FUCK YOU FAGGOT. This is fucking /tg/, not your fucking therapist. Die in a fire you worthless fucking piece of shit. We are not your parents, we are not your worthless excuses for friends, GO DIE IN A FIRE

http://www.99chan.org/lit/res/394.html

Bam, enjoy your years worth of reading.

>>5957731

>>5957731
Oh, be quiet, you. /TG/ loves story time, whoever's doing it.
I declare this an amusing/interesting/rage worthy story thread.

>>5957731
Disregard this faggot; he sucks cocks.


Here, have some SCIENCE.

>>5957738

well, looks like I won't be getting shit done ever again.

Anything in particular yall want to hear about?

>>5957774
I would pay good money for that codex.

>>5957785
you getting fucked in the ass by a chainsaw.

>>5957797

They haven't had an update since 3rd edition though.

>>5957820
They'll get an update before the Dark Eldar though, mark my words.

WW, sorry to derail your topic, but do you feel like a Q&A?

>>5957785
just tell us a story that isn't on sup/tg/

>Wasteland Warrior
>tripcode

>>5957831

yeah, I'm just bored out of my skull right now, so go ahead.

Dawwww.

/tg/ is the best place for /an/ threads.

>>5957845
hmmm, interesting

>>5957785

List some stories you haven't told yet.

>>5957858
where do you get inspiration for your epic characters?

>>5957864

There are more then the stars in the sky...

>>5957873

I think up a concept, and I stick with it. I try to either avoid or brutally subvert fantasy tropes. For example, I'm in a game right now where I'm running a slaver. He isn't looking for redemption, is an addict and has done horrific shit. Is he on a bittersweet path to redemption where he will risk his life to prove himself to his compatriots? Fuck no, he's a selfish amoral bastard, and he's a fucking hoot to play.

Best way to make a character, pick something that you think will be cool and ride with it.

Wasteland warrior!: IDEA!

As you turn yourself into a giant sentient space ship, be sure to keep your original brain (or just any brain, really), constantly updated with your current personality.

Stick this brain in a stock body, stick stock body on life support in an escape pod.

Sentient spaceship goes down, shoot escape pod towards closest friendly planet, just so you can go "I'M NOT DEAD YET"

>>5957913
Where are you from? Region i mean

>>5957924

I'm from a nice little town north of Chicago, but currently I'm in Las Vegas.

>>5957785
What kind of stories do you tell?

>>5957937
You'd be cool to play a game with, but im in the southeast. Do you ever play online games?

>>5957738
sweet jesus

>>5957939
go to http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html look for wastland warrior

Whatever happened to that online game you were playing that used the Dark Heresy system?

>>5957968
wasn't he running it.

WW, do you have any stories where you're the GM?

>>5957959
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5114798/

Original is still tops, in my opinion.

>>5957951

Yes, but right now I'm fairly full up. I was in a game today but the gm had to much work to do so she bailed, leaving me bored as its too dark to go out and shoot, no one wants to drink on a monday and my ps3 is busted. Last friday I was letting people who were new to dark heresy play faceless mook guardsmen to get acquainted with the rules, while the party did important shit.

>>5957968

That wasn't an online game, that was face to face. The second phase of it will be played while I can't be present, but do to the current state of my character (the bbeg) relaying commands to the dm via aim would be more appropriate.

>>5957939

Lots of different kinds. I got shadowrun, dnd, rifts, DH, whfrp, paranoia and l5r stories, to name a few.

I am bored as well WW

I just got back from the DMZ. Could you maybe do something old school military?

>>5958017

You want to play a faceless grunt with shitty equipment and little training, except for devotion as a god like figure. You can be a mook in my DH game. You'll get to see what they do on the other side of the minefield.

>>5957988

I have one pretty good one, but the some of the players have already talked about it here. It's the inspiration for the liche who used a city as his phylactery though.

>>5958068
my vote is to hear a WHFRP story

>>5958068
L5R might be pretty cool. That one you told with the Ronin attached to those super honorable samurais was hilarious.

>>5958125

I have a lot of l5r stories, most of them are just CRAB CLAN, FUCK YEAH!!! With some occasional Roninery.

>>5958086

I was in a gal's game who wanted to make a high powered whfrp game, and I played as GRIFF MOTHERFUCKING OBERWALD. Lulz were had.

>>5958168

bump

>>5958275

If you're gonna bump, bump while asking for something, or else I wont know when to abandon this thread and move on to greener pastures.

>>5958386
What's your favorite world/background/fluff?

