Rape her.

And by "rape" I mean "noserub".

Boast in character. Claim the she should treat the champion of the Kobolds with more respect. If you don't have any accomplishments, make some up.

Well, it's not exactly manly to take out petty revenge. That's something like the women in an office do against each other. The only realistic way you have of proving your manliness is to find a situation where you can save her or stand up for her when she is vulnerable.

Problem, OP?

But seriously, challenge her to some sort of test that you'd be sure to win, she'd probably humor you because she doesn't take you seriously, so make sure to thoroughly trounce her, but don't rub it in. Earn your respect.

>elf barbarian
>lack of sensitivity toward atypical career path/race combinations

Treat her like a stereotypical woodsy prancey elf until she gets angry at you, then kick her in the shin and tell her that now she knows how it feels.

Find out where she could've gotten that kind of an attitude from in the first place. The campaign world doesn't have its own 4chan where elves and humans can squee about cutebolds, now does it? Kobolds are still ugly buggers IC.

>>12735287
Maybe she just likes ugly things?

Catch a neutral enemy alive, question it, and then use claws to rip out its throat after promising to let him live.

Pee on her leg. If she is going to treat your character like a dog act like one. I would say hump it but that would probably offend ooc.

It is kobold like to take out revenge in a way most sinister, traps, spikes, pits, the lot. use them.

Or just make a trap that will grab her by the foot with some rope and suspend her in the air for a bit, forget what they are called. Then threaten her with a pointy stick.

Maybe she likes Reptiles?

>>12735178
Are kobold lizard things or dog things in your setting?

>>12735334
Lizard. Back when they were dogs, elves couldn't be barbarians anyway.

flex your manly koboldness! Hit on her in a really disgusting piggish sorta way. See how she likes all that attention.

Tell her she would be an acceptable addition to your harem. She should be honored to be graced so by the future Dragon King.

Probably still gonna get hugged though.

Just grope her or grab her ass next time. It's as simple as that. If she still thinks it's cute, and wants hugs... WEll, that's what inter-species relationships are for.

Overcompensate: Be completely misogynistic.
Complain about her failures, e.g. hair, soft weak skin, lack of scales, egg-laying, trap-making, tunneling ability.

The player will think its cute, and thus won't be offended.
You'll drum up humorous party conflict, it'll be fun.

While this actually undercuts your character's manly dangerousness, the easiest way to re-acquire it is by being evil to NPCs. The cognitive dissonance of cute-but-actually-evil will make her brain hurt.

Also, don't forget to play up the fact that your moral code is alien.
The weak exist to be taken advantage of by the strong, etc. etc.
Express confusion or derision, and use argumentative fallacies when she attempts to discuss it with you:
You: "Why do the weak exist if I am not supposed to eat them?"
Her: "Good tree loveness."
You: "This is why elves die so easily. They do not even make good slaves, always crying and mourning grass."

Respect her strength (and so do not challenge her physically), but mock her weak unwillingness to use it.

This probably doesn't help you but I just love the idea of a deadly mercenary who is constantly undercut because of him being a cute little lizard. Seriously, I'd play along with it, sounds like a hilarious character concept

Yeah, just play along. Do what you do - setting up traps and shooting creatures with poisoned arrows and awkwardly deal with the fact that she thinks you're some sort of pet.

Yeah, roll with that shit. Could lead to heartwarming later on.

She's a barbarian, you're a fighter, and she thinks you're cute. Clearly this means she thinks you're strong - it's just that she's stronger.

She wishes to initiate courtship with you. Oblige.

>free elf hugs

wait, what's the problem here?

Also, you'll prove your manilness just fine when you save her arse in combat later on.

Is this the new version of elf rape wat do threads?

>>12735295

or likes reptiles, in general?

I mean, fuck, kobolds are basically reptile gobos in terms of general homour, so there you go.

>>12735427
Remember to leave dead animals in her sleeping bag. The exchange of food is a common courtship ritual, isn't it?

Really that sounds like an awesome story and you should totally roll with it. Just do your job. Try to be tough and independant. Help her out. Prove you're a tough kobold and in time she may come to respect you, while, in time, your little kobold may come to the realization that it's okay if one particular cute elf chick thinks he's adorable.

Basically that whole encounter is adorable and you should totally milk it for heartwearming and plot.

What alignment is your Kobold?

>>12735446
>you should totally milk it
Oh, the images that just went through my head...

>IMPLYING OP's PIC ISNT HUGGABLE

>>12735208And by "rape" I mean "noserub".


THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

while the elf is sleeping viciously noserub her

be even more startled when she laughs off this brutal sexual assault

>>12735440

I welcome this change, personally.

>>12735440
Kobold noserub wat do?

>>12735446

Even better when one day YOU have to tell her to buck up and toughen up when her confidence is shaken later on.

>>12735440
>>12735485
You're travelling in the wilderness when you come across a band of kobolds with a captive elf. The kobolds look lustful as they rub their muzzles against her nose and cheek, while she herself looks simply confused and slightly weirded out. Even as you watch, you can hear her starting to explain them what they really should do in this kind of a situation: every single kobold is completely shocked and horror-struck.

What do you do, /tg/?

>>12735523
>wake up
>grab first cigarette of the day
>check /tg/
>see this as the first post
Pic strongly related.

>>12735523
Disregard prisoner, hug kobolds.

>>12735523
I show the kobolds how it's done. By raping them.
... wait, there's an elf?

>>12735178
don't rape her anally.
that would make her butthurt

Apparently, there is a new rule for /tg/.
>Its not rape if its an elf.
Which, of course, we know to be self-evident.
The new rule:
>Its not rape if its a kobold's nose.
My day is substantially improved.

>>12735479

dammit that's a cute/terrible image

>>12735537

Hug kobolds.
Ask prisoner why she isn't hugging kobolds.
Demand she hug kobolds.

Kobold Hugs....

The reason that there are no Paragon level Kobolds?

>>12735581
There are no more hugs left in kobold.

>>12735581

A paragon of koboldom would be hugged eternally.

Every kobold that reaches that level of koboldness is taken up by a random goddess. To be hugged forever. And ever. And ever.

>>12735588

So let them watch as we decide the fate of all koboldkind.

>>12735594

Ioun does hugging experiments on kobolds.

>>12735588
Fuck you; I'm now stuck imagining a Kobold version of Protoman, complete with Dragon Wiley.
"There are no heros left in Snverbl'd!"
Fuck I am so running this campaign!

>>12735612
WE CAN LIGHT UP THE CAVES!!!

>>12735612
If you do, fucking.... 1,000,000 points to you, my good man.

>>12735588
>>12735608
>>12735612
>>12735638
This tribe's sleeping like a dwarf
trapped inside of an pit trap.
Magic can keep you breathing
but what happens when you find a new war's begun?
End the source and turn it off, you won't be able to breathe.
So either way you're a casualty.

I've got this burning like my veins are filled
with nothing but lamp oil.
And with a spark,
it's gonna be the biggest fire they've ever seen.
Cut me down or let me run,
either way it's all gonna burn...
The only way that they'll ever learn

We've got to end this

Slay the dragon

Light up the caves!

There is a spirit that these ‘heroes’ can't hide.
There are the embers of a fire that's gone out,
But I can still feel the heat in my soul
This mess we're in, well you and I,
maybe you and I,
We can still make it right.

