Sure, why not.

Necrophiliac.

>>6022284
biophiliac

>>6022281
Fuck that area attack. Seriously.

Fuck yeah, liches!

>>6022305
What area attack?

rolled 20, 8, 15 = 43

Why are liches always skeletons? Wouldn't meat armor provide a little more protection?

>>6022305
it's good for you.

Also, Liches before bitches.

>>6022331
Because, when the meat dissolves, it leaves behind a very powerful protection called "being a lich."

rolled 5, 1, 2 = 8

>>6022352
I think you mis-read my post.

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently, the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. Then when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because there's no good in leaving it in a deep freeze for your mum to discover now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You gotta starve the pigs for a few days then the sight of a chopped up body would look like curry to a pissant. You gotta shave the head of your victim and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggy's digestion. You could do this afterwards of course but you don't wanna go sifting through pig shit now do ya? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to do the job in one sitting so be weary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs two-hundred pounds in about...eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of un-cooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression: "as greedy as a pig."

>>6022363
I think, therefore I am... a lich. YEEEAAAHHHhhh

>>6022370
whats that from, its being making the rounds on /tg/ all summer

>>6022385
Snatch

Needs more of Lich King Katamari. Just a big old ball of liches made of one bone. The most powerful caster there every was or ever will be.

>>6022385
Was it pirranas first, or am I blurring two different things?

My friend has OP's picture, holographic, 3 dimensional kind of, and framed.

Remember the island of undead that we had going a while back.

Full of lichs and powerful undead keeping to them selves not bothering anyone.

Then a huge crusade comes in and tries to destroy them.

It's Power Lich time.

Liches: Great BBEG, or Greatest BBEG?

>>6022495
Greatest. They're used so much because they're so perfect for the job.

It's hard to think of anything more terrifying for a party than a Lich. Maybe Batman as a Lich?

>>6022525

WAIT, I'VE GOT IT. TWO WORDS.

VAMPIRE. LICH.

>>6022525
I've always liked the idea of using Rasputin as a lich.

But dear god BatLich would be the most terrifying thing ever. And if you gave him a Batmobile that was made of bones and covered in skulls...It would have a dragon's skull as the cockpit, of course.

>>6022525
Lich with vampire bodyguard, and mind flayer apprentice. Whole area is in constant darkness.

>>6022563
Rasputin... Rasputin... Where do I know that name from?

>>6022318
In heroes of might and magic 5 liches have a AOE attack

>>6022569

Shadow Hearts 2

Half-dragon Half-fiend Lich. Deal with that

Forgot the pic

>>6022598
I don't even remember if that's a book, movie, or game.

But I do remember the name Rasputin from Psychonauts. Great game really, pretty under-rated though.

rolled 2, 16, 12 = 30

>>6022567
Why not apply the vampire template to a mindflayer then make it a lich?

>>6022569
There lived a certain man in Russia long ago
He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear
But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear
He could preach the bible like a preacher
Full of ecstacy and fire
But he also was the kind of teacher
Women would desire

RA RA RASPUTIN
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone
RA RA RASPUTIN
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on

He ruled the Russian land and never mind the czar
But the kasachok he danced really wunderbar
In all affairs of state he was the man to please
But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze
For the queen he was no wheeler dealer
Though she'd heard the things he'd done
She believed he was a holy healer
Who would heal her son

(Spoken:)
But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger
for power became known to more and more people,
the demands to do something about this outrageous
man became louder and louder.

"This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies
But the ladies begged "Don't you try to do it, please"
No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden charms
Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms
Then one night some men of higher standing
Set a trap, they're not to blame
"Come to visit us" they kept demanding
And he really came

RA RA RASPUTIN
Lover of the Russian queen
They put some poison into his wine
RA RA RASPUTIN
Russia's greatest love machine
He drank it all and he said "I feel fine"

RA RA RASPUTIN
Lover of the Russian queen
They didn't quit, they wanted his head
RA RA RASPUTIN
Russia's greatest love machine
And so they shot him till he was dead

(Spoken:) Oh, those Russians...

>>6022629
THAT'S WHERE I REMEMBERED IT.

>>6022642
I usually notice when I hit caps lock instead of shift.