>>5958386

do you have any stories regarding characters where alcohol played an important role?

>>5958428

Scifi in general and post apocalyptic, but no one like to dm scifi games so I'm usually shit out of luck.

>>5958430

You've never heard of the Crab clan, I take it.

>>5958458
You mentioned you take a couple shots before every game. Now when I heard that I thought it was a really good idea. Before I start doing that, has that ever bit you in the ass?

>>5958004
That was godly

>>5958458
never played L5R, enlighten me

>>5958480

Never bit me in the ass, I hold my liquor very well. The trick is to know what gets you drunk after how many drinks, and then do 3/4s of that. For most people thats going to be 2 or 3 shots of the hard stuff.

Or, try drinking something classy during the game, like a bourbon and cola. Mix it in a 20 oz with perhaps a 1 part bourbon to every 3 parts cola and make it last a few hours.

NEVER BRING ENOUGH TO SHARE, nerds who dont drink, but want to look cool will try to keep up, then surpass whoever is drinking. They're low tolerance combined with a high alcohol intake will be the group's undoing.

If you like beer, and can tolerate the cheap shit, just bring 2 tall boys or a 40 and don't chug. You'll maintain a nice buzz and open up a little, without getting hammered.

>>5958552
What are you opinions on getting stoned before a game? You ever do that? How did it turn out?

Aside from the guy who killed Boba Fett after GAY BUTTSECKS, did you have any other awesome star wars chars? Im in a game and am bringing in a new char soon, trying to hammer out his personality more, I want to hear some ideas.

>>5958494

All the clans in l5r have their duties, the crab clan's is to stand guard on a giant ass wall and guard the rest of the kingdom from inhuman abominations that can wipe out a regiment of soldiers in a single blow.

So instead of learning arts and crafts, or history or basic social skills the crab learn to hurt things. Just about all their time they have to themselves is spent getting roaring drunk and picking fights. They regard all other clans as whiney little cunts, and often espouse their views bluntly and loudly to all who would hear. The other clans take offense to this, but rarely act upon it due to 2 major problems with warring with the crab.

1. THey are all that stands between Rokugan and the hellish wastes where there is literraly a pit that goes all the way to hell.

2. The loud mouthed alcoholic with hygiene issues is also much larger then you, never leaves home without either a giant hammer, axe or their signature weapon which is pretty much a telephone pole with a handle and nails driven into it. He also has the fortitude to not only survive being impaled by a katana, but to stand up and beat you to death with a broken bottle before he continues drinking until he stumbles to his room to pass out. When he wakes up he will notice that at one point during the past evening he was stabbed, because the sword will still be in there. He'll pull it out, probably piss on it, then throw it out the window. When you're younger brother comes to avenge you, the Crab probably wont even remember who stabbed him in the first place, and assume that another clan is trying to start a war with the crab, and he will then start negotiations to stop the war. THe negotiations will involve eviscerating his way to your family's ancestral home and burning it to the ground, probably while he is still drunk.

>>5958552
Good to know. The image of the GM as the only sober one at the table is too great.

>>5958575

I don't really go for weed, all it does is make me thirsty,giggly and unfocused. A giggling stoner can detract from a game that people are getting seriously into.

Besides man, a gram of weed goes for what? $20? That will buy you a handle of evan williams and a couple 2 liters of cola, which is going to last you longer?

>>5958652

No the only other star wars character I played was an unremarkable storm trooper officer (fuck you Lucas, they aren't all clones) who was captured by the rebel alliance and forced to work for them. He was fun to play as but never got epic.

>>5958667

interesting. so lets hear the crab clan stories

>>5958692
>Besides man, a gram of weed goes for what? $20?
Hahah, holy shit, not where I'm from. $40-$50 a quarter-ounce around these parts.

>>5958749
>$40-$50
Interestingly, also about what you'll pay for a ~1L bottle of spirits.

>>5958705

Oh well.

Say, do you have a favorite char, that that you loved every aspect of, and you enjoyed yourself everytime you got to play him?

>>5958766

That's for the premium shit, I drink the cheapo shit.

>>5958741

Here's a quick one.