Maybe we can bring back the light.

At the heart of the dungeon there is a dragon that looks down over all there is.
And the Lich in the tower controls it all without raising a single fist.
It's like they gathered up our people, they sold them to Asmodeus, and now
It's gone to hell and they wonder how.

>>12735656

Well, a friend once told me:
Men, they would follow any creature who would protect our home.
Now man is at our door; what would they do if we can no longer stay here?
If you destroy this places mind and heart, what you'll get is a broken machine.
A beacon of light to our people you see.

Light it up.
Light up the night.

Together:
There is a spirit that these ‘heroes’ can't hide.
There are the embers of a fire that's gone out,
But I can still feel the heat in my soul
This mess we're in, well you and I,
maybe you and I,
We can still make it right.

There is a spirit that these ‘heroes’ can't hide.
There are the embers of a fire that's gone out,
But I can still feel the heat in my soul
This mess we're in, well you and I,
maybe you and I,
We can still make it right.

There is a people that this dungeon can't hide
There is a fire that will burn through the hearts of my people, and we will stand in the light.
We will stand in the light,
You and I.
You and I.
We can bring back the dragon fire tonight.

You're trying to understand, I told you your egg brother had been killed,
Yet here he stands in the very shadow of the dragon you came here to destroy.
You came here to avenge His burning, you came here to save Koboldkind...
Can you see now, you cannot do both?

Tell me now, is there a reptile among you here,
Is there no one who will stand up and try to fight?
Tell me lizards, is there not one in all your tribes,
Is there no one who values ‘boldness over life?

They looked to me once, now they turn to you
Do you understand now, do you see that the truth is
They don't want to change this, they don't want a hero
They just want a martyr, a tale to raise

I've given everything I can, there are no heroes left in Snb’venden.

So it begins, no matter which one of us wins
The tunnels we're standing on will break and cave away.
You will slay, and when you slay you slay alone,
And in the end you'll see there was no other way.

I've been here before, I've stood where you stand,
They've come for the hero, the hero of Snb’venden,
But why should we save them, when they stand for nothing;
If they do survive let them stand for themselves.

We've given everything we can, there are no heroes left in Snb’venden.
They'll watch you die to save their lives,
They will not stand here by your side.

We've given everything we can, there are no heroes left in Snb’venden.
Surround and watch as we decide,
The very fate, of all our kind.

>>12735656
>>12735657
>>12735684
I...
That's...what the fuck?
What the fuck /tg/, I love you so much!

I just had a strange image. Four deities are gathered around a table; Dorf god of blacksmithing and love; Elf god of archery and poetry; human god of war and merchants; kobold's only deity.
Human deity:
>My people can be inspired by a blast of lightning or an enchanted sword, which will guide them to forge new worlds out of respect. Their strengths are versatility and stamina. When I meet them in the afterlife, I judge them by their deeds and the worthy may live in my kingdom.
Dorf god:
>My people can be inspired by a voice from the depths or a large jewel, which will guide them to create a lasting culture of wisdom. Their strengths are tradition and prowess. In the afterlife, I judge them by their thoughts, and allow the purest to join my mines into eternity.
Elf god:
>My people can be inspired by a beautiful waterfall or a strong-yet-flexible metal. Their strengths are artistic talent and all things longbow. When they die, I judge them by their contribution to their people and allow the most pleasing to forever roam my forest.
The kobold goddess, she smiles softly and says:
>My people can be inspired by a tragedy or mishap. Their strengths are fast breeding and skills with ambushes. When they die, I do not judge them and give each one but a single hug before I let them choose how to spend their afterlife.
Each deity looks to the kobold goddess and says:
>But, why only a hug for each one?
She smiles broadly, proud as she replies..
>Because I have so many children and I can not be bothered with judging them, nor so selective with whom is allowed to join me.

To be a kobold is to be unloved in this life ... but in the afterlife, it is to be hugged by your creator and told it was all worth it.

And you wondered why they were so motivated.

>>12735656
>>12735657
>>12735684
Oh my.

>>12735703
Yeah, I'ma make this canon in mine too.

>>12735684
>Is there no one who values ‘boldness over life?
What you did there; I fucking see it.

>>12735703

I'm crying like a bitch now. Well played.

I am saving this fucking thread. Not only because OPs story made me d'aww like a bitch, and the subsequent discussion of Kobold dieties and socity and such was pretty awesome, but because of those KICK ASS PROTOMEN KOBOLDENINGS!

Dragon Wily: Tonight, the tunnels are red
The torches are hot and blinding
No sign of the good trap chief
But the banshees wail and whine and
Tell us who you've found

I can almost hear the weasels

What kind of kobold
Builds a machine to kill a dragon-child?
No, he did not use his paws
Like a true kobold, he used a tool
But just the same
Can you question who's to blame?
Choir: What was her name?
Wily: Doesn't matter. Now listen:
The Good Trapper has to pay!

When I say he was a monster
When I set fire to his name
It doesn't matter where you hear it from
He will know the dragons flame.

Whatever's in the horde pays!

There is a flame that I've been breathing
There is a fire waiting to catch
There's a battle that has been building
From the moment we first met
If there ever was a time
If there ever was a chance
To undo the things I've done
And wash these bloodstains from my claws
It is past and long forgotten
These are the paths that we must take
'Cuz you and I, Tom, we are reptiles
And we can bend, and we can break
But if you think that you can run
If you think that you can stand
Well, you forget who turned this tribe on
You forget who fed this tribe

They'll not throw it down again
One by one, they're worshipping my scales

Why am I suddenly imagining Be Prepared with kobolds?

No one was left who could remember how it had happened, how the dungeon had fallen under darkness.
At least no one who would do anything.
No one who would oppose the undead.
No one who would challenge their power, or so Dracolich Wily believed...

Twenty Floors above the dark streets of the city, Trap master. Light lived in a run-down tenement.
An eccentric and brilliant ‘bold. Light was a loner, a thinker, a kobold of ideas.
Ideas forbidden in Wiley's dungeon.
The dungeon for which he worked.
The dungeon in which he lived.
The dungeon that he would set free.
And so Light worked, far into the night, when the watchful eyes of Wiley's creatures weren't upon him.
He'd set his skillful hands to the task of creating a device to bring about a change, to create a machine to bring freedom, to create a kobold to save the world.
Twelve years Light worked and on a cold night in the year 200X, Protokobold was born.
A perfect clockwork kobold, an unbeatable machine, hell-bent on destroying every evil standing between the tribes and freedom, built for one purpose, to destroy Wiley's army of evil heroes and drakes.
Ready, willing, prepared to fight

Cutknight
Gutterrouge
Elecwizard
Bombranger
Firedrake
Icedrake
Proto

Firedrake:
Attack!

>>12735772
Narrator:
Fight.

And as the smoke cleared. Wiley rose above the countless robots remaining. Protobold was wounded, low on tricks and traps, struggling to remain standing as Wiley ordered the final attack.

The death of Protobold.

