucker. Why not just go all the way and declare dead people as your favoured enemy? Not undead mind you, just dead. If you hate corpses hard enough, you're immortal.

>>8200880
This is the best thing I have read in a long time.

"I'm going to punch my way out"

Priceless.

My group picked up a new DM (Usually I'm forced to dm, but whatever.)

The party is a warforged barbarian, Cleric Kobold and a human monk with a few NPC's following.

A few hours into a small(ish) encounter we come to the boss fight which was a collection of 14 zombies and a hobgoblin cleric. (We were level 4 at the time.)

The warforged is the first to see the bad guys and is given one free action before we were forced into combat, be just yells to the party " Get over here! " without telling what he saw. He gets the first attack, he charges the zombie horde, killing 5-6 or so with a single attack ( Roled a 20 with a scythe, dm rulled it.)

Zombies turn they try to overrun him, he passes a single reflex save, sending a zombie flying and by random chance lands on one of the NPC's, he failed the other reflex saves, but won the strength save with a high enough DC to throw all the zombies backward 15 feet, far enough to crush the hobgoblin.

>>8200880

I believe it looked a little something like this, yes?

>>8201222
Spittle spewing from his open mouth as he sputters curses of the worst kind in Russian, more and more blood sticking to the butt of the pistol as he shatters the canister against the frame with the rage-powered force of it.

When the deed is done, he cries from the exertion of it for a moment. But only a moment. He quickly gets a hold of himself, shrugs it off, and shakily lights a cigarette, whch he smokes nervously. A chum tentatively offers his hand for a pat on the shoulder, which he ultimately gives but feeling uneasy about it.

An angry head bob warns him off.

>>8201423
Probably, but with more fire and less boy scout.

>>8201423

Sort of. Lots more hellfire though.

And blood, lots and lots of blood.

>>8201378
Reminds me of Superboy Prime.

>>8201423
>>8201453
Well that was just odd. We may have a crisis on our hands.

I had a Tiefling Sorceror/Warlock that was known around the gaming table as the Unibomber for a while. His favorite method of killing everything was explosive runes.

One game, the DM tells us we all wake up in jail, which is surprising because we went to sleep in different parts of the city and were all 20th level. But, the city guards (perhaps wearing doom plate?) picked us up and transported us to jail and wiped our memories of us being taken there. The jailer then tells us the prince is dead and we did it and we also were going to sign a confession. The bard tries diplomacy and automatically fails against the jailer. 20th level bard made to auto-bullshit his way out of anything mind you. The paladin fails. The Cleric Fails. I say I'll sign a confession implicating the entire party. Jailer looks surprised and is excited.

I write a full confession of our crime we didn't commit, and sign it. With full flourish. With explosive runes.

>>8201518

I like your style.

>>8201518

Win Sir.

>>8201518
most impressive

>>8201518
Win.

I'll have to remember to steal this sometime.

>>8201381

>>8201518
>I write a full confession of our crime we didn't commit, and sign it. With full flourish. With explosive runes.

I like the cut of your jib, sir.

And your party should've called you The Mad Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight.

>>8201518
I was surprised the DM allowed me to blow the Jailer up, and he warned me that I would 'face consequences' for my actions.

Later on, post jail break, we were traveling the road and a messenger found us. The King's Messenger, who had a feat called "Find everybody no matter what". He presented me with a letter that said I was to be brought before the high council of WIZARDS! I'm a sorceror, and a warlock. I send them back a letter that simply says "Piss Off". They send a magical letter to us, and it asks for me to account for a flagrant use of magic in the city (something The DM did not tell me was verboten, just a rule that was made up to try to introduce a plot element). I send back a letter, signed in explosive runes.

An assassin who tried to kill us later (sent by the WIZARDS, ONOES) was knocked out by the cleric, who watched as I cut explosive runes into his forearms, then bandaged them. We ditched him at an inn, he healed, woke up days later, wondered what happened to his arms and boom.

>>8201518
You have learned well.

>>8201518
Nice.
"I will kill you with agreement!"

>>8201583
HE WAS MAKING GRAVY WITHOUT THE LUMPS! YEAH BABY YEAH YEAH!

>>8201594
haha you sir are awesome

>>8201594
Fuck! Just...fuck!

>>8201594

YA KNOW WHAT MAKES ME A GOOD DEMOMAN?

>>8201518
>>8201594

Oh god, the potential for this is amazing.
Sending the BBEG a birthday cake...with explosive runes written on it.
Fighting the evil empire by writing graffiti in their bathroom stalls...the graffiti being explosive runes.
"Call 1-555-5555 for a goo-BLAM"

>>8201594
I guess that means you should work on other forms of the spell.

>>8201594
In another part of that same game, the DM read some dragonlance novels and, well, I'm sure you know where this is going. We get a DMPC.

-RAGE INDUCING WORDS FOLLOW, NECKBEARDS COVER YOUR EYES-

A Kinder

So the Kinder steals everything from us and is generally endearing, kinda, in that douchebag five year old sort of way. The Kinder keeps stealing everything. I buy a supremely wondrous treasure chest with many complex masterwork locks and platinum filigree. I tell the DM I am going to put something inside the chest, and to make sure he wont try to be stupid, I write down what I'm putting in the chest on a piece of paper, seal it in an envelope, and hand it to the DM. The kinder steals the chest in the wee hours of the morning, chortling merrily to himself as he automatically pops the locks, opens the chest, and

The party woke up to a mushroom cloud of Kinder Giblets.

>>8200880
You sir are made of win and awesome.

>>8201656
Gotta show 'em who's boss.

>>8201656
I love you, anon. Really. I do.

>>8201656
Sounds like he just got...

A kinder surprise.

YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

>>8201656

Keep fightin' the power. DM sounds like a railroading asshat, and he deserves repeated trainwreck-by-BOOM.

>>8201698

>>8201656
so this 'Charon' the formerly Chaotic Evil now Chaotic Neutral Warlock/Sorcerer has earned a place on /tg/. Interesting. Anyways, there was a point later on in the story where we had to get a Dryad, out of a slave auction. Yes the DM had just finished neverwinter Nights. We go into a back room where this slaver runs his dirty fingers over many beautiful creatures/wommenz and points out their high points and low points. I realize that my party is likely stealing the dryad while I keep this stupid bastard busy.

WE sit down at the negotiating table, he slips me a piece of paper and asks me to write down a figure. I scribble patiently. He looks at me odd, saying that now is not the time for perfect handwriting.

I push my offer across the table and shield my eyes

>>8201723
I'm noticing a theme here.

I find it hilarious none the less.

>>8201723

You'd think the DM would have sense enough by now to stop handing you writing utensils, but noooo....

>>8201761
The DM really is asking for it.

>>8201711
the DM got cross when we were told that we had four different assassin guilds after us. What can I say? Word gets around about the party. People tend to hate us. The DM asked me kindly to make a new character, any new character, he'd even throw in five extra levels if I chose a character that didn't have explosive runes.

This was after I paid an informant and learned the names of each assassin guild's leader, hierarchy, and top hit men. I had addressed them all letters of an explosive variety through an army of purchased carrier pigeons. The DM said after that "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" I replied "The High fantasy version of an orbital strike"

>>8201723
>the formerly Chaotic Evil now Chaotic Neutral
Why the change of heart?

>>8201797
The DM eventually decided to try to take us all out, with a Druid. WE stepped on the wrong flower or ate the wrong plant or batted aside the wrong butterfly and this insane druid tries to kill us.

I remember the druid's speech, something about needing of nature to correct the balance, the harmony, of the world by removing us. The Bard had him dance a little tune called Otto's Irresistible dance as we started one of the largest forest fires on record. He danced as his forest burned around him.

I still laugh about that one.

"How the fuck does a 12 year old dodge a maul?"

"I think the more important question is why are you swinging a maul at a 12 year old?"

Best conversation to ever have with a player,

Once, I ran a Vampire the Masqurade game for a couple of people I knew in my technical training in the military. It was a small game of mostly inexperienced players. but most of them had good concepts. We had the Ventrue Millionare power broker, The Brujah biker, the Gangrel Park ranger. the usual crew of newbie vampire characters. And all is well, some of the charicters acutaly turn out to be well thought out and deep. Word of this game spreads far and wide.

Till one day, I get a guy saying he wanted to play. My first clue should have been the fact this dude was wearing a shirt with a wolfs head in a celtic knot, and he had a teardrop tatoo under his eye. But he pitches this charicter concept

"My charicter is named Dark Raven Death angel. Hes a 400 year old Celtic immortal who can go outside during the day. He carries two silver plated Katana's and can cut anything into a red mist. he also uses two desert eagles, and rides a Suzuki ninja that is modified to hold swords..."

I had heard just about enough. I picked up a copy of Werewolf the Forsaken (which one of my players had mistakenly brought) and threw it at him. Hit him square in the jaw, he just stood there, dumbfounded. Then tried to act tough

Then my 6'2 Black friend. Chris, stood up. Guy was built like a lighthouse. needless to say, he backed off.

>>8201855
My god, man. I would have killed to be in on that campaign.

This story starts with a guy that wants to run a game set in the second world war. In France, 1945 to be exact.

