CHARACTER LIST WAS AS FOLLOWS:
My character was a CN Dwarf rogue named Melchoir; an ex-trapper employed for a fur company working in a jungle who settled down to start a tobacco farm. Everywhere he went, he carried snuff, cigars, gutka, and always his favorite, handcarved pipe. He sported a stylish red silk hat, a dirty blond, heavily waxed handlebar moustache, a fur cowl and black sunglasses to keep the damned sun out of his eyes.

My brother was a one-handed half-orc barbarian named Grop. He lived in the mountains, and hunted goats with a crude sword attatched to his stump, in homage to the Evil Dead which we watched the previous day.

My friend had a plaguebearer (plaguebringer? I don't recall the name) Elf druid named Magcayrn, who had small fire elemental as her familiar. She was rejected by the circle she lived in and swore revenge on all trees. Fucking trees!

And here's where the insanity starts:

The DM's girlfriend had some weird rainbow mage wizard otter centaur thing. Naturally, it came as no surprise that she was a furry. However, thank god though, she was utterly useless and just sat in the corner and didn't do shit during the game. Disaster averted.

Some girl I don't know was playing a halfling monk who took a vow of nonviolence, a vow of abstinence, a vow of poverty and a vow of purity. She didn't know how to RP for shit, which wouldn't be so bad if she didn't actually try to. Oh boy, I'll get to her later.

Why does your furry DM and girlfriend sound like a furry DM girlfriend combo I played with a few months ago?

Our adventure started with Malchoir being summoned into a chamber filled a mile high with books. An ancient human wearing a mitre and robes was poring through some scriptures, and without looking up, beckoned me to him. I was confused, naturally, since I was just on the road to a local chasm-city with my wares to trade in exchange for some delicous dwarven mead and a companion for the night. All I saw was a brief flash, without warning, and wham, there I was. Worried about my goods being ransacked by ruffians, or worse, those mercenaries I hired to protect my cart, I demanded to know what was going on. The man told me to wait for the rest to show up. One by one, the entire party materialized. A massive, fur-clad barbarian shouted at the wizard, saying "GROP NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENING! GROP KILL OLD MAN IF NOT EXPLAIN!" The wizard finally puts his book down and squints at us through his glasses. "I gathered you heroes from different worlds because I need help stabalizing reality". Naturally, my characters first reaction was panicking. "I'm no hero, only a simple farmer" I object, trying to weasel my way out of DESTINY. "Why on Earth would you need someone like us"?, and he replies "BECAUSE IN THE FUTURE YOU WILL BE GREAT HEROES FOR SAVING ME SO THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT YOU HERE TO SAVE THE WORLD". Prophecy ex machina. So the massive yellow orcman mountain starting cussing the wizard off, since he had just found a massive, delicous swine that would be his dinner. The halfling monk (with the vow of poverty) asked the wizard if there would be any reward for helping him, and he replied that he would pay us a kings ransom for our assistance. His briefing for our first mission went like this: There was a world in peril, and that we would find the problem if we looked hard enough. That's it. And without us being able to eek another word in protest, he teleported us away with another flash of light, so bright it knocked us out. Fucking wizards.

When I came to, I found myself in a sort of prison, with the walls and floors made of polished steel. The bars were red-hot laser beams that were shot out of enchanted crystals, which, even with my dwarfiness, I wasn't able to make out what kind of gem these were. There was naught but a slate to be used as a bed and a latrine, and across the hall I saw the weathered Elf hag from before, who was also waking up. Down the hall, I hear an angry shout,"[b]GROP HATE THIS PLACE[/b]", a clatter and a painful scream. [B]GROP[/B] pulled the toilet out of its foundation and threw it at the laser, burning himself in the process. We spent literally almost an hour trying to get out of this place, trying everything from taking off our clothes, soaking it in the toilet and using it as a makeshift whip to try to dislodge the gems. There were no secret exits, no explination as to where we were, and every time our group said we'll just give up and wait, he urged us to find a solution.

>most retarded
Well cometition on /tg/ is quite high

Oh fuck, one of these GMs.

"Honestly, there's a solution! I know you've tried every conceivable method to solve this problem and they've all failed, but there IS a solution to it!"

