ONE POT ON HEAD

ONE ON EACH HAND

HELMETED AND WITH MIGHTY PUNCHING GAUNTLETS, I SHALL DEFEAT GANON AND OBTAIN A KISS FOR LUCK

Head covered in oil, left hand filled with bread, and right hand soaked in water....

Well I'm going to need a lantern considering I'm assuming its night time.

Also I need some kind of weapon, a rope, 10ft pole, backpack, water bottle and some spare lantern oil.

Oh and cloths plus armor if it is available.

>going to need a lantern
>Head covered in oil

LINK'S HEAD IS NOW ON FIRE IN IMITATION OF HIS HERO, GHOST RIDER

GO LINK RIDER, SLAY GANON WITH YOUR BREADFIST AND YOUR WATERFIST

>>7182607

You search the chest and obtain the lantern and oil. You retrieve the pot filled with oil and carry it on your person. However, the clothes you are wearing are all you have left.

FUCK BED

>>7182685

THE BED IS ON FIRE BECAUSE OF YOUR AWESOME FLAMING HEAD

AFTER A NICE FIERY BEDFUCK YOU ARE COMPLETELY ON FIRE

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

PUT SELF OUT WITH WATERFIST

KILL ZELDA, KISS GANON.

I'll take a lamp and some clocks.

Don't ask me where I got the clocks, I don't know.

>>7182723
Congratulations, the princess is dead, and you are a faggot.

Retry?

>>7182716
>>7182723

YOU SMASH THE WATERFIST OVER YOUR OWN HEAD. YOUR WATERFIST POT IS BROKEN, AS IS YOUR HELMET POT. BREADPOT IS INTACT. YOU ARE NO LONGER ON FIRE.

YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE AND RUN TO THE CASTLE. GANON IS IN THERE BEING A DICK. HE STARTS SOME FUCKING LECTURE OR SOMETHING BUT THEN BAM! BREADFIST RIGHT IN ZELDA'S FACE! SHE COLLAPSES UNCONSCIOUS.

GANON STARES AT YOU IN AMAZEMENT, AWED BY YOUR SHEER MANLY NOT-GIVE-A-FUCK-INGNESS. YOU LEAN FORWARD, BROKEN POTTERY AND BLOOD CAKING YOUR FEATURES, AND PRESS YOUR LIPS TO HIS. HE MOANS WITH NEED, GIVING IN TO HIS SHAMEFUL, LIFELONG DESIRE FOR YOUR YOUTHFUL ELVEN BODY.

ZELDA APPEARS TO BE UNCONSCIOUS AND MAY DIE WITHOUT HELP.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

Travel home, fuck bed.

>>7182803
I bust out my MIGHTY AXE and revive her with THE POWER OF ROCK!

>>7182847

YOU RETURN HOME AND FURTHER VIOLATE YOUR CHARRED BED. GANON FOLLOWS YOU, CONFUSED BY THE MIXED SIGNALS YOU ARE SENDING HIM. HE IS A LITTLE ALARMED TO SEE YOU MATING WITH DESTROYED FURNITURE BUT IT'S COOL, HE'S A BAD DUDE AND APPARENTLY SO ARE YOU SO HE'LL JUST ROLL WITH IT AND GRAB A BEER OR SOMETHING.

YOUR DICK IS STARTING TO HURT A LOT FROM THE BEDSPRINGS.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7182889
I do this: >>7182874

>>7182874

YOU JUMP OFF THE BED AND GRAB YOUR TRUSTY GIBSON. YOU CAST ASIDE THE BREADFIST AND BUST OUT A SWEET FUCKING SOLO. BACK IN THE CASTLE, ZELDA AWAKENS, CONFUSED AND GROGGY.

GANON JUST SORT OF STANDS AROUND AWKWARDLY LIKE HE'S NOT REALLY SURE WHAT'S HAPPENING BUT HE KIND OF WANTS TO BE INVOLVED IF HE CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7182564
>You awake to find your uncle leaving you alone in your bed.
What? Was he sleeping with us in our bed or something?

>>7182889
Go on a mighty ADVENTURE with GANON. CONQUER WORLDS, RAPE WOMEN, EAT CAKE, BILDUNGSROMAN.

>>7182950
Fuck Gerudo women.

>>7182948
YES.

>>7182950

YOU RUN OVER TO GANON AND HEADBUTT HIS FUCKING CHEST, SCREAMING, "WE ARE GOING ON A FUCKING ADVENTURE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" GANON THINKS THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!

