Wait, is this what I... I don't even...

>>7138228

Let the sniper deal with the alien bitch, he's already got a bead on her. Meanwhile, you deal with the more pressing issue: the impending planet collision.

You forgot to tripfag, good sir.

>>7138228

>>7138274
It's bad Guy Quest Number I Forget.

>>7138294
if only you could get in contact with him. If only...

>>7138295
Indeed I did.

>>7138409

Then what's with the red dot on her head? I assumed it was some kind of laser sight.

Right. Coconut tractor-beam time. And don't give me any of that "Oh, I don't have the tools to make a tractor-beam out of coconuts" nonsense. You know who managed to build goddamn everything out of coconuts? The professor on Gilligan's Island, that's who. You're not a worse scientist then the professor on Gilligan's Island, are you?

Now, I have a request for you, Scientist. After Bad Guy Quest is over, could you compile your assorted scribblings into a zipped folder?

>>7138427
It's alien Crystal or Jewel shit. Honestly, you don't even care at this point. From checking the other rooms after your discovery of the woman, you found most of their society might have ran on a crystal based technology. Being manly and a Scientist, you feel slightly repelled at the idea. Society should technologically develop to have awesome tech, not sparkly rock tech.

>>7138467
You assume this planet has a plant that produces coconuts. You found a few that seem similar to Earth vegetation, but they neither taste the same or have matching textures.

The chili pepper looking vegetables are actually a fruit, the pineapple looking fruit actually is violently spicy.

>>7138572
Do people keep missing the part about a massive computer virus wiping my hard drive clean and then cooking it?

I'll compile what I have sure, but I'm missing literally hundreds of doodles(I think).

>>7138617

Well, trying times call for drastic measures. I say we create a device from crystal-tech that can create coconuts, or perhaps turn other kinds of vegetable/fruit matter into coconut matter. It is a widely known fact that, when it comes to SCIENCE!, coconuts and bamboo are fucking hax and can do anything.

Failing that, we just use faggoty Crytal-tech to create some sort of anti-tractor-beam.

Use the positions of the stars to calculate both where we are in relation to Earth and what our closing velocity towards Sol is.

>>7138658

Oh, that's right. Nevermind then. I'll just scour the archives. Incidentally, I know your pain, as my hardrive, too, recently died. It was a trying affair, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

Out of curiosity, do you masturbate WHILE your alter ego totally gets it on with space ladies, or is that saved for after the thread is over?

>>7138617
Remember that diamonds and coal are both just carbon. The source of manly steampunk tech is just a little extra pressure and heat from being a bunch of sparkly rocks.

>>7138710
Thanks to the wonders of a short refractory period, we can actually manage to do both!

>>7138678
This sounds doable in theory at least.

>>7138688
You'd say you have about 2 months, give or take a week before this planet does in fact collide with Earth. Then again, you always hated Astrology.

>>7138710
Obviously after the thread. Shit would be so awkward otherwise.

>>7138769
Wait. Did you just try to justify Sparkly Crystal-tech?

Alright. Use the faggotry crystals to induce a fuckhuge field on the planet. Crystal gets consumed, acceleration increases, and the planet overshoots Earth.

Also gets burned by the solar winds, but the fuck we care about that. Let's make it not hit Earth and get out of here.

>>7138846
No, I just tried to give us a way to rationalize using it while we have to.

If I REALLY wanted to justify Sparkly Crystal-tech, I'd start posting anything I could find on piezoelectricity and optics.

>>7138678
>>7138846
You've created a specie of Bamboo that produces coconuts.

>>7138922
Well. You think it might work, but you'll have to probably build a huge, gay base out of Space Crystals.

>>7138966
Oh.

>>7139089

Fuck. Yes. Now we use the sub-atomic Coco-particles to interlock with the newly discovered dark Cocomatter to create a rift in the fabric of space-time which will be stabilized by a mesh of bambootubules so that we can get off this fucking planet. After we've used it, the theory of Coco-decay states that the vortex will cave in on itself, destroying the planet and saving Earth.