The crowd had gathered there to watch him fall, to watch their hopes destroyed. They watched them beat him, they watched them break him, they watched his last traps deployed.
There was not a kobold among them who could let himself be heard.
But from the crowd, from the collective fear, arose these broken words:
We are the dead
We are the dead

Kobold Choir: What have we done?
Narrator: We are the dead
Kobold Choir: What will we do?
Narrator: We are the dead
Kobold Choir: Where will we turn?
Narrator: We are the dead
Kobold Choir: Is there nothing we can do?
Narrator: We are the dead
Kobold Choir: How did it come to this?
Narrator: We are the dead
Kobold Choir: How did we go so wrong?
Narrator: We are the dead
Kobold Choir: We are the dead

>>12735178
>I now know that she browses /tg/
All the people I have played with thought that cobolds (and often goblins) were cute, to the point of using them as mascots and dressing them up and having cohorts of cobolds only. And I assure you they didn't know about cutebolds nor 4chan.
They just look cute in the monster manual and a little thing acting tough is always cute.

On the other hand female elf barbarian is kinda /tg/

Good Lord.

I was going to suggest something about building OP’s character up into a truly frightening individual through the application of massive amounts of highly casual violence, but right now I'm too busy being TOTALLY AMAZED by all this.

This thread is fucking amazing.
I will only listen to The Protomen while painting now.

>>12735778

>On the other hand female elf barbarian is kinda /tg/

One femanon actually came here recently for help building hers, even.

We need a draw fag for this right now.
Protokobold; sword and board, or maybe hand crossbow and board. Part clockwork/Trapforged.
Mega'bold: Dunno? Something involving a wrist crossbow maybe?
Dracolich Wiley: Huge 'tasche on a zombie dragon, enough said.

>Implying Kobolds are not vicious brutal monsters of unparalleled strength and stamina whose small frame belie the black wickedness festering in their hearts and the sinister cunning with which they pretend to be slow in the head and weak of body whilst secretly plotting the downfall of all other civilized races.

>>12735768
Someone needs to get on this. Sadly, I have no musical aptitude >_<

>>12735810
>Dracolich Wiley: Huge 'tasche on a zombie dragon, enough said.

WHY HAS THIS NOT BEEN DONE BEFORE!?

Well, kobolds are "usually lawful evil", so you might just slit her throat when she sleeps.

Then again, you could do the very kobold thing of getting even. Eat bad kebab and shit in her bedroll when she isn't looking.

Kobolds are strong enough to be useful, small enough to be harder to hit and fast enough to breed in those who qualify for the first two aspects.

Beyond that, they live under your child's bed and talk to them at night.

>There is no monster under your bed, little one.
Not for long.

I love you so much sometimes /tg/

steal her underwear and wear it on your head

>>12735810
Don't say I never did nothin' for you

rape the shit out of her , and tear her left ear off.
why the left? because if she hugs you again( highly improbable) the right one will be the only thing remaining of her sweet little body.
Godspeed, op. Godspeed.

I'm not sure if going full evil in response to being called cute is the best way to handle this situation. She might be annoying, but she is an allied party member after all.

The next chance OP gets he should clear a path for an infiltrating party by brutally murdering a whole roomful of people in their sleep. “Cute” really doesn’t fly too well when you come back to the party 15 minutes later covered in blood with a string of ears. Or you could come back and give the all clear totally clean, only to lead them through a room become an abattoir of unspeakable carnage.

>>12735887
That is awesome and you should feel awesome.
Pic related.

I'm a little disappointed that 95% of the suggestions on how to be tough amount to "be vicious and needlessly cruel". The only ways /tg/ can think up to be manly are to kill people in their sleep, murder innocent NPCs, etc.?
I understand the guy's a kobold so he'd have a slightly different set of ethics but come on, there are better ways to prove you're serious than to kill someone. That's what a fucking pedantic Hollywood villain would do to prove that he's serious. Strength is more than that, and I think it's necessary to realize that especially when the other party is a Barbarian.

>>12735917
The character in question is a hardened mercenary. It says so in the opening post. It makes sense in-character for the character's response to be a show of force or violence.

She's a barbarian right? Ask her what's the biggest thing she has hunted, slay something bigger, make it a competition in your downtime until the only thing left to slay is the Tarrasque. She should respect you after you one up her once or twice, then it's just a game.

>>12735938
Force and violence does not have to mean "Kill people in their sleep and take gruesome trophies"

Use your sly Kobold ways to lead her into a mostly harmless trap that marginalizes her abilities.

In a somewhat related sense, I've also got a kobold predicament I'd love to get a quick bit of advice on. I'm playing in a 3.5 game where the party all decided to be Dwarves and have an awesome time Dwarfin it up, a recent addition to the game decided to play a kobold. Our Dwarves fortress state is currently fending off a rather large kobold combined assault. How do I make sure this man isn't slaughtered by the rest of the party, or any NPC's in our area?

>>12735938
The kobold in question could also do something significantly superior to the barbarian elf chick.

Like, for example, read a book in front of her. Aloud.

>>12735917
>>12735938
Best way to deal with it would be to not give a fuck.
You're a soldier, your job is to kill shit, she might not realize that yet, but you are a professional.
As long as they pay you well and you're in a job; who cares what you have to do for the money? Parade; body guard duty; killing, sometimes it's going to be slightly embaressing when you have to look after a spoilt princess or whatever; but as long as the gold keeps flowing in, why let it bother you?
Just take that one as part of the job, you know you're a damn good fighter and eventually, she's going to click to that too.

>>12735951

Make sure that the locals are aware that you're there, and have a bunch of dorf insignias around you. And don't act too Koboldish. They dorfs'll notice your bearing more than anything else.

>>12735946

Why the fuck not!

Accept your cuteness. Wait for a fight with something terrifying. Kill it dead. Hollow out its head and wear it as a helmet. Hugs now.

>>12735952
I can now imagine her asking him to read her bedtime stories... D'awwww ensues.

>>12735952

Dude, not cool.

We want the party to stay together in this situation dammit.

>>12735979

Which leads to more hugs.

Take up grappling lessons. Next time she tries to hug you... HEADLOCK! Now say uncle!

>>12735979
>>12735984
Here's a scenario.
>Whatcha readin', [kobold]?
Elf war poetry. I find their ethos a real inspiration.
>...you read elf war poetry?
You don't?

And the kobold teaches the barbarian to read her own language.

You show me a bigger badass than that.

>>12736004
Or slate the elvish war poetry, in personal prefference of the Orcish war chants, however you're more of a follower of the Human tacticus.
Be a warrior scholar, sure you fight, but you also know your fine wine and know the 36 Koboldic basic traps off by heart.
Then discuss it with her casually, maybe teach her a thing or two.

>>12735974
it would be awesome regardless

>>12736024
Play him as the Kobold version of pic related.
Try to get a Rideable wolf or something, hire mercs, build an army.

This thread makes me happy.

>An adorable Kobold

>I do believe I will hug it

> The kobold then takes 20 on a DC80 check to crawl inside her nipple and crush her heart with his bear hands

>>12736107
>bear hands
>kobold
>bear hands
>kobold
New spell for kobold sorcerors.
>HANDS OF THE BEAR

>>12735348 Lizard. Back when they were dogs, elves couldn't be barbarians anyway.

Still, I miss the days when I could describe a kobold as "inbred cousins of Yakko, Wakko, and Dot with an extra helping of beatings from the Ugly Stick."

>>12735777
Did...Did you just write a kobold opera?

>>12736184

A kobold ROCK opera.

Wear a spiked grappling harness.

The longer she maintains that hug, the more HP you shave off her fat barbarian ass.