YOU RUN BACK TO THE CASTLE AND TACKLE ZELDA, WHO HAS JUST STARTED GETTING TO HER FEET. YOU RIP OFF HER DRESS AND HAVE YOUR WAY WITH HER WHILE GANON SHOUTS, "DAMN, SON, THAT'S COLD!" AS ZELDA LIES ON THE FLOOR, SHOCKED AND MISERABLE, YOU KICK OPEN THE DOOR TO THE KITCHEN AND EAT ALL OF THE FUCKING CAKE YOU FIND INSIDE. GANON ASSISTS BY SMASHING PRICELESS VASES AND SETTING FIRE TO THE DRAPES.

PRINCESS ZELDA SOBS, "WHY, LINK? I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND!"

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7182992
I told you we are going to CONQUER WORLDS.

>>7183002

YOU ASK GANON IF HE CAN OPEN A PORTAL TO THE DARK WORLD. "HELL YES MOTHERFUCKER," HE REPLIES, AND OPENS A BIG GLOWING PORTAL FULL OF FIRE AND ALL SORTS OF WEIRD SHIT. YOU JUMP INTO THAT MOTHERFUCKER, SCREAMING A BATTLE CRY! GANON JUMPS IN AFTER YOU JUST LAUGHING LIKE A FUCKING MANIAC.

ZELDA SCREAMS CURSES AFTER YOU AS THE PORTAL CLOSES. "SORRY BITCH," YOU YELL, "BROS BEFORE HOS."

YOU ARE STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIG CAMP OF DUMB LOOKING PIG MEN. THE SKY IS FIRE AND THE HORIZON IS HATE. ONE OF THE PIG MEN POINTS A SPEAR AT YOU.

YOUR OPTIONS, AS YOU SEE THEM, ARE:

1) KILL
2) RAPE
3) BURN
4) ALL OF THE ABOVE

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7182992
rage so hard at zelda you grow a second dick and rape her again while ganon gets a headjob from her

>>7182992
I say "EVERY HERO NEEDS A CUMDUMPSTER" and kidnap her. I then go and gather a member from each major race in hyrule to form THE MOST EPIC MULTI-RACIAL ROCK BAND IN HISTORY.

>>7183039
5) CRUSH PIGMEN WITH YOUR MIND.

>>7183058
SCRATCH THAT!
5) CRUSH PIGMEN WITH YOUR DICK.

>>7183043
>>7183053
>>7183058

YOU TELL GANON TO OPEN THE PORTAL AGAIN AND YOU DRAG ZELDA THROUGH IT, KICKING AND SCREAMING. THEN YOU THROW HER AT THE PIG MEN, DISTRACTING THEM.

"WITNESS YOUR DOOOOOOOOOOOM!" YOU ROAR, YOUR EYES GLOWING WITH UNHOLY POWER. THE PIGMEN SQUEAL IN TERROR AS THEIR BRAINS BOIL, EXPLODING THEIR SKULLS. YOU HAVE KILLED THE PIGMEN!

ZELDA STARES AT THE BLOODY CARNAGE AROUND HER IN A CATATONIC STATE OF SHOCK. GANON THINKS THAT WAS FUCKING SWEET AND ASKS YOU TO TEACH HIM HOW TO DO IT. YOU DO A LITTLE VICTORY SOLO ON YOUR GUITAR WHILE DOUBLETEAMING ZELDA WITH GANON.

TO THE NORTH IS A CASTLE. TO THE SOUTH IS A MOUNTAIN WITH A TOWER ON IT.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183088
TOPPLE TOWER using ZELDA as a BATTERING RAM.

>>7183088
Put castle on mountain.

>>7183099
>>7183105

WITHOUT EVEN PULLING OUT OF ZELDA, YOU SUDDENLY STAND UP AND RUN TOWARD THE TOWER AT SUPERSONIC SPEEDS. ZELDA SCREAMS WITH TERROR AS YOUR MIGHTY ROD SLAMS HER INTO THE TOWER'S FOUNDATION WITH AN EARTH-SHATTERING CRASH. THE TOWER COLLAPSES INTO RUBBLE. ZELDA APPEARS TO BE DEAD BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WITH THAT TRIFORCE SHIT.

YOU CONCENTRATE YOUR MIND POWERS AND THE CASTLE FLOATS INTO THE AIR. IT FLIES OVER TO THE MOUNTAIN AND LANDS ON IT. YOU NOW HAVE A TOTALLY SWEET MOUNTAIN FORTRESS!

