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  • File : 1260133121.jpg-(35 KB, 325x325, luke-skywalker.jpg)
    35 KB Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)15:58 No.7030254  
    Luke Skywalker was surrounded. "Look at you fools" said Skywalker, "A jedi is a man of honour and light, you are crusaders of ignorance"

    Suddenly the grey knights charged, Luke effortlessly sliced their force halberds in half. "A lightsaber can cut through anything" Luke whispered confidently.

    Luke began running through the ranks of Grey Knights, slicing them like weeds with a machete, the grey knights fired their bolters but he deflected the shots with is saber, then used his force powers to turn the rocket explosions of the bolters into force-held explosion stasis bubbles, which he launched back killing dozens of grey knight terminators. The grandmaster tried to blast luke with his psychic powers but luke force-pushed his pauldrons together slicing off his head

    Suddenly the rest of the grey knights began charging across the open plain of Titan to attack luke, who launched a force-kamehameha at them killing them all and slamming them into a mountain. One final dreadnaught remained, and luke threw his boomerang force lightsaber at it, turning it into thousands of sharp shards.

    "My work here is done" Luke said as he urinated on the planet surface and then went back through the portal to a galaxy far far away, a long time ago
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)15:59 No.7030259
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:00 No.7030277
    Best writefaggotry ever. Archive please.
    >> Count Dorku 12/06/09(Sun)16:01 No.7030291
    Whiskey tango foxtrot, over.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:01 No.7030293
    um... wat?
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:01 No.7030297
    Emperor damn it.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:02 No.7030301
         File1260133321.jpg-(16 KB, 300x356, halo3_052.jpg)
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    The Master Chiefs landed on the planet held by the Space Marines. "Let's do this" Said Spartan 117.

    The space marines opened fire immediately when they saw the spartans land. The spartans were hit with lots of bolter shots which damaged their shields. "Watch this Space Marines!!" the Spartans ran behind some boulders and their shields recharged fully.

    The space marines were stunned "CHARGE THE HERITICS IN MELEE WITH CHAINSAWS" They screamed! The Space Marines started to run at the spartans who fired their shoulder lasers and plasma guns at the Space Marines mowing them down at long range. Spartan 117 also known as "John" from the Bible, fired his sniper rifle which bounced off several marines killing them all in ricochet. When the space marines got too close the Spartans took out their energy swords the Arbiters let them borrow and did the charge attack (from Multilpayer) at the Space Marines. Instant kill.

    Only one Force Commander was left and John Spartan 117 confronted him. The Force commander pointed his plasma cannon at John Spartans head, and John spartan tried to fire his Battle Rifle. "click click click" sounded the rifle, he was out of ammo. The Force commander spoke "Looks like you're screwed!". John replied "Check your back"

    There was a plasma grenade stuck on the Froce Commanders back! The Commander gave a sad face then exploded
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:02 No.7030307
    What is a grey knight and why must they fail so hard?
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:02 No.7030308
    Very nice. And true to the fluff as well.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:02 No.7030309
    It's a copypasta. Sage.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:02 No.7030313



    Suddenly, >force-kamehameha

    >> WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot !!WgWcz5V3TdQ 12/06/09(Sun)16:03 No.7030321
    It is a good day to do what has to be done by me.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:03 No.7030327
    >force-pushed his pauldrons together slicing off his head

    can someone be a drawfag for this?
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:03 No.7030329
    John melees a terminator's back with his rifle and it dies instantly.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:04 No.7030333
    I wont lie, I laughed.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:05 No.7030348
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:07 No.7030369
    No Luke, you are the grey knights.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:07 No.7030372
    I wasn't aware that Bolters were lasers. Should have ended with Luke's face melting.
    >> Writefag Chronicles !42DalLaSf2 12/06/09(Sun)16:08 No.7030378

    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:08 No.7030393
    He force pushed the explosions back together into fireballs
    >> Crow 12/06/09(Sun)16:09 No.7030397
         File1260133746.jpg-(15 KB, 300x371, 1240703351912.jpg)
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    I read this a few days ago.

    I'm still laughing
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:09 No.7030398
    >When the space marines got too close the Spartans took out their energy swords the Arbiters let them borrow and did the charge attack (from Multilpayer) at the Space Marines. Instant kill.

