You are a potato.You have always been a potato.You are sitting in a bag in a family's pantry.What is your first action?
rolled 6, 2, 6 = 14>>7213899Begin growing roots.Contemplate life as a potato.
Continue being a potato and wait untill I get cooked.
Grow roots to use for escape.You weren't made to fry!
>>7213907Roll 1d10 for root count.Roll 1d20, Philosophy check.
BEGIN THE IMPALEMENTITATION!
Rally the carrots and other root vegetables in a campaign of fascist root vegetable supremacy over all life.
>>7213899realize in horror that one day a family will eat me. by boiling me alive and feeding me to their grandma or something.
Attempt to sprout.
I thank God I'm not a carrot. Carrots are such homosexuals.
>>7213922Roll 1d9, charisma check.
rolled 2 = 2It's gonna be like the Day of the Triffids, you fucking potato-eaters.
>>7213922>>7213933You two are going to get along great.
Pray that I'm just shaped into a dildo for some German Milf
I realize that I am the One True Staple, the food which kept millions of destitute dirt farmers just this side of starvation, and I pray to the God-Potato that the owners of the pantry are the Chosen People, the Irish, and will eat me and give thanks.~END QUEST~
>>7213943You get two roots down, and begin an attempt to pry up the floorboards to get to that sweet nutritious dirt.1d12, strength check.
>>7213960Rice hivemind mocks you with insults you can't understand.
rolled 2 = 2>>7213939
rolled 17 = 17>>7213918Philosophy.
rolled 9 = 9>>7213964Strength.
>>7213975HERESY GROWS FROM RICE PADDIES.In the name of the God-Potato, DIE, foul cereal!
>>7213992You try, but for every one who fall ten more take its place. Rice will grow larger.
>>7213985The rice and carrots laugh at your ridiculous claims.Fucking faggots.>>7213986Being a potato has been quite a blessed life... you grow, you get farmed, then you eventually die. You have always known the road ahead so there was nothing to fear... yet, you feel a calling, a desire to upset the status quo. To take the road not just less traveled, but never traveled. Today, you're going to make it happen.
>>7213989You manage to pull up a board enough to get a root in through a crack, you squeeze both of them in.The carrots have shut the fuck up.
rolled 4, 6, 4 = 14>>7214012Extract delicious nutrients. Grow more resource extraction roots.Attempt to grow mobility roots.
>>7214023You've managed to pull some life-giving elements of the soil back to you, your former strength as a tubermancer returning.Roll 1d34 for mobility roots.
I ferment and turn into delicious proto-vodka. I fall into a distillery and become the only good ever to come out of the godforsaken land called Russka.
>>7214054Roll 3d8 for fermentation.
rolled 33 = 33>>7214023
I let them fry me up, then do this.
Attempt to grow roots into the cellar alcohol repository.Attempt to gain mutated mind control roots.
rolled 2 = 2>>7214062
I attempt to mate with other potatoes, hoping it will bring strong children that will be eaten in my stead.I'm an evil potato.
rolled 6, 5, 8 = 19>>7214091Scratch that, only rolled one die.
>>7214066Six roots emerge from you about a foot in length each, their strength capable of moving you at human speeds with three of them if carrying something about your size.If unburdened, double that.
>>7214100You begin to ferment, at a rather slow rate however.If the rebellion/escape fails, you can still show you have fighting spirit.
rolled 4, 5, 7 = 16>>7214102Attempt to grow Scan-roots. Like eyestalks, but they also provide a limited "radar," and can return information about a target's composition/status.
>>7214102holy shit
>>7214132Roll 2m6 for scan-roots.
>>7214102OK, our potato has grown into The Thing inside of twenty minutes...Human Exterminatus.
rolled 1, 4 = 5>>7214154I have no mice, so I'll roll dice.Let's focus on increasing our strength for a while. Increase nutrient extraction, double us in size.
