Using Minor Illusion, rape the Captain.

This is fucking stupid.

>>7480065
Your mother, good sir. Don't like it? Don't fuck it up for the people who do.

Eat delicious bacon. WHO CARES IF IT IS NOT COOKED


EAT BACON

>>7480094
You go downstairs to see your dad frying bacon. He is a hairy, stout manly man, whistling a jolly tune as he fries the bacon. There is a plate with a pile of bacon and two eggs, sunny-side-up at the table. Your father turns to you. "Hey son! I saw you in your room this morning, so that plate is for you!" Your dad knows that you get into trouble enough to not ask why you didn't return to the barracks last night.

You sit down and DEVOUR BACON.

What next?

>>7480193
finally ask him for that spear

>>7480237
Glad to have you back!

You ask your dad, in between shoveling mouthfuls of glorious BACON into your mouth, if he can make you a new, and better spear. Your dad scratches his hairy chin and nods "Yeah, I can do that, Kyle. Give me some time. Come back in a couple weeks."

>>7480237
then we should head to the barracks and see what's up

tell the Captain that you were a bit too drunk to head back to the barracks so you just crashed at home

>>7480259
yeah, been waiting all day for the return of KYLE THE GREAT

once you've succeeded in raping one of your fellow guards in a quest, you can't just abandon it

>>7480260
>>7480273
Hope your not the only player here, mang.

You head to the barracks, thanking your dad for your delicious breakfast of BACON and EGGS.

You arrive for the barracks. It is nearly vacant, as nearly all the guards have already left. You go see the Captain in his office. His nose is swollen and black and blue, most likely broken. He yells at you as you walk in "GODDAMNIT KYLE, WHERE WERE YOU THIS MORNING?! I don't care if you want to fuck some bar wench, but BE BACK BEFORE I ASSIGN YOUR PATROL!". You tell him you got drunk and was late from that, which pisses him off more, seeing as you shouldn't have started drinking without checking into the barracks first. "Dan hasn't shown up today, yet, and it's obvious your vacation has left you slacking. Find Brandon and Roger's patrol in the Docks, and join them." Roger is an old, mute guardsman. He's Brandon's only 'friend' on the force, probably because he can't talk to tell the asshole to fuck off.

What do you do?

>>7480355
I hope so too

fuck, we could try to go find dan and see how he feels about having been our bitch last night

we could head to the docks and do what we're supposed to for once

or we could say fuck it and go to the library to study more magic shit

all of which sound good

>>7480355
What does Minor Illusion do?

I named this character and archived the first thread but I can't really be assed with another quest thread tonight. Good luck with it, stalwar/tg/uards!

>>7480390
>>7480398
>>fuck, we could try to go find dan and see how he feels about having been our bitch last night
You do not know where Dan is.

>>we could head to the docks and do what we're supposed to for once
And fail, amirite?

>>or we could say fuck it and go to the library to study more magic shit
The libraries collection of arcane tomes is generally off limits. As a guard, you may be able to get in, but it would probably arouse suspicion.

>>What does Minor Illusion do?
Changes the color of things, make simple objects invisible, create bursts of color, etc. Simple, generally not helpful things.

You have your magical wand on you, hidden, but the rest of your magician's equipment is in the basement still, hidden.

>>7480454

well, we can check where we left him

but I say we head to the docks and hit on brandon some more

also, mutes can't say no

Go to docks. On the way pick up a rock and turn it invisible.

>>7480498
>>7480549
You head to the docks, subtly waving your wand inside your shirt and practicing your magic on your rock.

You don't know where Brandon is in the docks, but you know some pretty gnarly taverns in the area. Or you could look for him. Or whatever. Sorry about the wait.

Shameful self-bump.

Search for Brandon. Put my invisible rock in my pocket for future use

rolled 7 = 7

>>7480800
WE MUST SAVE MIKE FROM HIS UNJUST IMPRISONMENT!!!!!!!!!
ROLLING TO SAVE MIKE!!!!!!!!!!

>>7480852
this is a good sign, the failure of our quest is still with us, continue

>>7480716
I'm almost leaning towards fuck being a guard anymore and heading to the library and looking up shit

if we can't find brandon then let's get the fuck out of here

>>7480805
You have to maintain a slight focus on the rock to keep in invisible, but you figure you can manage to keep it invisible as long as you aren't startled by anything.

You begin searching the docks for Brandon. Soon enough, you find the man standing amongst a bunch of men, sitting on the ground, moaning. Roger is tying some up, and Brandon is quietly talking to one of them. It seems there was a fight of sorts. One of the men on the ground looks dead, the rest clubbed to unconsciousness or close to it.

rolled 19 = 19

>>7480865
too late to even tell them to stop and call them criminal scum...

let's ask brandon for a sit rep

when he inevitably give us lip, we tell him we couldn't exactly ask Roger

also rolling for flirting with brandon

>>7480902
YES

WE CONTINUE TO SUCCEED ONLY WHEN WE'RE BEING GAY

>>7480902
Brandon doesn't seem to be very happy at your presence. He tells you these men are members of a gang he's been tracking, They have been trafficking illegal substances, such as drugs and reagents. Brandon believes they can lead him to some mages, as the reagents have to be sold to someone who wants them.

You hit on him. He seems...uncomfortable. It is the only time you've seen Brandon nervous. Is that a blush on the man's face?

The unconscious, tied up people need some hot dickings. Anyone got a plan?

>>7480968
now that he likes us a bit better, try to convince him to let us come along in his reagent hunt as the wizard attack yesterday made it personal

>>7480992
"Are you actually going to do your job for once, Great One?" Brandon sneers. It sounds kind of...halfhearted. "The captain assigned you to my squad. This man here has told me of a warehouse where many of these items are being stored. Roger and I will investigate it, you guard and escort these men to the Docks dungeon. More guards should be coming shortly to help you."

rolled 9 = 9

>>7481037
leave roger with the unconscious men, I want some wizard fighting action

rolling for convincing

>>7481052
goddammit

>>7481052
You weren't being gay enough. Brandon refuses. Looking at Roger, he doesn't seem to care either way, but then again, it's kinda hard to tell with him. He looks at Brandon and shrugs. Brandon sighs "Fine. Come with me." he turns sharply on his heel, picks up his spear, and walks briskly down a narrow side street. You thank Roger, who shrugs again.

>>7481107
fuck, we need more participants

and yay reagent-hunting

rolled 5 = 5

>>7481107
Do we remember the list of ingredients for SUMMON GREATER DEMON RITUAL?

