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  • File : 1262913434.jpg-(1.33 MB, 1576x3248, Captain of the Guard02.jpg)
    1.33 MB VIGILAN/tg/AY GUARDWIZARD QUEST PART 3 Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)20:17 No.7480046  
    You are KYLE THE GREAT - a homosexual, date-raping, semi-wizardly guardsman of the city of Circlebrook.

    Last time, after raping a drunken Dan and practicing and near perfecting your Minor Illusion cantrip, you decided to go home to your dad's house to sleep. You wake to the smell of sizzling bacon, and your dad singing as he cooks.

    Using your skill in telling time using the sun, you deem it is a little past 7 o'clock AM. The Captain will be awake now, and furious that you did not return to the barracks. Mike is still (presumably) in the prison, you don't know where Dan is, and you don't know where Brandon is.

    I would link the archives of the previous two quests, but alas, suptg is down.

    You have your guardsman armor and weapons, excepting your crossbow. You seem to have left that somewhere. You also have your magic wand, but none of the other items you got from the dead sorcerer or merchant.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)20:18 No.7480065
    Using Minor Illusion, rape the Captain.

    This is fucking stupid.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)20:20 No.7480088
    Your mother, good sir. Don't like it? Don't fuck it up for the people who do.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)20:20 No.7480094
    Eat delicious bacon. WHO CARES IF IT IS NOT COOKED

    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)20:28 No.7480193
    You go downstairs to see your dad frying bacon. He is a hairy, stout manly man, whistling a jolly tune as he fries the bacon. There is a plate with a pile of bacon and two eggs, sunny-side-up at the table. Your father turns to you. "Hey son! I saw you in your room this morning, so that plate is for you!" Your dad knows that you get into trouble enough to not ask why you didn't return to the barracks last night.

    You sit down and DEVOUR BACON.

    What next?
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)20:31 No.7480237
    finally ask him for that spear
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)20:32 No.7480259
    Glad to have you back!

    You ask your dad, in between shoveling mouthfuls of glorious BACON into your mouth, if he can make you a new, and better spear. Your dad scratches his hairy chin and nods "Yeah, I can do that, Kyle. Give me some time. Come back in a couple weeks."
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)20:32 No.7480260
    then we should head to the barracks and see what's up

    tell the Captain that you were a bit too drunk to head back to the barracks so you just crashed at home
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)20:34 No.7480273
    yeah, been waiting all day for the return of KYLE THE GREAT

    once you've succeeded in raping one of your fellow guards in a quest, you can't just abandon it
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)20:41 No.7480355
    Hope your not the only player here, mang.

    You head to the barracks, thanking your dad for your delicious breakfast of BACON and EGGS.

    You arrive for the barracks. It is nearly vacant, as nearly all the guards have already left. You go see the Captain in his office. His nose is swollen and black and blue, most likely broken. He yells at you as you walk in "GODDAMNIT KYLE, WHERE WERE YOU THIS MORNING?! I don't care if you want to fuck some bar wench, but BE BACK BEFORE I ASSIGN YOUR PATROL!". You tell him you got drunk and was late from that, which pisses him off more, seeing as you shouldn't have started drinking without checking into the barracks first. "Dan hasn't shown up today, yet, and it's obvious your vacation has left you slacking. Find Brandon and Roger's patrol in the Docks, and join them." Roger is an old, mute guardsman. He's Brandon's only 'friend' on the force, probably because he can't talk to tell the asshole to fuck off.

    What do you do?
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)20:44 No.7480390
    I hope so too

    fuck, we could try to go find dan and see how he feels about having been our bitch last night

    we could head to the docks and do what we're supposed to for once

    or we could say fuck it and go to the library to study more magic shit

    all of which sound good
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)20:44 No.7480398
    What does Minor Illusion do?
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)20:48 No.7480448
    I named this character and archived the first thread but I can't really be assed with another quest thread tonight. Good luck with it, stalwar/tg/uards!
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)20:49 No.7480454
    >>fuck, we could try to go find dan and see how he feels about having been our bitch last night
    You do not know where Dan is.

    >>we could head to the docks and do what we're supposed to for once
    And fail, amirite?

    >>or we could say fuck it and go to the library to study more magic shit
    The libraries collection of arcane tomes is generally off limits. As a guard, you may be able to get in, but it would probably arouse suspicion.

    >>What does Minor Illusion do?
    Changes the color of things, make simple objects invisible, create bursts of color, etc. Simple, generally not helpful things.

    You have your magical wand on you, hidden, but the rest of your magician's equipment is in the basement still, hidden.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)20:52 No.7480498

    well, we can check where we left him

    but I say we head to the docks and hit on brandon some more

    also, mutes can't say no
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)20:55 No.7480549
    Go to docks. On the way pick up a rock and turn it invisible.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)21:06 No.7480716
    You head to the docks, subtly waving your wand inside your shirt and practicing your magic on your rock.

    You don't know where Brandon is in the docks, but you know some pretty gnarly taverns in the area. Or you could look for him. Or whatever. Sorry about the wait.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)21:11 No.7480800
    Shameful self-bump.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)21:11 No.7480805
    Search for Brandon. Put my invisible rock in my pocket for future use
    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)21:14 No.7480852
    rolled 7 = 7

    ROLLING TO SAVE MIKE!!!!!!!!!!
    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)21:15 No.7480860
    this is a good sign, the failure of our quest is still with us, continue
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)21:15 No.7480861
    I'm almost leaning towards fuck being a guard anymore and heading to the library and looking up shit

    if we can't find brandon then let's get the fuck out of here
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)21:15 No.7480865
    You have to maintain a slight focus on the rock to keep in invisible, but you figure you can manage to keep it invisible as long as you aren't startled by anything.

    You begin searching the docks for Brandon. Soon enough, you find the man standing amongst a bunch of men, sitting on the ground, moaning. Roger is tying some up, and Brandon is quietly talking to one of them. It seems there was a fight of sorts. One of the men on the ground looks dead, the rest clubbed to unconsciousness or close to it.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)21:18 No.7480902
    rolled 19 = 19

    too late to even tell them to stop and call them criminal scum...

    let's ask brandon for a sit rep

    when he inevitably give us lip, we tell him we couldn't exactly ask Roger

    also rolling for flirting with brandon
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)21:20 No.7480922

    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)21:23 No.7480968
    Brandon doesn't seem to be very happy at your presence. He tells you these men are members of a gang he's been tracking, They have been trafficking illegal substances, such as drugs and reagents. Brandon believes they can lead him to some mages, as the reagents have to be sold to someone who wants them.

