Inglorious Bump

Pull out LHO stick. Light.

Name is corporal Hayter

Your name is Corporal Hayter, known within your squad as Smokin' Hayter, due to your fondness of LHO sticks. Nobody quite knew how, but you always seemed to have more than the assigned amount, but nobody questioned it.

You groggily open your eyes, touching your forehead and wincing as a jolt of pain shoots through your head. Your vision is still a bit blurry, but you can faintly see the outline of your enemy. You remember now. They were...

>Honour the craft of death

>Inglorious bump #2

>>12326398
Harlequins, hundreds of them fell on your basecamp before you even had a prayer, but where were you now?

>>12326424
Eldar. The foul xenos fell upon your basecamp, but somehow you managed to retreat to a battlefield of sorts. Seems that they overlooked your body when you fell, assuming you dead. Foolish Xeno Scum.

>Only in death does duty end

>inglorious bump #3

Hayter is from Jouran, His regiment is the 12th Jouran dragoons.

Rub tip of the LHO stick against boot. Save for later

Get up, check surroundings, see if intercom still works.

Weapons check.

>>12326469
You look at one of your fallen comrades and it all comes flooding back. You were a member of the 12th Jouran Dragoons. It was the dream of most children on Jouran to fight in the Dragoons, and despite the fact that you weren't of Noble Birth, you somehow managed to impress someone. Your Sargent was a lesser son of a Noble, which he said prevented him from reaching any further up in the ranks, but he never cared. He spent every day smiling. He was like a brother. And just over the edge of the ditch you fell in, you see his corpse.

>>12326481
Picking yourself up off the ground, you brush the mud off your ballistic vest and check your surroundings. As far as you can tell, you're the only one left.

>>12326505
You check both your Lasgun and your Autopistol. Both are in perfect working order. If there's one thing you can say about the Guard, it's that their weapons are built to withstand a lot.

>Inglorious Bump #4
>Lotta quests being started today.

Proceed to the nearest rally point, checking for survivors and ammo along the way.

Put a flashlight on your lasgun. Make it twin-linked.

>Inglorious bump #5
>And I thought today was gonna be a slow mover.

>>12326585
Using your Standard Issue Imperial Guard Adhesive tape, you tape your Standard-issue Lamp Pack to the barrel of your Lasgun. You take a moment, as the idea reminds you of another of your fallen comrades. But now is not the time for mourning. It's time for action. What do you do?

>>12326587

make way back to barracks to resupply with heavier weaponry, whilst cursing to any one/thing/god what ever that you will make the xeno's pay

>>12326609
I say again. Proceed to the nearest rally point, be it a bunker, commo shed, or command post, secure spare ammo and check for survivors along the way.

>>12326623
>Fuck, sorry, didn't see your suggestion.
You start picking your way through the the bodies, heading back towards the camp. Or at least you think you are.

>Roll 1d10, and no stealth rolling.

rolled 10 = 10

>>12326659
No worries, brother.

>Inglorious Bump #6

>>12326659
see my segestion too, and name fagging so you know its me
>>12326619

rolled 4 = 4

>>12326659
lots of quests going on at the moment , lets see if i picked a winner
once we have ammo and whatnot , find the nearest concentration of friendly bodies and head there

Scratch the manly stubble of chin while considering what to do.

>>12326720
go over to him, and see if he knows any more detail about what happened, and also see if he needs a smoke just to be a bro

rolled 4 = 4

>>12326720
Grab whatever first aid gear is around and help him out. Also, try the vox net to see if there is any signal from command.

>>12326720

walk over and offer an lho stick , and see if he can dig it

>>12326720

Say, "Hal? Is that you?"

#Inglorious bump #7

>>12326683
> Your suggestion was pretty much summed up by Weasel, so yeah. Shoulda credited you as well though, and for that I apologise. First time and all.

>>12326762
no worries bro, just hoping to see how this turns out (blood for the gol(BLOOD)den throne, rip and tear, die elfdar bitches, I ARE EMPARH)

>>12326753
>>12326754
>>12326756
>>12326760
Pulling out your Standard Issue Medical Kit, you rush over to the downed Guardsman. Upon reaching him you recognise him as Private Hal Emmerich, a member of your squad who got separated from you during the battle. Looks like he got knocked down a little earlier than you did, but he seems alright.

"Hal?" You ask gruffly, attempting to confirm your guess.

"Smoker?" He asks back, voice weak, eyes just barely open. "Smoker, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me Private. You hurt?" You inquire.

"No Smoker. I'm good." He replies, with a weak smile.

>Implying Imperial Guardsmen can become Dreadnoughts.

>>12326827
>Implying you have no idea what you're talking about.