Do continue, old chap.

>>12853793
>cometition
i mean no offense but that is some delicious irony

Naturally, most of us were getting pretty angry from boredom, and we began shouting to each other down the hall, trying to find a way to get out. Any attempt to simply leave left us in great pain, and all of my teammates magical spells seemed to be ineffective. To our luck, the elf hag had a small fire elemental hidden in her coat that could pass through the bars unharmed, so she commanded it to go find something that can free us, all whilst scrying on the little bastard. According to her, there were two men armed with plasma rifles down the way, and though the elemental burned bright, it seems they couldn't see it through their helmets. And after a fucking hour of fruitless waiting, an hour of assuming no one would show up to help us or explain whats going on, our elemental found the switch to open the door... On a steel wall 9 feet up. And immediately afterwards, it was captured in a jar by a woman. The thing was, our DM began describing this girl with her attractiveness stat, which was 18, and spends like two minutes describing her boobs. Here's where things started getting confusing. This woman, named Kiki, claimed she was cop, and that she found us all in her apartment, with the door locked and all of us unconcious, and she took us to prison until we could regain our concousness (WHAT). Now she wanted to know what in gods name we were doing in there. Wolverine man told her we were summoned there by a wizard, and she was like DURR MAGIC DONT EXIST IN THE FUTURE AND ALSO YOU'RE NOT REALLY DWARVES AND ORCS YOU ARE GENETICALLY MODIFIED PEOPLE. Hrm. She kept pressing the issue until we ended up having to lie about being a circus troupe that got drunk while coming to town, and happened to break into her apartment thinking it was an inn. I rolled a 17, but since the rest of my group was willing to cooberate my story the DM gave me a few bonuses.

>>12853799
We had a DM like this once.

At first, we described it as having to jump through hoops to get anywhere. Then it became jumping through hoops in a particular order in a room full of hoops, some of which are dummy hoops. Then it became jumping through hoops in a particular order, in a room full of hoops with some dummy hoops that'd reset your attempt, and the hoops were all invisible. Then: the hoops were on fire too.

man this stuff makes me scared of doing /tg/ with strangers

This is the point where you should have beat the shit out of the DM and taken whatever was in his wallet to pay for your ferry ride back.

A halfassed excuse, to be sure, but she ate it up, and apparently that was enough to get us free, if we were willing to take care of a problem for her. See, there was a rather large gang of ruffians who lived in the the neighborhoods nearby. Naturally, she placed her trust on strangers such as ourselves, strangers she found in her apartment, confused and lost in a bizarre world filled with flying cars, plasma guns, laser prisons and massive steel towers, armed with swords, staffs and crossbows, to take down a massive criminal syndicate. I wanted to punch the DM.

Kiki, told us that she needed the leader of this gang dead, and we would be dragged by the literal collar around town until we ended his ass. Metal collars rigged with C4, to be precise, were latched to our throats, and Kiki claimed that using these collars she could scry on us, and if need be, kill us in a fiery explosion because she was a cop in the future (cue wall-banging), She then told us to begin searching for the gang leader in one of the four hideouts the bandits use: A massive storage building, a massive gambling house, a massive brothel or the leaders apartment itself, but first to rendezvous with a trained agent that's infiltrated the highest ranks in the criminal organization so that we can get close to this guy to kill him rather then have him sully his conscience. Naturally, the DM paused the game for about 5 minutes so he could draw a picture of the gang leader in MSPaint, a pink haired latino wearing a green bandanna. The rage is building.

>>12853835

The description I got from a friend who had to deal with a DM like this went "It was like playing Sherlock Holmes in a sensory deprivation tank."

>you are being monitored.jpg

also

>brothel

we all see where this is going

>>12853835
>>12853901

I like to refer to it as a "fuck this" sort of situation. The DM eventually threw a hissy fit in my case and told us what to do after 2/3 PC's were unconscious.

Making the DM throw a hissy fit has been the most common way of moving the plot forward. This reflects on the quality of the game.

