DM: Wait. Why the hell do ALL of you have monkey grip? Have you been looking at my homebrew monster notes?

So...playing with those Revenant rules, ey?

Player: Yep?

Why do I have a feeling this is going to bite me in the ass later?

DM: Okay, so, your Evoker botches her attempt to steal the books from the mysterious mansion, and has been spotted by the pale albino shut-in who appears to live here. She seems pissed.

Mark: Fine, I hit her with a maximised magic missile.

DM: You're not even going to try and diplomancy your way out are you?

Ray: Are we in combat again? I was using my I-Phone. I use my god lasers.

DM: *sigh* I'm pretty sure that's not what they're called. Fine. The librarian starts summoning a gigantic cloud of magic fires in your direction.

Mark: Shouldn't that damage the library?

DM: MAGIC FIRE. PLUS YOU'RE ALL FLYING OVER IT.

Ray: This still isn't as awesome as when I bitchslapped Satan whilst riding a flying turtle.

DM: I've told you, that's not going to happen again now that I'm off my meds.

Mark: This is the best game of Little Fears EVER.

Ray: I thought we were playing Changeling?

DM: It's Exalted.

Player: Wait, weren't we playing L5R?

GM: No, it was Shadowrun, for the hundredth time.

>>12349949

>mfw you imply Samurai Jack wouldn't work as a Shadowrun adept

>>12349949
>>12349976
FOOLISH SAMURAI!

GM: Look, I said we were doing soft sci-fi drama in Mekton, what the hell is going on here? You've picked a chef, you're ships captain character has an Intelligence of 5, three of the players say they aren't going to make it today and the only other player is just the ships comms officer. Well at least Guy's made up a mecha pilot, and Adams cook got a high enough stats to double as another in the meantime.

Adam: Sorry, but we all heard that Nicole, Rachel and Henry had statted up pilots so we went for something else so to not unbalance it. We didn't know they'd be missing this session.

GM: Well, as long as nothing happens to Guy's "hotblooded super robot protagonist in a reals universe" then it should be fine.

[LESS THAN AN HOUR LATER]

GM: OH FUCK.

Bump for great justice

>>12350067

Shit yeah!

So...you want a companion?

Player: Yeah, I mean, she can make awareness checks for me and she's a college student so she's really smart...

But you put like no points into intelligence, wisdom, or fucking str. Holy shit can she even carry her own boobs around?

Player: Well, she's not supposed to be str-high.

Loook, whatever, this should all work out just fine.

(Five minutes later)
Player: Oh...noooooo.

GM: Okay so you find the team leader of the other team, he's been shot.

Jan: Can I use some medical supplies on him?

GM: Sure. He regains conciousness.

Jan: I ask him how he got shot, given that I haven't seen anything non-zombie or worse since we landed.

[Alan passes a note to the GM]

GM: He says that there's a traitor in the unit, but before he can say who [rolls dice] his head explodes as somebody shoots him from behind you. He ducks into the corridor.

Jan: Fuck! I follow him!

GM: You chase down the corridor and open the door, unfortunately you can't see anyone in the main hall.
You CAN see a pair of Lizard Monsters though.

Jan: Fuck. Can Alberts character help me out? He was supposed to be investigating this part of the mansion.

Alan: Sorry, nope. I moved onto a different part.
[hands GM ANOTHER note]

Jan: I wonder who the traitor is, I bet it's Ben's character.

Ben: What? Are you retarded? It's clearly...

[Alan hands him a note]

Ben: ...well fuck.

Chris: Sorry, there was a que at the supermarket, here's everyones food and drinks. I miss anything?

Jen: My character is about to get turned into some kind of sandwich by zombies.

Alan: Lizard zombies.

>Chris: Sorry, there was a que at the supermarket, here's everyones food and drinks. I miss anything?
>que
Fucking learn to spell, nigger.
Queue != Cue != Que
Que isn't even a fucking word.

DM: Alright, I'm running that magical girl game you guys talked me into. Let's see those characters. Powergaming as usual, Mike? And what's this "Make friends with extreme prejudice" motivation, here?

Mike: I figured that would be a fun idea. And besides, magical girls are supposed to shoot pink lasers and stuff, right?

DM: Yeah, but other than the magic powers, you've made a completely normal person. How are you going to know what's going on?

Mark: Isn't that the usual for this sort of game? It's okay, Adam's character can tell me what's going on. i helped him optimize, too.

DM: Yeah, I noticed. Looks like you made him into your bitch for doing defensive stuff and other tricks you can't handle. And you're okay with this Adam?

Adam: Sure. I'm in it for the roleplaying anyway. Since I know what's going on and will be disguising myself as a ferret most of the time, I should have some good opportunities for that. And it's not like I'll be useless in a fight.

DM: Alright, then, I guess this is ok. Faye won't be able to make the first couple sessions, so let's just get started...

*A few sessions later*

Faye: I forgot some of the details of the stuff you told me about this game, but I remember you mentioning this Precia person, so i included her in my background. I hope that's okay.

DM: (Takes Faye aside for a few moments) Uh, you do realize she's the villain, right?

Faye: Oh. Whoops. I'm sure it'll work out. Can you just roll with it for now? I'll help you out with some things on your side of the screen.

DM: Might as well. Looks like you've got enough of a handle on the system to actually challenge Mike's character, so a few fights between you two will probably spice things up.

>>12350231

It's Spanish for "What"

>>12350262
OH GOD WHAT!?
me and my roommate just watched the first two seasons of that the other day. was awesome.

and that kinda does alarmingly fit the plot of nanoha.

darths and droids style nanoha comic?

>>12350296
It is also french for "what", but it means fucking nothing in English

GM: Okay, so, Sheila's playing an Adept, Marks playing a Techpriest and Carl and David are playing Guardsmen. You're shuttle begins to approach the derilict mining ship, no lights appear to be on, and there's no response on the Vox...

David: I hope this isn't going to be like last time, when Sheila turned out to be an insane AI, and there were mutants and cyborgs everywhere.

[Five minutes later]

GM: ...and THAT appears to be your last fate point. One more critical hit like that and I think your characters dead.
Carl: Fuck me, why won't these things die? I blew that things head clean off!
Mark: How's my character? Am I still okay?
GM: Yes, you managed to escape in the lift and are now on the lower decks of the dock area. You notice all of the power is out, and you can still hear conversations over the vox. There is a melta welder on the floor, it appears fully loaded.
Mark: Sweet!

>>12350346
[later still]

GM: There's a Pulse rifle here, are you sure you don't want to pick it up?
Mark: Nah, the melta welder's all I need.
GM: Fine, okay the Asteroid Defences are back online.
Carl: Me and Mark meet back up at the inship tram system.
GM: Fine, Sheila, make an scrutiny check from the bridge please.
[rolls]
GM: Okay, you notice that the Oxygen levels are showing contaminates...
Mark: Fuck sake, anything more on this ship that needs to be fixed?

[Later still]

Mark: I cannot believe you killed Carl TWICE in the same campaign. I also can't beleive that Sheila turned out to be a traiter AGAIN. I'm also not loving how I'm being left here on this ship to die. You've basically screwed us over man.
GM: Okay, fine, I can fix this. You uh, begin seeing a silent ghostly image of your girlfriend again, pointing you towards the dock control...

[Finally]

GM: The shuttle finally lifts off, leaving the corpse of Queen Beasty behind you. Just in time, as you manage to escape orbit just as the Mining Ship crashes onto the planet, leaving a massive explosion.
Mark: Woot! We won! I can't believe I survived that shit!
GM: Yeah... about that: Make an initiaitve test.

>>12350307
Some friends and I have considered it, because with a bit of effort, it'd be very easy to do. The system is probably Mutants and Masterminds or something similar.

We only haven't made a screenshot comic due to laziness and never organizing anything in a logical order. We have figured out a few jokes and choice pieces of dialogue, here and there.

>>12350321
A pool que?

>>12350400
No, that's Cue again. Yeah I can't really say that was one of those mistakes you notice afterwards either, I had no idea that was actually how you spelt that word. I never really write it all that much, or when I do it's on something with a spellchecker.
Pretty bad all told.

>>12350400
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cue_stick

>>12350439
I think he meant queue

GM: Okay, were playing a Deadlands/Shadowrun crossover game. Show me your characters.

Ben: Here.

GM: Okay so... Ben's character is a Law Marshall who's a shaman with buffs to perceptions, speed and strength, Ann's picked a Gunslinger who's the mayors daughter, and Glenns playing a... wait what? An Uplifted Horse with cyborg implants which allow him to transform into a semi-humanoid form? The hell?

Glenn: I'm Ben's characters horse.

[GM looks at him wierdly]

GM: Well, fine, you're stats aren't any bigger that what he can get. Anyhow, the campaign is set on the planet New Texas in deep space, a land with three suns and home to precious ore, in particular, the carium rocks have brought Outlaws by the score...

>>12350321
non, c'est 'quoi'

>>12350348
WHAT YOU FUCKING DID THAR! I CAN SEE IT!

>>12350527

Thanks.

>>12349946
>Ray
>Mark

I see what you did there.

>>12350478

Fuck yeah, Bravestarr!
Nostalgia bump.

