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  • File : 1261365643.jpg-(22 KB, 350x266, hobo.jpg)
    22 KB Hoboquest HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)22:20 No.7224260  
    You are a homeless man in the town of Weston, South Dakota. You lost your home 5 years ago after you returned from the war in Iraq. You are missing your left arm. Blame the insurgents.

    While squatting outside the shitty Mormon church, a hearse blasted out and tore through people's lawns. You are vaguely intrigued by these circumstances.

    You have on you-

    an empty wallet
    a lighter
    1g cocaine
    only one arm.

    What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:27 No.7224348
    Sell the cocaine. Buy some sammiches.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:33 No.7224426
    Find an attractive woman on the street. Flagrantly masturbate while looking at her.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:35 No.7224443

    you sell the cocaine to an idiot middle-schooler. You go to the local circle K to get some food, but are stopped by two idiot punks at the door. They obviously don't realize you are former military, and can kick ass with one arm.

    Ignore, plow through, or beat to pavement?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:35 No.7224451
    Sell the coke. Buy some beans. Cook beans. Fart on people who walk by.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:35 No.7224454
    Wave hi to the angry motherfucker in the hearse, even though he won't see you since he's too damn determined to kill that sporetato.
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)22:36 No.7224460

    forgot my trip
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:36 No.7224461
    Guess thats it for Angry CEO. Poor bastard.

    Ah well, lets get ourselves moving. If anybody got run over by the hearse, go check the bodies and take their wallets.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:36 No.7224465
    Plow through. Bitches don't know about my Hobo-Fu.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:36 No.7224467
    >South Dakota
    That means it's a pretty white population, which in turn means Blandsville, USA. While that may be true, I have nothing scheduled in my daily planner, so I go to investigate.
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)22:37 No.7224478

    roll 1d100, call high or low.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:38 No.7224491
    rolled 59 = 59

    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:39 No.7224496
    I don't have a d100. I'm a fucking hobo! Let's rock-scissors-paper for it, Mr. Moneybags.

    Hobo calls ROCK! It's what he uses for a pillow.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:39 No.7224504
    That man clearly has two arms.
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)22:40 No.7224514

    You tell the kids to get out of your fucking way, and shove your way through. However, as you get through, they take your wallet, which had the money from your recent drug deal. They run off, and are suddenly mowed down by a hearse being driven by an angry man in a suit with a hellhound in the passenger seat.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:41 No.7224526
    Go back and get our wallet back from those fucking dead punk kids.

    Don't they know how to treat a war hero?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:41 No.7224530
    Search the bodies.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:41 No.7224531
    Wait, if he's on his way to his house, his death hasn't happened yet, then we can try to stop him from dying...

    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:41 No.7224537
    Take our wallet back and search their bodies for valuables. Also, be mindful of the hearse, don't get hit.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:42 No.7224551
    Sounds lame. Let's just get some beans.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:44 No.7224569
    CEO didn't die. He just got mind-blasted by a sporetato.

    That said, CEO and PotatOP will probably say its canon that he got infected, so at best we'd walk in after he passed out on the couch.

    Seconding >>7224551 's suggestion
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)22:44 No.7224578

    You get your wallet back, and empty out theirs. They were both students at Stevens High School. they also have knives, cell phones, iPods, weed, and a lighter.

    You take everything but the IDs, and are curious about the hearse you knew you saw earlier by the shitty Mormon church. You follow it. As you do so, you see a tree sprout out of nowhere, and split the fucking hearse in two. It's still really fucking far away from you, but you can make out the man in the suit crawling out in a daze. It's about a mile away. Continue to follow, or go on your own way?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:46 No.7224591
    Is there magic a foot? this is some weird shit.
    Continue to follow, but do so in a militarily stealthy manner.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:47 No.7224615
    Go get beans.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:48 No.7224629
    Follow him.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:49 No.7224648
    I break out into song.
    My story is so tiresome.
    Back in France, I was rich as they come.
    (as they come!)
    But I lost all my wealth
    And my good mental health.
    Now I live with ze filth and ze scum.
    (and ze scum!)

    I'm Pierre, ze only french bum
    in New York (ooooooooh)
    When I open my Boone's
    [ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/LJxz ]
    Farm, I still sniff ze cork
    So have you a quarter?
    I'm begging you, please. (ooooooooh)
    I have to have wine with my
    government cheese.

    I really should bid you adieu.
    (bid adieu!)
    I'm feeling a bit sacre bleu.
    (sacre bleu!)
    My life is a hell.
    I give off a bad smell,
    But I'm French, so that's
    always been true.

    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:49 No.7224658
    I bet this hobo is secretly the long lost brother of the Angry CEO. Maybe they even have the same class levels, stats, skill point allocations and slightly different names.
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)22:49 No.7224666

    You go in the Circle K and get the biggest fucking can of baked beans you can find. You open that can on the spot, chug that fucking can down, and then shit in the can, and throw it at a dog. Then you buy another.

