Cream cheese bland and mushy, I don't think so.

>>7184034
Mushy? Yes. Bland?

Far from it.

My DM won't let me play gummi bears.

he says that "mushy dry" breaks the game.

Chocolate covered pretzels.

Where's your God now?

>>7184062
savory dry

I don't think droughts are really dry especially if they have frosting.

>>7184062
Covered in chocolate

>>7184062
That's in the 'god foods' alignment, along with the cream cheese with fruit swirls.

Bland Mushy should be tofu.

>>7184060

Well your DM's an idiot, gummi bears are just a Sweet Mushy class with some bonus ranks in Texture (Chewy)... consult the advanced character creation section in Unearthed Candy

>>7184103
I agree

>>7184103

Word.

>>7184076

Likewise, french fries with ketchup are "mushy" in a way.
That's why Bland Dry is often considered "True Dry."

>>7184083

Fruit swirls, my god you faggots can't leave well enough alone.

>>7184108

gummi bears are a race not a class dumbass... you can make gummi bear characters of practically any flavor

I hate being limited to Sweet Wet as a Pudding Paladin. I want to play a Salty Mushy Black Pudding Paladin.

Do any sourcebooks have something like this?

>>7184145
Dark Chocolate Gummi Bears wielding dual pretzels make me rage

>>7184153

You can play as Blood Pudding, but that requires the Book of Vile British Cooking, and the rest of that book is utter shit.

Nothing's as useful as bland dry. Nobody else can get across a continent like a bland dry can.

The Bland planes have got to absolutely suck for Bland characters whom performed Sweet and Salty acts in equal measure.

>>7184169
Disease resistance is kinda low, though.

God, I love you fa/tg/uys.

>>7184167
This one time I played a blood pudding so black even the little white bits were black.

my DM won't let me play a sweet wet cerial mage, he says the extra rank in sogginess breaks the game

>>7184201
I once had blutwurst that was white. Apparently, it was so black, it came around the other side.

I don't know if it was sweet, bland, or salty. I think it was all three.

Or god forbid, none.

>>7184108
Unearthed candy? more like mushy edition

Holy fuck, I'm hungry now.

>>7184169

Dude if you're going to play a sweet wet cereal mage, you might as well just play a melted ice cream mage with a waffle cone-heavy build. Once you can get skills like M&Ms and Sprinkles (around 5th level) you'll be unstoppable.

>>7184226

It was umami, and we don't allow that weeaboo shit in our games.

>>7184238

shit, me too

>>7184246
But I can't live without the +12 vitamins and minerals the whole cerial class gets

Fuck you, now I'm hungry.

>>7184254

God, this one jackass in our group tried to roll an insanely overpowered Miso Soup caster with umami alignment (the one from the gay-ass Oriental Food Adventures sourcebook).

>>7184028
Looks good, I'll take them all.

>>7184265

That's true, the ice cream class is very low on Nutrition as a whole. But its crazy Taste bonuses more than make up for that, especially if you're playing an offensive character.

>>7184293

Oh fuck that. I'll bet he took seaweed AND a tofu familiar, too. I fucking loathe munchkin powergamers.

Lemme guess, when you bitched that it was too OP and had too many broken powers, he tried playing something with only one power - an I WIN button: sashimi.

>>7184293
umani? I remember back in first edition when that was "savory"... ooh, just thinking of first edition it makes me want to roll a bullion thief up

Man i have the awesomest character going right now.

Sour Cream & Onion Dip Rogue
Level: 10
Alignment: Salty Mushy
Diety: Lay's

TAST: 25
NUTR: 11 (Rogues don't need Nutr)
TEXTR: 22
AROMA: 14
CRUNCH: 27 (yeah bitches!)
CHEW: 15

I've been accused of minmaxing, but whatever, this guy kicks ass. My DM is running a Fast Food quest and my character is a perfect foil to all the Hamburger and Hot Dog builds in my party.

>>7184303
if they hadn't nerfed mini-marshmallows in the new condiments expansion I'd have comparable taste bonuses

God, this whole classification system is bullshit. I mean, Froot Loops is a Sweet Mushy food? Bullshit they're SD. Yeah, sure, they can get mushy, but you should fucking kill your Kitchen Master if he pulls out a situation that contrived.
Cream cheese bland? What the FUCK? Not to mention fries; with fries it completely fucking depends on circumstance.
Really, fuck Doughnuts & Dumplings and its retarded system.

SALTY IS NOT THE OPPOSITE OF SWEET

NOT-SWEET IS THE OPPOSITE OF SWEET

NOT-SALTY IS THE OPPOSITE OF SALTY

BLAND IS THE OPPOSITE OF SALTY-AND-SWEET

FUCK YOU.
THIS SHIT MAY WORK IN YOUR BLACK-AND-WHITE FAIRYTALE WORLD, BUT IT IS TOO SIMPLISTIC TO HANDLE THE FULL SPECTRUM OF TASTES IN REAL LIFE.