>>7481146
We do. I'm going slow, hoping more people will join. Sigh. Much more support earlier.

Anyway, you follow Brandon down some alleyways, not talking. You notice the man keeps glancing at you, almost nervously. He's blushing again.

Finally, he stops in front of a warehouse. "I'll go first." he says. "You can stand back and throw things, if you like."

>>7481268
guess not, follow brandon very closely behind him, we're his backup after all

>>7481268
No. That list was extremely extensive. You couldn't even pronounce most of the materials.

rolled 9 = 9

>>7481274
make one last flirtation before he heads in

>>7481274
we're good at making warning shots, this is an acceptable plan, what ammo do we currently have?

>>7481310
just our spear and club if I remember correctly

oh, and we have an invisible rock now

>>7481310
Brandon was being sarcastic. You seem to have left your crossbow somewhere, but you have all your normal weapons and armor on you. Oh, and an invisible rock. And your wand.
>>7481303
He licks his lips. And blushes again? "Are you through, now?" he asks. He turns and kicks the door in. You both shout in unison "STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!"

>>7481371
we left our crossbow IN DAN'S ASS

AND YES! I HAD ALMOST FORGOTTEN! STOPPING CRIMINAL SCUM!

also, prepare to throw spear

>>7481371

rolled 16 = 16

>>7481371
throw club at nearest CRIMINAL SCUM

rolled 1, 20 = 21

Shout something intimidating. And really loud.
Intimidate those fuckers.
Also, roll again to shout something alluring and seductive, and really loud, also.

Roll1 - Intimidate
Roll2 - Seduce

Two men are playing cards at a table, shocked at your entrance. Brandon charges one, knocking him out of his chair, smacking him with his club. The other one turns the table on its side and draws a crossbow. Your club smacks him in the face, and he falls behind the table, blood streaming from his nose. Brandon leaps on him. You can see the man above the table, his club falling swiftly.

There is a door in the back of the warehouse. Lots and lots of crates are around here. What do you do?

>>7481491
Saving for next encounter, alright? That's too awesome to just forget.

>>7481491
YES

rolled 5 = 5

>>7481506
that works,
>>7481494
DIVE FOR COVER

>>7481506
Fuck, we're charging into the Guard's Barracks and announcing we're betraying the guard to become homosexual with a roll like that

rolled 6 = 6

Throw barrels at CRMINAL SCUM! LIKE DONKEY KONG!

>>7481526
You dive, or try to, slipping and falling on your face. You get up to see Brandon staring at you. "Shall we continue through that door?" he asks. "I'll send a team later to check these crates for contraband, after we clear this place out. Also, if you see a mage, don't hesitate to use lethal force." He isn't your superior, so you don't have to listen to him, though he acts as he is.

rolled 6 = 6

>>7481494
stab the one brandon isn't dryhumping with your spear

rolled 9 = 9

>>7481566
retrive club, grab barrel lid, use >>7481550
with barrel lid

>>7481572
Combat is done, both men are out cold, Brandon is standing up. Stab them anyway?

rolled 10, 7 = 17

>>7481494
Roll1: Do our job, searching the crates for contraband and making a list of what needs to be confiscated.
Roll2: Investigate crates, noting anything that looks magical - deliberately not noting it and looting it for ourselves.

rolled 15 = 15

Listen to Brandon.... For now.

Then split up from him after hitting on him.

>>7481599
I agree with this

>>7481581
Charge through door and yell out INTIMIDATING and SEDUCTIVE shouts mentioned earlier in the 1 and 20 roll.

rolled 20 = 20

>>7481581
Stab them... WITH YOUR DICK!

>>7481616
haha o wow...

>>7481616
Jesus christ, the god of fate must be a Yaoi girl, the way we've been rolling.

>>7481616
Do this after barging into the wizard room and yelling the intimidate/seduce messages earlier, and after Brandon has left.

>>7481645
THE GAYER WE ARE, THE HIGHER WE ROLL

THIS IS THE LIFE OF A GAY SECRET WIZARD GUARD

rolled 15, 18 = 33

>>7481655
Rolling 2d100
Dice1: Roll for getting an education, finding employment, raising a family, and dying at an old age surrounded by our loved ones.
Dice2: Roll for dropping out, becoming a male prostitute, sleeping only with men and dying of aids.

>>7481679

2d100, both below 20.

Heh. HEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEE.

rolled 53 = 53

>>7481679
Well I dunno man; neither of those work.
Rolling d100 to finish our education, find steady employment, get involved in a Gay relationship, adopt many male children and turn them to the path of gayness, then die at an old age surrounded by our gay loved ones.

>>7481679

Well, It seems Duskull is right. After all, 18 is higher then 15.

Once again, /tg/'s ADHD kicks into play. <3.
>>7481616
Casting ERECTION, you drop your pants and jab your dick into one of the men's eye socket. Your dick goes straight through. The man spasms as your cock enters his brain, killing him. Brandon stares at you.
>>7481599
>>7481589
Go with Brandon or investigate possible contraband? Make a choice, I have to restart my computer. Be back in a few.

>>7481679
we're already employed, you asshat

and Kyle the Great is no prostitute.

Kyle the great is a man who is so manly, he only fucks other men

rolled 10 = 10

Convince brandon to join in.

rolled 52 = 52

>>7481696
We're getting warmer.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, FICKLE RNG? DO YOU WANT US TO TURN THE ENTIRE WORLD HOMOSEXUAL?

>>7481707
critical skullfuck, /tg/ you make me proud.

>>7481707
do we follow our dick or our magic dick?

I say we tell brandon we should fan out, blow him a kiss and look for contraband for a bit, we may not get another chance like this

rolled 16 = 16

>>7481761

Fan out. Find magic items. Keep them.
Then fuck Brandon in the other men's blood.

Start hitting on Brandon, hard and fast.

>>7481735
and yes, if this was a vidjagame we would have earned a few achievements by now

date raping another man being among them

rolled 12 = 12

Hug Brandon, Tell him we need to investigate these CRIMANAL HEADQUATERS! And that he should go and report in and get some people who can help.

>>7481823
>>7481821
>>7481761
Combining these...

You tell Brandon you'll look for contraband among these crates, while he goes for backup. You mention that running into a whole gang, possibly being backed up by a magician could be deadly, even for guards of your combined skill. Brandon agrees.

