>>The first two courses with the lance were indecisive. On the third course, the knight of Auvergne struck Jacques in the middle of his shield and splintered his lance. Jacques, on the other hand, striking "with all his force and science," hit his opponent in the eyeslits. This blow struck so hard that it struck sparks from the helmet, bending the opponent backwards in the saddle until his back rested on the croup of his horse. His opponent, completely stunned, fell from his horse. The knight of Auvergne was carried unconscious to his lodgings; it was a full hour before he regained his memory, and he bled profusely from the mouth, nose, and ears.

jousting too

>>Jacques’ challenge was officially known as the Passage of the Fountain of Tears, because the pavilion was raised next to a fountain with a statue of a weeping woman. In keeping with this theme, Jacques fought in a white surcoat decorated with a pattern of blue tears. When asked his reasons for issuing the challenge, Jacques replied that he wanted to have dueled at least 30 men before his 30th birthday. The passage of arms was to last from November 1st, 1449 until September 30th, 1450.

>>6271795
Isn't striking the opponent in the head illegal or something in jousting, or was it just a frowned-upon thing/so fucking hardcore nobody can do it?

>>6271843
Jacques Lailang was one bad motherfucker.

>>6271771
>stabbed him in the fucking eyes
>>6271795
>stabbed him in the fucking eyes WITH A LANCE
>>>6271828
>Personal motif is tears

He's like some kind of theme-superhero.

>>6271843

Well the first part was a melee I think, in the joust it was probably just really hard to do. Kind of like shooting a guy in the head is effective but hard to do, usually you would shoot for the centre of mass.

lol guys is a dick

>>6271843
As much as killing the opponent, i guess, since it should break his neck.

>>6271884
Eyeblight, the blinder of men invented Headshots.

>>

In his last encounter of the day, Jacques struck his opponent in the middle of his shield, "bending him back onto the croup of his horse." However, this failed to unhorse him. On the second course, Jacques again carried his opponent's helm off his head. His lance struck with such force that the helm was carried 4 "toise." (A "toise" was a measure of length that seems to have been about 6 feet; thus, the helm was thrown about 24 feet by the force of the blow.)

Holy dicks.

>>6271843Isn't striking the opponent in the head illegal or something in jousting, or was it just a frowned-upon thing/so fucking hardcore nobody can do it?

>>He defeated his second opponent by striking him in the eye-slits of his helmet with his lance, ripping it off of his head.

>>On the second course, Jacques again carried his opponent's helm off his head. His lance struck with such force that the helm was carried 4 "toise." (A "toise" was a measure of length that seems to have been about 6 feet; thus, the helm was thrown about 24 feet by the force of the blow.)

>In his last encounter of the day, Jacques struck his opponent in the middle of his shield, "bending him back onto the croup of his horse." However, this failed to unhorse him. On the second course, Jacques again carried his opponent's helm off his head. His lance struck with such force that the helm was carried 4 "toise." (A "toise" was a measure of length that seems to have been about 6 feet; thus, the helm was thrown about 24 feet by the force of the blow.) He then stabbed him in the eyes.

Fix'd for historical accuracy.

knights have always been dicks. that chivalry thing only caught on when they had no wars to fight.

them's was the days when a knight and a couple of his bros would block a road and only let people pass if they could win a joust against them. that was a whole afternoon for a knight.

Boom, l'head shot.

Gregor Baci : Taking a lance to the eye, through the head and surviving. Proof that nature did a good job.

>>Jacques was approached by an English squire, Thomas Que, who proposed a combat on Jacques’ native soil. Jacques agreed, and a date was set.

>>Before the combat began, Jacques lodged an objection over the Englishman’s weapon, since his polaxe was not of the type customarily used in tournaments. In particular, both the axe blade and the spike were extremely long and very sharp. After consulting with his experts, the Duke of Burgundy declared that the Englishman would have to change weapons. However, Thomas Que pleaded so persistently to use his own polaxe that Jacques gave in, waiving his objection.