    You hit on him. He seems...uncomfortable. It is the only time you've seen Brandon nervous. Is that a blush on the man's face?
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)21:25 No.7480983
    The unconscious, tied up people need some hot dickings. Anyone got a plan?
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)21:26 No.7480992
    now that he likes us a bit better, try to convince him to let us come along in his reagent hunt as the wizard attack yesterday made it personal
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)21:31 No.7481037
    "Are you actually going to do your job for once, Great One?" Brandon sneers. It sounds kind of...halfhearted. "The captain assigned you to my squad. This man here has told me of a warehouse where many of these items are being stored. Roger and I will investigate it, you guard and escort these men to the Docks dungeon. More guards should be coming shortly to help you."
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)21:33 No.7481052
    rolled 9 = 9

    leave roger with the unconscious men, I want some wizard fighting action

    rolling for convincing
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)21:35 No.7481086
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)21:37 No.7481107
    You weren't being gay enough. Brandon refuses. Looking at Roger, he doesn't seem to care either way, but then again, it's kinda hard to tell with him. He looks at Brandon and shrugs. Brandon sighs "Fine. Come with me." he turns sharply on his heel, picks up his spear, and walks briskly down a narrow side street. You thank Roger, who shrugs again.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)21:40 No.7481146
    fuck, we need more participants

    and yay reagent-hunting
    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)21:49 No.7481268
    rolled 5 = 5

    Do we remember the list of ingredients for SUMMON GREATER DEMON RITUAL?
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)21:49 No.7481274
    We do. I'm going slow, hoping more people will join. Sigh. Much more support earlier.

    Anyway, you follow Brandon down some alleyways, not talking. You notice the man keeps glancing at you, almost nervously. He's blushing again.

    Finally, he stops in front of a warehouse. "I'll go first." he says. "You can stand back and throw things, if you like."
    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)21:49 No.7481282
    guess not, follow brandon very closely behind him, we're his backup after all
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)21:50 No.7481288
    No. That list was extremely extensive. You couldn't even pronounce most of the materials.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)21:51 No.7481303
    rolled 9 = 9

    make one last flirtation before he heads in
    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)21:51 No.7481310
    we're good at making warning shots, this is an acceptable plan, what ammo do we currently have?
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)21:54 No.7481360
    just our spear and club if I remember correctly

    oh, and we have an invisible rock now
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)21:55 No.7481371
    Brandon was being sarcastic. You seem to have left your crossbow somewhere, but you have all your normal weapons and armor on you. Oh, and an invisible rock. And your wand.
    He licks his lips. And blushes again? "Are you through, now?" he asks. He turns and kicks the door in. You both shout in unison "STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!"
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)21:58 No.7481417
    we left our crossbow IN DAN'S ASS


    also, prepare to throw spear
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)21:58 No.7481420
         File1262919498.jpg-(38 KB, 681x749, Do This.jpg)
    38 KB
    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)21:59 No.7481429
    rolled 16 = 16

    throw club at nearest CRIMINAL SCUM
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:02 No.7481491
    rolled 1, 20 = 21

    Shout something intimidating. And really loud.
    Intimidate those fuckers.
    Also, roll again to shout something alluring and seductive, and really loud, also.

    Roll1 - Intimidate
    Roll2 - Seduce
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)22:03 No.7481494
    Two men are playing cards at a table, shocked at your entrance. Brandon charges one, knocking him out of his chair, smacking him with his club. The other one turns the table on its side and draws a crossbow. Your club smacks him in the face, and he falls behind the table, blood streaming from his nose. Brandon leaps on him. You can see the man above the table, his club falling swiftly.

    There is a door in the back of the warehouse. Lots and lots of crates are around here. What do you do?
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)22:03 No.7481506
    Saving for next encounter, alright? That's too awesome to just forget.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:04 No.7481514
         File1262919857.png-(216 KB, 576x432, great_success.png)
    216 KB
    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)22:04 No.7481526
    rolled 5 = 5

    that works,
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:05 No.7481537
    Fuck, we're charging into the Guard's Barracks and announcing we're betraying the guard to become homosexual with a roll like that
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:06 No.7481550
    rolled 6 = 6

    Throw barrels at CRMINAL SCUM! LIKE DONKEY KONG!
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)22:07 No.7481566
    You dive, or try to, slipping and falling on your face. You get up to see Brandon staring at you. "Shall we continue through that door?" he asks. "I'll send a team later to check these crates for contraband, after we clear this place out. Also, if you see a mage, don't hesitate to use lethal force." He isn't your superior, so you don't have to listen to him, though he acts as he is.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)22:07 No.7481572
    rolled 6 = 6

    stab the one brandon isn't dryhumping with your spear
    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)22:08 No.7481577
    rolled 9 = 9

    retrive club, grab barrel lid, use >>7481550
    with barrel lid
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)22:08 No.7481581
    Combat is done, both men are out cold, Brandon is standing up. Stab them anyway?
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:08 No.7481589
    rolled 10, 7 = 17

    Roll1: Do our job, searching the crates for contraband and making a list of what needs to be confiscated.
    Roll2: Investigate crates, noting anything that looks magical - deliberately not noting it and looting it for ourselves.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:09 No.7481599
    rolled 15 = 15

    Listen to Brandon.... For now.

    Then split up from him after hitting on him.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)22:10 No.7481613
    I agree with this
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:10 No.7481615
    Charge through door and yell out INTIMIDATING and SEDUCTIVE shouts mentioned earlier in the 1 and 20 roll.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:10 No.7481616
    rolled 20 = 20

    Stab them... WITH YOUR DICK!
    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)22:12 No.7481639
    haha o wow...
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:12 No.7481645
    Jesus christ, the god of fate must be a Yaoi girl, the way we've been rolling.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:13 No.7481652
    Do this after barging into the wizard room and yelling the intimidate/seduce messages earlier, and after Brandon has left.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)22:13 No.7481655

    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:15 No.7481679
    rolled 15, 18 = 33

    Rolling 2d100
    Dice1: Roll for getting an education, finding employment, raising a family, and dying at an old age surrounded by our loved ones.
    Dice2: Roll for dropping out, becoming a male prostitute, sleeping only with men and dying of aids.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:16 No.7481693

    2d100, both below 20.

    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:16 No.7481696
    rolled 53 = 53

    Well I dunno man; neither of those work.
    Rolling d100 to finish our education, find steady employment, get involved in a Gay relationship, adopt many male children and turn them to the path of gayness, then die at an old age surrounded by our gay loved ones.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:17 No.7481702

    Well, It seems Duskull is right. After all, 18 is higher then 15.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)22:17 No.7481707
    Once again, /tg/'s ADHD kicks into play. <3.
    Casting ERECTION, you drop your pants and jab your dick into one of the men's eye socket. Your dick goes straight through. The man spasms as your cock enters his brain, killing him. Brandon stares at you.
    Go with Brandon or investigate possible contraband? Make a choice, I have to restart my computer. Be back in a few.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)22:17 No.7481711
    we're already employed, you asshat

    and Kyle the Great is no prostitute.

    Kyle the great is a man who is so manly, he only fucks other men
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:18 No.7481721
    rolled 10 = 10

    Convince brandon to join in.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:18 No.7481725
    rolled 52 = 52

    We're getting warmer.

    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)22:18 No.7481735
    critical skullfuck, /tg/ you make me proud.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)22:20 No.7481761
    do we follow our dick or our magic dick?

