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  • File : 1259372378.jpg-(14 KB, 200x187, walrus-approves.jpg)
    14 KB Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)20:39 No.6898745  
    Continued from there, as I will need more than 5 posts. The story of Luke, Plagueson of Nurgle continues.

    I shall regale you now, with the tale of my people.

    I first met Luke on the first night of University. We were the only ones not drinking that night, and he invited me to his room. My first mistake. His room was on the highest floor of the building (a fact that I would later grow to be grateful for in the extreme) and out of the way of the rest of us in the house, with the third year transfer students. We had been in the halls of residence for a scant 6 hours.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)20:40 No.6898753

    His room was an absolute mess. Boxes overturned, clothes strewn everywhere, a hastily set up X Box on the side, a smelly bean bag and a camping chair. At the time, I was naïve enough to have not seen the way most people live and Luke was scrubbed clean and in ironed clothes, so I made the assumption that perhaps he had arrived late, or was just a little untidy. We played bad racing games for half an evening, before I got tired of crashing fast moving trucks into walls for points. We said our goodnights, and I went back to my room on the ground floor.

    So began my Luke experience, one which was to last for nearly 4 years.

    Right from the word go, he was a bit of an outsider, tolerated mostly due to habitual British politeness and an unwillingness to “be a git.” At the time, we weren’t even people who could be classed as true neckbeards – I played MtG, and one of our number played MtG and had a little experience of 3.5. Of course, as such things go, we all ended up getting involved in societies, and by the end of the first term, I was playing in two 3.5 homebrews and a Unisystem game (but those are entirely different stories.)
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)20:45 No.6898798

    Of course, we passed around what we knew – we all started to dabble in a bit of everything. Luke picked stuff up too, but it was obvious that he wasn’t as quick as the rest of us but we were patient. We noticed two things here; the first that he would act as arrogant as he could in all situations (even the ones where he cast Terror on the Pit Trap. Twice.); the second, that whenever I lent him a deck, it would always come back strangely a little harder to shuffle…

    It was at about this time that I started to teach the other members of our group the nuance of Warhammer 40k. As with everything else, Luke picked things up a little slower than the rest of us. This was offset, in part, by the fact that he apparently had the unlimited riches of his parents to call on. Up until this point, we had made light of the fact that he would regularly be seen with a big tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in his greasy, possibly hairy palms (another one for later, if I get that far,) but silently wondered how someone could afford to dine on such food with a student budget. Half a week after the rules were passed around and we played a few test games, he turned up in the kitchen with a full 2000 points marine army, complete with 1000 point Grey Knight, all metal model detachment for use in larger games. Her begins Case Study 1.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)20:48 No.6898830
    (Original Poster of the Luke story here - for the record this bit is by one of the other non-That-Guys in the group)
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)20:52 No.6898862
    Sounds like my kind of guy.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)20:53 No.6898870
    Not quite, namefag.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)20:53 No.6898878

    CASE STUDY 1: Being a case study of THAT GUY at work in 40k.

    We left Luke to his own devices assembling and painting his own army. As it turned out, his modelling left a lot to be desired (marine chests on upside down, grenades glues to bolters, that kind of thing) and his painting technique seemed to consist of dipping the models in emulsion then using a sharpie to draw eyes on the finished product. The beautifully painted “colour test” models turned out, after extreme questioning with a pair of clothes pegs, to be his sister’s work. If you’re out there, Luke’s Sister, I would gladly pay you to paint an army for me.

    We decided to run a test game. Luke’s Grey Knight Detachment and my Fists army versus 2000 points of Tyranids. We weren’t bothered about strict rules, since I was the only vet at the table, so out of sportsmanship we allowed the ‘nid players to ignore their force organisation limits (big mistake, but I digress.) Fast forward to turn 4, and the Fists have managed to whittle down the huge ‘nid army to two squads of bottle caps (genestealers) two hive tyrants and a carnifex, with minimal losses in return. Luke’s Grey Knights have hidden behind the imperial ruins all game, and have refused to move. He is grinning like an idiot, beads of sweat pouring down his face. My earwax is starting to melt and leak out of my ears, such is the smell. The assault comes next turn, and my commander, dreadnought and remaining marine squads get into position to accept the charge, assuming we’ll be backed up by the Grey Knights.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)20:59 No.6898920
    It's completely okay for other people to post That Guy stories aswell.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:03 No.6898950

    The charge comes, and miraculously, there are units standing at the end of it! My commander himself manages to fell one of the Hive Tyrants with his thunder hammer, whilst the carnifex smashes the dreadnought to bits. The marines on the flank manage to hold out against the other tyrant, barely. This is the point where the Knights charge in and save the day. We go to the movement phase.

    He moves the grey knights away from the combats. Silence falls over the table, and I give Luke the horrified look of the boned team mate. He grins, exposing his greenish grey teeth and melting my eyebrows with a halitose reply:

    “I’ll let you die, and dhen run in and take all duh glory!”

    ((Author’s note – Luke quotes are correct, he cannot pronounce words with a ‘th’ at the beginning properly))

    He passes his shooting phase, and so no genestealers die.

    My mouth almost hits the table at the retardedness of this plan, but he’s adamant, and sticks to it. I charge the carnifex with my commander, am wiped out in the next combat, and go to hit my head against a wall. The next turn, the ‘nids move 12 inches and assault 6, easily getting all of his grey knights. He is wiped off the board in a turn, still grinning like an idiot. In later months, he will boast to people about the match he played where his 1000 point army almost beat a 4000 point nid army that wasn’t using the force org chart.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:03 No.6898953
    No it isn't, that will completely disrupt the flow of the thread.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:06 No.6898976
    Moar. I can never get enough THAT GUY stories in all their forms.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:09 No.6899001
    My THAT GUY is a girl. She's bi and somehow started a running gag about 3 boobed women. She was one of my dealer's friends.