>>12350540
Trying to my nature. Gotta be brash, overly sensative nad like most Scots point out the obvious till their eyes dry up and fall from their skulls.

GM: OKay so your playing a human rogue with alot of points in charasima and a fuckton in thievery,stealth and performance.

Dane: yup.

GM: Larry your playing a ranger with firearms rather than bows. I see you have a flaw needs to hat to aim worth a damn.

Lerry: Aye.

GM: Christ Bill I dont think cloth armour on a fighter/rogue who only uses a close range one handed blade is a good idea and lets not even get into you art.

Bill: You'll see. He cuts through alot of stuff, most of useless.

GM: Christine....all you wrote is tits.

>>12350478
BRAVESTARR

Eyes of a hawk, ears of a wolf...

BRAVESTARR

Strength of a bear, speed of the PUMA!

>>12350574
I fucking KNEW wolf was in there somewhere...

>>12350566
This could be any number of things.

>>12350501
don't hurt yourself junior. que is still "what" when used as an interrogative pronoun.

Qu’est-ce qu'il a dit ? "what did he say"

Que pensez-vous de cette peinture ? "what do you think of the painting"

>>12350589
Probably the third one you think of.

DM: So, Deadlands. You all brought your sheets, right?

Josh: I wanted to play Exalted.

Adam: We did that last month, man. The rest of us wanted to switch it up.

Josh: Whatever. I still say Exalted is better.

DM: We're playing Deadlands, Josh. I didn't even bring the Exalted books.

Josh: Fine, whatever.

Adam: Okay, so both Mike and I are playing clerks with an insurance company.

DM: You're shitting me.

Mike: No way, dude. It's a great concept. See? I've got a d10 in smarts. I'm the brains.

DM: And... Jesus, Adam, a d12 in strength? For an insurance clerk? How buff is this guy?

Adam: Actually, we're both playing chicks.

DM: Goddamn it. I told you not to bring your creepy musclegirl fetish into my games.

Adam: No dude, it's cool. She's just really tall. It'll be fine.

DM: Alright, alright. Let's see what you've got, Josh. Wait. What... what am I looking at?

Josh: Smarts is my dumpstat. I only took a d8.

DM: You can't play this. You've got a d12 in everything.

Josh: Except Smarts.

DM: And a d12 in Shooting.

Josh: I'm the best gunslinger ever.

DM: I told you, we're not playing fucking Exalted.

Josh: And my arm can merge with my gun and blow up cities.

DM: What the fuck. No. Why did you even make this?

Josh: I told you, I fucking wanted to play Exalted.

DM: Okay, fine, whatever. You can play it just so we don't have to wait here while you roll another one. But your character doesn't want to kill anyone. It's a fair trade-off.

Josh: Fuck no, man! Then I'm completely useless.

Mike: Just take the deal. I actually want to play sometime today.

Josh: Whatever. Ugh.

DM: Ugh is right. I can't wait until Jess gets here. She rolled a preacher man with a mysterious past, so at least ONE of you will have a normal character.

Please do Super Mario RPG Legend of the Seven Stars.

>>12350793
I never played that all the way through...

Personally, I'm still waiting for someone to try and tackle Guin Saga.

ST: All right! World of Darkness time. Let's see what we've got...

Nick: I know we aren't playing Little Fears, but I figured I could --

ST: Why did you all four roll up children?

Nick&Sally&Dave&Mike: What?

ST: ... Goddammit. Psychic, psychic, psychic martial artist, and... who rolled up this Jeff character?

Mike: ... WHY THE FUCK WASN'T I TOLD WE COULD PLAY PSYCHICS?

Dave: Whoa, four dots in Craft and Intelligence? That's so unrealistic for a kid.

Mike: What the fuck are you talking about?! YOU HAVE PSYCHIC POWERS AND KNOW MARTIAL ARTS!

ST: Guys, guys, calm down. We can make this work. Let's see... where to begin...

>>12350878

lawl

Mark: Fuck yes, Mage. I've been waiting for this, I've had my Time specialized Son of Ether all statted out for ages.

DM: Just don't do anything too crazy, okay? Ben and I barely understand the system, and you're a veteran. Don't cheat the system, is really what I'm saying.

Mark: Yeah, sure thing.

Ben: Eh, about that. I didn't really get how spheres work, so I statted up a mortal. Maybe I can awaken later, or whatever?

DM: Sure, sure. Makes enough sense. Tell me about your characters.

Ben: Well, I really wanted to play a chick. With big boobs. I really didn't think about it much more than that, to be honest.

Mark: Dude, you have to put more thought into it. My guy is the last survivor of an alien race that traveled time and had this huge interchronological time-war with an evil race that are like robot space Nazis. His side lost, so now he travels time in a wooden box to pick up chicks.

DM: What is wrong with you? How does that fit the setting at ALL? And how the hell is that balanced?

Mark: It's okay, all my stats are in intelligence stuff, though I've got some athletics for running away. I've got like no combat stats, it's balanced, I swear.

DM: How about you, Ben? Any combat stats?

Ben: Um... not really, no? I put most of my stuff in social, cause that makes sense for mortals?

DM: Ugh. Well, this is going to be an incredibly short campaign.

[Five years later]

DM: WHY WON'T YOU DIE.

>>12350929
>>[Forty-seven years later]

Fixed that for you.

DM: Alright let's see those character sheets...why does it say MAXIMUM for strength?

>>12350952
I want to make a Broly character now, damn you

DM: There is 100% verifiable evidence that weird shit is happening RIGHT OUTSIDE your store. RIGHT OUTSIDE. DO YOU GO OUT THERE?

Jon: But we're having fun in here.

>>12351039
Infernal Monster Style and Solar Circle Sorcery (for Total Annihilation)

>>12351062

>>12350566
Lupin III?

>>12350793

DM: .....
Don: What?
DM: ... A human fighter that can jump twenty feet straight up and hurls fireballs.
Don: Yeah?
DM: A Dragonborn fighter with ricockulous armor class and Strength.
Tim: Heh. Don't forget the breath weapon.
DM: A human cleric that is also royalty and fights with improvised weapons.
Alyssa: So what?
DM: ... A warforged sorcerer made out of a kid's doll by the power of a Wish? Really, Greg?
Greg: Geno Whirl!
DM: That's not a spell. Shut up.
Greg: The book says spells are called different names by different users!
DM: Whatever! Bill, what the hell is this? You rolled a commoner?
Bill: It's balanced. Look at the racial abilities.
DM: What the fuck? You can cast Control Weather?
Bill: By crying.
DM: ... What.
Bill: I said, "By cry--"
DM: No. No. Nevermind. Let's just do this.

Okay, everyone, let's see those sheets... hand 'em up...
Well. It seems half of you have no clue how to make a character. I told everyone last week, "alien invasion in the arctic" and everyone seems to have made... let's see...
>I'm a helicopter pilot.
You took short fuse? This should be interesting.
>I'm the cook.
Why do you have points in roller skating? You're in the Antarctic.
>Yeah, well. I also took horticulture.
>So did I.
Great. Let me guess, you're growing weed?
>Yep.
Well. Here we go. An actual scientist.
>Yeah.
What kind of scientist?
>...
Well?
>SCIENCE.
Fuck it. The game starts with crazy Norwegians shooting at a dog in the snow outside of camp...

>>12351062
Dave: And my character wasn't even supposed to be there today!

>clorks comparing
Close, Captcha, but no cigar.

>>12351184

>Read
>Laugh
>Click image

Is that TTGL-style Super Mario RPG?

>>12351150
Give the man a prize. Ten in fact.

I apologised on 4chan has about a third of the posts in this thread. I noticed him posting a few days ago and since then i cant fucking stop, its like 21 all over again.

DM: Elf. Elf. Elf. Elf. Elf... okay, it seems we have a theme here...
Thomas: I rolled a primary jeweler, but I took a few levels in barbarian.
DM: Let's see... what the hell? You have a skill modifier of THIRTY.
Thomas: I'm an elf.
DM: You're level three!
Thomas: I'm an elf.
DM: How am I supposed to make you adventure if you're THIS good at crafting?!
Will: I'm sure you'll come up with something... I mean, you're good at this kind of thing, right?
DM: Ugh... I guess. What've you got?
Will: Eh, fighter.
DM: All right, let's see... uh... Thomas, someone stole your best piece of jewelry-work.
Thomas: I WILL TEAR HIS ASS ASUNDER! COME, FINGOLFIN! WE NEED A GODDAMN BOAT

>>12349946

Ok, so, let me get this strait. I can play my Exalt?

DM: Sure.

And Cass can play that BBEG from a few games back, the one that came thiiis close to pasting us all?

DM: Sure, why not?

And the Vampire and her time warp maid?

DM: I told you, I wanted you to enjoy it.

Yeah, but....the hell you throwing us against, to even be a challenge?

DM: Oh, you'll see.


(Not my best, I'll admit.)

>>12351263

I dunno, The Thing is basically a textbook Call of Cthulhu modern scenario.

>>12351359
That's nice, but I am COMLETELY out of fucking ideas. Which one do you think was my best?