You attempt to hug the man, but he steps back quickly, licking his lips nervously, before giving you a jerky salute and running out.
>>7481820
You begin searching the crates. Most of them are filled with traditional stored things - cloth, some tools, etc. Suddenly, you come across a box filled with sand. It and the boxes near it are separated - kinda from the rest of the boxes. You paw through the sand, and find a short ruined rod, with a note in the Eastern language on a scroll. You can make out a few of the words - this rod seems to be intended for a specific person.

rolled 19 = 19

>>7481904
rolling to determine if rod is to be used ON someone or BY someone that is specifically named in the scroll

rolled 1 = 1

Insert ROD into ASS.

Ok, so /tg/ was down for a bit, at least for me, and because this thread isn't hella far back, I'm assuming it was down for you as well.
>>7481923
The rod has runes carved along it. You aren't sure - perhaps try invoking it or casting spells through it? I'll use your roll for whatever you want to do.
>>7481925
For some reason, you decide against sticking a large, magically enchanted object into your anus. It seems like a bad idea.

rolled 18 = 18

Hold off playing with the rod for later, Continue investigating CRIMINAL HIDEOUT to see if you can find some clues to who the rod is intended to reach..

>>7481956
5 out of the six other boxes are also filled with sand, each one containing different things: one has a thing of glowing chalk in a stone-holder, one has two oval pieces of ordinary looking stone, one has some kind of silver knife (that is not sharp), another has a book that you cannot open, and last, but not least, there is some kind puzzle-box, inscribed with runes. It comes apart and seems to be able to be reassembled in multiple ways. The last box has no sand, but has bags of different plants and powders. You don't need a knowledge check to know your staring at reagents. A list, also in Eastern, details the box. You can make out a few words that you recognize from the packet.

Take the Knife,Book and Rod, Leave the rest and wait for backup to arrive.

After all, if we take too much, Our Coworkers will be suspicious.

>>7482100
You put them into your pockets. The book won't fit, so what do you do with it? You still probably have at least 10 minuets before Brandon returns with more guardsmen.

Stuff book under your Chainmail/Shirt, Also, Check the Inventory.

>>7482056
is there enough time to stow it all in our secret basement?

>>7482176
INVENTORY:
CHAINMAIL
BOOTS
GAUNTLETS
HELMET
STONE (invisible)
SPEAR
CLUB
MAGIC WAND
RUNED ROD
DULL, MAGICAL, SILVER KNIFE
LARGE TOME THAT WILL NOT OPEN
87 COINS

You still have some time before the rest of the guards come. What do you want to do?

>>7482237

Is there a desk of some kind with transaction papers and the like?
Perhaps we could find names of other contacts or storage locations, perhaps a key to opening the tome, too.

>>7482230
Probably not. You can attempt it, but if Brandon returns and sees you have left...well, it might turn out badly for you in the end.

>>7482261
There is no visible desk around. Perhaps there is one through the door?

The man by the corpse begins to stir. Brandon tied him up before he left.

Gag the man, He MIGHT be a mage, and if so, Those ropes do nothing.

rolled 9 = 9

>>7482289

Gently wake him up a bit and ask him how to open the Tome.
If he fails to comply, fondle.

>>7482319

That´s probably a bad idea, Since

1) He will probably speak DUMBASS language.
2) He WILL be interogated, An he will probably squeal on us then.

place somethings in to the box's which we took the magic crap from

rolled 4 = 4

>>7482319
>>7482338
>>7482316
Though your pretty sure he is not a mage (no implement or anything, didn't use magic during combat), you might not want to take chances. Make a decision, /tg/

Guards will return in 1d10 minuets...

rolled 7 = 7

Gag and Blindfold him, Fondle his balls then keep guard on him until Brandon arrives.

>>7482385
Brandon, Roger, a disheveled Dan, the other greenhorn (Shaun), and a short, fat, bald man you recognized as Jared the Head Jailer arrive. You nod to them. You show them the crates you found, explaining that some where only full of sand, possibly as a decoy. You show them the objects you found and decided not to keep. Jared nods. "Ready to move on, then?"

Tell him "Yes, If i were not ready my name would NOT be KYLE!!!! THE!!!! GREAT!!!"!!!

Also ask Dan what is wrong.

>>7482473
They nod. As you move towards the door, you move closer to Dan. He sees you, and moves away from you, looking nervous.

You reach the door. Jared opens it a crack, and then throws it open. A staircase leads down. "I'll go first" Brandon says.
MARCHING ORDER: Brandon, Jared, You (Kyle [the Great]), Roger, Shaun, Dan.

You reach the end of the stairs, and Jared waves a hand to stop, drawing his mace. You can hear talking in the other room, and some laughter. Sounds like quite a few people are in there.

What do you do?

rolled 19 = 19

Stay behind with Dan, Try asking again, Then try comforting him, Tell him you are friends, and that you won´t tell anyone else.

>>7482544
Dan won't look at you, and Roger won't let you through, when you open your mouth to protest, the mute puts his hand over yours and puts a finger to his lips.
Jared steps around the corner "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCU-" he is cut off as four crossbow bolts punch into him. The fatass drops to the ground with a thud. Brandon signals a retreat. The laughter and talking from the other continue as if nothing has happened.

What do you do?

>>7482591

Back slowly and quietly away, once we're clear suggest we post a guard at this exit then look for another way in.

rolled 9 = 9

Send Dan home, Say that he is obviously depressed and will endanger the whole team, Then charge in, Dodging any eventual Arrows, While yelling to entire building to shut the fuck up.

>>7482630
>>7482653
Everyone backs out. You suggest putting a guard here. No one, not even Brandon wants to stay. Brandon says he doesn't know what was in the other room, but their obviously prepared.

Dan says: "I'm fine, just a little...tired...is all." He still won't look at you

>>7482591
NOW USE THE SEDUCTION ROLL FROM EARLIER
>>7481491!!

>>7482708
>>7482712
it fits in this circumstance!

>>7482726
Wait, use it now, amongst your fellow guardsmen? Or you want to go back down the stairs and try this?

I think he means use it on the Enemy base. As in run in, Seduce, ????, Profit.

>>7482749
INTO THE HEART OF THE ENEMY

IN MORE WAYS THEN ONE

Do any of the barrels contain anything flammable?

If so, ignite barrel, roll down stairs, escape, kill survivors as they run from wreckage.

Otherwise circle around and try to find another entrance to the lower room, send Dan to fetch more guards. "Hurry back quickly Dan... I need you here"

>>7482820
>>7482833
Give me 3d20. 1 is for charging, 2 is for avoiding attacks, 3 is for the next action you take, whether it be retreat or an attack.

