>>12591983
I dunno, seems like 40K/DBZ are made for each other.
Pre-Heresy Martial Arts Tournament for the Primarchs, turns alt history on their asses.
But CoC/Heroes, just seems like a dick move all over. Not even funny rage inducing, just pointless for everyone involved.

>>12591983

>First D&D Game ever, join high level 3.5 game
>We're naked, need to get loot back from worshipper of some one eyed orc god I can't remember his name.
>Warlock gives Druid a gem, who turns into a rat carrying gem in mouth, drops it by our loot, surprisingly BBEG is using it as a foot rest
>We Gem jump, surprising him, grabbing our loot and getting ready to jump out
>See legendary evil artifact god weapon on the wall
>Naked Dwarf
>Tell everyone i'm gonna grab it
>Everyone tells me not to
>Only reason I didn't do it was because it was my first game and I didn't want to be /that/ guy.

I can make almost everyone in my FLGS have PTSD like flashbacks with a single sentence.

"Guys, I lost the chickens."

>Hey /tg/, what's your greatist gaming sins and temptations?

>Things you've done or WANT to do, even though you know terrible things would happen.

This was horrible, I know, but my group was harping on me for always behaving as an uptight little NG with leanings towards LG (even in real life) in every situation. I get fucking sick of it and after a week of trying to figure out something CE to do in RL, I come up with this plan.

Invite the local THAT GUY who's obsessed with rape and fetishes to a game consisting of me and my group (I'm the only guy, its 5 chicks and me).

Roll a CN female dwarf barbarian (campaign with relaxed alignments) with CHA as a dump stat and disadvantages like open sores and a scarred face. She'd be like a dwarf viking Jennifer by this point. Not only that, but I always stand guard while smoking a slight distance away. That way I KNOW I'm not the one getting raped that night.

Knowing what he's gonna do, I (in secret) inform the DM that my character has a wooden strap-on that is included in my gear and stashed in a pouch worn under my shirt (in the physical description I make special note of her "lumpy" appearance due to carrying pouches all over her hidden as part of her "paranoid about losing things" disadv).

>>12592411
So it comes after the third session. He gets smug while the characters are sleeping and I'm standing guard a short distance away and declares he wants to make a sneak check towards my sister (in real life)'s sleeping roll.
He makes it to her, sodomizes her, and uses his fucking bard CHA roll to convince her that as a cleric of Ilmater she has to grin and bear it.

The next night, I announce a sneak roll (since CHA was my dump stat I've put points into DEX, and the disadvantages I took (like having lice and getting a penalty to my CHA even further) let me take extra cross class skills in it).
Long story short, my fem dorf heard what was going on and decided he was pretty enough to be her special toy.
I beat him at the grapple, raped him with a wooden strap on, and forced him to pleasure orally. By this point he's about to throw a tantrum in RL.

I finish it off by knocking him unconscious and sneaking him out of the camp a good distance away and out of earshot (far enough he'll never make it back on his own).

I then tell him we're going to fight until first blood. He wins, he can do whatever he wants to my character (He's fetish guy remember? Torture and killing are kinky to him fictionally, so he quits his tantrum and gets back into it).
I win, he's my property (in an alignment relaxed campaign, never make a LN bard. Its ALWAYS a bad idea).

So, I beat Mr. Minmax narrowly, cut out his tongue and remove his arms/legs, strap him up on my dorf's backpack, and return to camp.

The party of course (in game) reacts poorly, but they admit the bard was an asshole keeping them back and after what he did to the NG cleric comes out, they stop caring what my dorf does to him every night.

>>12592419
The campaign ended right there. Mr. Rapist McMinmax storms out. On his way home, he throws a rock through my window not realizing I'm home but watching TV with my GF in the dark. I take him to small claims court, they make him pay for it.

My group never gives me shit about being a nice guy again.
Pic related.

Holy crap, man. You know, in a way, that was pretty CG of you.

>>12592411
>>12592419
>>12592433

Glorious.

This story makes you simultaneously a hero and a horrible person.

>>12592463
He brought the character in with the intention of someone getting raped so he could then rape him and not have anyone think it was a big deal. He also didn't stop the rape. So uh yeah... maybe chaotic neutral at best.

>>12592433
>>12592419
>>12592411
Ah, I can see it now
"So, for our next game I was thinking about rolling up a paladin, I hope that's okay"
Everyone else "That's fine!"

