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  • File : 1263060660.jpg-(41 KB, 209x317, BOOK.jpg)
    41 KB BOOK! The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)13:11 No.7507054  
    ITT: Book! Or books! Plural! For players to find in your games.

    "Last Gasp"
    By Kren Thraspan
    Appearance: A cheaply bound red hardcover with dented edges, pages slightly yellowed about the sides, some minor water damage, no mildew.
    Language: Common tongue
    Contents: A terrible, overtly-sensationalist mystery tale about a halfling wizard who kills people with the Mage's Hand spell, in ways that are technically impossible. The author did not do his research, and the whole plot seems to be crafted to make people suspicious of wizards and halflings alike, with almost enough strawmanning to fill an Ayn Rand novel.

    "Three Miles to Victory"
    By Pthik
    Appearance: A large, heavy scroll of fine paper in a black leather case. The roller is onyx. Case is slightly battered, but the scroll is in immaculate condition.
    Language: Draconic.
    Contents: A high-epic tale of a war between a large kobold warren and a gnomish settlement, told from the kobolds' point of view. Pure propaganda, but if one is fond of war stories, it's very entertaining. The unorthodox tactics presented in the scroll are of special note to anyone with a mind for such things.
    >> Shas'o R'myr !!TZikiEEr0tg 01/09/10(Sat)13:11 No.7507056
    The Lusty Argonian Maid.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)13:12 No.7507067
    "God's A-Bomb" by Dirk Allen
    >> DMing for Christ !8.fxV5hsfw 01/09/10(Sat)13:12 No.7507068
    I once saw a guy try to name his Dragonborn "Lifts-her-tail". The DM sadly didn't let it fly.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)13:12 No.7507076
    Colonel Gentleman's Collection of the Extremely Pornographic
    By Colonel Gentleman
    Appearance: A finely bound but nondescript brown tome locked with a massive iron chain.
    Contents: Unknown. Roll 5d10 Sanity damage.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)13:14 No.7507096
         File1263060857.jpg-(9 KB, 200x200, Colonel Gentleman's official l(...).jpg)
    9 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)13:14 No.7507097
    "I'm Dead - What About You?"
    By Rortan McCreedy
    A long-winded book on the benefits of undeath. McCreedy was killed and resurrected as a zombie by a necromancer, and seems to enjoy his present state more than he liked being alive. His reasons boil down to "I don't have arthritis anymore", "I can drink anyone under the table", and "I can scare kids off my lawn more easily" when you examine them closely. Most of the book is actually making excuses for why things like slowly rotting away "aren't so bad".
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)13:15 No.7507112
    But in what ways can you kill someone with Mage's Hand?
    >> Vythnox the Red 01/09/10(Sat)13:16 No.7507123
    Truly a sad day for scalies everywhere.
    >> AngryArtificer 01/09/10(Sat)13:21 No.7507195
    Untie a rope holding up a heavy object over some one.
    Drop bottle of acid on some one.
    Drop Torch on some one.
    Oil + Torch.
    As long as it's under 5lbs, you can drop, toss, move a potentially lethal object to some one.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)13:21 No.7507201
    "Fists of the Gods"
    By Stanley Leeston
    Appearance: a well worn blue hardcover, obviously read numerous times.
    Language: Common tongue
    Contents: Several stories about clerics of numerous faiths fighting evil wherever they find it, using feats of arms, strength, and clerical spells that dont actually exist. While it is well written, it is clearly meant for teenagers.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)13:22 No.7507212
    Something my shadowrunner found in a nifty astral quest.

    The Zanthu Tablets: A Conjectural Translation - H. H. Copeland
    he book contains an autobiographical account, by Harold Hadley Copeland of his excavation of a tomb in Indochina where he discovered a set of 12 jade tablets. His writings are very vague as to what else he found in the tomb. There are copies of rubbings taken from the tablets and an attempt at translation. The translation is patchy but appears, itself, to be an account of the high-priest, called Zanthu, of a religion formed around the worship of an entity called Ythogtha. It details a place called Mu and Zanthu's struggles against the rising cult of Ghatanothoa.
    The book contains, in an appendix, notes on Magic (R:1 Sorcery & Conjuring library) and several spell formulae.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)13:22 No.7507214
    So I could lift a knife and stab them in the neck or some shit? Or does that require more force than the Hand could give?
    >> The Mad Googlier 01/09/10(Sat)13:23 No.7507215
    I lold hard
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)13:23 No.7507224
         File1263061425.jpg-(679 KB, 800x1025, 1262669879563.jpg)
    679 KB
    "Six-Element Music Theory"
    By Elianae Taeranil
    Appearance: A wider-than-normal tome, which any bard will notice has been printed on paper normally designed for sheet music. Good condition; the pages have been treated with an alchemic mixture which makes them spill-resistant.
    Language: Elven, with lyric excerpts in various languages and musical passages in the common notation.
    Contents: An exhaustive, but relatively easy-to-understand book on how various sorts of music hold elemental connotations. The book details each of the elements in turn: Fire, from the gnomish tradition, spirited dance musics heavy on the string and brass. Water, of elven symphonics, flowing and tranquil, but with the ability to roar and crash in turn. Wind, the halfling tradition, just as comfortable without an instrument as with. Wood, the human barsongs, natural outgrowths of every other tradition. Metal, dwarven ballads noted for using whatever is close by as a percussion instrument. And earth - or "rock", more accurately - the spirited evolution of the songs of orcish slaves.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)13:33 No.7507317
    "of two spirits"
    by Mr.51
    appearance: simple hardback book, the cover is black and white, the back side has the colours reversed sides.
    language: slightly older version of common tongue
    contents: what seeings seems to be an absurdist tale about two spirits who arent even sure who is the good and who is the bad being locked in a constant war of futility, fought by controlling and possesing killers of the human world, filled with seemingly random happenings.
    when read with >17 INT, turns out to be a huge metaphor for the warring countries of old, many allusions to chess, black and white, the number 7 and the secret number 8, about how society is crontrolled and about the minds of killers.
    only with the higher INT does this story become a deeply interesting and thought provoking novel.
    if the character reads and understands it, their alignment and personality may change.
    >> AngryArtificer 01/09/10(Sat)13:33 No.7507319
    Up to debate, the book says No, I have been so tempted to see if the Mythbusters could set up a test to prove it once and for all.
    >> AngryArtificer 01/09/10(Sat)13:59 No.7507459
    I have taken a very odd step for Geekdom, I have asked the MythBuster's if they can prove that Mage Hand can or cannot kill!