    Oh my god.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:10 No.7030414
    Some inquisitor actually has a coreless powersword, which is basically a lightsaber. A powersword is a lightsaber with more weight, which works better against armor which isn't melted instantly, like Qui Gon against the armored door.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:10 No.7030416
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:11 No.7030422
    There should be one of these for every fictional character. Someone do Tintin.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:11 No.7030423
    And then exterminatus.
    >> stripedog !99w4lZplhU 12/06/09(Sun)16:11 No.7030426
    What is horrible, is the scene in the thrawn trilogy where luke does almost this exact thing. Too bad G.A.T. was self insert fail.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:11 No.7030428
    *head-desk over 9000 times*
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:12 No.7030448
    shit, gotta check if there are any Darths and Droids updates.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:13 No.7030460
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:14 No.7030467
    >Froce commander
    >Gave a sad face then exploded.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:14 No.7030473
         File1260134064.jpg-(3 KB, 100x100, 1251349439576.jpg)
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    >The grandmaster tried to blast luke with his psychic powers but luke force-pushed his pauldrons together slicing off his head

    I'm not sure how to react.
    >> Guardsman Terry 12/06/09(Sun)16:14 No.7030477
         File1260134081.jpg-(11 KB, 465x335, han-shot-first.jpg)
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    Worst retcon in the history of film.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:16 No.7030503
    Gordon Freeman had teleported onto Terra by accident, and was surrounded by the Adeptus Custodes.

    "Declare your surrender, heretic! And we will kill you immediately!" they threatened.

    Gordon did not speak of course, he never spoke. Instead, he whipped out his gravity gun, ready for combat. The Custodes fired their enormous bolters at him, giant shells hurtling towards the HEV-wearing hero. And.. stopped suddenly, as they were caught in the grasp of the zero point energy manipulator device.

    Kathwoom! And the bolter shells went hurtling back the way they came, the rocket bullets one of the few things capable of penetrating the armour of the hallowed warriors.
    "How dare you!" cried one of them, aghast that even one of his brothers had fallen to a single enemy. He charged in with his power fist raised high, intending to crush this puny orange man-thing into the ground.

    But Freeman used the sprint function to move back at speed, and shone a laser into the Space Marine's eyes.
    "Arg!" he shouted before a rocket slammed into his face, knocking him on his back and stunning him.

    Gordon then used his gravity gun to throw him off a cliff.

    The throne room was very large, so after a brief physics-based puzzle he managed to plug the correct socket in to the Golden Throne, and escaped through the webway back home.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:17 No.7030516
    I know right? What kind of horrid Chaotic Evil murderer would have shot an alien just for trying to talk to him?
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:18 No.7030523
    >>7030301 gave a sad face

    It's like I'm really reading Junie B. Jones.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:18 No.7030525
    >But Freeman used the sprint function to move back at speed
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:18 No.7030526
    >> Guardsman Terry 12/06/09(Sun)16:18 No.7030529
    Shooting Greedo before he could shoot him was what made Han awesome.
    Then they added that strange head-bob-bullet-dodge thing.
    Fuck you, George Lucas.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:19 No.7030535
    Joe Chief had to fly fast and go a round tings liek alien ships and things. Then out of no where BOOM happend and the back of the espcape ship fell open n one of the army guys fell out and explodd in space then another one closed it and said "NOOOOO HE WAS MY BROTHER!" and then got tired and slept
    >> Guardsman Terry 12/06/09(Sun)16:20 No.7030554

    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:22 No.7030575

    >The throne room was very large, so after a brief physics-based puzzle he managed to plug the correct socket in to the Golden Throne, and escaped through the webway back home.

    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:22 No.7030581
    ok, now do chewbacca
    >> Mootimus 12/06/09(Sun)16:23 No.7030589
         File1260134599.jpg-(847 KB, 1152x1626, 1259089542996.jpg)
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    These guys. They are a special chapter of the space marines. They are used by the ordo malleus of the inquisition to stop chaos.

    Planet completely overrun by chaos for a thousand years? Send five grey knights.

    They are space marines that all have the psychic potential of librarians. They have weapons, armor, and silver tattoos in their flesh that make them invulnerable to any psychic attack. Not a single grey knight has ever fallen to chaos. Evil is damaged just by being in their presence. They have psychic powers.

    It is rumored that their original geneseed is not from a primarch, but from the Emperor himself making them the purest chapter of all.

    They are essentially the most powerful standard soldiers ever concieved in any sci fi setting.