Anyway, epic rape revenge story aside...

I think my darkest D&D desire is to get in on a 3.5e game, roll up an Awakened Rabbit, and play the whole goddamn game as Bugs Bunny.

>>12592411
>>12592419
>>12592433

That was pretty gay. Respek knuckles since you got what you wanted though.

>>Inside joke among my group, session called "Eldwen's Good Day."
>> Rogue goes lolrandumb.
>> Tries to rob shop.
>> Put on trollface.
>> Get rogue caught by store owner.
>> Guards come in, rogue escapes.
>> Runs right into the chest of the party Paladin, Paladin drags him off to court. He gets off on a technicality since we are nobility now thanks to plot.
>> While he's gone, clean the fuck out of the store. Magic weapon shop. Clear 20,000g.
>> Rogue comes back, tries to rob again.
>> Gets caught at the door again by the owner with a crossbow. Looks inside, sees shit gone, thinks the rogue was sneaking out.
>> Paladin shows, back to court.
>> Let go again, with a fine.
>> Buys item from other magic vendor. Use Telekinesis to rob vendor while he focuses on rogue. Rogue gets blamed and chased.
>> Paladin. Court. Bigger fine.
>> All the while, I'm pretending to scout for the rogue, giving him just enough warning to escape the guards but get caught by the paladin, and telling the paladin exactly where to find the rogue, making me seem like a bro to both.
>> Rogue goes to the bar to drink. I Alter Self to look like a random noble. Plant something on him, get caught by him (on purpose) and run out the door. He runs after, but I changed form just as I cleared the door.
>> He asks "Where did that noble go?!"
>> I point.
>> He finds a guy on a horse who looks almost exactly the same.
>> SNEAK ATTACK.
>> Noble is at -8.
>> Paladin is going by, knocks rogue the fuck out, heals dying dude, and throws the rogue in jail for a week.
>> My face, pic related.

Net profit: 45,000 GP and a dickton of lulz. I gave the rogue 5,000gp afterwards and busted him out of jail, leaving an illusion in his place. He thought I was awesome, the paladin thought I was a righteous bro.

My Alignment? Chaotic Evil.

Just as planned.

My greatest sin is probably in a V:tM game with a few friends. Two old friends were STs, whole party were old friends, most of them was the first time I played with them though.
We were told it was a horror game, and that we were "inmates" in a re-education institution for mentally ill children - so of course we all had some kind of mental illness. One girl was severely paranoid to the point of delusion, the other girl was a pathological liar, the other guy was a kleptomaniac with an attitude problem, and I, being uncreative, was a sociopath/psychopath.
I decided not to be the cool, manipulative kind of Patrick Bateman-psycho, but rather the secluded, socially inept and seemingly rather humble person, generally a bit creepy but nice overall. Even the pathological liar trusted me the most.
Until one night I woke her up when I tried to flip her covers over.
I tried to lie and say I saw a bug, but I failed horribly on a good-chance roll...
Yes, I did want to roleplay masturbating to her in her sleep.
That was a few in-game nights after I'd scavenged her luggage for dirty underwear. Found nothing, took the purple ones.

Now, the bad thing wasn't that it was way over the line, but that it totally broke focus. So much so that we had to skip the following argue sequnece and just fast forward to the next morning, somewhat having retconned what happened, just for the game to go on.
Yeah, it stole plot focus.

GMs, STs and Dreamweavers:
Never let your players play "the quiet guys" if you're going to let him stay up past bedtime.

>He makes it to her, sodomizes her, and uses his fucking bard CHA roll to convince her that as a cleric of Ilmater she has to grin and bear it.

FUCKING HELL!

This happened to me too, his dwarf raped my elf girl every night until she became pregnant with his child (the only D&D group in the city at the time, the DM allowed just about anything since he didn't want to lose his oldest player).

Finally, I got my GF to play and save me.
She took to my elf girl like an older sister (and started sleeping in the same tent which everyone but Fistbeard McSpreademwide was informed of) and when he came in from a midnight hunt to rape my elf girl, the lesbian half orc barbarian sodomized him with a strap on.

He left the group, ever since then it went from a crappy group to a great one.
Its even spilled over into 3 groups with shared members for different games now (which is great since the Sci-Fi setting guy owns the LCS we now game at for all sessions of the 3 groups).

