As he opened his eyes, the soldiers had crowded around him, speaking to each other
"he fell? how did he fall?"
"should we put him back? is it safe to touch him?"
"this is an ill omen, I want to pray"
"stand back, fools"

A man, older than the already aged looking soldiers that surrounded him pushed through the crowd, he wore a loose white robe with gold trim, he carried a tall scepter with a double-headed eagle mounted on the top in gold and carried a hefty looking book in a series of sash-loops and embroided ropes
'Holy Throne...it happened" the man in the robes said, the man on the ground stared up at him
"God-Emperor...you have returned"

The man on the floor blinked, staring blankly up a the robed man who he presumed to be a priest
'Fetch some water, assemble the High Lords! and for goodness' sake bring your Emperor some new clothes!

The soldiers scurried, only a few remained to stare at him, he looked down his arm to see his sword, still in his grasp, he smiled '"oh you won't get rid of me that easily"

*

Walking proved problematic.

Come to mention it, everything did.

Wherever He went, people bowed, weeped, offered gifts or tokens, pleaded for protection in times to come or wisdom, people clung to the golden robes he had been given, people kissed his hands.

So many people.

As he followed the ageing Priest, He looked back at his followers. Two bulky men wearing stylised "I" symbols as pendants followed him, each looked different to the other, one had a tied-back blonde ponytail and a long scar running from his forehead, across one of his eyes, past his nose and through his lip. The other was bald, evidently much older than his counterpart, and was laden with burns across most of the front and top of his head. Neither carried any obvious weapon, but both gave off an air that they were to be feared and respected.

Behind them, an entire company of enormous warriors clad in great suits of armour marched. Their grey armour seemed to reflect light despite it's dull nature, each carried bulky looking weapons and each was laden with purity scrolls and countless scars and markings on their armour. All bowed their head whenever he looked, none raised it until he looked away.
'In here,my Lord Emperor'

He looked at the large ornate doorway he stood before and nodded to the priest before walking through.

Light blinded Him momentarily and he instinctively tightened his grip on his sword. Finding himself standing on a small balcony, tiny hovering skulls with almost arcane-looking metallic workings inside them howevered around carrying holopicts. The room was bright, the two men with the stylised "I" symbols stepped through the doorway with him but remained behind him, the knights clad in grey remained outside, not that there was much room for even a handful of them on the balcony.

Approaching the balcony's rail He looked around and saw various aged men in various differing robes, some had augmetic enhancements, some looked about ready to collapse under their own weight
'So it is true, He returns to walk among us" one of them began
'I...who is "He?" He asked, the faces simply stared at him
'Why do you all insist upon being so...unspecific!" he bellowed, then wobbled, The echo of His voice resounded around the chamber for what felt like an eternity
'My Lord Emperor, surely you recall your last battle with-" one of the eldest looking men began, He interrupted
"I recall nothing! I recall merely waking up in some daemon-spawned chair, unable to move, barely able to breathe and in immense pain! I recall falling from the chair and being fussed over by priests and soldiers and..." He waved his hand at the two men accompanying him
"Inquisitors" the elder of the two stated calmly
"Inquisitors!" He echoed.
"My Lord Emperor, it was you who is responsible for all this" one of the youngest of the group spoke, though he was still heavily aged
'I don't understand, stop speaking in riddles, why do you think I am the Emperor?'
'Because you are, My Lord Emperor'

He clenched his hands into fists and swung one down in anger
'What do you want from me!' He bellowed, again his voice echoed for what seemed like far too long, drowning out the sound of splintering wood as his fist smashed through most of the finely crafted Nalwood that stopped him from falling down to the level of the men who adored him so.
'my Lord Emperor' One of the men off to his right spoke, he was a great deal shorter than the others and spoke with a wheezy voice, he had been silent up until now 'You have been...well, let us not toy with words, you have been dead some more than ten millania now, after a titanic battle with the Warlord Horus which saw your body crippled and unable to support life, we faithful had hoped that one day you would return once again to lead us to victory against the Heretic and the Xenos'

All men made the sign of the Aquila against their chests, including the two Inquisitors standing behind Him, He sighed.
'I think you should show me my Empire if you expect me to lead'

Gazing at the starmaps, He couldn't help but be silently amazed by what he saw. All around him holopicts showed news reports of Imperial victories, told him of great warriors and heroic last stands, all in His name.

