c)BIGGER DAKKA: Dakka needs to be uniquely destructive with each individual 'Dak' involved in the group of 'Dakka' being a powerful force in it's own right. A dakka that lasts ten minutes of rapid firing tiny pellets that give da boyz a headache if they hit is pathetic, and any boy attempting to pass this off as dakka should be ashamed of themselves. True dakka requires power, which to the simplistic technology of the Orks requires big shells. These large shells fired in a sustained manner over a long period of time will unleash a roar that drowns out Mork himself, and will cause as much damage as a headbutt from Gork himself (to da uver side or to da boyz is irrelevant to the use of dakka).

So we come to a delicately balanced equation. If X is the amount of weight a given Ork can carry, Y is the weight of the gun, and Z is the weight of the ammunition, we find ourselves in this position.
Y = Maximum muzzle size to accommodate the largest shooty bits + mechanisms required to make sure the shooty bits fire fastest and loudest.
Z = The size of the shells X the number of shells
Y + Z = X

What IS the greatest dakka? Does one try to balance the three facts out in the equation and end up with a gun of moderate dakka? Does one sacrifice size of shells for greater sustaining of dakka, or do the smart boyz use da shootiest shells possible for the loudest dakka?

The answer is, of course, none of the above. Da REAL boyz get grots and uver boyz to hold their ammo for them while they use the biggest gun they can hold, and if da boyz or da grotz give them lip, they use the gun as a club to silence their complaints.

You have the phrase "Ideally balanced ideals" in the first sentence, there

Both thumbs up

>>6548191
Lol

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

Rhetorical question:

SO WHAT BRINGS THE PERFECT DAKKA

I think you could use a bit more dakka in there, chief.

I wonder if an Ork would kill himself from embarrassment if he obtained the most dakka gun in the warband and was too weak to carry it.

I approve of this.

I brings the perfect Dakka.

An ENTIRE Legio Titanicus affixed atop an Array of Necron Monoliths spitting Gauss shells, All superglued atop a MASSIVE squiggoth and piloted by Grazhgul Thraka Him fucking Self.

Because only da biggest, strongest, shootiest, choppiest Ork there ever wuz can have da biggest, shootiest, choppiest dakkahouse in all creation.

>>6548191

Orkz, amirite?

But aren't Longer and Bigger just sub-categories of More?

>>6548239

What if you attach another heavy bolter on it.

more dakka, right there.

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH DAKKA

I don't think it's actually possible for an ork to be too weak to carry any amount of Dakka, though it's possible for an ork to kill himself in the attempt to carry a macro-cannon onto the battlefield.

>>6548266
Especially since the "I'm not boss cuz I'm biggest I'm biggest cuz I'm da boss!" rules apply. IF a boy would be given a that huge gun he'd soon probably grow in size to be fit to that gun thanks to his new status

>>6548252
I can just imagine a mekboy finding an abandoned but perfectly intact Emperor class Titan.

He gazes at it for a while, his brow furrowed. Then, after a few moments of intense thought, he picks up a big shoota and nails it to the Titan's leg.

He takes a step back. "Betta", he says.

>>6548307
single orky tear

>>6548307

Orks are the perfect example of an ideal balance of these three philosophies.

BECAUSE THEY TAKE THEM ALL TO THE FUCKING EXTREME.

>>6548307

....I did indeed lol. Unfortunately this also categorizes my failure to think big enough.

Unfortunately, Ork Teknawlogee pundits will simply counter everything i say with " I stick a plasma cannon on it."

>>6548447
XTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME

when you have a gun that rounds pawerful enough to break a small moon at 900 rounds per minute AND is so loud it some how manages to make SOUND IN SPACE.
you are on the right track to making the perfect dakka

Ideal solution, a orbital plaform with 20 quad turrets, each turret barrel is a railgun that fires a depleted uranium clad "slug" filled with a magnetically suspended bolus of anti-matter. Ideally, the antimatter equivalent of hydrogen, so each slug causes a miniature fusion explosion when it hits....a fusion explosion that spits out antimatter.
Each "shot" hurls 80 slugs into the gravity well of the target planet, each time it is fired.

rolled 48 = 48

>>6549779
But then, no one would hear it.

>>6549803
radio broadcast the sound from inside the orbital platform.

So are orks a little bit like niggers ?

>>6549803
Yes they would.
If you shot it at Paris, they'd hear it in Berlin.
Remember, this is just firing ONE SALVO from the platform. Even if you left out the antimatter ordnance, the noise the slugs make on their way to the surface would sound like the wrath of god.
And this is from firing the turrets One Time.
Now imagine that you start firing, and keep firing for 20 minutes....

rolled 83 = 83

>>6549832
But that wouldn't be the point. According to the OP, you need to make it big and loud, not for damage, or the SOUND to be feared, but the ORK to be feared.

The gun is nothing but a tool, the Ork is the one that should be noticed and feared. Which is suprising, considering some Orks affinity with vehicles.

rolled 64 = 64

>>6549857
They hear thunder in Berlin. They look up and see a spaceship shooting down. No Orks were involved.