>>12592581
That's even more epic than the rape story, and substantially less disturbing.

>>12592411
>>12592419
>>12592433
>>12592606

Pic related.

>>12592613
One almost imagines the craftsman in Faerun who makes strap-ons, nodding to herself whenever another one is sold.

"Yes," she thinks.

"Some sucker probably gonna deserve that."

>>12592696

A better question is, what about the wizard/cleric who enchants them.

"I... uh, I'm not sure I'm allowed to make this 'Vorpal.' I'm pretty sure it violates one of my God's commandments."

>>12592736
"Oh come on... well, can you make it vulvic for added pleasure at least?"

>>12592762

"Alright, but.. wait a minute, I think you and I have different definitions of the 'flaming' enchant."

>>12592736
Vorpal Strap-ons...
Imagine a small village get assaulted by undead. Janice the female paladin wakes up and grabs the first item she can get to fight back. It's her ladylovers strap on.

She meets and saves a wizard and, in the heat of the moment (hyuk hyuk) the only thing he can do to help against the undead is a quick and non-permanent enchantment.

Que a halfnaked paladin woman striking down zombies with the DIVINE DILDO.

The chuch later adopts it as a minor symbol of their god out of thankfulness.

>>12592829
Oh god, I'm using this in the next campaign I run as my DMPC.

I'll do it in Strahd's Ravenloft.

Can someone please screencap this thread?

>>12592829
Would unmarried sex even be allowed for a paladin? I always figured traditional chastity would be a part of their code...

>>12593034
Show me where it says it's part of their code.
Go on.

>>12592613
I haven't heard that story- care to tell?

>>12593065
Not saying it ever says anything about it in the rulebooks, just that it feels kind of incongruous to me for a class that's basically meant to reflect the classical medieval knight.

>>12593111
That's the Fighter, or the Cavalier, Genius.
Paladins are Magic.

>>12593111
The Knight class is intended to (somewhat) reflect a non magic knight.

>>12593111

If you've read up on medieval knights, you'll find that all the knights were actively fucking all the other knight's wives.

Adultery and trial by combat took up 80% of a knight's day, or so it seems.

>>12593130
I mean the romanticized version, not the actual historical knight. The medieval knight as a paragon of chivalry and divine virtue.

>>12593158
That's still the fighter or the cavalier.
No human was ever as powerful as either.
Paladins are still magic.

>crossover games

Yup, they're a guilty pleasure all right. I'm tempted by the idea of a Crimson Skies game with the Mercs & Planes characters on one side, and the protagonists of Galaxy Angel on the other. Pointless and stupid, I know... so why does it sound like so much fun? (one thing's for sure, there would be enough collateral damage to end all collateral damage)

>>12593170
Oh for...are you deliberately trying to be dense? It's not a matter of power and abilities, it's a matter of roleplaying, fluff. Of course no actual human in history was actually like a paladin in D&D, but that doesn't change the fact that the paladin is clearly inspired by the romanticized image of the medieval knight in later works of fiction.

My problem is always involving the Cthulhu Mythos in some way.

I'm currently playing in three different games, and running another. One of my characters, I've managed to keep clean, mostly by concious effort, and the fact that the setting doesn't fit it. The other two characters, however, have some influence. One, a fabulously famous and wealthy Rock Star got involved with Hunting the occult when the rest of his band starting wearing this weird sign, and changing the lyrics and tunes of their songs. Things came to a head, they died, he lived on to join Ashwood Abbey. Now he hunts monsters to numb the horrible feeling that the Sign was trying to tell him something.

My other character, a conspiracy theorist, has a chart that I'm filling out as the game goes on. I've added lots of CTHULHU CULT? and THE CULT OF TRANSCENDENCE? or HERMETIC ORDER OF THE SILVER TWILIGHT? as possible links in the grand chain of evil that controls the world.

I'm currently running a game of WFRP that should be wrapping up shortly. Even then, there's a suspiciously named Gigantic Spider Demon Thing in a pit.

After that, I'm running Hollow Earth Expedition, and I'm not even going to try and stop myself. I will make it pulpy though, so less running and going insane, and more punching Serpent People in the face.

>>12593158
So you're talking about the 1st edition Unearthed Arcana paladin-cavalier. Gotcha.