    Yes, I play DnD with my dealer. Free weed every game I run.

    Does that make me his DnD dealer?
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:12 No.6899040
    The more I hear about Luke, the more horrified I become.

    Please, tell me more.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:13 No.6899046

    Here endeth Case Study 1.

    So, time passes and Luke finally gets his own decks – samurai, and the U/B Broodstar precon. He is hilariously bad at magic, managing to get into a board winning position and then do nothing except grin and threaten people he can’t attack with… uh… attacking if they don’t do what he wants. He then sulks whenever he doesn’t win, which is all the time. Meanwhile, the status of my own decks is improving, although some of the ones that he used at the start have to be sleeved. As he grows more unkempt, and I can breathe alarmingly clearly when he is around, I begin to suspect that perhaps his crystallised sweat is what makes the cards sticky. These decks are sleeved, with the exception of one particularly sticky deck, which is incinerated.

    Around this time, we decide to play a uni house game of 3.5. A DM is nominated and we start on the game. The game is hilariously bad, and full of DMPC, railroading and badly written “original fiction” from the DM, who based the entire campaign on his 218 page book-in-the-making. It’s another story altogether, but one I might rage about some time. For posterior Luke’s character background read like this:

    “I am the leader of a small gong of thieves. We were hired to steal a jewel from the thing of the land. We was were in an inn when we were approached by a powerful stalker, who made us go.”

    He played a CE rogue, in a party of neutral and good PCs, in a setting full of LG NPCs, whilst telling them that he was CE, and would love if they would help him stab the party up. He then sulked at everyone when he got imprisioned, shoved down holes for being obviously evil, used as a shield, etc.

    Then, of course, he decided to run his own game. Case Study 2.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:13 No.6899049
    It make you a pot head faggot who has to supplement his hobbies with WEED AM I COOL YET GUISE?!?
    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)21:16 No.6899088
    >gong of thieves

    I have to just chime in there and add that that's not a typo.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:21 No.6899146

    CASE STUDY 2: Being a study of THAT GUY being the DM

    So, as sceptical as we were, 3 of us rolled up 4th level characters and sat down at the table. This case study will be presented as a Blow-by-blow.

    L: Ok, you’re on a ship.
    P1: How did we get here, why are we here?
    L: You just woke up on the ship. You’re going to another land.
    P2: Uh, well… ok. I’ll have a look around. Is there anyone to talk to, or anything that looks vaguely important to look at?
    L: There’s nothing important to look at, and you are locked in your cabin.
    P1: Right, well, if the situation’s the same for me, I’ll use my open lock skill to try and pick the lock on my door open. [Roll: something like 25]
    L: You can’t. It is magical, and breaks your lock picks.
    P1: …
    <Some time passes, with us trying to interact with the world and being told that we can’t.>
    L: Suddenly, the ship starts to roll around, and you can hear lightning overhead. The doors swing open on your cabins.
    P2: But wait… weren’t the doors….
    P1, P3: *shrug*
    P2: Ok, anyway, we head up onto the deck. It’s been about 5 minutes since the doors swung open, right?
    L: About that. Everyone seems to have abandoned the ship. The skies are dark; it’s a big storm! A huge wave, must be about 100 feet high, rises up to crash down onto the ship – make reflex saves!
    <Saves turn up 5, 15 and a natural 20>
    L: You all manage to leap out of the way.

    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:22 No.6899151
    I like pot and I like hanging out with them. They want to play DnD but wont run a game. I get free pot for DMing. This is the only group I don't play sober.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:22 No.6899157
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    >In later months, he will boast to people about the match he played where his 1000 point army almost beat a 4000 point nid army that wasn’t using the force org chart.

    This guy needs a solid beating.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:22 No.6899158
    Probably too early to ask, but would you happen to know what happened to Luke after his time at uni? Or has he desended into obscurity, leaving only his legend behind?
    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)21:23 No.6899182
    After the third year of putting up with him as a housemate, we moved in with another group. He showed up from time to time to leech internet while his was installed; and then we never saw him since.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:25 No.6899211
    I was trolling, but you didn't bite. I'm impressed. Keep up the mellow, bro.
    >> That Motherfucking Goblin !XGZ8nDwSYI 11/27/09(Fri)21:26 No.6899217
    God, I am in horrified awe of this Luke character.

    Namefag requires MOAR!
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:26 No.6899221
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    >solid beating
    >implying fa/tg/uys can use their hands for anything except masturbating, scrolling through rulebooks, placing miniatures on a Warhammer 40.000 board and pressing Dwarf Fortress hotkeys.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:27 No.6899231
    Is there a case study 3? please let there be a case study 3
    and 4
    and 5
    and... well, you get the point.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:27 No.6899236

    Did you say in the last thread that he was a medic? Maybe you could look up his name in the GMC register and see if he made it, or if he's since been struck off for being single-handedly responsible for the rise in hospital infections in the past decade.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:28 No.6899252
    This is a fun thread, keep it going OP
    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)21:29 No.6899261
    Typhoid Luke? I really should check it out shouldn't I... I'd rather know in advance than be unpleasantly suprised when I go for a prostate exam.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:31 No.6899287

