>>6929138
>my name is the god of war

Define what constitutes "insanely awesome"

Was playing in a game some of the people in the group were comic readers and others(including the DM) were not

Party was sent to harry the flanks of an approaching army so the Barbarian and Rogue go ahead to scout and they get to a cliff overlooking the army, they see the enemy commander delivering this speech

DM: What are you going to do
Rogue:(glances at Barbarian) "Fastball Special?"
Barbarian: "You sure?"
Rogue: starts nodding vigorously
*everyone who reads comics almost breaks out laughing*
Barbarian picks him up runs to the edge of the cliff and throws the Rogue
Crit
Crit
Crit
DM: *Mouth Agape*
Everyone Else: *laughing*

>>6929198

>>6929138
>He is mad
This is my new he mad

>>6929120
Party decides to ask a fisherman for help, they end up killing him for an item he had. His kids came looking for him, they ended up reviving him so the kids wouldn't see the dead dad.

They killed him again and used him for bait.

tl;dr: Killed a man, resurrected him for his kid's sakes, killed him again for bait

>>6929194
to answer your question something like this >>6929198

I don't know about "insanely awesome" but my barbarian is always doing stupid macho shit to impress the sorceress in the party because his culture holds them in very high esteem. From recent memory: jumping on the back on an airborne wyvern and punching it in the back of the head several times before jumping off, wrestling a dire bear and making a necklace from all of its claws for her (though he wears it for her because the DM said it weighed some ridiculous amount), and giving the gnome druid his greataxe and swinging him around by his feet at the enemy so he personally gets to kill stuff. He gets a kick out of that.

I epic teleported in a church and our half-orc barbarian threw it.

>>6929290
Wait, he threw the church?

>and giving the gnome druid his greataxe and swinging him around by his feet at the enemy so he personally gets to kill stuff.

that is FUCKING AWESOME

>>6929131

Wouldn't his guns melt?

>>6929304

FFFFFFFFFFFFF-

>>6929326
I doubt it

>>6929326
He's Ares. His guns are undoubtedly made out of some sort of Godly Materials.

Speaking of that, the current run of Herc is quite possibly the more SCION thing I have ever seen.
It is fucking awesome.

>>6929282

glorious

>>6929282
Correction on the last line: SHE gets a kick out of that. My barb doesn't care about the gnome, just the sorceress.

Freudian slip, heh.

>>6929350
Have you been reading Ares current mini

MY GOD its PERFECT

>>6929378
I have a Ares mini, but I don't know if it is the one you mean. I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

Party on a train with cultists, and a virus bomb on a flatbed car on the back. Killed a fatass cult leader, and a plaguebearer crawled out of his corpse. Terrifies both the arbitrator and the assassin,. Brings the arbitrator to 0 wounds (no crit damage), and goes to chase the assassin, who had run into the engine, and climbed a ladder to the roof.

The assassin, on the roof of a train going about 120 KPH, sees that the track goes into a tunnel ahead. (And also finally passes his fear tests).

Plague bearer climbs up onto the roof, and starts going after the assassin.

While this is happening, the techpreist came back from the cab to find an unconcious arbitrator, medicaes him back to consciousness, and asks him what happened. Arbitrator explains that a feakin' demon crawled out of the body, and they have to go save the assassin (As it presumably went after him.)

They start forward, towards the engine, just as the assassin dodges, hits the deck (well, roof) and the plague bearer gets checked by the roof of the tunnel, and gets flung back, off the engine, directly into the virus bomb in the back. [-10 wounds]

Of course, immediately prior to this, we confronted the cult leader standing in front of the virus bomb, listened to him ramble briefly, and then the techpriest aimed and shot him while he was talking, missed, hit the virus bomb, and it started venting something. That was a wonderful 'OH SHIT!' moment all around.

>>6929188
Seems like 4th edition D&D shit.

My 3.5 Monk was with a party that were fighting a load of golems, one of which had fallen into a pit, but was still functional. I jumped on its head, balancing perfectly, and began to punch it in the face. When it swung at me, I just jumped up so it punched itself in the head, then I landed and resumed pummelling.

Fun time.

Sorry but what is this Herc/Ares bit from?

>>6929461
Ares: God of War

Ares #1-#5
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BK89UBY9

>>6929481
>>6929461
Honestly? Looks fucking retarded.

The throwing the fiery Greek god into another army was pretty awesome, I'll grant you that. But then, all of a sudden - shooting them with guns? And they're fighting samurai? What the fuck?

My dick got hard, then all of a sudden limp.

So me as a psyker, an assasin and a cleric are in this underground faclilty trying to not get dead from all the techeresy on this planet. We enter this one room which seem to be under a massive city generator of some kind and find a gaurdsman bleeding to death, but conssious on the floor in front of the giant machine. Its quite obviouse hes going to die unless we help him out. None of us really had a decent medica skill, but my psyker does have a healing power.
I leap forward and begin to work my magic when BAM rolled a 9. Deamon host.

"I FEEL THE WARP OVERTAKING ME!"

The gaurdsman sees whats happening and grabs the pins to all my grenades and yanks hard, yelling for the players to get the hell out of there. One mad dash and a big boom latter, the assasin and cleric are thrown out of the building by the explosion.

I had single handedly blew up a giant city power plant on a goof.

>>6929525
hes the God of War

timeline / weapon doesn't matter

>>6929570
By any chance does Riddick smack a bitch after that?