    I say we tell brandon we should fan out, blow him a kiss and look for contraband for a bit, we may not get another chance like this
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:24 No.7481820
    rolled 16 = 16


    Fan out. Find magic items. Keep them.
    Then fuck Brandon in the other men's blood.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:24 No.7481821
    Start hitting on Brandon, hard and fast.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/07/10(Thu)22:24 No.7481822
    and yes, if this was a vidjagame we would have earned a few achievements by now

    date raping another man being among them
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:24 No.7481823
    rolled 12 = 12

    Hug Brandon, Tell him we need to investigate these CRIMANAL HEADQUATERS! And that he should go and report in and get some people who can help.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/07/10(Thu)22:30 No.7481904
    Combining these...

    You tell Brandon you'll look for contraband among these crates, while he goes for backup. You mention that running into a whole gang, possibly being backed up by a magician could be deadly, even for guards of your combined skill. Brandon agrees.

    You attempt to hug the man, but he steps back quickly, licking his lips nervously, before giving you a jerky salute and running out.
    You begin searching the crates. Most of them are filled with traditional stored things - cloth, some tools, etc. Suddenly, you come across a box filled with sand. It and the boxes near it are separated - kinda from the rest of the boxes. You paw through the sand, and find a short ruined rod, with a note in the Eastern language on a scroll. You can make out a few of the words - this rod seems to be intended for a specific person.
    >> What a Faggot !QF5oszRdpY 01/07/10(Thu)22:32 No.7481923
    rolled 19 = 19

    rolling to determine if rod is to be used ON someone or BY someone that is specifically named in the scroll
    >> Anonymous 01/07/10(Thu)22:32 No.7481925
    rolled 1 = 1

    Insert ROD into ASS.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)00:53 No.7481941
    Ok, so /tg/ was down for a bit, at least for me, and because this thread isn't hella far back, I'm assuming it was down for you as well.
    The rod has runes carved along it. You aren't sure - perhaps try invoking it or casting spells through it? I'll use your roll for whatever you want to do.
    For some reason, you decide against sticking a large, magically enchanted object into your anus. It seems like a bad idea.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)00:57 No.7481956
    rolled 18 = 18

    Hold off playing with the rod for later, Continue investigating CRIMINAL HIDEOUT to see if you can find some clues to who the rod is intended to reach..
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)01:12 No.7482056
    5 out of the six other boxes are also filled with sand, each one containing different things: one has a thing of glowing chalk in a stone-holder, one has two oval pieces of ordinary looking stone, one has some kind of silver knife (that is not sharp), another has a book that you cannot open, and last, but not least, there is some kind puzzle-box, inscribed with runes. It comes apart and seems to be able to be reassembled in multiple ways. The last box has no sand, but has bags of different plants and powders. You don't need a knowledge check to know your staring at reagents. A list, also in Eastern, details the box. You can make out a few words that you recognize from the packet.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)01:16 No.7482100
    Take the Knife,Book and Rod, Leave the rest and wait for backup to arrive.

    After all, if we take too much, Our Coworkers will be suspicious.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)01:21 No.7482146
    You put them into your pockets. The book won't fit, so what do you do with it? You still probably have at least 10 minuets before Brandon returns with more guardsmen.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)01:23 No.7482176
    Stuff book under your Chainmail/Shirt, Also, Check the Inventory.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)01:28 No.7482230
    is there enough time to stow it all in our secret basement?
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)01:29 No.7482237
    STONE (invisible)
    87 COINS

    You still have some time before the rest of the guards come. What do you want to do?
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)01:31 No.7482261

    Is there a desk of some kind with transaction papers and the like?
    Perhaps we could find names of other contacts or storage locations, perhaps a key to opening the tome, too.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)01:31 No.7482268
    Probably not. You can attempt it, but if Brandon returns and sees you have left...well, it might turn out badly for you in the end.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)01:33 No.7482289
    There is no visible desk around. Perhaps there is one through the door?

    The man by the corpse begins to stir. Brandon tied him up before he left.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)01:35 No.7482316
    Gag the man, He MIGHT be a mage, and if so, Those ropes do nothing.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)01:36 No.7482319
    rolled 9 = 9


    Gently wake him up a bit and ask him how to open the Tome.
    If he fails to comply, fondle.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)01:38 No.7482338

    That´s probably a bad idea, Since

    1) He will probably speak DUMBASS language.
    2) He WILL be interogated, An he will probably squeal on us then.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)01:39 No.7482355
    place somethings in to the box's which we took the magic crap from
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)01:39 No.7482356
    rolled 4 = 4

    Though your pretty sure he is not a mage (no implement or anything, didn't use magic during combat), you might not want to take chances. Make a decision, /tg/

    Guards will return in 1d10 minuets...
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)01:42 No.7482385
    rolled 7 = 7

    Gag and Blindfold him, Fondle his balls then keep guard on him until Brandon arrives.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)01:45 No.7482426
    Brandon, Roger, a disheveled Dan, the other greenhorn (Shaun), and a short, fat, bald man you recognized as Jared the Head Jailer arrive. You nod to them. You show them the crates you found, explaining that some where only full of sand, possibly as a decoy. You show them the objects you found and decided not to keep. Jared nods. "Ready to move on, then?"
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)01:50 No.7482473
    Tell him "Yes, If i were not ready my name would NOT be KYLE!!!! THE!!!! GREAT!!!"!!!

    Also ask Dan what is wrong.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)01:53 No.7482499
    They nod. As you move towards the door, you move closer to Dan. He sees you, and moves away from you, looking nervous.

    You reach the door. Jared opens it a crack, and then throws it open. A staircase leads down. "I'll go first" Brandon says.
    MARCHING ORDER: Brandon, Jared, You (Kyle [the Great]), Roger, Shaun, Dan.

    You reach the end of the stairs, and Jared waves a hand to stop, drawing his mace. You can hear talking in the other room, and some laughter. Sounds like quite a few people are in there.

    What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)01:56 No.7482544
    rolled 19 = 19

    Stay behind with Dan, Try asking again, Then try comforting him, Tell him you are friends, and that you won´t tell anyone else.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)01:59 No.7482591
    Dan won't look at you, and Roger won't let you through, when you open your mouth to protest, the mute puts his hand over yours and puts a finger to his lips.
    Jared steps around the corner "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCU-" he is cut off as four crossbow bolts punch into him. The fatass drops to the ground with a thud. Brandon signals a retreat. The laughter and talking from the other continue as if nothing has happened.

    What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:02 No.7482630

    Back slowly and quietly away, once we're clear suggest we post a guard at this exit then look for another way in.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:04 No.7482653
    rolled 9 = 9

    Send Dan home, Say that he is obviously depressed and will endanger the whole team, Then charge in, Dodging any eventual Arrows, While yelling to entire building to shut the fuck up.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)02:07 No.7482708
    Everyone backs out. You suggest putting a guard here. No one, not even Brandon wants to stay. Brandon says he doesn't know what was in the other room, but their obviously prepared.

