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  • File : 1274810027.jpg-(69 KB, 300x300, 1265857350436.jpg)
    69 KB Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)13:53 No.10048720  
    Hi there, /tg/. I'm playing a penny dreadful/dime novel writer in an upcoming Chaosium Call of Cthulhu game (set in mid-1920s era America), and I thought it might be neat if I writefagged a little to go along with some other props I'm making.

    Roll 1d100. First double that comes up decides what this penny dreadful/dime novel is going to be!
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)13:59 No.10048797
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    rolled 32 = 32

    This is your protagonist.

    He headed out west for fame and fortune, but he's been through hell in the West and come out bitter and with a bullet in his ass for his trouble.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:04 No.10048874
    rolled 14 = 14

    You tell the story of a humble family of immigrants, coming to New York in pursuit of the American Dream.
    Over the course of the novel, their optimism decays into despair, their good intentions and work ethic fall victim to the corruption of urban sloth and filth, and as they slowly slide into madness, the very text of the book degrades into broken gibberish.

    You sent the publisher a manuscript that told the story of how they found buried Indian treasure under their restaurant and made it big in a Rags to Riches story. You have no idea who changed it, or why, nor do you understand why sales have been through the roof...
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:04 No.10048876
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    rolled 41 = 41

    A man of the cloth hunting down the devil himself in the West.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:22 No.10049164
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:24 No.10049200
    Any prior experience with the Mythos, or are you a fresh-faced Investigator?
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:27 No.10049225
    rolled 95 = 95

    A tale of a Great Hunter stalking elephants in the Savage World of Africa.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:27 No.10049243
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    rolled 98 = 98

    HP Lovecraft ripoffs.

    Search your heart etc etc
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:29 No.10049273
    rolled 24 = 24

    A tale of Shock and Awe in which where Negroes do not know their Place and try to take the jobs of White Men.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:32 No.10049313
    rolled 57 = 57

    Shitty Romance between tweens and elder gods.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:32 No.10049323
    Fresh-faced. Some knowledge of the occult, but that's mostly to do with occupation; nothing expressly to do with the Mythos.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:33 No.10049338
    rolled 88 = 88

    Call of Cthulu+normal physics.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:34 No.10049342
    rolled 63 = 63

    Real and True Tale of Shocking Revelations within your own City! It is true! Read how they *insert crazy shit that goes on in your game*
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:36 No.10049369
    rolled 10 = 10

    This idea is terrible, disregard it.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:36 No.10049385
    rolled 23 = 23

    "The Phantom Strangler"
    it's a romance novel.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:37 No.10049392
    Unfortunately (since I've got no prior knowledge of the Mythos) this double won't work :(


    I CAN write it AFTER the adventure starts, in an attempt to rationalize the Mythos to take control of my Sanity.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:37 No.10049401
    rolled 1 = 1

    Jesse James, Time Traveller
    >> Ursarkar E. Creed 05/25/10(Tue)14:39 No.10049420

    So you're playing Castle in the 1920s?

    God, this idea can't possibly fail.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:39 No.10049432
    rolled 17 = 17

    The Poison Zoetrope
    Book 5 of the Lardy Manchild series
    hardboiled detective fiction
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:42 No.10049464
    That's the beauty of it! Maybe you've written one or two novels, then all of a sudden you change your tone dramatically because your old work seems hackneyed after you start to really learn of the mythos.

    Subsequently, you sales spike briefly, then plummet after you get a little too accurate. Also, you start to receive "fan" letters that seem to know just a little too much about the stuff you didn't actually put in the books.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:42 No.10049478
    rolled 87 = 87

    Ruby Wainscotting and The Disappearing Panties,
    girls boarding school adventures about stopping dastardly laundry thieves.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:44 No.10049510
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    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:47 No.10049545
    rolled 85 = 85

    Niggers eating chicken.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:47 No.10049551
    Maybe at first you write about vampires (dames love vampires, after all), and throw in hints at other creature, like a gargoyle on the lower east side that seems to vanish after midnight, then return by dawn (oddly coincident with some gruesome deaths around town) gothic mystery pulp with some romance for the ladies.

    By the third book, when the vampires have tentacles instead of fangs, and the the mysterious threats become gaps in space that let people see through time, driving them mad, you will have probably lost the ladies' readership.

    This is all a bit cliche ("look guys, I like Lovecraft so I'm playing Lovecraft in my Lovecraft") but if done as a slow decent into madness, it could turn out well. Especially is he starts off more happy-go-lucky.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:48 No.10049564
    rolled 5 = 5

    Write a little horror-fic,
    what about the cheesy title "Tales from the Beyond"? Don't forget standard conventions, and religious views of the time when writefagging it up,
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:50 No.10049608
    rolled 99 = 99

    African big-game hunter stories with no real plot and liberal amounts of colonial-era casual racism.
    titles like:
    "Manfred Slapworthy and the Invisible Tiger"
    "The Cannibal Kings of The Skeleton Coast"
    "A White Man in the Dark Continent"
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:52 No.10049632

    WE HAVE A WINNER! And it is truly 4chan-worthy.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:56 No.10049706
    The Tiger sloped into view as Manfred crawled forward on his belly.