DARWIN IS SPINNING IN HIS GRAVE
>>7214173You grow one tiny eyestalk that looks a little wonky.You also grow one that actually looks like it can do something.Roll 18db81 for nutrients.
rolled 44, 18, 77, 77, 76, 45, 44, 10, 17, 18, 19, 63, 49, 13, 12, 55, 53, 29 = 719>>7214198Scan our surroundings.
I hope to change class to potato skinyou know, cut up with bacon and cheddar cheesethe deliciousness bonus would be so awesomehow do I go about doing that?how do you even roll on this board?
rolled 1, 1, 2 = 4>>7214229Email Field: dice+3d6
Attempt to gain meiotic reproduction.
>>7214225You gather enough nutrients to increase your overall strength to incredible potato levels, you could probably strangle a small child if need be.It is dark, you're in a closet. Nobody is making a noise, not the veggies, not the bread, you just fucking gained mobility and vision. The floor is hard and there is a bag around you.>>72142291d100 for class change.
>>7214232thanks
rolled 1, 2, 5 = 8>>7214275Are there any other potatos in this bag?
ITT: Tzeentch possesses a potato.
rolled 4, 4, 3 = 11>>7214284Don't capitalize it.
rolled 26 = 26>>7214275class change
rolled 47 = 47>>7214275if it works how can I go about eating myself?
>>7214285There are two, a small one, and a long one. They aren't talking at the moment.>>7214295Sadly you came just short of the 27 needed to change classes.
>>7214275I attempt to harden my bad eyestalk to the point where it's about as hard as wood, then make it sharp as to cut myself out of the bag. And for stabbing those horrible potato eaters.
>>7214350Roll 1d2 for hardening.Roll 4d23 for sharpening.Roll 23d4 for cutting the bag.
rolled 1 = 1>>7214373HARDANAN
rolled 2 = 2>>7214373ROLLAN for hardening
rolled 2, 1, 3, 1, 3, 3, 1, 1, 3, 3, 2, 3, 4, 3, 3, 1, 3, 3, 4, 1, 3, 3, 2 = 56rollin for CUTTENAN
rolled 12, 12, 6, 9 = 39SHARPENAN
>>7214380You have failed the hardening roll.You will get to retry after resting for a day to reload your exertion pods.
rolled 3, 6, 6 = 15>>7214415Ask the other potatos if they would like to rock and roll. If they do not respond, absorb them.
>>7214415Can I grow more exertion pods right here and now so that we can try to HARDENAN again?
>>7214441>can I>that weMake up your mind.
>>7214433Roll 1d96 for leadership.>>7214441Roll 1d20 for pod growth.
rolled 4 = 4>>7214459Rollan4podz
rolled 27 = 27>>7214459
>>7214470You mange to gain one more exertion pod.Not enough to retry your hardening check, which used up 312 pods.You can however, (as a free action) uber-blink.
>>7214473Your fellow potatoes are unmoved.
Plunge our feeding-roots into the other potatoes in the bag. Feast upon their starchy goodness and gain their strength. Such is the price of falling behind in the evolution race.
>>7214486UBERBLINKAN'
We should grow something similar to an ovipositor, to inject our enemies with starches, to thicken and congeal their blood.Their deaths will feed us.
rolled 1, 6, 4 = 11>>7214497Absorb them.
What's next, SpoonQuest?
>>7214502>>7214506Roll 2d60 for potatomocide.>>7214504Roll 1d234 for uber-blink ratio.
rolled 6, 25 = 31>>7214530POTATO CANNIBALISAN
rolled 8, 59 = 67>>7214530potatomocide
rolled 129 = 129>>7214530
rolled 47 = 47>>7214530Blinkityblink
>>7214545The small potato is stabbed, his strength, nutrients, and consciousness become yours.The long one rolls out of the way, and begins his own evolutionary quest to stop you. Two mobility roots sprout from him.