>>7184432

I hear that Chefs of the Coast really dumbed things down for 4e.

>>7184380
ain't got nothin on my au gratin Tastemage

>>7184405
Oh man. I just ate mini-marshmallows like 5 minutes ago. They are so fantastic.

Cinnamon Bread is just broken beyond belief. I mean, at level 1, equipped with just basic Peanut Butter, its Taste Class can reach almost 30. And that's assuming you don't spring for Crunchy Peanut Butter.

R&D needs to fix this.

Also, lol at Pork Brains. Give it the Milk Gravy, and your damage reaches 3500. I swear that's some kind of typo, that's fast food level damage.

>>7184440

Wow, someone's butthurt. If you like flavor complexity so much you should go back to playing Vampyre: The Gourmet

>>7184450
seriously, all the dishes play the same now. before you had all sorts of choices; then there was actually a difference between a steak and a pork chop. now it's like 'wait, am I playing a casserole or a salad?'
YOU CANT EVEN TELL THE DIFFERENCE. OOH LOOK WE ALL HAVE AT-WILL SPICES. Yeah sure the flavor text is a little different but it's really all the same when push comes to shove.
FUCK YOU CHEFS.
FUCK YOU.

who doesn't love playing a lettuce ranger?

>>7184519
oh, yeah because EVERYBODY loved rice edition, right?

>>7184488
Because, nWoH got has no fluff plane and simple they made the seafood class all a subclass of deep fried. shit is so gay I mean sure some ass hat is bound to make a fishmellt, but I loved my tuna steak the make other foods fishy power was so fun.

>>7184550
don't forget they got rid of the smoked fish class!

Hey guys, just got back from a late night session.

Our group decided to play a sandwich. One person was salty-mushy westphalian ham, with the thin-slice feat. The container was a cookie-cutter bland-dry white bread. The filler was a shredded cheddar-mozzarella mix (fucking munchkins), and the main was a pretty all-purpose seasoned ham.

Fucking kitchenmaster decided to put us through a toaster first. We barely made it out of that one. The cheese was pretty melted, but munchkin he is, he took the feats that /aid/ him when he's melted. The bread got pretty hard around the crusts, so that was a bit of a challenge when we went up against the teeth.

Wasn't too bad though. The cheese got stuck in with his fancy feets, and the hams went straight for the tongue. I think the bread scratched the gums a little too, but he was hit pretty hard by enzymes.

After we looted the mouth, we got railroaded into the stomach. Fucking kitchenmasters. Didn't get much farther than "acid falls, everybody dies" though, since the seasoned ham and bread had to leave. I expect the next session will be in a day or so.

>>7184519

The whole spice levels thing is fucking ridiculous. Apparently you can put Basil or Oregano levels into a fucking Sweet Dry Donut and actually increase its nutrition effectiveness. That bullshit don't even make sense.

I think it should be the texture (Wet, mushy, dry) as "lawful, neutral, chaotic rather than good/neutral/evil.

So dry would be lawful, mushy would be neutral, wet would be chaotic. Then Sweet would be good, bland would be neutral, salty would be evil.

>>7184587
sweet is evil

>implying that donuts aren't sweet mushy

God damnit OP, this is why we can't have nice games of kitchens and toasters.

>>7184608
Yeah, donuts are totally mushy. That is why you can eat them and not drink milk.

this is so unrealistic.

What if I want to play a sweetnsourmancer? Huh? Where does 'sour' fit in? Your two-dimensional scale doesn't reflect real life at all, and it sucks.

>>7184655
Any KM that allows players to be Sour or Bitter should be locked up. Those are NPC only for a reason.

>>7184676
That reason is because you fags don't play Iron Chef edition, which fixes the idiotic PC/NPC power split.

>>7184708
>Iron Chef
Roll for taco length

>>7184708
Man I fucking love Iron Chef. I mean really, what other system has hot peppers?

>>7184577
>BAWWWWW game mechanics don't match the fluff BAAAAAWWWWW

Here's the updated alignment system for 4e. I think it's pretty fair myself, but a lot of old school players are probably going to take issue with it.

Someone in my group plays an epic-level Mushy Sweet Chocolate Chip Cookie Paladin with mastercrafted dough and the Homemade feat. That kind of build won't be even possible in 4e.

>>7184576
Never change, /tg/.

>>7184794
whoops wrong file

I like salty wet.
If you know what i mean.

>>7184769

Holy crap, a Seaweed Riceball Barbarian with Sausage familiars dual-wielding Broccoli. That is a one-man party if I've ever seen one.

>>7184811

wet bland cream-of-wheat rogue ftw. practically no taste bonuses, but ridonkulous nutrition and texture scores.

>>7184708
>Iron Chef
>clearly has races designed to appeal to veggies
>calls someone else fag

Come back when you have a real argument, vegfag.

someone archive this, seriously

>>7184076
>droughts
You meant donuts/doughnuts right? They're dry if they're not glazed/frosted. Still sweet that way, too.

