I recommend the urethra.

bumpin

>>5999002

>leak
>urethra

I lol'd. Hard.

>>5999090

Come on, I brightened someone's days with my whimsical stories, isn't that worth some decent live leak channles? The only one I know plays nothing but rocky horror and fear and loathing.

Goddamnit, it's either this or crawl off the couch and stumble to the nearest bar, and I don't want to put shoes on.

Fuck it, I'm gonna keep posting, maybe the get will be me bitching about how bored I am.

Bumping for Wasteland Warrior being awesome. Somebody help this man!

>>5999501

Thank you.

In the meantime, I'm gonna just drunkenly say whatever comes to mind.

My balls are so hairy, that when I sweat a lot and I have to pee, the hair sticks to my penis and looks like creey black veins trying to eat my junk.

>>5999561

Sometimes, I like to drink an entire fifth of bourbon and write to senators from other states.

>>5999614
You're a true American hero, son.

>>5999614

I ate an entire summer sausage after not eating meat all summer. I spent 8 hours hovering above the toilet screaming profanity.

>>5999641

Sometimes, when I go shooting, there wont be any targets left, but I'll still have some rounds in the magazine, so I just one hand whatever rifle I have and fire away randomly into the distance. The whole time I yell shit like "GET SOME, GET SOME"

>>5999699

I was at a party, and drunk, and I managed to talk a girl into going into another room with me. We started neckin and she asked if I had a condom. I said I didn't, but it would be okay, cause I would pee in her when I was done, and that would kill the sperm.
I married that woman.
Not really, she ran out of the room laughing. But wouldn't it be funny if we stuck together?

>>5999763

I used to measure myself before taking a dump, then afterwards. My record is 3 pounds.

>>5999785

I once drank a bunch of steel reserve then carved a mark of chaos undivided into my upper arm.

Some of the scars are still there.

>>5999825

I'm getting this fucking get, It's mine damnit.

I used to put a mcchicken in between the beef patties of a double quarter pounder.

I called it two cows raping a chicken.

>>5999862

Once I drank a shit ton of green food coloring, then waited till I took a dump. It was bright green, and I called it the hulk turd. I kept it like a pet, not flushing and feeding it smaller turds. My room mate did not approve, and killed my pet two days later.

He put it out of his misery, it had turned to goo.

>>5999918


I love country music. NO funny story, I just love country music.

>>5999614
This is the most amusing thing I've read in a while.

>>5999943

I killed a squirrel with a tire iron once.

It made me feel like a big man.

rolled 100 = 100

aaa

I killed a man in reno, just to be like johnny cash.

someone else got the get, but at least I bothered /tg/ with the scourge of my non sequiters. At least it wasn't a flarefag.

Can someone find me a live leak channel yet?

I, for one, would be proud to see a drunken uncle WW hit the six million get. As long as I don't have to talk to a shrink about how he molested me afterwards.

>>6000161

TOO LATE

I'll still drunkenly molest you, but I need a good live leak channel, preferabbly one with some decent movies on demand.

>>6000161
Get was got but still love WW for his crazy ass shit.
Wish I could help.

DAMNIT TO HELL, NO MORE STORIES, EVER AGAIN

Unless I get my liveleak

Dear god why am I laughing so hard?

>>6000281

You mean a Livestream?

>>6000367

Oh shit, you're right. it is livestream

I'm drunk.

>>6000186

>>6000281
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! What will I read while I'm bored as hell at work. None of /tg/'s other shitty threads.

I request a story from the greatest tripfag to ever exist.

>>6000388

Hey now, >>6000161 told me she was 18, I'm no pedo.

Elves are pedos, what business does a 400 year old elf have with a human perhapsa 20th of his age.

>>6000402

Way too drunk, but stories tomorrow evening, around this time.

Unless I am too drunk.

Damnit all /tg/, i'm gonna go walk to the in and out. I hope you're happy. I have to put shoes and pants on and everything.

How could you, I thought I could believe in you.

>>6000424
How do you know that >>6000161 was a chick, did you try for a ball cup or something?

>>6000517
Sir, I don't know what world you live in, but where I come from pants are entirely optional.

I used to have the /tg/ channel but it got reported.

I use hulu, never did the livestream stuff. Or just downloadan movies and whatnot.

>>6000527

Maybe I did an investigatory grope, who are you, the grope police?

>>6000780
The gropee, I guess.

/therapy teim

>>6000835

well if you didn't want to get groped, then maybe you shouldn't have psychically commanded me to get drunk.

You misused your psychic powers and now you've been groped.

>>6000635
Set up another one bro.
It was some huge faggot on a reporting spree last time.

>>6000852
But I have no psychic powers of suggestion. If I did, i'd have a much nicer lifestyle then I now do.

>>6000889

Of course you have special powers, what else could make me want to drink a bunch of sailor jerry?

And let's be honest, your place wasn't all that special.

