I once had a group where one of the other players was an Assassin. Naturally, he was going about what he does best. He was supposed to assassinate some evil wizard or something. At this point he wasn't part of the party.

So anyway, we walk in on his (failed) assassination attempt. Now the wizard has gone berko and started summoning shit from out of nowhere.

Now, I assume our DM's itent was for us to aid the fellow player against the evil wizard. A -few- problems there. A) The guy had camouflage on and we just saw him try and kill a guy who was just sitting there, and B) we didn't know the wizard was evil at the time and had no reason to fight him.

So naturally, we backed away and left them, not wanting to get drawn into trouble.

Apparently, the DM doesn't know how to improv. The assassin died and the wizard went on with his business. Of course, DM didn't expect this and just gave up. We all went... wait, wtf...

That was the fifth campaign that he started that didn't get past the first session. Usually he forgets what was happening mid-game.

He doesn't DM for us anymore. That's for sure.

I joined the campus D&D club for a game, and it was full of the most neckbeardy stereotypes you could imagine. The DM had a massive hard-on for small races and melee characters, so naturally when I made a human sorcerer everything went straight for my ass. He also hated magic so I had to contend with shit like "roll to hit with magic missile" and everything having at least SR 15... at level 1. Then when we get our first rewards, everyone got a +4 weapon of their choice, while I got some bracers that turned out to be cursed (shocking!) so that when I cast a spell, my hands exploded and I lost my voice. He also had a DMPC kobold fighter who was basically de facto party leader, since he was like level 10 and had enough gear to buy Waterdeep. Worst hour of my gaming life.

Attended a dull game yesterday. Not bad, just not great. There was another group talking really loudly and nobody could really concentrate, and there was no atmosphere to the game at all. Considering it was supposed to be CoC horror, it was a total failure. Nobody really knew what they're doing, or cared for that matter. We let ourselves get strung along, but it was soulless and boring. I was glad it ended when it did.

So let that be a lessen to you: if you do roleplay, ESPECIALLY horror, then you damn well better set an atmosphere.

Pray Wasteland Warrior shows up for this thread.

>>5940451
...holy crap.

Little man syndrome much?

>>5940451

Man, at that point it kind of becomes your prerogative to kick the ass of everyone at the table. And I hope you did.

>>5940525
Or contribute your own story, fagmunch.

>>5940451
...FUCK. That is ridiculous. Your hands blown off? How the hell do people like this exist? No-one can think this is a good idea.

My own worst stories involve the all-powerful weeaboo vampire and the player stuck so far up his own arse he did a sort of double loop. I've mentioned both before, so to recap for newbies:

- One roleplay is basically Final Fantasy, and is the most weeaboo-tastic thing you can imagine. And I mean true 'Weeaboo', not just fondness for anime. We put up with a lot of ridiculous shit - in a slave owning empire we were attacked by a wealthy slave owning merchant for owning a slave, and then he explained he was actually an activist working to free slaves and also was a spy for the Emperor or something. Plus bullshit with crystals, but we never really found out because the story took place behind the scenes between these level 30+ characters. It was supposedly low-magic but all the DMPCs were epic level wizards, except for the ones who were giant-sized gods or vampire ninjas.

Oh, and the vampire. Infinite everything. Basically a character with Lady of Pain stats. Fucking ridiculous. The guy doesn't even pretend that we can hit him, just says "you miss, nothing can kill this guy". FUCK! That campaign was so much bullshit.

The player is another story. An irritating, shitty story of fail.

>>5940494
THIS.
My last nWoD ST's idea of moral conflict was making little girls be BBEGs/flesh-ripping monsters and then making us roll Morality after we'd taken them out.
The man's game had no atmosphere or sense of fear either.

take your pick
iv got a lazy furry UT player who only wants to play a cleric so all he has to do is heal when asked and wouldn't not know how to RP if it bit his ass.


OR

a POWER gaming loser weeaboo who is way to serious about what the other players are doing in a, western medieval stetting he played a GOD DAMN ninja.

>>5940620
>making us roll Morality after we'd taken them out
Sorry, I meant "after we'd taken the obvious choice between killing the fucking monster or having it rape us like Cthulhu's tentacles in a prison".

My first DM was terrible. I was a new player as were the four other members of the party. At first he was alright, the first quest was the basic "The small, defenseless hamlet of X is being pestered by race Y, help us adventurers and we shall give you gold!" My character was a LE wizard and an old grumpy bastard. My motivation was pretty much just that I still wanted to have that hamlet there to shop from (I lived on the outskirts of it). We fight the goblins and find out a young dragon was leading them (We were all level 1). Soon came Mr. Dues Ex-Machina Gary Stu to save us. After one in game day the dragon came back as a full grown adult. It killed half of us (Nobody except Mr. Stu could hit it) and left after destroying my house. Then we all were railroaded into going to some huge city where we met Doc Brown. At this point we were all done, our characters just wanted to go to market at this point. Mr. Stu however wouldn't let us. The conversation went like this...

DM: "Lightning falls everywhere and then from the clearing smoke you see a large box, out of it comes an old man."
Brown: "Hi, my name is Doc Brown and you have to help me get back... To the future!"
Stu: "Of course Mr. Brown! We will all help you!"
Player(s): "Bill, this is fucking stupid. We all continue to the city and head to market."
DM: "So you all go to market... WITH MR. STU AND DOC BROWN! You start searching for his time machine."

I formulated a plan with everyone else to buy a bunch of flintlock pistols. After doing so we killed Brown then got killed by Stu, who was apparently level 20 all along, the fuck even showed us the sheet he made for him. We "start over" again before we kill Brown and go along with it. By the end of the session we encountered Batman, The Joker, Gordon Freeman, and Barack Obama. We never let Bill DM ever again.

>>5940601
Player was Mike, who lived for roleplay and little else. He had a neckbeard.

Basically Mike plays two-characters: fag-tarded Admiral / 'dignified' officer (and he used the word dignity so much and in so many ways I wonder if it means what he thinks it means) who he'd pimp out (and powergame when he could get away with it) with as much diplomacy skills as possible. Usually it would be a scrawny weakling with superhuman speaking skills, and a god complex.

Evidently Mike believes that charismatic people are people who act like gigantic arseholes, treat everyone like shit, and act like they're the most important people in the world. All his male characters would be untouchable haughty officers who were supposedly fanatically loved by their men because they were so aloof and arrogant. They always fenced with a rapier and played chess or poker. It was an unashamed wish-fulfilment thing.

Mike would also kill any player character who disagreed with his. In one of my games he exiled two players and attacked a safe house operated by allies of another (eventually causing the death of that PC).

The other character was a prostitute. It was so creepy, that I was actually less creeped out playing with the highly autistic guy who rocked back and forth shouting "Blood!" as he rolled dice for combat. Hey, at least that guy had kind of an excuse. And most likely will get better university grades then Mike did, because Mike is just that out of touch with reality.

>>5940676
>Gordon Freeman
This I gotta see.

>>5940620
So this was your BBEG?

>>5940704
Actually it was the youngest in a family of Bale Hounds (lolwut), but I wouldn't put it past him if we're ever stupid enough to let him ST again.

>>5940697
It was terrible, you really want to hear how we encountered him?

>>5940721
What the fuck is a Bale Hound.

>>5940754
Yes.
DO IT, FAGGOT

>>5940771
Type of nWoD werewolf. The other two main subsects of werewolf (the Forsaken and Pure) hate each other, but will stop fighting each other just to kill the Bale Hounds.
Reason? Bale Hounds are fucking evil personified.

>highly autistic guy who rocked back and forth shouting "Blood!" as he rolled dice for combat.

moar of him, please?

I won't post it again, partly because the last time I did it took somewhere between seven and ten posts to actually finish it and mostly because I'm pretty sure I didn't save it and, even if I did, it's on my dead jump drive.

If someone screen-capped it, it's the one that starts with a guy wanting to play as a sliver(MtG) in D&D 3.5 and ends with the same guy ganking his and the other player's characters into his own game and being forced to allow the DM from the other game(me) to play.