He seems pretty excited and tells us we can make whatever we like. French resistance fighters, American leathernecks, RAF fliers that ditched over hedgerow country, even Germans. Anything that would fit in the setting, basically.

So we get excited too and decide we want to play a Wehrmacht crew of a Tiger tank. Veterans of Africa, just trying to survive the war, the insanity of high command and the guilt and horror of what we had been a party to, even unknowingly.

Now if he'd said no that would have been fine. We would have come up with a different idea. But instead he lets us go on and create the characters.

Once things start it pretty quickly starts to feel like he honestly hates the party. Every victory or even survival seems to piss him off. Every NPC killed enrages him. He certainly doesn't like it when we try to correct him when he calls the party Nazi, pointing out that only the tank commander is a party member.

He doesn't even seem happy when we start following the plot (something about french civilians and a English spy trying to stop an evil nazi conducting vile experiments in an old castle.)

The ends when he at last explodes about not wanting to sit around listening to how much a bunch of neo-nazi love Hitler when we talked, in character, about how they preferred serving under Erwin Rommel.

>>8201830
A kindly Cleric gave her life for him, showing him the right course of blah blah blah blah blah. He was 'touched' and reformed. (That's the line I fed to the DM anyways, He realized being bad limited his fun and there was more money playing both sides of the fence for ???? profit). Also the Cleric was kind of my girlfriend at the time and got angry when I laughed at her death and tried to loot her corpse.

Some times you just have to give up a little bit of your fun. But, Explosive runes were a release valve

I was DMing a game where the party had to eventually face a Spider Queen. I didn't expect them to win, it was 10th level and they were going to be about 3rd by the time they got there, so I made up a ridiculous weakness for it and didn't give them any hints.

They get to the Spider Queen and see how powerful she is, nearly killing the paladin in one hit. My one friend, in some fit of insanity, instead of crying, "NOOOOO!" goes, "MOOOOOO!" and the Spider Queen flees, leaving her treasure beyond.

It was afraid of cows.

God damn, these are all too good.
I have a short story about a new character I rolled up for a game, but compared to these, it's just shit.

>>8201855

I have to know, what finally happened to your character? He can't STILL be letting you play him after all that.

>>8201914
I ended up moving before we got to finish. Several years of gaming, lots of stories, lots of explosions. I retired him into a homebrew game I'm writing, steampunk setting. I think I'm going to make him a professor at a magical school. Bad students get a letter to take home . . .

>>8201868
Extreme amounts of awesome detected.

>>8201932
Professor Charon, please, no letters! NO LETTERS!

So I start up a gaming group at an after school program, and I dont expect anyone experinced in gaming to join, just the ocasional on-looker, so I mostly ran simple games. Toon being one of them. I had three players, one of them being very compitent, one of them was...special. He ment well, really, and he played ok, but he was mostly just following everyone around. (bad for any game, but especialy Toon in my opinion.) But the one I want to complain about was...well, I can honestly say he was a munchkin becuse he (the player) was short, as well as a rules lawyer.

>>8201868
Great googley moogley. I never knew people like that actually existed.

>>8201932
Alternately, he uses lesser runes during class. Students are entirely afraid to flip over the assignments he has given them.

>>8201953

He came up with a good concept at first: Muscle Moose! Say it with super heroic flaire, and it's a perfect character concepton it's own!Simple, flexable, very silly...but he then scraps the character and writes up a new one, so everyone has to wait for him. He ends up with Woad Wunner, the Road Runner.

>>8201948
his real name is Isaac Archibald Altmann, he goes by Charon for simplicity sake

>>8201959

Yeah, and this guy is serving in the US military. Be afraid.

>>8201953

So I'm running an adventure from the book. Simply put, rich guy hires them to find a rare bird in Darkest Africa. We have the Woad Wunner, a stick figure named It, and a baseball fanatic. Woad Wunner runs ahead and ends up making his way to Deepest Africa. ...which is the wrong place. So to get out, he says "Ok, I'll use Cosmic Shift to make me a space ship!"

>>8201953

For those of you who havent played Toon, Cosmic Shift alows you to do tricks like saw a tree branch your sitting on, and have the tree fall while the branch stays in the air. To make things out of nothing, there is a diffrent Shtick (power) for that, the Bag <or whatever> of Many Things. Basicly, he's using a power for a reason it was not ment for.

>>8201967
Draw the fuck out of him! Or someone at least put him on 1d4chan

>>8201953

So I think "Ok, you get in your space ship. there are two buttons. One says Launch, the other says Eject. Make a read check to figure out which is which."

>>8201953

He makes his check, but the compitent player, reading my face and seeing I'm annoied, uses Teliport to warp to "where my missing friend is!" So he rolls and makes it as a co-pilot, and asks "Do I have to make a read skill too?" I nod, and he rolls. He looks to me and changes his roll from a winning result to a failed result and grins. "I push the button I think says 'Lunch'." I gave him some extra experince andtold them they both get ejected. It (the stick figure) gets launched right next to the bird's cave, and Woad Wunner gets ejected back to Deepest Africa, and some monkeys catch him and build a bamboo cage to make a zoo.

>>8201993
Seconded, Archive, 1d4chan under Jihad-Tiefling

>>8201953

He starts to complain to me, but my compitent player shuts him up and tells him he's lucky we dont have a vote and kick him out of the group. I was so proud...

>>8201797
>The DM asked me kindly to make a new character, any new character, he'd even throw in five extra levels if I chose a character that didn't have explosive runes.

>>8200880
I call bullshit

If I could use any magic spell in real life it'd be explosive runes. Then save up lost of stamps and make a bunch of publisher's clearing house envelopes.


That'd solve america's social security problem.

>>8202054
>OOOOH, LOOK AT ME. SO DARK AND EDGY.

0/10 for meta-trolling. Try to be less obvious.

>>8201967
Alright, one more runes story.

We knew the game was winding down, in short order we had gone from nobodies to heroes of a city, to heroes of the nation's capital to heroes of a nation to international heroes. We'd killed a dragon, we'd killed a lich. The Cleric turned a undead dragon, the bard convinced a king that the crown was indeed his, and he'd been looking for it, and he needed it back. The Paladin Killed an army or two. We were Epic. We, together, we precious few, we band of assholes had derailed plot and DMPC alike. I had an epic wizard hat. I put it on, frequently. I had a bag of holding with a river in it, because I liked aquariums but considered fishbowls entirely too plebian.

The Last adventure we embarked on was flying over a nation enirely made up of blackguards, rapeguards, rapeblacks, blackrapes, guard rapes, and so on. We flew on a Red Dragon the Bard was leading on in song that was so glorious the dragon just 'went with it'. The song was REO speedwagon's roll with the changes and I released my prepared sack of letters to each and every citizen. B-52? Yes we did. The DM gave up trying to kill us after that.

>>8202091
>>8202036
High Level Characters can do anything. They're gods in all but name. Thats why most people in D&D just start over at level 20

>>8202081
It's sad how many people I still run into who try to act like hot shit by saying shit like that.

rolled 3, 1, 3, 3 - 8 = 2

>>8202091

>>8202091
Who'd have thought one little spell could completely derail an entire plot.

>>8202091
Picture related?

>>8202141
those that doubt his power shall receive a letter. Its just a little letter, you want to open it. It's even scented, it smells of Cinnamon and lilacs. How bad could it be?

>>8202157
DONT SAY THAT!

>>8202091
>blackguards, rapeguards, rapeblacks, blackrapes, guard rapes, and so on.

Oh great, so your DM is THAT GUY. Double kudos for fucking his shit up at every opportunity.

>>8202141
Secret Page is lovely for this sort of thing as well.

MOAR CHARON STORIES

Alright I got one, so the party's a CN Elf Rogue, TN Elf Ranger, CG Dwarf Fighter, and a LN Elf Monk.

Now at some point the ranger decides she's going to kill the fighter, and steal the cool magic loot he found a while back. She manages to convince him that there's some magic artifact that only dwarves can pick up on the other side of this glass floor. At about the point that he gets halfway across it, she starts doing everything she can to break the floor (if she was robbing him, this didn't make sense BUT WHATEVER) and plunging him to his doom.

Two rounds later, a damp ass pissed off dwarf emerges from an underground lake, deep in the dungeon. He eventually makes it back to the party, but it turns a big underground monster thing followed him. As the rogue tries to sneak away and avoid having to deal with both this monster and the surly dwarf, she crit-fails her move silently check and is promptly squished by the monster.

Playing homebrew d20, a friend of mine rolled and managed to put out a forest fire with a pistol.

>>8202091

>>8202196

Just one moar before returning to lurk

Back before the girlfriend put his balls in her purse, I got into a contest with the DMPC who tried to play the game "anything you can do, I can do better" to the tune of rape, destruction, fire and rape. I never raped anything. I just blew it up or set it on fire. He tries to act all 'supar-badass' by going into the temple of Pelor and casting a permanent circle of desecration right in the middle of it. I figure somewhere Pelor is cooking up some awful smiting so I decide to one up 'supar stooped eval' with something classy.

I went into the Temple of Tyr and filled in a few hymn books with exploding runes in the margins.