He'd even been given a small figurine of Himself. When He pressed the head down, the eyes lit up in a tiny golden light.
'Are you finding everything to your liking, Holy Emperor?" He looked up to see the Priest poking his head around the door to the large chamber and He suddenly felt rather immodest as the old man leant on his staff while He sat back in a long, comfortable chair
'Yes, thank you, but I do feel the need to ask..what exactly do you want Me to do?"
'Lead us of course, Mighty Emperor'
'That's the problem I'm having, look at these recordings, great heroes, immense victories, battles being fought and enemies being crushed by giants in powered armour and vehicles the size of small houses. I cannot improve the status of the galactic purge of the Xenos and the Heretic as I am, and the actual leadership of the Imperium is being done by the High Lords and their subordinates, plus planetery governments'
'I...see your predicament, my Lord Emperor' The Priest responded, risking a movement inside the room and closing the door behind him as he shuffled over towards His chair
'I have faith in the men and women of the Imperium, and for ten thousand years men and women have preserved the Imperium and in some areas expanded it. Look here, the planet of Cadia, this planet sits on the verge of instant attack from Heretical armies but they raise the finest soldiers of the Imperial Guard and they stand and they fight'
'Then perhaps my Lord Emperor, it would be wise to continue on the path you were forced to leave after your battle with Horus'
'What do you mean?' He asked

'The Golden Throne and the webway gates you were working on, based on Eldar technology"
"Perhaps that would be wise, but is it a neccesity? I've been told that the warp hasn't significantly changed since I left the Golden Throne, nothing has changed, I'm apparantely so powerful that I can contain the horrors within without even realising it'
'You are the most powerful of us, Mighty Emperor'
'Yet because of my existence, ships pass through the Warp more or less untouched, the astropaths told me that I actually protect Mankind from the Warp more since I woke up than I did on the Golden Throne, so that's probably a failure, I have all this power, the body of a youth, and a mind great enough to destroy things that don't physically exist, and yet I have nothing to do with this power than people with a thousandth of my capabiltiies haven't already been doing for ten millenia'

Alright /tg/, it's late and I underestimated how tired I am. I'll continue this in the morning if The Emperor wills it. (meaning if it's still here)

g'night.

>>5659947
i wanted to interrupt with praise so much... but i just couldn't break the awesome

>>5659947
Kinda' interesting. I think for a guy who had no idea what was going on that he suddenly took a liking to it a bit too fast.

>>5660046
there is no one AND I MEAN NO ONE alive, dead or that will ever live that would EVER give up the chance to lead the imperium of man for even a day

Op....very wonderful

i wish to read the end of this!

Dad's back?

=D

MOAR!

requires bump

To op.

If Leman Russ does not come out of the Warp with the 13th company in the style of " SPESS WOFFS UP IN THIS MOTHER FUCKER" I will hunt you down and murder you.

Out of all the /tg/ stories iv read about the big E returning only one had anything about the Primarchs comming back. You know what it was? It was the fucking Broperium of Bros. Thats fucking sad.

>>5659947

HERESY!

Amazing story.

bump

I predict the G-Man showing up sometime in the future. And Q.

the dude asleep in the rock and the dude in the stasis field

I return, /tg/

I am rested and my puny mortal brain has some good ideas.

Heaven or Hell. Lets Rock.

The priest shuffled uncomfortably, not wanting to appear pushy to the newly awoken God-Emperor, but at the same time having several suggestions as to how he would will his time'
'Speak, I know you want to' He ordered with a warm smile
'Well my Lord Emperor, I do have a couple of suggestions'
'Then by all means, let me hear them good Priest'
'Well, the Webway gate concealed in the Imperial Dungeon may seem unnecessary, however it does seem to lead to a place humanity has not yet colonised'
'How do you know this?'
'Because, my Lord Emperor, we both know that it leads into the warp but with arguably less risk from the chaotic creatures that prey on passing ships'
'I see, are you advising me to look closer at the immaterium as a place to colonise rather than something to be considered as the nuisance it is?'
'I do not pretend to have the authority or wisdom to guide you, my Lord Emperor, but something must be done about it one way or another, in my experience. We did, after all, lose a Primach to it'
'We also, if these records are correct, lost a Primarch to the Eye of Terror as well, would you have me march an army in it's direction too?'