Mission accomplished.

>>7139089
Alright.

Cut down some bamboo, and ferment them to produce alcohol. Drink some of it and think of how to make a non-gay material out of crystals, so we can build a huge base out of it.

>>7139089
>build a huge, gay base out of Space Crystals.
THIS

MAKE IT SO SPARKLY THAT ALL WHO LAY BEARED EYES UPON IT ARE BLINDED

>>7139089
Use thoughts of piezoelectrical phenomena and optical shenanigans to help us not think about the fact that we're building a huge gay base out of Space Crystals.

Quietly promise to ourselves that we'll be replacing it with properly machined fullerenes and cultured viral and bacterial strains as soon as we have time and resources to spare.

>>7139186
It is not gay if the crystals are not touching.

>>7139145
Everything you just say, but the word coco, doesn’t make any sense at all.

>>7139089
Use the crystals to refract/reflect some sunlight and melt down some dirt/sand and make ourselves... well whatever the shit we want to.

Out of glass of course but glass is what beakers and tubes are made of and its still less sailor-moon-ish than crystal tech.

>>7139238

You just haven't studied the fields of Coconomics, Cocology, and Cryptobamboozoology sufficiently to understand the complicated and absolutely not-made-up-on-the-spot mechanics of my genius plan.

>>7139202
BUT THEY WILL BE

>>7139281
Well shit. How is the bamboo booze coming?

Hey now. Let's not go knocking crystal tech. Superman had crystal tech and look how that turned out. Blew up a whole planet.

This could take a while on our own. Let's get some coco-droids up and running to speed things up. Loliness optional.

>>7139286
I for one feel that bamboozling ourselves would be a spectacularly unwise decision.

>>7139286

I like to call it bambooze.

>>7139320

How about we just build the whole damn fortress out of bamboo, coconuts, and vine? Then we won't have to deal with crystals touching. Instead, we'll have a massive stronghold forged from manly Earth technology and intensely homoerotic imagery.

command the loli-bot to learn the alien language so you can figure out what the fuck they were talking about.

Wait a second:
>violently spicy

Doesn't that also mean
>somewhat corrosive

>>7139320
Screw Cocodroids, let's just go straight to Tikiforged!

Also, coconut bras and grass skirts are now our official female uniform; garish aloha shirts and tattered board shorts are our male one.

>>7139145
>>7139151
This happens. You use the Bambooze to power the gateway, but save more than a generous amount for yourself.

Is /tg/ letting us post now?

>>7139395

Note to self: Remember to harness the awesome power of the coconut on triumphant return to Earth.

>>7139395

laugh deeply. you have shown them! shown them all!

>>7139395
Why does the scientist seem so deeply unimpressed with his genius?

>>7138846
>Astrology
I do believe you meant astronomy

>>7139461

No, my dear, I said ASTROLOGY!

So wait... no cocodroids?

>>7139480
But astrology isn't SCIENCE!

>>7139482
Lolicocodroids

>>7139453
JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE.

>>7139490

Clearly you haven't seen my astrology machine.

>>7138228
That means my plans were successful!! Soon humanity shall have it's souls reborn into the god-form of Ach'nahat, and we shall rule the heavens and the mundane universe!

>>7139320

Agreed this. Coco sounds more like an adult name anyway. I say we make em Milf-droids instead of lili droids. Cuz of the coconuts you see.

OUr precious lolidroids should be made of real tech anyhow.

It needed to be done once I read it.

Place we were in before: remove from collision route.

Investigate how we got there in first place.

>>7139599

Cool. We just circumvented a story arc via coconuts. Now, see if there was some sort of timelapse/time-dilation/crazy shit going on while we were gone. Also, use coconut milk to create a cheap, efficient fuel to use for all our equipment and never give any to the rest of the world.

