Yes.

>>6132940
>>Will Rogue Trader allow me to play a gigantic Ork ship's doctor/therapist and grow larger from holding weekly crew constructive criticism and positive reinforcement meetings, along with reading self-help books?

...

>>6132940
>>gigantic Ork ship's doctor/therapist
>>holding weekly crew constructive criticism and positive reinforcement meetings
>>along with reading self-help books?

BEST. DOK. EVER.

I can only imagine how kind and caring he'd be. Like Dr. Phil. Only with gigantic teeth and muscles and squig-flavored lolipops.

I want to see a ork mad-dok read aloud 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to a full ship crew.

>>6132940
>>Ork
>>grow larger from...reading self-help books?

Does that even work?

"So doc Zogmund Freudz, wut you iz saying iz dat my urge ta beat Old Gutzak here over da 'ead wiff my choppa iz really a deep rooted urge ta find my muvva?"

"Quite my dear chap, quite. You see Warboss Blackfang, your need to controle and destroy is caused by your troubled upbringing. You never had the time to play or explore. This is not something you can help, but some more sessions and a proper WAAAGH!!! will help you come to peace with your inner problems."

"Iz just like sum time fur meself right now..." *sobsob*

>>6133016
>>"So doc Zogmund Freudz, wut you iz saying iz dat my urge ta beat Old Gutzak here over da 'ead wiff my choppa iz really a deep rooted urge ta find my muvva?"
>>muvva

...Dis ork aint gonna be too happy when 'e learnz boyz com' from spores.

>>6133016
Should be Zagmund, which is about Quick-mind in Ork. We want something for the last name, too.

>>6133031
"Please refrain from telling the Warboss that, he's very vulnerable right now. Perhaps in the next session and some more medication will prepare him for such truths. But now we all need to show our support and give him the certainty that his friends and Nobs are there for him. Let's all give him a hearty WAAAAGH!!!"

>>6133016
But the ORK is supposed to be the therapist.

When you talk to him, after a session, he'll give that crewmember a great big bearhug and make them repeat that "ev'ryt'tingz gonna be okay from nowz on", and if they're still alive, paint the patient's chest over their heart red "so'z that the healin'z go fasta".

>>6133044
Zagmund Hipporatork Smartboy the ⑨th.

>>6133015
In the grimdarkness of the 41st millenium, a single hug and reassuring word heals a thousand bolter wounds and corruption points.

>>6133069
small typo

Zagmund Hippocratork Smartboy the ⑨th.

His middle name is for Hippocrates.

>>6133053
>>he'll give that crewmember a great big bearhug
>>repeat that "ev'ryt'tingz gonna be okay from nowz on"
>>paint the patient's chest over their heart red "so'z that the healin'z go fasta".

...I WANT AN ORK THERAPIST.

FUCK THIS. WHEN ROGUE TRADER COMES OUT, I'M FUCKING HAVING AN ORK THERAPIST ON MY CREW.

>>6133084
So...if the Eldar decided to stop having sex for a couple minutes and have a platonic group hug, Slaaneesh would have never awakened?

And if Horus had been given lots of hugs and reassurances that the Emprah loved him, and big games of catch and rough-housing football with the other Primarchs, the Great Heresy would have never occured?

>>6133099
Thank you my dear man, spelling my name has always been a bit troublesome. My vocabulary and grammar have improved since I started reading philosophy and psychological course books we found on that extra ordinary black vessel with all those poor humans so finely attuned to the Empyrean, but my name has been a bit of a weak spot.

>>6133146
The more you say, the more sarcastic it becomes, and somehow all the more ironically truthful.

Everybody knows Horus wouldn't have rebelled if he had gotten a heartfelt hug instead of the title of Warmaster.

>>6133150
>>Ship Enginseer #312: When's the next positive reinforcement meeting Dok Smartboy?

>>I'm so excited that we're holding a talent show like you said we would. I never would have discovered I had a talent outside of managing the great god-machine spirtis of the ship without you. I CAN JUGGLE!

But let us continue with the case of gunnery officer and Flash Git, Deff 'no ears' Hardwallop. I feel his obsession with very loud and very impressive weaponry, his selection of Snazz Guns and Kustom Shoota's is well know I believe, stems from a rather obvious problem.
He justs wants to be heared and noticed. If we could all just consult his opinion in certain matters and listen to his comments, I feel his urge to fire obscene amounts of ammunition in the bridge would soon diminish.

>>6133099
I have an odd image of a gigantic, green, muscled, ork version of the Star Trek voyager Doctor.