Your typical 2e and later paladin is some badass riding a big fucking metallic dragon wearing armor made from an even bigger chromatic dragon wielding a holy avenger..

>>12593212
No, a Paladin is from D&D.
The past didn't have paladins, you silly.
Cause magic isn't real.

>>12593237
No, in fact I really haven't had any exposure to D&D before 2E in the first place. Even with all the crazy badassery and such, the paladin is still clearly your classic chivalrous knight-errant from romantic literature, simply transplanted into a high fantasy setting loaded with explicit magic and modified to fit. There's no way the whole paladin's code thing isn't based off of romanticized chivalry.

>>12593313
No, it's a mechanic to keep your powers.

>>12593313
The cleric and paladin are based off the same damn archetype.

>>12593343
Isn't the Archetype from the Fiend Folio?

>>12593302
Okay, now I know you're either a total moron, or just trolling. I flat out said:
>Of course no actual human in history was actually like a paladin in D&D

If you really do think that D&D invented the concept of the paladin from whole cloth, I've got some news for you: virtually every major concept in D&D is based off of existing tropes and archetypes from folklore, mythology, and literature. That's kind of the whole point, really. And the paladin is no exception. Look up some romantic literature and tell me the classic knight-errant doesn't remind you of a D&D paladin.

>>12593302
>>No, a Paladin is from D&D.
The past didn't have paladins, you silly.
Cause magic isn't real.

Well, magic may not be real but there was a group of knights in Charlemagne's service that were called "The Paladins"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paladin

>>12593392
Real Dracula is to fictional Dracula what real paladins are to fictional paladins.

>>12593413
Doesn't change the fact of where the fictional version has its roots. Sure, the fictional concept may have evolved over the centuries to where it only vaguely resembles its real-world inspiration, but that doesn't mean it doesn't come from there.

>>12593413
Real paladins were arguably even more badass, but definitely didn't live as long?

>>12593413

That's not a good comparison. Dracula was only inspired by a real figure. Not explicitly based off of one.

Has anyone read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight? After you've read that work the parallels between your typical paladin in D&D and the romantic image of the heroic knight become quite clear. The entire plot essentially revolves around the oaths taken by the protagonist. To say paladins weren't even partly inspired by concepts like that is like saying the wizard class doesn't have any association with Merlin.

>>12593336
>No, it's a mechanic to keep your powers.
Right, someone obviously couldn't care less about setting and fluff. If all you care about are mechanics, this discussion obviously isn't going to go anywhere.

>>12593437
The fantasy archetype of the paladin is inspired by... another fantasy archetype rather than the actual scummy people behind the myth, rather like how the ranger is inspired mainly by Aragorn and not Viet Cong.

Paladins can have sex if their faith says its okay.

Paladins can have non-marital sex if their faith says its okay.

St. Cuthbert would personally send his avatar to knick you in the nuts with a club before telling you "you fall" whereas I doubt Pelor cares unless you're banging a skeleton with a fleshlight between her legs.

Plus there's always the "lawful belief in a non-lawful deity" approach.

>>12593387
Knights are Knights.
A Paladin is a Paladin.
And there were no Paladins in the real world.
>>12593476
So you're saying it's not a mechanic to keep your powers...?

You really are very silly aren't you?

>Dracula was only inspired by a real figure. Not explicitly based off of one.

So, exactly like paladins.

Kick the DM in the nuts.
Kick the DM's girlfriend in the cooch.
Break the bard's jaw.

I do not do this because assault is generally illegal.

>>12593501
>you're banging a skeleton with a fleshlight between her legs.

I just found my gaming temptation!

>>12593413
>>Real Dracula is to fictional Dracula what real paladins are to fictional paladins.

I would say that's a bit of an exaggeration, since the "real" dracula was not purported to be a vampire, and all Bram Stoker really did was borrow a nickname and a place of origin. The D&D paladin on the other hand, is clearly meant to at least be evocative of a western european, chivalric, christian knightly ideal, with the knights of the round table, the historical paladins, etc. being prime examples of the archetype. In fact, every other class in D&D, except maybe the thief or commoner, corresponds less well with actual historical people and occupations

>>12593485
Now you're just playing semantics.

>>12593544
Semantics is the definition of words.
He's being pedantic, not semantic.
Pedantic, but correct.
I HOWEVER am being semantic.

>>12593531

Skeleton porn? Yes! Skeleton porn!