Afterwards, she returned to us our now seemingly archaic weaponry, no money, and our out of place clothing, and beckon us gone. We stepped out into the foul stench of an industrial city, flying cars everywhere, and we couldn't even get a ride to our contact, who was staying at a house a block away from the gang leader's building. So, seeing no choices, we went our merry way to the run down yellow house the contact was staying at. Once inside, our contact gave us the same information Kiki gave us: The gang leader is either in the Casino, Brothel, Warehouse or his Apartment. The DM kept trying to get us to go to the brothel through this contact, but, being the crusader for decency that I am, I kept insisting that maybe looking for a single guy in any one of four massive buildings is a bad idea, when instead we can wait for him to go home, where we know he'll be tonight. Oh, did I mention we had a time limit? If we couldn't find the guy, outfight and outmaneuver his minions and kill him within 8 hours, kaboom.

So, while we were waiting for night to fall so we can jump the guy (We couldn't enter the building, about 10 thugs guarding the entrance, and we didn't want to alert the guy if we had to fight our way through) I decided to try and learn a little bit about this world by visiting the home of gossip, a bar. Of course, as soon as I enter, the guy starts yelling at me, saying they don't serve no Moddies. Moddies. Goddamn it. I go back to the group and say, welp, we're in a world populated by humans, and our clearly nonhuman party probably can't even get a drink around here. GROP starts to cry barbarian tears. The halfling, who's barely said a word, asks me what Moddies are, and I tell her that I guess they're magically enhanced humans. OOC, I have to explain to her that it's like, people getting surgeries to look like other things, since she had trouble getting it into her head. Finally, I tell her,"Look, it's like, if you wanna have a raptors face, you'd go to a doctor and he'd surgery you up a raptors face". Then she went off on her own to find a doctor to make her a raptor face.

Please continue, elegan/tg/entlmen.

>Then she went off on her own to find a doctor to make her a raptor face.

God dammit, that is hilarious.

bump for more

So, it's just Malchoir, GROP, Magcayrn and magical rainbow ottertaur who did nothing waiting for the sun to set. I learned I could trade the gold pieces I had at a nearby pawnshop for paper cash, after learning what the function of paper cash was, but the DM wouldn't allow me to buy any weaponry or items, because "Future technology would be too OP for the rest of this campaign". So, nothing to do, we hid and waited for any sign of the gangster. Apparently, we were exhausted too, and needed some rest, otherwise we'd take penalties from the ensuing fights. So, me, the orc and the druid decided to take a nap in a massive, sterile blue container while the ottertaur stood watch behind some garbage cans. The DM described it like it was a shipping container. It wasn't.

An hour of napping, and we wake up to the container being lifted by a hovering garbage truck. Yep, we fell asleep in a future dumpster. And when I saw we woke up, I mean everyone except for me. I keep snoozing, as everyone gets out of the container and I'm lifted onto the garbage truck, still asleep. GROP panics when he sees me fall in, and without thinking, he runs into the garbage truck, and decapitates the driver. We're now about 6 hours into the game, and the first fight we had was with a garbageman. Magcayrn, naturally, is pissed off at the orc for making such a scene in front of the guards, when he could have simply told the garbageman what was going on, and avoided what was about to happen. See, this was a hovering truck, and instead of a steering wheel and dashboard, it got around using a series of buttons. GROP, being a dumb barbarian, pushes down, assuming that'll dump the garbage out on the street. But no, the DM has to make it difficult, and down was meant to represent forward. He runs the truck into a building at 10 miles an hour. He's okay, and again, I fail on my roll to wake up. And so, he hits another button. Now, the truck is rising into the air and spinning. GROP, panicking, smashed the console, causing the truck to flip out and start doing barrel rolls. I fell 600 feet to my death. GROP, though used to the mountains, wasn't used to going up so fast, and had a sort of orcy panic attack coupled with the fact that a nice dwarf just died that kept him from doing anything. The party never saw GROP again.

The next week, our DM demanded we do the campaign again from the beginning, this time with two more players, so they can get involved with the story. And like a pair of idiots, me and my brother showed up again. And I'm glad I did. It was worth it. It was hilarious. It was GLORIOUS.