>>12736203

>>12736184
>>12736203
For some reason, I can imagine Kobolds being really into techno and all those self-playing machines, like a rupe goldberg device that makes a doinking sound to a rythem.

Ahem.

>>12736208


And if this fails, since she's a barb and int is her default dumpstat, drug her during the evening meals at camp, cut her elf ear-tips off at night and healing-potion the wounds so they seal up and stop bleeding.

When she wakes up tell her, from safely out of grapple range, that kobolds can turn elves into humans, and that she has incurred your wrath.

>>12736397

Why get revenge? Just run with it! Sounds like it would make for some great comic relief, and a fun roleplaying experience.
Your kobold character keeps trying to prove himself...but everything he does just further convinces her of how adorable he is! It's gold!

Maybe she's a STRONG barbarian girl who like cute things. To her STRONG muscles, you're nothing but a little plushie to be embraced by her STRONG muscles.

You should feel emasculated OP, because that's what happened to you. Treat her with great respect, because she obviously got one over you in mindgames.

Considering my group I think my next character will be a tough and hard-as-nails kobold merc as well.

However, deep deep inside his cold-blooded draconic heart he just want to be hugged.

>>12736467
Characters like that are so hard to pull off convincingly.

But they're oh so satisfying for the whole group when things go right.

God speed, gentlebold.

Every so often, /tg/ has an awesome thread. This is one of them.

>>12736560
I was in need of a good reminder that /tg/ loves kobolds.

This was one.

CUT HER BALLS OFF

Elves have those right?

>>12736075
Fuck kobolds, I want to play that little girl.

>>12735178
>Kobold
>Manliness

>>12736580

I just noticed how stupid those warforged look.

>>12736225
They're not completely original, you know. Someone just edited the lyrics of some songs by The Protomen.

>>12736580
>>12736592
Oh shit, OC! Where's Wiley's signature 'stache though?

Stop fagging up kobolds with your Protoshit

>>12736596

Gold-dragon blooded kobold?!

>>12736579

>>12736597
Gonna have to second this, minus the anger.

>>12736615

You.

Buck up.

Become the Saxton Hale of kobolds.

Or I will kick your ass.

DO IT.

>>12736623

>>12736625

>>12736623
>become a gay stereotype
wut

deal w/ it nords

>>12736629

That's it, mate! You're on your way!

>>12736630


I'M COMING FOR YOU YOU SON OF A BITCH.

>>12736630
You mean a gay anagram.

Thread was pretty interesting until the Protomen crap

Fuckin neckbeards, I swear

>>12736656
You mean teenagers.

>>12736659
No, we mean dumb hipster faggots who actually like their lacklustre shit.

>>12736664
It's like we're on the same wave-length you and I <3

>>12736664
In other words, teenagers.

>>12736656
>>12736659
>>12736664
Y'all be getting pretty mad at the ancient /tg/ tradition of modifying lyrics into nerdy/ more nerdy stuff. Thread's purpose has been resolved, OP likes the little interlude and things are winding down. Y'all need to stop getting mad at people having fun at stuff you don't like.

/tg/ should be better than that.

>>12736664
Did...did you just use "neckbeard" and "hipster" interchangeably?

Christ dude, I'm not a fan of the Protomen hijack either, but you have gone BEYOND full retard. You're like some kind of mentally handicapped Super Saiyan.

>>12736683

This, pretty much.

Way to shit on a generally feel-good thread, faggots.

>>12736683
>implying I'm the guy who called them neckbeards first
nope.avi

He is somewhat wrong, but you have to admit hipsters are a big part of the Protomen's fanbase.

>>12736683
I REALLY need a reaction image of Goku powering up, his eyes facing different directions and the caption HURRRRRRRRRRR! now.

>>12736681
>fun thread about Kobold in an interesting position
>DEM HOUNDS MAN DEM FUCKING HOUNDS
>next 40 posts straight out of a protomen thread

I don't mind stuff I don't like, I do mind it hijacking stuff I DO like

in b4 no fun allowed

>>12736702
Wait, technically you're complaining about a hijack of a hijack. Thread starts as solving a problem, turns to kobolds in interesting position, turns into Kobold Protomen and then you complain about a hijack, not only that but a hijack the OP is fine with.

I mean you could, I dunno, hijack it back. It'd have taken less effort than whining.

>>12736710
And you're arguing semantics.

You can't hijack a dead thread, and he started whining after it was already dead. Just let him have his whine and leave it be.

>>12736710
Well, I mean, it doesn't take a retard to understand discussion of the Kobolds position is a natural deviation from the topic, while the protomen shit is just full on hijacking.

It'd be like someone posting touhou then attempting to add kobold shit to touhou shit

>>12736719You can't hijack a dead thread

Thread was still going on pretty well until the protomen shit

I agree that a grumble and switching to a spiked armour would be the most reasonable way for a tough kobold mercenary to avoid hugs from his party members. On the other hand this probably leads up to him being hugged even harder the second he removes this armor.

>>12736719
This thread actually seems to be kicking with a few people who want to discuss more about that sort of thing. I mean it looks like we could get the ball rolling again easy enough.

I'll help with a little story of mine: We're playing an all Dwarf campaign and in it there's an oncoming war with the Elves. Now we'd usually not even consider trying to get the Kobolds on our side, but our other efforts... brought less than fortunate fruit.

Now we hear word of an underground (my DM made a witty pun out of that, can't remember it) bard who was rumoured to be fairly high up in Kobold society but left it to go around playing music. Now he was in trouble, so we resolve his isssues with the Dwarf mafia.

Now our DM makes this Kobold Bard, Kobold Elvis. Long story short, he inspires the Kobolds to join us through rock and roll. It was pretty cool.
>>12736720
Kobold Problem> Interesting Kobold Positions > Hey a Kobold version of the Protomen story line would be an interesting position > Kobold Protomen Lyrics > OC > Whining > Now

Seems like a fairly straight forward progression.

>>12736724
Jesus you are an annoying shit.

I don't cared about the Protomen, but it seems to be your whining that killed the thread.

After the lyrics? Thread continues onwards.
Someone posts a picture.
You whine about it.
Oh look, thread's dead. Wonder how that happened. You're a moron.

>>12736758
I dunno, I think it's still going fine. Not that I liked the whining, mind you, that was annoying, but it definitely didn't kill the thread dead.

>>12736749
>Kobold Elvis
I am imagining this now. Kobolds look adorable with that hair style.

>>12736758
>>12736765
You guys both need to stop, because neither of you are getting anywhere, and you ARE killing the thread now, because nobody wants to read more pointless whining posts.

>>12736741

I'm with OP and Saxton Hale. Pussies get 'bold or get out.

>>12736768
I'm now imagining an all monsters bard group.
Elvis Kobold; the Goblin Dio; Hendrix Illithid and a demon wielding a 4 headed X guitar.

>>12736782

Get 'bold or get out
Get 'bold
GET 'BOLD
GET 'BOLD HUG 'BOLD

>>12736792
>>12736782

>>12736693
No one with any skill took you up on your request, so you're stuck with me now, buddy.

>>12736797

Your next adventure: Noise complaints about the mine in the next mountain.

>>12736819
My character of choice.

>>12736818

>>12736758I don't cared

Look, I understand your case of dyslexia has caused you to become a misanthrope, but you are NOT autistic. I know real autistics and they can barely function in a real social setting. It's terrible and really sad to watch.