    <We assume that a hole opened up in the 100ft high wave, which is why we all managed to not be hit by it, and why the ship didn’t sink. We manage to find our way to an obviously unsafe life raft, which sinks the moment we get away from the ship. We make our checks to swim, failing miserably, and are informed that we’re drowning.>

    P3: … and that’s me unconscious too.
    L: You all wake up; you’re in a cell, which looks like it’s made out of a cave.
    P1: Wait, what?
    L: It was all a dream, although you can’t tell how you got here. A man in full plate suddenly appears in front of you, laughing. “Haha, now that you are captured, the resistance has no chance to defeat me!”
    P2: Uh… what resistance?
    L: <ignoring> He then teleports away. What do you do?
    P2: Well, I’ll try and pick the lock on the cell we’re being held in. <Rolls>
    L: You can’t *bile-grin, once again, I notice the sweat, including the massive sweat patches under his arms.*
    P1: Well, ok, I’ll try and kick the door out then.
    L: On closer inspection, the cell is closed by a completely invisible, indestructible wall of force.

    <And so we wait, until his DMPC turns up and dispels the wall of force somehow.>

    P3: Gosh, we’re all really impressed. Who are you?
    DMPC: *Blah blah blah leader of resistance blah blah, getting killed at dawn or something, different coloured eyes.*
    P2: Great, so you can help us out of here.
    DMPC: Yes, if you’ll help me.

    <At this point, Luke does an IC flirt with P2. The look on P2s face was priceless, and I’ll remember it until the end of time.>
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:32 No.6899294
    A sort of "It may be hospital policy to wash hands between patients and meals, but not mine" situation
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:34 No.6899314
    >At this point, Luke does an IC flirt with P2. The look on P2s face was priceless, and I’ll remember it until the end of time.

    Every time I think it won't get worse, it does. This man is a walking horrorshow.
    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)21:35 No.6899322
    as he licks his greasy lips, flashing those green stained teeth, wipes the food crumbs out of his matted beard ... "BEND OVER MR. NONYMOUS. WE'LL SEE WHAT DAH PROBLEM IS DON'T YOU WORRY" *mouthslurp*

    I think I may be sick.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:36 No.6899336

    Oh god I felt my ass spasm tight as possible to try to resist that instinctively
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:44 No.6899437
    I think you may be safe. The moment such a beast walks into a hospital they'll put up a containment facility.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:48 No.6899480

    ((For those who ask, he was taking the back door into becoming a doctor – he hadn’t quite got the grades at school, so he was doing a chemistry degree and then a doctorate. Incidentally, if I ever find out he’s working near me, I’m signing up with Bupa, even if I have to remortgage my house.))

    So, we eventually get out of the prison, and find our way to the armoury of the castle (!!) that we’re in. At this point, Luke takes great relish in describing all the magical armour in front of us, unguarded, and the guns (yes, guns, in 3.5 – he’d “homebrewed” them – 1d12+Dex damage, 17-20 x3 crit.) and the gunpowder. Doing what any sensible group of players would do in this situation, we took three guns each and tried to take the armour.

    L: Uh, you can’t… it doesn’t seem to move off the stand.
    P3: No problem, I have 20 strength, We’ll take it with us!

    So we set light to a trail of gunpowder and ran like buggery whilst the castle exploded. Cue a huge weepy scene from the DMPC that it won’t be enough to stop the BBEGs army of thousands (who reside in the one castle, that we blew up with them in it, for the record) from assaulting us in the morning. We get whisked away to a faggy tree village full of elves who sing and frolic while they try and get the guns off us. No dice, we threaten to shoot any elf who tries – for once, they get the message. However, in the morning, the armour has miraculously disappeared. The army is also attacking, so we rush down to see if we can help.

    As it turns out, the army was attacking in groups of three, and the elves were not around at all. So, we lay into the army of three, defeating it easily with our guns of destruction. And then another group of three. And another. And Another. For an hour. As we’re getting bored, the BBEG turns up, along with a good 20 of his minions who surround us.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:55 No.6899548

    L: And you won’t be able to kill him, because he’s a level 30 wizard in full plate! *sickly grin at everyone, because he’s obviously the greatest DM alive and deserves praise*

    P2: Fine, I shoot him then. Stuff it. <Rolls a 20. Then a 20. Then a 20>
    P1: AHA! Instant death!
    L: Uh, you shoot at him and just before the bullet hits he teleports away, shouting curses! His army breaks and runs.

    P2: But wait… if we killed all those soldiers, and then him, doesn’t that mean we get EXP from the encounter?
    L: Y-essss…
    P2: *Now frantically thumbing through a DMG* And since that’s X groups of level 5 soldiers, and one level 30 wizard… that’s enough to make us… Level 17!
    P3: OH GOD WHAT *Falls off his chair*
    L: At this point, you all wake up in a throne room. Theres the wizard there laughing at you. “And that is why you must never be set free!” He laughs, before disappearing. You are in a force cage in the throne room, but there is a woman in the room that you recognise.
    P1: Wait… no, I cba.

    At this point, one of our friends, whom I shall refer to as Nairda (he’ll understand why) walked into the room. I, being player 1, promptly ripped my sheet in half, and offered him the bottom half. He graciously accepted, and roleplayed the combat legs of my character, whilst I took charge of the skills torso. The game was called 10 minutes later, when we had another dream sequence.