"Now my friends, let us turn to the hymn of -BOOM"

My DM gave my rogue armor that turns him invisible whenever he's taking ongoing fire damage and also gives him resist to fire equal to half level. The cleric has the alchemist feat. the rogue has quickdraw. Say hello to a giant bag of dragonfire tar, and constant sneak.

>>8202235
so the DM tried the whole "I'm going to out do you and take the fun out of it" trick, eh? Happened in one of my games. Kid joined my game and made a drow assassin to out do the human assassin. Drow got lynched. Kid was black. Double hate?

In a high-level Star Wars game (with a homebrew setting) my security officer character got tricked my a shape-shifting assassination robot (basically T-1000 in a space setting). So I ask the GM if I can play as the assassin robot.

I took out a healthy portion of the crew and reduced all the player characters to at least single digit HP before I am stopped.

I remember one time in a small 3-player D&D group when we were in a marshland/forest (?) filled with lizards who were 8 levels higher than us (We were level 3 at the time.)

The group consisted of a Ranger, a Sorcerer, and me, the Fighter.

We arrive at the marshlands by foot, with the exception of the Sorcerer who demanded a horse before we left. Ranger decides to scout ahead and winds up disappearing, Sorcerer claims to hear some lizardmen and has me throw him into the tree we're standing near. I climb up after him and wait to see if the lizardmen are coming our way.

After 2 minutes, the DM says that three lizardmen walk up near our tree. Sorcerer checks into his pack and finds some rope, he decides to tie the rope onto himself and me by the waist, I don't say anything because I assume he's doing that to keep me from falling off. Next thing I know he says he pushes me off of the tree and grabs onto the rope while simultaneously bracing the tree to keep himself from falling off.

He rolls his strength check to see if he can actually keep a grip and succeeds, I'm sent flying into Lizardmen and soon I'm knocked unconscious from colliding into one head first. Fortunately I knock most of them out with my sheer bodyweight as well. Sorcerer rolls another strength check to see if he can still hold me and fails, I fall down about 5 feet into some mud. Sorcerer proceeds to try and pull me up when he hears more lizardmen coming.

This story comes from SHARD.

One of the members, a cheetah, put in his background two long lost sisters who were captured by slavers. This was his driving motivation. The rest of the group is his turtle bodyguard, a house cat assassin based on Altair, a Lion who works with bugs, and my character, a bird based on the Prince of Persia.

Now the session started in the aftermath of a huge fight. Everyone was getting specifically assigned loot due to some sort of destiny thing. Basically there was a hidden room that corresponded to each of us, with treasure inside that would be specifically useful to our characters.

I got two AMAZING weapons to replace the ones that broke during the fight. That just happen to be immaculate, improved versions of what I lost. I also got a ring. Other party members got things like a comprehensive book of everything, or bugs that formed armor and weapons. Considering we're starting characters the items were over the top, but we let it go. I later discovered the ring lets me know what direction anything is. Cities, people I've never met, optimal escape routes, you name it, I know which way it is.

>>8202273
He rolls a 20 and my DM claims he pulled me up into the tree with extreme force, and was maybe 3 feet away from being able to hoist me onto the branch again. The lizardmen show up and spot me dangling 20 feet above the ground. Sorcerer decides to use both his hands to cast magic missile and sends me plummeting into the mud again. A lizardman snipes Sorcerer in the leg and knocks him off the branch taking about ½ of his health. Sorcerer quickly runs over to his horse that was behind some trees and tries to flee, holding onto the horse for dear life. His grip allows him to hold onto the horse without falling off while it drags me through the marshland/forest as I collide into some trees in the way.

After I wake up, maybe 10 minutes later when we're at the outskirts of the marshland/forest, Ranger comes out of the forest with a new bow and a tribal looking necklace.

>>8202280
So the guy with the lost sisters has me check for his sisters (this is how I know it finds people I've never met). They're in the direction we're headed. When we finally get there, we set up lodging and set out to find where the sisters are. Which isn't hard.

We approach the mansion they supposedly are, and try to approach this diplomatically. Can't be breaking in everywhere we go needlessly. A butler answers us, and we tell him we would like to see the girls. He confirms they're there, and goes to fetch them. The owner of the house, a bull, intercepts him and greets us instead. He tells us in no uncertain terms to fuck off, and that there's no way we will ever see those girls. The cheetah tries to persuade him otherwise, but he won't have it. He slams the door on us.

At this point, the cheetah is too close to his goal to give up, and decides to use force. The turtle is chosen to open the door, because while I have an affinity for getting doors open, I generally take 10 minutes, and confuse the GM in the process. The turtle takes a mighty swing and finds his attempt to have no obvious effect. I decide an alternate route is in order, and jump to the 2nd story window, which, for whatever reason, was 30 feet up. I begin punching the window as the turtle tries beating the door down.

After the turtle gets his second hit in (again, ineffective, just and my initial window punch was), Guards appear. 10 of them, all wielding spears. The party, apart from me and the turtle, prepare for combat.

>>8201959

Perhaps all the guy saw was vampire and thought Blade would translate well into the setting.


or alternatively, trooooooooooooooooll.

>>8202283
As I punch a second time, I make a fist sized hole in the glass. And the turtle again hits the door ineffectively. The bull opens the door and demands to know what is happening, as 10 MORE soldiers appear, at the ready, with spears.

While the rest of the party is dealing with the mess on the ground, I raise up for a big kick on the window, I roll the athletics to wind up, and am told to make a perception check. There are 10 guards inside with muskets, all pointing through the fist sized hole I made. I say it's too late to stop, break through the window, and get pegged by three shots after my dodge.

I'm told they do 10 damage total, and I mention my armor reduces that to 4. TO which the GM says that actually, each shot did 5 damage, so I take 9. At this point the DMPC shows up and starts shouting at everyone, wondering why we didn't meet up with her, wondering what the hell we're doing. Just to clarify, in the time it took to make 4 sequential attacks, EVERY IMPORTANT NPC AND 30 GUARDS HAVE ASSEMBLED AROUND US. The party on the ground announces that they're taking back the sisters, and I let the GM know I am going to be killing the entire firing line before they can reload, when he throws his stuff in the air and gets mad at us. Yelling about how he doesn't understand "why he fuck we're doing this" and how he "can't believe the stupid shit we're doing".

The cheetah's player says he (the player) obviously is a disruptive influence on the game, and leaves. The rest of us follow.

>>8202235
Just as a back-up plan, I'd have written some explosive runes on the inside of a random bit of gear or clothing, maybe a tag on the inside of a cloak or something. Just so anyone who tries to loot your body ends up dying a fiery death.

>>8202291

Well, if he was a troll, he still got a book to the face.
Unsuccessful troll is unsuccessful

>>8202091
You know, if your DM was smart he'd make his biggest baddest BBEG illiterate.

>>8201224

How can you dual weild Large weapons?

>>8202318
Reverse-rules lawyering.

>>8202324

Like what?

My DM was attempting to build a group at school some years back, and he is quite fond of vampire campaigns. Not the dark, classy, sexy kind of vampire. The kind that steps out of a dark alley at night and attempts to bite your throat out because he's hungry kind, mostly. He plays with most of the general vampire weaknesses, even though in 3.5 a lot of them aren't mentioned.

So these guys are facing a vampire who is kicking their ass in the long run. They aren't doing so hot, so DM throws them a bone and has someone open their door to them so they can escape. They all run in, and since vampires can't enter unless invited, the vamp is left scrabbling at the door and windows. They're in there, one of them is bleeding badly, they're all at least some kind of roughed up, but they're safe so they taunt the vampire. As he's pounding futilely at the door, this exchange occurs:

Vamp: *bang bang bang*

PC: What do you want?

Vamp: Your blood!

PC: WELL WHY DON'T YOU COME IN AND GET IT?!

The vampire politely opened the door, closed it behind him, and killed everyone inside.

Ok, so this one actually happened to me like an hour ago, I just got out of a marathon session and it's about 5am now. We're playing 3.5, and this was the last game of this campaign.

So, there;s a big J.R.R esk siege by the bad guys, and we're all fighting it off. Suddenly the BBEG shows up and starts fucking with our shit. Thing is, this BBEG is a spell-caster, so the party wizard casts an anti-magic field. The epic final battle with this guy more or less boils down to us taking away his magics and curb stomping him to death. No flashy magic, no epic struggle, just the four of us circling around him and kicking in his teeth.

It was the best ending ever.

Talking with a friend over skype and looking at the thread, I've remembered another Charon story. Pardon if these are getting a little long in the tooth but I have to share.

We're in the underdark. Newer player makes a drow. He read the drow books. The bleh ones. His drow doesnt trust 'demons' because he keeps saying that 'demons are thieves, and evil". I say that drow are a bunch of sub-human cretins living in fear of the sun. I also correct him in saying that "Tieflings are bastards, not thieves." He continues to hate on my character, pointing how how noble the drow are. (He pronounced drow as Dr-oh). He has one of those underdark antelope thingamabobs that he uses to carry all of his critters, yes he is a drow naturalist who preserves animals. He ties himself to his pack animal in case I try to steal it. I ridicule him that the 'deep donkey' is his wife, ball and chain, so on and soforth. We pass by a particularly deep chasm and he draws a sword, telling me he's had enough and its time to do battle and I can't run, for the chasm blocks escape. He taunts me. Bigby's forceful hand shoves the the pack animal off the cliff, he follows.