>>6000936
>what else could make me want to drink a bunch of sailor jerry?

I mostly drink sailor jerry because it's FUCKING DELICIOUS.

>>6000936
It's like every date/booty call/hooker i've ever had just blurted out the same thing at once.

;¬; jerk.

>>6000953

I'm not a jerk, you're a jerk for not having nicer junk, and for psychically making me get drunk and grope you.

You're a monster.

>>6001030
Sir, if I did that, we both know hot sweaty gay sex would have followed. Nice try, you're just trying to explain it away.

>>6001030
I could mangina so it feels better for you.

Would that help?

>>6001076

Nice try, everyone knows there is a vast psychic homosexual conspiracy to get me liquored up and seduce me.

This thread is lol.

>>6001076
Not gay if balls don't touch.

>>6001103
Lie, you're just bi/curious when you're a bit sloshed.
Which is kinda cute.

>>6001155

Actually, at my first college party, I got hammered and hit on what I thought was a chick for an hour. Long blond hair, skinny and a plump ass. TUrned around and it was a trap.

That's when I first learned of the vast psychic conspiracy to turn me gay. They had to finish the job that cocktail wieners started.

>>6001259

...pics?

I love this thread. It's not epic story time, but instead it's a look deeper into the mind of our beloved uncle WW.

>>6001259
It's like Courage Wolf says-there is no gay. If it's cute, fuck it.

I would have, and cuddled afterward.

>>6001304

No, pictures are for deviant psychohomosexuals.

Or people who carry cameras.

someone was streaming Dorf fort yesterday, had me entertained for quite a while

>>6001330
Or Eidetic memory, but only the people with it get to see.

>>6001360

ooooohhh, big man. Think making up words makes you better then the rest of us?

>>6001428
No, seriously, it's a word.

It's the science-y term for photographic memory.

I cannot brain today. it is late.

>>5999501
profane flatterer
>>6000281
You are hold a Traditonal games board for ransom


why don't you try /g/ ass wipe

>>6001428
No sir, one day I hope to have wild passionate sex with yo. . . I mean, be as good a storyfag as you are, sir.

>>6001451

Because I don't know what half of the boards are, alls I knows is /k/, /tg/, /fit/ and /b/

And cause I'm drunk, and therefore immune to the laws of decency and physics.

>>6001473

and /v/, I used to go there and say shit like "FINAL FANTASY 13 will be the best, because it will be on xbox 360, finally they are moving on to a decent platform"

>>6001500
Say more hilarious incoherent drunk things.

And regale us with tales of hilarious things you have done while drunk.

Have you gamed drunk? This is important.

>>6001609

Yeah, at the end of a session in the Kjellmir game we were all at a tavern, and the other PCs went off to talk to someone. The dm brought out some beer and tankards we could all drink from. To be a manly man I filled a tankard with 10 or so shots of wild turkey and some cola, and chugged. I was hammered drunk but I stayed in character, who kept telling horrific stories of death and torture, but with terrible puns.

round 2 of random drunken shit will begin soon, I gotta go pee on my neighbor's door.

Once I got really drunk at a party, but wanted to be even drunker. So in exchange for a bottle of tbird I answered the door for the gal who was delivering pizzas wearing nothing but a sock.

>>6001725

I like to sit around in my underwear and my night vision goggles and shoot cockroaches with a pellet gun.

>>6001732

Once me and my room mate, and a bunch of other guys went to the dining hall and walked out with a bunch of ice cream cones, then we went out and had a texas snowball fight. THere was a tour of campus and one of the tour guides took an ice cream cone in the face.

>>6001741

I pooped in a sock and left it in my friend's room, then told his mom I was worried about how much WoW he was playing.

>>6001744

i did that once, but then i just left the sock there and didn't tell anyone.

>>6001744

I tried to get my buddy's cat drunk, for some reason I thought if the cat saw me drunk it would drink some of the whiskey I put in her dish. I drank the whole bottle while begging the cat to drink.
My friend came back from work to see me passed out on his kitchen floor while the cat played with my head.

>>6001732

I have no idea why, but I lol'd. I'm somehow imagining that's what the typical /k/ommando does.

>>6001759

I payed a stripper with dyed white hair $50 dollars to say that I had been a bad heretic while she gave me a lap dance.

She showed me her Flor de lis tattoo with SIC SEMPER SORRORITAS in old english script, and took gave me the dance for in exchange for a drink.

Is this worth archiving?

Drunken Wasteland Warrior groping fa/tg/rots and telling amusing stories would be amusing to see at a later date.

>>6001796

Go ahead, I'm not stopping you.

Once I had drank too much and wandered out without pants. A pair of police officers found me and one of them asked me where my pants were. I asked "who are you, the PANTS POLICE?" His partner fell over laughing while he just sighed and shook his head and said "yes, I am the pants police" and they walked me home and told me to go to bed and sleep it off.