>>5940754
YES.
Do tell!

>>5940778
Ugh, fine. Shortly after "we" (Stu) stop the nefarious joker's plans to blow up something or whatever we are called up to receive some sort of traditional honor from the president of whatever the name of the city we were in was. Oh dear! It's Barack Obama! Yay! After some self wanking of his character and Obama being buddies all along they decide to leave to go drinking or some shit. So we are left in the throne room alone. No guards, no medals, no ceremony for our attempting to defeat the AC 30 joker. Just left in there. We try to leave and the DM just sort of spouts out after a handful of pretzels "Uh, the main gates seem locked from the outside." After a little bit of arguing (Mostly me, but the others soon joined in. A lock on the outside of a leader's throne room is absolutely retarded.) He says we start seeing the tiles under one of the many carpets buckling. We all get ready for whatever is going to pop out. Some of us call at the door saying that somebody is breaking into the throne room. No answer. Soon a large hole opens and out pops the ever silent Gordon freeman with a pixie. A fucking pixie.

>>5940930
(cont.) The pixie calls herself Alyx and she says that she needs our help to, I shit you not, legalize gay rights. Seeing as no guards show up and the two of them are probably level 20 themselves we go into their tunnel and into the underground gay rights community. After that "we" (Mostly the DM and his merry bunch of NPCs, we just tossed a few dice) incite a riot and try to overthrow the government. We start fighting Obama and Stu. By fight I mean he said "Roll for initiative." and we all said "We're not really helping, this is retarded." Not happy with that answer he one shots two of us. My friend, playing a bard, says "Look, we don't even care about your city's gay rights issues. We just want to leave." Obama says "Gay rights? That's what this is all about?" battle ends, rights are legalized right then and there, Gordon Freeman gets married to some big guy and there is a celebration where we are finally given medals. We all went home sad and confused. Our first session ever was with one of the worst DMs on the face of the planet. The end.

>>5940451

>so I had to contend with shit like "roll to hit with magic missile" and everything having at least SR 15... at level 1.

I WOULD HAVE CALLED THAT MOTHERFUCKING CUNT OUT RIGHT THERE. RIGHT. THERE. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT XP. PROCEED DIRECTLY TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE STUDENT CENTER CONFERENCE ROOM YOU FUCKING FAGGOT. OH. GOD. DAMN.

>>5940930
>Gordon freeman with a pixie.

There was a player in an IRC game I was in. His character was completely useless, some kind of halfling fighter or something, and had no personality to speak of. We were raiding this Duke's house because there was something really fishy about him (turned out he was a Lich and hired us to fetch his stolen phylactery) successful raid until we were found by guards, one thing led to another and the upper story exploded as the gravity was reversed under us. The halfling, me, and this dwarf ranger go flying into the air but I manage to cast featherfall on them and cling to the carpet. The halfling derps around and ends up taking minimum falling damage. He's at 5 HP. So then he starts rambling about how his eye is hanging out of the socket and he's bleeding all over the place and his arms are broken for no reason and blah blah blah. He obviously doesn't understand what hitpoints are in the abstract. The cleric heals him and he decides that because the bones weren't set or something that the wounds closed up and he still looks mangled and covered in blood. The forest catches fire (can't recall why) and the halfling runs in, deciding on his own and without the DM having any input whatsoever that a burning branch falls on his halfling, kills him, and burns the body away.

He then begins building a new character.
[continued]

>>5940944
WHAT.

>>5940944
...what the flying fuck is wrong with your DM?
And why didn't you beat him with your rulebooks?

>>5940559
I was too overcome with pity. Most of the players couldn't fit in an elevator with another player, and the ones that weren't walrus sized were the kind of kids who get their whole wardrobe from army surplus stores and tell stories about how they are/will be army rangers.

I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, mostly because I was hard up for friends, it being my first semester at uni and being a day's drive from any of my old friends (and no car).

>>5940944

This is a very, VERY powerful reaction face image right here, and I employ it only on the most dire of occasions.

This is such an occasion. I would have punched that dumb fuck halfway through that bullshit. Obama would have been tolerable- if Bush had shown up with six-shooters and then Obama breaks out some kind of kung-fu and it goes into bullet ti- no, wait, not even that could save it because it's NON INTERACTIVE. It'd make a great flash movie, but a D&D session? What was this faggot thinking? FUCK.

>>5940944

>>5940963
As I said, it was our first session. We were all hoping it would get better as the hours went on. We all thought he would get the hint when we kept saying that hat he was doing was retarded. He didn't stop and we really spent most of the time just eating and making fun of him.

>>5940944
Did this guy have a mental defect or something?

>>5940930
>>5940944

BLOOD! SKULLS! BLOOD! SKULLS!!!

>>5941006
Mockery and food are acceptable reasons to stick around and watch this madness.

>>5940790
THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU HAVE TO ROLL MORALITY FOR KILLING EVIL PERSONIFIED

>>5940988

"Man, this would make such a cool Flash cartoon!"

>>5941029

So it was like a "kick back and watch the deranged fap fantasy unfold" thing, eh?

>>5940944
I really want to believe this was an elaborate troll, yet I doubt that's really the case.

>>5941023
That would explain a lot, but sadly no. He's always been a weird guy, but we never thought we would get whatever you would call that clusterfuck of movies, politics, and gay out of him DMing. I started DMing right after I saw that train wreck to save everyone and my campaign is still running strong whereas his never found any new players.

>>5941046

Precisely. He probably dreamed up that shit as "lol this'd be great on newgrounds but OH NOES I HAZ NO FLASH SKILLZ" so he decided to railroad people through it in some fucking joke of a session.

Eeearrgh.

>>5940957
This next one is an orc fighter instead. In a party of humans and dwarves. We were fighting orcs and trolls in the damned forest around a village at this point and the player knew this.

His backstory is apparently that his tribe is all dead and he's the only one strong enough to live and he's out for revenge. He spends half of this session lurking in the bushes, watching the party. And believe you me, he really harps on how he's not being seen and how well he's lurking in these godforsaken bushes and watching the party. We find the entrance to what turns out to be an underground network of tunnels filled with troll thralls of a mind-flayer colony where a group of villagers have been kidnapped to. There's a pair of orcs guarding the trapdoor entrance (our wonderful little player is hiding behind -- you guessed it -- a well-placed gathering of bushes) and the DM verifies for us that their minds are completely gone.
[continued]

>>5941047
Pretty much, yeah.

>>5941057
You guys should have punched him.

>>5941068
He also tells the orc player that he does not recognize them and that they're from a hostile rival tribe of orcs judging by... something. Tattoos or weapon markings or something. We attack and kill the orcs in truly impressive fashion (one of our players climbs a tree, leaps down from it, and crushes an orc under hundreds of pounds of metal and spikes and muscle, for example) and then our orc player leaps out from the bushes, raging and carrying on about how we killed orcs and we're his enemy and rolls to attack the nearest party member. Of course, we make short work of him and subdue him, taking 20 to tie his ass to aforementioned tree before we go down into the dungeon. We emerge hours later, give him water, and leave him there while we continue our quest which brings us far, far away from this village and his stupid orc character.

We find out a little later that he spends the next two sessions telling the DM that his orc is the new BBEG and what's he's planning and how he's escaped his bonds with brute strength (even though he's been rolling and failing and it's mathematically impossible.)

We made a new channel where we had an OP just so we could ban him form ever playing again.
Fuck you, Chipotle.

>>5941050
Having gone through it, I too would like to believe it was fake. It wasn't. Towards the end we just stopped giving a shit and he just kept going on and on.

>>5940930
>>5940944
>whatthefuckamireading.jpg

>>5940930
>>5940944

So I once had a pretty stupid moment myself.

My first D&D campaign, a human bard with 18 Con (I mentioned in a post the other day about how I used to be such an HP freak) who used a greatsword. I think I was trying to be Link or something, I don't remember.