To be on topic to the thread:

My biggest temptation, truly asinine as it may be, it to roll up a goblin paladin with a pot-bellied pig for a mount. I can just picture him riding out of the bushes at the party, riding his pig, brandishing his pointy stick, and calling out 'For Pelor!"

>>12593516
>>12593506
Read the wikipedia article numnuts. There were a group of people who said of themselves "I am a paladin" They took religious oaths and fought for glory, honor and goodness (as they considered it, not necessarily what we would) They believed themselves, and were believed by their contemporaries, to have divine favor and might.

>>12593506
>So you're saying it's not a mechanic to keep your powers...?
I never said any such thing, what I'm saying is that mechanic does not exist for its own sake, but is meant to reflect an element of the existing archetype on which the paladin class is based -- namely, the archetype of the knight-errant as portrayed in romantic literature and works inspired by that genre.

Whole lotta derp in this thread.

>The D&D paladin on the other hand, is clearly meant to at least be evocative of a western european, chivalric, christian knightly ideal

The D&D vampire is clearly meant to at least be evocative of degenerate eastern european noblemen, with Strahd being a hodge podge of Bram Stoker's Dracula and Vlad Tepes (yes, he did make war on the... tergs).

If you remove the presence of the supernatural from the vampire, you're left with fairly close to nothing... but if you remove the presence of the supernatural from the paladin, you're also left with nothing.

>In fact, every other class in D&D, except maybe the thief or commoner, corresponds less well with actual historical people and occupations

With the cleric stated to be inspired by the knights templar... who were fuck loads closer to being lawful good than Charlemagne's flunkies.

>>12593607
>that mechanic does not exist for its own sake
No, it's to keep your powers.
DERP

>>12593630

HEERRRP

HEERP DEERP DEEEEERP

>>12593506
>And there were no Paladins in the real world.

I can't imagine what argument you mean to win with this statement. It's certainly not the argument the man your quoting is participating in. No one here is seriously saying the Paladin of D&D is based off of a real-world society of religious warriors. The guy you quoted is said the following:

>virtually every major concept in D&D is based off of existing tropes and archetypes from folklore, mythology, and literature.

Where in that do you read that he's arguing Paladins are based off of something that existed in the real world? D&D basically exists to allow players to collaboratively create a story. This is why D&D has so many elements that are essentially based off of myths and other classical fantasy tropes. If DIDN'T do that, if it didn't take inspiration from proto-fantasy works, then how could it effectively allow you to create your own fantasy story? There are clear parallels between the concept of a paladin in D&D and the romantic ideal of a chivalrous knight in the middle ages. These ideals weren't factual, and probably not even realistic, but that doesn't change the fact that there are plenty of classical pieces of literature that utilize that concept. Would you say D&D didn't take any inspiration from Merlin or Gandalf in designing wizards because neither of them actually existed? Why would it be any different with the paladin?

The only difference between the two really is in how the emphasis on keeping your oath is implemented. There are mechanical penalties to breaking your oath as a paladin; as the hero of a chivalrous romance the only reason you should keep your oath is because breaking it means you stop being a "hero" altogether.

>>12593607
Actually, the code of conduct does literally exist first and foremost to balance a form of super fighter. If its just to reflect the archetype of the Christian knight with divine favor... um, we already have clerics, and they, unlike paladins, are explicitly stated to be inspired by knights.

>>12593657
...right, confirmed for troll. Or retard. I really don't care which at this point, the line between the two is so faint it may as well not exist anyway.

>>12593679
The paladin is named for a specific group of knights that featured prominently in romantic literature. I think that's about as explicit a statement of inspiration as you can get.

This was such a good thread there for a while...

>>12591983

I have a morbid fascination with random encounter charts. They're not really practical, but the phrase "So, as you're walking through the jungle, you get attacked by a pack of polar bears" is one I've always wanted to say.

>>12593718
I swear I never intended this to happen.

>>12593849
You could have stopped at any point

>>12593824
I've done that, they encountered a gold golem in a world where gold no longer exists outside the hands of dragons and the adventurers were questing for it.

Much more fin if you can explain it, like the Polar Bears having escaped from a nearby wizard's tower (where he keeps the inside like a frozen domain to remind him of home).

He'll have no bearing on the story other than rewarding them with some random crap if they manage to return the polar bears instead of instantly wasting them, but it makes the whole thing more interesting (and makes them trust me more as a DM once they figure out the random encounter really makes sense).