>>6929628
its not Riddick the filename is supposed to be a joke

and yeah he does

After a climatic battle with the Dakr Eldar, they and the PCs are both in retreat because the place they're in is about to explode. Theres only seconds left before a big boom.

Suddenly the gaurdsman stops in his tracks, turns around with his revolver out, snaps out a cheeky one liner and fired a single called shot to the dark eldar leader's butt. He hits. He rolls massive damge. The dark eldar blew in hafe from a single bullet to his butt.

And all the players survived that day...

>>6929120
Link of Ares #3, please, I didn't find any in /rs/.

>>6929755
This should be the whole mini (5 chapters):
http://rapidshare.com/files/156351292/ares.rar.html

Also the Dark Avengers - Ares mini is pretty good too.

>>6929628
I'm so glad I wasn't the only one to wonder something like that.

>>6929570


>Desert Eagle


Son I am dissapoint

>>6929772
thx.

Halfway through a mission i had to re-roll, i chose a Scum, our part was 2 assasins a psyker and me. we were in the middle of a Slaanesh cultist/corrupt garurdsmen base. our mission was to mark the base for orbital bombardment. me being freshly rerolled and a scum i start in a jail cell. using a plank of wood i stabbed a garud through the eye and killed him.
i took all his equipment so i would blend in, walking around trying to locate the rest of my party i get press ganged into being a pilot for raid, not wanting to be massacred by 20+ lasguns i agree.
somehow i pass an extreamly hard roll for flying a valkire but the DM said i would have to pass one every action because i have no clue what i'm doing i did this 5 times (rolled under 5) screwed up on the 6th and flew back into the hanger and through half of the base. caused a catastrophic explosion which 'lit the sky' guys in the ship up top mistake this for the signal and blow the place to shit.

tl;dr

succeded riddiculous roll and killed my whole party with a new character

>>6929302
Strength of 25

Unfortunately, it hit a god of destruction, who didn't particularly care.

Playing Arkham Horror (ok, not persay a RPG but was awesome none the less)

Hastur woke up, and we were fighting him off - and the final counter was taken off by a unarmed attack from the politician.

This has since inspired many "He's got my vote, the guy punched out the unspeakable!" jokes

>>6929810
Damn...I forgot about Grendel there for a while.

maor stories less comix plox

>>6929795
Well it's the .44 version, which I guess is okay.

>>6929525

They were like Japanese demons or some such shit. Marvel likes it's Mythology fights. Norse vs Greek, Greek vs Japanese, Earth vs Skrull etc etc

baampin games

>>6929525
its modern day and they're fighting samurai because a Japanese god kidnapped Ares son or something.

>>6929525
they're fighting the Japanese God of Evil

>>6929961
>>6930098
>>6930169
Why all these responses to an old post?

>>6930214
and all off topic at that

>>6930214
because as a text based mode of communication conversation on 4chan does not happen in real time and older comments can be called back to and discussed on their own.

>>6930261
durr you can't discuss images on an image board! I don't care what the OP posted and said was related to the topic!

Once, in a game of Deadlands, I tackled a woman to the ground, only to have her turn into a werewolf. Not one to be out done, I proceeded to ride the werewolf across town.

Needless to say, it ended in dynamite.

My favorite story is where I was playing an evil druid and killed an army of undead on my own. So the setup is one of our nearly insane party members had walked off on his own into some swamp full of high CR undead shit and died a horrible death after being paralyzed. We figure we should recover his body if only to get his share of the gold. The party leader says hes cool with any plan as long as we have some kind of plan. Since I had recently been developing a relationship with the nearby squirrls and trying to turn them into my own spy network I had dubbed Squirrl Net. And had also recently been perusing the druid spell list I decided to rest for 8 hours and replace as many spell slots as possible with fire seeds. We also had one bead of fireball that would serve the same purpose. The DM was pretty lineant and just let me tell the squirrls to put a fireseed into their mouth and crunch it when they got onto the undead. So I set my squirrl jihad onto the undead and everything suddenly goes into super awesom mode when somone suggest the DM roll for pocket of swamp gas. WELL, he rolls a 100 and we set off a huge chain reaction throughout the swamp effectivly killing everything for half a mile in the direction. We have to duck down as bits of zombie pelt us from the sky. EVERYONE cracks up for a full 3 minuts and like the whole floor of the library we were in starts to look at us weird. We got an instant level up. So to this day I like to tell new DnD groups that I once killed an army with a single spell.

>>6930296
I am so inspired by this.

The party consisted of a ninja, a sniper, and a stunt driver all in a homebrew weird west/steampunk/SCIENCE! setting.