>> As he struck at the Englishman, Jacques had the ill-fortune to bring his left hand right down on the spike of his opponent’s polaxe. The point entered the underside of his gauntlet, "piercing entirely through and cutting the nerves and veins, for the spike on the Englishman’s axe was wondrously large and sharp."

I fucking love history.

>>6271986
>>Jacques attempted to continue the fight, but his left hand failed him. Holding the head of the polaxe under his left armpit, Jacques continued to fight, wielding the tail-spike with his right hand. Realizing the dire straits he was in, Jacques discarded his polaxe and closed to grapple with his opponent. Grabbing the Englishman’s helmet with one hand, and his left arm with the other, Jacques used a wrestling technique to throw Thomas Que. The English squire hit the ground with such force that the visor of his bascinet was buried in the earth. Seeing this, the duke threw down his baton, stopping the combat.

>>Later, Thomas Que argued that he had not been defeated, according to the agreed-upon conditions of the combat. Although he had been thrown, he claimed, his entire body had never touched the ground. True, his head, arms, and legs had all touched the earth - but he had used his arms to hold his torso off the ground. The Duke of Burgundy consulted with the other notables who had watched the combat - "Germans, Spaniards, Scots, Italians." The unanimous decision of this international jury was that Jacques had won the combat. Jacques

all of europe agrees, the english are dicks

>> The Italian knight immediately sought to close distance, hoping the grapple with Sir Jacques, and trying to catch hold of his visor

>>A few moments later, Jacques disarmed Diego, knocking his polaxe out of his hands. Following standard practice, Diego rushed in, arms outstretched, seeking to grapple

>>Realizing the dire straits he was in, Jacques discarded his polaxe and closed to grapple with his opponent

there sure was a lot of grappling in these fights

>>6271995
heh. A rules lawyer.

>>6272020
>>his polaxe was not of the type customarily used in tournaments. In particular, both the axe blade and the spike were extremely long and very sharp

and power gamer

>there sure was a lot of grappling in these fights

Well, yes, naturally. Grappling is fun and breaks limbs.

>>6271995
the british, please.

>>6272031
Exotic weapon feat... the other had improved grapple instead.

SCIENCE

>>6272071the british, please.


are scots british?

>>This concluded the pas d’armes (passage of arms) known as the Fountain of Tears. Jacques remained undefeated throughout, and won great reknown as a result of his year-long challenge. After making a pilgrimage to Rome, Jacques returned in triumph to the court of the Duke of Burgundy. As a reward for his valor, Jacques de Lalaing was admitted to the prestigious Order of the Golden Fleece. The ceremony took place in "the good town of Mons" in the year 1451.

>>6272272Fittingly, Jacques de Lalaing died a martial death. In 1452, the Duke of Burgundy waged war on the rebellious Flemish city of Ghent; Jacques, as his chamberlain, took part in the war. While taking part in the siege of Poucques, Jacques was felled by enemy cannon fire. He died on July 3rd, 1453, at the age of 32.


;_;

>>6272259
Yes. Britain is the main island, regardless of country involved.

>>6272276

So... symbolic.
The end of the very middle ages, marked by the death of a knight by cannon fire.
I shed tears.

>>6272276
Fucking shame. A man like that, killed by *cannon* fire? I'd have executed my own gunners for slaying a hero in such an ignoble fashion.

Ah, someone else found this essay? Yeah Jacques was a badass. Especially for someone named Jacques.

>>6272314
>>6272276

he jousted the cannon ball, breaking his lance on two passes

they they went to ground, the cannonball disarmed Jaques, who then went to grappling and died bravely

>>6272283

so then I have to specify english, the scots were coolguys who had Party vs Party with Jaques and his uncle

>>6272283
And northern Ireland.
Can't remember if we still have anywhere else...