    "Umbubu! Pass me my rifle" he hissed.

    "Yes'm" whispered his packbearer, as his coal-black hand snaked out, Double-barreled hunting rifle extended.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)14:59 No.10049763
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    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:01 No.10049799
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    no, it needs to be something like book 12 in the series, Manfred and Umbubu in New York, filled with hilarious misunderstandings as Manfred deals with his business holdings and Umbubu adjusts to the civilisiation of the noble white man.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:03 No.10049826

    I feel like I'm missing out on something hillarious here,
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:03 No.10049842
    But Umbubu should speak with a perfect upper-class english accent.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:04 No.10049855
    That's almost better than the standard fare.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:05 No.10049876
    it's just better than the "LOL write call of Cthulhu stories in CoC" suggestion.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:07 No.10049905
    He speaks with a perfect accent because his parents were an African maid and one of the MPs in London. He was shipped to Africa at age 8 to hide him from the world, but Manfred found him and rescued him from the savage jungles.
    Umumbu is constantly trying to tell people his thoughts on politics, philosophy, and the economy, but due to the color of his skin, they hear nothing but grunts and ape noises.
    It's really quite frustrating for him.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:11 No.10049990
    Too progressive. He should be the unintentional hero, like people always think the author is a black man because of the stories. The author finds this utterly ridiculous, i mean, how could a darkie ever write so eloquently.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:12 No.10050013
    Manfred constantly refers to him as "My Noble Savage Umbubu" and listens politely to his opinion. He plays Jeeves to Manfred's Bertie Wooster, and constantly gets him out of trouble. The main difference being, Manfred and Umbubu have no qualms about killing every last person in the room.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:13 No.10050030
    "This is my manservant, Jurgen Umumbu. He's immensely useful at times, but I can't tell you how many times I've had to save his life with prayers to the one true lord Jesus Christ while his savage mind was fixated on playing with the shotgun."
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:14 No.10050035
    and it's always foreigners and/or black people they kill. In Umbubu in New York, they kill a lot of Chinese.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:18 No.10050109
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    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:20 No.10050151
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    Oh that's just fantastic.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:23 No.10050203
    now allwe need is a bit more writefagging from the Manfred & Umbubu series of bestselling novels...
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:23 No.10050210
    Yeah, something like that.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:25 No.10050250
    >Jurgen Umbubu

    What kind of strange-ass parents did he..
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:28 No.10050316
    Suddenly, A loud crashing sound came from behind them.

    There in the doorway stood Umbubu in his loincloth, holding Manfred's trusty 8-bore and a bloody machete.

    "In a bit of trouble, Sir?" said Umbubu calmly.

    "Thank god you're here, my beautiful noble savage! We have to stop the chinaman's heathen plot to assassinate Woodrow Wilson!"

    Umbubu busied himself hacking the ropes from his master, while Manfred filled him in.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:29 No.10050341
    I think it was a reference to the Ciaphas Cain character.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:36 No.10050452
    The Noble Savage Umbubus gill slits fluttered in anticipation as the chinaman approached. His Coal black skin blended perfectly with the night and his claws edged out of their sheaths.
    Suddenly Manfred burst into the room screaming
    "umbubu we cant stay here! its full of bloody daegos"
    The chinaman bolted leaving Umbubu's hunger again unsated. One day he thought, one day.

    What negros dont have gills?
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:38 No.10050480

    Why would they? They can't swim.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:40 No.10050516
    >"umbubu we cant stay here! its full of bloody daegos"

    This precisely defined Manfred Slapworthy for me.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:49 No.10050692
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    With a final CLACK, his repeater rifle declared itself empty, and Manfred hurled it to the ground.

    Drawing his skinning knife, He charged at the large black bear in front of him. His two thoughts were for the safety of the women, and exactly where his manservant had gotten to.

    Suddenly, the trusty tribesman sprang up from the snow, wielding a hastily fashioned spear.

    "Have at you, sir!" Umbubu cried, piercing the side of the terrible beast.

    This was all the opening Mafred needed. He sprung, slicing open the throat of the monster.

    For good measure, the savage stabbed it once more with his pointy stick, then leaned over and offered a hand to his employer and confidant.

    Hauling himself upright, Manfred looked around. Seeing the womenfolk were unharmed, he smiled and said "That's the first and last time I trust a Turk to make my travel arrangements."
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:54 No.10050782
    There should also be a massive but unacknowledged undercurrent of homosexuality between them.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:56 No.10050837
    No, it's a loving father/son relationship, you monster. Don't you understand how this stuff works? you must be one of those filthy foreigners.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:56 No.10050839
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    hence the need for gills
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)15:57 No.10050851
    hey OP. are you still here, and will you use Manfred and Umbubu?
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)16:00 No.10050921
    bros but manfred can never admit it as he was raised to think a darkie can never be better than an englishman
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)16:05 No.10051020
    No. Stop that.

    > "That's the first and last time I trust a Turk to make my travel arrangements."

    Read that in Sean Connery's voice.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)16:10 No.10051117
    OP here, back after a short break to run down to the store.