>>12326825
then git yer ass up ,we got pansy-ass xeno to kill , where's yer kit?
>offer lhostick

>Inglorious Bump #8

>>12326825
pray to the empah for help, patch him up, give him some sherry to drink for your med kit, and also a lho stick, and if that doesnt work, 'the empah protects, god speed my friend' 'PEEW' (to the head)

rolled 7 = 7

"No wounds? Good. Scrounge some more ammo and we'll be off. Gonna head for the command post, see if anyone from the head shed is still alive." Help him to his feet. No signal on the comms net?

>>12326855
"Hal, get up. We got to get outta here, in case they come back. You still got your stuff?" You ask, lighting a Lho stick.

"Yes sir, I have all my kit." He smiles at you as you help him up.

"Then let's get moving. We've got more weapons to get and more xeno filth to kill. And maybe, if we're lucky, we'll live long enough to get off this rock."

Stupid dice, not wanting to go away.

rolled 7 = 7

>>12326889

FROM NOW ON HE SHALL BE KNOWN AS SHALLOW HAL
see if we can find a melee weapon , i know theres a sword or something around here
rolling for good measure

>>12326889
we take shallow hal and double time it back to base, hope fully to find things more shooty/stabby/exploding than what we have all ready, then go xeno hunting

>>12326930
You start on your way back to the barracks, with your young squad mate in tow. Once again, something catches your eye...

>Roll 1d10 for what. I promise, last time before we get back to camp.

rolled 7 = 7

>>12326969

gee gosh golly wiz , whut could it be batman ?

>>12326969
a baneblade hopefully, if not a sentinel or 2

>>12326986
A metallic glint catches your eye. In the hands of a dead Guardsman lies a Long-Las. Though not a trained sniper, you figure you could always use the scope as a telescope in a pinch, and it can't be that hard to use, could it?

"Hal, come on. We're getting off this battlefield."

"Hey sir?"

"Yes Hal?"

"Do you think Love can Bloo-"

"Hal, I swear to god if you finish that sentence I will cut you."

"Yes sir."

Equip long las. Now you can save Mer--- sorry, de ja vous.

>>12327021
Reminds me of an old joke, for which I can only ever remember the punch line.

>I'ma cut you four ways! Long, wide, high and deep!
>Well, I'm gonna cut you one way. OFTEN!

>>12327021
long las this ho up , and when we git back to base see if we can find recoil gloves so we can shoot two lasguns at the same time

>>12327021
head off to find some eldar, telling hal the last one to get a kill buys the beers

>>12327021
i say when we get to camp, we try and locate our superior officers. Cant fight effectively without first rank fire, second rank fire
Captcha: Said Belson
I demand the supposedly dead sniper says this as we reach for the gun.

Eventually you make your way back to the basecamp, you see the full destruction of the Foul Xenos.

The entire camp has been burnt to the ground, bombed, or otherwise destroyed. You know for a fact that no-one could have survived this. But...

There's a single hope. A slim one, but a hope nonetheless.

The armory was buried underground. Maybe they expected this exact situation, or... Maybe you just got lucky, but the armory is untouched.

Opening the armoured vault door, you shine your flashlight down into the darkness of the armory, before flipping a lightswitch. It looks like most of the weapons were checked out at the time, and most of the ones that aren't are heavy weapons that you don't have the training to use. However, all is not lost. You manage to find a case of 12 comm-beads. Not useful for contacting the Imperial Navy, but if you meet anyone else, or find another company, they're DEFINATELY useful.

>>12327098
passcom-bead to hal and keep searching the base for more supply's

>>12327098
What kind of heavy weapons?
If we can find a stubber, or emperor provided a heavy bolter, shouldn't be too hard figuring it out with some practice.
Also, any kreig mask? those could be useful

>>12327098

Flashlight!? You can't use your las gun in the armoury! The whole thing could explode

rolled 2 = 2

>>12327098

find some recoil gloves and com-bead this ho up
once we have a lasgun in each hand , lets rock out and fuck up some elfdar
rolling for recoil gloves

>>12327109
You pass a comm-bead to Hal. "Keep an ear out for anyone whilst we're on the move. If they're Human, we find them, we arm them, and we keep moving. Got it?"

"Yes Sir."

>>12327110
Taking a more careful look, you find a shotgun, along with 50 shells. You take it, reasoning the more guns the better. Hal manages to find a few spare med kits and ration kits, along with a few more rations of Lho sticks, which you quickly confiscate, and Amasec.

"Look sir, disinfectant. Well, more of it anyway."
>>12327120

>>12327109

Second this. Also, if the heavy weapons have ammunition, surely it won't hurt to take them anyway.

Check around for any rations and first aid equipment. We've got bullets and commo, now we need bandaids and beans. After that, ruck up, go hunt some of the pointy ears, and try to link up with friendly forces. We're gonna put Sly Marbo to shame.

