WEZ NEED TA GET A CHOPPA.

WEST. GET A STICK AND SOME SHARP STONES, MAKE CHOPPA.

>>6419505
make a choppa and head towards the smoke, some of tha boyz might be having a WAAGHH with out you.

>>6419533
This.

Oi! Yeah! We needs a choppa Or We'z muckin about!
Head North because the fire might mean there is a WAAAAAGH we can join!

>>6419505
Get to da forest, ya git! Der be tings ta kill der

>>6419546
>>6419564
>>6419533
GET A CHOPPA, HEAD TO SMOKE.
Also
>obvious ripoff of Astarte Quest
>but with Orks
>fuck yea, gonna be a warboss in no time
>or dead

WEZ GON TAKE THE RACOON BONEZ AND SHARP STONES AND MAKE A CHOPPA

[ I'm detecting Fail, as this git doesn't know Orks grow out of the ground! ]

>>6419603
Let him come up with shit.

A choppa. You want to chop stuff up. You decide to make something dead killy on the spot, right here.

You look around for materials. There are a few stones and sticks lying around. You pick two stones, and following your instincts you smash ‘em together. Repeatedly. Finally, one of the stones looks a bit choppier than before, thanks to your energetic sharpening. Using the other rock, you hammer it into a sturdy-looking stick.

Weapon acquired : Primitive Choppa !
Weapon created : +1 Mek point !

Now that you’re armed, you decide to investigate the forest. Smoke means fire, you reason, and fire means fun.

With a hearty guffaw, you run into the forest, waving your shiny new choppa. You run in the direction of the smoke for a while, but then you stop.

You stop because there’s a fuckin’ boar in your way. The huge beast has dark brown fur, matted with blood, and is bigger than you. It snorts and stomps the ground, and points its tusks at you. The fucker's about to charge! Zog!

>>6419689
Swing the choppa at it and brawl it in melee, I guess.

>>6419689
GET TA CHOPPIN! NO ZOGGIN' PIGGY IZ GON' STOP THIS ORK! IT AIN'T EVEN GREEN!

Let's let out a big ol "WAAAAGH" And show him who's better and greener!

If we can't beat him up till he listens to us, chop him up till we got some skin and tusks ta wear!

>>6419689
Iz time ta be kunnin! Shout a Waaagh fer Mork, when dat git charges jump out da way an' hit him with yer choppa at the back of the head.

We iz truly a kunnin git!

>>6419689

Dodge it's attack, beat the thing senseless with the non-choppy side of your Choppa, then beat it some more until it realises DAT YOU'Z DA BOSS.

>>6419721

Diz' gitz got da rou'ght ideah!

>>6419721
I AGREE!!!

>>6419689
time to test out that new choppa

were is the op!

TAME IT. MAKE IT YOUR BATTLE SQUIG

>>6419814
!!!!!! BEST IDEA EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>6419814
THIS

>>6419814
Wez a'haf ta crump it first. 'it it wiv the not choppy end of the choppa so az not ta crump it too hard. Continue with kunnin plan.

people take a name so we know who's who

WAAAAAAAGH !

Your defiance doesn’t seem to deter the beast. It charges at you, its hooves ripping chunks of earth and moss of the forest floor. Well you’re no whimpy grot, but you’re not stupid either. At the last moment, you jump to your left while swinging your choppa at the pig. It gets stuck in the boar’s shoulder.

IT DON’T CARE. It keeps charging on, while your grip tightens on your weapon’s haft. You just made this, you ain’t letting go. The boar thrashes wildly, but you’re still hanging on its side. Infuriated, it bulldozes on through the forest.

Branches whip your body and face, but you refuse to let go. You try to climb on the creature’s back, using it’s fur for grips. You manage to get on its back, hanging on for dear life. The next step is getting your choppa out of the boar’s shoulder. With a mighty heave, you finally free it, tearing off a chunk of meat in the process. Unfortunately, your momentum sends you tumbling backwards, and you only manage to catch the pig’s tail with your free hand through pure luck.

What’s next ?

>>6419872

Open your face bigger than it's face. BITING CONTEST.

It will obey when it realizes we bigga.

>>6419872
ITS A RODIEO NOW BITCHES HE HA!!!!!!!!!

>>6419872
Use da blunt end of da choppa, and it one of itz legz. It should get it ta trip, an' then we can crump it and use it to crump more weedy gitz.