He scrambles to 'untie the rope' and manages to actually pass his test. Beaming. The DM reminds him he is in mid air.

The rest of the party catches up to us and asked us what happened to the donkey. I shrugged.

>>8202341
How does one politely kill everyone in a building? I bet that must have been at least interesting to watch.

>>8202369

"Terribly sorry, old chap, but I'm going to have to pull your spleen out through your mouth now. Ooh! Your liver looks TERRIBLE. Were you not going to be dead in about five minutes, I'd suggest you have that checked."

>>8202397
"Hurk...gah! What abo..t my spleennnnghh..."

D&D quick story

One of our buddies dies, rolls up new character. He decides to roll a Paladin. His introduction hook is that an angel has been captured by a powerful Ogre arcanist and his band, and our Paladin needs assistance in rescuing this most divine of creatures!

Stuff happen, we find the angel, and head towards the exist. Ogre boss blocks our escape. Ogre casts darkness around himself, Paladin charges in. Shortly after, Angel charges in to the darkness as well.
DM removes figures from our grid, replaces with generic coins indicating only where you last connected with or heard someone standing.
Something bumps into our Paladin's back, he tells the DM that he turns around and slams it with his shield.
He rolls very well. Naturally once the darkness clears we find a dead angel and a vaguely head shaped dent in the Paladin's shield.
This was the start of a very unfortunate career as a Paladin.

In my Dm's homebrew game one of the PC's is a giant slug thing with the upper body of a hairless cat who has a giant ogre slave in a bellhops uniform following him everywhere. He is generally referred to as Lord Skellis, foremost purveyor of illicit erotic snowglobes.

>>8202423
Oh, the sad, sad irony.

>>8202303

never said he was 10/10 trolling... more like -10/10

>>8200913

I would have had him freak out and start spazzing on the nights of the full moon, as the power of his raw hate and willpower raged against the supernatural curse of Lycanthropy.
After three days of being a constant supernatural epileptic I would have started giving him some nice insanities.

...but my friends all agree I’m a bastard of a GM.

>>8202423
>dead angel

Shenanigans. Stupid DM. Angels are extraplanar, they banish from the prime, not die. Unless this hypothetical fight happened in Celestia, in which case, WTF?

>>8202464
It's her first time DMing, and It was way to fucking funny at the time for even the rules lawyers to correct.

>>8202464
That isn't a real rule, you know. Just something that lots of people have done in game. While there's nothing wrong with that, there is also no reason to assume it's universal.

>>8202369

The way it was worded is a bit off, but I meant it more like the vampire, upon realizing this idiot just invited him in, enters politely for effect and closes the door behind him, then resumes his regular behavior.

>>8202479
>her

Error instantly forgiven.

>>8202496

Well yeah, rule 0 and all that. The DM says the angel dies, the angel dies. I'm just going from in-setting material.

>>8202362
>>8202362
tryin to put in charon to 1d4chan, failing, halp?

Playing a Pathfinder game, a high seas adventure, and I must say I think this character I'm running has potential. We haven't played much due to schedule issues, only two or three sessions in the past two months, but so far he's been fun.

He's an Elf Transmuter. He has an Elven Curve Blade as an arcane bond, is startlingly beefy for a spellcaster, and is the ship's navigator. Much to our Rogue's chagrin and amusement, he has become the most successful thief in our group by accident. People keep, in some shape or form, handing him things and he simply refuses to give them back. First it was a plothook NPC handing him a treasure map to look over as they discussed their proposal(which he pocketed and later savagely beat the NPC for requesting it back sardonically at the start of an ambush).

>>8200813
consider that stolen.

>>8202641

The next instance of this was a pickpocket, in an attempt to evade capture, slipped something into one of our pockets, and the dice decided it would be mine. He was discovered, begged us to hold it for him, and when the guard had seen he didn't have anything and let him go(despite the merchant he stole it from's protests), he came back and mentioned he doesn't even know what it is but his boss is going to be appreciative. My response was that I didn't remember what he gave me, and could he please tell me what it was he put in my pocket? After all, a petty thief such as himself could easily be trying to trick me by having me empty my pockets and, upon seeing something he wants, going, "Oh yes, that was what I gave you! I'd like that back please!" Oh no, I'm not falling for THAT, thank you very much.

Frustrated, he left. It was a pendant, we returned to the merchant and asked him about what happened in the square earlier, oh did that gentleman steal a pendant you were appraising, well have the owner contact us at this ship tomorrow and we'll see if we can't work out an arrangement to recover it on his behalf.

So my players are running a generic WoD mortals campaign one-shot, with the pretext that they're a bunch of random strangers who answered a Craigslist ad one of them put out looking for buddies to drive to the east coast of the states with.

Long story short, they end up crashing in an old abandoned house for a night in a ghost town. And, as generic does, it gets assaulted by zombies.

The twist is that the zombies are essentially factories that churn out spiders. The spiders bite a person several times, and if bitten enough, a person becomes a zombie and churns out more spiders. One or two bites merely causes intense, permanent insanity.

After seeing the hitpuncher of the group go bumfuck crazy and start mutating in short order, one of the craftier players ran upstairs and hid in the bathroom, with the plan of jumping out the window when the shit hit the fan. Little did he know, there was a nest of spiders in the attic that wormed their way through the ceiling. He rolled a poor dodge roll, and a colony of about 10 of them landed on him. FFFFFFFFuck.

Knowing what kind of fate awaited him if he dicked around like the hitpuncher, he leaped into action by turning on the faucet in the bathroom's tub. He jumped in the tub, rolled around to get proper wet, and pulled out a taser he had on himself.

He held it at arm's length, turned it up to full. And shocked himself in the chest.

This, while causing a fuckbit of non-lethal damage to him, killed all the spiders. His strategy, from there on out, was to overflow the tub and camp in the bathroom standing on the toilet. When anything came through the door, he'd shock the water on the ground.

That guy singlehandedly ruined survival horror vs spiders.

>>8202633
Already been archived, with teifling jihad or some such.

>>8202579
She may be new, but she applies just enough Rule 0 to throw much of your meta knowledge off balance. For example:
We found some items. I identified them, and she told me they were cursed, and starts telling me what the curse effects are. I try to interrupt saying I don't think I'm supposed to be able to find that out with identify, and she says "That's okay, you can indentify these particular items." And so I let it go. Later I identify another cursed item, saving us from what could have been a very unfortunate situation (periapt of rot or something like that)

This all seems well and good, but she has spent the better part of her career as a PC. I know that in one of our far back games we had a party nearly ruined by cursed items. The only players to not get wrecked were the ones that totally meta'd. Despite having found magical items that would make most drool, they refused to touch them till They were certain there were no curses.
Now my gears are turning. Something tells me that she's making us feel like all cursed items are detectable by a simple identify. We will become confident. We will grow complacent. One day we may find the cursed items that are not revealed with my identify, and we have no reason to doubt their safety. She has made me deeply paranoid by doing what looks like a favour.
I'm really enjoying this game.

>>8200905
Top Gear is bad, your idea is bad, you should feel bad.
Sorry boss, your GM's in the right.

>>8202720
I remember that thread!
Your ST asked /tg/ for ideas.

>>8202720
That guy is fuckwin.
The only way it could be any better would be finding flamethrowers.

>>8202766

>>8202819
Prove me wrong, you tasteless faggot.

>>8202828

You're wrong.

>>8202828

>>8202839
cool story, bro

>>8202844
>>8202828
Really though? Really? Is your next one gonna be "lol u mad"?
I thought we had a higher class of troll here, put the effort in damn it!

>>8202737

I like this chick. I like her a lot. Especially if she actually IS employing Tzeentch-level dickery.

>we had a party nearly ruined by cursed items.

Oh God, the flashbacks... One of the guys in our group is a great PC but something of an awful DM for just this reason. He believes that the failure rate for making magical items should be higher than the success rate, so cursed items are fucking everywhere. I swear, it was practically raining -2 Backbiters, Bracers of Fumbling, Amulets of Vulnerability -2, etc.

>>8202844

I pulled sci-fi cliche number one on a party of 5, having them crawl through ductwork to enter a secure area.

when they reach their destination, the lead PC looked down and saw nothing through the vent, so decides to hold onto it,silently lowering it open.

one easy agility check later, critical failure. he falls through the vent, slamming into a table below. the rest of the party decide stealth is out the window and quickly jump down into the room.

three critical failures later, there's a big stunned manpile in the middle of the room. last guy rolls a critical success, tumbling into a kneel with weapon drawn.

the NPCs around the room stare back at this madness.

>>8202877
>>8202842
>>8202839
"I want the truth!"
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

Seriously. Show sucks. Go lick Jeremy Clarkson's fat wrinkled arse.

>>8202913

>>8202913
>>8202828
>>8202766

Obviously did not get that poster was trolling the GM hardcore.

>>8202910
Potential scenes for the NPCs to be in the middle of when this happened:

- Drinking coffee, talking about the wives.
- Ted's birthday party, put on by a pool of the Accounting department of EvilCorp. They're cutting the cake.
- Gay minion's domicile. Right after he commented vociferously about how he'd do anything for a man right now.