    Here endeth Case Study 2.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:58 No.6899576
    This some of the funniest shit I've ever had the pleasure of reading. My most gracious thanks to you, anon.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)21:58 No.6899579
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    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)21:59 No.6899589
    >split character sheet

    Oh christ, I forgot about that bit; I remember that tale being regaled for weeks and keeping everyone cracked up.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:13 No.6899707

    Skipping forward about a year. We have moved out of the halls, and into rented accommodation. Due to British politeness and general apathy, Luke has managed to follow us into a house, shared with Nairda and myself. Of course, he demands the biggest room on account of something or other. I think the excuse this time was that he had once been a pro motocross racer, but had fallen off and broken his spine in 4 places (but it was ok, because he got better.) This was when, deprived of his weekly visits home, we began to appreciate the true strangeness of Luke. We never found evidence that he used the bathroom.

    As days turned into weeks we found increasingly that the windows had to be left open 24/7. At one point, as the weeks turned into a month, we noticed that a moss-like substance had actually started to grow on the one shirt that he had been wearing for the duration. His wealth was having a profound impact here as well, as the house began to fill with half eaten sandwiches, discarded chocolate bars and Luke’s Cup, which he always drank orange juice out of. It had not been cleaned since that first night when I met him. I kid you not. The thing was like the holy grail of aids. He drank everything out of that cup; squash, water, wine, beer, tea, you name it.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:15 No.6899721
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    >L: At this point, you all wake up in a throne room. Theres the wizard there laughing at you. “And that is why you must never be set free!” He laughs, before disappearing. You are in a force cage in the throne room, but there is a woman in the room that you recognise.

    It keeps getting worse.
    It keeps getting worse.
    It keeps getting worse.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:15 No.6899726

    Finally, after an extensive bout of rodent hunting, disposal and cleanup of the living space, we decided to actually do something about it. We broached the subject carefully, at one of our mass gatherings of a card gaming nature (Deck Status: Most decks fine after being hidden – Luke had decided to use a Golgari deck that I had left on my desk and it was rendered completely unshufflable. I lost about £30 of rare in that one due to the cards sticking together to produce Vulturous Overgrown Putrefy.) We started the discussion with a simple question: “What time do you guys have to get up to be ready for uni in a morning?”

    L: Well, I normally get up quarter of an hour before the lesson (crap, as we lived 20 minutes away by bike), then brush my teeth (this got a snort) then shower – if I need to! *huge crap grin, causing most of us to lean back*

    Nairda: Luke, you smell like a mixture of crap and cum, there is moss growing on your shirt. Get a shower and clean yourself up.

    …he didn’t know really how to take that. He mumbled an excuse, left the room and spent the next week playing Linkin Park really loudly so that we couldn’t sleep.

    This brings me to the end of the first year of my Luke Experience. There are more tales, of which I may regale a couple if they're wanted. However, it is 3a.m. here, so my eloquence is sharply declining - be warned.

    Continue? Y/N
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:17 No.6899734


    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:17 No.6899740
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:18 No.6899752
    Nah, save some for tomorrow. Just make sure to archive this thread, and the next one.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:18 No.6899753
    We must have more tales of woe!
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:19 No.6899762
    i don't know why, but i can't stop reading about luke.. it's like watching a car crash from a long way away..
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:19 No.6899763
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    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:19 No.6899769
    Fellow Britfag here (well, immigrant), continue. I wish to hear more of this legendary... unkempt Brit.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:21 No.6899787
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    This is your answer.

    Someone archive this shit!
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:22 No.6899800

    for the love of god Y!
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:22 No.6899801

    Fuck yes. This is horrifying and entertaining at once.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:25 No.6899825
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:26 No.6899830
    I have a habbit of being THAT GUY...so I quit playing DnD. I suck anyways.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:29 No.6899851
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    I'm going to poast a "That guy." I posted a that guy in the previous thread.

    This "That guy" was actually a woman. She was found in our public library by our second-most senior member, and she seemed to check out, on account of the elder. (Also a woman. The elder will be referred to as "Jane", the "that girl" referred to as "Kris".)

    Now, on to the story. Jane had found Kris in the library, as Kris was browsing an online roleplaying forum. Jane got to talking to her for a while, and all was swell. Jane brings Kris over to our local meeting spot, which was perfect, because we were between campaigns, planning a brand new one.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:30 No.6899855
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    She rolls up an Elf Wizard. Well and cool. Not a gnome, playing a rather ordinary EW, awesome upbringing and all that. I decide to play an Orc Ranger, and after some initial tension (Hey! Good roleplaying!) The circumstances of the situation at hand (Death for everyone near, all that jazz. Level 10 campaign, moving for an epic one.) being enough to get an Orc and Elf to work together, if only to survive to kill each other.

    Now, when the big, epic battles start to come down, wizard chick flies into the air, casting lightning bolts. Typical. Well and cool, too. What elf wouldn't? The other two PCs and my Orc dispatch ground targets, while the Elf controls the targets at the top of a ravine.
    >> Antonin 11/27/09(Fri)22:30 No.6899860

    Nairda is my new hero, and I will buy he or she a case of Mickeys in his or her honor for. . . their straightforwardness and aplomb in playing the legs of your character. I salute this person.

    Good sir, continue with your story. And any more tales of Nairda interacting with The Luke would be appreciated as well.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:31 No.6899866
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    Success, I almost die, party wins, we heal the valorous Orc who took three AoOs to grapple a high level merc who was bearing down on our Paper Cleric.

    Now, battles keep going in this manner, where I almost die from heroics, wizard flies in the air, light-a-ning-boltan, and all around fun is had.