>>12350589
>>12350566
It's Lupin the Third

>>12351428

Lol more like this
This one was fucking awesome

DM: Okay, since this is my first game, you two are my only players, I hope you don't mind. Hand in your character sheets.

Chuck: Alright

Barry: Cool

DM: Chuck, You're an... Assassin, alright, not bad, but why did you write "French... Or something."

Chuck: I don't know, I couldn't really decide, maybe he likes a certain drink like Milk or something. Has some sort of moral code. I'll think of it on the spot.

DM: ....Whatever. Barry you- Oh god damnit barry, I played with you in that last D&D campaign, no WAY are you going to play a little girl, you try to make a romantic interest out of ANYONE in the party.

Barry: What, no I don't! And look, see, she's a rogue!

DM: But you pooled into her charisma!

Barry: So?

DM: Eugh. Alright. Give me 15 minutes I can do this. Need to think of a reason why an Assassin would be working with a ki-

Chuck: My assassin isn't evil, he's just doing his job, so he doesn't hate kids or anything. Maybe anti-social

DM: Oh. Well, alright. Barry, your family has been murdered when you were out shopping....

>>12351782
Leon The Professional
awesome

"I want to use Raise Dead on my Pyromancer"

"There's no Raise Dead in this setting. It's not D&D"

"But I literally have no other idea for a character at the moment. Plus, you said The World was taken for Tarot theming"

"It doesn't have to be Tarot. You know what? Fine. I'll pass notes to everybody. We'll tell John we're going to meet your pyromancer's father to get some supplies..."

Dan: I'm a jaded, depressed, ex-assassin for the American government.

GM: Okay, pretty standard. You're going to be acting as the bodyguard for a little kid from a wealthy, high-risk family.

>Later...

Dan: Seriously, man? All you've had me do for like 6 sessions now is play with the kid.

GM: Roll perception.

Dan: Seven, that's 4 degrees of sucess.

GM: There's a roadblock at either end of the street. Men begin to pour out of a car.

Dan: FFFFFFFFFUUUUUU-

>Later...

GM: Alright, you wake up in a hospital bed, you made it out alive, but you failed your mission. Well, I guess we can run that Maid RPG campaign you wa-

Dan: Hell no. Shit just got real.

GM: O wut.

>Later...

GM: YOU PUT A BO-

Dan: A bomb in his ass. Yes. I wake him up to interrogate him.

GM: Sweet christ! And how do you keep succeeding your blood loss rolls!?

>>12352012
hm I can't seem to figure out what this is from

>>12352052

I'm thinking it's that Denzel Washington movie.

>>12352062
Deja vu?

GM D20 modern Zombie Campaign lets see your sheets remember I allowed mutations
Player one : Tiefling shooter
GM: okay
Player 2:Alismir Mage shooter
GM: this could be interesting
Player 3: Human Cleric type
GM: Hmm
Player 4:goblin with a gun
GM: okay
Player 5: human with guns
GM: okay lots of guns
Player 6: Ogre uses a tree as a weapon
GM: fine
okay first few fights we kill the shit outta things then go up against a acidic Ooze thats immune to peicing and Bludgoning
Party: = Fucked Player 1 puts on gas mask with flash lenses Pulls pins on 2 smoke grenades a flashbang and a Teargas grenade runs off and collapses cave entrance with some TNT and escapes with life.

Rest of party dies horribly in the dark cant see squat are dazed and slowly being killed By ooze immune to damage gone by everyone.

GM: Uhh Player one did you think about using the TNT on the ooze?

Player 1: Yeah I did BUT they were all lesser races and Uhg GOOD types Being a Traitor FTW oh and BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD read my set up background.

Becomes bloodthirster at kill count 888 before this I was at 883 MWAHAHAHA

>>12352082
Man on Fire
I saw it once

>>12352115

You got it, sir.

I want to do up a fate/Stay for this, but, I'm blanking. Someone help?

DM: Awright you scrubs it's a fucknig mecha campaign like I told you last week what you got?

Ian: Well, I wanted to play a vidyagamer turned mecha pilot.

DM: Cool story bro, next.

Jon: Girl crossdressing as boy in the military

DM: *eyeroll* Next.

Joe: All right, I wanna play a princess from some really rich country.

DM: Uh..sure? Where are her stats? She doesn't seem very good at mecha pilotting from what you wrote here...

Joe: She's a princess, man! She's not a pro at mecha!

DM: Dude, Ian's character sucks and he's still better than yours...

Joe: Roleplaying not rollplaying!

DM: Whatever jeez! Gonna have to bring you in carefully, though.

>>12352012
Fuck yeah.

That sound awesome. I love that movie

>>12352161
Decent movie
Would be something similar for Taken too

I roll to disbelieve.

ST: Ok, what we got?

Jim: School guy, wants to be a Hero of Justice.

ST: Wisdom is kinda low, but....good back story. Well, it's a mage game, but, you took no actual powers....alright, I'll have something for you.

Carin: Same age, but, I'm actually competent. And been training for this.

ST: looks good, looks good.

Mary: Uh, here's mine.

ST:.....the hell is up with this back story? It...what? You know, whatever.

Ok, now, roll the dice, to see what servants you get, and then we get started.

GM: Rock falls, fat kid dies.

Players: FUCKING FINALLY

Pete: I fucking hate you guys. I was just trying to have some order and civility so we could keep our shit together.

Players: Gay! Let's go kill some shit.

GM: You know what, I am NEVER running a sandbox, deserted-island-survival campaign for you prepubescent psychos again...

>>12352181

I hate you for adding yet another layer of Meta to Umineko.

>>12352311
Oh my god, you're right. I didn't even notice.

DM: "... You all rolled Half-Elf."

All The Players: *Stumble over one another to point out the distinctions*

DM: "Hey! Hey! Stop it!"

All The Players: "HE STARTED IT!"

DM: ".... Okay. What are your characters' names?"

All The Players: "Link."

DM: "... Oh, goddammit."

>>12352165

GM: Okay, now were using Jeff's campaign notes from something he ran a few years back in alberque.

Paul: You mean the thing with the Vampires and the guy who was so grotesquely overpowered he could actually shank the colour purple?

Jeff: No, THOSE campaign notes I burnt and buried. This is a mage campaign.

GM: Okay, if you like I've got some pregenned character sheets for you all...

Luke: Uh, I already kinda statted out my character, I had this idea for some kind of martial artist/wizard thing.

GM: Oh christ not this bullshit again. You badgered us for months with this when we were playing WHFRP.

Luke: Yeah, but now it's entirely doable with this rules.

Jeff: It's fine, we never did find the owner of the wizard familiar.

Paul: Okay, I'm picking the guy with Regen. Who does everybody else want?

[later]

Eileen: So, we each get these super Familiars, which we use to battle the other players super Familiars like some kind of hardcore version of Pokemon?

Jeff: That's the idea.

Eileen: So wait, why does mine say he's got amnesia but he's actually...

Jeff: Yeah, that never actually came up last game, he took on Hercules on Steroids and got murderised offscreen before any of it could come out.

Eileen: But isn't it majorly fucked up?

[Jeff merely grins]

[Later]

Paul: Wait. Wait. Wait. The fuck? Those are MY feats! He's copying all of MY weapons! How the hell did he? I mean how the fuck can he have my personal feats which only I can have unless he's...
[pause]
Paul: My brain is full of billions and billions of fuck.

Jeff: I've waited for that for three years.

Eileen: I'm sort of wondering what playing as either of the other Girls would have been like...

GM: You REALLY don't.

DM: You're playing as...an Awakened rabbit?

1: Yes.

DM: And you're...

2: An Awakened duck. I have a long-standing vendetta against the rabbit.

DM: *sigh* Alright, fine. What are you?

3: I'm an overexcitable Texan. I took the midget flaw.

DM: Whatever. What are you?

4: Michael Jordan.

DM: *grits teeth* And you had a demand of some kind for my campaign?

All: BASKETBALL MATCH!

(I'm TOTALLY open for discussions of what classes they'd be)

>>12352580
Bugs is a rogue, Fudd is a ranger, Michael Jordan is an Expert with the Exemplar PrC and tons of ranks in Jump and Profession: Basketball.

Don't know about Daffy

>>12352637
>Bugs is a rogue

Hm...This actually could work.

>Fudd is a ranger

Are you sure? It's tempting, since he's out in the woods hunting, but it's obviously not the sort of thing he's got skill ranks in.

Wiley E. Coyote is, of course, an artificer.

Would Taz be a barbarian?

Yosemite Sam has a short fuse, obviously.

Marvin the Martian is, of course, your real BBEG.

>>12351263
I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight... is this what I get for staying of /x/ ?

GM: Alright, let's see those sheets. Damn it, Sarah, I said this was a Modern campaign, you can't play a duskblade. And what's up with this character description?

Sarah: It's still d20 rules. It should be fine, right?

GM: No, it's not. But if you can sell me on this, I'll run some modern fantasy stuff. I can probably wing it. Though I'm not sure how well that would work with the fact that John actually made a modern character, even if he is just a high-school kid. Give me a week to think about how to balance this and I'll see how it goes.

*Next week*

GM: I think I've got it. John, I've made a few modifications to your sheet, hope you don't mind the extra feats. I'll let you take levels in D&D classes like a certain someone, too.