>>6272276
Funny.
"I would like you to remember that my karate teacher died of a bullet in the head... IN THE HEAD!"

>>6271884
I know right

>>6272350
Yes. Actually, I wrote >>6272071 without thinking, and noticed that I had confused english and british the moment when I clicked submit.

>>6272314
He was not a hero... Just a talented brawler.

>>6271884
He was fighting deatchlaws

deathclaws*

>>6272440deet-chlaws

sounds like a kobold thing

>>6272340
At his funeral, the Duke of Burgundy said that if only the cannonball had had eyes for him to stab, Jacques would have been victorious.

Cool stuff, OP. Thanks for posting!

Jacques would have loved Fallout, punches to the eye, knives to the eye, sledgehammers to the eye, even grenades and missiles to the eye.

What is it with the year 1453 and manly deaths?

Fall of Constantinople and the last Roman Emperor
>Constantine XI, throwing aside his purple regalia, led the final charge against the oncoming Ottomans, dying in the ensuing battle in the streets like his soldiers, although his ultimate fate remains unknown.

Death of John Talbot, 1st Earl of Shrewsbury at Castillon
>a.k.a "The English Achilles", a daring and aggressive soldier, perhaps the most audacious Captain of the Age. He and his forces acted as a kind of fire brigade ever ready to retake a town and to meet a French advance. His trademark was rapid aggressive attacks. In January 1436, he led a small force including Kyriell and routed La Hire and Xaintrailles at Ry near Rouen. The following year at Crotoy, after a daring passage of the Somme, he put a numerous Burgundian force to flight. In December 1439, following a surprise flank attack on their camp, he dispersed the 6000 strong army of the Constable Richemont, and the following year he retook Harfleur. In 1441, he pursued the French army four times over the Seine and Oise rivers in an unavailing attempt to force them to battle.
>Taken hostage at Rouen in 1449 he promised never to wear armour against the French King again, and he was true to his word.

He fought without armor until his death in 1453, goddamn...

>His heart was buried in the doorway of St Alkmund's Church, Whitchurch, Shropshire.

>The victorious French generals raised a monument to Talbot on the field called Notre Dame de Talbot. And the French Chroniclers paid him handsome tribute:

>"Such was the end of this famous and renowned English leader who for so long had been one of the most formidable thorns in the side of the French, who regarded him with terror and dismay" - Matthew d'Escourcy

>>6272879

Any more testacular deaths?

>>6272789Jacques would have loved Fallout, punches to the eye, knives to the eye, sledgehammers to the eye, even grenades and missiles to the eye.


Jaques himself liked to fight with an open faced helmet 'cause it was "easier to breath in"

He started fighting with less and less pieces of plate armor to be more maneuverable.

The only other dude that fought him without a helmet?

>>In June, a Burgundian squire named Gerard de Roussillon accepted Jacques’ challenge, touching the white shield. According to the chronicle, Gerard was armored in "the ancient fashion." Instead of a full helmet, he wore a steel kettle hat (chapeau de fer) with a chainmail hood (coif) underneath it. Again, the combat began uneventfully. But after 15 or 16 blows had been exchanged, Jacques suddenly stepped in close to the squire and took hold of his polaxe with this right hand. With his left hand, Jacques struck him in his unarmored face with the point of his polaxe. Bleeding profusely and in obvious distress, Gerard wrenched the polaxe out of Jacques’ left hand. Seeing the severity of his injury, the judge threw down his baton, stopping the combat.

>>6272879
i take back what i said about the english, dayum

>>6272879

>>Constantine XI, throwing aside his purple regalia, led the final charge against the oncoming Ottomans, dying in the ensuing battle in the streets like his soldiers, although his ultimate fate remains unknown.

You forgot to mention the legends associated with that man.

>As city fell on May 29, 1453, Constantine is said to have remarked: "The city is fallen but I am alive". Realising that the end had come, the last Roman emperor reportedly discarded his purple cloak and led his remaining soldiers into a last charge where he was killed.