    god help us all...
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:02 No.7507495
    Net-Hack, a Tale of Adventure and Typography
    The New Traveler's Almanac
    A small black booklet labeled "Death Note"
    A thesis entitled "Observation of Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen Entanglement on Supraquantum Structures by Induction Through Nonlinear Transuranic Crystal of Extremely Long Wavelength (ELW) Pulse from Mode-Locked Source Array"
    From Adventure to Adult Lechery
    The Book Of Vile Deeds, paperback non-magical edition
    Dragonborn: a Hijacking of a Noble Bloodline, by Deekin Scalesinger
    Beltan Zipper, the Legendary Journeys
    Baby's First Grimoire: An Infant's Guide to the Dark Arts.
    Thulgor's Big Heavy Book of Smashing Things
    More Than a Door: A Guide to Improvising Weaponry
    Definitive Guide to Elven Mating Calls
    Gnomes and How to Cook Them
    More then a Door - A biographical look at Rood
    Posessed Items And How To Deal With Them By Knott A. Goast
    Elven Eye for the Kobold Guy: A Manual of Reptilian Style
    Two Heads Are Better Than One: 100 Reasons Why You Should Get An Ettin Cohort
    A Practical Guide For Impractical Weapons: How To Master The Gyrspike, Spiked Chain, And Other Exotic Armaments (In Common for those who haven't taken their own eyes out, Braille for those who have, and magical Speaking Book Mode for those who lost their fingers too.)
    Kobold Sutra; Barrow Romance Demystified
    The Singing Book Of Songs
    Nature's Conspirators: Mystery Of The Druids
    Uncle Ruktharg's Big Book Of Nursery Rhymes For Little Orcs
    Where Baby Kobolds Come From
    On The Origin Of Magical Species
    Are You Afraid Of The Dark?: Grues And Their Habits
    Steal This Book
    Are You A Gullible Idiot? (Comes with a free bottle of tarrasque repellent)
    Air of the Planes: A Scented Tour
    Axebeard Beardaxe's Guide To Beards And Axes
    Volo's Guide to Slaying Common Monsters
    Volos Guide to the Realms
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:02 No.7507502
    "Town pillaging and YOU: A guide to upward mobility in creating your own exiciting short term markets!" is the label peeling off of the book with the simple title "Lootin'"
    Encyclopedia Magica as published by a Mr. T.S.R.
    Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress
    Scale Rot and You: How to Protect Yourself and Those You Love
    The King of the Bracelets
    Love Can Bloom: A Tale of a Seventeenth Level Rogue and a Beholder, and What Could Never Be.
    The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dungeons (with big bold red letters that say "PANIC!" on the back cover)
    The Sexual Secrets of the Kobold-Sutra
    Tucker's Kobolds: A victorious war story!
    Hamlets and Heroes 4th Edition Sourcebook
    Zweihander 2000 Core Rulebook
    Crimson Automaton Delta's Guide to Social Interaction
    Men are from Mars, Women are from venus, and Noh is from a Dungeon: Four Men (or Three Men and a Woman)'s Guide to Raising a Construct.
    RandoM CapitaLIzation And You By the Random Guardsman
    The Art of War POP-UP picture book
    A Less Rude Song
    The Necrotelicom
    Goldthwait's Guide to the Western Bobcat
    The Apparatus of the Crab - User's Manual
    How to Control the Universe in 1000XP or Less: Kobold Edition
    The Bumper Fun Grimoire
    Rocks: The Passionate Love Affair
    Reetan and Lorkon's Classic Nursery Rhymes, Eighth Edition
    The Shadows of Undrentide, by Deekin Scalesinger
    Move and Shoot: Advanced combat tactics for dummies.
    Wallhammer FaultyKai Compendium! Part 1, Containing volumes 1-239.
    The Lusty Argonian Maid
    ABCs for Barbarians
    Spelunking for Dummies
    Essays on Mind and Matter, by Chairman Sheng-ji Yang
    Ork Codex
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:03 No.7507512
    Brokers and Tax Accountants: A roleplaying game of fantasy finance
    The Book Of Milk & Cheeses: How to be a Dairy Connoisseur
    Factol's Manifesto
    Journal of the Whils
    At the Brokeback Mountains of Madness
    The Eberron Campaign Setting (if in FR)
    The Forgotten Realms Campaign Setting (if in Eberron)
    Sex, Drugs, and Music With Rocks In, the Untold Story of Lord Nasher
    The Red Book of the West March
    Dragonscale Armor For Dummies
    The Illustrated Book of the Marital Arts (picture on the front depicts two men in gis preparing to wrestle, witnesses are left to decide if it's just a typo on their own)
    Four Past Midnight
    Mein Kampf
    The Zombie Survival Guide
    The Book of Matches
    Hogwarts, a History
    Extreme Hair Care by C. Strife
    The Octarine Fairy Book
    Ye Booke of Ye Filme
    Where's My Cow?
    Kobolds: Fact or Myth?
    A Tourist's Guide to (major city in campaign setting)
    Ravenholm, and Why We Don't Go There No More.
    Mythical Katanas: A stat book for a Masterwork Bastard Sword
    The Complete Idiot's Guide to Worshipping Thoon
    How to Serve Man
    I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone it, People Like Me by Stuart Smiley
    Rocks Above You: A Demonstration of Potential Energy
    The Notebook - really a laptop whose battery had run out years ago and whose screen is busted. He knows it's a "book" because there's text screenprinted onto it proclaiming it as such.
    Encyclopedia Obscurica: Qk-Qt
    Illithids and You: Abnormal Doesn't Mean "Wrong"
    Earth Book
    How NOT to be Seen
    Dr. Notnow's Really Big Book of Useless Information (4th edition)
    Rusty Nail on a Spring: Celebrating 1500 years of Classical Kobold Traps
    She's got a what?!: Celebrating 1500 years of classical Gnoll Traps
    Identifying Unusual Foods in the Dark by Touch
    The Flesh Golem: Nature's Perfect Prom Date
    How to Skin Bipeds for Fun and Profit
    Psychological Warfare and You by Reginald Mapplethorpe Denethor
    The revelations of Glaaki
    Orcish Diplomacy by Vendictia Nevershine
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:04 No.7507519
    There And Back Again, a Halfling's Tale
    Written In Stone, The Divine Guide to Epic Spellcasting
    The Ordur(sic) of the Stick by Elan the Bard
    The Big Book of PB&J Recipes
    The Octavio
    Truename Magic: Words to Live By
    The Book of Nine Swords
    Zapano's House of Leaves
    The Healer's Desk Reference
    The Voynich Manuscript
    The Book of Going Forth Around Elevenish
    The Number 23 by Topsy Kretts
    The Evil Overlord's Complete Guide To Conquering Civilization
    Non-Effeminate Elves, a fictional tale of manliness (Bonus if there's an elf in the party and you hand the book to him)
    SimCity4 game manual (Thought to be a guide to magical city building and maintenance)
    Any one of the Dragon Lance books.
    Raising the Titanic
    How to Eat Kobolds, a Dungeon Survival Guide
    King James edition Bible, but with all the names actually crossed out and replaced with setting names.
    Several Printed reams of creepy Drizzt Fanfics
    A Question Of Methods And Morals
    It's A Laugh: Gnollish Made Easy
    Blowing Hot Air: Auran Made Easy
    Morning, Wood: Sylvan Made Easy
    Big Words, Few Syllables: Giant Made Easy
    The Wizard That Did It: The Official Biography Of Elminster
    The Deceptively Large Tome Of Knock-Knock Jokes
    Legend of the Four Leaves, by Anonymous
    Player's Handbook (GURPS)
    Gold, Gold, Gold and other Dwarf Mining Songs
    an issue of Playorc ("I honestly have no idea how that got in there")
    The Joy of Snacks by A Lancre Witch
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:04 No.7507524
    Utterly Inappropriate Spells
    three scrolls labeled "Water" "Earth" and "Fire" (inside are some outlandish stories clearly intended for children yet quite enjoyable and engaging)
    Spelljammre: Ye Olde Guide To Spayce, Outre.
    Mordenkainen's Privy Reader
    The Comprehensive Completely Factual Guide to Xaos
    62 Household Remedies for Mummy Rot
    Book of Celestial Swearwords
    Dungeon Delver's Guide to Edible Pests
    Goblin Cuisine and You
    Beholder's Guide to Tentacle pleasure
    The Mating Practices of Arboreal Humanoids
    The Unabridged Oxford Dictionary
    WAAAAAAAGH 'N Grotz; Orky Kul-chore for tha' uned- unedu- stoopid un's!
    Tribes and History of Dragonpass; of cattleraids, heroquests, and acension
    Alexander Scriabin's Mysterium
    Mechanix by "Bloody Stupid" Johnson
    The Ultimate Brain Cookbook
    The Sage Tome
    A Complete Guide To Assholes.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:05 No.7507531
    I once gave my players The Normanomicon, the Book of the Extremely Dead.