Anyway, our party is going through an underground tunnel network, and at one point the cleric triggers a tripwire that sprays us with what we assume is water. Later that session, we enter a pitch-black room. The cleric's low-light vision needs a light source, so he tells me to light a torch and I stupidly decide to do so.

At this point I'm very glad I maxed my Con, because it turns out the water was actually gasoline. Ensuing explosion knocks me down to -9 HP, the cleric survives on pure luck and heals me. I come to and see him scraping at a grease spot on the wall that used to be our rogue.

>>5941068
>>5941084
Don't you just love players who want to act against the party no matter what?

>>5941177
What the hell kind of cleric doesn't have a light spell?

>>5941191
The kind that doesn't worship light? That's an arcane cantrip, not a cleric one.

>>5941208
Sure as hell was a level 0 cleric spell back when I played. I admit that wasn't 4e, but...

Robot Hitler. In nWOD.

Enough said.

>>5941191

A hooded lantern is fairly extingush-proof and it costs, what, ten GP? Why waste a spell slot?

Oh, right, it's a cantrip. Yeah, he was retarded.

>>5941218
Go on. It can't be any worse than my story.

Many moons ago, there was an online D&D campaign over MSN. 'twas contacted by someone who wanted players for a game he was GMing. As I was hurtin' for a game, I catiously went for it.

The first red flag was when one of the other players wanted to play a minotaur fighter, when everyone else wanted to play humans. Nothing out of the ordinary right? Except he was disregarding totally hit dice and level adjustment.

The worst of it was the DM also showed us his character sheet for his DMPC. Some thousand year old, level 60+ god-elf thing with no stat lower than sixty

I promptly bailed after that, but I regret not saving the page with the DMPC's stupid stats on it.

>>5941180

Real life griefer trolls of the worst fucking sort.

>>5941036
Because ST = dumb faggot.

>>5941216
Checked and my mistake. It is one.

>>5940601
As a person who is working on a campaign setting in which voluntary slavery (and involuntary, if you're a condemned criminal) is the norm, this makes me rage. In the ancient world slavery was just how shit got done. It wasn't good but without industrialization if you don't have some form of slavery, be it debt slavery, sharecropping/feudalism, a heirarchy/caste system, economic exploitation of the lower classes, or just flat-out horrible race-based person-owning slavery, then you don't have much in the way of large-scale civilization.

Even modern America isn't completely without a form of slavery. Underpaid illegal immigrant migrant workers make a significant chunk of the American agricultural labor force. It's ugly and horrible but it's the truth.

>>5941216

This was 3e, back in 2001.

Honestly, we were young and stupid. We all had a good laugh about it afterward.

>>5941177

What the fuck?

Gasoline smells COMPLETELY FUCKING DIFFERENTLY from water.

You can't get that shit ALL OVER YOU and not go HMMM THIS SMELLS VERY ODD FOR WATER.

As a DM I wouldn't even ask for a fucking Perception test or whatever the fuck. "This 'water' smells really fucking weird, and evaporates way too fast to be water."

>>5940676
Except for the railroading and DMPC this sounds like an incredibly awesome campaign.

>>5941252
At least with wage slavery you can get a leg up.

>>5941230
It turned out the NPC that was helping us for most of the campaign was a Robot Hitler. It literally came out of nowhere. I mean, the ST didn't really describe the appearance of his NPCs in detail. This particular one never even bothered to disguise his identity, and yet nobody cared that Hitler was walking the streets.

God, that was so stupid.

>>5941252

>voluntary slavery

BDSM fap fantasy detected. You RP in belariath, don't you?

>Even modern America isn't completely without a form of slavery. Underpaid illegal immigrant migrant workers

You're good. 10/10, this is how you do it.

>>5941278

THIS. There's no way the PCs can get sprayed with gas and not know that they've been SPRAYED WITH FUCKING GAS. The FUMES... god fucking damn it.

I spectated on Edward Dming a game once.

It was terrible.

>>5941289
Well, yeah. Slavery's not really a good thing but it's not always like American slavery was. Greeks treated their slaves pretty damn kindly. In my campaign slavery takes away certain rights (can't own property, can only vote for slave tribune senate representation, some provinces don't let them carry weapons, etc.) but it also grants stability, as slave owners are responsible for providing simple shelter and food (that's a large box, bread, and water) as well as basic medical needs out of their own pocket as well as paying whatever the agreed-upon wage was. It's not a glamorous lifestyle but it's better than starving to death when your subsistence farm gets raided by gnolls, taking away your crops, livestock, and recently-buried dead relatives.

>>5941330
DETAILZ PLOX

>>5940451

Holy Hell, it's like you ended up in a group that's the polar opposite of my last Internet-based group. The DM had a massive hard-on for arcane spellcasters and opened up all the books that expanded on their power. Not knowing what I was in for, I brought a human monk. No support whatsoever for melee combat, no magic items that could be used without Use Magic Device checks, and no access to the Complete Warrior/Complete Adventurer/Tome of Battle/Anything that would make me anything more than a useless addition to the party.

Our DMPC was described as a flawlessly beautiful half-elven cleric's-answer-to-the-sorcerer-from-the-Forgotten-Realms-setting that the elven warlock immediately struck up a relationship with. Which was only made more irritating by the fact that we were apparently playing in an OMG ORIGINAL SETTING DO NOT STEAL with a Celtic pantheon. And the entire thing was run by a chick that just kept adding NPC party members that we didn't need.

I played ins campaign that was DMed by and ex-Ranger. He was a cool enough guy to hang out with, but a dick of a DM. This was only my 2nd campaign so I was still trying to learn the ropes. I made a rogue and tried, unsuccessfully to make it s Sin, even though I never knew about the class. Long story short, he lets me take sin as a profession and procedes to fuck me over at every possible turn. Monks, barbs, and obsurdly high AC monsters abound making my sneak attacks shit, let alone my death attacks. He also tells me that I can only add sneak attack dmg to ONE attack per turn, which pisses me off cause I went for two weapon fighting specifically for the high attacks. Whats more with his military backround he makes his DMPC's hyper honorable and very rigid, basically uber pallys who keep trying to kill my chars.

I ended up giving up on the Sin thing and started playing the Psychic Rogue that WOTC created (its like a lurk that doesn't suck). Even then he keeps fucking me over and making uber powerful DMPC/s to "help" us even though we have at least 3 hardcore asshats who make the most broken classes imaginable. He even lets us use BoNS! That game ended up falling apart cause we all got sick of him making the storyline go where HE wanted it to and making the whole experience unenjoyable.

>>5941336

>In my campaign slavery takes away certain rights

So it's Feudalism, but opt-in feudalism.

>>5941177
But... but... Water. Gasoline. The smell.

>>5941336
Reminds me of the slavery of the West African tribes. The only thing slavery meant for most of them was that the "master" owned your production and you was responsible for burial if he died. There was no real loss of honor, it wasn't inheritable, and you could quit at any time.

>>5941284
The way he did it, it wasn't. It dragged on and on and on. We wanted to fight goblins or whatever, not end up in the middle of some strange fanfiction. Not to mention everyone he NPC'd had the same personality minus the fact that they spouted random quotes. Also, please look at my summary of the Freeman/Gay rights quest. It was terrible >>5940930
>>5940944

>>5941336
Oh, and it's contract-based. Short-term labor contracts can be as short as a few hours and even be verbal in nature, and the Census and Labor Office provides free advocacy to slaves... though they're usually encouraged to become basically literate so that they can confirm contract terms themselves instead of waiting three weeks for a counselor to spend five minutes reading to them.

>>5941368
Exactly! Though it's meant to be a more warm and fuzzy Romanesque empire. Still brutal and racist but not quite so horrible as Rome itself was.

Though a slave who defaults on his contract will have a harder time finding work than one who sticks to his word.

I think we can all agree that DMPC's usually mean bad news for the whole campaign.

>>5941353
>He also tells me that I can only add sneak attack dmg to ONE attack per turn
Yeah, this is wrong.