>A legend tells that when the Ottomans entered the city, an angel rescued the emperor, turned him into marble and placed him in a cave under the earth near the Golden Gate, where he waits to be brought to life again

>>6273006
>Jacques came against James Douglas (the earl's brother) and swiftly disarmed him, knocking the spear from his grasp. James switched to his polaxe, but Jacques disarmed him again, just as easily. Irate at having lost both his spear and his axe, James drew his dagger and attempted to close, striking repeatedly at Jacques' unarmored face. Jacques held him at bay with his left hand, catching his fingers in the eye-slits of his helmet...

"Stab his face" should be a combat maneuver.

it is, in Riddle of Steel

>>6272969
There's Hasan of Ulubat, on the other side of the Siege of Constantinople. With about thirty or so fellow soldiers, he attempted to scale the walls of Constantinople. The only man to get on the wall alive, he planted an Ottoman flag he carried, defended it until reinforcements started to break in and then died on his feet with 27 arrows in him.

That tears it, I'm buying a fucking polaxe.

All this awesome needs to be turned into 1453: The Movie.

It can follow the stories of Talbot/Jacques and Constantine XI/Hasan. With a little creative license we can have Jacques vs. Talbot and Constantine XI vs.Hasan.

>>6273208
>>6273137
>>6272338
Conclusion, there's bad dudes in every country.

>>6273262
You have someone to stab in the face ?

>>6273263

against the dark forces of terrorism

Out of curiosity, how are you guys finding this? I'd like to look up some badass people from history. Mostly from Egypt.

>>6272879
>promised never to wear armour against the French King again
>fought without armor
That is the most ballsy over-literal interpretation I've ever heard of.

>>6273171

>>6273296

>Talbot, misled by false reports of a French retreat, attacked their entrenched camp frontally - facing wheel to wheel artillery and a 6 to 1 inferiority in numbers.

CANNONS EVERYWHERE
KILLING YOUR BAD DUDES

ARCHIVE THIS THREAD

Before the factual manliness overcomes me.

>>6272011
It's very common for a real one-on-one fight to end up in close quarters grappling, although it's much less useful when fighting multiple opponents. You don't see this happen very much in fantasy stories because it's not as exciting. Besides, people nowadays think that there's something homoerotic about it.

>>6273294
Pick up some history books about the era and location you're interested in and you'll soon find plenty of badasses and bastards.

>>6273294
Just read about Ramesses II. You'll have a lot to read, because the dude lived ninety years and built half of fucking Egypt when he wasn't beating the living shit out of Syria.

But if we're talking about badass people in general, here's another Ottoman soldier. During the Gallipoli Campaign, the crane of one of the Ottoman cannons were damaged, and the Allied ships were about to break through. In this panic, while everyone's trying to decide how to move the artillery shells to the gun, Corporal Seyit knew exactly what must be done.

He picked up and carried the 275-kg shell to the gun, which fired... and missed. And he did again. And again, where the shell hit HMS Ocean.

>>6273402 Besides, people nowadays think that there's something homoerotic about it.

I thrust my dagger into thee

>>6273382

It's on sup/tg/. We're good.

>>6272011
If you take a look at contemporary fighting manuals you'll see that a great amount of armoured duels were decided by grappling techniques. Certainly proof of the great protection plate armour offered.

>>6273436

BLOOD AND HONOR

VICTORY AT SEA

>Besides, people nowadays think that there's something homoerotic about it.

Well, the groundwork is sorta homoerotic...

...everything before that is part of the manly science of breaking arms though.

Anyone here part of ARMA? I've been watching their videos and brutal. Watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJT1_1C231k&feature=related

William Marshall spent years traveling tournaments across Europe, fought 500 bouts and never lost.

Jacques Lailang vs Jack Lalanne

Who wins?