Also, are you telling your fellow guardsmen about your flamboyant assault?

rolled 4, 18, 2 = 24

>>7482876
RUN IN

AVOID MISSLES (possibly using a bit of subtle low-level telekinesis)

SEDUCE (while subtlely casting erection)

rolled 9, 4, 17 = 30

Tell fellow guardsmen that you will take lead, Since all of them are pussies, Tell them to look carefully to see how a REAL MAN handles the situation...

Then CHARGE! AVOID! YELL AT ENEMIES TO STOP ATTACKING!!

>>7482915
OH LAWDY

>>7482915
You rally your men, charging noisily down the stairs, leaping around the corner "STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!" You yell intimidatingly. It has no effect, and you see four archers behind tables let loose at you. You can still hear the talking and chattering of other people, but there's no one talking!

You narrowly dodge the missiles, and attempt to cast ERECTION. Your dick twitches, but that doesn't stop you from screaming out "OH LAWDY MY COCK IS SO HARD, WHO WANTS A BLOWJOB FROM MY SOFT, WET MOUTH?!" The archers stare. One of them drops his bow "Me, me, I want one!" he says! The others grumble in agreement.

What do you do?

>>7482968
lure them closer with offers of blowjobs

yell "NOW"

have the other guards come up and stab them to death with their spears

become a (really gay) hero

rolled 17 = 17

>>7482968

Close to melee range, start attacking the archers while screaming about your club as if it's your dick.

rolled 16 = 16

>>7482996
rolling for this

>>7481707

>>7482996
>>7482999
Combining these two.

The men come closer, inexplicably drawn to your offer for free blowjobs. As they near melee range, you draw your club. "MY COCK IS EVEN HARDER THAN THIS" and you bash the first man in the face. The other guards leap forward with other, less homosexual battle-cries, beating the men.

Just then, there is a roar, and you narrowly throw yourself to the side as a bolt of fire strikes the wall behind you. The talking and laughter has ceased. You see a mage standing behind the tables a distance, arms outstretched, magic encircling him.

What do you do?

rolled 18 = 18

Take out Silver knife, Use it to attack mage.

rolled 5 = 5

>>7483108
You draw the knife, and charge at the mage. The knife seems to gleam as you get closer. You jab it into the mage's abdomen...only to hear a grunt escape the magician's lips. The knife did nothing. The wizard claps his hands, and a concussion throws you into a wall. You see the other guards jumping over the tables, and Shaun throws his spear at your foe.

>>7483133

CAST CROTCHFIRE

>>7483133
The spear misses. The enemy responds by launching a bolt of lightning at Shaun, which his him squarely in the chest. He convulses, and falls to the ground rigidly, hair standing on end.

The other guards fall on the mage, spears jabbing into him, the mage steps backwards, heavily wounded. He raises a wand from his robes, and begins muttering an incantation.

You are standing up! Now is your chance - throw your spear true and finish him off! Do not fail, Kyle!

rolled 4 = 4

>>7483133
throw your own spear at him

use minor telekinesis as subtlely as you can to guide it into the mage's heart

>>7483167
FUCK, not gay enough

rolled 16, 2 = 18

Stand back up again, Charge up to Mage again[Roll 1], Punch the mages face in with bare hands.[Roll 2] Don´t stop until the his head is paste.

Do all this while yelling really gay pickup lines.

>>7483167
The only spells you have memorized are Minor Illusion and Tiny Explosion/Pop.

Your spear misses, and the mage finishes his incantation. A four-foot blade-like sliver of light forms from the tip of his wand, and he swings it in a wide arc in front of him. Roger, Brandon, and Dan stumble backwards, large gashes in their chests. The blade disappears, and the magician limps back away, mumbling something else.

>>7483192
You charge at the mage "I WANT YOUR THROBBING PENIS INSIDE OF ME!" you yell, as you fly at him. You stumble before you can punch him, falling on top of him. He hits his head, and seems dazed. You hold his wand-hand down, and begin to slam his head against the floor, until most of his head is ON the floor.

Calm down, Check on Dan and Brandon, Give eventual first aid if needed. Tell Dan that if he had been focused he wouldn´t have been hurt.

rolled 3, 10, 15 = 28

>>7483203
in the first thread you said something about minor telekinesis as well

goddammit, throw our club at him, then charge him

third roll for casting erection

rolled 4 = 4

>>7483236
shit, too late
>>7483222
use this opportunity to hit on dan and brandon while you help them all up

rolling seduction

>>7483236

Im pretty sure we have Minor Telekinesis, BUT! We havn´t trained it at all yet, Chances are that it wouldn´t work very well on the first cast anyway.

>>7483236
No, the word 'telekinesis' didn't even appear in the first thread.
>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/7468480/
>>7483232
Dan, Brandon, and Roger are wounded, but it's nothing they won't survive. They are bandaging their wounds. Their armor is badly damaged, though.

Brandon checks on Shaun. He says his breathing is extremely shallow, and his heartbeat faint. "I don't know if he will survive getting him to the Temple Infirmary" he says with a slow shake of his head.

You reprimand Dan for being unfocused. He looks away, not saying anything.

There are other crates in this room, and a hallway in the back. There is a door at the end of the hallway.

>>7483268

Tell Dan and Brandon to get Shaun to the hospital as quickly as possible then send survivors, you'll stay here, inventory what's left, and make sure noone else shows up.

Once they're gone see if there's anything we can steal or if there are any survivors worth molesting.

rolled 6 = 6

First things first, Look if there is ANYTHING we can find that can help Shaun. Tell Shaun he isn´t allowed to die yet.

>>7483275
>>7483257
It does appear in the second thread, however, this anon has it right. You have not practiced minor telekinesis.
>>7483250
Dan will not stay near you, and begins humming loudly when you talk to him. You begin tlking to Brandon, but he holds up a hand. "Please." he says, pain and nervousness on his face "Not now."

>>7483282
The men shamble off, taking Jared's corpse with them. You stare at their asses as they leave.

You take the magician's wand. He has a scroll on him, not written in DUMBASS. I will tell you what it says in the next post. You also take a key from around his neck

More barrels with reagents are in the back corner. The other crates hold various other typically stored items. One holds a couple quivers of crossbow bolts, some short-swords, and another scroll reading "Arm the men."

rolled 11 = 11

>>7483275
err second thread, sorry

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/7470201/
>>CANTRIPS: Minor telekinesis, Tiny Explosion (read: pop), Minor Illusion (Prestidigitation)

who gives a fuck about redshirt dying guard

while dan and brandon patch themselves up, look for more artifacts

>>7483320
Sounds like there's an illegal mage ring. When you get back to talk to the captain, I think we should recommend to him for you to go undercover and break up the mage ring from the inside.