>>6022628
You can't apply undead templates to an undead. You mind the flayer undead when it becomes a vampire.

>>6022629
Hell yes.
But I got the idea for it from Hellboy, and from that animated movie Anastasia, since he pretty much was a lich in that. Had a Phylactery that was all green and glowy and everything.

>>6022659
Pretty much that. That's why the lich, vampire, and mind flayer are seperate.

>>6022418
Make it an asteroid and you've got a deal.

>>6022628
If you want to deal with a +12 level adjustment, be my guest

How about a Firelich? It's a lich but on fire!

>>6022569
>>6022598
>>6022616
>>6022629
>>6022636
Rasputin is the most badass historical figure in Russian history. He's like Putin with a beard... Who waves his penis at women and is constantly hammered.

Guys, i'm in a hurry, this fellow undead friend is in need.

My cover just blew up, in any minute, they will know where my secret brain stash has been hidden. What do i do? WHAT DO I DO?
this paralizyng touch will not be enought. why... why didn't i cut off the brain consumption when i could...

>>6022755
Also, most badass death.

Would BatLich be able to defeat a Dracolich?

>>6022731
that's a good example of why a flamethrower is a bad idea against zombies. until it stops moving, you have a zombie that's on fire attacking you.

Seriously, who invented the fire lich? because that person is evil

Arch Lich is definitely my favorite epic destiny path

I like how your mere existence is a big middle finger to the forces of evil

the instant death when you drop to 0 hit points though...I could live without

>>6022805
You don't even need to eat anymore, you're a lich!

you know you've got a a serious grey matter addiction when you're still sucking them down after you've died

Back when I wanted to run a Hellboy/BPRD game, I had the idea of sending the party to the Ukraine to investigate disappearances in the Chernobyl exclusion zone.

The backstory was that soon after the accident, a Soviet scientist tasked with monitoring the site went crazy and somehow managed to walk into the ruins of Reactor 4. He'd cut a deal with the Baba Yaga - she'd grant him immortality after the fashion of Koschei the Deathless (perhaps hiding his soul inside a carbon pellet inside a moderator rod inside the reactor inside the sarcophagus), in return for which he'd become a kind of radiation lich, a personification of the disaster, and agree to limit himself (and hence most of the damage) to the nearby area.

Turns out that after the fall of the Soviet Union he got ticked at the collapse of his beloved communism, and since then has been building an army of radiation zombies from among military personnel and trespassers - an army with which he intends to march out and triumph where Moscow failed.

>>6023292
this is an awesome idea. Radiation zombies would be terrifying

oh hai just stoppin by!

>>6023353
They already exist.

>>6022254
Here's the full image.

I once had a phylactery hidden in..

My arch-nemesis, the bringer of light, the ruler of the fair people of Faedower..

More specifically, his chest. It slowly corrupted him, and it reflected on his peoples. The epic battle between him and, I(The DMPC lich NPC guide) and the players, who picked sides was so amazing and climactic that everyone high fived and applauded.

Since this thread is around, I have a question about a lich character I'll be playing in a 3.5 game.

Going an unusual route, since the game is gestalt, he's a Sorcerer//Warlock (and a kobold). He stole a book of demon summoning rituals from the dragon that ruled his tribe and got his warlock powers from that, already having manifested the sorcerer powers. He later killed the dragon and burned the camp/village built around his tower at the urging of demons whispering in his head. Seeing what he had done, he was and still is extremely repentant. Originally, he locked himself up in the study, trying to find a way that arcane magic could bring people back from the dead without zombifying them--and did so for years. To continue his search, he decided to become a lich.

My question is this: What is his phylactery?

Just put a phylactery in a Dwarf's beard. No one will ever go looking for it without a world of hurt.

>>6023528
ornate necklace made from one of the dragons Fangs?

>>6023528
string of prayer beads

?

>>6023528

>trying to find a way that arcane magic could bring people back from the dead without zombifying them

Limited Wish

Arrrrrrrrr me phylactery be buried with me booty.

>>6023595
No 7th level spells quite yet!
>>6023548
Sounds neat.
>>6023555
He isn't quite that religious.