The party were trying to find a bandit that had some kind of machine that was raining down crossbow bolts a la Bowyer in Super Mario RPG. The catch up to him and his goons in a clearing in the forest. However, only two of his thugs are there. The party quickly takes them out, then they start getting sprayed with bolts from the treeline. They rush the treeline, and then get attacked by mechanical imps. The imps are more of a distraction than anything else. The bandit is hiding in a tree spraying the party with bolts. The driver spots him and realizes the bastard has a steam powered gatling crossbow. The sniper takes a burst of bolts to the chest and passes out. The ninja leaps up into the tree with the bandit, who lets go of his gatling bow (which hangs from him by a leather harness), and draws a sword. Both the bandit and the ninja have an ability that allows them to make a counter attack if an opponent misses them in melee, and both have multiple attacks. Attacks, parries, and counters are flying back and forth between the two, while in a tree and the driver tries to get a clear shot. Finally the ninja drops the bandit leader to exactly 0 HP. He falls out of the tree and incredibly takes no damage. Now the PCs just have to deal with the imps. However, on his turn the bandit makes his fortitude save and gains 1 HP, so he gets back up, aims his bow and sprays at the driver. The ninja leaps from the tree and tries to attack both the bandit and the last imp, but she botches and falls flat on her face. The bandit takes advantage of this and shoots her point blank, knocking her out. Finally the driver manages to shoot the bandit, then gives him a shotgun lobotomy to make sure he stays down this time.

Can we post something cool the DM did? One time our rogue was going to stab a wizard BBEG but he rolled a 1 and stabbed himself. On the wizard's turn he grabbed the dagger and used it as a metal conduit to increase the damage from shocking grasp. Rogue was so pissed but had to admit it was cool.

>>6929120
Surfed Tiamat once.

Not really surf. More of a toboggan, really. Going through a screwed up dungeon that the DM had mostly cribbed from Baldur's Gate 2 for the eighth time. At one point we found an indestructible door that shot disintegration rays at anything that got too close. So we got around behind it, carved the hinges off the stone wall with a vorpal blade. Paladin straps it to his arm as a tower shield. We get to a massive spherical room, in the center of which is an avatar of Tiamat. At the bottom of the sphere, under the avatar, is a dimensional portal out of the dungeon. So we drop the door and climb on, sliding down the bowl as the avatar consistently misses us with every breath weapon in Tiamat's arsenal. Ended with us passing through the portal safely.

>EVERYONE cracks up for a full 3 minuts and like the whole floor of the library we were in starts to look at us weird.
Don't play games where talking is a necessity in the fucking library.

in our defense it was the study room, the room just isn't sound proofed very well.

Best thing that ever happened was in a game of Dark Herasy.

Started on some planet, can't even remember what it was called. Started with humans fighting orks, but we were sent there to investigate the possibility of cult activity. We didn't find them in time, and they managed to use the deaths of all the orks and Guardsmen to fuel a blood ritual of Khorne.

We all went OH SHIT. and started getting as many civvies out as possible, guardsmen started to retreat too and an extermanatus was called in.

We ended up being one of the last groups off planet, doing shit like collapsing buildings and shit to slow the Chaos hordes advance.

Then, on the home streatch, roughly 120 yards away from our craft, KHARN THE FUCKING BETRAYER comes out of a side alley about 60 yards behind us.

>>6930981
misspelled 'stretch', continuing story.

The inquisitor leading the group was obviously about to dramatic last stand to let us escape.

My guy was a standerd Guardsman, and kind of Gimped so I beat him to the punch, GM made the best WTF face I've ever seen, and rolls with it.

So I whip out my melta and a gernade, launching one and shooting the other ran into a three story brick building yelling a challenge at Kharn.

He went 'oh yay, one of the is brave enough to actually fight back' and followed me.

Shooting away, I ran up a staircase, which collapsed underneath him and he sat there going WARP DAMMIT. I kept shooting at him, though all I was doing was superficial damage and he got PISSED that this lone guardsman had outsmarted him and kept shooting, so he knocked out all the buildings supports.

So the party consists of me, a fighter and the DMPC, a wizard. Despite the relative lack of players it works out pretty well and we both have a lot of fun playing. We were sent out to get something from this alchemist guy who was having trouble with some cult that had set up in a nearby cave. We head off towards the cave, kill some giant spiders along the way, and arrive at what we assume is the cave the cultists are using for their group. We head inside and check down three of the four hallways, each of which contain rooms that have bunk beds, with the exception of one which was probably the head-cultist's bedroom, with a dead cultist inside. We loot the room, but before leaving I poke the dead guy and he comes to life for a moment and tries to attack me! In a near instant (due to having made the proper dexterity check despite my dexterity being 8) I've backed away and then smashed his ribcage in, rendering him dead once more.

We had checked all the other passages, and now we head down the final way, which is a stairway downwards. We reach a door at the bottom, crack open the door, and see a bunch of cultists moving randomly around some centerpiece which turned out to be a big gem. We accidentally alerted the cultists, and as we backed up the stairs to bottleneck them at the door some earth golem comes clomping down the stairs. As the golem reaches us the door opens. Cultists at the front, golem at the back. The wizard casts a sleep spell on the cultists, getting them all and then executing them via jugular-removal. During this time I manage to take down the golem.

Now, we have 8 dead cultists and a pile of rubble, so we go over to the gem, the gem flashes, and while we're deciding what to do with that the wizard notices that the cultists had gotten up, their eyes glowing.

I poke the gem.

>>6931103

The no-longer-quite-dead cultists come rushing at us, but with my superior strength, enchanted mace, and the other character's +1 shortbow we manage to redeadify the cultists. Thinking we were done I grab the gem and put it in my bag, to which we hear a "NO" emanate from the gem.

The bodies of the cultists then slid into formation of this massive vaguely lizard-shaped abomination. It was not happy.