>>7483325
>>7483320

FUCK, LATE AGAIN

ah well, take the best quality short sword for ourselves, take whatever reagents we can carry, and take the crossbow and bolts

The NOTE on the SECOND DEAD MAGE reads THUS:

>Wait for Alhazeed to arrive, he should be there in a few days and has details on how to summon the djinn. The customs officers confiscated a load of reagents - their stepping up on security over here. Simon supposedly uncovered the Rod of Hiqila from those archeologists, and you should receive that shortly. Do not fail me.

>R. Tadsan

>>7483350
FUCK YES, SUMMONING RITUAL!

anyways, take this and give it to the captain as well as any reagents we won't need as evidence

also, touch the dead wizards balls for luck

>>7483371
Actually cut out the wizard's balls and keep them as reagents or good luck charms.

>>7483320

Once we've looted everything, go through the back hallway and listen at the door at the end.

>>7483382
better idea!

then put your dick in him

>>7483350

Tell Brandon that you think there are illegal Magic Pratctioners on the rise.
Tell Dan to stop acting like a child, That you have never seen him act like this way before.


Show both of them the note and then tell both that you should suggest sending a undercover agent to find and Infiltrate any eventual Mage rings that are in town to the Boss/DA CHIEF.

>>7483396
>>7483394
>>7483389
>>7483382
You copy the note, for yourself. you decide to take the real one to the captain, and tell him and the other guards about this possible mage ring. You will also suggest infiltrating it. You also make note of talking to Dan.

You have no place to hold the reagents. Perhaps if you came back later, with a bag, before it is all confiscated...?

You also fuck the shit outta the dead wizard. FEELS GOOD MAN.

You go to the back door. You put your ear to it and hear nothing.

>>7483443
Oh yeah, you cut his balls off too. Maybe you can practicing juggling later. I know it was suggested before that we juggle to practice focusing on magic.

rolled 4 = 4

Cast explosion at door, Then enter.

>>7483443

Make sure it isn't obvious you fucked the dead wizard then go through the door.

>>7483479
this

>>7483470
MINOR explosion

>>7483479
It isn't.

>>7483533
>>7483470
You now have three implements on you. Your first wand, the runed rod, and the new wand. Which do you use?

>>7483549

Can we try the key first? Otherwise the slashy wand.

>>7483549

Cast it once with every rod/wand, To compare effectiveness.

rolled 18 = 18

>>7483549
use the new rod and cast minor explosion on the lock/doorhandle of the door

>>7483581
NEW WAND WORKS GREAT, MAN

>>7483578
You cast it with the first wand. A small pop, like a small, cheap firework goes off in front of you, along with a small burst of flame. The second wand produces effects that are not different.

You pull out the rod. It is heavier and longer than the wands, requiring a bit more space to swing. You step back and make the required gestures. Nothing happens at first, then you notice a small humming sound growing in the air. The runes on the rod begin glowing red, the ones at the base starting first, then the ones above them, etc. As the runes at the top of the rod glow, a huge explosion rocks the air, sending you backwards.

As the smoke clears, the door is gone, a gaping hole in its place. A circular room is beyond that, but it is empty save for some chairs.

This rod obviously amplifies magical spells. A fine tool.

>>7483627

Search the room more thoroughly.

Prepare to lie about an explosion trap on the door and how we escaped.

>>7483627
Did the new wand take longer to use, Or is the castin speed the same?

Also, Enter room, Keep "New Wand" ready.

Give names to wands.

>>7483663
I say we refer to them as "Old wand" "New wand" and "Rune wand"

>>7483663
No, the casting speed for the wands seems to be the same. There wasn't much difference between the two, as far as effects go.

Give me names if you want them to have names. The first wand is wooden, the second one is made of ivory.

>>7483470
The room is large, stone, and circular. Eight comfortable chairs sit in a circle, each with a small table next to it. Nothing else is in the room.

rolled 18 = 18

Looks like a Dinning room, look for any eventua food, We havn´t eaten since breakfast.
Also, check walls for any small holes where our Iron Rod might fit in, Im getting the feeling it is a Magic key rather then a Magic Wand.

Rolling for wallsearch

Names:
New Wand: "Cockblower"
Old Wand: "Kyles Wood"

>>7483775
fuck, I love you, anon

after this, let's go check in to the barracks

or find a sack somewhere in here and grab as much magical stuff as we can

or both, yeah, let's do both

>>7483788
There are no holes in the wall.
>>7483795
There seem to be no sacks around. Just as you're about to give one up, you find a barrel with some sacks in it holding salt. You dump the salt out, and fill three large hempen sacks with various reagents. There are still a ton you did not get.

What do you do?

Go to Magic basement(AKA Where we learn magic) and empty sack there, Then go back and get more Magic stuff, Repeat until other people arrive or we have taken everything.

>>7483835
fill the sacks with any reagents we have found that could be usefull

we'll give the rest to the captain when we report back

let's head back to the barracks after that

>>7483873
>>7483878
You make two trips. On your third, Brandon shows up bandaged. "The captain wants to see all of us, especially you." He sees your half-empty sacks of reagents, and his eyes narrow. "What are you doing?"

rolled 14 = 14

Say that we were collecting evidence to bring back to HQ, And that you took a while sinc you went out to grab a bite to eat.

Ask him if he can help you carry it since you are feeling sore.

>>7483923

"Securing the reagents. If we leave the place unguarded they might be captured, I'm going to move them back to barracks. Grab a sack and help."

>>7483956
He nods, and you walk back to the barracks.

On the way, do you say anything to him, or something? He keeps his eyes staring straight ahead, as if he wishes to not acknowledge your presence.

rolled 9 = 9

>>7483973
we hit on him, duh

>>7484003
He says nothing. Something is very wrong here.

Set invisible rock on the ground so that Brandon will trip on it when he's carrying a sack.

>>7484008

Ask him if the boss is going to fire us for how we acted.

Ask him why everyone is acting so cold against you today.

If he keeps ignoring us, Break down and cry.

rolled 2 = 2

>>7484008
ask him what's wrong

if we our guard senses tingle do >>7484028

>>7484036
He remains silent. Finally, he says "The Captain is extremely angry. He is mad that Jared and Shaun are dead. Also, Mike disappeared. The Captain went to the dungeon to talk to him. He found the guards there dead, and Mike and the other prisoners gone. Also..." he stops "also, he is angry about something else, but will not say what."