AN ANGRY WIZARD APPEARS ON TOP OF THE CASTLE WALLS AND YELLS AT YOU. GANON SUGGESTS KILLING HIM AND RAPING HIS WOMEN.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183131
Throw Ganon at the wizard and tell him you give him the honour of killing him and raping his women. Proceed to cockslap the lesser monsters in the rest of the castle.

>>7183131
WIZARD RAPE!

>>7183131
THROW WIZARD into the SKY using MIND. TELEPORT directly above him. BEGIN PUNCHING until 10 FEET from the EARTH. Then, JUMP AT THE LAST SECOND avoiding CERTAIN DOOM.

>>7183163
PUNCH WITH DICK!

>>7183149

YOU PICK UP GANON AND HURL HIM AT THE WIZARD. "THE WOMEN ARE YOURS IF YOU KILL THIS FOOL!" YOU YELL. GANON PERFORMS A DEVASTATING JUMP KICK ATTACK AND THEN PUNCHES THE WIZARD SO HARD THAT HIS BEARD SMASHES THROUGH HIS FACE AND THEN CATCHES FIRE.

YOU HEADBUTT THROUGH THE CASTLE WALL AND FIND AN UGLY LITTLE GOBLIN THING, WHICH YOU IMMEDIATELY BLUDGEON WITH YOUR COCK. THE GOBLIN COWERS IN FEAR AND HIDES UNDER A TABLE. UPSTAIRS YOU CAN HEAR GANON INFLICTING INDIGNITIES UPON THE MAIDS.

AHEAD OF YOU, YOU SEE AN ORNATE PAIR OF DOUBLE DOORS FLANKED BY EMPTY SUITS OF ARMOR.
TO YOUR LEFT, THERE ARE STAIRS LEADING TO THE UPPER FLOORS.
TO YOUR RIGHT, THERE ARE STAIRS LEADING TO THE CELLAR.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183176
CELLAR! FIND BOOZE!

>>7183176
KICK OPEN DOORS. Proceed to ROUNDHOUSE DICK-SLAP what is BEHIND THEM.

Thread = WIN
Someone archive this shit.

>>7183193

YOU RUN DOWN INTO THE CELLAR, WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE A WINE CELLAR. YOU PICK UP A COUPLE OF BIG FUCKOFF CASKS OF WINE AND RUN BACK UPSTAIRS WITH THEM WHILE HOLDING AN OPEN WINE BOTTLE IN YOUR TEETH AND CHUGGING DOWN ITS CONTENTS. YOU ARE NOW GOOD AND DRUNK AND ARMED WITH SOME QUALITY HOOCH.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183194
Why not kill two birds with one stone? ROUNDHOUSE DICK-SLAP OPEN THE DOORS AND WHOMEVER IS BEHIND THEM!

>>7183214
YES, CONTINUE

>>7183194

YOU FLY FEET-FIRST THROUGH THE DOORS, DESTROYING THEM. A HUGE DUDE IN BLACK ARMOR IS SITTING ON THE THRONE. HE IS WEARING A CROWN MADE OUT OF CRYSTALLIZED SORROW AND HIS EYES GLOW RED. HE STANDS UP TO SAY SOMETHING.

YOU HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY THINGS! YOUR HANDS ARE FULL WITH HOOCH, SO YOU CONCENTRATE AND POP A BONER SO MIGHTY THAT IT DESTROYS YOUR MANLY TIGHTS. YOU SPIN IN A CIRCLE AND COCKSLAP THE BLACK ARMOR GUY SO HARD THAT IT DENTS HIS HELMET AND SENDS HIM STUMBLING. HE REACHES FOR A SPEAR BESIDE HIS THRONE.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183206
SMASH ORNATE DOOR. HOLD ROARING PARTY

>>7183232
Toss him a keg of booze, hit him with a table.

ON AN UNRELATED NOTE YOU ARE PRETTY SURE YOU LANDED THE CASTLE ON ZELDA. OH WELL. SHE'LL PROBABLY BE FINE.

>awake to find your uncle leaving you alone in your bed

Getting raepd every night? WINCEST!

Apply HOOCH with RIGHT FIST. Set FIRE using MIND.

>>7183232

set the alcohol down and genuflect, apologizing profusely.

honestly, we have no idea how we got here.

last we checked we were in bed, having strange dreams.