>>12327154

Half expected Hal to scrounge Ketchup

>>12327154
Lets move out and try and find some form of transport. A bike would even do.

>>12327168
Look again. Hal did find First aid kits and rations.

>>12327154

Suppose we leave, then. Search the rest of the base, though. We should try our best to leave no one behind.

>>12327182
Yeah, got that immediately after I posted.

>>12327179
Transport is a damn good idea.

>>12327154
run back to our bunk to pick up our stash of 'valhallan ice queens and tallarn treasures' damn them girls are fine

>>12327192
>Sorry, I just realised I sounded like a complete dick.

>Also, roll for transport. 1d10

rolled 6 = 6

>>12327200

There you go.

rolled 6 = 6

>>12327200
chimera time

sorry, but i forgot how to roll, been a while since i had to do it. help plse?

rolled 6 = 6

>>12327233

dice+xdy in the email field.

Also, so what do we get?

rolled 4 = 4

>>12327233
type dice 1d10 itno the email bar
like so

thank you

CHIMERA PLEASE!
but then thats a really bad untrained skill check

>>12327200
rolling for sentinel

>>12327264
where the hell is hal gonna go?
sentinals are one man vehicles

>>12327200
bollocks rolling

>>12327205
>>12327213
>Not bad.
You get lucky: Within the wreckage of the base, you find an intact Salamander Scout. Fast, lightly armed and lightly armoured. Perfect. However, as Hal opens the door, you smell a distinct smell.

Acting on pure instincts, you push Hal out the way, as a bolt of Lasgun fire comes out of the Salamander door.

"Emperor on Earth!" Hal shouts.

"Stand down soldier! Corporal David Hayter of the 12th Jourian Dragoons, reporting!"

As you peer round the open door, hands held out in front of you, the figure of a young girl holding a lasgun comes into your view. Dressed in the uniform of the Dragoons, it's clear that this girl is a survivor, and a private at that. Joy, more rookies, you think to yourself.

"What's your name soldier?"

"My name? It's..." She said, her voice trembling.

>WHATSHERNAME?

rolled 4 = 4

You guys are thinking too small. I want to drive a Deathstrike Missile Launcher around. With a fully primed Deathstrike Warhead. BRING IT THE FUCK ON, XENOS.

rolled 9 = 9

>>12327263
hope it works this time

>>12327274
My name is... my name is... my name is... WICKA WICKA SLIM SHADY.

>>12327274
bigtits Mc'fuckletwins

rolled 4 = 4

>>12327270
>>12327269
fuck it, and again, maybe we can find two if were lucky

>>12327274
Sheila. Sheila Taggardt.

>>12327274
Evaline

Let's have Evaline Taggart, then.

>>12327274
Her name is Nott A. Neldar.

I can read you like a book, OP.

rolled 5 = 5

>>12327288
seconding this
>>12327274

Boadicea.
"Really, more fuckin' cherries? Emperor, see me through this trial." Get her up and moving. Find out what she's doing here and if she can drive this truck.

>>12327274

Whatever her name is, ask if she's alone. Why does everyone in this unit run for their own lives? Also, how did she get here, and does she know how to drive this thing?

>>12327311
Make her take off her helmet and show her ears to prove that she's not a Slaneeshi Whore. She could be an Eldar infiltrator. Remember what the Primer says about suspicion.

>>12327290
"Private Sheila Taggardt, reporting for duty sir. What happened out there? I was working on Evaline here, when I heard... things. I didn't have her loaded, so I hid. Oh Emperor, the commissar isn't with you is he? Emperor on Earth please n-"

You cut her off abruptly "Private, the Commissar, and most likely everyone else is dead. We need to get the frak out of here. This thing fueled?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Now, I'm making a decision: I'm breveting myself to Sargent. Sheila, how long you been here?"

"Two months sir."

"Okay then. Hal, you're a corporal now."

"WOO!" Hal shouts, as he climbs in.

"Now," you smile, "let's get this show on the road."

>>12327339

Where to? Any navigation aids on the Scout?

>>12327339

"Sure, With you and Hal and Evaline... Wait... Evaline's the transport? Since when was it procedure to give vehicles cute names?"

Do we have any info on nearby friendly camps?

>"Okay then. Hal, you're a corporal now."
>"WOO!" Hal shouts, as he climbs in.

Hal is now made of WIN and FUCK YEAH!

Before we head out, make sure the weapons are mounted and loaded with spare cans of ammo and fuel nearby in the back of the Salamander.

>>12327363

second

>>12327363
NO, YOU FOOL! YOU'VE DRAWN ATTENTION TO HIM! NOT TZEENCH IS GOING TO GET HIM KILLED.