The Priest just bowed his head in reverence and He took a moment to contemplate the action, a lot of people had been bowing their heads and the like over the few days he had been awake, but this one looked more sincere. Then again, he had been away for ten millenia, he supposed that few people were genuinely used to having him back
'Alright, good Priest, let us go and examine our own Webway portal, shall we? I suspect I'll need some armour'
'All your equipment and trophies are in Your Armoury, Royal Empror, our Techpriests have been sure to keep it in peak condition in anticipation of your return'
'Good, very good'

The Priest watched curiously as His Mighty Emperor toyed with the mechanics behind The Golden Throne, around the length and breadth of the Imperial Dungeon, Servitors and Technpriests waited for orders, the agents of the Adeptus Mechanicus looking a far sight more nervous that the Emperor wasn't as much machine as he was man.
'Can someone come and help me with this? I can't reach this one cable...' He asked, a Servitor whirred forward quickly, letting out a quick series of symbols that meant something to it and the other Servitors, but nobody else in the room.

He was clad in his golden armour which, despite his efforts, had become stained with some promethium, his Eagle's Claw sat on his Throne, unattached for the time being, his Eagle's Talon resting easily in a scabbard across his back.

As the Servitor joined him he pointed down past the mechanics he was pushing aside "there, the green one, I suspect it's been worn down but not repaired; The Servitor buzzed and clicked and it's comrades rolled forward as it began to push apart the wires with it's mechanical arms and lower a tool down to examine it.
He looked back, surprised that The Priest was still here
'Should I call another fleet of Servitor drones, Exalted Emperor?'
'No, that should more or less fix the problem, whatever's been stopping this thing from doing it's job so far has been contained in that wire, once they repair or replace it then it should begin to work and we can have a look at the soul rending horrors that lie behind those doors' He casually indicated the vast golden doorway with a smile.

>>5664448
Man this stuff is good. Keep it up.

'To be honest I'm surprised you've been following Me around this long, few others seem interested in more than a quick glimpse'
'I am a Priest, my Lord Emperor, I devoted myself to you as a child. I always thought I might have to wait until death to stand at your side and confess my sins, I for one am grateful that I can look upon The Emperor reborn before I die'
He looked back at the Priest, then past him as the mighty doors to the Imperial Dungeon swung open. Several figures of varying height walked forward but stopped as soon as they came within thirty feet or so and bowed. He looked among them quizzically, a single woman wearing a suit of shining silver powered armour with white hair and a multitude of healed wounds on her face, several men accompanied her in varying colours and design of robe, all were very fine quality and most carried some form of scepter. A single man from the Inquisition, as He remembered, but taller, more aged, and wearing more symbols of status, all backed by the Grey giants in powered armour, presumably there to ensure that nothing happened to Him.

'By Terra, it's true' The Woman began to weep and He eyed the priest quizzically as he descended the stairs he was perched upon
'What can your Emperor do for you?' He asked and she appeared shocked
'Nothing Lord Emperor, to serve is it's own reward' The reaction sounded well-used, she had said things like that a lot. 'We merely wished to confirm the rumours of His Holiness being reborn to us'
'Well you can tell your fellow Sisters that it is true, I walk amongst man once again, and right now I've decided to have a peek at the Immaterium' She looked up and he noticed an almost entirely faded tattoo in the tiny cleft of flesh between her lower lip and chin, a fleur de lis
'Emperor, such an endeavour is not entirely safe, please allow me to bring forth my Sisters for your protection'

He smiled easily, having regained more direct control over his capabilities as a Psyker, he breathed in deeply and then out, smiling.

The sound of heavy, marching feet stomping in unison filled the dungeon suddenly as what seemed like an entire regiment of Sisters marched through the mighty doorways, they had no vehicles so there was room, many looked combat ready.