It rushed at me, but I dodged out of the way, allowing it to slam into the wall. I then smashed it with my mace, tearing parts and organs off and out, respectively. Then it retaliated, nearly crushing me. It also regenerated 1d6 damage per turn, the first of which was a 6, along with the second and the third. It was regenerating almost all the damage we were doing to it, but after running it into the wall several more times we managed to finally break its consistency and crush and burn the rest of the pieces. The gem flashed a bright green and it said "Fools! You know not how little this has set me back!" and then whatever was being channeled through the gem basically stopped using it. And that's all there is to that story.

TLDR; We killed a pile of cultists, three times.

>>6929440
If you didn't keep saying "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!" I will be very disappointed.

>>6929282
>(though he wears it for her because the DM said it weighed some ridiculous amount)

THIS ANON IS TEH SMART! Pic related.

>>6931083
I managed to bail out the window, and took only a little damage, at this point some doohickey on the ship broke and the techpreist was trying to fix it, I looked over and went 'why are you guys still fucking here!?!'

At this point Kharn came out of the rubble, saw that I was still alive and started to go into a berserker rage to end ALL berserker rages.

I looked at the GM...

Me: Well fuck.
GM: you have a moment before he charges, got anything you want to try?
Me: Like what? that was my last gernade, my melta broke jumping out the damn window and if he gets close enough that I can use my mono-knife I'm beyond fucked, to top it off, even if I managed to get to the ship before he catches me, they won't have fucking thing fixed in time.
GM: Yeah, sucks to be you then.
Me: *sigh* describe my suroundings.
GM: Kharn's roughly 20 feet away from you, and your ship's about a hundred yards away. The ground around you is littered with bricks and broken glass, and...
Me: I throw a brick at him.
GM: Who?
Me: Kharn.
GM: Why?
Me: Why the fuck not? I'm dead anyway, might as well give him the finger before I go.
GM: ok roll for it.
(I hit him easily, he's right there and is about 15 feet tall)
GM: Alright, roll damage.
Me....ten.
Gm.... roll again.
Me.... ten
Gm.... roll again.
Me....ten
Gm: fucking seriously?

>>6931236
welp

Did you at least get a promotion out of it?

>>6931236
Being unfamiliar with DH, I'm assuming that 10 is the highest you can roll.

In which case...you defeated KHARN with a BRICK?

>>6931236

Kharn gets hit by the brick, looks at you, and chuckles.

"GREAT THROW," he yells, and slaps your back so hard your spine snaps midair as you careen into the waiting dropship.

What a swell guy.

>>6931236

>>6931236

>>6931236
continued.

I basically rolled 20 something tens and an eight and one shotted Kharn with a brick.

The GM described it as me hitting some kind of exposed weak point in his armor, revealed by dropping a building on him.

I choose to believe I threw the Brick that damned Hard. Either way, my guy got some awesome rewards, that brick became a super holy Demon slayer and I now carry it around in a hip holster.

Fucking best part was when we went back to Terra for some reason, some bigwigs were all: 'Show us the weapon that Killed Kharn, noble warrior of the Imperium.' Then, with no ceremony at all, I handed them the brick.

They though I was mocking them and tried to have me executed, until my COs stepped in and went 'no, no... it's really the brick'.

>>6931283
He hit the everloving FUCK outta Kharn with a brick... However, This makes him more impressed than angry.

>>6931236
You know, if Kharn was statted out properly he still wouldn't feel that. A brick being a primitive thrown weapon should still be doing jack shit. Firstly, to righteous fury you have to roll to hit a second time before starting the chain of infinite 10s.

Just say it does 1d10 damage (more likely 1d5-2 but let's just roll with it).

You righteous furied and did 30 damage.

Kharn, being Kharn has astartes power armor (anywhere from 10-12, possibly further due to runes of the blood god), which is doubled against a primitive weapon. So there alone is damage reduction -20 to -24. Then Kharn has toughness 40+ (at least) but more likely 50+, with at least unnatural toughness 2.

Against a primitive weapon, you need to hit Kharn for at least 30 damage to even have a chance of causing damage. And if some Deathwatch Sergeant has 25 wounds, Kharn should have 40+.

>>6931352
>I basically rolled 20 something tens and an eight and one shotted Kharn with a brick.

>>6931361
Kharn let him go because the dude reminded him of himself when he was younger.

"He's a plucky little bastard, I'll give him that."

>>6931352
>I basically rolled 20 something tens and an eight and one shotted Kharn with a brick.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!

KHORNE WANTS YOU! POSSIBLY IN A SEXUAL WAY!

>>6931361
Kharn didn't die on the spot, he was just paralyzed by joy at meeting such a badass opponent.
Unfortunately, he lay there blissed out until Exterminatus.

>>6931377
"Heh. Should've checked the body." (struggles up out of bricks) "Kid kinda reminds me of... that little guy with my name, back before the change. Gonna need a new axe."

If the building fell on him and you didn't find the body he isn't dead...

>>6931361
bawwww my mewling, overly simplistic reptile brain handle the idea of something happening that doesnt agree with my preconceived notions of a make believe world someone else is creating!!

>>6931438
Yes, show us what passes for trolling amongst your misbegotten kind.

>>6931438
>bawwww my mewling, overly simplistic reptile brain handle the idea of something happening that doesnt agree with my preconceived notions of a make believe world someone else is creating!!

For such an advanced brain you apparently haven't figured out how to proofread.