>>8202866
The campaign I reference Involved an older DM. Damned near Gygaxian in his fiendishness.The cursed items all "activated" the next time we entered combat. Our monk danced on the spot uncontrollably. Our Warblade began fumbling and drop his sword constantly. Rogue began scratching all over as tiny vermin bit at her. I became a woman. Fortunately this did not impede my combat ability, and with the other remaining two that did not take the their share of the cursed items, we fought off the monsters. Barely.

We way later discovered that one of the other items in that curse pile was a helm of opposite alignment.
A helm of opposite alignment that activates the next time the wearer enters combat. I know that it's not a guarantee, but so many things could have gone wrong from that.

>>8202987
>Gay minion's domicile. Right after he commented vociferously about how he'd do anything for a man right now.

My first game of Warhammer 40k using my new Orks. Was down to my final boy, a tankbusta with a tankhammer. He got assaulted by my friends assault marines he scored two wounds against my boy. I rolled a double 6 and saved the boy who then went on to score two wounds against the squad and my friend fails his saves. He fails his morale check and I catch him and my boy wipes out the rest of the squad.

Was then sadly shot to shit in his next turn. Took a plasma gun to the face.

Girl DM Story:

Enter our assault on her DMPC which is the evil queen. She is described as having a kind countenance and raven hair and long black wings folded around her form sitting on a throne. She describes herself as stunningly beautiful, and then she monologues about how she is wronged and how its her nature to be as she is and everyone she killed was really evil in disguise.

We didn't buy it, we killed her. She screamed about "WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ACCEPT ME BEING ME?!" and left. We were stunned, we thought the screaming was method acting and that was what the DMPC was saying, but, I guess not.

Win or Fail?

>>8203042
>helm of opposite alignment.

Those're great. I once used one of those to JUST AS PLANNED the party cleric from a douche to a dude.

Not all that epic, but what the hell.

Let's start this by saying that the DM was unwholesomely interested in getting the players raped, beaten, killed or all three.

We were at level five when we got conscripted into a lord's army, during basic training two out of three characters got beaten to bloody pulp and of course one was raped.
After training the regiment was sent to defend a castle that was supposed to keep the encroaching army of undead busy while the king sent reinforcements.

The battle went badly when the lord whose army we were in was revealed to be a lich belonging to the opposing force and before fleeing fireballed and lightningbolted the lord of the castle and most high-ranking officers.

So we defend the castle the best we could but in the end decide to flee through the secret getaway-tunnel. Cue zombies and two of the party getting a good zombie-dicking.

After getting out we got to the nearest port, conscript a crew, commandeered the only vessel and set sail for the capital to warn the king.

Come the fifth morning at sea, we wake up to see the crew abandon ship after killing the captain and the two officers. Looking the other way we see an approaching pirate ship.

>cont.

First time trying out 4ed DnD with my friends. We had about 8 people interested, so figured only about 5 PCs would be able to attend. Turned out EVERYONE was able to make it for a change, AND a few brought company as well. We had 10 people, all making characters and ready to play. None of us had actually played 4th ed, several had never played any DnD/any other RPG before. Not the most pleasant night, but could've gone a lot worse (very slow though, we didn't even get passed the first real event).
The saddest part of the night however, was when I was leaving the starting tavern (Tank Pally I was pretty excited about) several thugs basically said they don't like newcomers yadda yadda looking for a fight. Since I left before the rest of the group (only one other person with me, kinda off to the side), I'm not looking for a fight against the 6 of them. I have my armor on, but no shield strapped on and a holstered weapon. I use diplomacy to try and just let me be on the way (assuming the DM was going to start a fight with the rest of the group, I was going to return and help out). I roll a 19 or 20, + pretty much maxed modifiers a lvl 1 can have. They answer with swords... Oh, and the DM beefed them up since there were twice as many PC's as planned, so I lost about half my health in the first round of combat. My first action I use second wind and try to remain non-violent (no sword drawn STILL, and shieldless so defenses are meak). They knock me unconscious, and the rest of the party start slowly joining the fight. Wizard ends up using a blast that hits a ton of them, me included. I die. 3rd round of combat. Overall, I can see where the DM came from, but goddamn. We haven't played 4th ed since either :/

>>8203243
>cont.
Now the ship was an ancient pleasure-barge of some lord, not used in decades, but with all the rugs and carved cabinets, even a huge dresser. On the door of the dresser there was a huge lively-looking carving of a demon head. And that gave me an idea. We dragged the dead bodies below deck and started hacking them to pieces, letting the pieces fly everywhere, basically painting the interior with blood. I got the party magic-user (not a wizard, just a few helpful spells) to conjure up some smoke and darkness.

As the pirates searched the ship, seeing bits and pieces of humans everywhere, with a smell of sulfur about the ship, they got nervous.

As they finally got to the room we were hiding in, we started bellowing like mad beasts, the magic-user lit the room with low red light and we started moving the unhinged dresser door toward the pirates, tossing some small bloody pieces at them.

The pirates ran for it at that point, some of them dropping their weapons.

As we watched the pirate ship depart, the DM finally laughed and awarded us two levels.

The hijinks with a broken Amulet of Time Travel and a Terminator-army is another story.

I know it's late in this poor thread's life, but I have something I'd consider a fail.

So, the party consisted of a fighter-wizard build (My own), a rogue-monk-assassin, and an anthropomorphic baleen druid-barian. (The DMPC truenamer doesn't count because he's a cuntmuffin.) The party is in a town where basically everything there is some kind of furry or other. Someshit like that. But before we knew of anything that was going on, there was a bard right outside the mayor's house. At the time, we were level 8. Well, being the bigshot elf I was, I became earnestly frustrated when the NPC bard walked away and didn't pay any sort of mind to me saying anything. I attacked the bard by charging into a grapple. Well, it's the one grapple check I wish I hadn't succeeded on. Turns out the fucker was a custom Vrock. However, this isn't the fail. Apparently, since grapple checks and transforming are all a free action, you can also freely trip your opponent and still have time to full attack him. Even spite me surviving a CR 14 Vrock, the DMPC thought it best for the unstoppable plot device where I literally fell into a pocket dimension. He made me miss the encounter experience. Everyone else leveled.

This thread started off epic, punching one's own way out of hell for instance. It had good mid-game strength, Charon who had more Jihad than anyone else. Now nothing. Shall we let this thread die? Or shall we resurrect it?

Bout to crash, I'll give one more. Charon was my baby for a long while, but eventually all games get boring. Some DMs will run two campaigns, one good, one bad. Some DMs will run two games. Ours ran an epic evil game so that we might have counterparts to our heroes. He wouldn't let me play a Halfling known as El Guapo who solved problems with smokepowder and rode a donkey known as GIGANTO. IT was supposed to be a funny game, and he wanted me to play something 'different', monsters were allowed.

Enter "Mongo Bighands", Ogre Hulking Hurler. Mongo used an old lady as a mace for an entire session. He beat a Cleric of Kord to death with a pulpit. He threw a bard into the sun. Everyone needs a character like Mongo, just to blow off steam. If that fails, explosive runes.

>>8203568
>He beat a Cleric of Kord to death with a pulpit.

Okay, this is an official request to join your group.

>>8203112
Win. Emo wannabe-speshul bitch is emo.

>>8203584
drop a point of contact and he juuuust might say hi. IF you're good. Charon-Claus doesnt bring presents, just letters.

the first roll of my first D&D game was someone trying stealth over to a ridge... rolling a one, and sliding down that ridge into a pair of fire beetles.

>>8203568
Here's my email. Some tales of yours would be fun if nothing else, since I doubt that much awesome is in my neighborhood.

>>8203909
you get his email, and I am assuming its a fa/tg/uy because the characters are not mary sue princess ninja neko shit, share. This man is epic

>"WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ACCEPT ME BEING ME?!"

You made Hitler cry.

>>8204012
bitch DM is bitch.

Similar story. Girl DM made a DMPC that was a centaur ranger who always, and I mean always bailed us out. "Here, take this so you do not die", "Take this rope" or "I saved your lives, again". Annoying. Our female barbarian played by a female barbarian, dont ask, raged and cut the centaur in half. Pretty neat. The DM went ape and asked why? Our barb said "I thought they smelled bad on the outside"

The funniest experience I've had so far was playing as a Priest in a DH game, all fire and brimstone he was the regimental 'morale' officer for a guard regiment before he got drafted into the Inq. Naturally this goes along fine until they gets a distress call from a planet that the regiment had been fighting on.

As they drop down they quickly figure out that the priest's troops are the ones causing all the ruckus, mad as a hatter he charges off, just an eviscerator and the god-emperor's holy fucking rage behind him.

The rest of the party quickly in tow he pushes across a rather well shot up landscape, actually survives getting a basilisk shell exploding quite near to him and then drops into the trenches that the traitors were hiding in.

Cue an epic asskicking which ended with the priest drenched in gore before stepping out of the trench and promptly getting mistaken by a conscript as one of the baddies (they had been drenching themselves in the blood of the fallen) and gets a lasbolt through his skull.