Hey, could anyone give a really brief recap of events for those of us who don't want to go sifting through the archives? Some of you guys seem to know what's going on.

>>7139656
Just like anchovy oil in the world of Futurama. One drop can keep one robot lubricated forever.

Send something suitably appropriate back to the world of the alien crystal people for their hospitality.

>>7139687
We are a Bad Guy. We got rejected out of some school of evil superscientists because they thought we were not badass enough. The bitch-meister is named Elizabeth. To get to her, we must find and collect scientists numbered 1 through n, each one specializing in a different field. We have a tendency of making small lolibots of our enemies as we go along. Exceptions include number #3, who transformed herself into an AI, but we used our manly charms to seduce her and now she is our virtual waifu floating around as a blue hologram. Other loli minions of note include loli Bond, Raven (an emo loli), and an angry scottishman.

We got transported into a surreal paisage by a dude who deals with dreams and psychology. Then the quest halted, and we found ourselves into an alien planet instead.

>>7139730
Ah, thank you.

>>7139730
>>Other loli minions of note
>>an angry scottishman.

Wait what the fuck
Do we really have a loli scotsman?

HOW DID WE GET THERE OH GOD. it's probably Elizabeth. What's been happening to our empire in the time since we left. What's the last everyone else remembers of us? did we just poof away in a puff of smoke?

>>7139761
My mistake. The scotishman is not a loli.
We do have a strong irish redhead lolibot, if that helps; she is the one that converted him to our side.

Hmmm. Seems the Scientist is having connection problems. Oh, well.

Were there some of these that didn't make it into the Archive?

>>7139931
Some of them are miscategorized as "bad gay quest". So while they are all archived, you may still be missing some.

Here's the quick recap as far as 3 could gather before a rather sudden collapse in communication.

1. You've been gone for almost 4 months. Time dilation in the coconut zone tends to do that. That and give you a sudden craving to wear brightly colored shirts.

2. It was Elizabeth who sent you to that planet. She made sure that nobody knew about it but was quoted to say "Enraged Scientist who?" when asked about your where-abouts. Being one to never treat you as a serious threat, this is pretty much a bold declaration of victory.

3. Corporate buy-outs, sell outs, and stock trades have pretty much out positioned your controlling shares of multiple telecommunication companies of the world. On the upside, 3 has been busy placing viral bugs where ever they needed to be in order to keep her 'ears' open.

4. Most of your Loli-bots are either in hiding or are missing. The exceptions being Loli-Bond who is still at MI6, Highlander-Loli who has been taking care of your lake side bar where the Loch Ness monster has been proven to live, and Sherloli-Holmes Watson-Loli(The only reason 3 has been able to keep track of them is due to Nanny Minion.

5.That Bitch Elizabeth took over the moon before you could and has a stranglehold on the satellite networks.

6.Not that it matters but, The Baroness android for some -accidental- and -unforeseen- reason was destroyed. 3 Stresses the point that you don't really need that sill Android anyway.

>>7139966

Well, we've started from nothing before and now we have a stronger industrial base than prior. Our holdings consist of a levitating pyramidic doom-fortress capable of destroying the earth in like three different ways, and a backup base somewhere below the Gulf of Mexico. How has the secretly-addictive candy company gone in our absence. As chief founder, owner, and executive, we would be remarkably difficult to displace from that. Besides, without our delicious candy the world would go berserk from withdrawal pangs.

>>7139966
Our obvious first step is to demonstrate to 3 just how glad we are to see her again.

Our obvious second step is to call up Sherloli-Holmes and Watson-Loli, and ask them to track down the rest of our beloved lolibots.

>>7139958
Ah, I must have completely missed the one from the ninth...

Nice to see ya again Scientist.

>>7139966
Sorry for my inadequately slow typing.

>>7139966
Did our tiki forged coco milf bot survive the journey home. if so torch that bitch and start aney with REAL MAN science.