>>6271795
>striking "with all his force and science," hit his opponent in the eyeslits.

THOU BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE!

makes me wish there was a vidya with accurate weapons fightan

>>6273496
When you're really manly, you don't give a fuck about whether something is gay or not.

A secure man doesn't care. An insecure man... that's a different story.

>>6273587
Getting off your ass and joining a club is a good one.

>>6273583
SAUCE

yeah but he didn't sleep with a fairie queen

>>6273605
It's on the image you mole rapist.

>>6273588

what if a gay guy fears he's actually straight?

>>6273611
there are like, 30,000 images on vectorvault.com

>>6273496

can somebody shoop him horizontal on top of that dude

>>6273624
On the bottom you goatfondler. wearscience.com

>>6273645
awesome

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TzdtyMC7ek
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0__qAg3jRew
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aSNaUs0U8A

>>6273662
Yeah ! One end to hack his face, one to stab his face, one to stomp his face !

>>6273281
Not yet I don't. When I get a polaxe, though, many new opportunities will arise.

>>6273745
Who'd want to mess with a guy with a poleaxe ? (assuming you don't enlist in the swiss guard)

>>6273779
Another guy with a poleaxe. That's how duels happen, no?

>>6273727

And this end freshen my breath as I fight!

>>6273802
Right, but that's not easy to find guys with poleaxes now. Except in rome.

>>6273779
>>6273858
The Swiss Guard uses halberds.

>>6273887
Isn't that the same thing ?

and this is why as a reenactorfag, I might well manufacture swords, but I use pollaxes myself.

>>6273906
No, halberds are much longer, the head looks different and they're used differently. Pollaxes were knightly duelling weapons.

have some pollaces and assorted polearms:

A lucerne hammer, length of haft, 5-6 feet.

now, a lucerne hammer with a pronounced awl point, alongside a short bill halberd...
the halberd, about 6 foot , the lucerne hammer about 5 foot 6, and then the spike.

>What happened next has taken on a mythical quality but is largely accepted: As Harold’s troops reached the bridge, they were met by a lone Viking defender, who used his massive battle-ax to cut down numerous challengers (some sources claim 40 Saxons), much to the glee of onlookers on the east bank. The lone warrior’s feat provided his compatriots with crucial time to assemble their defense.

>Chroniclers state that one of Harold’s housecarls found an empty swill tub upstream and, under the cover of overhanging willows, managed to glide undetected beneath the bridge. The housecarl then aimed his spear deliberately at the Viking’s unprotected groin and, with necessity prevailing over honor, skewered the berserker where he stood. The English then poured over the bridge.

and lastly, two full halberds, and a military fork, hafts approx 9-10 foot long

>Jacques Lailang
>Jacques Lalanne
>Jack Lalanne

Badass reincarnated?

So, help me out here. Poleaxes were, what, about four feet long, and generally had a flat chopping axe-head and a hammer on the back, right?

A Halberd, conversely, was seven or more feet long, and had a more curved axe-head, a hook on the back and a longer point on the top.
Amirite?

>>6273587
Demon's Souls isn't too bad.

no grappling, sadly, but every weapon type has its own unique animations, you can weild everything with 1 or 2 hands (which changes the animations and fighting styles).

There's a parry/riposte system, backstabbing, and the ability to weild any weapon in any hand.

including no weapon bare hand fighting, claws, sword/shield, mace/mace, or ever (dear god) two shields at the same time.

Yes, that includes the mythical "wall of steel" tower shields.

>>6274061
What is with the English and attacking the junk with lethal weapons?

That's how they got rid of Ned Kelly as well.

>>6273975
The only difference I saw after google image is that the halberds have a more arty design. Didn't know about the length.

>>6274061
That's really quite brilliant.