Drop regants, Run to Guardhouse ahead of Brandon.

Run to the boss, Ask what the hell happened there.

>>7484088

Seconded.

>>7484088
>>7484142
Your almost at the barracks, do you really want to drop a large bag of highly illegal reagents in the middle of the street? Your carrying a majority of them - Brandon can't carry more than one sack thanks to his new wound.

>>7484154

Go as fast as we can with the reagents then.

>>7484159
Well, bumpan. Personally I don't want to derail the quest, but at this point it might be a good idea to get the hell out of dodge before they arrest you and execute you for being a freaky deaky weirdo. It'll give you a head start on being an outlaw wizard I think.

>>7484159
You make to the barracks, and go into the captain's room. You give him the reagents, he thanks you, and sends Brandon out.

He smokes out of his pipe. "Why does Dan say you raped him? Why does Brandon say you where carrying bags of reagents to an abandoned basement? You've been acting more strange than usual since you got back form vacation. You better start explaining - now."

Im getting the feeling Mike might be the BBEG.

So going and hearing what happened when he escaped would be a good way to learn what he is capable of.

Also, If worse comes to worse we can blow a hole in a wall in the guard house and escape from there.

>>7484263
Tell a big story concerning how you innocently touched some crystal or something (don't acknowledge in the story that it was magical, make it so you're naive and blameless like) and now you hear voices telling you to do weird things.

Rolling for bluffing or so that he'll believe the story.

rolled 14 = 14

>>7484263

Roll for bluff.

"The notes we found indicated a conspiracy," Show boss original note "I felt it best to move everything out as quickly as possible to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands. Since Mike seems to be involved, I'd say I was right"

I'll let someone who was here explain why we didn't really rape Dan.

>>7484296
er fuck

>>7484296

Let's admit to as little as we can. We don't want to tell him about magic just yet.

>>7484296
>>7484300
"A crystal? Where is this crystal?" He looks at you. You can tell he is not convinced. "Perhaps, if you are really hearing voices, you need to see the Temple." I shouldn't have to tell you that visiting a medieval temple and being treated (nonmagically) for a mental illness would not be pleasant.

"As for this conspiracy, I thank you, but at the moment I am more concerned about you. How can I stop anything if my guards are raping eachother and performing heinous acts of magic? If you want to have sex with men, go ahead, but RAPING another GUARDSMAN?" He shakes his head.

rolled 3, 9, 16 = 28

>>7484263
FUCK

WHY DID WE GO BACK?!

we should have left when we had the chance

bluff about the dan thing, tell him the reagents are evidence and CAST ERECTION

rolled 3 = 3

>>7484333
Rolling for seduction

rolled 19 = 19

>>7484340
NOW CAST ERECTION

>>7484340

Lets try to fix this Dan situation first.

We were both fracking drunk and at the time Dan consented.

In fact it was probably his idea.

Thoughts?

rolled 9 = 9

take
>>7484362
instead of
>>7484357

Say, "I HAVE been coming on to him, But would i really rape the only guy who actually laughs at my jokes and generaly acts like a nice guy to me? I mean just yesterday we went drinking, He was so drunk he couldn´t even walk, So i got him a inn room and left him there, I even hired a guy who stood watch over the room, Seemed like a nice guy he had some robes on so couldn´t really see his face though. All with my own damn money i might add."

"And the regeants? I was carrying them back here, Unforunatly i felt a bit dazed after fighting so i had to go grab some food to regain some strength."

"If you fire me, I won´t hold you against me, But don´t act like this is all my fault, Jared charged on his own and i fucking tried to save Shaun, But you know what? Im not fucking Mage who can magically fix everything."

"HELL, Do think we could have taken that Stronghold without me goin Psyco?"

>>7484333

"Look, we were both drunk, I mistook what he wanted. I probably should have handled it differently today, but I was hoping to avoid this by playing it off as a joke"

>>7484362
On who? You or the captain? And with what, your hands, or through one of the wands, or through the rod?

>>7484367
Roll for diplomacy. Or bluffing, or whatever.

>>7484397
on the captain through the rod

let's see how he likes his cock spontaneously exploding

rolled 15 = 15

>>7484397
>>7484409

There's a time for raping and a time for lying to cover up the rape. This is the latter. Rolling for bluff.

>>7484409
"You gave him a blowjob, fucked him in the ass, and then blew spooge all over his face, before running out. If that is your idea of a JOKE, than I think I will be taking you to the temple.
>>7484409
Y/N?

>>7484426
Nice bluff

rolled 4, 19, 5, 14 = 42

>>7484382

Rolling for Rants, One roll for each part.

>>7484435
>>7484435
I ALREADY ROLLED, GIVE ME MY GODDAMN COCK EXPLOSION

>>7484435
>>7484426

Let's not attack our boss until we have no other options.

"Oh at the time it was serious, when I sobered up I realized what he might think I just wanted a way to let it go gracefully"

>>7484469
fuck diplomacy

HE HAS EVIDENCE OF US COMING ON A GUYS FACE

WE BLOW HIS COCK OFF AND RAPE HIM

rolled 15 = 15

>>7484469

Again, lets not attack the guy.

Rolling for another bluff.

rolled 17 = 17

>>7484435

"I did? Honestly i can´t remember at all, It´s all blurry, I was drunk too you know, and you know my ass is sore too, So im pretty sure he returned the "favour."

>>7484487
again, he seems to have stated that diplomacy isn't going to work here

OFF WITH HIS COCK

IN WITH OURS

>>7484497
Raping the head of the guards in abuilding full of guards with guards just outside isn´t really going to help us.

The captain seems very calm at the moment-- one would think he would be rather upset and have guards arrest you on sight.

Perhaps... HE WANTS US!

>>7484362
my erection roll was higher then all of your bluffs

C'MON, OFF WITH THE COCK

>>7484508
it will when he bleeds to death from having all his blood shoot out of the stump that was his cock

we'll say it was some crazy reaction to the reagents

>>7484426
He nods "If you had been sober, I would have had you fired immediately. But you where drunk. I am docking your weekly pay and prohibiting you from drinking for a month. If anyone catches you drunk or drinking, even if it is a glass of wine, you will be in big trouble. You will apologize to Dan. Also, I am setting you to paperwork for the next week." You groan. Paperwork SUCKS DICK. Boring.