It was winter court, when all the clans stop fighting and do all their civilized shit. One of the other players was a very high status crane courtier. He had maxed out every social skill, and could probably convince the most noble samurai that they had transgressed imperial law in such a terrible way that seppuku was the only way out. Our clans had been at war and we didnt think very highly of each other. While drinking he made a bet, that he could seduce the highest ranked crab delegate faster then I could seduce the highest rank crane delegate. The highest ranked crane delegate was a the daughter of the crane clan's most influential courtier. I took his challenge, and wrote a letter home. My character was the nephew of the crab daimyo, I requested a certain crab to be sent as the head delegate. The daimyo thought my idea was hilarious and played along. Meanwhile, I set to wooing the crane's highest ranked courtier, by inviting her to come to my quarters for a bottle of sake. By some fluke she decided to do so, in the interest of peace, as I was the highest ranked crab present. I acted like a gentleman (which for a crab meant I wrote on the back of my hand DO NOT GROPE HER) and drank a modest amount. She left my room with a smile, and I boasted that the crane could do no better then I had.

A few days the crab delegation arrives, headed up by a personal friend of mine. He was a 400 pound 6'6" behemoth who was built like a sumo and was a homosexual. The crane was maybe 5'4" and weighed perhaps 120 pounds. The crane invited the crab to come to his place to share a drink and try to seduce him.

The next morning the crab left with a shit eating grin, the crane had a limp. I asked him the next day if he won, and the crane just looked to the ground and muttered "no one won..." he retired his character to the life of a celibate monk a day later.

>>5958458
Do you have many stories that take place in scifi settings?

>>5958774

Kjellmir was one of my favorites, but my all time favorite character was an Enclave Soldier.

>>5959029

A few good ones.

>>5959026
>That's for the premium shit, I drink the cheapo shit.
Local tax difference, I'm guessing. The price difference between prime and cheap shit is about $4 around here.

>>5959044
I want to hear this story.

>>5959081

I don't know if it's really epic. It was fun because the other players were a bunch of weaboos who added a bunch of shit to the fallout world that didn't need to be in there, like magic, and through sheer brutality and a penchant for minigunnery I managed to out awesome everything they did.

>>5959072

$40 or $50 for a handle (1.5L) is reasonable for the top shelf stuff.

Wait, are you Canadian or Australian? That might be why the prices are so wierd.

So, my family is down in Atlanta, and we're going out to dinner and we drive by this sign and my mom reads it outloud "Afro-tech" then looks at us and says "look at them celebrating diversity". My dad quickly looks at the sign, and while driving facepalms and says "No, that's the Air Force ROTC"

>>5959133

Hah, that's funny.

How do you perform a circumcision on a dude from Georgia?

You kick his sister in the chin.

I got family in the south, I learned lots of ways to make fun of other southerners.

>>5959131
What is good alcohol to you? Bombay Sapphire, Maker's Mark, VSOP-level Cognac, Chopin, etc? I am always trying to up the quality of my alcohol cabinent.

>>5959167
What's the definition of a west virgina virgin?
a girl who can outrun her brother

>>5959183

Bombay gin is good, maker's mark is for pretentious snobs switch to buffalo trace, I dont know much about cognac and I think all vodka is swill, but chopin is okay.

>>5959133
>The South
>ROTC

Obligatory.

>>5959186

How are the unibomber and a gal from Alabama related?

They were both fingered by their brother.

>>5959223
Her face is actually collapsing in on itself like a gravity well of pure meat.

>>5959229
you make me chuckle, i approve

>>5959131
Western Soviet Canuckistan.

>>5959223
MOM?!

>>5959223

I'm no advocate of phrenology, but if I were, I'd say we found the Missing Link.

>>5959254

There you go, switch to Yukon Jack, the only Canadian liquor I approve of, mainly cause drinking it makes me say "eh" after everything, just to be an asshole.

>>5959107
Minigunnery is the best gunnery

>>5959283
Mostly a gin drinker, myself. The locally distilled stuff is pretty damn good.

>>5959107
>added a bunch of shit to the fallout world that didn't need to be in there, like magic
Too late.
Super Mutant Wizard.

>>5959309

Actually, he was a magician, and the shit he summoned was just stuff he hid.

Plus, you run into his son, and if you wear power armor he runs off screaming because you look like the guy who abducted daddy. How awesome is that?

>>5959299

Sadly, when it comes to gin I take crystal palace and add kool aid powder.

>>5959341
He hid mind controlled deathclaws inside nuclear waste? Also, you know, the magic shaman and ghoast

I'd like to hear a Shadowrun story if you'd be kind enough to tell one. Shit blows up good in those stories normally, so I can only imagine what you get up to in them.

>>5959367

He raised their young, and the shaman was hallucinations from drug abuse, and the ghost was a woman with a stealth boy who was out to scam tribals.