    Dan says: "I'm fine, just a little...tired...is all." He still won't look at you
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:07 No.7482712
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:08 No.7482726
    it fits in this circumstance!
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)02:10 No.7482749
    Wait, use it now, amongst your fellow guardsmen? Or you want to go back down the stairs and try this?
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:15 No.7482820
    I think he means use it on the Enemy base. As in run in, Seduce, ????, Profit.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:17 No.7482833

    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:20 No.7482872
    Do any of the barrels contain anything flammable?

    If so, ignite barrel, roll down stairs, escape, kill survivors as they run from wreckage.

    Otherwise circle around and try to find another entrance to the lower room, send Dan to fetch more guards. "Hurry back quickly Dan... I need you here"
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)02:20 No.7482876
    Give me 3d20. 1 is for charging, 2 is for avoiding attacks, 3 is for the next action you take, whether it be retreat or an attack.

    Also, are you telling your fellow guardsmen about your flamboyant assault?
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:23 No.7482915
    rolled 4, 18, 2 = 24

    RUN IN

    AVOID MISSLES (possibly using a bit of subtle low-level telekinesis)

    SEDUCE (while subtlely casting erection)
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:23 No.7482922
    rolled 9, 4, 17 = 30

    Tell fellow guardsmen that you will take lead, Since all of them are pussies, Tell them to look carefully to see how a REAL MAN handles the situation...

    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:23 No.7482925
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)02:27 No.7482968
    You rally your men, charging noisily down the stairs, leaping around the corner "STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!" You yell intimidatingly. It has no effect, and you see four archers behind tables let loose at you. You can still hear the talking and chattering of other people, but there's no one talking!

    You narrowly dodge the missiles, and attempt to cast ERECTION. Your dick twitches, but that doesn't stop you from screaming out "OH LAWDY MY COCK IS SO HARD, WHO WANTS A BLOWJOB FROM MY SOFT, WET MOUTH?!" The archers stare. One of them drops his bow "Me, me, I want one!" he says! The others grumble in agreement.

    What do you do?
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:29 No.7482996
    lure them closer with offers of blowjobs

    yell "NOW"

    have the other guards come up and stab them to death with their spears

    become a (really gay) hero
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:29 No.7482999
    rolled 17 = 17


    Close to melee range, start attacking the archers while screaming about your club as if it's your dick.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:32 No.7483037
    rolled 16 = 16

    rolling for this
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:36 No.7483072
         File1262936160.jpg-(29 KB, 351x460, dickwizard.jpg)
    29 KB
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)02:36 No.7483082
         File1262936201.jpg-(334 KB, 723x800, Mustached Sorcerer.jpg)
    334 KB
    Combining these two.

    The men come closer, inexplicably drawn to your offer for free blowjobs. As they near melee range, you draw your club. "MY COCK IS EVEN HARDER THAN THIS" and you bash the first man in the face. The other guards leap forward with other, less homosexual battle-cries, beating the men.

    Just then, there is a roar, and you narrowly throw yourself to the side as a bolt of fire strikes the wall behind you. The talking and laughter has ceased. You see a mage standing behind the tables a distance, arms outstretched, magic encircling him.

    What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:39 No.7483108
    rolled 18 = 18

    Take out Silver knife, Use it to attack mage.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)02:42 No.7483133
    rolled 5 = 5

    You draw the knife, and charge at the mage. The knife seems to gleam as you get closer. You jab it into the mage's abdomen...only to hear a grunt escape the magician's lips. The knife did nothing. The wizard claps his hands, and a concussion throws you into a wall. You see the other guards jumping over the tables, and Shaun throws his spear at your foe.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:45 No.7483159

    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)02:46 No.7483162
    The spear misses. The enemy responds by launching a bolt of lightning at Shaun, which his him squarely in the chest. He convulses, and falls to the ground rigidly, hair standing on end.

    The other guards fall on the mage, spears jabbing into him, the mage steps backwards, heavily wounded. He raises a wand from his robes, and begins muttering an incantation.

    You are standing up! Now is your chance - throw your spear true and finish him off! Do not fail, Kyle!
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:46 No.7483167
    rolled 4 = 4

    throw your own spear at him

    use minor telekinesis as subtlely as you can to guide it into the mage's heart
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:47 No.7483174
    FUCK, not gay enough
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:48 No.7483192
    rolled 16, 2 = 18

    Stand back up again, Charge up to Mage again[Roll 1], Punch the mages face in with bare hands.[Roll 2] Don´t stop until the his head is paste.

    Do all this while yelling really gay pickup lines.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)02:49 No.7483203
    The only spells you have memorized are Minor Illusion and Tiny Explosion/Pop.

    Your spear misses, and the mage finishes his incantation. A four-foot blade-like sliver of light forms from the tip of his wand, and he swings it in a wide arc in front of him. Roger, Brandon, and Dan stumble backwards, large gashes in their chests. The blade disappears, and the magician limps back away, mumbling something else.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)02:52 No.7483222
    You charge at the mage "I WANT YOUR THROBBING PENIS INSIDE OF ME!" you yell, as you fly at him. You stumble before you can punch him, falling on top of him. He hits his head, and seems dazed. You hold his wand-hand down, and begin to slam his head against the floor, until most of his head is ON the floor.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:53 No.7483232
    Calm down, Check on Dan and Brandon, Give eventual first aid if needed. Tell Dan that if he had been focused he wouldn´t have been hurt.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:54 No.7483236
    rolled 3, 10, 15 = 28

    in the first thread you said something about minor telekinesis as well

    goddammit, throw our club at him, then charge him

    third roll for casting erection
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)02:55 No.7483250
    rolled 4 = 4

    shit, too late
    use this opportunity to hit on dan and brandon while you help them all up

    rolling seduction
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)02:56 No.7483257

    Im pretty sure we have Minor Telekinesis, BUT! We havn´t trained it at all yet, Chances are that it wouldn´t work very well on the first cast anyway.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)02:59 No.7483275
    No, the word 'telekinesis' didn't even appear in the first thread.
    Dan, Brandon, and Roger are wounded, but it's nothing they won't survive. They are bandaging their wounds. Their armor is badly damaged, though.

    Brandon checks on Shaun. He says his breathing is extremely shallow, and his heartbeat faint. "I don't know if he will survive getting him to the Temple Infirmary" he says with a slow shake of his head.

    You reprimand Dan for being unfocused. He looks away, not saying anything.

    There are other crates in this room, and a hallway in the back. There is a door at the end of the hallway.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:00 No.7483282

    Tell Dan and Brandon to get Shaun to the hospital as quickly as possible then send survivors, you'll stay here, inventory what's left, and make sure noone else shows up.