    Which is why OP's post is supposedly so inflammatory, because the idea of a single anything coming in and roflstomping the Grey Knights on their home base is ludicrous ... and lulzy.

    Now you know.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:23 No.7030592
    I admit it, I lol'd.
    >> Mootimus 12/06/09(Sun)16:24 No.7030603
         File1260134686.jpg-(65 KB, 500x480, 1259427766365.jpg)
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    And knowing is half the battle.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:25 No.7030612
    fuck that, i want red lasers!
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:25 No.7030615
    >luke force-pushed his pauldrons together slicing off his head
    Delightful. I love your work OP
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:26 No.7030616

    Where does yelling "COBRA!" fit into this chart?
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:26 No.7030620
         File1260134787.jpg-(1.88 MB, 1504x2500, 1259602939005.jpg)
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    Amaterasu was surrounded by demons. "WELCOME TO THE WARP MWAHAHAHAHAHA" shouted Tzeentch. Ammy bared her fangs and peed on one of the demons as a taunt.

    "GRAAHHHHHH" said Tzeentch and he snapped at Ammy with his beak, but she summoned a bomb with her magical paintbrush tail and sent him flying backwards. Then a daemonette attacked! "Nice boob" said Issun, and then Ammy used her sword brushstroke to cut it off. A single tear fell off the daemonette's face as its boob went flying off a cliff in the warp, lost forever.

    "Enough of this" said Ammy, and then she summoned all the good thoughts and beliefs of everyone in the Imperium to kill all the demons. But what's this!?

    Tzeentch was still alive! "I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS YOU MANGY MUTT," shouted Tzeentch. Ammy pooped on his chest and hit him with a lightning bolt, and that was the end of it. "Good riddance" said Ammy, and she teleported back to Japan.
    >> Writefag Chronicles !42DalLaSf2 12/06/09(Sun)16:26 No.7030622

    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:27 No.7030629
    What about the Custodes?

    I just wrote the Freeman one with the Custodes.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:30 No.7030666
    JUST AS PL- wait.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:31 No.7030683
    the entire confrontation was an elaborate plan to have a sexy goddess poop on his chest
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:33 No.7030717
    >its boob went flying off a cliff
    >used his gravity gun to throw him off a cliff.
    You're totally ripping me off, man!
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:35 No.7030734
    I must bring to attention the fact that this one doesn't return home
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:36 No.7030755
         File1260135399.jpg-(41 KB, 450x592, jesushitler.jpg)
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    Jesus sat at the head of the table "by the time this night is over, one of you shall betray me" he said "one of you men, shall dishonour his children and their children by the time this wine bottle is emptied"

    Suddenly a young Jewish man, Judas stood up "Jesus as I kiss you let it be known I will not betray you"

    BAMM the door crashed down, two roman officers burst in, grabbing Jesus by both arms and hauling him to the table.

    Jesus used his karate chop action to escape, for now

    Three weeks later Peter found Jesus, he had changed. He was in a ditch screaming anti Semitic comments drunkenly at the top of his voice.

    Peter laughed.
    >> Mootimus 12/06/09(Sun)16:37 No.7030765
         File1260135447.jpg-(635 KB, 1359x1100, 1246301790889.jpg)
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    The Custodes and the Grey Knights are suggested to be related vaguely but the difference is that Grey Knights are also pskers. All of them. Not to mentioned completely warded against psychic attacks/influences.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:37 No.7030767
    I didn't even mean to do that! Throwing things off a cliff is just so cliche that it will often show up when trying to write poorly on purpose.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:38 No.7030777
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:41 No.7030821
         File1260135701.jpg-(99 KB, 684x461, camels066.jpg)
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    There were Space Marines in Marlinspike Hall. Nestor could not see them, but he had expected them for years.

    'Roah roah roah' Snowy roahed and ran back to the Tintin. He was pursued by a much bigger dog - a Space Wolf, on a space wolf!

    'Cripes' said Tintin, who got out his motorbike and drove towards the wolflord. They raced down a road, but there was a train! Tintin looked back, then put on extra burst of speed, to get past train. Canis Wolfborn who was just behind him, looked round too then got flattened by the speeding cargo train. Wolf Claw Thunderhawk squadron bombed road ahead, using turboblasters to create chasm - but then where was TINTIN?