People underestimate how devistating KEW weapons are. With a powerful enough EM coil weapon you can fire a (properly magnetized) sewing needle through the bulkhead of an aircraft carrier.
My scenario combines that with firing into the gravity well, and letting gravity add more punch.

Thats before you factor in the antimatter ordnance.

> "They hear thunder in Berlin. They look up and see a spaceship shooting down. No Orks were involved."
Thats the beauty, they blame the complete vapourization of an entire city on the Tau or the Eldar, while the Orks get to laugh about it.

It's not so much Dakka Dakka Dakka as it is VrackTHOOOOMVrackTHOOOOMVrackTHOOOOM

rolled 100 = 100

>>6549902
Now your mistaking POWER for DAKKA. We're not trying to create a super weapon. We're after the perfect DAKKA. You want a weapon where it's LOUD, and BIG. But still draws attention to the user.

Enuff Dakka

Oooooh. Okay.
So....if the orbital plaform was alot closer to the surface, painted with Orkish insults, was encrusted with loudspeakers blasting Orkish Heavy Metal music....and THEN its starts shooting?
(Preferably at targets far enough way so that they don't BROW DEMSELFS UP!!)

YES BUT....

IS IT FLASHY?

rolled 98 = 98

>>6549950
With big flashing arrows pointing to the git up top. shure.

Maybe you could have a multi-stage weapon? A round has multiple compartmentalised charges which explode in sequence, so a single round produces multiple bangs. That'd be plenty of noise, without needing to lug about so much ammunition.

The only problem with the is that lots of ammunition is half of the point of dakka, to give more chances of hitting the enemy.

>>6549936
ya daft git. Enuff dakka? Den wotzit if i'z slap five of dem togetha?

A gun that shoots guns, which shoot guns with hundreds of barrels that fire exploding bullets in every direction. Then they all explode.

>>6549982

Mor den enuff dakka

rolled 45 = 45

>>6549936
Not loud enough when firing. And it doesn't make the right kind of noise.

>>6549974
Now your on to something. Ammunition itself can lend it's properties to Dakka.

> "A gun that shoots guns, which shoot guns with hundreds of barrels that fire exploding bullets in every direction. Then they all explode."
Howsabout a bazooka that shoots chainsaws, and the chainsaws explode and all the teeth of the chainsaws are coated in some kinda ebola.

>>6549994
>Mor den enuff dakka
Mek cancels building Gargant: not enough dakka

a railgun that fires spiky bazookas that fire shells filled with spiky grenades that explode into spiky shrapnel covered in some nasty STD.

>>6550017

>>6550017
Ebola does not make noise.

>>6550047

Specially engineered screaming ebola.

The "TOP DAKKA" as it is commonly known as, or to those orks versed in high goffic, "ULTIM'T DAKKA" is a thought experiment carried out to its ultimate absurdity - what would be 'enough dakka'.

Clearly, this is no small feat. Any mekboy can improve the amount of dakka on a weapon by the addition of a simple slugthrower bolted to the side, as shown above. The only case where this does NOT hold true is if there is not enough leftover matter in all the multiverse to make into a boltgun to weld on.

Thus, one of the key conditions of the "TOP DAKKA"; it must be a weapon that comprises of every last part bit of matter, and every last scrap of energy, everywhere.

A second point raises its ugly head. Dakka cannot exist without ammunition of some sort. Shootaz is pointless if they have no bullets to shoot, after all. But there is already no remaining matter left, what can be shot? This puzzled many ork philosophers (see Musings of WAAAUGH: Conjectures brought forth from disputes on Armageddon) until one particular dokboy realised that one can in fact have self-propelled ammunition as part of a weapons system. Consider a cutta-rokkit; it flies, teeth abuzz, and when it strikes the enemy, it continues onwards in a shower of guts, the gretchin riding upon its hull guiding it towards another enemy. Is that not both weapon and projectile?

>dakka
>precise term
>goes on to define the term USING ITSELF

DEFINITION DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

>>6550075
The "TOP DAKKA" therefore, would either have every part of itself be usable as both ammunition and launching mechanism, for example a modular railgun that fires chunks of itself at the enemy, or rocket propelled rocket launchers, or similar mechanisms.

Finally, the last key to the puzzle is what would this "TOP DAKKA" be fired at? Yes, if you have achieved the above weapon it is a fine thing, but if there's nothing to shoot, then what's the point?

Once again, the simplicity of multi-use parts come into play. The DAKKA is weapon, ammunition, AND target for itself, its parts continually firing immense mechanisms at itself, hurtling those enormous items at other similar parts while those gubbins themselves launch more projectiles at oncoming bits of DAKKA. They crash into each other, and then launch each other again, a cacophonous medley of DAKKA that is heard in every part of the universe. Endlessly.

One could say that orks, themselves bred as a biological weapon, if they wiped out all of the other races, would be that "TOP DAKKA", forever internally fighting, being both weapon and bullet that strikes itself for all eternity.

rolled 88 = 88

>>6550081
We're talking about Orks here. Yes it does.

rolled 95 = 95

>>6550085
Ironic. What you just described can only be used once by a user. Once it's fired, it's gone forever. This quantifies Dakka by the way, making it POSSIBLE for there to be enough.