    Once they're gone see if there's anything we can steal or if there are any survivors worth molesting.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:01 No.7483290
    rolled 6 = 6

    First things first, Look if there is ANYTHING we can find that can help Shaun. Tell Shaun he isn´t allowed to die yet.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)03:04 No.7483320
    It does appear in the second thread, however, this anon has it right. You have not practiced minor telekinesis.
    Dan will not stay near you, and begins humming loudly when you talk to him. You begin tlking to Brandon, but he holds up a hand. "Please." he says, pain and nervousness on his face "Not now."

    The men shamble off, taking Jared's corpse with them. You stare at their asses as they leave.

    You take the magician's wand. He has a scroll on him, not written in DUMBASS. I will tell you what it says in the next post. You also take a key from around his neck

    More barrels with reagents are in the back corner. The other crates hold various other typically stored items. One holds a couple quivers of crossbow bolts, some short-swords, and another scroll reading "Arm the men."
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)03:05 No.7483325
    rolled 11 = 11

    err second thread, sorry

    >>CANTRIPS: Minor telekinesis, Tiny Explosion (read: pop), Minor Illusion (Prestidigitation)

    who gives a fuck about redshirt dying guard

    while dan and brandon patch themselves up, look for more artifacts
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:06 No.7483336
    Sounds like there's an illegal mage ring. When you get back to talk to the captain, I think we should recommend to him for you to go undercover and break up the mage ring from the inside.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)03:07 No.7483342


    ah well, take the best quality short sword for ourselves, take whatever reagents we can carry, and take the crossbow and bolts
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)03:08 No.7483350
    The NOTE on the SECOND DEAD MAGE reads THUS:

    >Wait for Alhazeed to arrive, he should be there in a few days and has details on how to summon the djinn. The customs officers confiscated a load of reagents - their stepping up on security over here. Simon supposedly uncovered the Rod of Hiqila from those archeologists, and you should receive that shortly. Do not fail me.

    >R. Tadsan
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)03:10 No.7483371

    anyways, take this and give it to the captain as well as any reagents we won't need as evidence

    also, touch the dead wizards balls for luck
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:11 No.7483382
    Actually cut out the wizard's balls and keep them as reagents or good luck charms.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:12 No.7483389

    Once we've looted everything, go through the back hallway and listen at the door at the end.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)03:12 No.7483394
    better idea!

    then put your dick in him
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:12 No.7483396

    Tell Brandon that you think there are illegal Magic Pratctioners on the rise.
    Tell Dan to stop acting like a child, That you have never seen him act like this way before.

    Show both of them the note and then tell both that you should suggest sending a undercover agent to find and Infiltrate any eventual Mage rings that are in town to the Boss/DA CHIEF.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)03:16 No.7483443
    You copy the note, for yourself. you decide to take the real one to the captain, and tell him and the other guards about this possible mage ring. You will also suggest infiltrating it. You also make note of talking to Dan.

    You have no place to hold the reagents. Perhaps if you came back later, with a bag, before it is all confiscated...?

    You also fuck the shit outta the dead wizard. FEELS GOOD MAN.

    You go to the back door. You put your ear to it and hear nothing.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)03:18 No.7483465
    Oh yeah, you cut his balls off too. Maybe you can practicing juggling later. I know it was suggested before that we juggle to practice focusing on magic.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:18 No.7483470
    rolled 4 = 4

    Cast explosion at door, Then enter.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:18 No.7483479

    Make sure it isn't obvious you fucked the dead wizard then go through the door.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)03:22 No.7483533

    MINOR explosion
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)03:23 No.7483549
    It isn't.

    You now have three implements on you. Your first wand, the runed rod, and the new wand. Which do you use?
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:25 No.7483572

    Can we try the key first? Otherwise the slashy wand.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:25 No.7483578

    Cast it once with every rod/wand, To compare effectiveness.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)03:25 No.7483581
    rolled 18 = 18

    use the new rod and cast minor explosion on the lock/doorhandle of the door
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)03:26 No.7483592
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)03:29 No.7483627
    You cast it with the first wand. A small pop, like a small, cheap firework goes off in front of you, along with a small burst of flame. The second wand produces effects that are not different.

    You pull out the rod. It is heavier and longer than the wands, requiring a bit more space to swing. You step back and make the required gestures. Nothing happens at first, then you notice a small humming sound growing in the air. The runes on the rod begin glowing red, the ones at the base starting first, then the ones above them, etc. As the runes at the top of the rod glow, a huge explosion rocks the air, sending you backwards.

    As the smoke clears, the door is gone, a gaping hole in its place. A circular room is beyond that, but it is empty save for some chairs.

    This rod obviously amplifies magical spells. A fine tool.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:31 No.7483653

    Search the room more thoroughly.

    Prepare to lie about an explosion trap on the door and how we escaped.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:32 No.7483663
    Did the new wand take longer to use, Or is the castin speed the same?

    Also, Enter room, Keep "New Wand" ready.

    Give names to wands.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)03:35 No.7483696
    I say we refer to them as "Old wand" "New wand" and "Rune wand"
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)03:36 No.7483712
    No, the casting speed for the wands seems to be the same. There wasn't much difference between the two, as far as effects go.

    Give me names if you want them to have names. The first wand is wooden, the second one is made of ivory.

    The room is large, stone, and circular. Eight comfortable chairs sit in a circle, each with a small table next to it. Nothing else is in the room.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:44 No.7483788
    rolled 18 = 18

    Looks like a Dinning room, look for any eventua food, We havn´t eaten since breakfast.
    Also, check walls for any small holes where our Iron Rod might fit in, Im getting the feeling it is a Magic key rather then a Magic Wand.

    Rolling for wallsearch

    New Wand: "Cockblower"
    Old Wand: "Kyles Wood"
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)03:45 No.7483795
    fuck, I love you, anon

    after this, let's go check in to the barracks

    or find a sack somewhere in here and grab as much magical stuff as we can

    or both, yeah, let's do both
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)03:48 No.7483835
    There are no holes in the wall.
    There seem to be no sacks around. Just as you're about to give one up, you find a barrel with some sacks in it holding salt. You dump the salt out, and fill three large hempen sacks with various reagents. There are still a ton you did not get.

    What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:51 No.7483873
    Go to Magic basement(AKA Where we learn magic) and empty sack there, Then go back and get more Magic stuff, Repeat until other people arrive or we have taken everything.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)03:52 No.7483878
    fill the sacks with any reagents we have found that could be usefull

    we'll give the rest to the captain when we report back

    let's head back to the barracks after that
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)03:56 No.7483923
    You make two trips. On your third, Brandon shows up bandaged. "The captain wants to see all of us, especially you." He sees your half-empty sacks of reagents, and his eyes narrow. "What are you doing?"
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:58 No.7483956
    rolled 14 = 14

    Say that we were collecting evidence to bring back to HQ, And that you took a while sinc you went out to grab a bite to eat.

    Ask him if he can help you carry it since you are feeling sore.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)03:59 No.7483970

    "Securing the reagents. If we leave the place unguarded they might be captured, I'm going to move them back to barracks. Grab a sack and help."
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)03:59 No.7483973
    He nods, and you walk back to the barracks.

