Cool story bro.

i liked it

The grimdark . . . where is it?

You heard it here first.
The Most Interesting Man in the World runs IG.

>>7198702
Reporting for duty, Commissar!

>>7198702
HELL YEAH!

>>7198702

Reporting for duty, Commissar ;)

Guardsman 1:Commissar? Commissar? Where did he go?
Guardsman 2: He said he was taking a couple of those new lady recruits on a deep cover scouting mission.

I... I'll admit it.

I broke my Sororitas vows with... HIM.

Emperor help me, I could not resist his charm. He made love to me on that battlefield, with the screams of the dying and the roar of gunfire all around us, he took me, and made me... complete.

His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to use plasma guns.

Even his enemies list him as their Commissar.

He never says something tastes like heresy. Not even heresy.

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

DEATH TO THE CORPSE SUC... oh, damnit. FOR THE EMPEROR!

>>7198892
Sororitas don't take vows of chastity.

Commissar Equis is a pretty cool guy.

>>7198920
They do. It's vows of celibacy that they don't take.

inb4 the same shitstorm as last time.

>>7198925
Eh fights heresy and doesn't afraid of anything?

>>7198837

The text at the top of that image seems to hint at more pics like this, are there and if so please tell me you have them.

>>7198702
R-reporting for duty, Lord Commissar, sir!

The most interesting man of the Imperium on heresy:

"No."

>>7198937
WATCH OUT COMMISSAR!
IT'S A TRAP!!
I'LL STOP HIM!

>>7199005
>Trying to shoot the Guardsman who served half the imperial high command.

HERESY *blam*

>>7199022
FUCK THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT US!
KILL THEM ALL BOYS!! *PewPewPew*

>>7199005
Oh, I knew of what he was the moment he entered my sight, Guardsman.

Why do you think it is fighting on the front lines?

Gee, the most interesting man of the Imperium can't spot heretics it seems...

>>7199076
There are no Heretics. There are only those who are under my command, and those who I have not been purified by my blood.

>>7199091
see
>>7199049

>>7199060
>>7199091
FOR THE GREATER GOOD!

>>7199076
>>7199091
Everyone is a heretic. Some people just don't know it yet.
Yes, everyone.
Even you.
Even the Space Marines.
Even the Sororitas.
Even the Emperor.

I should have stayed on Terra, with the Emperor...

He can beat greater demons of tzeentch in chess.

He is a part-time sniping instructor for the Vindicare temple.

His battle cry is said to make orks wet themselves.


He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

Meltagun at the ready suh! I will follow you into the maw of hell itself!

When he's not commissaring, we're totally planning.

And drinking Dos Equis. Not always, but when we drink beer.

>>7199115
FUCK YOU! *BAM*

That for my wife

Stat him; now!

I wanna add him as commisar to my IG army

He has been known to purge heresy just by walking into a room.

He can speak High Gothic in Low Gothic

His regiment's quartermaster lists his beard as a weapon of mass destruction

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

He has been to the Black Library of the Eldar. Once. Upon leaving he was heard to say "I prefer the LoC indexing system."

He once ordered an STC destroyed, claiming "We've got better sporks than that."

You have never heard of Hive Fleet Shiva. That's because they got acid on his beard.

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

>His regiment's quartermaster lists his beard as a weapon of mass destruction

Can't deny the badass in that...

He owns the only Gentleman pattern bolt pistol in the galaxy.

He once spent a year long safari... on a Tyranid warship.

He can speak Eldar, in High Gothic.

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

>>7198702

>>7199132
excuse me, but it's a bloody Plasma Gun

>>7199218
>He once spent a year long safari... on a Tyranid warship

YYYYYYYYEAAAAAAHH!!

>>7199218
>He can speak Eldar, in High Gothic.
WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

He once bested a Greater Demon of Khorne in armed combat with nothing but his bare fists

Orks who have seen him have often been left dazed by the sight of his beard, endlessly repeating the phrase "Too much Dakka".

His charm is so contagious that an experimental Virus Bomb was created from it. It has not been deployed, for fear that its destructive power is far too great.

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

>He once bested a Greater Demon of Khorne in armed combat with nothing but his bare fists
>armed combat
>bare fists

...Commissar Equis has reached dangerous levels of epic

I have to admit, I am greatly enjoying this thread. Well done, OP, well done.

>>7199364
Are you implying I was not already dangerously epic, my friend?

Lotsasamefag

>>7199379

but it's all good stuff

>>7199379
i'mokaywiththis.jpg

Holy shit, you don't even need to change the terms:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsjIg_PMWs4

>>7199334

>BEAR fists

His kindly chuckle can rouse a mortally wounded guardsmen into an impassioned battle frenzy.

He toys with the lives of his foes the same way lesser men toy with tabletop miniatures.

He regularly enjoys a glass of Thursday night bourbon with the God-Emperor Himself.

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

>>7199139
Your wife was delicious.
Especially when she was having her period.

He has been noted to have employed 'enuff dakka' by his Ork enemies.

Slaanesh followers give up their cause upon seeing him, for they realize nothing could be more beautiful.

He un-sterilized the entire human population of a Tau-held world simply by speaking to them through a vox with his bedroom voice.

With only a single glance of stern, fatherly disapproval, he reduce even the vilest of Chaos Sorcerers to weeping, stuttering repentance.

Slaanesh Herself has written him tomes and tomes of girlishly smitten love letters.