WAIT! go back to armory, get heavy weapons and mount on the salamander. WE NEED MOAR FIRE POWER

rolled 2 = 2

>>12327339

go back to the heavy weapons , and mount that shit on the salamander so we can stand in the turret like a boss gunnin' down eldar with our twin linked heavy bolters
rolling for success

rolled 9 = 9

>>12327357
all ways and ever!!!!

and any way now we have transport how bouts we pop back to the armoury and grab a few of those heavy weapons just incase

>>12327394
>>12327393
Moredakkamind

>>12327420
No such thing as too much dakka. Hell, no such thing as ENOUGH dakka. And infinite bullets is never enough bullets.

rolled 4 = 4

>>12327420
QUADRUPLE-LINKED HEAVY BLOTERS , WE CANT MISS!!!

rolled 2 = 2

>>12327446
NO, 4 (QUAD)QUADRUPLE-LINKED HEAVY BLOTERS , THEN WE REARLY CANT MISS!!!

>>12327363
>So, am I allowed to assume that you guys are enjoying the quest?

>>12327357
You give Sheila an odd look "Private, why is the Salamander named?"

"I like the name Evaline..." She says, looking away shyly. Oh well, no harm I guess, you think to yourself.

>>12327394
>>12327393
You go back to the armory, and grab a Lascannon, a Heavy Bolter with 100 rounds and a Missile canon with 3 krak missiles and 5 frags.

>>12327359
"Sheila, you got any... Maps? Surveyors?"

"I don't think so, I think they were in the command Salamander, but I do seem to remember a final order to converge on a certain point."

"You remember where that point is?"

"Vaguely." She says awkwardly, scratching the back of her head.

You smile, before blowing out a cloud of smoke and flicking the butt of your Lho stick out of the Salamander.

"Let's rock."

rolled 8 = 8

>>12327469
WE'RE DRIVING A TITAN AROUND

>>12327475
seriously, we need to go back and get those heavy weapons.
rollin for succes

>>12327484
A TITAN THAT SHOOTS SALAMANDERS WITH SEXDECTUPLE (16) LINKED BOLTERS.

rolled 1 = 1

>>12327488
keep messing up

Oh, yeah, give her a commbead. Just in case. And as we roll out to this point, periodically check and broadcast over multiple frequencies for survivors.

>>12327502

Second this - but don't broadcast, just check. We don't want to give away positions or clues prematurely. I'm sure the xenos know how to use our equipment.

>>12327475

Hal gets the rockets, we claim the heavy bolter.
now let's get moving

rolled 3 = 3

>>12327475
stick head out of turret waving sword
pic semi related

>>12327528
Um, boss, we don't got a sword. Please don't 'it me, that won't change anyfing.

>>12327475

'By the way, any idea where the rest of your unit is? Or was everything taken out back in the base?'

rolled 7 = 7

>>12327475

OP , we meant we wanted to put the heavy bolter ON the salamander , not just carry one around. btw , what is the salamder packing on its own? , im pretty sure it has a hull mounted autocannon

rolled 5 = 5

>>12327538
well just get me something that looks swordish, like a stick, or i'll be using you

Hey sup /tg/, I'm friend of op, he just got banned (lulz), so that kinda sucks for him.

He would like me to ask you guys to archive this and he says he'll try it again in a few days.

rolled 4 = 4

>>12327586
stop your heresy scum

so this is what i presume our bad ass guardsmen looks like?

>>12327586
whoops forgot to namefag


>>12327595
okay, seriously? seriously?
He got banned for posting too much, he asked me to tell you guys what I said, and also to keep talking to you guys to try to keep this thread alive.

rolled 2 = 2

Rape Sheil with Hal

More like this.

>>12327609
whelp , i dont know how to archive , so i guess we'll hope someone else does it?

>>12327609
posting too much, comment spam, whatever. I am obviously not /tg/ reg, I'm just posting here for his sake.

rolled 3 = 3

>>12327596
seconding this

Oh look I have a message from him.

>Hey Guys, Uplifted Infantryman here. I got banned for some stupid shit about my comment probably being spam, which means I won't be on for another couple days. However, I do want this to continue. If you guys wanna chat, I'd be up for an all-text tinychat or IRC or something. See you guys soon,
>Uplifted Infantryman.

I gave him thread number and he archived it, so that's cool.

so, sup /tg/?

Wow. Guy running a perfectly normal quest thread

/BLAM


"C...commisar, wuh... why did you..."

tell him to get on suptg and make a channel

lol, apparently nothing much is up.

anyway, he made a tinychat to talk, it is tinychat dot com slash SargentHayter

he'll probably be kinda bummed if none of you show up, so it'd be sweet if you did. also, maybe you want to talk to him? idk.

oh nvm, there are some replies. :3

>>12327762
he's takin' a bath right now apparently, but I'll pass on the message.

sup /tg/ channel is #guardsmanquest