>>6023626
Skull or sculpture of a dragon. He's a kobold and a sorcerer, both of which are traditionally pro-dragon.

>>6023626
to expand on the prayer beads idea

your kobold doesn't have to be religious, he just has to look like he is.

you keep your soul in a plan set of prayer beads, and keep them in a container somewhere with identical sets of plan uninteresting prayer beads

then you keep a jeweled, ornate and heavily magically enchanted prayer beads with you at all times that you jealously guard.

Posted this before but I will post it again. Player of mine became a lich, and made his phylactery a copper piece. Then had another PC spend it in a marketplace of the world's biggest trade city so it circulated in the city's economy indefinitely. Only way to take him out was DM dickery.

>>6023701
What happens if it gets melted down for casting or something?

...this would be bound to occur eventually.

>>6023555
>string of prayer beads

Did this, pic and file name related.

My players died horribly.

>>6023670
I'll be going with this plus >>6023688's 'fake phylactery' idea. The actual thing will be the dragon's skull, left with his skeleton in whatever ends up becoming his hiding spot. I'll make an expensive faberge egg or something and cover it in meaningless runes. People come in, see what looks like enough hidden traps to kill a dragon, and take absurd precautions to not trigger things that aren't there while they steal/destroy a magically worthless chunk of gold.

FUCK YEAH LICHES

Fuck yeah liches

>>6023402

Hell yeah radioactive undead from the future.

>>6023721

Depends if the Lich decided to enchant it up the wazoo or not. If they did then you'd probably have a bronze statue somewhere with a single copper piece embedded in it.

>>6023547
Genius

Could a liches' phylactery be a neutronium golem?

>>6024144
Make your phylactery some random Dorf's beard. Even if it means letting a lich live, he will not sacrifice his beard nor will he let you sacrifice it for him.

>>6024303
OHHH SHIT

rolled 11, 20, 6 = 37

>>6024303
They have to make their phylactery.

>>6024335
but better make sure it's a high up dwarf, like a clan leader or something

or better yet

find the biggest most successful dwarven clan around. then find the tomb of one of their most exonerated ancestors

make the phylactery out of his beard

needs moar aqualich

will find pic

>>6024369
Could a lich make a god his phylactery? You can make gods, right?

And then make the god have a paladin order?

Then when the Paladin tries to defeat the lich, it turns out the paladin's god is the lich's phylactery, and the paladin falls.

>>6024378
>>6024378
The dwarves would kill the lich for defiling the ancestor's tomb. they'd find a way, without destroying the phylactery

>>6024479
no

fuck YEAR Liches!

I have NO lich pics. I am a failure.

Thanks op!

With a raspy sigh, I open my eyes. A disturbance... somewhere. Even now, the smell of elsewhere pervades my chamber. I did not bring here, of course. How could I? I have not left this place since.... since how long? My name? What is my NAME? What am I DOING HERE? Everything is forgotten as ponder that question, whose answer I have forgotten. I sit up, my gaze wandering my room.

Books, all around. My eyes rest on the strange, beautiful symbols around me. Ah! Of course! Of course. I feel the warm glow, so familiar. It's all I've ever needed, or wanted. Not the symbols, but for what they carry: knowledge. Power. Mine and others, thoughts refined and purified by countless hours of toil, of joy. All returns to me, clear and pure. I need not open any of them, but their bindings are my bindings, their words are my words; even if I did not imagine all of them, and their ideas are so wonderful... so good. I would like too add to them!

"I could do this forever..." My voice is strange. Much is strange. What is my name? Where is that... smell... of new coming from? It's actually a vibration, clear notes traveling the stones of my room, of my bed. I don't need to hold my breath to hear them. Actually... I don't need to breath at all! "How peculiar! My voice works without air!"

Well this is interesting indeed. I need to write this down! My hands move without thought, closing around a small book attached to chain around my neck. Well of course I have my own book! I laugh! Of course! Of course, now I need ink and quill.

I quickly move to my desk, finding my ink pot and quill under all the dust. "Of course... Of course." The ink is dry! My quill is rusted! WHAT IS THIS! I am still, quiet. More peculiar things, now interfering with my work. Interesting things... but not ideal. I remember... worried faces, always rushing and blathering silly questions... my students? Didn't I have... apprentices? Annoying, of course, but useful for ink pot filling and quill finding. "I will surely by unhappy with them!" The vibrations are clearer now.