    It was a trick! Tintin used special Calculus designed wall-bed to leap onto train and hide with Snowy. Grabbing the remains of Rackham Capac (who the Deathwatch Wolves had tried to kill as a necron lich), and taking an offensively stereotyped black man, he ran down to train - but suddenly the swa a venerable dreadnort, who wielded mighty wolf claw. It knew he was there, but could not see him through tiny vision slit. Suddenly - psst!

    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:43 No.7030844
    Thomson and Thompson were hiding behind a statue. 'Here take this fake beard it will be a disguise and make might Bjorn think u are a wolf priest.' Tintin grabbed beard and Wolf Priest papers, put them on, and walked past. Bjorn said high but once Tintin was behind him he pushed the Dreadnought over and he couldnt get up. Tintin was nearly back in Syldavia, where King Ottakar would safe them!

    They were nearly there when suddenly they stopped. Rastapopolous and Charter Master Logan Grimmar were there! 'Lets kill him once and for all' said the bonobo-nosed one, but though he was savage beast the All-Farther was wise and just. 'Let us settle this with a challenge' he said 'If you can drink this mighty tankard of ale I will let you go - otherwise, I kill you and the Seven Crystal Balls will be destroyed in the emperors name.'

    How could Tintin defeat the Space Marine? 'Not so fast, you pestilential pachyderm.' A voice said. It was Haddock, in his blue jumper and sailor hat! 'I'll drink it.' And so he did. And he kept drinking until Logan Grinmar and Rastapopopuls were asleep, when Tintin tied them up and gave them to Thomson and Thompson to arrest. They were free!

    "Blistering Barnacles" Haddock said as he dranked a whisky and drove the shark submarine back to Calculus' secret lab.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:43 No.7030848
    oh. my. god.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:43 No.7030859
         File1260135831.jpg-(26 KB, 351x431, link-1.jpg)
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    Link was surrounded by orkz. WATCH OUT, said navi.

    Suddenly the orkz charged, shouting WAAGH but link did a spin attack and killed two dozen of them in one second.

    Link then cast din’s fire, buring up lots of the orkz. The orkz starting shouting BOSS HE’S TOO CHOPPY and freaking out. But then Ghazkull Mag Uruk Thraka crumped the panicking orkz and made them keep fighting. Then link hit him with a hookshot and the hit him with the master sword while he was stunned a lot. HEY! LISTEN!, said navi.

    The link hit the smash ball and did his final smash and killed all the rest of the orkz. He ran around for a minute collecting a bunch of arrows and rupies (but not bombs he already had too many), before doing a block pushing puzzle to open a portal back to hyrule.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:44 No.7030862
    I can imagine a Wolf Lord riding a Space Wolf Wolf Guard with Wolf Tail Talismans and Wolf Claw Necklaces with their Wolf Priests shouting Wolf Cries to the Great Wolf wolf wolf wolf wolf
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:47 No.7030887
    All right.. I'll let you off. This time.
    Yes. YES.
    >> Writefag Chronicles !42DalLaSf2 12/06/09(Sun)16:54 No.7030999
         File1260136481.jpg-(161 KB, 550x800, 1231821461216.jpg)
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    Samus was surrounded by Dark Eldar. One stepped forward and said "We must have her for ourselves"

    But Samus jumped into the air and grabed a Smash Ball as she fired a super beam that took out 1000 Dark Eldar. Some were still alive as they cried out: "Her armor is gone! Now she will be ours!"

    However, she aimed her paralyzing gun and zapped everyone who came close, before whipping everyone in a way they were unaccustomed which actually caused pain and not delight. They screamed and fled as Samus jumped into her ship and flew into the Webway back to her own galaxy.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:55 No.7031008
         File1260136517.png-(142 KB, 679x700, rumiawave.png)
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    The little blonde haired girl floating towards the Death Corps of Krieg was very worrying, probably a sign of her being a psyker, so they opened fire with a hail of a thousand lasers. Yet none of them even singed the red ribbon on Rumia's head as she grazed the shots.

    "Cowards!" shouted the commissar, about to execute one of the gas-masked guardsmen. But he stopped when he felt something bite into his arm.

    "It's said that it's all right to eat Commissars~" said the little girl. He was about to knock the girl away when suddenly everything went dark.

    "I can't see" shouted one of the guardsmen.

    "The Emperor has forsaken us!" shouted another one. All the Kriegers ran away and eventually turned into one of the Lost and Damned regiments.