But the candy. How goes operation Candy from a Baby?

Our errant daughters must be found at once. They are too big a risk to let run free. Call them up immediatly, get them home, plan a reuinion tour, and start scanning them for any signs of evil tampering by third parties.

>>7140031

Hey. Stop talking shit about coconuts. Now that we know their true power, revenge and conquest will be that much easier.

One question from my quarter. We ARE a bad guy. How bad? Kicking adorable kittens bad or dead baby jokes made real bad?

Please tell me we're not The Monarch or Kimpossible villain bad.

>>7140073

Well, we have a number of nanobots rigged up in our bodies so that, in the event of our heart stopping, they will reduce the world to grey goo. We slipped an extremely addictive substance into all the formulas of a candy-company we bought out, ensuring a steady revenue stream. Our flying doom-fortress can withstand tactical nuclear strikes and can, at any time, drill through the earth's mantle and flood the world with lava. And we killed James Bond, and transplanted his brain into the robotic body of a 9-year old girl while installing an obedience chip. Is that sufficiently evil?

>>7140073
We're currently plotting to own all the candy companies in the world and then pull a massive recall, effectivly stealing every candy from every baby all in one brilliant move.

>>7140008
It's still chugging along. You have about 80% global candy saturation.

>>7140016
How do you propose we do the first of those suggestions?

>>7140031
wat

>>7140108

That was phase three.

Step 1: Buy out all candy companies.
Step 2: Introduce addictive element to all candy on planet
Step 3: Massive recall
Step 4: ???
Step 5: Profit!

>>7140102
Eh. So so. Seems much more utilitarian to me but then I suspect in real life my moral/ethic matrix leans more than a bit towards the evil axis.

Yeah, we're evil.

I think we should blow up the moon.

>>7140116

Virtual romantic dinner, agreement on the outdatedness of the baroness. Ask how she's been. Virtual backrub. The usual.

>>7140116
>How do you propose we do the first of those suggestions?
Romantically and largely offpanel.

>>7140116
Response to "wat" refer to just before/after 4chan went wonky here:

>>7139533

which was apperantly waaaaay slowpoked so probably nevermind.

>>7140137

Better, collapse the moon into a powersource to power... something evil and awesome. I wanna say deathray but am not sure if that would be too cliche.

>>7140166
Oh shit. I missed those.

Call up Nanny Minion and find out where Sherloli Holmes and Loli-Watson are at. God forbid something bad has happened to them while we were away.

>>7140134

>robotic James Bond loli
>utilitarian

I think we disagree on a point here. That's just needlessly cruel, sticking the mind of a suave, 40+ year old British man into the body of a robotic loli.

>>7140189
Little do we suspect that we'll find that in our absence, Nanny Minion became involved romantically with certain other of our minion staff. After a particularly bad breakup, she was filled with the need for vengeance, and has been exploiting our beloved investigative pair for a truly terrifying level of stalking.

>>7140192
thatsthejoke.jpeg

>>7140210
Nanny Minion and DETERMINED Minion a couple? Fuck yes! Get those two to couples counseling RIGHT NOW!

>>7140192
It was the ultimate insult. The ultimate revenge. He dared go against us and so we have taken all that he was and more. No simple death waits for our enemies, no. They meet their ends at our hands and we do with them as please. We strip them of their humanity, their masculinity, their adulthood, everything that makes them feel powerful, and we turn it against it. We make them small, weak, and helpless but to follow the commands of the one who they once attempted to destroy. Lolibond is a lesson and a warning. Don't fuck with us, because we've got a loli-butler-bot just waiting for a personality implant.

>>7140251

Yeah, okay. It may be useful, but it's so pointlessly convoluted that I wouldn't call it strictly utilitarian.

>>7140251
If I remember correctly wasn't it going to be a tailor next?