Voices, excited whispers I hear easily. My apprentices! Concocting another irksome prank no doubt. I walk to the door of my room, dust trailing me, when did they sweep the floor! Lazy clods! I pause before the door and listen. "I'm telling you Olgar, thar is a treasure trove here! This Wizard was a big hat! Get the door open!"

Hat? I've always been a shadowy cloak and cane guy. These apprentices had a lot of nerve! I push the door to my sanctum open and scream: "WHERE IS MY INK?"

The silly fellows freeze. "Gods above." whispers the fellow I'm nose to nose with. Actually, where is my nose? He's carrying a torch, and in the reflectiveness of his eyes I can see my face.

Oh my!

"Lichdom? I... seen to have... gotten off course."

>>6025818
>>6025832
Go on...

>Why are liches always skeletons? Wouldn't meat armor provide a little more protection?

Well, Rules Cyclopedia-style 0E liches had to do a quest in Limbo, the realm of the dead. The longer it took, the more their body would decay. A lich who took way too fucking long would become a skeleton, but you could potentially do it long enough to still be fresh, or at least juicy.

Anywho, the reason why liches are usually skeletal, is because it provides an easily recognized, iconic appearance.

The apprentice behind bellows: "It's the Collector! Outta my Olgar!" as he shoves his smaller friend aside, sending him and his many bags across the floor. I can't remember ever having such a large apprentice. Perhaps a bodyguard? My body! A Lich! This explained the... disembodied feeling I had been having.

It occurs to me that the large axe the fellow is swinging could, in fact, be trouble. I whisper a word, one of the many I know, but the first I can think of. The large fellow freeze in place, face frozen in a nasty rictus... similar to my own actually. Didn't he have a friend? I turn to the

"Unless you have some Ink, you're in some quite spectacular trouble my good doorknocker!" I speak sternly. The fellow seems a bit quicker than his friend, because his hand darts into one of his bag and lifts a small dark cylinder to me. He gasps. "Always have some... for me maps!" I smile at him benevolently. He looks away. "Quill?" He offers a small nub up, just as quickly.

What had the large fellow shouted? "Collector." It sounded familiar, it sounded good. But Collector of what? What had I been about to do with this ink? Collect some thoughts. "Thought collector? Not much of a name..." I turn to my Bodyguard "Collector of what?" He doesn't speak... or move. Oh right, the spell!

Wait... hadn't he been reverse bodyguarding or something? Axes weren't usually well received, especially on the neck. He must be incorrectly trained. I pluck it out of his hands. The brown skin of his hand turned white very quickly. Some sort of negative energy spell? Oh right... Lich! Oops.

"Sorry... sorry! New to this business. So... you were about to say my name?" I'm being quite helpful, actually. This fellow was more confused than me, clearly!

>>6026109
>>6025994
>>6025832
>>6025818

This shit is GOLD!

Keep going!

Lich's aint nothin but tricks and hos.
Also, nostalgiad hard at OP's pic. DnD 2e player's handbook, right?

In my game Mummies are the clerical form of liches, they fight endless wars with their arcane counterparts.

Is this awesome y/n?

>my phylactery

>>6025818
>>6025832
>>6025994
>>6026109
No, don't you DARE stop there. Keep going.

>>6026109

Without the spell, the incompetent bodyguard clutched his hand and swore a very interesting combination. Mostly involving goats and mothers doing... something not anatomically possible. I open my small book and jot down a few of the nicer ones. I stop when he does. I look up. He's looking at me!

- You don't know... your name?
- Well... I got called Master alot, but I've forgotten the bit that comes after it.
- Your name is...

The small fellow pipes up. "We'll tell you your name if you spare us, mighty one!" Mighty one? That's better than Master by one full crony-joule! "Of course! I'm well known for being sparring!" He smiles in relief. "This is said to be the Tomb of Olivier, the bloated eater of knowledge!" Bloated?! BLOATED?