    None of them had played Fable II.
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)14:10 No.7507592
    "Things I've Killed"
    By Ghalkaa
    Appearance: A very large scroll between two plain wood rollers. Good condition; some small blood spots, usually about the edges, though they do not hinder readability.
    Language: Goblin
    Contents: The journal of a hobgoblin war chief. Each entry ends with a list of things she killed that day. It's very thorough - one journal ends with the two fish she caught for lunch on an otherwise peaceful occasion.

    "Philen's Guide to Sacred Prostitution"
    By Philen
    Appearance: A small black book, pocket-sized
    Language: The common tongue
    Contents: A brief history of temple prostitutes, and a list of temples across the land that still practice such measures, with concise but oddly explicit reviews. The book is recent enough to be accurate.
    >> AngryArtificer 01/09/10(Sat)14:20 No.7507634
    "Things to never say to a Dragon."
    by Lance D'Marellon.
    A Dark leather bound book with assorted slash an burn marks across the sturdy book.
    Written in Common, it details a long list of things one should never say to a Dragon.
    The Authors notes include why he is able to record such event by dint that he was granted immortality.
    >> AngryArtificer 01/09/10(Sat)14:23 No.7507651
    "So, you have been swallowed by a Gelatinous Cube."
    by Lance D'Marellon.
    A slightly dog eared and moldy book, bound in .. something.
    The volume details ways to pass the time while you wait to slip back out of a Gelatinous cube.
    >> AngryArtificer 01/09/10(Sat)14:26 No.7507674
    "875 ways to be killed by people who really don't like you."
    by Lance D'Marellon.
    A Black leather book with crisp white pages, the edges detailed in gold.
    This odd volume details the many 'Deaths' of Lance by those who really disliked him. Editors, fellow writers, his three wives, his Dog.
    Some entries are actually made by other writers who thought that they should make notes while Lance recovered.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:28 No.7507689
    "Tea with Tarrasque"
    by Lance D'Marellon.

    I'm gonna leave the rest to your imagination
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:30 No.7507705
    rolled 36 = 36

    So....until you're digested?
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)14:32 No.7507717
    Celestine: A History
    AUTHOR: Anonymous
    PUBLISHER: Thripwick and Sons
    APPEARANCE: Small, stout hardcover book with gilded lettering on the cover.
    CONDITION: Slightly dogeared
    LANGUAGE: A slightly archaic dialect of the Common Tongue
    CONTENTS: A history of the politics and beauracracy of the celestial realms, picking up after the generally accepted legends of creation. It's dry, analytical, and exceedingly thorough. It takes a few weeks to digest properly - if for no other reason than it takes a lot of willpower to wade through the dull text.

    Tales of the Mad Poet
    AUTHOR: Cral Almhurst
    PUBLISHER: Handwritten Manuscript
    APPEARANCE: A broad sheaf of string-bound papers with a large, well-worn painting of a vagabond standing by the road as a cover.
    CONDITION: Well-worn, but quite legible.
    LANGUAGE: Elven
    CONTENTS: A children's picture book, the rhyming tale follows a poet, quite mad, whom wanders the countryside flummoxing giants, trolls, and a beautiful but cruel princess who wants him as a husband. The illustrations are somewhat faded, but still maintain their detail and beauty. The story is simple, but clever, and very entertaining.

    Never Trust the Halfling
    AUTHOR: Ian Bitterroot, Halfling Treasure-hunter
    PUBLISHER: Whitethorn Press, Associated
    APPEARANCE: A pocket-sized hardback, small and gray, with the title written in bold letters on the dust cover.
    CONDITION: The dust cover is frayed and battered, and the pages are a little yellowed, but the book has never been opened.
    LANGUAGE: The Common Tongue
    CONTENTS: A bitingly cynical, sarcastic, and absolutely uproarious memoir of a thief, Never Trust the Halfling exposes the fact that many groups of so-called adventurers are nothing more than good-natured murderers and opportunistic bandits and vandals. The author tells of how he repeatedly took advantage of dumber parties time and time again with a palpable glee. The last page is a brief obituary of the author; the cause of death is not listed.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:32 No.7507719
    For Call of Cthulhu

    "There's A Monster At The End Of This Book"
    By N. Arthur O'Tep
    Appearance: A brightly coloured childrens book featuring a fuzzy creature looking worried.
    Language: English, but translated editions can be found fairly easily.
    Contents: A simple picture book in which the blue fuzzy creature talks directly to the reader, asking them not to turn the page, as he is scared of a monster at the end of the book. As the reader progresses, the cries get more desperate as the creature attempts to convince the reader not to continue.