The Sister knelt before him looked back in horror
'Who ordered you to proceed into His Holy-' she began
'I did' he interrupted and she stared back at him, then bowed
'Surely you are indeed The Emperor' she said
'And you, Sister of Battle, you are Prioress Jaina Verdi, you've served with the White Rose and have instructed in Imperial History'

Jaina looked shocked, as anyone might do that God had looked upon them and had described her service record in a few easy words
'I...yes, Lord Emperor, of course' He smiled at her 'Sisters, fan out, cover the Webway, don't let me down!' she bellowed
'Lady Verdi' The Priest hazarded,' do you always take a regiment of Sisters with you?'
'This is just my honour guard' she admitted cooly.

'Now then, who else have you brought to see our Lord Emperor, Lady Verdi?' The aged Priest asked, looking at the kneeling men around her
'These, my Lord Emperor, are some of the highest ranking members of the Inquisition, Senatorum Imperialis, Adeptus Mechanicus, Imperial Guard, Imperial Navy, Ade-'
'Very well Lady Verdi, I think I understand' He said with a wave of his hand and she fell silent
'No doubt you are all here for the same reason that Lady Verdi is, to confirm rumours?' They nodded almost in unison
'Well Gentlemen you can report to your subordinates that the rumours are indeed true, I am the Emperor and I-'

There was probably no gunfire because nobody expected him specifically, and nobody exected him to try anything with Grey Knights at his back and an entire regiment of Sororitas fanned out across the room.

A man dressed in a red robe dashed forward, sparking to life a power sword concealed in his robe, screeching with an almost bestial rage as he swung the sword at Him.

The sword impacted and the sound of metal on metal, followed swiftly by the brisk snapping of bone was heard as the men and women looked on in shock.

The Assailant held his snapped arm, the tiniest of gashes now adorning His armour as he stepped forward
'hmm, you would be a heretic' He deduced 'Did you think a simple power sword would stop me?'
'Death to the false Emperor!' the heretic screeched before levelling a bolt pistol in his spare hand.

This time the Grey Knights and the Sisters were ready, but not as ready as He was, before they could so much as take aim he had been lung like a rag doll towards the door, screeching and firing bolts from his pistol wildly until he struck a thick metal column and the sounds of his vertebrae shattering ended his rampage

>>5664652
Wait, WUT

Large amounts of win up in this thread!

Lady Verdi looked almost on the brink of tears
'my Lord Emperor, forgive me, I knew not that he was an Assailant'
'Calm down Lady Verdi, no doubt none of you did, he concealed his intentions well. High Inquisitor Wel, do see to it that you root out whoever helped this man get this far' The man wearing the Inquisitorial rosette looked up and nodded
'At once, Emperor' He stood and walked off briskly, pausing to drag the mangled corpse of the heretic out, no doubt to see if some form of identification could be made
'Now then, this webway, Techpriest, how are the servitors doing?'
'They appear to be checking the last segments of the wire you specified, Emperor, it should not be long before the Webway is complete'
'Good, very good' He ascended the stairs once again and attached his Eagle's Claw to his left arm
'Tell them to open the webway when ready' he remarked 'Good Priest and dignitaries of mankind, I would suggest standing well back, this could be quite...interesting'

>>5664708
>Likes story
>sages

>>5664725

that was a noko, dickwipe.

>>5664725
More like
>Likes story
>Noko'd

cool story bro

Archive this thread

It seemed as if He was entirely unconcerned about the attempt on his life, or the implications of such a bold act by the Great Enemy,

Then again, His armour had held strong, and his great strength had not diminished during his recess on the Golden Throne, and Lady Jaina couldn't help but suspect that He knew the traitor's intentions all along given that he had correctly read her in far more detail.

She had no time to dwell on this, however, as the crackle of compresed warp energy and the smell of ozone began to fill the room as the mighty golden doors began to swing open. Ladu Jaina made the sign of the Aquila as a reflex as she looked upon the warp, unfiltered.