    I love you, /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)16:27 No.10051465
    "I can scarce believe it." said Lord Warringbow, swirling his brandy "even though I saw him snap the neck of that devilish trotskyite myself. But what I don't understand, Manfred, is how you came to be so attached to a blackface heathen like him."

    "Oh, it was a simple enough matter." Said Manfred Slapworthy, 3rd Earl of Dwellingbourne, "I had made the schoolboy error of hiring a dutchman as a guide while on safari, somewhere south of the Congo river. half the party were knocked out by malaria and dysentry, and that Van Buren fellow had vanished in the night with all our supplies."

    Manfred paused a moment to light a cigarillo as the firelight illuminated the inner sanctum of The Explorers Club, one of the most exclusive gentlemens clubs on the Strand, London.

    "Of course, I kept up a brave front, but I knew we were hopelessly lost. Anyway, we were hearing some frightful sounds come out of the jungle that night, and I was checking my rifle when this young darkie suddenly drops out of the trees. I don't mind telling you, I thought I was under attack by a rabid chimpanzee for a moment."

    The gathered gentlemen laughed understandingly.

    "He covers my mouth and points off into the distance, and what do you know but theres a whole pack of lions creeping up on us! Dashedest thing, I always thought they were only to be found on the plains. Naturally, I opened fire immediately. It was a close thing, and I had to use my knife in the end, but the young fellow impressed me with his skill as he flew through them like a whirling dervish. The next morning he led us back to the trading post. The fellow seems to have taken a shine to me, so I took him on as a sort of a sherpa, and he's turning out to be somewhat of a valet, given his obvious disability.

    Just don't try and make him use a fork!"
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)16:30 No.10051534
    I like the impication that the Dutchman was somehow responsible for the malaria and dysentery.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)16:31 No.10051554
    >implying those filthy tulip-sniffers don't bring disease in their wake whenever they wander the grounds of Her Majesty's Glorious Empire
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)16:33 No.10051590
    anyone else willing to rise to the writefag challenge of Manfred & Umbubu?
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)16:34 No.10051618
    I'd like to add a rider to that challenge.
    WRITEFAGS: Tell us the story of the time Manfred and Umbubu found themselves on the frozen Russian steppes, and were approached by a very friendly used camel salesman.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)16:44 No.10051805
    posted to suptg due to awesome writefag madness..
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)16:58 No.10052078
    Gow-Lai writhed as he tried to scrape the wiry blackamoor from his neck, but Umbubu held him in a terrier-like grip.

    "Excuse me sir, but there appears to be something on your shins!" exclaimed Manfred, unleashing both barrels downward and peppering the kneecaps of the oriental, felling him like a tree.

    A mangled babble of foreign insults assaulted their ears as the huge chinaman cavorted on the floor. The fuzzy-headed african kicked him until a silence returned to the alleyway.

    "I'm terribly sorry about the delay, Umbubu old chap." said Manfred. "Still, it's hardly the first time, and we're due on the boat to New York in fifteen minutes."

    "Quite, sir. Quite." he replied, wiping his hands on the corpse. "I'll just fetch the bags, shall I?"
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)17:02 No.10052156
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    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)17:11 No.10052325
    I want an Umbubu too, now.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)17:31 No.10052664
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    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)17:32 No.10052691
    don't do that. now I have to writefag something for book 32: Martian Safari.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)17:39 No.10052846
    "So this is Mars? I must admit, it leaves a lot be desired." said Manfred mournfully.

    "It has it's charms, sir." replied Umbubu. "It just needs a little work, in my opinion."

    "Oh, I agree wholeheartedly, my dear savage. That's why we're here. Educate the heathen and all that!"

    Manfred slid another clip through the breech of his Lee-Enfield rifle as his servant's blade cleaved into the twin skulls of a gibbering native.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)17:39 No.10052863
    Oh right, this is supposed to be for CoC.
    Minority cultists on Mars? Fuck yeah.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)17:55 No.10053162
    that's enough badly written snippets of Manfred & Umbubu from me, I'm out of here. I'll check back later, see if there's more..
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)19:09 No.10054452
    >badly written

    Oh fuck you, man.
    >> Anonymous 05/25/10(Tue)21:46 No.10057173
    Bamp for writefags
    >> Anonymous 05/26/10(Wed)01:02 No.10060470
    "Hold her down, Umbubu! I'll get her skirts!" cried Manfred, rushing forward.

    The native of the dark continent immediately snatched at Margaret's elbows from behind, securing her firmly. "Sir, you forget yourself!" she cried in alarm.

    Manfred ignored her cries. "I'm all for this progressive nonsense" Manfred replied as he forced himself to open her travelling chest, "but I won't tolerate a woman wearing breeches, even here on the veldt."

    "here" he said, passing a patterned skirt to her. "This is much more suitable."

    "Hmm." murmured his coal-black assistant "I'm afraid that rather clashes with her blouse."
    >> Anonymous 05/26/10(Wed)01:18 No.10060723
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    Manfred Slapworthy and Umbubu, Deep in the Dark Heart of Africa.
    >> Anonymous 05/26/10(Wed)02:30 No.10061957
    So this is dead, eh?

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