>>7183268
YOU CAN SHUT UP NOW

>>7183268
OP HINTING AT END?! FUCK THIS, BURN THE WORLD!

>>7183253
>>7183260

YOU THROW YOUR RIGHT BARREL OF HOOCH INTO THE AIR AND PUNCH YOUR FIST INTO IT. YOU THEN FOCUS YOUR WILL AND SHOOT EYE LASERS INTO THE BARREL, CAUSING IT TO CATCH FIRE. AS THE ARMORED GUY CHARGES YOU, YOU DO A SWEET KUNG FU FLIP AND SMASH THE BARREL OF BURNING EYE LASER WINE OVER HIS HEAD. WHILE HE IS STUMBLING AROUND ON FIRE YOU GRAB A TABLE AND SMASH THAT OVER HIS HEAD, TOO.

IT LOOKS LIKE HE IS ON THE ROPES! NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO FINISH HIM OFF!

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183295
SUPLEX!

>>7183295

help him up and grovel with extreme shame.

honestly, we have no control of our actions and are very, very scared right now.

please help.

>>7183295
Use HEAD to BEAT him into the GROUND, PLAY WICKED GUITAR SOLO on his CORPSE.

>>7183315
SILENCE. I WILL HAVE NO MORE OF YOUR ATTEMPTS TO RUIN THIS FOR ME.

>>7183295
Go outside, yell to Ganon that he should watch out, then flip the castle and go back inside.

>>7183295
rape, rape and more rape.
Fuck him through his armor, pop your boner through his codpiece and torso and ass-fuck him from the front.

>>7183319
>>7183328
>>7183332
>>7183340

please, just get out of my head.

all I want to do is go home.

>>7183315

I SAID "WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?" NOT "WHAT NOW, HUGE PUSSY?"

>>7183313

YOU DROP YOUR OTHER BARREL OF HOOCH BEHIND YOU AND GRAB THE STAGGERING KING WITH BOTH HANDS. WITH A BERSERKER YELL, YOU SWING HIM IN A CRUSHING SUPLEX, RIGHT INTO THE HOOCH. THROUGH THE SPLASHING WINE AND SPLINTERING OAK, YOU HEAR A SATISFYING CRACK AS HIS NECK BREAKS. YOU HELP YOURSELF TO A REFRESHING DRINK OF EXPENSIVE HOOCH MIXED WITH KING BLOOD. YOU ALSO JACK HIS CROWN BECAUSE IT IS KIND OF COOL LOOKING.

YOU POSSESS A SWEET GUITAR, A COOL CROWN, A BONER, AND NO PANTS. YOU CAN STILL HEAR GANON UPSTAIRS DOING UNTHINKABLE THINGS TO THE CLEANING STAFF. ZELDA MAY OR MAY NOT BE UNDER THE CASTLE SOMEWHERE. YOU ARE PRETTY SURE YOU ARE THE KING OF THE DARK WORLD NOW.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183352
SEE >>7183332

>>7183352
RECRUIT an ARMY of YOURSELF by asking GANON to CLONE you a THOUSAND THOUSAND TIMES.

Threadjack turned into win-shit-storm.
Hilarity ensued.
Needs archive.

>>7183352

oh gosh, this is really happening, isn't it?

it...

oh dear.

this is terrible.

what have I become?

>>7183381
A MIGHTY WARRIOR. PUSSY.

DIG UP ZELDA, FUCK ZELDA, REANIMATE ZELDA WITH DARKEST MAGICS

>>7183370
>>7183373

YOU RUN OUTSIDE AND YELL "HEADS UP" BEFORE FLIPPING THE CASTLE OVER. ZELDA IS LYING ON THE GROUND BETWEEN SOME ROCKS, PRETTY BEAT UP BUT ALIVE BECAUSE OF THE TRIFORCE. AMID THE SCREAMS OF THE TERRIFIED CLEANING STAFF, YOU HEAR GANON LAUGH AND YELL, "WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?" BUT IN A COOL WAY, LIKE HE'S STILL YOUR BRO.