    Reaching the final page casts Summon Byakhee.
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)14:34 No.7507735
    To Serve Troll
    AUTHOR: Mina Ariliss
    PUBLISHER: Thripwick and Sons
    APPEARANCE: A medium-sized book bound in soft green cloth. A small card bookmark bearing the logo of a long-defunct chain of booksellers is still nestled between two of the pages.
    CONDITION: A few dogeared pages and sauce stains, everything still legible. It smells vaguely of oregano.
    LANGUAGE: Halfling
    CONTENTS: A cookbook detailing dozens of recipes for cooking monstrous creatures, including a few intelligent creatures. Anyone with ranks in Profession (chef) will realize that the recipes are of excellent quality, truly gourmet. Most of the more obscure ingredients in the book have suggestions beside them for commonly-available replacements, but no substitutions are given for the varied meats.

    My Clientele
    AUTHOR: Eriana Illeline
    PUBLISHER: Handwritten
    APPEARANCE: A standard-sized scroll, unremarkable except that it is trimmed with a crimson silk border.
    CONDITION: The paper is unblemished and perfect; the roller has rotted a bit, and a careful eye can spot termite holes.
    LANGUAGE: Elven
    CONTENTS: A client listing of an elven herbalist. While most of the entries are mundane, some of the entries are for far more outrageous and bizarre concoctions. A successful Knowledge (herbalism), (alchemy), or (nature) check will reveal that many of the mixes are hallucinogenic narcotics, necromantic powders designed to prolong life, and other such illicit goods. What's more, a successful Knowledge (history) or (Nobility and Royalty) check reveals that some of her clients are high-ranking Elven nobles... some of which are still in office.
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)14:35 No.7507753
    A Traveler's Guide to Common Languages
    AUTHOR: Conrad Ixion
    PUBLISHER: Free City Presses
    APPEARANCE: A pocket-sized, thick softcover book.
    CONDITION: Battered and used to the point it's nearly falling apart.
    LANGUAGE: Various, designed for speakers of the Common Tongue.
    CONTENTS: A phrasebook for Common-speaking travelers, the book contains sections in Dwarven, Elven, Gnomish, Halfling, Giant, Orcish, Goblish, Gnoll, and Draconic. Some of the phrases are of dubious or peculiar nature - a large section of the Dwarven section is devoted to proper ordering of beverages in a traditional dwarven tavern, for example, and the section on Gnomish contains the phrase "Very funny, now please return my pants". The entire section on Goblish is devoted to insults, battlecries, taunts, and promises of flaming death.
    >> AngryArtificer 01/09/10(Sat)14:37 No.7507762
    Oh, Cheeky :)
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:38 No.7507780
    Title: The Case of the Haunted Vagina
    Series: "The Adventures of Washington Stone, Action Gynaecologist"
    Author: Lexington Thrust
    Language: English?
    Contents: An inexplicable pulp noir story about bitter gynaecologist-turned-private eye Washington Stone. When former client Scarlet Curtains' husband is found dead, Scarlet comes to Washington claiming a ghost in her vulva is responsible. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's a race against the clock for Stone to save the day as the nefarious Doctor Nepoleon wants to use the power of the vagina to rule the world!
    >> AngryArtificer 01/09/10(Sat)14:38 No.7507782
    "The Life and Death of Lance D'Marellon.Vol II"
    by Lance D'Marellon.
    A Book bound in Red Leather with Gold lettering.
    The books rarely appear to be read or even touched.
    >> AngryArtificer 01/09/10(Sat)14:43 No.7507819
    "People and Monsters I really hate."
    by Lance D'Marellon.
    Bindings: Black Leather with silver lining.
    Contents: The volume details the many people who lance has grown to really and truely hate. Starting with Chapter one: So I bedded a Gods Daughter! This details the reason Lance has been cursed with A: Immortality, B: The knack to attract and annoy Monsters of all sorts.
    Quote: "One would think being Immortal as a grand thing, they never consider that everything still HURTS!"
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:44 No.7507827
    A Brief History on the Use of the Draconic Language in Traditional Spellcasting and the Theory Thereof
    AUTHOR - Adlion Glibbon et al
    PUBLISHER - Self-Published, then picked up by Extraplaner Publishers Inc.
    APPEARANCE - 30 hefty tomes running about 1000 pages each. Typically sold as a set, each is made from red leather and the title and number is embossed in gold leaf.
    LANGUAGE - While mostly in common, the authors make frequent allusions that require a solid grounding in both Draconic and Celestial
    CONDITION - Like New, as each book is protected by some of the most advanced wards available
    CONTENTS - Widely agreed amongst scholars to be the most complete, helpful, and dull history of magic around. Many spellcasters go mad from boredom about three books in, but those who manage to complete the set are filled with new knowledge of the history of their craft and a faint lisp, for some reason.
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)14:44 No.7507829
    Speed Siege Warfare
    AUTHOR: Sgt. Graeme Roebrim
    PUBLISHER: Scribed by Mar, Scribe to his August Majesty Lord Ebreth XVI
    APPEARANCE: A dull brown hardback of medium size, slightly thinner than you'd expect, with handwritten pages
    CONDITION: The binding is broken, and several pages near the middle are missing.
    LANGUAGE: Common Tongue. A brief introduction explains that as the book was translated from the author's native Halfling, some idioms are a bit nonsensical, and that equivalent expressions follow in parenthesis.
    CONTENTS: The author states in the first chapter that siege warfare is inefficient, boring, and without honor. The entire book is full of innovative ways to end a siege quickly, from either end, with long tales of how the methods were tested on the battlefield. These range from boobytrapped battlefields about a castle for defense to catapulting beehives into a fortress for the attackers. A large section in the middle on "The Perfect Siege Summon" is missing: The introduction cuts out after the words "To properly summon this creature, you need six pounds of fine incense, a live trout, some chewing gum, a plow, nine skipstones arranged in a ring about the summoning circle's edge, eighteen pounds of havarti cheese..." The only remainder of the chapter afterwards is "almost missed the chamber pot, I was laughing so hard."
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:44 No.7507832
    "Your Mom Is A Classy Lady: A Guide To Diplomacy"
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)14:47 No.7507855
    "Night" (series)
    by Setvanya Me'ir
    appearance: Completely white, and implausibly thick. It spans four volumes.
    Itself written by a converted vampiress, it tells the tale of a vampiress who feeds regularly on a mortal cleric of Pelor. The book is terrible, focusing almost entirely on the taste of the cleric's blood, the remainder being propoganda for Wee Jas. It is often called an escapist fantasy for young vampiresses who haven't had much chance to feed.