>>6274157
It's kinda hard to tell at times, since there were also pollaxes which looked a lot like halberds. In general, pollaxes were shorter since they were primarily duelling weapons. Halberds kinda combined the properties of pollaxes with the already known polearm weapons which made them quite useful on the battlefields. Also, they were used by law enforcement, guards, since their length allowed them to be used to restrain someone, keep someone from entering somewhere, etc.

>>6274175
rule 1 of combat: Kill the other fucker first.
rule 2 of combat: If there is any advantage... use it.
rule 3 of combat: paint a chivalrous picture of the fair and noble battle when the other fuckers are cold, in a box, and cant kill you.

>>6274348

>>6274348
Fuck! got a source for that image?
it's Paulus Hector Mair, but it's not from De arte athletica, which I have a duplicate of....

never seen stuff from Mair including horseback combat.

>>6274402
A digitalised version of his fighting manual is available here:

http://mdz10.bib-bvb.de/~db/bsb00006570/images/index.html
http://mdz10.bib-bvb.de/~db/bsb00007894/images/index.html

The interface is in German but should be self-explanatory. Combat from horseback begins here: http://daten.digitale-sammlungen.de/~db/bsb00007894/images/index.html?id=00007894&seite=337

>>6274477
aaah - athletica II.
that one was'nt digitised last I looked.

ah well, that's my night-time reading for the next few months... if I can remember my latin.

>>6274498

Much appreciated there. my modern german is seriously rusty, unfortunately, so I've been focusing on translating the latin and italian stuff, particularly from the Kelvingrove's collection.

>>6272011
This is because only using your weapon is a fight is stupid. If you can kick, bash, or punch somebody without losing limbs in the process, you sure as hell are going to do it - even if it's only as a distraction to open the way for proper stabbification.

Also, as I have been saying since forever, polearms = god tier. All other melee weapons are lesser.

This thread needs some Götz von Berlichingen.

I don't give a shit if he was a pirate. The dude got his hand blown off and put on a metal one.

HMM. GOTS. GUTS. METAL ARM. SOUND FAMILIAR?

Oh yeah, and the origination of kiss my ass is tied to him. Where would we be, /tg/? Where would we be?

>>6274647

>>6274498

So lemme get this straight, there's a move in which, during a jousting match, you throw down your lance and then gallop right into the other guy, who still has HIS lance, and then you grab that motherfucker right in the throat?

Holy shit, manliness has been brought to a whole new level.

>>6274746
He probably missed with his lance and instead of keeping it in order to charge again he simply dropped it in order to dismount his opponent. The Latin text could probably tell us more, but sadly I don't speak Latin.

>>6274802
The Latin seems to say he lost his grip on his lance because he was going too fast, and didn't have a chance to draw his sword so he stuck his arm out, which knocked the other guy over.

>>6274834
AXE BOMBER?

>>6274802
They seem to defend with the short end of the lance for greater leverage. I like how they even make use of the defensive end for attacks.

>>6274746
>>6274834
pretty much this - lose grip on the lance when it's unseated, move too fast so the range is closed, so instead move to grapple, and slam the target back while they are tangled up in thier own lance.


makes me wish I had the income to do horseback stuff instead of just on foot :/

have a pic of Toby Capwell, curator for Arms and Armour at the Wallace Collection.
Lucky git.

>>6274902
The armour of that guy is also pretty awesome, with those spikes on his knuckles.

Did all of this....against the Gnazi's

>>6274904
saved because that is a fuckbadass heraldry

>>6274945
And this is why nobody takes anybody from the British isles seriously.
Ironically, it is also why everybody should take them seriously.

having just downloaded Athletica II, can I just say another thankyou to whoever linked it...

that's another set of references to pollaxe and rapier for study as well.

Really appreciate the link.


have a pic of a work of mine in progress... the green bits are waxes, due to be cast in phosphor bronze on friday.

>>6271935

Well, that's why your jousting helmet basically has a giant steel plate covering you from chest to eyeballs, bolted to your breastplate.

