I also wanted the kids to play magic, but I didn't want them to lose their yu-gi-oh style silliness. For $50, I got a box (almost a crate) of 5000 common/uncommon magic cards, with about 50 junk rares thrown in as well. I then told the kids I'd sell them 100 random cards for a dollar, and soon almost every kid had a 60 card deck.

At first, it was terrible. The games were basically them sitting, placing down a random basic land, and praying that they could play a card. Once I told everyone to pick and stick to one or two colors, things went almost two well. With out getting too philosophical, I explained how the colors worked, and soon little color "factions" sprung up. Friends would group together by color, but then they individualized themselves with a subcolor. Overall, I thought it was pretty neat.

My friend was overjoyed, and kept trying to "teach" them, but the majority of his suggestions were just that they needed to buy more cards.

A few kids listened to him. They were all part of the "black" faction, with two of them, the Bu and the Bb (not mono-black, but DOUBLE BLACK) really deciding to go wild, buying well over $200 worth of cards.

The black faction started to dominate. And not in a fun way. While the other children could play among themselves, the black players couldn't find anyone willing to play with them outside of their own faction. To "solve" this, my friend had the idea of having a tournament. While I was against it, the children thought it would be fun.

The black players established themselves as the "strongest" faction. They began to act pretty stuck up, and harassed the other players, while my friend actually encouraged them. He was made the honorary Bbb (TRIPLE BLACK), and even made a deck with that theme, filled with cards with BBB in their casting cost. While his deck was arguably the strongest, he was easily the best player and he enjoyed himself far too much playing and beating every kid that locked eyes with him.

Black had become the "villain." The other colored factions no longer used black at all, while the Black faction began to use it almost exclusively (resulting in the players referring to themselves not by subcolor but by tribes, such as Zombie, Spectre, Vampires, etc.). They all had decks that were half-built by them, and half-built by my friend, with a purely tournament mindset. They were strong decks, but were boring to play, and more miserable to play against. Probably the only reason they kept playing was because they liked being known as the strongest.

Cool story bro.

Somewhere, a Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series fan is ripping off a joke from it*

*this applies to any situation, really

cool stories are illegal. i'll have to call the brolice.

Some of the children (including the entirety of the Green faction) actually asked me to ban all black cards. This was not a solution, since the problem wasn't the color, but the fact that my friend had nurtured a group of Spikes to prey upon little Timmy's.

I talked to my friend, and he simply said that if the other kids just bought more cards, they'd have an easier time. He also said that he wanted to help teach the other children how to build decks, but none wanted him to. I explained that being known as TRIPLE BLACK was in these children's eyes the same as being the devil, and he took pride in that.

I had to come up with a solution to the "black" problem. My friend and his little crew were perfectly content with being villains, and the only thing keeping this from being "official" was that no "official" statement had been made. With that thought bouncing in my head, I decided upon a plan.

I asked my other friends for help. My own card collection (and mental card library) was small, but my other friends had collected magic for far longer than I had. I asked them to provide me with something, and after they fulfilled that, they proceeded to give me more cards than I truly knew what to do with. After only a week and a half, they had donated well over 10,000 cards to me, if not many times more. With a collection of unsorted cards that spanned the history of magic, I began sorting.

I told my friend half my plan. Basically, I wanted him to make the black faction stronger. I wanted them to be villains beyond villains, and I wanted to turn this into a game where beating a black faction member would earn the kids prizes. The black players would have two decks, one "weak" deck, and one "strong" deck. Beating a weak deck meant they'd earn a prize card (that I'd give them) and a chance to fight against the strong deck, which if they won they got more prizes, and a chance to fight against Triple Black.

Triple Black agreed, and decided he wanted to be a god. For some reason, only at that point did I realize that somehow this was all very Mirrodin like, which I kicked myself for not realizing it earlier.

To make his life and the other black player's lives easier, I created vanguard cards for them. They were treated like the old Magic vanguard cards, except they could only be used when playing their "strong" deck.

These made them ridiculously strong. They started with an extra 5-10 life, had larger maximum hand sizes, and a special ability relevant to their deck. Triple Black himself had 40 life, no maximum hand size, and could add BBB to his mana pool once per turn.

For incentive, the black faction would get stronger vanguard cards with the more people they defeated, along with card prizes as well. The Black faction was more than simply excited by this, and the other children seemed at least excited that they'd have the chance to win some cards.