>>5941308
>BDSM fap fantasy detected. You RP in belariath, don't you?

YOU ARE NOW AWARE THAT PEOPLE USED TO SELL THEMSELVES INTO SLAVERY TO COVER DEBT OR TO GIVE MONEY TO THEIR FAMILY.

>>5940944
Jesus Christ, why did this guy have to railroad you so badly? This could have been fucking awesome.

>>5941301
On the bright side, we got to blow up Robot Hitler with a bazooka.

So it wasn't a totally worthless campaign.

>>5941408

>YOU ARE NOW AWARE THAT PEOPLE USED TO SELL THEMSELVES INTO SLAVERY TO COVER DEBT OR TO GIVE MONEY TO THEIR FAMILY.

"Slavery or starvation" doesn't sound like much of a choice to me, chuckles. But that poster was working with a rather larger definition of "slavery" then is often used, including feudalism and, presumably, indentured servitude- which is in fact valid, but not as well known since most Americans think of "chattel slavery" when they think of slavery because of the ten tons of cultural baggage attached thereto.

tl;dr poster was- amazingly enough- not trolling. Consider my accusation retracted.

>>5941416
I have no idea to this day. As a player he was just as bad with trying boss everyone into doing things. He lasted about three sessions in my new campaign before everyone just got fed up with him. We kicked him out. Still friends with him, just don't want to game with him.

Can we not let this devolve into a slavery shitstorm? Please?

The DM had his tentacle monster BBEG rape the entire party. No rolls to escape, we had to just sit there and be raped. Naturally, I slapped the little shit, because no-one else would.

>>5941497
A discussion about historical slavery and what constitutes as slavery would be a pretty good thread though.

>>5941469

I would imagine indentured servitude isn't nearly as bad as chattel slavery. As far as I can read into it, it's more like a contract between equals, and not a draft animal being bought.

>>5941469
I would consider slavery any sort of labor system in which the laborers are not granted the full rights that they are entitled to as human beings. Debt slavery, wage slavery, aggressive discouragement of unionization, anything like that.

It's not all YES MASSA I GON' PICK DAT COTTON RIGHT AWAY MASSA DON'T BE WHIPPIN' ME TOO HARD NOW MASSA PLEASE

>>5941497
As the guy who sparked this, I agree. Slavery is bad and wrong, but it's not always the horrible atrocity we Americans have to ashamedly learn about in history class.

Can we move on now?

>>5941353
Stop using Ragnarok Online terms. It fucking hurts.

Funnily enough, my group in 7th Sea had a quick discussion about slavery, although that quickly diverted to the thought of how slavery would permit 17th century raves.

"BEATBOX HARDER, DAMN IT, OR ITS THE WHIP FOR YOU SCABROUS LOT!"

>>5940676

This really was your own fault. I would have bailed the moment his DMPC killed the party. Hell, I doubt I'd join a game where the DM ran a DMPC unless I was really hurting for a game.

Side topic for the thread: Has anyone ever seen a DMPC work well? I'm not talking about NPCs you can hire and fire at will, I'm talking about dedicated characters the DM insists on playing to involve himself in the party.

On a similar vein, DM's girlfriend.

>>5941538
The idea of a chorus of slaves just going "OONTse OONTse OONTse" ad infinitum while another group opens and closes lanterns really quickly makes me laugh.

>>5941503

I...

What? Seriously?

I mean if you were playing an eRPG that'd just be poor GM'ing, but in a non-erotic scene? What the hell?

>>5941509

>I would consider slavery any sort of labor system in which the laborers are not granted the full rights that they are entitled to as human beings.

This is, in fact, the technically correct definition, last I checked; covering an entire spectrum of different types of slavery.

>>5941497

Yes. Yes, we can. See >>5941469

>>5941507

Perhaps not that generous, but yes, something close to that.

A damn sight smarter then "debtors prison," which makes it impossible for them to work and pay off their fucking debt. Heergh.

>>5941559

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I said the "OONTsee" aloud before I got it, then I LOL'ed.

>>5941562
It does make it easier to ship them off to Australia, though.

>>5941559
We kind of just imagined them underneath a grate that served as the dance floor. While noblemen and women really quickly waltzed.

>>5941571
Samuel! No, you have to get up! Keep dropping mad beats! You can't stop or they'll kill you! Come on!

>>5941558

I've seen it. He was less of a DMPC and more of a Pretty Cool Guy, though. If any of you remember the James The Wanderer thread, I'm pretty sure that the DM that had this NPC swiped it from there.

>>5941558
It was our first game. We had nothing better to do really.

>>5941558

>
Side topic for the thread: Has anyone ever seen a DMPC work well? I'm not talking about NPCs you can hire and fire at will, I'm talking about dedicated characters the DM insists on playing to involve himself in the party.

Mine worked okay. A rouge who swiftly became famous for failing at combat and any other endeavor forever. I started playing with just my sister, then one close friend, so it was a matter of meeting the bare minimum of an effective party. Afterwards, though, as the group grew, they started treating him as "the DMPC who delivers unto us plot hints and amusing hijinks."

Also, when they got pissed about something- or just the dice- they could take it out on the DM via abusing his poor PC; and given that my PCs in ANY game habitually have bad luck, it didn't feel surprising. It just felt... right.

He also allows me to play actively when I switch off the DMing for a session or two with a competent friend; which is nice. Recently, though, Demetrious the rouge has faded towards the background because I can't be bothered to play him as a DMPC rather then just another NPC. I'm obsessed with making a game that is Awesome, not masturbating with a DMPC.

>>5941559
Slave and Rave rhyme.

Coincidence? I think not.

>>5941595
"Lazy knaves! You get those beats fresh again, or its the stocks for you!"

>>5941630

My best friend, who DM's crazy crack style games, also makes techno music over at Newgrounds. I'll get him on this STAT.

I'm not quite sure where to start with this DM, I probably should start with saying that I'm gratefull to him for introducing me to the hobby, however there were a few moments that I remembered as annoying, not terrible but enough to leave a bad taste.

First of all that DM was certain that 3.5 is the perfect roleplaying game and deems D&D (3.5 that is) "the king of all roleplaying games" (his words, well his words translated that is)

Not knowing anything about D&D back than I played a monk and another player played as a rogue, because we were only two players the DM joined in with his Bard DMPC. I should probably mention at this point that the DM deemed paladins overpowered and thus allowed none of us to play one.

His DMPC was, of course, THE desciding factor in all desision and discussions, not just because he was the DMPC but also because he had the highest charisma and always knew what he had to say in order to get what he wanted.

Some times later in the campaign, around level 3 (started at one) we tried to steal an amulett from a paladin border castle for a mysterious hooded figure. Of course my character had no reason to do this (the other guy appereantly did, by the way, he lives next door to the DM) and I was getting pissed of at that figure so I said I'm going to pull off his hood once I get his chance. The DM told me that I "knew" I wouldn't survive that and beeing the beginner that I was I just rolled with it.
We infiltrated the castle from a secret passageway his DMPC found, then he welded a floodgrate open using Prestidigitation, he had to use that because apperantly my monk with 18 strength was not strong enough to just remove that floodgrate at all. The session ended with us stealing the amulet, using the grate to escape and his bard welding the grate back into place so nobody would notice how we came in.
After that I quit.

>>5941625
DMPC work fine when they are just average stat, faceless henchmen like dudes who fill out an undersized party.

>>5941558
Yes, actually; I have seen a DMPC work tolerably if not well with a group. My DM tends to run his own characters (usually just a barbarian or something of the sort) in his games. They don't speak up much in D&D, due to him not wanting to meta-game the plot, but they do chime-in with their opinions occasionally.

If we're playing oWoD he won't give them full XP, but they do get some so they don't just get arbitrarily better as the story progresses. If we're playing D&D he includes them in his calculations for XP and whatnot, due to them helping with combat and taking watches and so forth.

None of them are uber-optimized weaboo-sues; they just fill their role in the party.

tl;dr: My DM doesn't need to play with himself during game...