It was red, red as the rubies adorning the Emperor's armour. Thick noxious clouds spewed forth roaring demons and chattering monstrosities, lightning from nonexistant skies tore through a nonexistant landscape, the creatures within seemed utterly impossible, one of the robed men fainted and vomited in the same instant.
'Proceed' He said as he stood before the immense portal, the Demons and monstrocities, for all their knashing brutality, seemed almost afraid of the webway opening as he stood before it,
'I said proceed, Prince' He repeated
'Prince?' Lady Verdi echoed.

Slender figures emerged from the Webway, more than a score of them in total, each adorned with precious looking stones and weapons that looked skinny and undersized when compared to the Sororitas' bolters and chainswords
'Xenos scum!' Lady Verdi screeched but He held up his hand calmly
'You would be the ruler of men?' None of the Eldar seemed to speak, yet they all heard a voice that wasn't quite there
'I am' he returned
'Why have you summoned us? what do you hope to achieve?'
'It is quite simple, Eldar, you are the last remaining of your kind, each of you rules a Craftworld, each of you knows the price for your failure. I am telling you now to leave my galaxy and my Imperium'

Why are the Grey Knights guarding Big E?

>>5664831

Quite. The Emperor has an entire chapter of Marines just as good, if not better, than the Grey Knights devoted to Holy Terra's and his defense alone.

'And if we do not?' again, none of the Eldar seemed to speak, but He turned his head towards one specifically and frowned.

Lightning crackled from under the Eldar's helmet and it slumped forward, a clear, almost transparent loqiod oozed from under it's helmet
'Prince Aol Trawithe has tested me and paid. I do hope none of you will make the same mistake' He looked at them sternly as he spoke, almost like an angered parent talking down to children
'We have a pathway directly to the centre of your territories now, human, what motivation do we have to leave? we could bring our combined armies into this very room in an instant, none of your primitive soldiers, nor you, would survive'
'You are foolish, Eldar, not all the inhabitants of the warp are my enemies, some, in fact, would die for me'

The Eldar seemed to laugh, a disturbing, sickly, high-pitched series of squeaks that made the Priest cover his ears
'Foolish human, none can claim true allegiance with any inhabitant of the warp, you may be the ruler of mere humans, but you are still as foolish as them!'

The Emperor did not scowl this time, he did quite the opposite, he smiled as the warp seemed to part a second time for fresh arrivals. The Sororitas' eyes grew wide as they observed the giants emerging from the portal
'Princes of the Craftworlds...meet my sons.

>>5664831
because I said so

Colossal fists smashed down into the Eldar and chainblades that roared like demons swung into the translucent armour of the Eldar, within a few seconds all but one had been torn asunder by the three giants that now stood against the warp, all looked weary, all had many scars and rends in their armour, all had blood splattered equipment, all had long hair, grown from the time they spent in that wretched place, none had ever expected to see a filth Xenos desecrate holy Terra with their presence

He raised his hand as they were about to crush the final Prince
'Let this one live, for now, someone has to tell the craftworlds that they'll be leaving the galaxy' He said cooly, the three giants nodded in unison, but one grabbed the Eldar in his immense hand and lifted
'Return to your own wretched kind, Xenos' and flung the Eldar back into the webway.

'Sisters, dignitaries, meet two of my sons, Leman Russ, Jaghatai Khan and Vulkan, Primarchs of the Space Wolves, White Scars and the Salamanders'

Another dignitary fainted.

>>5664877
>two of my sons, Leman Russ, Jaghatai Khan and Vulkan

Only two sons? Leman Russ is horo confirmed.

>>5664860

ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN MOTHERFUCKER

The three Primarchs looked at each other, each looked far more aged than the last time they had seen their Father, but none knew exactly how much time had passed, time moved differently in the Warp, after all.
'my Sons' He remarked, nodding, they nodded back and stowed their weaponry, allowing themselves to relax now that the Eldar had gone
'Thank you, Sons, you have just rid the galaxy of the Eldar' He smiled, they did not.
'My Lord Emperor...' The priest began, He turned back to look at the man who looked miniscule compared to the giants before him
'If these Primarchs have returned...are these the end times? is Mankind in peril?'
'Mankind is always in peril, Priest, it is thanks to warriors such as these that Mankind is not in far greater peril' The Priest nodded somberly.