But then again, it must be sustained. Unless they build a weapon out of the war god Khorne, and shoot parts of him.

>>6550047
The victims do the screaming.

>>6550075
"...what would be 'enough dakka'.."
Yu kan nevah have enuff dakka. Y'see, yu blow it up with dakka, but then there'z all theez bitz, see. But yu gotta blow up the bits, so yu need mor dakka, but den de bitz break into smaller bitz

>>6550158

But if the objective is just blowing bits into more bits, than a gun that shoots black holes would be Enuff Dakka. But we all know a black hole gun is silly.

so yu gotta break 'um down into atoms...and then yu gotz all deze protonz n neutronz...so you need mor dakka....
den you got all deze qwarks....
so...
you need mor dakka....

>>6550119
Not really. The entire weapon reuses its own parts shot at itself to fire more parts at itself, and so on. It's an infinite cycle, therefore sustained dakka.

>>6550171
Nah, 'cuz den yu need mor dakka to blow up de black hol.
reely simpul. 'm amazed yu pink-skinnd munkeighz don get it.

>>6550085

It's like an elaborate game of Life. After hundreds of thousands of generations of random chaos, it collapses into a perfect infinitely repeating pattern.

>>6550187

But you can destroy black holes by shooting black holes at the black hole. Once you destroy all matter in the universe, the only thing left is to destroy the black hole gun and any orks still alive.

>>6550196
>It's like an elaborate game of GorkaMorka

rolled 45 = 45

>>6550185
Then how would it fire AT things?

>>6550217
Simple. It's like a gun that fires a gun that's the same size of itself at another gun just like it firing a gun at the original gun.

Except it's all one weapon system.

>>6550202
with a really, really big slingsot.

>>6550196
Though sometimes that pattern is empty of live cells or has an oscillation period = 1.

rolled 79 = 79

>>6550235
Your describing a Factory mate. Your making a Ork carry and shoot, a factory.

>>6550248

your point?

>>6550248
no, it's really quite simple.

he's describing a gun, made of everything that ever has been, is, and ever will be, powered by all the energy in the universe, that shoots itself, at itself, for all eternity.

THAT is enough dakka.

rolled 37 = 37

>>6550281
Okay, your making a UNIVERSE factory. A UNIVERSE FACTORY GUN.

>>6550295
there was no part of that sentence that was not awesome.

except your failure to spell 'you're' correctly.

rolled 31 = 31

>>6550305
We've gone over this anon. It's a mental block. No clue why. I see myself typing in you're, and still get your.

>>6550248
>>6550281
The Orks would have to be part of the weapon itself. And there wouldn't be any gravity to stop the ork carrying it, anyway - EVERYTHING is in the dakka, so no planet is present for gravity.

Um, how many points would it cost to field an army that has that self-replicating von-Neumann death gun?

rolled 79 = 79

>>6550311
Hold up. Let me find the proper Dr.Evil pic to go along with my answer.

>>6550295
it will fire ONCE and just before everyone in the universe is consumed by the firestorm, every ork will shed a single tear knowing that the ultimate dakka has finally been made

>>6550311
See: Tyranid Codex

>>6550241
>>6550196
Unless, of course it's a pattern resulting in infinite growth of the population. Now that I think about it, spaceships colliding to make guns that shoot spaceships is very orky.

>>6550322

This has happened exactly ONCE in the history of the universe. We know it as the Big Bang.

>>6550281

In a way, ain't all dis actually happening?

Don't da universe constantly destroy and make new things as products of dat destruktin jus to blows dat up too?

Does us orks already have perfect DAKKA and just not knows it???

>>6550322
Don't be silly.

The ensuing firestorm will be simply the propulsion systems going off. The galaxy-sized buckshot haven't even left the gravitic barrel yet!

>>6550311
all of them.

>>6550322
>>6550332
there will be no less then 1 million orks trying to surf that blast wave in the void of space

>>6550347
now that would be awsome to see

>>6550311
5 points for a single wheezing, asthmatic conscript
5,000,000,000 for the actual gun.

>>6550347
That reminds me of that one old idea where a Big Mek noticed stars were great potential dakka engines and used a supernova to launch millions of rokks into the space.

>>6550347

But if they are trying to surf the blast and aren't part of the ULTIMATE DAKKA, then it doesn't utilize all the matter in the universe.

>>6550369
the surfboards are actually planet cracker nukes in the shape of a surf board, and the orks are the pilots. its dual purpose

>>6550376
FUCK YEAH YOU GET MY DESIGN PARADIGM

hot damn.
Is anybody archiving this?

>>6550457
sup/tg/ says yes.

>>6550060
I approve of this.

>>6550281
No, that's just ALL the Dakka.
That doesn't mean it's enough Dakka.
You still need more.

>>6550075

OP, I have to say that I love your writing, and I'm jealous that I haven't done this myself. :)

Dakka IZ.

If youz is thinkin 'bout what DAKKA IZ, YER DOIN IT WRONG!

Bah. HUMIES.

/request archive

>>6551327
Actually, I wasn't OP.