Well, all my DM's have been predictable, but when I DM I always throw in a bit of sci-fi or horror elements.

E.g, One game they were sent to find out what made an awful crashing sound. Turns out it was a so called 'Space-man' who's science fiction like stuff was under control by an outside force. They got him the items he needs, but when hes preparing to get his shit together three wizards approach the party and say they need the spiders in the 'space-man's' ship. Ninja guy rolls in, grabs spiders, overhears spaceman talking about killing the people. Everyone assumes its them. They bring spiders, the spiders spin an interdimensional web that brings a demon into their realm. Demon fights them with their worst fears. Everyone ends up close to dying until spaceman kills demon.

one time the DM raped my halfling wizard with a werebear. I hate him and i hate 4chan

I am in envy.

One day my GM shat on the tabletop and ate the shit.

Fucking fuck OP.
I wanna hear more.

>>6358132
When I DMed a party member got raped by two blackmen named Bubba and Lucy

>>6358161
That's a blatant lie.

>>6358116
>all my DM's have been predictable
>when I DM I always throw in a bit of sci-fi or horror elements.

Allow our party to die and stay dead. Normally we end up all dying at least twice a session, because my group is so stupid. Normally, the DM is quite forgiving, allowing us to take things back a bit before we all died, if we learned from our mistake.

However this time I think the reason was so stupid that he didn't even care we were sorry for making a mistake, and we had to make new characters.

>>6358199
You are a shit DM

>>6358274
care to elaborate

>>6358274
hahaha, oh wow.
Your DM must be a pansy.

>>6358286
Uhh, there was more to it then that
Just happened they were all thrown in prison, that poor party member was party-less in a cell with Bubba and Lucy

>>6358318
that doesn't counter his statement at all

>>6358304

I think it's best for everyone, I mean we are really stupid. If we stayed dead every time, we'd never get anywhere.

>>6358300

Well we were in a submarine and were having trouble with the sonar, so one of the guys put on some goggles, held his breath and opened the main hatch on the top of the sub to look around.

At the time, it seemed like a good idea. I guess we should have listened to the DM's several warnings and notions that such a thing might not be a good idea.

>>6358274

What was the reason

beautiful thread OP

>>6358337
HAHA, OH WOW

>>6358337
That's... just... but... wow. Seriously, WOW.

>>6358352

I didn't understand why he just ended it at that. Even if we couldn't pull back the clock, we could at least swim around, and make for the surface, right?

Apparently not, something about "You're a mile underwater, the pressure alone would kill you." and all that jazz. I don't know, I thought it was a stupid reason, but anyway yeah, our guy performed the action to open it, and was going to have a look around when the DM just walked off.

He came back later and said we all died and were starting over.

>>6358388
...I don't know if you're trolling, creating a funny story, or just retarded...I'm hoping for the former two....I mean....Just...No...

>>6358337
Where's a drawfag when you need one?

>>6358388
You must be trollan because you're typing too well to be that stupid.

>>6358388
Actually I think the pressure same pressure that would have killed you would also have kept the hatch shut securely.

From the thumbnail, the geiger counter is staring at me.

>>6358407

Hey, it wasn't my idea!

I didn't see what the big problem was, I mean we've done MUCH stupider than that.

>>6358427
Friend Computer in portable form?

>>6358388
>something about "You're a mile underwater, the pressure alone would kill you."
The pressure would MANGLE you HIDEOUSLY at a mile underwater, holy fuck.

>>6358429
I want to find this hard to believe, but I cant.

>>6358388

Ah yes. The moment needed to ask god why he cursed you with retards and maybe a little bit of crying.

Then back to leading another group of helmeted ones to their inevitable doom.

>>6358421

Well it was a mechanical, auto lock jobby, those kind that open and close with mechanical assistance. That way, when you have a dramatic scene where someone's trying to get through one, it cuts them in half or something cool.

Anyway, I digress, our mate was like "Ready, I'm gonna throw the switch." and I stood there to give him a boost up the ladder while the others watched.

And then we all died or something.

itt the long list of examples of why namefags are fucking stupid gets another line added to it.

>>6358337
Derp.

rolled 13, 12, 9 = 34

>>6358429
Tell us about more of your misadventures.

>>6358645
are they... Marvelous Misadventures?