>>5664911


oops, sorry, I learned about Jaghati only after I wrote that and did some editing, though I got rid of all the references to there being only two.

Wow, telling the Eldars to GTFO of the galaxy. Emperor is an enormous dick.

The Emperor, backed by three of his sons, descended the stairs, returning to the dignitaries and Sororitas
'Close the doorway' he ordered 'and bring me the remaining Primarchs, it's about time we had something of a reunion'

Poor Lion, stuck napping in some rock while his brothers get to kick ass.

It took time, as you can imagine, to gather the mightiest warriors of The Imperium. Though indeed only two were in a position to be called upon. Lion El' Jonson had to be awoken, and did Roboute Guilleman had to leave statis. Neither of them felt ready, but the only one with the authority to order them was The Emperor, so if they were receiving orders, it meant the Emperor was one again walking amongst mankind.

>>5664983
Guilleman is super poisened, he wakes up to die.

I'll say it again. Epic win up in this thread!

In the time it took for Lion and Rouboute to arrive, the other three Primarchs had time to rest from their endeavours in the warp, though The Emperor knew that four sons should have arrived from that terrible place.
'Where is Corax?' He asked as his sons sat in one of the rooms of the Terran Palace
'We do not know, Father, I was united with my brothers here by accident, none of us have seen Corax'

He sighed, that would be problematic. It would take a long time to replace the Primarchs lost to the Imperium, He would need them all to co-ordinate any true war effort.

Once the final two Primarchs arrived, He began to divulge his strategy.
'You will each divide the remaining chapters amongst yourselves. You will answer to me and only to me' He had told them 'We shall go from one enemy of the Imperium to another, we will destroy them until they simply no longer exist. In other words, when we get to the Orks, we will simply keep killing Orks and hunting Orks until they no longer exist, then we will move on to a different enemy. Up until now we have been trying to fight several battles at once and we have, to a certain extent, been holding them off. I will deploy the Sisters in support of the Imperial Guard to ensure that no ground is lost as we move. We will be dispatching Guard Regiments as cleanup on each planet we purge'

>>5665011

Would you die if the Emperor told you to get your ass over to him and report?

fuck no.

>>5665093
Galactic Genocide! Sounds like a fun time to me!

>>5665093
Ooh shit man, who gets what legions?

This is terrible. The writing is bad, the pacing is pure shit, and this particular character of the Emperor is laughably inconsistent, swinging from all-understanding at first to incredibly moronic within the space of a paragraph.

Why are people praising this?

>>5665191

Beacuse it's GRIMDARK.

>>5665215

It really isn't. It's LOL EMPRAH SOLVES EVRYTHAN.

Enough of this fanwank.

The Golden Throne isn't a chair, it's a life support system the size of a skyscraper containing a rotting corpse. I imagine the Adeptus Custodes (who are bare-chested with helms, not armoured) would notice if the Emperor started un-rotting well before he stood up.

Craftworlds are incapable of leaving the galaxy, since they travel at sublight speeds, it doesn't matter how much you shout at them.

Looking into the webway doesn't show you the landscape of the warp, that would kind of defeat the point of the webway being a safe method of travel through the warp given that it would cause insanity.

On top of all the mistakes that could have been avoided with ten minutes on Lexicanum, the story itself is dull. There's no conflict or drama, the main character isn't challenged in any way, he gets up for no reason and wanders around succeeding at everything he attempts, being worshipped by everyone, invulnerable to any harm, and killing anyone who looks at him funny. The only character you've bothered to name (other than the primarchs and some dead elfdar) is Lady Verdi who I have a horrible feeling is going to become the Emperor's GURLFRIEND because your entire knowledge of narrative structure comes from summer blockbuster movies with the obligatory romantic subplot. Congratulations, you've turned the god-emperor of mankind into a common or garden mary-sue.

The primarchs were aghast.

"You call that a strategy?" demanded Lion, "Dividing our forces into three, and spreading the smallest third out as much as possible on a war of annihilation while the weaker two thirds have to defend the entire Imperium against all other enemies?"