>The next week, our DM demanded we do the campaign again from the beginning, this time with two more players, so they can get involved with the story.
Hahaha, fuck that shit
>I didn't want to go. My brother didn't want to go.
right on
>Like a pair of idiots, we showed up again.
OH SHIT NIGGER WHAT ARE YOU DOING
>And I'm glad we did. It was worth it. It was hilarious. It was GLORIOUS.
BRACING FOR EPIC

continue please.

>and swore revenge on all trees. Fucking trees!

>And here's where the insanity starts:

>insanity starts AFTER the elf wanting revenge on trees and goat-hunting sword-stump half-orc

facepalm.png.tar.gz

FUCKING CONTINUE FUCK IT GAAAAA

Goddamn furries.

>>12853995
Poor GROP D:

>>12854025

I think GROP turned out juuuust fine. As luck would have it the crashing of the dumpster jolted the explosive collar and deactivated its trigger mechanism. Grop was found by a future world tv magnate who decided to give Grop his own reality holovid show in which Grop travelled the world killing and devouring delicious and endangered animals. He has since retired to a spacious mansion in Beverly Hills and has a successful blog.

>>12854043
Hell yes, Grop hunting Snakes on a plane and then eating them! You go, Grop!

>>12854043
"dis iz a endag endang... rare goat fing with 3 heads, now if i smack it like dis and gut him the meat iz really tasty"

if the show is how i imagined here it would be the best tv ever

Two new players: A guy who's never played DnD before, and didn't give a shit about this laughable joke of a plot, and the DMs dad, a massive comic book nerd. Me and my brother decided, fuck it, this campaign is retarded, might as well have some fun; So we made twin Minotaur paladins who prescribe to the faith of Meatadology, a pair of holy cows who glorify propane in all its forms, gaseous and liquid. To compound on the silliness, the new guy, who was essentially dragged to the game because he needed to kill a few hours before his friends were ready to head up to the mountains for some SNOWBOARDING, decided to, brace yourself, play as Dwight Schrute from the office. Except now, he could absorb paper and wood into his peg-leg and spit it back out as wooden blocks. Fucking awesome. And the DM's dad, well, he was playing Wolverine. Yeah. That Wolverine. Retarded? Yes. Awesome? Fuck yeah.

So we start from the beginning, blah blah wizard, blah blah prison kiki everything is the same as last time. Everyone else is still playing as their old characters, and were all pretty fatigued by this guy. Immediately after starting, Monk girl goes out to try to find a surgeon to make her a raptor face. The rest of us decide to finally check out the brothel, at the DMs insistence. It was pretty much what we imagined; Furry girls and naked FILTH. My brother comes in and starts intimidating the girl behind the counter, screaming at her to give him viagra; he gets horse viagra. Walks around the rest of the game with a massive erection. It's okay, it's the future, they have no decency. Meanwhile, Dwight is using his salesman skills to persuade the girl at the counter to buy a couple of paddles he made from a couple books he absorbed from the wizard when he wasn't looking, giving him a nice fat wad of cash. Wolverine coerces information out of the secretary for information about the gang, and it turns out that the leaders right hand man was currently a "client".

My brother, filled with the spirit of GROP, completely annihilated the door with his hammer, and storming in with a massive cow erection, he begins screaming at the top of his lungs about his holy crusade.

>>12854063
>dm's dad

i'm expecting some shit slapping now...

>>12854070
You'd be surprised, he's actually a pretty chill guy


The thug is terrified, even more so when the cow throws his massive 2-handed hammer into his face. "JUSTICE IS COMPLETE" he screams at the hooker, cowering in the corner. Of course, at this point, I'm in the hallway, blocking the path with my minotaur girth and taking a couple of gunshots from a group of thugs. I manage to take about 3 down before my brother begins barreling down the hallway, horns first, and gores me in the back. We're trapped inside of each other for 3 combat turns while Wolverine took care of the rest of the guys. We manage to come across a thug, bleeding but alive, and we demanded to know where his leader is. This mexican motherfucker mumbles,"The casino, sublevel 5." We demand to know how we can get down there, and with his final breath, he replies, "White Power."

Facepalm.

>"JUSTICE IS COMPLETE" he screams at the hooker, cowering in the corner.

Using this line for my next Paladin

brilliant.jpeg

>but the DM wouldn't allow me to buy any weaponry or items, because "Future technology would be too OP for the rest of this campaign"

Sounds fun, but I miss grop in all this.