Yes, I know you like Protomen. No, you are not autistic. You're just bad at spelling.

>>12736841
Woah there, I'm autistic and I'm doing fine.

Now can we please talk about kobolds again?

>>12736772You ARE killing the thread

>thread now gets bumped to first page repeatedly

mishun comprete

>>12736850
Would autistic kobolds suffice?

>>12736841
Yeah, you caught a typo. Fair enough, bro. Point still stands, it was a stupid thing to whine and it's stupid to continue this.

Yea, I realize I too am continuing this. Yes, I know it's a pathetic urge to get a word in. But my point's valid, if hypocritical.

Now let's talk more about kobolds.

>>12736860Yes, I know it's a pathetic urge to get a word in

Now that we've established your behavior is pathetic, now is the time to seek mental help. We're here for you bro

>>12736865
You're doing the exact same thing, dude.

>>12736865
Dude. You're a hypocrite too, and just as pathetic.

Want to start a self-help group together? We can do trust exercises and stuff.

>>12736865
>>12736871
>>12736860
>>12736878
Okay, you know what? I give up.

I'm not trying to save this thread anymore, because it's been irrevocably derailed by a worthless last-word contest.

Enjoy your no more kobolds. Goodbye.

>>12736878
Sure, how about you lean back until you fall over, I'll be here to pick you up

>>12736884I'm not trying to save this thread anymore

>do nothing but whine and post crappy kobold pics/comics

you sure tried hard

>>12736865
>>12736878
Oh for god's sake, will you two retards shut up? It's awful watching two internet tough guys in the same thread.

>>12736889

>>12736885
Alright I'll jus- waaaaait a second.

But seriously now, on to kobolds.

So who's ever run a campaign where Kobolds are one of, if not the, top powers of the setting? I was thinking of doing something along those lines although I'm not sure quite how they'd do that.

I'm thinking two factors: Kobolds are fairly handy when it comes to technology, and there's a fuckload of them. Lots of quite well equipped kobolds, maybe not top of the line equipment or the best trained but any faults that leads to is covered by numbers.

>>12736909
The thing is, about half of kobold appeal comes from the underdog thing. If they're a leading power, they're no longer underdogs. Goodbye half their appeal.

If you want to go through with this, you need to make it secret. Make everybody think kobolds are weak and pathetic, but secretly they're one of the world's leading powers. Kinda like Illuminati or whatever.

>>12736931
Yeah, there is that. That was one of the reasons I was asking if anyone had tried it before, to see if it actually worked.

Kobold Illumanti might work. An excellent spy network, infiltrating layer upon layer of most societies? Maybe even using magic to place kobolds in key positions.

Wait until she needs your help with something. And not like she could use a hand with her shopping, you dig? Something in combat, something deadly. She's right fucked, and you, being the loyal party member, come to her aid. Which you would have done anyway, of course. Just add in right before, "Woman, I am a god damned murderer." and kill the SHIT out of one of the enemies, just as hard as you can.

Goddamnit, /tg/, I'm enjoying the warmest fuzzies I've felt in a long time reading about kobolds getting hugged, and laughing at the plans for revenge. The altered lyrics weren't exactly my thing, but I just scrolled past them.

Then two retards come along and start calling each other neckbeards, hipsters, and autists, and there was too much shit to get past.

>>12736888
Second.

Also, Kobold question: what kind of adventures would a fairly serious 4-man group of non-Lawful Kobolds go on?

Assuming that human/dwarf/elf/etc settlements would kill them on sight, and other Kobolds are unlikely to be welcoming of unfamiliar, individualistic 'bolds, I'm having trouble thinking of anything.

>>12736966

We're pushing through man. We're pushing through. Straight on through.

To the other side.

You know what the only thing more huggable than a kobold is?

A Heavy Weapons Guy.

Come here you.

In my setting, by stealing and "learning" to use some stuff from the gnomes (steampunk gnomes in my setting) kobolds have a little tecnologies, in the orkz from w40k point of view line, like those goblin-like creatures from Iron Kingdoms, with low skilled mechanic classes. Perhaps you may help me to develope the idea. And yes, english isnt my first language, sorry.

>>12736969

You know, Zobeck has really left me in favor of having kobolds actually living in the cities of other races, living as raccoons of sorts at worst and at best working as technologically-adept labor.

Zobeck being a clockwork city. Who keeps it running? The kobold underclass do!

And they're starting to unionize.

Definitely continuing on this. I have 4 separate backstories I'm letting people choose from, let me know if you want me to post them

>>12736909
Kobold tribe finds a dwarven stronghold, now abandoned due to some forgotten calamity. Kolbold leader, in moment of foresight, realizes that no one knows it's here, everything is scaled down close to their size, and equipment and open mineral veins lay discarded everywhere.

Fire up the forges boys, and get all the non-warring tribes together. It's time to make ourselves a world power!

>>12736986
Huh?

What's going on in this thread?

Holy shit...

>>12736997
Then the thing that drove the dorfs away shows up. Balrog or whatever.

He faces the Tucker's Kobolds.

Who wins?

>>12736986
POST THEM NAO!

>>12736997

Slibrgrfraber here. Pathfinding's my thing. You have my maps.

>>12736969
Well if no one's friendly to them, the first thing them Kobolds would have to do is to go undercover. Some sort of disguise.

For some reason I imagine Jawas. .

>>12737027
Depends on how long they've had to live there - if they've gone thorugh a couple of breeding cycles, the 'bolds will just drown the fucking thing. A minor setback at best. If they only just moved in (the forges attract it once fired or something), they're gonna be running in a hurry.

So it really depends on the nature of the calamity. Could be a plague, which is the best case scenario - it's not gonna come back to eat them. Or it could be a pit fiend, shadow dragon, or any number of other extremely nasty things in the worst case.

>>12735178

Score yourself a size potion and squeeze her right back!

>>12736978
That is awesome. I want right now my steampunk kobold.

>>12737084
>shadow dragon

That one might be good, actually. Kobolds are pretty decent with dragons, and could strike a deal with it.

>>12737103
True! I was just pulling out monsters that might easily beat down a moderate sized dwarf stronghold by themselves, but you could totally used the Shadow Dragon as a kind of backing for the Kobold world power thing. They conquer the world in its name, it gets food, treasure, and security of its own while protecting them from things they can't beat themselves.

This... is actually shaping into a decent idea...

>Bored in class, barely awake
>Get on /tg/
>THE PROTOBOLDS

Never change, /tg/. Never change.

OP, just slap her in her dumb face and tell her to mind her manners. If she tries it again, bite her. You're a man, not a baby. If she thinks of you as a toy, make her think you're the die-cast metal kind with sharp corners and strong springs. She'll learn.

She'll learn or she'll die.

>>12737124
But then we have the kobold stereotype, minion-kobolds without freedom working for some sorcerer/dragon. I dont like that.

There's a solution to that, though - kill the dragon. Maybe another dragon challenges it, or it heads up to the surface for some good old fashioned pillaging of its own. Whatever excuse you use to get it to the surface, or at least out of its lair and into the outlying areas of the underdark, it finds a battle it thinks it can win but doesn't.

When the dragon doesn't come back, the Kobolds carry on. Their numbers are great, they're well stocked and fortified, and now the only chains that bound them are broken.