"Maniac! Shithead!" cried Russ.

"What are you, thirteen?" yelled Rouboute.

The Emperor looked at the map of the galaxy, then at his primarchs, then back again. Then he burst into tears like a little schoolgirl. "You're all so MEAN!" he protested.

>>5665280

/thread.

>>5665280


Oh look, someone copied my name, how intelligent.

Fair enough, some people like it, some hate it. Then lets compromise, shall we?

I'll leave what I've written for those that like it. I won't add to it to cater to those that hate it.

Don't say I never gave you anything.

>>5665290

Disregard that, I suck cocks.

i would suggest that for everyone that likes it upload it in megaupload or sumthing like what ever so we can have it and have 2 hours of fun rather than se trolls around the thread.

The Emperor was looking out into the distant sky of Terra, once this was a barren untamable land but he had tamed it, He saw a small speck behind him and reached for his sword but quickly realised he was in no danger, it was Lady Verdi.

'My Lord?' Lady Verdi said
'What do you want?' The Emperor replied with a sullen tone
'I Have these cravings... parts of my body are acting... strange'
'Strange?'

The Emperor turned around and Lady Verdi saw a great sight: His 22 inch cock. She started having the same cravings she was having before.

>>5665307

Wait, what?

Your plan is to have everyone who likes the story upload it to megaupload? That won't take two hours, more like a few seconds, and it won't be fun unless you have a thing for progress bars.

But okay, fine, so let's say you've got half a dozen copies of it in megaupload. What then?

Fine I'll continue.
After the Emperor was finished with his plans he was greeted with the voice of his Primarchs
'Wonderful'
'Amazing'
Such were the words he heard until one broke the praise.
'What do you think this is clever?' He heard the voice. He had long blonder hair in an armour as black as the night sky. It could only be one. Lion el jonson.
'We very well may be able to destroy the enemies of Imperium but with our forces spread thin, we may be destroyed.

With his concerns voiced the rest of the Primarchs looked to the Emperor for his support. The Emperor would have to use a delicate touch, one of genius to get such a tactician as the Lion to throw in his support, It would be good for morale.
The Emperor slowly spoke out the words that could change the future of the Imperium.
He bent his hand at an angle and said in a light tone
'Oh be nice'.

It was an awesome thread, one of the few Emperor returns ones that have been any good, it was a shame it was so happylight for the grimdark universe, but it was good to see someone elses thoughts as a decently written story, shame it was destroyed by trolls and faggots before it could go any further.

>>5665230
this anon is right

>>5665463

It was not awesome. The problem with this story isn’t that it’s too ‘happylight’. There is just nothing but fan-wankery going on. The Emperor solves every problem, either by being a kind and understanding jesus or by – in complete disregard for his earlier characterization – being a huge moronic faggot. I mean, what the fuck was up with that scene with the Eldar?

“Fear not people I am all understanding and nice and forgiving and wonderful.”
-webway gate opens, Eldar step out-
“Yo get out of my galaxy I don’t like those pointy ears of yours what are you faggots?”

And the Primarchs? The hell? They just VFOOMSH out of nowhere to kick ass, as though even after all those thousands of years the Emp’s got them on speed dial, or in his personal pocket TARDIS. That’s gotta be amongst the dumbest deus ex machinas I’ve ever read.

Superior "Emperor wakes up" -story: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5492330/

>>5665573
>as though even after all those thousands of years the Emp’s got them on speed dial

Funny thing. See above.

>>5665573
Jealous?

I'd like to see you do better

4 and a half thousand fucking words, you better finish this shit.

Its good reading for something with the emperor

>>5665645

In authorspeak, that generally translates into "baww I can't take any legitimate criticism".

>>5665694
In Trollspeak this generally translates as, 'I WISH I COULD WRITE AS GOOD AS YOU'

>>5665645
Provided you are the real Authorbot, explain this: Why the crap did the Eldar even decide to show up in the first place?

>>5665714
>>5665714
Why not?

They have a stigma that they're honorable and better than Humans, and so they decided to answer the call of the god of humans

>>5665731
I don't think you know how Eldar work. The foppish bastards would NEVER show up because some stupid mon-keigh asked them to.