    On the way, do you say anything to him, or something? He keeps his eyes staring straight ahead, as if he wishes to not acknowledge your presence.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:02 No.7484003
    rolled 9 = 9

    we hit on him, duh
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:02 No.7484008
    He says nothing. Something is very wrong here.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:04 No.7484028
    Set invisible rock on the ground so that Brandon will trip on it when he's carrying a sack.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:05 No.7484036

    Ask him if the boss is going to fire us for how we acted.

    Ask him why everyone is acting so cold against you today.

    If he keeps ignoring us, Break down and cry.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:05 No.7484043
    rolled 2 = 2

    ask him what's wrong

    if we our guard senses tingle do >>7484028
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:07 No.7484065
    He remains silent. Finally, he says "The Captain is extremely angry. He is mad that Jared and Shaun are dead. Also, Mike disappeared. The Captain went to the dungeon to talk to him. He found the guards there dead, and Mike and the other prisoners gone. Also..." he stops "also, he is angry about something else, but will not say what."
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:10 No.7484088
    Drop regants, Run to Guardhouse ahead of Brandon.

    Run to the boss, Ask what the hell happened there.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:15 No.7484142

    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:16 No.7484154
    Your almost at the barracks, do you really want to drop a large bag of highly illegal reagents in the middle of the street? Your carrying a majority of them - Brandon can't carry more than one sack thanks to his new wound.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:16 No.7484159

    Go as fast as we can with the reagents then.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:24 No.7484251
    Well, bumpan. Personally I don't want to derail the quest, but at this point it might be a good idea to get the hell out of dodge before they arrest you and execute you for being a freaky deaky weirdo. It'll give you a head start on being an outlaw wizard I think.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:25 No.7484263
    You make to the barracks, and go into the captain's room. You give him the reagents, he thanks you, and sends Brandon out.

    He smokes out of his pipe. "Why does Dan say you raped him? Why does Brandon say you where carrying bags of reagents to an abandoned basement? You've been acting more strange than usual since you got back form vacation. You better start explaining - now."
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:27 No.7484283
    Im getting the feeling Mike might be the BBEG.

    So going and hearing what happened when he escaped would be a good way to learn what he is capable of.

    Also, If worse comes to worse we can blow a hole in a wall in the guard house and escape from there.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:28 No.7484296
    Tell a big story concerning how you innocently touched some crystal or something (don't acknowledge in the story that it was magical, make it so you're naive and blameless like) and now you hear voices telling you to do weird things.

    Rolling for bluffing or so that he'll believe the story.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:29 No.7484300
    rolled 14 = 14


    Roll for bluff.

    "The notes we found indicated a conspiracy," Show boss original note "I felt it best to move everything out as quickly as possible to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands. Since Mike seems to be involved, I'd say I was right"

    I'll let someone who was here explain why we didn't really rape Dan.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:29 No.7484303
    er fuck
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:32 No.7484332

    Let's admit to as little as we can. We don't want to tell him about magic just yet.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:34 No.7484340
    "A crystal? Where is this crystal?" He looks at you. You can tell he is not convinced. "Perhaps, if you are really hearing voices, you need to see the Temple." I shouldn't have to tell you that visiting a medieval temple and being treated (nonmagically) for a mental illness would not be pleasant.

    "As for this conspiracy, I thank you, but at the moment I am more concerned about you. How can I stop anything if my guards are raping eachother and performing heinous acts of magic? If you want to have sex with men, go ahead, but RAPING another GUARDSMAN?" He shakes his head.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:35 No.7484349
    rolled 3, 9, 16 = 28



    we should have left when we had the chance

    bluff about the dan thing, tell him the reagents are evidence and CAST ERECTION
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:35 No.7484357
    rolled 3 = 3

    Rolling for seduction
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:36 No.7484362
    rolled 19 = 19

    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:36 No.7484367

    Lets try to fix this Dan situation first.

    We were both fracking drunk and at the time Dan consented.

    In fact it was probably his idea.

    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:36 No.7484369
    rolled 9 = 9

    instead of
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:38 No.7484382
    Say, "I HAVE been coming on to him, But would i really rape the only guy who actually laughs at my jokes and generaly acts like a nice guy to me? I mean just yesterday we went drinking, He was so drunk he couldn´t even walk, So i got him a inn room and left him there, I even hired a guy who stood watch over the room, Seemed like a nice guy he had some robes on so couldn´t really see his face though. All with my own damn money i might add."

    "And the regeants? I was carrying them back here, Unforunatly i felt a bit dazed after fighting so i had to go grab some food to regain some strength."

    "If you fire me, I won´t hold you against me, But don´t act like this is all my fault, Jared charged on his own and i fucking tried to save Shaun, But you know what? Im not fucking Mage who can magically fix everything."

    "HELL, Do think we could have taken that Stronghold without me goin Psyco?"
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:38 No.7484384

    "Look, we were both drunk, I mistook what he wanted. I probably should have handled it differently today, but I was hoping to avoid this by playing it off as a joke"
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:39 No.7484397
    On who? You or the captain? And with what, your hands, or through one of the wands, or through the rod?

    Roll for diplomacy. Or bluffing, or whatever.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:40 No.7484409
    on the captain through the rod

    let's see how he likes his cock spontaneously exploding
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:42 No.7484426
    rolled 15 = 15


    There's a time for raping and a time for lying to cover up the rape. This is the latter. Rolling for bluff.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:42 No.7484435
    "You gave him a blowjob, fucked him in the ass, and then blew spooge all over his face, before running out. If that is your idea of a JOKE, than I think I will be taking you to the temple.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:43 No.7484437
    Nice bluff
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:43 No.7484440
    rolled 4, 19, 5, 14 = 42


    Rolling for Rants, One roll for each part.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:44 No.7484463
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:45 No.7484469

    Let's not attack our boss until we have no other options.

    "Oh at the time it was serious, when I sobered up I realized what he might think I just wanted a way to let it go gracefully"
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:47 No.7484486
    fuck diplomacy


    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:47 No.7484487
    rolled 15 = 15


    Again, lets not attack the guy.

    Rolling for another bluff.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:47 No.7484494
    rolled 17 = 17


    "I did? Honestly i can´t remember at all, It´s all blurry, I was drunk too you know, and you know my ass is sore too, So im pretty sure he returned the "favour."
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:47 No.7484497
    again, he seems to have stated that diplomacy isn't going to work here


    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:49 No.7484508
    Raping the head of the guards in abuilding full of guards with guards just outside isn´t really going to help us.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:49 No.7484509
    The captain seems very calm at the moment-- one would think he would be rather upset and have guards arrest you on sight.

    Perhaps... HE WANTS US!
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:49 No.7484512
    my erection roll was higher then all of your bluffs

    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:50 No.7484533
    it will when he bleeds to death from having all his blood shoot out of the stump that was his cock

    we'll say it was some crazy reaction to the reagents
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:50 No.7484534
    He nods "If you had been sober, I would have had you fired immediately. But you where drunk. I am docking your weekly pay and prohibiting you from drinking for a month. If anyone catches you drunk or drinking, even if it is a glass of wine, you will be in big trouble. You will apologize to Dan. Also, I am setting you to paperwork for the next week." You groan. Paperwork SUCKS DICK. Boring.