John: Fine by me.

GM: Alright, so, it's another ordinary day at school...
*later*
GM: A wall of flame surrounds the area, forming some sort of strange crest. Everyone inside seems to be frozen, as if time is stopped.
John: What the hell?
GM: And a few things have fallen from the sky. They begin devouring people.
John: Oh shit, I can't even fight them yet, can I?
Sarah: I'll rescue you, don't worry.

*After combat*
John: What do you mean, I'm dead? I don't remember being killed. I got healed from that sword attack, and I'm walking around fine.
Gm: you aren't exactly dead...
Sarah: You're more of a remnant. You'll disappear eventually.
John: What? Damn it, you two have been talking without me again.
Sarah: Will you just shut up!

>>12352580
You are now my personal favourite person in the world.

Rejoyce

>>12352820
Shakugan no shana?
Awesome!

>>12352820
>>12352861
I never did get around to watching this. Is it actually more than the standard tsundere-loli fanservice show that it appears to be?

>>12352899
It is. Shana does fill the tsundere loli role, but the show's some sort of modern fantasy in which extradimensional monsters eat humans to obtain their existence and thus maintain their own existence in the human world instead of the one they come from. There's a lot of action involving fighting these guys, which tends to be fun. Also, fire everywhere. I'd recommend watching a few episodes to see if you like it.

>>12352858
Yay!

I kind of want to start a Bugs Bunny stat me thread, but I think the trolling would be horrible.

GM: Dan, are you on meth?

GM: Fine, you guys want to meta-game? How about this. BBEG where you literally cannot die because you are already dead. You are hereby given permission to die repeatedly, just generally fuck around with NPCs, and just generally do whatever the fuck you feel like.

Players: Sweet! I guess you've given up on getting us emotionally invested in the games, huh?

GM: Something like that...

(later)

Players: FUCK YOU SHES NOT DEAD FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

GM: Bwaaaahahahahaaaah! Yeah! How's THAT for a BBEG?

"So all of you want to play Mortals?"

"I wanted to be a changeling!"

"We'll see. So far we have Mike's new kid with... how the fuck did you get this many contacts? Holy shit! Kyle and Izzy's are just as bad!"

"I have an excuse, I'm an informant!"

"I used to run a gang!"

"I'm moot!"

"Whatever. You may want to tone down the athletics though Izzy."

"It's not as bad as Sam's over there"

"Holy Christ how did you get that many dots in anything"

"Lowered everything else."

"Okay, let's see. Back-alley doctor, nothing big there, four of you are playing Mike's contacts, two of which... are slashers?"

"Killer nerds in love!"

"And Annie is... also a slasher.... Oh God... Oh... God...."

>>12351263
Good one

DM: Why is int your dump stat, you're a fucking wizard hows this going to work?

>>12352820
>Shana does fill the tsundere loli role

>Sarah: I'll rescue you, don't worry.
>Sarah: Will you just shut up!

I see what you did there

I'm thinking M&M.
GM: Could you at least TRY to even SLIGHTLY hide your fucking powergaming?

>>12350929
That would never work. Have them roll up nHunters instead. Start the game off with "Your first mission for the Torchwood Institute is..."

>>12353151
Those fucking variables powers, man. And he probably put them in some sort of device container too.

>>12353181
he's a fucking living virus
he's his own BBEG

DM: George, for the last time, your character is an alien from another planet, he CAN NOT BE A FUCKING JUGGALO.

George: Whatever man, I'll just be chilling over there, call me when I have to do stuff...

DM: Sigh...ok Dan, let's see your sheet...a ranger, huh? Looks pretty cool. *whispering* By the way, how are things with Sarah?

Dan: Well...let's just say things between us will never be the same...

DM: That sucks man, I hope this campaign can reconcile you two, I heard she's playing some sort of pirate with a freaky eye

>>12352637
>>12352767
Not Fudd! Yosemite Sam!

DM: Ok. We've got a...you rolled Commoner?

1: Yeah. What of it? Common people can be badass.

DM: Ok, if that's what you want, but everybody else rolled pretty hefty characters. We've got a Warforged, an Awakened lion whose only real flaw looks like the worst Will save I've ever seen, and a...I'm not even sure what this is, man.

2: I'm a Straw Golem.

GM: I...well...huh. That's pretty retarded.

2: Yeah, INT is the dump stat.

GM: Oh, so literally. Anyway, your BBEG is a female sorceror...

>>12353224

O U

>>12353224

DM: Okay, so we've got a few new players joining us today...

David: What? Fuck no! No more players man!

Violet: Yeah, you've spent more time introducing new players than you have advancing the plot for the rest of us.

DM: You get what you're given and will like it.

James: Goddamn it half of them are just shitty internet stereotypes, why are you doing this?

DM: For fuck sake shut up, just wait until the new guys are settled and we can continue the story.

>>12353290
>DM: You get what you're given and will like it.

This is how you DM.

>>12353224
DM: STOP ABUSING THE TIME TRAVELING RULES HANNAH
Hannah: YOU are telling me about bending the rules? I don't even know what my character IS anymore with all those fucking templates stacked! Besides, the BBEG was unkillable.

DM: Yeah? Well, ok, ok, we'll have it your way. So, Kevin, the final prize is finally at hand...

>>12352012
Roberta from Black Lagoon?

>>12353062
Baccano?

>>12353130
FLAWLESS VICTORY

>>12353347

>>12353062

is Durarara!!! same writer, less mafia, more fae.

GM: Ok, so you're all scientists at some secret facility.
Bernie: Actually, I wanted to be a security guard.
GM: That's cool, just lemme see the sheet... Looks good. Kinda weak, though.
Bernie: Alan and I put some of our points into John's armor so he'd have more to spend on his skills.
GM: ...Well, the rules allow it, ok. Your guy's pretty weak too, Alan. Nothing but knowledge skills.
Alan: Could you compensate by giving him access to more areas or something? I have the best sciences in the group.
GM: Sure. Now let me see yours, John... John, why are you holding your sheet like that? And why haven't you said anything all day? Gimme that sheet!

GM: Your party is part of a preternatural law enforcement group based out of D.C. What you do is watch over a bunch of telepaths. When they presciently tell you that a murder is going to take place, a wooden ball pops out with the culprit's name on it, and you go arrest him before he can kill his vic--you know what? This is pretty retarded. Why don't we just do terrorists on Christmas again?

>>12353440
I liked Minority Report.

>>12353465
It was a fun movie, but you have to admit that the plot was patently retarded.

>>12353465

Also, are you saying it was better than Die Hard?

>>12353516
hey, don't you start spreading shit about die hard.

>>12353579
I'm not.

Quite the opposite.

That's what "Let's just do Terrorists on Christmas again" was about.

GM: So, you guys are military commanders. Catherine is the most mature of you, so she's the one in charge.

Cathy: I'm lucky! <3

GM: Yes, we know, so James what are you playing?

James: I'm playing a badass tank commander. DIRECT COMBAT, FUCK YEAH.

GM: What are you playing, then?

Bill: Infantry specialist.

GM: Anything else about her?

Bill: Um...no...

GM: All right then, Tommy!

Tom: New guy.

GM: Killer...wait this guys' a fucking moron.

Tom: He can fix things!

GM: ....you know, when he dies I'll laugh, but if he lives you're cool.

GM: OK, we're ready for our Dark Heresy campaign! Lemme see your sheets...you're all playing Guardsmen. With horrible combat stats.

Player One: Yeah.

GM: And what's this? Power Armor? What the fuck are you doing with Power Armor? You're all level one!

Player Two: Well, we thought flak armor wouldn't work very well.

GM: And you, what's this on your sheet? 'Possessed by a violent, body-hopping artificial intelligence? Pacifist?' You're not even trying, are you?

Player Three: Uh, well, y'know...I was hoping I could be a medic...

GM: Alright, fine. Anyways, you're starting off in the middle of a box canyon, with two seperate firebases.

Player Four: A box canyon? In the middle of nowhere? Why would there be two bases in the middle of a box canyon? Why are we here?

GM: This is gonna be a long campaign...

>>12353384
JOHN FREEMAN WHO IS GORDON FREEMAN'S BROTHER WAS ONE DAY AN OFFICE

DM: Alright guys, we're playing Exalted, let's see your... George, you rolled up a mortal...

George: Yup

DM: But... you're using a Grand Daiklave

George: It's cool. I got the strength to do it.

DM: but... Wait... HOW?!

George: I transferred some dots from Social into it. I hope that's cool right?

DM: Whatever. fine. So, what, you're anti-social and prone to outbursts of rage? But... You don't have a limit-break... Actually? Forget it. I have an idea. How about you Griff?

Griff: Uh, I actually... made a mortal too.

DM: OH WHAT THE FUCK?! You... wait. You have WAY too many points in Social and Intelligence.

Griff: Don't worry about it. I took a couple of flaws... It's cool.

DM: Well, at least Cathy made a... Mortal. Dammit. Looks like we're doing a mortal campaign. At least SHE'S fairly normal... Except for the fact that all of you have "raped" in their backgrounds.

Cathy: ALMOST. Raped.