>>7140299
Tinker, tailor, buttler, sailor, we lolify without distinction!

>>7140335

We're like a deranged, surgically-adept Pokemon Trainer.

Gotta lolify 'em all!

>>7140363
This, so this. Seriously.

We should build the digital transfer device and tie it into the Earth's electronics grids so we can teleport our loli minions across the globe with an instants notice.

Put that in get-it-done form.

>>7140289

speaking of tailor, we need some new threads.

I got distracted slightly. Not sure what happened there. Brain just sort of turned off and the Fallout intro got stuck in my head(Fallout 1. Fuck if I remember the actual song title or artist).

On a more related note.You get some dating out of the way.(As if it's something you don't want to do), you send an encrypted signal out for your lolis to return to base, and you put a few of your new invention ideas on to a list.

>>7140449

Maybe by the Ink Spots.

>>7140449
HEY! Did you forget me so soon?

So, I've decided this quest is really hard. I feel really intimidated by the amounts of awesome The Scientist has already achieved.

Need to know our primary goal so I know how to focus my suggestions and furthur the awesome.

>>7140449

toast to our genius.
laugh!
order dessert, it has been earned.

>>7140449
Can we see the list?

>>7140511
I'm sorry, do I know you?

>>7140511
Didn't 3 kill you? Why can't you stay dead?

once the lolis are back and scanned, we need to start plotting revenge on Elizabeth for sending us off. We need to find out how she did it and maybe zap her with some it herself.

Also, we need to call Bond and punish him for not having anything for us after so long. Assuming... you know... he doesnt have anything for us. I wonder how he feels about ballet lessons...

>>7140657
We used to just threaten her with making her hold hands with some boy. She got all red in the face after that usually.

Does LoliBond know the whereabouts of our enemy? If so send LoliBond out to discover the means by which we were so rudely transported.

>>7140704
yeah, but we gotta spice it up a bit, right?

Wait, did we do more than just teleport here? Don't we still need to prevent that second planet from crashing into Earth?

>>7138228
The Dr has a sonic screwdriver, The Master a laser screwdriver (I mean really who has a SONIC screwdriver)...

We should have a Chronicscrewdriver. Powered by chronotons and tachyon energy. Timescrewdriver for those pesky alien coconut world excursions.

>>7140811
Nah, I believe we liquidated the other planet as a power source for our teleport home.

sounds like something evil we'd do.

That trip to the alien world that was going to destroy earth got me thinking. We need some clones of ourself. You know just in case. We periodically imprint our subconscious on them and keep them unconscious and float in vats as a sort of backup. A few at our layer, one or two hidden elsewhere. One on a satellite in space that can leave earth orbit if we need it to.

>>7140894
>Implying leaving a clone of ourselves within easy reach of Elizabeth is a good idea

>>7140640
Can't kill that which is already dead

>>7140894
Don't make copies of us. It's a bad idea. What if we'd implemented this before our disappearance, 3 had decided to use the backup on the assumption that we'd somehow been defeated and might not return, and then we'd come back to find our sinister empire stolen from under us?

>>7140946
Thirded. Copies is a bad idea.

Now, FAKE copies is a wonderful idea. Clones whose bodies consist of an oozeform bioweapon that we hide and protect and guard AS THOUGH it really were our clone.

As soon as containment is breached it morphs into a gaseous oozey super macro virus that dies in 24-48 hours.

Take that would be clone thief.

>>7140946

well that is why there needs to be some sort of shutdown/self destruct/failsafe that only we can activate.

>>7140946
>>7141085

Copies are a horrible idea. However we could go all "Boys From Brazil" on this and make regular growth clones and spread them all over the world. You know, to make sure our genius lives on. OH! We need to research immortality as well, and put a self destruct button in our clones if we don't need them.

Most of this is from memory, so bear with me.