"Bloated?! I'm big boned!" The fellow cowers... even more than before, clutching his fallen bags to his chest. "IT'S A METAPHORE! IT'S A METAPHORE!" I give him The Stare, which always worked on the janitor, at least. Olgar opens one his bag, and sticks it over his head. "Relax! Gosh! Oh, right... Lich."

I would have to update my portrait on the local mage guild wall and even worse; this could be a problem for me with the ladies. "How the heck did this happen to me?"

>>6026328
>lich saying heck

hahahaohwow.jpg

>>6026328

this is awesome, please continue forever

In the dark of the night I was tossing and turning
And the nightmare I had was as bad as can be!
It scared me out of my wits!
A corpse falling to bits!
Then I opened my eyes and the nightmare was ME!

I was once the most mystical man in all Russia!
When the royals betrayed me they made a mistake!
My curse made each of them pay,
BUT ONE LITTLE GIRL GOT AWAY!
Little Anya beware, Rasputin's awake!

[Chorus] In the dark of the night, evil will find her!
In the dark of the night, just before dawn!

Revenge will be sweet, when the curse is complete!

In the dark of the night
SHE'LL BE GONE!

I can feel that my powers are slowly returning!
Tie my sash, and a dash of cologne for that smell!
As the pieces fall into place
I'll see her crawl into place!
Dasvidanya, Anya, your grace!
Farewell!

[Chorus] In the dark of the night, terror will strike her!

TERROR'S THE LEAST I CAN DO!

[Chorus] In the dark of the night, evil will brew!

Soon she will feel that her nightmares are real!

In the dark of the night
SHE'LL BE THROUGH!

>>6026328
"Olgar, you moron." grunted the reverse Bodyguard, who was looking somewhat irritated. "This is why you'll never meet my mother!" Olgar glared at his large... friend? "Well, Krongus! ...at least I didn't come up with the genius idea to have a honey moon raid in the Tomb of the deadliest shade in the land!"

Honey? Woah! What the hell! "So... the two of you... are... damn! What year is it?" The two seemed suddenly a bit self-conscious.

- It's 1479, Dalereckoning.
- And... what you do... is legal?
- Well...
- Not an affront to the gods?
- Err...
- Not a disgusting, unholy blight of the mind?
- Hey! Who's calling who unholy here?

Well... things had changed in the Realms, it seemed. I quickly open my book and jot down this... development. I hesitate... and decide not to do diagrams of possible... no... where does... IT go?

Actually... as a matter of fact.... did I even still have an IT? This could be a very BIG problem for the ladies.

[Chorus] In the dark of the night, evil will find her!
In the dark of the night, terror comes true!

My dear, here's a sign, it's the end of the line!

[Chorus] In the dark of the night...
IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT...

Come my minons,
Rise for your master!
Let your evil shine!
Find her now, yes,
Fly every faster!

[Chorus] In the dark of the night, in the dark of the night, in the dark of the night...

SHE'LL BE MINE!!!

>>6026620
No, your very big problem for the ladies is long gone, sir Lich.
*ba-dump, tissssss*

>>6026328

"I'm not fat! I'm Big boned!"

>>6022254
YOU AINT MY LICH NIGGA

BUY YOUR OWN DAMN FRIES

>>6026620

Diagrams. Now I know why people go insane when reading books they find in lich tombs. It would be like going to /d/ with no prior warning of what to expect.

>>6026620
I'm getting closed to irritated. "Alright! Enough! Fine! Just don't... urg... not in my house anyway! Now! Possible causes of Lichcantropy and cures, go!"

My quill is poised above my book. I wait. I wait some more. "I don't pay you to lolligag around! If I did, you'd be a), women; and b); naked." I decide to glare at the wall in between both. Krongus scratches his head.

- Well... could be a curse.
- Made by?
- ... a wizard?
- Called?
- Err... Olivier?
- Shut up.

"You with..." actually they looked like purses, "... the bags! GO"

- It's Olgar... could be Gods. The eval ones maybe.
- Right! The evil god of the dead!
- Kelemvor? Naw, he's an ok chap! Got a discount on me Grannie's funeral.
- Alright.
- Maybe you had... like a job wot needed doing?
- Yeah... job. Right.
- Could be a 'orrible taskwhat you have to do, and you heroically became a bony guy to do it. For all time.
- Yeah. Work for all eternity. Sure. But... let's say that isn't it.
- Could be an ex-girlfriend?