YOU HAVE A THOUGHT AND GRAB ZELDA BEFORE RUNNING INTO YOUR UPSIDE DOWN EVIL CASTLE. HOOCH IS RAINING FROM THE CEILING WHICH IS WHERE THE CELLAR IS, AND GANON IS IN THE ROOFBASEMENT RAPING MAIDS. YOU RUN DOWN AND INTERRUPT HIM TO ASK IF HE KNOWS HOW TO CLONE PEOPLE. HE TELLS YOU THAT HE CAN MAKE SHADOW PEOPLE THAT ARE LIKE CLONES, BUT AREN'T AS BADASS AS THE ORIGINAL, BUT ARE STILL PRETTY BADASS. HE ALSO COMPLEMENTS YOU ON YOUR CROWN.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183386

I'm no warrior!

I played with a waster like one time, I have no combat skills whatsoever!

I'm just a peasant...

>>7183403
PURGE THE PUSSY OUT OF >>7183404!

>>7183411
ADDITION: Rape >>7183404's new pussy!

>>7183403
Become LEGION, Make ZELDA your DARK QUEEN. Conquer HYULE.

>>7183411
>>7183427
>>7183430

that... that's horrible!

why are these thoughts in my head!?

>>7183411

YOU ASK GANON TO TRY IT OUT. HE WAVES HIS HAND AROUND AND DOES THIS COOL PENTAGRAM THING. YOU MAKE A MENTAL NOTE TO DO A COOL PENTAGRAM THING SOMETIME.

A SHADOWY VERSION OF YOU APPEARS, BUT INSTEAD OF BEING EVIL AND INTIMIDATING IT JUST KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A GOTH VERSION OF YOU. IT WON'T STOP CRYING ABOUT WANTING TO LIVE IN PEACE SO YOU BEAT IT WITH YOUR COCK. THAT DOESN'T WORK SO YOU JUST PLAY A SOLO AT IT UNTIL ITS COCK EXPLODES FROM ALL THE SWEET RIFFS AND IT BLEEDS TO DEATH.

GANON APOLOGIZES AND TELLS YOU "THAT USUALLY DOESN'T HAPPEN."

>>7183430
DOUBLE LEGION!

>>7183438
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.

>Reading this thread while listening to Dragonforce.
>It's like I'm getting testosterone and adrenaline injected straight into my brain.

/b/ is clearly bored tonight.
Still this is frkkin hilarious.

>>7183446
Make ZELDA our DARKK QUEEN. CONQUER HYRULE.

>>7183427
>>7183430

YOU TELL GANON, "NAH, IT'S COOL." YOU DO A COOL PENTAGRAM THING AND THE SHADOW YOU COMES BACK TO LIFE BUT AS A TOTALLY HOT GOTH CHICK. "OH BOY, MY OWN CLONE," YOU THINK, AND THEN YOU FUCK IT UNTIL IT PASSES OUT. ZELDA HAS WOKEN UP AND IS HORRIFIED BY THIS, SO YOU TELL HER TO SHUT HER WHORE MOUTH AND THEN RAPE HER TOO, FOR GOOD MEASURE.

GANON IS LIGHTING UP A HUGE DOOBIE BUT YOU SNATCH IT OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND EAT IT, THEN DEMAND MORE CLONES. HE SHRUGS AND CREATES LIKE TWO HUNDRED HOT GOTH CHICK VERSIONS OF YOU. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU MEANT BUT YOU ARE PRETTY SURE YOU CAN WORK WITH THIS.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183478
RAPE HOT GOTH CHICK CLONES. THEN PROCEED TO CONQUER OTHER WORLDS WITH ARMY OF HOT GOTH CHICKS.

>>7183478
FIND MOUNTAIN, CLIMB, PLAY BITCHIN' SOLO

>>7183503
ALSO SMOKE DOOBIES WITH GANON.

>>7183521
WE ARE ALREADY ON A MOUNTAIN. THIS CASTLE IS ON A MOUNTAIN. THAT'S HOW AWESOME WE ARE.

>>7183529
CLIMB CASTLE?

>>7183503

YOU THROW A HUGE SEX PARTY AND FUCK AS MANY HOT GOTH CHICK CLONES OF YOURSELF AS YOU CAN, WHICH ENDS UP BEING AS MANY AS GANON CAN MAKE, WHICH IS A HELL OF A LOT. YOU ALSO MAKE THEM FUCK EACH OTHER BECAUSE LESBIANS RULE. ZELDA KEEPS TELLING YOU THAT SHE HATES YOU AND YOU'RE A BASTARD SO YOU HAVE SOME OF YOUR GOTH CHICK MINIONS TIE HER UP AND SLAP HER AROUND A BIT.