    The flying lightning bolt shit continues every week, for six weeks, before Kris flies. I fire a crossbow bolt at an enemy, a potshot to get them to run. Hopefully. No dice. The turn comes to Kris once more. Kris stands in the air, raising her hand. The dialogue goes like this.
    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)22:31 No.6899867
    We're currently trying to track down a picture of Luke in his 'in character hat' - a filthy knotted up washcloth - that we used to have to mock him with. Sadly it's been a good four years now, so it's unlikely that any of the four original copies still exist. Plus two of the possible wielders are asleep, it being 3am.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:31 No.6899872
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    "I cast my lightn-"
    She is interrupted by a soft-spoken voice. My soft-spoken voice. Disturbingly calm, the group looks at me in shock, Kris even does a double-take.
    "You are going to cast lightning bolt. We know this. I am going to run into melee, almost die. We know this. This is what happens every time. You can sit down now, Kris."

    She sits. The group stays silent for a brief moment. I look down to my character sheet, and erase a smudge. I look up. "Roll reflex saves, John." He shakes his head, snapped back into the world. "OH!" he exclaims.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:31 No.6899875

    Right, fine. Due to popular demand:

    CASE STUDY THREE: Being a study of THAT GUY participating in Call of Cthulhu

    Ok, so not long after the episode, most of us got into Lovecraftian horror in a big way. It was only natural that Nairda end up running a CoC campaign – he’s stupidly good at horror and suspense in games. So, with me as a bystander (CoC isn’t really my thing, and I digress too much to be helpful to a good atmosphere) the game was set – to begin with, a premade module “The Fall of Paradise” or similar – I highly encourage you to get a copy of Carmina Burana and play through it, for the record.

    Anyway, the game starts with the exploration of a haunted house. The game progresses smoothly, with a little sanity loss and Luke not saying much. The room is bearable – despite the balmy evening, Luke has recently returned from a weekend parent visit; he has been hosed down and his clothes have been replaced. He only smells mildly. The party returns to its homes at night (I won’t spoil the plot for you, in case you want to play it), and Luke’s character, having seen a particular painting, starts to have a vision.

    N: You wake up, seemingly unable to move. There are a group of monks, wearing dark robes and white, plain masks at the foot of your bed. They start to approach you, silently.
    L: Oh, ok.
    N: … what? Is that how your character reacts?
    L: Yes, dhis happens to me all duh time *Huge, cocky, azathoth munching grin. We note that he seems to have escaped without having his teeth looked at – the gums are starting to turn black*
    N: …
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:33 No.6899893
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    The action resumes, and not a word of this was spoken until Kris went away a few weeks later. Had to focus on university.

    We now look back on this with glee and awesomeness. Apparantly, Kris was trying to convert us to Christianity. Which would have made sense, because faith came up once(Only once) during our campaign. Most everyone went "agnostic" and I stated "I'm a self-practising christian." She had her cross out, so didn't need to say anything. The whole group shrugged and moved on.

    But yeah. So is the legend of Kris. "That girl."
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:34 No.6899898
    Did somebody say a free case of Mickeys?

    I am Nairda
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:35 No.6899913
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    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:36 No.6899916
    I'm not sure i get the point of this story. You had some fighting, where she flew and cast lightning bolt; and you almost died ... this continued for several sessions seemingly without it being any issue... then one session you shout her down when she goes to do it again?

    Surely that makes YOU That Guy
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:39 No.6899950
    She would raise her voice whenever doing so, getting overtly excited to the point of embarrassment for the rest of the players. I can understand getting excited within a D&D game, but...getting excited about something you do in every session...
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:41 No.6899969
    Okay, so the point of this story is that you realised that she always did the same thing, just as you did? Grats. And what the fuck did that christian thing have to do with anything besides fueling the more-or-less chronic hatred for religion that many fa/tg/uys seem to possess?
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:41 No.6899971
    You sort of missed that entire explanation out - it makes your story boil down to you yelling at some girl.
    >> Exalted !OOirDpvrkA 11/27/09(Fri)22:42 No.6899980
    That seems much more like you were That Guy, still. Couldn't you have just asked her to tone it down?
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:42 No.6899983

    So, we continue. Luke receives (and protests for 10 minutes) moderate sanity damage for being stroked by inquisitive monks from ancient Mesopotania. The game is very, very successful, and runs for several more sessions. We eventually find the party (and Luke’s new character, the last having been dispatched by a giant demon spider god with a legspan the size of a cathedral because he annoyed Nairda enough) being chased by a demonic bloodhound of enormous size and ferocity. They are cornered in a house, and the dog is inside. The party splits up, with Luke following another THAT GUY as the rest of the party escape through the back door.

    N: Ok, you two are still in the house, which is shaking. The light outside is fading, and the you can hear the growling and sniffing of the dog as it searches for you. What do you do?
    THATGUY: I take a long drink from my hip flask, and then go to the toilet.
    L: I follow him!
    N: …uh… why?
    L: I want to see if there’s a katana in there! *Huge retarded grin. A weaker member of the group has to leave the room.*

    At this point, Nairda visibly facepalmed.

    N: Ok, you both get to, uh, the toilet. There is no Katana. What do you do?
    TG: I take a long drink from my hip flask, and then use the toilet.
    L: I watch, and wait.
    N: OH GOD WHAT?! Er… fine. A small time passes. The beast is getting really close now.
    TG: *zip* I take a long drink from my hip flask, and look for a way out.
    N: Ok, there’s a fire escape not far from you – you could get down that if you could batter the door down.
    L: I flush the toilet and go after him! *Obviously enjoying himself at this point*

    <TG Rolls well on his strength check, and gets it open in two attempts. The dog is now very close, and gaining ground.>
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:42 No.6899984
    Technically, he didn't yell.