He likes opera and Tau enka and sings it all the time in the ship sick bay..

>>6133053
>>paint the patient's chest over their heart red "so'z that the healin'z go fasta".

...D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAW

>>6133196
I'm so very proud of you Enginseer, we all look forward to your preformance. Perhaps you could make it a team act with Farseer Eldrads card game?

>>6132940
>>along with reading self-help books?

do self-help books even exist in 40k? aside from books about massive self-flaggelation and endless reinforcement about how someone is easily/justly expendable for the will of the emperor?

>>6133099
Wait, wait. It's better to have the "Hippocratork" be "Hipporkrates".

It rolls off the tongue easier.

>>6132940
He wears a big white unstained lab coat all the time, and and a red fez. The fez makes his mind think fasta for the good-health of the patient.

>>6133261
>>do self-help books even exist in 40k? aside from books about massive self-flaggelation and endless reinforcement about how someone is easily/justly expendable for the will of the emperor?

Lots. They say that your self-sacrifice DOES something. Not a lot about NOT self-sacrificing though.

That's heretical, you see.

>>6133299
Wait I got it. He has a crudely-fashioned pipe made out of an old shoota and choppa, and it blows bubbles.

>>6133299
>>a red fez
>>fez
I ain't having no turban-terrorist Ork on my ship, no sir.

>>6133328
>>He has a crudely-fashioned pipe made out of an old shoota and choppa
>>it blows bubbles
That's just SILLY. ...IT BLOWS A GEYSER OF FLAME instead.

And the residual fumes smell like calming lilac and lavender.

>>6133299
So this but green, with tusks and a labcoat?

>>6133196
I want to see a shy, just-come-out-of-their-shell enginseer girl juggle servo-skulls.

>>6133378
with >>6133356
and a scene of >>6133053


I demand drawfaggotry.

>>6133382
>>just-come-out-of-their-shell enginseer
>>girl
Oh no you le didnt. We're not making yet ANOTHER grimdark-girl-tan.

>>6133382
Silly Anonymous. Servo-skulls juggle THEMSELVES.

Though I suppose it would take some skill to control them through techno-pathy to do so in a circle from a Mechanicus Adept.

>>6133378
Add rotundness, and nice shined leather shoes and a great big smile that says he's here to listen to you and/or eat you and your children.

>>6132940
His toughest cases ALWAYS are miraculously solved. Why?

Because he BELIEVES that everybody's got a little something that makes them unique and special. That's what makes him such a great Doktor.

He loves what he does.

>>6133429
Maybe she could make them sing in pitches, like the people who play water glass music

>>6133146
>>Horus...big games of catch and rough-housing football with the other Primarchs

...That football game would consume an entire segmentum and millions of billions of lives would be lost in the collateral damage.

The Emperor would shrug it off and say, "THAT'S MY BOYS!" and look proud.

>>6133053
How does this Dok take new patients? Do I have to be recommended? Does he take HMOs?

I am copypasting everything in this thread to take for later and play in a Rogue Trader game once it comes out.

fuck grimdark

BRING ON THE HUGS AND HEALING

Why isn't Rogue Trader out yet?

I want to stat Dok Zagmund Hippocratork Smartboy the ⑨th, PsyD, esquire.

>>6133120
>>...I WANT AN ORK THERAPIST.
You say that now, but he krumps you for not making some sort of progress after each session.

>>6132940
Does he hang his licenses/certificates/degrees in his office? And are they all crudely-handwritten and printed on grot and squig leather?

>>6133597
Yes, but they're all bounded by well-handcrafted and modest wooden frames that menace with spikes of squigleather. AND THERE ARE HOLO-PICTS OF HIM AND SMILING PATIENTS ALL OVER.

You guys are making less and ork but a green Ogryn with a psychology doctorate.

>>6133597
>>grot and squig leather

OF COURSE NOT! HE LOVES ALL CREATURES, BIG AND SMALL. HE DOES NOT CONDONE THE USE OF LIVING-BEING BY-PRODUCTS (except squig-steak night in the galley).

His degrees are printed with corpse-starch paper.

>>6133616
>>well-handcrafted and modest wooden frames that menace with spikes of squigleather

...Is there a squat craftsman aboard this rogue trader's sh

>>6133670
>>sh
>>ship

Yes there is, and him and Dok Smartboy iz drinking buddies.

Dok taught him that all creatures, xenos or not, deserve the be judged by their personal moral character and not by their bodies.