I'm just saying that the chance of wounding Kharn with a brick (1d10-2) assuming you get the 2nd hit for righteous fury is roughly 1 in 1000 (requires 3 tens to deal 1 damage). To one-shot Kharn assuming 30 wounds is about 1 in 1,000,000 (requires 6 tens to deal 31 damage).

>>6931489
>I basically rolled 20 something tens
Sure it's extremely unlikely, but it could have happened.

>>6931517
Not arguing that.

20 tens could probably take out a Baneblade.

When I posted the first answer, he'd only mentioned rolling 3 tens. 3 tens is enough to put 1-2 damage on Kharn.

>>6931489
but one in a million chances statically happen nine out of ten times

>>6930981
>>6931083
>>6931236
>>6931352

Come on people, even if the guy is lying through his teeth, who here would not lol most heartily at the idea of Kharn right the fuck out with a brick to the head? I approve of this story, rules be damned. And you know what? Kharn probably would too. He's such a swell guy...

>>6931489
This is why Righteous Fury often blueballs you.

You righteous fury like 35 damage on a cultist who is trying to crawl away or the awesome enemy you expected to one-shot has a rosarius or good armor or something.

Or in one case, our THAT GUY decided to attack the Inquisitor who was giving us instructions with a plain old axe because... I don't know really, 'lolrandom' probably. The GM grabs an Inquisitor statline he'd found from the internet (he hadn't expected our Inquisitor would need one) and somehow the Feral Assassin manages to land a hit and the Inquisitor fails his parry. He righteous furies for some 28 damage, beaming to himself, before realizing that between Best quality power armor and TB4, he'd dealt all of 6 damage to a now very angry 15-wound Inquisitor, who popped him with a force weapon on the next round.

This reminds me of one thread I saw in /tg/ of a sort of XBAWX achievments list but with tabletop games.
Anyone have it archived?

A female wizard pulled up her robes and showed the lich her cooch as he was about to fry her. Being the kind of lich who had forgotten all about being alive, he was stunned by a lucky roll in sudden fascination and attempting to remember what it was about that...the party still failed, but he didn't fry her-he returned himself to a vampire like state and added her to his harem.

The chick who played the wizard-now married to one of my other players-thought this was one of the best endings ever.

My party of Guardsmen (in a "Guardsmen only" DH campaign) ended up getting in a bar fight on an alien controlled planet. In unarmed combat we were fighting a large number of opponents including 3 Orks, each with 2 Gretchins tagging along at their heels. One of our members decides she wants to take on an Ork but is out of range and would need to use a full action to move in range. Instead she grabs a gretchen that WAS in range, and (with the DM's permission and a passed strength roll) launches it at the closest Ork. When she rolled to check her accuracy she hit. Not expecting much damage our DM asked her to roll for it. Managed to crit the Ork. It didn't kill the Ork but did enough damage to knock him on his ass.

>>6931784
This...is both creepy and hilarious.

>>6931614
Thanks for your support homes, I've got a few other stories, but they're all D&D related, wanna hear them?

>>6931383

Moar liek dis?

>>6932006
go ahead, this is an epic stories thread, not a lol 40k thread.

>>6932006
yes

this thread

>>6932033
I loled.

Anyway, one was my first char in D&D (3.5) A barbarian kensai-ish twink. I can't remember all the details, but I ended up with strait 18s for stats on my first char and we modified kensai somehow (can't remember, this was like three years ago) using a couple feats so that instead of it being 'enhance self' it was 'enhance your gear'.

DM thought I was going to grab an axe and be all epic.

What I did instead if maxed improvised weapons and got a few 'dapper' pieces of clothing.

My guy was basically Conan the Barbarian with a tophat, monocle, bow-tie, loincloth and nothing else, who occasionally killed someone with a Vorpal coffee table.

>>6932033
probably. Hopefully moar like this.

>>6932141
Vorpal Coffee Table
This is now the treasure at the bottom of my next dungeon.

>>6932141
>Vorpal coffee table

That's what makes it epic. The outfit is win, but...

FUCK YEAH.

>>6932141
vorpal coffee table you say? I greatly approve

>>6932312
>>6932317
>>6932319
Vorpal weapons have to be edged.
And enchanted. Did you enchant the table?

>>6933326
Neverspill and Eversteady.

Faint transmutation, 4200 GP each.

>>6931705
>guy attacks the inquisitor

wat

like, honestly, what the fuck was he thinking?

My old AD and D party hacked our way thru Against the Giants . this was back around 1985 or so. Yes, I am old enough to be youjr dad, or to have fucked your mom.
We lost several long established characters, but man it was satisfying to slay that cunt of a Fire Giant queen at the end, with the pet giant weasels. And the King, Snurr,what a prick. Oh hi, I am wearing a white dragon hide, so no cold attacks against me, faggots. Fuck you, Snurre.
Other things that I remeber as being particularly fuck you :
Room with 30 trolls in it.
Chaotic Evil Titan who pretended to be our friend.
DM abusing the fuck out of us with the grapple rules .
Yetis throwing frozen shit at us.
Helping organise an orc rebellion against the Hill giants.
Fuck, that adventure wouldnt even be possible in modern D and D, would it?Somehow we ground our way thru it.

>>6933672
No idea.

There wasn't even a backstory reason, although his backstory was about three lines long...

>>6933742
>Fuck, that adventure wouldnt even be possible in modern D and D, would it?

I don't see why not.

>>6933868
You could put it together and run it, but I'm pretty sure the giants would just rape face.