>>6419872
CONTINUE CHOPPIN'

>>6419886
>>6419886
>>6419886

IT WORK FOR SQUIGS, IT WORK FOR PIGS

Hold on to the choppa! Smack em with the blunt side and yell till her listens, stops runnin, or we kill em!

BEAT IT DOWN, TEACH IT THAT YOU AM BOSS

>>6419900
>>6419886

These. We ain't neva going to get bigga unless something realizes we stompier than it. Dat pig believes we're bigga we're gonna be bigga.

Then we be the biggest and become a Warboss.

stuff your hand up its ass and turn it inside out

dont let this die V.V

>>6420016
we all wanna bite its grubby face off

we bigga, we betta

>>6420029
and we need its fur.....were naked......and a naked ork is no good!

>>6420047
dont matta if we got attak pig

Try to swing at its rear legs.

>>6419934
boar glove

I'm sorry, I'm not the fastest at typin'. Anyway:

Dat boar. Dat boar. Dat zoggin’ boar. You swing the blunt end of your choppa at its hind leg. While you do not hear the satisfying crack you were expecting, the pig loses its balance and tumbles forward. Fortunately, you let go of the animal’s tail and land on the ground face-first. Hey, it’s better than having the boar landing on you. Speaking of the boar, something tells you you gotta show it who’s boss.

IT’S BITIN’ TIME.

You run up to it just as it’s getting up again. The both of you gaze into each other’s eyes, one pair porcine, bloodshot and fierce, the other, fierce, bloodshot and porcine. Just as the boar surges its tusks towards your face, you open your maw as wide as you can, and bite the zoggin’ hell down with all your strenght. The boar shakes it’s head wildly, but that only makes your teef tear more of its flesh.

After a while, the shaking becomes less and less violent. Finally, you let go of the bloody snout, one or two of your teef stuck in the black flesh. Triumphantly, you grab the boar by its ears and yell WAAAAAAAAGH !!!, showering it with spittle. It snorts, but doesn’t attempt to kill you or anyfink.

A winner is you ! +5 Ork points. You now feel bigger, stronger and orkier. You are no longer a runt. You now are a boy !

What to do now ? Do you want to name the newly tamed boar ? What to do with it?

>>6420109
Name it WAAAGHearst an' ride it to da smoke!

>>6420109
Wait a zoggin second!

Wez don't have a name!

I say wez Nuk the Kunnin. An diz dere boar iz Charga.

>>6420109
RIDE IT TO THE FIRE, THEN KILL IT AND USE THE BONEZ

>>6420141
NO YA GIT. WEZ CAN USE IT TA KILL MORE STUFF.

>>6420136
Before I continue, is everyone ok with those names?

Back somersault, pry off the alligator's jaw, use it as a boomerang to take out the sniper. He falls out the window, the grizzly will go straight for the easier meal

>>6420181
Sure!

>>6420181
Nuk da kunnin. Real Orkz don't use the. Other than dat, itz fine.

>>6420182
..... -steps on as mono eye flashes- im sorry please contune op

>>6420193
I say we Nuk da killin

wut kinda ork is kunnin? we aint one o'dem mek boyz, wez a killin boy.

Let's ride the boar closer to the smoke.

>>6420216
yes and hope to god we find some dead corpese to loot

« Roight. Now lissen, ya pig. I’m Nuk da Cunnin’, and I’m da boss. And you’s Charga. I sit on ya and tells ya where to go, and ya crump wot I tells ya to crump. Got it ? »

Charga snorts. He seems to have gotten it. Now, what were you doing here ? That’s right, you were heading for the smoke. You climb on top of Charga, raise your bloody choppa and with a loud WAAAAAGH !, you’re off. You ride in silence for a while, enjoying your new mount’s speed. You feel that painting it red would make him go faster, but you don’t have paint so you decide you’ll see to that later.

Finally, you arrive at a clearing in the forest. The smoke is rising from a crashed Valkyrie. Flaming debris and scraps of the hull are scattered across the area.

What do, /tg/ ?

>>6420212
I SEZ WE USE BOTH WHEN IT'S APPROPRIATE.
NUK DA KUNNIN WHEN WE'Z BE KUNNIN.
NUK DA KRUMPAN WHEN WE KRUMPAN.

>>6420312
Loot the fuck out of it, attach pieces of the hull to the charga.

If dere ain't no gits 'round to attack us, it's lootin' time!

>>6420312
search the crash sight then scavange and dont you think we need to make a camp?