Actually, they added a lot of dumb shit to fallout 2, but they were rushed when they were told "you have a year to make a sequal to the best rpg of all time, ever"

Got any paladin stories, Mr. Warrior?

I've got one to trade if ya'd like. I promise nothing spectacular, though.

Wasteland Warrior tells a lot of stories, so he deserves to get one to be entertained by. I'm going to tell you the story of the worst game I was ever in. It lasted all of two sessions, because we were young and stupid enough to come back after the first time.

The game was d20 modern, set in post-apocalyptic Wilkes-Barre, PA, where I lived at the time. We were playing ourselves. I know now that there has only on very rare occasion been a good game where everyone played themselves, and that d20 games are the least likely to be good. But I was young, the only thing I'd ever played having been 3.0 D&D, and I really didn't know better.

>>5959509
The first game we organized ourselves and decided that we needed to find supplies. Though the DM never really seemed to care or keep track of how much we had anyway, so it was really a moot point. Anyway, we raided a local army depot and managed to find a few working M16s and ammunition. Properly equipped with deadly weapons we had no business knowing how to maintain, load, or operate, we then decided to take a look through the local mall because, well, we all knew the best place to ride out an apocalypse was in a mall.

We go into the food court, and are attacked by monkeys. Our aim is apparently awful, because it takes quite a few rounds of combat for us to take them out. I don't know how monkeys got there - we don't even have any local zoos - but whatever. Then the giant spider attacked us. We made short work of that. That said, I was fine with the giant spider - they're a staple of radiation-soaked wastelands everywhere. Though he never did make it clear just what had ended the world, and we never found out. We really should have had at least some idea, having lived through it and all, but whatever.

Anyway, we go down to a local grocery store and decide to load up a truck with non-perishables, so we can have a mobile base of operations. Along the way to the store, we are attacked by communists. No, I don't know how or why. But we were attacked by communists. I knew they weren't just a gang because that's exactly what the DM described them as. We ran them off, got the truck loaded up, and ended the session.

>>5959517
Now, I should note now that the DM was not all that bad at describing things. He did, however, have the most nasal, annoying voice I've ever heard. He had an annoying little brother that kept asking what we were doing and bothering us in general. That brother would become the centerpiece of the second session.

So we come back. The first session hadn't been too terrible, just very random. We were hoping he would get some kind of a plot going so we could feel like we were accomplishing things. Instead, the most terrible thing in the world happened.

His brother was at the table with a character sheet. Was he playing himself? Well, that's an interesting question. It had his name at the top of the sheet. I am certain, though, that his brother was not an anthropomorphic wolf. Who, he proudly announced, could shoot a powerful psychic beam once a day. You can imagine the stares that got. That we didn't walk out right then and there is testament to our dedication towards roleplaying.

>>5959526
The DM introduces him to the party. I immediately start being an insulting jackass to our furry party member. I've got a pretty decent ability to snark, so it wasn't long before he decided he was going to teach me a lesson with his psychic death beam. We roll initiative, he wins. He fires the death beam and tells me he hits AC 14, and starts picking up damage dice.

I cough and tell him my AC is 15. He missed. He freaks out, and says that it can't be right, that it should still do something. The DM backs us up and agrees that the beam simply missed. My friends all note that, having seen his character attack mine, they're rolling initiative to get in on this.

>>5959530
Before we can fire, the furry gets abducted by aliens. Partly because the DM's brother ran from the table crying. And thank god for that. But what happened next was even worse. The rest of the party was teleported to a giant greenhouse, and immediately restrained with snaking vines. I'm sure you can already tell this is going to end very badly, but it's worse than you think, because at that moment, the - and I quote here - "Fat naked panda-girl druids" came out of the brush.

We took a break there, as the DM was called away by his parents to deal with his brother. We all quickly decided to GTFO before it got worse. But, to make sure he knew this was no mistake, we waited until he got back to the table, and left one at a time, saying nothing. We just gathered our things and drove away.

So ended the worst game I was ever in.

>>5959509
>>5959517
>>5959526
>>5959530
>>5959537
That's just...


Weird.

>>5959449

Allright, so in the opening session there were only two guys in our group. The other guys were going to join in the next couple of sessions. I was a face man/gun bunny who loved his nova coke. The other guy who showed up to the start was a rigger who bought an an old huey transport and modernized it. My character was part of the society of creative anachronisms, but instead of dressing up like medieval folk they re enacted scenes from the vietnam war, so he had an impressive arsenal of vietnam era weaponry and the ability to adopt mindset of your typical crazy vietnam vet (he was an actual vet, but the war didn't emotionally scar him.)