    Rumia enjoyed eating the commissar.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)16:59 No.7031064
    I told you it would happen if this continued, i told you!

    ... actually i didn't, oh well
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:05 No.7031155
    Luke is the biggest Pussy of all time ever.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:05 No.7031160
    I believe I love this thread
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:05 No.7031163
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:10 No.7031231
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:12 No.7031253
    >> Mootimus 12/06/09(Sun)17:12 No.7031256
    Luke's been through some crazy shit and is still sane and emotionally healthy. Even if hes not some badass like you find in your animes the sheer fortitude of him is pretty respectable imo.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:33 No.7031547

    the craziest shit he had to deal with was his dad cutting his hand off

    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:33 No.7031556
    >>There was a plasma grenade stuck on the >>Froce Commanders back! The Commander >>gave a sad face then exploded

    Okay I laughed
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:35 No.7031588
    >The Commander gave a sad face then exploded

    HAHHAHA I'm going to have to use this sometime
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:36 No.7031597
         File1260138997.jpg-(56 KB, 400x536, DrizztDoUrden.jpg)
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    While in exile from Mezzoberanzan Drizzt wandered through the cavernous underdark hunting deep rothe for survival. He had followed the heard for months and was beginning to tire of gamey rothe meat so when he spied a svirfneblin enclave he took the chance to trade for rations more pleasing to is tongue. As he made is way toward the rock shorn village he passed under a natural archeway in cavern. Just as he was almost through the arche, ZAP. He was transported to a strange location the likes of which he had never seen before. There were giant men in blue platemail he though but something was off it was as if the plate was made of ceramic. There were omegas painted on their pauldrons and some had swords glowing with energy while other held weapons somewhat reminiscent of crossbows. As one of the giant bald knights spied Drizzt he scream "Kill the Xeno, kill the Eldar!" Drizzt had no idea why he was being attacked. The knights in blue charged but Drizzt sidestepped each of their attacks. Stupidly the Ultramarines had provoked attacks of opportunity against the heroic drow. Drizzt was a whirlwind of duel saber wielding fury as he decapitated every last space marine on in the chapter headquarters he had unfortunately been teleported to. It was in a matter of years that he had stalked and killed every last evil blue "knight" on this god forsaken planet
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:38 No.7031620
    Sure, the craziest shit before he fell to the dark side.

    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:39 No.7031635
    Chainsaw scimitars.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:40 No.7031649

    Sadly, marine armour probably grants high DR instead of AC, so Drizz't would be powerless against them.

    I did have a 3.5 character whose sole purpose was to attack once every three rounds for ~300 damage in one attack, though. That'd do them.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:41 No.7031660
         File1260139265.jpg-(247 KB, 1213x1201, Drizz't smokes.jpg)
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    Respect for Drizz't restored.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:42 No.7031678
    I actually got a little angry at these stories

    grey knights would fuck luke up, if not by skill then by numbers, then ORBITAL BOMBARDMENT.
    and the second story is kinda annoying, reminds me of twilight style wrting
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:47 No.7031771
    I gather that you haven't been on 4chan for long. You shall learn not to waste your emotions, young one.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:50 No.7031819
         File1260139809.jpg-(22 KB, 240x327, kobold.jpg)
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    Pun-Pun willed himself into the strange dimension of "Grimdark". Due to his nearly infinite wisdom he new what the trouble ruining this reality was. He must destroy the entity known as the God Emperor of Mankind. For some reason all the the humans in this existence revered a corpse and neglected the true gods who had sent demons to torment them until they once again returned to the old ways. Pun-Pun cast perfect teleport to bring himself close to the golden throne the lich emperor was entombed within. With one punch the mighty kobold shattered the throne.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:57 No.7031920
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    "Quick, I must take the magic potion" said Astérix

    He barely had the time to do so because he was charge by many space marines in space armor. Astérix saw them come from above inside strange menhirs made of metal. He wondered if the sky was falling on their head, but he did not desasparated. "Do you think these are romans?" asked his brutish friend. "I do not think so, Obélix" answered Astérix.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)17:58 No.7031931
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    "They might not be romans," said Obélix, "but they still have shiny helmets!". Then he rushed at the marines from space. They tried to kill him with their big weapons but Obélix was too strong. He had fallen into a cauldron of magic potion when he was young. He punched the marines back into space, and then he threw a menhir on the space commander who was very afraid and running.