"And here are a selection of farmers from Tunisia, all of them familiar with hard work on-"
"Mmmyesss, but do they got soul?"
"Pardon?"
"Rhythm, my dear man, how long can they keep a beat for?"
"Wha- uh, well, they have VERY good stamina?"
"Hmm. I don't know if I can trust farmers. Tell me, you have any one from Amsterdam? I've heard they've got a great scene there."

>>5941665

>then he welded a floodgrate open using Prestidigitation,

Total nigger move.

>>5941625
I'm trying to run a cleric and DM at the same time right now, because I have three PC's who've never played and I felt they needed a healer.

On one hand it's nice, because I can both beat the crap out of the party and keep them alive at the same time. On the other, I feel weird trying to advise the party as the DMPC without causing them to metagame. And sometimes no one wants to speak up, so I'll have to hold conversations between my DMPC and multiple NPCs, which is weird and bad for the PC's. But it's nice to get attached to a character (and I've never been a healer before) and DM at the same time.

>>5941665


>then he welded a floodgrate open using Prestidigitation,

PRESTIDIGITATION DOES NOT FUCKING WORK THAT WAY

ARGHLGRAHGLAHGLAHGLHAGLARLGHALRGAHGLAHRGLHAGLARHGAHGLR

>>5941682

Precisely. When I'm DMing, my idea of "winning" is when I run the game in such a fashion that a dinosaur ends up getting thrown through the roof of a dwarven bar hosting a psycho kegger. To me, that is a WIN. If I'm DMing I'm DMing, if I'm playing, I'm playing.

>so I'll have to hold conversations between my DMPC and multiple NPCs,

I fucking hate talking to myself. Hate it. I'll have the official NPCs light a fire under the PC's asses (literally, sometimes,) if it comes down to that.

>>5941686
>>5941625
>>5941558

DMPC was a dwarf fighter, treated as a PC by the group. Otherwise unremarkable, but he fucked more than one monster's shit up real good.

>>5941740
Exactly. DMs win the game by making a campaign in which awesome shit happens, not necessarily by doing awesome shit. There is a very important difference, there.

>>5941753
Yeah, I need to get better about that (as well as a hundred other things about DMing), although it is kind of fun. My cleric is a hippy stoner, I'm just going to make him too stoned to talk for most of the time.

>>5941625
I have one DMPC who started out at, get this, a lower level than the players! Seriously though, a DMPC only exists to make the players look that much better in mine. My DMPC is a weakling, his highest stat is 12, yet the group insists on keeping him because they actually WANT to see him grow. If they had given any resistance to allowing such a dimwit to accompany them I would have found a way to get him removed quickly.

My DM DMPC's more of a running gag than anything he's Masaru the self-proclaimed ultimate ninja from far east. He's the first to barge in when everything's going alright and the first to flee when shit happen. Also since my DM favor rp each time he appear he yell "Masaru is there to save to day" then proceed to fail everything he try.

>>5941877

LEEEEEEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOYYYYY MMMM' JEEEENNNNNKIIIINNNNNNNSSSSS

>>5941558
Oh yes, most definitely. My last DM had a DMPC that was a human whose arms had been replaced with adamantine golem arms. The main reason he was along was that we had found him in the tower and kind of needed a DMPC to get past some of the harder crap (considering that I was a Barbarian and one of the only players that could bypass DR).

We named him Jax. :3

>>5940525

I'm here, gimme a minute to read it all though.

>>5941865
When I DM'd, I played a home-brew lizard-folk, whom was a sorcerer who liked to get into fights with his spear. He was inneffective, and tended to follow the group around. He tended to cast helpful spells (Armor, mostly) and charged in on the front lines with the rest of the group, in order to help them out.

While the session was only 4 games long (RL drama), I always asked them if they wanted him to tag along, and they were happy, because he held the group together through humor, uselessness, and being there to help propel people along the path they wanted - such as capturing a river-pirate ship, or the famed Pirates Hat of No Good, or infiltrating an abandoned spider-infested elven city.

He wasn't useful, but he was fun, and they wanted him along. :)

I think that's how a DMpc should be played. He doesn't shine as brightly as the party, but is there because they want him to be.

So yall wanna hear about a god awful player, or a god awful DM?

>>5942133
yes

>>5942133
DM first, then player.

>>5942133
Both columns are required.

>>5942171
3rded

I generally concider DMPCs who are weaker then the average player in the party to be like NPCs, especially if they exist to fill out a role that can't be filled out in the party due to size constraints or in the case of a option I was thinking up for Shadowrun, to cover a area no one wants to bother with.

Seriously, there is nothing wrong with having a NPC hacker the group can get in on their run to cover the basic essentials no one can be bothered doing. The problem with the Matrix in Shadowrun is that in order to do it justice you have to run a separate smaller game for your hacker, it's cool but it means you'll have periods of your session where the hacker does his thing and everyone else has to talk among themselves or watch. You can streamline it, but that'll quickly end up basically coming down to straight up opposed skill checks, LOTS OF THEM for the Hacker to achieve his rape.

A NPC Hacker character is a nice solution to this. It cuts out that element if you've got no one who wants to specialised in it, but means you've got someone to do the basic elements with a bit of a convenient way of helping or hindering the party. If they want him to do basic things like fake camera footage, suppress alarms or just data mine then there is no reason to throw up too much hassle for it, if they want him to do everything, OH SHIT, HE ISN'T ANSWERING YOUR CALLS, HOPE HE ISN'T FRIED.

This thread needs Celeborn.

So my buddy joined what he believed to be the only game in town at his local college. His first session ended with him getting raped by a dragon that gave all the other pcs orders. The dm described the rape as baseball bat entering his character's rectum, over and over again. When it was all through the party welcomed him, turned out the rape was some sort of initiation. He started packing up and the dm brought out a dirty old binder and showed my friend the 20+ pages of the mechanics of rape for dnd. They spent years crafting and perfecting them.

Needless to say my friend didn't show up to the next game.

>>5942323
A bat is a lot smoother than I would imagine a dragon's penis to be. Your friend got lucky.

>>5942323

Dragon rape initiation into a group. Jesus Christ, it's like they don't want new players.

>>5942386

Sounds like something my group would do to mess with anyone that sucked at RP and was generally an asshole and yet still wanted to play.

>>5942364
Thought about dragon dicks a lot, have we?

The next bad player story was also a bad dm story, but mostly do to his permissive attitude. I was told it was a d20 modern game and that was it. What he didn't tell me was that it was chock full of the supernatural shit, and all the pcs were vampires. I roll up a gun runner and the dm has me roll on a giant table to see what was in my arsenal. I end up sitting on a nice boat, a few warehouses full of combloc weaponry and some cocaine. By some insane luck I had also gotten my hands on an old soviet satchel nuke.

I went to meet the party, as their old arms dealer got pinched by the ATF. They told me to bring the best of my stock. They were promising big money (years of playing GTA had conditioned them to believe a $12 AK is worth over $10000) so I brought along the nuke, just in case.

>>5942529
Satchel nuke? OH jesus christ...

So I show up, at midnight with a u haul full of guns and some explosives. I was showing them the different guns I had and their bill ended up totaling just shy of $500,000. The leader of the group was a chick who had turned all the other pcs and kept them around as mooks/boytoys. She told me they would pay me in another way, and she motioned for them to grab me while bearing her fangs. I've always been afraid of vampires, and this shit was creeping me out. I backpedaled and tried to get them not to bite me. Eventually I managed to get them to accept the first load of guns in exchange for not draining me. I then made sure that any meeting I had with the vamps happened while I had a large gun and access to some UV flash grenades I whipped up for the occaision. Each time we dealt with each other the chick kept telling me sooner or later that I would be hers. Vamps creep me out, so I resisted to the last. It was getting wierd though, the party spent less and less time fighting rival covens of vampires and more time trying to catch me without a big gun.

I think this thread needs some archiving...