The second session we were being payed to break up some pimp's stranglehold on a certain neighborhood. The new guy was a shaman who was trying to stop his sister from whoring herself out to pay off her debts. Me and the rigger stole a riot control truck from the police and rode out to the neighborhood. Both in and out of game we started blasting police truck http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PScmRiaZhwk and singing along, while doing nova coke and running down hookers. The shaman was confronting his sister when the truck rounded the corner, sirens blaring, and barreled into some of the hookers who were standing there. I was leaning out the passenger window with a bat braining hookers who got out of the way of the truck.

The shaman sees us and starts conjuring up some voodoo to stop our truck when his sister latches on to him and promises she'll never even think of being a hooker if he would protect her from us. We stopped our truck and started hassling him, blood oozing down our noses. He said that we had shocked his sister so badly that we saved his sister from a life of prostitution. I tossed him the bat and told him he could pay us back by riding shotgun, so I could use the high pressure hose on the back of the truck. He joined our crew then and there.

>>5959501

I have a story where I was dming and I fucked with a paladin, gimme a minute to read lawful nice's story and I will tell it.

>>5959537


......eeeewwwwwww

>>5959596

I adopted a game from another guy who had made a real well thought out fantasy world, but had to quit because he was moving. I took over and he gave me a few notes, mainly that the cleric in the party watched his master cut down by a black armored knight, the paladin served a ghale eladrin, who was the mother of an Aasimar sorceress he was dating.

They had just defeated an evil dragon and had been away from their homes for a year. I decided to make the the black knight a blackguard, and the BBEG. I statted him out as a high level paladin of tyranny, who then swapped out some paladin levels for blackguard. He had been around for thousands of years, having escaped hell when an army of paladins tried to invade and was magically extending his own life by distilling elven children with magical aptitude into life extending elixirs. He had recently killed a good dragon and took the loot and used it to build an army and hire bands of assassins. He used these to kill most of the royal family in a coastal city state and take it for himself. The evil army was used to maintain order, and by lowering tariffs to lure in more traders he managed to make the city prosperous and safe. Instead of killing the good churches he created public works by paying to have them renovated and restored. Public dissension was not only tolerated, but often met with a public forum where he argued that his enlightened tyranny would do much better then any monarchy ever would.

>>5959709

He wasn't doing this because it was nice, he was doing it to goad paladins and other misguided good folk to attack him. He would meet them in the city square and fight them. If you won the challenge the city was yours, but if you lost his magic sword would flay them alive and harvest your life essence to sustain him. If you attacked him outside of a challenge he would drag you back to a machine in the dungeon that would consume your soul utterly and sustain him even more. The people started to love their new master who demanded almost nothing of them, gave to the people and defended their religious and social freedoms. The Paladin, who was part of a large order of other holy warriors and leader of the party, was ordered by his peers to case the city, and to report back to them how the best way to kill the blackguard and defeat his forces. The blackguard promised them that if they attacked, he would make the city burn to prevent defeat and capture, essentially forcing the paladins to back off, lest they commit an evil act by endangering innocents (many of whom had joined the Blackguard's army.) The Paladins themselves were torn over what to do, some wanted to attack while others wanted to stay out of it. The party goes to the city and immediately witnesses some chump get flayed alive for challenging the blackguard. I tell the cleric that he immediately recognizes the black armored warrior as the man who killed his mentor, and the cleric flips shit and attacks.

>>5959781

The cleric gets his ass handed to him, and the blackguard has his sword to his throat. The paladin rushes forward and begs the blackguard not to kill his friend. The blackguard relents after recognizing the paladin's heraldry, only if he will deliver a message to the holy orders. He wanted them to know that he had a spell cast on the city. Should he activate a rune in his keep, every single inch of the city would burn, and that he wouldn't hesitate for a moment to activate it if he were to ever face defeat or capture.

>>5959825

....proceed.

What happened? Alcohol/food/bathroom break?