While all this is happening, Monk girl finds a surgeons office and tells him she wants a genetic makeover. The doctor tells her it would cost a lot of money if she's not covered by insurance, and she just starts whining that she'll do anything. Again, he tells her that if she doesn't have insurance or cash, she can't have the procedure done. She tells the doctor to wait while she goes and gets some money. The DM reminds her that she took the Vow of Poverty, and would lose its benefits forever if she willingly took money. She doesn't know where the party is, either, so she goes out to the park and wanders around for the rest of the game. Her epic saga is over.

So, okay. We travel to the Casino, a massive building; And yet, the actually gambling area was tiny. There was only one entrance into the building, so it's obviously a front for more shady activity. The only maintenance area we could see was an elevator, and it couldn't be called. Period. Where the buttons usually are, there was just a small hole with a red light. We tried everything to get the door open, all while trying to avoid being seen by casino security, patrons and gang members. Essentially a repeat of the prison scene. Finally, our druid manages to short circuit the elevator using water he summoned, which was enough to let my well endowed brother force the elevator open. Unfortunately, this caused a bunch of sparks, and part of the casino caught fire. The blaze was quickly extinguished, but in the ensuing scuffle with Casino security, Wolverine, who was trying to climb down the service ladder, lost his grip and fell down the shaft. When he hit the ground, 10 stories down, he was alive, but unconscious. Of course, he still had his regeneration abilities, so he would be okay, but then my brother came a tumbling down.

Causing piercing damage to Wolverine.

>>12854085

>>12854085
>mexican motherfucker
>White Power.

>>12854063
>new players
>the DMs dad, a massive comic book nerd
>still playing as their old characters, and were all pretty fatigued by this guy. Immediately after starting, Monk girl goes out to try to find a surgeon to make her a raptor face. The rest of us decide to finally check out the brothel, at the DMs insistence. It was pretty much what we imagined; Furry girls and naked FILTH.

>>12854112
Needs more cow dick.

Miraculously, Me and Dwight were able to stay out of the fight, and we managed to leave the casino without attracting suspicion, while rainbow ottertaur and the Plaguebringer discreetly climbed down to the two men stuck to each other. Figuring we should probably tell Kiki that this mission is retarded and that she's retarded, we started walking back to the police station a good 5 miles away. What happens next is the most glorious series of events that's possibly ever happened in any tabletop game ever.

Oh, by the way, it turns out that little elevator hole was a voice activator, and we were supposed to say "White Power" into it to get the elevator to come down. What the fuck?

Drugs were being made 10 floors underneath the casino; A meth lab, to be exact. A massive flammable meth lab. Our only truly conscious player, the druid, drags the two idiots downstairs, and seeing the lab, attempts to make potions to stabilize them. Enter the fire elemental, and suddenly shit gets real. Oh god, how real shit gets. The meth is ignited. Ammonia and petroleum explodes. And this tiny fire elemental absorbs the flame, swelling in size, before absorbing the entire floor, including the players. And it just keeps growing and growing.

And growing.

And growing.

The casino is swallowed up by the flames. Screams of agony abound deep within the churning body of the elemental. Wolverine is the first to die. My dear brother is charboiled to death. The C4 in their collars go off.

Our Plaguebringer now has a colossal sized fire elemental familiar that just swallowed up three city blocks.

>>12854111
>>Causing piercing damage to Wolverine.

Please tell me this wasn't caused by his horns.

>>12854111

>piercing damage

Yeah ok, I lol'd at that. A lot.

This wasn't in our Plaguebringer's plans. He was screaming apologies ans obscenities at his familiar, and while it was still under his control, he realized he needed to extinguish the familiar as fast as possible. He didn't want to kill anyone, he just wanted to make them suffer! And so, he formed a quick plan to dig deep underground using his familiar, since, I guess fire elementals can dig? Anyway, he dug as deep as possible into the city's infrastructure, hoping to hit a sewer or an underground river. The DM, realizing the campaign is fucked, finishes off with these immortal words: You hit a giant pocket of gas.