Someone keep bumping this thread, i ll be back in 3-4 hours and i want to see some goddamn steampunk kobolds or dorftechnology kobolds. Do it for me, /tg/

>>12737263
has got it

bump

>>12737567
Run. Run and never look back.

Ride her, into combat as your steed!

>>12737699
>>12736075
These two combined.
Kobold Patton/Sun Tsu, on the back of a elf Barbarian, riding into battle with a cry of 'Only the dead have seen the end of battle!'
You know that it's awesome. Bonus points if you fuck with her by buying her a feeding bag.

Srsly, if this had happened to my kobold character in the game I would be shamed and put my life at even greater risk to prove my manliness.

It seems like the appropriate in game reaction.

captacha
>form dookeat.
Maybe, but only if it further proves my manhood.

Go the way of the starting pic.
Strap on so many pointy bits you can be used as a thrown weapon and are actively hazardous to pick up.

>>12737884
This, then go straight-up PTSD about being hugged.

>>12737098
Me too.

>>12737785
You have my blade.

>>12737947

AND MY AXE!

>>12737916
Pretty much this. Act like she had outright raped you: become skittish, gloomy, and suspicious whenever she's around. Talk to her only in stutters, and try to get away whenever possible. Open up to some other party member about how she violated you. Seek counseling. Sue.

>>12737785

*Insert BBEG's name here*, you magnificent bastard, I READ YOUR TOME!

>>12735703

Bah. That's pussy.

Here's the proper god. WHO, I might remind you, is god of Dorfs AND 'bolds.

Kobold mating rituals are unique, to say the least. The ritual begins when the kobolds rub noses together. This act releases hormones in the kobolds' brains, which creates warm, happy feelings in the kobold and prepares the body for mating. When the kobold's reproductive system is engaged, their faces turn red.
Kobolds lost their external genitalia long ago, and inseminate externally by pressing their abdomens together in an act that, to an outsider, resembles a hug.
Different kobold cultures treat non-noserubbing hugs differently. Some tribes only hug lovers, while other tribes will hug as a greeting between friends.

this is how kobolds now work in my setting

>>12737996
Ask the GM for a chance at some point to be a bad ass and save her.
Earn respect through actions, be more man per square inch of scale than the entire population of the country, a cigar chomping, 5 o'clock shadow-equivalented, vest wearing, sword slinging bad ass motherfucker who you don't want to mess with.
If she hugs you again, say IC that if she's going to do that, she can only do it as a thank you for saving her. It gives her an excuse to be all gooey, and you an excuse to be manly and keep your dignity.

>>12738233
And then, if SHE ever ends up saving YOU, thank her with a noserub. Act incredibly embarrassed and awkward about it afterwards, apologise for her profusely, etc.

>>12738554
>I'm so sorry, [elf barbarian chick], I don't know what got into me.
Awkward pause.
>You ... you might want to go get tested. I've had this sore, but I'm pretty sure its from a cold.
Awkward pause.
>Still, better safe than sorry. If its any consolation, you ... you were really good, and ... I gotta go.

OP you have a single option as I have had to live with this and that is a Bomb Collar sure my game was d20 modern setting but you should be able to make do.

Also KOBOLDS FOR THE FUCKEN WIN!!!

>With Soverant

Exactly Captcha become a Sovern fuck her shit up and make them explode in the way only a kobold can

>>12736969
Find the Kobold version of Promised Land
Seek something valuable and powerful
I don't know whatelse

>>12737221
>>12737124
>>12737084
Here. Not the best writer but thought I could sketch out some more ideas...

Thinking about the Kobold World Power thing a little more, I someone suggested stealing shit from gnomes. So lets go ahead and steal that idea....

Kobolds find an abandoned dwarven citadel, make it their new home. Whatever killed the dwarves who used to occupy the place comes back after the Kobolds have shored up their numbers - so they kill it, though it's a difficult battle and almost 75% of the fighting population dies as a result.. Years pass as they replenish their losses and make new weapons and armor from all the metal they can melt down in their stolen forges. They also make armor for the best scouts from the skin of... whatever it was that killed the dwarves. Dragon, demon, whatever.

Once they've got a fighting army again, they find a Deep Gnome city within reach of their army. It's pretty far away, but they can make it there without stretching supplies too thin (and hey, if supplies thin out anyway there's plenty of shit to eat in the underdark). No longer content to merely scavenge what they find, they sack the city and make off with as much Gnome tech as possible.

Years pass again as the Kobolds figure out as much of the clockwork as they can. Occasionally they send more raiding parties to the city, to snatch more gnome tech and keep them from recovering their losses. The raids also train their commanders in more sophisticated arts of war, and give them elite veterans to work with. After the gnomes abandon the city, The kobolds move to take it for their own - adding a second city to their holdings and alleviating the population pressures beginning to take their toll on the dwarven headquarters...

>>12738784
Continued

The kobolds gain a greater understanding of the gnomish war engines, which they'd been unable to take away from the city until the gnomes abandoned them. Using sheer numbers, the extensive resources left behind in the city itself (they don't have much use for many of the buildings), and a lot of trial and error, they build many of their own to complement their numbers...

Unfortunately, population pressures are straining the food. The military commanders send squads out to find a cave or city in which they can find food and more shelter. One of the scouts finds a huge set of caverns with water and plenty of open space for farming, but the complex is occupied by thousands of goblins. The commanders know there's no way to clear the caverns with a bunch of half-trained kobolds...

But they have an army. A trained, equipped army backed up with gnomish war machines and kobold wizards and sorcerers. And they have gnomish alchemy recipes for alchemists fire, and damn it they can take on a bunch of stinking goblins even if the number advantage isn't working for them now. (I assume goblins and kobolds have roughly the same breeding speed)

>>12738851
Continued

The kobolds figure that driving the goblins towards the surface is the best option - the surface races can deal with them then, and the kobolds can knock down the tunnels behind the goblins to keep them from coming back.

The battle takes over a week, moving from cavern to cavern with the war engines. During the battle, a kobold wizard riding in one of the machines realized it was a lot easier for him to shoot fireballs through one of the gaps in the armor than it was standing out where everyone could see him. The combination of magic and clockwork heavy weapons is too much for the goblins, who finally begin their retreat through the only tunnels the kobolds haven't yet taken - the ones that go up.

Half a century later, the kobolds clear out the tunnels and make their own way up. Their corner of the Underdark is running out of space to hold them - destiny awaits on the surface.

>>12738233

This; could actually turn out vaguely and weirdly romantic. Imagine it, the little kobold carrying the wounded elf bruiser chick up from the underground ruins with all the strength he's got, over-the-threshhold style, and she's fading in and out of consciousness, and only realizes her rescuer was him later on. He doesn't talk about it, but she's totally blown away.

mfw /tg/ has a Kobold thread that isn't overrun by pseudo-sexual noserubbing faggotry

mfw /tg/ has a thread about a character getting revenge on a female character and there's no/minimal rape suggestions

mfw /tg/ has a thread about a character's masculinity being questioned and there's no/minimal sex-related suggestions

mfw /tg/ has a thread about a female player's character acting affectionate with a male player's character and no one claims that the male player is being flirted with

mfw /tg/ has a thread that gets derailed three times, only to have people continue answering the OP's question

mfw this thread succeeds while neither breaking any rules nor toeing the line

mfw there's so many good things about this thread that I can't be bother to list them all

>>12738923
Continued

They find great plains above.