There's a thread on this topic here at Crafty Games:
http://www.crafty-games.com/forum/index.php?topic=2753.0
A couple of these end with jail or deaths...

The rest of the party met outside of game and plotted to catch me off guard. They told me that they had found someone who wanted to buy the satchel nuke, and they would arrange a meeting in a nightclub the chick owned. They also bought my character a very nice nickel plated 1911 with pearl grips, as a way to show they had no hard feelings. It was crafted with a safety that could be engaged remotely. I couldn't find anything wrong with the gun and when I tested it out I realized it was a master crafted weapon. Just to be on the safe side I loaded it with silver rounds just to be on the safe side. I show up at the club dragging the nuke with me. Just to be on the safe side, I armed it.

>>5942653
Didja nuke 'em, Unca WW?

>>5942792
>just to be on the safe side I ARMED A FUCKING NUKE

wat

>>5942821
Vampires are tough SOBs. Shut up.

OK, imagine this. I've got a dude in college who's a cool, smart guy. Great dude, awesome player, really knew how to make an optimized character and then play it LIKE a character. Loved him as a player.

Hated, hated, hated him as a DM. First major game, we're skyrocketing in levels while totally awesome shit was happening. Awesome shit we had no control over, and no way of influencing. Level 6 and my samurai's stronghold being attacked by a great wyrm red dragon? No problem, because my "second" goes super-saiyan and conjures massive roots from the ground to strangle it to death. Plot EXP is falling on our heads and within 2 months we're all level 14+, but we're still wielding MASTERWORK WEAPONS because we've had fuck-all chance to earn treasure.

When taht game fell apart and he started a new one, he basically said "OK, in this campaign world, W, X, Y, and Z never happen." Yep, within 3 gaming sessions we'd seen W, X, and Y, and we were all standing around waiting for Z, and motherfucker, Z happens. Coulda thrown us for a loop, kept us in suspense, no, smacked us across the face with it.

Folklore major. Sure you're a great storyteller. But why were we even fucking there? Write a novel or some shit, dude.

>>5942792
>safe
>armed nuked

sage for avatarfag, GTFO and kill yourself you miserable piece of attentionwhoring faggotry

Go on.

I decided as a show of good faith, to show up dressed formally instead of in tactical gear like our normal meetings. They showed up dressed accordingly and were even polite and cordial. The guys carried in my 50kg portable nuke and the gal told the doorman to let me carry my piece inside. They even told me that they could negotiate the price of the nuke on my terms, while I sat at our table and enjoyed a bottle of aged brandy. The dm kept telling me to make perception checks, which I kept failing and finally they come back, with $20,000,000. Twice what I wanted for the nuke. I thanked them and told them I would be on my merry way, then with a shit eating grin the chick told me I would have to wait till after the ceremony. I immediately pulled my brand new gun out of my jacket and pulled the trigger. Nothing, they activated the remote safety and screwed me over. I lunged for the bomb but one of them caught me and I was dragged to the center of the dance floor which had been cleared out. Turns out the perception checks were too notice that everyone at the club was either a vampire, or bearing a tattoo that marked them as property. The chick gives a speech about how the nuke will give them leverage should the authorities prove uncorrectable, and soon the city would be theirs.
Then she jumped on me, fed on me and forced me to drink some of her blood. Then she raped me, in full view of the assembled vampires to mark me as hers.

Normally I would have quit then and there, but I wanted vengeance, so I showed up next week and played along like I was a happy part of the flock.

>>5942963

>>5942963
moar!

>>5942963
F5F5F5F5F5F5F5

>>5942963
Go on...

>>5942963

This promises a very KEIKAKU DOORI end.

>>5942963

One monster:
Beast of a thousand penises.
All of them flaccid.

Also, a six inch prehensile toothed clitoris.

>>5942963
He's not going to fucking finish it, is he? God damn, 8/10

>>5943147

Did you try Viagra?

>>5942963
Hurrrrrry uuuuuuuup!

I couldn't just kill the party, I had to royally fuck them up to get any measure of revenge. I started attacking law enforcement personnel and key members of the community. I was being the guy at a vampire the masquerade game who keeps screaming "we're all vampires" while firing a shotgun into the air. No subtlety or stealth at all. The party wants to stealth kill a hunter, I would blow up his apartment complex. Party wants to feed quietly, I start biting people left and right and letting them live and go running off to the authorities. I was even sending videotaped evidence of our crimes to TV stations. Sooner or later the entire city goes on a manhunt for a bunch of drugged out crazies who are biting their victems. A group of paranormal investigators come to town and the vampire chick decides she wants to make large messy example of them. I volunteer to go to town on them and they think I'm perfect for the job, as I've abandoned subtlety. I grab a man portable minigun, several thousand rounds of ammunition and some grenades. I walk right into the front of their office, barrels spinning and I demand to see who's in charge. A little nervous looking guy comes out and says he's in charge, and he's willing to die to stop us. I tell him that I surrender, and would be perfectly willing to assist in their operations. I let them take blood tests, explain my weaknesses and show them how to make the UV grenades. The other players are flipping shit, and declare war on the city. They had some quick victories, but the inability to move in the daytime and public acknowledgment of them screwed them, and soon the national guard was patrolling with rifles with UV lamp tac lights and flamethrowers.

As a final act of desperation they hole up in an old mansion and threaten to detonate the nuke if the city doesn't submit to their demands. They demand me, a complete cessation of hostilities and $20,000,000,000, so they can buy out some African shithole and start their empire somewhere else. I showed up with a briefcase and walked right up to the chick. Predictably she was sitting right next to the nuke. She started taunting me about how they weren't going to kill me, they were going to keep me as their slave. She told me to open the brief case, and I did and pulled out a UV grenade. She laughed and said I didn't have the guts to kill myself. I chuckled and said "they found a cure" and I pulled the pin.

I was a hero and the head of the paranormal CIA, they were piles of ash. I think I won.

>>5943185
MOAR FOR THE MOAR GOD!

>>5943194
FUCK YEAR.
Although I still think you should have nuked them.

>>5943185
Holy shit man. Was this chick high when she decided to turn you? Did she really think you'd cooperate with them after being raped and forcibly turned? What a fucking moron.

>>5943194

>>5943194
That actually sounds like it was a bang-up fun game all around.

>>5943194
So how did the group react?

>>5943194
bahahahahahahahaha

>>5943194
You sir, win so much.

>>5941625
I usually have a DMPC in the form of a wyrmling. My players are lv 6-7ish at that point, so he's not going to be doing much combat, but I give him maxed out spot, listen, and knowledges in case the party needs to know something and botches a roll, or if I just need to interject with a bit of pro/con type stuff. Lets me talk to the party without making any real decisions because hey, I'm a freakin' baby. Plus they get the "d'awww" moment of hatching a baby dragon and caring for it, etc. It's always gone over really well with groups.

>>5943223

She figured I would fear her and be her bitch.

It started out sort of fun, when it was cat and mouse with me trying to sell them guns without getting turned, but then it took a real bad turn with the rape. Up until joining up with the paranormal investigators I was just trying to fuck up their plans and be a pain in the ass. Once I got a chance to fuck them up I started having a good time. Life gave me lemons, i made lemonade.

>>5943253

The party was pissed as hell. The dm was the same one as the space opera, and after seeing the pain and anguish I could inflict asked me to be the bbeg.

The vampire chick was the same gal who played the vampire princess, that's why i went all out to gloat over her when she had killed her boyfriend.

>>5943295
>Life gave me lemons, i made lemonade.

I'd say it's more accurate to say that life gave you vampire-lemons, you got turned, and then found yourself at the top of a pile of bodies.

Would an Entertainer work as a DMPC for DH?
Pretty unskilled porn star, she's just there as a perceptive Untouchable giving a mission.

Even as the dead vampires I'd have found that pretty fuck-awesome.

>>5940037

It's hilarious that YOU of all people are complaining about a bad GM.