His beard is among the holiest of the Imperium's relics. Pilgrims endure generations-long voyages through the warp to pay it homage.

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

He once let himself be outmaneuvered by Ursarkar E. Creed, just to see what it felt like.

He once made a Slaaneshi Cultist blush like a schola girl.

His personality is so powerful that others within the immediate area are rendered nulls within the Warp while in his presence.

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

By god, if Commissar Equis made commercials for the IG, every able-bodied man and woman in the Imperium would join up. Simultaneously.

>>7199654
>He once let himself be outmaneuvered by Ursarkar E. Creed, just to see what it felt like

EQUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS

>>7199693
This is why he does not do them; he understands the need for civilians

Gork and Mork agree, Commissar Equis gots enuff dakka.

An entire floor of the Black Library is dedicated to the arcane study of his divinely exquisite one-liners.

He once beat Tzeentch Himself at chess. With a slight, paternal smile, the Commissar patted his opponent's hand. "Well played, dear fellow; you're not so bad for an amateur. Practice hard, then try me again in a century or so."

The Ultramarines, tired of their garish chapter colors, requested his services in designing a new uniform. His suggestions were so simple and so elegant that they were adopted immediately: "A stiff oxford shirt, collar open and unbuttoned, with a fine merino jacket and a pair of understated Armani cufflinks."

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

Threads like these are what keeps me from killing myself.

>>7199897

Stay alive, my friend.

SOMEONE TELL ME HIS NAME.

>>7199847
>The Ultramarines, tired of their garish chapter colors, requested his services in designing a new uniform. His suggestions were so simple and so elegant that they were adopted immediately: "A stiff oxford shirt, collar open and unbuttoned, with a fine merino jacket and a pair of understated Armani cufflinks."

Gentleman Marines?

Sounds awesome.

>>7199962
To name him is to tarnish him.

>>7199962
I am Commissar Equis, my friend. Although, I am pleasantly surprised that I have encountered one who has not heard of me.

And who may you be, Guardsman?

>>7199897
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tols2yYjnv0

>>7199984
I... I'm not a Guardsman! I'm a commissar, like you!

>>7199962
A name is given to one of mortal flesh so that they may live on past this realm. He does not need nor require such trivialities.

>>7200077
You are one in his presence. Now salute him goddamnit.

>>7199984
STORMTROOPER CONNERY, SUH.

>>7200077
Ah no, my dear. I doubt you are a Commissar like ME.

But still, this is besides the point. I asked you once, my lovely; what is your name?

He was trained by Bill Brasky.

TO BILL BRASKY!!!!

>>7200131
>8 months later when he woke up
Apparently the student has surpassed the master. Commissar Equis would not have sunk into a coma.

'E once WAAGGHHED through a beakie ship wif just a shoota an a choppa

'E can rock wiff da best Goff Rockahs ... but prefers blues

'E once made a spacehulk outta a umie titan by 'isself

'E is da greenest, most interestin' Ork in da galaxy

"I often WAAGGH ... and when I does, I prefer Two Dakkas in mah mitts"

"Stay weedy ya runts!"

beautiful

archive it

What would happen if Commissar Equis would ally with commander BRIAN BLESSED?

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

for any newcomers to /tg/ unaware of it.

>>7200340
The greatest buddy cop movie ever written, that's what!
One is smooth and suave, the other one is loud and energetic.
Together, they fight Heresy.

He once had a staring contest with the Eye of Terror, and won.

A Cultist of Nurgle once attempted to defile him; that cultist has since been purified, and is now his Aide-de-Camp.

He once went on safari for an entire year... on a Tyranid Hiveship

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and he is your new Commissar.

"I don't often fight Chaos... But when I do, I prefer Imperial Guardsmen at my side."

"Stay loyal to the Imperium, my friends."

>>7200313
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/7198702/

OK, this campaign website is silly.

But the minigames let you close leaks on a submarine using a blow gun, and arm wrestle churchill.

http://dosequis.com/

>>7199833

Hey... aren't the gods' names wrong in that picture?

I have a theory.

The "Emperor" on the throne is just some poor bastard the Custodes grabbed off the streets.

The real Emperor is Commissar Equis.

>>7199654
You guys need to listen to some more of the commercials to see how it's done.
These onee aren't bad- the key is to simplify your sentences and to use less adjectives.

Also, I think that
>He once made a Slaaneshi Cultist blush like a schola girl
Would be better as
>His charm makes Slaaneshi cultists blush like schola girls

>>7200619

YES

>>7200632

We were doing that at first, then we thought it would be funny to make them more ridiculous, absurd, and grandiose. That is how things work around here on /tg/ pardner.

>>7200619
It's only theory if it can be debated.

That is truth.

>>7200619

He is the most debonair and interesting man in the Imperium, and He is your Emperor.

>>7200810
Its... Beautiful...

Coincidence? I think not.

>>7200810
>>7200619

inb4 blamheresy

>>7198702
Yours is faith tempered by wisdom.

Yours is wisdom purified by experience.

Your is experience in the glory of life.

Yours is a life of faith.

All of the life-loving children in the cosmos will sit at your feet and just listen.

You have shown that Love not only Can Bloom, but it Must and that it always Will.

We are the Sword-Wind of Biel-Tan.
You have to do naught but whisper, and the light of your mind will steer our blades along the path of Ultimate Harmony.