>>8204262

No comments? /tg/ I am disappoint

it was okay

>>8201886
should haev looked at him and said...

super newbie to D&D
but so far ur stories have me wanting to play everyday (too bad my DM is married with kids= we only play on weekends)
anyways wanted to ask a few things about terminology
what do these mean? :
BBEG
VtM
DMPC
ST
DC
rules lawyer


inb4 "you is trolling"

>>8202260
>kid made drow assasin
>kid was black

i see what u did there

>>8202199

aroundelveswatchyoruselves.jpg

>>8204677
In order:
Big Bad End Guy
Vampire: the Masquerade
DM PC, a PC played by the DM
Story Teller, Vampire and World of Darkness (I believe) equivalent for DM/GM.
Difficulty class, a number you have to beat with a dice roll in D&D

>>8204860
>Story Teller, Vampire and World of Darkness (I believe) equivalent for DM/GM.

Storyteller System/Storytelling System equivalent of Game Master, there's more of it than just WoD you know.

>>8204876
Actually, I don't. All I know of it is what I've managed to pick up from /tg/.

>>8204930
Oh.

The ST system (two main variants and three mutations) is used in the following games:
Old World of Darkness (including several sublines like Vampire)
New Wrold of Darkness (again composed of several sublines)
Exalted (two editions)
Scion

Scion is the least known I guess as I've never seen it discussed on /tg/.

>>8205028
Ah, right. Thanks for the lesson.

>>8205028

There's a reason for that.

Which is a crying shame, 'cause it's premise is awesome.

Everything it does, Exalted does better though, so it's partially redundant.

>>8205145

Reffering to the rarity of Scion being discussed on /tg/

>>8205145
Speak for yourself, I find Exalted to be quite horrible in ALL possible fields.

>>8205186

To each their own, I guess

>>8205145

I think Scion does progress of power better. I also like the slightly more esoteric nature of Boons. Its fun to pick odd ones and find really interesting ways to apply them. They're less direct than Charms, and I find them more mentally stimulating.

A mod is out there and this pleases him immensely apparently....

200 posts and 30 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

Woot Trollbridge was, bastardly enough, a troll. Because of this, he felt compelled to introduce himself into online games that he had no real business in. Also because of practicing his particular hobby, he was smooth enough to convince the DM that it was a good idea to let him in on the activities.

So, upon speaking with one DM in particular, Woot was given the opportunity to play a Chaotic Evil barbarian. This was not Woot's idea, but rather the idea of the DM himself. "I want to see what you can do with it." And so, Woot the Barbarian was introduced into the game.

His first act was to immediately go into the magistrate's office of the town that the players were in and attempt to become sheriff. He then used his piss-poor Disguise skill to cover his face with a mustache and began rallying support for his cause amongst the NPCs. Before long, Woot the Barbarian had become quite the popular member of society and was awarded the prize he so candidly sought after. At which point things took a turn for the surreal.

Woot Trollbridge gathered a posse, picked up a fencepost from someone's property, and attempted to make a good first impression by chasing one of the PCs out of town for loitering.

Cont'd...

>>8205310

The PC in question was an elven wizard, and was something of a dick to the other players and a rules lawyer to the DM. When the posse came for him, the wizard calmly assessed the situation and found that he could not take on all of the people there without things getting awkward with the general populace.

So he ran. And Woot the Barbarian pursued him, heading west, for twenty days.

Things were still happening with the other players, so Woot politely allowed those things to carry on before stating that he was still chasing after the elf. By the twentieth day, he finally asked the wizard if he was still running. The wizard confirmed it, and asked why he was doing this. Woot responded "I forget, but it doesn't matter anymore. I'm heading back to town." The elf player's irritation had been growing and growing since Woot the Barbarian's introduction into the game, but the response to his "Good, I'm heading back, too," fanned the flames of anger into a roaring inferno.

"You can't. You headed west," said Woot.

Cont'd...

>>8204860
>Big Bad End Guy
Really? I've always understood it as Big Bad Evil Guy (and that is what everyone else i've played with thinks too).

>>8205319

"Yes, that's right. You headed west, your character's been retired," said the DM, seizing the opportunity to get rid of the obnoxious rules lawyer.
"What? Goddammit, that's not what that means! I have to get on a boat!"
"I'm sure I chased you over a river at some point during those twenty days," said Woot.
"What does that even have to do with what we're talking about?!"

And so, the conversation carried on until the elven wizard left, much to the relief of the other players and the DM. Woot was praised. Woot was celebrated. Woot was excellent.

Woot was under suspicion from the human paladin of the group, who was suspicious about the motivation of a barbarian that had chased one of his party members out of town and hadn't been seen in a while. But, ever prepared, the barbarian headed back to town and sent the DM a private message, saying that he wished to purchase a Ring of Obscure Alignment with the money that he had been provided when his character sheet was given to him.

And so, the plot thickened. And then it congealed.

Cont'd...

>>8205336

Woot arrived back in town just in time for the party to find a plot hook. Finding themselves short a man, the remainder of the party searched for someone that could fight. The paladin, the druid, and the ranger found Woot the Barbarian in a tavern and recruited him for the dangerous task of exploring a desolate and decrepit mines.

Six days and twenty-three hours into the mines, full of treasure and adventure and slaughter of helpless kobolds, Woot revealed a dark and terrible secret.

"I... I didn't want to bring this up, gentlemen. I thought this wouldn't take nearly as long as it has, but I was wrong. You see, I have a curse.

I must drink the blood of an enemy from its skull every week, or I will die."

Cont'd...

>>8205348

Private messages flew like the wind. The DM asked Woot what he thought he was doing. The other players were asking what the DM thought he was doing. The DM was cryptically responding to the other players. Woot spoke simply.

"Trust me."

At which point Woot raged and attacked the ranger, managing to beat him into a pulp within a few rounds. Stunned, the paladin and the druid looked on. When Woot's rage ended, he was exhausted and collapsed at the feet of the paladin.

"P-please... help me! I need you!"

The paladin's player, having long since given in to Woot's weirdness, laughed and said "Sure, fine, whatever. I cut the ranger's head off and remove the top of the skull so he can get his blood."

To which the DM replied in private messages, "You feel the light of Good fade. You have fallen for desecrating a corpse and serving its remains to an Evil being."

Cont'd...

>>8205367

The paladin glazed over, sightlessly staring at the barbarian as he slurped the blood and ick from the skull of the ranger. The paladin's player, being something of a good sport, cackled at the sudden turn of events and carried on with his good time.

"Uh. I. Don't feel so great, you guys... let's just hold here for a while before we try to escape this mine."

And so, they waited for two days. On the third, the paladin had still not regained his powers. Also on the third, they broke camp and started for the exit, with Woot still partially wounded from his fight with the ranger. Their food supplies were growing thin and things were looking grim.

Grim for all but Woot the Barbarian, who hatched a master plan.

Cont'd...

>>8205378

Of course, being a barbarian, the definition of "Master Plan" doesn't exactly startle your average person with the sheer brilliance and/or clarity of thought put into such a thing. Woot's plan was to leech as many Goodberries from the druid as he could possibly manage, to get his health to recover as quickly as possible.

While he was at it, the barbarian managed to foil escapes by way of waiting until they found a cave exit, exclaiming "I SEE LIGHT!", then smashing the cave wall to create a cave-in to seal the exit off. Much hatred was directed at Woot the Barbarian... but he was still a raging maniac, the likes of which they were not sure they could handle on their own with naught but a fallen paladin and a druid.

So they carried on until the sixth day after breaking camp. Twenty-two hours into it, Woot the Barbarian cleared his throat and hefted his fencepost.

"Gentlemen... it's getting to be that time again..."

Cont'd...

>>8205388

The druid and the paladin looked at each other, wondering who was going to be the victim this time. The fallen paladin was weaker, but the druid presented a greater threat and might be a wiser decision to eliminate for the evil tyrant.

In the end, though, the decision was taken entirely out of Woot the Barbarian's hands. The druid struck fast, first, and hard. The paladin fell for the second time, though in a far more permanent fashion.

Woot was impressed. "Didn't see that one coming... nice."
"Shut up. I hate you."
"Heh heh. Look, can you do me one favor? My hands are shaking too bad to get this guy's head open and I don't even have a knife on me."
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you..."

And so, the druid picked up the paladin's shield, the sword having long since gone missing, and messily severed the fallen paladin's head from his shoulders. A few more awkward thunks later, Woot the Barbarian had his skull of blood and was happily slurping up the clotting mess.

Cont'd...

>>8205418

"Man... that was great. But you know, I think I could go for another."
The druid slowly turned to stare at Woot. "... What."
"You know. A skull of blood. Very delicious stuff, that."
"... You LIKE it?"
"It's a delicacy, where I'm from."
"... You're not cursed at all."
"Heh. Heh. Heh."

The out-of-commission players, no longer allowed to speak in-character, went wild. Name-calling and hateful remarks filled the out-of-character void, and demands for Woot's head to be bitten off by an angry bear were heard here and there. The DM, long since given up on trying to keep secrets, cackled like a madman in the background. The druid rolled for initiative straight off the bat, and Woot followed soon after.