    You decide some weird shit's going on, and not just the fact you just shit in a can of beans. You follow the trail of destruction as stealthily as possible, various music from Metal gear going through your head. A few cats see you, but nothing big.

    roll 1d100, call high or low.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:50 No.7224673
    >[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/LJxz ]

    Somebody forgot to check their copy and paste.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:51 No.7224684
    rolled 92 = 92

    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:51 No.7224691
    rolled 55 = 55

    High. If I remember how to roll, dammit.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:52 No.7224703
    Well shit. I was hoping the hobo would fuck it up but it looks like his Army training paid off.

    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)22:55 No.7224732

    You sneak through everybody's yards undetected, and come to a street. Still about half a mile to reach where the man in the suit crashed. You see more men in suits coming down the street. They have Bibles in tow.

    "Fucking Jehova's Witnesses," you mutter to yourself. They notice you, and come running at you. "Excuse me sir, have you found Jesus?" they're screaming at the top of their lungs. They want to evangelize the shit out of you. What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:55 No.7224743
    Tell them you have. You saw him down at the Circle K. If they hurry they might just catch him yet.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:56 No.7224751
    Jehovah's Witnesses in northern South Dakota? Now, you're just being silly.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:56 No.7224762
    Set them ALL on fire.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:57 No.7224767
    Those copies of Watchtower aren't going to distribute themselves.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)22:57 No.7224771

    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:00 No.7224823
    Use the knives we looted off the bitchasspunkcunts and stab the nearest one.
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)23:01 No.7224830

    "Yeah, I've seen him. He's over at the Circle K. You just might catch him if you're quick enough. Tell him to give me my fucking arm back while you're at it."

    The Jehovahs look at you skeptically. They've heard it all before. However, one of them goes towards the Circle K just in case. Two go back to door-to-door-ing, and one tries to converse more. You go back to walking through the yards to find the hearse man.

    As you reach the next street, you out of habit look back. The one Jehovah who just stayed there is still standing. Except he has a fucking sniper rifle on him, pointed at you. Run, dodge out of his line of sight, or run the bastard down and zig-zag to avoid getting shot?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:03 No.7224864
    Well that's just cheating. I guess he didn't like that we found Christ first.

    Dodge out of sight. Even if we run him down he still has his other JW buddies around to outnumber us and running from a sniper just means you die tired.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:03 No.7224865
    zigzag stab.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:03 No.7224870

    Dodge out of sight.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:03 No.7224871
    Either we're tripping balls or Jehovah's Witnesses are getting more agressive about delivering the word of Jesus.

    Dodge out of his LoS, then RUN LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER

    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:04 No.7224880
    i know its probably a troll but loled hard
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:04 No.7224881
    inb4 he no-scopes us
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:05 No.7224902

    Reminds me of my CS days.

    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)23:07 No.7224920

    You run behind the nearest bush, and onto somebody's patio. You hear a gunshot and a bullet whiz behind you. He starts reloading. You enter the house, which is empty. You look for a gun, hoping only having one arm won't stop you too much from using a pistol. Sadly you find none, and decide to gtfo the house. Looking through the window, you see another Jehovah turning the corner of the street. He hasn't noticed you yet. There's a few windows, a second door outside the garage, and the front window you're looking through. And the door.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:09 No.7224938
    Use these many doors to get behind him.
    Stab motherfucker.
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)23:12 No.7224970

    You wait until he's gone a certain distance, then leave through the side garage door. Sniper Jehovah hasn't pursued you. The Jehovah has an M-16 rifle on him. You sneak up behind him, don't get noticed. You pull a knife out, and stab at the guy's neck.

    1d100, call high or low.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:13 No.7224981
    rolled 38 = 38

    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)23:18 No.7225034

    He never knew what hit him. You slash his throat from ear to ear, and disarm him in one fell swoop. He bleeds out on the floor. You take his suit jacket off, and empty out his pockets. You find the Watchtower book, a walkie talkie, and a badge. These guys aren't Jehovahs, they're FBI. Something's really fucking fishy.

    Continue towards the hearse, dispatch the rest of the Jehovah/FBI dudes, or run?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:20 No.7225049

    FBI!? Holy shit.

    How many other JW's are there? Where's the sniper?
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)23:21 No.7225067

    three others. Sniper location unknown. One is by the Circle K, one is probably going to pop up any second now.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:22 No.7225075
         File1261369347.png-(60 KB, 320x320, awe some.png)
    60 KB
    Every quest ever now takes place in Weston, South Dakota.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:23 No.7225081
    We gotta save Angry CEO! It's probably too fucking late by now! Move, move, move!
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:24 No.7225099

    where else do you have sentient potatoes that become Hivelords and Angry CEOs that come back from Mormon Hell? Weston is the new Arkham.
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)23:27 No.7225139

    You will not be stopped by these government agent Jehovahs. They are obviously trying to cover this shit up. You continue the way you came, running fast when you move between houses, in case the sniper pops up.