THAT GIVES YOU AN IDEA AND YOU TELL GANON TO OPEN A PORTAL TO HYRULE. IN A GIANT CLOUD OF WEED SMOKE AND SEX SMELL YOU BOIL FORTH INTO THAT SUNNY LAND AT THE HEAD OF THE SEXIEST ARMY EVER (AND GANON). YOU PLAY A SWEET SOLO TO INSPIRE YOUR WARRIOR LOVE SLAVES.

HYRULE CASTLE IS JUST AHEAD. YOU CAN EITHER LAY SIEGE TO IT OR JUST SAY FUCK IT AND START FUCKING EVERYTHING UP YOURSELF WHILE YOUR GOTH CHICKS HAVE A GIANT LESBIAN ORGY.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183535
YOU MEAN DESCENT, RIGHT?

>>7183529
YES.
PROCEED TO OUR SKY CELLAR.

>>7183540
MAKE HYRULE CASTLE BAD-ASS AND METAL AND INHABIT IT. LAY WASTE TO SURROUNDING COUNTRYSIDE.

>>7183540
FLIP HYRULE CASTLE and tell LOVE SLAVES to ATTACK. PROCEED to RECRUIT - I MEAN - FUCK ALL GERUDO while SLAVES TAKE OVER CASTLE.

>>7183540
CREATE TORNADO OF WEED SMOKE. FUCK BICHES UP!

this is the best quest thread.

>>7183573
umm. BITCHES! yeah, that's what I meant. Derp.

>>7183544
>>7183561

YOU DECIDE THAT YOU MISS YOUR PREVIOUS CASTLE SO YOU JUST PICK HYRULE CASTLE THE FUCK UP AND FLIP IT OVER. THEN YOU CAUSE A MOUNTAIN TO APPEAR UNDER IT BY COMMANDING YOUR GOTH CHICKS TO SLUT IT UP SO MUCH THAT THE EARTH ITSELF GETS A HUGE BONER. YOU HAVE YOUR MINIONS REDECORATE THE CASTLE WITH ALL KINDS OF SKULLS AND AXES AND SPIKES AND SHIT, AND YOU TURN THE LIBRARY INTO A S&M DUNGEON.

AFTER DEPOSITING ZELDA THERE SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO HER WHINING ANYMORE YOU GO UP TO YOUR SKY CELLAR AND GAZE OUT AT THE COUNTRYSIDE. IT IS BEAUTIFUL AND IDYLLIC. DECLARING THIS TO BE FOR TOTAL PUSSIES, YOU WHIP OUT YOUR GUITAR, DO A COOL PENTAGRAM THING, AND THEN PLAY YOUR GUITAR THROUGH THE PENTAGRAM. CLOUDS OF EVIL ENERGY FLOW THROUGH HYRULE, BLOCKING OUT THE SUN AND SHOOTING DOWN LIGHTNING BOLTS THAT TURN INTO ANGRY MONSTERS THAT PUKE MORE LIGHTNING BOLTS. YOU ARE VAGUELY AWARE OF YOUR UNCLE'S HOUSE BEING DESTROYED AND NOSTALGICALLY THINK BACK TO WHEN YOU GOT OUT OF THAT BED, FOUR HOURS AGO.

MOST OF HYRULE IS NOW A BLACKENED HELLSCAPE FILLED WITH ROAMING MONSTERS AND AMORAL RAIDERS MURDERING EACH OTHER FOR FOOD. THIS PLEASES YOU.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>You awake to find your uncle leaving you alone in your bed.

NOOOO! MY UNCLE MOLESTED ME AGAIN! BAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW......

>>7183622
FIND ZORA PRINCESS.

DELICIOUS FISH WOMEN RAPE.

>>7183622
FUCK. I don't know. ORGY?

>>7183639
FISH STICKS!

>>7183622
MURDER KING DODONGO

BECOME KING OF FUCKAWESOME DRAGONS

>>7183622
touch dicks together with Gannon, creating the BIFORCE

>>7183573
>>7183567

THERE IS ONLY ONE THING LEFT. YOU COMMAND YOUR GOTH SLUTS TO BRING FORTH ALL OF THE WEED IN THE WORLD. THEY SEND OUT THE COMMAND TO THE SETTLEMENTS OF HYRULE. IN THEIR FEAR OF YOU, HYRULIANS FAR AND WIDE HARVEST THE FINEST POSSIBLE CHRONIC AND LAY IT AT YOUR FEET IN HOPES OF AVOIDING YOUR WRATH. THOSE WHO PLEASE YOU GET COCKSLAPPED SLIGHTLY LESS VIOLENTLY.