>>6358630

Eh, kinda like that, except we were fighting to get to look out when he said he could see some jellyfish. Our DM had walked off so we continued while he was gone. Unfortunately only three could look out the hatch at any one time, so they described what the could see to us.

It was cool, there were like clown fishes and seahorses and stuff, and someone swore they saw a sunken ship. Then the DM came back and announced we had died.

It was cool while it lasted though! Looking back on it now though, I think we should have just used the periscope or something.

>>6358429
>>6358523

God dammit this is the third fucking time this story has been posted. Troll or retarded. Completely fucking retarded.

I mean seriously. The DM didn't just flat out have some of the NPC's on the ship tell you that opening the hatch at that depth would kill you all?

Though to be fair if you tried to argue why it wouldn't work when it was thoroughly explained how many pounds of force per square inch were involved... I would probably have not wanted to talk to any of you for at least several days out of disgust.

Not only are you morons, you refuse to listen to reason and can't take being wrong.

>>6358693

that sounds like 8 year olds playing submarine

>>6358711

What? I've never posted this story before, it happened recently.

Some of the party stayed on the bridge, while the rest went off to open the hatch. He did have the crew warn us, and even try to stop us but we had the fat guy block the stairs so they couldn't get up.

Keep in mind we thought it was a good idea, and so assumed the crew was in the wrong.

>>6358693
You are not for real.

>>6358755

I don't see what the problem is. People make mistakes.

>>6358731

Like I said, most of the people in my group are dumb shits. I suppose I am too for going along with them.

>>6358751

Is your entire group composed of 16 year old girls?

>>6358808

Erm no, no one's younger than 18, and only one person is that. Most are over 20.

trollpasta, the most disgusting kind

>>6358751

Then why have I heard it referenced in other threads? Perhaps you mentioned it off-handedly? and by recently do you mean in the last few days? or something a bit longer, cause I could have sworn I saw something about this a couple of weeks ago.

Also, you should all re examine how you take advice. "We thought it was a good idea so we don't listen to anyone else".

So, want to go rape a nun and burn down and orphanage and not listen to the police cause it sounded like a good idea at the time?

>>6358337

You couldn't open the hatch if you wanted to. They open outwards. No mechanical hatch we have that exists could force back the pressures of a mile under the ocean, even if it's an auto-lock deal.

Also no submarine we have could survive that. A mile below is beyond crush depth. Unless this is one of those specialized deep sea submersibles for research...

>>6358751
There's no way anyone could possibly be this retarded and still be breathing.

>>6358015

Why do you say "the DM is a dungeon crawler" when you have 4 years of counter evidence?

I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE A RADIATION GAME, ENJOY YOUR /TG/.

>>6358867

What did you hear? It happened... oh around the second or third of this moth if I remember.

And no, we wouldn't rape a nun and do all that, because that's evil, not just stupid.

I probably should have not said anything about this, I took the same kind of fire about the Bees account that happened. People don't believe other people are that stupid, without experiencing it firsthand.

>>6358876

It's a game brah.

>>6358943

The lesson you all should take from this entire event is one sentence worth of information.

"If one person tells you it's a bad idea get a second opinion, if the second person says the same get a third, and if that third says it's a bad idea then don't do it."

Seriously. Your idiocy will live in infamy and I'm going to tell my group today when we meet up about this. This is fucking comedy gold.

>>6358943

It is entirely dumb. I thought my party was insane when the russian sniper special forces chick threw the white phosphorous grenade down the hall in a deep sea habitat. But 'opening the hatch' is totally insane.

BTW the white phosphorous grenade killed everybody. The hab was equalized at 50 atmospheres.

>>6358974

Well by that logic, only one person was telling us it was a bad idea.

>>6358977

Like I said, they've done stupider things, this decision was just made on the fly so he probably didn't think about it much beforehand.

Just a;
"We can't see where we're going, let's sto-"
"Wait, hold on I have an idea, I'll be right back."

>>6358751
Why would you assume the crew is in the wrong. Holy shit you are all insanely stupid.

>>6359018

I don't want to have to keep justifying myself; look, my group is stupid, opened the hatch on a submarine, and we all died. That simple.

>>6359005
I'm not sure I can even imagine "stupider things" things. Can you elaborate on them?

>>6359066

Am I the only one thinking that that's just awesome enough to let slide? Just look at >>6358630

>>6358337
I lol'd so very hard.