DM: Goddammit. Fine.

(Several Sessions Later)

DM: So. Griff can't really play anymore for a little while, sooo... I made him the new BBEG...

George: But Griff was my BRO, what the hell could have happened?

DM: Remember Wyald?

George: Oh fuck you. We never mention Wy-

DM: And Zodd? Yeah. About that. I found a Limit Break for you finally.

>>12353816
i always hate this and yet i can't stop listening to the wepon wepon wepon wepon wepon wepon song

>>12353764
DM: Your artillery unit demolishes the enemy infantry. Even from your distant position you can see the spray of gore and bodies as massive explosions rip through the plain, tearing apart the fragile soldiers like eggshells.

Tom: Wicked! War is fun as hell! Let's go get some ice cream, guys!

>>12353816

Jack: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Tina: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Frank: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
John: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Mike: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Freddie: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Jim: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Laura: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Jane: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Tom: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Todd: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Dirk: I rolled a Norse Barbarian.
Max: I rolled an Arab Bard.
GM: FUCK YOU, MAX.

Players: We've got our characters ready for that fantasy campaign. *hand sheets over*

GM: Hm...vengeful soldier whose parents were killed by the Evil Empire. Has a sister...wait, you have a dragon for a companion?

Carl: I had to take the mute flaw to get it.

GM: Not much of a price, if you ask me. *mutters* minmaxing bastard. Of course, you'll be limited to angry gestures and facial expression.

Carl: Nah, the dragon talks for me.

GM: Fine, I'm making it a complete bitch that says nothing helpful until it's too late. I've got some good story hooks for the sister, so she'll not just be a background detail.

Next...Blind...fairy companion who torments him constantly? Oh, I'll have fun with that. Pedo- wait, what? Leo, you can't play this.

Leo: Why not? I even took the blindfighting feats. And I promise, I won't get all creepy on you guys, it's not even a fetish of mine.

GM: Sure it isn't. Ah well, I'll give it a go. Ashley's playing an elf, huh?

Ashley: I'm insane because the bad guys killed my kids in front of me and probably raped me or something. Oh and I'm a cannibal. I particularly like children.

GM: Seems like you've also picked up some sort of companion magical spirits. I'm sensing a pattern here. Sean...did you know what everyone else was doing when you made this guy?

Sean: Yeah.

GM: Are you sure you want to play a 10 year old boy, then.

Sean: Yep. I think it'll make for an interesting party dynamic. Oh, and I decided that I'm not aging; it has to do with the golem I'm teamed up with, who can handle the combat for me.

GM: *headdesk*

>>12353966
They had a fighters and a ranger too, gosh.

>>12353939
I'm pretty sure Advance Wars created a generation of bloodthirsty child-Napoleons

ST: Alrighty, let's see what... what the fuck am I looking at? Nick! This one's yours, isn't it?

Nick: I see no problem-

ST: THIS IS AN INFERNAL! We're playing Mortals, not Exalted!

Nick: Wait, really? Oh, my bad.

ST: And you can't have that many dots! What the fuck, 777 Infernal Tools? You statted all 777 of them?

Nick: You left out the 7 Tools of the Yozi Masters.

ST: How... you... Come on, Ynez, help me out here!

Ynez: Oh, we went over it already last night. I'm his assistant.

ST: YOU'RE A HIGH SCHOOLER! And this is supposed to be a mystery solving campaign! And why are you an Exalted's assistant anyway?

Ynez: He promised he'd let me live. Also, the detective service pays for my expensive eating habits, and my vice is... lots of food.

ST: You know what, fuck it. Why not? Let's see if I can figure out a way to kill your powergaming ass, Nick.

Nick: I'm right here, man.

>>12353972
what is this one?

>>12354004
Drakengard. If you're familiar with it, the GM then proceeds to get his revenge upon the party by using Heroes of Horror and his old CoC notes.

>>12353800
They multi-classed, they were all Barbarians.

>>12350262
DM: Look, I know you guys really liked the last game we ran with those characters, but they're practically epic level now. What can challenge them?

Mike: I'm sure you can come up with something.

DM: Plus, Mike, can you and Faye stop snuggling together on the couch. It's annoying.

Faye: We'll just have our characters hook up.

DM: Christ. Just don't go making out in-game, okay? And Steve, does your character still have her obscene Allies merit?

Steve: Of course. I leveled them up too. And I bought off that Lame flaw. Being stuck in a wheelchair all last game sucked.

DM: Okay. Adam can't make it anymore, so I brought in some new guys. Will, what did you roll up?

Will: A cy.... errr, girl with a mysterious past! She specializes in punching things and uses roller blades.

DM: Roller blades? Really? Fine, whatever. Matt?

Matt: Angry gunslinger with family issues.

DM: Fairly standard. Sue?

Sue: Well, I talked with Faye, and we decided that my character could be an adopted son or something, to get him into the group.

DM: I guess that works. And Pete, if you bring out another goddamn magic loli, I will strangle you.

Pete: Uh... she's got a dragon?

DM: Goddamnit. Fine, whatever. Look, we gotta equalize the levels between you all or the vets are just going to run roughshod over all the challenges. Sorry if this is a bit boring at the start.

DM: Okay, let's go down the list here. Craig - what's your hero, and powers.

Craig: She's a half-demon sorceress and empath, specializes in-

DM: For fuck's sake, man, this is a four-color supers campaign!

Craig: Relax. She's like a mall-goth version of Doctor Fate at PL 8.

DM: ...and you're ignoring the ban on different-gender PCs.

Craig: If I promise I won't start a relationship with someone, is it alright?

DM: And no sleeping with anyone.

Craig: Deal.

DM: Okay... Josh, you're up... a shapeshifter?

Josh: Yep. Any nonfictional animal above insect size.

DM: You managed to get that in our power level?

Josh: Hells yeah. I had to take an assload of flaws, though.

DM: ...continue...

Josh: "Vegetarian", "Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny", "Odious Chef", and "Asperger's Syndrome".

DM: "Odious Chef" isn't a flaw. Neither is Asp-

Josh: Third party supplements, dude. Got `em offline.

DM: Oh, for the love of... fine... Mallory, you're up.

DM: You feel something pull your helicopter back.
George: What the fuck?
Van: I look out to see what's holding us back.
DM: You see a man with sunglasses and a robotic arm.
George: Fuck, not HIM again.
DM: You see that he's shot a grappling hook at your helicopter, and that he's reeling it in.
Both PCs: WHAT THE FUCK?

LATER
DM: The wreckage falls all around you two, encircling you in a cage of steel.
Van: He's gotten better.
DM: Three walls pop up all around the wreckage. One's dotted with flaming engines, while the other two are electrified.
George: This can't be-
DM: The walls start closing in.
Both PCs: FUCK.

LATER
DM: Reflex.
Both PCs: Made it.
DM: A crate narrowly misses the both of you. You see the man's robotic arm is now emitting a tractor beam.
Van: This isn't even funny anymore.

LATER
DM: You gun him down. As he falls, the tractor beam malfunctions and sucks in a bunch of crates that crush him.
Van: I'm going to go and ch-
George: Don't you remember last time?
Van: Oh, right. I stand back.
DM: You see his real arm emerge from one of the gaps and press a detonator. The stack of crates explodes.
George: Eh, fuck it. He'll be back for the next campaign no matter what we do.

>>12354143
what is that?

>>12354143

>He'll be back

>>12354093
Mallory: I'm an alien princess!

DM: ...o...kay... let's see your sheet. Huh. Hey, kiddo, I think you're working a-

Mallory: An' I'm strong like Supergirl an' I can throw sparkly bolts around an' I like plushies-

DM: Uh, Mal-

Mallory: And I drink MUSTARD.

...

Craig: I like her.

DM: Well... I'll have to work over your stats later, but I think she's okay to start. Uh... Ben, tell me that you're actually playing something your own gender for once.

Ben: It's cool. I'm basically Robocop with more personality.

DM: Alright. Plasma cannon, advanced computer use, electronics... hell, looks like you've got a pretty balanced character for-

Ben: Oh, and I'm a black guy.

DM: ...you know what? You're not pretending to have boobs, I'll take it.

Mallory: Heehee! Boobs!

DM: Amir?

Amir: I know kung fu.

DM: That's it?

Amir: I know REALLY GOOD kung fu.

DM: ...so... anything else?

Amir: I've got the Angsty Loner flaw and the Natural Leader trait.

DM: Wait, what? Doesn't that give you, like, a -5 on all your Leadership checks?

Amir: It's cool, I maxed out my charisma.

DM:...What?

Amir: Well, I needed a reason that he's a good leader. I figure that if he just looks like he knows what he's-

DM: No, never mind, let's just do this... you start in your superhero lair-

Mallory: It's a skyscraper!

DM: ...skyscraper...

>>12354164
Time Crisis 4. The guy with sunglasses and the robotic arm is Wild Dog.

>>12354269
For reference, Wild Dog blows himself up in every game except for Titan Project. In that game, he was in a helicopter that crashed.

And exploded.

DM: Alright, ladies. 3d6 down the line, no rerolls.

Eliwood: 11's and 12's across the board. Wonderful.