>>6420334
THIS.
IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS.

>>6420312
WEZ LOOT DOZE GITZ.

DON'T WAAAAGH THOUGH. WAAAAGH AFTER WE GETZ SOME DAKKA.

Find somethin to wear, or make a choppa better or put stuff on our new mount! Or All of those things!

>>6420334
>>6420334
>>6420334
LOOT IT TO MAKE CHARGA BETTA

We needz ta use dem flamey gubbinz ta make stuff. BE DA MEK BOY.

>>6420312
use metal to make some arma' for yous and Charga, and improve ya choppa a bit. Maybe look to see if there's anything you can use as a slugga in there as well.

You ride Charga to the crash site. Looking at the metal scraps, an idea blooms in your mind like love on the battlefield. You jump of your boar, and start looking for suitable armor plates. Using your choppa, you fashion some armor bitz for your mount and yourself. You also find several ‘umie bodies. You remove the sharp rock from your choppa and replace it with a sharp metal bit. Most of the guns you find are either too small for your hands, or busted up. You might be able to make something out of the Ogryn's ripper gun, given enough time... All in all, you start looting the fuck out of that place.

Stuff created ! +3 Mek points.

Equipment : Metal primitive choppa, Iron gob, Protecty plates ( right shoulder and gut ) Pants ( looted from dead Ogryn )
Charga : Iron gob ( boar version ) Protecty plates on both sides and at the front.

Just as you were about to start looking at the engine parts of the Valkyrie, you hear a noise behind you. You turn around and lo and behold, one of the ‘umies survived. Doesn’t look very tough, though. He is covered in blood, his left arm is hanging limply at his side an dit seems he can barely stand. He scowls, looking at you and raises a laspistol in his right hand. The human officer is standing a good ten feet from you.

« A filthy… xeno like you… won’t defile His work ! »

>>6420532
oh look a a guy who has a dakka! KILLHIM AND TAKE IT!!!!

>>6420532
KRUMP
HIM
DED

>>6420532
KRUMP 'EM AND LOOT 'EM

>>6420532
>He scowls, looking at you and raises a laspistol in his right hand
>raises a laspistol
FINALLY, some dakka. Krump him good and take it.

Look through the wreck and try to find something shooty

Say to him in a polite voice, "Good evening Sir. If it would please you, can I please have your dakka? My companion Charga and I are in dire need of firepower if we are to survive this world. No doubt your comrades will soon arrive to assist you but we have no such resources. I would hate to have to krump you good."

that dakka is too small fer his hand though.

but yes, he must be krumped!

Nuk decides to be more kunnin'! and pick up a slab of steel to shield his face with, then charge da 'umies!

>>6420532
DODGE las blast!

KRUMP humie!

>>6420637
we could experment on it :D

>>6420634

Is it possible to be chummy and Orky at the same time?

Nuk da Gennelmen would be hilarious.

Weave some as you close in, then get choppy.

I'm not going to lie, I've got no idea how to be Orky so I've got to use this gentleman voice.

>>6420651

ah yes, he may have enuf mek points now to attempt a mod. Maybe smashin' the trigger area wif a rock to make it bigger?

Crump 'im wiv Charga!

Also archived.

KRUMP 'IM AN TAKE DA FLASH BITZ UV 'IS OONEFORM. LOIK 'IS HAT.

>>6420678
>smashin' the trigger area wif a rock to make it bigger

uv cors! why dint we tinkka dis earlier? KRUMP HIM DA FUK UP AND FICKS DA DAKKA'TA BE OURS.

The human shoots before you can react, but fortunately the shot just « pzoinks » on your armored shoulder. With a wild grin and a roar, you leap at him, swinging your choppa at his head. He manages to duck under your swing and jumps backwards, but due to his injuries, he trips and lands square on his butt. He shoots you again, his time hitting you in the thigh, burning a hole in your green flesh. It is only a flesh wound however, and won’t keep you down. Snarling, you leap forward, stomping the puny ‘umie dead.

With a wicked smile, you pick up his gun and prepare to celebrate your victory, when you notice something.

You notice the frag grenade the human was holding. The pin is missing.

Logic suggests you GTFO.

GIT DA ZOG OUTTA DA WAY!

>>6420749
oh son of a................

>>6420749
scream at the grenade to scare it into submission.

>>6420749
Hmm, pretty kunnin for a humi- DA ZOG?! RUN AWAY!