    "Obélix", said Astérix, "You didn't leave any for me!" but he was not really angry because Obélix is a good friend.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:01 No.7031992
    Thank you anon. That was the joke.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:04 No.7032031
    Hey, that's--

    >>7031992 beat me to it.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:08 No.7032082
    I love this mildly retarded writing style.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:11 No.7032122
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:12 No.7032135
    >Asterix and Obelix beating the crap out of Ultramarines.

    Please. Someone must draw this. PLEASE.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:12 No.7032144
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    The inquisitor lord and his retinue strode confidently through the forest. They had heard rumors that on this strange feudal planet there were strange small blue men and a so called "wizard" named Gargamel who had been trying to hunt them and harvest them as sacrifices to Tzeench likely in exchange for dark powers.

    When the inquisition made there way to the village of little blue mutants it was too late. The cultist, Gargamel, was successful. There were no mutants whom the backward locales dubbed "smurfs" present. There just squased mushroom like houses. The inquistitor and his retinue followed a trail of blood to a nearby cottage and saw the cultist perform the last of his dark ritual and the transformation began. Gargamels body rose into the air and a multitude of colors radiated from his body. The man began to change rapidly in odd ways. It was as if he was every shape imaginable at once. finally the cultists form settled more or less. He has a beak and wings with blue feathers. Gargamel had been elevated to a Lord of Change. With one glance the former cultist mutated the inquisitor and his servants into mindless thralls with boiling sores and no eyes. With his last sane thought the inquisitor reassured himself his absence would be noticed and he would eventually be avenged
    >> Semi Life 12/06/09(Sun)18:14 No.7032164
    this thread must be saved. achieve please.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:19 No.7032236
    This is the greatest thread in the existence of threads.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:22 No.7032272
    >Giant wizard Gargamel crushing smurfs underfoot
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:31 No.7032386
    FFFFFFF now I have to read some of those again
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:33 No.7032428
    But all Gargamel actually wants to do is use the smurfs to make gold...
    >> WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot !!WgWcz5V3TdQ 12/06/09(Sun)18:37 No.7032488
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    >This thread
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:42 No.7032561
    >>7032144 Gargamel had been elevated to a Lord of Change
    You can tell that this entire thing was written just to fit that sentence, and boy was it worth it.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:44 No.7032586
    I am horrified. A pox upon all of you.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:49 No.7032671
    John Stairvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were stairs in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
    John was a elevator mechanic for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the elevators and he said to dad "I want to be on the elevators daddy."
    Dad said "No! You will FALL DOWN THE STAIRS"
    There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the elevator shaft base of the UAC he knew there were stairs.
    "This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must destroy the stairs!"
    So John gotted his palsma hammer and blew up the wall.
    "HE GOING TO DEMOLISH US" said the demons
    "I will throw him down" said the escalator and started moving fast. John hammered at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
    "No! I must destroy the stairs" he shouted
    The radio said "No, John. You are the stairs"
    And then John was a ladder.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:51 No.7032716
    Her name was Kristen, a beatiful 4,11" teenage queen with not much of a rack but an ass that makes one want to fuck her in public just to worship it; and we were home alone. I'm fucking her on the couch in her living room, looking at her as she throws her head back in ecstasy, my 8-inch cock tearing into her. Her gasps and whimpers tell me she's in pain and loving every inch of it as her petite breasts rise and fall with her erratic breathing. As I screw her roughly, I stop talking dirty and say "I love you Kris; do you love me?" I grin as she whimpers in between gasps "Yes, I do, so fucking much." Then I ask: "How much, baby?" She looks me in the eyes now, clawing her chest with one hand as her right one wraps around mine "More than God."
    I grin my cheschire grin and respond "More than God? Then who do you worship if not Him, my sweet?"
    "You, I worship you." she gasps as she nears orgasm. I admire her body before I pull out of her and pull her to me "Then I believe it's time for you to bow down before your god and praise him." She does as I instruct and starts sucking my cock, her tongue dancing delicately on the head. She looks at me with her deep, predatory brown eyes looking straight at mine and I grin once more "Do you give yourself to me? in body and spirit?"
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:51 No.7032717
    I thought he wanted to eat them
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:52 No.7032728
    "YES!" she gasps out as she makes out with my dick, "YES!" I feel the pressure to cum mounting within me "Are you ready for the sacrifice baby?!" I scream at her, my cock is throbbing as I see her suck me off and touch herself. She gasps some more "Yes! Yes! I give myself to you, bless me! Right in the mouth, baby!" I grit my teeth and look her in the eyes, I feel the cum spill into her a millisecond before the kick of the orgasm. and I shout "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" I pull her off my cock as I take out my chainaxe, severing her head from her shoulders in one clean swipe. I look at the mix of jism and blood dripping out of her throat before I clean myself off on her couch and walk out the door.
    The End.
    >> Chef Sage !!Y6abkK/cWF6 12/06/09(Sun)18:53 No.7032743
    you need to improve your grammar.