When they first emerge, they work quickly to determine the surroundings. Shockingly, the goblins aren't dead - but their numbers are greatly reduced. Dozens of farming villages are burned to their foundations - the goblins killed all the opposition, but it took time and they suffered for it. The kobolds bring out as many soldiers as they can and crush the goblins once and for all. Then, they build. The structures are crude, made from rough stone hauled up by thousands of laboring kobolds, but they work fast, and soon they have their own town - a town based on a mix of dwarf and gnomish architecture made with kobold aesthetics. Two more towns spring up before the nearest human nation notices - but when they do, they come in force, and with the intent to drive the kobolds from the surface and claim the lands as their own.

The first town fell quickly, half-built and poorly defended as it was. The second stalled the human army for weeks, until the commander pulled back to avoid winter. The human king asked his neighbors for support, but the threat was considered too minor and too far to deal with by the larger nations.

When the army came again, better equipped and better prepared, they found the first city rebuild and heavily fortified with seige engines rivaling anything they had. After a series of major defeats, other nations took notice and sent aid. The combined coalition drove the kobolds from their towns back to the Underdark.

And they should have stopped there. In the caves, the kobolds pulled on all the experience they'd gained fighting enemies above and below ground and utterly decimated the combined human forces. They rose up again after the next winter, and had years to build up before the humans could amass another coalition - they couldn't make it nearly as far, this time, but they were also smart enough to quit before they all died.

>>12739140
Continued

As the kobolds fill up the spaces between nations, the humans stop attacking and start fortifying. The kobolds stop short of the human borders and began to fortify their new country as well. After a series of minor wars, both sides realize that no one is going anywhere - and humans, being humans, adapt and start trade and diplomacy. And the first kobold world power is born.

Well, that took longer than expected.

>>12739087
We do truly live in a golden age and this writefaggotry is top notch.

Kill everyone.

Take all the kills, eviscarate all the enemies, wear them on your head and soak in the blood of your foes.

Then ask for another hug.

>>12739087
mfw the thread started off with awkward neckbeard moebold hug weirdness, but then Protobold Anon shut everyone up with his performance, heralding the rest of the thread's grade-A awesomeness. (except for a short pro-Protomen vs anti-Protomen pissing contest)

Oh and I heard a wandering Kobold Bard singing about a Kobold champion

"Koboldman, Koboldman"
"Does whatever a kobold can"
"set a Trap, Any day, Pressure plates are his forte"
"LOOK OUT!"
"Here comes the Koboldman"

Also must force my DM buddie to implement this Kobold super power into his next Campaign.

>>12739321
>does whatever a Kobold can
Die ingloriously to neophyte adventurers in Babby's First Quest?

>>12738784
Im the guy of the "kobolds stealing gnomes" idea. Im glad someone used it. Another one could share his ideas? Im changing the kobolds in my setting right now...

>>12739183
So what's this mean for everyone else? Aside from it being the first of its kind, what's the significance of a Kobold world power?

Kobolds of the High Seas since they have become a land super power time to move to the seas and after that The SKYS via Kobold SCIENCE!

>>12739533
I figured I'd leave that open - if you wanted, it could wind up no different from a regular nation, making goods, trading services, and spawning heroes of legend.

I'm better at making backstory than I am at application thereof - but I'm thinking of pitching this to my DM to see if he wants to make his next campaign about it or something similar.

>>12740071

To 'boldly go!

>>12740153
Damn, the second I posted I had another idea.

The kobold's science advances too far, too fast. The wizards, slowly becoming obsolete in the face of mass produced gunpowder and fearing the worst with all the industrial blasting, flee their homeland in search of better prospects.

Some time after, one of the master-craftbolds, working with the remaining wizards, figures out how to combine magic and machine to create the first flying clockwork war machine. Unlike gnomish flying contraptions, this is a true ship of the sky - the landlocked kobolds know little of shipbuilding but have done a fearsome job none-the-less. Production is limited because of the sheer physical resources required to make them, and the shortage of wizards, but outlying nations fear for their future and begin fortifying the borders once again, this time with an eye to the air.

Powered by magical fires and armed with cannons that fire steel balls filled with alchemists fire, the first ship created is used to put down a rebellion led by polymorphed mercenaries hired by a disgruntled neighbor to cause trouble. The ship does its job only to well, singlehandedly obliterating the entire rebellion in less than an hour.

War seems inevitable once again - the forges beneath the earth are refired, and kobold scouts and messengers are sent forth to call back the wayward wizards.

this thread lacks Deekin

>>12740269
And now you have a major conflict suitable for parties of all levels.

Since all elves are natural born dancers, get a wand/potion/roofie of Otto's Irresistible Dance and have her flippantly dance all around whatever tavern you happen to be staying at. The shame she encounters will be a reminder not to misjudge a kobold just because it's a small and usually weak.

/Tg/ I love you we managed to come up with a Epic Kobold centric Setting of pure undiluted Awsome

>

>>12740424
It's like I'm really playing a terrible weekday morning cartoon!

>>12736656

stoplikingwhatIdon'tlike.jpg

Bumping for some steampunk kobolds. Drawfags?

>>12741865
bumping again

>>12736909

Bumping because I have a reply to this, but Statics is a bitch.

bump

play your Kobold exactly like Hank Hill

as a kobold

You make her keep her promise.

In kobold warrior society, if a female hugs you, it is a proposal for marriage. You politely declined, but she proved her strength to you by taking you by force, so you now belong to her.

Now, as her betrothed, you must bring her gifts to demonstrate your ability to add to her clan's wealth. In the dark of night, murder seven men and leave them near her horse.
To inform her of your plan, or to tell her you are doing it would be an act of cowardice for your people, a puling beg for approval. She knows it is you, because she is a warrior and has claimed you.

Continue leaving corpses near her horse until she accepts your gifts, and formalizes the marriage as you have proven your value to her.

This will make for some neat roleplay, fuck with her (especially if you take the GM aside and explain that this is to be a surprise), and if you are lucky it will nail her with a murder beef from the local magistrates. :D

In the meanwhile, always call her "mistress", and arrange duels for her as a way to provide her greater opportunities to demonstrate her strength to the world. This is all with the attitude that you truly ARE doing her a favor, as you are increasing her reputation, which is all a warrior has, amirite?

look im going to be honest i play board games and mtg so i really dont know shit about the situation so take my advice with a salt... but gain some kinda rouge/assassin/sneak attack skill and next time she tries to get cute stab her in the back. not enough to kill her but fuckin hurt her and she wont try it again

>>12745294
>>12745294
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>>12745294

THIS AT FULL FORCE. NOTHING ELSE OP.

>>12735612
>>12745331
>>12735442

i am this guy:
>>12735401
i agree with above quotes. i like the idea of


honestly im drunk i like these dndseque threads but i forgot my point why did i judt type the captcha and then type this?

>>12745294


Oh for the love all that is good and koboldy, do this!!

>>12745294
>>12745294
>>12745409
hey its this drunk guy


um... obviously this it it|:

arg nvm it put the ..94 in the begining when i meant i to go -> here


do it soundslike great fun good luck :)

>>12745294
I love it. I LOVE IT.
THIS IS THE PROPER RESPONSE OP

Ask yourself what Kobold Kamina would do.

alternatively use it to get some ass out of the deal if she isn't a hambeast.