>>6420749

I do believe that if I am to escape from this pickle I had better head away from that Infernal contraption posthaste! I whistle for my trusty steed, Charga, and leap onto his back, slapping my legs against his side. "Onward Charga! Let us ride away from this devilry!" And so we saunter forth into whatever awaits us.

you realize that it is too late to GTFO. Something in your primal orky instinct knows that the kill radius of a frag grenade is about 18 feet, and you won't run that distance and lie down in time.

Pure hotblooded garness tells you to kick da grenade really 'ard! Then lie down asap.

pick up the grenade and throw it

>>6420820
'dis git iz 'ight orky 'e iz.

>>6420820
i say go for it but if we loose our foot ITS YOUR ASS!!!!

Can't run the distance. But throwing, now...

>>6420820
ORKY MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT HERE.

Yeah, kick it.

Aim for a goal-like pair of trees or something, though.

Kick or throw the grenade really hard!

>>6420903

Capital idea! It iz unorky to do thing without style. Even tactically sound decisions need to be executed with style.

lets do this!!!!

KRUMP DAT GRENADE, IT DON'T SCARE US!

>>6421018
OOH OOH, KICK DA GRENADE AT DESE GITS! THAT'LL TEACH EM TA INTERRUPT US WHEN WE IS BEIN ORKY!

> I do believe dat if I’m to escape from dis pickle I had betta head away from dat Infernul kuntrapshun posthaste !

Is what goes through your head. But you realize that it’s too late to run, so you Ork the fuck up and kick the grenade with all your might. The explosive rebounds the Valkyrie’s wall, ricochets on your skull ( ouch ! ) and flies out the window.

KER-BLAM.

Even through the vehicle’s wall, the blast sends you flying head first into the pilot’s seat. Fortunately, your iron gob doesn’t get stuck and you manage to free your head. You scratch your back, removing a few glass chunks that got stuck there.

Well, THAT was fun. You even managed to nick the human’s pistol in time. You step out of the Valkyrie’s hull and grab the busted-up Ogryn gun. You start thinking about what to do with these two weapons. You search around and find a Tech-priest’s corpse. What luck ! You rip off his giant wrench arm and start doing sum zoggin’ mekaniks.

When the sun sets, you wipe the sweat off your brow. Using the laspistol’s handle and the ripper gun’s muzzle and barrel, you manage to mek you a dead killy shoota.

Shoota created ! +3 Mek points.
Tool acquired ! Big wrench

With all the excitement from the grenade and whatnot, you are now a bit bigger ! Huzzah !

Charga suddenly rises up from his sleep and growls. You wonder what’s gotten into him, when suddenly you hear them.

Heavy footsteps in the forest, getting closer to the crash site.

>>6421071
oh fuck we better run for it!

SHOOTA AT DEM.

>>6421071

This unknown figure presents potential for further fightin'. Let loose a resounding "OI!" of challenge.

>>6421084
Unorky
>>6421089
Orky
>>6421100
Ded Kunnin.

OI, LETS GATHER UP ALL THE OTHA WORKIN SHOOTY THINGS THAT DONT FIT US AND MOUNT EM ON CHARGA'S ARMA. LOOP SOME SPARE WIRE THROUGH
THE TRIGGER AREAS SO WE CAN UNLEASH A WALL OF DAKKA WHILE WE RIDE!

>>6421071

Oh my! Space marines! Without other members of my crusade, I don't stand a chance. Although I do have this fine dakka at my side and a trusty beast I can rely on, I would be pressing my luck if I attempted any method of communication. Best to find a place to observe from and see if an opportunity to ambush those dastards presents itself!

>>6421127
WOT

>>6421127
agreed we should see how many they are before we attack

'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO

Use scrap metal and mek stuff wit dat wrench to mount dat shoota to Charga for a doubleboarral pig-gun

Use everything else to make our choppa more choppy

>>6421142
DAT'S JUST UNORKY.

>>6421133
the humies expermented on him he now talks like them -.-

>>6421152
AN SO DA YOO YA GIT.
TALK PROPPA OR ILL KRUMP YA.

>>6421148

>double boarrel pig-gun
>double boarrel
>boarrel

>>6421165
>>6421148

>>6421165
I grinned.
Also, let's exercise some of the kunnin' and look at what's coming before we krump them.

Wit all dese mek points, an' comp-lee-ca-ted plannin's like lookin' wot somethin' is before we krump it, we's gonna turn inta a right kunnin' git!