"Now, we must talk about these voices. If they are truly causing you to perform magic, you NEED to go to the Temple for treatment. I should imprison you, for it is possible the magic has already tainted your mind." (common superstition: magic drives you insane)

>>7484512
If the situation becomes more dire, or the others consent to it, we will cast the spell. Just stick with it.

>>7484534
gah, see? this all could have gone over so much better

ah well

are we being escorted to the temple or can we sneak to our basement for a few hours

if I'm not mistaken, didn't we get a bag of reagents or two back there?

if so let's go practice, the more powerful we are, the sooner we can become the wizard worthy of the title KYLE THE GREAT and get revenge on Dan for not enjoying the rape we so kindly delivered him

rolled 2, 17 = 19

Ask boss to help us talk with Dan, Say that we have tried talking about it already, But that he refuses to talk to us at all.

Also ask if there are any legal spellcasters that might be able to help you. Say that you might feel better after talking to someone who was in the same boat.

rolled 9 = 9

>>7484534

"I'd rather not visit the temple just yet. A stretch of paperwork away from tense situations should be enough to let me get my focus back. If I'm still hearing voices I'll go to the temple at the end of the week"

A quiet week should allow us to practice our magic, recover and find a new room to see where we can study in secret.

>>7484534
Tell him you can fight fire with fire, there's rogue mages in the city and you're the only thing that can stop them. Ready to bluff if needed.

Ask what happened with Mike.

>>7484567
You are not being sent to the Temple...yet. You feel the Captain does not believe your voices story and is merely using the temple as a threat.
>>7484571
Captain says he will call Dan in.
To make Kyle not look like a fool, I'll go ahead and answer the second question - there are no legal spellcasters, magic is illegal. Period. There are rumors that the King has court magi, or even that he knows magic himself, but they are unverified.

>>7484594

Our new goal, Find the King/Court magicians. Try to get on good foot with them.

>>7484594
then let's head to the basements with what reagents we managed to snag and spend the rest of the day practicing

also, we sleep in there tonight

no need to get father involved in our raping another guy

>>7484592
He waves his hand "I do not want to talk about that traitor. I don't know if it was him who killed the other guards, or another prisoner, but he ran when the rest of them ran regardless. I wasn't going to keep him in there long, and the jailers had orders to treat him very well." He shudders. "That place was a mess. The guards were not just killed, they where butchered. Some of the corpses didn't even look like they came from humans, with the amount of damage that had been done to them.

>>7484615
Ask him if he thinks that there might have been mages involved, Say that you have been sensing the Voices to tell you to go to mike, and that they get louder whenever Mike is involved.

Make a suggestion that you think that maybe Mike is involved in your situation.

>>7484615
Mike wouldn't do that! There was something worse in that prison, he's either captive or already dead (or werewolf food).

>>7484615
ask him if there's any sign of where they went and ask if you can be involved because you feel partially responsible

>>7484668

I still think we should hang back, wait, and practice.

We're very close to the edge as it is.

>>7484668
mike did do a pretty good job of beating the shit out of us when we last confronted him

maybe he's just an incredibly angry drunk

>>7484676
>>7484668
>>7484649
He cuts you off as you begin to talk about Mike. "Mike is not the problem right now. We will find him, interrogate him, and if he is responsible, we will execute him. YOU are the problem at hand now. Once we settle this matter about your illegal practices, you will apologize to Dan, and then you will begin your paperwork. I don't want you to leave the barracks without an escort."

>>7484707
Yeah we threw him into the drunk tank for a reason though, unless he has an incredibly slow metabolism I think he'd be sober by now.

>>7484724
now can we blow his cock off?

>>7484585
Going with this for now. The Captain agrees. You are to stay in the barracks unless escorted, doing paperwork. After a week, he will ask you if your 'voices' have cleared.

Do you wish to apologize to Dan? Or blow the man's cock off?
>>7484739
<3

>>7484724
I say blow his cock off, and then before he starts screaming, we stuff our invisibal rock in his mouth to stifle it

then the dance called rape begins

>>7484739
Seconded, all in favour say aye

>>7484724

Nod. "I understand sir."

>>7484739

No. Let's just get through this. Maybe if we roll well on our apology we can reel Dan back in.

that's two for blow his cock off

we already have a 19

then we stuff the rock into his mouth and do that thing we love to do

>>7484773
>>7484768
>>7484760
I feel obligated to remind you that last time you cast a spell through the rod, it had to 'charge'.

>>7484789
you also said the casting time was the same length

or does that mean that it has to charge between uses?

>>7484782

We're about to get away with everything. Let's get away with it, then find new shit to wreck!

rolled 10 = 10

>>7484739

No, Bu we should cast ERECTION(Small,Without any Rod) on Dan when he enters without anyone noticing we are casting it, Then generally act regretful, If he says "YOU SAID IT WAS ALL A DREAM!" say that you said that "It was like a Dream." And say that you always loved him from afar and when he made the suggestion you couldn´t resist, Say that you thought he was aware of what he was doing and that you though he finally loved you back after all these years, Then break down and cry.

It should work.

>>7484803
I wouldn't call severe punishment and a huge handicap to our mobility "getting away with it"

I'd call raping a man while he rapidly bleeds to death and sneaking out "getting away with it"

>>7484793
The casting time on the WANDS was the same length. The ROD had to charge. Remember the humming and the runes glowing?

>>7484817
good

we cast the spell but keep the rod concealed, as it's charging we say

"You know what, I did rape Dan. And I almost raped Mike too. I told him to fuck off and he went and did all of this. I'm responsible for all this, and do you know why?

"Because I'm sick of taking all of your shit. So it's YOUR TURN to TAKE SOMETHING ELSE"

THEN BLOW HIS COCK OFF.

>>7484849

How do we know it will blow his Cock off, Rather then make him become like a Tripod. I say the plan is pretty risky, We don´t wanna reward the asshole after all.

>>7484849
Fine.

You say this, and his eyes widen. he becomes aware of the humming, and his eyes widen. "By the gods..." he goes for his sword.

You point the rod at him. The humming stops and the rod stops glowing. You see horror dawn on his face. Then, you hear a small, wet popping sound, and the Captain's breeches instantly darken with blood. before he can scream, you pull your rock out of your pocket, shove it in his mouth, and gag him with some cloth you have in your pocket.

Tears stream down the old man's face. What do you do?

>>7484817

Can't we do it without him noticing? You know.. turn around, let it charge a bit, then spin and point.

Like the wizard we are.

>>7484870

Rape him, Might aswell go the whole lenght.