>>6359090

Well there was the Bees one where I got chewed out on.

We were supposed to collect some honey as a quest requisite, so we figured we'd just steal some, I mean, come on right? So we found a pasture full of bee hives, and concocted a plan to steal ALL the honey.

Long story short everyone except one person died. However if people are really bothered by the stories from my group then I won't tell them anymore. The last thing I want is to upset people.

>>6359005

Yes, but think about in character you jackass. if one crewmember says it's a bad plan, then ask another, if another says it's a bad plan, ask another. If that third one tells you you're all going to fucking die thanks to metric tons of fucking pressure. Then perhaps they know what the fuck they're talking about.

And if you pull that, "I will not conform I am a unique snowflake" argument I swear to fucking god you're going to be hit by a bus one day and no one will miss you. In fact, here's a link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_HvzLioOgU

This is your group's logic in a nutshell.

>>6359159

I'd say keep going. These things are pretty funny.

>>6359159
I can't be upset by shenanigans. How did your party die with the Honey caper? Were they all just raped by bees?

>>6359189
>This thread is now about bees.

>>6359005
Stupider things?

Does everyone in your group slam their dicks in doors constantly or something?

>>6359066
yes, you are a fucking idiot.

i think most people are running into trouble with this because it is suck EPIC stupidity that their brains refuse to believe it is real and thus they claim troll.

Usually it is the people who do not go out into society much who have trouble with this. Those of us who do venture out into the wider world on a frequent basis know damn well that people are not only as stupid as you fear, but more so, and will prove it at the drop of a hat.

How this species got past the 'ogg make club' stage of development is conclusive proof in my mind of a divine being or beings watching over and manipulating us all.....and they are as sadistically cruel as they are powerful.

>>6359159
I haven't heard it.

I'll contribute one of my own. My players were supposed to steal a particular object from this theater. Basically, the theater was owned by the local organized crime group, and they used this as a test to see if potential recruits could pull off stealth missions.
So the PCs end up setting the neighbouring building on fire to "create a distraction", then set the theater on fire to "hide the evidence" BEFORE THEY'VE EVEN GONE INSIDE, then dismantle the back door instead of unlocking it because the rogue can't pick locks, which sets off the alarm because they didn't bother to search for such things. The rogue goes in alone and searches the now burning building for this item while the rest of the party fucks off. He does manage to find it, but when he gets out the fires and alarm have attracted all sorts of people, including some guards. He's in disguise but he rolled piss poor on the check, so the guard takes one look at him and realizes he's in disguise while he stammers out some excuse for why he's coming out of burning, obviously broken into building. The party was arrested shortly and put to work for the government.

>>6359189

Well we remembered that bees communicate by dancing and the bard figured he could act like a queen bee and lure them away. So we painted him in yellow and black stripes, the warforged made him some deedly-boppers to wear on his head, and the sorceress made him some wire-frame wings. Decked out like a bee, he strolled out in the middle of the pasture and started dancing and playing his flute but nothing happened.

So we figured we needed to stir the bees out of the hives. We concocted a plan to have the paladin run around in a sort of loop, tackling the hives as he went. Not wanting to get stung himself, sorceress set him on fire (with a protection spell before hand), and he ran around screaming and knocking over the hives.

Once the task was done, the bard continued his merry dance and song, with the initial plan in mind. Ecstatic we watched with anticipation.

Only one person survived.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYX_zhlTDr8

Video vaguely similar to the bards dance, but he used different words and played a flute, both in game and real life.

>>6359326
Is the warforged named Bender?

>>6359346

What?

>>6359326
see, at least this is awesome in addition to stupid

>>6359326
Alright, you win. That IS stupider that I ever would have imagined. I will leave this thread with a new understanding of the world.

>>6359364

Not awesome when even the warforged with a metal body dies from being stung to death.

>>6359326
If I was the sorcerer, I woulda "forgot" the protection spell.

>>6359376
........i think the warforged died from either laughter at how stupid everyone was or from being too stupid to live themselves.

DRAWFAG REPORTING

>>6359326

I think I love you.

This is fucking hilarious, I don't care if it was dumb as long as it was a laugh riot when it happened. Any more tales of DERP?

>>6359430

No, he was literally stung to death.

I can't remember his last words;

"I'M FUCKING COVERED IN BEEEEEEEEEES~!"

Actually that was mostly everyone's last words, except the paladin who burned to death.