As for my guilty pleasure, probably my frequent use of orphans as actual NPCs with personality (so the paladin of St. Cuthbert can't just smite the little fucker who stole from him on whim, the fighter has a choice of squires if he wants, the rogue can be outdone by a small child, and I can use NPCs that the bard can't seduce (without the previously mentioned paladin having to whoop his ass)).

>>12593824

>>12593861
...my bad.
I'd contribute something constructive to the thread, but unfortunately I'm somewhat new to tabletop gaming so I don't have much of anything to contribute yet...

>>12593942
>Bard seducing orphans.

Too bad I can't use this for that same reason.

Her running character type is a child who was molested and tends to purchase a separate room for her and her "squires".

NO idea why she likes this character. But its either that or her Dexter Morgan monk clone.

>Bard seducing orphans.

Next time my group rolls all Lawful characters, this will be the antagonist.
An epic level CN bard pedophile who's retired from adventuring after saving the lives of half the world's pantheon.

>start guilty pleasures thread
>come back a couple hours later
>pedophile bards and arguments over paladins

I guess all the board's DERP had to go somewhere.

Care to take a swing at the original topic of the thread? Or is it already too late to be salvaged.

>>12594258

I'm sorry. It's dead, Jim.

>>12594320
Luckily I am a necromancer.

>>12594258
I've been bought off by the BBEG, with my party constantly looking at me, giving knowing glances, winks, etc. The DM kept giving opportunities, and I just kept going, and going.

Eventually after like six of these little quicktime events had passed the party was killed, with them all staring at me in disbelief.

Only then did I backstab the BBEG, and take his place.

Do you see? Do you see right here on the sheet where it says Chaotic Evil?

And just as planned, my guy was the next BBEG in the next campaign. The whole thing up to that point (level 10 4e; everyone thought we were about to jump into the next tier with a heroic victory) was basically the prologue of the real campaign.

>>12594412
>The whole thing up to that point (level 10 4e; everyone thought we were about to jump into the next tier with a heroic victory) was basically the prologue of the real campaign.

That is freaking awesome.

>Things you've done or WANT to do, even though you know terrible things would happen.

I've had to just say "The bard taunts you with song" several times in my campaign because my players would get all bent out of shape if I actually had a song on call.

It's a bummer too, because I found a song that mocks/describes their characters PERFECTLY.

>>12594412

Well played sir.

As for myself... well depending on who you ask I'm either 'that guy' or one of the best roleplayers ever.

i was confused by this, until a while ago on /tg/ the 'anarchy player' was mentioned.

I then realized what I was.

Due to a flat refusal to break character, insane luck that swing wildly from abysmal to god like, and a bit of a reckless cavalier attitude due to the fact that it's only a game....

you know that common expression in game shops everywhere? No plot survives first contact with the PCs? I fucking live that. not even on purpose, but if I were to take three pot-shots into a room, I would almost without fail score three kills. And they would be the GMPC, the guy we were supposed to be rescuing, and the dude who was going to be the recurring BBEG.

Shit, I'm banned from games workshop games in general ever since i accidentally turned a game of Dark Heresy into a slice of life Harem anime style game. Looking over the notes, I STILL can't see where the radical genre shift happened.

>>12594448
The best part of the whole thing might have been rolling up the successor heroes for the next chapter.

"What's Anon's alignment? Make it Good."
"Give me his sheet. Give it to me. Give me your sheet."
"Write it in Sharpie: Lawful Good."
"Deity... Moradin. Cool, we're all set."

>>12594523
>slice of life Harem anime style game
This I want to see.

>>12594523
>i accidentally turned a game of Dark Heresy into a slice of life Harem anime style game.

This is the first time I've heard of a Dark Heresy campaign I'd be willing to play in.

>>12594523
......That's got to be the funniest thing since the RP group I play 40k at called in a lance strike that vaporized a lake because they thought they heard something in the bushes(Deathwatch game, btw)

My guilty pleasure?

Once a month we do a campaign that lasts 3 sessions.

In it, they can do anything. Be a Nai'vi? Fine. Be Goku? Fine. Anything game breaking, anything goofy, anything horrible.