    >She is interrupted by a soft-spoken voice. My soft-spoken voice
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:45 No.6900005
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    Great, already we know he doesn't get how CoC works...can't wait to see what he does next.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:46 No.6900021
    After she sat down, I actually apologized for interrupting her.
    She also admitted to one of our players in a chance encounter that she was trying to get us to convert us.Straight up "trying to save you guys" spiel, too.

    The point of my interrupting at the time, was to stifle her god complex that was really dragging everyone else down.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:49 No.6900042
    Sorry man, but you're still coming across as that guy. Possibly due to your poor storytelling; but nevertheless.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:49 No.6900046
    >TG: I take a long drink from my hip flask, and then use the toilet.
    >L: I watch, and wait.

    >L: I watch, and wait

    >> Exalted !OOirDpvrkA 11/27/09(Fri)22:50 No.6900055
    Well, it's good that you apologized to her.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:51 No.6900056
    It's almost a faux pas that one of their characters didn't jack off in that scene.

    I mean, it's what's expected.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:52 No.6900070

    N: *Annoyed by both of them at this point* So, you’re racing down the stairs, you can feel the breath of the dog on your back, it’s that close. What do you do?
    TG: I take a long drink from my hi-
    L: Uh, I keep running.
    N: Good choice. The dog seems to be busy with TG’s remains, so you can get away. You remember that the legend says that the dog can only kill one being per night, so you’re probably safe, for now. What do you do?
    L: I will use my mobile phone to call the police.
    N: … ok. What do you want to say?
    L: I say that I was, uh, just passing by this house, when I saw a brutally maimed dead body on the stairwell.
    N: …What? Really?
    L: Yes, and I’ll say that it doesn’t have anything to do with me.
    N: The operator asks you to wait there whilst the poli-
    L: I hang up and run off.
    P3: … you *do* know they’ll trace your phone, don’t you Luke?
    L: They can’t, that technology doesn’t exist.
    P3: Uh, yes it does.
    L: No it doesn’t; my dad worked with the police on some murder cases, and they can’t trace mobile phones.

    <The Other Luke Sufferer turns his laptop screen round to an entry on mobile phone tracking techniques used by the police>

    L: …well *my* mobile phone is untraceable.
    N: Riiiight. The police pick you up within the hour, and bundle you into a car.
    L: No they don’t, it’s untraceable!
    N: *Awesomeface*
    L: Fine, I get my gun out and shoot at them then!
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:53 No.6900078
    But you didn't fucking MENTION any of this, you just said that your party's combat routine was very repetitive, and that you were angry at this, and therefore you interrupted her, threw a low-voice fit, and acted like some sort of noir detective character, explaining how repetitive it was.

    Nothing about her actually being exited until the end, no off-shoot about her failed attempt at christen you, no sort of build up whatsoever, just you getting more and more frustrated with her.

    And back to the religious thing, still, what's the point? Just to show that she was "a little weirder than you've already tolld us"? I'm really dissapointed with this story, as you are obviously intelligent enough to express yourself in an interesting way.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:54 No.6900082
    I will admit that I have my own moments of stupidity within roleplaying games, though I am uncomfortable with talking about them. But no one is perfect.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:54 No.6900083
    Oh God you just made me laugh so hard.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:56 No.6900097
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    >L: Fine, I get my gun out and shoot at them then!

    Why?! Why would you do that?!
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:58 No.6900127
    While in any other situation Nairdas would be a railroading dick .... it totally serves the other That Guy right.

    I'm also loving the fact he goes to shoot the police for arresting him.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:59 No.6900135
    >shoot the police

    Wait, where did he even get a gun from?
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)22:59 No.6900141
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:00 No.6900148

    Needless to say, he died a bullet filled death as he got shot by trained policemen. He sulked for a while, and went to play some loud Linkin Park. It was 4 a.m. at this point, so we got an angry visit from the neighbours. Still, he didn’t bother to reroll, which was a good thing – with only one THAT GUY in the game, it was a lot smoother… at least until the competent and awake party members got abducted – but that’s another story.

    Come to think of it, that’s about the time that Luke started whooping in his sleep. A high pitched, whooping cough that may have been a sleep defect, but was more probably the sound of him loudly cracking one off to Dizzy from Guilty Gear, covered in shit. That revelation caused some IRL sanity loss, but again, another story for another case study.

    Well, that’s me for tonight guys; there is a lot more of the Luke experience to recount, but my writing is going down the pan. Tomorrow, more Luke! Until then, hopefully our suffering has entertained you moderately. Thank you, eloquen/tg/entlemen, and goodnight.

    Tl;dr: What are you even doing in this thread if you can’t be bothered to read it?

    Also, general THAT GUY thread from now on. I’ll be back tomorrow.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:01 No.6900156

    American Tourist.

    Didn't you know we ALWAYS have at least a handgun on us? And that is the bare minimum. Many of us go with two, or a rifle/shotgun.
    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)23:03 No.6900174
    *shrug* ... reminds me of another CoC game he joined, run by a third (that's right, a third) That Guy (this one is the pedophile I mentioned in the last thread - the pissing hip flask drinker is the catgirl player who tried to seduce PCs. Thankfully we ended up never having to see him again after halfway through second year outside of the MtG society at the Uni)

    We were playing in a game where we had to stat ourselves - something that rarely ends well, but this time went pretty fairly. We all got a few little bonuses to stuff that we really didn't deserve, in my case to explosives because I happened to have read the anarchists cookbook once, and had a reputation for setting stuff on fire when bored.