    Rahi po'teri
    appearance: Seven volumes, the latter four more than twice as thick as the first three.
    A fictionalized memoir of a student at a wizards' academy, including rather embellished accounts of several real-life events, including his battle with a basilisk (in reality it was just a very large lizard), his victory at a tournament (he was dead last at the event itself), and his defeat of an evil lich in his final year (In actuality, he was out of school for almost 10 years when this happened)
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)14:48 No.7507862
    The Life and Times of a Smeghead
    AUTHOR: Kteh Cragcnarls
    PUBLISHER: Public Presses, Inc.
    APPEARANCE: A pocket-sized paperback, sans cover.
    CONDITION: As stated above, the cover to this book is missing, and the pages crackle audibly as you turn them. It's still readable, and all the pages sans one are intact. The bottom half of the dedication page is missing.
    LANGUAGE: The Common Tongue, although some words use irregular spelling.
    CONTENTS: A humorous autobiography of a human who claims to be from a completely different plane of existance, The Life and Times of a Smeghead follows the author from his childhood to his abrupt appearance in this world at the age of twenty-seven to the peculiar journey he took with an adventuring party (consisting of a nameless ferian, a fussy warforged, and a former petty officer who reminded him a great deal of a former roommate of his), to his eventual retirement at the age of 100. While most of the book details peculiar, often utterly pointless misadventures that he was tasked with, some chapters have no apparent connection to the rest of the book whatsoever - until you catch on that he's preparing you for jokes later in the volume. One such chapter consists entirely of a very, very good recipe for gazpacho. The epilogue states that he is currently alive and well, a great-great-grandfather at the age of 171. If you check, the book's print date is last year.
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)14:51 No.7507892
    Six Short Plays
    AUTHOR: Mirdou Murkwret
    PUBLISHER: The publishing house is not listed by name; a logo in the shape of three ocean waves is stamped on the spine and the bottom of the first page.
    APPEARANCE: A fairly normal hardback - or it would be, if there was any of the cover left besides the spine.
    CONDITION: As mentioned, someone has removed most of the cover, by cutting it off if one wants to examine it hard enough. The pages are crumpled a little, but not too badly.
    LANGUAGE: The Common Tongue
    CONTENTS: The title says it all. The book contains six plays, each of which would take between fifteen and thirty minutes each, designed as side entertainment for intermissions or lead-ins to larger plays. The first two plays have the common theme of closing time in a small tavern - the same tavern, in fact, and the two plays could easily be strung together into a somewhat larger play, a shrewd comedy with subtle romantic overtones between the barkeep and one of the serving girls. The third play changes venues abruptly, a one-man show about an extremely clever jester's woes, serving a king whose sense of humor is limited to slapstick. The fourth is a scene about a dragonslayer attempting (and failing miserably) to inspire his hired posse before they raid a lair. Next is a somewhat longer scene involving a crafty housewife swindling a merchant that's attempting to con her. The last play is very different in tone - an exceptionally grim bit of humor about a murderer in the guise of a priest, complete with three on-stage murders. The staging notes suggest hidden wineskins on stage, to be filled with fake blood and squeezed by stagehands to produce outrageous gouts of gore
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)14:54 No.7507903
    How Not To Hunt For Treasure, 5th Edition
    AUTHOR: Anon Imus
    PUBLISHER: Helmutsund Books and Sausage Works
    APPEARANCE: A fairly new softbound book, with the title stamped on the cover in large, friendly letters.
    CONDITION: Practically fresh off the press, although it smells of bratwurst.
    LANGUAGE: The Common Tongue; the introduction, however, is in Dwarven.
    CONTENTS: A pun-riddled tale of a very unlucky rogue who dies in horrible, grotesque, and highly amusing ways. Some of the chapters are single-page vignettes; others are long, involved plots. A DC10 Knowledge (dungeoneering) or (arcana) check will reveal that the author has no idea what actual adventuring or magic entail, and is making it all up off the top of his head. If not for the so-horrible-they're-actually-sort-of-good puns within the tale, it probably wouldn't have survived to a second edition, let alone a fifth. A coupon, still intact, in the back of the book advertises the Helmutsund Gourmet Sausage of the Month Club, and is still a valid offer, should a curious party member decide to use it.
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)14:56 No.7507924
    Dha Saaga uv King Torg CXXIV
    AUTHOR: Snig
    PUBLISHER: Obviously self-published
    APPEARANCE: A sheaf of random scraps of paper, string-bound between two large chunks of wood.
    CONDITION: Horrendous, but readable.
    LANGUAGE: Horribly butchered common
    CONTENTS: This short tome gives a highly aggrandized tale of the life, times, and conquests of a great goblin king, Torg the One Hundred and Twenty Fourth. The tale begins at his birth (Hraldred bah flamin angles), moves on to his youth (whinke he dids strayngle de needlewyrms wit his handz an eat dems raw), celebrates his military victories upon his coronation in extremely gory detail, and gives an account of his ascendance to godhood upon his death. A DC10 Knowledge (goblins) check will assure the reader that this is a vanity work, probably created for his heir to help convince himself of the glory of his own line. It's actually quite amusing on its own, almost a lampooning of the self-important histories of the civilized races.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)15:01 No.7507969
    Practical Necromancy and You: Reuse, Recycle, Reanimate
    AUTHOR - Necrom Philimus
    PUBLISHER - Graveyard Books
    APPEARANCE - A simple, 100 page book bound in cheap black cardboard with the title drawn to resemble bones
    CONDITION - This book is covered with dirt and lightly singed. It has a dedication page in it with a handmade scrawl obviously added at a later date reading, "Well, hope this helps, ya bonehead. Happy Birthday! Love, Maude"
    LANGUAGE - Common Tongue, albeit with numerous groan-worthy puns based off funereal practices
    CONTENT - This is an extremely basic book on beginning necromancy, including a ten-page disclaimer on how to avoid irate priests, how to bribe officials to look the other way, and warranty void in case of fire or negative energy. It includes such gems as "The right corpse for YOU!" and "Proper zombie maintenance"
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)15:02 No.7507972

    As a side-note, though the memoir describes him as graduating, he was expelled soon after the beginning of his final year. The official records state the reason for expulsion as "something never to be spoken of again," and he only got an honorary degree after defeating the aforementioned lich.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)15:10 No.7508046
    >To Serve Troll
    >AUTHOR: Mina Ariliss

    By Sir Damon Ariliss, I think you'll find.