>>6421071
Toss da wrench when we seez dem, get ready ta snipe at em wit' da ded killy shoota!

(Pic Unrelated)

>Zog! More gitz! Widout uvva boyz, dis cud be tuff. Alfough I do have dis ded killy dakka and a stompy beast I can rely on, I wud be pressin’ my luck if I attemptid any mefod of communicashun. Best ta find a place to obsurv from and see if an oppertunity to ambush dose dastids presents itself!

Is what you think to yourself. Readying your choppa and dakka, you drag Charga and yourself behind the Valkyrie’s hull, on the side opposite to where the footsteps are coming from.

As they draw nearer, you can hear voices.

« Oi Gutzag ! Ya sure dat its where ya seen smoke ? »
« Uv curse ya stupid git ! I’ve even ‘eard a big boom earlia ! »
« Well look at dis ! Dis is gonna be a LOOT-FEAST ! »

You peak your head around your hiding place and make out three shapes in the darkness. You don’t have the time to fashion your double-boarrel pig idea on Charga, and they’d hear you anyway.

Your move !

Create cyboarg.

Oi! it be suma da boyz

Guys I'm sorry for ruining the thread I didn't mean for him to pick up on what I was saying. I'll be quiet now.

>>6421257

CLEAR OUT YOUSE GITS, I'M DA STOMPIEST.

Figger we's bigga dan deez nobs now wot wid all ahs resen' growin' and wot not.

Also we be wantin' any shootas dem gits got to make dis cyboar

Get on charga.
Krump wun uv 'em an bekkum dere boss.

I go and start a quest thread on /tg/ where I don't even listen to the majority of the responders.

>>6421285
dont be man

Oi! Other boyz! Let's introduce ourselves.

>>6421257

Reveal our honour.

Demand that they show us their honour.

Their OTHER honour.

>>6421261
I LIKE THIS CYBOAR, but we don't have time.
It's ORKS, SO YELL OUT A CHALLENGE.
Tell them to FOLLOW YOU, DA NEW BOSS, OR GET PROPA KRUMPED, AND DA SURVIVAS WILL SEE YOU ARE BOSS.

>>6421314
Oh look at mr original over here.
Any other month old webcomic jokes you wanna leave us in stitches with?

>>6421285
Oh, you'd rather I stop doing the Gentleork speak? What about you other guys?

>>6421071
yell out "OI! OO'S THERE!?" if its some more orks we may have the begining of a mob

I iz big, and derefor iz BOSS. Tell dem gits day is mucking about, day gotta get ta lootin' an WAAAAGHn'.

>>6421334
DIS BE AN ORKY THRED.
SO EIVER GET WIFF DA PROGRAM ER SHUT YER GOB.

>>6421329

*I* laughed. Fuck you.

>>6421357
>>6421314
Samefag.

Sorry, but I have to do it one more time:

"Ahoy there fine gentlemen! As you can see, I have secured this downed craft, and with the assistance of my stalwart mount here, have created ourselves some fine dakka and other such armaments. You look to be honest, trustworthy, and sound men. What do you say to a joining of forces, if only to find a way out of this arboreal mess? With your....shall we say, predilection for violence and my cunning, we can be a formidable force. Be advised however, that I hold all the cards in this little game, and if you choose not to follow, I cannot guarantee your immediate safety. *waves dakka menacingly* How about it comrades? A show of hands?

>>6421349
NO, YOU STUPID GIT, da loot iz all fer Nuk. Dey don't get nonna Nuks loot, dey gotta get dey's own. Wha dey CAN DO iz call you BOSS, or get krumped an see why you iz BOSS.

>>6421406

oh god. please this. do not stop my fine sir, this is the kind of orkyness we need to make this a great quest thread.

Get on Chargy

Heft weapons

Urge Chargy to leap up onto hull of ship

Pose dramatically against sunlight as paragon of rough-and-ready orkiness

>>6421406
>>6421413

I third this. Would be great to see their reactions.

>>6421406
OI. I IZ DA BIGGEST, AN I SAYS SHUT YER GOB! ORK KULTUR IZ DA BEST, AN WEEDY-SPEEKY GITS LIKE YOUZE NEEDA SOD OFF!

>>6421406

Even if you are ignored, keep posting anyway, it is very entertaining to read and i get a great laugh from it.