>>6359483

Oops, I meant can't forget.

>>6359458

Things like this happen pretty much every session. Although this isn't really the thread for them...

>>6359483
but what about the protection spell

>>6359483

>>6359516
Someone has to play this guy sometime. Fuck, I should get that game again.

>>6359326
>Screaming paladin on fire,running around and knocking bee hives over

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

I lol'd so hard I can barely breathe

>>6359502

It wore off, and since the sorceress teleported out of there she couldn't renew it.

Ironically, she still died. Because there were bees all around, she had to roll where she went. Bad roll, ended up under a river.

>>6359326
Oh shit, I thought the submarine story was good. "Okay, light me on fire while I go tackle these beehives." is a new level of hilarious.

>>6359498
I'm just going to come right out and say, Rape-chan, I really want to DM your group. TPK every session just sounds like so much fun, especially since I wouldn't have to plan anything to do it!! Bwhahahahhahahaha, but seriously, you're group sounds like a blast to DM for.

>>6359547

I've don't DM for my group, but we do switch out from time to time. It's even worse when the only smart person isn't the DM, and one of the stupids are.

>>6359541

He made a point of saying that his character was making a Mystery of the Druids face during it.

>>6359516

Now, with a theme song!

>>6359569
>Screaming paladin on fire, running around, tackling bee hives and doing Mystery of the Druids face

ok, I died now

ROUND TWO I'M SUCH A WHORE

This thread is incredible.

Looking back, this thread got terribly derailed.

Sorry 'bout that.

>>6359716
I don't think it matters, the derail was fucking hilarious!

>>6359716
Um, I think I speak for all of us when I say this... MOAR!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MOAR OF YOUR GROUPS HILARIOUS HIJINKS!!!

>>6359616
lol'd quite audibly

tears of laughter here my friend

All right, to add to the retarded things that parties did.

Me and 3 other players were traveling via airship, owned by some mysterious guy. He went off the airship, and two of us (the retarded half of the team) found out that he is planning on something incredibly evil. So they've decided to stop him, and to delay him before we have a plan, they've decided to stop the ship.

Bastards went down to the engine room and saw a huge device, powered by a small crystal. That was the ships engine. One of them took the crystal to turn the engine off. Then they went: "Damn... we need to hide it somewhere so the evil guy won't find it and re-ignite the ship". So the other one ate it.

A fucking power crystal. In the airship. Half a mile above ground, midflight.

Luckly for me, I've been obsessed with gryphons and had a gryphon mount, so I took the other guy and we flew off the falling ship.

GM was awesome however. Not only he made them survive a friggin crash with explosion of magic engine, one of the guys developed a glassy skin, and the other one (rogue) was glowing afterwards.

>>6359776

I can give short descriptions, but for full on accounts, that would be best for another thread. Some recent ones;

- Instead of doing some honest work or getting into the BBEG's fortress the normal way, our group trekked up to the mountains to steal an airship from some gnomes. Long and pointless quest later we end up with a pirate airship, filled with rum, wenches, and accordion playing merry pirates. Back to the BBEG, we decided to crash the whole damn thing into his tower, exactly as it was, wenches, rum, merry pirates and all. Beyond that stupidity, as we're about to evac we find the Kender had hidden our parachutes except his own. We all died and he floated down to safety... into the waiting forces of the now dead BBEG. Slow tortured to death.

- We had to fight this demonic lord, and so figured why not pit his own kind against him, by capturing some demons ourselves? Utilizing the help of several wizards and artificers, we constructed a a rudimentary steam engine and cars to be towed. Opening a portal to Hell, we drove in blowing the whistle and yelling "HERE COMES THE SLAVIN' TRAIN!" through the magical megaphone. Everyone died died and we had to rethink the plan.

- We had to rob a bank for a magical item, and ended up blowing up the cliff it was on, casting the whole town into the sea (we were under it). Retry and we're a safe distance away, but only afterward do we realize that we didn't get the item, and the bank is now under the sea. One more retry by pleading with the DM, and we actually successfully break into the vault where the item is! Then once inside blow it all up. We got the item but then realized we were under the sea once again. Game restarts.

Just a few.

We were playinh a WWII based game, and we were foolhardy. All but one of our guys died when we tried to cross an area called "The Shooting Gallery". How is this especially stupid?