Played a VtM campaign where my character was Prince of the city (and a Malkavian.)

I was in a situation where the city's clan elders were about to turn against me, and I was doing my damnest to save face. The lower generation Tremere elder used Dominate on my character and said "Go fuck yourself!" This was it, then end of my Princedom for sure. The GM and the rest of the party spent a good 5 minutes DOHOHO-ing and guffawing at the GM's cleverness.

Finally, I said "Do I get my action?"
GM: "Yes, but you can only..."
Me: "I will. On her face." The party gets a chuckle and I continue, "I push the elder down." roll....4 successes
GM: "Attack of surprise, I'll allow it...and she's stunned for the next round"
Me: "I kneel on her shoulders, pull out my dick and start jacking off in her face, and I spend the blood point to get hard."
GM: "She starts to snap out of it and gets angry."
Me: "Avoiding eye contact, and I'm going to blow my 'load' on her face."
GM: "Uh, ok fine...but you have to roll Stamina+Seduction(or something like that) and BOTCH TWO UNDER"
Me: "Fine. Let's go." Roll....2, 1, 3, 1, 2.

The party and the GM are silent for a full minute while I laugh my ass off..

Suffice to say, I saved face with the rest of the clan elders and gave that bitch 20 minutes to run before I called a Blood Hunt on her.

>>6933882
Well, it depends on the setting, characters, players, DM, etc, etc.

bump in the hope for more.

>>6929856
>>gaurad
>>6929721
>>gaurd
>>6929565
>>gaurd

Guard...

SCi-Fi game, I was playing a Paranoid Exmilitary Secutiry gaurd who had been hired by a guy to guard his ship while it was delivering cargo.
My character was an ex-military who'd been captured by the other side in a massive galactic civil war and spent 3 years being tortured for info before another PC (Who was now a brain in a robot) saved him, I was more machine than man physically and more man than the entire crew mentally.
The captain gets caught by a technovirus from some random piece of space junk we picked up and dies 2 days into the 4 week journey, the second in command is an indecisive sort and decides we're going to keep going and deliver this load.
I check the cargo, supposedly a bunch of rations for Colony XYZ, it turns out to be a massive box of Hyperpowerful weapons.
And we find out the delivery point is in Rebel space.

Me (A hive scum), an arbitrator and a techpriest infiltrate a corrupt govenor doom fortress after narrowly dodging spot lights and stubber turrets which dotted the outer walls.

Through some lucky rolls and clever tactics, we manage to fight our way through heavily armed guards up to the governer’s office... before we reach the top we took a trip to the armoury and got some light arbite carapace armour.

I was armed with a boltgun and combat knife.

The techpriest was armed with a power blade and a hand flamer.

The arbitrator was armed with a chainsword and a flamer.

Upon arriving at the office we confronted the governor who was wearing power armour and armed with gauntlet inbuilt flamers as well as a power sword and a plasma pistol. (GM: sometimes we must sacrifice the likely for the awesome)

He had 2 basic armed guards who, in the first round of combat lost a head and a foot to my boltgun and the other severed in half to a techpriest propelling the power blade through him using a steam powered cannon built into his servo-arm.

>>6935770
My character is against taking the guns ahead but he's eventually talked around by his Robot friend with 'Hey, they left you for 3 years to die, fuck the government', so I decide to help, and start the ship on lockdown, big brother style, monitoring all communication without anyone knowing, spend all my time on the bridge watching security, because the crew isn't very happy to go on and there's 1000 of them and only 2 security gaurds and 4 people on bridge who know what's going on, 1 being the next captain who's a pen pusher with a stick in his ass, one being the pilot, one being the ship A.I. and the last being the ship doctor.
After a few days a riot breaks out in the canteen as the group THAT GUY, playing a crew member stabs someone else in the eye with a fork for telling him to 'watch it', I see the riot taking place and bring down the Ban hammer on the entire crew by locking off the canteen area and, after a while and realizing that the riot isn't going to stop by itself, filling it with a mix of tear gas and other painful non-lethal things.
A few days later, we realize the reactor is leaking, it's nuclear, then we realize that there appears to be something on the Radar, we check it, it's a HUEG FUCK OFF GOVERNMENT FLEET THATS BEEN FOLLOWING US AND OUR ILLEGAL CARGO FOR THE ENTIRE TIME FUCKINGFUCKFUCK!!
They order us to stop, we know if we stop it's the Gulags for us so we punch it in a massive show of ROWROWFIGHTTHEPOWAH.
A few days later, about 5/8 of the way through the journey we're down to 50% engine power, have a technovirus on board, an angry crew, something has escaped from a cage in the Storage, the crate being labled "Warning, dangerous, don't open!", the fleet is slowly catching up and our captain is still an indecisive crap so I'm basically making decision for him.

>>6935828

The governor retaliates by firing his plasma pistol at the tech priest and melting his servo arm and letting rip with his hand flamer at the arbitrator and setting him on fire.

The next turn I spent kicking the burning arbitrator to help put out the fire while the techpriest picked up the powerblade and engaged in combat with the governor.

Fortunately the tech priest was able to avoid certain death while taking a swing to his gut, severing some unnecessary system links in the process.

Finally the arbitrator gets put out and opens fire with his hand flamer but it doesn’t scratch the crackling power armour.