Lyn: 18 in dex! But I rolled 8's and 9's everywhere else, shit. How'd you do, Hector?

Hector: Hahaha. Ahahahahaha!

>>12354004
Drakengard. A seriously fucked up setting. Incest, giant baby demons, and to top it all off it turns out Chicken Little was right--the sky shatters like glass.

>>12354143
Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny? Now where have I heard that bef--
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ptitlem4f37xq499gk?from=Main.AttentionDeficitOohShiny
FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Sarah: Film-Student who wasted her time watching horror films, especially zombie ones.
Jim: Violent biker who isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.
Sam: Vietnam Vet.
Alex: Optimistic office worker.
DM: Okay, so ...wait, what is this shit? Why do you ALL have such great firearms scores? Only Jim and Sam should have skill with guns and -
Sarah: My character's father was a cop.
DM: She's got higher scores than the NPC cops in the book!
Alex: My character goes to the rifle range every lunch break
DM: Your character is on par with a fucking trained soldier! This is...okay, you know what? The zombies not only run but there are special types too.
Group: Bring it.

DM: So you two are playing the shock troops of the Empire.

Craig: Yeah.

DM: ...you used WIS as your dump stat.

Ben: Couldn't see much use for it.

DM: ...didn't put any points into Search, Spot, or Sense Motive...

Craig: We're warriors! We don't need those things!

DM: ...and you didn't pick up the proficiency for your power armor or the blasters you're using.

Ben: Wait, what?

DM: Yeah. You've only got proficiency for up to heavy mundane armor and military weapons. Because the gun links to the fire control in the armor-

Ben: Shit!

Craig: Ah, it's cool, we've got good Dex scores.

Ben: We're gonna be taking penalties out the yin-yang for that!

Craig: Did you just say out the yin-yang?

Ben: FOCUS!

Craig: Look, it's fine. We can still take an assload of damage, and we still do buku damage when we -do- hit.

Ben: Fine, fine. Let's just roll with it. But if this fucks us over, I'm gonna kill you.

DM: Okay. You're posted on a desert planet on the far rim-

Craig: BO-RING.

Ben: Shut it!

DM: ...and your CO has told you to go to a spaceport town closeby. You're looking for a pair of droids containing military information.

Ben: You're a dead man, Craig.

Jim: Okay, seriously, this is getting ridiculous.

GM: What do you mean?

Jim: Look, I understand that you wanted this Mekton campaign to increase in power level, but did you have to scale up every single mek we get? I mean, the first Mek was a 1/5 scale roadstriker, and I was fine with that, it worked out nicely. Adding the Combining Mecha ability with George's 1:1 scale worked out fine too. . .

George: I'm still pissed off you killed my character.

GM: George, for the last time, I rolled the dice in front of you. Quadruple die explosion to a piercing hit to the crew compartment on a 10 kill EMW equals death. You should be glad I at least let you finish up the scene.

Jim: Look, can we get back to the issue here? Like I was trying to say, I was just fine playing at 1:1 Mek scale, but then you moved it to 10x Corvette Scale. Even that was fine, even if the math got weird, but then you moved us to 100x ship scale, and now the math is just fucked up, man.

GM: Look, trust me, I've got a plan. Anyway, as the moon splits open, you find that the entire thing is a giant mecha. . . here are the stats.

Jim: What the. . . Excessive scale? Goddamn it, I thought I told you not to do this again!

Larry: Hey, what's my character doing!?

GM: Jesus, Larry, I'm trying to read a scene here!

Larry: Look, I just want to make sure that she looks hot. I spent good points to get that 10 in Appearance.

GM: Goddamn it, Larry, shut up about your stupid fap fantasy. . . anyway, yeah. The moon is a giant mecha, and your mech can plug into it. . .

Jim: This is retarded!

George: At least you can't go any bigger than Excessive scale. . .

DM: Ben... you're up.

Ben: I'm playing a reporter.

DM: Awesome. Not a girl this time?

Ben: Not after what you did to my car...

DM: Good.

Ben: He's got an insane amount of willpower, maxed out bluff, advanced weapon focus for revolver-

DM: ...wait, he's a reporter, ri-

Ben: ...and he's addicted to everything.

DM: Everything?

Ben: Yeah, it's in the book.

DM: ...let me see... addictions... here we go. Wait, that last one?

Ben: Yep.

DM: "Addicted to literally every form of alcohol, narcotic, and other substance known to man; cannot go two hours without a hit of something, preferably multiple somethings?"

Ben: Yep.

DM: You took a 50 point flaw?

Ben: And I intend to play it to the fucking HILT, sir!

Craig: And I'm playing his attorney.

DM: ...he'll need one...

Craig: Same flaw, though.

DM: Did you guys get some weed over the weekend or something?

Craig: Nah. Just trying to do something different.

DM: You know that this is going to make this campaign awkward.

Craig: It's a sci-fi campaign, right? I'm sure we'll do okay.

--Nine hours later--

DM: You completely missed the invasion!

Craig: Well, it was pretty subtle, wasn't it?

DM: THE BAR WAS FULL OF LIZARD-PEOPLE.

Ben: And I was on LSD! Or... was it the ether?

Craig: Can't really remember. Might have been the mescaline.

>>12354715
AND SOMEONE'S BEEN GIVING BOOZE TO THESE BASTARDS.
WON'T BE LONG NOW BEFORE THEY TEAR US TO SHREDS.

>>12354715
I expected Transmetropolitan right up until the bit about the attorney.

>>12354715
Lawl Hunter Thompson.
Read Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail

>>12354812
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, actually, though The Campaign Trail is just as good.

>>12354805
Transmetropolitan is basically Hunter S. Thomson Fanfiction. That's one of the things that makes it awesome.

>>12354805
Well, Spider Jerusalem WAS Hunter S. Thompson in THE FUTURE.

>>12354855
If I remember, Aberrant has an entire supplement detailing the adventures of a thinly-veiled Thompson character as he researches the Aberrants.

"Come on, the party needs a cleric."
"I don't care! I'm gonna play another rogue I've got this hilarious character concept. He's black, and he's a rogue because he loves stealing, and he's always wisecracking in a high voice and making bug-eyes like Chris Tucker."
"You can't be serious."
"And if he sees an elf, he's gonna totally hit on her. But only if she's a drow. Get it?"
"I hate this campaign. The only good thing about it is the dwarf, and his player is gone half the time because of his fucking girlfriend."

this thread is lame

>>12351184

can I get a source on this picture, and the rpg whatever it is?

>>12355019
>and the rpg whatever it is
If you're not trolling, I am geninely sorry for your ignorance.

>>12351184

Control weather is the least of this GM's problems.

GM: Ok lets start the adventure:

Blain: I aint got time to bleed.

Hawkins: Billy aint afraid of no man.

Dutch: Get to da choppa.

Predator: Over here.

>>12355037

I swear to god I'm not trolling. I've never heard of anything relating to this picture. I just think it looks fuckawesome and want to know what it's all about.

GM: Ok lets start the adventure:

Hicks: Frost, Wierzbowski!

Lt. Gorman: Apone, I want you to lay down a suppressing fire...

Newt: Ripley!

Ripley: Get away from her you bitch!

Alien: Hsss.

>>12355166
See
>>12350793

GM: Ok you guys hear reports of a football kicking disco dancing monster
Frenchy: Sacre Bleu!
Mike's Character: Oh no I'm being killed by a football kicking disco dancing monster
Monster: ARRGHHGHGHGH!

GM: Ok lets start the adventure:

Kid 1: hehehe im gonna go hide in this pile of leaves on the side of the road and scare my friend.

Man Driving Car: Opps I just ran over the kid and he died.

Leaf Monster: Hahaha ive been reincarnated as the dreaded Leaf Monster and not I kill people during the season of autumn!

>>12355254
>and not I kill people during the season of autumn!
>and not I
>not

GM: Ok lets start the adventure:

Man: OMG! the clothes falling down your close chute scared me so badly that I died of fright.

Laundry Monster: Now ive come back as the dastardly Laundry Monster and I haunt and kill people in their laundry rooms at night HAHAHA!

>>12355218
>>12355254
>>12355298
these are great movies btw

>>12353224
> DM: George, for the last time, your character is an alien from another planet, he CAN NOT BE A FUCKING JUGGALO.

HoNk

>>12355166
>doesnt recognize mario. not trolling.

>>12355389

If not trolling, this picture represents the situation adequately.

>>12355415
>>12355389

No, I get that it's mario. I recognize most all the characters from various mario games. I'm just curious about if this is some fan-comic, or mario tabletop rpg homebrew.

>>12355501

And I know it's based on the n64 game. But that game didn't have rosalina or star bits, so is this a fan comic?

>>12355501

Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars.

There should be at least one Let's Play of it.

>>12353800
FUCKING LOL

DM: All right, let's see what we've got... everyone gave me a character sheet?
Greg: Yep.
Ivan: Yeah.
Trish: Uh-huh.
DM: ... What the? Everyone's a wizard.
Greg: Well, yeah.
Ivan: It's just a quick campaign, right?
DM: But --
Trish: C'mon, it's not like we're going to play it forever, right?
DM: Well... all right. We'll see what happens.
>Fifteen minutes later
DM: What do you mean, "We only prepared Summon Monster spells?!"
Greg: They're our friends!
DM: What.
Ivan: Hahaha, relax, man. No need to get attached.
>One year later, picture related

>>12355908

You have awakened memories deep inside of me that I did not know I still retained.