    "Now, we must talk about these voices. If they are truly causing you to perform magic, you NEED to go to the Temple for treatment. I should imprison you, for it is possible the magic has already tainted your mind." (common superstition: magic drives you insane)
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:52 No.7484551
    If the situation becomes more dire, or the others consent to it, we will cast the spell. Just stick with it.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:53 No.7484567
    gah, see? this all could have gone over so much better

    ah well

    are we being escorted to the temple or can we sneak to our basement for a few hours

    if I'm not mistaken, didn't we get a bag of reagents or two back there?

    if so let's go practice, the more powerful we are, the sooner we can become the wizard worthy of the title KYLE THE GREAT and get revenge on Dan for not enjoying the rape we so kindly delivered him
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:54 No.7484571
    rolled 2, 17 = 19

    Ask boss to help us talk with Dan, Say that we have tried talking about it already, But that he refuses to talk to us at all.

    Also ask if there are any legal spellcasters that might be able to help you. Say that you might feel better after talking to someone who was in the same boat.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:55 No.7484585
    rolled 9 = 9


    "I'd rather not visit the temple just yet. A stretch of paperwork away from tense situations should be enough to let me get my focus back. If I'm still hearing voices I'll go to the temple at the end of the week"

    A quiet week should allow us to practice our magic, recover and find a new room to see where we can study in secret.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:56 No.7484592
    Tell him you can fight fire with fire, there's rogue mages in the city and you're the only thing that can stop them. Ready to bluff if needed.

    Ask what happened with Mike.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:56 No.7484594
    You are not being sent to the Temple...yet. You feel the Captain does not believe your voices story and is merely using the temple as a threat.
    Captain says he will call Dan in.
    To make Kyle not look like a fool, I'll go ahead and answer the second question - there are no legal spellcasters, magic is illegal. Period. There are rumors that the King has court magi, or even that he knows magic himself, but they are unverified.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)04:58 No.7484607

    Our new goal, Find the King/Court magicians. Try to get on good foot with them.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)04:58 No.7484610
    then let's head to the basements with what reagents we managed to snag and spend the rest of the day practicing

    also, we sleep in there tonight

    no need to get father involved in our raping another guy
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)04:59 No.7484615
    He waves his hand "I do not want to talk about that traitor. I don't know if it was him who killed the other guards, or another prisoner, but he ran when the rest of them ran regardless. I wasn't going to keep him in there long, and the jailers had orders to treat him very well." He shudders. "That place was a mess. The guards were not just killed, they where butchered. Some of the corpses didn't even look like they came from humans, with the amount of damage that had been done to them.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:02 No.7484649
    Ask him if he thinks that there might have been mages involved, Say that you have been sensing the Voices to tell you to go to mike, and that they get louder whenever Mike is involved.

    Make a suggestion that you think that maybe Mike is involved in your situation.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:03 No.7484668
    Mike wouldn't do that! There was something worse in that prison, he's either captive or already dead (or werewolf food).
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:04 No.7484676
    ask him if there's any sign of where they went and ask if you can be involved because you feel partially responsible
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:04 No.7484682

    I still think we should hang back, wait, and practice.

    We're very close to the edge as it is.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:06 No.7484707
    mike did do a pretty good job of beating the shit out of us when we last confronted him

    maybe he's just an incredibly angry drunk
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:08 No.7484724
    He cuts you off as you begin to talk about Mike. "Mike is not the problem right now. We will find him, interrogate him, and if he is responsible, we will execute him. YOU are the problem at hand now. Once we settle this matter about your illegal practices, you will apologize to Dan, and then you will begin your paperwork. I don't want you to leave the barracks without an escort."
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:08 No.7484725
    Yeah we threw him into the drunk tank for a reason though, unless he has an incredibly slow metabolism I think he'd be sober by now.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:10 No.7484739
    now can we blow his cock off?
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:12 No.7484758
    Going with this for now. The Captain agrees. You are to stay in the barracks unless escorted, doing paperwork. After a week, he will ask you if your 'voices' have cleared.

    Do you wish to apologize to Dan? Or blow the man's cock off?
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:12 No.7484760
    I say blow his cock off, and then before he starts screaming, we stuff our invisibal rock in his mouth to stifle it

    then the dance called rape begins
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:12 No.7484768
    Seconded, all in favour say aye
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:13 No.7484773

    Nod. "I understand sir."


    No. Let's just get through this. Maybe if we roll well on our apology we can reel Dan back in.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:13 No.7484782
    that's two for blow his cock off

    we already have a 19

    then we stuff the rock into his mouth and do that thing we love to do
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:14 No.7484789
    I feel obligated to remind you that last time you cast a spell through the rod, it had to 'charge'.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:15 No.7484793
    you also said the casting time was the same length

    or does that mean that it has to charge between uses?
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:16 No.7484803

    We're about to get away with everything. Let's get away with it, then find new shit to wreck!
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:16 No.7484807
    rolled 10 = 10


    No, Bu we should cast ERECTION(Small,Without any Rod) on Dan when he enters without anyone noticing we are casting it, Then generally act regretful, If he says "YOU SAID IT WAS ALL A DREAM!" say that you said that "It was like a Dream." And say that you always loved him from afar and when he made the suggestion you couldn´t resist, Say that you thought he was aware of what he was doing and that you though he finally loved you back after all these years, Then break down and cry.

    It should work.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:17 No.7484812
    I wouldn't call severe punishment and a huge handicap to our mobility "getting away with it"

    I'd call raping a man while he rapidly bleeds to death and sneaking out "getting away with it"
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:17 No.7484817
    The casting time on the WANDS was the same length. The ROD had to charge. Remember the humming and the runes glowing?
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:20 No.7484849

    we cast the spell but keep the rod concealed, as it's charging we say

    "You know what, I did rape Dan. And I almost raped Mike too. I told him to fuck off and he went and did all of this. I'm responsible for all this, and do you know why?

    "Because I'm sick of taking all of your shit. So it's YOUR TURN to TAKE SOMETHING ELSE"

    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:22 No.7484865

    How do we know it will blow his Cock off, Rather then make him become like a Tripod. I say the plan is pretty risky, We don´t wanna reward the asshole after all.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:22 No.7484870

    You say this, and his eyes widen. he becomes aware of the humming, and his eyes widen. "By the gods..." he goes for his sword.

    You point the rod at him. The humming stops and the rod stops glowing. You see horror dawn on his face. Then, you hear a small, wet popping sound, and the Captain's breeches instantly darken with blood. before he can scream, you pull your rock out of your pocket, shove it in his mouth, and gag him with some cloth you have in your pocket.

    Tears stream down the old man's face. What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:23 No.7484874

    Can't we do it without him noticing? You know.. turn around, let it charge a bit, then spin and point.