>>5959825

The paladin does as he's told and returns to the council. The council starts to flip shit, which further divided the different factions. To further tie in the blackguard the Sorceress' mother and the paladin's mentor, the ghale eladrin, tells them that her husband has disappeared, even though their souls were linked together. The paladin goes back to the blackguard to relay the council's demands that he step down. The blackguard was busy taking petitions and they were told to wait in line. While they are in the line they see that the inside of the palace had changed. Most of it was the same as it had always been, loaded with beautiful works of art and gardens, but know they were open to the public, and happy people were milling around. When they finally got to the front of the line they noticed that the blackguard had a brand new cape, this one was made of flesh and had a face that was screaming silently. It was the sorceress' father. She tried to cast a spell, but the blackguard had a magic resistance amulet. He stepped down and grabbed the sorceress by the throat and asked her if she really wanted to fight near so many innocents. She relented and I told the party that they owed me their lives. I told her father had tried to steel from me, so I stole his soul and trapped him in a garish trophy. I took her aside and told her that if she wanted to set her father free she would kill the head paladin. She agreed, and I set the wheels in motion to start some shit up.

>>5959781

...I don't know if that would REALLY work, since allowing a lot of crazy debate would probably allow for more dissent than cause everyone to love him, but I find this story quite entertaining nonetheless. Continue, if you please, good sir!

>>5960052

he is keeping the people fat, lazy and complacent and asking almost nothing in return. It has worked in real life, why not d and d?

>>5960000
Go on...

>>5960000

I told her if she failed and told them that I had put her up to it, I would consume her father's soul. The sorceress predictably got caught in the act, and was imprisoned, but in order to protect her father from being spite killed. The paladin was desperate and foolishly, turned to the blackguard for help. She was to be executed in two months, an act which would create so much strife among the paladins they would tear themselves in a holy war. The survivors would invariably fall and the only threat to the blackguard's reign would be neutralized. The paladin was willing to do my bidding in order to save his girlfriend, as my teams of assassins could free her. I agreed, but only if he brought me a celestial. I had devised a method to bind a celestial essence to my frame, essentially making me immortal. Summoning a creature was house ruled to let the creature responding to the summoning consenting to be summoned. He knew the cleric was the only one who could summon the eladrin who helped the party out, and he tried to convince him to sacrifice the celestial to save the girl. The damn goody two shoes agreed to summon the celestial out of town, so the fight wouldn't harm innocents. The blackguard didn't particularly care about the how and why, just that the bound celestial was brought to him.

>>5960190

Unfortunately, the cleric and the eladrin were able to talk the paladin down, and he realized how dangerous the blackguard was, as he was almost made him lose faith. They realized that I was trying to goad the paladins into doing something foolish so they weren't a threat. They brought in the eladrin, and asked me to tell them the plan, as they were pretty much bound to serve me at this point. The blackguard rolled a 1on his sense motive and revealed the whole plan, in typical supervillian tradition. The eladrin then blinked out and returned to the celestial realms, as I had never considered how a cleric and a paladin dimension anchored a celestial. They made a run for it and escaped my clutches and reported back to the paladins, to narc on the blackguard with the celestial as a witness.

>>5959223
HIS MOTHERFUCKING IRON CROSSES ARE UPSIDE DOWN. MOTHERFUCKER PROBABLY SHOOPED OUT HIS MARKSMAN BADGES.

>>5960200

As soon as the Paladin escaped the blackguard mobilized his forces and prepared for the siege. The paladin who I had tried to corrupt was one of the commanders, and brought his forces to the walls of the city. Then, he rode out alone and challenged me to single combat. He knew he couldn't beat the blackguard by himself so half the party came to witness the fight and some of the other commanders. Naturally, the blackguard brought the whole palace guard in case they tried to rush him. The paladin and the cleric stepped forward and told me that at any moment the blackguard could choose to surrender with honor, and they would help me atone for what I had done. I refused, saying it was better to reign in hell then to serve in heaven. They kept at it for an hour and finally the blackguard yelled "enough talk" and attacked. The fight was fairly one sided and the blackguard brought his blade to the paladin's throat. The remainder of the paladin's entourage swarmed the blackguard, who held up a rod that would activate the city killing ruin. The paladin laughed and told me that the sorceress had teleported into my keep and destroyed the rune while he had blathered. Furthermore, the blackguard had just threatened to burn the city to the ground in full view of his once loyal supporters, and now had no where to escape to. The blackguard dropped his sword, then dropped to his knees and surrendered without a struggle.

In the end, the Paladin was able to wrest control of the city from the blackguard without taking a single life.

>>5960345
Bravo sir. Bravo.

>>5959709
>>5959781
>>5959825
>>5960000
>>5960190
>>5960200
>>5960345
FUCK YEAH MOTHERFUCKER

>>5960345
Well done, well done. Guess I should hold up my end of the bargain, eh? Gimme a sec.

This is the story of the first character I ever played. A paladin of Pelor.