With my villains created, it was time to create my "heroes." While my friend was smart, and fairly skilled, there was a really, really easy way to turn the tides in the other kid's favor, that was also relatively cheap (and in my case, basically free). All I had to do was exploit their faction's biggest weakness.

The "weak" black decks were exactly that, and many of the kids could routinely win against them but then get trounced by the "stronger" black decks. However, while the Black players only got slightly stronger after every ten or so battles, and usually in a fairly irrelevant manner (+1 to their maximum hand size or +1 starting life), I was able to slowly seed the other children's decks with hoser cards. I think I did it subtly, enough that my friend wouldn't realize I asked my other friends for all the best black hoser cards they could give me,

The green players, who were the worst against black at first, started to use the cards I gave them. Cards like Whirling Dervish and Compost started to have an impact, and it wasn't long before the white players began to white knight their way through the easy matches.

Two players, Wg and Gw, managed to beat the strong decks of two of the black faction, earning the right to fight Triple Black. My friend had been waiting for this, and to show his skill, he challenged the both of them at the same time. He showed no mercy, crushing them without any difficulty.

At first, he played normally, even modestly. But, after a little encouragement after he started to get inebriated with power, he began to play with great fanfare, to the point where he revealed his true nature. I never knew it before, but deep down, he really is just a big Yu-gi-oh villain.

Let me just sum this up for you OP

Anyone who plays to win in magic is child who is destined to play alone and will be shunned forever.

The other colored decks continued to get stronger, but the green and white faction ones were the ones that took all the attention. They started to defeat the strong black decks more often, and Triple Black had two or three matches a day, always with the same amount of drama that made even the short matches seem exciting.

Then, from out of nowhere, a Uwg player began to take center stage. He had traded his cards so that almost every one of his creatures had shroud, and he began to defeat the strong black decks routinely. He fought against Triple Black on a daily basis, who actually began to shift his deck around just so he could deal with shrouded creatures.

Soon, the White, Blue, and Green factions were all using either shrouded or protected creatures, and the Black factions began to suffer. Triple black continued to advise his faction, and all of the decks began to shift around this phenomena.

The red players were out of luck. While they could beat the weak decks, the stronger black decks started with extra life and were often even faster than the red decks. Red decks typically only won against strong decks if their opponent was mana flooded or screwed. With Triple Black starting at 40 life, the red players were growing frustrated, barely making a dent in that even when they finally managed to get a chance to fight him.

The red players tried, but they ended up splitting apart. The Rw's joined the W, the Rg's joined the G, the Ru joined the U, and the lone R, to my surprise, splashed in black and ended up joining the Black faction, who was more than happy to have him.

The games continued, and no one got close to beating Triple Black. His ability to add BBB to his mana pool meant that he played far less land then normal in his deck, preventing him from being mana flooded while his ability kept him from being mana screwed. His deck was simply too strong as well, but the theatrics he performed and the plays he made always kept his games with a full audience.

Eventually, two color players decided to team up against two black players, and two-headed giant was introduced. Eventually, three and four player teams games became common, with Triple Black facing against teams with the aid of the other black faction members.

>>12542166
Long story short: it's called the metagame. Can we go now?

Eventually, a super team was formed. The strongest of the Green faction, the strongest of the White faction, and the strongest of the Blue faction all teamed up together, and began to shape their decks to work with each other. The other children lent them the cards they needed, and soon the three had decks built up from everyone's cards. These three champions challenged the three strongest black faction members, Vampire, Demon, and Fairy.

The black players didn't even bother fighting against the weak decks, and went straight to using the strong ones. The battle was difficult, primarily because Vampire and Fairy were striking pretty harshly in the first few turns, but once the Blue player stabilized and the Green player had decent blockers in place, the game went in their favor.

They challenged Triple Black, who accepted. With two other black players on his team, Cleric (Bw) and Goblin (Br), he began the duel.

Green and White had great starts, punching in early with protected creatures while Blue held back, ready to counter. The other children cheered, pointing out cards they had lent and rightfully acting as if they themselves were taking part in the duel. Triple Black seemed content to watch at first, putting down lands while his hand grew. Cleric and Goblin worked rather well together, but their decks were not all that strong, and they really only served to slow down the UGW steady attack.

Triple Black only dropped the occasional spell, which almost always got countered, with only the occasional tutor going through, while Green and White whittled away at his life. Though they had started at 40 life (20+10+10) while Triple Black's team had started at 70 (40+15+15), they managed to bring it down to both of them being at 30. Finally, Triple Black decided to act.