I walk towards the governor and unload 2 incredibly lucky bolt shots which manage to detonate at his hip and an important pipe of promethium leading to the gauntlets detonate, killing the corrupt official in a swathing firestorm and cooking him from the inside out...

"It's over" The coughing techpriest wheezes.

…

Unfortunately however, things didn’t go as smoothly as we would have liked.

The flaming carcass which was once the governor detonates as the plasma core in his pistol erupts in a violent plume and sets the arbitrator on fire once more.

me and the techpriest rush over to help him out but the sudden explosion detonates the promethium tank on his back which, in turn, blows up and detonates the techpriest’s remaining handflamer and we are all consumed in a conflagration which pours over the fortress and burns down.

This thread is full of NEEEEEEEEERDS!

>>6935861
...Duh?

>>6935861
>That's us fat/tg/uys for you, varsity trash...

The (3.5) ranger in my party survived both a 50 dmg slam attack and a finger of death spell from a tombstone golem, passed the death from massive damage check then killed the thing with a wet boot.

>>6935829
Suddenly, from fucking no where, a group of about 30 crewmen headed by THAT GUY and his friend THAT GUY 2, burst onto the bridge with guns out and say "We're taking over the ship for no fucking reason!!!"
My PC gives them a look, walks over and demands THAT GUYs name, looks at the crew and gives a massive speech about how loyalty in the name of the old captain, how he would want this journey to go well and how even though it's hard, we have to stick together, 28 people leave shame faced since (as far as they know, he was actually planning to have them all killed after the journey was over according to his diary) the old captain was a good sort...
THAT GUY and THAT GUY 2 quickly fuck off.
4 days later, they return again with another 100 men, all armed even more heavily...and demand to take over the ship. My character calmly points to a screen showing the reactor and a mysterious package next to it (Just a box I'd put there) and says:
"You see that box, that is 46 megatonns of high explosive, and you see that button next to the pilot, and that one next to me, and that one over there, and that one, they are ALL linked to it and you know this ship has a nuclear power source, now if you shoot any of us, or for that matter don't FUCK OFF in the next 1 minute, I'm setting it off, and we're all on a floating CHERNOBYL, now...60...59...58..."
They all flee in under 30 seconds THAT GUY and THAT GUY 2 included.

>>6935984
Now we're about 3 days from the border that will allow us to escape the pigs, have 10% reactor power, 100 crew members have gone missing (We assume it's mostly due to whatever was in the box, but it turned out afterwards THAT GUY and THAT GUY 2 were hunting down loyalists to the new captain like something out of Lord of the Flies and pushing them out of Airlocks. We only lost 30 men to the man biter, which I found and tamed after a hunt through the Air Ducts, which I got into through the bridge since if I left I'd be shivved...)
3 hours before we get to the border THAT GUY and THAT GUY 2 burst into the bridge through the now locked bulkhead in Mechs, with plasma guns, bombs, the whole fucking lot. They have the entire crew behind them.
They found the Cargo.
And they want the ship.
At which point my character turns on them with a rabid look in his eyes and foaming at the mouth and shouts this:

>>6935991
"RIGHT YOU, FUCK RIGHT OFF! YOU SEE THAT GUY! HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN PILOT THIS SHIP ON THIS SHIP, YOU SEE THOSE DOTS ON THE RADAR, THAT'S AN ALLIANCE FLEET COMING FOR US BECAUSE OF THE ILLEGAL CARGO, THOSE MECHS YOU'RE IN! THE OLD CAPTAIN WAS GOING TO SELL THEM TO THE REBELS AND THEN GUT YOU ALL FOR THE CASH, YOU OWE US YOUR LIVES YOU UNGRATEFUL PRICKS, NOW WE HAVE 10% FUEL CAPACITY, IT'S 3 HOURS TO GET OVER THE BORDER INTO REBEL SPACE AT WHICH POINT WE'RE IN AN *EVEN BIGGER FUCKING MESS*, THERE'S A TECHNOVIRUS ON BOARD, WE HAVE NO AMMO LEFT AND I SWEAR I WILL FUCKING KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU IF ANY OF YOU STARTS TO WARM UP ONE OF THOSE GUNS, NOW FUCKING GO DO YOUR JOBS BECAUSE FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN THE ONLY ONES DOING OUR JOBS THE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN ME AND THE MEN IN THIS ROOM, *Deep breath* now get out before I get angry. Go to the Canteen, I'm dealing with you all in a few minutes."
I unholster my gun and hold it in my hand, the entire crew looks at each other and then, suprisingly start to file out, in mechs, looking a mix between scared and ashamed.
THAT GUY and THAT GUY 2 go to the Canteen, being the official leaders of the rebellion they try to muster it again, this time with no success.
I walk into the Canteen with no weapon, theres a box in my hand.
I walk right up to them in total silence, you could hear a pin drop.
And I place the box down on the table, and turn to the crowd "Gentlemen, this is a complaings box...if you have any more complains or suggestions, place them in this box instead of storming up to the bridge...That is all."
As I go to leave THAT GUY stands up and shouts after me "Hey! You can't come storming in here and make demands like that!"