1. Alternative powers sources (Crystalized Methane and ????)
2. Subatomic scale computer chips.
3.Hotdog vending, rapping master worms.
4.Tesla coil weaponry along with a power grid capable of supporting them.
5. Our Moon Base.
6. High Powered Death Cannon (An obvious standard for all evil geniuses)
7. A full Health care package and dental plan(with a 401k), and college loan for our minions, more desirable than any other joining benefits out there without breaking the bank.
8.I forget.
9.Maybe a new album from your Loli-band. I think.
10.Digital transfer device.

Obviously, my memory is terrible or as the Hispanic would say 'terrible'.

>>7140863
We did. You can see the planet being coconut'd out of existence in picture >>7139966
on the monitor. Also, that is in fact the Alien woman from earlier.

Also, Sherloli-Horo, Watson-Loli, and nanny Minion.
Here's a hint: "You can see this wall from space."

>>7141142
Honestly, if we clone ourselves then the clone will know about the self-destruct, determine that he doesn't want to be destructed, and take steps to remedy the situation. It's just a bad plan conceptually.

Unless we think that we're really awesome and would get along well with more of us, but I doubt it. We'd have to share 3 with ourselves, and I can't see that ending well.

>>7141189
>Also, Sherloli-Horo, Watson-Loli, and nanny Minion.
>Here's a hint: "You can see this wall from space."
She chased her boyfriend all the way to CHINA? Damn, that's some serious stalking.

>>7141189

well damn, we should do something about that alien woman. I guess she needs a job or something. Do we have any openings?

>>7141085
I am down with the mutant ooze disguised and guarded as though it were a clone idea. We need as many avenues to undoing our enemies as possible and what better way than for them to undo themselves?

>>7141259
Butler, tailor, soldier, sailor?

Sounds like the girls have a solid lead on the whodunit down in china. Let's move the base down their asap. We have to be ready for anything. No telling who this one could be.

>>7141259
Who is she? What does she know? Is she loyal?

I suppose we could use a receptionist. Somewhere. Or a maid.
Alien woman in a maid outfit. I like that one. Lets do it.

>>7141189
Didn't we also have a fairly impressive underwater base somewhere or other?

>>7141310
We have a maid. a LASER maid.

>>7140940
I'm sorry, do I know you?

>>7141340
Can you ever have enough maids?? Besides one is for work the other is for show. C'mon man every sexist boss knows this. Its basic corporate infrastructure!

>>7141310

Grief stricken receptionist alien chick who speaks a language that no one understands? This is insane genius.

>>7141420
We should give her a device that translates everything, but in an entirely subserviant way.

>>7141439
Worse, she needs to know that the translations are COMPLETELY subservient. No matter how hard she tries to assert herself the translator just rewords it into submissive jargon. And she knows. She knows.

>>7141344
Months ago...don't you remember? Thursday, September 03, 2009, 11:54:22 PM

Hey guys, as for our moon problem. What about starting an Anti-Moon smear campaign, say it's the cause of 9/11 and Global Warming or some shit, and then get governmental permission to blow it up and replace it with an enviroment friendly and terrorist proof moon. (Which is actually some sort of "Death Star")

>>7141488
I'm sorry, do I know you?

>>7141590
I am Anonymous and I support this message.

>>7141609
Nice face Mr! I will try to learn it too!

And metal can not become wax.

You know me.

>>7141609
Dat face. Just like 3. My, my they grow up so quickly. Don't mind me. I just have something in my eye that's all.

Is anyone else getting a 404 when they try to click the pictures?

Secretary Alien to finish the night up for me. It seems like a quirky enough idea to fit in our usual schemes.

>>7141873
see you next time Sci! looking forward to it!

>>7141873
Nighty Night Scientist! Sleep well! I hope we get to hear from you again very soon.

>>7141886
I'll try to be on sometime before Saturday. I swear. Unless something distracts me but good. Most of my vidya games are squared away and I'm caught up on work, so I should be able to not use those as excuses anymore.