    In Luke's case, he rolled something with an impossibly high fellowshippy-charismay-type score; and a Katana, and all kinds of crazy martial skills; because he 'was a black belt in three matial arts, and had the belt above black in another one, and kept a katana under his bed at all times'.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:04 No.6900185
    We enjoyed it thoroughly, fellow britfag.

    We look forward to future exploits.

    In terror, of course.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:06 No.6900207
    Much as I want to keep reading about this wonderful trainwreck of a person, I have to say N. Get some sleep, and regale us with your tales of fatguy horror when your writing skills are in top shape tomorrow.
    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)23:07 No.6900222
    iir he also had Knowlege(science) because he was a chemist, which somehow - because of his inability to even tangentially obey the rules - gave him a +2 synergy bonus to jump.

    ... that's also reminded me of the time we started trolling him in character in another game, and convinced his character through judicious applications of illusions and magic that HE WAS THE CHOSEN ONE OF THE DRAGON GOD, and ended up getting him to lead suicidal charges on stuff. It was actually seeing the LegoRobot comic recently that brought all that back, and made us all wonder 'hey whatever happened to him...'

    But yeah, I'm out too. Hopefully back tommorrow with a photo of him; and more epic tales from beyond the curtain.
    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)23:11 No.6900253
    >Come to think of it, that’s about the time that Luke started whooping in his sleep. A high pitched, whooping cough that may have been a sleep defect, but was more probably the sound of him loudly cracking one off to Dizzy from Guilty Gear, covered in shit. That revelation caused some IRL sanity loss, but again, another story for another case study.

    He loved the shitting dicknipples. I wish I exaggerated.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:14 No.6900292
    >photo of him

    Oh...oh dear God.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:15 No.6900301
    it better be the one they mentioned with the In Character Hat.

    Hell, I'm gonna insist all my shitty players get an In Character hat.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:18 No.6900345
    Fuck, get your players to wear IC hats anyway!

    Top hats & monicles!
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:19 No.6900351

    I'm looking forward to this, and I don't know why.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:23 No.6900384
    Oh god I laughed and I'm not even a Brit
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:29 No.6900448
    legendary thread is legendary, and archived on suptg.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:30 No.6900455
    Oh wow, so Hot Fuzz WAS telling the truth!
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:31 No.6900464
    What is it with you people tolerating these THAT GUYS? I'd kick them the fuck out in an instant, or never let them anywhere close to anything I'd do. Just let them rot in their room alone.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:33 No.6900498
    We're British. We generally feel very awkward about telling people to GTFO.

    Unless they cross a line, however. Somehow, Luke hasn't seemed to cross that line thus far.
    >> Beardfist Fistbeard !!nWXzTrTfSMY 11/27/09(Fri)23:40 No.6900567

    Where the fuck is the line, if being a creepy unwashed freak that made you constantly want to gag and covered your magic cards in a layer of shit, semen, piss, cheeto dust, mold, and god knows what else wasn't bad enough?

    Jesus christ, you're making Britian look bad. I don't care how disgusting people in America are, we don't have anyone like that (atleast no one that is allowed in public)
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:42 No.6900601
    fuck you guys what the fuck you think i don't look at 4chan I thought we were friends fuck you all
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:43 No.6900611
    >we don't have anyone like that (atleast no one that is allowed in public)

    you absolutely do have people like that. Whether yoiu've met them or not.
    >> The Mysterious Mr. /x/ !mnIPJ08QL. 11/27/09(Fri)23:44 No.6900621
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    > Knowledge (science)
    > +2 synergy bonus to jump.

    Kill him.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:46 No.6900646

    Except no, Americans aren't like that. Even the hobos know how to keep themselves cleaner. The difference is that they don't always have the means, while the above Brits do.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:48 No.6900673



    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:49 No.6900683
    Luke was mostly unavoidable. In first year, he was in the same halls as the rest of our group. Second year, everyone in those halls split into two houses (except The Other Luke Sufferer who moved in with a third group), sadly this included Luke because he pulled an allmighty shitfit when he was told where to go - he ended up paying twice as much rent as the rest of them, so they all had to pay less which they thought waived it. Third year, Naidra moved out of that house for a work placement, and TOLS took over his contract - aside from Luke it was a damn good house; and the rent drop was pretty substantial. Luke almost pulled another shitfit however when he came back to discover TOLS had taken over the second biggest room, and ended up forcing the Luke suffering writefag above (who is about 6'8 and built to match) into a room that was approximately the same size as a double bed or he'd default on the contract and leave us in shit with the landlord. He also threatened to sue said landlord unless something was done about it.

    Luke also was in the same chemistry course as one of us, and thus followed him home; as well as attending all the same societies and social functions that the rest of us did. There really wasn't much we could do to avoid him.

    The way we eventually got rid of him - as awful as it sounds - was to be rude enough to him till he got the point, and didn't ask him to join us in the house we moved into in year three even though we were (and made it clear we were) desperately looking for a last housemate to fill in.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:50 No.6900685
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    >He loved the shitting dicknipples. I wish I exaggerated.