YOU ROLL ALL THE WEED UP INTO A JOINT THE SIZE OF DEATH MOUNTAIN AND SHOTGUN THAT SHIT LIKE IT'S GOING OUT OF STYLE. GANON JUMPS UP AND YELLS, "WE NEED SOME GERUDO BITCHES!" YOU MAKE A MENTAL NOTE TO PROMOTE HIM TO HEAD PUSSY TESTER FOR HIS GENIUS. CONCENTRATING YOUR MIND POWERS, YOU SUMMON A WHIRLWIND OF WEED SMOKE TO CARRY YOU AND GANON AWAY TO THE GERUDO VILLAGE.

A BUNCH OF TANNED CHICKS ARE RUNNING AROUND HERE WITH BOWS AND LOINCLOTHS AND SHIT. THEY ARE ALL PRETTY SMOKING HOT AND GANON POINTS OUT THAT HE IS TECHNICALLY THEIR KING. YOU CAN EITHER HAVE HIM TRY TO COMMAND THEM TO JOIN YOU, OR YOU CAN INTIMIDATE THEM, OR JUST TRY TO SEDUCE THEM ALL WITH YOUR MANLINESS. OR SOMETHING ELSE, FUCK, I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183622
Take all our own powers away.

Go on quest to save the world.

I'm not saying that what we have isn't sweet, but now we actually have a challenge worthy of us.

>>7183675
FORCE THEM TO HAVE A LESBIAN ORGY. THEN ADD THEM TO OUR HOT BITCH ARMY. PROCEED TO BECOME KING OF DRAGONS.

>>7183686
ARE YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER!?
WE ARE A MIGHTY WARRIOR. WE DO AS WE PLEASE.

>>7183675
IMPRESS the GERUDO by BLOWING OUT DEATH MOUNTAIN like a CANDLE.

>>7183700
>>7183695

YOU CASUALLY EXTINGUISH DEATH MOUNTAIN BY CHOKING IT WITH WEED SMOKE FROM YOUR AWESOME BLUNT. THEN YOU HAVE GANON EXPLAIN TO THE FINE LADIES JUST HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE. BETWEEN YOUR AWESOMENESS AND GANON'S KINGLY COMMAND, THEY WILLINGLY LAY THEMSELVES AT THEIR FEET. YOU COMMAND THEM TO ENGAGE IN SINFUL DEEDS WITH ONE ANOTHER FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT.

>>7183657
>>7183639

YOU TELL GANON TO TAKE THE GERUDO BITCHES BACK TO YOUR CASTLE AND GET THEM ACQUAINTED WITH THE GOTH SLUTS. HE DOES SO IMMEDIATELY. YOU CHILL OUT REFLECTING ON LIFE FOR A MINUTE BEFORE REALIZING THAT YOU PROBABLY SUFFOCATED ALL THE DODONGOS AND GORONS WITH YOUR WEED SMOKE. AFTER A SECOND OF CONTEMPLATION YOU DECLARE YOURSELF KING OF THE DRAGONS AND MOUNTAINS.

THEN IT OCCURS TO YOU THAT THERE ARE STILL ZORA BITCHES TO BE HAD. YOU DISAPPEAR IN A FLASH OF FIRE AND BRIMSTONE AND APPEAR IN THE ZORA THRONE ROOM. THERE IS A TOTAL MILF ZORA WITH CURVES IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES ON THE THRONE. YOU TAKE ONE LOOK AT HER AND SHE ORGASMS SO HARD THAT SHE FAINTS THE INSTANT SHE MAKES EYE CONTACT. WHEN SHE RECOVERS SHE ASKS YOU TO MARRY HER AND BE KING OF THE ZORAS.

YOU CAN AGREE, OR AGREE BUT SAY THAT YOU CAN STILL TAKE OTHER WIVES, OR COCKSLAP THAT UNGRATEFUL BITCH.

WHAT NOW, MIGHTY WARRIOR?

>>7183773
TAKE HER TO YOUR CASTLE, SHOW HER YOU CANNOT MARRY HER BUT THAT YOU WILL FUCK HER REGARDLESS.

>>7183773
DECLARE SELF KING OF ZORAS. MOVE ALL ZORA BITCHES TO HYRULE CASTLE WHERE THEY WILL JOIN THE CONTINUOUS LESBIAN ORGY. PROCEED TO. FUCK. ALL. OF. THEM.