My paladin wasn't anything especially outstanding, just a sigular lawful good character in a party of three chaotic neutral characters. It was everyone's first game and our DM wasn't the most experienced, either.

Anyway, a few sessions go by without anything horribly wrong. We killed ogres, raided a dungeon and found out the rogue has a thing for pimpish clothing. Eventually my girlfriend got so fascinated that she wanted to try playing as well. So she drove down on her free days from school and rolled up a halfling sorceress with a patron goddess of Wee Jas...

>>5960345
What the fuck? He challenged you to a single duel and had his entourage swarm you when he couldn't cut it? Fucking weak. You, a blackguard, win the moral high ground.

She gets written into the story (more like kidnapped) and we eventually reach her first encounter: a couple of gnolls. Now, there is much contention over this fact, and we really don't know who, but SOMEONE suggested that she should use shocking grasp on the gnoll sporting chainmail. She does so, great amount of damage, but the gnoll survives the jolt and looks to take revenge on the pipsqueak what juiced him.

The DM rolls.
Twenty.
Twenty.
Eighteen.
MORE than enough to PULP the little sorceress with his greataxe.

Now, yeah, we all got it was her first encounter EVER and we didn't want to penelize her for that, so we asked the DM to give her a mulligan. So, the DM at the time, knowing that me and her were lovers out of the game, assumed that we were gonna go in that direction in-game.
Long story short, my Paladin was in love, Pelor arc-welded her head back on, and set the gnolls on fire.

This wasn't AT ALL what we wanted, by the way. We figured roleplaying lovey characters would alienate and creep out the other players, so we had hoped to not go that way. But the other players didn't seem to mind, so we just rolled with it.
Time went by, and I eventually purchased a copy of Complete Champion to get a hold on the divine warrior role more, and I discovered that for whatever reason, Wee Jas actually PENALIZES her followers for consorting with followers of Pelor...

>>5960542

I like where this is going...proceed....

>>5960542
>Twenty.
>Twenty.
>Eighteen.

>rolling thrice for crit confirmation

>>5960583
lrn2take18dmg

Me and girlfriend got to wondering why. I mean yeah, the god of life and death don't seem like they'd get along, but neither of them were evil, and Pelor didn't have that same restriction on his followers. We laughed and joked about how they must feel to have their followers in love with the other's. We pointed this out to our DM, who was getting much better, and he just smiled...

Sessions went by, and eventually our party came to find a rather large, if not out of the way, abbey of Pelorites. We decide to rest there as the weather was kicking up something fierce. The DM mentions to the side that the head priest was staring intently at the halfling's neck, which was sporting a nasty scar from when Pelor fixed her up. We didn't think much of it at the time, though, so we went to sleep.

>>5960583
LOL! GREEN TEXT! AND A REACTION IMAGE! YOU FATGUYS KILL ME! XD

>>5960583
Once for the threat, twice to confirm, a third for instant kill, right?

The party wakes up to the sounds of struggle coming from the paladin and sorceress' room. They rush in to see the Pelorites binding the halfling while one of their spell casters was keeping the paladin asleep with some kinda sleep spell, I can't remember. Either way, they effectively knock the rest of the party aside and make for the chapel with the sorceress, leaving the party to cure the paladin of his magical ailments and follow as quick as they can.

When the party finally forces it's way into the chapel, they find the Pelorites have strung the halfling up on an altar, ready to plunge a dagger into her heart. We tried fighting our way up to them, but our initiatives were sub-par, all our arrows missed, and despite the paladin expending every spell he could and cutting a bloody swath through to the altar, he couldn't stop the head priest from stabbing his lover right through the heart.

>>5960714
And thus, the sun stayed lit for another year.

>>5960714

The fuck? Pelor is NG, and BoVD explicitly states that humanoid sacrifice is only demanded by evil deities, and is thus an unambiguously evil act. Your DM needs to fucking learn his fluff.

>>5960714
>Once for the threat, twice to confirm, a third for instant kill, right?

That's not how 3.5 works.

Turns out, the Pelorites had been decieved by an avatar of Wee Jas, taking the form of Pelor. The avatar told them that a halfling who had stolen the gift of life from Pelor was headed their way. And as she stole from their life god, they were commanded to steal the gift back.

The reasoning behind this was apparently, Wee Jas wished war on Pelor, but due to a godly law, no god was allowed to act as an aggressor to the other so long as they were indebted in some way to that god. Pelor, in his wisdom would choose a worshiper of the death goddess and grant them his gift of life, thus indebting Wee Jas to him so long as the halfling lived.