    fail thread is fail
    >> Blue Goblin 12/06/09(Sun)18:53 No.7032750
    Ok, the first one maybe, but THIS?
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:53 No.7032753
    not funny, but I wanted to toss in my two cents
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:53 No.7032755
    I thought his plan was to rape the girl smurf...
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:56 No.7032803
    "I want to be red leader! I used to shoot womp rats in Beggar's Canyon!"

    Poor Red 6. We'll miss you, Porkins.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)18:59 No.7032828
    Oh real mature.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)19:01 No.7032854
    I also request that someone drawfags this line:
    >The grandmaster tried to blast luke with his psychic powers but luke force-pushed his pauldrons together slicing off his head
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)19:03 No.7032880
    Can we get this with Luke saying, "It's not impossible! I used to shoot womp rats in Beggar's Canyon!"
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)19:23 No.7033143
    Protip: Gargalmel MADE the girl smurf. It was one of his fiendish plots, and why she's the only one in existence.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)19:24 No.7033161
    Someone do one with Mario Bros.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)19:24 No.7033166
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    Suddenly the ork hordes charged again, Coop slammed his fist down on a button, as Megas effortlessly sliced the Stompas and Gargants "ALRIGHT! TAKE THAT" Coop bellowed confidently.

    Megas began slaughtering it's way through the ranks of Kans and smaller Stompas, smashing them like hamburgers under a boot, the Ork Boyz fired their shootas;Coop pressed another button, Megas' entire arm turned into one holy edifice to the name Dakka.

    Dakka Dakka Dakka.

    The work, was never done, the Orks never ceased to come. The Planet became a holy war for the Orks and "Big Mek Coop" layed down the law for the Orks. A never ending smashing, bashing, exploding, and stomping party.

    And they all fought happily ever after.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)19:35 No.7033314
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    "By order of the Inquisitions stand down" the Inquisitor said.

    "We come in peace and have no wish to fight," Said Captain Picard.

    "WHAT? KILL THE HERETICS" said the space marines and charged. But Worf appeared and punched the marines and used klingon blades on them and they fell. Then the Picard talked to the marines and they decided to make him their new leader. They kicked the Emperor off his thrown and made Captain Picard the new leader of humanity. Picard used diplomomancy on the chaos marines and all the other armies and they agreed to stop fighting and work together for the rest of time.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)19:37 No.7033339
    >the Picard
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)19:38 No.7033364

    this thread has sunken irreversibly from its highly winful beginnings
    >> stripedog !99w4lZplhU 12/06/09(Sun)19:40 No.7033396
    Rock traveled through this new corridor with his buster on full charge. He didn't bother with subweapons because he needed to preserve them for whatever bosses he might encounter. "Whatever Wiley's up to THIS time, he's not getting away with it!" he says to his trusty companion RushDog, jetting over a large row of DEADLY SPIKES. He leaps straight in, whole body glowing. Several floors down, and several lasers dodged he lands, only to be set upon by several Space Marines! PEW PEW PEW, in a flash of white light, they all are history. PEW PEW PEW, PEW PEW PEW, he takes out a Rhino spawning several more Marines. A few minor leaps and hurdles later, he finds a door that opens and slams behind him. This is not problem, he only wishes to take Wiley down now. He enters a large dark chamber, as the lights come up, he sees a Terminator Sergeant! Deftly he slides under a volley of missles and leaps over a large tongue of flames. On his way down he lets a charged shot off right into the beast's visor! RRRRRRRRAAAAGh! He hears as the warbot claws at it's helmet. PEW PEW PEW, he fires his Buster as he dodges a fresh volley of shots. The bot's face smoking and covered in fresh scorch marks. He charges up one more shot and POW, the giant robo explodes into a burst of flashing white light! Rock, taps on his arm cannon and is teleported to the next leg of Wiley's castle.