>>12745294
>>12745352
>>12745521
>>12747362
Well... I think kobolds would be more interested in gold and jewels and other riches than killing people. So, instead of piling up corpses to her, steal shit from others and give them to her.

But yeah. Do this. It's cute.

>>12747406

I'm now imagining your kobold as Flava Flav, waving bling around and being short and having women fawning over him.

Too hell with the Jewels and gold Build ingenious traps around her while she sleeps since all kobolds love them and you are sharing some of your best with her to show your feelings.

Put a huge dead animal in her tent. Something sillily gruff, like an owlbear.

You're either proving your masculinity to her, or you're acting like one tough, weird motherfucker. Either way, you're on your way.

>Captcha: innkeeper, goidis
I don't know what a goidis is- but you should gut the inkeeper, find it, and use it as a trophy of masculinity. Unless it's some kind of sex organ. That would work against your plans.

That writefaggotry about kobolds finding the dwarven fortress is just what I was looking for to refluff my born-among-kobolds ranger! You guys rock!

This thread never reached autosage? Even with people drunkposting and samefag bumping?

/tg/ I am disappoint

>>12752424
It's slow bumping to lure the drawfags in

>>12752555

Speaking of which.

bump

>>12753950

Over 9000 hours in mspaint.

"Is gift."

If you are going the stand-offish or SUPER KOBOLD MANLINESS NO HUG ZONE route, exploit her thinking your kobold is cute by asking to ride on her shoulder or in her backpack. Play it off as cutesy koboldry for a while. Then, insist on reigns with a bridle and bit. Order her around as a lackey and flaunt your manly kobold prowess for taming the wild beast and making it saddle-worthy.

Basically, let her buy into the whole "he's so adorable and snuggly" deal and then completely reverse it on her. Hilarity is sure to follow, especially if you build up to it by casually inquiring or gauging her measurements(related to the saddling, of course), confusing merchants with innocent questions about how they'd rig a proper riding harness on a biped about her size, etc.

bump to keep thread alive till morning

>>12736985
Kobold union!

>>12754189
Again, bonus points if she ends up liking it too.

>>12757592

I like where this is going....

Saving kobolds from oblivion

>>12757612
∞

There's so many kobolds here, but on the other hand half the thread is shit...

should we archive this?

>>12760796

so late :P.

I know this thread is autosaging and my two cents doesn't count for much at this point, but one thing that came to my mind as I read of all the macho things people are suggesting is this: the elf is a barbarian. It might very well be that she finds the kobold cute because the kobold is a deadly killer who is also puny. If he challenged her, or came back covered in the blood of his slain enemies, she'd be like "Aaawwww! He is so vicious! That is so cute! Squeeee!"

So, she probably knows he is a serious mercenary - and that is adorable.

>>12763164
apparently its not autosaging. :)

>>12763185

Holy shit, you're right! I thought it would, considering I was afk for a good five hours. Here's a warrior hamster, his name is Rocko and he has a confirmed kill count of 47 terrorists.

Now there is only one thing left to know.

OP, having seen two days worth of kobold discussion and suggestions, what have you decided to do with the elf barbarian?

I hope you see this message, OP. . . before 404.

It has been wild. Thank you, /tg/

this settles im so makeing a kobold my next dnd character

bump

>>12765804
Me too.

Im the guy with the steampunk kobolds idea. I now have in my setting fully implemented steampunk/davinci machines kobolds. My players went like "Awwwwwwwwwww". I cant wait to kick their asses with my little and cute army of kobolds.

>>12735178

>see thread on Tuesday afternoon
>lol
>forget about it
>see same thread still alive Thursday evening.
>MFW

>>12766162

There was a thread on /u/ that lasted for sixty-five days.

>>12766323

/u/ is slow as shit, so it's really not all that impossible.

>http://www.tuckerskobolds.com/

>In all the games that I've seen, the worst, most horrible, most awful beyond-comparison opponents ever seen were often weaker than the characters who fought them. They were simply well-armed and intelligent beings who were played by the DM to be utterly ruthless and clever. Tucker's kobolds were like that.

>Tucker ran an incredibly dangerous dungeon in the days I was stationed at Ft. Bragg, N.C. This dungeon had corridors that changed all of your donkeys into huge flaming demons or dropped the whole party into acid baths, but the demons were wienies compared to the kobolds on Level One. These kobolds were just regular kobolds, with 1-4 hp and all that, but they were mean. When I say they were mean, I mean they were bad, Jim. They graduated magna cum laude from the Sauron Institute for the Criminally Vicious.

>When I joined the gaming group, some of the PCs had already met Tucker's kobolds, and they were not eager to repeat the experience. The party leader went over the penciled map of the dungeon and tried to find ways to avoid the little critters, but it was not possible. The group resigned itself to making a run for it through Level One to get to the elevators, where we could go down to Level Ten and fight "okay" monsters like huge flaming demons.

>It didn't work. The kobolds caught us about 60' into the dungeon and locked the door behind us and barred it. Then they set the corridor on fire, while we were still in it.

tl;dr, Kobolds can be terrifying little gits.

>>12766712

But we're /tg/.
We take it beyond the impossible.

>>12766831

Totally stealing this, but replacing Kobolds with Corgi.

>>12767377

Remember the guy in Belfast who robbed a lingerie store while playing a female elf in SR? If your players end up on the news for, like, firebombing the Humane Society, I'll know who to blame.

Bump for preservation

>>12768660
Welcome, my friend, to easymodo
http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/tg/thread/12735178

>>12768911
My god it is still up!?

Well, now that we've apparently hit on autosage, I'd like to give you one final advice: secret identity.

If she thinks you're cute, then you must put on a mask and a cape and become someone else entirely. This someone she doesn't know of, of course, and this time you will make the first impression to be terrifying and powerful instead of cute. She will get the message.

It cannot fail!

Archive it. By all that is just, archive this now.

>>12769156
It's already on suptg. Did you think we wouldn't have put it there already by now?

OP here, amazed at how this thread is still around. You people are pretty cool.

Just came back from the second session. I've tried to employ your advice the best I could: for now, I simply followed her around and protected her from danger, trying to prove my worth to her, since I now belonged to her and all that jazz. Spent much of the night up, guarding her tent. She doesn't seem to have noticed anything yet, but I will persevere. She chose me, after all: I must show her that her choice was a worthy one!

Splattered a hobgoblin's head with a single hit, and she pretty much just laughed and went "Look at that little guy, thinking he's a great warrior! It's so cute!"

By the look of things, >>12763164 would seem to be correct. I confirmed this by asking her about this thing OOC, after the session.

>>12769223
Whoops, forgot my image.

>>12769188
well this is awkward, guess I do need to get some sleep..

>>12769223
you have inspired me. i just finished Creating a Kobold Defender Fighter. he has plate armor, and a Heavy iron shield.
he also dosenot understand the word compensation in common.

We need some writefags doing some sweet stuff about our lovable cutebolds.

>>12770363
Holy shit that's awesome.

Hey, whoever posted all those useless bumps, and Protomen arguments one way or the other, any chance you could remove those? (No need to remove Protomen songs and the other cool stuff.) Removing a shitload of pointless posts would add some extra life to the thread.

Thanks.

>>12770667
Well, I guess not then. Page 15 is here, thread death within minutes.

We had a god run, people. Plenty of fun. Good job guys.