Not that it's a good day to get hit in the face with a lance, regardless, but I can see where it would keep the lance from snapping your head back. The real injury probably comes more from your head bouncing off the inside of your helmet.

Hay gise, thread is archived.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6271771/

>>6275010
you're trying to say you would'nt take seriously the guy who killed nazis with a longbow (as well as guns), used a fucking sword in WW2, escaped form POW camps, captured nazis by the score, and was, quite simply a harder fucking bastard than all of /k/'s wettest dreams combined?

more fool you, I'd say.

>>6275050
No he's saying it sounds silly at first, but is frightening in execution.

>>6275050
By just walking out, he just walked out of the POW camps.

>>6275043


and also the cause of victorian myths that armour was so heavy you could'nt get up, etc...

the Gestecht helms, breast and associated parts were designed specifically for the joust in safety... it's a bit like looking at a M1 Abrams tank, and saying "yes, this is an example of late 20th C road vehicles, this one is called a "Volkswagen", and as you can see they are grossly inefficient machines..."

>>6274161or ever (dear god) two shields at the same time

IM GOING TO INVADE YOUR GAME WITH DUAL TOWER SHIELDS

>>6275043
Heat stroke, lack of air, l.i.t.t.l.e.....m.o.n.e.y, and a chance that the damn thing was gonna give me swelling of the brian, OH! and my medieval crabs ich and I can't scratch them...why the fuck would they do this?

>>6275100
not to mention having his entire unit wiped out in an assault, the final group of 6 of them being hit by mortar fire, and only him being left alive... at which point he starts playing the fucking bagpipes at the germans.

which, lets face it, is a truly evil weapon.

finally gets hit by multiple grenades, which dont kill him, but mercifully stop the bagpiping.

and when he finally does get out of german POW camps, complains as the americans nuking japan spoilt the war as it could've gone on for another 10 years otherwise.

insane.

>>6275103
This is the best thing I've heard today.

>>6274161
Don't underestimate shields, bro.

>>6275136
actually, gestech armour is rather comfortable - you're not really exerting yourself, when you're just sitting on the horse.... so it's not tiring or very hot.

your rabs dont ich because you're a pure and chase knight. and even if you arent, there's cures for your poxes.


so why would they do this? same reason we do it today... or go shooting at ranges, or do karate, or any sport.

nowadays you get sports where rich girlies kick a ball about for 90mins and cry if they get a tap on the shin. back then, they had 1 tonne of horse thunder down on them at 40 mph, and had someone try to turn them into a kebab.

and people wonder why I say footballers are weedy.

>>6275141
I agreed with everything save for bagpipes sucking, we Scots have very little up here at the ass end of the world, don't piss on our parade =)

>>6275177

why am I reminded of end of evangelion

>>6275177
the spiked shield is a particularly specialised bit of judicial duelling equipment, only used by Swabians.

>>6275182 1 tonne of horse thunder


I WILL HAVE A PINT O' THAT

>>6275199
Nobody said they suck, only that they are abrasive to the ear, vexing to attempts at slumber, and painful to endure during times of stress.
They are religious instruments, for they demonstrate the Lord's grace and wisdom in their playing, and his mercy at their music's conclusion.

>>6275182
oh, and please excuse the multiple typos... I might've crunched a couple of knuckles a few weeks back practicing with longsword... rahter aches to type for too long just now. :/

>>6275240
no, they suck, sound like a cat in a blender.

and the music they produce is that of the Devil's own sphincter.

(and, given I used to live less than 5 mins walk from Princes' Street, and less than 15 mins from Edinburgh castle, I'm allowed to hate the bastard things)

>>6274175

look at this guys beard, clearly a dwarf

>>6275240
You clearly have no balls. Bagpipes are awesome.

>>6275270

wears gromril armro

>>6275270
nope.
clearly related to God.