>>6132935
> Old. I already read this on the far superior http://www.anertalk.com/ (aner = anon) last night.
Anyone got any better links?

>>6133146
It's sort of hard to rebel against your father and brothers when you love them, you know, LIKE FAMILY.

>>6133084
Is there a motivator for this?

>>6133522
>>Dok Zagmund Hippocratork Smartboy the ⑨th, PsyD, esquire

Is that improper use of "esquire"? I know you can't use "Dr./Mr./Ms./Mrs." with it, but can you use a degree abbreviation with it?

>>6132940
>>Will Rogue Trader allow me to play a gigantic Ork ship's doctor/therapist and grow larger from holding weekly crew constructive criticism and positive reinforcement meetings, along with reading self-help books?
As GM I will only allow you to do this if you can make your rp heart-warming and hilarious each session. Or so help me I'm grimdark-railroad-death-ing him.

>>6133776
He's an ork. I don't think he cares about proper use of peerage.

>>6133776
He didn't go through all those [days] of "psykology skool" to not be able to use his hard-won titles of accomplishment.

OP HERE.

I love you /tg/. I have a lot of character idiosyncracies now, but he needs a backstory before I get brave enough to bring this to my GM.

>>6133016
So will they play roles to help the warboss overcome his problems? Like a Grot or Squig with makeup on and a boa?

>>6133870
Long as that grot agrees to keep "patient-doctor-confidentiality-or-yous-get-krumped-dead", yes. Role-playing is an accepted part of psychotherapy, I believe.

It also provides the challenge of role-playing role-playing.

I DEMAND HEART-WARMING WRITEFAGGOTRY THIS INSTANT.

Or Chink. Chink is always good.

>>6133084
Is it tiem for powerhugz nowz?

Ork Therapist and Horus needing a hug..... I love you /tg/.

>>6134053
We always knew Horus needed a goddamn hug.

But an Ork therapist is gold.

There needs to be a mehreen Dreadnaught who wanders around onboard. And he's Dok Smartboy's secretary.

>>6134088
>>mehreen Dreadnaught...secretary
>>Ork ship therapist
>>mysterious dwarf-like abhuman drinking buddy

What the cunt sort of Rogue Trader is sailing this ship and how much heresy do we not already know about?

this thread is made of Win I must convert this character NOW!!!

>>6134109
...The most interesting Rogue Trader in the segmentum. He drinks Tres Iquis squat-beer.

>>6134088
The wandering grots around onboard love him. He gives them rides on top of his boxy body.

>>6134124
Are you Scripty?

Can we archive this thread /tg/?

>>6134109
Bear in mind /tg/'s previous choices for a Rogue Trader crew included an Eldar Astropath, Kroot cook, Tau weapons specialist, Ork mekboy, and a Necron science officer.

>>6134174
Fuck that Ork mekboy. There's only room for one dapper ork on this ship, and it's gonna be Dok Zagmund Hipporkrates Smartboy the ⑨th.

>>6134174
They also have a Khorne Berzerker Gunnery Sergeant for weapons.

>>6134131
>>6134109
>>6134174
This smells like a big barrel of HIGH ADVENTURE in GRIMDARK ISLAND.

>>6134203
Does he talk like R. Lee Ermey?

>>6134211
Why the fuck wouldn't he?

>>6134174
...Rogue Trader's going to be AWESOME.

>>6134157
vote it in at the 4chan archive.

4chanarchive.com where every day is repost day.

>>6134203
>>6134211
"And THAT'S how you use a chainsword, you babies! And that's all we have for today's show, so semper f--BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"

>>6134232
...This advice makes me sad and facepalm. Why can't we put it up on suptg?

>>6134174
On my ship, tyranid rippers will run around like adorable, man-eating tribbles.

God damnit /tg, if I download/buy the new Rogue Trader ship I'm going to flood the board with hentai and hot cosplay.

Caldor's rule

>>6134282
...wat?

I'm supposed to be running a RT campaign the second my copy arrives.

I am now modifying the whole campaign to include a therapist system, and Dok Zogmund, a kroot chef and a squat for kicks.

>>6134289
Can you run it on irc? I want to play Dok Smarboy.

>>6133853
GUISE, I think he still neds a backstory. How the cunt did an Ork get on board, how the hell did he decide to be a therapist, and who the hell felt heretical/brave/stupid enough to go divulge their emotions and fears with him?

>>6134288
>>6134282
>Rogue Trader rules

sorry

>>6134282
I have no idea what you're going on about.