    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:50 No.6900687
    ok buddy, whatever you say
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:50 No.6900694

    What's really sad/funny is that Luke or Luke-alikes are probably reading these threads, completely oblivious and laughing madly.
    >> Beardfist Fistbeard !!nWXzTrTfSMY 11/27/09(Fri)23:51 No.6900703

    Agreed. I hope you're just exaggerating. You can probably be arrested for being that fucking filthy in America, as disturbing other people with how you smell or something (I dunno, but seriously, come on...) that guy must be toxic or something.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:52 No.6900716
    gtfo with your patriotic fanwank. Everyone has filthmongers like this. Fuck, you go on SA, or other bits of 4chan, and read stories a million times worse than this in terms of personal filth and they'll be written by Americans. You're just being a racist faghole who's decided that WE AM DE BEST means that anytime anyone else does something wrong you could never possibly do it, and that obviously everyone in the entire country acts like that.

    Faghole. Get out and stop shitting up this thread.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:52 No.6900717

    You WILL get thrown out of restraunts and the like.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:53 No.6900725

    OP here (Oh god, it's 5am)

    We are collectively shocked, amazed and ashamed of both Luke (for being genuinely like that) and ourselves (for putting up with him.) The line is crossed, finally, next time.

    Thanks for the warm comments and trolling, teeg. Having never had a thread last more than 15 posts, it means a lot. I love you guys.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:54 No.6900733
    >who is about 6'8
    Six feet, eight inches?
    >and built to match

    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)23:56 No.6900757
    He spent most of his time outside of the DnD/Magic games (usually in his houses' living room) in his room or on a computer chair in the living room watching Neighbours and playing Counterstrike. As you might guess from the combination of speech impediment, personal hygiene levels, and general social aptitude... he wasn't much of a social person.
    >> The Other Luke Sufferer 11/27/09(Fri)23:57 No.6900773
    I exaggerate a little - I think he's 6'6. He's still a head taller than me at 6'1 though; which is the point. He could lie down on that bed and touch all four walls.
    >> Anonymous 11/27/09(Fri)23:58 No.6900775

    >> Beardfist Fistbeard !!nWXzTrTfSMY 11/28/09(Sat)00:01 No.6900807

    We're not saying Britain is a horrible place, at least I wasn't, I was just saying this man is INSANELY disgusting.

    Go back to /r9k/ if you want ukvus wars, tyvm.


    you deserve it, your stories of Luke are awesome and they amaze me and the rest of /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)00:02 No.6900813
    I had to go shower just reading this
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)00:07 No.6900849
    GunS. plural.
    I got 14, he's got 11, so between us that makes 21.
    "where would you keep all those guns?"
    In our tank.
    "you have a tank?"
    We didn't walk here.
    "...where would you get a tank?"
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)00:18 No.6900961
    I don't have much to provide as far as THAT GUY stories go. However, I remember one particular story off RPG.net (they have a THAT GUY thread of epic proportions) in which a guy was forced to play with his landlord's son. Well, the son refused to pause the game for anything, so he'd just take a dump right there, in his pants.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)00:48 No.6901353
    I'm lucky enough to have a group where we quickly stomp out any THAT GUY-ism.

    Bump for more stories from you unlucky sods.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)01:17 No.6901684
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    OP's called it a night, as self-proclaimed ranking Anon, I hereby open the thread to general THAT GUY Stories/Discussion.
    >> ಠ_ರೃ 11/28/09(Sat)01:17 No.6901685
    Fuck. Yes.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)03:29 No.6903057
    I concur good anon. It really does seem as if he was the THAT GUY due to the way he handled the situation. She was having fun playing her character and he shut her down like a fist of an angry orkish god.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)03:42 No.6903185
    Pardon my asking, but where is this thread?

    I must read it.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)04:00 No.6903323
    I've been following and contributing to this since last night. Can't wait for the next thread.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)04:01 No.6903340
    This best be archived.
    >> ಠ_ರೃ 11/28/09(Sat)04:38 No.6903709
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)09:29 No.6905687

    It is - look for Part two of Luke, Plagueson of Nurgle. Part one is the general THAT GUY thread in which he was first mentionned - after reading it, I felt th need to rant.


    You will, no doubt, be pleased to know that I'm now awake and fully alert again! Currently, I have a couple of obligations to see to, and then I'll be back for more story time. Give it a couple of hours.
    >> TOLS 11/28/09(Sat)09:34 No.6905717
    My god, this thread is still alive.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)10:47 No.6906236
    Where is this thread?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)11:12 No.6906426
    Wait a minute, I left this at about 4:30 this morning, and it's almost 12 hours later.

    It's still alive?!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)11:25 No.6906545
    Worms? In my /tg/? It's more likely than you think.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)11:30 No.6906611
    I once experienced a Lesser-Luke-alike... but he read /tg/ religiously... Fun twist, he was actually quite a good gamer, just a bit of plague and social ackwardness issues.
    >> Beardfist Fistbeard !!nWXzTrTfSMY 11/28/09(Sat)12:43 No.6907367
    I want more luke bump
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)12:43 No.6907370
    How is this thread still going?
    >> Beardfist Fistbeard !!nWXzTrTfSMY 11/28/09(Sat)15:04 No.6908625
    needs more namefag bump
    Screw your obligations, man :[
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)15:05 No.6908635
    It's powered by our collective neckbeard
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)15:48 No.6909039
    So do we get any more legends yet?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)16:12 No.6909304
    Seriously. There must be more.
    >> That Motherfucking Goblin !XGZ8nDwSYI 11/28/09(Sat)18:08 No.6910815


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