(Yes, I am talking about OP)

This guy joined a game, proceeded to describe shit while the GM was just about to(like he was the GM), then threw a hissy fit and ran out in the middle of the session just because he was told to knock it the hell off in a polite way.

Then he whined and ran away from the server for months just because he was told to stop spamming kobold shota in the main chat channel.

>Has anyone ever seen a DMPC work well?

In the D&D3.5E game I'm in, the DMPCs are usually far more entertaining and better roleplayed than the actual PCs. Sadly, that includes my PC, too. We suck.

And in my own games I have a habit of using way too many GMPCs too, but I try to limit it to the ones that the PCs themselves decide to follow or take along. Such as the NPC ally of one of the players, or their shady-but-actually-kind-of-decent friend/co-conspirator from their old home city, or the former BBEG turned mentor figure through a player-instigated plot twist.

>>5943295
Has anything new happened in that Space Opera game yet?

>>5943294
Something similar in my group.
A while ago I made the plot point a young girl. about 13 years old. Old enough to have some points in her head, not old enough to be useful or having a chance of being a class.
On the other hand she was an arcane knowledge savant. She had a few basic. Cantrips. But she was afraid of using them for quite a while. The players later adopted her when the party found her family murdered.
At first it was rather a hassle. But As time passed on, the cmapaign featured very long trips in a world without teleport of fast travels. So ships and walking on foot it was.
She eventually became old enough to be useful. And I gave her more powerful abilities. Until one session where one character mentioned in character " Hey Julie, you're probably more powerful than us now. How's that?"
It had completely snuck up upon me that for the last two levels she had done pretty much everything in combat. But the rest of the players were also surprised at Julie's power creep.
The party threw together a celebration for her and I chose to let them have control of her as I wanted to prevent her taking up too much space for the players.
They blantly refused and it was only recently that this campaign ended after about 2 years playing with that party.
She was by then about 25 years old and a level 24 houseruled wizard. It ended with a funeral of one of the characters and the other two of the party decided to establish a training facility in the wilderness.
A female elf ranger and a male dragonborn fighter (we switched over to 4e after a while and had a polymorph spell become permanent for the gnome.) and their sorcerer daughter training a new generation of adventurers.

Does that qualify as a good DMPC?

>>5940957
>>5941068
>>5941084

OMFG SOSTINE.

It's Mae.

>was guy who jumped out of tree onto Orc.

>>5943194
>>5943185
FUCK YEAR

>Has anyone ever seen a DMPC work well?

We had a guy that we accidentally made into a DMPC. He was just this random town guard that we picked out and convinced to go traveling with us. He ended up being the guy that was horribly maimed by seemingly innocent actions, which left us scrambling to save his life out of guilt.

Despite this, and many other maimings, we still haven't gotten around to getting him to stop adventuring with us.

>>5943482
That is how DMPCs should be. If the players enjoy it (especially by that much), then you have done your job as DM.

>>5943431

No, right now I'm working on building my brain into a giant warship/mobile foundry. I've also started stating out the generals' mechanical super bodies.

My current body can only be destroyed in ship to fleet combat. I'm a ten mile sentient spaceship that can produce anything short of a clone of the giant ship. The party will have to fight a boarding action to get to my brain, at which point I will void the atmosphere on the ship and let them feel the cold embrace of the void.

>>5943520
what if they bring space suits?

>Has anyone ever seen a DMPC work well?

I have a guy following my PC's around. He is there to both offer advice (but never point direction) and as an extra sword in case the PCs need help (the party varies between 4-5 people because often people need to leave early). In combat, other than a few minions, I always make sure the PCs do most of the killing and often limit his choices so he does not steal kills from the players. Recently, the players have started to see him as a person with thoughts and feelings after one encounter, as opposed to another traveller.

Is this good?

>>5943571
I guess vacuum sucks them out... eventually?

>>5943571

Automatic shotguns loaded with flechette shells. All it takes is one little hole.

>>5943589

Hopefully none of them will be robots

>>5943589
all they have to devise is a space suit made out of tank armour, or create a hardsuit of some sort.

> I think we can all agree that DMPC's usually mean bad news for the whole campaign.

Not really. I've been in a lot of bad campaigns. A LOT. We're talking, Rifts campaigns, we're talking d20 modern/D&D crossovers with money ratings and GPs in the same setting, we're talking about "everyone gets 2 18s, 2 16s, 2 14s" to distribute for stats campaigns, we're talking "kobolds kill you first session, I am the best DM evar" campaigns. Bad DMPCs are ultra fucking rare even if the rest of the campaign is a train wreck.

>>5943639

Then I'll just have to use AP rounds. All it will take is one little tear.

>>5943194
>>5943185
>>5942963
>>5942792
>>5942653
>>5942529
That doesn't sound like a bad DM.

That sounds like a good DM who's willing to give players the game they show they deserve.

>>5943686
>>5943686
I think his problem was with the player who raped him. I mean who does that?

>>5943686

Yeah, the dragonrape was the bad DM. The rest was a bad player.

>>5943683
you've thought this through pretty well, is there any way they can defeat you?

>>5943520
>My current body can only be destroyed in ship to fleet combat. I'm a ten mile sentient spaceship that can produce anything short of a clone of the giant ship. The party will have to fight a boarding action to get to my brain, at which point I will void the atmosphere on the ship and let them feel the cold embrace of the void.

/imagines the ragefaces of the players as a 5-mile sentient ship jettisons from the now-boarded 10-mile ship, laughing as it speeds away from the original husk that is now scuttling itself and taking everything with it within a radius of 100 miles.

Voiding the atmosphere is good, but shitting in thier cheerios by voiding thier attempts with classic asshole moves is better.

>>5943686

better class of criminal, etc.

also...

>>5943849
If his mind is truly in the ship. Why is the ship requiring corridors? It would be a lot more efficient if it had none.
Or better yet. If it had small and whirling corridors that went nowhere or into traps.

>>5943151
How exactly do you expect to play a game where your PC is "creeped out" and doesn't hang out with the rest of the party?

So you basically played your character out as an NPC and then fucked over the other players?

>>5943864
they don't have to be corridors either, they can just be heat ventilation shafts, giving due reason to periodically blast the pc's with superheated plasma flows and whatnot.

>>5943864
or have most of the corridors air vent sized so only drone-like engineers can get through them

>>5943589

thats why they use low bore ammo to avoid breaching walls and bulkheads. Save the big guns for your brain

>>5943877

not my pc was creeped out, I was creeped out. I'm afraid of vampires.

And yes, for the first chunk of the game I was pretty much a glorified npc. I occasionally helped the party do shit, like driving the get away car. I also did business for them, as they couldn't move freely during the day. I managed property for them and laundered money.

>>5943849
Oooh! How big are the FTL drives in this game? If they're small enough to you can install one right next to your brain and when you're almost defeated just zip out of there (it would need to have a limited field of effect so you could make sure it's just your brain). Bonus points if it has any type of destructive/reality rending properties.

>>5943927
Hahaha "I'm afraid of vampires."

>>5943945

My "escape pod" is larger then their capitol ships and has a nuclear arsenal sufficient to destroy a planet. If I should have to run I go back to my homeland and see if they will support a captain of the industry and war hero.

>>5943967
But they have to get to your brain to defeat you. If you use your escape pod, they could be inside it already. My idea was just sort of a last ditch effort.

>>5943927
Not big on WoD, then?

>>5943986

I can bare it, but I usually make a character with a last ditch suicide option, like a block of c4 or some fragmentation grenades.

>>5943967
What sort of sensors do you have mounted?

>>5943927
> I'm afraid of vampires.

Why would you be afraid of something that is so wussy? Just throw some rice on the ground, they're totally OCD about counting stuff like that - they'll be there all night until the sun comes up.

As an extra precaution, don't invite anyone into your home if you can't see their reflection in a mirror.

>>5944012

Something about them attaching to people and draining the life out of them. It's like raping them only a thousand times worse.

I dunno, it just creeps me the fuck out.

>>5944012
Another Discworld fan?