>>6134299
I'll be running in in RL with my regular group, I'm afraid.

>>6134316
Why do you say 'cunt' instead of 'fuck'?

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6132940/
Archived...

>>6134342
What are you, some sort of misogynist?

>>6134360
>>Zagmund Hippocratork Smartboy the ⑨th

...yeah... This didn't work out so well.

>>6134369
Eh, I was just curious. I have these hideous pictures in my head of the kind of guy that would adopt that mannerism for real and I can't get rid of them.

>>6134369
Surely 'fuck' is gender neutral?

>>6134360
>>Zagmund Hippocratork Smartboy the ⑨th
>>⑨th

so close, yet so far

>>6134404
I suppose, but I don't imagine a hypothetical woman [spoiler](read: CUMDUMPSTER)[/spoiler] using "fuck" instead of "hell".

"Fuck" seems more like a male asshole epithet.

>>6134433
I assume you have met basically zero women then. I think every girl I know has said 'what the fuck' or 'fuck' at least once, except the two that never swear.

>>6134433
Spoiler tags don't work in /tg/?

>>6134316
BACKSTORY

WHAT IS IT?

>>6134462
He has a rivalry with an Ork Wyrdboy known only as 'Yoof', who was kicked out of his tribe after he claimed Mork and Gork were just pieces of the 'kollektiv unconziouz'.

>>6134386
Visible on my end. It's a (9) symbol. Not the one who made that post by the way.

>>6134483
>>after he claimed Mork and Gork were just pieces of the 'kollektiv unconziouz'.
Oh dear God Emperor on Terra. The Orks are developing psycological theory.

NEXT THEY'LL HAVE EXISTENTIALISM.

>>6134483
Both of them attended the infamous 'Ork Skool of Sykology' created by Mad Dok Kwak who was eventually killed by a mob of squigs he was attempting to transplant successfully into the brain of the resident warlord. Zagmund and Yoof swore to carry on their master's teachings together - but both of them chose opposite parts of the teachings.

>>6134542
I can just see a mob of Orks around that guy. He finishes putting up the sign saying 'Sykology'

"Wot's dat den?"
"Itz wotz in yer 'ead, innit?"
*Smack*
"Lookz kinda like thik snot ta me. Wotz the use in dat?"

>>6134525
>>EXISTENTIALISM

Like Orks would develop anything as pansy-like as the French.

>>6134593
Exaktly! We've got Exiztentylism, none of dat humie crap!

>>6134542
This sounds a lot like if Plato and Aristotle were not teacher and pupil, but both students under Socrates.

Also, what stupid warboss allows a mad-dok to do surgery on him willingly? Involving squigs?

>>6134622
Mad Dok Kwak had already done a lot of 'analysis' on this guy.

>>6134619
YOUS SPELLD IT WRON'.

IT'Z "ORKIZTENTYLIZM" YA GROT.

DUZ I GOTZ TO ALWAYZ BE DA SMARTBOY FO' YOUZ?

>>6134645
WOTZ IT MEAN?

>>6134542
>>6134622
...I like where this is going, and I find it intriguing. Continue.

>>6134657
It'z dis idea dat bein' a boy is meanin'less and dat it'z up to each and ev'ry boy to find his own meanin' in is Orkiness. Oi think.

>>6134645
>>6134657
>>6134681
OH GOLDEN THRONE THEY'VE ALREADY INVENTED EXISTENTIALISM AND THEY'RE DISCUSSING AND EXPANDING ON IT!

HERESY! HERESY! EMPRAH SAVE US! XENOS HERESY!

>>6134681
Dat's not Orky! You needz a bootin!

ITT a lovable new Ork Dok is born, and Orks discover the science of psychology and the art of philosophy

I'm so proud, /tg.

>>6134706
My point here is that existentialism is already engrained in the Ork mindset. Their highest activities are the most 'Orky' and their lowest are 'Unorky'. What they find meaning in, they do by default.

>>6134706
O YEA'? WELL'Z MAH ORKIZTENYLIZMAWAT TELLZ ME MOI PORPOISE IS TA' KRUMP YOU SILLY!

>>6134714
I...I wrote that post. Are you me?

>>6134742
Hahaha. What? I just wanted to demonstrate that by example. The great thing is it's not even racial - it applies racially, but the specifics are individual. That's why we get aberrants like Zagmund.

>>6134714
>>6134742
And thus it was WAAAAAUGH OV DA HUMIE SNATCHAS! all over again.

>>6134701
Wait until they get to their Ork Kultur Renaissance.