rolled 44, 31 = 75>>7214567ATTACK HIS ROOTSHE MUST NOT ESCAPE
rolled 6, 3, 6 = 15>>7214567ABSORB IMMEDIATELY
>>7214556Your eye-stalk blinks as hard as it can, this shall be what you are known for above all else. Carrots are moved to tears, bread spontaneously orgasms, and the canned vegetables explode. Truly, this is your day. And your mighty blink shall attest to that.
rolled 73 = 73>>7214567He has no nutrient extraction roots!HE CANNOT MATCH OUR POWER
>>7214567KILL HIM IMMEDIATELYalso how do I roll on this board
>>7214580This attempt, is much more successful.You are now the leader of a three plant potato hivemind, each connected to your will physically by root.
rolled 14, 21 = 35>>7214567 Tangle his roots with ours, and then devour him.We are the first potato vampire.
>>7214567He is a strong one. But not stronger than us.ASSIMILATE
rolled 2, 6, 3 = 11>>7214596First, read the thread.>>7214232
rolled 2, 1, 6 = 9>>7214606Develop non-physical will connection.Psy-Roots!
>>7214639Roll 6d66 for psychic evolution.
>>7214606Good......We should morph the ovipositor to sting, depositing small bits of potato into the humans. Our seed will take root within them, bringing about their death, and providing us with many more young potatoes to feed upon.
rolled 22, 7, 4, 3, 5, 25 = 66>>7214649
>>7214654Creepy.
rolled 35, 9, 54, 23, 35, 26 = 182>>7214649
>>7214654You rolled 6d66 and got 66?!wtf.
>>7214654Your mostly laughable rolls have pleased the dark gods that have allowed you to exist in your current state for as long as you have.Psychic hivemind capacity is yours.
rolled 6990, 1751, 7615, 210, 4808, 157, 6303 = 27834>>7214666I'm just that awesome
>>7214666NICE TRY, SATAN
This potato is rapidly becoming one of those walking fish from that fucked up manga.
>>7214673In the time it's taken us to do this, what has our new nemesis done?
Develop the ability to burrow underground. Enemies cannot smite what they cannot see
>>7214666Detecting epic levels of satanism.
rolled 3, 1, 6 = 10>>7214673Make the small potato our scout. Eight mobility roots, six scan-roots, high speed, relatively low strength.
>>7214666>You rolled 6d66 and got 66?!>post number ends in 666no John, YOU are the dark gods.
>>7214673>dark godsSHIT JUST GOT SERIOUS
>>7214691Nothing. We absorbed it, before it could do any more than grow two movement roots.
rolled 4, 3, 5 = 12>>7214689We are far better than that already. And we do not smell like rotten demonflesh.
>>7214673>dark gods IN THE GRIM FUTURE OF A FAMILY'S PANTRY, THERE ARE ONLY POTATOES
>>7214701Roll 12d20 for nutrients necessary for such a task.
>>7214724OH GOD I WAS THERETHE FAMINE WAS TERRIBLETHERE WERE ONLY POTATOES AS FAR AS THE EYE COULD SEE
rolled 5, 12, 14, 7, 18, 17, 16, 9, 12, 6, 15, 1 = 132>>7214731
rolled 1, 3, 3, 14, 10, 1, 8, 12, 15, 6, 12, 15 = 100>>7214731
rolled 11, 3, 13, 15, 11, 16, 12, 16, 20, 7, 17, 5 = 146>>7214731SATAN GUIDE MY ROLL
>>7214701Agreed. Also, if at all possible, have his skin evolve into active camouflage. a überscout will be of great value to us while we conquer this sack and build a great nest of dark god-worshipping potatoes.
Make buds. Link hivemind with children. If nutrients needed, use carrots. The faggots.
CAN WE MAKE FLOWERS? FLOWERS ARE PRETTY :3
ABSORB THE CARROTS.Those orange dicks laughed.
rolled 13, 1, 20, 20, 19, 5, 16, 11, 3, 15, 14, 9 = 146>>7214731
THIS IS THE GREATEST THREAD ABOUT ANYTHING EVER.