Jack Daniels and a Pokemon marathon appears to be on the menu for this particular night.

Bastard.

>>12355908
I saw that when I was a little kid in theaters. I cried! D:

..Someone Do Cavestory, I would but I have no grasp for systems.

>>12355908

Fuck it all, I remember crying so much at that part.

Fuck me, I'm almost crying now.

Fuck you, I am crying now.

>>12356004
>>12356034
>>12356253
You're all pussies.

>>12356034
It's okay anon.

We all cried.

>>12356253
THIS.
x1000.
bastard.

>>12355908
Oh god, this scene. THIS SCENE!

>>12356239
Seconding. I'd do it, but I'm pretty new to tabletop RPGs, so I couldn't stat my own arse to save my life.

Hasn't anyone requested archive of this thread yet?

>>12357062

I would if I knew how. Do we just say this should be archived and it'll magically happen?

>>12357116
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/requestinterface.html
Jesus. If new were cheese, we could rub you with chips and make nachos.

>>12355908

Fucking Christ, this'll teach me to dig beyond page zero.

GM: So, Mutants and Mastermind, PL 15, what have you got?

Bruce: Uh, I've got a scientist who turns into a giant dude when he get's angry.

GM: ... how the hell did you even manage to get your Str and Super Strength this high?

Bruce: Well, he's not very smart in his transformed state, and it's basically another personality. Which is as dumb as a post and perpetually angry.

GM: I dunno, this could wreck the party if it goes wrong.

Bruce: Eh, I'll just have him bugger off and roll up a new character if it comes to it. I think I still have my guy from that WW2 supers campaign we ran about somewhere.

Tony: I've got a power suit character, he's phoenominally rich, with a cybernetic heart. That's basically it.

GM: Great, Arthur:

Arthur: I'm Thor.

GM: This is M&M not Scion, you can't be... oh, huh, I guess you can. Jane? Harry?

Harry: I'm a scientist with a formula that can cause me to grow or shrink depending. That's all I've got.

Jane: I'm his girlfriend, I mostly use the shrinking formula, and I also have some kind of high powered miniture stun dart gun, and robotic wings that enable me to fly.

GM: Okay fine, Bruce your character is walking alongside the train tracks when you spot a guy dressed up in a wierd costume with giant horns on his head...

[TIME UNTIL HARRY AND JANE BRING IRL DRAMA INTO THE GAME: 7 MONTHS AND 15 DAYS]

Jen: Goddamn it! Stop raping all of our characters and NPC's! It's not cool, and is in fact really creepy!

GM: It adds drama!

Sally: It bloody well does not! I had a perfectly nice back-story going here! There was no need to add rape into it!

Dick: I guess that teaches you to stay in the kitchen Lol!

GM: Oh yeah, that reminds me dick, after talking with the gang member she manages to slip you paralytic agent, and then starts fumbling with your pants...

Dick: GODDAMN IT MILLAR!

>>12359034

>mfw the celebrated apologizer returns after a number of hours

Mother of God, man. Do you SLEEP?

>>12359080

Yeah, but this thread was pretty much the last thing I did before I went to bed, and I noticed it was still about when I got back on this morning.

>>12359129

Oh.

Keep up the good work.

Fuck, why does that always seem a lot cooler when I'm not the one saying it?

GM: ... I'm not happy.
James: What? Why?
GM: Why? Well, gee, I wonder why? There's only ONE OF YOU that could possibly do anything of merit here.
Ben: What are you talking about?
GM: I told you this was going to be an espionage campaign!
Ellen: So?
GM: SO?! Ben rolled a goddamn computer-obsessed pocky-eating freak!
Ben: But I --
GM: And Ellen rolled a... what is this, a languages expert?
Ellen: Hey, you said --
GM: James is the only one with any sneaking skill whatsoever, and he's the gun-toting maniac!
James: I didn't roll a maniac. I rolled a clone.
GM: ...
Ben: ...
Ellen: ...
GM: What?
James: What? I rolled a clone of the greatest soldier to ever live.
GM: ... Okay. I can make this work. James, your character has been snagged by the military for the purposes of stealthing into a high-security base that's said to hold a weapon by the name of Metal Gear. Ben, Ellen, you --
James: METAL GEAR?!
GM: Oh god, what happened to your voice

>>12355908

Oh goddammit, you triple-decker-asshat son of a bitch.

I just rewatched it. I JUST REWATCHED THAT FUCKING MOVIE NOT THREE DAYS AGO

Cried like a bitch

>>12359398
>GM: Oh god, what happened to your voice

I lol'd.
Fun fact, the Solid Snake voice is actually really easy to do, just roll your r's ever so slightly, more than usual, but less than Sean Connery. Then visualise your voice, but comprised solely of gravel.
Works every time.

ILoveThisThread.jpg

This has been archived :D

Referee: OK, Traveller today, really early era game, do you have your sheets?

David: Yeah, here you go.

Referee: OK, pilot, scientist type guy, that's good.

Frank: Here you go.

Referee: Another scientist type, ok well, it's a brains heavy game.

Chandra: Here's mine.

Referee: WTF, you're playing a computer? This shit really isn't even in the rules, or is at least a stretch. And I see some pretty wacky personality flaws.

Chandra: it's ok, it's basically the ship itself, and we work together like a unit, kinda makes up for just having us three.

Referee: (sighs) ok whatever, let's get a game in and see how it goes

[two hours later, David has gone EVA]

David: seriously dude, open the fucking doors.

Chandra: sorry man, not gonna do that. (points out personality flaw) Bug in my programming, I'm just playing my character.

bump for moar

I love this thread.

DM: Rick, you're playing a multiclass human warlock/warblade?

Rick: Yep. I only took a few levels of warlock though for the eldtrich blast.

DM: Well, I guess that's okay. Steve, let me see your character... Half-ogre warblade with Improved Unarmed Strike?

Steve: He likes grappling.

DM: Fine, whatever... Dave, you're an elan warlock/rogue/cleric? You rolled pretty sucky for... well, all your physical stats, really.

Dave: Yeah, I'm going mostly for attrition damage and support with this build, while being hard to hit.

DM. Ben... another warblade?

Ben: Yeah, but I'm a half orc! I liked the flavor of the Tiger Claw school. He's got some Stone Dragon stuff too.

DM: Are you guys sure you want to play a group this melee heavy? Anyway, Gary, let me see your character.... A crusader/dragonfire adept.

Gary: He's used to be in the military. Doesn't take any shit.

>>12360229

Oh god, how do you do this one?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYTLkjhrA08&NR=1

>>12352258
Ahaha, Lord of the Flies.

>>12353384
GM: So... John...you just...blew up...a gigantic alien baby that shoots energy out of its brain.

John: ...

GM: ...right, uh, you're teleported to a tram car, and the guy with the suit is there.

John: ..!

GM: Would you STOP ACCUSING ME OF DMPC-ING?!

>>12354514
GM: [rollroll] Hah! You've finally run out of luck. The bridge stops. The zombies can still reach you.
Jim: Goddamn it, this is all your fault, Alex.
Alex: How is it my fault?!
Jim: You were always harping on about our lucky escapes!
Sarah: Guys, we need to figure out what we're going to... Sam, what are you writing?
Sam: [passes note to GM]
GM: [rollroll] ...godDAMMIT.
Sam: I leap down from the bridge and run to the nearest generator, emptying my M4 on the zombies. I yell back, "You three take care of each other!" before hitting the button.
GM: A tank knocks you to the ground, you're incapacitated. The rest of the group is safe.
Group: [MANLY TEARS]

Srsly, I played that last night, already knew how it ended...and then Bill said that. I was so sad. D:

GM: Awesome. Now that we've finished character creation, let's see what we've got.
Jack: I'm a veteran prosecutor. Kind of older, hence why I took the Aged flaw, but that explains almost all of the rest of it.
GM: Gotcha...
Jamie: Uhm, I don't really know the system, so I kind of just made a side-kick. What's the word...?
GM: Assistant District Attorney, gotcha. It's easy enough to figure out GURPS, you'll pick it up soon enough. Lennie?
Lennie: Wise-cracking detective.
GM: Why is it always "wise-cracking" with you...
Lennie: Because you're not funny?
GM: Wise-ass... what about yours, new guy?
Bruce: I'm the Goddamn Batman.
GM: Oh, for fuck's sake...

>>12353901

That made my day.

This thread is epic win.

>>12350566
>all you put was 'boobs'
That's fujiko.

GM: Okay this is an ancient, celtic, light fantasy world. What are you guys playing?

Fergus: I'm the King's adviser, champion, and foster father.

GM: Whoa... Okay, I think I can make that work. You?

Conor: I'm the King.

GM: Okay, seriously, you gotta promise you got the chops to rp this... but I'll allow it.... Seth?

Seth: I'm an ambitious 5-year old kid from a family of some minor renown.