    Suddenly a message from Dr. Light:

    You receive
    Demolisher Cannon!
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)19:47 No.7033493
    My god, its like a Tau wrote this!
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)20:02 No.7033735
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    Nitz Walsh was strolling around the campus of State U and then he was attacked by a chapter of marines. "Ow! I was only looking for Kimmy!" said he. "I will help you", said Cal in his strange voice, but then he was distracted by sisters of battles and he could not help.

    "I will hack into their mainframe," said Gimpy, "They did that in star wars". And then Rocko appeared and he punched a space marine and then Jessie invited everybody to a party and Rocko beat the space marines at drinking and they joined his Alpha Alpha fraternity.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)20:02 No.7033746
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    The rocket propelled bolts blackened the sky. The Angry Marines would not suffer these heretics to live. The must have been some sort of psykers for they had strange powers. These rogue psykers could use the warp to transform their swords into strange shapes and use them to alter reality. They wore loose black outfits and many appeared to be teenagers though some had eyes that looked like they had lived for centuries.

    Just as commissar Fuklaw shot down a red haired girl with giantic breasts. A spikey blond haired boy screamed an unholy scream and pulled a skull mask that rippled with black energy over his face. Before Fuklaw knew it the masked boy was right in front of him somehow dodging the barrage of bolts fired at him. The last thing Fuklaw would ever hear were a strange voice calmly speaking the words "Getsugan Tensho."
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)20:04 No.7033761
    There's not supposed to be a fucking n there.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)20:29 No.7034125
    No Kamina writefaggotry?

    My /tg/, I am disappoint.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)20:32 No.7034155
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    The Black Templar squad had been ordered to track and kill the lone xeno that had been observed landing on the planet. While this alien did not appear to be harming the local people they could not allow it to live and report its findings back to wherever it came from. They tracked it down to a house where a middle class family lived. It appeared as if the children of the family were hiding it from the authorities.

    Just as the squad closed in a little boy on a bicycle with the xeno in the basket tried to make a break for it. The bike seemed to fly through the sky, clearly the alien could manipulate the warp. But the boy and alien made a dire mistake, as they flew through the night sky they were illuminated by the planets single moon. With one well aimed shot the foul xeno would trouble the empire no more.
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)21:32 No.7034782
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    Dr. Venture gripped the lever to the machine that he believed would be the cure to all of his problems. He thought the machine would allow him to travel through time and to convince his child self to run away from his father. He blamed his father for all of failures. He thought if only I had a normal childhood instead of being a boy adventurer then I wouldn't have lost my virginity past the age of 20.... Then I would have a full head of hair... Then I could say goodbye to superscience for better or worse... He wondered if he would still wear speed suits... He hoped so.

    As he through the switch an eerie light illuminated his lab. The light formed a ball of plasma then began to arrange itself into an oddly familiar shape. The plasma formed a circle with eight arrows each pointing a different direction. Just as the odd star was fully formed each of the arrows shot out and punctured Dr. Venture. These woulds did not bleed or hurt him what so ever. However, he felt odd. More odd than usual. His skin began to crawl and his muscles began to bulge. He saw the world in a shade of red. He thirsted for the blood of all who stood in way. Dr. Venture grabbed an axe and tried to sneak up behind his bodyguard Brock Samson who was nearby working on his 1970 Dodge Charger. Just as the axe was about to smash down into the swede's luscious mullet. Brock reacted almost faster than the speed of light jamming his bowie knife clear through his employers thought. Brock stood over Dr. Venture's lifeless body studying the face of his dead friend. He licked the blood off of his knife wondering what the odd design that appeared to have been branded into his scalp meant. Brock went off to fetch Dr. Orpheus who had been renting a room at the Venture compound, maybe he would know. After taking one look at Dr. Venture's dead marked body. Orpheus dramatically said "The fool knew not what eldrich forces he played with."
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)21:34 No.7034802
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    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)21:40 No.7034866
    I would pay for a megaman game were you face space marines
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)21:53 No.7035031
    We need to see an article where Goku fights the Emperor pre-heresy
    >> Anonymous 12/06/09(Sun)22:07 No.7035182
    Jesus Christ man. Just...Jesus Christ.
    >> Anonymous 12/07/09(Mon)00:08 No.7036539

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