They've gone from a campaign that's a circle of "who raped who last night" to one of "Tenchi Muyo, but with old gods as the girls" to one that's nothing short of Buggs Bunny antics between the PCs and Strahd Von Zarovich (he seems to be popular in this thread, must be Halloween?).

My guilty pleasure in all this?

Just fucking letting it happen.
This is a group which goes for maximum realism, who roll characters that WILL DIE because they're so underpowered just because it seems like a fun character to play, people who won't play settings that don't feel "real" enough in the supplements.

They, three days every month, just go bugshit wacky.

>>12594678
...How often do you play, that doing this three times a month is the less common action? I jelly.

>>12594589
confirmed for faggot.

>>12594523
>>12594523
>>12594523
>>12594523
Explain the last bit.

>>12594705
Depending on our schedules, anything from once a week to (more recently thanks to me losing my job and the guy who's always a paladin (and loves to be superhero characters during wacky days dropping out of college and the chick who always plays casters getting divorced) four times a week, plus an extra long Saturday.

>>12594719
>Thinks 40k isn't homoerotic
>Thinks harems are homoerotic

DOHOHOHOHO

>>12594759
Good god, glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks this.

40k really sounds like something that was written by hardcore sci-fi nerds in Castro or something.

>>12594720

Like I said, I'm not totally clear on what happened.

I was playing a standard guardsman build, a younger guy who had seen far more than his fair share of action even considering the guard. This was why he was brought in as an acolyte: his insane luck when it came to not dieing could only mean he was blessed by a god. They wanted to make sure it was OURS.

The game in general was a bit crazy, but I'm gonna skip past surfing a bane blade into a carnifex to the relevant bits.

The psyker of the group botched perils of the warp HARD and ended up opening a portal to what was basically Slannesh's throne room. She was sucked in and I jumped in after her because dammit, you don't leave a (wo)man behind.

There was a small group of Spess Mahrines nearby (A space wolf, 2 ultras, and a bloodraven if I'm remembering correctly) who immediately set up a perimeter around the portal.

I walked forward, and was about to grab the girl when Slannesh popped up right in front of me and tried to mind-rape me into servitude.

>>12594855
I'm gonna call this as being the DM's fault.

>>12594804
Originally it was just Warhammer Fantasy in space, hence the *looks around to make sure the commissar isn't around* Squats, Ratlings, and Ogryns being around.

My biggest temptation whilst GMing, especially if it's a party of minmaxers and lolrandumb idiots is to have them encounter a god or (something roughly equivalent, preferably something so powerful the game's makers don't even bother statting it) on the course of their hijinx, disguised as a normal person, and have it end very, very badly for them. I admit that in every oWoD game I have made one minorly-to-moderately important NPC (usually a cooperative witness to something they were investigating and whom only appeared for one scene) secretly be an obfuscated Cain, just in case my players started pulling stupid shenanigans for no good reason. So no one has unwittingly tried to Mug the Monster.

>>12593824
>"So, as you're walking through the jungle, you get attacked by a pack of polar bears"

I see what you did there...

>>12594855

So then Henderson (my char's name.... I just realized how whenever I name someone 'Henderson' shit gets real....) looked Slannesh in the eye (which, only in hindsight do I know that this is pretty much THE WORST THING I COULD HAVE DONE).

The GM started laughing. "Finally, I get to kill one of your fucking characters! Good god, I don't think you've even taken DAMAGE yet!"

"Don't I get a will save or something?"

"I... Yeah, but dude. it's a GOD. You're going to have to be insanely luck-"

Absolute.

Fucking.

SILENCE.

>>12595133

f5 f5 f5

>>12595133
Your GM's reaction next

>>12595133

It's taking me a long time to type this, but after spending/burning a few fate points, I not only stop her/his/it's mind control, but actually mange to scare Slannesh a bit from sheer force of personality.

I walk back out, with the girl.

Even the mighty spess mahrines can't fucking believe what just happened.

As luck would have it, on our next mission out, the psyker and i got separated from the rest of the group, and made it look like we were killed in a cave in. We slipped off world on a Rouge Trader's ship before the Inquisitor was even aware we 'died'.

The group collectively decided to switch to Rouge Trader because that was AWESOME, and maybe come back to the DH game in progress later.

After that things started to spiral a bit.

>>12595239

You see, our Inquisitor had decided that the only way I could have gotten out alive was by forging some dark pact, and chose not to shoot me only because everyone was more or less screaming Hallelujah at the apparent miracle.