With two cabal coffers and eight swamps, he had plenty of mana to play with, and more than enough cards in hand to do whatever he wanted. He summoned one huge demon after another, baiting Blue, who countered four before being tapped out. Triple Black than put out a Breeding pit. Though he could have cast more, he passed his turn, creating a single thrull.

Green and White were swinging with armies at this point, crushing and trampling over the clerics and goblins while Blue reloaded his counter spells. They dropped Triple Black's team's life down to 14, while wiping out almost all of the Clerics and Goblins.

On Triple Black's turn, he began with a Damnation. Countered. A second Damnation. Also countered. Finally, he tapped a horrendous amount of mana, casting a Plague Wind. With the last of his mana, Blue managed to squeeze out another counter. With Blue tapped out, Triple Black smiled. With the aid of a dark ritual, he cast his second Plague Wind, wiping out all of Green and White's creatures, laughing at his own sheer might. Then, with the assistance of his ability, he played his trump card, Contamination.

I had such a crush on Dark Magician Girl when I was younger. Goddamn.

With Contamination in play, his opponents' lands couldn't produce anything but black mana, which meant they couldn't cast any spells at all. With the breeding pit, he had a creature each turn to sacrifice, culminating in a complete lock.

The three children lost all hope. They stared at Triple Black, then glanced at their hands, wishing there was something they could do. White even had a Disenchant in hand, but he couldn't produce any white mana to cast it. They knew now that they had been toyed with, that Triple Black could have won at anytime, and that no matter how strong they were they'd never be able to defeat him.

After Cleric summoned some new creatures,
Triple Black ended his turn, creating a second thrull.

Suddenly, Goblin, the Br player, who had previously played purely R, cast Afflict at one of the thrulls, killing it. He disfigured the second, while everyone stared in shock.

Triple Black went insane. He yelled at the kid, asking him what the hell did he think he was doing, and with a brilliance I did not expect, the child replied that he was playing Red, which was chaotic.

>>12542157
Pretty much. The game is basically centered around the idea of searching through mountains and mountains of rules and cards until you find the equivalent until you find Pun-Pun, and then *actually playing him.*

The other team could do little but untap their lands on their turn, but they now had more than just hope. At the beginning of Triple Black's upkeep, without any creatures, he was forced to sacrifice Contamination. However, he quickly cast his 2nd Contamination, forgetting that Blue suddenly had access to Blue mana once again. With it countered, he tried summoning a few monsters, and even with two countered he still played a Scion of Darkness and a Greater Harvester.

The tides had turned, however. Rather than 3-on-3, it was 4-on-2, and the Goblin player added the two missing colors that they needed. Green and White summoned new creatures while Goblin killed both demons and even a few of Cleric's monsters. Blue reloaded, drawing cards while leaving some mana open for more counter spells.

Cleric, seeing how things were turning, ironically abandoned his "god," who looked at a situation he couldn't handle. Even so, he wasn't going to go out without a fight. Two demons were dropped to bait out Blue's counters, and then a damnation wiped the board clean. He followed this with a Myojin, removing the divinity counter to force his opponents to discard their hands.

However, neither Cleric nor Goblin were considered his "opponents." With their hands still full, Goblin killed the Legendary Kami while Cleric began to force Triple Black to discard cards from his own hand.

While Green, White, and Blue topdecked, trying to regain their position, Cleric and Goblin kept trying to deplete the enormous hand that Triple Black had, with Cleric forcing him to discard while Goblin killed the creatures he summoned. But, the two of them alone were not enough, and soon Triple Black was punching hard into UGW's life.

After a harsh swing, UGW was left at only 4 life, while Triple Black remained unchanged from 14. UGW only had two 2/2's on the field, neither of which flew, meaning that Visara the Dreadful would be able to kill them in the next turn.

Green and white had exhausted all their flying and reach creatures, as well as all of their removal. Blue, only had a counter and an Inspiration in hand, one he could use to hope that he would draw into a bounce card. Then, with a sudden flash, he played Inspiration, not on himself, but on Cleric.

Cleric, praying in a manner befitting his name, drew two cards, hoping he'd draw something that could help them.

His prayers were answered with the second card being Murderous Betrayal.

Still in the second mainphase, he played it, than used its ability, targetting Visara. Triple Black was quick to point out that the ability was countered, since Visara was black. No one needed to remind him that the cost was still paid; BB, and half your life, rounded up. Cleric activated it again, dropping their team from 7 down to 3 before running out of black mana.