Remember back when you could get an extra meat patty on your burger at wendy's for $.25? I ordered a 100 patty burger and used it to taunt my vegan friends.

>>6001832

Micheal Jackson's house is a half hour walk from my place. People left a whole bunch of flowers and teddy bears and shit at it when he died. I left a doll without any clothes on.

Dude, this shit is so awesome its only a question of time before my teacher asks me what the hell is so funny about coding...

>>6001832

There was this guy I knew at a picnic. He said he'd light me on fire, I said I'd light his mom on fire, then fuck her. He started to tear up and he said "My mom is dead" and I said "good, I'm a necrophiliac." He ran to his car crying and drove off. I asked my buddy what his deal was, turned out his mom died of cancer a month before that. I couldn't stop laughing.

I love you, WW. <3

WW, I beg thee, spin us a tale. I'm also drnuk!Q

I masturbated into my friend's glass of orange juice on his 20th birthday.

I was at the zoo with my class when I was young. I had heard that if you smile or bare your teeth at the monkeys, they would throw poop at you. I spent an hour with one of my friends making faces at the monkeys. Finally, when the most popular girl and her friends walked by, the monkeys started hurling poo. I ducked, and the girl and her friends got pelted with poop.

I locked my 9th grade math teacher in his private bathroom for two hours and then totally beat the shit out of the microwave he kept in the class.

In high school I wrote a "what I did over the summer" essay about getting high on pcp and killing homeless people. A homeless dude was found beaten to death a day later. I recieved an A on the essay and there was no action taken by the school authorities or the police.

>>6001889
only if I get to fuck you in the ass again

There was this guy at a party who claimed to be so emo that he wouldn't even care if someone punched him. I punched him in the dick as hard has I could and started laughing and screaming "WHO'S EMO NOW? I'M THE KING OF THE EMOS" then I renounced my title because a guy wearing girl pants can't get into a girl's pants.

>>6001978

I was at a party, and I was the designated driver. I was on the top floor smokin a cigar with some of my pals who were toking up. We were all doin it in the girl who hosted the party's parents bedroom, because we were dueshebags. She came in nearly crying and said "you guys have to help, everyone is jumping out of the second story windows and into the pool, you guys have to stop them." Without missing a beat my buddy runs and jumps through the nearest window. We can't stop laughing and then we notice she's sitting there lookin like a dear stuck in headlights. We ask what's wrong and she says "the pool is on the other side of the house." we all fall over laghing, and finally I go over to the now broken window to see my friend sprawled across the lawn, legs all twisted up. I ask if he's okay and he just shouts "WHERE'S THE POOL?" I had to drag him into a car and drop him off at a hospital, but we just dumped in on the sidewalk near the emergency room and sped off, so we wouldnt have to fill out a police report or anything.

Once, for no reason at all, I beat a toaster to death with a baseball bat, all while taunting it screaming "WHO'S BRAVE NOW, YOU LITTLE BASTARD"

>>5999825
I did this. Cept the scar is on my forearm.

Hoho, yes this is archive worthy. I not for all the awesome then for poolguy.

>>6001809
"Once" being half an hour ago?

>>6002085

No, but the guy at the in and out threatened to call the cops if I got out of hand, as I was visibly drunk, and I smell like rum.

>>6001786
That sounds like my dream woman...

Dunno why but i kinda smiled.

Sometimes I just say "That'll show em, Jews, Homosexuals, ALL OF THEM!"

>>6002239
You rock, sir. Enjoy your E-booze.

I was at a party and I was talking to a cute girl and then I said "Uh oh, looks like someone put an erection in my pants"

We dated or almost 8 months.

>>6002265

I like to go on gravel roads and put my car in reverse and stomp on the accelerator so throw rocks all over the place.

>>6002275

Once I hid a small tank of helium in my backpack, then snaked the hose up through my pants. Then I inflated a huge pink cylindrical balloon out of my fly, so it looked like I got a huge boner. We were watching a film on the holocaust.

>>6002294

In one of my classes we were talking about the feminist movement, and I said instead of protesting and shit, all the feminists should get huge implants, that way the men who ran everything would be too busy staring at their breasts to keep oppressing them. The class just stared at me, then I said "they'd be too busy oppressing their hands on their breasts"

>>6002312

I told my boss that I should get a raise because I was only making $.70 to this other gal I worked withs dollar, and I demanded that my boss pay me more to better represent the natural order of things.

Well, Imma gonna drink up some night train and let sleep take me in her sweet embrace.

But before I go, one last nugget of wisdom and insight,

On a one way road, with fifty cars behind me I drove at 5 mph along a mile and a half length stretch and blasted "Your cheatin heart" at 100 dB the whole time, while I wore headphones to prevent hearing loss. I was told the next day at work by one of my coworkers that he was going to shoot me in the head, but then it would have taken even longer to get home.

... Mr Warrior, I salute you.