I heard that the new supplement book is going to make it possible to play the drink races from the fluff.

Fucking.

Awesome.

As soon as I get it I'm going to roll a half-pomegranate juiceadin.

>>7184879

Done.

>>7184954

Oh my god I can't wait. Totally going to be rocking a Energy Drink with heavy Guarana and Caffeine feats.

I've even heard rumors of a new alcoholic drinks sourcebook on the horizon.

>>7184991
Wait, you can take Guarana *and* Caffeine? At the same time? That sounds like it could be pretty OP.

>>7184991
That's the same book. The Vodka PrC from the preview looks like it would suit the build you want.

I think he confused cream cheese with butter.

What kind of idiot thinks a real world spectrum can be described by two dimensional scales?

Oh lordy is chocolate icecream ever Mary Sue shit. "I'm still one of the sweetest foods, but I'm also dark and edgy at the same time. Isn't it so kawaii how sweet but dark I am? xD" Seriously, fuck that. When I DM I don't stand for that shit. Don't even get me started on the furfags who always roll Gummi Bear.

IN WHAT FUCKING WORLD IS CREAM CHEESE BLAND?!

>>7184028
>Cream cheese
>bland

What the fuck did you even read the fluff?

God I hope you never try to DM.

>>7184991
Dude it's totally happening. I actually got to playtest a session. We had a party of four; I was a level 9 Steak Knight. It was just one session, so we got our orders from the local king Saladin, and off to the pantry we went. After making our way past some minor condiments (although the mayo gave us trouble, surprise surprise) we made our way to this clearing. We knew something was up right away; the floor was coated in a thin, white liquid. Before we even knew what hit us we were rolling fortitude saves. Our party Salad Tosser (only level 7 due to LA) rolled a one; next thing he's leaf down on the floor.
Before we had time to help him, our foe struck, as cubes of ice pelted us from above; "It looks like I've got you... ON THE ROCKS!"
It was none other than the dastardly White Russian himself!

>>7185076
u mad

Listen, it's possible to play a good chocolate icecream character, especially if you stick to playing them the way they were described in the fluff. Hell, just last session I had, somebody played a chocolate icecream toppingomancer with the personality of a hardboiled eggtective. It was fucking awesome. Just keep stupid weeaboo teen girls out of your gaming group from here on out, ok?

>>7185158
>the way they were described in the fluff.
>with the personality of a hardboiled eggtective

wait what

>>7185156
>>7185158

/tg/ is the fucking best

>>7185183
I'm talking about them adhering to the religion of Creamolicism and not being total emo pansies like the way every mary sue plays them, other than that go wild.

>>7185210

Is this toppingomancer devoted to Haagen of Daaz, or the God-Brothers Bennus and Jerrion?

>>7185260

That does definitely make a difference. Although if you really want an awesome icecream build, try a character who worships the minor diety Baskin-Robbins. You get 29 extra flavor points at lvl 1... totally nuts.

>>7185298
How is it with Bulla? I havent heard anyone tried it at our FLGS... Wanted try something new than the usual alignment (haagen's, nz).

What is it on Salty Wet anyway?

I'm thinking of rolling a tuna sandwitch, any suggestions for what feats to take?

>>7185358
That's a clam chowder with bread equipped in the bowl slot. Completely game-breaking, no idea what kind of DM would allow that.

>>7185361

With a tuna sandwich you've really got two options. Either round out your NUTR score with some Lettuce and Tomato feats, or else roll a crazy flavor-heavy tank build with ranks in Mayonnaise (Extra Creamy) and Potato Chips (Ruffles).

>>7185298

Yeah, but you spend a third of those on core flavors, and another third on bullshit flavors nobody ever uses. Of course, there IS the upside of pulling out the cheesiest of the cheese: Superman Gumball Sherbet. Your KM will shit bricks.

>>7185405

Am I the only one that goes tuna + mayo + pickle relish for a tuna salad / sandwich hybrid?

>>7185449

Multiclassing like that is only worth it if you get to high levels. With weak flavor bonuses and heavy preparation penalties like that, you might as well just roll a box of Easy Mac if you're under level 12.

>>7185405
I've actually always been favour of a far simpler Tuna Sandwich build myself; although some accuse it of being cheesy.

I just like the raw simplicity of having built something just as delicious as other builds; except with half the stat adjusting and net-building. Just a plain, simple, Bread 2 / Tuna 1 with Cheddar (Sliced) build at level 3 is going to be massively outclassing anything in that level range - and that's even before you masterwork that cheddar. God forbid your DM lets you take the Wholewheat ACF.

I mean ok, you have to live with the Slightly Dry drawback - but what kind of group runs without a Beverage class these days anyway?

>This thread

I love you, /tg/.

Wow. I'm so hungry right now, that looking at that actually made me wet. Wtf.

brb soup.

>>7185526
>Wow. I'm so hungry right now, that looking at that actually made me wet

I don't think that's what you intended to say, but it works.