Goblin, suddenly realizing that Triple Black's life was now in a burnable range added in a Shock, dropping their team down to their last bit of life. On UGW's turn they swung with their 2/2's, and Triple Black blocked one, using a Doom Blade to kill the other. That Doom Blade, however, was countered by Blue, allowing that 2/2 to swing through.

With the last of his life gone, Triple Black screamed, before falling dramatically backwards.

Everyone, including the entirety of the black faction, cheered and clapped. I awarded the three players a few rares, and even gave Cleric and Goblin a few. My friend, rather happy at his loss, said that this had been all very exciting, but now it would be a good time to return to playing the old fashioned way.

Looking at my cards, I figured that I hadn't even given out a quarter of them, so I just gave every child about a hundred cards more each, with the explanation that they had all worked together to defeat the "evil god." I also gave the black faction a healthy dose of cards as well, and thanked them for their "hard work."

I then sold (and continue to sell) the rest of the cards in bundles of a hundred for $1. The faction business is still pretty heavy, but the black being the strongest stigma has somewhat lessened thanks to everyone having plenty of black hoser cards and just stronger cards in general. Some of the Spikes have migrated to other colors (since black isn't the strongest color, and Spikes go to whatever's strongest), which is fine, I guess.

Overall, it's good to see all the kids having fun.

Fun story.

Heart.... Warmed?

Voting to archive.

As someone who plays red deck wins nowadays I feel kinda offended and bored

>I had to come up with a solution to the "black" problem.

i see you tomathy you fool nobody with your missing trip and entertaining story and general lack of horribleness

>>12542244
>>12542255
Fact confirmed: Magic removes your soul.

>>12542219

choosing bad targets on activation doesn't work that way.

>>12542258
I didn't realise the price of Jace the Mind Sculptor had gotten high enough that you had to make a deal with the devil to pay for it.

Suddenly Blue starts trouncing everyone once they work out the metagame.

End.

>>12542258
i've never played

the story is nice but come on, that line, it was ridiculous

a comment had to be made, nobody was making one

>>12542244

I was bored but then this happened

>>12542196

That was fucking awesome

>>12542289
It made me want to do some writefaggotry concerning 'A Day in the Life of Tomathy Jones'.

"I went to the supermarket. I needed to buy some jam. I looked at the flavours. Strawberry, Raspberry, Blackberry... my God. Those animals have minced their own testicles and are trying to trick innocent white women into consuming them. I spent several minutes standing there thinking of a poor damsel in distress, barely clothed, breasts heaving in a panic after she learned the truth. I pontificated. Something had to be done."

This was stupid. You portray your friend as evil, corrupting & incompetent, & you as the one who organizes the resistance & actually SUCCEEDS in getting the kids into the game.
Who the hell comes up with a name like triple-black anyway?! Kids maybe, but not adults, & I'm assuming your friend was an adult.

Also, how does this even work? They get a bunch of random cards, & suddenly Black is raping everyone.
White, Blue, or Red are stronger colours.

And then we have this "epic showdown" where they all gang up on the black players?

Not to mention it seemed overdramatic.

All in all, I think your story was bad.

>>12542330

You're terrible.

>Triple-Black

You...you...you...TRIPLE NIGGER

this is the kind of thing I dream about when I dream about what if MtG had gotten a series instead of Yu-Gi-Oh.

I'm fucking saving this.

>>12542330
>You portray your friend as evil, corrupting & incompetent,

You mean derpish? I think you mean derpish.

>>12542157
>>12542179
Can't stand to see a good story being told, eh?

>>12542373
OP's friend had bought into his own mind poison. He NEEDED to be defeated. Not on principal, but like that trope about sword fighters that get so good they start hurling themselves into danger.

This story got me interested in playing MtG...I'm not looking to start collecting one, but I would like to play one digitally?

Where can I start?

>>12542330
>You portray your friend as evil, corrupting & incompetent, & you as the one who organizes the resistance & actually SUCCEEDS in getting the kids into the game.
Not evil, just a tourneyfag. And not incompetent, just a neckbeard. What's odd about one person succeeding where another failed?

>Who the hell comes up with a name like triple-black anyway?! Kids maybe, but not adults, & I'm assuming your friend was an adult.
Uh, yeah, it does sound like the kids came up with the name.

>MOLECULAR houling
Sounds serious, Captcha.

>>12542402
google octgn 2, there will be instruction threads just for someone like you

>>12542330
It's not about him defeating his friend. It's about him helping his friend have fun with the children by basically putting on a big elaborate show. His friend was never really the villain outside of their little magic game.

