I must eliminate weakness from my flesh!

I would like to tear off my penis.

>>6569843

No, don't do this. Obviously Chaos is trying to sway us! Instead, find an attractive female Acolyte and show her the truth of the Emperor's love - in the dark, in the missionary position. This is how we fight Slaanesh!

A number of thoughts flash through your head, the first a violent urge to purge your flesh of impurity, and the other to give yourself over to lusts and inevitably fall to the ways of Slaanesh. You don't think either are a good idea right now.

Especially because the meditation has made you groggy, and you are having a hard time even remembering your name.

-- INPUT NAME --

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6569854

no you cannot fuck an attractive acolyte. that would be gratification and yielding to desire.

you must have sex with an unattractive woman in the missionary position solely for procreation to add population to the emperor's armies

>>6569901
Oh, I get it. This is going to be one of those linear quests where we don't get to do what we want. Sage.

>>6569901


Inquisitor Numbnuts

Command: find a superior. find an assignment, then recruit a posse

>>6569949

Ahh, now you remember. Your name is Numbnuts, well INQUISITOR Numbnuts now.

You stand up and immediately seek out your superior; Lord Inquisitor Targus. You proceed through many dark hallways and finally reach his sanctum. The guard outside the door stops you as you approach.

"The Lord Inquisitor is currently entertaining guests and has requested privacy" he says. Screams from behind the door seem to underline his point.

-- INPUT COMMAND --

lol i like where this is going.

It wont be going anywhere if no one posts commands!

say frak you and kick open the door.

Contact Inquisitor Eisenhorn or Ravenor, and have a well written story by being associated with them

>>6570238

You yell "FRAK YOU!" at the guard and kick at the door with all your might. You are rewarded with a crunching noise as some of the bones in your foot break. It turns out kicking a reinforced blast door protected by void shielding was not the best idea.

The guard stifles a laugh and says "Need help sir? I can call a servitor to take you to the apothecary."

-- INPUT COMMAND --

mutter no and wobble to the apothecary, no adventuring for me today.

>>6570314
I am amused by this.... go to the med-bay.

>>6570314
No, and if you keep smirking, if you so much as breath wrong in my presence again, i will have someone from the medbay turn you into a servitor!

attempt to strangle the guard for his insolense, all while hopping on one foot.

>>6570361
Here; on second thought, I like this idea.
>>6570396

>>6570361

You politely tell the soldier that you can make it to the Apothecarium yourself and proceed there limping badly.

Your foot seems to be swelling up pretty badly. In retrospect, it wasn't such a good idea kicking something that can withstand a direct meltabomb blast.

You arrive at the Apothecarium with a terrible headache to go with the pain in your foot. An orderly walks up to you as you sit down on a cot and says "Greetings Inquisitor Numbnuts, had a little accident have we?"

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6570451

WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!

>>6570451

call him a faget and take off your clothes

>>6570506
>>6570551

You round on the orderly and scream into his face "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!". The orderly is unphased and a confused expression passes over his face for a moment. He then replies, "Just your name, sir... you know, your name? Which is Inquisitor Numbnuts..."

"Whatever, faggot." You reply, as you remove your boots, socks and pants to fully reveal your swollen, blood engorged, and slightly purple... foot.

The orderly calls over a medical servitor and together they examine your injury.

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6570594

shake my foot away from them and tell them i'm fine

mutter something under your breath about his mothers sexual tendencies.

>>6570594
Scream END SIMULATION! and start to fap furiusly staring at the eyes of the that is healing you servitor, yelling at the same time LOOK, LOOK IT YOU HERETICAL MACHINEMANSOMETHING

>>6570641
>>6570642

You shake your foot to move it away from the orderly and servitor while muttering "fucking faggot and his faggot mother."

The orderly pays you no heed, and reads his data-slate containing the servitor's diagnosis. He then says "Good news sir, it's nothing serious, just a couple broken toes, nothing that will require augmentics or anything. I can administer the treatment and have you back on your feet good as new in a couple of days."

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6570647
>>6570642
>>6570641

Will op deliver.... dont HNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG us

>>6570708
Tell the orderly that by treating my injury fast and efficient he will earn right to hide under my bed next time when when this crazy guy from Internal Investigations will stars shooting random "heretics".