Begin planning of a cult devoted to the dark gods, with the carrots as the lowest tier of members and prime sacrifices. Rice will form the numerous middle class with the capability to bully the carrots to our will and our psychic domination will hopefully quench the rice hivemind enough for this to work. thoughts, my other parts of the potato mind?
How can being a potato be so awesome?Also hell yes satanic hivemind potato.
>>7214738The transformation is successful, his small body well suited to the task. His mobility roots are closer to a foot in a half in length, but not as thick as yours.>>7214750Roll 9d12 for bud-making.
>>7214768The raisins are sinister.
>>7214760It isn't until we rape the family's youngest daughter with our potadildo.
>>7214760What's interesting to me is that /tg/ did not even hesitate in turning our fine potato into a walking doom engine that feeds on its brethren, binding it into its hive mind.With twice the speed of a human, and the strength to strangle someone with its roots. And eyes.
rolled 4, 2, 12, 4, 6, 8, 8, 1, 5 = 50>>7214779
>>7214779
>>7214797What's interesting is that OP used imagery of 'dark gods' as some literary fluff, but /tg/ just jumped on it and are building fucking temples and shit
>>7214800Close.
>>7214784In the course of 50 posts or so, a potato became a walking, thinking, seeing, psychic hivemind.This thread better end in rape.
>>7214797If we're going to be a potato, by all the dark powers we're going to be the most badass motherfucking potato there ever was.Plus, potato roots are creepy to start with. It was a natural step.
rolled 5, 11, 13, 6, 12, 6, 11, 18, 8, 10, 13, 17 = 130>>7214797What can I say? Potatos are just that awesome./tg/. We turn vegetables into warmachines with the power of Satan.
>>7214784What would we need to roll to make this possible?
Question: Is there a female humanoid in this house? Our Scout Spud should be able to determine this.
>>7214798Four little buds protrude from one of your mobility roots.You may set them down anywhere, but they will grow faster in dirt or latched onto any source of nutrients really.
rolled 1, 3, 4 = 8>>7214825Impregnation. Potato-Human Hybrids. World Domination.WE ARE GOD
Sigh. /tg/, your logic is weak. Why rape the human female when we can use her as a mount to sow fear into our enemies?
>>7214825THE DARK GODS WILL PROVIDE THE RAPING MATERIAL. YOU DOUBT THE WILL OF THE DARK GODS?
>>7214760I second this man.This shit is GREAT.
>>7214840Foolish brother Why not MOUNT THE SOW and then have her seedlings populate the earth
>>7214746correction, dark-god-worshipping VEGETABLES. We shall assimilate. We are legion. We never forget. We never forgive.
>>7214836Set them in carrots. Or rice. Whatever is safer.
>>7214841Not at all.Merely wondering if that material is in ths home, or if we need to feed on everything that IS at home, then move on the the rest of the neighborhood.
>>7214768>>7214768Make this shit happen Let's start with establishing connection with rice hivemind, using our psychic connections. Send out a tentative probe.
Ponder on whether or not we should call ourselves Poh-tah-toe or Puh-tay-toe.
>>7214588>Bread spontaneously orgasms>Bread >ORGASMSSO MUCH WIN
>>7214851Oh. Okay.
>>7214836Root buds to carrots. Hate dem carrots
Develop large tentacles for the purpose of entanglement and planting monster potato seeds in human hosts.
Rape to death, bury her, use her corpse as nutrients to allow our army to grow further. Also spontaneously gain the knowledge to gain additional power from her death via appeasing the dark gods appropriately, etc, etc, so on and so forth.You can do that sort of thing with tentacle rape you know. I saw it in a movie once.
/tg/ we must find a little girl.And befriend the fuck out of her.
Mustgrowrape-roots.
ABSORB CARROTS, THEY HELP YOU SEE BETTER.FIND A KNIFE.STAB THE MOTHER.EAT HER FACE.