    Like the wizard we are.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:23 No.7484878

    Rape him, Might aswell go the whole lenght.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:24 No.7484883
    it made minor explosion blow a hole in a building

    if erection simply gives you an erection, then there's no way the human penis could survive THAT MUCH blood flowing into it

    even if his cock doesn't blow off, something like a heart attack or at least HUGE AMOUNTS OF PAIN should result

    worst comes to worst we just proved our own insanity and don't have to stay in the barracks
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:24 No.7484892
    rolled 16 = 16


    Rape him, to death.
    Take over his position as Captain.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:25 No.7484899


    be quiet about it

    if you hear anyone coming, drag his body and yours under the desk
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:26 No.7484907


    Also, Make sure to mock him about losing his dick... ALOT.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:27 No.7484912
    You pull down the Captain's pants. Looking at his shattered cock and balls makes you squirm, so you turn him over. You proceed to rape him in the ass. Hard. There is no lube at first, so it kinda hurts, but soon enough there is enough blood on your cock to keep the friction down. After you cum in him, what do you do? I don't think 'raping to death' is a viable option.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:27 No.7484920
    no, kyle

    we are the criminal scum
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:28 No.7484930

    Yes it is.
    Penis goes in eyes, nose, ears, and chest cavities.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:29 No.7484933

    Tell him, "NOW DIDN`T THAT FEEL GOOD?" Then write BITCH in blood.... On his back.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:29 No.7484935
    Roll 1d20.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:30 No.7484944
    losing that much blood that fast would kill any man about as fast as slitting his throat, he shouldn't have long

    I say we look him in the eyes and watch him bleed out
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:30 No.7484953
    rolled 17 = 17


    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:30 No.7484957
    rolled 9 = 9


    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:31 No.7484961
    rolled 10 = 10

    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:31 No.7484964

    Yes! We are growwwwinnngggg more POWERFUL!
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:32 No.7484968
    Jamming your cock forcibly into his eye, you severely damage it. You start trying to jam it in his ear, when he suddenly stops making noise and struggling. You check his pulse - he has died.

    What do you do? Your spear and club are just outside the door. The reagents are in here. You still have your wands and rod.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:33 No.7484981

    Can we use the rod to cast Illusion to hide the body?

    Or on ourself so we can collect our reagents and weapons, and leave.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:33 No.7484982

    Leave message for Dan, Write "If i didn´t love you you would have ended up this way too... BE SEEING YOU SOON! LOVE, KYLE THE GREAT!"
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:34 No.7484988
    rolled 10, 6 = 16

    let's use the rod and cast teleportation

    I know we haven't practiced, but at this point what's the worst that could happen?

    that, or we waltz out as if nothing ever happened

    my vote goes to whatever die is higher
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:34 No.7484991

    No one knows we Destroyed the captain yet.
    Are we next in command? Could we take over from him?
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:35 No.7485003
    Taking over from the captain sounds better than teleporting ourselves to a random lava pit.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:35 No.7485008
    rolled 2 = 2

    Rolling for teleportation in case
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:36 No.7485020

    Now we're definitely not trying teleportation.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:36 No.7485025
    You place it on the captain's body.
    You aren't sure what minor illusion will do when magnified. You opt to try it on yourself. If you cast it on the body, how will Dan know what your talking about if all he sees is a note?

    The rod charges, and you feel...cool. And tingly. You look at your hands. Or you try to. You and your current possessions are completely invisible. However, you notice that focusing on this spell is taking a lot out of you, and quickly. Make up your mind, what are you doing?
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:37 No.7485026
    take over?

    as far as I can remember, we aren't a very high ranking guard, I don't think we'll be next in line

    the casting illusion on ourselves and sneaking out is a better idea

    try to illusion our way out, or just until we can find a disguise or something, perhaps
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:37 No.7485027
    Oh my fuck yes, keeping with the spirit of the quest. Me like.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:37 No.7485031

    Collect reagents, snag weapons, leave.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:38 No.7485038
    rolled 2, 6 = 8


    Get out of here fast like hell.

    Roll1= Running Speed, Roll2= Keeping Illusion Up.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:38 No.7485042

    get as close as we can to our basement hideaway or at least to a nice, big cloak we can wear until we get there
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:38 No.7485045
    The captain is appointed by the governor of the town. Good luck convincing him.
    You don't know at all how to cast the spell. You don't even know what reagents you need, let alone if you have them.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:40 No.7485061

    Not homosexual enough. Therefore low rolls.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:41 No.7485081
    rolled 9 = 9


    roll one is for maintaining the illusion while thinking about Mike's cock
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:42 No.7485084
    Dan, Brandon, and Roger are playing cards at the table. They stare as they see the door open on its own. You pick up the sacks, your club, and spear. These objects appear to be floating in midair. Then Dan exclaims "LOOK AT THE CAPTAIN!". They can see a pants-less, bloody corpse. They grab their weapons. Dan runs by you, towards the captain, and the other two stare as they watch three sacks, a club, and a spear float towards the door. Roger leaps forward, towards the door as if to block it, but you reach it first and run out. Once the door is closed, you release the illusion with a heavy sigh. That took a LOT of work. You begin to run towards your basement. No one seems to be following you.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:42 No.7485088
    rolled 14 = 14


    Roll for maintaining the illusion while thinking about the Captain's exploding genitals.
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:43 No.7485102
    rolled 19 = 19


    gods, I love you, Kyle
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:43 No.7485103
    You make it to the basement. I'm making a new thread now, as this seems like a good 'finishing point' for this one. Give me a couple of minuets to make the new thread and archive this one.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:43 No.7485105
    rolled 7 = 7


    Do they know where our basement is?
    If so... it's moving time. Temporarily.
    Maybe we can find a cushy job casting erection on male patrons at a club somewhere.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:44 No.7485107

    Go to Dans house, no one will think of looking there, And we need to "thank" Dan for telling on us.... And that means rape him... again.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:44 No.7485115

    Proclamation of homosexual love for Kyle gains the highest roll of them all.

    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:44 No.7485116
    all witnesses must die

    I say we leave Dan last
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:45 No.7485120
    So basically we have made enemies out of some mages and now the guards too?
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:45 No.7485132

    if only in the field of rape
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:46 No.7485136

    Nein! Those mages will see that we were using it as ploy to decapitate the guard by killing its leadership and raping most of the members.

    At least that's what our Bluff roll will tell them.
    Not as if it isn't true, anyway.
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)05:48 No.7485156
    No one is safe from his Cock... I mean, Wrath.
    >> Kyle the Guardsman !mpaN0d.nxY 01/08/10(Fri)05:50 No.7485186
    NEW QUEST: >>7485175
    >> Duskull !!8LCSE0Zp1mL 01/08/10(Fri)05:51 No.7485191
    We are Kyle the Great!

    And we wield a cock NAMED Wrath!
    >> Anonymous 01/08/10(Fri)06:50 No.7485745
    Goddamnit, /tg/, ehen did you became so gay?

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