This thread is as golden and delicious as the melted cheese on my lvl 14 open-faced egg and bacon sandwich.

>>7185547

What, girlanons can't be fa/tg/uys, too?
Erm... you know what I mean...

>>7184028
Also, cream cheese on a bagel. Where would you classify such beauty?

>>7185361
Despite all the hate it gets from basement dwelling min/maxers around here, I'd have to say go for a high level in onion. Believe me, you'll be glad you did. The NUTR bonus is high and the FLAV reduction is variable - it can actually improve your FLAV in some situations. Plus, it fits perfectly with the fluff.

>>7184440

The opposite of sweet is bitter, you jew.

>>7184028

salty dry? but it has sweet and wet ketchup on it...

>>7185580
>fits with the fluff

Man, don't even get me started on that. That's the biggest gripe I have about 4e - CotC really fucked that up horribly. Onions should never have been retconned into the Tuna plot - it makes no sense for them to have been there during The Great Catch, no matter how much they tried to write in a Sweet-aligned mary-sue protagonist. It goes against everything Onions traditionally stood for.

>>7185632
God fucking damn it, Onions are the most OP thing in the entire game people. From Salty Dry to Sweet Mushy and all you need to do is add a little heat. Fuck, did Chefs not even playtest this?

Call me old-fashioned, but I gotta say I really prefer the good old chomp-and-chew, kick-in-the-fridge style of gameplay I remember from back in the day. Kitchen Masters these days seem to make games that get so bogged down in preparation and ingredients that no eating ever takes place. You know? Sometimes I really don't give a shit about the exact cacao content of the BBEG's single-origin organic Guatemalan chocolate crust. Most of the time I just want to chomp the bastard and move on.

>>7185656
And then why bother make two different kinds of onion? There's next to no difference between red onions and white onions.

>>7185656
Eh, I'm sick and tired of seeing all the Sweet-Mushy Relish mary-sues running around since the release of that novel series. Every single one of them exactly the goddamn same. And people wonder why CotC keep putting out utter garbage - it's targeted at players like them.

I blame the kitchenmasters who let the fuckers get away with it.

>>7185656
Actually Vinegar is arguably the most OP thing in the game but people hardly ever use it compared to onions or bread.

>>7185707
Ugh, I can't stand Vinegar players; I won't let anyone play them in my games. It's probably my most controversial houserule, but I've had some horrendous experience with them in the past. Even the thought of having it in a game makes me bristle with rage.

>>7185707
That's because most newer players can't get their heads around the brewing mechanics. It is just so much easier to chop an onion or slice bread.
You might as well ask why the Beer Brewery Blow-out expansion is so under used. It's because it uses the same overly-complicated, incomprehensible rule set.

>>7184167

If you're picking that class, I'd also recommend picking up the I Have No Ideas Why Americans Criticise British Foods When All Their Food Kills You By The Time You're Sixty And They Do Not Have One Single Decent Cheese On Their Whole Continent splatbook for extra info

but you need to take a Insulin Resistance (High Fructose Corn Syrup) trait and three cross class ranks in Corpulence

Has this thread moved from goofy comparisons to metaphor-based thinly-veiled rants about 4e or am I just imagining things?

>>7185707
Vinegar is a condiment, yes it can make things OP if those things are fairly good on their own, but it has nothing on Onions. Reread the rules on Caramelization, and know that there is nothing more OP than Onions.

>>7185754
Wow, bonus points for remembering the full title - although I thought they'd pulled that because CotC had complained to the publishers about it not dealing with the material in a sensitive enough way.

I did hear they were planning to re-release it under the OGL - did that come to fruition?

>>7185759
What do you mean thinly veiled metaphors? We're talking about Kitchens and Kondiments.

>>7185759
I don't even think it's thinly veiled 4e rants. I think we're looking at another Science: The Hypothesis.

>>7185706

Oh dude I know right? The latest novel in the Chocolatechiplance series was such a joke. The characters were all so syrupy sweet-- not a dash of bitterness or spice among them-- and a third grader could see the plot twists coming a mile off. Like when it's revealed that the cunning French Onion Soup vizier to King Twizzlerion is actually a pawn of the Great Dark Saltine? Yawn.

>>7185760
>condiment

What do you expect from a game called Kitchens and Condiments? The mistake was making them available to players.

>>7185790

Wait, the French Onion vizier is actually Salty? Thanks for the spoiler asshole.

>>7185798
>The mistake was making them available to players.

Agreed, and about the Beer Brewery Blow-out, Pickling got eratta'd so fucking fast once people figured out what could be done with it, so that's a moot subject.

>>7185798
>>7185782
Kitchens and Condiments-mind.

>>7185798
It's because CotC hasn't figured out balancing Condiments as proper Foods is fucking impossible without breaking the game. And let's not even talk about fucking Drinks. I remember this one time my group's weeaboo just had to go and make a a Wasabi-Sake multi-class and just walked through everything I could throw at the party without overcooking everything.