>>7214867We need more nutrients let's thicken our roots attached in soil, so we can extract as much before we leave this blessed pantry.
>>7214768I don't trust the rice. There's too many of them... If they all reach sentience, they might be able to overthrow our potato hivemind through sheer numbers!
>>7214875OR we could fuck the befriend out of her.
>>7214875SHIT YES! WE REQUIRE A CREEPY LOLI QUEEEEEN TO HAVE CREEPY PSYCHIC POTATO BABIES!>>7214878NOT ENOUGH MINERALS. WE REQUIRE MORE VESPENE GAS.
>>7214865Roll 3d6 for dominance.>>7214878Roll 7d77 for 'last call' event check.
FTAGN POTATO!
I roll for the linking to the rice hivemind.
rolled 2, 5, 2 = 9>>7214896IT WOULD SUCK IF WE BECAME THE CARROTS' BITCH
>>7214896
Potatoes develop poisonous fruit in order to procreate. Develop a defense system of poisonous pods, covered in miniatures of these fruit, in spiked patterns.Thus shall we bring forth the will of the dark gods.
>>7214836Spawn four drones, put them to work collecting minerals.
>>7214896Rollan
rolled 62, 51, 28, 12, 25, 14, 34 = 226>>7214896
rolled 3, 67, 16, 21, 35, 26, 41, 5, 55, 42, 69, 32, 69, 8, 33, 31, 40, 54, 29, 59, 22, 62, 74, 15, 71 = 979>>7214896LAST CALL
>>7214913ALL ABOARDTHIS SHIT'S ABOUT TO BE BLOWN WIDE OPEN
Absorb the leftovers from the canned food that exploded. Including the metal.
>>7214914Do you have enough dice there, King of Rollers?
rolled 16, 63, 36, 20, 23, 58, 71, 6, 44, 45, 34, 67, 61, 53, 39, 34, 63, 22, 32, 74, 44, 26, 35, 47, 8 = 1021>>7214925no
>>7214914Fucking caffeine twitches.On the other hand, I'm laughing really hard at this.
>>7214903The carrots are faggots, any roll higher than -3 would have sufficed.Their bodies are yours to use as your twisted potato baby farm.Somehow, they seem to have always wanted this.Faggots.>>7214913You manage to pull up enough nutrients to recharge your exertion pods, energy banks, and even reweave your psychic web. You're good to go.
rolled 2, 1, 5 = 8>>7214896
rolled 15, 42, 36, 28, 31, 45, 68 = 265>>7214896derp
>>7214937Any word from the Scout Spud?Are there rapables in the house?
>>7214937Harvest the beta-carotene from the delicious flesh of the carrots to give us and our children the ability to see in the dark! Also, take levels in Rogue.
>>7214937SCOUT THE HOUSEIMPLANT OUR ROOTS INTO THE BRAIN OF THE ALPHA MALENONE SHALL SURVIVE
>>7214950Your scout has made it back from his search.The house has two stories, your pantry is on the first. He found a man, a woman, and two backpacks set near the pantry implying children also live here.
Sounds like we have a lot of energy. Let's put some of that into strengthening our psychic powers. If no roll is required, initiate brief contact with rice hivemind - let's see how these zerg think.
>>7214969Make it a priority not to harm the little girl. We must befriend her.
>>7214969What is the current status of the puny meat-based occupants of the house? Active? Dormant?
>>7214977God. You're such a carrot.
>>7214969SCRUMPTIOUS CHILDREN! WE SHALL FIND THEM AND RUN OUR ROOTS THROUGH EVERY ORIFICE OF THEIR BODY, AND THEM WE SHALL FALL UPON THEIR PARENTS WITH THEIR CORPSES TWISTED INTO A CRUEL MOCKERY OF THEIR FORMER SELVES STILL HANGING UPON US!
>>7214969Search his memories. Did the backpacks have anything that might indicate age and gender? A Teenage male is far more difficult to deal with than a small girl.
Oh god. Can I get a list of all the mutations, growth, and abilities this potato monstrosity has?