This: >>6421423

Followed by this: >>6421406

But in proper ork-speak, please, not dat flash git stuff

Yes. Let us be a proper gentleork.

I vote for gentleork.

>>6421441

Whoever is running this thread I'd rather be ignored cause I'm writing most of these out of jest, not in seriousness. (Come on, what ork says things like 'I hold all the cards')

>>6421481

That's what makes it funny.

Also,

>>6421440

is the translation

I vote gentleork as well. We need to be most kunnin' if we are to achieve our goals of krumpin' and getting bigga.

Assert our authority over the Valkyrie ruins. Say that we're the biggest, so we're in charge.

>>6421481
OI, YOUS GITS GOTS TA HAFF DA HELD ALL DA TEEF

>>6421506
WE'Z BEEN SAYIN DAT, YOU ZOGGIN GIT

>>6420109

>Finally, you let go of the bloody snout, one or two of your teef stuck in the black flesh

WAIT YOU GITS, WAIT

We gotta get dem teef outta dat piggy rite dis zoggin' minute. DEMS GOOD TEEF 'OR BUYIN' SQUIGPIES

Thread's dead, Jim

>>6421556
na he's slow

Listen, guys, the gentleork speech just isn't practical for a quest thread. By it's nature, gentleman speak takes longer to write. We don't want that.

I have faith.

>>6421596

Also: yes, it's funny to see an ork speak like that. But will it be funny the fifth time?

>>6421554
WE'Z GET DA TEEF AFTER WE KRUMP DEZE WEEDY GITS.
OR DEY SEE WE'Z BOSS.

>>6421596

The guy who is writing the gentleork speech isn't the DM. He's just some guy who is writing the responses. The only thing that slows down the DM is if he has to translate whatever sentence he's using into orky and the guy's already said he's fine with being ignored by the DM.

Ah, relax. While we think like a gentleork, it comes out all orky sounding.

Yeah, sorry for the wait. Gentleork writer, sorry but it seems people like it. Of course, you could just stop, but it's your call, m8.


Oh zog yeah. Time to show these boys who’s boss. You leap on Charga’s back, and have him jumb on the Valkyrie’s remain. You shoot your dakka at the sky to get their attention.

>Oi you gitz! Look ‘ere, dis crashed ‘umie-kopta is mine, and wivv my stompy Charga ‘ere, I’ve made me some ded killy dakka and uvva gubbinz. Now, you lot don’t look too runty or whimpy. How ‘bout I’m da boss now, and we get outta dis zoggin’ forest ? Wivv your killin’ and my ded kunnin’, we’z gonna stomp anyfink dat gets in our way. But don’t you gitz forget dat I’m in charge ‘ere, and if you wanna see why, come ‘ere and I’ll crump ya dead. *waves dakka menacingly* How ‘bout it boyz?

The other orks are startled by your sudden apparition. The bigger of the three, the one they called Gutzag, steps up. He is as big as you, maybe even bigger. In his hand is a wicked-looking choppa and in his belt is a big slugga.
« And who do ya fink ya are ? Git outta ‘ere ‘fore I krump ya. »

You snarl at him.
« Who do I fink I am ? Who da ZOG do YOU fink I am ? I’m Nuk da Cunnin’, Pigbita, Bomkicka ! And you lot do what I say or I’ll give ya a STOMPIN’ ! » You shoot in the air again for added effect. Charga grunts and snorts, stomping the ground.

As you hoped, Gutzag bares his teeth at you and growls.
« We’ll just see about dis ! You boyz stand back and look, and see why I’M da boss ! WAAAAGH !!! »
And with these words, he unslings his slugga and charges at you, shooting and brandishing his weapon.

« ‘ERE WE GO ‘ERE WE GO ‘ERE WE GO ! »

By the way, sorry for my slowliness.

>>6421682
time to break some one skull!!!!

>>6421682

WE DEALS WIT DIZ NOB LIKE WE DEALS WIT PIGZ.

OPEN DAT TEEFY MOUF O' OURS AND BITE DIZ GIT ON DA FACE

>>6421682

Dakka the shit out of him while you charge yourself, leap at him first and chop the shit out of him.

>>6421682
>I’m Nuk da Cunnin’, Pigbita, Bomkicka
I lol'd real good.

>>6421682
'AV CHARGA NOK IM DAN, THENZ JUMP OFF AN KRUMP IM DED!