>>7185835
> Condiments as proper Foods

Dude are you talking about rolling condiments like Ketchup, Mustard and Mayonnaise as full-blown FOODS? That could be fun I guess, but I don't want to even think about how imbalanced those games would get.

>>7185867
I guess you haven't gotten the newest Mayonnaise Manual. Half the Condiments in it have been statted so you can use them as Foods. There's level adjustment, but half the time it doesn't really effect how OP they tend to be, even with the rest of the meal well done.

>>7185893

And even beyond that, you have someone who is really serious about playing stone-ground Bavarian mustard, and a fucking premade template BLT straight outta core upstages them in a heartbeat. No balance whatsoever.

>>7185893

I'm going to just say right now for the record that rolling condiments as proper foods is something that would only appeal to the crasset of noobs. "OMG GAIZ, MY EPIC LEVEL RANCH DRESSING MAGE IS KICKING ALL OF YOUR ASSES LOLOLOL" People who play insanely OP characters like that have no respect for the elegance, tradition and simplicity of less flashy, more traditional, more character-heavy builds. For instance the oatmeal cleric, the cream cheese bagel knight, and my personal favorite, the BLT Ranger.

>And let's not even talk about fucking Drinks.

are you serious? Drinks could be fixed so easily, just make them count as a sidedish.

>>7185946
Which is why if you want a little balance you use the Iron Chef thirdparty splatbook released under the OGL. It pretty much forces party balance by restricting available Ingredients at character creation while making better sides and garnishes avaiable as the meal levels.

>>7185962

Sure, sounds great, until some chucklefuck starts making smoothies with half the fucking produce section. You REALLY want that as a side?

>>7185990

Some jackass in my group tried to roll a Pineapple Smoothie with crazy-high ranks in Spinach, Spirulina, Fresh Cream, Kale, and Garlic as a goddamn DRINK. Needless to say our KM would not tolerate such minmaxing faggotry.

laughing my ass off at this thread
thank you, fatguys, thank you

>>7186027
Seriously?
Is it even legal to take vegetables with a Smoothy without taking at least ten ranks in Health Foods?

>>7186027
>Pineapple Smoothie
>Spinach, Spirulina, Fresh Cream, Kale, and Garlic as a goddamn DRINK

Murder him, cremate the corpse, and use the ashes as part of the formulation of an anti-faggot ward. Next thing, he'll be proposing tomato soup + carrot + parsley + watercress + beet + celery + lettuce + spinach as a drink. And he'll want it as a side. For his garbage bowl multiclass.

>>7186079
At least the Hobo Holiday cookbook balances out combining random shit like that with horrible taste, slow cooking, and quick spoilage. Some of these min-maxing faggots just need to get out.

>>7186095

You're gonna shit - that drink combo is a template character straight out of the Complete Book of Beverages. Picture painfully related.

>>7184028
no one else could pick up a random thing like this and run with it so well
i salute thee fa/tg/uys who made this possible

>>7186111
What? Is it me, or is CotC just throwing out cookbooks for the fucking power gamers left and right? Have they even bothered trying to balance the game since they released Backyard Cookout?

this needs archiving

>>7186111
That is the most OP drink ever, if we disregard the alcoholic PrCs. Not only is NUTR of the chart, but it has retarded amounts of DELICIOUS.

>>7186125
/k/'s done it before.

I once started a /g/ thread about fire, and how the spear is a pipe dream that will never replace the pointy stick. Got to a good 100-something posts (because FIRE TECHNOLOGY)

>>7186129

Done and done.

>>7186132
> herp derp

Go back to /kkk/ with your lame ass unfunny ideas.

Viva /tg/

The most satisfying food I ever played was Eggnog 8/Brandy 2. Our meal also contained a Gingerbread Man who took the feat Gumdrop buttons, a chocolate chip cookie who deviated heavily from core's underwhelming build by focusing on moistness improving feats. The last guy played straight milk. We were a little worried about how unbalanced our group was, but no one wanted to reroll as Spiral Ham, Turkey, or even Mashed Potatoes. I know two dairy beverages seems like it would lack firepower, but the 2 levels of brandy allowed me to focus on intoxication rather than traditional support roles associated with beverages.

>>7186189
You ever try a Hard Cider/Scotch Whiskey multidish? It essentiallydoes the same as an Eggnog/Brandy but without having to take the Holiday Flavor feat in order to get it. Though you do have to sacrifice creaminess for sweetness...

>>7186189

I love Eggnog + alcohol builds. Gonna let you fellas in on my secret build here-- probably the tastiest beverage I've ever played in Kitchens and Condiments. Check it out:

It's an Eggnog 6 / Baileys 2 / Jim Beam 2 with just the slightest dash of ranks in Spice (Nutmeg) and Spice (Cinnamon). Perform the Heat ability and you've got yourself one of the most deliciously powerful beverages I've ever come up with.