    Any real-life secret history/conspiracy theory book would do for a modern-day campaign if you really want your players barking up the wrong trees...
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)15:25 No.7508201
    how do we archive this?
    >> The Goddamn Duck 01/09/10(Sat)15:30 No.7508251

    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)15:30 No.7508263
    Assorted Tales
    By Warrior of the Wastes (pen name)
    The bestselling tales of a famous fighter, based partly on real events. As he tells the stories, the author demonstrates his vast knowledge of weapons and combat, his legendary drinking ability, and his hatred for gnomes, elves, and an unknown race he calls "Chud."
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)15:36 No.7508332
    So did he drink himself to death, or was that just fuuka being a rumormongering whorebitch?
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)15:46 No.7508434
    Archmage Seuss is one of the most recognized authors of horror poetry. A few of his works, each of which is a narrative poem.

    Dapper Catfolk
    A poem detailing the chronicle of an evil catfolk in peculiar garb as he spreads chaos and destruction while authority figures are powerless to stop him. Considered one of the finest works in surreal horror poetry.

    Verdant Eggs and a Certain Meat
    A man is confronted by a small being who wants him to eat the titular meal, which contains the eggs of a foul, evil creature. No matter how much he refuses the being always finds him and tries to force him to eat the vile meal. When he finally capitulates, the meal takes over his mind, and he proclaims his allegiance to the being and the eggs.

    Grynch's Theft
    The story of a half-orc who lives in a cave overlooking a village which has fallen to an evil cult. On the eve of their holiest day, wherein they will be slaughtered, he tries to save them by stealing their evil idols and corrupting magical items. When he is about to destroy them all, the cultists chant an evil chant, which takes over his mind and makes him return the foul artifacts. He partakes in the ritual slaughter at the end of the book.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)15:47 No.7508439
    he was in a thread yesterday.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)15:56 No.7508555
    The Fourth Channeling: Volume B
    By Anon
    Appearance: A thick book bound in orange leather with a green symbol on the cover.
    Language: Common
    Contents: The contents are ever changing, though it is invariably a collection of blasphemies, debauched acts, and grotesque imagery. It is thought to be possessed by myriad evil spirits, fighting verbally for eternity. These spirits take pleasure in tragedy and make light of horrific events and acts; most of them are very stupid.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)16:20 No.7508821

    he's alive. he was discussing AKs or something yesterday
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)16:35 No.7509042
    On the Nature of Magical Agreements
    by Dr. J. Faust
    This tome appears to be at least a few hundred years old, but remains entirely legible due to what seem to be magical protections. Its contents detail dozens of methods by which a reader can legally work their way out of fulfilling promises made to litigious extraplanar entities, with a few chapters devoted to optimal uses of pact magic and an inset explaining the best specific wording of wishes to use for protecting yourself against malicious genies.

    The "About the Author" page at the back describes the writer in exceedingly vague terms, and mentions that he has "set up permanent residence in Celestia for his own safety".
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)16:41 No.7509097
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)16:49 No.7509183
    "Jacob's Shadow"
    by Andrew Hammond
    Appearance: a small gray tile, with a light blue raised square centered. The text is readable whenever the tile is held, generally without explanation.
    Language: English
    Contents: The book appears to be a violent, spiritual journey of a man named Jacob as he searches for a woman, who is never named, through a city described as 'Hell'.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)16:53 No.7509240
    When my players spend time looting books, if they're related to adventuring, I've houseruled if they roll a 20 they get a free point in that skill. If they've read several books on that subject and haven't got a point, they need to roll a 20-however many number of books that they've read on it. Of course, they can only read so fast, so they can only read one book per journey in general.

    It works pretty well, though my group loots a lot of libraries.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)17:13 No.7509481
    Stolen straight from Lin Carter.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)17:14 No.7509497
    A metal cylinder containing scraps of paper, known as the "Last Scroll of Pnakotus". It desribes a failed terraforming of some unknown planet during it's hadean period by a xeno race. The scroll along with another hide-bound manuscript are the last tomes of a once-fabulous alien library.

    A strange looking small fruit with "My Little Golden Book About Zogg" written on it. After eating the fruit you gain knowledge as if reading an actual book. It is a tale about nefarious plans of an alien civilization to invade and conquer planets by posing as the dominant species' offspring. You gain knowledge of a little note at the end of the book, telling that the fruit will be excreted intact and should be returned to the library. You regret eating the fruit.

    A human woman in her forties. You can see that some sort of medical operation has been done to her head in the past. When inquired, she introduces herself as the "Guidecolo Washing Machine User's Guide". If asked will recite the Guide, describing illustrations in incredible detail.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)17:22 No.7509605
    The Cunning daemon K'riid and me.
    AUTHOR: Hakk Maelear
    PUBLISHER: Demonic summoning INC
    APPEARANCE: A torn booklet, brown edges with green letters.
    CONDITION: Old and torn, but surprisingly readable letters.
    LANGUAGE: The writing changes to the native language of the reader.
    CONTENTS: A 101 pages long booklet retelling the shenanigans of Hakk and his best friend, the cunning and tacticly witty daemon K'riid. There is a short foreword written in Daemonic, unreadable. You find the main character dull and unintresting whoever you are. The daemon on the other hand you will and must find witty and friendly. if you read the whole booklet you will chuckle and say silently too yourself: "Oh, K'riid, you're so smart". When done reading, roll a D20. If your roll a 20 you will summon a Greater Daemon, namely K'riid. The daemon will follow the party for 3 days, during those days your party will always ambush or flank every enemy you come across as if you where infiltrating, just as every attack where the idea of a Tactical genius...
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)17:24 No.7509630
    I see what you did there.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)17:42 No.7509859