So she instead sent us on a suicide mission to 'redeem ourselves'. i know this because she flat out called me on it in private. She would also have none of the obvious lie that Elias Henderson made a dark god quietly piss themselves.

Unfortunately, the rouge trader happened to be an old friend of madame Inquisitor, and would no doubt put two and two together.

So I caused a minor Geller (not sure that's the correct spelling) field failure, got him eaten by lesser demons, and got the position of Captain by rallying the crew and driving them off. I then framed the tech-priest (who I found out later actually WAS evil) saying the field failure was clearly sabotage and that he was in the best place to do it.

We spaced him.

I grew a beard, got a fake eye-patch, and started dressing in attire more fitting to my new position.

Then the inquisitor needed a ride, and called ME.

>>12595317

I explained that the old captain was killed by a traitor in the ranks, and that I had inherited the position after his untimely demise. She used the ship to move around a bit, and through our adventures, she never figured out who I was. And it turns out that she needed an outlet for certain kinds of stress.

The psyker BTW was more or less emotionally neutered by the inquisition long before I met her, and despite the obvious attraction saw me more as a brother, and I was afraid of getting closer due to a close encounter with the god of evil sex demons.

By this point, we had also acquired a fugitive Tau noble with power armor (Female because of a coin toss) and an eldar far-seer (female because her player was).

Shortly afterward, we took a step back and wondered how the hell we got from point a to point b, as this had taken place over about a year from the Slannesh incident.

>>12595381
I see no problem with the campaign at this point.

>>12595425

It sort of evolved naturally, but still.

I really only typed it up because one of the anons wanted an explanation.

This wasn't my worst one by a long shot, there's also the Malkavian incident, and Old Man Henderson.

>>12595464
Don't leave us hangin' anon. Details, details!

Archive this, if only for the haremhammer.

Dear Waffle House Millionaire:
You are awesome, please tell moar stories.

>>12595482

Old Man Henderson was something from a while ago during a storytime thread. Only reason I'm not using the name now is because some fag decided to steal it (I didn't consider it trip worthy) and troll for a while. Waiting for the hate to die down.

The Malkavian incident - well, actually there are no less than 15 different incidents that could be called that (rule 4: Mike is no longer allowed to play a Malk) but the one I'm thinking of I was more or less playing as Malkavian Deadpool.

It was a while into the game that I realized that I had a friend in real life who, entirely by coincidence, looked pretty much exactly like my character.

During one session, the GM cheated me out of an extremely lucky role that would have one-shotted a Werewolf boss fight that was supposed to be all dramatic and scary. My character bitched about it for close to an hour, and after the fight (we all had separate little 'what are you doing for now' things and got a bit of alone time with the GM) wandered off to 'have a word with someone'.

I then went to the bathroom and called in a favor from the friend I mentioned earlier.

When it got to my turn, the door-bell rang. The GM apologized and went to answer it. At which point Dave (the friend) punched him in the face and said that if he ever cheated him out of a lucky shot like that again, he was gonna come back 'and do you like OJ did'. he then walked off.

It wasn't until two weeks later that he realized what i did, but you know what? fucker never cheated a crit again.

>>12595604
1: What an asshole.

2: Fuckin' brilliant.

>>12595604
Can't stop laughing.

>>12595604


MAOR!

Your games are fucking GREAT man!

>>12595588

Just caught this.

I'm slightly flattered by the fact that you recognized my writing style from the two threads I was in under my name a while back.

>>12595688
>>12595701
>>12595724

Wasn't really planning on doing more right now. I need sleep that I haven't gotten in a few days, and I'm going to be running a scary game this weekend due to All Hallow's Eve.

Tell you what, I'll more than likely be on Sunday night, this time or earlier put up a Waffle Signal or something and we'll have a storytime thread. sound good?

Actually, what the hell would the waffle signal LOOK like? A stack of egos covered in Benjamins?

Just putting this here... RIP, old man.

>>12595777
>>12595786

>typing the full story of old man Henderson would take too long

I don't care. I want the whole damn thing, omitting nothing.

My greatest gaming sin?

Using the armies of chaos in a game but treating them as Ultramarines since I was too cheap to buy a new set and my buddies didn't mind.

Welp.

Archived.

Bump for maor stories of TWISTED GAMING!