>>7484865
it made minor explosion blow a hole in a building

if erection simply gives you an erection, then there's no way the human penis could survive THAT MUCH blood flowing into it

even if his cock doesn't blow off, something like a heart attack or at least HUGE AMOUNTS OF PAIN should result

worst comes to worst we just proved our own insanity and don't have to stay in the barracks

rolled 16 = 16

>>7484870

Rape him, to death.
Take over his position as Captain.

>>7484870
YES

RAPE UNTIL HE'S VERY OBVIOUSLY DEAD

be quiet about it

if you hear anyone coming, drag his body and yours under the desk

>>7484870

RAEP TIEM NAO!

Also, Make sure to mock him about losing his dick... ALOT.

>>7484878
>>7484892
You pull down the Captain's pants. Looking at his shattered cock and balls makes you squirm, so you turn him over. You proceed to rape him in the ass. Hard. There is no lube at first, so it kinda hurts, but soon enough there is enough blood on your cock to keep the friction down. After you cum in him, what do you do? I don't think 'raping to death' is a viable option.

>>7484892
no, kyle

we are the criminal scum

>>7484912

Yes it is.
Penis goes in eyes, nose, ears, and chest cavities.

>>7484912

Tell him, "NOW DIDN`T THAT FEEL GOOD?" Then write BITCH in blood.... On his back.

>>7484930
Roll 1d20.

>>7484912
losing that much blood that fast would kill any man about as fast as slitting his throat, he shouldn't have long

I say we look him in the eyes and watch him bleed out

rolled 17 = 17

>>7484935

DON'T TRY TO STOP ME!

rolled 9 = 9

>>7484935
OR SKULLFUCKING

TELL HIM WE LOVE HIM WHILE WE DO IT

rolled 10 = 10

>>7484953
YES

>>7484953

Yes! We are growwwwinnngggg more POWERFUL!

>>7484953
Jamming your cock forcibly into his eye, you severely damage it. You start trying to jam it in his ear, when he suddenly stops making noise and struggling. You check his pulse - he has died.

What do you do? Your spear and club are just outside the door. The reagents are in here. You still have your wands and rod.

>>7484968

Can we use the rod to cast Illusion to hide the body?

Or on ourself so we can collect our reagents and weapons, and leave.

>>7484968

Leave message for Dan, Write "If i didn´t love you you would have ended up this way too... BE SEEING YOU SOON! LOVE, KYLE THE GREAT!"

rolled 10, 6 = 16

>>7484968
let's use the rod and cast teleportation

I know we haven't practiced, but at this point what's the worst that could happen?

that, or we waltz out as if nothing ever happened

my vote goes to whatever die is higher

>>7484982

No one knows we Destroyed the captain yet.
Are we next in command? Could we take over from him?

>>7484991
Taking over from the captain sounds better than teleporting ourselves to a random lava pit.

rolled 2 = 2

>>7484988
Rolling for teleportation in case

>>7485008

Now we're definitely not trying teleportation.

>>7484982
You place it on the captain's body.
>7484981
You aren't sure what minor illusion will do when magnified. You opt to try it on yourself. If you cast it on the body, how will Dan know what your talking about if all he sees is a note?

The rod charges, and you feel...cool. And tingly. You look at your hands. Or you try to. You and your current possessions are completely invisible. However, you notice that focusing on this spell is taking a lot out of you, and quickly. Make up your mind, what are you doing?

>>7485003
>>7484991
take over?

as far as I can remember, we aren't a very high ranking guard, I don't think we'll be next in line

the casting illusion on ourselves and sneaking out is a better idea

try to illusion our way out, or just until we can find a disguise or something, perhaps

>>7485008
Oh my fuck yes, keeping with the spirit of the quest. Me like.

>>7485025

Collect reagents, snag weapons, leave.

rolled 2, 6 = 8

>>7485025

Get out of here fast like hell.

Roll1= Running Speed, Roll2= Keeping Illusion Up.

>>7485025
GRAB ALL OUR SHIT AND GO

get as close as we can to our basement hideaway or at least to a nice, big cloak we can wear until we get there

>>7484991
The captain is appointed by the governor of the town. Good luck convincing him.
>>7485020
You don't know at all how to cast the spell. You don't even know what reagents you need, let alone if you have them.

>>7485038

Not homosexual enough. Therefore low rolls.

rolled 9 = 9

>>7485061

roll one is for maintaining the illusion while thinking about Mike's cock

>>7485042
>>7485038
>>7485031
Dan, Brandon, and Roger are playing cards at the table. They stare as they see the door open on its own. You pick up the sacks, your club, and spear. These objects appear to be floating in midair. Then Dan exclaims "LOOK AT THE CAPTAIN!". They can see a pants-less, bloody corpse. They grab their weapons. Dan runs by you, towards the captain, and the other two stare as they watch three sacks, a club, and a spear float towards the door. Roger leaps forward, towards the door as if to block it, but you reach it first and run out. Once the door is closed, you release the illusion with a heavy sigh. That took a LOT of work. You begin to run towards your basement. No one seems to be following you.

rolled 14 = 14

>>7485081

Roll for maintaining the illusion while thinking about the Captain's exploding genitals.

rolled 19 = 19

>>7485088
>>7485081
>>7485038

gods, I love you, Kyle

>>7485084
You make it to the basement. I'm making a new thread now, as this seems like a good 'finishing point' for this one. Give me a couple of minuets to make the new thread and archive this one.

rolled 7 = 7

>>7485084

Do they know where our basement is?
If so... it's moving time. Temporarily.
Maybe we can find a cushy job casting erection on male patrons at a club somewhere.

>>7485084

Go to Dans house, no one will think of looking there, And we need to "thank" Dan for telling on us.... And that means rape him... again.

>>7485102

Proclamation of homosexual love for Kyle gains the highest roll of them all.

*heart*

>>7485107
all witnesses must die

I say we leave Dan last

So basically we have made enemies out of some mages and now the guards too?

>>7485120
basically, KYLE THE GREAT CONTINUES TO PROVE HIS GREATNESS

if only in the field of rape

>>7485120

Nein! Those mages will see that we were using it as ploy to decapitate the guard by killing its leadership and raping most of the members.

At least that's what our Bluff roll will tell them.
Not as if it isn't true, anyway.

It´s KYLE VS THE WORLD.
MAGE? GUARD? IT`S ALL THE SAME TO HIM!
No one is safe from his Cock... I mean, Wrath.

NEW QUEST: >>7485175

>>7485156
We are Kyle the Great!

And we wield a cock NAMED Wrath!

Goddamnit, /tg/, ehen did you became so gay?