I suddenly have an uncomfortable feeling settle onto me... like a shadowy cape worn by a hot, bony white babe walking over my tomb. "What kinda girl... does something like this!" A job that needed doing... for all eternity?

Crap!

"Maybe you gots its name wrote down in your little black book?"

Both I and the thief speak together: "Shut up Krongus."

How powerful of a wizard do you have to be to Lich yourself? Has there been any Liches that have spent their immortality training their martial skills? The idea of a deathless warrior is intreging.

>>6022249
> Old. I already read this on http://www.anantalk.com/ (anan = anon) last night.
I do believe that OP is on to something here.

rolled 4, 4, 2 = 10

>>6027014
I think you can do it before level 20, but level 20 is when it will work best.

>>6027014
11th caster level minimum, by 3.5 reckoning. Not sure about 4e.

>>6027118
21 to be a (semi-)sane, free-willed, one.

>>6027013
I decided I needed to lie down. I actually had three problems now. Once settled down, I idly started flipping the pages too and fro of my book. First: I had died. Second, I was out of time and place.Third, someone had done stuff that just shouldn't be done to an honest fellow. I mean, sure, I liked to have a good time! Who didn't? So what if I liked hang around the occasional temple to the goddess Sune with my sketchpad? I was busy cracking the secrets of the multiuniverse, for Gods sake! Those diagrams had profound significance! And the girls in the margins where just sympathetic young things, receptacles eager to receive my profound knowledge!

Speaking of receptacles... where was my magic soul jar?

I thumb through my small book. It felt warm in my hands. Hands which shouldn't feel anything. I understood suddenly. "This is my Phylactery. This is what keeps me going." How many wizards and sorcerers tried and succeeded full Lichdom? 1 out of 10? Less? And who would do this to me? If I had died... of natural causes... and someone had been ready... but... where were they?

A job that needed doing... for all eternity.

There was one name... that would never be in my books. That I would never forget. "Arlene Greenbaum", I whispered it, but it felt like a shout. Even to my own ears, my voice had sounded inhuman up to now. But It hadn't just then. Some girls where so pretty you didn't even know how nice they where. Arlene had been the opposite.

An Elf, but it barely showed. The kind of elf that made you realize why so many damn half-elves where running around. The kind of girl you thought "I'll never need another." But of course, things had a way of going south unexpectedly. And elves weren't immortal beings. And they hated resurrection.

Some diseases just went too fast... others were too slow. They had met in Waterdeep, she had been a thief... and he had been... a collector.

F5ing for a slow writefag.

Someone archive this for later perusal.

>>6027459
He had been much less back then. Just another spellthrower eager to go up against anything that looked interesting. He had been trying to get a particular spell, a microscopic time stop. A large timestop needed a full fledged archmage. So... what about a small one?

If a small portion of matter could be frozen in time... it could also be sped up... or down... say... a piece of coal... under pressure for a few million years... that could give you a diamond. All you needed to get rich.

Or get a diamond for a reincarnation spell if you were too poor to buy one. And some diseases you couldn't stop were curses... once caught, they couldn't be undone easily... or in time.

"They were dead and gone already, they didn't need anything! It's all wasted on them. Besides! I'm an elf, it's an elf temple, sooooo the stuff is practically mine already!" She was laughing. Always. And her eyes twinkled when she did.

So they barged into the old temple; an old elven god... of mushrooms, fairly silly even by elf standards. He was forgotten and gone, but his treasures remained. So did his curses.

An unfortunate encounter with a crypt guardian. And suddenly, Arlene had a curse. Not the kind that made you grow hair, or spout gibberish. The kind that killed you dead. Slowly. And since they had stolen from an elven temple... the high priests refused to lift the curse, under any circumstance. She had to "redeem" herself. And even if she did, it still meant she would die. "Redeem" meant she could get into elf heaven.

Other cults wanted ridiculous amounts of gold to go against the curse of the elven pantheon. It would cost them less if she died and was brought back to life.

"Gods, Arlene.... you managed to sneak right outta elf heaven, didn't you? It must be you!"