>>6935993
At which point my PC is on him in an instant, face to face, totally calm with madness in his eyes with a plasma cannon I grabbed from a nearby table "Like fuck I can't. I'm giving you 10 seconds to run, then the hunt IS FUCKING ON! *Look at the others* Anyone care to join in on hunting down the shit stirrer who almost got you all killed and his friend? No...good more for me!"
At which point he tries to shoot me while my back it turned.500 guns shoot at the same time, disintergrating the entire table he was on.
I throw the gun on the floor and say with a approving nod "Good to know theres still honour amongst space Crew." and walk out.
We made it over the boarder and I became the new captain, we later become the most Bad Ass Space vets known to the Galaxy and (with only 10,004 men and one ship (A Battle class cruiser) and our home station (An old abandoned mining station in the middle of an asteroid field which we found)) overran the empire and the rebels.
I am not kidding.

Frankie was the sorcerer, the kind of guy who thinks the only dreams worth chasing are the dreams you can't catch. He'd accidentally built a reputation for himself as a hero in his pursuits of a half-elven paladin, convincing everyone but her and himself that he was the most noble protector the realm had ever seen.

Her name was Karen. Though born to a crime family, an act of mercy led her to the path of the paladin, and she blended a knowledge of the streets with her relentless pursuit of evil.

Amos was the rock that held them in place. As a priest of the forge god, he saw these two as unfinished weapons for righteousness. Under his guidance, the two had accomplished great things for the realm, and he kept them clad in magical arms and armor worthy of the foes they hunted.

No party other than this one could have handled the Knight Job.

>>6935993
>"Hey! You can't come storming in here and make demands like that!"
Haha, oh wow.
That's awesome.

>>6935993
>>6936013
>>6935991
>>6935829
>>6935770

>>6936029
(cont)
It is an unfortunate truth to war that the noblest tend to die first. So it had happened with the late king and the heroes who had once served him. When his son ascended to the throne, he did so surrounded by a group of scheming officers who took credit for the heroics of others. As the last in line to the throne, they planned to kill him just as soon as the people were used to being led by the Lady Maeveen, knight captain of the realm and supposed hero of the war.

The job was an odd one: collect information on the knights, prove their treason, and provide the means to execute them when the young king had been convinced. This was made more difficult in that everyone had heard of Frankie and his entourage, and their deeds were such that few doubted their virtues.

It was Amos who suggested that evil souls are eager to see corruptibility in others.

>>6935770
>>6935829
>>6935984
>>6935991
>>6935993
>>6936013
Ollanius Pius, is that you?

>>6936095
Frankie did not bow when the king received him. Instead, he mocked him for his youth amidst the thinly veiled amusement of his advisers. At his side stood Karen--the vile sword of a slain blackguard in her scabbard, her paladin's aura masked by Amos' carefully crafted wards.

It did not take long for them to convince Maeveen that they had fallen from the noble path and that Amos had paid the price. Together, they plotted their assassination for months, building the people's trust in Maeveen and securing certain benefits for themselves when the dark deed was done. Meanwhile, Amos convinced the stones of the castle to grant him entry, and he carved a tiny hole between the room where the conspirators met and the royal bedroom. He appeared in secret to the king, urging him to wait until the right time to do away with the traitors.

On the night of the assassination, Frankie cast his teleportation spell, bringing them into Amos' secret cavern, where lies could not be spoken and the forge god was close at hand. The king watched from safety as each party revealed their plots, and he cheered as they struck down his would-be killers.

Karen remained in the king's service. After Amos died, she became for him what Amos was to her--a forger of virtue, building her country's ruler into a man worth following. Frankie in turn left for other adventures, still seeking to find the virtue which would endear him to the one woman he could never have.

It was a bitchin' campaign ender.

>>6935829
>Something has escaped from a cage in the Storage, the crate being labled "Warning, dangerous, don't open!"

Contents: 2

>>6936201
Nah, it contained only one of them fortunatly.
However we did later buy another one and start breeding them. The robot dude ended up becoming a Man biter breeder, which is basically on awesome levels with being a hybrid of Steve Irwin and Crocodile Dundee for sheer awesome since they tend to eat anything they come into contact with and you have to wrestle them into submission.

>>6936331

Hmm. Was playing a dwarf rogue, with most of my normal weapons having been reduced to dust/rust by various disintergrate effects, fireballs, etc. The only surviving ones I had left were a pair of +5 daggers.

Cue the final BBEG, who summons a pit fiend from a balcony for us to be chewed to bits by....only to get shot in the face by the party ranger, then falls off the balcony, and gets shredded by the fiend...who thinks we'll make a great snack after eating the BBEG's soul.

Rest of the party starts fighting the pit fiend. I pick the locked door that leads up to the balcony, get to the top...

...and dive off with both daggers and ride them down the length of the thing's back, bringing it down to -45hp from the paired backstabs, one of which was a natural 20.

It didn't so much as die as explode into demonic ectoplasm and ichor, followed by me making a perfect two-point landing in front of the party fighter.

>>6929565

You blew up a hive city plasma power plant? That would've annihilated the hive and most of the shit around it o.O

>>6937101
It wasnt really a hive and most of the people on the planet were dead becuase of tech heresy

Once our party dimension-traveled, and ended up into the "shocker" universe. You know, that movie with the villian who could transform into electricity and move through wires, and literally go channel surfing on tv? Well, we killed the villan and gained his powers and were given a day to do whatever we wanted to before we traveled back to our own universe.

One of the things we did was get that fuck on Blues Clues high. Pic related.

>>6931413
sure is lei long in here.

>>6932112

Is dat some Grendel ah see?

bumpin for more!