"I change into a bear and start swiping the shit out of him."
The DM took a moment to recover and replied, "Oh? How do you plan on doing that?"
"... I'm a druid. I can do that."
Woot the Barbarian, likely coldly smiling at the words on his computer screen, replied.

"Not when you've just used a metal shield to give me a skull full of blood."

Cont'd...

>>8205426

A hush fell over the crowd. Sweet, sweet silence. You could almost hear the earth that made up the cavern walls holding its breath. A pin dropped on the floor could have made the most deafening crash ever heard since the Big Bang.

"What," uttered the druid.

And then a rising crescendo of text flooded the screen.

"OHHHHHHH-"
"WHAT-"
"MYYYYYYY-"
"THE-"
"I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN"
"GOOOOOOOOD D:"
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"

In desperation, the druid took his turn to throw the shield and attempted to run. Taking the blunt side of the shield to the face and suffering a minor laceration, Woot the Barbarian gave chase. He knew the fight was already won, before he even took the first steps. The druid was powerless to stop him and he knew it. He would walk away with blood in his wake, treasure in his sack, and no one would be the wiser.

Victory was his.

There are many such stories of Woot Trollbridge... but those are tales for another day.

>>8205310
>>8205319
>>8205336
>>8205348
>>8205367
>>8205378
>>8205388
>>8205418
>>8205426
>>8205441

"Exploiting The Weaknesses Of Player Classes," or "Making Up Weaknesses To Exploit In Player Classes."

You decide, America.

>I had a bag of holding with a river in it, because I liked aquariums but considered fishbowls entirely too plebian.

YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER

>>8205441

Fucking glorious.

>>8205441

>There are many such stories of Woot Trollbridge... but those are tales for another day.

Why? WHY FOR ANOTHER DAY?

>>8205579

This would be true except for it being utter bullshit. Yeah, paladins fall for helping people and druids lose their powers for touching metal. Sure.

>>8205639

I figured no one would be interested in hearing more, in light of the tale of Charon the Magnificent Bastard.

>>8205441

I've..I....think I fallen in love with you.


What that said, those are some pretty dumb players.
must stop laughing...

>>8205732

Paladins fall for desecrating corpses and druids fall for using metal shields.

>>8205441
>druids fall for touching metal

>>8205732

>Yeah, paladins fall for helping people

Desecrating a corpse and willingly assisting an Evil being.

>druids lose their powers for touching metal. Sure.

No, for using metal equipment which is strictly forbidden. Have you never played 3.5, or are you just a faggot?

>>8205732
>>8205773
>>8205787

>druids lose their powers for touching metal.

Just metal shields and armor.

It's legit.

I'll try and keep it in one post;

I'm playing a game of Dark Heresy, with a Guardsman and a Tech-Priest, myself filling the roll of Arbitrator. After investigating, wheeling, dealing and fighting some thugs in a backstreet we've finally discovered when and how the Genestealer cult is moving their patriach. Via truck along some deserted roads.

So we get ahead of it, and lay in wait, intending the just jump out as it got near and shoot the fuck out of it. The Guardsman (one of those guys who comes up with a complicated scheme to solve a simple problem) is uneasy, feeling like such a simple plan will fail. We tell him if he can do better, we'll execute his plan.

A perception test reveals the rumbling of a distant engine, and suddenly the Guardsman has a brainwave. I picked up a shitty, unreliable bolter a few games back, and have been using it in a lackluster fashion off and on since. He asks me for a few bolts, uses his belt to tie them together, and hands them to Tech-Priest, telling him to modify it and turn it into a pressure mine of sorts...

...fuck, continued;

>>8205787

I'm just saying that the GM should have reminded him that the shield was made of metal because his character isn't fucking retarded. You'll note that the GM specifically told the druid that the sword was missing just so he'd have to use the shield just so they could rules lawyer the word "carries" and make the druid lose his powers.

It's like the GM randomly killing your character based off a very vague phrase in classic fantasy literature.

If the GM wasn't in on it with him and conspiring with him to kill the party it'd be more impressive.

Also, no idea why they didn't just kill him other than the player who plays Woot would have probably cried at the table.

>>8205773
moarrr...

I can't really think of anything.
After the Jihad tiefling and woot the barbarian, my stories may seem small.

>>8205881
The Tech-Priest does so, and just as the headlights are starting to crest the horizon, he explains his plan to us:

We run out, place the bolter-mine on the road directly under the tires and as the truck rolls over *bang* - we blow one of the wheels of (and hopefully most of the genestealer cult inside) the truck up, and then jump out of the forest all guns blazing. It seems like a flawless peice of awesomeness, and bro-fists were had all around.

With the Truck fast approaching, we decide to let the Tech-Priest place the bomb. He's the fastest, and he has the best perception. He darts onto the road as the truck speeds towards us, carefully positioning the bomb with a sucessful test, and then for some reason he panics and runs up the road away from the truck - as opposed to back to us hiding in the forest.

It's too late to change our plans, however. The truck is almost on top of us.

As the first wheel hits the mine the GM rolls... and nothing happens. We prepare to set sail for fail when the Guardsman suddenly exclaims "Oh wait! The back tire!" the GM rolls again, and a success. The bolts go off.

In fact they go off with such force they set the fuel tank alight, which explodes immediately afterwards. It would have worked out great, if not for inertia... The burning, melted hulk slams into the Tech-Priest at full speed, reducing him to a smear in the road. We mourn for a moment and jump out, guns ready to finish off whatever foul mutant or xeno crawls out.

None do.

The GM puts on a real shiteater grin.

It was the wrong truck. We just killed some peasant farmer.

We never did check that.

A new truck crests the horizon...

>>8205984


evil GM is evil

Playing Shadowrun: Our run's gone bad, like, real bad. We're in the Chicago quarantine zone, and we're not sure how we got there. Literally walked into a trap, got gassed, wake up in the Zone. It gets worse: Its the Zone during the massive UCAS/Ares assault to try and take the city back. Its a total warzone, and we're unidentified hostiles illigally there. My rigger manages to, using every ounce of Karma he had, break into the UCAS Tactical Network and cut out a UCAS Army Rigger from the system, effectively carjacking a military VTOL, using just his built in mil-grade Rigger Control Deck Cyberware. I land it remotely, pop the doors, and we yank out the pilot and drop him unconsious with a locator beacon; we weren't looking to murder anyone. (Note: This required making 2 TN21 checks, which I managed)

What ensues is a massive air-battle, with me flying Nap of the Earth through the ruined streets of Chicago, dodging UCAS Airforce Air-superiority Fighters in an insane dog fight; eventually we get splashed by a missile and I manage to keep it together enough to go crashing through the front entrence of a Corperate Plaza; we are wounded, but not killed. We get into a gunfight with an Ares Firewatch team that is operating in the area, and manage to kill 5 of them and then steal their APC, wherein ANOTHER chase erupts, with me driving hell for leather across the city dodging attack helicopters, and eventually literally running into a Great Form Bug Spirit, slamming it through a wall. Huge battle erupts, most of the party is incapped or dead, bug spirit eventually goes down, and my Rigger surrenders to the UCAS authorities.

At 5 foot 3, 160 pounds, he was King in prison; Nobody else was there on charges of First Degree Murder for almost an entire Ares Firewatch special forces team, then grand theft Military VTOL and like, 400 counts of reckless endangerment.

>>8206139

It gets better; he got out on a technicality. See, this was a long time campaign, and I had several million in hidden assets, some of which I liquified and used to fund a shadowrun to hit the FBI facility that was holding the evidence against us. Whole group made up new characters just to play out this run, which my main character was funding. The run was successful, and my Rigger walked away scot-free due to lack of evidence.

This was the character who also invented the sport Missile Surfing, which is up on Sup/tg/ if you care to look for it, from several months ago.

This was his last adventure; the continental US was getting a little too hot for him, so he retired and moved back to the CAS, where he was welcomed as a war-hero, being as he was an ex-marine. He used his money to buy a mothballed coast-guard cutter, rebuild it, and get a Privateer Licence from the CAS and the Carribbean league, and spent his days being a pirate against drug-runners and Aztlaner shipping, using long range missiles and drone attacks from his ship.

>>8206139
Good 'ol Shadowrun.

bumping for more

>>8206139
>>8206184
You sir, are awesome. Keep being awesome!

I'll give it a shot. My DH group I run consists of:
Firebrand Cult Cleric (ecclesiarchy robes over guard flak armor and his helmet modified to have a gas mask so he looks fucking creepy when his helmet is on) who carries a staff with scripture and a pimped-out caladon hand cannon.
Schola Progenium Arbitrator who is the best damn shot with an autogun I've ever seen. He is very much a Judge Dredd and roleplays his logic well.
Imp. World Scum who was picked up as a pirate, not an acolyte, who wields a knife and autogun interchangeably. Other two send her on spy missions. My random rolled DMPC.

The party came across a hidden city of rot, mutants, thieves, and what not that is basically the planet's asshole, considering it is hidden in a canyon. The planet had been in a long-term winter due to a Nurgle cult partly residing in the hidden city. After several sessions of investigations and storming in on cult gatherings, they finally eliminate the cult leader in a single round of autogun fire.
The cleric decides the hidden city must not be suffered to exist for it harbors heretics of every manner, regardless of the fact it is a retreat for many beggers and peasants. So, the party travels to the nearest city and presents the nobility with their evidence that they're doing what they can to stop the winter and the noble asks how he can be sure they're telling the truth.