>>7183773
LAUNCH HYRULE CASTLE INTO SPACE. TRAVEL THE UNIVERSE, PAST AND FUTURE, GATHERING BITCHES.

A COCK AS MIGHTY AS OURS CANNOT BE TIED TO ANY ONE WOMAN!

MIGHTY WARRIOR FUCKS MANY, OFTEN.

>>7183800

YOU SWEEP THAT BITCH INTO YOUR ARMS AND TELL HER THAT YOU ARE TOO MUCH MAN FOR ANY WOMAN TO TIE DOWN. YOU CAN TELL SHE IS HEARTBROKEN BUT HER DESIRE FOR YOU IS SUCH THAT SHE WILL ACCEPT ANY DECISION YOU MAKE. YOU TELL HER TO ROUND UP ALL THE HOT ZORA LADIES AND YOU WILL MAKE HER YOURS EVERY NIGHT. SHE BREATHLESSLY ACCEPTS.

A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER YOU ARE CHILLING ON YOUR THRONE SLAMMING BACK BEERS WITH GANON WHILE A GIANT FUCKOFF LESBIAN ORGY TAKES PLACE BEFORE YOUR EYES ON THE FLOORCEILING OF YOUR THRONE ROOM. IT'S LIKE AN OCEAN OF TITS AND PUSSY AND YOU TAKE PRIDE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT EACH AND EVERYONE ONE OF THESE FINE ASS HOS IS YOURS WHEN YOU SO MUCH AS SAY THE WORD.

YOU GLANCE OVER AT GANON, WHO MEETS YOUR EYE AND NODS. SO MANY YEARS, YOU FOUGHT. SO MANY YEARS, YOU TRIED TO KILL ONE ANOTHER. YET IT SEEMS YOU WERE DESTINED TO BE BROS. YOU WERE DESTINED TO RULE, WITH HIM AT YOUR BACK, AS YOUR ADVISOR AND FRIEND.

AS ONE OF YOUR HOT GOTH SLUT CLONES READS OFF A LIST OF THE OTHER WORLDS YOU CAN ATTACK AND THE TYPES OF SMOKING BABES YOU CAN CLAIM FROM THEM, YOU RAISE A SINGLE CLOSED FIST. SOLEMNLY, GANON DOES THE SAME.

IN THAT INSTANT, HISTORY STANDS STILL. TIME ITSELF HOLDS ITS BREATH. THE GODS ABOVE AND THE DEMONS BELOW TREMBLE, KNOWING THAT THE WHOLE OF CREATION EXISTS SOLELY FOR THIS MOMENT.

YOUR KNUCKLES STRIKE GANON'S FIRMLY, BUT WITHOUT FORCEFULNESS.

BROFIST.

~fin~

>>7183827

ALSO THIS IS A GOOD IDEA. YOU HAVE GANON MAKE A TIME TRAVEL SPELL AND YOU FLY THROUGH TIME COLLECTING HOT CAVEWOMEN AND FUTURE BITCHES.

~Fin, for real~

>>7183853
Thank you so much for the perfect end to a perfect thread.

>>7183860
this has been epic, thanks

>>7183860
Archived as MIGHTY WARRIOR LINK QUEST

>>7183853
>>7183860
This was a highly enjoyable read, my sides hurt. It's a good pain. Thanks.

This need to be fucking screencapped.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/7182564/

>>7183853
I want to see you run another quest thread, tell me when, I await with baited breath.

>>7183947
err, bated breath.

>>7183947

I WAS MAKING THIS SHIT UP AS I WENT ALONG

I MIGHT HIJACK ANOTHER SHITTY QUEST THREAD WITHOUT WARNING SOMETIME

>>7183981
I'LL BE WAITING AND WATCHING. *SALUTES* YOU ARE A MAN OF QUALITY.

>>7183853
SEQUEL REQUIRES QUESTING FOR THE MASTER SWORD

>>7184035
PAH. TRIVIAL. SET US A REAL CHALLENGE.

>>7184052
WHAT ABOUT THE SWORD OF FEMALE MASTURBATION?

>>7184063
FUCK. I DON'T KNOW. LINK IS DONE QUESTING HE NOW GOES ON A MAGNIFICENT RAID FOR BITCHES.
THERE WILL BE NO SEQUEL.

>>7183981
Are...are you Robert Hamburger? How do you feel about ninjas?