When the sorceress was resurrected, my paladin was bound by a promise to keep her safe and sound. Failing in his oath, my paladin fell from grace. The abandonment of his god, compounded upon the death of his love would drive him to a rage, causing him to lead the party in murdering those who killed his little lover.

>>5960824
Well, like I said, it was all our first times. Apologies.

After the bloody work, my paladin asked the others to leave him in the chapel, and so they did. As he sat alone amongst the carnage he heard whispers in his ear. When next he looked to the altar, a cold, pale apparrition of a woman was cradling the broken corpse of his sorceress, whispering lies to him about how Pelor had only tricked him into believing that he was in love with the halfling. The cold figure offered him a chance to take revenge upon the god that spurned him. And from that day foreward, he was Wee Jas' champion. A master over the forces of death, raising armies of the fallen to march upon the temples of life. In effect, a blackguard of Wee Jas.

>>5960825
>Turns out, the Pelorites had been decieved by an avatar of Wee Jas, taking the form of Pelor.

I rescind my previous statement. Your DM is awesome.

The game continued and I rolled up a new character, but the party kinda didn't wanna go on after that. They all just seemed to lose interest so the DM called it and offered the epilogue. It was standard, "adventure/bartend/compose/pimp until you die or retire" bit for most party members. The rogue's made us all chuckle, but that's another story. Finally he got to the paladin.

"Years would pass as the lush forest would be overtaken by a black necropolis. The forces of death amassing deep within it's obsidian walls as Wee Jas' pawn did all her dirty work. The blackguard brought undeath upon countless cadavers with full intention to tear down Pelor's pristine halls, until one day, his corpse collectors bring him a small, familiar body.

Whether by miracle or magic, his dead lover's body had been presented to him, and as he looked upon her cold, decaying frame, he was made to remember the life they had before. Suddenly it all didn't matter. His love for her, be it false or sincere, the feeling was real. the PAIN was real. Bringing ruin to the god that gave him the chance at all those fond memories wouldn't bring his love back. Despite all the power he had gained, he was still unable to save the one he cared for....

"Wee Jas was livid with anger. Her champion, to whom she gave her power, her blessing, had chosen to halt all aggression. And the worst part, in her rush to select her champion, she only asked that he turn from his life god in exchange for her power. Until he broke that promise, she would be powerless to harm him. So she resolved to not harm him. In fact, she cursed her "cowardly pawn" to an everlasting life. The paladin would never be able to rest in peace, nor return to Pelor's light, lest he turn the reigns of his undead army, which by this time had numbered in the millions, over to a vengeful goddess.

So he sits in his black fortress. Forever mourning, forever regretting the decision he made to turn to revenge. A prisoner in his own twisted castle. The moaning hordes of shambling corpses never stray outside the obsidion walls, nor do they harm any who tresspass there. They are still bound to the unquestoning sevice of their black king, who rumors say gave up his throne to the remains of his halfling sorceress, as a daily reminder of who he suffers for.

It is said this thought brings him only the slightest of comforts."

And that was the first character I'd ever played. Actually, if you consider that I haven't been able to get my group together again, it was my last. I miss him, I do.

>>5960898
>>5960913

I rescind my previous statement. Your DM is double awesome.

Hey wasteland
FC here
how did that one dark heresy game go with the retarded people?

>>5960913
Goddamn. That's a hell of an epilogue.

>>5960913
Brilliant!

>>5960945

Had to leave early, emergency. It's still on though. I had some random guys show up from /tg/ to play faceless mook guardsmen. One of them got Lt. Danned.

Or are you not talking about the game I'm running, I am acronym challenged.

>>5960993
How can you play an Astartes without being generic and still be Astartes?

>>5961009

damned if I know, I was telling them to use the character generator to make a guardsman, then roll it out in open rpg. It was a way to quickly learn the rules.

>>5960913

Ha ha, you're character suffered eternally.

Classy.

I'm talking about that one a couple of weeks ago that took place on some type of desert planet. If I remember correctly all of the players were ferals except for me who was a void born psyker. I sort of left before the game actually got off the ground because I couldn't take the hurrr durrrness of it all.

>>5961078

Now I remember, it's still going, although the lethality is about to get ramped up.

Well this has been a hoot, I'm going to let sleep's warm embrace take me. If any of yall want a story or asked a question that didn't get answered hit up the email adress. It's buried in the kjellmir thread.

Night.