>>6570708
Wait a couple of days and then sign an inquisitorial order to have inquisitor lord targus' door removed when he is away.

>>6570708
Get toes taped, eat a few aspirin, go back to Targus's room and try to figure out how to get inside.

I apply for transfer to ordo xenos, so that I may make it to hot ali- I mean crush hot alien bitches in the emperors name...with my dick.

Now just 23 years till my paperwork is done.

>>6570774
John?

>>6570763
>>6570737

You tell the orderly to get on with it and he has the medical servitor gives you a quick anti-inflammatory shot, some additional pain killers and tapes your toes to a splint.

With the procedure complete, you thank the orderly and leave for your chambers. When you arrive, you sit down on your bed and silently resolve to have Lord Targus's door removed when he leaves for one of his regular HERESY hunts.

Now you are pretty much back to square one you think, what now?

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6570835

See what we can do about requisitioning a baneblade to purge xenos with.

>>6570835
This lack of hunt of HERESY is heretical
We go hunt HERESY

go down the street to buy an inquisitorial bagle. Check for HERESY along the way.

Arm myself and check Lord Targus's chambers for HERESY

begin searching for PILLS

>>6570973
our name is numbnuts not nigger. thats nigger work.

heresy huntin time! lynch some nigger heretics.

>>6570924

With your foot in a splint you can walk reasonably well, you decide to venture out on the street to search for HERESY and a good bagel.

You venture through a myriad of security checks before emerging out of the secret entrance to the Inquisitorial Compound. You find yourself in a sleepy little imperial village. With the entrance to the compound at your back, you can travel North, East, or West down the streets.

There sounds to be a lot of commotion coming from the East.

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6571003

Go west

I still want my fucking baneblade

>>6571003
>>6571019

Then turn around and go east, drawing my bolt pistol.

Commotion is HERESY! Purge to east!

>>6571036
>>6571003

ok, I get it, railroad quest pt 17

have to go with the sagefags here

IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE PRESENT THERE IS ONLY WAR

So that means the east sounds normal. THE WEST IS SUSPICIOUS. CHARGE WEST

>>6571051
But commotion is CHAOS and CHAOS is HERESY! ATTACK THE COMMOTION!

realize I left my bolt pistol in my other pants. run west to attempt to find a pitchfork or something to defend myself with.

>>6571067
While yelling HOLY EMPERORS GROIN, WHAT IS THIS?

>>6571067

if we can't find a pitchfork, a baneblade will do

>>6571003
Go to nearest kebab house and shoot the sandnigger for worshipping false gods and obvious HERESY... only after forcing him - at gunpoint - to make yourself a delicious kebab

Commotion? That's Chaos stuff.
Take out my vox, call to nearest Ordo Malleus unit, inform them of possible mass daemoic possession. Than venture to in the direction of bakery.

>>6571019

You go west, in search of bagels and baneblades. Realizing fairly quickly that you did not bring any weapon, and no identification save your ever present Inquisitorial Rosette. You do have you implanted microbead vox, however.

While you walk down the street, you see groups of people talking excitedly and running east. You ignore them and continue west until you find a nice looking bakery named "Bread and Prayers".

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6571160

This sounds like a nice emperor-fearing shop to get some lunch at

Go inside

I walk inside and order an astartes special and sit quietly by the window, keeping an eye on the street.

Walk in and and order a bagel.
While i wait for it, make that call to Ordo Malleus about possible mass possession.

ask the baker if they have discovered any heresy lately. Also demand to inspect their flour for weevils.

>>6571160
I walk inside, go to the cashier and ask for a Bagel with bologna and a Beersarius to go with the bagel.
I ask for it to go and walk outside

>>6571190
>>6571186

This bakery seems to meet your Inquisitorial standards. You walk inside, and look at their specials. It seems they don't have an Astartes special, although they do have a Candlemas special where you get a reduced price on a dozen bagels.

The bagel monger behind the counter eyes you intently, obviously wanting your order. You decide to let him wait and tap your microbead vox and call in a disturbance east of the Compound's secret entrance. There is no response.