    Oh, you.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)17:43 No.7509868
    Oh my, I've forgotten to remove my SAGE. Obligatory bump.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)17:50 No.7509968
    A quite large tourist map entitled "City of ", the last part is obscured by a large ink blot. It's actually rather brownish for an ink. The map is dull, with grey color dominating. It presents a cartoonish view of the city, with an almost isometric look. The city itself seems to consist of windowless granite blocks arranged in rectangular grid. No parks, no monuments, no large intersections, no points of interests at all. Studious individuals will notice no apparent way in or out of the city. Under good illumination small scribbles can be seen on the edges of the map. Scribbles tell of an expedition to far away lands, thought not to be touched by man's foot. They talk of lightless plains, of terrifying whistling sound some invisible horrors make. Of finding the Tourist Information Office and some things that transpired there that the author will not write about. The scribbles become nonsensical jumble of words, then symbols, unto complete unintelligibility. The back of the map is all grey.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)17:57 No.7510063
    The Junior Supervillian's Guide to Complete and Utter Dickery
    Appearance: a narrow volume with more pages than it has any right having given its apparent size. It is bound on and of human skin leather using bone meal and bodily water as paper, body-fat as glue and sinew as binding thread. In and of itself, it is an act of dickery; it is several thousand pages long and has the appearance of a thin handbook guide.
    Contents: An in-depth take on the do's and don't's of incredible villiany and tremendous dickery written with a friendly and whimsical air.

    Mechanics of Energy
    Appearance: A simple, black-bound tome about the size of a guidebook to edible plants. The pages are stark white in contrast with this, a carved seal adorning its cover.
    Contents: It explains the mechanics of using energy in all its forms to create, destroy, and manipulate things in any environment, including plans to turn one's own body into an energy-fueled furnace requiring no food, water, or sleep, and granting incredible power by absorbing energy in the environment.

    No author is given on either, but that they have the same handwriting hints that they have the same author.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)18:05 No.7510167
    An old tome bound in leather and gold. Large handwritten letters spell "DO NOT OPEN!" on the otherwise blank cover. The exclamation mark is extra large. A knot made with a length of common rope prevents the book from being opened. If desired, the knot can be cut and the book opened. When read, all the pages are blank. In reality, the pages of the book are riddled with a virus of unknown origin, which is spread by touch and can reside on any object. Harmless to living creatures, the virus eats any and all printed letters, leaving only handwriting. It affects not only books, but also plaques of any kind, posters, computer screens, etc. Means by which the virus identifies and eats letters are unknown. Currently no method for destroying the virus is known, save for containing the outbreak.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)18:06 No.7510171
    Author: Prof. Roberto Ghelman
    Appearance: A heavy, cheaply bound book
    Contents: A manifesto suggesting a new socio-economic philosophy in which classes are abolished, property is controlled commonly, traditional currency is non-existant, and the governing body owns and controls all industry. The desired outcome of this philosphy is a society in which all workers have a chance to share their common profits, and every individual both provides and is provided by the state.
    History: Ghelman's work, influenced by other luminaries and economists, is an extremely controversial book, banned in many countries, which has already begun influencing socio-political movements around the world.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)18:22 No.7510365
    "The To Do List" by Eloise Hanckerfield
    This pocket sized simple paper book seems to be incredibly old, yet in good condition. It contains thousands upon thousands of things to do written on its hundred or so pages in small print, starting from simple chores and groceries, going through incredible things hinting at epic adventures. The chores become more and more twisted, from poisoning royal chefs to usurping the power of lesser deities. Whoever this Eloise Hanckerfield was, she became corrupted and evil, a threat to all. There seemed to be separate occasions when some heroes tried to stop her, though all ended with their death ticked off by Eloise. All the items are ticked as completed. Strangely enough, the last thing to do, "BRING RUIN TO ALL THINGS" is ticked too.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)18:32 No.7510463
    The Great Gems of the Modern World
    Author: Prof. James Wreathstone
    Appearance: A thick book, this particular copy having a stain on the back that looks like insectile guts.
    Contents: A lengthy catalogue of the most valuable gems in the known world, their approximate value, their various histories and measurements, their settings, their owners, and their mine of origin. There's also a section on prolific mines and locales, and a section consisting of intricately drawn color sketches of the various gems.
    History: The Great Gems is an extremely expensive book, due to its color drawings, and thus few libraries carry it. Every few years, Wreathstone publishes a new edition, as well as a pamphlet with instructions on how to update the previous edition "manually" if need be.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)18:34 No.7510491
    "Tax Ledger of Kragtor, County of Dipswick, Land of Ameo, year 1492 of Firkaadian Peace, year 154 of His Royal Highness, Lord Conqueror Firkaad the XXVII" by Village Accountant Aesop Vale
    This moldy book seems to have seen better times. It is an account of taxes gathered in the village of Kragtor. After careful analysis it appears the accountant tried to embezzle 102 of the local currency of the now forgotten empire of Firkaadia.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)18:47 No.7510601
    The Shapeshifting Guidebook
    Appearance: This scroll is approximately the width of an adult human's hand, a weathered brown strip of incredibly fine leather on a bone cross pin, and is penned in several dozen languages, syntax kept nearly flawless despite the many, many switches into other languages.
    Contents: This work contains instructions on becoming a perfected shapeshifter; one who reads it(astonishingly taking only eight dedicated hours of reading) gains the wild-shaping ability usable at will, with the difference that the reader can wild-shape into a creature of any type, up to a limit of half-again his hit dice. The reader must revisit the work once every year to retain this ability; a demanding task as, once the work is read, it disappears.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)18:47 No.7510605
    On the Creation of Flesh`d Homonculi
    Author: Meredith Branaugh
    Appearance: Bound in some grayish leather, with the letters stitched in with thick, dark twine
    Contents: The book is written in a strange dialect of common, with strange turns of phrase and spelling that hint the author may speak draconic natively. It contains diagrams, recipes, and instructions for creating a flesh golem. Woven into the text, ink, paper, and general construction of the book are four spells: Animate Dead, Bull's Strength, Geas/Quest, and Limited Wish. The reader may treat his or her caster level as one level higher than normal for the purpose of crafting a flesh golem. The internal spells require a spell trigger activation, and can be activated only in the process of creating a flesh golem. The book also supplies 780 XP for the creation process. When the golem is finished, the book crumbles to dust. Sprinkling the dust on the golem will animate the creature.
    History: Research indicates Meredith Branaugh is a pen name, the original author lost to time. The Creation is difficult to find and exorbitantly expensive, copies regularly selling for upward of eight thousand gold pieces.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)18:54 No.7510727
    Title: The Protocols of the Elders of Underdark
    Author: Sergei Nihilus
    Appearance: A series of bound newspaper clippings
    Contents: A description of the Drow plot to conquer the planet. It serves no real use other than to instill the reader with a hatred of all things Drow. Reading it will cause the reader to suffer a -10 diplomacy penalty when dealing with any Drow for 1d3 days.