>>6275269
To each their own, also Edinburgh is a Tourist trap. Never in a million years, would I live there. "I say this and yet I had a brief stint in Durham <.<"

>>6275050
he was a propaganda piece.

never existed, wasn't recorded by americans, germans, the finns, or any other faction besides the brits.

>>6274802
Offensive facepalm move

>>6275352
BLASPHEMY!

>>6275405
"You're gonna feel real ridiculous in a moment here, so let me preemptively handle the facepalming. *SMACKCRUNCH*"

>>6275341
no, edinburgh's mile is a tourist trap...
edinburgh itself is the best fucking city I've ever lived in, and I love the place...

best pubs - I drink in the same place as the hugo and nebula award winning writer, charlie stross....
for reenactment, there are more western european martial arts groups in edinburgh than any other city in the world... there's the Dawn Duellists Society, Lothene, the Macdonald Academy, The Company of Saint Margaret, and a few others....
the city itself is beautiful...

just get out each august to avoid the fringe, and it's perfect.

>>6273402
Most of the people who feel that way are depraved liberals who've never been in so much as a schoolyard fight.

>>6274647

ITT people realize that medieval Europe was more badass than any of the weaboos' overhyped samurai could ever hope to be.

>>6275575
every schoolyard fight I've ever seen or been in is solve almost immediately via grappling. Myself, I've headlocked twice and been headlocked once.

honestly, what?

>>6275626
Some of us already knew this, man.

Although Moonland had people like Musashi who spoke about swordsmanship in very artistic terms and then fought using every goddamn dirty trick he could think of, and advocated being able to develop a shoulder charge that could send a man flying back meters.

>>6275626
Well done, faggot. Watch the bullshit begin now.

>>6275632
Was the experience homoerotic for you?

>>6275707
nope.

though, I did pose for a picture of me holding this kids head, with him weakly struggling to escape. I guess that could be hot to the s'n'm croud

he got me in a headlock, but when I began unzipping his pants he just backed the fuck off

yeah nobody fucks with me

>>6275645

I like how Musashi won his duels.

Piss off his opponent to the point that they couldn't think straight, and then take advantage of their stupidity.

And carve a wooden sword about an inch longer than your opponent's just to be a real dick.

Bump

>>6275626

Benkei the Sohei would like to have a word with you.

>>6273402
Well... ever practiced Brazillian Jujisu? It's pretty gay. Nothing like locking crotches with another guy for 30 sweaty minutes.

>>6278367
Actually, yes, I have practiced BJJ, and I have never rolled with anyone, gay or straight, who got aroused during the roll. When you're trying to hump the someone's limbs to pieces, it's hard to interpret a crotch as anything but a threat.

>>6275182
Which is why I maintain that hockey is one of the best sports ever invented. Nothing like a little rubber missile heading at you at a hunder MPH, impacting a thin piece of foam/plastic (If you're lucky.)

Also: Being knocked through plexiglass.

>>6278938
>hockey is one of the best sports ever invented.
Wow. Looks like someone's never heard of WoW Arenas?

>>6275892
Pissing off your opponent is extremely effective.

>>6278951
Not only have I not, I did only say it was 'one of the best'. No claim of 'the absolute best'.
Relevent link to this WoW Arena, assuming it isn't what I immediatly assume it was when I first saw it.

bump,

>striking "with all his force and science,"
SO FUCKING COOL

>>6278951
>Comparing a real sport to an MMO

>>6271771
i hear in france its tradition to fuck the winner of the duel in the ass with a dildo (or your own dick if they want)

assuming your still alive

>>6281234
only in your masturbatory fantasies

>>6281416
sorry im not gay enough to think french

>>6274902
Holy fuck is that guy stabbing the opponent with THEIR FUCKING LANCE.
JESUS CHRIST THAT'S BADASS.

Added spikes on a buckler for the sake of hitting people more painfully. Gotta love humans, they put so much thought into how to hurt and kill each other in easy yet inventive manners with the tools available.