Also, the reason black dominated was because the black faction bought cards to add to their decks. Learn to read.

>>12542361
Are you screen capping? If so, can you post the cap?

Story was awesome OP. I wish my entry into M:tG was anywhere close to that fun.

>>12542532
nvm did it myself. Posting for posterity.

>>12542532
you got it mister.

http://i56.tinypic.com/2iq8so.png

(image was too large for 4chan, working on cropping just the story together)

Some suspension of disbelief required, but not much, and it makes for an excellent read.

>>12542625
>>12542646
WHOOPS

i must look quite the muggins, eh?

>>12542651
You still deserve a brofist.

>>12542666
oh god no i dont my image resolution is so TIIIIINY whyyy did this happen

>666
YOU DID THIS TO ME, SATAN. YOUR BROFIST WAS TOO POWERFUL

I chuckled at the bit where red said he was just being true to type

>>12542694
Hey. Hey. Calm down man. It's the thought that counts. It's ALWAYS the thought that counts. Don't let 4chan beat that out of you.

>>12542714
aaaawwww. I can't think of why I ever left this board.

>>12542724
Every once in a while when /tg/ slows down I shuffle back over to /v/ for a bit, and I immediately remember why I left. For every one troll or green-text strawman or call of 'faggot' here, there's one hundred on /v/

>>12542532
Ah, that reminds me when I started playing.
My parents had died two years before and I was taking a year off before college, trying to make sense of my new life.
This was riiiiight at the time the internet became important in MtG.
The kids with money and computers used to assmeble the netdecks, so I just looked them up on the net, and came up with decks specifically against those.
I was smart enough to make decks that could be competent against casual decks, so I still managed to get to at least one of the net players, beat him, and get more points to advance.
Against casual players with their (REALLY THEIRS) own decks, I usually won 2:1 when I won, but against net players, I usually won 2:0 since I knew all the cards they could play and how their decks worked.
I soon began winning tournaments, much to the net player´s despair. I was playing commons and uncommons, and still beating their precious netdecks, how the hell was this possible!!?

>>12542786
my kinda player.

>>12542786
>I was playing commons and uncommons, and still beating their precious netdecks, how the hell was this possible!!?

Is this story going to end in you claiming to be the MtG Kiswach Haderach?

Soon, they began using sideboards specifically against me. Which wasnt fun for me, but fun for everyone else since this meant their decks were not real netdecks any more, and it came back to "the best player wins".

Sure, their decks were still strong, but no longer as strong as they were at first, and my deck was still basically one huge sideboard against them so i kept winning, only that it was 2:1 now, instead of 2:0

Then Mercadia came along and I said "fuck this set is fugly, im out of here"

>>12542808
smart move. mercenaries was an interesting mechanic that was extremely poorly executed, but DON'T GET ME STARTED on discarding cards or SACRIFICING LANDS to get effects. the only thing dumber i have encountered is thresh-hold. srsly. wtf.

>>12542786 and >>12542808 here
Years later, I opened my own store. Everyone knew me and the store was pretty popular. Of course, I hosted tournaments but since I wasn´t participating on them (i always thought it would be plain out suspicious if the store owner won a tourney, even if the old players knew i was moderately good) it came back to "net player wins".

I did my best to raise the level of the casuals, explaining mana curve, card advantage, and other useful concepts. For a while I also sold my cards to the newer players, but stopped when the old players started ripping them off.

To this day, net players still fucking piss me off, specially when they mock casuals, as if "their" deck wasnt to blame for every single one of their victories. And to this day, they fucking hate playing against me.

Casuals love to play against me, tho. And some have adopted my strategy, tho not as successfully as I did. After all, I had all day free to come up with solutions to "the new standard deck" at the time.

>>12542330
>>You portray your friend as evil, corrupting & incompetent

I didn't see that at all. I saw someone who was overeager and so into his game he didn't see what was preventing people from enjoying it. And the fact he did a pratfall when he died and actually enjoyed the final game worked with that.

>>12542869
aw geeze

now i feel guilty. right up until five seconds ago i used to be so proud of my blue control deck.

although to be fair i hardly ever win against supposed pros, so i might not be too far gone.

Indeed. The better player still won the mirror match in last nights game.


It wasn't me.

>>12542952
>>12542869
though this one time i beat a type 1 combo deck with a green anti-flying deck with no rares, just whatever i could scrounge up that knocked shit out of the sky.

i suppose it's simple enough to not be a netdeck player, if i understand the term correctly, i just have to stop using Gatherer and cardkingdom like a tool.

should i just stick to boosters?