>>7184028
>consistency/flavour chart
>implying sweet wet = lawful good
>implying salty dry = chaotic evil
>candy is lawful
>fries are chaotic
>Chef: The Savouring

did you guys ever had to KM a Bland Dry only party?
It wass hell but they pulled some realy sweet shit

>>7186202

I downloaded the new Tome of Beverages and took a look at that one. Not bad at all, but personally I'd switch the scotch for a high-level bourbon.

Fries are only salty if you put salt on them, bro.

Now this thread is just about drinking. Not like I have a problem with that.

This has been quite a thread. Well played, my fatguy brethren, well played indeed.

>>7186244
In the fluff they are always salty ... thats just high fantasy, always salty races and stuff

>>7186223
>Chef: The Savouring
You take your crappy card game spinoffs to another thread, we're discussing K&C here. C:tS was a mistake from the start - there was no way they could compete with Science: The Hypothesis; they didn't even attempt to make the two games compatible.

>>7186223
Get your nWoF out of here. They ruined the fluff and half the dishes when they revamped the setting.
>>7186222
I am suddenly reminded of an all alcohol multidish meal that was holiday themed. Craziest kitchen I've ever run.

Has anyone seen the upcoming Tome of Sushi: Book of Nine Flavours?

More like Book of Weeaboo Cooking Shennanigans amirite

>>7186254
>>7186258
hatemind

>>7186266
Oh fuck, not htat shit ...
all dishes have the same rice mechanics

Just curious: I'm sure you guys have seen plenty of the new edition one-box stuffing, but has anyone here ever played with the honest-to-God old school AK&C stuffing? With the in-bird cooking and converted bread and the whole nine yards?

>>7186277
Not to mention how overpowered wasabi is when added to any dish. I would say serious cheese, but not even Gouda is that OP.

>>7186266

Yeah, we've been over this.... Fuck that weeaboo bullshit. Umami alignment, insanely OP sashimi feats, the new "maki" character class (*cough* bullshit *cough*), and mastercraft seaweed items. Sometimes it's hard to tell if Chefs of the Coast is trying to troll us or not.

>>7186281
Not in ages man. I remember this one time I ran the meal against a turducken as the big bad rotten meal. It would have been a TPK if the meal's Hamburger hadn't used cheddar cheese.

Spicey Path
trollface.jpg

>>7186292

It can be good, in the right context. Sure, some jackass wants to play a Rainbow Roll in a classic burger & fry kinda game, everything's going to go to shit. But if you have everyone playing a variety of rolls, throw stuff at 'em like bento bowls, yakitori, or if you're a really mean KM, udon with Perfectly Grilled feat... shit can be epic.

>>7186306
>turducken

motherofgod.jpg

>>7186292
>Chefs of the Coast
>>7186306
>I ran the meal against a turducken as the big bad rotten meal
>>7186308
>Spicey Path
I'M SPLITTING MY SIDES, YOU GUYS

OH GOD

>>7186330
Yeah, it was rather hard to top the turducken. If memory serves, the next "uber dish" I had to throw at them was a wedding cake, and that did not go down well.

>>7186266

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Rice Rolls" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Sushi deserves much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine sushimi plate in Japan for 2,000 Yen (that's about $20) and have eating it for almost 2 hours now. I can even get 35% of my daily nutritional value by eating sushi.

Japanese chefs spend years working honing the finest plates and add a million flavors to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Sushi plates are thrice as delicious as European fish and thrice as pricy for that matter too. Any nutrition or flavor a cod can provide, a sushi plate could provide better. I'm pretty sure sushi could easily feed a single person for hours.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered out cooking Japan? That's right, they were to take on Iron Chef. Even in Iron Chef America, American chef Wolfgang Puck targeted Hiroyuki Sakai first because his cooking power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Sushi plates are simply the best food that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for sushi:

(One-Handed Exotic Food) 1d12 Nutrition 19-20 x4 Deliciousness +2 to Satiation and Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the deliciousness of sushi in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Sushi need to do more deliciousness in d20, see my new stat block.

>>7186355
I have a suggestion. From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turducken :

"In his Almanach des Gourmands, gastronomist Grimod de La Reynière presents his rôti sans pareil ("roast without equal") - a bustard stuffed with a turkey, a goose, a pheasant, a chicken, a duck, a guinea fowl, a teal, a woodcock, a partridge, a plover, a lapwing, a quail, a thrush, a lark, an ortolan bunting and a garden warbler"

FINAL BOSS OF THE INTERKITCHENS

>>7186355
Once my party annoyed me and i threw a Chinese all you can eat at them

>>7186361

Oh wow, I fudged that one up. Should be >>finest plates known to mankind and >>they were afraid to take on Iron Chef

I am looking forward to the Pastamancer playtest that will come in the next issue of Donut Magazine. It promises to be kickass!