>>5944030
>>/tg/

>>5944022

So I take it not a fan of Metroid then?

>>5944037

I've actually never played metroid.

The thing that creeps me out is that there are people who are willing to let the vamps do it to them. Every fiber in their body should be screaming for them to run or fight back, but they dont. I guess I fear the becoming one of those helpless victims.

>>5944067
Except they are fictitious, and you are afraid of something that doesn't exist.

Also consider that in a lot of various incarnations seen in games the vampires will sometimes have hypnotic abilities that lull their victims into never even noticing they were fed off of. Or the act of being fed upon feels orgasmic, so that it's basically like donating blood except you get off from it.

>>5943967
What is the FTL like in the game?

>>5944124

Cut me a break, I'm creeped the fuck out about something fictional. I know they aren't real, doesn't make them any less creepy.

And how the fuck would you get off to having blood pumped out of you? Your dick needs blood to go to its happy place.

>>5944124
>>5944067
Have you ever been bit by a girl with huge honkin fangs? There's more nerve endings in the neck than the penis, and I find it much more pleasurable to have my neck chomped to hell than to get a BJ. Even if there was nothing supernaturally (or chemically) pleasurable about a vampire's bite, it'd feel awesome.

>>5944172

No, and that's gross.

>>5944172
You're weird.

>>5944172

Pic related?

>>5944172

There's a big difference between having your girlfriend nibble on your neck and being bitten by a vampire. The latter has more in common with being stabbed with a barbecue fork.

>>5944162
Their saliva is an intoxicant. Or they produce a feeding pheremone that goes straight to the pleasure centers of your brain. Or they are fucking magic and do magic that makes it feel good.

>>5944172

So you choose a kiss on the neck over a BJ?

You are retarded and your opinion invalid.

>>5944287
Nah man, she bit the fuck out of my neck. Like, there was a huge area of sickly yellow, purple, and blue bruises along my neck for a long time. Felt fucking amazing, including every time I'd put on or take off a shirt.

DM: Okay new guy whose name we've already forgotten, this system is called Castles & Crusades. It's like D&D, only not.
New guy: I want to be a Druid.
DM: Well, see, Druids are the bad guys in this campaign.
New guy: I'm ALWAYS the Druid.
Other players, including me: Well, it's wouldn't hurt to try someth-
New guy: I'M ALWAYS THE DRUID.
Me: Okay, but you have to be a half-Orc Druid
New guy: Well...
Everyone else: Dude, you have to admit that would be pretty sweet.
New guy: Okay, fine.

You are now imagining a vampire biting your engorged dick.

>>5944339

Both my ex and my wife are like that. They both can't watch vampire movies without getting hot and bothered.

Ok, bad player story.
I was running a game set during a world-wide apocalypse. Civilization had just collapsed, zombies were running around trying to eat people, whole cities had gone missing, the whole works.
The party was a bunch of low year university students, and they were at an archaeological dig in the wilderness in South America, recovering valuable artefacts that could be related to what happened - possible answers and a way to stop the big nebulous unidentified evil.

New player joins the game, and we try hard to explain to him "low level game, make sure you pick something that would have a realistic chance of surviving the scenario (otherwise he'd already be dead) but isn't too ridiculous. So he insists he's a "former US Marines Special Ops guy" - in BESM with only 30 Character points, that basicly means "you're no longer special ops because they fired you for being useless", but he insisted that he was expert at everything with only one rank in any of the 20 skills he picked, even after it was explained.

So to give him a reason for being there, I told him he was new at the camp just arriving before everything went to crap, and the boss of the camp (who was also suspected of being some kind of drug lord) wanted him to act as bodyguard for the rest of the PCs.

What's his first action? Beat up the rest of the party, steal the artefacts they've just recovered, run off into the jungle and bury them... It went downhill from there.

Aaaand thread derailed

>>5944364
Women LOVE necking, man. They fucking LOVE it.

>>5944380
You've got to admit though that proportionally Crazy Spec-OPs guys would probably make it through the same catastrophe that a couple low year university students would.

But fuck this guy.

>>5944404
when studying for Bio I learned that they have an entirely different set of nerves on their nape than men do.

>>5944404
After a while you're become trained to get hard by doing it just as much as they love receiving it.

>>5944361

>>5944349
DM: Well, it looks like we'll have to put this Castles & Crusades game on hold for a while, owing to some of us moving to neighbouring countries and suchlike.
IATD: Hey, has anybody finished their character sheets for the 3.5 campaign?
One guy: I have.
Rest of us: ... what 3.5 campaign?
IATD: The one I mentioned about a month ago. Come on, I'll tell you about it whilst I help you roll characters. Basically, you'll all be Evil characters, fighting against a harsh and cruel dictatorship that is basically D&D Nazis, with Elves and Dwarves as Jews and Gypsies.
Everyone else: ... okaaaaaaaaay.

ONE MONTH LATER

Now-former DM: Hey, anybody seen that guy lately? You know, the one who had that idea for a 3.5 campaign?
Rest of us: Nope.
Now-former DM: Okay.

>>5944454

That's how it was with me and my ex. Which was good, since she never did anything to try and get it hard.

My bad player story is from an online game I ran once. It was a while back, and the guy was a major power-gamer, in a point buy system, and he knew that he'd be getting abducted by aliens at the start of the game, and never going back to his home planet, so he took the "nemesis" defect at the highest level, thinking it was free points. One of the other players saw what he was doing, and took it at the lowest level, knowing that "if you somehow ditch your nemesis without buying off the attribute, you get a new one assigned by the GM" - the munchkin even had a very mary-sue-esque backstory all laid out about why this guy was out to get him for being better at everything than he was (runs contrary to taking the flaw at high level - that means they're better than you at everything) and thought he was getting away with it.

The two guys that took nemesis didn't much like eachother, and the one who wasn't a munchkin was just a hell of a lot more effective when they started trying to one-up eachother. I didn't tell either of them until the end of the game (when the munchkin got himself killed by using karate chops to kill infectious zombies while he was covered in cuts... then failed his roll to resist the disease), but I didn't even need to assign them new nemeses, they fit the roles perfectly themselves. I still game with the non-munchkin (who took nemesis at low level, and became a high-level nemesis because of it), but I've never even heard from the other one since.

>>5944172Have you ever been bit by a girl with huge honkin fangs? There's more nerve endings in the neck than the penis, and I find it much more pleasurable to have my neck chomped to hell than to get a BJ. Even if there was nothing supernaturally (or chemically) pleasurable about a vampire's bite, it'd feel awesome.

so if a dude strangles you, you get an erection?

>>5944542

Are you saying you don't?

>>5944542
No, but if a girl strangles me, maybe... though I'm more into pain than "having blood and air flow restricted"

Vampire: Requiem, modded to take place in the Twilight Universe.
You raged. ^_^

>>5944575
How would that make me rage? You'd have to basically remove the entire system of Requiem to make it Twilight.

>>5944602
Damn fail troll. Oh well, at least I tried. No hard feeling right?

oWoD Vampire. We are investigating Chernobyl Power Plant and surrounding woods. After a short skirmish with military and being captured we end up in reactor's core fighting ancient vampire who was responsible for all strange things(I don't remember the details) going around. Guess what video game GM was playing at that time.

Almost every campaign with this guy was a roll play, and he thought it was fun to turn players against each other. And the other guys liked it. Worst group I ever played with.

>>5944666
Castlevania?

>>5944698
lol

>>5944666

Half Life?

>>5944666
Soul Reaver?
Legacy of Kain?

>>5944666

Battletoads?

>>5944666
>Get out of here STALKER!

>>5944555

Stopping the air flow can make things better though.

>>5945106

Damn right.

>>5945134

OH SNAP

>>5944246

Never get a love bite on the neck? Maybe a couple of little bruises from them sucking on you?

>>5945434
Why do people in /tg/ insist on pressing their fetishes on others?

>>5945494

Pressing fetishes on others is my fetish.

>>5943856

Nice one