>>6421682
Sidestep dat charge and krump dat git a new one. We'ze got ta show dem we iz cunnin'

Kick 'em in da bombs and den bite diz gitz entiyah face off. De gonna 'eed ta gettim a facesquig when we'z done

IZ DAT GITS FACE BIGGA DEN A BOARHEAD?

IF N, BITE DAT FACE
IF Y, BREAK OWN JAW AND DEN BITE FACE

>>6421682

Charge at him on boar; as you approach, stand up on Chargy's back. At point just before contact, leap forward, adding Chargy's speed to your own force as you knee dis uppity grot right in da teef. Use weight and other leg to force him to the ground, then utilize choppa and dakka excessively.

How's dat for a kunnin' strategy?

WE'Z GONNA SHOW DAT BOY WHY WE'Z DA BOSS! Circle him on Charga, then krump 'im when we're close enough.

>>6421755
>>6421753
>>6421727
>>6421718

1) Dakka
2) charge
3) stand
4) jump
5) knee
6) bite
7) choppa
8) goto 5

"I do say! Violence already! I can see you will be fine allies indeed. I'll have you know I was a champion boxer back in the Old Country! I guess I have to teach you rabble a thing or two about what it means to fight a real Ork. Have at you!"

*puts fist up in a pugilist stance*

And then:
>>6421753
>>6421719
>>6421755

>>6421753

>BREAK OWN JAW AND DEN BITE FACE

I always wondered why some ork warbosses had metal jaws.

Now I know. They tried to fit something too big into it to show their orkiness.

Verily I cross-step to the left with a deft feint, letting my amicable Suidae sally forth and disrupt this untoward vulgar ork. Seizing the initiative, I loose a volley from the ramshackle pistol before burying my handcraft woodsork's axe within his chest,

From now on, we solve all problems with face biting.

>>6421886

ORK HEZ NO PRUBLEM AFTA DAKKA DAKKA AND FACE BITE

>>6421895

NO!

BITE FACE THEN DAKKA

>>6421895
>>6421912

To dakka then bite, or bite then dakka?

This conundrum has taxed orky philosophy for millenia.

>>6421951
BAH, ALL KILLIN'S GUT

WAAAAAAGH !!!

Charga charges towards the attacking nob, your gun spitting death. Your bullets however do not seem to stop him, and he keeps running to you. When your boar and the nob are about to collide, you jump off, aiming your knee at Gutzag’s face. However, he leaps up at you, dodging Charga and headbutting you in the chest.

The two of you tumble backwards, while Charga continues charging, now aimed at the other boyz.

You and Gutzag stand up, slowly circling each other while Charga chases the other orks around, making sure they don’t help their boss.

« I do say! Krumpin’ already! I kin see you and yer lot’s gonna make me fine boyz. I'll have ya know I zoggin’ well bit off dat boar over dere’s face and can bite off ya’s if I get serious! I guess I have ta teach you lot a fing or two about fightin’ a real Ork. Have at you! »

This taunting angers your political advesrary who charges at you once more. You shoot your dakka at him, and a lucky bullet hits him on the skull. While not enough to kill him, the shock slows him down and dizzies him. You jump on the occasion and run up to him. You headbutt him to the ground and swing your choppa down, but he stops your arm with his own and kicks you off him.

Without missing a beat, you rol backwards, get up and charge him again. Both of you chop, bite, kick, punch and shoot each other fiercely, but he has the advantage of size. You will need to be extra kunnin’ on this one.

>>6422009

Poke him in the eyes!

DEN CHOMP.

>>6422009

WHY DIDN'T YOU BITE HIS FACE?

JUST BITE HIS FACE.

Break our jaw if our mouth isn't big enough to fit it in.

>political advesrary
Oh god am I lolling from this thread.

I brandish a convincing piece of scrap metal, gambling that this savage is less aware of it's mechanical and metallurgical properties.

"This here is my insurance policy. I will not serve a lesser vulgar ork. Kill or incapacitate me, and you and your band of miscreants will be incinerated. Surrender,"

>>6422009

Let's see... kunnin'... kunnin'...

Perhaps we should employ such advanced combat maneuvers as: sand/dirt/blood in his eyes; kick in the back o' the leg to make him fall; face stompin'.

>>6419505
CHOKE HIM TO DEATH BY SHOVING YER FIST DOWN HIS THROAT.

DAKKA FIRST.

>>6422122
You'll shoot yer own 'and off like dat, an we don't gots no klaw! Promise yo teef to his boyz if dey fights wit' us!