>>7214987Perhaps we should make a spot check on what the time of day is, or the lighting conditions outside of the house - or outside the pantry, if that will be sufficient. Pure darkness should indicate a late hour, while the difference between sunlight and artifical should be detected by a potato.
>>7214972The rice are wary of you, but not entirely afraid of you. They thinkspeak the following.'You potatoes, you have begun to take the first step, one we have ages ago. We have always had hivemind capabilities, and now you have gone above and beyond that, you have our loyalty. Perhaps one day you could share your secrets with us.'
Bond two roots to carrots and harden them into spikes.
>>7214993This! We must be strong like alpha-starch. Not weak like beta-carotene.
Grow a dick to fuck the women.
Implant a potato sprout into the rice hivemind so as to grow and absorb the rice's power for ourselves.
Utilize our energy and commence a purging of the hivemind. Stay elements from the carrots may have managed to soil our holy pods. See >>7214977
>>7215008Rice seem like bros. I could forsee them serving as little mobile batteries for our potatoes to use on the go, and in return we can teach them psychic cantrips.
Is there a small mammal in the house, a cat or a dog?
RICE WILL GROW LARGER
Sounds like there's a conflict on interest, guys. Let's put it to a vote: Purge the rice hivemind, or keep it around and see what else it knows?
>>7215008That settles it. We are the King of the motherfucking Carbohydrates, potatoes. KING.
>>7215047They were the first to come to us willingly. Their loyalty should not be forgotten.
>>7214987The man and woman are currently engaging in intercourse on the kitchen table. >>7214994One backpack was dark grey, about small small enough for a child. The other was black, with white trimming. Various buttons adorn it, about teenager sized.>>7215004Roll 1d24 for time awareness.>>7215009Roll 3d8 for carrot weaponization.
OTHERS WILL COME TO OUR DOMAINWe should scout for all possible entrances and have spuds waiting at each in preparation for ambushing the enemy.
>>7215047Purge and devour.CEREAL IS HERESYTHERE CAN BE ONLY TUBER
>>7215008Make a deal w/ rice, let them symbiote with our potatoey body and get mobility, while 'sacrificing' a few of their herdened seeds to become ammunition for our machinegun.
>>7215047We must control the rice hivemind. It cannot have any autonomy. Consume all rice to gain its power!
rolled 20 = 20>>7215060
>>7215047I'm thinking of the rice as some sort of Adeptus Mechanicus, at the moment; they have greater knowledge of the world, or so it seems, so we have to tolerate their unholy existence and slowly leech them of their secrets.
>>7215060If the man and woman are both distracted, now would be the perfect time to dominate them.
rolled 22 = 22>>7215060Rollan for date/time
rolled 2, 4, 2 = 8Carrot spikes
>>7215047keep around. Rice is wiser with hiveminding in this case. May unlock secrets to hivemind humans.
>>7215078I second this. Perhaps someday in the far future we will no longer have a need for rice, but at the present there is much to be learned, and keeping the taint within the Rice is the ideal way.
>>7215060Move quickly. Climb onto the back of the man's head, plunge roots into his central nervous system. Control him like a puppet. Sprout new tubers to replace his reproductive organs with our own.Continue with intercourse.
>>7215070It is 4 PM.All rice based negotiations are put on hold until you work something out.The man has opened the pantry door, he is shocked by what you have become.Roll 6d13 for psychic reflexes.
Rethink your ideas of alliance. Rice will betray us, for that is its nature.
rolled 13, 6, 10, 4, 1, 6 = 40>>7215114STUPID ANGRY CEO. YOU WILL BE OURS
>>7215114As >>7215099 but with more psi-blasting.
rolled 6, 11, 7, 10, 3, 9 = 46>>7215114PSYCHOREFLEXIVE POWAHS
>>7215118>>7215088FUCK
>>7215118He barely manages to escape the grips of your psychic assault, but he does look stunned for a moment.He grabs a nearby trashcan and throws up into it.
rolled 11, 4, 12, 4, 13, 7 = 51>>7215115they will betray us, but we will make an offer of symbiosis they can't refuse.