    You think to yourself "Wait, didn't that one guy have a bud- SHIT!"

    You hear automatic fire behind you. You roll behind a car. 1d100, high or low. You don't have the M-16, since you can't use it one-handed.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:28 No.7225148

    Find somewhere in the house to hide, then. We shouldn't be out in the open anyway, we'd be sniper bait.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:31 No.7225183
    rolled 90 = 90

    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:33 No.7225199
    Man. Normally I can't roll for shit.
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)23:33 No.7225203

    You avoid getting shot. The car takes some bullets and the back window shatters. The Jehovah comes at you. You pull out your knife. Attempt to make a break for the house you're at, hide underneath the car, or keep running and hope you keep calling your rolls?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:41 No.7225291
    Go for the house. Jump through the window.
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)23:42 No.7225308

    1d100, high or low. Either way you're getting cut up by glass.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:46 No.7225337
    rolled 72 = 72

    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:46 No.7225343
    rolled 12 = 12

    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:47 No.7225347
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)23:50 No.7225376

    You get shot in the back and fall into the bushes as you make a run for it. The Jehovah stares over you. You aren't getting back up.

    "John Goldman," the Jehovah says. "You realized you killed a government agent, right?"

    "How does he know my name?" you think to yourself.

    "I should shoot you now. Make you disappear. You've seen too much. Dug in too deep. However, we could also use you. I can call my friends here, and we can patch you up, get you a prosthetic arm, and a new life. or I can pump you with lead. You choose."

    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:51 No.7225386

    Roll with it.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:52 No.7225403
    All you need to do... Is be uploaded into the body of a horribly mutated poato.

    John Goldman, will you be... our Avatar?
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:53 No.7225417

    Not much of a choice, eh?

    'What kind of arm are you gonna make me? I want a good one.'
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:54 No.7225432
    Nay, instead, say, "Okay, but give me a claw."
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/20/09(Sun)23:57 No.7225457

    Coughing blood, you say "Fine."

    You can't see the man's face, but you know he's smiling. "Very well than Goldman," he says. He pulls out a walkie-talkie. "Secure the area. Get Goldman to the facility. Prepare the area quarantine as planned."

    The Jehovah agent manages to stabilize your wounds and keep you from going into shock. You've had worse, but realize you're in mortal condition. Again. Medics come, and you're toted away.

    You wake up in a hospital bed. Nobody else is in the room save one guard at the door. He has a gun on his lap, and it's ready now that he sees your awake. The agent who shot you up comes in, and simply says "Welcome".

    Feel free to ask anything.
    >> Anonymous 12/20/09(Sun)23:58 No.7225489

    What the FUCK is going on in this town.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:00 No.7225510

    'So.... what's the deal? Do you have a smoke?'
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:01 No.7225522

    'The only question I have, sir, is... how well did your mum think I fucked her, for her to ask you to save me? Because I don't see any other reason I'm here instead of talking to Beelzebub.'
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:02 No.7225540
    Then "So when did trees decide to become fucking hardcore?"
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:04 No.7225555
    Who, by the way, has a devil put aside for me, for meee, for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/21/09(Mon)00:06 No.7225584

    "To be honest, I can't tell you. Use your imagination. God, science gone wrong, aliens, Cthulhu, your choice. However, Weston won't be the same after today. What you saw, that man in the hearse, was just the beginning of a possibly huge chain of events."

    "So that's why you tried to snipe me?" you ask. "I'm just a bum soldier trying to survive day-by-day man."

    "It was a necessary precaution. We're sorry. However, we are willing to make it up to you." He nods at the guard, who comes over and pulls his shirt sleeve up. His arm looks perfectly normal. However, suddenly it becomes metallic, far more muscular looking, and has a blade coming from the top of the arm, spikes on the fingers, and two guns pop out of the sides.

    "We can alter your memory and ship you to Florida, or you can get fitted with one of these and help stop what's happening in Weston from spreading elsewhere. You'll be selling your body to the government, and all records of your existence will be erased."

    "Your choice."
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:08 No.7225601

    Be the bionic commando.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:08 No.7225607
    Agreed. But, on my medical records, list that I'm allergic to beans.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:11 No.7225638
    Are we allowed to still like cheese?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:13 No.7225650
         File1261372401.jpg-(19 KB, 250x248, blurb_nathanspencer_20080703.jpg)
    19 KB
    "You got a problem with demons, terrorists or Cthulhu? Leave it to me!"
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/21/09(Mon)00:14 No.7225665
    (Note: With all respect to PotatOP, I don't mean to intrude on anything you had in mind. Just kinda winged it to where we were. Now you have Angry CEO mind-slave rebel and Robo-Hobo though :D)

    "Not much of a choice, eh?"