>>6027848

I was sure of it. It HAD to be her! He had finally figured it out, a way to redeem her. His mini-super-haste spell could be applied to more than coal... it could work on arrows. Elven arrows. And suddenly, the elves had one of the deadliest spell and weapon combos in the Realms. A decent elven Griffin rider could wipe out a town with nothing more than a quiver of cheap hyper arrows. Which the elves were more than happy to demonstrate on some vile evildoers. A good cause, it had seemed at the time. Suddenly, the world became a very scary place. The stress on her... what he had done FOR her... she became sicker...

After her... departure... he had gone to everyone he knew, and everyone she knew, trying to get that magic gold together, spending his free time plucking away at his mini-super-haste spell. Eventually, they teetered out an old high priest muckity muck. "She's gone, and doesn't want to come back." Everyone had said it, her family, her friends... and he had believed.

Damn him. Damn me. I had BELIEVED their lies! Was it because he was human? No... it was because she didn't consider herself redeemed. More war? Better arrows? What had he been thinking?!

"If your around Arlene, I'm awake now. Really awake."

>>6028113
The shadows around his room began to merge together and and a white face bloomed within. A face he knew. She was... different. She looked stronger. And much much hungrier than he remembered.

"Shucks Arlene! Did you go full Banshee on me?" She gave him a toothy smile, one that sent his heart hammering in his chest. "Forget that! I've been reading that your little notebook while you lazed about! Will you explain to me who ALL THOSE BITCHES IN THERE ARE!?"

My mouth felt dry. Really dry. Comeon! Come up with something. You're the smartest damn guy ever. You could schmooze any girl, explain any magic. Blast any demon. Reinvent war. I had to say something!

"They... were... were.... PRACTICE until we could meet up again."

Oh gods.

OH GODS.

DID I JUST SAY THAT!

She laughs and spins in the air... She always did like to dance... "Practice? You lout! You clod! You could of planewalked to me! Cursed the Gods! Busted some heads in until they brought me back! Sent me a letter!" I was shaking so bad I could hear my bones rattle. "I tried! I tried all of that! I just didn't know where your new address was, but I wrote a letter! Lots of letters!"

Her spinning slowed and stopped.

Dammit, why do you take so long between posts?

>>6022254
I WON A POSTER OF THIS ARTWORK A FEW YEARS BACK.

IT IS AWESOME!

>>6028431

"Show me."

I point a bony digit to a small shelf in the corner. It wasn't full, it wasn't much, but it held quite a nice collection nevertheless. She drifts by them, her hands brushing the shelf. She suddenly seemed to gain mass and something like weariness seemed to come over here. She leaned against the shelf. "You were looking in Heavens, but I was in the Hells." Her voice was tired.

So. They had lied. All of them.

This was the first time I had ever seen her tired, even when the curse had robbed her of so much, of movement, of freedom, of speech... of pleasure.

I walk up to her and place my hands on her shoulders. She leaned into my arms. "Miss Greebaum.... would you care to dance?" She shuddered a bit, and whispered something that sounded like yes. I take a step back, and again, and step to the side. I lead, and she drifts with me.

At last, she looks into my eyes, and I can't look anywhere else. "All those years of practice? And this is your verrrryyyy best? I think I'll lead, thank you very much!

I laugh! She spins around and dips me. "At least you lost some weights!" Oh no, she didn't! "I told you, I'm big boned!" I return indignantly.

Oh right! That reminds me. "One sec, dear!" I march over to the doors of my tomb and wrench them open. Both Olgar and Krongus tumble into the room. "Okay apprentices! You're taking the day off! Come back with a broom and a mop! So, get outta here right now.... this Lady is a real screamer!"

Behind me, she laughs, a baum on my soul, and spins and spins, faster and faster... and I know a spell that can make me just as fast as her now.


-Fin-

NOW we can Archive this.

For only now that it is complete can we see how truly, truly epic it is.

>>6028733

>>6028733
Brava, anon, brava.

>>6028733
To you, dear writer.

>>6028757
Happy endings for all! Story is rough, but it is spun.
I guess it could be better, but I hope you all like it.

Shameless self bump! And good night!