>>7186306

Reminds me when my KM had us do one of the high level quests from the Book of Vile British Cooking. The BBRM was a boiled (not fried!) haggis-- that's at least a lvl 30 challenge rating. Luckily our cleric was rolling a Single Malt Scotch with lots of ranks in Tolerance. If it wasn't for him, as well as a couple of miraculous natural twenties in a row (on our Avert Vomiting checks), it would have been a clusterfuck like none other.

>>7186364
And what short of epic cooked meals with masterwork sides, garnish, and condiments could stop this thing?
Do they even have a stat-line for it yet? Though I imagine the someone here on traditional foods could stat one up if they don't.
>>7186361
Wasn't this coypasta originally about linguini in the Mediterranean Meals cookbook?

>>7186364

Holy shit. That's the kind of batshit ultra-high level insanity that only the most sadistic KM can cook up. I hope your party is rolling some seriously demigod-level deliciousness.

I'll DM your next K&C game.

>>7186396
Too soon man.

>>7186383
I imagine the only thing fit to counter it would be a Gastronium Golem.

>>7186355

WEDDING CAKE
CUSTARD WITH MIXED BERRY TEMPLATE AS FILLING
FINAL DESTINATION

>>7186374
>Book of Vile British Cooking

Gah. They put out the Italian and French sourcebooks, and then that piece of garbage. WTF is up with adding the boiled template to EVERYTHING? And if you want a real laugh, read the section on bangers and baked beans. Breakfast food my corpulent white ass.

So our party finally made it to the BBEG last Tuesday. Our party was fairly high level. We had a salad (romaine 7/iceberg 8) with the italian dressing feat, with ranks in roma tomatos, onions, blue cheese crumbles, and croutons as our first course. After that we had a fairly standard minestrone with saltines familiars. Our main course was a grilled blackened chicken breast with an amazing spice distribution. That guy could feed like a monster! I was playing a strawberry banana smoothie with a level in rum. So, after rolling a fairly NUTR heavy party, guess who our KM throws at us as the BBEG? Pic related.

>>7186415

WTF is that? Some kind of pizza / waffle cone hybrid, with ranks in deep dish, extra cheese, and... is that bacon AND jalapenos? It's like he custom designed it to fuck you guys over.

What a dick.

>>7186415
This is why you should always have someone in the meal roll at least one desert. You never know when your KM is going to dig something out of the Kids in a Candystore supplement.
Thena gain, you would not have stopped that with anything short of Nachos with ranks in Chili, Salsa, Jalapenos, and Melted Cheese.

>>7186405
Pic related?

Alright fellas, it's bedtime for this exhausted fatguy. Congrats on creating one of the most epically lol inducing threads in recent memory. Remember to vote for it on the suptg archive.

I leave you with this image of one of my most well-rounded and successful builds ever. The Burger is Beef (Grassfed Black Angus) with masterwork carmelized onion garnish and a freaking +22 FP Buttered Bun of Organic Wholesomeness.

Never change, /tg/.

>>7186428

>>7186405
>BoVBC

Enjoy your out of date sourcebook - they updated it for 3.5 under a new name, and again under 4e. They merged in a lot of the international cuisines and seem to have started playing up the whole Organic subschool variant rules that got so popular in recent books. The net result was actually something fairly balanced - although the range of options is fairly overwhelming, especially in such a small book. It'll take a while before it gets enough attention for people to start calling out all of the broken shit though - the 3.5 version was totally overshadowed by the release of 4e, and the 4e version doesn't seem to have been getting much press.

There are still the remnants of some of the old broken crap though - an odd prevalence of deep frying in the equipment section. And no one's bothered to fix Marmite - possibly because the community as a whole is so divided over the issue still that they don't want to piss off half the playerbase.

The most obviously broken thing in it has to be the M&S template though - it instantly doubles your TAST, without any penalty to the other stats. It is fairly costly to get, but the rewards are definitely worth it. (And the illustration of the scantily clad chef alongside the entry isn't bad either).

Roasting in an epic dread

>>7186665

moar liek toasing in an epic bread.

I was KM'ing last night and I had to ask a player to leave my house after he brought in a home brewed race...solient green. That just ain't cool, I have kids damnit.

This. This thread right here is the only reason why I still visit 4chan (and porn of course). Never change /tg/

Posting in an epic thread!

I love you /tg/, you make /r9k/ look good.

My god, you guys. We just got back from a game of Fondue!, and... holy shit. We had a pretty good party going on. I rolled a pretty straightforward Veg Plate. Not the most exciting of characters, but I like the stability. We had a guy do a Rye Toast and the newfag in our group actually did some fucking Ham Cube thing, shit was weird but kind of neat in practice.

And then our KM... Oh, holy fuck you guys. We were near the adventure, had finished up the last course, and then he just gives us this terrible, evil grin.

The Maitre d' comes out and asks us if we'd like to try a rare chef's special, and since we were running this shit ragged, we jumped all over it.

CASU MARZU. THAT MOTHERFUCKER THREW CASU MARZU AT US.

We wiped. We wiped so hard. Goddamnit. Pic related, the goddamn maggot cheese in question.