The bagel monger looks at you as if you are crazy, and with good reason, as it looks to him as if you were just talking to yourself. He asks "Can I help you?"

-- INPUT COMMAND --

Order the effin' bagel.

attempt to contact the inquisitorial tech support to find out what is wrong with your connection to the compound. munch on my bagle.

>>6571315

You tell the bagel monger you want a bagel. "Yessir, that'll be 2 credits." he says.

You then realize that you aren't carrying any money. With the bagel already in your mouth, and it's supple puffy baked goodness satiating your bagel lust, its too late to go back.

You pat down your pockets quickly and shrug at the bagel monger. He eyes you suspiciously suspecting that something is up.

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6571470
Just flash your Rosette and inform him that you've just tested his shop for bagel-heresy, and am SO FAR, content. Then finish your bagel.

>>6571470
declare him a heretic and have him executed.
feel glad you saved yourself 2 credits and a possible chaos worshipper got what he deserved

>>6571470
Swallow the part of th bagel I bit off.
Tell bagel monger to put it on the Inquisition tab.
Return to compound for my ID, gun and rest of the stuff.

>>6571482

You flash your Rosette and say "REJOICE CITIZEN I have tested your bagel shop for HERESY and not found it wanting. You have gained my seal of approval for both deliciousness and purity." You then slam your Rosette down onto the table in front of you, imprinting the stylized "I" on the table. You then stuff the rest of the bagel in your mouth in a rather undignified matter.

The bagel monger looks both suprised and satisfied with your exclamation and says "Oh... sure, thanks..." and then hurries off away behind the counter and makes himself busy rolling dough and trying to ignore you.

A tough looking guy sitting at another table in the shop calls out to you "Hey you there, good sir, you an Inquisitor?".

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6571629

Why yes good citizen.

Do you have any heresy to report? If not I really must be going.

yes good citizen. would you happen to have a bar that's amasec needs to be "investigated" or a daughter that is suspected of being a witch? If not, i must go search for heresy elsewhere.

look around for the nearest object that can be used as a weapon and ask who the guy is... with an insulting slur on the end

>>6571664

You look at the man who accosted you and say "Why yes good citizen. Do you have any HERESY to report? If not I really must be going."

He responds "Well no, not HERESY or anyfing like that. I'm just wondering if you need someone to help you out and stuff, ya know. I heard a lot of Inquisitors can be found in this village and theres no one better to be bashing heads under than an Inquisitor, ya know?"

-- INPUT COMMAND --

That is correct good sir. What would your name be? And do you have any armaments?

He knows too much. Take his offer up and send him out on a suicidal opportunity when the time arises.

Or have him be the one to remove that door from earlier.

>>6571824

ask the man for his name and if he is any good with bludgeoning object and also if he has any keen sense for non heretical snack foods and Baneblades

>>6571837
>>6571854
>>6571864

You give this tough guy one last appraising look. He looks quite surly and muscular, with scars across basically ever piece of skin he has exposed.

You then say "What is your name, and what bludgeoning experience do you have?"

He responds "Look sir, I'm just a generic thug, my name is whatever you want it to be; but yeah I used to work another Inquisitor, by the name of Tinnenborn. Before that I was in the guard as a stormtrooper... Veruvian 51st."

-- INPUT NAME --

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6571824
reply "The Imperium is always looking for more guardsmen, sign up with you local branch. I need no distractions when I'm hunting HERESY"

>>6571982
John Q. Expendable.

Cmon guys, we got a name, now we need some commands! It ain't gonna happen by itself!

>>6571982
Have him gather whatever he wishes to bring with him & meet us here in an hour.

Warn him not to be tardy.

Tardiness is heresy.

Attach monitor to pig
Execute

>>6572090
>>6572237

"YOUR NAME SHALL BE JOHN Q. EXPENDABLE" you tell him with a grin. "Gather all your weapons and belongings and meet me back here in 1 hour and we shall begin our hunt for HERESY!" You also give him your microbead vox's current frequency so you can contact him whenever you need to.

He nods and says "Yessir" and then leaves the shop running down the street at a quick trot.