Yeah! Distract 'im, then give 'im a 'andful of dirt to the eyes.

Yell "LOOK OUT BOYZ ITS DA ’UMIES" and point towards the forest. If he looks away bash his skull in

>>6422143

DEM TEEF IS OURS

>>6422143

Nah. Promise HIS teeth to da boys if dey helps.

"Hmph, perhaps you are a worthier foe than I expected. I shall have to use some unsavoury tactics if I am to gain the upper hand in this duel. Let's see how you handle a....SPLASH OF DIRT IN YOUR EYES!"

>>6422157

Actually, no. Keep all da teef.

See if you can use the terrain. Collapse somethin' on him, or lead him over some slick mud. Dirt + blood equals mud, so there's got to be some!

Said mud is also useful for throwing in eyes or jamming into his slugga so dat it becomes more of a bomb.

Damn, I need to sleep. Please, archive this thread and any follow ups so I can read them tomorrow!

A CLEVER DISTRACTION

"Oh, WOTS DAT IS THAT SUM 'UMIE LAZDAKKA IS SEE DAR?"

Orks can take dirt in their eyes, most lootas have been in multiple bukkakes, which involve rupturing the gas and oil comparment.

Since he's loota, "OH ZOGGIN', DATS BIGGEST DAKKA I EVVUNA SEEN"

Bite.

dat.

zoggin'.

face.

The eyes ! Of course ! It’s no wonder they call you Nuk da Kunnin’. You got a zoggin’ plan, you do. You charge once more at Gutzag. You swing your choppa, shoot your dakka, all that good stuff. But when he attempts to kick you away, you let him. You jump backwards and deftly grab a handful of dirt. When he next charges you, you throw it into his eyes, surprising him and blinding him. While he is distracted, you kick him between the legs as hard as you can. While orks are asexual, a hit to this fleshy area can still inflict a lot of pain. Gutzag reels backwards from the hit. You use this opportunity to headbutt him to his knees.

You then throw down your shoota, ball your fist and hit him in the eyes as hard as you can. You punch his zoggin’ eye out of its socket.

And now, while your opponent is down, you need to assert your superiority…

You grab your jaw and pull it strongly. The pain is almost unbearable, but you still manage to pull it from its socket.

You open as wide as you can, and bite the ever lovin’ zog down, in a brutal and violent parody of a kiss. Gutzag thrashes and punches you, tries to strangle you, but you stick your tongue in his eye socket, making him stop struggling and start yelling. Finally, you release him from your mout hand kick his bloody face.

« Oi ! Charga ! Git over ‘ere ! »

The boar, who was sitting on the two ork boyz, gets up on gallops to you.

You grab Gutzag’s choppa.

« Now you gitz lissen well ! Dis is why I’m da boss ! Dis is why you lissen to me ! I’m Nuk da Kunnin, I bite faces and I kick bomms ! And I’M ! DEAD ! KILLY ! »

You swing the choppa down, severing the nob’s head. You pic kit up and stick it on one of Charga’s tusks.

The two boyz look at each other. One speaks up :
« You krumped Gutzag, you’s da boss, boss. Wot ya want us ta do ? »

« You two boyz are gonna show me yer camp. Dere’s no zoggin’ way dere wuz jus’ da three o’ ya. I’m gonna spread da word ; dere’s a new boss in town.

Weapon acquired : Big Choppa !

Good fightin’ ! +10 ork points. You are now a nob !


Right, I’m done for the night. Hope you guys enjoyed this ! I’ll be back tomorrow, around, say, 10pm-11pm. G’night !

>>6422270
dam!!!!!!!

>>6422278
FUCK

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

DIS ERE DA KILLIEST AN ORKIEST TREAD EVA

POWER TEEF'.

WE NEED ONES

oi! wessz needs to arkive this!

I seem to be unable to archive this. Could somebody do it, if it's not done already?

Anyway, sweet dreams. ( Are made of these... )

>>6422270

>you stick your tongue in his eye socket

thats odd i cant archive this eather.....

Someone HAS to make a models out of this.

Cyboar riddan' ork is not hard.

>>6422378

/w monacle and tophat.

Aww man, I just got in in time to read everything, to catch up in the story, and then find out I couldn't even join in. :(

I'zz gon krump someone for dis... >:(

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6419505/ oi YOU GITS LOOK!

>>6425673
Emperah Bowie

We need you!!!