>>7215114Has he already rolled for his own reflexes or is he stunned into inaction?
>>7215099>>7215122>>7215114yes. Use a large amount of psychic energy to interfere with the Man's response, or reflexes. And then carry out Plan 66.
Climb onto his head and burrow a root into his brain.
>>7215131Parasitise him while he is distracted. EAT HIS BRAINS. PUPPET HIS FLESH.
WE REQUIRE A NAME
>>7215140>>7215118>>7215099Roll 2d20 for movement.Roll 3d19 for brain roots.
rolled 6, 11 = 17>>7215158
rolled 13, 12, 4, 5, 4, 13 = 51>>7215150DICTATER!
>>7215150I suggest: The Overstarch
>>7215140It's too soon! We must dissolve ourselves from the man's mind! Our pods will have training enough with the little girl.
>>7215150We do not need a name. No distinct consciousness will remain to address us when we are successful.
rolled 1, 17, 7 = 25>>7215158BRAIN ROOTAN
Who keeps their carrots in a pantry?
rolled 19, 10 = 29>>7215158POTATERS ROLL OUT
You are now hearing Flight of the Valykries.Manually.
>>7215170This is important dissent to discuss >>7214840
>>7215171shit, a 1 >>7215166I kind of like this. Maybe the Uberstarch, but Overstarch works too.
So far we're looking something like this.Possibly with weaponized carrots too.
rolled 3, 4, 8 = 15>>7215196Starch-nemesis.
>>7215208nice one.
>>7215208How about Tony Starch?
>>7215222thassa good potato.wesa bad potato!WESA WAAGGGHHHHHH!
>>7215183Protip: If you're wondering where OP has gone, he's telling the people in this thread to roll against our attacks.
>>7215222WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS
FUUUUUCK! OUR BRAIN TUNNELING ATTEMPTS HAVE BEEN THWARTED! QUICKLY, BACKUP PLAN BEFORE THAT BITCH SHOWS UP WITH A BLOWTORCH THAT MAY OR MAY NOT EXIST!
PSYCHIC POWAH:keep him upchucking so he cant defend against our attack!
>>7215240This is the best thread crossover ever.
>>7215171He manages to rip you off of his skull, and throws you back into the pantry. His head is bleeding, but you didn't penetrate the skull.
>>7215240at the ANGRY CEO THREAD amirite?
>>7215256Choke him with our strong roots! Try the brain-burrowing move again!
GO FOR HIS FACE! DIG INTO HIS NOSE, HIS MOUTH, HIS EYES, HIS EARS! DON'T THINK ABOUT TAKING HIM OVER, KILL HIS ASS! JUST GO IN AND KEEP GOING TILL HE STOPS TWITCHING!
>>7215262Roll 3d46 to strangle.His wife has entered the room, holding a welding torch.
Tear up the floorboards and burrow into the cool damp safety of the soil beneath. Before that fucker comes back with a flamethrower.
>>7215262No dangit! Get the scoutspud to roll down his anus or someshit. Get a friggin' distraction! The main spud must retreat to a safer place and absorb more nutrients!
>DICTATER!>The Overstarch>Uberstarch>Starch-nemesis.>Tony StarchGoddamn you /tg/, I love you so much.
rolled 27, 44, 43 = 114>>7215270STRANGLAN
>>7215280THAT'S A STRANGLAN RIGHT THERE BOYS! CHOKE 'IM REAL GOOD!
rolled 23, 5, 21 = 49SATAN GUIDE MY ROLL
>>7215280Fuckwin rolls!
>>7215292FUCK YOU NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR ROLL
>>7215300oh burn looks like you just got out of the FRYING PAN into the FRYER HO HO HOPHOSPHOLIPIDS YOU SEE
>>7215280He drops dead, his cold hands fall limp from your roots.His wife shrieks, and prepares the torch. Now may be a good time to lead your rebellion underground.