With your business in this shop complete, you also leave and find yourself back on the street. The noise from the east seems to have grown in volume.

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6572299
I cast holocaust at the commotion!

>>6572299

Make a saving throw to ignore the commotion and go to a pet store/animal shelter.

For a puppy. With very sharp teeth.

>>6572328
>NOT ENOUGH MP!

>>6572357

You decide that to continue building your inquisitorial retinue, it would be best to find some sort of faithful animal companion. After a couple of minutes of searching, you find yourself in front of the local animal shelter.

In the front window are a couple of cages, but only two of note. One contains and enormous Vorehound with huge slavering jaws, and the other contains an average sized dog with golden fur named Lassy.

There doesn't seem to be much contest about who to choose... its obvious that you would pick...

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6572428

Fine, let's play along...I choose you, Lassy! No one will expect the laser death-beams we'll get the AM to install!

>>6572497
And CHAINFANGS!

What? Don't look at me like that. It could work.

>>6572428

Fuck that shit, I find a techpriest and ask him nicely to make me a dog made entirely out of thunderhammers.

>>6572497
>>6572674

You walk into the animal shelter and tell attendant you want Lassy. You put the cost on the Inquisitional tab and head outside with Lassy in tow.

While she doesn't look to fearsome right now, a few augmentations will probably fix her right up!

You have about 40 minutes before you are supposed to meet John back at the bagel shop.

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6572674
Power fangs! Own MEQs and still SUCCESSFULLY EAT FOOD. What's NOT to like?

>>6572965

USE THUNDERFANGS

adviceguardsman.jpg

IT'S AN EXPLOSION OF FLAVOR

Lets go back to the Inquisitorial compound and get our stuff while we get the AdMech to get to work on Lassy.

+++Inquisitorial Message: Crimson Level+++
Recipient: Angry Marines
Subject: HOLY FUCK-CHRIST!
Message: SOME ASSHATS WITH POINTY HELMETS JUST FUCKING CAME HERE AND SPRAY PAINTED "ANGRY MARINES ARE PUSSIES" ALL OVER THE BUILDINGS AND LEFT. COME PICK ME UP AND LETS GO FUCK THEM WITH THEIR OWN DICKS!
+++End Message+++

>>6573137

You saunter on back to the Inquisitorial compound to pick up some gear for your upcoming HERESY hunt. Lassy, of course, comes along with you.

After arriving at the compound you decide to drop Lassy off first at the Mechanicus depot within the compound for her upgrades.

When you arrive at the depot, the techpriest manning the station asks "And what can this loyal servant of the Omnisiahh do for you today?"

You explain that you want to make some modifications to your dog, to which he responds: "You'll have to be more specific, what kind of modifications?"

-- INPUT COMMAND --

Digital weapon contact lenses for the dog.

Boltgun 'turret' mounted on the dog's back like a saddle.

I also want him to shoot guns out of his eyes. Yea, you fucking heard me. Guns that shoot more guns and then shoot bullets. I also want him to bite through tanks.

You tell the adept to install an amasec barrel around its neck and rocketboots. Also a chaintail.

>>6573503

WHEN HE BARKS I WANT HIM TO SHOOT BOLTER SHELLS OUT OF HIS MOUTH

ALSO GIVE HIM A COUPLE EXTRA DICKS

FOR INTERROGATING SLAANESHI CULTISTS

>>6573522
>>6573591

You ask to have Lassy's eyes replaced with micro lasguns and to have bolter attached to it's back on an autotargeting pintle turret. You also ask for the techpriest to make a special collar for the dog to hold a small amasec barrel.

The techpriest stares at you for a moment and says in a flat voice "I've am unable to understand humor sir, so if you are trying to make a joke, you will have to make it abundantly clear".

-- INPUT COMMAND --

>>6573801
No joke, adept, this puppy is to become a cute, fuzzy, adorable instrument of the EMPEROR'S WRATH!!!

But the turret may be a bit obvious... How about you replace his teeth with little power weapons instead?

this thread is win

OP Here

Part 2 Is going to have to wait until tomorrow, I gotta sleep.

Tootles, until then.