GM: Cool... I was hoping for something more down to earth than the other two, but this is a bit underwhel-

Seth: What?

GM: Why is there a hole in your character sheet where your Father's name goes?

Seth: Well, my dad never really cared much for me because he agrees with all the rumors about me not being his son.

GM: Odd way to go about representing that, though...

Care to explain the hole where your fate points go?

>Later...

GM: Seth, the bird perches on the standing stone above your head. You feel as if it has a subtle, unnatural presence. This is an ill omen for your culture, test Willpower to not fear it. You're at a -20 because you're 6 and this would spook an adult.

Seth: Nat 1.

GM: Oh... Nice going. So you don't even flinch. Quite a brave chi-

Seth: I make a scary face at it.

GM: What.

Seth: Roll to intimidate, right?

GM: It's an untrained skill and you're a 6-year-old child staring at a bird, but I guess you might confuse it or something... Go ahead, you're at -20.

Seth: 1.

GM: Fucking wat... Roll again to see exactly how badly you startle the creature.

Seth: 1.

GM: How did...

Seth: Another 1.

GM: Let me see those dice.

*rolls...*

GM: 19, 98, 73, 28, 46, 61... They're legit. Seth, what the fu-

Morgan: Sorry we're late, hit traffic coming from Conor and Fergus' houses. What'd I miss? You introduce my fae shapeshifter war Goddess like I asked you to yet?

GM: Okay the five you travel to an empty cabin with no idea as to what is in it. What are your characters
Ash: Convinience store clerk
Scott: General dickhead
GM: and the Npcs are.. *rolls dice* Fodder.
Fuck my life.

>>12365710
I have no idea what this is, but I am amused.

>>12365710

>>12365710
So...DAMN...familiar.

>>12365710
What is this from?

>>12365710

Morgan: Seriously? The odds are... I don't fucking believe you, that's too awesome to not be bullshit.

Seth: Hey Missy, you were the one who wanted to go scaring a small child, don't act surprised when fate ruffles your feathers a bit.

Morgan: No I'm actually impressed... So, do I roll to resist fear?

GM: Well, go ahead, I mean you're sort of a deity of war and death, so your bonuses are ridiculously hu-

Morgan: 100

Seth: *innocent smile*

GM: ...The boy's face suddenly shifts, for a fleeting instant, into a terrible, bestial mask of a calibre of fear, about which you've only pondered fleetingly. You squawk in fright and take flight clumsily from the stone, forgetting your nature for a moment.

Morgan: ...I'm going to follow him.

>>12365767
I like to thing it turned into a musical game.

- I CANNOT STAY! I KILLED MY LAY! I MUST GO NOW.
- YOU CAN'T GO NOW.
- I MUST.
- YOU CAN'T.
- I MUST.
- YOU CAAAAAN'T!

...good times.

>>12365937
Hahahahaha

>>12365937

BITCHES OUT FOR BLOOD.

>>12365788
>>12365866
>>12365907

You guys still not get it?

>>12365922

[2 games later]
GM: Ugh... Can't bleieve this is still alive...
Ash: Alright! Now what?
Gm: Well, now you have to fight a giant army of skeletons, save a princess, and fight an evil version of yourself.
Ash:...
Gm: Problem?
Ash: I fucking hate you.

>>12366075

No dice man.

>>12366075
Is it just a celtic legend? or is this actually a cartoon/movie/vidya?

>>12366230
>>12366264
Cu Chulainn, presumably. Dude seems to have a major boner for the myth -- possibly driven by Shin Megami Tensei.

>>12366075

GM: You finally arrive at Conor's dun. You proudly state who you are and the underwhelmed but intrigued guards open the gates for you. As you enter, you see a large group of boys, all older than you by a good deal, playing a game on the field. You-

Seth: Great! I brought my stick with me when I left home. I'm joining in.

GM: Are you sure? You're much smaller than them and they're in the middle of their game.

Seth: I'm always sure. Rolling Athletics... I got an 8... ah well, that's life.

GM: ...But an 8 is 4 degrees of success...

Seth: Could've been 5 degrees. Oh well, that's what I get for hesitating.

>Later...

GM: The boys appear incredibly angry that you interrupted their game, and moreso that you made fools of them by out-playing them all. It's clear that they intend to beat you.

Seth: ...Which one's the tallest?

Gm: Wat

Seth: Whichever boy is tallest, I start with him. I tell him that it's only fair we organize this. After all, the smaller boys won't even get a turn in the fight. Fair's fair. Rolling Command... A 3. I suppose that'll do.

>...

GM: The boys are almost in a daze. You've lined your attackers up by height. I suppose you're trying to be beaten in an orderly fashion?

Seth: Something like that. I tell the first one to hit me.

GM: This is fucking insane... He rolls... a 21. He connects. Going to dodge?

Seth: That's silly. Why would I tell him to hit me and then just dodge it. That's not fair.

GM: ...Whatever. He does 3 damage as he punches you in the jaw, and... fuck your toughness bonus...

Seth: Commendable. Rolling Willpower to remain calm-

GM: When the hell did you take the Berserk Talen-AND HOW DO YOU HAVE A MOBIUS STRIP FOR ITS RANKS!?

Seth: Oh look. I rolled a 100. Shucks. Looks like I just lost it.

Morgan: ...To clarify, I'm going to follow this boy FOREVER. <3

>>12366287

Also, that's that digital devil saga game, right? I have zero interest in any of that shit.

Redbranch, by Morgan Lywellyn, was the reference.

GM: Ok so Mel, your character is an inve- . . . how did you get that many points to put into Science (Mad), Science (Explosives), Science (Robots) and Science (Inter-Demensional)?
Melody: I took Mysterious History (Dark), and a number of psychological traits, connected to my mother, a radio show host. It's all in my background notes.
GM: Ok. .. And Harry, you've made a web designer with some points in art, and. . . Punning? You've maxed out your Humour (Terrible Punning) skill?
Harry: Yeah, also took Character Flaw: Excessively Wacky.
GM: Well, Charlie isn't here yet, but here's her character. As per normal she's maxed out everything for combat.
Harry & Mel: *snerk*
GM: What.
Mel: Noth-
Harry: She's playing a Rabbit.
GM: What the? Where doe- Oh. . . Well, I already OK'd it. Let me change a few things around, I had a nice plan for a daemon invasion, I can use it later I guess. . .

I like this party! You all complement each other pretty well. You guys actually got together and make sheets this time eh? One curious thing though, why do you all mention only wearing different certain color themed clothing.

"Jack, stop bitching okay? You picked "Smoking" as your flaw, suck it up or make a new character."
"But I'm being in character!"

>>12367984
Harry: Never thought the maxed skill in Terrible Punning was going to be useful, did you guys?

Bumping epic thread

GM: Alright, schoolteacher, chronic depression..... suicide exhaustion talent?

Carl: Well, that's short for 'teaching people how and telling people to commit suicide.'

Gm: Ok.... Reality warping pessimism as your madness talent? Neat, actually.

(30 minutes later)

GM: I can't get a hold of fucking anyone and I wanted to fucking play Don't Rest your Head.

Carl: You and me both. Damnit.

GM: I have an idea. You wouldn't mind playing solo, would you?

Bumping for awesome.

GM: Allright guys, we're all new to ORE and I'm not used to such a large group, so lets start off by going over everyone's characters tonight. As I said in the email, you are all elite Interpol agents at the Superheroic level. Tyson, we'll start with you.

Tyson: Uh.... I didn't get the email. I asked Tony what it said and I think he told me to use too many points. I made a fairly aloof martial artist type guy.

GM: Hrm... yeah. It doesn't help that you made a bit of a combat twink. What the hell, if you play up the "alcohol" power focus for all your abilities, I'll allow it. Tony?

Tony.: I made a big burly guy with a godly body hyperstat and throwing axes. Wake me up when the combat starts.

GM: No backstory? I'll try to contain my surprise. Ginnie?

Ginnie: I made a sexy gunslinger who teleports. I have some ideas about her backstory but I want to run them by you first.

GM: Sounds good. Gordon?

Gordon: I had a feeling we'd need some brains in this group. I made a brilliant and unflappable scientist. I only took one power...

GM: ... and it's a 10 hard dice defense ability. I guess if it's all you can it's not so bad. Oh! One sec, that's my phone...... okay, that was Isaac and Shiela, they stopped for pizza and said to start without them. Apparently they made a shinto priest and some sort of blue skinned amazon woman. We'll see how that winds up fitting in. Derek, what did you make?

Derek: Uh.... you're probably not going to like it.

>>12372159

GM: It's okay, the whole reason I choose this system was so I could work around your min-maxing. Just let me see the sheet... A 10 year old boy? That's gonna be hard to explaWHAT THE HELL?!

Derek: I can totally explain this one!

GM: YOUR POWER FOCUS IS A TWENTY STORY TALL ATOMIC ROBOT.

Derek: Well, you see, his father was a-

GM: I thought I told you there wasn't any atomic powered ANYTHING in this setting! That's the basis of the entire story! How exactly do you... okay, you know what? Everyone else add 20 points to your powers.

Tyson: Even me?

GM: Even you. We'll run with this, but god dammit I'm bringing out the big guns from the start and ramping it up from there.