And with the ensuing explosion, Dwight and I walk into the police station, with the city behind us on fire, I put my shades on and said:

"So, we killed the guy for you."
And with that, we all unanimously decided to never to play DnD with this group ever again.

The End.

The furries were purged in fire.

All is as it should be.

>>12854152

Pretty entertaining read.

>>12854152
tearsofawesome.jpg

>>12854152
>"So, we killed the guy for you."

>>12854152

But that... I mean, supposing... why did he...

OH GOD MY HEAD IS FULL OF FUCK

>>12854135

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE

A+++

A triple fucking plus for that ending.

>>12854152
And that, my friends, is how assassination is done by incompetent or awesome parties in Shadowrun.
Or in this case, by retarded DMs using D&D when they should have played Shadowrun. Good story, FUTURE IS MADE OF FUCK anon. I lol'd heartily and will think of this at work today.

Yet another reason why I don't play DnD; It attracts the stupidest people.

You know how you can keep something rather exclusive by making entry dependent on intelligence? There is a reason GURPS is so 'unpopular'. There is also a reason you don't see as many furfag weirdo GMs for GURPS.

>>12854225
Stop talking. GURPS is much simpler to play than D&D. The reason GURPS isn't as popular is because it's not a satanic game used to attract children to the occult.

>I live in Seattle(Who here doesn't)
>[b]GROP HATE THIS PLACE[/b]
Hm...

>>12854152

Fuck yes OP, fuck yes.

>>12854112

What glories this will know.

I lol'd. As in laughter actually escaped my lips in a loud fashion. My roommate now thinks I'm retarded for laughing about erect minotaur dicks.

Thank you OP, thank you so much. I'll leave you with this as a reward, unless you don't like redheads.

>>12854152

This story made me laugh so hard, I'm spending the next 6 hours in hospital receiving a lung transplant.

Your brother makes the most awesome characters.

GROP and JUSTICE IS COMPLETE! Paladin should team up one day.

I'm laughing my head off at the cataclysmically-huge Fire Elemental laying waste to the future after this campaign ended prematurely. I thought that kind of thing only happened in Dark Heresy.

this is fucking hillarious.

>>12854566

Oh dear god.

>>12853997
>>I didn't want to go. My brother didn't want to go.
>right on

When did the OP ever type "I didn't want to go. My brother didn't want to go"?

This reminds me of a game of Ultima Online when my two stupid friends decided to duel with their elementals inside the town of Minoc. One summoned fire, the other water. When the water elemental hit the fire one, the fire one duplicated. And for some strange reason, keep replicating himself. So the fuckton of fire elementals killed my friedns, and the water elemental and ran rampart in Minoc, starting a clusterfuck by attacking the other players and they kept replicating!
Shit was so unreal, that someone called a MOD and he had to fucking purge Minoc of everything alive to end the elementals. This of course killed all the players in the city and their pets (horses and whatever). Which created a fucking epic baw on the fucking forums. It was the most stupid stunt ever, and it was glorious.

>>12853832
>Wolverine man told her we were summoned there by a wizard

This story doesn't add up.

I thought the guy who was playing Wolverine (the DM's dad) came in by the second session?

>>12854781
Second session was Redo from start.

Also: Holy shit that was fukken hilarious.

>>12854781
Well he's the Dm's dad some his son might have told him about it.

>>12854775
That doesn't even make sense. Shouldn't fire elementals be weak to water elementals?

Glorious story OP. Glorious.

>>12854797
Don't know. In Ultima Online water elementals casts lightning on people's heads. And like I said, the fire elemental started creating copies of himself. They do that, but not like that. The copy made a copy, and the copy of the copy made a copy. It was a glitch, but still it was amazing.

>>12854797
I'm pretty sure infinitely self-replicating fire elementals was a weird bug rather than a design decision.

>>12854797
That's was a bug. It was fixed on a patch.
Ultima Online was a game where you could pull shenanigans like that all the time. You could trick a dragon and made him chase you until you reach a town. And then the dragon would fucking rape you and generate aggro and start killing the shit of everyone.
My favorite was creating stone walls. You could block the way during a really really really huge amount of time and unless you or someone else dispels that shit, it will stay there. You could block peoples' houses doors, boats entrances or access to the bank. And when people can't access their banks, oh boy the shit gets real.