Then we'll have a well-dressed Ork in black tights holding a face-eata squig and askin it, "TO KRUMP OR NOT TO KRUMP, DAT'Z NEVA DA QUESTION".

>>6134803
Epic.

>>6134734
>>MOI PORPOISE
A boy has a small water-living mammal that tells him what to do?

>>6134803
...Orkspeare?

>>6134803
Oi loik wher dis iz goin

>>6134826
"ET TU, BRUTZOG?"

>>6134826
'Amlet. Morkbeth. Orkello. King Feer. 'Enry Strait-linez.

>>6134842
I have this demented urge to run Shakespeare through the Ork Translator and post it on /tg/, but I'm too lazy.

>>6134837
Joolios Siezer. Famous Ork wot did grab humies rite 'ard and krush 'em. Refused ta bekom a Warboss, woz killed by 'iz top Nobs.

>>6134861
I did this once before, actually. Can't remember which passage, I think it was, "But Brutus is an honourable Ork". It relies on virtues Orks don't really have though.

>>6134837
CINNA the traitorous Nob

LIBATY! ORKDOM! DA OLD BOS IS DEAD!
Run 'ence, proclaim, WAAAUGH it about da streetz!

>>6134864
I would cry neckbearded tears if /tg/ could post an entire Ork transcribed version of Julius Caesar.

>>6134874
>>But Brutzog is a ded killy Ork

>>6134803
What happens when they get to their 60's feminist movement?

>>6134915
That is exactly what I translated that to. It's the whole, "He seems good but he's actually a shit" that doesn't work so well. It's quite sarcastic.

>>6134937
Orks in dresses. Warboss forbids dresses. Angry orks in drag, thousands of them.

>>6134937
Boyz demand da right to be pretty from DA BOSS keepin' 'em down and not lettin 'em wear long, pretty hairsquigs and dresses.

AND DA ROIGHT TO BE CALLED GOILZ.

>>6134948
>>6134963
Is this a GURLZmind?

>>this thread
>>especially the latest, latter part about Orkspeare

I love you so much I could cry /tg/.

>>6134948
>>6134937
>>6134963
"Da painboss iz gonna be 'earin' 'bout dis."

"LET 'IM. BRAS IZ MURDER! DATZ WOI WE WEARZ 'EM!"

>>6134995
>>BRAS IZ MURDER!
>>DATZ WOI WE WEARZ 'EM!"
...GLORIUS.

I can only imagine what the Orkish Sexual Revolution would be like.

Or is that Asexual?

>>6135013
Urgh, why /tg/? Leave your fetish fuel at the door, please - or make another thread.

Nigh every single post in this thread I have saved and will use to play Orks in Rogue Trader.

This is going to be awesome.

>>6135023
It's not bad at all. It's just Orks demanding the right to be considered "pretty" and not be boyz, but gurlz if dey wanna be.

>>6135039
not like it matters, beyond their tiny silly minds they've all always been asexual.

>>6135023
yea, everything was good up until the freaks started in with the 'hurrr durrr orks in dresses and having sex'

Like with most things on here, its good up until the fags that belong on /d/ post.

>>6135085

You cannot seriously tell me that an Ork in a dress would not be grade A hilarity.

>>6135211
I've actrully thought about making an army of "female" Orks before.
Fluff would be something like, 0.00001% of Orks, for some reason or another, grow to think of them selves as female. They would were dress paint their lips red and stuff their "bra's" with things such as rocks or human heads.

>>6135085
Was there perverted and bad pornfaggotry about orks riding rainbowsquigs into each other's gubbinz?

I don't think so.

You're thinking WAY too into this. Orkz wantin' to be pretty is funny.

>>6135286
>>They would were dress paint their lips red and stuff their "bra's" with things such as rocks or human heads.
>>stuff "bra's" with...human heads

Now that's grimdark. AND HILARIOUS.

This thread is amazing.

New name in honor of this awesome shit.

After reading a bit of this, I went back and looked at some Shakespeare.

"Once more into the breech..." might actually be the best thing ever fucking written. Manly tears for the standard bearer.

We still must brain storm on a Saint's Row based Ork game. With lots of looten and shooten and Wagggggghhhs! as the climax of every chapter.

>>6135369
There's kind of a reason he's one of the greatest authors of all time....

"cry 'avok, an' let slip da squigs of WAAAGH!!"

>>6135461

Saint's Row is ALREADY an ork game. Just change the humies green, and bingo-bongo. Ork game.