    The man smiles and pats your shoulder. "We'll begin fitting tomorrow, and you will have to train on the spot. We have no time to lose. For now, rest. Recover. Because it's only uphill from here."

    (Probably going to stop until Potatoquest continues. Didn't expect that one low roll. Shit anonymous)
    >> The PotatOP !zJYORZSm4M 12/21/09(Mon)00:21 No.7225750
    You know, PotatoQuest has evolved into this big universe I no longer have control over, while I appreciate that everyone respects me as having final 'in-canon' saying on everything, Weston has sort of become this campaign setting that anyone can write for.

    I appreciate that nobody takes too much advantage of the creative freedom I'd like to encourage with this setting, and I love the stories that are coming from you and the Angry CEO.

    To be honest, one of the people who asked what the deal was in Weston was me, interested in how you guys think all this shit is happening. Frankly, any character you guys make I'll probably work into the main quest somewhere.

    But /tg/, try not to make like 20 quest threads all set in this town so you can see a character thrown into PotatoQuest okay?

    HobOP, feel free to keep going with this, maybe fastforward to the next day, maybe some training with a similar outbreak of sentient vegetables across town, maybe he needs to close the gate to hell, or maybe he has to deal with aliens. I have no idea, it's all just a small town in the middle of nowhere, what happens there is really all up to you.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:23 No.7225775
    Has this been archived alongside the other Weston threads?
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:24 No.7225789
    Maybe they need to stop Heaven and Hell from fighting since they are ignoring civilian casualties? I mean fuck, a tree in the middle of the road? Someone might have gotten hurt.
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/21/09(Mon)00:27 No.7225807

    Thanks PotatOP. I'll continue tomorrow since it's getting late, but I'll try not to interfere too much in a Potatoquest thread unless you explicitly need John Goldman in there.

    I honestly figured due to your Dark Gods comment and the fact Angry CEO broke out of Mormon Hell that there was supernatural shiz at work here. End times a'coming and what-all.
    >> The PotatOP !zJYORZSm4M 12/21/09(Mon)00:28 No.7225814

    From where I'm standing Heaven and Hell are sort of working together at the moment to get Adam back in Hell, cosmic forces may even be at work to stop Heaven from even being aware of the potato.

    Or maybe Heaven and Hell are at war, and are using the Potato and the CEO as pawns in their battle.

    That being said OP, in general just start with something fairly basic and ask /tg/ to fill in the ridiculous blanks. Use the dice rolls to decide if they're good ideas or not.

    I started PotatoQuest with nothing but an idea for a silly quest thread I honestly saw ending in about an hour. It just EXPLODED thanks to /tg/.
    >> The PotatOP !zJYORZSm4M 12/21/09(Mon)00:31 No.7225844

    That's the funny thing, the 'dark gods' comment was just a throwaway joke that /tg/ took on and made the focus of the quest.

    And Adam breaking out of Hell was the work of another quester, initially I dropped the Angry CEO because people didn't really like him. After his quest was resumed by another tripfag, you guys really latched onto the character.

    Also the line he worked in about using a cheese grater to simultaneously kill and rape the potato was the best thing I've ever read on /tg/ and had to include such a crazy concept into the original quest.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:34 No.7225866
    Should somebody write up a 1d4chan article on the Weston Mythos?
    >> HobOP !2xAompRkSk 12/21/09(Mon)00:37 No.7225910

    Really? It was just a throwaway? Damn.
    >> Angry CEO !ykypwXc.UQ 12/21/09(Mon)00:40 No.7225933
    Thanks. It was really more of a spur of the moment line :D
    >> The PotatOP !zJYORZSm4M 12/21/09(Mon)00:40 No.7225944

    I'm not sure... at the moment it seems to small to merit it.

    But then, I tend to be rather reverse-biased, assuming that I would only want it to get its own article to make myself feel important.

    Roll 3d13 to see if an article should be made.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:44 No.7225981
    rolled 4, 4, 1 = 9

    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)00:52 No.7226075
    Well I was going for high. Is that enough?
    >> The PotatOP !zJYORZSm4M 12/21/09(Mon)00:55 No.7226109

    Helpful little hint to everyone who browses PotatoQuest, I like to put little commentary in the e-mail field.

    I wasn't actually going to tell you the result, I would feel rather proud to see a Weston/PotatoQuest thread on 1d4chan, but a little shameful if it was just a waste of space that has no place being there.
    >> Anonymous 12/21/09(Mon)01:01 No.7226191

    >> The PotatOP !zJYORZSm4M 12/21/09(Mon)01:11 No.7226313

    I'm sorry, not thread, page.

    Writing these quests fucks up my english good afterwards.

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