>>5665731

Why not? Maybe because they have hundreds of seers constantly looking into the future to make sure that they don't walk into retarded shit like that.

All in-universe errors aside, though, Authorbot, you really need to work on your writing. I don't really care if I'm just replying to a troll wearing an Authorbot-shaped mask, since the real one might still be reading. You have a good enough vocabulary, but your use of it isn’t so great. Much of your sentence structuring comes off as awkward and clunky, as well as being grammatically incorrect. Additionally, you have a very tenuous grasp upon your own characters, who seem devoid of any personality but whatever happens to be useful for moving the story in your chosen direction at the time. Finally, work on dramatic timing and pacing, and look up some writings on the necessity of conflict within a narrative, because you are in dire need of some.

>>5665761
Uh yes they would, they'd love to each the humans a lesson. Especially the god of humans

>>5665774
You're just a troll.

>>5665787
No. They wouldn't.

>>5665809
Yes they would, Eldar are arrogant and want to teach the Humans the error of their ways.

I don't know why I'm responding to you. Troll

IMO the starting bits with Clueless Emperor are more interesting than the middle bits with RARRR KICK ASS, and the shift between the two personalities is jarring. But fuckyouall, maybe Authorbot has a good explanation that isn't going to be spoonfed before we see the events?

>>5665820
>>5665795

>In Trollspeak this generally translates as, 'I WISH I COULD WRITE AS GOOD AS YOU'

Except you can't answer any of the actual criticisms other people have made of your writing, which is bad.

'Good writing' isn't the same as adequate spelling and grammar.

>>5665834

Maybe the emperor is wearing clothes made of invisible fabric!

Trolls trolling trolls trolling trolls

Wow, I thought this thread would have 404'd by now.

Anyway for the sake of the two...no, wait, three fans I do have, once I made my "I'll just leave this here and go, then" post, every post after that in my name isn't actually me.

I mean I'd use a tripcode, but I'm not a faggot.

Anyway I'll be honest, I didn't really know where the story was going (a recurring problem for me) and it didn't quite go as I intended.

To be honest I thought I was making Empy a bit Mary Sue-ish, I had to bring the Eldar in at some point just to someone would hate the fucker, but I couldn't let them win because the story was about him, not the Eldar.

Anyway, Thanks to those that chose to read (whether you chose to be a faggot afterwards or not) and thanks to everyone who gave their thoughts in a more legit way.

oh and for the sake of >>5665834 I was actually going to go with the "mind's been in the warp too long, got a little amnesia going on here" explanation, but I was going to leave it for later. I was going to have the Emperor start to hate Xenos and Heretics more and more as the story progressed and he remembered the deaths of his more loyal sons during the Horus Herey and heard news of Eldar counter-faggotry as vengeance for smooshing their Princes. (The Eldar were not gone, the Eldar were never gone, they were going to be the primary enemy because the Emp killed their princes)

So...yeah, thanks again.

>I mean I'd use a tripcode, but I'm not a faggot.

Sadly it's a choice between faggot or chump, take your pick.

I thought the writing was bad but you get marks for effort, I recommend doing some study into what makes for a good story, what makes stories interesting and engaging, how to deal with conflict, drama, exposition, all that stuff. There should be plenty of resources around.

>>5666931


Your advice seems sound enough, though I admit this story gave me more trouble than usual simply because, well, how does a God react to something?

The only story I've posted where I got more praise than non-constructive criticism was my own take on Tiny Hammer, and that was mostly characters that either myself or /tg/ had made.

Anyway, maybe I'll do better if I aim lower as far as the characters are concerned and put more thought into where the story is going before I start writing.

>>5668451
Games Workshop has also contacted me on writing a story for them

>>5665694

I don't know if this guy is still around or not but I only just noticed this reply. I will say again, more for my own pride than anything else, that you weren't speaking to the actual, well, me. I do seek criticism provided it's constructive, I don't write often as it is.

>>5668495

For the sake of not eternally brainfucking the two people who are still paying attention, I'll be reverting back to anonymous now. Please feel free to hunt and kill this guy.