>>8206139
>>8206184

I want to have your children.

Awkward and difficult as I am male, but you get the idea.

>>8206693
The arbitrator points to the window and asks: "Well sir, did you see snowfall this morning?"
After some more sarcastic one liners, the nobility grants them 3kg of explosives. The party rents a snowmobile and hatches a plan: They ride the snowmobile along the canyon until they reach the very end several hours away, right above the city's "palace".

They force the scum to drive the snowmobile to the edge with the 3kg of explosives in the back and passes her agility test to hop off just in time.
The party rushes to the edge and looks over the cliff in anticipation and see the snowmobile crash into the roof of the "palace" some 200m below.
The arbitrator grins wickedly, and says: "Stand back," and while laughing in character and in person, clicks the detonator.
The party hauls ass while the canyon collapses below them and a third of the city is wiped immediately from the blast. After several rounds of successful toughness tests to charge full speed away, the canyon finally stops giving way and so the cleric assesses the damage. All but three outlying shacks are left in the city. The firebrand cleric proceeds to descend the canyon and execute the remaining beggars, proclaiming them guilt by association.

The two players brofisted.

>>8201223

If you are on the planes either you must have had to believe your way out as you were punching...why didnt you take a portal to the outlands?

>>8206729

'cause it doesn't involve him punching his way out of hell? The act itself is justification enough for me.

>>8206729
slowpoke.jpeg

>>8206822
Nice to see the thread is still here ^^ Back to Namefaging for me.

Anyway, I suppose that would have been the logical thing. But I was 17, playing a epic level character, and sleep deprived. IT seemed like a logical choice at the time.

>>8206852

Logical or not, I still think it was the best choice

>>8204677

Although it might be rare considering I doubt anyone's played it for years but Damage Capacity in Palladium is also DC.

Holy shit, this thread is still around?

>>8207359

Hells yes it is. You cant stop the awesome stories.

>>8207359
It's like the only decent thread on the front page.

Hell it's the only thread I had open from 2 hours ago that didn't go past page 10.

>>8207453
How can we increase the amount of win in this thread?

>>8207402

Well, shit, son. Afford me some time. I'll get Woot to tell me the second part of his story.

Whip out some more epic stories. And some campaign-end OMFGWTFDIDYOUDO char sheets maybe.

>>8207494

I would love to post the character sheet for my Fighter. The thing survived 6 years of gaming. Had food stains, erase marks all over it. I had planed to get it framed as a tribute to an awesome game

Though, when I went off to basic, my folks found it and burnt it with all of the rest of my D&D stuff.

My rage was transcendent.

>>8207574
can you try to recall it, and bring forth this manly piece scripture from naught but memory?

I remember a horrible GM-story from when i had only been playing for about a month (it was in an after-school class where you learned how to roleplay). It was an Earthdawn campaign

I had learned from the an earlier session that giving away your weapon is STUPID. My character did, however, find a sword that seemed to be enchanted.

Then suddenly, in this session, after we had been saved by a company of knights, their leader asked for the sword. I had the sword in my backpack, and i had never met him before so there was no way he could have know i had an enchanted sword. When pointed that out, the GM said "Just give him the sword"

it was very confusing for a beginner

>>8207651

Hmm, its been years. but...

Fighter: 25/ Weapon Master: 11 Legendary Dreadnought: 6

Str: 47
Dex: (Dont remember, I wore some awesome breastplate, so I guess it had to be at least +4 or so to add to my AC)
Con: 55 (heh, passed ALMOST all of my fort saves)
Int: 14 or so
Wis: Dont remember
Chrisma: Dont remember

Hp: several hundred, Wish spells do wonders for survivability
AC: was moderate, I think at like 60, I got hit, a lot at that level.

My weapons: Well, He was a Master of the Bastard sword. Used one in each hand. I had two awesome +7 Bastard swords. One crafted from the essence of a dead start by Moradin himself. It was a+5 Lawful power, Icy Blast, Keen, Vorpal BS. Another was Given to my character by Heronius after finally vanquishing his brother and exiling his divine spark to the out lands. Made from one of the re-blessed swords hextor himself used, it was a +4 Brilliant Energy, Sonic blast, Speed Bastard Sword. countless other weapons my character kept in a glove of holding, where he could whip them out if he needed them.

I also built my character around eventually getting "Unstoppable" and "Immovable" so I had a fucking huge modifier to bull rush.

Which I eventually used to shoulder check a drow demi god into the Far Realm.

Holy shit guys, we've reached the 24 hour mark. This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S

I'll throw in another quickie:
I was a warlock and had thrown up one of my special little warlock firewalls (the kind with the fire/eldritch damage) because we were fighting one huge brute of a BBEG and I wanted something between me and him. Our speedy character runs up to him and starts slashing away to decent effect, but is already pretty badly hurt as it is. The BBEG grabs him and throws him.
I ask the DM "wait, you throw him? Which way did you throw him?"
The DM points that he threw my buddy through my firewall. Smiling he asks me to do the honour of rolling the damage, since it is my wall after all.
I rolled really friggin well. My buddy looks down, does the math and says "well crap, I'm out for this combat guys, that drops me to -5."
With a grim look I hand my book over to the DM and point to the spell entry describing the part about bodies being disintegrated one round later if they're dropped to zero or the negatives by it.
DM laughs and decided that since there is still more dice HE has to roll for when my buddy was supposed to fly through the firewall and hit the concrete wall, that he was well and truly fucked. And so modified things slightly for showmanship.
DM describes that as my friend is senting hurtling through the air, we hear him screams suddenly stop as he hits the fire. On the other side of the fire we see his armour and equipment come flying out and clang against the floor with a trail of ash behind it.

>>8207879

Durr. Miscalculated my weapons. +4 and +5 with bonus. Ignore the +7 comment

Ah, yes. The following tale of Woot Trollbridge occurs soon after the story I told in this very thread, with the very same players and DM as the last tale.

This time around, however, Woot deemed it necessary to show his true colors. After all, there was no point in hiding what he was anymore. He introduced himself as a troll blackguard. Much to his surprise, though, the entire group rolled up characters of similar alignments. The wizard from the last game, codenamed Jules, had rolled up a tiefling cleric of Hextor. The paladin who took his beating with a laugh, AKA Joker, became a Lawful Evil fighter. The ranger, "Vic," a warlock. The druid that had lasted until the end, so-called Happy for his delightful demeanor, became a kobold wizard.

Woot was in unfamiliar territory. They had apparently learned from his last exercise and had taken the lesson to heart. But, ever doughty, he pressed on.

This particular adventure was short, sweet, and simple. A caravan for the local church of Pelor was coming through. The goal was likewise short, sweet, and simple: Waylay the caravan and make off with the goodies. The fight was brutal, and Vic immediately died in the melee with a little help from everyone else in the party.

"Vic" is short for "Victim," you see.

Cont'd...

>>8208857

The insidious adventurers made short work of the caravan and made off with the loot. Among the holy items and artifacts that were in it was a blade that practically gleamed with the light of Good. A Holy Avenger.

Knowing what horrible effects that could befall any evil being that touched the weapon, Woot insisted that no one touch it. Being the contrary soul that he was, Jules immediately picked it up anyway and was promptly dealt negative levels, a fact that everyone still alive in the party quickly took advantage of.

After defiling the bodies of their fallen comrades and dumping them in the ditch, one with a single note pinned to its shirt with a crude drawing on it, Woot and Co. made their way to a super-secret treasure trove... better known to geographers as a slimy cave some short distance from the town that the last adventure had taken place in. Taking full advantage of the resources that the kindly souls dedicated to Pelor had provided unto them, they transported the holy relics to the aforementioned cave and proceeded to carefully park the caravan wagon inside.

It was at this point that a reverent silence fell over the gathered people. This was something to be remembered. The calm after the hail of steel and the rending of flesh. The basking in the warmth that the holy items gave off, like that of the setting sun. The simple feeling of accomplishment.

Cont'd...

In an instant, the silence was shattered as Woot found a blade plunged into his back and through his chest. Woot regarded the tip of the blade with the utmost calm, then peered back to see that it was Joker.

"This might be the poorest decision you've made y--"

It was at this point that Happy launched a blast of eldritch power at Woot.

"... Like I was saying. This might be th--"

Another display of eldritch power from Happy.

"Ah, fuck it."

And the fight was on.

Cont'd...

>>8208875

The battle was bloody and almost as brutal as the onslaught that the entire group had laid upon the caravan to get the items in the first place. For Woot, the fight was for the items and the glory. For Happy, it was about vengeance. For Joker... hell, it was just too funny to pass up.

Though outnumbered two-to-one, Woot fought like a demon. In the end, though, he was felled by Happy, who promptly fell to Joker's mighty greatsword.

The treasure was not Woot's, nor the glory, nor the victory. Not this time around. But his third and final tale involving this motley crew of players would definitely prove to be his best.

Though that may be a tale for another day...