That's it. I'm sick of all this "American Cheese" bullshit that's going on in the KnK system right now. Cheddar cheese deserves much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine block of Cheddar in England for 2,400,000 pounds (that's about $3.9 million) and have been eating it for almost 2 years now. I can even eat slabs of oevercooked ahmburger by adding my cheddar.

English cheese-makers spend years working on a single block of cheddar and whisk the rennet up to a million times to produce the finest cheeses known to mankind.

Cheddar is thrice as sharp as American cheese and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything American cheese can go on,cheddar can make it taste better. I'm pretty sure cheddar could easily feed a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slice of cheese.

Ever wonder why medieval America never bothered conquering England? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined cheese-makers and their cheddar of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the cheddar first because their delicious taste was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Cheddar is simply the best cheese that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the KnK system. Here is the stat block I propose for cheddar:

(One-Handed Exotic Cheese) 1d12 Hunger 19-20 x4 Crit +2 to eat and hunger Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Cheese) 2d10 Hunger 17-20 x4 Crit +5 to eat and hunger Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of thedelicious taste of cheddar in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = cheddar needs to taste better in KnK, see my new stat block.

Salty Dry is the only way to play!

Bitches don't know about my Quattro formaggio. The cheese levels are insane. KM never knew what hit him.

Just archived on suptg FTW.

Welcome to post pranial roleplaying!

Someone needs to get /ck/ on here right fucking now! I demand a rules consultation!
Also, archive this shit now!

You wouldn't believe what happened at last week's KnC game I was running. Had a Sweet Dry plate of snickerdoodles ("Nono, it's just my alignment, I'm totally in character!" motherfucker) so I decided to get rid of him with a plate of Dire shrimp tempura, which I had a tough time of but I was confident in my ability to do away with him.
So he died, but then he started making a new character. "Oh I'm just rolling up a burger." so I didn't think twice. When I look at his sheet, I see TWO patties, extra onions and it looked like he cracked open Bo9F and put fucking wasabi on it. And it doesn't stop there, no.
He has SIX side-dishes. Granted this is 15th level, but *six*? Two kinds of chips(if you don't count cheetos), mashed potatos and an entire corn cob dual-wielding corn-holders. At the beginning of the game I had to houserule drinks were also side-dishes, so he decided to crack open a 3rd party book and his drink was, and I quote, "Just a tall glass of vanilla coke."

I almost clocked that son of a bitch.

>this entire thread
Goddamnit, /tg/.

>>7191419
Fuck, man.
I would have thrown him out after a dick move like that. I mean, wasabi? Isn't these a rule for exotic condiments like wasabi and the likes that certain dishes just don't work with? Or does wasabi count as spicy (ConSkill at level 8), so that burgers can have it?

needs a savory/bitter axis in as well to complete this

Guys I need help. I've got a player who is completely insane, but who is completely unkillable. I've been throwing everything in the old Book of Vile British Cooking at him and he just... does stuff. Last week was bacon and egg ice cream. It worked, I tried everything I could to disbar it but the god-damn thing worked.

God, I even tried setting him up against The Little Chef as my BBEG. Bastard's winning!

>>7191531
It technically counts as spicy, but by the fluff it isn't accessible by something like a burger. However, he took the Regional Ambiguity feat so he can have at least one spread of wasabi.
But I e-mailed him today after going over his sheet in it's entirety and told him to shave that down into an appropriate character or he was out of the Platter.
We're running the first meal with his burger in a few days, so we'll see if he straightens out.

>>7191623
What about throwing a chocolate-covered bacon swarm at him?

>>7191653

I tried man! I've tried everything! He just uses it all! *sob*

He's like the Goddamn Wasteland Warrior.

hey guys newfag here kmin myf irst game of knk soon wonderin wha tsourcebook is best 4 a high lvl fastfood themd quesst any help apresitaed thanx alot

>>7191774

Troll detected

It might be a little unorthodox, but I know some people who homebrewed a Butcher Knife. If you can find that anywhere you should be able to take care of him. Keep in mind you gotta keep him under your thumb and don't let him out the whole time, so go for quick, rapid chops. It's my trump card, but it usually works.

>>7184028
THIS IS MY FINAL FORM!

Anyone tried the Kangaroo steak in that national animal feast sorcebook?

screw archiving, this thing is needs a page on 1d4chan!

I play a Ryco cup a soup mystical warrior. High levels in FAT and SALTY.

Jesus this thread is long.

>>7184028
Aha, but where would Reese's go?
Both wet and dry and mushy, and salty and sweet at the same time!

>>7185835

This reminds me of the time in college, when I tried to run a Ketchup as tomato soup build for laughs. Had to spice it so fucking much before it was even at Taste level for Paladin. >< Even the KM had to agree it was cheap though.

Seasalt icecream...where is your god now?

>>7194285

oh don't even START with that shit, sweet/salty modifiers do fuck-all against it. Yet IT can use them just fine...