    Title: Evening
    Author: Sister Meyer Stephanie
    Appearance: A black leather bound tome with a picture of an apple on the front
    Contents: Literary Trash. Just opening the book causes 1 point of intelligence damage for 1d4 weeks. Actually finishing it deals a further 1d6 points of intelligence damage for 1d4 weeks.

    Title: Dwarfula
    Author: Red Bram Fire Stoker
    Apperance: A simple brown leather bound volume
    Contents: The story of a dwarven vampire as seen through letters, newspaper clippings, and diaries between the dwarven protaganists out to stop it. Reading it grants a +2 bonus for all rolls regarding vampiric creatures for 2d4 hours.

    Title: Calculating Elder Gods
    Author: H. P. Pratchett
    Appearance: A glossy bound volume with the image of a winged, many tentacled turtle on the front
    Contents: An amusing tale of ancient deities that transcend space time. Anyone who reads it suffers 1d4 points of damage from laughter, as well as 1d6 points of sanity damage.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)18:56 No.7510769
    >>7510727 H. P. Pratchett
    God strike me down if I ever say this again, but
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)18:57 No.7510778
    "Tale eating own Tail", humorously named artifact of a long gone civilization.
    A set of hundreds of small, round metal discs with a hole in the middle, with a sturdy string put through the holes. The string has a strange quality to it, you cannot tell where the two ends of it are connected to each other. The discs are read with your fingertips in an ancient, dead language. The tale they tell can be read starting from any disc and proceeding either leftwise or rightwise. Depending on which disc you begin with and what direction you go the tale seems different and yet, upon reaching the last disc in the set and starting at the beginning once more, you realize that the overall tale is the same, that it cleverly depends on having no real beginning nor end and repeating itself endlessly. Reportedly anyone finishing the Tale finds him- or herself in an excellent mood and simply feels good till the end of the day.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)19:02 No.7510833
    Title: All creatures small and flammable
    Author: Brother Hellion
    Appearance: A rather singed looking tome of over a thousand pages. It gives off the smell of burning fur and feathers.
    Contents: A complete listing of all creatures that are size class small or less, their combustion point, their burn time, and the smell they give off when incinerated. If read by a chaotic evil character, they immediately must make a DC 20 will save to resist testing the information in the book.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)19:07 No.7510901
    Fund it!

    An old thick leatherbound tome with no title on the cover. Upon opening you realize it contains the complete Yotsuba&! manga. Reading any one chapter of it acts as a Remove Fear spell.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)19:08 No.7510917
    "The Collected Adventures of Drillbeard & Falling Leaf"
    by Hanging Fred
    Appearance: A fine red hardcover with gold lettering. It is in near mint condition, and is assumed to be fairly popular.
    Language: Common, with a number of bilingual in-jokes for those that know Dwarven or Elvish tongues
    Contents: This book contains a number of short tales starring the mismatched duo of Drillbeard the Dwarf and an elf known only as Falling Leaf. They start out as enemies, but soon enough the two find themselves uneasy allies against a common enemy, the scheming and overtly evil dragonborn Count Longfellow Howler.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)19:11 No.7510947
    Title: The Monstrous Manual
    Publisher: Wizards of the Coast
    Edition: 2nd
    Apperance: A book that is bound in a material that is neither wood nor paper, but something in between. There are pictures of various beasts on the front.
    Contents: Inside are pages upon pages of meaningless numbers and statistics. Also included are lists of weaknesses, short background information, and detailed illustrations of almost every known monster. However, the information appears incredibly out of date, and is completely useless.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)19:14 No.7510991


    Goddamit, even in in-game books.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)19:34 No.7511255
    "Dominetix" by Hurl-on-Bard
    A strange little booklet describing worship practices of an obscure god Dollar. It basically teaches that long time ago powerful beings came from another plane of existence, bringing with them trapped spirits of their greatest enemy: bards. They dumped the spirits here, where thay somehow managed to break free and possessed humans. In some the spirits rose to great power - those are the bards known today. Only those blessed by Dollar can see the spirits, and if having high enough "level", can exorcise them. Domineticians despise bards and if law allowed, they would hunt them down. There's a price tag on the book. It seems a bit steep.
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)20:26 No.7512091

    Is this in reference to something?
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)22:45 No.7514056
    >> Anonymous 01/09/10(Sat)22:59 No.7514257
         File1263095990.jpg-(331 KB, 1280x1430, ThePunisher28_01.jpg)
    331 KB
    "Basic Human Anatomy"
    By Various Writers
    Appearance: A black book with the title clearly spelled out on the front page. Minor wear and tear from repeated reading, but no true damage.
    Language: Low Gothic.
    Contents: A detailed study of human anatomy, penned by various authors. Reading the full book will give you a bonus to the next Interrogation roll made on a captive prisoner.
    NOTE: This bonus obviously does not apply to non-human prisoners and may not be effective against characters with Mutations (Subject to the GM's decision).
    >> Anonymous 01/10/10(Sun)00:33 No.7515555
    "The Annotated Baalkalmistaadt"
    By Lekket Morbut
    Appearance: Bound in thick grey pachyderm leather, the title is embossed with wrought iron edging.
    Language: Available in Common and Dwarvish, in very small painstaking text.
    Contents: The book is the script to the Dwarven tragedy opera popularly known as 'The Baalkalmistaadt'. It covers all ninety-three hours of dialogue, with notations concerning the cultural and historical roots of the story. Any non-dwarf who manages to make it through the giant tome gains insight into the 'dwarven condition' and gains a +4 to interactions with dwarves, which degrades a + every month, after which the memories of the story have skewed into stereotypes and they gain a temporary -2 to dwarven interactions. Dwarves who read the story gain a sense of cultural pride that gives a bonus to all saving throws.

    Elves who read the story must make a will save or wear a fake beard, dress in heavy armor, carry an axe, and claim to be 'so dwarf, I shit anvils'.
    >> Anonymous 01/10/10(Sun)02:18 No.7517081
    "The History of Mining and Tunnel Architecture"

    This work is actually a series of 77 volumes, usually containing extensive woodcuts or hand-painted images. Collectively it is considered one of the greatest works of dwarven literature--by dwarves, at least--its passages are often thought to contain ancient proverbial wisdom, even sometimes prophecy.

    A dwarf of moderate wealth or position may have copies of one or two volumes; mighty kings or extensive libraries will count themselves incredibly fortunate to have more than a few dozen. Several of the volumes are legendary in their scarcity, their contents the subject of rumor and speculation.

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