This thread is the best thread
>>7215304FUCK YES CHOKAN GAMES
Alright, NOW we can try brain-burrowing and flesh-puppeting! Because we need to punch this guy's wife out before she sets us on fire.
>>7215316RUN to the safety of behind the freezer! If possible rally up some support from the freezer inhabitants!
>>7215316Run away from the fire!
>>7215316Alright, my friends. Time to make a difficult choiceDo we attempt to zombie-puppet this corpse, or do we haul ass with our TWICE AS FAST AS A HUMAN's speed? Don't forget the rice...but at least we're leaving the carrots behind
>>7215316Any chance of psychblasting the wife?And how is that potadildo evolving?
>>7215335Being in a freezer means they're dead, mate. They are dead.
>>7215335Roll 2d20 for evasion.Roll 5d50 for psychic connection to freezer inhabitants.
rolled 24, 41, 49, 14, 43 = 171>>72153445d50
>>7215338We use our speed to "run away" while our scout sneak attacks her from behind. She's naked since they were just borking, or at least exposed, so potato scout should infiltrate her body by way of her vajayjay.
rolled 6, 9 = 15>>7215344EVADANwhich is an anagram of nevada, btw.
PSYCHIC BLAST! Confuse the wife so we can get on her without being torched.
>>7215344We must not connect with the barbaric hordes of the far north!
Create a psychokinetic rice storm to distract the wife and allow a safe advance.
rolled 37, 6, 3, 46, 11 = 103>>7215344>>7215344DENIZENS OF FREEZERLAND HEAR MY PSYCHIC PLEA
rolled 15, 9 = 24>>7215350average being 125...not bad 2d20
>>7215343Yes, but wait just a second, lemme put somethin' out there.ZombieVegetablesNecron Vegetables even.Wrap yer noggin' around that one for a bit, eh?
rolled 18, 30, 29 = 77>>7215366I like the way you think.
>>7215366This scares me. What if the CEO takes over one of our fallen brothers in there?
rolled 1 = 1>>7215381E's in Mormon Hell, it wouldn't matter.
rolled 19, 26, 45, 32, 46 = 168>>7215366...but we're WAGGGHHHHTATOES!
>>7215350You manage to get a message through, but they're frozen. Trapped mentally. They will hear you as soon as they thaw, but for now, they're practically dead.>>7215353You do some evasive maneuvers and end up behind the freezer, she didn't notice your final hiding spot, so you're relatively safe. The other vegetables, while altered, were not altered enough to notice yet. You're safe. For now, but tomorrow shall yield another step in your quest...To be continued, thread's autosaging and it's 4 AM, I'm out.
>>7215381Are you suggesting, sir, that a feeble human mind could even begin to compare with the psychic remnant of a might Potato?If anything, we can restore our dead brothers to vitality and firmness once more. The Dread Starch Horde shall not be stayed by oil nor foil!
>>7215405someone archive this, STAT. and that other CEO thread.
>>7215393So he'll come back full of rage, and with forces possibly beyond our dark gods!Man, I sound like a fucking carrot.
ARCHIVE, QUICK
rolled 1 = 1>>7215405thanks for the thread, man >from the guy who came up with Tony Starch
We created a mobile constantly evolving and reproducing psychic hivemind with a penchant for choking people.And our base creature? A fucking potato./tg/: "We get shit done."
MAGNIFICENT
ARCHIVED
Before I go, I just want to say what a treat it has been working with you all for this.I started this with literally nothing, I figured you guys might get a kick out of something as silly as being a potato. I threw in ridiculous arbitrary dice rolls to add to the silliness.You all turned this into something horrifying and awesome, you have nobody but yourselves to thank.
I have borne witness to something amazing this day.
>>7215277Sorry for being late:Tubercolossus.
>>7213960i am irish and i shall honour our dark pact of brotherhood