>>12542988
If you're building your own decks, it doesn't matter what your resources are. Originality and thought are the enemies of net decking.

>>12542988
Netdecking just means using deck lists that someone else made and posted on 'net.

As long as you make the deck yourself from scratch, it doesn't matter how you get the cards.

>>12542988

Netdecking has nothing to do with using Gatherer, and it's not a hard term to understand... it just means you copy the decks that came top in major tournaments, card by card, without changing anything or making very minor changes. You find these lists on the internet, hence, netdecking.

>>12543035
>>12543025
>>12543021

:D

Eh, it can be a tool both ways. Being a net player leaves you open to people like me. We just look at your entire deck, and know what it does, how it does it, and how to stop it.

Dont stop using it, just start using it to know how to trump people that uses it as "easy mode" to get decklists.

There´s no right/wrong to go about it. The difference in the end, is commitment/time. If more players took the time to check the decks online, more would know how to stop them. They dont, and thats why they are "casuals".

Theres a difference between losing because you fought the Standard Deck, and losing because you have no fucking clue what the Standard Deck is all about.

If you really feel bad about it, I would simply recommend you to make a deck of your own, one of your real own, to play with friends outside of tournaments.

>>12543073
apparently i did not know what netdecking meant, and thought because i bought rares online, i was cheapening my experience. I don't copy tourney decks card for card. i hope i'm never that far gone.

Honestly Triple Black sounds like a real nigger.

>mfw this story is fake.

>>12543085
heh, just remember, do LOOK at those decks card by card, tho ;)

Not to copy them, but to know how they work and how to counter them. Knowing every possible card on your opponent´s deck is a huge advantage.

Btw, didnt a black discard card came out just recently that lets you take advantage of that knowledge?

>>12543137
there's more than a few cards that do that. I used to own some of them. Many of them are black. They all use the phrase: "Named card"

there's pithing needle, memento mori, etc. hadn't thought of making an anti netdeck deck out of those though.
oooooh that'd be NASTY. nastier than THIS even. huhuhuhuhu.

>>12543137
Memoricide is this minus the damage.

Also, from the mouth of the player of a Primeval Titan->Valakut deck:

"Archive Trap wrecks me."

>>12543176
>>12543169

I play with my friends only, I'd LOVE to make a deck like this for a one or two play trolling session. (I usually play goblins)

Anymore cards that fit? Or even a 'netdeck' out there that does this?

card games like Yu-gi-oh and Magic are shitty and you should feel ashamed.

the one true lord of games has a board and some dice.

>>12543184
Fun black deck
20 Swamps
40 Relentless Rats

>>12543281

Off the top of my head Meddling Mage

So, if the OP's still around, and assuming this story is true, were the kids playing in vintage format: IE All cards from any set allowed?
Did you ban Unglued from competitive play or just sort of hope they never went on the internet and found out about it?

Also, more of a question to the entire thread... how viable is an all artifact, colourless deck?
As a thought exercise mostly.

If you're going legacy, then all artifact is a breeze.
Not exactly competitive with other legacy decks, but simple enough.

Landless is possible.

>>12543409
>Not exactly competitive with other legacy decks

Eh, what is? There are some insane combinations you can get going in legacy.

I remember why I like kids now.

Great story, OP.

I have no idea what half this stuff means.

What's Bu? Bb? BBB?

What's a hoser? What's topdecking? And what the hell are vanguard cards? Are those those new people cards with the counters?

>>12544519
The five colors are B (black), W (white), G (green), U (blue), and R (red). Deck are noted as either B (monoblack), BW (equal parts black, equal parts white), or Bw (Primarily black, with white splashed in).

A hoser is a card that specifically ruins either a strategy or a color. A card with protection(color) is usually a hoser.

Topdecking is not having a hand, and playing whatever card you draw. It's usually not a good position to be in, since you have very few options you can work with.

Vangaurds were oversized cards that weren't actual cards, but more like "deck templates." They stopped making them ages ago. The new cards with the counters are planewalkers.

>>12544519
Vanguard cards were a terrible idea. They were made to try and help boost the marketting image of Magic, and made games absolutely ridiculous since there were only a few good ones and the rest were just clunky and trippy.

It was a cool idea (players had a "special ability" that went beyond just their decks) but they didn't put any effort in balancing them and many just enabled all kinds of stupid turn 0 wins.