We tried to get across by sneaking THROUGH the center of the zone, which was a building that was described as a "sniper hive" by the commanding officer. Needless to say, the only guy that lived was the guy who took cover instead of trying to fire back at the snipers inside.

rolled 3, 16, 8 = 27

>>6359938
How does robbing a bank = blowing up a cliff?

>>6358015
ok so i dug this up from my wifes journal.
its titled one undead dwarf and 2 thousand litres of water.
i am Laurie.

Tonight is the night that Laurie killed Riley twice. Being Sunday, one of the few days that everybody has free unless they like organised religion of the Jesus-based kind more than role playing, Matt, Jess, Laurie, Riley and I got together to continue our DandD campaign. This is by far the best thing I have ever witnessed playing.Riley made a new character, sop we had the task of working him in. We were on our way to check out a secret monster auction in the old city, when we came across his character taking on three zombies.

>>6360030

We were convinced that explosives somehow needed to be used. The idea was to blow up the cliff, and cause the bank to topple over. Unfortunately the explosives were too powerful or the cliff to weak, and it caused an avalanche of sorts, taking the town with it.

For some reason we never deviated from that plan, choosing instead to try and find ways to work with it.

>>6358015
>>6360054
Before leaving, Laurie had decided to trade in the ruby that he found (his one remaining item after his armour and weapons were stolen last week by Shannon Gnoll) to Nick, the potions master, for (although he was offered 100 gold for it, which would have been nice to bolster our account of 3.5 gold pieces) a lucky dip of six potions. No body should ever trust Dr. Nick, and like his name, he has an accent to match. Never trust a salesman with an accent. So, we end up with a fire potion, an anti-fire potion, an anti-venom, a strength potion, a healing potion, and an anti-undead potion. The effectiveness of these, we thought would be dubious at best.

So, we run into RIley’s character. He’s fighting a small group of zombies on his own, so Laurie decides to throw the anti-undead potion into the crowd, killing off the zombies and making Riley feel curiously cold over the next two days. He finds out, at the end of the second day, that he has indeed stopped breathing and has transformed into an undead ghoul, to which, over dinner, Laurie serenaded Riley with a rendition of “Zombie” by the Cranberries, which went along the lines of:

I threw a potion which hit you in the head, in the he-ea-ed, and now you’re a zombie, zombie, zombie.

>>6360030
Superbly.

>>6358015
>>6360066
>>6360066
So, after attending a secret monster auction, having Jess’ chartacter forced on a date with a kobold, finding someone speared to a wall, looting some awesome jewelery that earned us twelve free healings and free accommodation and returning to town, we are send on a quest to bring the council the head of a half orc, Norris the Grey.

So, we go down a well after clearing out twenty odd kobolds firing at us, and do the fun secret passage thing. Then, we get absolutely fucked. There we are, cornered into a room. Laurie was fighting off five goblins and three orcs single handedly (to accentuate his manliness), while Riley, Jess and I were fighting off another four goblins and three orcs, while taking the odd hit at Norris the Grey. Everyone, statistically, was pretty much dead. I managed to get away from the orcs and behead Norris the Grey after Riley paralyzed him with his ghoulish undead powers, at which point, laurie thought he might try unleashing the “anti-fire” potion on his enemies to keep them back.

>>6358015
>>6360089
>>6360089
Little did he know, but the anti-fire potion was actually two thousand liters of water, obliterating all but one of the enemies in our path, and almost drowning us all as the water level rose to chest height for all of those who were not dwarves. I end up nose deep in water. The orc that got hit with the brunt of the water took 150 hit point of bludgeon damage, and everyone else got thrown into a wall. Riley technically took enough damage to die again in the explosion, but the bad thing about being undead is that instead of falling unconscious at 0 hit points, you simply cease to exist.

We are lucky we have a fun DM and he let both RIley and I take reflex saves against the torrent of water, leaving us both fairly near death. The moral of the story is don’t buy from traders with accents, and don’t let Laurie near any character of Riley’s. Riley went into this game thinking “it’s okay, Matt won’t kill me.”

>>6360030
How burning half the bank with a flamethrower while dressed as firefighter is robbing it? True story

>>6360030
A plan without a good explosion is no plan in my books.

WELL SINCE PEOPLE LIKE THEM

>>6360265
fuck yes

>>6360103
Officially stealing this potion for my campaign

....Oh my.