Circumcision removes about 75% of the nerve endings in the penis, and almost all the fine-touch receptors. It doesn't matter what you do, OP, it's going to feel better for him than for your last bf.

>>12854842
This makes me sad that I had this game but never got around to installing it

>>12854833
Yep. It was a fucking bug. Like a bug that made the guy that sell horses, to spawn infinitely number of horses out of the fucking nowhere. Soon the horses were occupying so much space, that people had to start killing them. And someone people were too weak to fight the horses (believe me horses were fucking though for starters), making the horses to start generating aggro and attacking the shit of everyone. And the vendor keep spawning horses. The Mods had to close the fucking server down. And remove the fucking vendor, until they could fix this shit. Oh Ultima Online. I miss you so much.

I love this thread so much.

>>12854883
Man shit like this is why Ultima was the greatest MMO ever.

"So you think your tough shit? I survived the plague of the horse vender."

>>12854844
Looks like you're in the wrong thread buddy.

GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD, OP

>>12854542
That's not a redhead.
Dyed hair != redhead.

:D
am i doin it rite?

I wish you took pictures, because I'd love to see your DM's face as the campaign ran aground in the most magnificent way imaginable. You and your brother need to do the whole Grop/Malchior dynamic again, shit's amazing.

Oh my...
And I thought that time when the wizard's party using water elementals against a sodium golem in a corridor was the epitome of player retardation.
Or when a dwarf fighter with full plate armor tried to use a pike for jump over a fortress stone wall...
Or the elf ranger using a mirror for deflect a beholder's disintegration ray killed the cleric...

man... this Ultima online seems a really cool place.

I am thinking of joining in. Are such awesome things still happening?

>>12855032

Can you honestly say that you care whether or not it's a real redhead?

Well done

>>12854883
INFINITE HORSE WORKS!

You are awesome and you should feel awesome.

>>12855658
That fucking face. How could anybody actually fap to this?

>>12856973
she has a face?

>>Your not doing it right.

>>12856973

There's a face?

>>12856973
Her face really isn't that bad. It's not the face of a model or a celebrity, but it's pretty much still very slightly above average, at least from that angle. From other angles she probably looks slightly below average. Still fappable, and physically she is potential girlfriend material or unachievable for most of us.

has this been archived?

Reminds me of one old dm that my group had. It was oWoD but we ended fighting the Matrix agents, the Protoss from Starcraft, the Aliens from the Aliens movies, Cain dressed up as Sephiroth from FF7, and my character married Luna - the spirit of the moon - who was just like that Sailor Moon character.

>>12858166
OP here, hell yes it has

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/12853680/

My brother sends his love, /tg/

TOASTING IN EPIC THREAD

>I live in Seattle (Who here doesn't)
wat

>>12858636
You might be surprised how many fa/tg/uys live in the Seattle area, and will admit to it while on /tg/.

Eh, i'm Redmond. Microsoft town :3

bump

>JUSTICE IS COMPLETE

>>12858658
while there might be a lot of fa/tg/uys in Seattle, i think that number of people is overwhelmed by all the fa/tg/uys that DONT live there.

Anyways, it was a fun story, OP, and you should feel good. Also, MOAR GROP, MOAR JUSTICE IS COMPLETE ! go an troll another bad group with that, /tg/ will love it.

rolled 22643 = 22643

All of this was awesome.

And god damn I want to play Ultima Online now.

>>12860882
Never meant to imply that wasn't the case.

bump!

I lol'd. Well done.

...this is fucking beautiful.

>>12858658
I don't live in Seattle, I live in Tacoma.

Fuck Seattle.

ITT: OP's GM gets D&D confused with Shadowrun, with terrible results.

>>12855032

Agreed. You need the redhead full package. Pale nipples, red head and red muff.

Damn. Reading that was like watching a NinjaRaptorMarine piss molten gold of glory, sucked from the sweet anus of Jesus.

Shorelinefag reporting. I know a couple people over the internet on Bainbridge. I hope to god that it's not one of them. That would just be sad.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ehh... could have been worse though, pic related could've been your furfag DM.

holy shit bump off page 15